The Bridezilla Trope: Why Brides Get Labeled “Difficult”
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- čas přidán 30. 06. 2024
- It’s her big day, and she’s making it everyone’s problem. The Bridezilla is everywhere on screen, throwing tantrums and making threats - she’s posited as the exemplification of everything bad about brides to be. But if we look just a little bit closer, much of her rage starts to make a lot of sense. Here’s our take on why maybe we shouldn’t judge the bridezilla quite so harshly, after all.
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CHAPTERS
00:00 What creates a Bridezilla
03:01 All the pressure on the bride
06:16 Weddings cost HOW MUCH?
07:33 Fireworks from sky high emotions
10:32 How to tame Bridezilla
CREDITS
Executive Producers: Debra Minoff & Susannah McCullough
Chief Creative Director: Susannah McCullough
Associate Producer: Tyler Allen
Writer: Abigail Barr
Narrator: Charly Bivona
Video Editor: John Tod - Zábava
WATCH MORE - Weddings can go wrong in a lot of ways, especially if the "Other Woman" gets involved. Here's our TAKE on the villainous trope: czcams.com/video/_jksMLrDMCU/video.html
People make it their life’s mission to underline the fact that wedding is a bride thing but never learn that it can be a collective effort where the couple depend on each other for the big day.
Weddings are social occasions. And a lot of these responsibilities are put upon one of the persons. Both persons could be more involved.
In collectivist culures more people have a hand in the production of the big day. Unfortunatly the couple loses a lot of their personal touches to make way for tradition, but I think it's a good thing to trade it when many people are throwing time, effort, and especially money in order to pull it off.
The label used to mean something. Today, it’s a weaponized phrase. Now, whenever a bride doesn’t let everyone walk all over them, they’re deemed a bridezilla.
@marshalmarrs3269 I agree there. Unfortunately, like everything else in our society it's kind of a trap that dangles benefits couples could use over their heads like a bludgeon. I think a lot of couples would prefer, if they had a choice, to just cohabitate with their SO, but when the economy is tight and they could really use those benefits if something goes wrong, unfortunately marriage becomes something to consider just to get it done and have some extra coverage.
If not for the fact I want kids some day and I don't know how legally kids between unmarried people get handled, I would probably consider forgoing marriage myself.
This EXACTLY
Precisely.
True. As older women are always labeled as Karens when not wanting to do the things or act the way it's expected. It became more of a derogatory term to drag someone down for virtually nothing than a legitimate callout. Really, I pray (and will do what I can) for the situation to get better for older women once I become the one, as I don't see my youth as terrible, but certainly not as a peak too ( I feel as I have to sudenly know everything instead of giving myself time to grow-I find youth and adulting overrated and middle aged time underrated, lol).
@marshalmarrs3269I live in the state where it would be subversive, but when you think about it, the only benefit is that the partners get tied by a contract which can make them less inclined to cheat. It's everything but free union, and breaching it can be used for basicaly a robery (alimentations that are not even used on kids, but on hoes and drinks for man and women (for me bitch, hoe etc is gender neutral), the women being inclined to spend it on looks on top of it). As a woman myself, I am raised to be honest and if I divorced I would demand nothing, even the things I am considered entitled to, even if I was as poor as a church mouse, I would rather not see the said person than have to prolong relationship with someone I can't even stand seeing (I am not a girl who clings to abusive relationships, as I saw by my parents that hapiness in couple is possible and decency is not too much to ask).
There are women who are raging narcissists and just want a big party where they are the centre of attention, there are also women who get labeled a "bridezilla" simply because they don't let people walk all over them. There is so much pressure to have the perfect wedding and all of this falls on the bride, the groom is expected to just show up. I understand why a lot go insane from the stress.
I had 2 "all about ME" parties: when I graduated college and when I turned 30. I had a blast and 💯% may do something like that in the future. But wedding? Wedding should be about the couple and sharing a good moment with your beloved
We need to stop thinking of marriage as an end goal. Marriage isn't "Game Over." Marriage is "Player Two Has Entered."
Exactly! And if they add smaller players, they get entirely new quests.
@@Logitah The smaller players are more like sidekicks that constantly get in your way and bug you. Think a combo of Navi from Ocarina of Time and Ashley Graham from RE4.
@@Zarolea Well, they do give you such quests as "Unfair Teachers", "Playground Bullies" and "Where the Hell Can I Find a Child's Winter coat that is affordable and not butt-ugly?!" :D
My girlfriend said "I'm not shelling out or going into debt for a wedding, I'd rather save all that money for the honeymoon." I agree with that entirely. Unless you have lots of disposable income, please don't put yourself in debt for one party. There's so many other more meaningful things you can do with it. And the family that pressures you into doing a wedding need to pony up some cash if they want it to be "perfect" by their standards.🤑
Yes yes yes!!! I had a JP wedding, 10 guests. Sunday school casual dress for me and SO. No regrets.
I'm with you!! My wedding with my partner is gonna be an outside potluck, and the only thing we wanna splurge on is an open bar and maybe some cute pumpkins lol
Speaking as someone who used to work in the wedding industry, and who has worked at literally thousands of weddings: stress can make people break. But that's not what a Bridezilla is.
We've gone from a society where a wedding was organized by a family, to a society where a wedding is organized by one person. And most brides have never organized a large event before, so they are learning as they go. Industry professionals understand this, and we do what we can to relieve that stress on the bride. We know that an event is a collective effort by a large team of people. But all our effort doesn't aways work to calm an anxious bride, and especially for brides who feel like they're going to be judged by their friends and family.
Bridezillas aren't simply stressed brides though - they're entitled brides. They're people who expect the impossible, who throw a tantrum when they're not the center of attention, and who treat their vendors like everyone is trying to rip them off. You get customers like this in every industry - it's just that in the wedding industry you might have to work with this person for months while you try to keep them happy. They're awful to work for, and they make everything harder, and usually you end up having to chase them for payment. Sometimes things end up in court.
Friends and family may apply the Bridezilla label to any bride who's stressed, but anyone who's worked in the industry knows the difference.
I see what you're saying, and I can somewhat agree Bridezilla has a specific definition, but arguably it's intended definition doesn't matter as much if people aren't using it that way. I guarantee you there's videos online somewhere of a bride freaking out at a wedding, no context given so who knows what caused the freak out and whether it may be totally understandable and valid given the context and circumstance, titled something like "Whoa look at this crazy bridezilla going nuts at her wedding!", and if the place the video is hosted on is a popular site or community, there might be hundreds to thousands of people uncritically thinking and commenting "Lol yeah what a crazy bitch. Fuckin' bridezilla amirite?". I could see an argument where Bridezilla might nowadays have the problem of overuse and over saturation that terms like Karen do, where Karen was supposed to be about entitled, often racist or classist white women who outwardly fit the WASP aesthetic, to basically any woman someone has deemed unreasonable, while keeping in mind we're only getting a video from one perspective. Or terms like incel which nowadays get thrown around a lot at guys just talking about male loneliness of guys wanting companionship from a woman online. If the word has a specific meaning, but it's used frivolously to paint wide brushes on people who might not be that thing, maybe it's time to either be more critical of the term and call out when it doesn't apply, or just use it less or fade it out entirely.
I have a friend who's a wedding planner and because she knows I love the stories because they're hilarious to me she's always venting to me.
If I worked in this industry I would actually feel disrespected by videos like this and everyone handwaving the terrible behavior away.
We all say or do things we regret when stressed but if you're making someone's life miserable for months then it means you suck, not from stress.
I'm really glad you left this comment, I think this was good insight thank you :)
"My Big Fat Greek Wedding" depicted Toula as just going along with her family's crazy plans, and staying down to earth regarding most of the procedure, when she just wants to be with Ian.
Love that movie!
I love to hate that movie. Toula had zero boundaries and it makes me cringe to watch her get stomped all over.
@@sdarling6518I like to think those get improved in the sequels
I refused to put the stress of planning a wedding on my and/or my groom's shoulders. Hence we had a small, destination wedding where they took care of everything and we just had to show up. Almost 14 years later we don't regret that decision at all.
I really liked the way satc handled this when Charlotte’s second wedding had a lot of issues and Carrie told her that maybe the worse the wedding the better the marriage :)
When Phoebe screams at Monica at her wedding, I always thought she was so justified. Scream louder Pheebs!
Yeah, Monica was out of control. Especially when she changed the menu from vegan to meat without so much as consulting Phoebe and knowing that she doesn't eat meat. It was rude and inconsiderate.
The Bride may be put under pressure from demanding family members, who insist that the day has to go smoothly. Basically, the bride is a mere stage manager of her own production, where she's surrounded by audience members who demand that her show reach THEIR insanely high standards.
No one's putting a gun to those brides' heads.
@@Go7SuarezI beg to differ with some bridal horror stories.
that happened at my friend's wedding. It was the groom's choices for seats but the bride got blamed.
@@Go7SuarezYeah, they are very chill, especially when telling the bride what they want for themselves there ("No, your dress needs to look different, it's too simple/too shyny/it makes you look fat. Did you really plan to celebrate in this shitty restaurant, find something better. You should go for a big wedding for tons of people instead of a small gathering, it's a big day etc.). If the brides are really lucky, they get kidult grooms who act like bitches when asked to help, and heaven forbid they take some work in charge without being asked. It's like in the house, everyone assumes the woman wants everything done right and therefore by herself when many would prefere a shitily done work but by someone else.
I honestly think we need to encourage more men to be involved with their own weddings. It's his big day too if he's taking this seriously and it's weird to think society has decided he should have no obligation to have a say in the venue, or how things look, the food, the music, outfits, etc., or at least the elements he might have an interest and opinions on. It feels weird and kind of patronizing that, in wedding planning, it's kind of flipped that for once the mans job is to just show up, stand there, look pretty, and not make a scene.
It always reminds me of how women are in the kitchen, mem get to sit around drinking because they "work hard already."
@@ruffethereal1904 Not that men should just sit around and drink obvs, but as a 25, going on 26 year old guy who's currently working a full time job I hate, and that I hate for taking my free time with how much I work, then sleep, I can't lie and pretend I'm not human here and admit I resent you a little bit for dismissively handwaiving how much time goes into a fulltime job and how tired anyone, man or woman, can feel afterwards. Obviously if a guy and girl are cohabitating he should contribute to housework, but putting men's work in quotes rubs me the wrong way just a lil bit.
@@gregvs.theworld451 Sorry about that, I was referencing the "traditional" man that doesn't lift a finger around the house for even the most basic things.
@@ruffethereal1904 I understand that, I definitely got the vibe that this could've been one of those "if you know they're not talking about you, don't respond" moments, but I still contend maybe the wording came off a bit too much like a blanket statement that undermines when people (in this context men) really do do tough work that leaves them tired, and possibly well aware their housekeeping work has been slacking and feeling guilty about it. I think sometimes the blanket statements about "men should/shouldn't/are/always do/ etc" stand to make men more defensive and resentful when it feels like their own struggles or problems are undermined and written off as them just being lazy and unreasonable and unfair to women just like they "always" are.
Men do happily take part if BOTH of them want the things they're doing for the wedding. But 9 times out of 10, all the frilly extras are wanted only by the bride. Would you expect the bride to help set up a life-size Darth Vader ice sculpture if only the groom wanted it? Nope. Not only will she not help, but that decision would be vetoed immediately.
Compromise is key. So is budgeting. If couples focus on the things that matter, suddenly Star Wars ice sculptures, 10 different flowers in the centrepieces, and everything in between would seem silly.
Man, there's a whole industry that makes this one event extremely expensive.
The problem is that.... weddings aren't ceremonies. Theyre competitions. Who can have the best weddings? Who looks the best? Etc. Another show that heightened the bridezilla trope is FOUR WEDDINGS where in order to get your dream honeymoon. You had to compete against 3 other women to see whose wedding was the best. It's an expectation vs reality scenario the bride put herself in 9/10 times because of what she saw. My mom told me weddings expose EVERYONE. Half of the time the ones that had the biggest "perfect" wedding, their MARRIAGE takes a nosedive.
So true. Wedding r competition to show off who has more money
I hate that show so much. It never made any sense to me: when in real life would a complete stranger, who doesn't know or love you, even be at your wedding, far less have the most important opinions about it? It was like a precursor to everything awful about social media.
I actually feel sorry for people who are that desperate for competition and one upmanship
This may be true for some, but I think you missed the point of the video if your claiming that every wedding or all brides are competing. Especially since most simply cannot afford to. In western cultures weddings are expected. For many there is also a dream aspect and celebration
When I got married I didn't have the time or energy for all the management that the wedding required, so I hired a wedding planner. I told him the things that my fiance and I didn't like, a few we do love and our budget, I told him "make it awesome" and that was it, we had a bi-weekly call or meeting to check... it was in fact beautiful and amazing, we really enjoyed it, stress-free.
We had our wedding in my father-in laws backyard and then did a BBQ there for reception. All the food came from Costco and my dress cost $100.
Best choice we ever made!
I love this! 👏🏻 people don’t understand that less really is more
@ashleyroldan143 my Aunt Catered my wedding and my uncle let us use his farm as the location. Less than 40 people came it was great. My stepdad was the minister One of my groomsmen after the ceremony even fell into the small pond by accident while drunk it was fun.
You enjoyed it AND it didn't break the bank! Sounds like a dream! ❤
Awesome ❤ Costco is always the best place to go to for party food 🥂🍻
My husband and I got married after 3 weeks of being engaged, and had 12 people at out wedding, all our immediate family. The food was made by us all, our dj was my laptop, our flowers we got at a grocery store. All in, we paid about $3000 for our wedding (dress, venue, food, etc.). It was really fun, and all of us were the photographers.
Its almost 9 years later, and we're still happily married, and still have our 'wedding selfie' proudly on our mantle.
It wasnt perfect for some, but it was perfect for me and my husband.
Its not about the party, its about WHY the party is happening in the first place 👍🏼
My daughter is getting married in 2 weeks. She's pretty chill, but she broke down last week. I'm sending this to her right now. The entire wedding industry is an insane rip-off.
Marriage is a baggy pants farce!
I'm curious, how did the wedding go? 😸
@@LoveAndSnapple it was really chilled and went off pretty flawlessly. My daughter had a few tears when a server stepped on her dress and she thought it was torn. But we re-bustled it, and the show went on. 🤣 It helps that both families are flexible and went along with the couple's wishes. I'm also a project manager, so it was well planned.
@@SoulfulVeg Aw, I’m so happy that your daughter’s big day was a success! Now she’ll be able to look back on the day fondly. ❤️❤️
@@LoveAndSnapple thank you!
My husband was so hands on for our wedding. He even kept track of our budget. It truly made it easy to let the little things go. I found myself being less picky, & very stress-free during our wedding planning
I feel like grooms should be involved in everything but the dress when it comes to weddings. If they arent putting in the work at the beginning of your marriage, are they worth marrying?
I feel like this take, while I was understand where you’re coming from, isn’t realistic. As a man myself, I think most grooms don’t really care about having a spectacular wedding. If it were up to me personally my perfect wedding would be a nice, cookout style wedding. No thrills, no bullshit, just s nice ceremony with fam and friends and good food. I could care less about all the minutia that comes with weddings that women seem to go crazy about. I think that’s where the bridezilla term comes about lol men don’t give a shit about 95% of the things that causes women to become bridezillas
@@wolffangfistii5285 That's the thing, most women have been conditioner and expected to have massive blowout weddings because of the media we consume. Personally I'd like a toned down wedding if I ever have one but I know I'll have some jackass whispering in my ear that it should be bigger if it's going to be perfect.
@@ashleightompkins3200 I feel you but I don’t see how that’s the groom’/men’s problem. All of this pressure is coming from other women
@@wolffangfistii5285 I never said it was the man’s problem. He just needs to be a grounding presence and you can’t do that if you’re not involved.
@@ashleightompkins3200 Well tell that jackass (respectfully, if it's a friend or family you don't want to hut or start smoke with) to go f*ck themselves, you want a lowkey wedding. I'm a dude and if I ever get married, I want something small and lowkey, fun and decorated somewhat, but nothing that needs anywhere close to ten or hundreds of thousands of dollars thrown into it, and I hope not to marry someone who does feel like that's necessary and not overly expensive, indulgent, and opulent for stuff we're only using for one day (and wasteful!).
i love the ending to this vid, about how we as a society should try to take the pressure off this one singular day! it does feel like in recent years weddings have escalated -- in price, in expectations, everything. maybe we as guests should be ok with 1) not being invited sometimes (especially to friends or family who're more distant and/or might be trying to cut down on cost) 2) weddings that aren't as fancy (i know sometimes people roll their eyes at events lacking an open bar, for example, but that's a major expense!!!). and we as people in relationships should be ok with considering smaller, less expensive weddings, whether that means cutting down the guest list, not having huge bachelor/ette celebrations before, etc.
it can be hard to change social trends, and sometimes risks people thinking negatively of us, but if it goes with our hopes and values, it's worth it. i like the focus this vid puts on the double standards and misogyny present in the "bridezilla" trope and our reaction to brides in real life. i also think as a queer person, having a big wedding was never really something i expected as a given for me; if i do find a partner with whom i want to celebrate our love and commitment, great! but i don't plan to spend tens of thousands of dollars on that when we could put that money towards travel or a home or whatever else is important to us. and i think maybe more cisgender heterosexual people could benefit from considering that possibility.
yeah, your parents or some friends or whoever might have thoughts on a smaller wedding. but it's your life -- not theirs.
Growing up I was like, “I am never gonna be a bridezilla”, I am going to be the sweetest bride. Had a wedding in 2022, and oh holy crap the drama, expectations and pressure nearly tipped me over the edge. I thought planning a wedding would be hard, but I never thought of the emotional toll. I became the receiving end of a beating stick from some key people in my life. I know not everyone’s story is like mine, but I can see it being common. Did I enjoy my wedding? Yes, I was voluntarily drunk. Was I tad angry inside deep deep down? Yep.
*As a millennial whose friends are mostly single I have never been to a wedding so all this shit is foreign to me.* 😂
Destination weddings can be particularly stressful. If you go that route, it’s better to do it in a place that’s easy for most guests to get to. I went to one last year that was just a train ride away, and the wedding party reserved a block of hotel rooms and transportation to the venue.
Or if the destination wedding, has a small guest list(just of a group of friends)
I've seen some people use the destination wedding to weed out some of the more undesirable guests
@@RoninRen I like that, too, when the guest list isn’t overly massive.
@@taerikee Ouch!, but effective.
I hate that we’ve demonized the bride for having expectations and standards for their wedding because at the end of the day, it is their wedding especially if she’s paying for it.
With that being said, I personally feel that you get to see true classism/ elitism throughout the whole wedding process.
Brides often forget that most people are not rich, so to expect all participating individuals to pay for bridesmaids dresses, destination weddings, bachelorette parties, etc. is not only rude, but inconsiderate and selfish .
Yes, it is your day and it is about you, but that’s no excuse to be rude, condescending and cruel to people because you happen not to get every single thing that u want .😒
I am soooo freaking SICK TO DEATH of the whole "It's all about the bride" narrative. It most certainly is not!!
I think the only reason it’s become like that is because men don’t think they’re meant to care so they don’t normally contribute as much. Not saying it’s right, just saying that’s why it happens.
Big Weddings are stupid beyond belief. Save your money and pay your student loans, or your medical debt, or start to buy a house, or go on a vacation. Do something that lasts beyond a day. The wedding industry capitalizes upon people’s insecurities about their relationships, and bodies, and whole lives. It’s exploitation and deeply unethical. Also this video is really heteronormative. What about queer marriages?
Exactly, wedding event is not really the most important thing
my now husband helped with our wedding planning to the point we kept getting comments of "well i didnt expect the husband to help out" That says alot.
Come on, we all know husband's get boxed out of planning. Literally 99% of guys have been bitched at for not helping, offer help, then are immediately overruled.
@@Aaron-kj8dv here is the thing. I married a guy who offered to help. I never had to force him to do anything. I've been in weddings where the groom bitched for having to help and when they offer they gave an attitude about it. That is why the fiance is usually upset because they cry when offering help or have an attitude about it. If you offer help and are genuine about it, you wont be bitched at. Also helping comes in different ways. Help with the household or cook while stuff is being done. That is what happened to us the week of when my projects were one person making phone calls.
@@Aaron-kj8dv99%? You are pulling that number from thin air lol
I love how these days especially since the pandemic people are valuing smaller more intimate weddings and even elopements because it takes the pressure off and it can then just be about you and your partner. Society created the Bridezilla by telling brides that weddings need to be these big grand affairs that need to be like the event of the year and stuff and like all the hype around like celeb and royal weddings it makes people think that they need all the pomp and ceremony but in all the bells and whistles that we have been brainwashed into thinking we need for a wedding we lose sight of the reasons why we are getting married in the first place. I feel we need to stop thinking about what others want at their weddings and what society is telling you a wedding should be and do your own thing. if all you wanna do is go down the court house and have it all over in a matter of minutes and then you and your new spouse go and get like Taco Bell or something straight after then you do you my friend. Make it about what means the most to you and your partner. And remember it's not about the day it is about the commitment you are making.
Thanks for this message.
This why I admire one of my couple friends. The two of them used to work for Cirque du Soleil, are dancers, and pretty kooky if that gives you an idea of how free-spirited and zany they are. xD But they decided for their engagement celebration, instead of just celebrating and then going into planning mode for the wedding, they decided to GET MARRIED AT THAT CELEBRATION DINNER. Yes, some of their close friends and family missed out if they couldn't make that particular dinner, but it became an incredible surprise for their loved ones and it made an ordinarily normal celebration even more magical. It was spontaneous and fun and everyone that attended had a unique memory. I became friends with them well after they had been married and had had a kid, but their wedding story always stuck out in my mind as one of the most different and stress free I've ever heard. Don't know if I will do this or a variation of it some day, but for those out there who might not feel confident in breaking tradition, just know it's totally okay and can be a refreshing surprise for everyone involved. ❤
Not to mention dealing with the fact that half of the wedding guests are going to be super sweet to their face during the ceremony and reception… before trashing them behind their backs afterwards
The bigger and flashier the wedding, statistically the more likely a divorce. More elopements per capita make it.
Good video! People who research, educate themselves, and cost compare before deciding to even have a wedding develop realistic expectations and are less likely to go over budget/have regrets. Also, people who act as partners, work as a team, and don't rely on rigid gender roles tend to enjoy their relationships more, even when engaging in multifaceted tasks like wedding planning. We research, educate ourselves, and cost compare before buying cars, renting apartments and going on big trips. Isn't it obvious to do the same before planning a major event? Budgetsavvy bride has a real weddings library that shows people how far $5,000 or $15,000 will get them. The wedding industry isn't out to trick people. We dupe ourselves when we don't do our due diligence before jumping into big things.
I wouldn’t care if my wedding’s not Instagrammy enough, all that matters is I marry that special someone.
To be honest I am having a hard time feeling a lot of empathy for people, not just women, who freak out over their wedding as described in this video. No one is forcing anyone to go into debt for a single day, to hire a wedding planner you cannot afford, to freak out over matching table decor or to invite and pay for meals for a 100+ people, most of which you don’t talk to on a regular basis. Like if you think your wedding needs to be insta-worthy while pleasing everyone and their mom at the same time go for it, but then don’t complain about it.
I got married with 10 guests, all of which are super close to us and we had a great day doing activities we can actually afford. No debt taken out. No pressure to get the perfect photos for our non-existing insta accounts either :).
Thank you. This is the first video of “The Take” I actually say through. This is SO MUCH FACTS.
I’m so happy that ‘27 Dresses’ is being referenced.
Wedding tax is there so the correct amount of attention, detail, and manpower is there to make the most important event of someone’s life run smoothly. Bakeries, for example, often need to invest in structural supports for the cake and expensive metallic glitter or edible flowers. It is absolutely legitimate in that case, not sure about others 😅
I have 2 sets of words to live by when it comes to weddings:
1) Uncommunicated expectations are resentments waiting to happen.
2) Would you be getting married if you couldn't post it on Instagram?
My brother had to take a huge loan in order to finance his wedding to my now sister-in-law, because of the constant new demands she and her family had towards him and the rest of my family. Things got so bad with the continous fights through the TWO YEAR LONG planning period, the engagement party, the party after the civil ceremony, henna night and the actual wedding itself (it really felt like we had 4 wedding parties, each with hundreds of guests), that my sisters and my brother ceased any form of contact since the wedding two years ago.
Yeah I don't know why this is downplaying how this makes some women uniquely evil.
Some stereotypes exist for a reason. They're not pulled out of thin air or have some grand conspiracy behind them.
@@Aaron-kj8dv I am all about dismantling stereotypes and YES some brides do have familial pressure and all of that, but what this woman and her family made my side go through was just insane. The worst part is, it was right during Covid and we have several family members who belong to risk groups (me included.) Sometimes you gotta name whats right in front of you.
Watching this video a week before I go to look for my wedding dress. Perfect timing! :P
I went alone to an outlet mall during a special offer thinking I would only check on a backup dress. (Was right after pandemic closures ended and everything was hard to get)
Bought my very comfortable dress at 200 dollars in time to make alterations to fit more my style. My ultra fancy "Say yes to the dress" style experience was awful but hilarious because I was not stressing about getting it anymore. I loved the backup dress way more than all the thousands of dollars ones. Enjoy your quest and don't let fancy store staff stress you.
@@marleneg.7128 Thank you so much!
My cousin was labelled one when she was the exact opposite. She wanted a vegetarian menu but her MIL argued so she compromised and did a buffet. No travel issues because their venue was right next to a train station. Sorted a cab for the older people to get from the ceremony venue to the reception one and didn’t get mad when I got lost in between and ended up late. Why was she labelled a bridezilla? She asked her MIL not to wear white so MIL wore a baby pink ball gown (way more formal than every one else’s outfit INCLUDING THE BRIDE) that showed up white in photos and got mildly upset that the one thing she didn’t want to compromise on got ignored.
I vividly remember my crying meltdown two days before my wedding because my mum saw the inside of our location a week before the wedding and decided it was unacceptable. The location was an absolute gorgeous art nouveau mansion, which was rented privately by the owners, which made it a lot cheaper than your average wedding location but also meant that we had to do the sitting and decoration by ourselves and my mum couldn't get over the fact that everything still looked so unfinished. She also found the inside of the mansion too dark and gloomy (yeah, that's what lighting is for). She tried to persuade me to find another location last minute, she even tried to persuade me to postpone the ceremony because, of course, everything else was booked up already. I'm pretty sure I lost some life years in those couple of days. In the end I put my foot down and had the wedding as planned and the place just looked gorgeous, exactly as I hoped it would be.
Just got married a couple of weeks ago. You nailed all the unspoken aspects of becoming a bridezilla in this video, thank you!
I remember hearing a commentary once that why most brides can be seen as "Bridezillas" is that historically it's been the only socially acceptable time a woman can be assertive and openly celebrate herself ("Her day") and condensing all of that into one day (plus financial debt and the chaos of managing multiple family and friends arrangements), it's no wonder people find it so easy to get stressed out over small details. You had one moment, and one moment only for perfection 😢
I'm hoping we can move away from this trend though where its less about the flex and more about the community and longterm health of relationships, as well as more fearless celebration of women outside the traditional milestones of marriage.
My husband and I had a small wedding and opted to spend most of the money on the honeymoon. All that stress never seemed worth it to me.
My weddings day was very happy. The day before i was very stressed out. Best friend fighting with my aunt about the decorations, food and everything else. I made most of the food myself. Crockpot beef roasts, my Step Dad smoked turkeys potato salad, rolls, chips, homemade mints and a smaller push in 2 tier cake. It was a sheet cake with a heart tier set on top. There were veggie and relish trays and 2 kinds of punch. Champagne punch and kids punch. It was a small WI country wedding we had the reception at the town hall. It kept costs low. We got married at Christmas time and i got the decorations the year before on after Xmas clearance. It was 2002, but even then the average wedding was $20,000. Including the rings and my dress it was under $2000. Not everyone's idea of a dream wedding it was more like a family Christmas party. We had real homemade food ane the punch was so good no one drank the beer. In Wisconsin. Amazing
One of my moms favorite shows was Up All Night starring Will Arnett and Christina Applegate they had a wedding episode that definitely defined what could turn a easy going woman into "Bridezilla" it was because all her and husbands friends and families were making this about themselves.
Grooms parents refused to come unless he wore a kilt to the wedding.
Brides friend announced she was pregnant at the dinner.
My brother had a small wedding because all their friends had big weddings they stressed 😩 over that they barely remembered.
We need more opportunities to wear ballgowns and party
Hey! Any tip on how to deal with copyright with these kind of analysis?
Wages never catch up to inflation. If wages are cause of inflation
I have noticed a trend with crazy huge weddings. The marriages aren't the focus and they don't tend to last. A friend spent $35k on a wedding and was separated and getting divorced a year later. If you really care about the wedding to the point that you make it the entire focus of your life it's a recipe for disaster.
I got married twice. I was still sewing my dress on the day of the wedding both times. I didn't plan or organize either reception. Mom threw me my first, my BIL threw my second. I had less than 30 guests both times. I had unexpected guests show up in the middle of the ceremony both times. I did not stress, I did not spend a ton of money, and I've had two good marriages. I'm still great friends with my ex, and nearly 16 years still happy with my second husband.
A better way to sun it up could be that societally, we place the focus on the wrong things. An Instagram perfect life is an unfulfilling life most of the time.
You didn't go as into depth as you could have on the groom not only not being expected to help, but his help being belittled by the other people involved like the bride's friends, family, and even his own family. Men are told by society that they don't get to have opinions and dreams for their own perfect wedding. This just adds to the stress and pressure the bride and the couple will have.
Speaking of Monica and Phoebe, I'm reminded of the episode in Girlfriends where Maya was planning her wedding and Joan was putting in her 2, 5, and 10 cents. She was planning the wedding of HER dreams and not considering the kind of person Maya was. Joan is boujie and uppity and Maya is "that girl from 'round the way". A wedding set in an apartment with laughable bridesmaids dresses put a huge smile on Maya's face, but Joan desperately wanted to call the whole affair ghetto.
Fabulous take on what has been happening which maybe you don't know... with fun and laughs to soften the blow.. Bridezilla we love you!
Team elopement 😅
The perfect wedding for me would be: just me and my partner, taking a nice wedding photo, sending it to all my friends and family.
My two cents - have a small wedding. Somebody will probably still manage to piss you off but there is less of them to handle and you will have time for each other with the person you are marrying - to tackle issues together and most importantly - to enjoy. Whoever wants to make your wedding about themselves need not be invited. OK, it may cost you some (self-important) people but it sure will cost you less money and stress.
I refuse to have a big wedding just to show off to people how rich I am, hiding that I had to get into debt for it. It’s so silly. The only thing I want is a really pretty dress and a simple ceremony with at most 10 people
How about the Orphan Trope for a future video? Or Rags to Riches?
Invitations, flowers, veils, cake, catering , bridesmaids dresses, table settings , table seating, seating assignments - planning a wedding is making a thousand decisions, so who can blame you for having a meltdown on that 1,001st on the font on invitations?
I just see a lot of parallels with motherhood. After dad gets his happy ending being pregnant, giving birth and raising the kids (especially when they're young), and suddenly all of the housework, also land with the woman. Why are men constantly set to participate so little. And why do women have to do everything stressful.
This video misrepresented the term. A stressed out anxious woman is not the same as bridezilla.
This video is from the point of view that women bear no responsibility for their expectation that they must have a certain kind of wedding no matter the costs, which is not how it is. Being a bridezilla is a choice.
I'm getting married in 2 months. I feel this so hard 🙃🙃🙃
I hope if i have a daughter that i instill the idea that marriage is about your relationship after the wedding whereas the wedding is just a day where we all eat too much, dance too much and celebrate together, and that can happen even in our own backyard (even better so we can all drink and not worry about getting home). Blow some money on a nice dress and a photographer (but dont go broke), keep it to the people you actually give a shit about. Blare some music from a spotify playlist and just enjoy the day.
In my religion we get married in a temple then we had the reception in the cultural hall of my church which cost us nothing! We did pay for decorations for the reception though
Way too much investment in weddings and not enough engagement in marriage itself.
What about paying the bills
Simple solution: a private wedding - the couple, the officiant, and witnesses that the couple ACTUALLY want to be there (for our case, the grand total comes out to 10 people, us included). Go nuts on the photography and videography (because you'll want to keep the memories, and also, movie magic and post-processing can do wonders for the final product) but keep the rest simple. Invite only those who truly matter; those who don't have to be forced to not be judgy or difficult and those that genuinely have your best interest at heart.
I firmly believe that most elements of weddings are just there for showing off. The most secure, long-lasting couples I know are the ones with simple weddings, and I cannot wait to join their ranks 💍
Or, maybe, shockingly, a wedding doesn't need to be difficult or expensive. You take charge and involve your partner. And if people aren't happy with things (oh no! you're a horrible person cause you aren't being religious for them when you're not religious or you won't offer hundreds of vegan options for the 1 vegan person out of hundreds of people) then tough; they either come or they don't. It's your day and you are supposed to take charge. As someone helping to plan my sister's wedding, I learned this lesson the hard way. I never got a wedding cause I felt into believing I needed to let everyone make my decisions for me, so instead my husband and I married at the courthouse and our money went towards a house instead. Now I try to help others because it shouldn't be difficult and it DOES NOT need to be expensive. It's supposed to celebrate your new marriage, not break the bank and strain the marriage.
I don't feel that Monica was wrong for wanting that crazy wedding and I'm from the UK where it comes on everyday for 9hrs
What about the better call Saul wedding
You know, sometimes people are labeled accordingly...
9:55 HAHA love Plannerzilla
Let’s get real. She’s hungry.
There's nuance here. On one hand, women are pressured and taught their value is as a wife and object of beauty and thus obsess over And women with standards and who are assertive can be mislabeled as mean or divas. The wedding industry and social standards cultivate stress and pressure.
But some brides might genuinely just be toxic. The act of competing with other women, like in Bride Wars, is horrifying and often a problem IRL. I don't condone the way either woman treated the others - or their fiancées. Some of the bridezilla horror stories I've heard are just indefensible. I won't pretend someone isn't a bad person when they act like one. Sometimes women just behave badly, and DO act entitled just like everyone else.
My aunts wedding was only $500
It's a real shame they didn't include any clips of Rachel the Bridezilla from Sonic the Hedgehog 2.
4:53 Fierce organising skills btw
I’d hazard a guess and say.. Weddings?
I don't want to have to hire a lawyer if I wanna break up with someone. Just don't get married!
Although I agree with the fact that all of the pressure for a wedding is put on the bride and never the groom, if you are ok with your loved one letting you carry every single detail of an event like that, that will tell you everything you need to know about your future marriage. Also, let's acknowledge the fact that weddings and gender reveal partys are an excuse to show off your financial wellbeing. No one needs 150 people at a party to be happy... Of course you have every right to do whatever you want with your time and money but don't tell me that I should condone bad behavior because someone is stressed. If you treat staff, vendors or loved ones like crap because you're stressed about a situation that you put yourself into, then go to therapy, meditate or exercise, don't put your crap on everyone else.
Doesn't roofing and plumbing count as house work
Weddings for love being deemed the brides' big day is just another societal act of putting women who follow society's expectations based on who and whay they believe women should be like on a pedestal. Sometimes I'm not sure if one's Bridezilla-ness comes from desperately trying to live up to their own or their demanding family-members' unbelievably high expectations. Why do we still need these overly luxurious weddings these days anyway? It seems more like the only women who still fantasize about getting married are those who've never grown out of their princess-phase. Just screw the wedding-industry. No one deserves to have that large amount of stress put on their shoulders abd then have other people pity them for not carrying them without any complaint.
I'm an officiant mostly serving small skill customers
Random fun fact: vecna in Serbian means loaf of bread
Holy crap, never spend that kind of money on one day. Get a good photographer because the pictures are what lasts. The rest isn't important. I've been married for six years and I have long forgotten about any centerpieces or really what we ate for dinner. It doesn't matter.
6:30 Court Marriage is best. It’s very customisable.
I rather like the Asian style of weddings . In India , everyone is involved with the wedding process , both the groom's and the bride's relative . The main couple themselves too participate in the organization but at least the entire clan gets to be 'zillas' together 😅.
To be a little bit offensive , I hate how the bride has to do everything and the groom only has to mope about not being single anymore . I really hope things have changed a little now because it's sad hearing so many bridezilla stories.
I can't relate to any of it xD strange world people chose to live in
Discuss the spider verse
Charly!!! 🖤🖤🖤🖤
Shepherd's Chapel Network !!!!!!! Do you have the Gift / Spiritual Discernment ???????
Men also like to keep things simple. We don't mind just going to City Hall or a Chapel in Vegas, but women do. Men don't dream of having a "Wedding", women do that; it seems that that the more important then the acutal marriage. Men want to have a wife and children, men care very little how we get married. And why would you like to start your marriage arguing over matters, in any other context, are insignificant?
I agree with your post, but I'd only add that not every guy wants children, nor do they all marry women. Apologies for being pedantic but we are queer friendly and respectful of people's choices in this community and I try to combat heteronormativity. If that makes me an annoying pedant sometimes so be it.
First, weddings are not about the couple, they are about the families and continuation of community, just like funerals are not about the departed. Second, these are mainly upper-class or upper-class aspirational issues. Third, these are new post-WWII issues. My grandmother and grandfather were basically wearing their Sunday's best in a modest church ceremony that would look pretty much like any Sunday church picknick with slightly different ritual protocols.
Y'all been sold a bill of nonsense and only pressure to conform without thinking makes this nightmare persist.
Is this a thing? Trying to empathize with the stress level of someone making excessive and expensive decisions?
It's better to go get your degree than get married, at least your degree won't divorce you