Losing my mother
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- čas přidán 7. 09. 2024
- It's impossible to capture the complexity of my relationship with my mother and it's too soon for me to have fully processed her passing.
All I know is that I didn't expect her death to hit me in the way it has. I didn't anticipate just how untethered to my own past I'd feel: the two people present in all of my childhood memories are now gone. My heart hasn't yet grown accustomed to the sharp edges of the loneliness that now dwells within.
Watching this is like looking in the mirror. Mom died in 2015. I wasn’t there - I was driving in a blizzard trying to get there as fast as I could. Dad died in 2019 and I feel alone. It makes me feel comforted to know others feel the same.
I'm gutted watching you be so vulnerable and expressing your grief without being able to help you in some way. As a Mom, I'm a serial hugger and I have an innate addiction to making "The Hurt", whatever it might be, go away. I adore your view of "Heaven" and us being our own final judges, not someone up on a cloud saying if you "can or cannot sit with us". My heart still goes out to you and I'm sending you all the love and comfort, at least in my thoughts. Thank you for sharing your thoughts, and I hope that sending them out into the universe helps at least a little to bring you peace.
Eloquently spoken.
With time, healing will come for you.
Take care of yourself, let others help, too.
My beautiful Kara, you have my deepest condolences. As one daughter to another, as one orphan to another.
May you find peace and strength to navigate this difficult time. Thank you for sharing your thoughts and feelings. I wish I had the words, but I know this is your pain and words are just that, words. I'm so very sorry.
So sorry for your loss, Kara! I lost my Mom at 39 (my Dad at 20). It was a very melancholic time (just plain sadness, like a wintery feeling inside). Little by little, the pain got less intense. It still makes me sad to think of her, but it is not as overwhelming. I wasn't there when she passed away either. Don't be too hard on yourself for that! The moment was important to you because you were conscious of it happening and of its relevance, but it was different for your Mom, given her situation. In the end, what truly matters is loving and being loved. You loved her (and still do) and she loved you (and still does, wherever she is). Hoping you feel better soon 🙏🙏🙏
Sorry for your loss. I lost both my Mom and Dad and it felt very weird for awhile. Hang in there.
Sorry for your loss. Prayers for you and your family.🙏🏻♥️
In my mind I never had a parent. My mother was the 13 th child so all grandparents were gone before I was born .I'm very much a loner and when I was a kid ,it was very hard and I was a lonely child . Now I love being alone with my animals . I guess I still envy those who had a father and parents when I hear about them. But it is what is is and was and I find joy in my animals and my business. I believe in Karma . I follow the rule of what goes around comes around so spread love and kindness in life.
I'm so sorry for your loss. You will have many feelings, memories and thoughts. Sending prayers for peace for you and your family.
I’m so sorry. My mom passed in my arms and the reel of that “movie” took years to stop playing in my mind every time I closed my eyes. Life is a new normal now. It doesn’t stop hurting, its a bandaid you wear forever.
My beautiful uncle who took over as father figure for me after my dad took his life when I was younger, he died two months ago. I'm still feeling so much anger that all I can feel is that he left me alone. Grief is irrational, we heal and grieve differently. Grieve in your own way, give yourself time. She loved you, she decided to adopt you. She wanted to be the one to raise you, and that's so beautiful xx
Thank you. ❤️ I'm very sorry to hear of your uncle's passing and I can't imagine how complex your grief over your father must have been. Love to you.
My grandma pass in 2018. I was caring for her at the time and I literally stepped out of the room for a few minutes to quickly eat when she passed. I beat myself up for not being there for a long time. I know she would just be grateful for the time I was there.
The childhood scars follow us all through life .Those of us who have suffered emotionally in childhood come to a spiritual realization that in my mind is closer to the souls journey into the next one.
My father committed suicide when I was 2 yrs old . I was raised by my mother who had me at 42. She died in 2000. She never remarried. We had a very tumultuous relationship. I had much resentment after she died as I felt cheated not having a good loving relationship. When I flew back to Michigan to see her in the nursing home ,her mind was gone and the sundowners syndrome was not a pretty experience. She had a much better relationship with my brother who was the favorite . She kept him by her side to care for her . Consequently he never married and still lives in the little house I grew up in. My condolences to your loss and thank you for doing this video. I have always felt a certain kinship with you , why? Now I have a better understanding as to some of my feelings towards you. You are a beautiful soul. May your heart find peace and love from those close to you. Thank you .
Lost my dad a couple months ago and I still feel so lost. My condolences to you and your family.
Blessings ❤. I appreciate that you shared all these beautiful, thoughts. Early on in your social media journey, I followed your content, closely. You have a beautiful "light", which has never changed. It's very uncomfortable for me to discuss faith. I have also questioned, from an early age, the ideology that many people use to shame others, into participating in. Life and death are experiences, that all beings, participate in. Healing will come when these facts are accepted. Mourning in a healthy way, looks differently for everyone. Sharing your thoughts will uplift others in their process. Blessings to you and your family 🥰
I’m so sorry for your loss. My heart breaks for you. Give yourself time to mourn and time to heal.
My parents are older than my friends’ parents. They didn’t think they could have kids and then I surprised them. My mom is now is an assisted living facility due to her Alzheimer’s disease. At the moment she still knows who I am and who my Dad is. Dad is adjusting to living on his own. I’m an only child and I can’t imagine how I will function without them. I told both of them that they can drop in and say hi after they pass.
How you describe Heaven is what I think my mom sees in her mind right now. She lives in her own world when she’s by herself. She told my Dad recently that she went to her high school reunion the day before and how great it was to see everyone. She had been living at the facility for a few months; she had not left the facility, but in her mind she was having fun with her friends the day before.
I do believe in a loving God and my idea of Heaven is a place with our loved ones and pets (yes dogs will be in my Heaven…jury still out on cats)🙂 There’s no pain, sadness, and no anger. Only happiness, joy, and laughter. As far as who gets in, I feel people who believe in a higher power go to their version of Heaven. Hell, in my opinion is the absence of God.
My grandfather died an hour after my grandmother left his side in the nursing home. Hospice people have told me it is often intentional on behalf of the deceased. Sometimes they don’t want us to see them go. Don’t let that weigh on you. It was her choice to go when she did and it may have been to keep the burden of seeing her life go.
I understand the feeling of not having that typical mother-daughter relationship. I get you 100%. All that said, I am so very sorry for your loss.
Thank you for sharing that with me. My dad waited until we'd all fallen asleep late at night before he passed (cancer). I witnessed my aunt pass and, while very sad, seeing how peaceful it was for her gave me comfort.
I’m so sorry 😢 I’m 28 & just lost my mom recently it hurts so bad you’ll never forget but it dose get easier sending you a big hug ❤️🫶
This is so sad to hear. In the end, all we are left with is the love we had for each other. You should know that she loved you and you not being there in her last moments is something you could not have controlled and I'm glad Barry is helping you understand that.
Loss is a loss and no matter how old people we lose get to be, it impacts us greatly and when a person loses both parents or parent figures, it is truly a departure and separation from a part of one's life and it feels much worse.
Faith can help, however you choose to apply it. A human being needs to believe in something and it does help and gives one so much hope.
Be strong!
I don't know what else I can add to the comments except to say that I am sending you warm hugs and lots of prayers. I never had a warm relationship with my Mom either. She did the best she could but she had her own problems. Your parents are at peace now. Grieving takes time. I'm a logical person too, so I totally understand.
Thank you for sharing your vulnerability here. Grief is so different for everyone. Time heals all wounds, but there will always be a scar. I do enjoy the sometimes not beauty related stuff here, I'm here to see you, not just beauty content.
Thank you for sharing such raw real emotions with all of us it feels like I know you, my mom died in 2013 & we were far from close & for me it felt freeing for her to pass
I’m so sorry for loss Kara . I lost my dad when I was 20 and my mum in2012, . It does get easier with time even though you can’t even imagine that at the moment,but time is a great healer and you will get through this ,love and big hugs❤x
I’m so sorry Kara….the death of a parent never comes at a good time….at a time when we’re ready….
My mother passed away when I was 14 in a car accident. My parents were divorced, and I lived with my Dad, so I, also, didn’t have the day to day hole in my existence. But ,of course, it was a hole nonetheless.
My mother’s Aunt Grace (my great aunt, gave me some of my best childhood memories. So when she was old and could no longer live on her own, she came to live with me. I wanted to repay her kindness.
She was later hospitalized ( at 98 ) and the nurse at work called to say her time was near……I went immediately, but she had passed away just before I got there…..
I understand……
I believe that, especially after long illnesses and bedside vigils, people want to cross the threshold alone.
I know too many people who ‘only left for their loved one’s bedside for a few minutes’…
It’s a possibility….
Much love to you and prayers for your peace. 💛💛💛
I am so sorry for your loss, Kara. Thank you for sharing your feelings, however painful. I see us as being the legacy, in part, of our parents: we carry a few (or a lot) of their character traits, value systems, memories, traditions…pain, trauma and lessons learned. Yet, we are individuals who still need to go forward and lead our own lives, our best possible life, and help pave the way for the next generation. You have experienced a lot in your life (what you‘ve shared with us, your viewers) and have made a wonderful life for yourself and your family. Your kids will be your and Barry‘s legacy. They are so lucky to have you.
I'm so sorry for your loss. Someone doesn't have to live with you for you to feel the hole their absence leaves behind when they go. I don't have to know you or your mom to know that as much as you knew she always loved you, even in the hardest times, she knew you loved her too. May her memory always be a comfort to you. ❤❤
I don't know what's waiting for us when we go, but I choose to believe that we reunite with the loved ones who went before us. There's no more pain, no loss, only the love of those we previously lost. That's what I hope for the loved ones I've lost.
I love your perspective on our final judgement, and while I've never articulated it nearly as well, I wholeheartedly believe the same. You reap what you sow, basically.
All my love to you and your family. May you find peace and comfort in those who love you. ❤❤
Love you my friend. I always related to your sometimes contentious relationship with your mom. Wishing you peace and love. That version of heaven is one I can get behind.
So very sorry for your loss, dear Kara 💖 hugs xxx
Oh Kara, I am so sorry. Thank you for sharing your feelings and emotion, and your thoughts. You articulated so much of what I think and feel about heaven.
Let the guilt go because so many loved ones want to pass when we’re not there. My grandmother didn’t pass until everyone left. I was fortunate to be with my son when he passed but he waited until a moment when we were not focused on him. I am so very sorry for your loss. Be kind to yourself.
I'm so sorry for the loss of your son. I can't imagine how heavy your grief must be.
@@KaraChapman thank you I appreciate that. Again I am so sorry for your loss. Grief is grief, even when we know a loved one’s time is coming to an end no matter their age.
So sorry for your loss. I know how hard it is. Sending you all the hugs. 🥰
What a beautiful video... thank you
I'm so incredibly sorry for your loss.
Sniffing away here wondering how I can make you feel better. I'm so sad for you. Barry is 100% right that there was nothing you could do and I truly believe that when your Mom was transcending she saw you bolting there. She knows what is in your heart I have zero doubt. Thank you for sharing your ruminations and they bring peace to me too. I must have been worrying about you after watching your last video as I had a dream I was talking to you/cannot remember what was even said. A small story for you. A friend of mine who I had not seen for years passed away and I dreamt that I was speaking to him and he was telling me he was okay that he can go wherever he wants to and you cannot get any better than that (plus other funny things/he was punking me). I told his wife who said that she saw a psychic medium to connect with him and this medium told her that when someone passes they can visit you in your dreams if you are receptive. My friend was so incredibly happy that I told her about the dream (I hesitated to tell her/wasn't sure if it would upset her - she was delighted as she felt through me he was telling her he was okay). She has seen the medium many times and connected with her hubby. It may sound really out there to some people but I think he's out there and connecting with his sweet wife and other loved ones. I hope you can take some time from work and get outside and connect with nature. Your Mom is out there watching over the fabulous woman that you are. Hugs
I absolutely love this video an continue to watch it. Thank you so much for being so brave and honest with your feelings !
Hugs to you 💜 I didnt get to say good bye to my dad bc he died unexpectedly. My therapist told me its not that final moment that matters most. Its all the lifetime moments.
I hate giving this video a like, but know that it is support for you through this process.
I resonate totally with your belief of heaven . Just never seemed to grasp it even though I was raised in Holland Michigan. One of the most religious town in the US.
I'm sorry for your loss, Kara.
I hope you are feeling less pain and loneliness from your mother's passing. I get it that much of it is the realization that your relationship wasn't what you really had hoped for. I'm sure she hearing your heart from the spirit world.
I'm so sorry for your loss
I see you all the time and I love your videos. Sorry for your lost may God bless you and your entire family.🙏
I'm sorry for your loss
Condolences to you and family.
I am so sorry Kara. Love to you. ❤❤❤
Sending love and prayers
😢