How to the Stop Self Sabotage Cycle | Let’s Declutter
Vložit
- čas přidán 15. 06. 2024
- In this episode, we’re going to talk about how to stop Self Sabotaging! I was so aware that I was doing it in December and surrendered to the emotions of sabotaging myself. But instead of feeling guilty about it, I’m going to take this opportunity to dive deeper into why I did it!
These are the 6 Steps to Stop Self Sabotaging:
1). Recognize you’re in a Self Sabotaging Cycle
2). Understand what causes Self Sabotaging Behaviors
3). Recognize what’s triggering the behavior.
4). Identify the Root Emotion of the Self Sabotaging.
5). Allow yourself to process the emotion instead of suppressing it.
6). Write out your personal healthy coping mechanisms: Your Serenity Toolbox
💰If you would your own copy of the 2024 No Spend Challenge Calender, please visit my Etsy shop: ahoardersheart.etsy.com
🦄 My Instagram: ahoardershe...
🩷My TikTok: www.tiktok.com/@hoardersheart...
#home #declutter #mentalhealth
Everyone please be self aware that doors should never be blocked if something ever happens and you need to escape
For a great 2024, let's be kind to ourselves! ❤❤❤🎉🎉🎉
Have you thought about a sign on the side of washer The door should be kept clear at all times incase of fire ...write
Fire exit keep clear !!
We do it in other places why not at home .It might help to train your mind set .. just a thought ❤
i have a suggestion, have you tried putting a mat down in front of the doors so you don't block them? you could get really fun pattern ones as a reminder that the space in front of doors is not a place to store things but an active space that needs to be left open.
Yes! I was thinking the same idea would hopefully trigger the idea, this space is already filled.🙂
Or it is so pretty with the rug, don't want to cover it up.
A rug that says "Not a Drop Zone" 🙂🙂🙂
Great idea! Could do with those mats everywhere!😂
I feel like everyone leaves little piles of items that need to be dealt with. It's so important to make tidying up a part of your daily routine.
Oh, absolutely.
But- (how long have you been following along with Ms. Heart’s journey?) -it’s a bit different and far more problematic and shame-inducing for some of us.
(Me. 🙋🏻♀️)
January 2024. Don't worry about the occasional slip. I went to Goodwill today with a big pile of clothes, dishes, and other items. Then I did some volunteer work.
Yesterday was lost because I gave in to my depression. It happened. We're human. Give yourself grace. Tina, Al's wife
Ms Heart you have made so much progress. I think 2024 will be the year you finally finish your basement. Then you can really start to embed the processes that stop you self sabotaging your progress. Why not set a goal this year of concentrating on trying to keep your laundry room floor empty as much as possible and also that later this year you begin decluttering your loft space too. I know everyone in your community is so proud of how far you have come. We all love how you have kept your progress going, despite the setbacks and continuing to educate others on the hoarding conditions. You are an amazingly kind and supportive person Ms Heart.👏💗
Would you consider moving the rubbish bins to the laundry room? It seems that this is where you want to put the recycling when in a hurry, if the bin is already there then you have completed the task without thinking about it.
Yes! And that way, her family will be able to tell apart trash/important, so they can take the trash out, too☺️
Label the bins will also help
Poor little Pepper is pooped! You wore her out in this last declutter session. It’s hard work to be a supervisor kitty… 😂
I did the same thing, just with sugar, over the holidays! Went right back into my compulsive behavior but with full awareness and plenty of excuses! I hope I can clear that out as easily as you did this pile!
Would it be possible to move the recycling and trash containers to the laundry? It seems that that is the hot spot and where everything actually goes. It would be a way to reduce and simplify the discarding and recycling steps. Also, thank you for your videos discussing mental struggles and how to deal with them. I have to admit that I don't like the healthy coping mechanisms, but today I was giving as a homework to implement two of them. Thank you for the extra encouragement.
I keep smaller kitchen bins for recycling in the house and then empty them in the larger cans outside when they get full.
so proud on you you see what you are doing. this is youre year. clear the floor in 2024. big hug Ellen
Thank you. I suffer from hoarding tendencies. Your video was what I needed to finally purge my craft room. I have watched tons of decluttering videos. They were all informative, but your video inspired me to get moving and finally follow through. I'm excited to unstache all my squirreled away items. Can't wait to see what you produce next.
Well done on clearing this area so quickly. I never thought of it as self sabotage, I really need to take on board the 6 steps. Thanks for always keeping it real and keeping us informed on things we’d never think of. Miss Pepper needs a rest after all that work. Have a great week. Mary, Joes wife 🙇♀️👏💪👍🙏💐🐈🦄
Excellent declutter in the doorway. We all have our excuses. I’m glad making CZcams videos help you get past your (“I’ll do it laters”)
I love your videos. I also have an adult diagnosis of ADHD. Also hoarding runs in my family. I have worked really hard to fight against this tendency in myself.
I have always feared becoming a hoarder because my grandmother was a level 5 hoarder (before there was a word to describe it). She filled up 3 houses, 2 barns and a large garage by the end of her life. Each house had just little paths running through the walls of mess. Antiques were mixed with old egg cartons and rotting banana peels.
My mother recognized the symptoms in me when I was a child. When I wanted to save empty tissue boxes and toilet paper rolls she would say, "You don't want to end up like Grandmommy!" However, now that my mother is in her late 70's, she has packed her house fuller than I thought possible. At least it is not actual garbage like a good portion of her mother's hoard was. It is mostly nice stuff, just way too much of it. Watching this happen is discouraging and scary. I worry sometimes that I will end up like both her and her mother, even though my house is pretty tidy at this point (as long as you don't count bed rooms of teenage boys!)
None of us are perfect. Do your best. It's ok to hoard if it soothes you. Life is hard. It's also ok to want to diversify your soothing mechanisms to protect your spaces.
Hi, from the south!! Spring here!!🦄🦙
Your video has come at exactly the right moment. My house has degenerated into a mess over the Christmas period and I started to tell myself that i can't do it, so, why bother trying. However at the.beginning of the Christmas period i was much cleaner and tidier than usual! Now i just need to remind myself to keep going and not give up. So i am feeding much better. Thank you
I can't believe you decluttered all that stuff at once 😮 You've come so far. 🎉❤
My method is making the "to-do" thing anoying while in the waiting limbo. For example if I need to take out trash but it's raining and I don't feel like going right now I place the trashbag right in front of the door (Door that I use! Not a backdoor). I will bump into it if I try to go out - so I remember and take it with me next time I am going out. If I have a paperwork I place it on my workdesk, better yet on the keyboard - it has to be done. Most important things? Post-it notes on the inside of my phone protection case (it has the little "door" covering screen). In general I am good at remembering to do such stuff but I like reminders in-case-of-whatever. Maybe this would be helpful for you?
Not sure how you showed up in my feed, but while I watched/listened to this I took care of two piles!! Thank you!
yup, let's remember recovery is not linear !
Oh wow your garden is huge 😃
I had an idea for your wreaths… put some command hooks on the laundry room wall to hang your off season wreaths. That way you can enjoy them year round and they won’t get squished in a bin. 🥰
Great video!
I love this. You're doing so well! You know how in schools or other high traffic areas there will be a painted area on the floor by the door to show how it swings and to signal to keep the area clear? I wonder if that visual reminder would help you? Obviously you know it's important to keep doorways clear for safety, ease, etc. But maybe that additional nudge would help. Since it's old linoleum already, putting painters tape down wouldn't hurt anything. Bright yellow! To remind yourself 'safety first '! I love following your journey. Thank you for sharing it with us.
Love the video! Maybe consider putting a garbage can (cute one) in the laundry room?
Something that helps me keep an area cleaner is to either change the curtains, paint the walls or put on new flooring if it is needed. It gives a feeling of pride to keep a nice space clean. Can't always do expensive stuff, but cam hang a nice picture or change furniture around. Helps me. Maybe just uabe laundry items and a shoe rack by door and hooks for coats?
Have you considered putting the trash cans in the garage nearer to the internal door in the garage rather than have them near the external garage door? it means that you would only have to open the interior door to put recycling away making it a single step process and would have the benefit of you having to keep a clear path through the garage to allow you to move them to the curb. It is also more efficient as you fill the bins more regularly than you have to take them out to the curb.
Needed this today! Def still stuck in the Christmas Crash. Your growth and self understanding are always inspiring for overcoming negativity.❤
Please like if you agree ms heart would benefit from creating a designated dump spot in the laundry.
Hello from Germany, hi Miss Heart and miouw pepper. Good job. Nice to see. One step .... You Rock it
I love how your healing journey continues to add so much to my own healing journey... Thank you.
I need this video!
- Looks around cluttered home
- Picks up phone
- Browses website
- I don't need these
- Puts them in basket
- I don't have room for these
- Clicks checkout
- Feels a bit sick
- Clicks confirm
- Knows I won't send them back.
It's insane 😬
I struggle with taking the free stuff from others or when family ask what gifts i want. Trying my best to leave those free things alone, and ask for consumable or experiential gifts ( tickets to a show together, dinner etc)
Thank you for this video and how well explained! I also did not though about the self-sabotage...whenever I am not doing something straight away I just think I am being lazy. Which, lets face it, is often true. But I've realized, for some things there is a dipper reason. Will check this ans thank you for making me think about this! And WOW for how quick you are now going on with clearing/declutrering. This is gonna be Your year, Mrs. Heart❤-you'll rock it for sure! Cheers! 🦄💕😻
If I were you, I’d make a proper labeled dumping zones in your laundry room! “Trash” “Recycling” “Give away” “Returns” “Craft” “Miscellaneous ” etc…
Completing each task is ideal, but you can also macro organize here, and call it GOOD ENOUGH!!! Because when you have to tidy up the laundry room, you can then deal with one category of things at a time. Also, other people in your family will be able to take trash out, too if it's clear to them. Please, you don’t have to feel the burden of perfection.
I ❤ how quickly you can clear things now!
I agree with the other comments to move the trash and recycling bins closer to help yourself out and to consider putting a rug in front of the door.
Are friends still giving you things to list on FB for them?
I’m excited to watch as you continue to declutter through the rest of the laundry room and bathroom and head back to the basement ❤❤❤.
There are a lot of very good suggestions in the comments here for keeping this area clear. Please try some out. This fire exit needs to stay unobstructed. Safety first! I worry so much about your family and Miss Pepper.
One more suggestion. Could you build a catio outside of this door for Miss Pepper and have a cat flap in the door? I know you would never block it again!
I want to make bracelets! I need to declutter my guest room now that Christmas is past! Thank you!
I appreciate your videos very much and I am a huge fan of yours. Your recovering journey is inspiring ❤
OMG! I cant thank you enough for this video! I have been self sabotaging myself this whole week! I Definity needed to here this.
It was picked up pretty quick which shows progress. You just went back to maintain it. Yay! At least you didn't just ignore it completely. You made something better today!
This is me with my hallway thats the size of your doorway space. I just need time and breathing space where my toddler isnt on top of me or ruining a space I just tidied up. That really is it.
My biggest problem with decluttering... knowing what to do with the odd big items and the stuff I would rather sell on FBMP.
Fantastic job! 👏👏👏🥳🦄 My house could use a tidy up after the holidays, too - I think it’s a very busy time for many of us. Good for you, getting into that laundry room right after the holidays! I’ve found it’s easier to keep up than to catch up. Could you maybe designate a specific day and time each week to clean by the door so stuff doesn’t accumulate? For example, if you do laundry on the weekend, the first load that goes in Saturday, you tidy that area (maybe even the whole laundry room). Then it would be done consistently, and probably wouldn’t build up. Some have suggested a pretty mat - great idea! Or, could you use your craft skills to make a sign to hang on the doorknob that says “Don’t put it down, put it away”? Good luck keeping that area clear!
I have been watching your channel from the very beginning and am so proud of how far you have come 😊. I am a naturally organized person and I like watching your channel to understand how other people think that are not naturally organized so I can learn to be more empathetic and helpful. Having said that there was something you kept saying that bothered me. You were going to be late to your appt. With your friend and that even at a young age you were always late. Maybe that is the next thing that needs to be addressed. Remember when you realized your ADHD was part of the hoarding problem? Maybe the lack of time awareness is part of the hoarding problem also. Some questions to ask. Why are you always late? Are you saying ‘yes’ to too many things and your plate is too full? Timing yourself when you do regular tasks has helped me. Now I know how long to plan for a certain task. Or maybe spending a 1/2 hour after dinner doing something/s to make the next day go more smoothly would help like packing lunches; setting clothes out for the next day; taking meat out of the freezer and putting it in the fridge for tomorrow nights meal. Routines are the number 1 way to maintain control of your house. I have a ‘before breakfast’ routine. A ‘before’ work routine. An ‘after I get home from work’ routine. An ‘after dinner’ routine, and finally a ‘before bedtime’ routine. I do the same things during these routines and after awhile they become habit and you don’t have to think about them anymore. Please know that these comments are meant to help you, not to make you feel bad. As I said in the beginning, you have come so far and I am truly proud of you for sticking with it! I hope that 2024 is your most successful year yet and you will get to set up a craft area for yourself😊! Blessings to you and your family!
I think the lateness & rushing is def associated to the adhd. Since u seem to be rushing about during the day & can’t take the time to put things away maybe set up a 5 or 10 min tidy every night after dinner per room(busiest rooms?) great job!!❤️🥰
Sorry I didn’t meant to sound callous. Don’t think being a few mins late is a big deal at all! I don’t have adhd & am ALWAYS LATE 😂😂 happy new year everyone!!🎉🥰🙏🏻
@@pinadelmonicooh not you! Your comment wasn’t callous at all, I was responding to the person above who said “have you tried a schedule?”
Oh ok!😂
2024 clutter will be no more!
You are doing so good. I pray this year, you have extra time to do the decluttering you want to get done. Look forward to watching your videos.
You should be kind to yourself but you also need to hold yourself accountable for being late to your friends. It may be a lifelong struggle to arrive late but you know it’s wrong to ask your friends to accommodate for your lateness.
I believe the same way you realised you are a hoarder, you will one day want to work on this. This is coming from someone who is perpetually late but is working on it.
Think of your friends perspective. They may think that you deem your friendship as unimportant so that’s why you’re always late.
As a subscriber I’d love to see you work through this also. You can forgive yourself, but it is still something that needs work. Friendships take work.
just an idea... maybe you could put a small recycle bin right there in the laundry room. Then you could have one of your kids have the job of emptying it into the big can a couple of times a week. It's easier to complete a task when you make things set up for how your brain works. It seems your brain really wants to put the recycling right there!
Great video. Thank you
You’re the best. This is compassionate and challenging all in the same breath ❤
Great start to the New Year Ms. Heart! We love you!❤️👍♥️
This was so brilliant❤❤ thanks so much for sharing this with us!!
Good job! Happy New Year!
I love the before and after shots! This is just so, so realistically helpful! ❤
I wish you the most productive new year!❤
Also this round filigree pendant that you are wearing is very beautiful🤩
Glad to see another one of your great videos! I purchased your no spend calendar yesterday...but I forgot to be more mindful and start today..disappointed in myself as I purchased a few things today I did not need. ADHD is hard to get in control...I am making it a priority to start the no spend again tomorrow. Love your vids so much. ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Thanks for sharing your journey with us. (I had that same flooring in my farmhouse!!)
Thanks so much!
Fantastic job beautiful lady ❤️ so proud of all your accomplishments💜🦄 💜🦄💜🦄
What!? I actually have a day off on video release day! 🎉 I am on my side of basement with my piles of hoard & boyfriend’s on his side decluttering his old stuff at the same time! ❤
Drop and go isn’t always bad. You at least a knowledgeable that there was a problem and that’s a good thing but sometimes in life we have to figure out what is more important. I know my home should be more important but sometimes living life and seeing the people we love should come first. What we should do is find one spot that’s not in the way of everything that could serve as a drop zone and set a date or time telling ourselves this has to be taken care of before say maybe watching tv.
Great video ❤
Pepper is worn out from all the helping she did…
Amazing work! ... I totally stress clean! 😂
Happy New Year! ❤
Yep...I self sabotage myself many times...love decluttering then regret donating items...viscous circle.
Great job 😊❤
My little laundry room is tomorrow’s project. I cleared up my drawers and closet today to put away my Xmas things
LOVE
I can definitely be guilty of self sabotage! 😅 I usually declutter and fill the garbage bags or recycling. And it feels great. But I don’t finish the task. Usually my husband takes out the garbage and recycling every morning to the bin outside. I still get the happy feeling seeing the stuff gone. Do you need to finish the task or is something you can delegate or be ok with someone else completing it for you?
Good point! Maybe set up a small recycling bin in the laundry room that hubby and the boys have permission to take out to the garage and empty it every day. Kiddos can add it to their chore lists!
I think, as others have said, you need easier access to the bins. Is there space in that room for 4 small bins saying ‘trash, donate, garage, recycle’?
Then when the bin is full you can take it there.
I also think a five minute pick up of that room every day is needed, more so that any other room as it is the link between different places and is a high traffic area with the laundry
Thank you for sharing real life! BTW we have the same floor in our house! 😂
Would it help to time some basic tasks and make a chart of some sort with that information? I don't remember what channel I got the idea of timing things from. I'm not adhd, but can empathize with some of it. I put off cleaning bathrooms like crazy cause i think it's going to takenhalf the afternoon, when in realty a basic cleaning for 2 bathrooms is about 30 minutes.
Well done! ❤️👏
This might not be practical, but what if you moved one or two of your recycling bins into the Laundry Room? I feel like the garage is too far away - it's too many steps to get to to put stuff in the trash. But if you automatically head to the laundry room anyway, what if the bins where there? Task complete :)
👏👏👏❤️
My problem area is the top of the dryer. I fold & put clean towels and other items there instead of putting them away. The main reason I do this is because I have clothes hanging in front of the baskets for the towels & linens. The clothes are there because I need to clean out the closet in my bedroom. That closet has clothes that I used to wear to work when I had a high paying job that I loved, but was laid off from. Due to circumstances beyond my control, I never got back into my chosen field. I spent the rest of my working life doing menial jobs for minimum wage. I struggled to pay bills and had to get assistance. The loss of that job has had such a negative affect on my life. I don't know why I can't get rid of the clothes. I'm retired and will never have a job where I'll have to wear clothes appropriate for an office. 😢
EDIT - I am doing great with decluttering other areas of the house. The bathroom is finished and I'm almost done in the kitchen. I just have the cupboards on top of the fridge and stove to do.
Can you move your former work clothes to another area of your house so that you have only the clothes you're actively wearing in your bedroom closet? You might also consider donating the unused items to a clothing bank that helps people dress for job interviews and new jobs. In my area, the community college has a clothing bank for students. Sometimes it's easier to part with things if we know they will be helping someone. Note: If you wait another 5 or 10 years, the clothes will be too outdated to be useful to anyone, including yourself.
I can so relate to this. Your old professional role is obviously very important to you and key to your identity. Can you maybe
honor that by making a memory box with a special professional outfit or two, and then pack up the
others until you are ready to donate them? Also, I would suggest making a memory box or scrapbook
with important professional photos, certificates, awards or other mementoes. And choose a photo of
yourself at your professional best to display proudly at home or at your new workplace. Finally, if you
have the time, find a way to use your professional skills as a volunteer or mentor. There are so many
good people and good causes that could use your help! Good luck on your decluttering journey. It truly is all about the emotions.
@@ediefolta9494 Thank you for your understanding. The clothes have to go. I've tried to do it several times and each time, I've gotten depressed. I desperately need to downsize, and moving the clothes is just delaying the inevitable. I'm going to work on it this week. I'm having surgery on the 16th and don't want to come back to the mess.
@@cat3crazyif you see it as a gift for your post surgery self, maybe that will help too? Good luck. It's a very big brave thing you are starting on.
I feel with you, but my problem are not clothes. After I lost my job, I also lost a lot of weight, and I donated all my business outfits. Here in Germany we have thousands of refugees and many women amongst them are happy to get "good" clothes for school or for job interviews. I didn't like that office clothing at all, I always felt uncomfortable in it.
But I struggle with shelves full of paper, articles, books, documents, university stuff I needed at work. I know I'll never need it again, but I studied so hard, it hurts to think of letting it go. It is a part of my life, of me.
I put most of it into boxes and stored it in the attic. So it is still there "just in case", but not in my way. Every few weeks I throw away something that is out of date, like stuff about combustion engine technology or old programming languages.I kept old floppy disks and even punched cards. Ew, I'm feeling old.
I need this tool box. My problem is buying or eating more and then ignoring the piles and the weight just as if it is not there. How can i be so blind? Can you tell me hoe to really open my eyes to see and take action to stop the problems. Although, im sure my engine lignt is on in my body. I cant continue to ignore everything. Do you have suggestions or videos to send me to? Love ya and thanks so much friend!
About the weight, that is what I did: I let it slip over Christmas to a point where I felt so miserable. But I still wasn´t able to stop eating all the time. So I stood in front of the mirror in my underwear and really looked at me. 😳 And then I said to myself: It´s enough! I made a plan what I want to do: 3 meals a day, one small dessert, no snacking, daily a short but sweaty workout. That was 2 days ago and so far I´m doing good. 😅 You can do it!
❤❤❤❤❤❤❤❤
Hey Hi.. Just want to mention that your voiceover voice has volume inconsistency. it is sometime high and sometime very low. I never felt it in any of your other videos. May be some technical glitch.
Good work Mrs Heart.
Compulsive hoarding disorder is not just keeping too much stuff, it is equally the compulsion to bring home even more stuff. Melanie, that stuff did not just magically appear, you brought it home. I know it is hard, but you need to be very controlled about anything and everything you bring home - how much food are you buying, how much tp, etc.
Yo, what the heck? Her ENTIRE CHANNEL for literally years has talked about addressing compulsive shopping addiction and other habits. You’re coming in hot into a single video with this gross self-righteousness. 🤢
@@Madiannereid I have been watching her channel for several years. I not only know about compulsive hoarding from listening to lectures about it, I have LIVED with people who have compulsive hoardering disorder. I am not being "self-righteous" (gross or otherwise), I am simply pointing out something that I think all complusive hoarders need to work on as much as clearing out the current hoarded stuff. Hoarding is a very difficult and even overwhelming addiction (I say that because it functions as an addiction) to overcome because it is impossible to abstain (unlike alcohol, gambling, etc).
@@ros8986your tone was so, so rude and condescending, Ros. (see how that sounds?). She’s well aware that stuff comes in, as it does for all of us, no matter how careful and minimalist we are. What was the point of your comment, if as you say you follow this channel and you know she’s on a no-spend year?
I love your thought process but how do you deal with “knowing” you need to do these cleaning tasks, wanting to, but also knowing you’ll have no help… and still be a Lazy B?
Love you ❤ and Pepper 🥰
Look at you getting it cleaned up in one day! I’m curious though, was some of your self sabotage that you can make a video cleaning it up and then you had a guaranteed video to make. I know my self sabotage is usually around money the good and the bad.
Why did you throw away that bag? You could easily have repaired it, specially since you love crafting so much
Well,, to be honest, I am very glad if something is broken of some kind of stuff I have tons of it. It makes it easier to throw away. As someone with hoarding tendencies I need no arguments to keep something, on the contrary, I need arguments to be "allowed" to throw something away.
I know you did really good with your process...but i really cant understand why you always have so much stuff. Maybe it is also a problrm of impulse buying..
Beautiful job! These are good tips and tools for everyone! 🤍🩵