I've isolated myself for 2 years, and still procrastinate heavily. And still disassociate often. One thing this journey has taught me healing takes so much time, but very slowly gets better
Same here. Even though I left my family 20 years ago, I'm still dealing with the after-effects and only just starting to heal. Been in trauma therapy for over a year.
@@cc1k435I think the next time I hear that, my response will be, "That's because I'm picturing what life would be like without chaos." Then I would give THEM a deep stare.😳
For me I procrastinate because there has been so much criticism that I don't want to hear what they say so I don't finish or do things until I have to. I don't even want to hear the voices they installed in my head, it's like for a long time I knew exactly what they would say.
If I don't lock my bedroom door, things go missing. My narc parents use or throw my things out without asking. My brother and I avoid eating with them since they criticize and lecture us every time we do. I also stay in my room most of the time and only come out to eat or use the bathroom.
That was my childhood with a narc mother. So I married a narc man and am now trying to care for my narc mother while simultaneously trapped in a narc marriage. I spend all the time I can still in my room. My advice to you would be to not get involved with anyone without having first gotten a boat load of counseling. We tend to gravitate to what's familiar, that's why I married my mother. Be careful going forward very carefully. These people are dangerous. They rob you of your life.
@@effiemaccheyne9101 Thank you for the advice. Having to prioritize family narcs over ourselves is exhausting and degrading. I hope you don't lose yourself and find a way out when possible. Wish that day comes soon, for you and me both.
@effiemaccheyne9101 If I had had the words, maybe I wouldn't have done the same things. It's been 20 or 30 years since I figured out my mother, and now I'm trying to get disentangled from a narc marriage. ❤
OMG. This video so talk to me. The fear of making any noise, the hyper vigilance, finding peace and animals, and definitely the dissociation and the others adjust is shocking to me. How true this is.
So true, all of them. I tell everyone that I was raised by animals, because they were the only ones in my house who nurtured me growing up. I thank God for them, because without them I would not have known love.
That is exactly where you find love in a Narc family, The animals you can show and receive love from! My father was normal, but the narcs destroyed him too. I watched him also be destroyed by the narcs and that was devastating for me to have to see.
You struggle with focus and memory because of the disassociation…..because when you are not ‘living in the moment’ and paying attention to what it is that you are doing in the moment, but instead, start thinking about something else while you are still doing something else, you will forget part of what you did…..because you ‘disassociated’ while you were doing your task. That’s one reason. The other reason for the lack of focus and memory issues, is because of the brain being affected by the trauma of mental abuse. It actually kills brain cells. Being in constant fight or flight really messes with your focus and memory.
Truth! Not just family but every situation I’ve ever been in dealing with these narcs! In my case these symptoms came as after affects of narcissistic abuse and it’s just sad and a struggle to heal! Thanks be to God for Grace Mercy and favor, without him I don’t know where I would be today! Survive and Thrive! Amen! 💯💜🙏🏾💜👑
Yes absolutely true❤ All true.. Sad that life became hypervygilance or dissociations. And also sad being blamed being adult for not being able to focus or made fun ,,moving from every sound” 🙂
My narc father would flip into a volatile mood if he found hot water overflowing from the bucket while the geyser was on. The other thing he would blow upon was when the milk from the pan placed on the stove spilled over on the kitchen counter because of scalding. We were neurotically focused on not letting these things happen to endure his volatile temper tantrum. There were also a few other things..
Because my father was an incestious alcoholic I learned how to walk around barefoot in the dark as the sun started to set. I learned how to always have an escape plan to get out of the house while making do no matter the weather. I learned to sleep in ditches and under leaves to hide my blonde hair and fair skin from the moonlight. I learned how to use wild animals as tattle tales to know when someone was approaching because they were used to me. I quickly learned how to use solid objects such as shale banks as shields so bullets couldn't penetrate. Memories that haunt my dreams making me an insomniac destroying my health and heart.
Dude. I could never explain it until seeing this. Even as an adult when I am staying with my parents, I find myself almost sneaking around wherever we are. As a child I remember having to do this because I felt like I was their target if they noticed me. I think it’s a habit I can’t get out of. When I left their house just yesterday, I remember thinking why am I closing the door so slowly and quietly and feeling like I gotta run for my life 😅
I have 4 of these, especially the forgetting, disassociation, procrastinating, and I am an animal person because they accept and love you unconditionally.
I ABSOLUTELY love this clip!!! So accurate and correct, yet the positive background beat, allows one to introspect and not feel bad about why we all do this. All of us who relate. Thanks Danish!
Me right there. Both of my parents had NPD. My father had NPD, and he was also a borderline. At the age of 12, I developed chronic hives. Every day of my life until I was 18, I had hives. It was the result of growing up with so much stress.
It’s so tough living with my husband who has narcissistic behaviors…I never know what kind of mood he’s in, so sadly I can relate to this video. I try to stay out of his way so he doesn’t yell like a crazy person at me or be a rude jerk.so leaving him again with no car is impossible right now. My SUV broke down 😩& needs so much work done & my husband said it wasn’t worth fixing so he would buy me a new vehicle…He said that over a year ago. I feel stuck… He pays all of our bills but only if they are in his name or both of our names..he won’t pay any of our bill,that are in my name only. He got mad that my credit was better than his… So he ruined my credit by not paying any of my bills.He refuses to help me with my debt. I left him for 8 months(I felt so happy & free after I got use to no yelling or negativity around me) then he promised to not to be financially abusive anymore & would treat me right. When I came back home he was good for 4 months then he slowly went back to his Ways😔UGH…This videos help me realize that I’m not alone.
First item is/was particularly threatening all that time (by now decades) ago as one of my pathological narcissists with whom I’d been forced to grow up used to accuse me of closing doors inappropriately as in in a distinctly threatening or otherwise at least allegedly inappropriate way which truthful or even remotely plausible or not was typically exploitative specifically vis a vis classic psychological abuse via psychological exploitation ime & imho:S
So true. I was stuck in hypevillance/survival mode, and in some regards l still am a few years living in liberation away from the narcissistic family. It feels like l was robbed of my true self and essence.
@@incognito595 EXACTLY! We must now have love and compassion for ourselves. This l learned after suffering a stroke after decades of their abuse. I'm all l have left in the world.
Thank God I am not crazy. I came to think there was something wrong with me. I finally came to the realization that my mom was a narcissist as well as my ex 😱. No wonder I felt so alone while growing up. With this knowledge I will become more assertive. Thank you so much for enlightening me. My heart goes to you. ❤
I know these triggers from living 20+ years with a narcissist husband. My cats saved my sanity, bless them, in my own bedroom I insisted on having for privacy and sanctuary,15 years ago. I could completely relax whenever he’d leave for some excuse to go on a holiday, trip, or whatever but was dismayed when he would return weeks or months later. Thank you, Danish, for making this kind of perfect video series for us. I appreciate it. ❤
I def close or open doors as quietly as possible. I also move between two of my rooms as quietly as possible. And dread having to walk out to the rest of the house constantly. It stresses me out. I’m hyper vigilant constantly too
😂I can truly identify, but it never goes away, not yet anyway. Then it's part of you. I've lived far away from Parents and have had no bad Partner for 23 years. If exes aren't directly stalking you, once in a while, their memory does. Right now screaming neighbors have woken me, just like 2 days ago. I awoke, the first time, my heart began to shake, race and beat irregularly. It's a weakness I had starting 3 years ago. It adjusted itself by the time I got to the Doctor. The Doctor's own Father has this too. He said that his Father had had lots of stress. I can identify with that too. You know what I mean. I take a vitamin supplement, for my heartbeat now and need more rest than earlier. Life is full of unexpected stress, so try to minimize it, with good decisions, nutrition and rest cycles. You leave events and people behind, but use all methods you discover, to recover... more. ❤
I grew up with normal parents. My husband... Not so much. Ten years and he still jumps if I startle him. He and his dad are hearing impaired and one of her favorite supply sources. She cannot stand my presence at all.
I love my plushy animals from childhood as i dont have live ones our Bird died last July. Procrastination enjoy passing time being alone sometimes want to do several things and forget the second thing to do or why i went for to the kitchen. I take my earphones when listen noise to check what saying or talking about if about me or others.
Wow! I can’t believe it! This is me! And I thought I was just being cautious on my own way of doing things when he is home. Mental separation from him has helped me a lot. And mentally removing my affection to him. It’s always nice when he is gone for the day or week.
I was told I could not come to our bed if after 10:00 pm. Because he would wake up and not be able to fall asleep again. I am night owl and stay up preparing food and whatever for the next day. If I chopped vegetables or fruit to hard he would let me know. Ugh…. Miserable existence.
Finding your peace in animals isn't weird! Animals are pure and good. 🥺 Also, sometimes you can't even fully listen to a song because they interrupt your listening for the most random reasons
Omg that’s me with the door. I would respect his peace and space. Always making sure to close the door ever so quietly but he never did the same for me, especially when he was told for sex. Now I pay close attention to a person’s action and you only get one chance with me😎
As usual, you are spot on about everything. Just remembering those things makes me want to say “ Beam me up Scotty. It’s time to zone out for a while on the spaceship 🚀”
I remember as a young child tiptoeing across the floor to miss the squeaky floorboards and carefully opening the front door, just like you did in the video, so I could sneak out of the house at 5:00 a.m. and find peace outdoors.
Yes, to every single one of these. Also, I have to give certain people a wide berth when I'm moving around, from one room to another. If they are right in the middle of a narrow pathway, and I say, "Excuse me," they won't budge. And if I end up brushing against them, however lightly, they will go off on me as if I have just done something shocking and horrible. So I then have to go the long way, through the other rooms of the house, to get to where I'm going, to avoid an ugly scene. And then, they will tell the rest of the family that they are tired of having to walk on eggshells around me, that they don't feel like they can move around the house.
that door thing...I have had to explain to my husband and kids why they need to open doors very carefully around me - my mom has a terrifying way of making a door "pop" when she opens it...
Especially the disassociation. Often, I forget what I am meant to be doing because of this
I can not believe how spot on this is Danish. Wow, I've been there done that like millions of times.... You did a really good job on acting this out.
200 percent true. U r such an amazing person.
I've isolated myself for 2 years, and still procrastinate heavily. And still disassociate often. One thing this journey has taught me healing takes so much time, but very slowly gets better
Same for me it's taking a long time, years.
Same
Same here. Even though I left my family 20 years ago, I'm still dealing with the after-effects and only just starting to heal. Been in trauma therapy for over a year.
Same here
The disassociate and animals is relatable 💯
Everything you said is absolutely true, n they blame.us for these things, the irony
Yes! "Why are you so spacey all the time??" 😢
@@cc1k435I think the next time I hear that, my response will be, "That's because I'm picturing what life would be like without chaos." Then I would give THEM a deep stare.😳
The hypervigilance and procrastinating going out of my room are huge!
💯 truth finding peace in animals, gardening and in reading 🎉
And in watching informational & funny videos 😊✨️ 😁 I Like learning. 5 hours later.....Woops!!😅
Why does everything take me so long though? 😕 But I do like to savor the moments~ ♡😌✨️🌟💖🌹🪷🌺🌸♾️
For me I procrastinate because there has been so much criticism that I don't want to hear what they say so I don't finish or do things until I have to.
I don't even want to hear the voices they installed in my head, it's like for a long time I knew exactly what they would say.
Yes me too...@@divinechaos1364
If I don't lock my bedroom door, things go missing. My narc parents use or throw my things out without asking. My brother and I avoid eating with them since they criticize and lecture us every time we do. I also stay in my room most of the time and only come out to eat or use the bathroom.
How old are you , still living w your parents ?.
That was my childhood with a narc mother. So I married a narc man and am now trying to care for my narc mother while simultaneously trapped in a narc marriage.
I spend all the time I can still in my room.
My advice to you would be to not get involved with anyone without having first gotten a boat load of counseling. We tend to gravitate to what's familiar, that's why I married my mother. Be careful going forward very carefully. These people are dangerous. They rob you of your life.
@@effiemaccheyne9101 Thank you for the advice. Having to prioritize family narcs over ourselves is exhausting and degrading. I hope you don't lose yourself and find a way out when possible. Wish that day comes soon, for you and me both.
@effiemaccheyne9101 If I had had the words, maybe I wouldn't have done the same things. It's been 20 or 30 years since I figured out my mother, and now I'm trying to get disentangled from a narc marriage. ❤
Same situation here. Narc mother who is getting older and has arthritis...plus narc marriage 😢
💯 FACTS Appreciate you so much, Danish
💯 found love and comfort in animals❤
❤
I suppose thats the 1 positive of having a narcissistic mother
Every single one of those things!!!!!!!
OMG. This video so talk to me. The fear of making any noise, the hyper vigilance, finding peace and animals, and definitely the dissociation and the others adjust is shocking to me. How true this is.
It’s like you were spying on me 😳
Very true bro
I resonate with disassociate, find peace with animals, procrastinate ... sometimes feel tired of being this way..😮
So true, all of them. I tell everyone that I was raised by animals, because they were the only ones in my house who nurtured me growing up. I thank God for them, because without them I would not have known love.
That is exactly where you find love in a Narc family, The animals you can show and receive love from! My father was normal, but the narcs destroyed him too. I watched him also be destroyed by the narcs and that was devastating for me to have to see.
This video helps me understand my husband and his family of origin, as well as his behaviors and habits here in our marital home.
i never thought i was disassociating, but seeing this made me realize how often i do 🤦🏾♀️ and i've always been super forgetful.
Last three things are my daily way of living....after the results of abuse from my narcissistic mother and my narc husband...😓😓
You struggle with focus and memory because of the disassociation…..because when you are not ‘living in the moment’ and paying attention to what it is that you are doing in the moment, but instead, start thinking about something else while you are still doing something else, you will forget part of what you did…..because you ‘disassociated’ while you were doing your task. That’s one reason.
The other reason for the lack of focus and memory issues, is because of the brain being affected by the trauma of mental abuse. It actually kills brain cells. Being in constant fight or flight really messes with your focus and memory.
You sleep with night light on even as an adults.
I have nightlights on all over my house
Nightlight everywhere.
And I can never close a door tight. To much trauma from being locked in closets as a child I think.
Truth! Not just family but every situation I’ve ever been in dealing with these narcs! In my case these symptoms came as after affects of narcissistic abuse and it’s just sad and a struggle to heal! Thanks be to God for Grace Mercy and favor, without him I don’t know where I would be today! Survive and Thrive! Amen! 💯💜🙏🏾💜👑
Amen...God our certain go to. I pray you are doing well now
I can relate.
So sad we have to live like this because of them. It’s true! Nothing we can do.
Oh my word! This is so true!
Yes absolutely true❤ All true.. Sad that life became hypervygilance or dissociations. And also sad being blamed being adult for not being able to focus or made fun ,,moving from every sound” 🙂
My narc father would flip into a volatile mood if he found hot water overflowing from the bucket while the geyser was on. The other thing he would blow upon was when the milk from the pan placed on the stove spilled over on the kitchen counter because of scalding. We were neurotically focused on not letting these things happen to endure his volatile temper tantrum. There were also a few other things..
Facts
😳 Ohhh my God,soooo spot on.yess, it's so true.
You are right my younger brother😂
I just love this guy SO much he helps me TREMENDOUSLY thank God for you Danish, you're truly a God send ❤
This is so on point, especially procrastinating leaving the room 💔
I feel you, it’s so unsettling and you feel like you’re suffocating
@@kris_gabs exactly!! That’s not a good life to live
Because my father was an incestious alcoholic I learned how to walk around barefoot in the dark as the sun started to set. I learned how to always have an escape plan to get out of the house while making do no matter the weather. I learned to sleep in ditches and under leaves to hide my blonde hair and fair skin from the moonlight. I learned how to use wild animals as tattle tales to know when someone was approaching because they were used to me. I quickly learned how to use solid objects such as shale banks as shields so bullets couldn't penetrate. Memories that haunt my dreams making me an insomniac destroying my health and heart.
I'm actually crying watching this, I never thought I could see something so on point
Yep, I do those things too.
😮 so true!
I was like "That is so me."
Dude. I could never explain it until seeing this. Even as an adult when I am staying with my parents, I find myself almost sneaking around wherever we are. As a child I remember having to do this because I felt like I was their target if they noticed me. I think it’s a habit I can’t get out of. When I left their house just yesterday, I remember thinking why am I closing the door so slowly and quietly and feeling like I gotta run for my life 😅
You described my life perfectly
Music thing-I didn’t realize other ppl had that! Yes all 💯
I have 4 of these, especially the forgetting, disassociation, procrastinating, and I am an animal person because they accept and love you unconditionally.
I ABSOLUTELY love this clip!!!
So accurate and correct, yet the positive background beat, allows one to introspect and not feel bad about why we all do this. All of us who relate.
Thanks Danish!
All true. I would also add having a negative voice in your head telling you that you’re never enough and you never do enough.
Me right there. Both of my parents had NPD. My father had NPD, and he was also a borderline. At the age of 12, I developed chronic hives. Every day of my life until I was 18, I had hives. It was the result of growing up with so much stress.
Scary insight. Im 62 and until today I have never used earphones. I feel unsafe with them.
It’s so tough living with my husband who has narcissistic behaviors…I never know what kind of mood he’s in, so sadly I can relate to this video. I try to stay out of his way so he doesn’t yell like a crazy person at me or be a rude jerk.so leaving him again with no car is impossible right now. My SUV broke down 😩& needs so much work done & my husband said it wasn’t worth fixing so he would buy me a new vehicle…He said that over a year ago. I feel stuck… He pays all of our bills but only if they are in his name or both of our names..he won’t pay any of our bill,that are in my name only. He got mad that my credit was better than his… So he ruined my credit by not paying any of my bills.He refuses to help me with my debt. I left him for 8 months(I felt so happy & free after I got use to no yelling or negativity around me) then he promised to not to be financially abusive anymore & would treat me right. When I came back home he was good for 4 months then he slowly went back to his Ways😔UGH…This videos help me realize that I’m not alone.
True💯
First item is/was particularly threatening all that time (by now decades) ago as one of my pathological narcissists with whom I’d been forced to grow up used to accuse me of closing doors inappropriately as in in a distinctly threatening or otherwise at least allegedly inappropriate way which truthful or even remotely plausible or not was typically exploitative specifically vis a vis classic psychological abuse via psychological exploitation ime & imho:S
Oh my!! I saw myself in every example you showed! Thank you for all your thoughtful videos. Danish! God bless!
Been there and still adjusting to it until I get on my feet again....
Years ago, I would stop playing piano when I heard dad coming in, and go to my room.
You and I are on the same wave length. A high frequency The sweetest note❤
Oh my gosh. This is so true. I think I have developed a ninja and jedi skills.😂
I never could figure out why i moved around my house like a cia spy.
I had this also. Thanks for showing me that awareness.
These are all true for long-term narcissistic relationships, too. 😢
So true. I was stuck in hypevillance/survival mode, and in some regards l still am a few years living in liberation away from the narcissistic family. It feels like l was robbed of my true self and essence.
Yeah. Cause you(and me) Didn't Matter to them. Have Self Compassion...
@@incognito595 EXACTLY! We must now have love and compassion for ourselves. This l learned after suffering a stroke after decades of their abuse. I'm all l have left in the world.
I relate to all these traits without even being brought up in a narcissist family
Thank God I am not crazy. I came to think there was something wrong with me. I finally came to the realization that my mom was a narcissist as well as my ex 😱. No wonder I felt so alone while growing up. With this knowledge I will become more assertive. Thank you so much for enlightening me. My heart goes to you. ❤
I know these triggers from living 20+ years with a narcissist husband. My cats saved my sanity, bless them, in my own bedroom I insisted on having for privacy and sanctuary,15 years ago. I could completely relax whenever he’d leave for some excuse to go on a holiday, trip, or whatever but was dismayed when he would return weeks or months later. Thank you, Danish, for making this kind of perfect video series for us. I appreciate it. ❤
Yes. Same here. I'm free now. She died. He doesn't get to see me anymore. 😅
I didn't even grow up in a narcissistic family! I was married to a diagnosable male for 10yrs... and I STILL do quite a bit of this!!! 🤯
The opening and closing doors thing is still an issue for me and my narc mother is dead 9 years.
Yep. Im going to go cry now. 😢
I def close or open doors as quietly as possible. I also move between two of my rooms as quietly as possible. And dread having to walk out to the rest of the house constantly. It stresses me out. I’m hyper vigilant constantly too
Thank you Danish!! You’re always spot on!
Awww this so sad what a beautiful cat
I open and close the door quietly and also think twice about leaving my room...This is so true
I have experienced every one of these things you mentioned.
😂I can truly identify, but it never goes away, not yet anyway. Then it's part of you. I've lived far away from Parents and have had no bad Partner for 23 years. If exes aren't directly stalking you, once in a while, their memory does. Right now screaming neighbors have woken me, just like 2 days ago. I awoke, the first time, my heart began to shake, race and beat irregularly. It's a weakness I had starting 3 years ago. It adjusted itself by the time I got to the Doctor. The Doctor's own Father has this too. He said that his Father had had lots of stress. I can identify with that too. You know what I mean. I take a vitamin supplement, for my heartbeat now and need more rest than earlier. Life is full of unexpected stress, so try to minimize it, with good decisions, nutrition and rest cycles. You leave events and people behind, but use all methods you discover, to recover... more. ❤
You just read me cover to cover. 😢
I grew up with normal parents. My husband... Not so much. Ten years and he still jumps if I startle him. He and his dad are hearing impaired and one of her favorite supply sources. She cannot stand my presence at all.
This is so true and on point...
I love my plushy animals from childhood as i dont have live ones our Bird died last July. Procrastination enjoy passing time being alone sometimes want to do several things and forget the second thing to do or why i went for to the kitchen. I take my earphones when listen noise to check what saying or talking about if about me or others.
I have a feeling some of my socalled siblings are abusers also ,I have at less 3 of these behaviors .
Thank God for animals. Our only consolation after narc abuse.
So sad to see or hear that....bu wish you to get out soon from those trauma.... 🙏
Wow! I can’t believe it! This is me!
And I thought I was just being cautious on my own way of doing things when he is home.
Mental separation from him has helped me a lot. And mentally removing my affection to him.
It’s always nice when he is gone for the day or week.
I was told I could not come to our bed if after 10:00 pm. Because he would wake up and not be able to fall asleep again. I am night owl and stay up preparing food and whatever for the next day. If I chopped vegetables or fruit to hard he would let me know. Ugh…. Miserable existence.
Scarily very true!
So true and u get scared if u hear any bang noise’s inside or outside the house it triggers fear and the feeling that u want to hide
I give all my love to my animals and children. They have purr hearts
I am in tears watching this
OMG all these I experienced and even while watching this video I was scared due to deep inner impact of narcissism by narcisstics
Absolutely true! 💯
Finding your peace in animals isn't weird! Animals are pure and good. 🥺
Also, sometimes you can't even fully listen to a song because they interrupt your listening for the most random reasons
Again, spot on! 👍🏻
Yeah, I see me in all of these.
All those things especially the animals, my horses and dogs are what keep me sane through a nightmare litigation case with my NM
Omg that’s me with the door. I would respect his peace and space. Always making sure to close the door ever so quietly but he never did the same for me, especially when he was told for sex. Now I pay close attention to a person’s action and you only get one chance with me😎
I have lately been dissociating...don't want to be around negativity 😢😢
So true
As usual, you are spot on about everything. Just remembering those things makes me want to say “ Beam me up Scotty. It’s time to zone out for a while on the spaceship 🚀”
Omg the toothpaste clip got me, literally happens every morning
You always spot on Danish❤I appreciate your efforts❤
This explains so much.😢
Very true
I remember as a young child tiptoeing across the floor to miss the squeaky floorboards and carefully opening the front door, just like you did in the video, so I could sneak out of the house at 5:00 a.m. and find peace outdoors.
Yes, to every single one of these. Also, I have to give certain people a wide berth when I'm moving around, from one room to another. If they are right in the middle of a narrow pathway, and I say, "Excuse me," they won't budge. And if I end up brushing against them, however lightly, they will go off on me as if I have just done something shocking and horrible. So I then have to go the long way, through the other rooms of the house, to get to where I'm going, to avoid an ugly scene.
And then, they will tell the rest of the family that they are tired of having to walk on eggshells around me, that they don't feel like they can move around the house.
that door thing...I have had to explain to my husband and kids why they need to open doors very carefully around me - my mom has a terrifying way of making a door "pop" when she opens it...