Can Our Marriage Survive His Lies?
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- čas přidán 5. 09. 2024
- On today’s episode, we hear about:
- A couple struggling with trust in their relationship
- A woman navigating living in a multi-family household
- A man grieving the loss of his wife and father
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“I don’t feel safe telling her” = she will be upset and I don’t want to deal with that.
The intimacy is shot in that marriage. Without him wanting to do any self-work or put in effort to the marriage, Melissa will feel more and more dead inside unless she leaves now.
The “I don’t feel safe” is so pathetic. I have an ex who is a lot like this Steve character. “I don’t feel safe” is just another gaslighting tactic. It’s saying “you’re so scary and unhinged that I can’t tell you the truth because you’ll hurt me (physically, emotionally, etc)”
“I don’t feel safe” is just a buzz phrase he picked up in order to absolve him from any responsibility
Lies to avoid the truth
Boom! Yep!
"I'm not playing the victim" could possibly be one of the biggest lies Steve has ever told.
My father is a compulsive liar and its essentially ruined my parent's marriage and has left me and my siblings with so much trust issues. There can be no love if there is no trust.
Yep, my father was the same. I learned two years ago, just before our 23rd anniversary I learned that my husband is the same.
@@sarahalderman3126I hope that there are no kids involved. Good luck with a clean clear future .
Trust and respect are the foundations of any relationship
Agreed. I find my own feelings for others that have lied to me go down. My first husband lied…he couldn’t help himself (I finally decided because it was constantly & even after apologizing nothing changed). My love went down…same with friends & anyone who lies…for me honesty is about just acting and living as an adult. It needs (apparently) to be learned behavior….at least for some. 😢 Why lie ? I don’t get it. Don’t do what’s going to make you lie in the first place…or adult up.
@@ziggy33399Completely agree 💯My trust and respect goes out the window when I find out someone has lied to me, especially when it is over something stupid. If I can’t trust you, it just won’t work.
“The gaslighting is so bright that it’s hard to see, it’s blinding “
I was literally just writing the same thing as you and saw that you already wrote it. lol 💯 true!!!!
The first caller is a prime example of the saying, "some people can't be helped"!! He will continue to blame the entire world for his problems and issues for the rest of his life. I feel bad for his wife and unfortunately she needs to walk away from this marriage.
Those overbearing women in his life were just trying to hold him accountable
I think he may have a personality disorder. Maybe covert narcissist? It fits with the gaslighting, manipulation, love bombing, lies, blaming. . .
@@Mrs.TJTaylorDr. J even offered that as a possibility, otherwise its extreme immaturity.
Melissa, I’m all about reconciliation but Steve isn’t going to change. Even Dr. John gave up on him in the end. There is just no hope for this dude. It’s time for divorce sweetheart. I’m sorry but you deserve so much better and you have an army behind you walking with you! ❤
Yeah, at the end as Steve was saying he didn't feel safe to tell the truth, the tone he said it in implied he was blaming her for his lying and dishonesty. It sounds like his value around integrity and honesty is near the bottom of his values list. For me, when I was in a relationship with someone who felt justified in lying and controlling when he felt pressure or a need, left no room for trust or connection. They love to put the responsibility on those around them and it was too much weight for me to bear. I hope you find what you genuinely need outside of the guilt and shame he puts on you to stay with him. It's was not worth it for me to stay those extra years only to be abused. At the end, I found out he was telling the people around me that I was doing everything he had been doing....they let me know because they realized he had no respect for me at all. That type of betrayal is deep and not worth a repeat.
The ppl whonwatch this show will continue to live unsuccessful lives cuz this guy just absolves u of Ll ur short comings by passing it on too the man but if ur judt gonna blame the man for everything that goes wrong in ur relationship than the same will continue to happen if this guy actually gave useful advice he'd be telling women to make better choices and look at character of som1 first alot of women date men who are disrespectful to others cuz they find it attractive which is odd so wat makes u think theese guys will be better to you? This happens as a result of womens poor choices
Steve: I disagree
smh
@@antmanselectorLearn to put down your own biases and listen. Or continue with your own successful podcast.
@@antmanselectorK
"I'm a naturalist" is code for "I'm too lazy to mow the yard"
💀 I thought the same thing!
😂😂😂
Totally agree! I thought the same thing when I heard him say that.
You don’t have to mow and keep up 4 acres…
@PlumPerfect I have twice that amount of acreage...and if you want it to look good, yes, you do lol. But, if you're a "naturalist", you can have a crappy looking overgrown property. Whatever floats your boat
Steve is so unbelievably frustrating to listen to.
Melissa is an incredibly patient woman 🤦♀️
@@Mysterious_Moon The way he kept deflecting blame and everything Dr. John was asking him is unreal. I think he's beyond help. He certainly has no business being married to anyone.
that was rough, was tired of hearing him
EXACTLY!!
@@mistermanmanno business in a relationship if any kind with anyone… not one person can trust him
Listening to this is exhausting.
Lol right and then you remember that you don't have to solve his problems and breath a sigh of relief.
Exactly!!,,
You know it’s bad when the great and wonderful Dr. John gives up! 😅
Now we know how she feels.😢
@@flashthecorgi2053 John did him a big favor by saying he couldn't help him.
Melissa, RUN AWAY! This guy is super manipulative even on this show.
What are you talking about? Seems to me the only reason he lies is so his manipulating wife doesn't loose her sh!t
Yes!
For sure.
He clearly doesn’t want to be in the relationship but is too much of a coward to let go. It’s sad because I’ve been that guy. I feel horrible for Melissa and know she needs to walk away ASAP.
Lucky for me I learned my lesson when that relationship ended and resolved myself to not lie about things no matter how minor they are.
People who don't go through what this man did won't understand. Especially because it's a guy even Dr. Edward is moxking him. Truly sad
Steve is an overgrown child. Wants to have zero accountability & do what he wants when he wants, regardless of what anyone else needs/loves. He’ll never have an adult relationship until he works on his emotional maturity.
Yes but i hate that he is hurting and gaslighting person that loved him the most
But he would probably always be victim in his own eyes
First guy sounds like he's neurodivergent. or undiagnosed adhd.
@@SLily-rb6jisay what ….. not even close 😂 I’m autistic and adhd and I am NOT A PATHOLOGICAL LIAR
In fact I know many many neurodivergent people and we are not pathological liars as part of our condition 😮😮
If anything we are the opposite - we have no filter and tell the truth even to strangers when it’s not asked for or needed
Anyway … pathological lying is actually linked to personality disorders - like bpd , narcissistic or antisocial branch of mental health
Aka cluster B disorder…..
Do not spread misinformation about neurodivergent people … that’s not cool - do research before you say such crazy things 🎉
It’s why he is on his third marriage
He is classic child sexual abuse victim
I've dealt with people like Steve. He isn't going to change. He's a compulsive liar and has the mentality of a 13 year old. "That's not fair. It's not my fault. You don't let me. I don't feel safe. You're wrong." and on and on. I'm not a fan of divorce whatsoever, but this is one of those situations where it's completely warranted. Run. Away
Melissa. Please.
He’s one of the most sociopathic men I’ve heard in a while.
@@hillarybillary21 He has all the things that people work their whole lives just for a _chance_ to have. He's a loser. Plain and simple.
That’s disparaging to 13-year-olds! He’s more like an eight-year-old
@@karenbecker7803 Yeah my bad. Teenagers take more responsibility than him.
You can’t believe a word that comes out of Steve’s mouth. He’s actually really skilled at manipulating people. He knows exactly what he’s doing. And he’s calling and and throwing out comments of “maybe I’m not the right person for her” to make her feel bad and guilt her into staying. He knows. He knows.
Yes, even that “then maybe I’m not good enough,” is a manipulation, staged for when the other manipulations don’t work.
I agree. The gaslighting is disgusting & not acceptable.
Run, Melissa, RUN! Lying, blame shifting, gaslighting. You deserve so much better. He will not and does not want to change. GO!!
I almost couldn’t finish listening to this episode, until John called the husband an “immature baby”. Married Couples, especially women, are attached to the “tender romance” I.e., “sex”, aspect of a relationship. Marriage isn’t dating. His lying about money expenditures is serious. We like to think our relationships are fine as long as there’s no romantic cheating, but there are other deceptions that are betrayal and it’s a slippery slope.
So agree with you. There is also zero chance that the only lies he's told are the ones he's been caught in, for those who need bigger offences to walk away. Who knows what else he's done. He's a liar.
Oof, the money lying and other little things is almost always a precursor to cheating too. Yikes.
@@blueseptember2174 please show some evidence to that wild assertion.
Steve seems what we call blue bird or Peter Pan, no responsibilities, no commitment (how did you end up martied??) If you Melissa can accept lies, great lover but the rest of the life, house, money, time will be on your head, which means actually you beeing alone, yes prolongue it.
I SOOO hope Melissa reads these comments…. Ma’am, I’ve been there. I stayed there for YEARS. I stayed because of everything I had to hold onto in it. This man is beyond even how far gone my man was. This WILL NOT CHANGE. You have to leave. So happy for you that you set boundaries in the past. I hope you do that now, permanently.
Same. Melissa, please leave. He will never change.
Gets caught lying and turns it into "feel bad for me, it's your fault." I fell for this too, I thought I could help build him up. There was nothing left of me at the end. Absolute nightmare.
@@paige8991 same here, it took everything. You and I had to rebuild from the ground up, while they just go about their lives taking others down. So unjust. But I’m glad we are out! 💛
Steve is a sociopath; Melissa needs to run as far away as she can.
Wow Dr... Thanks for that quick diagnosis.
Exactly.
@@randybobandy9828 so apparently you are too
@@Hokieredneck wow you are a pro at diagnosis.. you can diagnose someone based on them commenting on your ability to diagnose someone 😂 I bet your ex was a narcissist, right?
Run Melissa! Don't stay for good sex. He is hiding something...who knows if it's sexual addiction , he's gay , maybe he is truly lazy or stupid or wants a divorce. Either way girl, if you stay don't complain!
This guy reminds me of my ex. Wouldn’t never in 100 years admit to obvious lies or take much accountability. The ego is very powerful.
John called him out on everything he didn’t want to hear !!! Too bad only hurting himself in the end
My god that first call was exhausting. I see why some therapists refuse to counsel couples 😂
This guys is so maddening to hear. There is no way he will ever accept accountability for his life. He’s a real life Eeyore and unfortunately it sounds like he will never show up for Melissa.
When I heard he was on his 3rd marriage and STILL doing bad things, I lost hope. Lol
An insult to Eeyore … and yes he is completely maddening. I’ve never seen it ti this level.
Dr.J called him out perfectly and he doesn’t care. He’s a child. I’m all for trying to make stuff work but this dude doesn’t care. Life’s too short for this. Don’t look back later in life and realize you wasted it with someone who doesn’t care about you.
And who is incapable of caring for anyone at all.
Almost seems like he delights in frustrating those innocents around him, those who try to work with him in fairness. He's gloating the entire time. Getting immense pleasure from his malice.
Lying is my BIG NO NO. The moment I suspect someone is lying to me they go on my "watch list" and if I catch them doing it again, I am GONE. Liars cannot be trusted. Why expose yourself to that?
1000%
Love that boundary. The watch list 👀 ✍🏻 📝
That man refuses to take accountability, and he is always playing victim. He only blamed her for things he's doing to ruin their marriage.
This has to be one of the most maddening, hopeless and heartbreaking conversation I’ve heard in a while. I hope Melissa loves and respects herself enough to NOT give this undeserving, untrustworthy man child another minute of her precious life. RUN, don’t walk.
I was married to someone like the first caller for 10 years. Finally got sick of always pulling him along, of begging for help with kids and household. We’ve all got trauma or issues to deal with, but this level of selfishness is not conducive to a healthy relationship.
I’m now married to a man who is always ready to help support me and our household in whatever ways he can. Doing things that need done even without being asked.
There are people out there that will be a good partner. I hope she realizes she doesn’t need to keep banging her head on the wall.
The first guy sounds like a petulant child.
Best description. God, I can't imagine being with this nutcase for more than a month 😐
I remember Steve's original call. He wasn't asking for help then and he's not asking for help now. Good on Dr. John for calling him out. Melissa needs to run away and find someone who can actually love her.
I've forgotten his original call. Do you remember the name of the episode he was in?
@@theshunnedBandersnatch So I mixed this call up with a different call, my bad. I guess I don't remember it after all😂
@@antonioiniguez1615 Lmao no worries!
@@antonioiniguez1615 Just saw that someone else found his original episode! It's called My Third Marriage is on the Rocks (Can it be Saved?) from 31 January 2024.
I'm glad I came across this. My partner of 21yrs lies constantly, I didn't pick up on it for years bc I didn't think anyone would lie over the silliest, stupidest stuff. The stuff there's no need to lie over. I've lost respect & don't know if I can get it back. I'm extremely resentful atm!
Sorry he is that way..my ex husband was that way..we were only married s little over 4 years when I left him and filled for divorce
Wow!! That was me too!
Seek counseling first. If he's not willing to enter into healing with you, then there might be more drastic steps to take. Honesty is a cornerstone of any relationship. I'll be praying for you.
The only thing worse than 21 years of constant MANIPULATIONS…is 23,30, 40…
A simple lie is NO such thing! It’s a simple manipulation.
@@megalopolis2015HE needs counseling but she needs to get out.
Steve, this is about shame. The fact that you are “free flowing” is a lack of choosing a path because you may not feel capable or worthy. Lying is easier than telling the truth because it delays the shame and feeling inadequate. Your self worth is fragile. Any request feels like judging you. Being honest places you in the place of judgment. Shame is a powerful factor. I hold you in my thoughts. Know you can overcome this. It’s easier on the other side and you will be stronger.
Aaaaaand. She should not wait around cause that will just make it worse for her. But also for him!
I pray that he reads this and stops running.
Top comment
Wow. Great comment. In my mind, I just threw him out with the trash. Now I feel I need to think a little harder on the subject. But I do think Melissa needs to leave him and get on with her life. She thought she was marrying a man, but ended up adopting a child. That’s a deal breaker. Null and void.
Beautiful insight ❤ thank you for sharing
Steve is cheating as well as lying. I heard both calls . He is lying what a cry baby. She needs to kick him out he needs to go .
With a control freak like that… anyone cheats!
@Trackpad12 cheating is a choice unless it is a rape... period. If you don't want to be monogamous with your spouse then get out of the marriage, first.
@robinragan1702 even rape is often used as an excuse to hide cheating innocent men were jailed for years cuz of it especially blk men
Bingo!!!!
@@Trackpad12is this Steve? 😂
First caller is a textbook covert narcissist. Married to one for 36 lonely, maddening yrs and finally waking up in the last 6 yrs. Working on my codependent issues and reasons for ever being in such an unhealthy relationship but there is no help for him. He and this caller will never admit to anything and don’t want help. They only want someone to use, abuse and lie to. The moment you ask for any reciprocity in accountability, responsibility or emotional connection, they will turn on you and make you the enemy. You will never win or receive anything remotely close to a healthy marriage with this child you married Melissa. Don’t wait as long as I did before leaving. Work on yourself so you don’t repeat this cycle. Read some good books about “covert” narcissism, as they are a different breed from the grandiose type. Make a plan, then cut him loose. It actually made me sick to listen to this guy and his self-centered mindset and victim responses but it also reminded me why I must continue working on freeing myself from such a dysfunctional nightmare. Best of luck Melissa!❤
Agreed. My ex was like this, then I realized I had picked him because he was like my dad. The bad thing is I didn't realize my dad was an issue until my mom died...Then it all fell together ...All the weird past stories clicked.
This guy is like my dad. My dad blamed my mom for his choices/ behavior as if I hadn't grown up seeing the truth. My dad plays the same games. It's all a lie.
Yep, two minutes into the call, I was like “ this guy is describing covert narcissism. Never being satisfied, pathological lying, low grade depression, blaming everyone else for his maladaptive behaviors, gaslighting, and, not being self aware … that’s the hardest thing and probably why the wife stays. I don’t think he knows what is wrong with him either. It is not an excuse. It’s just really difficult when you’re dealing with somebody with such low EQ.
First story: It’s like she’s married to a toddler. He has some serious trauma going on.
She has some stuff too in which she lacks self esteem and boundaries and maybe a fear of being alone.
PERFECT STORM ⛈️
Great analysis 👏👏👏
And I bet that trauma was 'my mom told me to put my socks away waaaahhhhh'.
Spot on!... I think she needs counselling to pull away and needs to kick the sociopath out
@@Mysterious_Moon Thank you
If a man cannot be accountable he is not husband material and needs to be abstinent. Nothing wrong with being single. Gotta know your limits. Dont take people down with you if youre not willing to heal.
What a jerk! Poor baby! Such a victim!
Melissa, best wishes for you! You’ll find true love and companionship with a partner that respects and cherishes you !
No trust, no love, no win, leave
Am i the only one who doesn't believe Steve when he says he only lies about little stuff? This guy is hiding something big...
yea no way in hell. he doesn’t even own his actual lies so why should we believe him about what he lies on💀
He actually blamed everything on everyone and then was insulted when he said he’s playing the victim. Hahaha.
My ex used to lie about the most dumbest things, he felt "ganged up on" if I needed something done around the house. He would lie to people right in front of my face and then when I would question him, he would say that he did it to shut them up. He had mommy issues. I truly felt like deep down, he actually hates women. My husband was keeping a secret from SO MANY people. I don't know if he is still keeping it, but it is not my place to Speak on it. Everyone who knows him only sees the fake him, not the real him. And I am just glad that God freed me from that. I think this guy is a narcissist, cuz he bad mouths his wife to others...and my husband, come to find out after we officially separated, was bad mouthing ME. And, I don't even DO ANYTHING that should be of concern....WOW!
First caller believes the lies he tells himself. He’s careful with what he says on the call, because he’s casually formulating his lies. He’s pulling out of this relationship because he doesn’t want to change or try to fix it. He volunteers his “truth” about hunting/fishing thing but it’s a cover up to appear honest. Idk why he called in the first place. It’s sad, really.
I hope he gets help. RUN MELISSA
No one can ever be happy with a liar.
Goodness, I've listened to this call 6 times so far, it is so similar to my own situation/husband. I cannot believe that I have enabled this sort of behavior all this time. I can barely believe this, I don't know how I did not put this together. No wonder I have felt so alone all this time. I was.
This man is so much like my husband of 23 years. It's sickening to hear. The lack of safety and security that I have always struggled with were always real, he isn't there for me, he never was. Just like this dud. He doesn't "stress about it" because he doesn't love her, or anyone else, just himself.
@@sarahalderman3126Your feelings are completely understandable with that behaviour! I am also struggling with the fact a partner didn’t care about past trauma when it comes to sexual things I found triggering, but the fact your family members are involved in the fantasy is really disturbing
Honey, he does not even love himself.
@@sarahalderman3126That man needs to go to jail if he has child porn.
@@SobrietyandSolacethank you, yes I agree it is incredibly disturbing. It is so difficult for me to think about due to my trauma past. Especially things of a sexual nature that relate to pornography and older men/younger woman/girls. I knew it triggered me, he knew it triggered me, and why. None of it was a secret, I disclosed everything early on. But because I knew that my feelings regarding this were a trauma response, I ended up ignoring so many signs and symptoms, writing them off as paranoia and anxiety. I ignored them all, worked through my anxiety with my counselor and friends. Only to discover after 23 years that my instincts had been correct all along! I can not even describe the horror I feel now. I did not listen to myself! I feel as though I have betrayed myself all this time. Idk it's just hard❤ I wish that I had listened to myself... I am so glad that you are! Don't disregard your own feelings, I believe that my anxiety was my warning, and I ignored them all. Please don't do the same❤
@@blueseptember2174you are probably correct.😓
I have found the FIRST call with Steve if anybody wants to watch. Title is My third marriage is on the rocks (Can it be saved?) Jan 31st, 2024!
I didn't know that I could feel that much disappointment in somebody I don't even know.
Melissa please save yourself. I've been in similar relationship. After 4 years, i could not recognize myself, i was somebody else, not myself. I developed so many health issues. When we feel uncertain in a relationship, over body starts to react to it by making us sick. Just please be careful.
RE: Steve & Melissa - yeah, not optimistic. When one party isn't willing to go all in, I don't see a pathway to success. This is sheer misery.
This man is soooo immature. This woman should run. He doesn’t want to take any responsibility and just play victim. Men like this don’t change until they are super old (if ever).
The first man deserves to be alone the rest of his life. He is not putting in any effort at all in the marriage. He doesn’t know what making compromises and loving someone means. Yikes
“I’m not choosing to be a child”. The way he is CHOOSING to respond to her request is absolutely how children react. I know because I have six of them!! 😂😂😂
Last caller really hit home for me. I lost my best friend 6 years ago she was only 30. They were my son's Godparents. He was left with 4 kids (1 was his before marriage 2 were hers before marriage, and 1 was theirs). When the kids are involved in your decisions with the in laws it's difficult to know what to do if there isnt a life insurance policy & will. Everyone thinks they know what the departed wanted especially when they helped pay for a funeral. I cleaned the mattress my best friend died in because he refused to throw it away, I washed the covers because he took them out of the trash can and slept with them for a year. Really wait for a while before you make a big decision there's no time frame. And don't let anyone push you into a new relationship until you're ready. You may lose friendships my son's God father couldn't stay in our lives after 20 years of friendship because we were a reminder of our precious Nic. I miss my god kids every day
I had a partner. That chose to run from every relationship.. because he didn't want to face the things he needed to change and step up and get the help he needed to make our relationship work.
He refused help until it came to us still working in our business.. THEN he seeked outside help. Too late.
It's easier to run than work on himself.
This was really hard to listen to for me. This is my ex-husband 100%...no accountability, guilt trips, manipulation, gaslighting.
WOW! I listen to a LOT of online stories. This takes the cake. Pure definition of "King Baby"!!!!!!
I just don’t think the first guy wants to stay in the marriage anymore tbh
He should stay single.
Melissa, i hope you have left him.
He will NEVER change, i got tired just listening and can’t imagine living like this.
All the best to you 🫶🏻🫶🏻
I’m so sad Cam’s beautiful and tragic story of coping with his father’s passing and then his wife’s passing so soon after got overshadowed by how downright silly and immature that first guy was being. You talked to Cam so beautifully Dr. John and to Cam, you sound like such a wonderful person and an amazing man, husband, and son. I hope you find peace and happiness in the midst of this turmoil and realize that even though the world will try to turn your wife into numbers and finances and a ghost that her and her light will always live on in you, and now in us the listeners as well. Rest in peace to Earl and Alice.
On first call..the lying, gaslighting and excuses...ugh...reminds me of my narcissist ex. Those few moments of married bliss is just his love bombing when he gets his way. His wife needs to toss him to the curb and find someone who'll appreciate her love and support. It's clear he doesn't. Hugs to the wife.
He needs to live by himself for a period of time or permanently. All of his lies are about escaping relationship.
The sooner he realizes, marriage is not for him, the better.
Agree, but he'll probably turn into one of those MGTOW guys and blame it on all the women in his life.
This couple just needs to part ways. They are on opposite ends to the extreme. No one wants to be with a liar - full stop
I divorced my lier.. everything he said was pretty much a lie
My husband had the same issue. He grew up in the family where his parents were control freaks. He consistently had to lie to get away with simple things like go out, have fun with the friends, and so on. Listening to him, it was a complete torture for a teenager and then a young man.
He then brought it in our relationship. I completely understand Melissa. Looking over your shoulder constantly, something is gonna happen on a daily basis, it is exhausting.
If she's ready to spend another 20 years to change him and come to a realization, people dont change, go for it.
Makes one wonder, though, how much of what he said about his parents was actually true?
He is very Passive Aggressive! He sets her up to fail! He wants her to be passive also and ask nothing from him, to have no expectations of him!
He purposely chose her to mother him, then holds her responsible!
I believe he has a Personality Disorder! He needs a knowledgeable Psychologist! The Regular Therapists aren’t trained to work with people that have a serious Personality Disorders!
He doesn't want a partner, he wants a mother, maid etc without reciprocating in any way. Was he really surrounded by domieering women as a kid or was he just a kid that didn't like listening to or taking direction from women and still doesn't? He sounds like one of those guys who says "this is how/who i am though so deal with it. I'm not interested in growing". He just sounds lazy, manipulative and immature.
This is what I thought? Was he really controlled to the point of abuse, or is he upset that women raised him and didn't let him get away with bullsh*t?
Bingo
Agree!!
the man literally saying he wants to leave at 16:13 - believe him
Some people cannot be helped unless they can reflect and see that they are a part of the problem.
This is for the gentleman who lost his wife and dad. My love and prayers are going out to you. There is no limit as to how long you grief for your loved ones. Our Heavenly Father is with you. May he wrap his loving arms around you and guide you to the next step in life. God bless always 🙏
Some people are programmed to destroy in order to feel powerful, because they are weak, unhappy individuals. He's got three failed marriages and still sulks like a teenager, it's obviously not commitment and responsibility he's after. He goes from saying he wants her to move on to someone else to saying (unconvincingly) he loves her a minute later. It's all about him. 'She wanted to get back together', not we. He'll be all sweet and soft when she says she's leaving, she'll then agree to stay, he'll then start over again although this time he'll have even less respect for her so he'll be even worse, but his weak ego will feel empowered by his ability to wear her down and manipulate her. Some people should never be in relationships.
Compulsive liars never change. I lived with a father like that for 27 years of the 32 years of my life. Shortly put, my mother now deals with Stage IV cancer due to the many years under his gaslighting, unfaithfulness, and dishonesty. Please don’t feel bad for abusive people or dishonest people and end the relationship. You only live once and you need to be happy for yourselves.
If gaslighting was a person and he is clueless. Melissa you deserve so much better.
This guy STEVE reminds me the father of my daughter. My ex husband. He was soooooooooooooo immature. Its pointless. Until today he continue the same way. My daughter who she is 19 more mature then her Dad.
Melissa GIRL RUN!!!
He does behave like a brat. The pure definition of a brat. His wife is supportive, and he bad mouths her, spreads gossip....lies. then makes excuses. He's like a bratty tween.
I really hope melissa plays this back. She was the only one looking to fight for this marriage. His answers were very telling, and his behaviour was even more so. Melissa deserves someone who is prepared to fight to be in her life.
Melissa, RUN. My ex was like that and he was mostly very passive and just sad, not aggressive at all. When I tried to gently bring a lie up he made things went very hostile very quick and it totally surprised me. Like a landmine. There is something deeply wrong with pathological liars and you deserve to live in the truth. You deserve to know that you know that you know what's happening, what is true, what is solid and actually real. After I broke up with lying ex I didn't just waste 3 years of my life. I wasted 3 years of everything I ever experienced because I didn't know if any of it was true at all. There is a black void in my history where my ex was. Not even nice memories, neutral memories or bad ones. Just void because I still don't know what was actually true.
I was waiting for Deloney to ask him why he feels the need to be married. Why does he keep getting married?
The first callers first reaction to anything that makes him uncomfortable is NO no no. I can’t guarantee there is something deep down that he doesn’t want to tell any living soul. You get that deep in denial without something to be ashamed of
This guy shuts down so quick. Even with Dr. John who always gives people the benefit of the doubt. He may be too far gone but I hope he at least one day chooses peace over chaos.
Whatever happened to him as a kid must have been awful. I can tell by even the tone of his voice that he doesn't like himself even in the slightest.
Wonder about where his anger is? Free flowing…? Sometimes a cover for anger.
Steve is right, he doesn’t choose to react that way, it’s a built in reaction that his body takes on. BUT he is choosing to not accept any responsibility or work on backtracking that built in response.
I have experienced backtracking some of my built-in, preconditioned, reactions.
And literally this is why women divorce and these dudes go "I don't know what happened!? " Melissa you deserve soooo much more!
13:30
John: does that make sense, Steve?
Steve: *Nah*
This is what happens when a man (may or may not) be attracted to women but hates their guts.
He even called them females - 🚩. Also, he left the marriage a while ago and is setting up the ground work by bad mouthing her to his brother for HER to be the bad guy even though it’s his 3rd marriage.
Having both parties on is really helpful because I felt for him at first until his low key combative nature began to shine thru in this call.
I'm looking forward to this one since my husband has been a pathological liar since childhood.
Not to be rude but genuinely curious why do you stay?
How do u cope?
Mine too...
Love and light to Cam. I'm so sad for him ❤
Second call: I'm not a gambler but I bet i can guess the dynamic here.
The single mom of 3 kids has a long history of bad decisions and no accountability. Dear sister is always there to bail her out, going so far as to buy a bigger house for them to move into. The husband is just being dragged along because if he tells wifey no, she either throws a fit or just does what she wants anyway.
I could be wrong. I don't think I am.
This is going to end horribly.
Girl Run!!!
FAST!!!
I have so much respect for the engineer who lost his wife & Dad. In time he will be okay because he understands it is a process. Wishing him the very best. ❤️
RE: twin sister taking in the other twin - recipe for disaster. John's advice is wise.
Wow Steve was even lying while on the phone with Dr. John. We all heard it.
He'll keep punishing every woman for being dominated by strong women as a kid.
There's nothing to support or mend with this man. He needs to get out of his childhood revenge pattern on his own.
I suspect he was indulged as a kid, perhaps an only child. I think he may simply have made it up.
Indulged as a child, and when asked to do the simplest thing, and be responsible at all, threw a major temper tantrum. Been there. It doesn't change.
I think he’s gay. Hates women, just needs a beard to keep his secrets.
Control issues , lies & actions against the marriage working together is controlling & punishing wife for other actions. 💥 It is a SATISFACTION, not just a shrinking from a thing💥
YES!!!! 🙌 🙌🙌🙌 No one is talking about how this is all controlling. He controls EVERYONE around him. He does what he wants whenever he wants no matter who it hurts. And he expects everyone else to pay the bill…
Oh wow...like a form of REVENGE on all women or the early childhood women. Interesting possibility.
Dr. John, I just wanted to tell you how incredibly loving you were to the caller who lost his wife and dad in a short period of time. The advice you gave him was helpful I’m sure. Thank you for genuinely caring about people. That’s why I listen to your show. God bless you , your family and your crew. ❤️✝️
I don’t think I’ve ever seen John look so annoyed as he did with the 1st caller. Steve needs to live in a place where he can just do what he wants when he wants and not torture anyone else.
Love the follow up! Thank you! 🙏 What brave souls! ❤🎉 Wishing them healing ❤️🩹 independently as needs be.
Kelly is so gracious to all of John’s poking. They’re at the end of the video she raised her eyebrows slightly, then sort of half closed rising barely sugar head. It was super subtle, but it was so good!
Totally 💯
I believe Steve may be gay and is trying to mask it with women. Thats why he can only keep up the facade for so long in each marriage.
My ex was like Steve and I swear he was gay!...
It's definitely something like that.. And he hates himself for it, so he self- sabotages.. acts like a crap human so he gets treated like one.. Pushes them away because he doesn't feel deserving of love and respect.
Thank you John For directing Cam so well. I am 54 and lost my husband about 1 1/2 year ago and he was my everything ! I felt the fog, the deep fog for many months ; and yes I used credit cards to navigate my sorrow which is not helping me today! But I did not make any major decisions and do not feel in position to do so because I have debts. The fog I promise will clear and our love ❤️ stays strong. That is the beauty of relationships; once in our hearts they stay as long as we want to … his love for me is always by my side ! And she will be by your side . The fact that you had these conversations with her is amazing and tells me how amazing she was ! Choose peace ! That’s a moto that is helping me. The worst has happened to us; we will and can deal with all else . Please do not let anybody pressure you! Thank you dr John. That email is a wonderful idea !!!
Dang that last call just...REALLY hit my heart! The first call I related to...could think of a few people in my life that are similar...not quite as far gone as that gentleman though haha. But MAN that last call just...hurt me. I so badly wanted to give that man encouragement as well!
Steve reminds me of my husband before he found a good therapist. His struggle was being a MASSIVE people pleaser to the point he would lie about stupid thingsto everyone because he worried anything would upset me (and others).
He was deep in a shame cycle and in denial. He still has strugges but one of the key things was me giving him safety (as much as possible) and him doing some deep work on himself.
Steve has to want to change though, and I just don't think he is ready.
Couple of things.
This man is clearly a narcissist.
Also two failed. Marriages is a big red flag for me. One is one thing, but two? Melissa needs to leave before she goes crazy. I'm drained. Just listening to him.
Melissa, you deserve BETTER!