Showing Love To Narcissists Only Fuels Their Anger
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- čas přidán 29. 07. 2022
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The Royal We has helped Millions to escape the grip of narcissistic abuse. Here’s a deeper look into what narcissistic abuse looks like and steps to heal from it:
Narcissistic abuse looks like:
Lack of Empathy: Narcissists often show little to no empathy for others, making it easy for them to manipulate and exploit. Narcissists use various tactics such as gaslighting, love bombing, and devaluation to control and dominate their victims.
Common Tactics Used in Narcissistic Abuse:
Gaslighting: Making the victim doubt their own reality and sanity.
Love Bombing: Showering the victim with excessive attention and affection to gain control.
Devaluation: Undermining the victim’s self-worth through criticism, belittling, and emotional neglect.
Isolation: Cutting the victim off from their support systems to increase dependency on the abuser.
Triangulation: Using others to create jealousy or competition, keeping the victim feeling insecure.
Healing from Narcissistic Abuse
How to begin healing from narcissistic abuse:
Understand that you have been enduring narcissistic abuse. This awareness is the first step toward healing.
Get Help:
Work with The Royal We to get the tools to understand and process your experiences. Visit - www.jointheroyalwe.com
Establish No Contact or Low Contact:
Limit or completely cut off communication with the narcissistic abuser. This helps you gain emotional distance and begin your healing journey.
Rebuild Your Self-Esteem:
Engage in activities that boost your confidence and self-worth. Surround yourself with supportive, positive people who value and respect you.
Educate Yourself:
Learn about narcissistic abuse and its effects. Knowledge is empowering and can help you recognize patterns and avoid future toxic relationships.
Practice Self-Care:
Prioritize your physical, emotional, and mental well-being. Regular exercise, a healthy diet, adequate sleep, and mindfulness practices can all contribute to your recovery.
Set Boundaries:
Develop and maintain healthy boundaries in all your relationships.
Connect with others who have experienced narcissistic abuse. Join The Royal We Support Group - theroyalwe.kartra.com/page/ynE48
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Narcissists really don't know what to do with your love. They don't understand it.
People like him should really speak out against Anime and Manga, especially those which promote Narcissists like Asuka Langley Soryu from Neon Genesis Evangelion. Seriously entire generations of teens and people are being brainwashed into either becoming Narcissists and Narcissism or condoning Narcissists and Narcissism!
Giving them love is taken as an opportunity to crush your soul once again. You’re setting yourself up for a trauma moment. I’m a witness. The more I love and support my covert narcissist daughter the more she stomps on me. It’s quite fascinating learning about narcissism. I’m learning not to be offended and take it personal. I’m also learning to grey rock and expect nothing in return. My hope is finally gone which is a good thing.
they are insane I have decided ;showing genuine concern for their well being fuels their rage against you
I did not know that at first. I felt something inside her. I thought she was just sick from being hurt. She was good to me until the last few days.
@@user-dy6xc3kt5g It's hard to see it until you've experienced it. Sounds like you "dodged a bullet" before committing yourself.
One point that was not mentioned is the fact that narcissists see love, empathy, etc. as a manipulative attempt on your part to control them. Because this is how they “show love”. It’s only a manipulative tactic on their part. So that’s what they think you are doing and they resist any attempt at intimacy by you. I have 38 years of experience.
I’m no longer with this twisted human.
that is a good insight... never really thought about it that way
Good point.
Wow 💯
Thank you for this! You just taught me something important that I have been very confused about! 38 years here also. Congrats to both of us for our freedom!
I've thought this before. That's why they never really appreciate anything.
I discovered that the fruit of the spirit 'love' just means that you accept someone. The key word is accept. Accept the fact that they are toxic and unpleasant. Leave them be to who they are and leave them alone.
This is a great point!
Inner peace is priceless....🙏
We irritate their demons.
The bible says it this way "let him who is unjust be unjust still" Its all in a song by Johnny Cash called "When the Man Comes Around"
What if the Narc is a mental health professional and a bible person too ?
This is so true the more you show those demons love and empathy the more they want to stone ya to death. These people are demons, run!
Empathy really boils their blood cause they don't have that ability its not in their traits
No - but full of demons.
My son was treated badly many times in the world when he was open, honest and a good person. I think now he has developed into a narcissist as a defense mechanism and keeps his guard up around everyone.
Omg your comment truly shocked me. Very frightening. Do you think it's their up bringing?
@starseedone. Your comment shocked me. Omg glad you're ok. Just ruthless pathetic bullies.
The crazy thing about this is my ex covert narc used to say to me ALL the time “you don’t show me enough love” these demonic fools wouldn’t recognize love if it punched them in the face.
You can never fill a black hole.
Like trying to fill a cup with a hole in the bottom
@@TheRoyalWe I knew something was off the entire time we dated. After the initial love bomb was over I reduced my affection and my love because I didn’t feel loved by him and he definitely noticed the more he abused me the less love I gave until I finally discarded him I’m now 10 months narc free and loving life 🙌
@@pn6528 they can’t fill it themselves- thats their KARMA
THEY SAY THEY LOVE US BUT DON'T KNOW THE REAL EMOTION.
With a narcissistic person everything is a competition. They have to be the one in control. Sick power is their game. That's when I walk away.
So much distance that You wouldn't even let them kiss your ass!
That's true
Mine was jealous of me being a good mom to our daughter. Competitions.... Anything I did frim his point of view was for my own gain and ambitions.... He used this even to leave us. With no contact. Pretending that I was the one who had issues.
@@milsanna4364 what a sicko
@@milsanna4364 Same. What man needs to compete with his wife ?? Hello ??
They know they are monsters. They think you're stupid for loving them.
If you want a narcisist to care for you then you have to disrespect them and, basically. let them know you don't want them. Narcissists cherish ill treatment. I am a victim of a few narcissists and I stopped playing those games years ago.
Such an important message: "love your enemies" doesn't mean they'll become your friend.
Yes!
Love them from the distance, mean pray for them to find peace. Do not hate them, cause they're humans too, regardless of how they are as characters. We are all creatures from God, nobody knows where they can end up in their lives. But for your own sake DISTANCE is the keyword
I am so exhausted from my ex who was in denial for being this or anything . I e decided no contact and go on to heal with God !!! It’s too much alot of damage . I value my life .
@@jasminasinanbegovic6225 it’s so hard that may because I haven’t healed yet , so maybe when I heal the forgiveness and pray will come I’m angry right now since it’s so fresh .
@@charmainenduku8225 maybe if you start with forgiving yourself first for choosing that person, that one is on you. Ignoring red flags as well, cause they were also probably there. Taking responsibility for those part will make you less angry. Forgive yourself first for not doing better and take a long time to heal, hurry nowhere. Connect with God firmly. That's a good start.
When I tried to help with encouraging words, prayers, finances, I was HATED UPON AND CURSED! I was called a “fake Christian.” Whaaaaat?! This is on the spiritual realm. Leaving them up to God.. not casting pearls before swine anymore!
Yes
Yes, it's what you get when you give freely of your time and resources. Same thing happened to me and my husband. Helping out a widowed covert narc "friend" of 25 years absolutely ruined our relationship with her. It's peobably all for the best. No good deed goes unpunished, as they say.
Yeah. Mine found out I had church scheduled online for online 1 hr no less. He threatened to leave, but I was supposed to accept violent video games and fights on cable for hours. SWINE.
They have to use names to degrade you
They hate your guts for no reason
But there is a reason... And that is
Control and Manipulation
Without you even realizing it.
"Yu are human and they are not^
You trust them but they don't trust you.
I think if you keep loving them, you fuel their shame. They know that you know who they really are and they are deeply ashamed (that's why they develop a narc personality in the first place, as a shield) and now that you stay loving, you are obviously 'the better person' in the equation and they can't stand it because now they feel even more ashamed, in the face of a good person. They want to be adored, not humbled.
This is such a great statement ❤
yes, Dr David Hawkins Map of Consciousness, shame and guilt at the very bottom. Even below anger.
What a wonderful perspective. Saving this to remind me from time to time
Interestingly accurate
truth.
Oh, my goodness. YES! I'm a 70 year old raised by a narcissistic mother, who can turn an entire house full of people against me without a word. No one dares to confront her, question her or disagree with her opinion of me. I am the family truth teller. I am the one who cries and hugs people at funerals. I am the criminal. 😂 😂
The narcissist consumes alot of their energy on trying not to break out of character .
When you figure out who they are, you have the keys to unlocking yourself from captivity. This is important information to understand. We're sold such a bill of goods that love conquers all, that we can heal people with love, -- it's not true. Some people don't need love and they use your love as a weapon against you.
Been there:
Sometimes the love you have to offer is in letting them go allowing them, however slowly, time to become conscious of their own outlook.
It can, though may never, happen.
You have the keys 🔑 to
unlocking yourself from captivity when you figure out who they are!
The mixed information I get from channels like this almost feels like I'm falling into the same traps.
Think for yourself, and don't let the grand illusion of excusing any form of reason (especially from yoursself) to being an asshole as a way out. Your own behavior as a factor in such relations is a factor.
Ifi it's a way to better yourself: DO NOT make it at at another's expense. Or you'll fall victim to being the very thing you don't' want to others or yourself top be: A narcissist.
The advice I'm finding from channels like this are only to define the negatives, rather than FINDING the positives in dealing with people. And that's very confusing.
@@NobenStudio positive info is also sent out in positive ways of dealing with narcissism- including your own.
@@johntuohy1867 But if your intent is to hurt someone, despite it being veiled as love... does that make you a narcisist?
Or at the very least... a jerk?
Where and what is the positivity in that...?
You just nailed this to the wall! The more you love them and do for them; the more they hate you! This is a family member in my case. No matter how much I do for this person; the more they hate me! Sad but true! Keep these messages coming! They terrified me yesterday! I have never seen such anger! I am not going around them at all anymore! I cut myself off from them! Thank you for helping me! I will keep watching your videos! 🙏😇Marcie Sellers
I think we can even say that they hate love and light because it burns. They hate us bc of the energy we carry
It’s all spiritual in nature, good vs evil. They HATE the light/good/God inside of us.
They are aware of their destructive and cruelty, but they don't actually care how it affects their victim/target. Such a tragedy.
Yes
my husband recently showed his true self on raging
the snow job is over!
The question is not do they know what they are doing . . its more like zero empathy they dont care. And its a thrill for them so dont give them what they want.. . .
So true
Care about no one
Excellent, thank you! Jesus didn’t continue to show love and compassion to Sadducee’s and Pharisee’s, who were narcissists. He called them out, separated himself from them, and gave his love to those willing to receive it. More of this needs to be taught in churches. We can still love them, forgive and pray for them, but that doesn’t mean we need to be around them!!
Perfectly said. Many times you need to love...and leave.
You are so right. Jesus even told his disciples that when they enter a town and are not accepted to not only leave that town but to shake the dust of that town off their sandals.
@@DebraB406 Sounds like a nice landlord to me. You shouldn't be that close to a landlord that you would be able to know he's a narcissist. Sorry, you gonna get angry now?
@@cowboy_strong5851 Why are you being such a jerk? All of your comments are argumentative. What is your problem?
@@DebraB406 I’m so sorry that you’re experiencing that. I imagine it’s very stressful. The guy saying that your landlord sounds nice is just a bitter old man. All of his comments are rude and condescending. He seems very triggered by this topic which leads me to wonder if he’s the narc in his family. I hope things get better and that you can hopefully find a new place someday soon. Hang in there. ❤️
I have faced narcissistic rage, it was horrible and made me feel quite unwell.
It is horrible
i suffered alot alot. i loved my narcisst alot alot. i love him alot but he brokeup with me and marrying other girl
Narcissists are among the soulless and there is no way to fix them. I learned this the hard way. It took me 31 years to figure this out. They dont love you or anyone else. Soulless beings don’t possess this ability. I say get out and go no contact. Or live in a constant state of disorder. Dont let them drag you to hell with them. Just forgive and forget them.
It took me losing my dad & my sister (within two months apart) to realize that my STBX wife is a narcissist. I even had kidney stones during this time period while grieving & she still went behind my back & cheated on me then try to place the blame on me. Now she is discarding me while I’m at my lowest point in life, I probably will not trust another person again bc of her… Please pray for me.
I pray that your crushing moments will be used by King Jeshua to expand your reach. I declare a hedge of protection strong around you, and I place a guard around your heart in the Name of Jeshua! You won't come through this bitter - you'll grow your roots deep down into His love and be renewed.
I will pray for u tonight hun . Keep positive xx
😂
Don’t let them change who you are!
I pray that you get over this situation. Not all women are the same. My husband brought his mistress home while I was at work. That’s so low and disgusting and he said that I am accusing him while he is innocent. He didn’t even apologize.
Thank you so much for this!! Narcissists actually lose respect for you the more love and forgiveness you show them. My ex wife’s face would actually change (the mask would slip) when she would do or say something cruel and I would move past it or forgive her for it. Any relationship with a narcissist is doomed.
monster is the right word
Say it again so the people in the back can hear you.😮
i’ve seen this with my ex. that mask when it was over with being nice few weeks into our 2nd instalment he became outright nasty. me ? obviously surprised and be hurt? his face!? dark, different and conniving.
but i had seen it before noped out the situation asap after trying to have normal conversations about it during the next days, via phone etc. and yea 😂it never ends from then on. it’s my fault, it’s anything to argue about and c for hours and also the stuff from years ago when i was sharing some trauma? of course fame to twist and just flick with people and my head.
well, few good months later i had weird messages and we decided to meet up to talk about some we were handling, like friends. park, bier.
and it stared even then. some horrid drunk message,
some love bombing, some derogatory words, some apprehension 😂 this time - i was driving those messages by being quiet, or praising his achievements or dismissive or being apologetic about how it ended
hahahahah! he really went deep into each one! i a space of 5/7 days? he went full classic abuse circle - before i even let us meet again. oh, then i just let him know, i’m super done, he is a monster and admitted to me not once how he doesn’t about other
so i will never want to need to in fact feel anything about him. never meet again
and please go, die.
yea… felt great💫💫💫 like a huge cloud left my space and my mind. finally my head had space to think and be without his chaos that entered my space yet again. but hey, of course he turned all My friends against me in some really great manner. well, friend really, we’re they? i gave up too after a year of trying to have a conversation and be like we used to. i guess that the price i paid for getting rid and being on top for once
Yes this video let's me see this clearly. Never realized the utter cruelty and knowing so many of them led me to believe that I must be the freak, while their behavior was normal.
Exactly
I have experienced this very thing from different narcissists many times. The disgust they have for love you give back. Actually a narcissist's fantasy is to have someone who simply takes the abuse as a sad victim and lets them create in you what they want. When you return love, they are disgusted and I believe this is because you are showing them that they have no power to make you unhappy like they are. It also shows them indirectly that you have something within you that they do not have. If you want to love your enemy in a case like this it has to be from a distance. Get away from them as far as you can.
Like the Grinch.
You are right. I experience the same.
Often I've found indeed it's your kindness and love that they envy the most and try to destroy the most. All the narcissists I've met have tried to 'make me like them' by torturing me and hoping that that will corrupt my character.
Recognize toxic relationships And avoid them. Let them learn their own lessons in their own time And go on with your life
People like him should really speak out against Anime and Manga, especially those which promote Narcissists like Asuka Langley Soryu from Neon Genesis Evangelion. Seriously entire generations of teens and people are being brainwashed into either becoming Narcissists and Narcissism or condoning Narcissists and Narcissism!
This is the fucking best advice that I’ve heard!! I’m tired of hearing about all the playing games with these Narc fools
Amen Jesus said “Do not give what is holy to the dogs; nor cast your pearls (empathy and compassion) before swine, lest they trample them under their feet, and turn and tear you in pieces” by mouthing hatful words towards you. Excellent message, Blessings to you and all through Christ by His death and resurrection to all who turned to Him with repentance of sin!
Final a Bible verse used correctly.
God actually spoke that to me when I asked him if I could leave my cruel, faithless, alcoholic husband, who did all of the things mentioned in this video.
This is absolutely correct. The more love I tried to show, the more irritated he seemed to be. The love bomb was strong so I was always believing that we could be like that again. It seemed like the more I tried, the worse things got. Strange.
the closer you try getting to a narcissist, the further they will push you away
Yes! Exactly!
Exactly, its like chasing a lost rainbow
I saw an explanation on another YT channel where it was explained that it's all about control. The narc knows which buttons to push to inflict harm & ruin your moment.
I believe they do that is because they are demonic, and are rejecting the love that they wanted from someone who didn't give it when they needed it, like a parent or guardian, and they refuse to face that fact...ashamed they weren't loved, and like using that anger to work that mess out onto other people they believe are weaker.
Wow! This message is such an eye-opener, it was like the last piece of the narcissistic puzzle I was missing from the whole narcissistic epidemic. I touch and agree with you, fact 💯. Their behavior is evil, drop the word narcissist and let's just call it what God calls them - EVIL 🐍.
I used to use the term witch, warlock, but ultimately it is evil.
True angelafox !
YES
You are correct. The more you show goodness, the more the narcissist hates. The narcissist that I know told me "you are disgusting! I can't stand your voice!" I always thought that the narcissist that I know hated my success
Omg my husband yells he hates my voice. He calls me filthy names
@@carolnolan9439 your voice reminds him of the things he can’t be. Do not take the contempt.
They like being destructive... It gives them fuel... And many documentaries about crimes show how narcissistic psychopathic criminals describe their excitement while taking other's life and how they enjoy their control over their victims...
Thank you for your videos.
Yes they do
Mystic Me That's exactly right and a highly narcissistic family member posted that she's PROUD of having the "family trait" of saying what she thinks to people, no matter how hurtful. It's interesting that I don't happen to have the "trait" though!
Another highly narcissistic person stated that she enjoys hurting me and the self-confessed narcissistic psychopath, HG Tudor, says that harming others gives them what he calls fuel, which is akin to a powerful drug and he doesn't ever want to change.
Mind you, he is assisting many thousands of people to to stay away from, or leave, his kind, if possible, and Kevin is certainly doing an excellent job of that as well. ❤
@@cyndigooch1162 yes indeed, and I first listened to HG while I was dealing with a narcissist without knowing anything about narcissism... HG helped me by his videos to know exactly who was the ex and how to escape from him... so I left in October 2020... This awareness is our treasure now 💖
Yes, it's really sick isn't it? And this is a little off-topic, but I'm on a mission to stop U-Tube scammers from abusing animals (especially the ones we love, like dogs and cats). They make TONS of money by impersonating as "animal rescuers" when indeed they put the animals into distress....and pretend to rescue them.
Unknowing people donate their money to this cause which is a double evil.
If you'd be interested in helping this endeavour by sharing etc. pls check out Justice4Animals vid of July 30/22.
That's why if I've to choose between being a part of their life or getting killed because of leaving them, I would choose the 2nd. You CAN't live with someone whom you KNOW is a murderer and rapist and heart.
NOone wants criminals as their family members except the equally evil enablers.
Actually I am Buddhist and experienced this word for word with my entire family. It doesn’t make you a flawed Christian Kevin - they are truly sick. Full stop
Also Buddhist.
You are absolutely right
✅🎯‼️
After my narc husband died I was going through papers etc…and found a diary/note entrance where he’d ACTUALLY WRITTEN, “it felt so good to see her hurt by what I said.”!!
😢😢
Sick!
Because he was a sadist
This is spot on! I finally realized this with my Narc Mother a year ago and I stopped trying. I have gained so much peace in knowing that she won’t change. For years I treated her for who I wanted her to be and not for who she is. So happy I woke up and loving those who truly love me!
"Maybe it's the moment where fight or flight enters into your body for the first time because of something they said, or something that they did." I remember when I felt that fight or flight moment for the first time. She wasn't even raging. It was during the first month into our "relationship." We where at a restaurant, on a date. I thought she looked so pretty in the dress she had on, so I told her that. After I complimented her, she thanked me. She said, with a big smile on her face, "Aww, thank you." Her smile was saying one thing, but her eyes were saying something else. I saw "evil" in her eyes. It felt as if she wanted to kill me with the fork she had in her hand. It sounds like I'm exaggerating, I know. But that's what it felt like and it scared me. I've never gotten that feeling from anyone before. I remember how silent I got after seeing the look in her eyes. I wanted to get away from her, at that moment, but then questioned my gut: "Why would someone who just thanked you after a compliment want to kill you?" Let's just say my gut feeling was right. A few years later, she tried to do exactly that. I've learned to never ignore my gut or underestimate the level of evil a narcissist can stoop to. They are extremely dangerous.
We are control driven..I am self aware and trying to heal but I feel it's just part of me idk I hope not ..I'm trying
The eyes do tell
Sir. You are ABSOLUTELY RIGHT.
@@Strawberry.leeraymartinez5829Have you seen any of the videos on Lee Hammock's channel, Mental Healness? I've been watching a lot of his videos, and I understand narcissism so much better. Maybe it could help you too?
@@theharmonyofknowledge1286 The Little Shaman is helpful, too. I'm subbed to both channels.
there have been too many narcissists that received my love ,,but I learned from all that abuse ,, it’s sad that one of them was my mother ,
Vile Mothers. It's just how repulsed my mother was getting hugs and an I love you.
I just as well go to my fathers house to bring food etc. and say something horrible like (MAGGOT) to him.They are vile. Both of them are monsters till the day they die. Hope kevin can help us!
Same
Same for me too, very painful realization 😢
My mother has tried to or ruined everything my whole life. I mean everything my whole life. She makes me sick.
Once she broke that character, that is when she started blaming me for her behavior. She would say... I'm just responding to you and your behavior when all I was doing was calmly asking her a question about her behavior. But they are not able to be questioned... EVER!
That’s what they do!! They gaslight you all the time!! Blame you for everything.. accuse you for nonsense
This explains a lot. You get to the stage of not caring about them eventually. Total switch off when someone strips you of everything you are, eventually the time comes when you have nothing to give them anymore. Never again!
I agree with you Kevin. We are wasting all our virtues behind a narcissist. There's no chance that a narcissist can be made new as an human being. Everything is revolving around them and should be revolving around them, that's their agenda. So my advice to all the victims of narcissistic abuse: Leave them alone and do not go to them either for God's sake. Read what James 4:7 says: Submit yourselves, then, to God. Resist the devil, and he will flee from you.
Satan was the 1st Narcissist
@@ginakelley749 Satan was the good guy in the Bible and God is the narcissist. Read it. Satan killed far fewer people than "God" did. the God of the Bible demands complete loyalty and worship. Satan never demanded anything like that. All Satan did was raise a question, "Hath God said?" Who but a narcissist demands unquestioned devotion? Please pay closer attention.
Everyone s a narc.
🥰😁
I was thinking this too, sending them to hell wouldn't even be a punishment for them they'd feel right at home there.
Yes
Thats not true ,thats your hurt speaking!They are demon possessed 4 yr olds but wouldnt wish anybody in hell!
THEY MAKE THE CHOICE TO GO TO HELL. THEY WANT NOTHING TO DO WITH GOD. ALL OF US MAKE OUR CHOICE TO REJECT OR ACCEPT JESUS.
The fact that they can never experience true joy is a living hell for them, so much so they are jealous of anyone with even the slightest amount of joy. So when you think life is unfair because of the fact Narcissists exist in this world. Remember once you know how to deal with these toxic people, life becomes more fair. The narcissist can never truly be happy, so their personally disorder is their own punishment.
The presence of THE HOLY SPIRIT GOD almighty in our soul resting peacefully, irritates the crap out of the butt-load of Demons they let occupy their souls.
As you said, they want to feel superior, so coming back to the narcissist and their family with love for them like you did shows that you had a great sense of control over your emotions and ability to think and then act, not react, and it puts them to shame. They’re losing. They were not able to cut you down the way they had hoped, to make you as bad as them. You didn’t fit in! Thank God for that! And the resulting freedom.
Forces beyond your control can take away everything you possess except one thing, your freedom to choose how you will respond to the situation.
Viktor E. Frankl.
The devil wants to bring strife, he is afraid that we show compassion or evangelise 😊
You are so right. Evil hates the light. Keep on Lovin on those that deserve it!
Yes evil hates the light
My conclusion is that at least some part of these people is willful behavior. If they would seek help they might be able to control their emotions, but they're too narcissistic to do that!
Yes, absolutely right. He got angrier when I was calmer, sweeter, kinder.
They see love, forgiveness and empathy as weakness! I’ve seen it. They really do not understand what these things truly are. They despise these traits.
They constantly one up you and see acts of kindness as acts of war 💥🎯 love is not a competition
Yes it is truly heartbreaking
@@TheRoyalWe
that’s an understatement...it’s infuriatingly frustrating 😣
I just did... “Happy Birthday”....to my narcissist sister.... she hates herself at 51! They get WORSE over time! Got nothing back! Love your channel Kevin
You are allowed to go no contact with toxic family members. You don't have to wish your sister a happy birthday.
Low Contact is what I’ve done...birthdays and holidays...just staying in it for my nieces....just waiting for them to leave home
At the age of 48 I had to do the same thing as you about 4 years ago. Determined that they were a psycho narc as well as you did. Thank GOD I'll never speak to them again in my case
Im 50 but I’m worst due to those Narcs .. they really will make you sick ..!
Yup! Stop pouring into an empty vessel. 😉
💯💥 I was about 24 and my mom and I would leave for work around the same time each morning, one day I said..."By mom, I love you, I'm heading to work! She replied in a normal tone, "... I love you too" . The next day as I was leaving for work, I again said "By mom, I love you, I'm heading to work! This time she replied in a angry annoyed tone......"Troy!!! shut the hell up! You don't have to tell me that you love me every God Damn day!"
You didn’t deserve that.
Especially hard that it is your mom.
I felt that.
12:08: “Stop it, Reserve Your Love, Empathy, and Compassion, for those who are able to receive it, honor it, and able to show the same to you.” (Paraphrased) Thanks Kev!
Evil hates good.
To truly love, you must be vulnerable. Vulnerability means risking loss. Narcissists HATE to lose so DREAD love. So instead, they want you to worship them.
Good understanding
Good take
Yup that's really what we want it's even worse having leo placements 😂..
And woe to anyone that trys not to worship us lol😂
Narcissists have the fantasy that they don't need anyone or anything and haven't done anything wrong. Showing them love reminds them that they need others, and forgiving them reminds them they've done something wrong.
Best comment on here, so true!
You are 100% correct. When I listened to your video all I could do is nod my head and repeatedly say yep he's right. I had experienced this during a long term relationship with a full blown narcissist. The more caring and empathetic you are to them the more they treat you with disgust and even anger. And when they are exposed and you see them for who they are, they become terrified and allow you to get closer to them but once they have you under their thumb again they turn evil to your every affection or empathy towards them. Basically you get mind f%*×ed.
I am happy to say I ended that relationship and stopped all communication with them. If you let them in they will try to control you again. Don't, don't, don't let them back into your life, period.
You can have compassion with narcissist-but at a safe distance!
Exactly!!
@UCZ5yG9RefNfhNl8ou-5k9UQ
You don't have to. Honestly, having compassion with my abuser is sometimes still difficult especially when he is mean again-after more than 20 years!
Great video as usual.
I think we have to face the fact that the reason this is inexplicable is because we are dealing literally with demonized individuals.
Please make a video on this.
The reason they hate love kindness and empathy is because it's a direct assault against the kingdom of darkness.
Yes
Ephesians 6:12
King James Version
12 For we wrestle not against flesh and blood, but against principalities, against powers, against the rulers of the darkness of this world, against spiritual wickedness in high places
So true, they hate Love and compassion!
Spot on !
That is the EXPLICABLE reason! That is the EXPLICABLE truth!
I can attest to them doing everything they can to crush, and bruise you. To try to take you down for being there for them. To try and take you over. No matter how much it crushes you they go further, especially if you can't hide the sadness. Once they get the reaction they get the boost they were looking for.
Yes this is true
Total cruelty. So true.
Your attempts at compassion affronts them because it threatens their scaffolding - that false front they construct to hide the underlying machinery. They don't know how to respond to the real thing; it terrifies them, because it reminds them how alien their entire false construct is to human beings whose heads and hearts are actually connected. Thank you for doing this. It hit home. xo
One of the last things my narc partner said to me: "You think you're so good, don't you?" She was bothered by the fact that I reached out to people. She hated this trait in me. She didn't have an ounce of it herself.
Shit similar,I asked Friends for there opinions of her text messages I couldn't understand where she was coming from she found out I went behind back Shit did she go off .
So true 👍, when I showed compassion or care towards my ex narc he would be OK for a 3 or 4 days, then the anger becomes unleashed yelling to me " your not normal" I think because they hate themselves, they cannot believe someone would care about them. At one point, I was shitty & detached and he liked it, I even felt like I was the narcissist. I learned how do you get rid of a narcissistic- just tell them you love them.
😮 I never heard of him, after I said I love him ! I understand now
Oh now i know 🙂
😢😢so sad but very true!! They are uncomfortable with our emotions
They can’t change this is a taught behavior by mom 🙏🏽💯🙏🏽💯
Yes. I saw this in my marriage. He despised me for loving him. The only "good" thing he did for me was to be so deliberately cruel that he totally killed any love I had for him.
It is not who they are but what they do. ❤
They decide that being hateful and twisting the truth around from love to hate...and honestly to lying is a mark of intelligence. Evil becomes their goodness. And love deserves hate. The more they practice evil is good....the more evil they become. They try to be above others with intelligence based on how to be good at evil. Unfortunately it does make their expert evil, easier to spot and they get caught.
👁
Absolutely, if only they would put all that energy, time, and savvy to do good in the world...
'Woe to those who call evil good and good evil'
I gave up on this issue... 28 years without any, ANY celebration, of BDs, holidays, of just expressing joy over anything... No gifts, no special meals... at the beginning I used to buy BD gifts, but they were heavily criticized and rejected. No hugs, no kisses, a very abusive sex. I was all alone in a foreign, his land, so I was cornered and degrading....punished for expressing compassion and love that flows so naturally from me. I finally divorced him, but my feelings of love are heavily damaged...
So sorry to hear this Mari
Wow Ms. Mari Anna I’m sitting here reading your words and I must say if I had not woke up about 2-3 months ago I could be sitting in the same place the you have been wow thank you for your openness and may you be blessed with real love someday!!
That is so hard, Mari. I was lost for words to explain to people the exact same thing you experienced, because I couldn't make any sense of it. Over 20 years without any celebration, including kids birthdays, not even coming home to share good news about something. Not even bad news! And we lived abroad, so no old friends or family for support.
I hope that you are better now, I'm getting there. It's like recovering from cancer.
You are quite right in the fact that empathy or love is a complete waste of time to give to narcissists.
I let my sister go on with her grandiose narcissistic behaviour for years, until she maliciously got involved in my personal business.
I called her out.
She discarded me.
I'm not interested in having anymore to do with her.
She is still trying to punish me by telling her husband not to help me (as I am disabled) and last time I saw her, she ran past me to her car in a panic????
I have never been nasty or showed any anger towards her.
I guess she I threatened by my open love and compassion???
Anyway, life is far too precious to waste on those who can't love.
WOW can I relate to that. Especially the part about bad mouthing you, and trying to get others to hate you like she does. That seems to be a big part of it.
They only care when you don’t care. Better off without them! Thank you!
My ex was a covert narc, and man, was he good at playing the part (I had no clue and my radar normally catches this). The verbal rages/cussing became more frequent after the 1st time. The lies, manipulation, and betrayal (I was discarded for new supply). I started to rage at him, until I finally chose "love & forgiveness" (for peace, not to rekindle things). He said he was envious because he had so much hate inside. He moved on to the next girl and I asked what was so special about her. He said, "Because she doesn't know who I really am" .... yet.
that sick bastard
@@king-qo8fi I agree, thank you. He truly is sick to knowingly manipulate women who don't know what lurks beneath the surface.
SEE!!! HOW INSANE THESE NARCS TRULY ARE. EVIL.
Wow . Because she doesn’t know who I really am yet
Dude its crazy how much I've learned the past few days. She took me for a crazy ride. The day I sat her down to have a well spoken thought out deep conversation I ended it with her because it was like looking into the eyes of satan. Lights were on but nobody was home.
I hear ya
Wow. So true. The eyes of Satan, and they can have strange voices too.
Yep
It is such a comforting feeling to hear someone genuinely say “I’m a here to support you.” Thank you and thank you for the great works you are doing 🙏 💖
Thank you. You are so right. The kinder and more forgiving I was, the less I was respected, the more I was taken advantage of.
He told me, You are the only one that thinks I'm a monster. I had never said he was a monster, just that he had no empathy or love or concern for me.
He also told me he was scared of my love. The fake person they are in the beginning changes quickly. The relationship is full of lies and confusion.
Did he tell you WHY your love scared him??? I hope you've gotten out of the relationship, God bless you!
I would say the problem disordered people have is that they are very much in the moment in a bad way.
They don't care. The people I suspect of having these disorders. Seem to have bad tempers. Lack empathy. If they have any empathy. Lack humility.
They seem to thrive on chaos.
God Bless everyone.
The Good Of One Doesnt Come At The Expense Of Another ! Guard Your Own First !
This info is golden for a Christian like me who always gives the other cheek, and loves unconditionally.
Absolutely true...the more love, respect, tenderness, and care you show them, the more contempt they have for you.
Yes
contempt but also shame and confusion. i think they are scared to ever be honest share their feelings..? fear? being hurt?? never, it’s all about smoke screen with them. and yes, understanding person is on a losing position also why do people share their fear?? and likes??
oh, they can NEVER
Their contempt for you, is their externalised contempt for themselves. They refuse to believe they could ever deserve your love, and think themselves weak for even wanting to receive it, so the more love you give them, the more their self-hatred ramps up to oppose it. The more you love them, the more their internal critic rages at them that they're worthless and don't deserve it and only a weak, pathetic person would want it anyway; to their childish minds, this feels like your love itself hurts, so they hate and attack you for "hurting" them.
This makes so much sense. Trying to make time for my mom and visit regularly made her angry and i could feel that disgust you said they had. She was in heavy competition with me, i saw that. Think trying to figure all this out rationally drives a person bonkers. Walked away no contact 5mos ago with no regrets.
My person even says he knows he sabotaged our connection. Narcissist rages are very scary. I just encountered one because I told him we would no longer have a romantic relationship but I am willing to be a friend. He said he wanted no part of being a friend. He said I was lying and trying to fool him.
Excellent word! Thank you. Many are hiding among us. There are very few righteous anymore. The church is literally filled with the same kind, especially in leadership because they love the high places.
The only way to show a narcissist real love is by showing them grace and forgiving them continually which happens to NOT be humanly possible. Only Jesus dying on the cross might be able to save and change their flesh. This was Gods hope for all but he said for all who MIGHT be saved.
Friends: If you are a life giving empathetic believer you should not be yoked with the narcissist who is in the image of Satan.
Yet God says don't lightly divorce. You can still LEAVE them and they will likely divorce you.
I was deeply hurt by the narcissists in my life and I pray to God just to relief the pain that they are causing to me. And miracle happened I don't feel pain anymore, because I learned that everything they do is from a very sick place and twisted mind. Kevin has the most clarity about narcissist personal disorder than any other channels, it helps me a lot. Once you fully understand what is all about, it gets better with dealing with it.
You hit the nail on the head with that narc trying to “out do” me in who’s “more” compassionate!! I forgave him for cheating and etc.. and he came back with throwing my faith in my face. He made me feel like God was more on his side than mine and told me I wasn’t a “Christian “. He mirrors my emotions and turns back and throws “my exact words” that I told him and try to make it his own like he was capable of feeling those exact emotions that I was expressing to him. So I stopped talking
Thank you
You aint said nothing but the TRUTH! I'm experiencing this on my job! Everything is the truth you've said about the narcissist
😭 I can't let him go. I feel sorry for him because he's never known true love, especially from his abusive parents. I want to save him and show him how good it can be. 💔
The Covert Narcissist brother-in-law who visited my mum's house yesterday commented that he likes animals more than people. I think its the only thing we have in common, if i'm comparing my pets to toxic people like him. I love my Border Collies the most compared to most people in my life, but the average non toxic person is a lot more lovable than a toxic person. Unfortunately these covert toxic people are sheep in wolves clothing that waste too much of our time and energy.
Trust me. He does not REALLY like animals. My ex- narc began to warm up to my cat. For three weeks, he fed her and watered her EVERY day. My cat bonded with him...then...he just stopped.
Believe it or not, my cat went into a depression and refused to eat. Did he reach out...no. They are incapable of loving ANYTHING!
@@Sultana1881 Wow, it sounds like he loved bombed your cat and then later on he gave your cat the silent treatment. Probably your cat caused a narcissistic injury, by ignoring him. Just as all cats ignore their humans occasionally, but his fragile ego must have been affected. Your cat can do better :)
@@nicholashudson1283 Precisely. My darling cat was skin and bones. It took three weeks for my sweet cat to begin to eat regularly. Oh ..do not worry, his evil arse is no longer around.
This reminds me of the saying: "the opposite to love isn't hate, it's fear." In my experience, narcissists have a lot of fear in their lives.
This so true! Such fearful people
yes.!! fear to be real
The opposite of love is indifference.
They have a lot of phobias and are always worrying.
I agree.
EXACTLY! They hate u and are jealous just because the fact that u are a good person and they know they are not. They envy that. You have a soul and inner light and they dont. You can do sonething nice to help out a jealous person and in their head they might think that was cool of u to do but in their heart and deep down where that demon is in place where a soul is supposed to be THEY STILL HATE U! U cant love a narcissist hate away. All u can do is get away…
Trying to show more love to my narc father ended like this: he used to tell me that all I did or said is a FAKE. So whatever I did was disqualified. Now I understand why - it triggered his position of an authority (and more). Thanks Kevin. You do a great job.
Yes, this sounds all to familiar
What a bastard. So you obviously cut them out and stopped taking them seriously. For the time you were considering his thoughts and opinion it must've been completely gutting and deflating.
Oh my gosh!!! All my ex ever said to me was my love was fake!! I am fake! I have no morals and it's all an act!!! 3 years and finally out!!
He was projecting when he called you fake. He was telling on himself.
My mother died when I was 9. She was very sick since I was 4. My father was telling me that everything I do , I do wrong like my mother did. It was heartbreaking for me. I was the youngest of 4. He was saying: You have to be like your sisters are. I grew up without self confidence into this world of narcissists and psychopaths, having troubles dealing with them.
I think my whole family are narcissistic. I was different from everybody inside this family unit and that made them be more aggressive to me because they wanted me to be like them. And I'm not I choose not to be on that path because I know the future of those who worship the darkness. I know what it's like to be tortured to be physically harmed when it was my fault and when it wasn't. Even psychological games that people play in order to make you look like the perpetrator when in reality the person who abuses other people are seen as innocent has been a norm for me for the last 40 years. I am just tired of these types of people in the world they make the world a really ugly place to be it's not fun it's not fair it's really painful to have to live among these people pretending to be good people. I just can't wait until judgment day until these people are just obliterated there's going to be no more of them anymore.
I read this and thought = did I write this? No, but for the most part I could have. I am much older than you (70) so I can let myself be depressed that much of my life was wasted on some people. But I realize I have had many positives in my life so I choose to be philosophical about it and realize that we can't choose our family.
Politicians now sound just like what you describle
My older brother was a narcissist and would become enraged when I would tell him I loved him. It disabled his ability to control me and that freaked him out.
This has to be the best narc video I have ever seen...so so spot on...only a narc victim could understand this...it just shows how disturbed these people are...
Thank you Songbird
A narcissistic is another word for a toxic person
HI KEVIN THANK YOU FOR SHARING THIS.
SO INCREDIBLY TRUE I LEARNED THE HARD WAY WHEN I WOULD SHOW THE NARCISSTIS AFFECTION/ LOVE .I WAS ABUSED EVEN MORE.
NARCISSISTIC PPL SEE LOVE AS A FORM of Weakness.
Yes they do Demi
YES. WE KNOW IT IS A STREMGTH. THAT'S WHY WE.CAN NEVER GET ALONG WITH A NARC.
@@treelover1050
SO INCREDIBLY TRUE
Yes, and I think they secretly envy us bc we CAN show love and they can't.
@@katehere9783
Absolutely TRUE
Omg! This makes so much sense now. I would be the one going to therapy, trying my best to improve relationships, only to be told I was being nefarious and trying to brainwash....and they would go on to tell me I needed help, even though I was already trying to do everything I possibly could to improve the relationship! It really just does not make sense!! It's so unfathomable and so difficult to accept that anyone wouldnt want to be shown those good things or show those things. I would get told "you think you know everything, and you think you are so perfect" and THEY are the ones that go to church and are actively involved communily in that, where as I choose to study at home. Unbelievable.
Completely true... Any time you show them any loving-kindness they instantly turn cold. You pull back, (because who's going to be a masochist on purpose, right?), and all of a sudden they "adore" you again.
Ugh my head hurts. When you hear things laid out like this sometimes you realize how much crapola you've endured!! Toxic....
Exactly ♥️
When we were discussing his abuse toward me through the years, my BPD narcissist husband said to me, "You allowed it." He committed suicide not long after that.
Wow 😯 How did you feeling when you first heard the news about his unaliving?
I wish the same ending would hit him too... demonic vampires... once the host pulls out, and there is no more supply, I bet many of them expire soon...
@@teralecole316 I felt relief. I knew he needed to cross over to the other side {heaven}. There was nothing anyone in this realm {earth} could do to help him. He'd been seeing psychiatrists, psychologists & counselors for 35 years and none were able to help him. He had seething anger towards his father that he took out on other people. His last psychologist had him secretly taping all interactions he had with his father so that he {the psychologist} could better understand the dynamic between the two. The psychologist told him that his father has NPD & there's nothing anyone can do to change that. He told him to stay away from his father as much as possible. My husband felt the only way to get revenge was to kill himself. He wanted to make his father cry. He did cry a little but still thinks he was the perfect father.
@@daphneduryea9136 That's extremely sad because he did attempt to get assistance for the issues with his father! Of course, it wasn't okay for him to take it out on you and others though.
I'm wondering if any of the therapists got him to get his anger out by releasing it via punching bags etc and feeling his pain by crying, which has helped me immensely, because talking isn't enough and can often make it much worse. ❤
@@cyndigooch1162 None of the therapists told him to but he did put a punching bag up in the garage & used it. He also cried all the time but never to his father. His father would have gone into a narcissistic rage if he'd tried to cry to him or talk about it because in his father's mind that would be an accusation that he had bad parenting skills. He cannot ever have been wrong in his life & still cannot be. He's 90 years old now & still thinks he's the top dog on earth. He walks around with a 'rictus grin' which is a sign of psychopathy.
I agree. Going “off script” breaking character, and being transparent are very different things. I am myself regardless of who is around.
Yes. Thank you. That person is now out of my life. I finally recognize what was going on And thank god I learned to let go ...I found happiness and now I'm free. It was a lesson lrarned🙂
Wow man, this is spot on! Have watched many hours on this topic and never heard this point of view. This exact thing happened to me, and the more I forgave, the more extreme and absurd her abuse became. And the more that happened, the more confused and curious I was and the more I tried… it became a cycle of degradation and destruction, as she had no empathy or sense of proportion and fairness, until there was absolutely nothing left in the relationship - at least for me, because, to her, she (very twistedly) thought there was still a possibility of something. Crazy. Now I’m closer to getting it.
Thank you Luke
These people are hard as hell to live with, to understand, and to deal with in any shape or form. But now I'm realizing that they really do show themselves from the get go. Go to any group of people. I'm betting I could now spot who may be a N. by looking at their eyes.
Visited my narc brother on his wedding anniversary even though he had ignored me the entire year. Took gifts 🎁 along and travelled an hour distance to his home just to see him. He pretended to be happy to see me probably because others were around.
A week later, he saw me at church and passed by me as if i was a ghost. I felt like a trash that day. And learnt my lesson the hard way
Yes, you may want to stay away from your brother
I really feel for you. The thing is I don't think we can learn these lessons, as people like us naturally want others to like us and we want to make things right and do the right thing. Recently my sister's husband passed and I spent much time with her while he was dying, helping her in every way I could. For the funeral I was given information where and when it would be held. The very last minute she changed the town and time. I found out through a third party and couldn't attend. Probably did it just for my "benefit." Couldn't stand how nice I was to her and now I can't stand myself for how nice I was to her.
@annettegenovesi
Give yourself a hug. You did the right thing. Congratulate you. 🎊
@@j-eames8186 Sweet of you j; thank you. I know you are right, but these people sure know how to hurt others. They are experts at that. I do remember my sisters strange look when I told her that I'd be there for the viewing. Now I realize how diabolical it was.
Let your life's light and being shine so bright it keeps you out of their shadow, shine so bright the only place they can hide is under your feet, defeated, they are beneath you. Rejoice that you are armed with the armor of God.
Yes
You make me so strong through your shows. I can now see far off through their behaviours
This is my narcissistic roommate… I’m trying to not come from a place of desperate when I look for my next living situation.
You’re spot on. Charming in the beginning, and then after you move in with them, exposing their toxicity (entitlement, believing she doesn’t owe me communication on things involving the living space that affect my sleep and studies… like moving out and moving 3 strangers in, then moving back in and 2 people moving out with no communication, and giving me the silent treatment and treating me like shit because I expressed it bothered me. I just got a job and am coming off of disability, I wasn’t able to move out or be choosy, my vulnerability made me prone to narcissistic abuse.)
I’ve tried this, being peaceable and apologizing when I’ve done nothing wrong.
Thank you for your videos you make me feel less crazy!
They love picking vulnerable victims and then trying to hold you back. You are gonna have to get your bible out. Go wild on them. They do not respect anything else. Do not even look them in their evil eyes. They take your positive god given energy.
@@debbyn4647 I’m an atheist 🤐but I appreciate the kind sentiments. Don’t cast your pearls before swine still is a verse I appreciate. xx
I really wish you a good, safe journey out of this to a happier place. Please believe you deserve peace and happiness and stay strong. We just need to stay away from people like this to achieve equilibrium.