most of your videos clearly define a lot of the problems my ex has. It is very eye opening and helped me get a lot of empathy towards her. i understand better what she's going through. i just hope she heals this
@@KimBrce yes but you are asking the impossible: how to make decisions when you can’t make decisions. Better to solve the main problem first and then make those decisions with greater wisdom.
This is so familiar. I got so hurt by not fully committing with my ex, i used to be always detached from her, i knew something was “wrong” with me but I couldn’t save myself in time. And now i might be able to get a second chance if i wanted to but i feel so unready and incapable and scared :( To be alone, now, after all the pain i went through to detach from her, feels so safe, so calm, so free, yet something is odd about it, i still long for connection and im not sure that looking for that in same person is safe
@@bestactress1281 I used this time to improve myself and my self-connection and its great, i really needed to "build" myself somehow. I developed a stronger spiritual self wich is very helpful. With time i started being less fearful of things in general. I also focused on finding peace and calmness, i started reading more, meditating and going for calm walks more. It all improved my anxiety and my tendecy to always "do" stuff as a mean of numbing myself. In general i'd say i focused on feeling my feelings and finding ways to do so, and it worked well. But two weeks ago, after 9 months, we saw each other again and now i'm really torn. I wont go in much detail because its a long story but the bottom line is this: On one hand it looks like it could be a very toxic thing to try to get back together, as she only met me because she needed my help with something. On the other hand i felt way better about her and myself in the time we spent together, wich was ultimately quite long (two weeks!), and discovering that she is also an FA gave me an important insight on how she works. If you want to share i'm all ears
This is something that I deal with a lot and your reasons were very true for me.. I’ve been in a long term relationship but I feel very uncommittal as well. I’m glad I’m not alone but it takes a lot of work and self awareness when dealing with others. Don’t get me started on boundaries 😏 ❣️ thank you for the clarification..
Somatic practices. EFT or EDMR. Processing your fears and feelings by allowing yourself to feel them. Usually involved with tapping or any kind of repetitive physical movement to calm your nervous system down and let your body know you're safe. She has a video about this, her most popular one, so should be easy to find.
My FA partner don't always is accountable. I am just going crazy as a secure person, I am wondering if he lied to me. Can FA lie ? I try to explain his inconsistence btw his words and actions. I compare how he behaves with me and another friend and he shares much more with this friend. He used to say he fears to get attached to me that's why he avoids sharing some things with me but he could clearly just be fooling me ...help lol
@@ericadams6804 thanks I know that... it just seems so hard just talking abt his attachment style. Never could talk abt it still. That would be a good video topic: how to talk abt your partner's FA attachement style.
I have a FA style and from my experience, the reason your partner won’t tell you some things because he’s afraid that you might think differently of him. He either doesn’t care if the other person judges him to some degree or that friend has shared so much of their own “bad” that your bf feels comfortable enough to tell his stuff to them.
most of your videos clearly define a lot of the problems my ex has. It is very eye opening and helped me get a lot of empathy towards her. i understand better what she's going through. i just hope she heals this
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I feel it would be more helpful to make a video about how to make decisions until you heal.
Better to focus energy on healing as fast as possible.
@@petermilne1203 Of course but healing can take years, decisions we take every day
@@KimBrce yes but you are asking the impossible: how to make decisions when you can’t make decisions. Better to solve the main problem first and then make those decisions with greater wisdom.
This is so familiar. I got so hurt by not fully committing with my ex, i used to be always detached from her, i knew something was “wrong” with me but I couldn’t save myself in time. And now i might be able to get a second chance if i wanted to but i feel so unready and incapable and scared :(
To be alone, now, after all the pain i went through to detach from her, feels so safe, so calm, so free, yet something is odd about it, i still long for connection and im not sure that looking for that in same person is safe
I am going through something similar right now! Hope you are doing well
@@bestactress1281 I used this time to improve myself and my self-connection and its great, i really needed to "build" myself somehow. I developed a stronger spiritual self wich is very helpful. With time i started being less fearful of things in general. I also focused on finding peace and calmness, i started reading more, meditating and going for calm walks more. It all improved my anxiety and my tendecy to always "do" stuff as a mean of numbing myself.
In general i'd say i focused on feeling my feelings and finding ways to do so, and it worked well.
But two weeks ago, after 9 months, we saw each other again and now i'm really torn.
I wont go in much detail because its a long story but the bottom line is this:
On one hand it looks like it could be a very toxic thing to try to get back together, as she only met me because she needed my help with something.
On the other hand i felt way better about her and myself in the time we spent together, wich was ultimately quite long (two weeks!), and discovering that she is also an FA gave me an important insight on how she works.
If you want to share i'm all ears
This is something that I deal with a lot and your reasons were very true for me.. I’ve been in a long term relationship but I feel very uncommittal as well. I’m glad I’m not alone but it takes a lot of work and self awareness when dealing with others. Don’t get me started on boundaries 😏
❣️ thank you for the clarification..
Great video! As a fearful avoidant how do you heal this?
Somatic practices.
EFT or EDMR. Processing your fears and feelings by allowing yourself to feel them. Usually involved with tapping or any kind of repetitive physical movement to calm your nervous system down and let your body know you're safe.
She has a video about this, her most popular one, so should be easy to find.
My FA partner don't always is accountable. I am just going crazy as a secure person, I am wondering if he lied to me. Can FA lie ? I try to explain his inconsistence btw his words and actions. I compare how he behaves with me and another friend and he shares much more with this friend. He used to say he fears to get attached to me that's why he avoids sharing some things with me but he could clearly just be fooling me ...help lol
Are you sure you are not a little bit anxious preoccupied? 😊
Are you doing the healing for him or is he doing the healing himself. NO progress will be made until he does the healing.
@@petermilne1203 last test I made I was 10% anxious
@@ericadams6804 thanks I know that... it just seems so hard just talking abt his attachment style. Never could talk abt it still. That would be a good video topic: how to talk abt your partner's FA attachement style.
I have a FA style and from my experience, the reason your partner won’t tell you some things because he’s afraid that you might think differently of him. He either doesn’t care if the other person judges him to some degree or that friend has shared so much of their own “bad” that your bf feels comfortable enough to tell his stuff to them.
🙏❣️
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Yes! Thank you for covering this topic! 👏🥲