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How To Write A Better Logline - Naomi Beaty
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- čas přidán 13. 04. 2020
- In this Film Courage video interview, Writer, Screenwriting Teacher and Consultant Naomi Beaty on How To Write A Better Logline.
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Something like this is probably getting a little closer: "After taking a job teaching incarcerated women, a sheltered librarian embarks on an unlikely romance with an ex-con despite the disapproval of her affluent family, and his criminal past which threatens the couple's chance at a future." Although I think I altered your story by making the librarian female. :)
I feel like you could stop it at affluent family and you got the jist of it. The last sentence feels obvious because clearly the romantic interests criminal past would be the reason for their objection
@@franjes9999 Agreed.
No, the librarian was female all along. You made the prisoners female.
When Karen says: "It's actually a man", she means the love interest is male, not the librarian. I think.
No… you got it right; the librarian was a woman falling for a male prisoner from the beginning.
@@franjes9999 It definitely is clunky, but they were trying to end it by outlining the potential conflict of the film's latter half, ex-con boyfriend's criminal past coming back to haunt them both
A sheltered librarian teaches a writing course to former prison inmates and falls in love with one of her students, jeopardizing her career and family life.
Lose the adjective at the beginning. “A married woman falls in love with a prison inmate and realizes the inmate is more moral than the people on the outside.”
A naive writing teacher falls inlove with her encarcerated student
Does this help you with the logline for your latest story?
Yes!
Yes
Absolutely
12:20 I think she's onto something. I used to watch "Garfield & Friends" as a kid, and the ONE episode whose title I still remember all these years later is THE CREATURE THAT LIVED IN THE REFRIGERATOR, BEHIND THE MAYONNAISE, NEXT TO THE KETCHUP AND TO THE LEFT OF THE COLESLAW.
YO! That was my show, back in the day! And that episode was the JAM!!! LOL!!! I LOVE GARFIELD AND FRIENDS!
@@rickeyboyer4726 Then you, my friend, are a person of taste. I think it's one of the few TV shows that actually got BETTER the longer it went on, even up to and including its final season.
On that note, I wonder if Film Courage would ever consider interviewing Mark Evanier.
So, true! That show was always ready for a good laugh, and ready to come out and play! They certainly don't make classic cartoons like that anymore! P.S., the same goes double for your own excellent taste, as well! : )
Wow, Naomi is great, I love how she evolves your premise in the way that she does, she is so on point. Question: Are you going to write this logline into a script? sounds great:)
That's kind of you. This one was made up just for fun. No plans to write any scripts any time soon.
So, we can do it!
Great focus. Naomi is a great listener
Wow, good sharpening! I love her Patience with the one pitching the story. That's kind.
God bless film courage- doin great work here.. imparting legit knowledge out to the people.
Thanks for this 😊 I’m really enjoying the content you guys are putting out.
Again, very timely and helpful as I navigate my way to First Draft; as of now, it feels like for each step forward, there is at least a step and a half back as new information unfolds and new tasks emerge. It's wonderful. Thank you.
Great to hear!
Soooooo needed this ❤️
Ok so the element of logline for what i learn from many screenwriting channel or book : Main Character + Goals (want something badly) + Obstacle / Antagonistic Forces (Conflict) - this is the basic element of logline. Then we can adding : Background set (example : Chicago, 1950 or "In a dystopian world where.."), inciting incident (happens before goals), stake (after the goal) and uniqueness of the story - this all not necessary a must, please adding as you please or need to make your logline look great and better. Also with this, i use premis and for me premis is "What if.." - this the part that i show to producer for selling my story. There is a lot variant out there, but i use this for my personal definition.
Thank you
Yes this helped me tremendously! Reminds me that I am still a hopeless romantic at heart.
She's so lovely when she speaks! This one's great
Thank you this is very helpful
Yes this helps and yes, I would watch your movie!
Great vid!😃
Any tips for loglines are helpful. I can write a mean script but can't crank out a great logline for NOTHING! One sentence and it's the hardest task in the world.
That’s because it’s a A bunch of BS
I think it should have been edited into the video the original logline and then the corrections at the end.
These Rock!
When/Then/Until
Can anyone tell me where the logline goes, is it on the title page 🤔
Question....when writing a logline,if the setting plays a sizable part of the story...would you lead w/that?
More interviews like this
For a feature, totally. How would I do one for say a spec Netflix style, 12 part serial? One for the concept (season 1), one for the pilot or both?
If you're pitching a limited series, you probably want a logline for the concept to let people know what they're getting. But a logline for the pilot episode will be useful to you as part of your development/writing process. If you are entering that pilot/Ep1 in any contests/fellowships, you may need your pilot logline for that purpose too. Hope that helps!
@@naomibeaty-- that's good thinking. Thank you.
Is this the same thing for shows and books? Cuz she kept saying movie
Good Stuff..
I would pay to see this film
This is me doing a logline😂My idea in my head sounds brilliant and then I say it and it seems stupid.
Here goes...
Two middle aged childhood friends with plenty of regrets reconnect at funeral for a middle school friend. After a boozy night out they are magically sent back to 1986 as their childhood selves with a chance to stop the trigger event leads to their friends death in the future.
Zzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzzz!!!
Actually, the premise sounds good. Of course the 80s are always a rage (ST anyone?) and a mix or drama and some humor in the right places could make for a good film. I mean hey, everything's been done before...yet we all still watch movies!
Two middle aged friends with one regret they both have harbored since childhood, reunite at a funeral for the friend they secretly believe are responsible for their untimely death. Both lean on each other for comfort, however, their hidden guilt is mutually masked with a celebratory evening. After a few drinks the spirit of their dead friend leads the pair back to when and where the triggering event which lead to their death. To relive and undo a regret. With a hope to save their own life.
How many words does a logline contain? Some say it is a maximum of 25 words.
The logline for the script that I'm currently working on: When a retired big-city judge helps a small-town factory worker being framed for attempted murder he finds that the revenge-seeking woman behind the plot is the daughter of the criminal that the judge mistakenly set free at the start of his career.
As a retired judge sets out to save a small-town factory worker who's been falsely accused of attempted murder, he learns that the case has ties to his own dark past.
Interesting premise! When you say, "helps" do you mean "takes on the case" or just assists? Has the judge moved to the small town after retiring or gets involved some other way? I don't know if these two points are intended to be clear in the logline, or not? Also, to read it, you have big-city, small-town and revenge-seeking. That's quite a few hyphens. Obviously a murder trial is high stakes, but I think you could establish the personal stakes more, e.g. "makes him question his whole career" (even though my wording is cliched) with a bit more mystery? I wonder if you're giving away too much with 'framed' when it could be implied maybe? Or perhaps this is part of a twist you have, I don't know. Just my opinion, though.
@@Ruylopez778 After his retirement the judge visits the small town that he grew up in and runs into the factory worker who is a friend of his family. He starts helping the factory worker by postponing his arrest because the judge is friends with the local sheriff. My thought in using the generic word "helps" was that this will make the reader curious. My use of "framed" is to summarize the complicated part that the factory worker just wanted to threaten someone by shooting blanks at them but the woman (who was involved previously with the worker in a love triangle) switched the blanks for live rounds without him knowing.
@@AnnoyingMoose I see, so in a sense the judge goes "full circle". Well, I see your point about "helps", but I would say specifics might be better if it is the 'action' the main character is taking in the story. I think including the connection between the judge and accused might also raise the stakes in the logline.
As the video says, I suppose it depends which aspects are most central to the story, or which specific words you want, like "daughter" for example. I wonder if naming the locations might help, especially if there is contrast between them.
Just one possible example as obviously I don't know the themes or whatever that are important;
When a retired Boston judge visits the small Montana town where he grew up, he helps a family friend accused of attempted murder, and as [the truth uncovers a tale of jealousy and revenge], it calls into question the consequences of his first ever case.
"a tale of" is a bit cliched also, of course, but perhaps it shows more of the stakes for the judge and the contrast of the beginning and end of his career? You probably have a more specific clause you could put. I suppose 'runs into' means it's a pure coincidence in the timing, which isn't clear in my example. Seems to me that location was a starting point, and the mistake in his career was also a start point, although maybe I'm reading too much into it.
Don't know if that was really any help to you, though.
An ex-judge turn pro bono lawyer learns that his framed client has a connection to a past case he previously presided.
A hopeless romantic working as a librarian, believes she finally found true love. Love only her favorite authors could ever write about. Not real. Impossible. Dangerous. Until she saw him, an x-con, signing up for her literary writers club. Handsome and mysterious. Two traits in a lover she finds herself daydreaming about in almost every chapter she has read from the library’s shelved and dusty romance novels. Today, she finds herself face to face with a character she fell in love with in a thousand romance novels. And she knows they do not end well.
I don’t have any experience writing a log line. But today, am taking the initiative to learn and put myself out there. To learn and improve.
Hi. Quick one. What do you think about this logline: A loving and caring mother has to look for her daughter,who is trafficked to another country by a secret admirer.
That's a good one 👍
How come the longline was not read multiple times in order to make sure it is understood she did say "...I forgotten it.."
*Father, I love you* (drama/survival horror):
After surviving as a child labourer, the young woman is determined to leave the island, but her possessive father have no intention of letting that happen.
Is the exact con part of the program being that he's done his time?
I think the story would work better if the librarian was herself a struggling writer, who has yet to finish her book, because she hasn't found her muse. The ex-con who she connects with the most, brings out the inner romantic in her, which ignites her passion for writing again. She also helps him to battle his demons, by encouraging him to put them on the page and express himself in an honest way. By encouraging each other with passion and honesty, this brings them closer together. But you have to have conflict, so for this story there has to be a will they or won't they. So something must get in the way, and it must be personal to one or the other. It could be a misunderstanding, where she or he misses a few of their appointments, and they get their wires crossed. People are so easily offended, especially when they feel so passionate about something. So a logline could be: (insert main female character here), a frustrated writer, takes on a writing group of ex-cons. But teacher soon becomes the student when (insert male character name here) reignites her creative flame. But will this new passion become more?
I like this too. Thank you!
@@filmcourage you're welcome. If I had more time I could probably come up with something better, but I was just spitballing.
A small town librarian moves to Atlanta and falls for a charming ex-con in her reading group...and discovers a former victim hell-bent on performing acts of revenge that are eerily similar to the book the group is reading.
It's to create substantive change in her student peers life, faces poverty want, character integration, philosophical conflict. It's a socioeconomic class boundaries unveiling that gives her a new sense of vision in her meaningful work and purpose and resets and unlocks the character perspective of her artist would be lover. Has to be contemporaneous to current paradigm shift. And not muck it up like Hollywood does by mollifying economic social cast and class struggle from liberal centrist austerity where it concerns poverty, the arts and public initiative spending. Condense that!
When a librarian who coaches incarcerated writers develops intimate feelings for a former inmate, her reputation comes under scrutiny.
Also, write a logline for the inmate... one for the guard that witnesses their relationship... and yet another for her friend. Combining the four should write the script.
Duh-rama!
IF! you make it a dynamic comedy, you can have the b-story echo the a-story, where as part of her project, she pairs writers with their cell mates despite their differences to form writer's rooms... and the title: Cell Mates
And she is forced to go before a review board who questions her reputation, especially from a higher up whom she thwarted interest from years prior. Great ideas. Thank you. :)
Film Courage her friend she confided in, and her family member that sensed it, both warned her.
Instead of fixing the longline, I'll suggest two Woody Allen movies where these elements appear as subplots: Everyone says I love you, the Drew Barrymore character, and Bullets Over Broadway, the Chazz Palentari character who plays the hitman with a penchant for brilliant writing.
The clear not clever comment shot down my dreams 😂
Title: Roberto and Antionette
Make the ex-con a former bank robber. I volunteer to consult on this movie. :)
Cool movie. If it was made gritty it would be a hit!
Quite exciting, had me thinking, title: Freedom form the shelf.
A reclusisive librarian falls for an ex-convict, will love be enough to help her through this yellow brick road filled with mine fields.
A female librarian finds her prince charming in an unexpected place, a writing group for former prison inmates.
Intend your puns!
Longline: When teaching a writers group, it's game-changing crucial that a well meaning librarian have a mindset change on anticipated ideas of true love before missing out on what can be.
@@JRMSS2024 I was told for a good logline it needs a catchy adjective before every noun; there really aren't rules; just different strategies. Remember though it's the logline not the full story; it's also supposed to be the elevator pitch that is supposed to interest the ones your selling a script to; also if your movie is being used on streaming and people are zimming through movies trying to figure out what they want to watch; to compete, your logline can interest them when they had no intention to choose your movie; same thing if you're buying movie DVDs when people just reading the DVD case trying to pick a movie; The logline point is to catch the attention if I'm not mistaken.
The previous point is right, your logline look like a commercial logline for movie marketing. In this video we learn the basic rule of logline : Character + goals + Obstacle (sometimes you can add stake, background set or the unique of the story). I am not saying that your logline is wrong, but after we mastered this basic you can make it more interest with the rule @@OjukwuIsaac
“A mysterious troubled witch comes to a small town looking to kill its mayor who she has a vendetta against.”
A well educated, but close minded woman sets out to better a group of prisoners through a writing program. Instead she ends up bettering herself when a secret affair with a prisoner broadens her horizon.
Forbidden love which is a conflict of interest
The interviewee didn’t listen to the log line initially.
Something like this, perhaps? "A librarian teaching incarcerated women, gets romantically involved with an ex-con, creating turmoil with her family, threatening their future together." Too many filler words in the original.
You repeat yourself too. If the romantic interest is an ex-con, we don't need to say he has a criminal past. We also don't need to mention the family wealth, since lots of families, including middle-class and lower class ones, would take issue with someone being a felon.
A librarian teaching incarcerated women, is your protagonist and normal world, the romance is the "cause", turmoil with her family is the "effect", and threatening their future together, are the "stakes", and the "goal".
Hope I'm not being too presumptuous. I love playing around with loglines. :)
As a rule, the fewer the words, the better. The more words you use, the more likely it is it won't be a logical statement, and your story will fall flat on its face.
Thank you!
@@filmcourage yw :) happy to help.
It sounds like this writer isn't clear on what her story is about.
And then what happens? Librarian falls in love with ex-con and then they live happily ever after? Is it two hours of them making kissy face? What external problem is she trying to solve?
A conflict of interest...
Embarrassing...
“Community activism and things like that” I really hope I can make films to heal our culture. Just good movies with real inspiration for normal people living a regular life. It woke garbage shoved down our throats. I feel like movies now are leftist Purflix. Agenda first and story third.
Why do so many female writers feel the need to have a librarian as the main character? .. lol
#expandYourWorld