I Stutter. But I Need You to Listen. | NYT Opinion
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- čas přidán 22. 08. 2022
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John Hendrickson stutters. He has stuttered nearly his entire life.
And in the Opinion video above, Mr. Hendrickson, working with the filmmaker James Robinson, explores the obstacles and emotional burden of his condition and explains the coping strategies and workarounds he has devised to make it through the day in a world that demands that we speak up and speak clearly.
The film suggests that the problem may lie not with people who stutter but with a society that is largely unprepared or disinclined to accommodate them.
This is the second in a three-part Opinion Video series by Mr. Robinson that profiles people with disabilities. The first, about a woman with retinitis pigmentosa, was published last week. The third, featuring a man who has prosopagnosia - or face blindness - will be published next week. Mr. Robinson also made “Whale Eyes,” an Emmy Award-nominated film we published last year that explores his experiences living with an array of disabling eye conditions.
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As a stutter, I can say that what actually triggers my stuttering the most is realising that the person in front of me isn't actively listening to me. It's remarkable how impatient people are, how difficult it is for them to even tolerate the silence between stuttered words.
I want to believe that John can find the key to talk how he wants to talk.
Right, and this is getting worse in our "meme driven" culture. I have so much empathy my heart hurts. I have trouble making myself clear speaking, but nothing like this.
Opp for me. If person actively listens to me, I stutter more. Otherwise I am better (not the best thought).
Plus, no stutter when alone.
how happy to have finally gotten rid of stuttering with the use of doctor eromon herbal product. it stopped it completely and permanently.
@@AnilSardiwal same
As a lifelong heavy stutterer, this video was painful for me to watch and at the same time I applaud it. Normally I try to think about my stuttering as little a possible, since I refuse to let my stuttering dictate my life. But this video reminded me - all too well - to the daily stress and humiliation (due to stuttering) I am going through since 50 years. Ironically, language plays a central part in my professional life and I speak five languages fluently.
*) well, fluently unless I stutter ...
@@ridingboy I applaud you for knowing any language other than your native one (I only know English, so I am shaming myself I suppose), let alone 5. Learning those languages WITH a stutter would have been frustrating to say the least. This speaks volumes of your determination, courage and persistence - you don't give up. Speaking fluently (actually knowing the words required and in the correct order, etc of each language) is not the same as speaking "flowingly" (for want of a better word for uninterrupted flow of dialogue). Though, I can see how it could be seen as the same thing at first impression; surely, the more you speak of that language, then the more your listener would realise your actual fluency once THEY got past the stuttering they are hearing?
Over a decade ago, it was brought home to me how ableist the world is; my eldest daughter was finally diagnosed with autism which began our journey of learning of her strengths and weaknesses to overcome the blame and shame from our community. She has thrived with my backing support and insistence with her secondary teachers. Maths and English were her problem areas; she has surpassed me in maths by 3 year levels (!!!), yet she still struggles a little with understanding the written word, and in asking for help in the translation. She's in Uni now and I'm so proud of her! She does miss a lot of nuances - but in our culture, I feel that is a good thing as she has more confidence in herself because she's not aware of people's reactions unless they actually ask her WHY she does things differently. So I see that as a blessing for her, otherwise she'd be depressed. The world prefers able-bodied/minded people. The world at large doesn't realise that neuro-divergence is a "thing", that it is a spectrum, that life is a spectrum, that we ALL are different in different ways, that we are not robots. So it makes this difference uncomfortable/traumatic for the individual where there really is no need for it. Humanity's worst evil is narrow-mindedness.
My husband stutters (and has a job that requires him to speak to corporate boards!). It was also painful for me to watch, and at the same time very effective in illustrating the purpose of raising awareness.
Do you experience less stuttering in any of the other languages? Or is it all the same experience?
@@thisocial3875 There is a difference indeed. In my fist language I stutter on average the most, and in English I stutter the least of all languages.
As an (non-native English speaking) adult stutterer here are some remarks, purely from my own personal perspective:
- Stuttering is 100% neurological, only the symptoms are physical, sometimes very physical (in extreme cases grimacing and respiratory distress)
- Stuttering is a super duper complex phenomena, and still not throughly understood by science. There is still no cure, only a bunch of (sadly) more or less ineffective "therapies". I have been many years in therapy, with minimal success.
- It's beyond frustrating that there is still no cure.
- Stuttering has (amongst other things) also do with chaotic self-reinforcing feedback loops within split seconds
- Non-stutterers generally have no idea of amount panic and shame a stutterer experiences during stuttering
- Every stutterer's stutter is different.
- "Maybe this is an area where we have to admit that we still have very minimal understanding of how our brains work?" - I agree!
- Be respectful with stutterers, never auto-complete a sentence they are "working on". Most stutterers have an acute, above average sense of language and wording. You don't absolutely have to look into their eyes, just be natural. And yep, as John mentioned in the video, never say things like "just relax".
@Melanie Hale Yes.
I have physical symptoms in my stutter that can end up with me blowing all the air I have available in my lungs out and I still can't stop holding the sound and can end up pretty panicked and light headed. It happens most on S, W and Th words. Bloody annoying...
The hardest thing is how bad we will about it
Hi, yea, it is really weird, i know non severe sttuterers who get better with breathing and mouth excersices. Im a non severe sttuterer from the Dominican Republic, im 31, i have suffered a lot but i wont let this damage me anymore i will do whatever it takes to make my speech better, i know i can.
@@sldkdow Yes absolutely, I stutter as much when talking to myself. Stuttering is a neurological condition, not a phycological. Same as Tourette syndrome or essential tremor are neurological conditions. If you imply that real stuttering is a psychological issue, even by just "30-50%", is wrong, and (sorry to say) borderline offensive. :)
I do shutter and have always shutter as long as i can remember. I always remember what one of my uncle told me years (25+) back “its not your problem. If someone has problem with it that’s their problem”
I stutter as well. I used to hold back from speaking so often because I was so afraid of what people would think of me. Now I just speak. I always say if someone has a problem with the way that I speak it’s their problem not mine. It’s just the way that I speak.
Quote of the year right there
I shutter sometimes but I stutter alot more
One of my close friends (an adult) has a severe stutter. He’s also one of the smartest and funniest human beings I’ve ever met. Growing up, my father had global aphasia. He would talk around words that he couldn’t get out.
Listening is so important to people with verbal challenges. Don’t talk over them. Don’t finish their sentences. Just shut up for 10 seconds and be present. Also, the more relaxed that the person you’re speaking with is, the less rushed they feel, and the less it will impede their ability to get those thoughts out.
God direct me to your channel , something dangerous wants to happen in your family..
you'll need to pray and fast for 2 days
I'll pray for you 🙏
Thank you for this. I’m an impatient person, especially in conversation. I once was asked by someone if they could please speak to someone patient. They had a traumatic brain injury which affected their rate of speaking. I rightfully felt like a piece of crap. She showed me far more grace than I did her.
message me privately on boomplay I need to pray for you
Hello 👋
@@Craigdavid9912I hope your family is doing well and great
Shoutout to everyone going through life with a stutter. We are STRONG!
Trust me, we are.
"You have a problem, but you're not the problem"
This goes for anyone with any kind of disorder.
Everything in this video is spot on. As someone who's had a terrible stutter his entire life, John Hendrickson is the first person I've seen who actually has a genuine stutter like me. The exhaustion you feel after blocking, the wraparound ways you describe your everyday life like what you had for breakfast that morning, and the looks people give you after you stutter like they just watched your mouth fall off. Thank you for spreading the facts, about what it truly is like for stutterers and what we have to go through in everyday life, not like in movies, where all they do is repetitions thinking that simulates it. Thank you, John, for making me not feel so alone anymore.
ive had a light to moderate stutter ever since I can remember and watching this made me cry, seeing my same blocks and hearing someone else talk about how exausting it is and that word replacement even down to the specific struggle of making that "cr-" sound made me feel so so seen in a way that i really havent before, thank you
As a listener, O don’t know what to do when someone stutters, so I appreciate this. I e always just tried to be patient and listen for meaning but I wasn’t sure if that was the best thing.
I haven’t met anyone with a frequent pronounced stutter but I know someone who sometimes gets stuck on a word (block).
My wife used to say that her thoughts are like bullets and her speech is like still water. She stuttered, but she has three higher educations.
In my experience I'd rather you remain an active listener. Don’t interrupt and try to help me, because often I'm trying to find the word and get it out of my mouth, when you speak over me I forget my whole sentence. Just maintain eye contact and stay patient. Even if you just try, it makes a difference.
Thank you so much John! I have stuttered most of my life. I’m now in my early 60’s. All the big choices I would make over my life came from a place of fear, and survival; a career, future spouse, family, purpose. My stuttering has lessened over the last 25 years, and I am grateful. Yet the trauma, shame, addictions, etc. which I’m getting help for now, can be so difficult! If family/friends don’t see me stutter as much now, they don’t understand why I struggle with these issues. (Issues of shame, cptsd, addictions)
Even though, FINALLY, we are learning more about trauma and mental health issues! There needs to be more studies focused on, becoming whole and confident in who you are as a person….. who happens to stutter. ❤
As a life long stutterer it gets harder as you get older because people expect you to talk “normal” I have most of the secondaries that John has and people always look at me weird, it’s always worse when you speak to someone who talks fast because it makes you stutter even more
The long route to speak and never answering someone’s question and not being able to express myself is spot on. I think speaking about this in the public sphere helps.
I'm a high schooler who stutters and the first year was just so hard. My male classmates kept imitating me and mocking me in class, and that made feel so low.
Nobody stutters in my town, but i really want a friend who's just like me. We could understand each other perfectly.
Lee Lovett’s “How to Stop Stuttering & Love Speaking” can help you combat your stutter like it mind. It’s the only program that helped me and can very well do the same for you if you diligently immerse yourself in the methods.
@@abolacadernos7164 thank you! I gladly accept your suggestion. I'll check it right now. Btw, it is a pdf, right?
@@sarahabdushi1062 I am 23 and i also stutter and i have started to work on my stammering because till now what i understood is stammering will not go away until you work on it and the first thing you have to work on is your brain, because stammering is not in your tongue or vocal chords it's only in your brain.
Can we talk about it? I just want to learn from people who are in the same boat as me... Just reply if you want to talk about it.
As a stutter from jordan, today i did my job interview in SIEMENS company, the interview went bad and was painful to me because the words were inside my mind but my mouth won't talk, i stopped talking and ask to stop the interview, i just realized what happened i (gave up), after sawing this video I'm really impressed how he shows his stutter to people without handling any techniques to hide it, i respect this person, he gives me hope, im just 22 i still have long life to live, let the story begin...
how happy to have finally gotten rid of stuttering with the use of doctor eromon herbal product. it stopped it completely and permanently.
I am 21 years old and I stuttered 80% of the time when I spoke even when I talked to myself in the mirror. But later maybe 2 years ago, I found a technique that helped me reduce my stuttering to 20%. I still stutter now but I am 80% fluent when I speak and I sometimes face blocks. The cause of my stutter is shyness.
My goodness, this was so illuminating. Can’t imagine how frustrating it must be.
Very frustrating
Very very
Most people would say stuttering is a weakness. I beg to differ. Coping with a stutter, learning to be calmer when talking to avoid tension, turns the person who stutters into a better person.
As well, the stutter filters out all the bad people in your life. If somebody reacts to the stutter negatively, why would you talk to that person? The people who care enough will listen, focus on that. The fact that some people choose to act the way they do due to the stutter is a reflection on that person, not the speaker.
Plus, a part of me smiles when I hear a person stuttering! It's fun to know that that person is coping with something I deal with, it makes a commonality between us. I feel more connected with them.
Unfortunately you can't avoid it if your boss is a bad person
@@eddiew2325 absolutely
Sometimes I am a really good public speaker, but sometimes I stutter. I found that most people will not be patient enough to wait you finish your sentence, when I was blocked, they will simply talk over me. And this gives me a sense of urgency to finish my words asap which in turn worsen my stuttering situation.Gradually I realized I can't be like a sheep begging them to wait me to finish. I need to be tougher, If what I am going to say is very important, then I'll explicitly tell them to shut up and listen me to finish. But I also have some friends, every time I talk to them, I feel so relaxed. Good friends can really cure stuttering. But you can't hope anybody in your life is patient, considerate and nice. SO JUST BE TOUGH!
Seen many CZcams videos on TED Talks where people who claimed to had a stutter but now speak fluently and proudly show of their fluency. What they're saying is - I had stutter and now look at me how fluent I speak! It rewards fluent speech and puts stutter in a negative light.
This describes so much I've been through with my stutter. Someone just listening, without that look of watching a car accident and not finishing your words and sentences, it is so rare but when I did experience such a listener I felt okay.
this is so motivational-i am a college student who stutters and has to deal with judgemental comments and reactions on the daily, i can relate to this on so many levels.
Excellent! It’s how we talk. We need to get rid of the messaging that fluency is a sign of success.
John, thank you for educating me. Easy to learn, easy to remember, easy to do. I wonder why I've made it 52 years without this simple lesson reaching me earlier.
I had a stutter when young and still speak with a slight speech impediment. (Which people take for an accent.)
You're not alone and there are many of us past stutterers who completely understand and listen patiently...
knowing full well that you're an intelligent and articulate individual.
You're speaking up on behalf of all of us now and for all those that will stutter in future.
Thank you so much John for telling us your story.
Hello my friend how are you doing
We take so many things for granted.
As a stutter I can agree
@@sid9215 I'm sorry to know that BUT I've read stories about how many people have been able to overcome it. Wish you well.
@@edyann thanks 🙏
In India not many people aware of it
@@sid9215 I wish you all the best. Love from Mexico. ❤
@@edyann thankyou very much
As a speech path I LOVE this video. You guys nailed it perfectly. Thank you for sharing so much fact-based information.
Hello 👋 Sarah
Many Thanks to NY times for shining a light on this topic . Just one of the many reasons why I love you .
Hello my friend how are you doing today Ally
What I say matters so I appreciate the listener's eye contact, patience and respect. Beautiful video.
This video brought tears to my eyes. You are one of the most courageous person I know John. I'm sorry if I haven't been listening to you and anyone affected by this condition. I will from now on. 😥
I hope John is able to see this comment. A book by Lee Lovett called “How to Stop Stuttering & Love Speaking” will tremendously improve your speech and mind. Take it from me who battled with a mild stutter for 15 years and attended many speech therapy sessions. Lee Lovetts book and program saved my life.
Thanks for conveying and sharing!
My stuttering episodes are not as frequent today as they were 5-10 years ago, but I really empathize and have been trying my best to just listen and let others know that they are seen and heard.
Thank you. As a soon to be parent and also just a common person living in this world, great to learn these insights into the thought process of people who stutter.
I work with students who stutter, and I really respect John's perspective and his courage. Thanks for putting this out there!
I listenend, and I learned something new. Thought provoking.
This is a really beautiful video. Very helpful to me. Thanks for making it!
Wow. Best YT video I've watched in a long time. Much appreciated! John seems like a sincere, thoughtful & kind man. I hope he continues to have success & a beautiful life ahead.
John, thank you for sharing your story. This really helped me better understand stuttering and what we can do to be better listeners. You seem very kind and intelligent, I wish you all the best!
I have always come off to others as a "patient listener" but the reality is that I have no idea how to reply concisely and am spending the whole time trying to come up with a cognisant sounding sentence.
I've always compensated having nothing to say with giving the other person as much time and eye contact as they need to express whatever they need to, because that way I have so much more time to have a pertinent reply that I'm not vomiting out.
Its so humbling to see everyone here who stutters. I can go days without doing it. But let me ask for gas on pump 13. Let me tell the person at subway or Chipotle what i want them to put on my food. So often they hide a laugh or look the other way pretending it's not happening. This guy totally gets it and i'm in tears watching this. Even though we are rare, none of you are ever alone. We aren't STUPID or don't know what word comes next. It simply wont come out. It's really nice to be understood, even if they still can't figure out why we do it or how to fix it.
I don't have any stuttering problem, but I have had friends who had this problem. This was really educative.
What an excellent video. Thank you for producing and spreading this!
Thank you for the beautiful message. The courage. The bravery in sharing your authentic self. I am not a stutterer, however, my Uncle was, and he was a brilliant man, brilliant. I am an SLP and this video needs to be promoted. This is done very cleverly. I need to re-watch. With love & appreciation.
Thank you for making this video. I’ve been laughed at due to my stutter, it’s not like I’m doing it on purpose 😔
this was so informative and awesome! thank you for sharing your story john. :)
Thanks a lot from a person who stutters for this beautiful empathic and informative video! So good!
Love this!! We need more videos like this to spread awareness of stuttering. That it's not because we're not confident, or nervous that we stutter. It's just how we talk.
So beautifully produced!
Thanks for preparing this material. It´s deep sensitive. It´s always opportune to remember that we are human beings and that solidarity is the key factor that can lead us to thrive in all our dimensions: spiritual, material, social, personal, and familiar.
Such an eye-opening video❤
this is SUCH an important video/series
Excellent video. I hope we develop the patience and empathy for others that we ourselves will need at some point or other in life.
Thank you for this beautiful work. I did actually read the Atlantic piece back then, excellent piece of work as well.
Hmm 🤔
Brilliant, inspiring, insightful!
I developed a stutter in my younger teen years, now at the age of 22 I can really see how I too avoid words or letters, “the” and “s” get super complex sometimes, though I have a mild stutter, I struggle more around my parents then anyone else, it doesn’t make sense, it’s just what it is. John is a true hero and someone that anyone with a stutter should look up too, his confidence to go Live on TV is unreal, big props to this man!
Amazing work. Thank you.
This is very interesting and reminds people to slow down their listening.
I learned this after my sister had a stroke. While her brain was healing she would loose words. She would eventually find them but sometimes it meant a gap in conversations. I was very cognizant of the fact that in order for her brain to heal she needed to use (find) her own words without completing her sentences or finding the word for her. That meant sometimes a conversation would stop. Sometimes it would only be a few seconds, sometimes it would be a minute or more. It was my responsibility to be patient and let her find her word and also remain engaged.
I think (I hope) it has made me a better listener.
Beautiful video.
Thank you for creating this video.
Hello 👋 Rachel
This was informative and reflecting of a gap in our education system (formal and self-acquired), about human abnormalities. People tend not to understand them or be uncomfortable around those who have them.
I watch this video every few months. I've a friend who has a mild and occasional stutter, and I'm sure that I've not always been a good listener. My friend has been 'a good sport' and ignored my rudeness. The suggestions here have shown me how I can be a better friend.
I’m in my 60’s and have stuttered since I could first talk. Stuttering changed my life for the better but there were a lot of lows along the way. I am one of the “lucky” stutterers who have mostly overcome the affliction and most people I know today have no idea I stutter. But to this day, I never know when a block will emerge and I can empathize with every emotion Mr. Robinson discusses because I still feel all of them today.
I disliked speech therapy as a kid because it didn’t work, was based on flawed principles and was overseen by non-stutterers who seemed more intent on forcing a stutterer into their “box” of eclectic but unproven “fixes” rather than letting us sort it out as a team together. Perhaps speech therapy has improved today but I don’t know and I’d never go back.
As a high school student, stuttering was a source of all manner of mayhem. But I knew I had to address this issue myself so I took a job in a pharmacy at age 17 doing what every stutterer on the planet dreads - talking on the phone. It was a life changing choice. I met my future wife at that pharmacy and forged a dynamic career in biotech/oncology sales and management.
Along the way, the other stutterers I met were smart, highly skilled with written language, possessed phenomenal vocabularies due to the word substitutions, were detail oriented and very determined.
Mr. Robinson fits the mold of the stutterers I have met in my 60+ year journey. I applaud James’ courage and commitment. We understand your challenges. Thank you for bringing stuttering towards the light. Cheers!
This was a long comment for CZcams, but I read it and it was worth it. Thank you.
glad to be the first one to like this. excellent video.
I started stuttering in my burnout… most of the times, I am ok now… but in any stress situation it is back and getting worse… it is awful as I can see peoples reactions when I do or don’t stutter…
My best friend has a stutter, he’s the best person who’s helped me get through a rough year
wow, thank you for this.
Apparently, Moses had a stutter. He used to say a prayer for it.
Beautifully done
Fellow stutterer as well. Thank you for this!
Lee Lovetts’ “How to Stop Stuttering & Love Speaking” can help you combat your stutter like it mind. It’s the only program that helped me and can very well do the same for you if you immerse yourself in the methods.
I recognized Mr Robinson’s voice - big fan of Whale Eyes here ❤.
Great work! A million thanks
Awesome piece.
It’s hard not to burn with sympathy when Mr. Hendrickson struggles to get out a sound, sometimes for as long as ten consecutive seconds. A wonderfully empathetic opinion piece.
Thank you
God bless you, John!
EXACTLY , that's like when they ask you to hit a button and your hands don't work properly and you hit the wrong button with the side of your finger and you spend 20 minute's just to get the correct department.
Also, as I grew older I noticed that people talk really really fast and I have to ask them to slow down. You don't really know the challenges one faces until you walk a mile in their shoes.b
Incredibly powerful and moving.
Thank you for giving me more insight . . .
I'm a marketing coordinator and I try to avoid saying my name or at least shorten it to sound fluent. I always stutter and have blockages on the first letter of words like: delivery, editor, InDesign. There's more I missed but I've been a stutterer all my life (sucks). Today I had a meeting at work and I stuttered so bad. I'm home and it led me to this video which helped me not feel alone and misunderstood.
Did you get fired
@@michaelwang1079 no, I'm still working at the same place. I think they recognize that I put out good work to clients. My work speaks for itself.
Such a great video
Brilliant piece. I will try to do better next time I meet someone with a stutter
As a stutterer since childhood, I do it the most when I am every excited and trying to say all of what I want to say in that moment... then I pause and stutter as I think of the right words to say. Just like in the first few seconds of this video, I continue to pause sometimes when another person on the cellphone is talking to me. This also happens in public if I am ordering something. Whenever they ask me for my name for the order, I tend to say my mother's name instead of my own because it's easier for me.
One of the most painful thing, is being unable to communicate, How you lose friends and being lonely most of the times..... I am one of the people who stutters and by listen to this videos... MOTIVATES alot.
Thank you, very much
I stutter and also speak few other languages. I stutter the least when I speak English. So now even among my countrymen I speak English. German makes me stutter much more than English. The phonetics of a language play a role
Mir geht es exakt gleich. My little theory is that it might also have to do with foreign language (in our case the English) acting as some sort of security layer / glove puppet, adding distance to our stuttering selves.
@@ridingboy I’m actually Bulgarian. And you might be right about it. I stutter most when speaking Bulgarian
Interesting theory.
@@k.k.9571 My personal hypothesis is that you and many others consume American and British media that English syntax and expressions come naturally to you. Then you have to translate them in your mother tongue. That's what happens to me as a native Finnish speaker. I noticed it a few years ago.
This was really well done
Ma. Yes 🧐🤓
I wouldn’t have the guts to sit in front of the camera and speak so openly. Keep it going and good luck in life 👍
why is this Unlisted though? Please consider making it public.
Brilliant!
This was beautiful❤
well done, very good and awesome film
Beautiful story.
Yeppers 🤓
Thanks for the video, and for the insight into how life can be for those who stutter.
I don't have a stutter, and I hate those automated voice recognition programs. It must be so much harder to talk to those bots if you have a stutter.
im a stutterer myself and i also get impatient when a stutterer speaks.
i wouldn't ask others to make the effort of listening to this if its boring, i find it boring myself
What an amazing video!
Yeah being a stutter I can feel his struggle
We all deserve more faith from world
Okay this was so cool
thank you
This was excellent
I wish this video had more views. Until everybody in the world knows how to listen to people who stutter, it will always need more views. I wish for more widespread awareness about this topic!
Listen and learn.
Thanks for sharing this story ❤
beautifuly explained