A Non-Binary Transition | Sage Skyler | TEDxConnecticutCollege
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- čas přidán 21. 06. 2024
- Sage Skyler is a first year here at Connecticut College, where they are double majoring in English and East Asian Studies. They are out and proud, and spend a lot of their free time figuring out how to make interdisciplinary connections to queer studies. Sage Skyler is a first year here at Connecticut College, where they are double majoring in English and East Asian Studies. They are out and proud, and spend a lot of their free time figuring out how to make interdisciplinary connections to queer studies. They are hoping to eventually use their knowledge of creative writing and passion for representation to create works of Young Adult fiction that include the full spectrum of queer identities. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
Me: **sees their name**
Me: Yep. It’s another enby.
Axolotls Animated LISTEN
@Sage Williams To be honest I don't really understand. I thought being NB meant not recognizing yourself as fitting fully in binary standard. Being partial NB and partial female(??), wouldn't that be simply NB? (Did you mean woman?) Maybe you can address my concern, I really just wish to understand what I do not so far.
@@erin3912 thanks for the clarification! =)
@@erin3912 gender doesnt equal to pronouns. im nonbinary and i use he/they pronouns!
@@LilliHerveau you got incorrect info m8, non-binary is what you said, but its also a spectrum and you do not have to be in the exact middle yk, you can be closer to one end than the other(girl or boy) or just none at all(no gender) but this has nothing to do with one’s pronouns, i am aware of how late i am but i hope this helps in one way or another
Y-you respected their pronouns!
*happy enby squealing*
Lmao
Excellent.
This is me when a forgetful friend, who often misgenders me by accident, (don’t worry my friends not mean) uses my correct pronouns 😂 I’m interested to see how I’ll react to when people use neopronouns (since I go by neopronouns as well)
OMGGG I WENT TO HIGH SCHOOL WITH THEMMMM AAHAHAAHH. SO PROUD OF YOU SAGE!!!
That’s so cool!
Wow cool :o
Boy/girl genuinely can't tell ?
@@tashaax1993xanimalloverx They're non-binary, so, neither.
Is it true about the jeans and sweatpants?
Wow a video about non binary people and the comment section is positive? I love!
@@leeknowles6297 Aww :(
I was surprised. I like it.
Look again.
Yessssssss finally, some more info on enby people
What "info" it's just a speej rambling on about feelings. Not facts.
but not the teal haired stargender kind
@sonoki82 original joke you got there
Thomas Korn if that’s all you got from this, then I’m sorry for you, because there were tons of facts in this presentation. I suppose we just don’t all have the mental capacity to understand. Hope you understand one day :)
As a cis person, I am living for more of this kind of content! I want to understand, I just need to find the resources
Sage did such an incredible job! They really put an amazing voice on this topic, we need more people like them in the world
YESSS!!!!
@sonoki82 *They
@sonoki82 No, THEY are non-binary and have short hair.
i could do this all day.
@@caffeination17 Whatever we say doesn't change who Sage really is.
@sonoki82 trans just means to not identify as your assigned gender so yes, enbys are part of that. And it's "they"
For a person who just came out a few weeks ago, I needed this
Rain Weinstein I’ve only came out to two friends and an amino groupchat full of trans people so far but I can definitely relate
Congratulations on coming out!!🏳️🌈
I came out as non binary tonight to some friends but im scared to talk to my mom and sister. My sister is part of lgbtq+ but im scared to be laughed at or told im invalid, i just dont know a sentence to start with 😔 im struggling on what to say to come out
Megan Ses okay. If your sister is part of the community and you’re really that scared of them taking it badly, tell her first. As a part of the community, she is more likely to understand that it’s not something you control, it’s just part of you. If she takes it well, you’ll have someone to back you up while telling your mom. Good luck, I hope it goes well!
Megan Ses just be blunt and explain after. When I came out to my friends, I just wrote in a note “In not a girl, in non binary” and explained all of the other stuff like what exactly that means afterward
Sage was so incredibly well spoken 💕💕💕 seeing some positivity about being Non-binary is always so refreshing especially as of late. 💕💕💕
As a non binary person, thank you so much for this TED talk. You described it perfectly and I'm happy I'm not alone! Thank you for making my day :)
Omg yes ♥️
You live a lie
This individual makes me feel valid :)
You should always feel valid ❤️
Love ya
The feeling of validity is something no one can ever give to someone nor take away. A person's self worth is not determined by others who may have a differing opinion, but only by the person himself.
"Valid" is not the word I'd use!
A random person shouldn’t make you feel valid
@@sylodui Yes of course they should! Do you know how great it is when a stranger gets your pronouns right without you having to tell them what your pronouns are? Well if you're a cisgender individual then probably you do. But as a non-cis person, those kind of things happen only a very few times. So yes, a random stranger can make you feel valid.
However, if I misunderstood and you mean that a feeling of validation should always come from yourself and you shouldn't let anyone impact that negatively, then I'm sorry. I fully agree with you in that case =)
To all my enbies, trans folk, and allies! You are awesome! Don't let anyone say anything diferent!!!!
@Annabel Lee you could have chosen to not comment, and keep it to yourself, but i suppose you have to publicly announce it like most vegans with their diet.
All enbies are valid! 🏳️🌈
@Sharon Riley my goal isnt to be validated by you, so unless if you want to be validated by other people, eat your own words
dont let anyone that says anything different affect you*
@@dragonofcosmos veganism isn't a diet, it's an ethical stance baby!
I absolutely love this and as a enby myself appreciate the positive recognition of non-binary people. We definitely need more education out there about this topic.
It also made me so happy when Sage mentioned that some people go through multiple names trying to find the one that fit. I feel like sometimes in our community it's not as normalized to change what name you go by more than once, and it's extremely validating to hear another person say it's okay to do that.
What kinda crack are you on lol
Thank you from a nonbinary person
I Love your name!
As an NB person, I feel the most comfortable and confident when I'm more androgynous looking. My voice is even androgynous naturally. I was born a female, so there are days where I am a little self conscious of certain features of mine, but for the most part I am comfortable in my own body. I like clothing from every section of the store. I knew at a very very young age that I wasn't fully a female. I'd "jokingly" tell people that I'm a chick, but I'm also a dude. Sadly, I wasn't aware of the term gender fluid until I was older. When I learned about it, something just struck a chord. I burst into tears. Finally for the first time in my life, something describes how I've always been feeling. I'm 32 and just now coming out as NB. Seeing videos like this help me feel valid and make me feel less alone. So far I've been met with open arms when I've told people, both in my personal life and online. I'm so thankful that we're moving towards a more progressive world where people can truly be themselves and live their lives with pride and not fear. And if someone is reading this who is NB and hasn't come out yet, it's ok. Tell someone your truth, even if it's just one trusted friend for now. I promise you...there are more of us than you realize and there are more allies than you would think too. You are loved, you are valid, you are worthy of happiness, safety, and respect.
Your story is beautiful thank you for sharing !
Another me me me me story lol. Thanks for the narcissism filled essay about how you're totally not an otherwise boring privileged white girl.
@@mrwhopee it’s interesting the number of things people have asked for, not one being your opinion
@@Cold_S0up nobody asked for this essay of narcissism either
Thanks for adding your voice, I'm an AFAB who's questioning and I can relate. I feel like in 20 years from now though, that won't be an issue, and we'll just be able to pee and poo wherever we damn well please.
i love the icon!! :D
@@FadedforFreedom thanks!!
You shouldn't be allowed to poop wherever you want.
Andie Perry You can use the female bathroom. You have female genitals. The female people in there probably don’t care for stereotyping either.
it's not like there are many ways to be a woman right? or why not go and make up your own gender, like those who coined hydrogender did
Did anybody else cry?! Cause-
Cause I cried.. *I've never felt so understood*
You are valid and loved!!! I support you so much!! I just came out to some of my friends as non binary ( im struggling to find a name that is a good neutral binary) now i have to tell my mom and sister soon but i dont know a sentence to start with
Omg yesss i m cryingggg
@@chanpreetkaur28 ❤️
im afab and im trying to express myself feminine sometimes but i dont wanna get misgendered. i just want to be feminine, androgynous, and masculine all at the same time without people being mean
Dress and act however you want to. If they misgender you, just tell them "my pronouns are they/them" and that's it.
If you present as a jackass you will treated like a jackass
Literally my exact experience
@@chickennoodlesoup4918 me too lol
Ok but I love their name. I mean Sage Skyler is the definitely one of my faves. Love the enby recognition.
My enby friend is literally called skylar 😂
Hi I’m kind of closeted right now and I’m really happy that this video came up in my recommended because I don’t know too much about dysphoria or stuff like that so this is really helpful. Thank you
Same my dude, I’m waiting to 2024 on July 14 (national non-binary day) and then texting my pronouns and name to my parents and then hiding in my closet till they respond:)
@@RedBlueberryAnimates I hope it goes well for you
@@RedBlueberryAnimates i hope it goes well!!
Wow, a logical, informed, concise, confident introduction to gender for beginners? Y'all, we've got this!! SO proud of this community and all the intellectuals within it. This kind of knowledge makes the world safer for people. Love you all
I'm happy to learn that gender dysphoria and body dysphoria sometimes don't come in a bundle, I've always felt like I wasn't actually a demi girl because I didn't hate my body for being... girly I guess. But now I know I only have gender dysphoria rather than both :3
*STANDING OVATION*
11:16 is a 100% accurate description of my experience lol
i love your pfp :))
My Lungs Will Phil And Dan Deflate love your username lol
your pfp slaps bro!
Same here!
Just leaving a comment for myself if I ever watch this again in the future:
I hope you found a way to put the feelings you have into words. Maybe you found the currage to come out publicly and maybe even wear the clothing you really want to wear to school (or even just the outside).
I will always love you, eventhough it might not feel like that sometimes. I will always love you, no matter how you turn out to be. I will always love you
what a beautiful thing to say
come back!! read this. you are valid
You are not the only one life throws a baseball at, like you are in a game of dodge ball ... Trust me!
Respect
And support
Wow! I found this comment again. My mom is better then ever, and i came out to my family and friends! Thanks commenters for the love and i can't wait to see this later down the line!! I know times can be hard, but don't ever stop loving yourself
i love all the wholesome comments, but then i scrolled too far and found the close-minded transphobe comments aka the small pp comments :/
I literally told a transphobic cis male today sorry about the tic tac he MUST have in his pants. xD
@@AshtontheCryptid XD omg as you should
@@AshtontheCryptid you mean rice corn :)
i made the same mistake :/
It can't be transphobic because these people aren't trans
thank you for this!
I didn’t know why I liked this video so much before. It was comforting and I couldn’t figure out why... I came out as nonbinary to my dad today lol
Thank you for making us feel so validated, Sage! You did well!
@sonoki82 hunny, you must be reeeaaalll bored if you go out of your way to care so much about something that's none of your business
That was just perfect. Thank you so so much.
theyre so well spoken omfg
Thank you for this video. I just found out my one of my Nieces is Non-Binary, and I really didn’t know what she was talking about. I just didn’t understand-this helped me to understand what she has been talking about. I appreciate your honesty and bravery to explain this for me.
Unless they have specifically said that they are okay with she/her pronouns and the term Niece(because some nonbinary people are okay with that!) You should probably have a discussion with them on what you should call them!
@@sophiamangold5038 I will do that; thank you!
You should have discussion with her and get some sence to her damaged thinking
@Hii Pee She was born woman so she is biologically a woman no matter what she thinks or feel like.
@@Terra-Incognlta they are nonbinary and you must respect it ! They are human being !
Thanks so much Sage! I also agree that gender is ever changing and there is not just one or the other.
The last time someone tried to tell me that enby people don't exist I asked them "how have there been laws against us for centuries if we aren't here"
Enby homies can I get a woop!
Woop!
Whoop!
woop!
Woop!
Woop!
Yes I'm so so proud of this enbe recognition. We seriously need more or it
Sage is a beautifully well spoken person and i needed this! thank you 💜
Thank you so much that Ted talk gave me clarity and gave me comfort. It made me happy inside. Each word gave me knowledge also wanting to know more. It made me realize that I am valid no matter how I express it. Again thank you 😊
Thank you for this! I just came out and this really hit home.
Hi all,
So this was my first time learning about non-binary, what are enbys?
I remember someone in a meeting about 4 years saying this and not knowing what they meant, I just caught that she preferred to be referred to in the plural. Interestingly my mother tongue doesn’t have gender pronouns, it merely has 2 pronouns; for humans and everything else non-human. So learning English getting gender pronouns right was a challenge, still is for many of us. With that said, I think patience and understanding from all sides (binary and non-binary) is needed as we come to a place of commonality and understanding. I don’t condone discrimination in any way, shape or form. I simply think mistakes we will be made all around, and rather than retract to our corners in anger and frustration, let’s be consistently cognizant of the dual journey we’re all taking to a better common ground.
Thanks for this video
English is weird. They / them can be used to refer to a group or an individual without specifying gender. It’s not necessarily plural all the time, but rather a pronoun that doesn’t restrict people to a binary gender system.. It’s not she / her but rather they / them.
Um idk if this has been answered, but enbys is like from NB (non binary) instead of boy or girl. (Srry if this is confusing) basically just a shorter term of non binary people.
Great tedx talk. Very efficient summary of many points on the topic and emphasizing a non-european centric viewpoint.
Thank you for this very informative talk. You rock!
I'm in love with their way of speaking!!
I think I will show this to my parents, maybe they will get me a bit more afterwards! If no, never mind ! You made my day, thank you so much for your wise words 🤍 I pray for the world to be more loving and accepting towards all human beings..
Thank you for this, it all comes down to "be yourself " and everyone should have the right to be who they are. This is a truly great speech.
🤡🤡🤡😂😂😭😭
Thank you so much! I love this video and used it to help explain my dysphoria as a a non binary person to my mom and helped so much! I really appreciate what Sage is doing for the NB community!
Go outside kid Jesus
YOU DID AMAZING SAGE!
Amazing!!! I thought I was a Crossdresser. Then a Trans Woman. Now I'm feeling like I'm Non-binary Transfemme. Everything this person said is true. I just wish that one day I have the confidence that they do to go out in public. Great talk.
You’re a man who likes dressing up in feminine clothing. Congrats.
Hope you figure out your identity soon! As a person questioning demisexual, agender, and omnisexual (I use the labels non binary and pansexual) it’s always such a struggle to figure out who you are, especially when you thought you knew your identity! Stay strong!
@@edoboleyn get out of here dude
*happy enby noises*
I’m going to come out soon, this really helped
I'm questioning but I suspect I'm an enby... And this just gave me a warm, fuzzy feeling inside! :)
Thank you so much for this! It clarified some questions for me. You are articulate and explained it very well. I´ll be looking forward to your YA writing!
Sage is adorable. Loved their presentation.
As a genderfluid person, this describes me so well. Thank you so much for your wonderful Ted Talk! 💜
This is awesome! Sage rocks!! ~Your local non-binary person
Are you autistic lol this kids on drugs lolol can’t be serious
This was amazing.
I just love highly-educated, eloquent people who know how to use their arguments in a valid, objective manner.
I think they were on point with everything said.
👌🔝👏👏👏👏
This was amazing, thank you so much!
So glad to see this type of video here.
Super well informed and well explained.
Wow. Gave me lots of validations that my thoughts are not weird and that I have to accept societies judgement, expectation and standards. Love when you said that everything is a Transition (I prefer the word Process) but never thought that Gender had a Process and that at the end of the day, do what’s comfortable. - Riley ;)
How short did you cut your hair? I want to get mine done like that but I dont know how short it needs to be
What on earth do clothes have to do with being male or female.
Greetings weary enby traveller! Be sure not to venture too far into the dark wood, there are some real horrific monsters in there!
Don't go too far down in the comments, you'll find the transphobes. You are loved and accepted by many, have a great day :^)
Thank you for this talk, Sage ❤
I'm learning about gender dysphoria and this has been well spoken and incredibly well done.
Are you a bit?
this is what my teacher expect of our oral presentations
I just want everyone to be their authentic self and be happy x
I know this video is old but I’m trying really hard to battle gender dysphoria. I know I’m an enby because I don’t want to be because I don’t want to come out... I’m crying after seeing this so, any tips?
Hm, well I just straight up told my mum about it, we had a deap and meaningful conversation, then the next day she totally ignored my wishes.
Just, do whatever makes you comfy. And safe. Don't come out of anyone you know is a transphobe, or is close minded
Thank you so much for this presentation, this is a fantastic description of the many aspects of being non-binary, and that there's not one single way to be NB. I feel less alone in the world with this Ted Talk (especially as someone whose natal language is heavily binary) and with the supportive people in the comments. ♥️
I so needed to hear this. Great talk!
The origination of gender identity is far older than Christianity. There is more to transitioning than one's own comfort and pronoun choice. There is also the matter of how one is perceived by others, the world, and how well one is integrated into the world. Everyone wants to be productive, self-sufficient, confident, creative. Those achievements are beyond the goal of transition.
blah blah blah, reality is reality. your perception isnt always right.
I wonder if it would be possible to get a transcript of this presentation. There's so much good information here.
This is amazing 😍
Good job. I can tell you rehearsed numerous times. It paid off, congratulations Sage.
i was expecting the comments section to be full of supporting enbies, but it mostly consists of people refusing to believe we exist. i just wanted to say to all of my enby friends that you are valid and to not listen to what the hateful people in the comments say, you know yourself your body and your feelings more than anyone else in the world.
How old are you?
@@ProPandaPlays how old are you lol? Replying to a 3 year old comment. Go do something important
Why are you STILL CRUING LOLOL CRYINGGGG OMGGGG LOL@@goombule
JESUS CHRIST LOL CRYBABY @@goombule
IM 31 @@goombule
What a beautifully concise, insightful, and well-delivered presentation connecting non-binary stories to the ways we all change throughout life -- I'm sure you've positively affected so many lives with this! :) Thank you Sage!
Ive finally found a name that fits me (jace) and i'm planning on coming out soon! Maybe ill edit this later to say how it went lmao
edit: i didn't come out-
Im proud of you!!! I know we dont know eachother but i just came out to some friends and i have to talk to my mom and sister ( im terrified to be laughed at or told im invalid) but go at your own pace!! Talk to people you trust the most first then when you are confident you can tell others❤️ i just had a terrible anxiety attack telling just my friends, shaking a lot but you know what? You are you and that’s amazing ❤️
How'd it go?
There is always time. Don't feel rushed and do it when you feel ready. Know you have a community and a lot of allies who will love you for the wonderful person you are.
Come out, but come out when you are ready, when you are safe to do so. *hugs* stay safe out there.
Lol, coming out is a hard thing to do for some... especially if judgmental people are involved! Take YOUR time, but do be yourself and live your best life!
There is a lot of us, supportive of your choice!
Been playing around with the idea of possibly identifying as non-binary and this video really solidified some of my feelings. Thank you internet.
Did you do it?
Try as I might, I just don't understand it.
However, I support everyone's right to be themselves.
This is the most Patriotic statement in this comment section.
In some languages every verb has a gender when talking about somebody. So you can't just be gender neutral, it's either female or male. I damn hate this so much and that's why i avoid speaking my native language.
You are male or female whether you like it or not. It's like being mad that grass is green.
As a person identifying under the non-binary umbrella this is very informative and comforting. It's also seems like it would be pretty comforting to a non gender conforming person.
Heyy fellow Nb's!
This was eye opening
These comment sections give me so much hope for the future! Love to all my LGBTQ+ family out there!🌈❤
This was so validating. Thank you!
they did that ❤️ thank you
Everyone needs to watch this ✨
Why?
Sage is such a cool name! And they are very well spoken.
love this !! great job Sage !
They's good.
They‘re*, you got the idea though 🧡
Honestly I love that and think “they’s” is better then theirs because it perfectly embodies the chaos a lot of us enjoy lmao
Am I the only binary Person in this comment section (cis woman)😂 don’t get me wrong I am happy for u guys, I am just confused and a little sad that apparently more people who are already educated in the topic are watching this, than those who should be educated
No probably not lol, it’s just that most non-binary people like or are used to announcing the fact that they’re non-binary, such as myself lol
-Teabag
Eventually these non-binary people are going to want to be made in labs. Or demand all embryos be made fertilized in a lab before implanted in a person (God forbid I say woman)so that it baby is just the way they want it...
Love this!!!
When your skin is too fragile to keep the hair away and you just get so tired of masking alongside the dysphoria that you just settle with the lesser of two evils for physical comfort over emotional serenity. It’s like your chrysalis half transforming you into some incomplete homunculus and you fashion those half formed wings into something comfortable you can prop yourself up with at whatever stage of metamorphosis you are acclimating to like a pair of water wings.
Binary ideology did not just spread from the west, if you look at Muslim countries and also orthodox Jewish communities have them as well. And although there are some indigenous cultures that had a third gender that is definitely not true for all. Blaming "The British" is a generalization, exactly what we are trying to overcome...generalizations, putting people into one pot, judging.
And yet you do it anyway.
They speak so eloquently
Hhh
THANK YoU
this was so eloquent *+**_ +_+_*=_+ they are my new fave I want to share this talk so much
thank you so much
Me:*scrolls too far and finds transphobes*
Me: back to the top we go I dont have that sort of mental capacity right now
Ps- great talk sage! I feel so much better about being a transitioning enby
i scrolled down to see some... not so nice comments about enbies... Oof
thanks
HELLO FELLOW PEOPLES OF THE ENBY COMMUNITYYYYYY
thank you! this helped me understand the nonbinary experience :)