AncestryDNA | Handling the Unexpected | Ancestry
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- čas přidán 30. 06. 2024
- Everyone has their own reasons for taking an AncestryDNA test. Some want to see their ethnic breakdown. Some want additional evidence to their genealogy paper trail. Still others are looking for clues to help break down a brick wall in their family tree. Some people take the AncestryDNA test with the intention of discovering biological family. How would you react if one of those people showed up on your DNA match list as a 1st cousin or close family member?
Join Crista Cowan as she shares insights from her experiences handling unexpected results that come up in AncestryDNA match lists.
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AncestryDNA | Handling the Unexpected | Ancestry
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Thanks to Ancestry! I found my Birth father by accident via DNA about a month ago! He isnt the man I was told was my father, so at age 45 this is shock! My mother has also done her DNA test, My mother is at end stage Dementia, So I was unable to ask her anything. But thanks to back tracking via DNA matches, I've found him! and he and his family have fully accepted me with open arms! Had I not taken the DNA test I'd of never known and my father wouldn't have either as he never knew about me!! He's also now done the DNA Test! Just to confirm 100 percent! (we are 99.9 percent sure though) Thank you so much Ancestry!
hi, try an ask your mother anyway, you never know what she will remember, especially something like that, My grandmama had dementia and she remembered long term but couldnt remember what she ate five minutes ago;
@@TemperanceLibraRising Depends how far along she is. End stage could mean unable to talk at all.
@@ettinakitten5047 Im familiar with dementia my grandmother raised me we were very close in her last stages before she passed she couldnt talk
I suspected my father wasn't my birth father and Ancestry confirmed it. Through my half-siblings, I was able to figure out that my birth father was a family friend.
How did you handle that truth? How did your dad (not biological) take it?
My father I grew up with isn’t my real biological father, I’m praying to find something
my grandmother was adopted in 1889. We had no idea who her biological parents were. In August I had my 96 yo mother take the DNA test. After taking a week or two to figure out what to do with all those matches, I have now found both of her biological parents, thanks to a number of 2nd and 3rd cousin matches. The icing on the cake is that relatives of these two people have posted their pictures on ancestry and findagrave.
That is so exciting!
Greg, this gives me hope. Trying to find my grandfathers bio parents from 1931. Hitting all kinds of walls. Any info on searching you are willing to pass a long I'll take.
This encourages me. My father was adopted in 1914, and I live in NC, a state where even official adoptions are closed records. Back then, birth certificates were not necessarily issued at birth, so his shows his adoptive parents. The birth family will start at my grandparents' lines, not (as is your case) with great grandparents, but I am hoping that since the biological link with his birth family dates back to over 100 years, it will be exciting and not traumatic for anyone.
I have to tell you, this video may be a couple of years old, but you did a BRILLIANT job buffering the "unexpected" in all cases. I just found out that I have another half-sibling by my father. He was quite a "ladies man" so I expected such, and he shared with me all of the ones that he knew about. He didn't know about this one and neither did I nor did she, my half-sibling. It was a terrible shock for her much more so than for me, and I wish I had seen this video before I contacted her, but I think that I handled it pretty much in the way that you suggested. Thank you for these videos, you're doing a great job. I've just watched at least four in the last two days and I didn't know that they existed.
I'm running into a similar issue, not many of them believe I exist because my birth father was never told about me. I was adopted 3 months after birth. Both parents are deceased, so I've been able to get more information, found out I have 3 half sisters, but still no responses.
Crista, I have been thoroughly enjoying my Ancestry research. I was able to help my husband find a family he knew nothing about, which was delightful. I have continued the work my grandmother shared with me. Through AncestryDNA I have met lots of cousins. And just recently I have had a surprise. A close family relationship. A woman about my age with 1598 centimorgens in common. I don’t have a brother old enough to be her father. I compared with our common matches and they are on my father’s side. If I had had to pick one of my parents to be the one who had parented this child, I would have guessed my father. Anyway, I messaged the owner of the tree (I think it might have been her daughter). I hope I was tactful. I tried to be. I know she has siblings living. (All of our parents are deceased.). She could get tested to find out that they aren’t full siblings. I hope she does. I would be happy to hear from her.
Thank you for sharing your story, Deb. I hope they respond favorably to this new discovery.
Christa, you are an excellent teacher! Thank you for sharing all these tips and information.
Thank you for a very informative presentation. We have an unexpected DNA situation in our family tree and I will be trying implementing some of these suggestions.
A very informative video! I can’t wait until my results are in! I also can’t wait to see the results from my husband’s result too. I love surprises! I love this video , that helps me to realistic about that others might not be as happy with the surprise as I am. I am grateful for DNA, and this video.
This has bern very helpful. It has given me new ideas in my search and made me aware again of messages I have received in the past two years where some one is looking for their family. Now that I understand DNA a little better I plan to revisit the old messages and revisit the contacts and revisit my greater expanded tree I have been working on to see if I can help them. I have met one 4th cousin thru DNA who never knew her father and she and her mother are from France but she now lives in California and I live in Tennessee. She had no tree but started one and we still do not know how we are connected yet but we talk on the phone and are on Facebook. Her mother met a soldier during world war II and she bare a child by him but they didn't marry. She never told the name of the father to her daughter but an uncle gave her a name to start looking for him. I do not have that name at all in my tree. But we search on and are thankful for new friendship in each other.
I am anxious to see the results of my DNA !! I was fortunate to find a brother through genealogy research - going through genealogy classes and following the instructions of my teachers. However, I have not been able to find my mother's father, and it would be so exciting to see if someone out there is related to me and my family.
Thank you for taking the time to prepare this video; very helpful!:-)
My unexpected result was a complete lack of matches to 1/4 of my tree. I have hundreds of DNA matches overall. This lead to the realization that my grandfather must not have been the man everyone (except maybe my grandmother) always supposed.
I know how you feel, the exact same thing happened to me, and now my father won’t let me tell my mother, she’s 89 and he thinks it was really break her up. I was really down for about a week after I found this out. Then I decided that the man who was with my family for over 40 years really was my grandfather and the other man was a sperm donor. Trouble is I have children who look like the sperm donor‘s family!
This video is very helpful... it seems as though I’ve matched with a half-niece. No one knew my dad may have had a child before my self and my sisters. I’ve spoke to the girl and asked her if her parents could be adopted and she said no they are not...I’ve since messaged the girl asking her if shed like to meet for coffee. Fingers crossed
how did it turn out?
I found a 1st cousin via Ancestry DNA. Was a shock to me, but not to my sibling, who had known about her from another family member. Unfortunately, her dad (my paternal uncle) had already died, so no opportunity for her to reconnect with him. Sib & I, long with other family members, have welcomed her with open arms, but her bio sibs, not so much. Time will tell with their relationships.
Recently I've had 2 individuals contact me because I'm a 4th cousin match, & they're searching for their bio dads. One has zero info (mom not sure), but she was born in a town that would be familiar to both sides of my family. Unfortunately, none of the males in the target age range are willing to take the test. Another young man has dad's name, but I have no one on my tree with that name. Not saying it's improbable, but still....
It breaks my heart in all of these cases, but especially with the two looking for bio dads. I wish I could help them.
I was raised by a single mom who has passed away. Did the Ancestry DNA test and found a biological father and a possible half sister. I reached out to my father and a possible 1st cousin about a year ago. Have not heard anything in return. I'm disappointed as I was hoping for a happy ending.
I'm another person with a surprise family member who I think is a half sibling. Unfortunately, after sending the person two emails they did not respond and made their very limited family tree private. It's disheartening that this person went through the process of taking a DNA test but did not want to follow through with the results. Unfortunately, there are no remaining family members I can ask about this mystery...very sad and frustrating. Thanks for listening.
Ann, We are so sorry to hear that your family member has not been welcoming. Sometimes people just need a little time to manage their own emotions around a revelation like this. We wish you all the best.
Thanks, helpful. You requested comments. My deceased husband told me he might have a son but didn't think the mom was being truthful and his reasons for this conclusion. I'm on Ancestry a long time and I did wonder about this person. Forty years later and Facebook I become aware of the possible son and his two siblings, all with my husbands last name, talking to actual relatives online thinking he's related. How could I resist talking to him. I told him what husband had told me (privately), and offered to pay for a dna test to see. Test result showed no relationship to our two children together at all. He was upset for several months with no communication but finally wanted to talk more. Like you said be kind. Dna tests have their uses. I found out he can open his own account at Ancestry and because of dna testing he may find his biological father that way.
One thing that happened to me that it shook me to the core.
The farther back you go, the more likely you are to learn through research that people married back into the family, at least if your family comes from rural parts of the original 13 states. While it's considered icky now, 100+ years ago, it was normal. This means if you are over 50-60 or even like me, only in your early 40s, but are the descendant of some older parent births, as you research your tree, you may find this happened only 4 generations back.
I also know shared DNA is random (you can share more DNA with one 1st cousin than the other). The range of shared DNA for 1st cousins is like 600-1200 centimorgans (or something like that, I forgot the exact range, but it around a 500-600 centimorgan difference).
Both these things make deciphering my matches hard. These things are not affecting my very top matches, but I'm seeing this at the 1st - 2nd cousin level. I am learning people I thought were related to me, are really related to me, but not possibly in the way I thought. I'm finding both more and less shared DNA with these matches than I expect.
Initially, our family did the 23andMe test for fun. One of my sisters also decided to have her whole family tested for fun with 23andMe, but questions quickly arose. So, we had further testing done by two other DNA testing services (Family Tree DNA and Ancestry DNA) and the results were confirmed multiple ways not only between us but between the 7 children between us. As it turns out, it appears that my sister and I are half siblings and that she and I do not share the same father. This was baffling to find out at age 59. Both parents have passed. Those that we have asked for help either don't know anything or have turned a deaf ear.
I have two very close matches that have shown up in my results. One is showing as close family and the other is showing as a first to second cousin with a predicted relationship of second cousin. I have messaged both matches (messaged the close family match over 1 1/2 years ago and the 1st-2nd cousin match over 2 years ago), but have received absolutely no response.
I would truly love some help!
Thanks so much.
A close family member is likely a 1/2 sibling. I'd be happy to take a look. You can email me at Ask [at] Ancestry.com. (Crista)
Have you figured it out yet? Did you try uploading your results to GEDmatch?
Bought the program like a year ago... really in love with it, only hate that i can not select to use a Dutch language interface. There should be a option in FTM to change the language. Kinda odd that a program that is based around genealogy, what is worldwide, doesn't have a function like that...
Thanks ♡ ♡ very informative
That was very helpful. Thank you.
Anxious to get my results....my father always said I was 1/16 Native American and my cousin on my father's side showed zero Native American - thinking my Dad may have been telling me a story, lol....Also I know my 1/2 sister had a son that was adopted - I am really hoping I get a match along that line. We did find a missing niece through the old-fashioned "gum-shoe" method, but finding the boy has eluded us. And lastly, my maternal grandmother was adopted - and even though we know her birth name, that is all we know about her as the State office and the orphange both burned down with all the records back in the turn of the old century (1900's).
Another possibility is that one of your ancestors could be someone who has cultural but not genetic ties to a Native community. For example, if a child of the enemy was orphaned in battle, many tribes would traditionally have adopted that child, and there were also people who voluntarily joined tribes for various reasons.
family member was told she was Native American, her DNA test showed she is 14% Filipino.
PLEASE give us the opportunity to look at our matches in alphabetical order! 5 of us in our family have been tested and we would love to be able to compare and it is impossible to go through thousands of "names" and compare one by one.
looking forward to my results
My sister took the Ancestry DNA test a while back and had me look at her results as to they made no sense to her and I have been researching the tree for about 11 years now. When I looked at it, I found a lot of names that I recognized from my mother's side but none from my father's side. I have taken the test and am awaiting my results to see if we come up as full or half siblings. Thanks for this video because it is very helpful to help me understand this more. I just hope it comes back that we are full siblings but I have a sister of my mother that says that my sister does not belong to my dad. We will soon see!
Good luck, Margaret. Please let us know if you have any questions once your results come back.
@@AncestryUS I will. Thank you so much!
@@AncestryUS I got my DNA results back and as we thought my sister turned out to be my half sister.
@@margaretcouch4896 I am so sorry if this comes as a shock to you. (~Crista)
Please let's keep the dialogue civil.
+Ancestry Ohhh I'm so excited for my results! I grew up in a foster home and am looking for any type of blood relation and origin story. How wonderful it would be to see someone made of the same stuff (not that in many ways we aren't all family).
+Ancestry I understand if you can't answer, but will this be able to show me who my immediate relatives are?
@@EllaBirt Ella I hope you have made some connections with biological family!
@@EllaBirt smash you
Traumatising is what it is and it shouldn’t be. I had a lovely lady contact me last year searching for her biological father. She was adopted out. We have met and have a great relationship. We share 1153cM 17%. She sits right under my mother. On her matches I sit right under her known half sister and above both her known half niece and nephew. Looking at matches and dates I am 99.9% sure she is my paternal half aunt. Approached the delicate subject but was told it’s not possible and they would know about it. My own family think I am wrong and also the dna. Plus why am I doing this and why does she need to know. All she is doing is upsetting the family and pushy. But I will persist in helping as best I can.
Just sent my test kit off, hoping to find my father or half siblings, fingers crossed.
Already impatient to see the results
Did you find your dad ?
@@ramonamalone5700 No I haven't found my dad. The closest connections I found were 1st/2nd cousins in Canada but we don't know who the connection is through.
This answered some unfortunate questions. I never thought something so innocent could end up such a big mess. I sure did open a can of worms. :\
It happens to many of us. Take deep breaths and take whatever time you need to process the information. Once you share it, let others do the same. (Crista)
"Can of Worms?" are you sorry you found "family"?
@@mtgmbs6 Maybe sorry family she thought is not blood family. That happened to one of my DNA matches. She discovered her father was NOT her bio father. The sad part is he and her mother knew this as they got together after she was pregnant but they chose not to tell her and this is a 24 year old woman.
@@mtgmbs6 not everyone wants to know... I had an unexpected result and feel that I opened a can of worms. I have family I love and don’t want/need to discover new close relatives. I took the test to find out my ancestry, not to find out that my father isn’t who I thought it was.
I know I have a half-sister somewhere out there because my mother had a child she gave up for adoption. However, it has crossed my mind that she may or may not know she's adopted, and if she does know about the adoption, she certainly would have no way of knowing that my mom has had me and my brother. (Though I'm sure most adoptees consider the possibility.) I hope if I ever match with her, it doesn't come as too much of a shock. I'd love to meet her someday.
I'm doing the test to see if the man I know as my father is. Not that he
isn't a great father, but the stories and comments I have been told by
my mother don't add up. Been preparing myself mentally for things like
the possibility of rape, one night stands, etc. It has always been on
my mind, but it wasn't til a neighbor met my father and said something
to me later on. It will be nice to finally have some truth.
My wife got a first-cousin match with her grandfather's half-sister. Her great-grandfather must have had some strong DNA!
I got the same thing with my grandmother's half-sister. Not that it was necessarily strong DNA but that they shared so much in common with through their father. It is how we figured out our family mystery. It started with a first cousin match for me and Close Family Match for my mom. We sat on it for a year, mulled it over thinking it must be "them" that didn't know who they were. After a moment of pondering "what if it is us that doesn't know who we are" we started looking for matches on each branch and found a "dead branch" with no matches which led to a live branch with several matches. We've figured out the relationship but not figured out how exactly it all came to be and the parties are deceased so we'll likely never know. My grandmother shares enough DNA with her half-sibling that it shows a possible full sibling or half-sibling match. They share almost as much DNA as my full brother and I share.
Very informative video. Thank you. Waiting for my results. My mother was adopted, had no clue what nationalty she was. I've called ancestry by phone twice, got the Philippines! They have no clue how to answer questions! Is there a number for United States ?
So far I have not found a great family reunion type thing. Talk to me a few times and that is it.
Me too. What a disappointment. So wanted to find a family since mine treated me terribly,.
I am one of these people with the unexpected results. I have a very tangled family on my father's side. If all the rumors are true it involves infidelity, incest and possibly stealing/adopting children.
I started doing genealogy 4 years ago after my mother passed. She was the keeper of the pictures, newspaper clippings, etc. So I started with what I knew and was able to connect to two first cousins once removed named Cliff and Linda. They were my paternal grandmother's niece and nephew. Linda and I have been working on this line researching Daniel Rogers born Hebron CT married Huldah Musselwhite born VA. We were at a complete dead end with Daniel. Couldn't figure out how a Connecticut man married a VA gal during the civil war.
So I decided to get a DNA test. I got the results and I didn't have any Musselwhite matches. I did have Rogers, but not close. Well I thought, maybe the Musselwhites haven't tested yet. I did notice a good many of my matches had French Canadian names. I'm a Hebert by marriage and my family was all old New England with only one Scottish and one English immigrant. Looking at my husband's DNA matches is very different from looking at New England matches. So I started thinking that maybe my Rogers ancestor was possibly a loyalist and lived some years in Canada before returning to US.
I asked Cliff and Linda if they would do the DNA test as well. Cliff's came in first and I did not match him at all. He had the Musselwhite & Congdon matches I lacked. Linda's results came in and she matched Cliff as a first cousin and she didn't match me either. I had my brother test and he and I were immediate family, he didn't match Cliff and Linda as well. I had heard a rumor that my grandmother Irene Rogers was adopted. I sort out help in one of the DNA groups and the person that helped me said I had a match in FTDNA (Mrs Marilyn Smith) and that one of my grandparents was a sibling of her grandparent. I was able to contact her daughter and going through her grandparent's siblings, there wasn't a place where my grandmother could have fit in. Then, she happened to notice that one of the siblings was born on the very same day as my grandmother. So was my grandmother a twin? I also looked at the photo of the mother and my grandmother strongly resembled her. Her Rogers mother, not so much. I had a closer look at her birth certificate and hers was the only one that had "Physician not in attendance at birth" written in the comments. Plus she wasn't recorded until August and she was born in February. I decided to built a tree with those parents as my grandmother's parents and my common ancestor matches went up from 8 to 74! So I thought I was right, until...
My first cousin Freda tested. Her mother and my father were siblings. She matched me as a first cousin as well as my brother. But she also matched Cliff and Linda as second cousins. Now I was really confused. If Irene were adopted, then where did the Musselwhite DNA come in? If she wasn't adopted, where did the Canadian French come from? It was looking like it was my father or me and my brother were adopted. But now we need to talk about my grandmother. She had 17 children with two different husbands, but it doesn't just mean they had one father or the other. She had many affairs including one with her sister's husband. It was rumored that each of the seventeen children had a different father.
Now I asked another cousin, Howard's daughter if she would test. Her results are in and she matches everyone, but me and my brother. She matches Freda as a half first cousin.
So I'm left with either my brother and I am adopted or my father was and I match Freda on her father's side. I did a chromosome browser on us with my second cousin match and we don't seem to match in the same places. Just a few small segments. I match Mrs. Marilyn Smith with 235.95 cm and Freda matches her 162.73.
Here is my gut feeling. I have a very hard time believing I was adopted. My mother kept the newspaper clippings and baby bracelets from the hospital. I do have some DNA matches from her line. My oldest son is the spitting image of my father. My father looks more like Irene then any of the other children. They both had black hair that did not gray. Irene had very little gray at her death at 67. My father had very little gray at his death at 86.
With all the tomfoolery in the family, I just think there is something I'm not seeing. Oh and I forgot to explain the baby stealing/adopting. One time I know for a fact, and rumored other times, one sister would be talked into giving her baby to another who "was better able to raise it". I believe the babies were born and home and handed over. Nothing formal was done. So looking for adoption records wouldn't apply here.
I've often said, I don't know how my father came out of that family as good and sane as he was. Maybe it's because he wasn't related for real? I've been banging my head against the wall.
What a story! Any progress?
Good advice!
Can you help I have a full UK subscription on ancestry and it says with that I have access to the fold3 and newspaper but when I go to them through ancestry to look for someone it then says I need a subscription with fold3 and newspaper even although ancestry say I have access with my full UK ancestry subscription. Can you tell me how this is and why I neeed to get a separate subscription to these sites when ancestry says I should have access coz I have the full access subscription?
I was adopted as an infant, so my history is a blank page. My records are sealed in another state. I took the DNA a few years ago, and in the meantime, I posted my little immediate family. A possible match reached out to me, and we had conversations, but then as quickly as the conversations started, the person ceased all conversation and deleted me from their messages. This experience made me feel like I failed at something.
Hi Heather, we are sorry to hear that you did not have a good experience. It can be a big surprise discovering you have a new family member and can take some time for a person to process that. It sounds like you did all you could on your side and we hope you don't get discouraged from wanting to learn more about your family history.
I am 73 years old and my half-brother is 61. We just found out that the man who raised us was not HIS father....but WAS my father. Both our parents are deceased. Through another DNA match on 23andMe I had suspected who my brother's father was and after a great deal of research I have traced his ancestry up & down through 7 generations. We have discovered that he still has half-siblings that are alive but have no way to contact them. The 23andMe match (which is a child of one of his half-brothers) has not responded to attempts to contact her through 23andMe as well as via the USPS (I found her address and bio online). My brother and I also took Ancestry DNA tests and that revealed yet ANOTHER half-sibling apparently fathered by the same man who was adopted at birth and knew neither of her biological parents. It is frustrating for my brother to find an entire family with 5 other half-siblings and not be able to even contact them to see if they are interested in knowing they have a half-brother. The 23andMe match simply has refused to reply. And my brother is reluctant to pursue "going around" the niece. And I am wanting to do everything I can to contact his half-siblings but am also reluctant because I don't want to upset my brother. I feel stuck in the middle.
I have 2 cousins in my tree that are adopted. One knows and I don't know about the other. Is there any way to indicate this in my tree?
+Diane Smith Yes. Here is a video that walks through how to reflect accurate relationships in your online tree (including adoption): czcams.com/video/IWz9oMcJJmU/video.html
1) I'd love to hear more of the joyful stories. 2) I've been approached by the daughter of a woman who doesn't know who her biological father is. We've tried figuring out our connection to solve the question but have been unsuccessful. I'm out of ideas how to help. Is there DNA professional consultant you recommend? The family circles feature isn't quite scoped for this kind of thing.
Dedra Wolff Were her initials B.V.?
Dedra Wolff You might enjoy reading this article if you haven't about two sisters reunited because of DNA.
www.washingtontimes.com/news/2015/jun/27/adopted-sisters-find-each-other-through-dna-testin/
mtpokit No, but now you have me curious. Should we talk more?
Anna Swayne Thanks! I had not read that one yet.
Dedra Wolff No. I also am working with someone who matches as a 2nd / 3rd cousin to my uncle, and she knows very little of her genealogy. So, we're trying to figure out which side to pursue. We verified the MRCA at 3 generations through gedmatch.
What happened to the map of Ireland??? There is a big chunk of it missing 🤔🤔🤔
My daughter's DNA test found my birth fathers family.... I have a half sister who is 32 and i am 59 ... 27 years difference. I am now waiting on my DNA result so that my birth fathers family and i can meet. My birth fathers half sister is the same age as I am and we are communicating a lot via messenger. I just want to wait for my results b4 we all meet :)
Crista, is there another method to collect DNA. From a person other than spitting into the tube. I have two aunt i want to test, but its not possible for them to spit into the tube. They've alzheimer's desease and other health problem. PLEASE HELP!!!
+Lj Frazer They SHOULD HAVE OTHER WAYS of collecting DNA for people with health problem. Even if i have to PAY MORE. I am still trying to take my aunts DNA. She is in bed bound. Her health is getting worst with each passing day. In that Area they're failing their clients.
Cheek swab? That's how my first DNA test was done. It was through the National Geographic Genome project but it looks like now they too are using spit method.
Check with other DNA testing. I saw on TV but forgot the name of the Company who use a cheek swab to collect DNA
There are other companies that swab. I prefer Ancestry but I too faced that decision. I had older relatives that I wanted to be tested now due to age but they couldn't spit. I wish Ancestry would get that option (even if it cost more or offered less for future testing.
My DNA came back with a half sibling I did not know I had. My paternal aunt and my cousins did not appear as matches suggesting the man who raised me is not my biological father. If neither of us have living parents to question are there other tests to confirm that the dna, the 1722cm, mean what we think they mean? Reeling and need answers. Thank you
I am hoping to find my paternal family. The story my mom gave me was that my father was named Greg Martin, although she says she heard someone call him Martinelli. That when he found out she was pregnant, he proposed but would not let her meet his family. She's told me stories like he held a gun on us when I was a baby, living in a basement and too poor to have a phone. She was paranoid that he would try to take me while I was at school. My mom warned me he was dangerous and got upset when I pressed for details.
My mom passed away 12/24/2020 from covid related cardiac arrest.
Good to know
Do you have any idea of the percentages of surprises. Someone told me that male ancestors surprises can be near 20%.
+Bert Wright I haven't seen a reliable study that has been done that gives us this information. Certainly would be interesting.
Is it possible for someone to find a father or fathers family if they don’t know the names?
I'm wondering the same thing I have no information on my paternal grandfather
I helped a friend who was adopted find her birth father's side, he was not the man who the birth mother claimed and he was an identical twin,so the dna match helped go thru his family timeline and location to confirm which brother.but yes you can find the paternal line.even easier I think if you are a male using Y dna.
I started on Ancestry looking for my father's father,will taking the DNA test help me or would it be best if my brother took the test.
I already know that I have a different biological father than my siblings and cannot test my dad because he doesnt know this and it is to sensitive to address. Regardless of DNA he is my dad and I have a lot of his family in my tree which I would like to make connections on. If I test my sister (1/2 sister) will this connect his family line in my tree?
+Laurie Fugate Yes. She will have received 50% of his DNA.
I'm trying to find my paternal grandfather, will my DNA test help me find out who he is?
Is it possible for to siblings or half siblings to take the DNA test and not show up on each other matches? Could there be a mistake in the test or hurt to prepare for?
Full and half siblings (if they have all tested with AncestryDNA) will ALWAYS show up on one another's match lists. Full siblings will show up under the "Immediate Family" category. Half siblings will show up in the "Close Family" category.
No, there probably isn't a mistake in the test, but as I've pointed out in a few other comments, before people jump to conclusions they may want to stop to consider that there's a slim possibility that one of the people taking the test could be a chimera.
A chimera will not "always" show up on match lists. DNA testing is not 100% reliable because 100% of the DNA of all humans in the world is not 100% reliable. Some humans are chimeras. Research it. Look into it. Inform yourself. Find out what a chimera is.
It's highly unlikely you are a chimera but if you're finding it hard to believe your results, at least get medically tested to eliminate any doubt over whether you're a chimera or not.
@@anneonimous9306 That's very unlikely. Even if you are a chimera, it's almost certain that your distinct cell lines will be closely related - either you absorbed a fraternal twin's cells or were colonized by your mother's cells. Which means you should still show up as a match. The only exception I can think of would require IVF.
I've submitted my daughter's DNA in hopes of locating her father's family. I've sorted her DNA results from mine, and sent out messages to some of the people who have recently logged on to their AncestryDNA accounts and who are not in my DNA matches hoping to find out more about their families. There are 1 or 2 people who are closer than 4th cousin, the rest are 4th -6th cousin matches. I offered for them to view my family tree to rule out any relationship to me, and let them know that my daughter was raised by her adopted father which is why I have her listed with a "Biological Father" rather than an actual father's' name. (Unfortunately I don't have his surname to offer them.)Granted it has only been not even 2 weeks since I sent these messages. How long should I wait to hear from them, and what further steps should I take. Do you have any other suggestions for moving forward with these matches to find her biological paternal family?
I have 4 large tree's ,are you saying I have to put them all together for this to work ?
yes, you can only link you DNA to one tree at a time.
I'm just frustratingly waiting on my results in order to see if the young man I've been contacted by is really my child I did not know I fathered in 1980. He looks like me and I've noticed some of my traits in him. He even says some things the way I would say them. We both feel the connection and we're just waiting on confirmation. As a soldier I learned how to hurry up and wait and as an over-the-driver I learned how to wait but this is just something totally different.
Bless you both on your journey.
Have you found out yet?
@@IaintNoPuta, YES! He is my son! I found out Sunday morning and we video chatted that night. I even had a chance to talk to my daughter-in-law who seems like a sweetie.
@@donotneed2250 Wow! Congratulations! To my surprise , I’ve just discovered I’m in the same situation (as the child). Best of luck to you all. You are blessed.
I have paid for DNA tests for my son and for my late daughter's child, my granddaughter. My son comes up parent/child & my granddaughter as Close family member & so forth. I'm currently looking up my matches for Eastern European cousins because I don't know where my mother's mom was from exactly. She told me Austria-Hungarian Empire which is a huge area & I'd like to know where I have the most matches. The records I could find for her ( she died before WWII) say, Poland, Austria, Russia & a few other countries. So, I've been concentrating on 4th to 5th cousins with E European DNA ( nothing closer has showed up). I've messaged them asking where their ancestors were from in Eastern Europe & received some interesting answers like: South Western Hungary, North Western Ukraine ! But here's what is bothering me; most of these matches do not show up in my son's or granddaughter's matches. I know they're further away from the match but still should show up I believe. Another thing that really puzzles me is I've clicked on a few matches to see who I share the match with and I get "You do not have any shared matches with this person". How can that be?
Joan, You've asked some great questions. Your son only received 50% of your DNA. So, there is 50% of your DNA that he did not receive. It is entirely possible that the segments of DNA that connect you to some of these 4th cousin matches were not passed on to your son. Similarly, your daughter only inherited 50% of your DNA. And she, in turn, only passed on 50% of her DNA to her daughter. That means your granddaughter only has ~25% of your DNA.
As for the Shared Matches - it only looks at those matches who share 20 cM of DNA or more with both people. So, if someone shares less than 20 cM of DNA with you (or with the match you are viewing), they will not show up on the Shared Match list.
Hi, I took the Ancestry DNA, and at 58yrs of age, I'm just now discovering, my Dad is not my biological father. This news would break his heart, so for now, I'm not sharing this with him. He is 82yrs old & My mother took off when I was only 12 & My brother only 9. He finished raising us. I know, it would hurt him to learn she cheated on him in 1960-61.
My mother is deceased, and her family has no clue as to who my biological father could be. I'm shocked..and not sure where to go from here.
Do I make another tree with only my mother's maiden name & father unknown?
I found this video to be very helpful and calming. I will take a deep breath and try to figure this out.
Thank you!
Hi Deb. I'm so sorry to hear that you received such unexpected information regarding your parentage. It can be difficult to process. Please be gentle with yourself.
You can still just have one family tree. Go into your profile in the tree and click on EDIT | Edit Relationships. You can add an "unknown" biological father and then change your relationship to your dad to be non-biological. This will allow you to keep information about all sides of your family tree in once place.
If you want to figure out the identity of your biological father, you can use your AncestryDNA Match to do that. Has your brother or anyone else on your mother's side of the family taken the AncestryDNA test?
I want to know about the Kokos side of my family . My father is Dean Armand Kokos .My Grandfather was James Kokos from Chicago .I have no idea who his parents were There are a lot of Kokoses in Chicago one story is his parents died young and was adopted by family.I have nothing to go on and can't afford to delve into it further but will be excited to learn what I can.
My DNA is in the lab so I am still waiting. I want to thank you for being so helpful and sensitive to all who are pursuing their family ties.
Bill (If thats my real name) Just kidding.
I haven't read thru all the comments so excuse me if I am redundant. My father and I did our DNA and found a match we do not recognize. She is a first cousin of mine and niece of my dads who was adopted. She has no knowledge of my dad's side but her DNA goes back to my dad's father's side of the family in a very specific small town our relatives were founders of. My dad has a sister who would have had 3 young children at the time and a brother who would've been 17. We're thinking it's likely that the child was the brother's but have no idea how to tell him or if we even should. What do you think?
DNA can certainly reveal some long-held family secrets. When dealing with biological fathers, some men have no idea they ever fathered a child, others are completely aware. I recommend that your father speak to his brother. He might want to start the conversation by saying something like, "If we were to discover a family secret through AncestryDNA, would you want to know?" Then let the brother respond. If he says yes, then use that as an opening to let him know what you think the possible relationship might be and then invite him to take a DNA test to prove or disprove it.
I hope that helps. Good luck to you and your family. (~Crista)
Yes, tell him. It is up to him how or if he responds. It really is information that rightfully belongs to him.
Thanks! Turns out it was my grandfather’s child from an affair which makes this girl not a first cousin, but an aunt!!
I have found cousins that are adopted through my DNA and one was an easy match, another is proving more difficult. And a third that is adopted, but isn't ready to take the plunge.
The cousin that was my easy match, I will call her Lila, her biological mother had the same name as my mother had after marrying my father. Talk about getting turned on your head for a minute! After doing more research, her mother was my Grandfather's Neice and lived a half a nation away from my Mother before giving birth to Lila. My Mother was in college and was not married yet and no genetic match to my Mother either. You never know what is out there to discover and who's lives you will enrich, as they will most certainly enrich yours.
Can you help possible half siblings from half- brothers name which half- brother is the father? There is a 2nd cousin in our match. All possible parents and close family are deceased. Help us!
If you would like to send a private message to ASK [at] ancestry.com, include the Ancestry user name of your account and a brief description of the problem and we are happy to take a look.
I submitted my DNA and found that there are no links to my father, other than my sister (who has also submitted her DNA). However, there are people that show up as cousins, as much as a 1st-2nd cousin) that are not listed on my sister's side. My uncle on my mother's side has said that he does believe that my father took me as his own, even though there was a question about it (I am 10. 12, and 14 years younger than my siblings). I am desperate to find out if my father is my biological father or not. My siblings have acted strangely after my father's death last year (both of my parents are now gone). I'm really hoping to get my uncle on my father's side to do a test.
Hi, Heidi. Thank you for sharing with us. While we do not offer assistance with personal research we can help send you tips on how to best locate this information. We have a great article designed to help break down walls within your research, you can access that here: support.ancestry.com/s/article/Overcoming-Roadblocks-in-Your-Research?language=en_US
Our partners Progenealogists would be able to assist with any personal research, you can learn more about this service and the price here: support.ancestry.com/s/article/When-why-and-how-to-hire-a-Professional-Genealogist-1460088592248-2563
I just sent my Ancestry DNA kit off today. I was adopted in France ; I have two birth certificates . The judge told my adoptive parents that they would never have to tell me I was adopted because their name is on both of them . I have family members telling me not to be disappointed if I get no matches on my results . Is that possible to get no matches?
It is very VERY rare for anyone to get zero DNA matches.
Curious if you got any matches. My answer would be that you have to have matches who've tested. In theory you could have no matches if none of your relatives have tested using the site you tested with but I would think you would have some. My husband and his niece were tested. Both were born in Serbia. My husband only had 4th cousin matches (other than his niece and our children) but his niece had a 2nd cousin and 3rd cousin on her mother's side as well as 4th cousins (and of course our children and my husband matched). So even if you are born in Europe I'd think it is likely you'd have SOME matches with Ancestry.
Hello I was wondering if you could tell me if you have someone you always knew as a cousin comes up as a half sibling relationship with 24 % shared DNA and it says 100 % accuracy if it could be wrong.
Hi, Nikki. Thanks for reaching out. We can understand that you'd like some answers regarding your match. Without seeing your matches, we wouldn't feel confident in our answer. We have an article that should make things clear for you in relation to your matches.
support.ancestry.com/s/article/AncestryDNA-Match-Categories?language=en_US
I started a tree in 2009 comprised mainly of my wife's family. I am adopted, so I did build the tree with my adoptive family. In 2013 I discovered by birth family and started a separate tree that is fairly large. Is there an easy way to merge the birth family tree into my wife's tree? I would note my adoptive parents but otherwise have my wife's family tree information combined with the birth family tree.
+Wesley Wyatt I also would like to be able to see that feature as my childrens grandmother on fathers side, she died young from the flu leaving 4 children and they were farmed out and the father dissappeared. I have found her brother by posting one pic they had and his daughter contacted me so have found their history but I don't want to ignore the family that raised her and were known as grandma and grandpa till they died.
I have no idea who my biological father is,have my DNA results but have no idea how to go any further.I have written to some with little succes.Need help please.
Do you still need help? I'm happy to help if I can.
being an adoptee im looking for my biological family how much is it and what are the chances of me finding at least one biological family member
Cathy, We have individuals connecting with biological family members every single day through AncestryDNA. You can find current pricing information here: dna.ancestry.com
My husband was adopted as well. Nothing is known about his bio family. We did his DNA this past December and he had SEVERAL matches. One is listed as an "aunt or first cousin" so there is definitely a possibility. It just depends on who has been tested in your line.
I am 60 years old and I want to know who my real father is, my Mom until now do not seem to know his last name. I wish I can find any relative. I am excited and so frustrated for so long. please help me.??
+Cathy Coleman Have you and your mother taken the AncestryDNA test? If you test both of you, you can compare your match list to hers. Any matches that you have that your mother does not have, come from your father's side of your family tree. Using those matches, you should be able to discover the identity of your biological father.
My grandmother was a foster child born in 1915 she died in 1969. My mother, her daughter passed in 2014. I took the test after she passed and had my mother's half brother who shares my grandmother take the test and he shows up as a 1st cousin which makes sense based on what I learned on this video. Now since we only share our grandmother's dna our shared matches would be her line so there is a second cousin on mine which I am thinking would be his first cousin. They don't have a tree and I have sent them two messages with no response. There are other matches with trees but they are third and fourth cousins. Is there an easy way to whittle this down to who my grandmother's parents might be?
You've got it. Any matches you and your 1/2 uncle have in common would be from your maternal grandmother's ancestry. Do you have access to your uncle's DNA match list? How much DNA does he share with this 2nd cousin match of yours? Knowing that will ensure that you are placing them in the correct place in the family tree. Have you been able to find a common ancestor between the 3rd and 4th cousins family tree?
I Share 240 centimorgans shared across 15 DNA segments with the second cousin so I'm thinking that we would share Great Grandparents. I'm reached out to my Uncle to see if he will either find out how much DNA he shares with this person or let me have access. My mother and my uncle have the same mother, my grandmother and we know nothing about her parents at all. The story is that she was a foster child and had no knowledge of her birth parents. She was born in 1915. I did find a couple of common ancestors between the 3rdand 4th cousins but I'm still having a difficult time determining who her parents were.
It looks like the 2nd cousin showing my 1/2 Uncles list is also his second cousin. This person shares 508 centimorgans across 20 DNA segments. So I think that this person is a solid second cousin to my 1/2 uncle which would mean that they share great grandparents and this person's mother or father would be a 1st cousin to my 1/2 uncle. I think I'm getting closer but still having a difficult time determining who my grandma belongs to.
How do I add my son and brother's DNA results linked to my profile?
+Just Dueitt Were their kits activated on their own accounts or are they all on your account?
My brother has a separate account.
+Just Dueitt If your brother goes into his account and goes to his DNA Settings, he can share his DNA results with you. Make sure he gives you ADMIN rights. Once you receive and accept that invitation you will be able to attach his results to your tree. (Crista)
I just discovered that my mom's biological father was not her mother's husband who raised her. My closest DNA match to my unknown grandfather is 194 cM. I found a family tree for this man on genealogy.com. I think the head of the family tree was my mom's grandfather. This man had a large family. There are several sons that are around my grandmother's age. How do I approach this DNA match to ask for help in identifying the right person? What do I say in my communication to convey that I am looking for their family member that impregnated a married woman in 1943-44?
I have taken the dna as well as my mom so I may find my biological father. I think I found the surname but the person who I highly match with does not have a family tree and has not answered my 2 emails. Now what? where do I go from hear?
You might consider doing an internet search for their user name and see if you can find them on Facebook or an email address for them.
Yep! This! We found a close match (aunt/first cousin/g-grandparent) on my husband's DNA results and I clicked her Ancestry profile then started looking for messages she'd posted. In one of the messages on Ancestry she included her full name which gave us the ability to locate her on Facebook. She's not responded to many messages yet, but my husband was able to get a friends request from her so hopefully we can get some answers on his strange adoption circumstances.
the questiom i have is if both of your pairents are decessed and both of your sets of gramnd pairemnts are decessed as well how do you know where to look for your family if all you havbe letf is one aunt and one unckel left how should i start to find out who they are
Talk to your aunt and uncle. Find out what they know about their parents and grandparents. Then, start building a family tree. Enter what you know about yourself, your parents, your grandparents. Enter what your aunt and uncle shared with you about their parents and grandparents. Based on that information, you should be able to start using the historical records on Ancestry to make new discoveries. For example, every 10 years in the United States we take a federal census. Every person in every household is enumerated by name with information about their age, birthplace, occupation, etc. Using that information, you can continue to make discoveries in birth, marriage, and death records, military records and more. Does that make sense?
yes it does but on my farthers side i dont have any auints or unckels to ask questions so what do i do then i know a little but not much
my father is dead but he didn't know who his real father was will this kinda help find his fathers side of the family
+Dave Crawford Absolutely! Every week (almost every day) we hear stories of AncestryDNA users who have made discoveries about biological family members that they never knew. (Crista)
How do I go about my family History
Help.....Received some surprising results. Predicated relation was 1st cousin, confidence was extremely High, 1,056 centimorgans shared across 34 dna segments. Is this definitely 1st cousin -or- could it still fall into the 2nd cousin range??
If someone shares 1056 cM with you they are either a 1st cousin, a half-niece/nephew, 1/2 aunt/uncle, great-niece/nephew, great-aunt/uncle, great-grandparent, or great-grandchild.
Are you sure the right person took the DNA test and not their parent?
Shared DNA: 1,997 cM across 64 segments Is this definitive for half-sibling? I can eliminate grandparent, grandchild, aunt or uncle. And, I have 50% of my DNA matches to people I do not know. I've drawn my own conclusions, looking for some confirmation. Thank you
If you have ruled out grandparent/grandchild and aunt/uncle/niece/nephew, then the only remaining relationship at that amount of shared DNA is a half-sibling.
As a parent that adopted and has DNA tested with Ancestry our adoptees and this video being about sensitivity, I wish the term give away was not used in reference to adoption. I feel that placed is much more appropriate and sensitive. Thanks for the rest of the video.
I agree.
Forced adoption was the reality in many societies. In 2013 the Australian government apologies for their forced adoption policies.
Everyone has their own preferences. To me, "being placed" sounds like something done against the biological parent's will, so I'm not comfortable using that term when I know the biological parent made the choice themselves. I'd only use it for situations where the adoption occurred despite the biological parent's wishes, such as a child protection case.
Unexpected results? You bet! My late mother was adopted at birth, was never told who her biological parents were, and never had any interest in knowing. But her children want to know, so we've submitted DNA to Ancestry. To date we've received 2 results - one showing a match to ancestors of the man who adopted her, and one showing a match to ancestors of his wife! There are only 3 scenarios: either her adopting father was indeed her father (vaguely possible), or her adopting mother was indeed her mother (highly doubtful), or AncestryDNA took a look at the family tree I created, showing these people as her parents (only because I was curious about their roots for my own interest), and fabricated the 'matches'. I would love to talk with someone from AncestryDNA about this, without having to pay a progenealogist thousands of dollars - which I've done once, with no results, whatsoever!
It wasn't unusual, back in the day, for family members to adopt a child from a sibling or cousin who couldn't raise the child themselves. Your DNA matches are discovered entirely based upon DNA. The trees are only looked at AFTER your results have been processed to see if we can help find out where the trees of two matches intersect.
You have hundreds of DNA matches. Who are the closest? (Crista)
Yes, hundreds of matches, but other than the obvious match to my brother, the rest are 4th to 7th cousins.
Is your brother a full brother or a half-brother? Is your father still living or any of his siblings or their children? Testing someone from your father's side of the family would help you isolate which of the matches on your list are likely from your mother's side of the family.
My FULL brother submitted DNA, at my request,and the results/matches have been coming to me for several years. I hired Ancestry's Pro Genealogists and they had access to them, along with our family tree, which was compiled from 6 decades of research by my father's sister, and another 2 decades, at the time, of my research, which either collaborated with or corrected her conclusions. Pro Genealogists didn't give me a single name, much less a hint, but they cost me thousands of dollars. Neither my father nor any of his siblings are alive now, and only 1 male from my father's side of the family is still living - my FULL brother, who has submitted DNA, as I said. In fact, he submitted it twice, because the first submission gave us no clues as to our ethnicity.
Are you related to Dave?
I found out age days after my mother passed she had given birth to a baby boy 2 years before my sister was born....she was assaulted by her step brother....so I know I have a half sibling for sure...
I brushed my teeth before I gave my saliva into the test cup. Would this change my DNA for testing?
+Donna Smith It shouldn't have any affect. But, if there is any problem with your sample, we will let you know and provide another kit. (Crista)
My fiancé has a older half brother and two older half sisters they all have the same father my fiancé never met his biological father he found out who he was as he became an adult because he asked his mom. His bio father is deceased now and he would like to reach out to his half siblings but, he’s scared and really doesn’t know what to say. His bio fathers brother and wife knew about my fiancé the whole time and my fiancé has still never met them either. He would like to know more about his biological family but, I also understand why he’s scared. Would you want your half sibling to contact you if you didn’t know you had one but found out on ancestry or would you just ignore the match and act like they didn’t exist?
Personally, if I have a half-sibling out there I want them to contact me the moment they know we are related to one another. I realize that not everyone will have that same reaction. But, in my experience, people are far more willing to connect and share information than not.
My daughter had her DNA tested and found a 1st or 2nd Cousin relationship she was unaware of. She also knew I was adopted and called me to say hey Dad I found your Brothers and Sisters.
I myself did some looking, i knew my birth mothers middle and last name, it was the same name of the mother of the person my daughters DNA matched on Ancestry. Knowing this I contacted my bio Brother and let him know about the situation. I went as far as to supply a copy of my adoption records for him and his siblings to see. He promised they would try to find out some things and see where we go from there. He would not accept the DNA match alluding to not being sure of the validity of these DAN test. (These people have quality educations and should know better than this.)
3 weeks passed without contact and I left a email message for my bio brother asking about progress but received no reply. After a few days I called my brothers older brother, whom I knew would be aware of me, and left a message explaining I am his brother and that his mother gave birth to me about 3 years prior to his birth, I ask him to call me back. To my astonishment the immediate reply came from the first brother I contacted, it was a reply that revealed a family of siblings with icy cold hearts, refusal to believe the DNA, and not a care in the world about having another brother. They gave me a short tale of how long their mother was happily married to their father instead.
Since this time I have contacted family on my mothers side who have confirmed that I am the son of the mother of the siblings I had contacted. These family members on my mothers side are not close to any of my bio siblings and do not want to contact any of them to explain about my adoption. I have a lot of trouble understanding why they will not at least let them know I am valid and real. Everything is left on my back to solve and that is a little cold also but at least they did talk to me and accept who I am. One was nice enough to give me his number so we could keep in touch, that is an Uncle on my mothers side.
Now I am left still wanting to know my brothers and sisters that decided to ignore me. I WANT TO MAKE THIS NEWS AS PUBLIC AND WIDESPREAD AS MY FUNDS WILL ALLOW. Hopefully that will make them come to terms with my existence and accept I am a brother or shove them more into hiding along with their very sorry attitudes and complete lack of morality in dealing with this. DAMNED SURE IS NOT MY FAULT I HAVE A MOTHER! (Yes there is some anger and resentment of their lack of respect for my feelings. Feelings I can not sit aside, how I wish I could, it bothers me far to much to have to live with this we're happy the way we are attitude from these people.)
I am looking for a person to help me with making the news of my adoption and the family I found more public. Hopes of getting an article in local newspapers where my siblings live linger in the back of my mind. Finding anyone with the experience to help start and continue a publicity campaign of this type would be a God send.
Since my bio brothers and sisters are well up on the social and economic status ladder maybe an article of this type will gain some interest in Philadelphia area. Maybe the publication of my story will convince my siblings to in the very least talk to me and acknowledge they are my siblings. I know I can not make anyone love me and that is not my goal. Who would want someone who only loves you, or says they do, because they were forced to say that? Not I for certain.
My intentions, along with my children's, are to write letters to all the family members we can locate and tell them my story. We believe someone will take time to read the letter that will touch their heart in a decent way. We will send the letter to everyone down to and including first cousins. There are bound to be a few who have a heart somewhere in my bio family and would like to know more about me and my children. I refuse to believe anyone can be as hardhearted as the siblings I found. People in general are better than that aren't they? My guess is they are a mirror image of the mother who gave me up so she could have a better life. She got lucky if my siblings reaction shows any kind of insight into what her reaction would have been, she died before I found her.
All it will take is a few in my bio family who frown upon the reception my siblings provided me and their lack a caring to bring enough shame upon those self centered siblings to cause them to re-think their since less decision to shove me aside. I have been ignored by a birth mother and adjusted to the reality of that, then these people came along and enough is enough. I may not be able to make them acknowledge me but SHAME ON THEM IF THEY DON'T. If nothing else I deserve that much.
P.S. Anyone who has comments to me about being gentle with my new found siblings please forget about that approach. I have tried kindness and being sensitive only to have the weakness it has shown my siblings empower them to move in their nasty direction concerning my existence. If you do not have anything to add that can help me reach my goals of exposing my birth and adoption circumstances publicly then please do not add your advice. I already had this painful experience with one member who did not understand NO on this website.
Who knows maybe my self centered siblings will read this and reacet in a more human and positive way. it is never to late for them to accept and take time to have a conversation with me. I am not asking for love, money, or even a visit. I would love to have all those things but in there absence a few pictures of my mother and some info on family health would do at minimum.
I these people are as cruel as I believe they may be then let them bring on what ever actions they want to take. I can assure them there worse then what they have already done to me. I am nearing my final months on earth anyway so in my mind using the time I have left to do all I can to establish contact is a very worthwhile goal. They had their turn to help make this turn out right and blew their chance, NOW THE TURN REMAINING IS MINE! I know how to play easy and how to play hard, all difficulty in this situation will rest on their shoulders and within their minds.
Monty
I really sympathise with your anger, but I feel that the course of action you describe is wrong. Harassing people who have plainly and repeatedly indicated that they want nothing to do with you -- and also embarking on a letter writing campaign to complain to others about how they have treated you -- and also trying to publish newspaper articles in which you rant about how angry you are about the behaviour of private individuals who have done nothing criminal or against the law, could get you arrested and facing criminal charges of stalking, libel, harassment, defamation, etc. At the end of the day, unfortunately you can't FORCE anyone to love you and welcome you with open arms. Love has to be given willingly, or else it isn't true love.
If you have always known you were adopted, then you didn't have a sudden shock like they did. You have had your whole life to get used to the idea, whereas those people had it sprung upon them like a sudden bombshell. You are seeing it all from your point of view. You are not trying to see it from theirs.
Of course, it works both ways: they should try and see the situation from your point of view as well. Both parties should meet in the middle. You, as the long-lost son who was adopted out of the family, should not have unreasonable expectations that your biological family will welcome you with ecstatic tears of joy and celebrations. They, as the family who have just had a dirty secret let out of the bag, need to try to stop worrying so much about how it's going to affect their family's reputation, and try to consider how much their reaction is hurting you. Unfortunately, they probably wont. And neither will you.
In situations like this, most human beings are utterly consumed with how THEY feel about a situation, and tend to selfishly demand that everybody else feel the same way as them.
No, it's not your fault that you have a mother, but it's not your brothers' fault that they were born into their particular parentage, either. You claimed they have "icy hearts" on the basis that they said to you about how happy their parents' marriage was. That doesn't mean they have "icy hearts". It just means that they are probably reeling from shock and their world is in total upheaval because they thought their parents were model individuals but you have suddenly caused their whole reality to shatter.
You are asking far too much of them to expect them to happily accept this revelation within such a short space of time. They will need time to adjust to the idea and gradually get used to their new reality. Or maybe they never will adjust to it. Maybe it would be too painful for them to accept you, because it would mean facing up to too many painful family secrets. It can be easier for some people to take the coward's way out and stick their heads in the sand and pretend to themselves that it's not really happening. Which do you prefer: a hurtful truth, or a comforting lie? I assure you that most people would take the comforting lie. They prefer to keep on telling themselves that their family is perfect, rather than face up to the reality of what it really is. You, on the other hand, did the brave thing: you traced your family because you wanted to find out the truth: would they accept you, or reject you? And now you know. The truth is, they have rejected you. No matter how much you rant about it or try to bully them into changing their minds by calling them all the nasty names under the sun, you cannot force them to love you. At least you traced them, so now you know. Now you won't have to live with the doubt of asking yourself:"Do I have a loving biological family out there somewhere who will cherish me, or do my biological family want nothing to do with me?" At least you've now settled that doubt.
You mentioned you have a daughter, so presumably you also have a wife. So you have a family. You have made a family of your own. You don't need the family you came from. You only need the family you gave yourself to.
Don't waste your time ranting at people who don't love you and trying to get them to love you. It doesn't work. You will only offend and upset them.
wow - what a fantastic writer you are. I hope the writer above is still with us and your words helped him.
I am in a similar situation- about biological family rejecting me in favor of keeping their little compfy worlds "compfy" as they are, w/o new complications, I guess.... They don't seem to care that my heart is broken in a million pieces & I doubt they ever will. Some people say - to try to be a comfort- "They're missing out on knowing a great person." But I'm missing out on knowing my family ... Well maybe, after reading all that was written above here.... Maybe I'm not missing out on anything. They don't seem to have very open hearts... (In my case , anyway) @@anneonimous9306
I dont think my dad on my birth certificate is my real dad i think my uncle Johnny Snipes is my real dad by something that was said at his funeral.
I am seeing results that are making me question who my biological father may be. I am wondering if artificial insemination is also a consideration.
There are always a lot of options to consider. That would certainly be one. Good luck in your process of discovery. Please let me know if you have questions along the way.
It was a waste a money since I am adopted, no one could figure out who I am
My Biological mother has passed and I have no living relatives that I know of I have a half sister we think we’re pretty sure we’re half-sisters I’m hoping it’ll show something she did do a DNA through ancestry so hopefully she will pop up
McKnight gee I wonder where I from?
Loretta Malicoat
I'm looking for my aunt's DNA
Thanks so much for sharing your research goals with us, Mitchell. We have a great webinar from Crista on the subject of searching for relatives with AncestryDNA, in case you'd like to check that out! We'll link this below for your convenience.
Link: czcams.com/video/wwLty5r3GPE/video.html
Thanks again for stopping by!
I share with A person that is 80 years old 798 cm Shared across 31 dna Who is she to me
I signed up and did my DNA and then paid for another account but swabbed my dog 😂 The test confirmed... that's my son !
Unprofessional setting...makes me wonder about the company?
Good video BUT VERY VERY poor audio ... you are NOT NOT talking load enough .... and no Nothing wrong with that audio at my end.
Im waiting for the results i feel the only way i will know the truth is doing the dna test its been on my mind since 1998 to know the truth will be the best Christmas present ive ever had
That's wonderful, Jessica. We're excited for you in receiving your DNA results. We understand the anticipation as this has been on your mind for quite some time. Feel free to learn more in the meantime here: support.ancestry.com/s/article/Waiting-for-DNA-Results