"Gentle Parenting Is Ruining Our Kids." A Teacher Tells The Truth About Gen Alpha In The Classroom 😳
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- čas přidán 28. 08. 2024
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"Gentle parenting is ruining our children. Some children need a little firmer of a hand. It's starting to impact schools. It is starting to impact teachers. Teachers are leaving the profession by thousands every year because of the way children behave. Our hands are tied. We can't do much when students misbehave, when they're yelling, when they're cursing, when they're throwing chairs. They're trying to hit teachers with their jackets. They are stomping on their feet. That is not okay. That is when gentle parenting has not benefited that child. You have to teach your kids right from wrong. Teachers are not out to get kids. Teachers are there to do a job, and your child is preventing that teacher from doing a job. Your child is preventing the other students in the classroom from learning. Sometimes, you have to punish your kids. Okay, you just have to. They can't always negotiate their way out of consequences."
-Credit to @mrs.cassiemartinez on TikTok 🤗
I had a student in a class about to punch my stomach because i told him to please put his laptop away and work on his assignment. I was pregnant. That was my turning point. I left the profession before endangering my baby even more. Of course there were other reason why I left but they all accumulated and I had to unfortunately say bye to a job that I loved.
If a student tried to hit my pregnant belly right now, that's the day they're getting dealt with heavily ....
@@robinsonfamily222 with being sued 😍😍😍
That's terrifying.
That kid is a freaking psychopath. Future wife beater right there.
I am so so so so sorry this happened to you. I’m an 18 yr teacher. Unfortunately the admin is also backing parents more than teachers. There needs to be some BIG lawsuits
There is a huge difference between Gentle Parenting and Permissive Parenting. Nowadays, there is a lot of non-parenting.
Thank you. That is exactly what I was going to say. A lot of gentle parenting equals no parenting.
i was just about to say this
Thank you for saying it. Something also can be said for differentiating between a firmer approach and losing your patience resulting in hitting or yelling at your child.
It's called spoiling children. SPOILING. Call it what it is. Calling it gentle parenting is BS.
@@MsBettyRubble true gentle parenting is not spoiling, but a lot of people misuse the term or misunderstand
This isn't about gentle parenting. This is about kids who have been raised by their iPads, but their parents call it gentle parenting to avoid being called out for neglect.
Exactly
Its both I know many gentle parents who are crunchy, their kids are still useless brats who disrupt adults and think they’re special
Agreed
Yes! Exactly! If gentle parenting is done right, parents do teach right from wrong and do use consequences. This teacher should be taught about gentle parenting.
YEP.
When kids come into your classroom not understanding that they can't just walk all around the room while you're teaching (and touch and play with everything on your shelves), then argue with you about having to sit in their seat; you know there's a huge problem.
That goes double for those students who think that they can just up and leave the classroom whenever they want to for no reason at all.
Parents should be the boss in the family and not being led by children.
Gentle parenting doesn't mean you don't discipline your kids. It mostly means you don't scream at them or hit them. Read the book "Momma Cusses". The lady that wrote it is great at it. My kids are grown up now but they would have never ever acted like this at school.
The problem is the term is too easy to misunderstand and parents assume it means no discipline at all.
That’s just being a good parent. Why does it need a label?
@@cratcliff8820Because most parents use spanking/yelling as a form of consequence for bad actions, while gentle/responsive parenting focuses on communication and clear boundaries and appropriate consequences when said boundaries are crossed.
@@koala6886 what if the child doesn't care about the consequences you give him?
@@kris78787 Simple, you change the consequence to something that they do care about(preferably still related to the boundary that has been crossed) that is still appropriate. It’s also good to make sure they know why this consequence is being given, and why what they did was wrong. Not all kids are exactly the same, so not all parenting techniques are the same. Communication and understanding go a long way, and it won’t take away your authority as a parent like most people assume. In fact, it instills mutual respect between a parent and a child, which means the kid will listen because they know they are also heard.
Children are NOT YOUR FRIENDS! They are your responsibility.
Yup friends only once they become a adult and get a grasp on reality and morality oh and integrity
If you say your children arent your friends dont be surprised when they stop talking to you. You can be both. Stop acting like you cant be friends with your kid and still raise them right.
@@brianahodnett you know what your right, but friend with a boundary not BtFs but that decent level friend with wisdom from your end
@brianahodnett I think you misconstrued my meaning. As an educator & mother, I know both sides of the issue. When a parent coddles their kid & doesn't hold them responsible for their actions at school, it affects their learning & that of the other students. A parent CAN be a friend to their child but still hold them accountable. A lot of parents nowadays can't keep to that fine line. I believe the time one does become good friends with their child is when they reach adulthood & carry more responsibility. The child then sees why their parents did what they did & why (If they are mature enough). It usually takes the child moving out & having children of their own or other life changing events. But as a child under 18, it's just difficult for others when a parent can't tell their child no & the kid throws a tantrum.
That is true. Children should befriend Children.
The schools shouldn't put up with this! If a kid mouths off, has a tantrum, or hits THEY SHOULD BE SENT HOME! Repeat offenders should get expelled. The parents need to learn that society expects better behavior. In 10 years when that kid curses out an employer Ora cop they are gonna get fired or arrested. The schools districts need to set firm expectations. If these kids behaved like this elsewhere, they would be kicked out.
Administration is generally weak and more interested in giving excuses to kids rather than teaching consequences. They're also terrified of confrontation and push back from the parents. So, as she said in the video, teacher's hands are often tied. I've seen classes fully held hostage by 3-4 students who cannot keep it together and nothing is done.
This is easier said than done. As the lady said their hands are tied rules have changed with what you can say and how. It's not the same anymore. A teacher cannot even ask a child to sit down.
Where I live (Ukraine) being sent home is seen as an award, not a punishment. Some children even fake diseases to get out of school. There is the mentality of "I am going home so I will go for a walk, play computer games etc". Even tests are sometimes not written by them so they sometimes write them in another day. For some it is the lesson not to avoid tests.
Hell would freeze over before they ever expelled a kid from my school. They are too worried about keeping their numbers up than actually truly disciplining kids and expelling the repeat offenders . It's maddening
@@ob_dowboosh yep same here in the US. I had a kid say he loves it when teachers call the office and have him removed from class. He even begs them to.
Yall are mixing up gentle parenting and a lack of parenting. Just because gentle parents dont hit or scream at their children doesnt mean they will end up like the students this teacher described. Those students arent being parented at all.
Totally agree. The kids I have issues with at work are the ones whose parents aren’t actually parenting. As I said on my own comment, at least with gentle parenting these children would actually have consequences for their actions.
Look at it like this, your kid is a garbage shithead. He or she is not precious or perfect, and there are millions just them or better!
You've never directly experience the kid who had to be spanked or yelled at to get compliance in a situation where them not complying meant serious property damage or danger to themselves or others and it shows.
When I got into parenting I far from advocated anything like some of what I have had to do as a father. But my kids love me and I see them growing up into good, responsible, capable, strong men.
Gentle parenting does that for you? Great, do that. But as a wise pediatrician once told me, sometimes the kid just needs to put on his damn shoes.
@@OGRamrodstudies have shown physically punishing kids does nothing. All yelling does is elevate you and your child.
Sure get them out of a dire situation however you can but once out dont yell (my parents were good close to gentle parents but even with that i have trauma when people yell)
@@pdw1230 Well real life has shown me that if you're a hard-headed adult you're gonna have hard-headed kids and sometimes "elevating the both of you" is the only way you're gonna see the behavior changes you need to be able to do something besides be a hostage to your children.
My "studies have shown" most of these researchers have never had kids of their own or responsibility for them every single day and go home to their townhouse flats and have time for their sixty-step coffee ritual every morning. They do not have truly demanding jobs or ever have to make hard decisions with their finances while their are mouths to feed. They have no concept of true stress, especially not in a world where your kid playing in the yard being outside without you hovering over him is enough to get someone to call CPS and have them actually open a file on you (happened to several people I know; yeah, imagine having to explain that when it comes up and watch all the Boomers not believe you).
Believe me, I far from choose the Nuclear Option every time there's a problem with my kids. I definitely didn't at first. But when you're trying to run a household, have a career you need to focus on to support your family, and trying to figure out what stays and what goes when you've had a full adult life for almost ten years, sometimes you just gotta make 'em mind.
90% of the people here don't even have kids or kids they're in the household with all the time and responsible for. They're just bitter at their parents for something and taking it out on other parents by acting like they're so much better than the people who's parts are their entire physical composition, meanwhile they've never had kids or had them in the same world they had them. If they did and had any sort of wisdom they'd probably forgive their parents and have a better relationship with them.
That's real life in the real world, not something, "studies have shown."
I work in a behavior program. A kid spat on and hit my site coach, and a meeting with the daughter who spat on her present, the Mom basically told us that we are responsible for controlling her…… ma’am, YOU had her. YOU are raising her. And YOU would lose your ever-loving mind if somebody spat in your face. And what did that meeting do? Only serve to show the daughter that her mother does not care how she behaves at school. And all the kids in this program who fight and refuse to work, they all have gaming systems and iPhones. The parents should be forced to school their own children once behavior reaches a certain point. Deal with what you raised.
Because that’s not gentle parenting, that permissive parenting. Gentle Parenting is “I don’t hit my kid because I’m frustrated, I need to remember that they’re learning how to exist from scratch, and they don’t understand everything I understand”. Permissive Parenting is “my child can do whatever they want because they’re little angels and if you think any different then you’re the problem”. The problem is that children aren’t being raised with Permissive Parenting, which is pretty much neglect in my eyes. They’re being imbued with entitlement and without consequence. Gentle Parenting does not shy away from discipline or correction, just not using physical punishment or berating them since that doesn’t teach anything. It still teaches consequences to actions and the concepts of empathy and compassion, which Permissive Parenting doesn’t.
Nope. It is gentle parenting - that's why she mentioned negotiating. Children learn they should be able to argue their case whenever they don't want something because far too many people confuse respect with preventing real consequences.
@RichardChappell1 I'm so sick of 7 yr olds treating punishment like a negotiation. I don't want a debate. I want you to acknowledge that you did something wrong, and accept the consequences for your actions. And their parents always think their kids are mature and clever for negotiating every punishment. All that does is teach the kid to avoid responsibility and think that consequences can be evaded or minimized. I don't even pretend kids are cute anymore. They all have an attitude only a mother could love.
Your job is to teach the student, not raise them. The parent must instruct their child in strong morals, self control, and proper communication. When they fall through you have an insane asylum instead of a school. And now with kids unable to read, write, and reason properly we have a generation of entitled brats who have no work ethic. It’s a sad situation and I’m understanding more and more why teachers are leaving.
I’ve said this since I started teaching last year. Teachers deserve a HUGE tax deduction for raising kids who aren’t our own.
They can’t read or do anything because parents aren’t being parents. They just give the kid social media and CZcams and leave them there for hours.
When I was a kid I was reading science books, watching Nova on TV and doing math.
I didn’t have tech to distract me.
Had a huge imagination.
Boredom = imagination growth.
These kids aren’t given time to be bored. They have short attention spans due to what their parents are allowing them to watch online.
It’s a horrible horrible situation of laziness and lack of structure and discipline.
My bfs son is like this.
He never spends time with him.
Just gives him Fortnite or an iPad and leaves him on it for the WHOLE DAY.
Poor kid is almost 10 and can’t ride a bike or read and write.
@@Crowski similarly as a kid I read a lot and went outside everyday after school, rode my bike, scooter, etc and these days I try to spend time everyday reading and doing some math because I love studying history and I want to learn more about physics. You bring up a good point, these gen alpha kids never have a moment to be bored because there’s always YT and other media to entertain them. While boredom is not pleasant, experiencing it in moderation can drive us to think deeper and explore something new.
Exactly our job is to teach and now students cant read or write because the teacher has no more energy teaching after 8 hours dealing with terrible behavior issues! All I used to do is shout sit down! Stop it! NO! Focus! Do your work ?? Wheres your homrwork? Show me you are done with your assignment ?? It was so bad these kids dont care to learn or do anything! They come to school to play, socialize, and eat.
Let’s not forgot this is also an admin issue.
So sick of the entitled snots. We need to support our TEACHERS.
Gentle parenting is not passive parenting. Gentle parenting is not saying yes to your kids all the time. Gentke parenting involves saying no and discipline. REAL gentle parenting has REAL studies behind it and kids who grow up with REAL gentle parenting have better grades, are more respectful, and are less likely to be in abusive relationships. Hitting your kids negativity effects them, IDC what anyone has to say it's science.
People are PASSIVELY parenting their children, and spoiling them and not telling them no. There is a huge difference. And people who do absolutely no fking research on gentle parenting and what it really is think that passive parenting is gentle parenting. Gentle parents hate that it's called that because it makes it sound very passive and it's not. I know several people who raise their kids gentle parenting fashion and their kids are the most well behaved kids I've ever met and have straight As and Bs in school. I really wish people would stop acting like they know what gentle parenting is without knowing a lick of information about it. And I wish passive parents would stop saying they're gentle parents. We tell our kids NO and we DISCIPLINE them. We don't make our kids fear us and make our kids comfortable in abuse and fear.
We teach our kids to regulate their emotions and that actions have consequences.
It doesn't work for every child though. I know kids whose parents gentle parent them by the book and their kid are absolute spoiled brats. Every kid is different and it's not a one size fits all.
A lot of people use the term gentle parenting even when it’s not by the book. We can still call out these people. This woman taught kids for years, and suffered so much abuse from kids, parents and administrators. She is calling it gentle parenting because that is what she’s seen it called in real life.
@@kris78787 Top comment right here. People are not one size fits all, why would humans be the same way?
Some of these folks are in denial and just won't find out the truth until they have kids of their own who are with them 24/7.
If you raise children and have a rocky relationship at all with your parents, I promise you by the end of it you'll understand them and forgive them unequivocally.
@@OGRamrod yep or they can become teachers and then see how much of a nightmare gentle parenting can be and that it most certainly doesn't work with every child
@@kris78787some gentle parenting books are crap. There is a popular one where your told to not say no to a child and just redirect.
I agree 100% with this teacher I am a healthcare worker and when we have a patient heard us it's actually a felony because it's battery of a healthcare worker I feel it should be the same for teachers and I've had issues with my son and I back the teachers every time
Gentle parenting is different from passive parenting.
This is what happens when gentle parenting isn't done right and most aren't doing it right. Gentle parenting is not about not punishing and being soft. It's about listening to the child and addressing the situation in a way that is appropriate for the situation.
I am so glad all my kids are grown and I'm not a part of this madness
I would love to see one student sue another for interfering with his access to education.
You're on to something, but I think they should sue the school for failing to provide a secure learning environment. You can't get blood from a stone and those bad kids probably have ratchet a$$ parents with no money
Some people shouldn't have kids. If you can't be there to teach a child to be a healthy mature adult then don't have kids. It's a lifelong job. Throwing a tablet in front of them does nothing. Being neglectful causes kids to be disruptive in school because they're not getting any attention at home. Rich people paying nannies is also very bad for the child. They don't know how to have a healthy attachment. Kids need attention, love and compassion towards becoming healthy members of society. Babying also does nothing.. it's ridiculous the amount of careless parents there are. It's not the amount of money you have or the resources you have, it's all about paying attention and seeing where they need help to eventually become self reliant. That's why zillenials don't want kids cuz they know how much work it is to have them, we don't not like kids we love them so much but are aware we can't give them the proper treatments in today's shitty society of lazy ass parenting that we were brought up on. Enough is enough
Yup outside of us and Canada parenting is a unified notion while here is individualistic which is a bit of the problem too. It takes a village to raise a child/children. But the ones who lack a morality, concern, neglectful, abusive, or damn for their kids should get them stripped away for last resort and also if you have to make them care send a tax for bad parenting to MAKE them give a damn when it prys out their bank account
There is a difference between gentle parenting and permissive parenting. We do gentle parenting but we set boundaries and will punish when appropriate so our son knows actions have consequences. He is nearly 10 and so unbelievably well behaved. He thinks before he acts and, although he makes mistakes, is such a good kid he tells us if he did something wrong because he knows it is safe to tell us and we will work through it together. No yelling and no hitting needed
Now THAT is what. Good parent is.
I took my kid to the park the other day. A mom asked her kid (maybe 4/5), “can I help you put your coat on it’s cold” the kid turns around and with a angry look on her face and squeezing her fists says “NO!” The mom then put her hands up as if to surrender and says “okay I’m sorry”. I feel bad for her teachers! If your mom can’t even tell these kids what to do no one can.
Bro the kid just didn't want to wear a jacket I don't see the issue. The kid said no and the mom respected their wishes? For shame!
😮@@jasonninja55
@@jasonninja55The issue is the balled up fists and tone of anger with that refusal (imo). My kids can tell me they don't want to wear a jacket. However, they will do so repsectfully.
@@jasonninja55the issue is the kid had an attitude. He or she doesn’t want to wear the jacket, fine. They can express that desire respectfully and not yell or ball up their fists.
If you don’t teach a child respect they will not respect anyone or you or your authority as a parent or an authoritative figure
@@jasonninja55 it’s not about the jacket it’s about treating others with respect and kindness. And learning to to communicate effectively without anger. If the kid walks all over the mom, then she probably does the same to teachers at the school and other adults. Then these kids turn into adults and still don’t know how to respect others.
You are describing Permissive Parenting. How embarrassing.
semantics
Exactly! If someone was preventing anyone in their workplace from doing a job, that would be called a toxic work environment.
Like a kid in my sister class, almost killed the teacher but is still somehow at the school, broke chairs and desk, still somehow at school, to mention they are 7th graders
Sounds like police should force her to juvie or rehab and parents should be liable and sued for this crap. The kid looses that kid privilege I my eyes if it goes that far its just a vile human adult Reincarnated in a husk of a child to me at that point. Then get the parents enforced to better parenting or strip their custody rights to military school or militant orphanage that will warm up when they become decent or good humans
The child should be out in special schooling/mental health treatment unfortunately punishment in the traditional sense like suspension,police, explosion doesn't work for child with these issues they probably have some type of mental issues due to abuse/genetics.
Behavior is part of but definitely not the ONLY reason teachers are leaving.
Maybe it's good for a lot of these old school teachers to leave.
@@SkepticalMantisCHANNEL10 some people shouldn't be teachers at all, but old fashioned disciplinarians arent the ones being run out by student behavior.
If the school made the parents pick up their kids from school when they behave like this, the parents might get tired of this and discipline their kids.
AMEN! Not only are the other children in the classroom not learning when you have a child that pitches a fit. But the other students see that the disruptive student gets away with their bad behaviors and before you know you have a large group of disruptive children.
When a parent says "We don't tell our kids not to do anything" I think "Oof! You're never being invited to my house."
I'm a behavioral analyst/psychometrist and the approach I take when parenting my children...
1. You must prepare them for life without you in it. It's just a fact, one day you will NOT be here. Ask yourself, "If I die tomorrow, did I teach them everything necessary to survive and take care of themselves?"
2. You must align child punishments with adult mirrored-like punishments. When they are making bad choices as an adult, they will get consequences as an adult. It sounds harsh but it's not... just remember, life will be harsh at times and they need to learn how to deal with that level of stress, critcal tinking and problem-solving.
3. Never close communication with them! Even when they make awful choices, that is when they will need you the MOST!
4. It's ok to disagree with their choices and love them at the same time.
What a lot of gentle (permissive really) parents don’t get is that teaching your kids to listen to authority isn’t the same thing as teaching them to blindly obey authority. You have to teach discernment as they grow up, but they have to understand that authority does exist in the real world. I’m actually a huge supporter of teaching your child to question things, but there are times you just have to listen and not argue. Not to mention that depending on how old the kid is, they may not even have the cognitive complexity to yet understand nuances and “why” of the authority’s reasoning. Or even if they understand the why, they may not agree still simply because they don’t like it (ex: knowing that donuts for every meal isn’t healthy, but they taste good, so they still want donuts). A lot of these parents, I think, are over correcting for authoritarian parenting, which demands blind obedience without care for the child. Authoritative parenting (idk why they make those names so similar lol) has been proven to be the best style of parenting- firm with rules, but warm and caring. You can give wiggle room and ask what your child wants without letting them be in charge. And while there isn’t one “correct” way to parent every child, there are certainly plenty of wrong ways, and this next generation of parents is sadly proving that. I’m scared for when these kids grow up and have to face the consequences 😢
Thank you teacher. It is not fair when your trying to teach and kids are being disrespectful. Send them home, let their parents miss work and deal with their rude kids.
No. This is not gentle parenting and I hate that people think passive parenting is gentle parenting without knowing anything about it.
If you did research on what it was you'd know that gentle parenting involves discipline and structure. We just teach our kids to respect us without instilling fear. Kids who are ACTUALLY gentle parented have better grades, are less likely to use drugs, get into trouble with the law, have better friendships and relationships, and are more likely to be respectful to their peers. PASSIVE parenting is way different. Passive parenting is telling your kids yes and letting them do or get anything they want with no repercussions. My friends and I are gentle parents. Her kids are older than mine and they are some of the most well behaved kids I have ever met.
So please do your research. Because I'm sick of people thinking we don't discipline our kids or tell them no. We do. We listen to hard scientific evidence and research and what is best for the development of a child.
I really hate that it's called gentle parenting because it turns people off without them even bothering to look into what it is. It really should be called responseive parenting so you don't get videos like this where the person talking doesn't know what gentle parenting is.
@@kalenhuntley3508 If children don't fear consequences then what's the point of giving them any? They will learn that nothing of significance will happen to them if they act out. And believe me, kids will try you. It happens all the time at my school. A lot kids fear nothing because the consequence is nothing to be feared, if they even get one. Fear isn't always a bad thing. Children need a healthy fear of consequences and a healthy fear (out of respect) of those that are in charge of their safety and wellbeing.
@@kris78787exactly 👏
@@kris78787yyp that's why you should teach them about harsh cold reality in small doses so it wont psychologically, emotionally, and morally scar them. Plus when they get 10ish teach them about jail systems and police protocols and teach them if you get a bad record and display bad behavior in front little kids too it repeats a cycle. Also show them intelligence is shown with morality between right and evil. It will instill cognizance, respect, morality, and integrity
@@timothyloayza6789 yes definitely teach them about those things. But unfortunately, a lot of kids don't learn by just talking to them. They need to experience actual consequences in order to understand that their bad behaviors result in serious consequences. A lot of people that think discipline is an evil word have never worked in a public school where just talking to the kids does absolutely nothing. So many of the misbehaving kids don't fear anything. That's why they continue to misbehave. They have no real consequences for their actions. They just get talked to and hope that will change them. It's ridiculous
Not all kids are the same. One child can be gentle and benefit from gentle parenting while another can be defiant and need a firmer hand. Parents aren’t supposed to be their kids’ friends.
If you as a parent have been told that your child was misbehaving in class. And you do not have any sort of effective discipline at home. YOU ARE PART OF THE PROBLEM. As someone who worked in a school. The kids that improve and grow and learn know that if they misbehave there will be consequences. Also believe your kids teacher 99% of the time they are right. Your kid will LIE to YOU!
They used to separate those kids from the mainstream.
There's a difference between permissive parenting, which is what is being described here (no behavior modification, no boundaries, no "no,"), and gentle parenting, which is teaching boundaries well without corporal punishment.
Student behavior is a huge mess right now in school. And I 💯 blame the parents. Unplug the screens and make sure your kids learn to respect adults.
That’s not gentle parenting. That’s permissive parenting or straight up ignoring them. I fear people will use this to say “this is why we should physically harm kids for misbehaviour”- something that is proven not to work
Have to agree very strongly. I just watched a young couple negotiating with their 3y old child on checking out. He was demanding the scan gun if he didn't get the food item he wanted and wasn't giving in.😢😢
That’s just what every 3 year old does
@@YourEverydayGuy2I know damn well I didn't act like that in the grocery store, ever
No one wants to say NO…If a child disrespects a teacher in any way and that includes the parent they will be punished. If they continue their child will not receive an education. The parents are the problem. They should be jailed if it continues for endangering their children. Sad if comes to that but parents need to realize the damage they are doing to their children and the community.
People online will call you a bad parent for telling your kid no now
You know, these parents think just because they're not hitting their child, then they're doing the right thing. And I'm not even saying that should be done. But doing the complete opposite and not disciplining whatsoever, is also abuse because that is neglect. And I am seeing that moreso than any physical abuse these days, but it doesn't really matter. These kids are getting everything that they want but are still getting abused.
I honestly get so upset when people complain about an old fashioned spanking.
They act as though a spanking is going to cause kids irreparable psychological trauma that they will never recover from, and that's just not true.
My brothers both said the reason why they got away with whatever they wanted to do was because our mom couldn't spank them when CPS became involved, when they fully admitted themselves that spanking was the only thing keeping them in line and being decent human beings.
@@Rose-kj7rz I grew up with corporal punishment both in school and at home. I was never traumatized because of it.
@@Rose-kj7rz I'm actually glad I grew up with corporal punishment. It kept me from doing a lot of really stupid and foolish things as a child.
@@kris78787I do have trauma, but it wasn't from the one time I was spanked.
Physically punishing your kid is weakness. How do we teach our kids not to hit and be physically aggressive when we hit them or become physically aggressive? Moments of weakness and loss of control and emotional regulation.
Teacher here. I don’t think folks are clear on what gentle parenting means, both parents and teachers. It is responsive parenting, clear expectations, clear boundaries, clear consequences, implemented in a firm but respectful manner. The kiddos that seem to struggle the most are not coming from these households. The problem is not gentle parenting. The problem is neglectful parenting, inconsistent parenting, emotionally explosive parenting and indulgent parenting. I’m gentle with all the kids in my life and classroom, that doesn’t mean I’m permissive or don’t have consequences. Every kid knows I care about them as a person, I stay calm AND I mean what I say.
Well okay, every time someone is like “this isn’t gentle parenting, this is permissive parenting.” Gentle parenting inevitably devolves into permissive parenting. And every gentle parent I’ve had the misfortune of coming across has children who are wild animals
It does not. You need boundries and to stick to them. You can have boundaries and be a gentle parent
@@pdw1230 good luck with that
@missmoxie9188 my parents were gentle parents. I know the meaning of no. It's not difficult.
@@pdw1230 sure
@missmoxie9188 You say that, but
"Gentle parenting should not be confused with permissiveness and accommodation of behavior,” says Miller Shivers, PhD, pediatric psychologist in The Pritzker Department of Psychiatry and Behavioral Health"
"gentle parenting which is characterized by helping guide children through the decision-making process and not threatening or punishing them. Gentle parenting focuses on a partnership between parents and children with an emphasis on communication, empathy, respect, and boundaries."
(Both from Millennial Parenting Statistics: Navigating Modern Parenthood in Today’s World posted to children's hospital of Chicago)
In other words, many parents are gentle parents without putting that label on it. Especially as it is getting *confused* with permissive parenting
Also, a lot of behavioral issues come from quarantine.
"Fifteen studies describing 22 996 children/adolescents fulfilled the eligibility criteria from a total of 219 records. Overall, 34.5%, 41.7%, 42.3% and 30.8% of children were found to be suffering from anxiety, depression, irritability and inattention. Although the behavior/psychological state of a total of 79.4% of children was affected negatively by the pandemic and quarantine, at least 22.5% of children had a significant fear of COVID-19, and 35.2% and 21.3% of children had boredom and sleep disturbance. Similarly, 52.3% and 27.4% of caregivers developed anxiety and depression, respectively, while being in isolation with children" (Psychological and Behavioral Impact of Lockdown and Quarantine Measures for COVID-19 Pandemic on Children, Adolescents and Caregivers: A Systematic Review and Meta-Analysis posted to pubmed)
That hasn't gone away overnight parents and teachers are left to pick up the pieces.
For more info
"Parents aiming for a gentle approach “try to understand the world from their child’s perspective, treating the child as an individual with their own point of view, and approach to the world, rather than as an extension of the parent,” said Jenna Hermans, a parent coach and the author of “Chaos to Calm: 5 Ways Busy Parents Can Break Free From Overwhelm,” told HuffPost.
Like Coor, Hermans emphasized the respect a gentle parent holds for their child. This does not mean that a child is always right, or gets to do whatever they want. But it does mean that a child has their own experiences and feelings, and that a parent can be open to hearing about them. "
“"Rather than inflicting physical or emotional pain, exclusion, shame, or punitive consequences from a stance of adult supremacy,” Coor explained, ”‘gentle’ discipline centers around guidance, teaching, and modeling along with age-appropriate limits and boundaries.”
Hitting (such as spanking), isolation (“Go to your room and stay there!”) and shame (“What is wrong with you?”) are all off the table. Instead, parents focus on understanding why the child is doing what they’re doing in the moment and teach them how to do something different instead"
"Coor gave the following example: You are having a conversation with someone and your child runs up and interrupts you. Rather than telling them that they are being rude and that they should go away and be quiet (isolation and shame-based consequences), you might say something like, “You’re really excited to tell me something, and I’m talking to someone else right now. It’s so hard to wait!” "
Those 3 are from "More Parents Are Embracing ‘Gentle Parenting’ - But There’s 1 Thing Many Get Wrong" posted to Huffington post
i agree. I as an 18 year old gen Z kid who has no kids of my own yet, know that Gen Alpha kids are getting way out of hand, being raised by computers instead of real parents. I had a kid hurt me very hard when I was at the park. i was just strolling by, minding my own business, when a 5 year old kid, came running at me, and pushing me to the ground and he jumped on my chest, thinking it's a trampoline, when it's actually not and I was struggling to breath and I was trying to say "STOP THIS! YOU'RE HURTING ME!" but I couldn't, and then the park ranger came by and stopped the 5 year old kid and said "this new generation of kids don't understand the consequences of their actions because their parents refuse to teach them that bad actions have bad results. do you need to go to the hospital, miss?" I said "I agree. we should make a law stating that no new parent should refuse to punish their kids gor misbehaving at home, so that the kids don't misbehave in schools or in any public places. I don't need to go to the hospital, but thanks for the offer." as I got up and coughed. and I said "it could have been worse... that kid could have shoved something that could have caused me to have a seizure down my throat, like practically shove soybeans down my throat, knowing I'm an epileptic person, who has seizures still." then I went home that day and told myself "don't go to the park ever again if you don't wanna be murdered by a kid who is way younger than you." once I got home.
Yeah I am gen z too but I am 22 years old. I see gen alpha kids trying to fight grown men. Our generation was bad because we were constantly stressed because we had to fight for everything we have. Then you get these spoiled brats coming along thinking they can just take what they want.
@@bronsonleach3573 okay. That is true. I remember my millennial brother Daniel saying how bad my generation is. He is apparently true about how ducked up society and our generation are.
If you can’t discipline effectively, don’t have children.
Even though I studied to be a teacher I found another job, I can't fix what parents failed to teach
As a teacher, she should know the difference betweem permissive parenting (keep on asking,threatening and ultimately losing cool/giving in) vs gentle parenting (acknowledging the emotional turmoil your child may feel while keeping the boundary set earlier on)
This teacher is confused. She's not describing gentle parenting. She's describing non-parenting.
We have a really big problem with thinking we have to be one extreme or the other. You don't have to hit or scream at your kids to enforce consequences. All of the open communication and social awareness my generation is promoting I think is great, but boundaries need to be a thing. And you can do that through communication and consequences where they learn something as opposed to just being violent like previous generations. I wonder why balance is so hard for us.
You said it yourself, because we are not used to it and have no/just few rolemodels. It´s hard to decide what to do when all you learned is that you would have been hurt or shamed as a child in a similar situation.
@@Marie-zy2cl that's true. We want to go to the other extreme because we don't want to put them through the same thing. But why jump to the extreme? Why not just rethink? We have to rewrite the script and we are not really sure how I guess.
These teachers aren't advocating for yelling or hitting these kids. Their saying that in the gentle parenting space, kids have a choice and can question over following directions.
@@nicolcacolaRight
They're questioning teachers and disrupting class. They're putting everyone at risk since their ''gentle" parents teach them to question everything. In emergencies, they expect an explanation instead of just following directions the first time.
@@nicolcacola of course not. But we are so bad at going from one extreme to the other I felt like it needed to be said so at least some people wouldn't jump to the opposite end of the spectrum. Because it's kind of crazy how few people will actually think things through.
Exactly why I left my job. I loved to teach and thats our job is to teach, but I was forced to discipline! The discipline should be done already by the parents and administrator and they both never helped.
What she is explaining is NOT gental parenting
Yes it is
@@missmoxie9188 lol, no its not.
it's parents not disciplining their kids and letting their kids be on iPads 24/7, making the kids be raised by technology instead of people. people call the "not disciplining child and letting them be on a device like a phone or a tablet or an ipad 24/7" method "gentle parenting" because of the trend of parents who take away their kids' devices and disciplining their kids being falsely accused of child abuse and child neglect going very popular.
Sounds like you’re part of the problem 😂
TO EVERYONE REPLYING AND SAYING THIS PERSON IS WRONG, please look more into gentle parenting. some good examples of people who DO IT RIGHT and are raising damn good kids are Momma Cusses and Tori Phantom. they are correctly gentle parenting and showing their parenthood journeys. what you think gentle parenting is, it is most definitely not the correct version of it. most likely because a lot of people want to gentle parent but they can’t figure out how to do it correctly. it’s like if i drank mud out of a nesquik bottle and then said “chocolate milk sucks” lmfao.
I agree, kids need boundaries, rules and schedules.
Gen X, my generation, was feral. Free range parenting I do believe is what they call that abusive way of saying, "I want kids I just don't want to see them."
But the helicopter parenting that followed DID NOT HELP SH*T.
Its not even "don't want to see them" they're the ones who literally have 0 rules. It causes so many issues, and the worst part is, it's always about themselves to these parents. They say they just want their kids happy and natural, that they want the kids to make their own decisions then when the kids make decisions to care for themselves that don't fit with the parents views, they shame them.
Sounds like trauma. Human beings are naturally empathetic, a child who does not care about other or their surroundings doesn’t need to be hit, they need to be in therapy.
That's a lot of hogwash
Agreed 👍.
When these kinds of kids are in the classroom, it stops everyone's progress. I've seen classes basically held hostage by students with discipline problems. The teacher can't teach, the other students can't learn. Admin does nothing, the parents won't even answer a phone call or an email. If they do, you're "targeting" little Johnny...or Susie doesn't do that at home. Its always someone else's fault. The kids never learn accountability, they only learn to make excuses.
Gentle parenting DOES NOT WORK! I tried it. My kids need firm boundaries and consequences. John Rosemond’s books have been a game changer for us. Especially, “The Well-Behaved Child.”
Dude if you were trying gentle parenting WITHOUT firm boundaries, you definitely weren't doing gentle parenting.
the thing about gentle parenting is you can’t ONLY do that, YES you should USUALLY be nice to kids but they still need consequences especially harsh ones for things like violence.
When gentle parenting is done correctly, the child doesnt feel the need to act out like that. So no, gentle parenting as a whole is not ruining children or schools. Parents who dont know how to discipline correctly are ruining their children and schools.
On the flip side, true gentle parenting doesn’t mean you just don’t parent… it means you firmly but gently establish boundaries! 🤷🏼♀️ No child is secure without boundaries!
I don't know how today's teachers don't end up losing their tempers with the kind of brats that they have to deal with.
They do something and lose their jobs
People think they are “gentle parenting” but they’re really permissive parenting. Gentle parenting is authoritative parenting which is the ideal balance of validating the child’s experience while also holding firm to boundaries and consequences.
I think we should educate on the original parenting types that have been described for decades with research instead of calling it something new and confusing ppl who don’t have education in child development. It’s causing chaos.
Gentle parenting isn’t the issue here. Passive parenting is what’s ruining our kids.
Well I agree. I've always worried how teacher and other parents may react to ACTUAL DISCIPLINE (not abuse, but punishment) I'm glad to hear me and the school are on the same page
Its not the gentle parenting thats the problem its the parents not even knowing what it means
in my state they've made suspension ILLEGAL completely ridiculous. they say they don't want to be a pipeline to prison, but all they are doing is creating a pipeline to prison. it's exactly why juvenile crime is running rampant through this country.
💯 💯 💯
If this gentle parenting continues, children will grow up into adults believing that there are no consequences for bad behaviors. How will they be able to keep a job?
You're actually thinking of permissive parenting where a parent will let their child get away with anything and everything without any boundaries on the parent's side. Gentle parenting is where a parent will discipline their child without yelling or beating them while setting boundaries for both them and their child.
You know what, I am out to get your kid. All they have to do is relax, be a child and learn. But when they come in and their goal is to literally raise hell, then you've got my attention, and it just makes sense to answer. Especially if the parent refuses to.
My grade 1 teacher:
"Manners are taught at home not at school"
True gentle parenting holds boundaries. Because it has this current name, people think gentle means permissive. It’s actually authoritative parenting style. Which again is meant to hold boundaries without a child being actually afraid of their parents.
tell me you dont know the difference between gentle parenting and permissive parenting without saying "I dont know the difference between them"
You can't blame gentle parenting when you clearly don't know what it is. Gentle parenting is not the reason these kids act like this, these kids act like this because they are not getting any parenting , PERIOD!
Boundaries NEED to be set by the parents early!!🙋🏻♀️
I had the benefit of living through 3 different upbringing styles. 3-9 my grandma spanked me, 9-13 my stepdad beat me, 13-17 my dad manipulated and tried to corrupt me with drugs and alcohol. My grandparents loved me, my stepdad, and my dad didn't. As an adult, i am so grateful bc I know I am a more well-rounded member of society now. I am not perfect by any means, but the spanking didn't scar me. The other abuse did. I look back at my youngest part of childhood, and i only see how they did what was hard bc they loved me. It wasn't only being disciplined. There were happy times, but during that time, I had structure. I was blessed with a foundation of being loved.
It’s quite obvious that people don’t know what gentle parenting is, and isn’t. Lacking discipline falls under the realm of permissive or neglectful parenting. Gentle parenting falls under the umbrella of authoritative parenting.
I see this behavior becoming more prevalent in the daycare setting as well. My 5 year old comes home from kindergarten every day and tells me that his class has to evacuate the classroom because one particular child is out of control to the point it's a safety concern. And it's not just his class! My older child (18) would have NEVER!
I think there’s some confusion between gentle parenting and permissive parenting in this video.
Proverbs 13:24 whoever spares the rod hates his son, but he who loves him is diligent to discipline him.
Discipline is just basic parenting and trying to make sure your kid is taught basic manners and respect for others in a way they understand. And not harshly of course. Ive seen ppl that try to do gentle parenting. My uncle was sadly an example of gentle parenting where my cousin is a bit of a brat ( she was an absolute gremlin and can still be sometimes) And thankfully she’s gotten better but she was absolutely horrible and my uncle knew but he never put his foot down on it cuz he didn’t want to upset his wife cuz she thought discipline was cruel. They’ve gotten better later on but it goes to show you need to put your foot down and set boundaries for kids in a way that they’ll get the hint.
I'm all about discipline and respect! My kid has never thrown chairs or disrespected his teachers! 🙌🏼 I also talk to him about the importance of our teachers ❤
In the long run these kids won't respect their parents as a parent but rather view them as a glorified friend
That’s not gentle parenting it’s permissive parenting.
I was a troubled kid. I got violent at times and would fight against techers as they tried to escort me out of the room. The school i was in had specific teachers what were allowed to grab me and put me in uncomfortable positions to comly. I think more schools need that. Learning that my actions could have physical consequences corrected my behavior very quickly.
Parents are their kids LIFETIME teachers. You are to show them how they can respect and be considerate to others (no matter big or small, female or male, whatever colour race religion, etc). Your job never stops! If you stop, you lose your child to whatever cruel world coming their way. Teach them to be decent human beings. Do not expect them to 'get it' because boy you are so wrong and it is so unfair for them. You don't show up in your first day at work without any training, why would expect your child to not have the same guidance from you. If you say something, you stick with it because if not, they will think everyone will be the same and they can get away with so much more in the future. Be that 'fair' parent to him/her! It is better late than never for some of you out there!!
How are we going to live in a world surrounded by these psychopaths when they all age up? Im homeschooling my kids and am so concerned with the future they're to be adults in 😮
If I have children they are going to Mennonite school and I am not even Mennonite they will learn all they need for life. Then they will be home schooled to receive their GED.
1 most parents are not very successful at gentle parenting as it is extremely time and patience expensive, and difficult. Gentle parenting is actually very consequence based because it is all about kids understanding the impact of their words and actions. Not everyone who calls themselves a 'gentle parent' is one or is a very successful one
2 teachers are leaving from insufficient pay that does not accommodate high cost of living and from increasing bureaucracy making are larger workload for almost no reason. Behavior likely also has an impact but leaving out such significant factors is negligent
3 (most important) these are 2 completely random people on the internet voicing opinions or their personal perspectives, please do not use these as one of your top sources confirming your bias. This person saying 'no one's parenting their kids anymore!!' should not cement a perspective in your mind, especially if you have little additional perspective into their credibility
Sorry for the essay lol
It's one thing when one teacher says something, but if you combine social media sites like TikTok, CZcams, Reddit and Instagram there's thousands of videos and comments saying the exact same thing confirmed by thousands of teachers quitting or retiring early. 😢
@@TeacherTherapy this is a good point. I don't see a lot of it tbh but that's just my feed. Still I think there's a misrepresentation of what gentle parenting actually is. That and teachers are genuinely not paid enough for the cost of living.
THIS BOTHERS ME SO MUCH!! Gentle parenting is NOT the absence of consequences!!! It’s simply enforcing consequences without screaming, shaming, humiliating, hitting, or rage!! Can we PLEASE stop slandering parents who choose not to abuse their kids? And before anyone says, “I know X number of people who never discipline their kids and give them everything they want, and they call it gentle parenting,” those parents are NOT using the word right! They’re twisting the meaning to excuse neglecting and spoiling their kids!!
I think the problem is Neglectful Parenting. Parents need to be more involved and correct behavior that is socially unacceptable.
gentle parenting is not letting your kids do whatever they want, thats PERMISSIVE parenting
These people need to understand the difference between gentle parenting and permissive parenting. Gentle parenting is a good way to raise your kids. Permissive parenting is catastrophic and we are seeing the consequences. But its important to use the correct terminology so people arent misled
How do we change culture or society, being raising awareness, to make the necessary changes? Things need to change.
The kids' behavior she is describing has nothing to do with gentle parenting, gentle parenting is not to blame. So many researches have demonstrated the causes of aggressiveness, and gentle parenting is not one of them.
Not being emotionally present with babys and toddlers is the most significant cause of aggression in kids.
She’s attacking gentle parents when really she should be addressing non parenting parents. Ppl have said time and time again that THIS IS NOT GENTLE PARENTING! Kids of gentle parents don’t go around hitting people!! Permissive parents do
EVERY CHILD requires *different parenting techniques*. Many can benefit from the same techniques- others cannot and a parent must discover what does work.
The difference between gentle parenting and not parenting at all.
Gentle parents... What's that? Never that in my house. My momma knuckled up a six year old. I'm sure I'm ok .. she made me a pugilist woman 🤚
This is not about gentle parenting, but negligence! I've seen worse in ped consultation, and you realize that those parents just ignore or excuse their behavior. Gentle parents treat their kids as capable human beings, explaining what to do an why, without intimidation, those kids are a lot more comprehensive about situations, and use more common sense, actually
I totally agree. My mother taught school until she was almost 70 and she was teaching juniour high kids that were supposed to be in her class due to learning disability. Unfortunately it became a situation where every student that was not passing was put into her class. So more than 90% of her class were students who did not behave in class, did not try to do their work and basically fell behind because they didnt care. The other 10 % if that were kids who wanted to do good but really did have some kind of learning disability. So now the kids who had problems learning were in a room full of kids who did nothing but make things difficult. Not the point though. I was begining to worry about one if these kids hurting my mom. The last few years she worked i dont think she wanted to but since she started late she had to to make her retirement. ut also on the other side there are alot of parents that feel like they have lost their power to parent. They know that the kids have been taught that CPS will stick up for them almost no matter what. It has literally come to if you even raise your voice at your kids or disagree with their form of self expression is considered child abuse. We got the belt right to the butt groing up and i think there is nothing wrong with that my siblings and i turned out fine. I am in no way saying you can just hit your kids. Theres a difference between a spanking and hitting especislly with anger. I never spanked my kids but man they can really push it. Mine are grown now but i remember one night when they were small i was making dinner (i had 4 kids in just 4 years and 2 months the first 3 all boys) my 2nd son bit my 3rd son hard. He drew blood. It was so crazy some nights trying to get all the things done and their dad was in the army. So i sent him to his room so i could hurry up and get dinner done. He went in his room and called 911 and said i was hitting him. So shortly after i sent him to his room i hear a knock. Theres like 4 cops at my door and the one right in the door tells me about the call 😂 They could see i was trying to cook and help my oldest with his homework i had my youngest running around MOMMY! MOMMY! IS DINNER READY! IM HUNGRY MOMMY! My 3 yr old the one that was bit is hangin on my leg crying. Chaos the good kind but chaos. So i. like "Viggo"? He comes out of his room head down very sulky like i had never seen him before. So i tell the cop this is the one that called. I am trying to hurry up and make their dinner because they are all hungry but this guy bit his brother so i sent him to his room which must be when he called. Triston still clinging to my leg crying you could still see the bite marks which was now forming a bruise in between the teeth marks. So the cop asked him all the questions did i really hit him, why did he call and once they were satisfied they left but omg the little fart. I told him who is going to make your food and take care of you if you get mommy in trouble lol. Honestly i think it scated him WAY more than it scared me. i thought it was funny. i would never tell him that though. 😂😂❤
Gentle parenting hell, parenting period has gone by the wayside.
how do you know that these behavioural issues stem from gentle parenting specifically? Why is gentle parenting getting all the blame? From my understanding, Gentle parenting done correctly puts big emphasis on boundaries. Its not about letting them do whatever they want. I feel like the issue is so much more complex than gentle parenting. What about absent parents, neglectful parents, social media? Lazy parents?