Becoming a Woman (with Miss Benny)
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- čas přidán 2. 10. 2023
- Like many people, sitting still and staring at the wall during the early days of the pandemic brought up new feelings for Miss Benny. Notably, that she was transgender. From viral closeted teenager to out Netflix star, she walks us through the personal and political trials of her first few years living as a woman.
Find Miss Benny here: / missbenny
Find more of A Bit Fruity: / abitfruitypod
Find more of Matt: / mattxiv
Produced by Samantha Land: / samalander
Edited by Justin Bretter: / fieldsobriety - Zábava
i was a huge fan of miss benny in middle school. i'm a freshman in college now and i was wondering where she went. i'm so happy to see her being herself as much as ever.
You keep picking ICONIC guests to host...I just found your channel thank you, thank you, THANK YOU
what's so iconic about those two nobodies?
@@blorughuners9341gurl are u mad? be happy
I dunno what iconic means... But this guest is defo hot AF 😅
The fact that Miss Benny wasn't even out as gay when Little Game released is hilarious and shocking to me lmao! # 1 ally right there dhsafgssrgxz
But in all seriousness, I get the song is a little old and that Miss Benny has developed in her art a lot since then and that the aesthetics of gender non-conformity discourse have evolved away from the music video's very simple pink/blue 2010 tumblr imagery as the discussion has become a lot more mainstream & complex. But man it still hits me like a truck. What a freaking song
It kind of reminds me of Philosophy Tube doing a treatise on transphobia years before she came out.
We end up knowing even before we have the words
I didnt know who she was until you mentioned little game and i literally gasped lmfao, i was obsessed with that song (also trans now)
didn't even need to see the trans flag, seeing karkat first immediately made me go "ah, a transgender"
LMAO
Poor child
I'm so happy Miss Benny pointed out that there's nothing necessarily wrong with being into masculinity in a partner as long as you're not degrading femininity. I'm a trans woman and there have been times where straight male crossdressers and femboys have made unwanted sexual advances at me then try to guilt trip me into being attracted to them even tho I tell them from the very beginning that while they are beautiful in their own way and yada yada yada, I'm still not into that. I also dont appreciate unwelcome sexual advances. I think it's pretty insidious that these are men who are basically trying to impose themselves on me, a woman. I also think it's pretty weird that the men who are attracted to my femininity are almost never asked to broaden their horizons and try to find masculinity attractive, but I've been pressured and guilted for not finding their femininity sexually attractive. Also I think it's worth noting that I'm not necessarily attracted to just masculine men, I'm attracted to masculinity in general, regardless of the gender of the individual.
Greetings, great video. I am a 53 year gay man (been saying that alot lately) and many of the issues that you two discussed have been plaguing the queer community forever. The tensions between masc gay men and fem gay men were a thing when I was a baby gay in the late 80s and early 90s. To be honest, I have never understood it. I'm neither masc or fem, I'm in no man's land. That should be the moniker personal life. It is all BS no matter how you slice it. If the homophobes come for us, they do not care how masc/fem you are. I also just wanted to say love Miss Benny and Glamorous.....
this is such a wholesome chat. “so when are YOU going to transition”. i teared up at that bit. imagining if someone would say that to a younger me
Hey Matt, just a fellow homosexual from Germany here. I feel like from 2014 to 2020, there was an amazing development in my country concerning queer topics. Since then, it changed. Rightwing politics got stronger and as an openly gay highschool teacher, i feel less safe than three years ago. I really enjoy your podcast cause it makes me feel calm and safe. Thank you :)
Holy shit ive not remembered Benny since middle school. She looks so fucking happy im so glad she's found herself
I'm a tranma so I've never actually heard of Miss Benny, sorry. 😅 But this discussion was really cathartic! Like, I was a naturally "masculine" gay man for a long time but I never liked _being_ masculine. All my relationships were about being with men so butch I felt feminine by comparison and I would be "allowed" to express my femininity with them in a way that felt safe. Like, I would always use the expression "I'm the girl in the relationship" completely unironically lol.
I am fairly ambivalent about my body so being a man in and of itself never really bothered me, so I didn't think transitioning was for me. But one day I saw this cis het couple, the woman was on the thicker side like me and she was so beautiful and feminine and her boyfriend was so masculine and manly and they were like, beautiful and she was the exact thing I always wanted to be and then it just kind of hit me that I would be _happier_ as a woman. That's where my transition really started for me and I've been so much happier.
Expressing my femininity as a woman feels so much more natural and joyful to me now, like, as a man it always felt like a put on but now it just feels like _me_ and it's amazing.
🥺 that is just so wholesome
I just wanted to say thank you for sharing, this has really helped me
I, your amab nonbinary sibling, concur.
@@obatalaosun2222 Amab nonbinaries represent! (Demiboy for me to be specific)
I wonder if you guys realize how bizarre this sounds? Like if only you got out of your bubble of delulu. It's so obvious that you romanticized the heterosexual relationship dynamics. The fact that u said "I'm the girl of the relationship" when talking abt being in a gay relationship 😅 we're never beating gender roles or the patriarchy if trans ideology becomes accepted
My experiences were not at all the common ones so I didn't even realize being trans might apply to me (my knowledge from the early-mid00s was quite limited, even the positive stuff) until middle 2020 in my late 30s... and now I'm doing it, hrt almost a year, feeling like a whole person. It's amazing.
And the way I SHRIEKED at the end of Glamorous with the business card, and cried at the "daughter line", oh you have no idea (didn't know much about Benny going in, just had heard good things).
And Veneno... look at my age. It felt like an apology for all that toxic, sensationalist talk show crap in the 90s. And those little details and scenes that had me crying, ones like "when are you starting", "girls like them- girls like us", the bits of connection to community, her happy in her apartment alone... god.
I appreciate the "scratching an itch" metaphor cause I always talk about being trans like having a rock in your shoe, but you don't know it so your brain tells you your sock fell down, you've got an itch... and eventually it turns to pain or you just go to scratch and... oh wait there's something here OH NO. And some have a big rock and it always hurt, and some had a small rock, or some sand, and maybe it would've just made their life a little worse but still "tolerable"...
Omg, I found Miss Benny picking out music for my wedding 🏳️🌈🏳️⚧️ and was interested to hear this. But as a filmmaker, this may be the most sensitive and correctly handled production environment I have ever heard of. Really great job on the interview Matt.
Mister Benny is a creep. He's rotten and grotesque.
Mr. Bernstein you do a great job with these podcasts. Your guests and topics so far have been fantastic.
Omg, I loved Glamorous! I was so excited when I saw she was your guest!!
You two really snagged my heart with everything said. Thank you both so much for sharing this conversation. We all needed to hear these things
"it felt like a thing lurking behind my shoulder" omg that's exactly it!!
If I had a nickel for every time an actor played a queer character named "Marco" whose queer development arc helped the actor themselves gain a sense of their own queer identity, I would have two nickels. Which isn't that much but it's strange that it happened twice.
(The other "Marco" being from Degrassi: TNG).
Hooooooooooooow in the world did I miss her in the Tumblr era??!? This woman is amazing, thank you SO much for introducing me to her
And this topic was super on-point. 44:10 reminds me so much of encountering those internally misoynistic "I'm not like ✨most girls✨" annoying types. Sexism and self-hatred cause worse brain rot than drugs ever will.
omg she is such a doll
another fabulous episode. you’re killing this, matt. loved seeing the spotlight on these two stellar trans women, sending all my love to miss benny and natalie. fingers crossed you can find a fellow transman to guest soon!
those comments from the little game video cracked me up. i was probably in the same age group as them (i'm 22 now) but i had already come out as queer and trans before i saw the video, and i absolutely loved it. so glad it was such a pivotal part of people's journeys bc it's still a great song...
You get the best people I am in such anticipation as to who we will get next!!!
What amazing and insightful content. Miss Benny is such a wonderful guest.
omg i had little game on repeat constantly when i was a closeted middle school kid. long time no see miss benny, glad you're doing well :)
I love this episode so much. Miss Benny is so fierce, so glad to have discovered her. Happy for both of you! hugs and kisses
This was so nice, I felt so seen! As an early transition trans woman I related to a lot of the stuff she was talking about, especially with all of my friends being cis or later in transition. Also Matt you're good at podcasting I enjoyed all three episodes a lot so far!
10000% gonna binge this show now.
wow her gender and sexuality journey is so similar to mine it’s crazy. also love little game in high school 💛💛
1:16:45 I took a few years completely disconnecting from social media before I came out and started transition too. Honestly, unplugging from that toxic cesspool is probably one of the healthiest things I've ever done for myself. I've never heard of Miss Benny before, but, as a transwoman in her early stages of transition, the title of this video definitely was like, "Ope. Yop. I gots ta click dat." I can definitely relate to a lot of what y'all talked about in this interview. Also, can I just say? I absolutely love both of y'all's energy. Y'all're fire.
Holy shit, y'all said "Pete Buttigeg" and I am like no wonder I feel so seen,
There's a seriously prominent post on Queer Tumblr by Vaspider that's genuinely called "Pete Buttigeg is still a Faggot" and it delves into how exactly the conservative movement will ALWAYS see ALL of us as nothing more than an obstacle to be destroyed,
Thank y'all very much for continuing that extremely important conversation, its so goddamn nice to hear on youtube instead of under my tumblr rock
edit: also the agony and solidarity of also being a former evangelical who fled Texas as soon as possible... I am glad Miss Benny is here
Wonderful episode! Enjoyable and insightful as always
This was lovely! Can't wait for the next ep
I absolutely loved the first two episodes in this podcast series and then I saw the title for this one and was like 😵😵😵 how do you keep choosing better topics every time???
Listened to this on Spotify. Just wanted to hop over here to say -- BRILLIANT. Miss Benny was/is absolutely fabulous, and Matt you did a beautiful job as an interviewer 💕
This is such a beautiful episode!
I related more than I thought, also first time watching/listening to your podcast, most likely won’t be the last.
The main things I related to that isn’t talked about much are-
- when she said she has a soft spot for Christians cuz of her family and community, shamefully I have the same thing
I’m Muslim and so is my family, community and country, and cuz there is that someone that isn’t violently queerphobic but just has a strange opinion about the community
I always find myself trying to want those ppl to know me, cuz if they did they won’t he queerphobic I know that, but I know it isn’t healthy nor a good thing but I can’t help at times, it’s like my judgment is clouded. But that doesn’t translates politically.
- the queer ppl moving to big cities point
Where I live it’s ppl leaving the country, either migrating or seeking asylum and they always ask why queer ppl move
Cuz you jail us or kill is wdym why we leave😂
It’s confusing and funny
Oh my god!!!! I listened to her music as a kid, it's so nice seeing her continue to grow :))))
Glamorous was such a gem to watch, just like this episode. I can't wait to listen to next weeks show. It looks like you're bringing the best guests Matt! ♥
you two have amazing chemistry, we can see you are comfortable with each other and the words just flow through ❤
I hadn't heard of Miss Benny, different generation of trans person, she is lovely. Enjoy your journey Miss B. 😊
Great episode, loved it so much !
I have audio on my android! Can't watch yet but super looking forward to it later :)
Also, absolutely loving the podcast so far 🙌
Yes to a new episode 👏🏽
We love new episodes
Thank you so much for this video ! Even without sound it's such a New good thing in the World :)
Little game was so important to me when I was younger
Thanks a bunch love your content so so much! ❤❤❤
this makes me so happy as someone who has followed miss bennys journey for i feel like almost 10 years 💞
I love Miss Benny. So fucking charming!
Great episode. You’re amazing and I love this podcast. Both of you are beautiful and genuine people.
Love this series and this episode! ❤
It still holds up today even the video itself it's not quincy at all absolutely. ☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️☺️
this is absolutely insane. I remember bumping it to the nightcore version of little game when I was 14 (back when I thought I was just an ally lmao). I had no clue it was made by Miss Benny. thank you so much for spotlighting her on your channel. I would have never known who the creator was otherwise
She's so cute, i love her 😆🥰 Also she's so brave to bring up the transition storyline. If i were me i probably would've been too nervous to bring it up. I thought it was brilliant and it matched the themes in the show. Loved this interview. I'd never heard of Miss Benny before Glamourous and I'm really glad to have this interview
Edit: and she plays RuneScape omg marrry me 😍
I enjoyed Glamorous and I am happy now to listen to this!
WAIT OMG I USED TO WATCH HER VIDEOS IN MIDDLE SCHOOL WHATTTT
miss benny!!!! my favourite CZcamsr, I’m so glad to hear from you again 😭
Just watched the Little Game video for the first time. It's gorgeous. Fantastic performances and aesthetics.
Never knew Benny ended up coming out as trans!
Edit: Also, nice fit
Deepest love and admiration for Miss Benny! Thank you for yet another thoughtful, kind discussion of queer issues.
Missy Benny is fabulous. 🙌🌈🏳️🌈
WAIT WHAT 😭 I love the play out little game song btw
Thank you very much ❤
Love your show!
audio is fine for me 👍🏾 on my phone :) (now onto listening to the podcast!)
I'm so glad you make podcasts. I really enjoy your format.
8:30 Omg the little game music video brought me back for a sec,,, that's a memory I didn't know I had locked away in my brain. It's so interesting to hear part of the story behind it now, esp since I was in that same time period of me totally just "being an ally" 😭 like, uh huh, definitely the reason I was watching every one of those queer videos and short films making the rounds at that time I could get my hands on...
So happy for Miss Benny, she's positively glowing!!
Melodrama is the best lorde album, thats so iconic omg
19:57 makes me cry... thats so relatable
I am a gay man that has always been attracted mostly to feminine guys, androgynous types and some more masculine men. Many gays fall for me because I am very tall don't like Madonna and am 'straight acting' whatever that is. Sexually i prefer to be bottom, especially in a long relationship it works best for me. In my experience a lot of masc-for-masc aren't that masculine as they think they are. So many times they are queenish as hell. I don't mind, but I do mind the denial. Conversely there are also fem gay men that are active looking for the slightest hint of non-masculinity to get turned off, looking for the 'straight guy' fantasy. At this point in my life, i really have a problem with people not being able to handle both 'feminine' and 'masculine' qualities. Even if it is genuinely just sexual attraction, i find it annoying and boring. Good luck to you Matt and Miss Benny.
Oh my god, those pictures of you both! You're little babies! How cute!
I relate to praying except I was raised without religion so I prayed to Artemis to let me join her Hunt so I wouldn't have to go through puberty.
Looking back on it I was literally praying for puberty blockers but I didn't know they even existed. I thought my only hope was praying to specifically Rick Riordan's version of Artemis.
Ahhh amazing so lovely ❤🦔🦔
What an interesting, important episode 🫶🏼✨
Im shocked to realize that i watched Glamorous but only now found out that it was Benny
It’s funny when they talk about music that’s gender diverse being “edgy” ten years ago now seems tame today because I was just thinking about that recently. I was re-listening to Stromae’s “Racine Carrée” album, which lead me to revisit the “Tous Les Mêmes” video. I remember seeing that back in early 2014 and thinking, “Wow, this is groundbreaking! You don’t see this kind of imagery in music videos!” Rewatching it, it is EXTREMELY tame by 2024 standards, but in 2014 it was a moment.
This is an amazing episode! Only halfway through and I've learned that I relate to so much of what was said though I identify differently. We may all be on different paths but often experience similar bumps on the road and similar challenges along the way.
I never thought of this thank you! I lived as a woman for 5 years. But I decided to detrans. The sexual aspect helps me accept this is a normal experience to have when I have it. I will never transition. I will never get to transition. I will never be Dolly Parton or Sarah Michelle Gellar. So, this is my only way of seeing it as desirable. And I also get to just live accepted as being that when "off the camera" while still being outwardly a man. I am confused as why this feeling is bad? I think my brain works through sensations. And I just started not understanding why the sensation of a beard was not "woman." I like the sensation of a beard man or woman. ANd by that, I mean the feeling of wearing a beard. I don't understand why the gross sticky texture of lipstick is meant to be a woman. So I just sort of have to accept that the sensations of my own body I ascribe to man or woman will be different than someone else. So I am a "man." And I am ok with that.
So many quotable truth bombs in this PC omg.
Yup, I was also obsessed with that song, I'm also trans now.
And I love it.
Oh my god I forgot the Little Game video. You unlocked a memory
Matt....one of these days you gotta give us/me some insight into how you do your eye makeup. Please? o_o
Because it's literally perfect and I want to duplicate it ever so much....
Either that or you just naturally look like an androgynous 10 with piercing subtly smokey windows into your soul. Is it eyeliner? Shadow? Mascara? Some combo? This cis straight guy with little practical knowledge of eye makeup needs to know. I'm just kinda obsessed with your effortlessly attractive look....
Anyone reading this who might know what's going on....feel free to reply too. :D
Happy Tuesday fuck yes ready to get fruity
❤
I remember that video, though I didn't until now. And now I want to watch it again. And yes, as I approach the tender age of 50 I'm about three months on testosterone.
I don't get the difference between "area" gays, but I think that has more to do with the fact that I'm a hick, raised and spent most of my life in Wyoming.
I just wanna say that I think you're really cool and as a young pre-t trans guy you give me so much hope for the future. And how's the T going?
@@roundhouse2616 it's good. There are things I was warned about that have turned out to be the exact opposite (like I was told I'd be angrier, have rages, but in fact my rages have decreased), so remember that each person's journey may be different. I wish you well. 💙
yay
All I can say is, Thanx you both.
THAT music video and song LIVES in my memory, mind, and heart absolutely rent free. I still adore that song. It's come with me all these years.
Okay, once again such an interesting topic, such a lovely guest but I'm gonna have to finish listening on spotify because this half open curtain in the background makes me so uncomfortable! aaah, I just want to jump into the screen and close it!!!
Okay this was VERY interesting. Being a lesbian trans woman who always knew she was only into women (though I didn't know I was also a woman), and a former twink (even if I didn't count because I was never into men, most people thought I was), I find the difference really interesting - I also got a lot of attention from gay boys previously, only I was pretty much neutral about it since I never reciprocated, and now that it's gone, I don't really care (though I do notice that it's gone).
It's interesting to hear the differences from someone who did actually have feelings about said attention.
Lesbian trans women are mythological creatures. As real as vampires and greek gods. You're a straight guy 💅🏻
oh my gosh did you hear that guy?? you're a vampire!! thats sick as fuck! we need more lesbian vampires
The way i thought she might mention Krik from Glee 😊😂
listening to this as a transmasc enby femboy is so interesting, bc for a lot of time i tried to force masculinity bc of dysphoria, because i thought to be valid i couldn't express in the way i wanted to
Omg benny!!!
Omg totally agree about trans characters playing trans roles... Like you want to give the message that the way the character ends is who the person actually is. If you're showing a cis man ending as that, ultimately the audience knows its fake so what's the point? Isn't it more meaningful to create something based on the actors reality?
I have audio 🤷♀️
What is Matt saying at 50:35? I can't make it out even though he says it twice. What he calls queer people who "pass" as straight
Also, are there transcripts for these episodes anywhere/will there be captions soon?
It's 'Pete Buttigieg.'
@@ragingbanshee Pete is doing nothing to be seen as a straight man. He wants to be seen as his type of gay man. The self-called "trans" man on the video, on the other hand, is doing all he can to be seen as the sex he will never be. He's the one dishonest here.
I am an old fart who thinks I am very liberal and I absolutely loved the character Miss Benny played on Fuller House, but I am too old-farty to understand all the rest, but I do realize it's not my position to have to understand it. I wish Miss Benny well, though.
yES YES YES YES
Lol i remember when miss benny wasnt out she did like a joke egg makeup tutorial on her channel. Thats what we call foreshadowing
Great to hear you guys talking about unity within the community against right-wing propaganda and the nuances of trans representation in entertainment in this lovely episode, but I would really like to point out that not all low-key queers are low-key because we’re scared or have internalised queerphobia to work through. I’m proud of my queer identity and I’m at peace with myself. I don’t go to pride because I don’t do large crowds and loud places (and let’s face it, pride is mostly a party at this point). I am “not in the scene” because I don’t like how flirty most queer spaces feel and I don’t like today’s dating culture. I’m all for protests and advocating for queer rights though. I’ll be there where it matters. But I see a lot of people who feel the way that you two do about queers like me and it makes me feel sad like I don’t have space within the community.