No Buy Week #24: Questions to Ask in Order to NOT BUY STUFF!!!
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- Äas pĆidĂĄn 30. 06. 2024
- Sorry for the lawnmower noise at the end! Alas.
Back to a kind of "Things I Wanted to Buy But Didn't" but this time, with possibly more success! Except for maybe a pair of sandals that I still kind of want...đ
0:00 hi! time for a good old fashioned no buy video
0:09 not the best recording of Vivaldi's "Summer"
1:10 lesson one - not seeing it on social media
1:18 lesson two - buying duplicates
2:39 not just exact duplicates but functional as well
3:32 do I NEED this item (but for real now)
3:51 moving on to sandals discussion
6:20 the search for the "perfect" one
6:42 and how the nature of trends make this impossible
7:58 I don't believe clothes are gendered in reality
8:17 buying things you don't need is irresponsible?
8:53 I would have just bought them in the past
9:05 but my "no buy" made me THINK before buying
9:24 I thought I was considering my purchases but no
10:22 there are some cases where life changes means buying
10:30 spoiler alert - look out for what I bought so far update
10:48 social media has changed consumerism
12:34 if we aren't aware, we can be easy targets
13:12 I STILL WANT TO BUY THINGS
14:56 but never fear, the no buy is helping
17:05 you always have time to think about what you want
18:19 questions to ask yourself before buying
19:56 the second question to ask
20:41 the third question
23:10 the fourth question
24:37 questions for consumables
25:26 regarding books
28:30 HELP ME NOT BUY THESE SANDALS
#consciousconsumption #consciousconsumerism #nobuyyear #recovering #shopaholic
Thank you for your videos. Iâm finding it so helpful. Iâm a compulsive clothes shopper and Iâm trying to change. Iâm becoming more aware of the foolishness, the waste of money, time ,energy and peace. I recently went off track and ended up spending so much time choosing, collecting, trying on, agonising over what worked and finally returning most of them. At the end of the process I reflected on how this had taken my time , money, mental energy until it was sorted. When Iâm lying on my death bed I wonât want to remember all the shopping Iâve done. I want to remember special times with special people and hopefully good things Iâve achieved.â€
I love how you put it with "foolishness, waste of money, time, energy, peace"....I feel all of that deeply. I've also been trying to put more time towards my ACTUAL goals because shopping and acquiring new things is not a true goal of mine, although my past behavior would suggest otherwise. Even so I still get sucked into wanting to buy stuff in order to make accomplishing my goals easier, when in reality usually I'm just putting off the actions or work that would bring real results đ€Šââïž
Wife, mother, daughter, musician! Lots of hats! đžđđđ© Goals yes but me time yes also!
( Beginning to know me as a bit
( not "but") of a hedonist!)
I'm a guy, I don't value clothes that much or make up. But I do like books, DVDs and vinyls. But I have so much now that I can watch a couple hours of series a day for over a year before revisiting something old. So I'm not buying anymore, maybe ever. Your videos are informative, thank you.
Thank you! I also like books, but have luckily not fallen into collecting vinyls despite being interested in the past! I think that would be extremely dangerous for me especially as a musician, because I wouldn't know when to stop!
@@Alexas.nobuyyear Yeah, it is kinda dangerous lol :P
When you say "I can't believe I wasn't doing the thinking before hitting that purchase button" it was very relatable. I did a no-buy year two years ago and had the same thought myself! It's a little shocking how we THINK that we're being mindful about our purchases, but we're not really digging down deep. I found that my "thinking" about the purchase was often really just an attempt to justify buying a thing that I didn't need.
That no-buy year changed my mindset dramatically, but it is a circular journey that I am still on, even now that I'm trying to apply the lessons I learned to shop in healthy moderation. Every time I think I've got things down, I discover a next deeper level to becoming aware of my shopping habits and my relationship to things. I'm not sure it ever ends, but that's okay. It keeps things interesting. ;-)
It will be so much fun to see where this journey takes you! Thanks for taking us along for the ride.
Yes this 100%, the "thinking" being about justifying it is so on the mark for me and your way of putting that is very clear, thank you!
And yes to the next levels of discovery, it's crazy, and also seems to come at me from multiple places be it internal realizations or what I see online and what society looks like regarding consumerism (and why I see those things, etc) - so many layers. I thought with the whole "posting online for accountability" here it'd be about me and what I wanted to buy and how I was keeping myself from doing that, and it DID start out like that, but now there is so much more to unpack and I think there maybe always will be those "new" developments and realizations...
Thank YOU for coming along too and sharing, your comments are so valuable to me and enhancing my own thought processes!
Why would anyone buy something they do not love merely because it is "trending"? This is a sincere question (I hear about many people are doing this).
So I think the fact that something is "trending" does a couple of things, for some people it can induce a curiosity to "try it out" even if it's not something one already loves the idea of...and then what used to get me is that the "trending" things will be all over the place, on ads, social media, etc. and after seeing it so many times I start to think that I DO love it, even though that idea was not my original idea but an idea planted by all the marketing.
Now that I've pushed pause on purchases, I can start seeing that things I thought I wanted back in January and February I actually don't still want, and some of those things were just things I saw popping up a lot.
I once heard that when contemplating buying something you should easily be able to find a minimum of five outfits using pieces you already have that you would wear it with and that if you can't come up with five exact ways you would wear it without having to buy something else new to make the look work, then it's not a good purchase. Personally I think the lemon heels are cute and fun but I can't see a way to wear them that wouldn't look childish in my opinion - this is probably because I like to try to style myself in a way that makes me feel "comfortable" and/or "elevated" for lack of a easier way to describe it, and to me those don't fit the bill. But that's the thing about style, if it suits your aesthetic, it if will make you feel fantastic when you wear it and you know you actually will wear it because it would be a go-to grab that fits your wardrobe holes then it's a good buy. If you already have something you would reach for first, then it's it's just a fun buy and you likely won't get good use out of it. I like telling myself, you can like it and not own it when i am on the fence about things.
Love that last point about liking but not owning. And that's a great idea about at least thinking of five exact outfits, and also I like how you broke down the aspects of the sandals that make it more clear whether they would fit an aesthetic goal or not (cute, fun, childish). Super helpful! In my case I might actually LIKE the "childish" element because I do find myself feeling "overdone" or too serious in an outfit that's entirely made of classic or more elevated pieces, and I like mixing a more "elevated" outfit with one piece that kind of "brings it down", (which is why I have so many sneakers that I'll wear with trousers and a button down, or graphic tees to wear under blazers) but, I am still going to wait on these sandals in the spirit of my no buy year!
@@Alexas.nobuyyear I like to add a bit of quirkiness to my outfits as well. always do what feels right for you and what makes your heart sing. everyone likes something different and that's what makes the world fun.
Just imagine the Kate Spade sandals are a different aesthetic of, letâs say, a Kitchen-Aid mixer. How many mixers does one need (unless you are a baker). And, if it isnât a hell yeah, then itâs an automatic no. The back and forth mean itâs a no.
This is a smart comparison! I only own and have ever bought ONE mixer....and have sandals already!
Personally, I like to buy and wear clothes that donât make a huge statement. This gets rid of trendiness like the citrus heels. Sure theyâre fun but are you willing to wear them everywhere everyday? They make a bold statement and, often, people want a different look each day. Iâm not one of those people who wants a different look each day because the clothes I wear donât define me in any way. Itâs more mental work than Iâm willing to expend when I have to consider if people will notice that I have worn something multiple days in a row or not. I let my personality say who I am vs relying on my clothes.
You do you and I very much enjoyed this video.
You make great points! Especially about importance of personality vs. clothes and not being defined by material stuff like that.
I will say that I've kind of let go of caring whether people notice me wearing the same thing often, because I consider that "problem" a positive sign that one has a "signature style" or signature pieces that they love. However I do also tend NOT to wear the same things, even over the course of a whole week, because I have a lot of clothing and therefore naturally cycle through a lot of clothes in my go-to outfits. But even I, as a lover of clothes and "statement pieces" have realized I would prefer to have fewer options in general...and at least for now am holding off on the citrus sandals đ
Thanks for this interesting video. Personally, I have a small closet, so the very first question I have to ask myself before buying a new item is : where am I gonna store it? It really helps !
Yes absolutely this too, not only the size of closet but I think how one has it organized can help deter bringing in a new item if it might upset the balance of "stuff"...
I like to ask myself âdoes this solve a problem I actually have?â
For some reason thatâs pretty effective. If the answer is no and I still want it, I allow myself to wait it out for 4-5 months and then see- like for example if itâs a seasonal item did I really have an issue not having that type of item during the relevant season or did I make it work just fine? or to acquire a free version (making it/ altering something I have already or getting it off a swap or buy nothing group). It sort of calls my own bluff.
YES so much to this. I think 99% of purchases do NOT solve a problem I actually have. I somehow manage to find gray area even in this though because "problems" are not always legitimate...I was finding myself thinking about the outdoor concerts I have coming and how hot it usually is, and how also the dress code is amended to allow for black sandals, of which I have none. Last gig I did in my closed flats my feet were extremely toasty, so I was starting to drift off into "maybe I should try to thrift this" land...but I could definitely survive without buying black sandals.
your videos are so well thought out and your thoughts are relatable. I buy duplicates to the extreme. Like 6 or 7 or more. then I inevitable get sick of the item altogether. I deleted tiktok and it brought me back to reality. I feel mentally clear but i dont trust myself at all yet. just the other day a facebook ad got me looking on the j crew website. It is scary when i admit to myself just how bad my problem really is. How much money and time I have literally thrown away and yet I still go back for more. I feel more satisfaction using up a product and throwing away the bottle then I do getting a new product in the mail. instead of making use of all my clothes I end up wearing the same outfit on repeat over and over out of habit. i am happy to know others are on the same journey. I feel happy you are making progress. getting packages now only fills me with dread and shame and reminds me of my failure.
I can so relate to this! I hate the grip that this has on me. I work from home and don't live in the city so in reality I need very little clothing for my lifestyle. I have many items still with the tags on them and yet when i see a gorgeous button up (and I never wear the ones I have) I feel compelled to get it. The waste makes me feel sick. So far the biggest help has been taking time and thinking a lot about the purchase decision before I pull the trigger. Many times I will decide that I don't want it anymore and it was just an impulse. Not always though. It's a process for sure.
Tiktok is CRAZY, I'm finding. The more I distance myself from social media and the displays of consumerism on there, the more I see how NOT NORMAL it is to be watching people constantly shopping, or doing luxury bag reviews, or styling new and trendy pieces. Here's to not going back for more - we can do this...and we can also remember, failure doesn't have to get in the way of our long-term changes!! You are not alone.
I'm working on the video of "everything I was influenced to buy" and it's going to be a long and embarrassing one, that's for sure đ«Ł
I love that taking time has been helping you - prior to this year I'd seen that advice so much but until I started my "no buy" it didn't really work that well for me. It's only now that I've artificially removed the option to purchase that it's starting to help, where I am kind of forced to wait before buying and then I often see how the item falls off my radar.
And hopefully the grip will become less and less as we get better at this!
Your channel is a godsend to meâŠ.I definitely need to stop shoppingâŠlove your honest attitude and calm deliveryâŠ.đ
Aw thanks so much for hanging out. It's definitely a work of constant vigilance to stop shopping! But you can do it đ
New subbie here,love this deep analysis of your no buy.My shopping addiction has been taken over my life and I have bought so much clothing that I don't wear, as I normally resort to wearing only a few items I love. A lot of the issues were getting on the colour analysis bandwagon and I do believe I'm a deep autumn and black is not really one of my neutral colors, so I decluttered alot of those items but I come to realize I love wearing some black bottoms and dresses ,luckily I kept a few items for certain occasions and I am wearing them now.What I also don't do is having a wishlist as I just buy what I think I need ,which has become costly.
Aw welcome! That's one of the reasons I'm reluctant to do anything regarding color analysis, I know people say it can help prevent buying mistakes but I'm at a point where I really need to just NOT buy to prevent buying mistakes đ
I understand your dilemma with the shoes. I struggle with beauty products because I love trying new products. I hate that I am obviously insecure.. I dont know why I seem to think that having great hair or the perfect makeup will suddenly fix my life! It is foolish thinking and in part due to how beauty is advertised to women specifically. And I know that, but I still get sucked in. My agreement to myself is that I cannot do any impulse beauty purchases, and if i have too many of an item, then it's a no. I also have a list of products that I will no longer purchase. However, I do have a few beauty products that I plan to buy for my birthday next month, but I plan for that to be my last beauty purchase of the year. I do believe you need to treat yourself with things you enjoy every now and then, especially since we work so hard! Life is tough, but I am doing my part to not consume excessively just to make myself "feel better." On that note, I think you should get the shoes! If you enjoy them, then I think its worth it. †I still think you're doing a good job with your no buy, and the lessons you have learned will help you (and us) for future low buy/no buys.
See! I'm not the only one on the shoes! Nah! Nah!
Well I think enjoying beauty products and caring about one's appearance doesn't necessarily translate to insecurity, but only you can really know how you feel! But you're right about the marketing, women are definitely seen as more desirable in ads if they are "done up" and look perfect in all the ways that money can buy.
Love the idea of a list of items you WON'T purchase. I might need to try that one too.
Still thinking about the shoes! If I do end up buying anything else during my "no buy year" I will at least make sure it is 100% considered, after all đ«Ł
Awesome video! I shared it to my cleaning/decluttering group Iâm inâŁïž You have so many good points.
I talked myself out of a purchase today⊠and made another! My weakness currently is flowers. Iâm a gardener at my home (not professionally) and Iâm obsessed with my projects on our property. A sale started at a local greenhouse of some items that are on my long term want list. Do they come out every year? Yes. Itâs âthe dealâ thatâs so attractive. But instead I bought some more garden fencing second hand, but can be used immediately in current projects. đ€·đŒââïž itâs a trade off but it is, what it is.
Aw thanks so much! And hey, talking yourself out of something is a win, even if a purchase was still made. I think the point about being able to use something immediately is so important and makes a purchase so much more valid. So to me, that's still a win!
I think if you print out a color photo of the pink sandals, frame it and hang it on your wardrobe area, they will get about as much wear as the actual shoes!
- Duplicate
- Item youâve previously decluttered
- Fantasy self
- Impractical
- Uncomfortable
- Full price
I support your love of visually pleasing things, but I donât think this would be an item youâd hit 30 wears on before it started getting on your nerves and you decluttered it at a loss.
This is AMAZING, I love the list and also the amusing idea of hanging a framed photo of the sandals in my wardrobe! I'll be keeping that on in mind! Thank you!!
Love your videos đ. You may be thinking of your fantasy life in those shoes rather than your real life. In your real life how often will you wear them? That question has really started helping me to say âno , I donât need itâ to something I love or probably just have a passing infatuation with, but actually in reality will I wear/use it enough or even ever for something that would probably not fit with my style, to take up space and part with my money? I am no saint and struggle with buying too much and on the start of my âdo I really need it or is my fantasy self wanting it?â journey. đ
This is a great point. And in proof of this I WAS actually thinking I could wear them as part of my "Halloween/performance" costume (I'll be covering this in Sept/Oct this year because it is on my no-buy exception list) which is literally a form of "fantasy self", so it was fascinating to me to read your comment. And also realize that HAVING a fantasy self can become a justification to buy stuff like this. So I must proceed with caution...
It's tough for me to also find a balance between items that I love and wear only a few times a year (nicer summer dresses for me are in this category because my summers are spent 99% at home, my job has a break over summer) but they do get worn when they're needed and fit into my actual style, versus true fantasy items that don't quite fit and may not feel authentic when I would wear them but I "love" them for other non-practical reasons, and should "love" them from afar and not in my actual wardrobe.
This is a bit random, but I have been enjoying taking my children to the little libraries and donating books, and also looking for books ourselves, which feels a bit like shopping
Oh yes! I need to look for little free libraries in my city, we definitely have a few to donate and I'm sure my kids would be excited at the prospect of finding some new books, thank you so much for sharing!!
@@Alexas.nobuyyear they have an app, which has a great locator!
This is a really helpful video. I appreciate it.
Thank you! Is that a cello I see? đ„°
Maybe a Bass Viol?
My weak spot has been jewelry lately. I went from stopping buying cheap, low quality accesories/jewelry to buy "higher" end ones T_T I saw your earrings and felt the urge hahaha Anyway, thanks again for the video, I swear it feels like we're all doing therapy together. I never asked myself if an item was going to elevate or improve my look , that's very smart and will ask myself that next time! Also, letting the trend die for a bit helped me to not get influenced that quickly. I think sometimes is more the fear of missing something, rather the need to wear it.
Quick question: do you consider buying an item in the second hand marketplace cheating your no buy year? Just because you can get cheaper, doesn't mean that you didn't spend money Alexa! ha ha ha Girl Math hahaha
This is a good comment and fun too!
@@bthomson thanks so much
Yes I do consider it cheating in my no buy year! So while I do sometimes go browse on secondhand I really am trying not to buy. No girl math over here!!! Hopefully đ€
Also you definitely don't need the earrings - they are actually NOT high quality at all and I'm not sure how long they'll last in my closet since they're a very "trendy" item, but I bought them last year and I'm trying to get my wear out of them haha
And totally agree with the fear of missing it rather than actually needing to wear. I'm finding it easier now that I'm not looking at as much social media!!
@@Alexas.nobuyyear I'm seriously thinking on not looking at social media so often. I love it tho but it takes a toll on my mental health sometimes. I will start decluttering my YT subscriptions too :)
Another great video!
Thank you so much!
Well! Already started as a but of a devil's advocate: the pink citrus sandals are truly awesome! Yes they are expensive and yes you just let one similar pair go but ... they have a pretty feminine quality that I think you sometimes want to inhabit but don't really have as a wardrobe item? You seem to run a bit " tom boy" but not always! I must admit that you are definitely on the right track but maybe too stringent which could back fire in resentment?
I do not shop and have little fashion sense ( no makeup, no designer anythings) but find your channel addictive - go figure!
Haha thank you for the opposing voice, I'm certainly not going to make any rash decisions though and will think extremely carefully about the place they might have in my life/wardrobe before buying anything!
Yes! Of course! That is what the channel is doing for yourself and others and it is a very good thing!
The rule I follow is to wait 48 to 72 hours. In that time frame, if I keep thinking about it or look at the page then it must mean I really want it. In that time frame I have forgotten about the item and so I donât even buy it. Around February, I took a break from IG and that is where the influencing takes place. Now that I am back on the app, I always tell myself that I donât need anything when I click on any page. I plan to join you on this journey of No Buy Year but I really want to buy a sweatshirt that I have had my eye on since last year and some swim shorts.
The western themed beige sweatshirt is one of the few items Alexa has given in to as well!
Absolutely waiting is a must!!! During this year since I'm trying not to buy anything, it's kind of like a year of waiting. Which is great for letting "trendy" pieces go (if they won't be around next season) or letting the classic pieces really be thought through before adding next year.
If you think you'd really get your wear out of the sweatshirt and swim shorts, perhaps you begin your no buy after purchasing those? You'd still have 6 months left in the year! Also there are usually "exceptions" in people's "no buy years", everyone has their own, but I think the point is that we set them before we start the year so that nothing "spontaneous" sneaks its way in.
The cosmetics tips you gave were a good reminder. Sticking to tinted SPF, concealer.and a mini size of blush is enough for me. I stopped purchasing lipstick and eye shadow. I never wear it.
Same, with the addition of a little bit of eyeliner and mascara. But lipstick and eyeshadow are only occasional and I definitely have what I need (more than what I need) already!
buy a new thing wil not buy us a new life. (except I think my new rollator may sort of buy me a new life).
I hope it does! That might be one example of something truly life-changing.
Those sandals ARE tacky! (No shade, just giving you what you wanted haha) But seriously: I would much rather invest in a timeless, classy piece that I can wear and love for years and years and years to come - I did actually buy a pair of black leather sandals last year and those just work with every outfit and every occasion, I love them! I've also had plenty of trendy sandals on my wishlist over the years and I'm so glad I never purchased any of them!
Thank you haha. And you make an excellent point! I do think there are cases where the "trendy" piece could be worn for years to come if it is truly a part of one's personal style, but I think the amount of advertising and consumerism we see these days makes it hard to know what our long-term style will be. As the summer goes on and I'm making a point to wear all of my summer-appropriate shoes, there are even a couple more pairs that I will probably resell since I've discovered they don't feel right anymore. So yeah definitely going to wait on buying any new sandals đ
Noooo donât buy the shoes đ đ go barefoot đŠ¶ đ
But they're so pretty!đ
Love it, barefoot is the new way haha