Yes! A good neighbor who heard my tales of woe about the narcissist, did…I believe…”believe” me. But she said more than once…”I don’t take sides”. The narc treated her and her husband like royalty (they were great neighbors!),-always helping, doing chores, whatever he could do to earn their praise. They were older than us, and the narc admitted looking upon the man as a “father figure” (his father was no prize). It was kind of pathetic to see how many times a day he’d run over to their house and hang out or offer to do tasks for them. I thought initially it was because he wanted to be a good neighbor. But he was really after narcissistic supply. No wonder the lady didn’t want to “take sides”. The narc would have done anything for them but often had me in tears…
Few of my friends/coworkers did this to me. Realized they were not really my friends, and made it known I wasn’t their friend anymore. It’s a punch to the gut hearing a friend tell you how wonderful your ex is and how I need to stop saying bad things about her.
The further I got away from them, the healthier I became. And I'm still getting better. It's a very strange feeling and realization when you notice it. It's heart breaking when it's your own family.
Family is the hardest. A high price to pay for taking your life back. It IS strange. I didn't miss them. Not much to miss. Very hard realization to have to make. Very hard indeed.
...not a good idea to give them that much power....trust Carefully, yes...study & go Slow...but do learn to trust again...not everyone is a Narc & you are cheating yourself as well as the good people.. Bottom line..letting them Break you this way is letting the Narc Win
In my country an artist was betrayed by his ex lover. She posted all their love letters where he wrote some very intimate things. And the television moderator asked him if he feels any regret and shame for writing such things. He calmly replayed ,,NO,, doesn't regret his feelings, he only regret the choice of person.
I grew up in a narcissistic family and I lived my life with constant anxiety. I am finally no contact with my entire narcissistic family. Life without the narcissists is so much better.
@@elizabethdarley8646 they gradually just accepted it but sometimes they do try to hoover me back through random no caller ID calls but I’ve stayed strong, I refuse to go bk into tat dysfunction
The impact to me was after I start learning about narcissism connecting the dots, the aha moments thousands of them, and realizing the monstrosity behind scenes, definitely very disappointed and disgusting creatures, zero humanity, mannequins made of flesh.
THANK YOU FOR THE LESSONS, THEY ALLMOST KILLED ME, BUT TOOK AWAY MY LIFE YEAH TRULY, WHO CAN LIVE WITHOUT THEM, I REALLY DONT KNOW OF ONE, WHO COME ALONG, GOT TROUGHT THIS LIFE WITHOUT ONE OR TWO=SO I SAY :*THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME KNOW HOW YOU FEEL...IT MUST BE REAL.
Being a people pleaser was a big one for me and “freezing” when confronted by a rude narcissistic person or people. Or that feeling of impending doom…for no particular reason. And dealing with unnecessary guilt -boy that’s a big one.
Yes the permanent sense of impending doom. So glad I only get it intermittently now - usually prompted by proximity to the place or person I stepped away from. Wouldn’t it have been good if we had been taught this stuff at school?!
Yes, yes, yes. All of the above. Strongly covert narcissist mother. So bad had to go no contact with her in my late 40s. Now am 68 & only just learned about narcissism 1 yr ago. - With God's help am slowing healing.
Living on eggshells does not described how I lived for the last few years. I lived in a very small world, were I did not have the right to an opinion. I stopped talking at all, I learned only to agree and complement the the narcissist. The most smallest comment could turned into a bust of anger and it would be devastating for me.
Not only does everyone say that my husband is the "greatest guy", but when we saw a therapist he behaved exactly and answered questions the way she wanted to hear. The issues never got discussed because he turned it all on me, displaying himself as level headed, congenial, and endearing. The perfect game.
Thankyou for your information it taught me a lot about recognising what is narcissistic abuse and it implications I've been in a narcissistic relationship for over 45 years putting up with it and destroying my health and mentally and physically they never change I put up with it for the sake of the children but that was a big mistake these people have twisted minds they put on a different face in front of others so they are considered lovely persons Thankyou doctor for your help
Omg the exact same thing is happening with my husband, he’s smooozing the therapist. I went in separately and described what I was going thru with him she said no one should be treated like that. The next session with both of us he threw me under the bus and she didn’t even mention our session together where I shared with her, I was so angry with both of them, no body is listening to me!!!! It’s been 16 yrs of this BS and I’m just starting to understand it now.
Don’t stay with them get out if you can. The child will have such a terrible example of what’s healthy and unhealthy. They will become like the Narc ( this happened to me) and you are basically saying if you stay that this is how you should be as a husband, this is the way you should treat a woman and child, wrong message will screw them up for life.
2:48 1st 'walking on eggshells' feeling 3:43 2nd a pattern of emotional suppression 4:50 3rd feel conflicted in other relationships 6:02 4th boundaries have been compromised 7:01 5th ongoing build up of anger
It’s not that they CAN have a toxic impact on you, they WILL have a toxic impact on you. 30+years and now 2 years post leaving….so much healing to be done from his destruction.
My kids (mid thirties) didn't know I could laugh and joke. Took a lot of time after leaving before I could laugh and kids looked at one another and said 'is that you Mum.' Feels good.
For at least 8 months, my brother would call every day, five days a week, and talk about himself for at least an hour. He was going through a divorce, and as he always does when his routine changes, he calls and calls and calls. I have always had to walk on eggshells talking to him. When I told him on three separate occasions about my mother-in-law being hospitalized, I might have taken 5 minutes each time. He threw that back at me that he Had to listen to stuff about My Mother-in-Law, My Cat (not true), and My church activities (also not true.) with pure disgust. It really hurts to think that he really doesn't care about me as a sister. All he wants is supply, supply, supply. He also delights in humiliating me even if he has to make up a story. I am hurt and angry, and now he's giving me the silent treatment-something he learned very well from our mother. When he decides to finally call me he'll find he can't-I've made sure of that. I'm going no contact.
He has gone silent for a reason. You're playing the 'judge' . Maybe the only people good enough for you, are "church members". *Who's really the narcissist*?
I have a friend the same way. He talks and complains about work all the time. I'll talk to him like hours and hours about it. Day after day. Week after week. Then I complained about this guy at work like 3 or 4 times over a month. He then brought up a very boring mundane dream where nothing happened (he told me he asked for pizza and his grandpa said no. Some how that was supposed to be interesting and worthy of deep insight) I told him I don't think it means anything and he went off on me. Complaining about all the times I talked about work and he listened. 4 times for me vs 457 times for him. I truly see that all he cares about is my response to his problems, ideas, situations etc. He doesn't give a crap about an equal relationship.
A few years ago I did no contact with my brother & his wife because of similar issues (more with her than him but he enabled her). I’ve never looked back. I still hear about her shenanigans from other family members and each incident reminds me I made the right choice. In other words, you’re doing the right thing by putting yourself first. And you’re not at all alone. 💟⭐️
Chronic stress caused by their activity takes a toll on the target person's mental and physical health. It's a fact. After a while my body sends signs, 'messages' when I'm around narcissists...
@@mikediamond353 Thanks for posting the warning about that weirdness. Gotta wonder about people who do that junk. They really have nothing better to do? Sad.
I have several people that are terrible to me, ex-husband, son, and his NPD wife, to say the least. My son and his narc wife aren't talking to me since they got married in May. Narc DIL talked to me like crap all day at the wedding and it started a week before the wedding her getting crappy with me. Ended up getting into an argument with her on the wedding day evening. I told her to stop talking to me like I'm a piece of crap. She threatened to beat me up, so my son comes into the room screaming at me and f-ing at me. He then proceeds to slap me across the face. I was left bloody and bruised. He cut me on the bridge of my nose from his wedding ring with a scar now. I had to have the spot on the bridge of my cut out, it was turning into basel cells in biopsy. But I'm the A$$H### here, right?
Chaos causing behaviors are toxic behaviors. So if someone habitually or continuously behave in chaotic ways or behave in ways that cause chaos- they are toxic people.
Looking forward to this one! Let me guess - feeling powerless, worthless, never good enough. I've had a father, ex husband and mother in law all dish out the narcissistic abuse. 50 plus years is a long time to be devalued. It takes a strong person to weather the abuse and an even stronger person to claw their way out of the emotional and financial abuse. Sending love and strength to anyone experiencing this. Thank you Dr C! Your videos help so much.
Gotcha!!! Same here only back again for a big kick again hosting a person who lost their farm ...trying to get through legal issues!!! At 74 it is time to be alone and enjoy me!!!soon!!
'It robs you of spontaneity'-it hits home. When you spend lot of time with narcissist/narcissists ,some of us will shut down or not express our true selves to an extent where it becomes like a coping mechanism and you get used to be like that ,you can not bring back your original nature even when you are interacting with other people who are safe to be around.
Being trauma bonded was a REAL, daily for years problem for me. Ruminating over and over why that narc did whatever deliberately evil thing they did that I'd NEVER do to someone else, and the immature desire for revenge when that's God's job.
Countless times I have said I would never do anything to intentionally hurt someone and my narc mom would say "oh I know you wouldn't but you're different than me"
Same thing here. It's been two years since I found out just what kind of a guy I had fallen for, and yet, every day, I ruminate about my heartbreak. I can't stop picturing my ex and the woman he cheated with. I hate them both. I really want some well-timed revenge too. They don't deserve to be happy together .
When you’ve had the 💩kicked out of you by everyone everywhere it’s normal to want revenge or justice. I should be a millionaire because of the damages that have been done to me. I deserve justice.
20+ years = isolation, anxiety, chronic fatigue. Digging my way out now. I know what I’m dealing with now, and I know it can’t be fixed no matter how hard I try. Thank you Dr C for opening my eyes.
By "it" can't be fixed I'm assuming you mean the narc? Because "we" can. And better late than never. I'm 67 and learn and see new things everyday. Keep on truckin honey! LOL. It only gets BETTER day by day. And for me, I have to remind myself continually that it will be ok. There's no catastrophe behind the door. It's OK! 😉💖💙💜💚👍😉🌻🌹
I know nurses, doctors as well as other compassionate workers often run into compassion fatigue. If your highly empathetic please monitor your own self care and preserve this gift! Because it is a huge gift to all lives it touches…. Not unlike a hug, when one is hurting.
Yes - migraine, heart palpitations, chronic heartburn.... It’s no good trying to persuade yourself ‘it’s all in your head’ when your body is trying to draw your attention to the toxins!!
THE STRESS OF BEING AROUND THESE TOXIC PEOPLE IS EXHAUSTING, & DETRIMENTAL TO ONE PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL, & MENTAL HEALTH...PRAY WE ALL SURVIVE THE NARC ABUSE, & THRIVE IN OUR OWN LIVES...GOD HELP US ALL!! ♡☆♡
This stuff also happens with a neglectful narc. You may not be yelled at and openly insulted all the time, but when you're completely ignored 80% of the time is like they're saying it all by saying nothing and pretending to not even hear you.
Sorry you are experiencing such isolation. I can relate to being ignored. I’m trying to muster up the courage to ask my wife for 15 minutes of her time so we can just catch up on various things. I have been trying to talk about getting 15 minutes of her time for a week now without any success. Therapist says that the opposite of love isn’t hatred, but rather the opposite is ‘indifference’ which really hurts as you know. Hang in there Kathleen. Wishing you the best…Ed
YES!!!!! I am alone most of the time, and walking on eggshells the rest of the time. Sometimes if I try to talk about something when he gets home, always after 9:00pm, he will just ignore me or get really agitated with me. I know I better stop or it will spiral down into him flipping out.
I was completely and fully in shut down mode after being around and during interactions with so many narcissists for decades. I was nothing but an empty shell or a walking zombie. They robbed me of everything that was me. I was scared to death and had no opinion, froze all my feelings and everything else I was so frightened. It really was like being with literal demons only they looked like people and some of them called themselves “family “. Hell was right here on earth for me.
I HAVE A NARC MOTHER, SHE MARRIED A NARC , (STEPFATHER), HIS GOLDEN CHILD SON...ANOTHER ABUSIVE NARC...MY CHILDHOOD WAS ROBBED BY THE MYSOGENOUS, NARCISSISTIC, PSYCHOPATHIC ABUSE...I SURVIVED BY LEAVING HOME AT 14...I SURVIVED ALL THAT, & END ED UP WITH A NARC PARTNER...WORKING ON MYSELF STILL, WORKING ON A PLAN AT 62...TO LIVE MY OWN LIFE, WITHOUT THE ABUSE...ONE DAY AT A TIME....♡☆♡
I wish I could figure out how to not allow these things to get to me. I’ve been married to a narc for 33 years. We are both in our late 60 s now. Things are worse than ever. Because of our financial situation and having adult children still dependent, I cannot figure out how we would survive if I divorced him. I try and try to be rational and not engage with him and keep my cool… to separate myself from everything and just go about living a life independent from him but it seems impossible. I have been treated for major depression and anxiety throughout this marriage.I have had 15 years of therapy. I have gone to women’s shelters.I feel that the stress from living this way is literally killing me but I don’t see an alternative.
@@Voyeur53 I am sorry you are going through this. I too feel stuck. I have recently realized through videos such as this that I am living with a narc and I am not crazy. I just left a toxic work environment a few months ago as well so double whammy! Stay strong and keep moving forward!! You are worth it!!!
@@Voyeur53 I had similar situation, as I see you cant figure out how to get away from him and keep all the other things the same. But in order to have something new you have to let go things that you want to preserve. There are losses in life with narc. Thats a fact. So get divorse first, change something in that old same formula and then the other things have to change. You are afraid to lose something afraid to risk. But it is life and we need to grow, risk, try. Win and loose. Maybe then your adult kids finally move and became idependant of you wich is normal actually? People do what they do because they can..if they cannot, they actually change... Its painful but right...
I was responded with “oh here we go, you women with your woe is me but forget that who brings in the money”. When I mistakenly TRIED in this 16 year long hell to discuss our son’s study ideas when he turns 18 (the only reason im unable to relocate). The doctor has described everything to a T!! The funny thing is that my mother is also a narcissist so after she and my narcissistic husband locked horns and even though I was a passive onlooker, I was in trouble for not leaping to his defence (they were both historical gaslighting idiots at that time) and so my Mother ended up storming out and going home. Because I live life wound up like a coil, we had words (I stayed cool but firm and to the point) so after she was still being her narcissistic self, she told me she googled everything and it turns out she thinks my change of life caused that. 😳😳😳
I’ll add a sixth one to whatever your list is: stress from the SOB forces you to get deathly ill and end up in the emergency ward of a hospital. Happened to me this March.
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am currently in a relationship with a narcissist and am sharing a household. Just his negative energy when he is home is enough to cause anything from lack of appetite and stomach butterflies to a flare up of my multiple sclerosis symptoms. I believe I am suffering from chronic stress which is so dangerous! I am learning how to establish and maintain boundaries and distance myself emotionally so that I can do what I need to do: leave this toxic person!
That's a sign for us all to keep finding ways for us to strengthen ourselves to rise above allowing their poison to bring us to that point. Knowledge is POWER. It's happened to me more than once. Never give up, out or in. Keep growing in knowledge and strength.
YIKES...perfect score...and sometimes I am just exhausted being in their space, the vibe is always there whether you're talking or engaging with him. A tiredness very different from "normal" tiredness, say from a day's work. Being with a narcissist is exhausting on every level for me. Thanks again Dr.Carter..❤
Yes that was exactly me - always an exhausting type of tiredness when around my mother. Had to go no contact in my late 40s. At that time didn't know what I was dealing with. (And they never change - only get worse when you try to leave.) Just knew I had to get away tho but everyone blamed me since they only saw her nice side so felt totally orphaned. Am 68 now & still trying to heal. These type videos help so much.
@@pegihaider813 I am married to a toxic narcissist, who uses the silent treatment on me when I set boundaries. I am exhausted all the time, and this might be why. I thought it might be my age (70). I have horrible sleep issues, and I now can see that the mind-body connection is real. I spend so much time fantacizing about leaving him. I am American, living overseas, and with beloved pets, so leaving will be complicated. But I'm figuring out a plan. He is so personalbe with other people, and so mean with me. I know I will take the fall for leaving him, but that is the price I will be willing to pay. I can identify with you, as I think you are the only commenter who mentioned that others only see your mother's nice side. Some here! People fawn over my husband, not knowing his negative qualities.
Of course, not all narcissistic relationships are the same. I mean, if the narcissist happens to be your mother then you have the added problem of trying to overcome the deep-rooted biological attachment you have to your primary caregiver. To realise that you are a psychological and emotional ophan because your mother is narcissistic is a difficult thing to accept because your instincts and natural desire to love your mother can get in the way of your healing if you don't recognise this conundrum.
So right. I only understood what type of mother I had Well After being 40. I Will always be near to her in her time of Need but I am emotionally detached and just defend myself the best I can. The crucial....but also devastating thing...Is that you REALIZE that it's not a joke...this badness called narcissism Is real. PS: realized It about the man I married too...separated and now in peace.
Living with a controlling narcissist feels like living in custody or jail except you are bullied and interrogated daily sometimes hourly. Escaping and starting over is the only shot at happiness and health you will get. It’s important for victims to grasp that staying is scarier.
1) Walking on Eggshells - guarded, checking myself. It robs me of my spontaneity and openness. I’m afraid to be me and just show up 2) Go into pattern of Emotional Suppression - which sets me up for depression, anxiety or bitterness 3) Conflicted with other relationship - (like with the flying monkeys). Others applaud the narcissist. You feel phony as you engage with others. Depletes me with a sense of authenticity. It wears me out. 4) Boundaries are constantly compromised - stepping on my own preferences, opinions, leads to argumentativeness which I don’t want. Which moves into co-dependent behaviors 5) The on-going build up of anger/frustration/annoyance/irritability/impatience - which leaks out on other relationships. It’s displacement because I’m worn out. Response is to recognize my uniqueness, my voice, my value - and stand up for who I am. Then when the poison is put in front of me I can pull back and focus on ingredients like assertiveness, firmness, decisiveness, and follow through on my good healthy initiatives. There will be a backlash for asserting my values/expectations of DRC (dignity, respect, civility). I’m going to bring a wholesomeness into my system (like food detox). I’m on “team healthy”. Refuse their toxins when they come at you and get around people who appreciate what you have to give. Practice self care so you can have steadiness and firmness in the way I engage with others to find my place of peace.
I want to save this so I can remember the impact this is having on me. It makes me feel like I’m losing my mind, my self, everything. My children won’t hardly have anything to do with me because I am still with him. It’s such a terrible feeling. I have gone 8 hours on a trip without saying anything, for fear it would start a fight and spiral down. We’ve even gone a whole day at home together without a word being spoken. My punishment for something…. I do some much wrong, if I don’t journal it, I can’t remember any more.
I went no contact with my mom and sister a year ago. My dad died twenty years ago, and the last thing my sister said to me was "dad would have never put up with everything you've done," and "Dad thought you were weak," and the last thing my mom said was calling me demonic. They've both since baited me with texts and emails, which I haven't responded to, with further brutal attacks trying to reel me in back under their control, and they can't stand the fact that I've finally realized that they're not perfect and that I've been the good one in the family all along. I feel like a whole new person.
I was the good one in the narcissistic family too and my parents called me the devil. Ha! They were both devils and God knows that. I had a vision of my father burning in red flames just the other day. It actually made me wince it was so scary but that’s exactly what he deserved.
Realisation can be a shock especially when we see how deep and conditioned we are in it. No contact is the very best way. Everything they do is about baiting, provoking and control. They will never change.
My girlfriend is a narc destroyer and it is a damn fine thing to behold. She comes armed with copious amounts of empathic energy, brutal honesty and insight to spare. I’ve seen her in action against her ex and it’s not even a fair fight. She sees things he does miles before he does and she ends up flipping the script on him repeatedly to hilarious results! I once asked her what her secret was, and she replied “ I live my life being the best me I can be” . At the time it sounded like an oversimplification, but as we grow together I realize it’s much deeper and complex.
That is truly inspiring! I’m very much the same way. I’m developing it. Through self love and respect. Learning to use my empathetic skills, my natural sense of intuition and continue to practice these healing ways I grow. Knowing I’m not my thoughts or feelings is another route that’s armed me with truest acceptance of self. Which all narcs simply do not, never will sense of self.
This really is inspiring and absolutely beautiful. I need your girlfriend as a best friend lol I think it takes a warrior to deal with these demons. I'm getting there. I can feel the soul of your girlfriend through your comment. Hears to us Warriors 😊
Like a bug caught in the spider’s web. The spider comes at will to suck out more life juices from you. Have you seen a dried up fly in a web? Nothing left but a shell.
I think for most people who have issues with narcissists, it's because they're kind of stuck. It can be a sick family member you can't get away from because you have a responsibility to them, or it can be a boss or co-worker you can't get away from because you have to make a living, or something like that. Otherwise, it would be easy to deal with a narcissist. You could walk away from them. So the big challenge, in my opinion, is how to deal with a narcissist you can't get away from, especially one who has some kind of hold on you or authority over you or something like that.
What do you do when it's your 32 year old granddaughter who has pretty much controlled the family all of her life and now she has targeted me and isn't willing to talk to me and has told my daughter that I am dead to her. I am crushed. I really need some advice.
I feel the walking on eggshells all the time. I literally tense up just hearing my husband put the key in the door. I immediately stress and worry if he’s gonna start complaining about something, accuse me of talking to men just because I’m using my phone, start complaining I’m not giving him enough attention, etc.
Pocahontas, find a good counselor, or contact the man making this video, and find a way to get out. I was married for 24 years to a controlling narcissist, found a good psychologist, and he helped me claw my way out. Now my life is joyful, happy, blissful, and peaceful.
Me too! So much waste and wanting to go back and do it all over...now I’m spending every moment being the best I can be and that has helped me now in my journey. Best wishes to you both!
Now that im a father i am finally to a new level of understanding myself i am able to withstand and rise above the abuse of my narc twin brother. I love him deeply but now i guard my boundries and im not falling for his emotional manipulation. It feels so liberating, im now in control of myself.
-walking on eggshells -emotional suppression -feeling conflicted while engaging with others (re reputation of the N) & feel like you’re being phony -constantly feeling like your boundaries constantly being violated -ongoing buildup of angry emotions & they come out elsewhere
I didn’t think about that last one, I didn’t ‘try’ to be phoney but it just didn’t seem safe to allow anyone else to know the truth about him - I just told myself it was all my own fault....
The narc I know goes to a Gospel church on a Sunday and the rest of the week is spent watching Internet porn, lying like a child, being obnoxious and selfish etc etc. Total hypocrite. Will end his days dancing with the devil.
Me too - but when those words first came out of my mouth I didn’t realise when they pointed to - took me 15 years (more!). I hope the world (especially those in it who are called on to ‘help’) is wising up.
“Beaten down” is the expression that resonated with me. I think a lot of us who are, and have been, victimized by narcissistic family members really have been beaten down psychologically, usually for years. I know that’s my situation. I wish I had gotten away years ago and done a couple of things that I wanted to do but didn’t because I had a narcissistic mother constantly going at me. She’s very elderly now but when she dies, I’ll be free of having to look after her and can finish my healing process. ❤️💪🏻🇨🇦
I just got out of a job I rly liked but the boss was making me physically and psychologically sick, i finally got another job lined up and I feel like I lost 100 lbs in one day :) Narcissists are sad, wicked people.
Oh yeah, he put me through hell when I left! Smear campaign, financially drained me, left me starting over at my age! Lord have mercy!! I do feel somewhat damaged from this however I cannot afford counseling at this time. But I feel this can help me in a great way! I am so grateful for your time in making these videos! 😥🙏❤
@@kikataye6293 You're not stupid one bit. Don't let em do that to you, they're pros at what they do and many are just learning of their sick games. Just study a little more perhaps and give it more time before you date again so you know you're safer next round. So many big hugs to you.
You're better off with Dr. C as your therapist. My ex is a severe narc who happens to be a mental-health therapist with a full-time practice. He loves the attention and control over his patients. I feel so sorry for them.
Walking on eggshells feeling! Very guarded! You cant be yourself! Emotional suppression equals depression, anxiety, bitterness! No openness! Feel conflicted with other relationships besides the narcissist! It depletes your authenticity! Feeling like your boundaries are always compromised! A buildup of ongoing anger!
I realized the impact of the narc on me when they went out of town. They suck the life out of the room, and require way too much emotional attention. I can't wait to get away from them forever.
Being me was never accepted. Needing support was never accepted. Me being ill, sad, tired, lonely, confused, in need of help, a break, needing anything ...was absolutely not accepted 😑
Wow, 40 years of this and being separated from him for 8 months and I am finally coming out of the haze and realizing everything you are saying is so true. I have gone total no contact which is helping tremendously.
For almost twenty years, my workplace was such a toxic environment. Not at first, of course. Thankfully I had a wellness chiropractor throughout the years who could see how broken I was physically and spiritually. Endless muscle tension, blocked liver, leaky gut, pinched nerves, you name it. Narc abuse is real and erodes one from the inside out.
Before learning about Narcissism, I would feel drained and miserable around these types. They’re energy vampires! They will suck the life out of you!!!
It all started with my dad, then onto my brother, 1st husband, current husband and most of the bosses in my life. I keep choosing men who want to climb over my dead body and mind to boost their own egos. This talk is exactly what I have become in my currant marriage. I have become someone even I don't like anymore. Thank you for the insight. Time for drastic change.
So true ! Married 22 to a narcissist, then he discarded me . It is a relief, but I’m finally finding myself again and I am also finding out that I’m a nice person . So worn out…
My brother noticed a huge change in my attitude when I left my Narcissist husband after 40 years; He made me so suppressed lacking self confidence and having very little communication skills with other people around me. Now I feel more like my old self before I was married. It's been a difficult seven years by myself, but I'm much happier away from him.
I tried to talk to a counselor about this covert narcissist thing in my husband. The counselor pointed to a phrase on a white board that said, “you made me_____, No, I made me_____. It seemed out of touch with the dynamic of narcissist abuse. It also put blame of the impact back on me
So true. When I recognized my new supervisor was narcissistic, I immediately and strategically planned my exit strategy. It’s my fault, ma’am. I’m not a good fit. I will change departments 🤦🏾♀️ My mental health and peace, are non-negotiable.
Everything he is saying is the truth! After separation and divorce from the narcissist, I realized how much damage he had done. My health was damaged with stomach problems, anger, anxiety, and extreme unhappiness. I turned into a totally different person. After leaving, I found myself again, a totally different person. Don't walk away, run!
Walking on eggshells... My dad use to warn me with 'Look out, your mom is on the warpath' and that was code for 'keep quiet and play along so nobody gets hurt.'
Thank you, thank you, the freedom I found was when I desired to be what God wanted me to be, this removed any desire to change the toxic person and left me with a blessing of freedom to be what He will make of me. Attempting to "fix" the toxic person so you can continue with them is an exercise in futility, only stifling our spiritual and emotional growth.
@@emilywilson7308 Well, I am 21 years old. And I am going crazy about this. My girlfriend has very nice qualities, she sticks around, thats the thing I love the most on her. We have fun, a great time. We have passionate sex.(And I know we should not, because it blures my vision for what she really is) But I am realising that she has ego problems, some atitude problems. She sometimes blames me (or others) for things that I dont have the guilt, or even control. The spends more time "bruuuhh, This happend to me, what a shit, What did I did to deserve this" and not just fixing the issue. She is studying ( more than I am) at lawschool, trying to be a lawyer.. But she doesnt really know things that trully matter in these days... She is a bit superficial.. instagram.. And if I talked to her about what she learned these weeks she wont remember anything. I may be wrong... I do believe its Ego that drives her to lawschool.. Sometimes things arent going as she wanted them to be, or as good as she thinks they are... But she talks about how independent and "like a boss " she is. She even acted like i was not there in a dinner familly and acted a bit rude with me, she turned into another diferent person. She has the syndrome of "always right", a bit bit shallow, and our priorities are a bit twisted. For me familly comes first, she needs success shine, not only familly. She needs to do her nails every month, too wear vercate, gucci, brand clothes, and she even got mad/sad at me because of the way I dress when we went to dinner at a mall mc donalds (even I was higienised, and normal dressing lmao) She lies to her familly if its convenient for her, I mean, when we are kids, or teenagers we lie about somethings to our parents or grandparents, but as we grow up, we start to assume our things. But we all lie from times to times.. She comes from a rich familly, they were materially spoiled... her sister with 27 years old is ABSOLUTE narcisist. I know she really is. And I dont know till what point my gf isnt narcisist too.. she may not me that degree, but still is.. And for real, I am feeling bad because I feel like "Am I a narcisist too" because I really am tired of some issues that never change.. I am realising I will not change her vision of the world, or change her foe the best. I believe people can change, but not all do. And its our own job to fix ourselfs. I cant do nothing. Sometimes when I tell her things she acts smilling, she is just never wrong. But I am loosing it. These days I talked to her about complex things, marxism, "Progressism" (lol), conservative values, abortion, pandemic issues, life purpose, death, things a bit more tuff or complex.. I want her to stimulate more her brain. I dont want a shallow person to raise my kids. I dont want to feel like shes dumb at a familly dinner. I also told her I wanted her to change those atittudes/behaviours, those ego, narcisist atittudes. Because they are harm to herself, and our relationship. I cant stand more of that. I told her I wanted us to be more (because we are catholic) to be even more catholic, more deeply, understand things like castidy/castity (I dont know how to spell, basically not having sex during dating) for us to realise if we love each other, or use each other. To be honest I am afraid She will break up because of that lmao, it hurts my ego, but fuck that I want love not lust. It goes, something better cames I hope. But I am concerned if I am beeing a bit narcisist myself because I am tired... And i am realising I cant fix her. And If I stay with her, blinding myself with sex/lust, to some atitude and intelectua issues, and diferrences on our priorities.. It can be far more damaging than a breakup. I feel like I am putting a bit anger/frustration. I am beeing selfish now, a bit narc. But I cant act like its all okay. For real sometimes I think I want more, since I will not be able to fix her. But I dont want to turn myself into a narcisist. First step I need to do, keep telling things as they are and No sex with her. Please tell me, am I beeing selfish? A Narcisist too? I feel like I am putting pressure on her. Telling her what She must change for this to Work out. Despite my best intentons, isnt that a bit narcisist of myself? I cherish her, I love her. I want us to help each other grow. But yeah I also feel like, leaving my ego of her with someone else, and my sexual cravings, yeah I should probably be more eye open to what ahe really is, not what I think she is.
@@jocampos7002 she doesn’t sound like the right person for you. Don’t waste your life trying to change someone. It makes life difficult for you and her. It’s hard when you love someone to admit that it’s not a good match. Give yourself some time alone to think about what you need and want in a relationship.
@@emilywilson7308 First of all thanks for your reply! I really apreciate. Its not beeing easy.. I am sad you know, she has got a lot of potential.. I do believe she has.. I love her, and care about her. We have fun a lot, I believe we get along quite well, or am I blinded for lust and sex, I dont know, bit thats my problem. When things get more serious it will be a problem I guess.. She was raised in a rich familly, and spoiled a bit too much.. To be honest, her sister is a complete narcisist. But total. My girlfriend is way better than her older sister.. I know it has a lot to do in the way they were raised and spoiled.. still, I must not be afraid of telling things as they are, I feel like now I am beeing the toxic one, talking all of this, but if I dont start to realise and tell myself her behaviours and red flags, I will always be blind for what she really is.. And things will get worst and time do not comes back.. And I must face the fact that I can't change her, its her job to fix herself. I can try a lot, but its only her job. She has got ego problems, she has some toxic behaviours, like blaming me (or others) for some of her issues. She also victimizes herself.. "Why me", "I dont deserve this".. Like a kid you feel me? Just sometimes.. She used to have problems in saying "Im sorry", and sometimes when she says it, I feel like she doesnt really mean it, or mean it but its not that big of a deal, and sometimes she says sorry but acts like she is the one mad with me, acta Like she is tired.. I feel like she is a shallow person, appearences, clothes (gucci, vercates..), bags/purses from luis vittom etc, rings, she cares a lot of appearences and sometimes about how others dress around her. She has got many things for her parents money. I believe it has weakened her, because all the time you invest in superficiality, its time you dont inves in deep things, caracter, intelectual things, emocional issues. Indo believe she lacks of skills, to mantains that lifestyle, with the "comodism" she has.. She had a top Mercedes and not even had a drivers lincense. Thats not the problem itself but she is like feeling entitled to success.. For real I am a bit concerned how she will face things when shit hits the fam. How she will face life (and others) if she cant have the same lifestyle by her own, as the one she was raised.. Maybee I am beeing selfish, but sometimes I think I want more than this. I want a woman that I know If I die, she will raise my kids properly and well. More intelectual, more modest in someways.. A woman that understands she IS the super woman. She doesnt need to have the suit to feel like the super woman, she doesnt even have to proof to others. She puts her familly and good values over materialism and stuff. Maybee I should get heartbroken, sad, have a bad time, its fucked lol.. Maybee seeing with other guy.. But invest in myself, and be me, built me. And than one day, When I can, I will be the best me for a better woman for me. I am realising I cant change her. And I dont know if its wise to wait to we are 36 to see how things went.. Many red flags.. Thanks for your time, Love from Portugal 💪🏼
It has taken me years to wake up to the reality of what has happened to me. I am now discovering so much assertiveness and confidence. The lady who said she realised she was a nice person deep down, is exactly the same as I am experiencing. The anxiety and depression has been like wearing a dead weight Thank you so much for this channel
Knowing that it is a personality disorder that I cannot fix no matter how pleasant and giving that I might be is so empowering. I’ve fretted so long over cutting the person off. Felt like the meanest person on earth. I had to for my own emotional health. Thanks to the videos I won’t have the guilt anymore. I can be free knowing I did the only thing possible.
I have experienced all off this and the worst thing is you end up with IBS, Anxiety and isolating yourself but the Narc carries on as if nothing he did was wrong.
My mother was the worst person in my life. I was relieved when she passed away 9 years ago and thought I would just get over the abuse I endured all my life. But the dark thoughts linger. Dr. Carter your videos are helping.
I know a man who can bring back] your ex within 2days without delay he helped me few weeks ago he does a perfect work, I'm assuring you are gonna testify💯💯.
I think another thing to keep in mind is that this toxic-ness will periodically look like niceness and you’ll think this person has gone back to or has started being a nice human being. HE HAS NOT. He’s just shifted his tactics for a bit. And you calm back down. But that’s what makes it so stressful for when the real narcissist shows his face again. It’s the contrast of your feeling safe, then getting the s scared out of you again. Horrible stress on the body and psyche.
Exactly. If they were asshats all the time, they couldn’t get narcissistic supply bc nobody would tolerate their company. So they alternate between love bombing and devaluation, ie the sweet/mean cycle. I’m moving out, away from my Narc and suddenly the criticism have suddenly stopped (my laugh, my voice, my jokes, everything was criticized) to saccharine sweet phony love bombing bc she is losing her supply. They are so manipulative.
Because I was born with a disability, my family thought I should shut up and put up with my narc. mom because I "owed" her. Since going no contact with my mom, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for your kind words. Needed the reminder since my whole family is coming to town in November. I am quite nervous........feel like running away for that week in November.
Best description I have ever read on narcissism: the self-centered, desperate, ongoing search for emotional fuel in the form of self esteem. Self-Esteem Is Fuel The easiest way to understand Narcissism is to imagine that you are a car with a leaky gas tank. The fuel you run on is self-esteem. Even if you start the day with a full tank, you can feel your self-esteem start to diminish as you go through the day. You have learned to stay focused on potential sources of new fuel-praise, chances to outdo someone else, proximity to high status people and things-and things that deplete your self-esteem-criticism, being ignored, devalued, or disgarded. Self-Hating Depression If you run out of fuel, you not only stop moving forward, you start to sink into a pit of deep emotional mud. The deeper you sink, the worse you feel about yourself. At the very bottom you become immobilized by your shame and self-hatred. This makes you very motivated to keep finding new sources of fuel. The Other Cars The way you see it, every other car on the road is competing with you for fuel. You are so preoccupied with your own needs that you could not care less about their situation. The only other cars that interest you are potential sources of more fuel for you, like the gorgeous expensive vehicles who seem to have their own inner gas stations that give them the continuous supply of self-esteem that you lack. You hope that, if you play your cards right, they will let you use their source to refuel. Hypersensitivity and No Emotional Empathy You are also on the lookout for fuel thieves. You are hyper vigilant and ready to defend your self-esteem against anything you know lessens your supply-competitors, anyone who ignores you, criticizes you, or disagrees with you. You not only do not care about their problems, everytime you devalue them you can feel a surge of new fuel enter you. Punchline: The term “Narcissism” is short for the pattern of thinking and behavior that is called “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” or NPD. In its simplest form it can be described as an ongoing problem with self-esteem regulation coupled with a lack of emotional empathy. Or in my terms: The self-centered, desperate and ongoing search for emotional fuel in the form of self esteem.
The cool ,calm , poor me innocent victim attitude of “what did I do? And look what she or they did to me “was a common occurrence the malignant narcissist I divorced would have while running away from the scene of his crimes after poisoning his victims in his self serving destructive wake
I NEVER HAD ANY BOUNDARIES! WOW! They wanna snuff your good out! The ongoing build up of ANGER! WOW! I'm way worn out with insults! They are SO TOXIC! Yeah breathe!
I retired 7 months ago d/t toxic govt bosses. They decided to "clean house" and "downsize". They terrorized everyone. The employees were like rats running to the opposite side of the ship to survive or escape targeting. It was like shooting fish in a fishbowl for them. They loved doing it. They got very bold and outwardly unapologetic about every rotten thing they did. Luckily, I had 40 yrs service, so I could go just walk away. They have always done it, but it is much worse now because there are just more of them, and they band together and feel invincible. Brutal. I cannot believe I made it. 40 yrs of walking on eggshells at work. Only now am I waking up to how wonderful life is away from all of that crap. I have much less anxiety and depression. Often, I was just paralyzed by instilled fear. No more. There is not one of them I would pick up the phone and call after all that time, because I know it would just be narcissistic supply for them to gossip about and comb over every word said. When I finally walked away, it was for good. I am getting my health back that they tried to rob me of. They can swim in their own toxic stew and eat each other alive. I am out!
I'm in the middle of escaping the narcissist wife and man has it been a very hard ride and we have 2 sons together its overwhelming but yet relieving. She is in the middle of trying to love bomb me to keep me from finishing this madness once and for all
13 years with one and I divorced her and was so beat down I let her have everything because I couldn’t fight , 7 years later I ended up with another one and 5 years later I divorced her because of the lying cheating and Financial infidelity and that ended in bankruptcy . So what I’m just now learning is I have a trauma bond with the first one and it makes the second one almost irrelevant and for days now I’m having flashbacks from a marriage that ended 20 years ago and I can’t sleep at night because of all the things I blocked out feel like it happened just yesterday.
No one knows what it's like until you live with one for 44 years. Most of this time I did not know what narcissism was but after researching and learning about it for the past 3 years it is straight down the list. It drains you it takes your life away and even though you may love the person it's like you're in a trap and you can't go anywhere it has damaged my heart my soul my mind my creativity and so much more and this person claims to be highly spiritual thank you so much for your videos they are extremely helpful God bless you
Stay strong Janet. You can claim all those things back for yourself.I just escaped after 20 years. I can't imagine doing it for another 20. You are a strong person who is worthy of love , peace and happiness.God bless you ❤❤
Wow, this one really hit the nail on the head with this last relationship. I'm so relieved and happy to be free from that negativity and suppression. Im more and more myself and I won't ever let go of that this time. I'm worthy of being loved the way I want to be loved and I'm giving that gift to myself right now. I'm taking excellent care of myself and happy to go it alone if someone can't rise to the occasion
I just got out of a "friendship" with a narcissist, and it was like you said - I feel like I can breathe again. He was having such a negative impact on my mental health, and now that I'm away from him, I can see just how big an impact it was. Another toxic thing is that they never consider your feelings, but they always complain about you not considering theirs. Especially if you're calling them out on their toxic behaviour. My narcissistic "friend" used to love saying that I cause drama, even though it was really him. Then he'd go and tell everyone we know that I was causing drama again.
Yes I hate that pattern of talking smack about me to everyone in the community especially a given whenever I would attempt to put some distance or establish boundary between a narcissistic personality and myself. Even just expressing a need or feelings would result in a negative reaction and then a label slapped on me. Not to my face. But I’d hear it from mutual acquaintances. Worse within my family. Ugh.
I've been realizing recently too that I'm a nice person and people actually like me. I've always thought I was a difficult person who no one liked. At 61 it finally hit me that that's not true. It's a weird sensation.
How do you get yourself together enough to leave when you feel like just getting out of bed takes all the energy you have. This is an exhaustion like I’ve never felt in my life.
At some point down the line, as we continue working on ourselves, we just might realize these relationships are exactly what we needed to awaken to our true nature….which I’ve discovered to be love. I’m pretty certain I’d have never found that out without going though all the pain and being forced to see through my own ego and unconsciousness. Stay strong and be you!
I just watched this video and after I cried my eyes out - my life was unveiled. This was the awakening that I've been asking for . I've asked why do I have such self destuctive behaviors? I grew up with the narcissist and currently live with two of them - lucky me! I also know that love is the answer - not just for them but for myself. I also believe that we come into this life with certain contracts with other people and they will show ( often in a perceived negative way) us how to awaken to our true nature. we don't shoot the messenger - we rise above and hopefully forgive My life is now about forgiveness and releasing anger Thanks for your comments
What’s crazy for me about this list is the way my partner turns the tables and gaslights me about all this stuff so that if I try to set boundaries and stick up for myself, I’m being a narcissist and guilty of inflicting this list on her. It truly makes my life impossibly confusing and bewildering
I grew up in a very narcissistic family. I spent most of my life feeling responsible for everyone’s moods, even for “normal” people outside the family. I’ve learned to let that go now and Im so much happier.
Thank you Dorothy. The way you worded that helped me. That is exactly my life. I "feel" their moods deeply and I want to help Where did I get that responsibility? My Mom started it and everyone followed suit. The weird thing is whether I "helped" in their eyes or not... I'm always still wrong and a reject to them. As an adult when I tried to distance and not " help", this is when I'm in big trouble because I didn't care enough to help. Never win with them. Your wordage will remind me I'm not responsible for their moods and has helped in my healing. Thank you.
The stresses of living with someone that likes to torture you . That is trying to aggravate you belligerence things like repeating the same thing over and over or asking you the same question or telling you something you already know yes I already know that thank you pointing .out well you should do it this way yes I know how to do it I’m 58 years old thank you he asks questions but he has his headphones on and can hear you I just walk away now. Just to get attention when he blames me Well I was just trying to talk to you . There is no peace with them. It’s going to take a long time to get better from this.
Dr. C - Regarding toxic marital relationships: Can you please talk about how a narcissist objectifies and demoralizes his spouse, sometimes even to the point of marital rape? Why/when a narc does it AND why a victim wouldn't report it. What is your estimate of the prevalence of marital rape impacting those relationships? I'd love to see a whole video on this topic. Your clinical experience is very valuable! Thanks for all you do!
You are not alone. Remember Dignity, respect and civility (per Dr. C). Consult your family physician and Protection from Abuse Professionals, for yourself and any children involved. Do not second guess yourself on this one. No one should live in fear of harm. Sincerely, No Eggshells Nana Prayers sent. 🙏
What is going on in our society? There's so many of these nuts running around affecting so many lives, to so many kind hearted people. Has it been around for a long time or are people finally coming out and talking about it? My heart goes out to anyone subjected to these mentally ill, sick people. Space and time gives you a whole new perspective. Thank you for this video.
And the longer you stay with them, the longer it takes to detox. Also, I have absolutely NO desire to take up another relationship with any other man. Once burned, twice shy.
Very true. Having to put on the false smile and listen to people telling me how wonderful my husband is and thinking on how if only they knew the truth.
Yes, it is healthy for me to honour myself and stand up for myself. The challenge is how to resolve anger in a healthy way. Sometimes one feels angry but can't make out if it is justified, and how to resolve it.
I have bee married to and knows this narcissist for 31 years. He literally destroyed my life physically beating me and mentally abusing me all these years. I through finding God in my life am finally able to realize that he will never change and what toxic poisons he inflicted in me. I tried to leave him before but he threatened to shoot our kids in front of me (worst of all he is a police man and an addictive gambler). I am through the grace of God working on finding a way to flee from him. Please pray for me
This condition has infested Hollywood so much to the point now that it is lashing out at all of America because of its own past and still ongoing sins of abuse of others. Its why every new movie is a poorly written propaganda lecture about things they feel guilty about. What they don't understand is that it is a them problem, not our problem. They really need to seek help and get back to entertainment. We are DONE with their guilty conscious!!!
Back to sanity. "Countless emails wanting to talk about the problems, ignored." I see clear now : 1. It's not my problems ( said the narc). So it's my problems, so I will handle myself. Or it's not my problems, I leave it like a hot plate. 2. Is it useful , helpful taking with the narc ??? No. No expectation, no hurt. ☮️
I'm a 6'7" 80% blind Aspie with an incredible almost-four year old daughter, going through a pretty rough divorce with a narcissist. Though I also live 25 miles from the nearest town, but had to stop driving at 34 due to becoming too blind to drive safely. Before that I was making 6 figures in the wind industry, which didn't seem to bother her at all. She married me knowing I was diagnosed with glaucoma at age 10. She would tell ppl she knew i was going to go blind but that "everyone has to deal with something", till the money dried up of course. Now she's jumping ship and trying to convince all the neighbors that im abusive (im not) and that she's a victim (she isnt). Everything becameher way or the highway, so... blind, I chose the highway. Which was pretty scary. Best decision I ever made. Not easy by any means, but was the right decision. Recently realized im not actually depressed anymore. Got tapered off the zoloft and when I told my mom, she said "are you sure thats a good idea? You've been argumentative lately". So I have far fewer people in my circle now, but thats ok. Have been feeling better every week after removing my 0arents from the scenario. (Dad was a cop for 30 years, is a perfectionist and raging narcissist. That didn't mix well with my Aspie'ness and I moved out at 15. Held 2 part time jobs while putting myself through community College, living in storm drains and my car. Has been a crazy wild ride, this life. I've been learning to slow down, at 38; finally. Have been taking great joy in planting a massive garden this year. Learning to appreciate life at a different pace. She still pushes my buttons, just to do so, because I think she's bored. These videos have helped to arm me with good responses, and healthy reactions to what seems like an unceasing barrage of attempts to gain control. A few weeks ago she just wouldn't leave my house. Kept prompting me to hit her, suggesting I'd feel so much better. I should record video of the stuff she says. Oh and the kicker?? She hasn't talked to her mom in years because her mom is "a raging narcissist". You just can't make this stuff up. Ive had to develop some very thick skin, which is tough cuz im pretty emotional for a guy. I feel things incredibly deeply, I just can't always communicate it well.
Hearing someone says the narc is so nice and wonderful is the worst feeling especially when you had hope they would listen and help you.
My goodness
Indeed, being gas lit all over again.
Yes! A good neighbor who heard my tales of woe about the narcissist, did…I believe…”believe” me. But she said more than once…”I don’t take sides”. The narc treated her and her husband like royalty (they were great neighbors!),-always helping, doing chores, whatever he could do to earn their praise. They were older than us, and the narc admitted looking upon the man as a “father figure” (his father was no prize). It was kind of pathetic to see how many times a day he’d run over to their house and hang out or offer to do tasks for them. I thought initially it was because he wanted to be a good neighbor. But he was really after narcissistic supply. No wonder the lady didn’t want to “take sides”. The narc would have done anything for them but often had me in tears…
Few of my friends/coworkers did this to me. Realized they were not really my friends, and made it known I wasn’t their friend anymore. It’s a punch to the gut hearing a friend tell you how wonderful your ex is and how I need to stop saying bad things about her.
My narcissist tells me himself how nice and wonderful he is.
The further I got away from them, the healthier I became. And I'm still getting better.
It's a very strange feeling and realization when you notice it.
It's heart breaking when it's your own family.
Two years no contact with my family. It is a horrible nightmare isn’t it? Go well
Awful with them, super sad you don't have a family any more.
All I can do is wish them well......and stay away. I wish myself well too.
Family is the hardest. A high price to pay for taking your life back. It IS strange. I didn't miss them. Not much to miss.
Very hard realization to have to make. Very hard indeed.
Amazing stuff! Think of the ancestral / generational cycle you are breaking! It’s incredibly strong and tellling of what you’re working on.
You won't trust anyone again after dealing with a covert narsisist
All sort of people want to scam us, all the time, be vigilant folks
...not a good idea to give them that much power....trust Carefully, yes...study & go Slow...but do learn to trust again...not everyone is a Narc & you are cheating yourself as well as the good people..
Bottom line..letting them Break you this way is letting the Narc Win
But now you know what that pithy self-esteem looks like, and the over enthusiastic attitude to you. You will spot them sooner.
In my country an artist was betrayed by his ex lover. She posted all their love letters where he wrote some very intimate things. And the television moderator asked him if he feels any regret and shame for writing such things. He calmly replayed ,,NO,, doesn't regret his feelings, he only regret the choice of person.
@Surviving Narcissism replied what does this mean?
I grew up in a narcissistic family and I lived my life with constant anxiety. I am finally no contact with my entire narcissistic family. Life without the narcissists is so much better.
Same here, it’s so awesome being narcissist family free
Good for you both
@@fharhunachoudhury2434 How did the family react when you broke away?
@@elizabethdarley8646 they gradually just accepted it but sometimes they do try to hoover me back through random no caller ID calls but I’ve stayed strong, I refuse to go bk into tat dysfunction
ME TOO..FIR 15 YEARS.
INCLUDING MY SPOILED 30 YEAR OLD NARCISSISTIC DAUGHTER
The impact to me was after I start learning about narcissism connecting the dots, the aha moments thousands of them, and realizing the monstrosity behind scenes, definitely very disappointed and disgusting creatures, zero humanity, mannequins made of flesh.
Great insight. Wonderfully worded.
THANK YOU FOR THE LESSONS, THEY ALLMOST KILLED ME, BUT TOOK AWAY MY LIFE YEAH TRULY, WHO CAN LIVE WITHOUT THEM, I REALLY DONT KNOW OF ONE, WHO COME ALONG, GOT TROUGHT THIS LIFE WITHOUT ONE OR TWO=SO I SAY :*THANK YOU FOR LETTING ME KNOW HOW YOU FEEL...IT MUST BE REAL.
Being a people pleaser was a big one for me and “freezing” when confronted by a rude narcissistic person or people. Or that feeling of impending doom…for no particular reason. And dealing with unnecessary guilt -boy that’s a big one.
Donna-Marie Broomfield,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
Yes the permanent sense of impending doom. So glad I only get it intermittently now - usually prompted by proximity to the place or person I stepped away from. Wouldn’t it have been good if we had been taught this stuff at school?!
"Impending doom, for no particular reason..." I hear you.
Yes, yes, yes. All of the above. Strongly covert narcissist mother. So bad had to go no contact with her in my late 40s. Now am 68 & only just learned about narcissism 1 yr ago. - With God's help am slowing healing.
Living on eggshells does not described how I lived for the last few years. I lived in a very small world, were I did not have the right to an opinion. I stopped talking at all, I learned only to agree and complement the the narcissist. The most smallest comment could turned into a bust of anger and it would be devastating for me.
Not only does everyone say that my husband is the "greatest guy", but when we saw a therapist he behaved exactly and answered questions the way she wanted to hear. The issues never got discussed because he turned it all on me, displaying himself as level headed, congenial, and endearing. The perfect game.
Thankyou for your information it taught me a lot about recognising what is narcissistic abuse and it implications
I've been in a narcissistic relationship for over 45 years putting up with it and destroying my health and mentally and physically they never change I put up with it for the sake of the children but that was a big mistake these people have twisted minds they put on a different face in front of others so they are considered lovely persons
Thankyou doctor for your help
This happened to me
This is what I'm afraid of.
Omg the exact same thing is happening with my husband, he’s smooozing the therapist. I went in separately and described what I was going thru with him she said no one should be treated like that.
The next session with both of us he threw me under the bus and she didn’t even mention our session together where I shared with her, I was so angry with both of them, no body is listening to me!!!!
It’s been 16 yrs of this BS and I’m just starting to understand it now.
Don’t stay with them get out if you can. The child will have such a terrible example of what’s healthy and unhealthy. They will become like the Narc ( this happened to me) and you are basically saying if you stay that this is how you should be as a husband, this is the way you should treat a woman and child, wrong message will screw them up for life.
2:48 1st 'walking on eggshells' feeling
3:43 2nd a pattern of emotional suppression
4:50 3rd feel conflicted in other relationships
6:02 4th boundaries have been compromised
7:01 5th ongoing build up of anger
I’ve experiance all of the above pluse ptsd from other tramas
6th Awareness and Application of Team Healthy ! Great Syllabus !
@@gjop-xm2xe When they realize how PTSD works, they exploit it to the fullest.
Narcissists strip you of your self-worth.
Thank you!
It’s not that they CAN have a toxic impact on you, they WILL have a toxic impact on you. 30+years and now 2 years post leaving….so much healing to be done from his destruction.
I'm in the healing process as well.
Three years now post- healing. Getting stronger everyday.
So much destruction... and they do it knowingly and intentionally to leave a person completely broken :-(
My kids (mid thirties) didn't know I could laugh and joke. Took a lot of time after leaving before I could laugh and kids looked at one another and said 'is that you Mum.' Feels good.
I am so glad for you Lisa. I have been on the same road and is now planning the flee option. How did he let you go?
I gave ALL of myself to be us. YOU took us to only focus on YOU. Now, I take back my heart , soul, and love, to be me again!!
For at least 8 months, my brother would call every day, five days a week, and talk about himself for at least an hour. He was going through a divorce, and as he always does when his routine changes, he calls and calls and calls. I have always had to walk on eggshells talking to him. When I told him on three separate occasions about my mother-in-law being hospitalized, I might have taken 5 minutes each time. He threw that back at me that he Had to listen to stuff about My Mother-in-Law, My Cat (not true), and My church activities (also not true.) with pure disgust. It really hurts to think that he really doesn't care about me as a sister. All he wants is supply, supply, supply. He also delights in humiliating me even if he has to make up a story. I am hurt and angry, and now he's giving me the silent treatment-something he learned very well from our mother. When he decides to finally call me he'll find he can't-I've made sure of that. I'm going no contact.
Good for you Sandy!
He has gone silent for a reason. You're playing the 'judge' . Maybe the only people good enough for you, are "church members". *Who's really the narcissist*?
I have a friend the same way. He talks and complains about work all the time. I'll talk to him like hours and hours about it. Day after day. Week after week. Then I complained about this guy at work like 3 or 4 times over a month.
He then brought up a very boring mundane dream where nothing happened (he told me he asked for pizza and his grandpa said no. Some how that was supposed to be interesting and worthy of deep insight) I told him I don't think it means anything and he went off on me. Complaining about all the times I talked about work and he listened. 4 times for me vs 457 times for him. I truly see that all he cares about is my response to his problems, ideas, situations etc. He doesn't give a crap about an equal relationship.
A few years ago I did no contact with my brother & his wife because of similar issues (more with her than him but he enabled her). I’ve never looked back. I still hear about her shenanigans from other family members and each incident reminds me I made the right choice.
In other words, you’re doing the right thing by putting yourself first. And you’re not at all alone. 💟⭐️
Chronic stress caused by their activity takes a toll on the target person's mental and physical health. It's a fact. After a while my body sends signs, 'messages' when I'm around narcissists...
Attention! This guy is a common scammer who has stolen the picture of the Doc and Laura, don't fall for it
good to know!!!!!!
@@mikediamond353 Thanks for posting the warning about that weirdness. Gotta wonder about people who do that junk. They really have nothing better to do? Sad.
My hair started falling out in clumps after all the stress in my relationship with a narcissist.
@@asmallbitchybanana The same happened to me, I understand you.
After being married to a narcissist for 10 years it took me 18 months to get “me” back I felt like a wrung out dish rag for years! Thanks Dr.C
Wisconsin Wanderer It's been 11 yrs for me... & I know EXACTLY what you mean by "A wrung out dish rag" 😣
I don't think I'll ever be the same.
@@Joe-to8og I hear ya Joe that relationship tore my heart out. Im in therapy, hopefully I can trust again !! One day at a time! Be well my friend.
There are trustworthy people around maybe not as many but I think you ll be able to snuff out the mold 🌹
I have several people that are terrible to me, ex-husband, son, and his NPD wife, to say the least. My son and his narc wife aren't talking to me since they got married in May. Narc DIL talked to me like crap all day at the wedding and it started a week before the wedding her getting crappy with me. Ended up getting into an argument with her on the wedding day evening. I told her to stop talking to me like I'm a piece of crap. She threatened to beat me up, so my son comes into the room screaming at me and f-ing at me. He then proceeds to slap me across the face. I was left bloody and bruised. He cut me on the bridge of my nose from his wedding ring with a scar now. I had to have the spot on the bridge of my cut out, it was turning into basel cells in biopsy. But I'm the A$$H### here, right?
Chaos causing behaviors are toxic behaviors. So if someone habitually or continuously behave in chaotic ways or behave in ways that cause chaos- they are toxic people.
I thought that was just what reality is. in fact it is, but it's not the good part of reality, that part of reality I should have been kept away from
Looking forward to this one! Let me guess - feeling powerless, worthless, never good enough. I've had a father, ex husband and mother in law all dish out the narcissistic abuse. 50 plus years is a long time to be devalued. It takes a strong person to weather the abuse and an even stronger person to claw their way out of the emotional and financial abuse. Sending love and strength to anyone experiencing this. Thank you Dr C! Your videos help so much.
me too, JS...me too...still Standing though, finally free..except...the nightmares. 💜
You nailed it JS.
Gotcha!!! Same here only back again for a big kick again hosting a person who lost their farm ...trying to get through legal issues!!! At 74 it is time to be alone and enjoy me!!!soon!!
I'm sure glad you are ignoring the scammer who has the screen name:
"Surviving narcissism replied"
Similar story. I’m in the clawing stage right now. Best wishes. Healthy is beautiful!!
'It robs you of spontaneity'-it hits home. When you spend lot of time with narcissist/narcissists ,some of us will shut down or not express our true selves to an extent where it becomes like a coping mechanism and you get used to be like that ,you can not bring back your original nature even when you are interacting with other people who are safe to be around.
I can relate to this.
Me too!
Being trauma bonded was a REAL, daily for years problem for me. Ruminating over and over why that narc did whatever deliberately evil thing they did that I'd NEVER do to someone else, and the immature desire for revenge when that's God's job.
Countless times I have said I would never do anything to intentionally hurt someone and my narc mom would say "oh I know you wouldn't but you're different than me"
Same thing here. It's been two years since I found out just what kind of a guy I had fallen for, and yet, every day, I ruminate about my heartbreak. I can't stop picturing my ex and the woman he cheated with. I hate them both. I really want some well-timed revenge too. They don't deserve to be happy together .
When you’ve had the 💩kicked out of you by everyone everywhere it’s normal to want revenge or justice. I should be a millionaire because of the damages that have been done to me. I deserve justice.
@ Red y not find yourself a better fit 🌹
KARMA NOT GOD !
20+ years = isolation, anxiety, chronic fatigue. Digging my way out now. I know what I’m dealing with now, and I know it can’t be fixed no matter how hard I try. Thank you Dr C for opening my eyes.
Wishing you the best...keep going
"I'm so happy for you God-bless you and your life nowI😇
@@hggtg Thank you! You too!
By "it" can't be fixed I'm assuming you mean the narc? Because "we" can. And better late than never. I'm 67 and learn and see new things everyday. Keep on truckin honey! LOL. It only gets BETTER day by day. And for me, I have to remind myself continually that it will be ok. There's no catastrophe behind the door. It's OK! 😉💖💙💜💚👍😉🌻🌹
I know nurses, doctors as well as other compassionate workers often run into compassion fatigue. If your highly empathetic please monitor your own self care and preserve this gift! Because it is a huge gift to all lives it touches…. Not unlike a hug, when one is hurting.
CAN'T BE MYSELF & EXPRESS MY EMOTIONS. LOSE MY FREEDOM.
Upset stomach, heart attack, homelessness, adrenal fatigue and migraines and loss if sense of humor 😲
Yes - migraine, heart palpitations, chronic heartburn.... It’s no good trying to persuade yourself ‘it’s all in your head’ when your body is trying to draw your attention to the toxins!!
THE STRESS OF BEING AROUND THESE TOXIC PEOPLE IS EXHAUSTING, & DETRIMENTAL TO ONE PHYSICAL, SPIRITUAL, EMOTIONAL, & MENTAL HEALTH...PRAY WE ALL SURVIVE THE NARC ABUSE, & THRIVE IN OUR OWN LIVES...GOD HELP US ALL!! ♡☆♡
This stuff also happens with a neglectful narc. You may not be yelled at and openly insulted all the time, but when you're completely ignored 80% of the time is like they're saying it all by saying nothing and pretending to not even hear you.
Sorry you are experiencing such isolation. I can relate to being ignored. I’m trying to muster up the courage to ask my wife for 15 minutes of her time so we can just catch up on various things. I have been trying to talk about getting 15 minutes of her time for a week now without any success. Therapist says that the opposite of love isn’t hatred, but rather the opposite is ‘indifference’ which really hurts as you know. Hang in there Kathleen. Wishing you the best…Ed
Only 80%?
YES!!!!! I am alone most of the time, and walking on eggshells the rest of the time. Sometimes if I try to talk about something when he gets home, always after 9:00pm, he will just ignore me or get really agitated with me. I know I better stop or it will spiral down into him flipping out.
I was completely and fully in shut down mode after being around and during interactions with so many narcissists for decades. I was nothing but an empty shell or a walking zombie. They robbed me of everything that was me. I was scared to death and had no opinion, froze all my feelings and everything else I was so frightened. It really was like being with literal demons only they looked like people and some of them called themselves “family “. Hell was right here on earth for me.
I hope you have escaped and remember how truly valuable you are.
I HAVE A NARC MOTHER, SHE MARRIED A NARC , (STEPFATHER), HIS GOLDEN CHILD SON...ANOTHER ABUSIVE NARC...MY CHILDHOOD WAS ROBBED BY THE MYSOGENOUS, NARCISSISTIC, PSYCHOPATHIC ABUSE...I SURVIVED BY LEAVING HOME AT 14...I SURVIVED ALL THAT, & END ED UP WITH A NARC PARTNER...WORKING ON MYSELF STILL, WORKING ON A PLAN AT 62...TO LIVE MY OWN LIFE, WITHOUT THE ABUSE...ONE DAY AT A TIME....♡☆♡
Boy, was that ever my first marriage for 14 horrible years. Taught me a lot, very happy I moved on and grew.
I wish I could figure out how to not allow these things to get to me. I’ve been married to a narc for 33 years. We are both in our late 60 s now. Things are worse than ever. Because of our financial situation and having adult children still dependent, I cannot figure out how we would survive if I divorced him. I try and try to be rational and not engage with him and keep my cool… to separate myself from everything and just go about living a life independent from him but it seems impossible. I have been treated for major depression and anxiety throughout this marriage.I have had 15 years of therapy. I have gone to women’s shelters.I feel that the stress from living this way is literally killing me but I don’t see an alternative.
@@Voyeur53 I am sorry you are going through this. I too feel stuck. I have recently realized through videos such as this that I am living with a narc and I am not crazy. I just left a toxic work environment a few months ago as well so double whammy! Stay strong and keep moving forward!! You are worth it!!!
@@Voyeur53 I had similar situation, as I see you cant figure out how to get away from him and keep all the other things the same. But in order to have something new you have to let go things that you want to preserve. There are losses in life with narc. Thats a fact. So get divorse first, change something in that old same formula and then the other things have to change. You are afraid to lose something afraid to risk. But it is life and we need to grow, risk, try. Win and loose. Maybe then your adult kids finally move and became idependant of you wich is normal actually? People do what they do because they can..if they cannot, they actually change... Its painful but right...
I was responded with “oh here we go, you women with your woe is me but forget that who brings in the money”. When I mistakenly TRIED in this 16 year long hell to discuss our son’s study ideas when he turns 18 (the only reason im unable to relocate). The doctor has described everything to a T!! The funny thing is that my mother is also a narcissist so after she and my narcissistic husband locked horns and even though I was a passive onlooker, I was in trouble for not leaping to his defence (they were both historical gaslighting idiots at that time) and so my Mother ended up storming out and going home. Because I live life wound up like a coil, we had words (I stayed cool but firm and to the point) so after she was still being her narcissistic self, she told me she googled everything and it turns out she thinks my change of life caused that. 😳😳😳
@@Voyeur53 you poor darling. My heart aches for you as I’m in your shoes at 57 xxxxx
I’ll add a sixth one to whatever your list is: stress from the SOB forces you to get deathly ill and end up in the emergency ward of a hospital. Happened to me this March.
Happened to me too
I am so sorry this happened to you. I am currently in a relationship with a narcissist and am sharing a household. Just his negative energy when he is home is enough to cause anything from lack of appetite and stomach butterflies to a flare up of my multiple sclerosis symptoms. I believe I am suffering from chronic stress which is so dangerous! I am learning how to establish and maintain boundaries and distance myself emotionally so that I can do what I need to do: leave this toxic person!
Sorry
I ended up having seizures while sleeping next to Anger 🙏
That's a sign for us all to keep finding ways for us to strengthen ourselves to rise above allowing their poison to bring us to that point.
Knowledge is POWER. It's happened to me more than once. Never give up, out or in. Keep growing in knowledge and strength.
YIKES...perfect score...and sometimes I am just exhausted being in their space, the vibe is always there whether you're talking or engaging with him. A tiredness very different from "normal" tiredness, say from a day's work. Being with a narcissist is exhausting on every level for me. Thanks again Dr.Carter..❤
Yes that was exactly me - always an exhausting type of tiredness when around my mother. Had to go no contact in my late 40s. At that time didn't know what I was dealing with. (And they never change - only get worse when you try to leave.) Just knew I had to get away tho but everyone blamed me since they only saw her nice side so felt totally orphaned. Am 68 now & still trying to heal. These type videos help so much.
@@pegihaider813 I am married to a toxic narcissist, who uses the silent treatment on me when I set boundaries. I am exhausted all the time, and this might be why. I thought it might be my age (70). I have horrible sleep issues, and I now can see that the mind-body connection is real. I spend so much time fantacizing about leaving him. I am American, living overseas, and with beloved pets, so leaving will be complicated. But I'm figuring out a plan. He is so personalbe with other people, and so mean with me. I know I will take the fall for leaving him, but that is the price I will be willing to pay. I can identify with you, as I think you are the only commenter who mentioned that others only see your mother's nice side. Some here! People fawn over my husband, not knowing his negative qualities.
Just a question, could a narc be a child molester? His own child, ? I need answers !
You Are Exhausted Because They Are Parasites!!!
@@annahayes1007 please leave!! I went through this!! They are DEADLY!!! The silent Treatment is called stonewalling!
Of course, not all narcissistic relationships are the same. I mean, if the narcissist happens to be your mother then you have the added problem of trying to overcome the deep-rooted biological attachment you have to your primary caregiver. To realise that you are a psychological and emotional ophan because your mother is narcissistic is a difficult thing to accept because your instincts and natural desire to love your mother can get in the way of your healing if you don't recognise this conundrum.
Paul. I know exactly what you mean. It's very difficult.
Mommy Dearest.😱
So true, they even guilt you to respectful even when you've been treated like a piece of shit
So right. I only understood what type of mother I had Well After being 40. I Will always be near to her in her time of Need but I am emotionally detached and just defend myself the best I can. The crucial....but also devastating thing...Is that you REALIZE that it's not a joke...this badness called narcissism Is real. PS: realized It about the man I married too...separated and now in peace.
DITTO !!
Living with a controlling narcissist feels like living in custody or jail except you are bullied and interrogated daily sometimes hourly. Escaping and starting over is the only shot at happiness and health you will get. It’s important for victims to grasp that staying is scarier.
B Cason,You look stunning,hope you are not with a narc 😈!
1) Walking on Eggshells - guarded, checking myself. It robs me of my spontaneity and openness. I’m afraid to be me and just show up
2) Go into pattern of Emotional Suppression - which sets me up for depression, anxiety or bitterness
3) Conflicted with other relationship - (like with the flying monkeys). Others applaud the narcissist. You feel phony as you engage with others. Depletes me with a sense of authenticity. It wears me out.
4) Boundaries are constantly compromised - stepping on my own preferences, opinions, leads to argumentativeness which I don’t want. Which moves into co-dependent behaviors
5) The on-going build up of anger/frustration/annoyance/irritability/impatience - which leaks out on other relationships. It’s displacement because I’m worn out.
Response is to recognize my uniqueness, my voice, my value - and stand up for who I am. Then when the poison is put in front of me I can pull back and focus on ingredients like assertiveness, firmness, decisiveness, and follow through on my good healthy initiatives. There will be a backlash for asserting my values/expectations of DRC (dignity, respect, civility). I’m going to bring a wholesomeness into my system (like food detox). I’m on “team healthy”. Refuse their toxins when they come at you and get around people who appreciate what you have to give. Practice self care so you can have steadiness and firmness in the way I engage with others to find my place of peace.
I want to save this so I can remember the impact this is having on me. It makes me feel like I’m losing my mind, my self, everything. My children won’t hardly have anything to do with me because I am still with him. It’s such a terrible feeling. I have gone 8 hours on a trip without saying anything, for fear it would start a fight and spiral down. We’ve even gone a whole day at home together without a word being spoken. My punishment for something…. I do some much wrong, if I don’t journal it, I can’t remember any more.
TY 🤗🙌❤️
Left a narcissist relationship after 7 years, moved states, rebuilt my life, changed careers, only to find I have a narc boss.
Janis Gaines,You are beautiful,you don't need a narc 😈 in your life!
I went no contact with my mom and sister a year ago. My dad died twenty years ago, and the last thing my sister said to me was "dad would have never put up with everything you've done," and "Dad thought you were weak," and the last thing my mom said was calling me demonic. They've both since baited me with texts and emails, which I haven't responded to, with further brutal attacks trying to reel me in back under their control, and they can't stand the fact that I've finally realized that they're not perfect and that I've been the good one in the family all along. I feel like a whole new person.
I was the good one in the narcissistic family too and my parents called me the devil. Ha! They were both devils and God knows that. I had a vision of my father burning in red flames just the other day. It actually made me wince it was so scary but that’s exactly what he deserved.
sometimes who put the blame first is the the one who you need to watch out. It's a mind game with them
Realisation can be a shock especially when we see how deep and conditioned we are in it. No contact is the very best way. Everything they do is about baiting, provoking and control. They will never change.
Block their contact info on all platforms. If there's an emergency, you can hear about it from the authorities
@@yohanessaputra9274
That is a very insightful comment, that makes you. I will certainly adhere to this in future😀
This man is amazing to listen to and I feel good after I listen to him. His voice is very caring and down to earth
My girlfriend is a narc destroyer and it is a damn fine thing to behold. She comes armed with copious amounts of empathic energy, brutal honesty and insight to spare. I’ve seen her in action against her ex and it’s not even a fair fight. She sees things he does miles before he does and she ends up flipping the script on him repeatedly to hilarious results! I once asked her what her secret was, and she replied “ I live my life being the best me I can be” . At the time it sounded like an oversimplification, but as we grow together I realize it’s much deeper and complex.
That is truly inspiring! I’m very much the same way. I’m developing it. Through self love and respect. Learning to use my empathetic skills, my natural sense of intuition and continue to practice these healing ways I grow. Knowing I’m not my thoughts or feelings is another route that’s armed me with truest acceptance of self. Which all narcs simply do not, never will sense of self.
This really is inspiring and absolutely beautiful. I need your girlfriend as a best friend lol
I think it takes a warrior to deal with these demons. I'm getting there. I can feel the soul of your girlfriend through your comment. Hears to us Warriors 😊
@@katieluscombe4261 thanks Katie! She’s truly one in a million!
We need your friends script!!
Bro where did you find that keeper, she got a sister lmao
Like a bug caught in the spider’s web. The spider comes at will to suck out more life juices from you. Have you seen a dried up fly in a web? Nothing left but a shell.
I have considered the same analogy of being caught in the spider’s web. It’s like you can’t get away from them and they drain you.
I’m thankful I had just enough life to escape the web - and the Lord is restoring my soul😉
I think for most people who have issues with narcissists, it's because they're kind of stuck. It can be a sick family member you can't get away from because you have a responsibility to them, or it can be a boss or co-worker you can't get away from because you have to make a living, or something like that. Otherwise, it would be easy to deal with a narcissist. You could walk away from them. So the big challenge, in my opinion, is how to deal with a narcissist you can't get away from, especially one who has some kind of hold on you or authority over you or something like that.
Get out no matter what! No job or family member is worth all of their abuse!
Mine is my daughter in law, she has banned me from my son and grandchildren. I am so so lost... I dont know what to do....
What do you do when it's your 32 year old granddaughter who has pretty much controlled the family all of her life and now she has targeted me and isn't willing to talk to me and has told my daughter that I am dead to her. I am crushed. I really need some advice.
I feel the walking on eggshells all the time. I literally tense up just hearing my husband put the key in the door. I immediately stress and worry if he’s gonna start complaining about something, accuse me of talking to men just because I’m using my phone, start complaining I’m not giving him enough attention, etc.
Pocahontas, find a good counselor, or contact the man making this video, and find a way to get out. I was married for 24 years to a controlling narcissist, found a good psychologist, and he helped me claw my way out. Now my life is joyful, happy, blissful, and peaceful.
Eh get away from him
Hard to realize that this has effected my whole life.
Sun Dancer Me too! ❤
Me too! So much waste and wanting to go back and do it all over...now I’m spending every moment being the best I can be and that has helped me now in my journey. Best wishes to you both!
I'm in forty years ! Thank God for Team Healthy !
Now that im a father i am finally to a new level of understanding myself i am able to withstand and rise above the abuse of my narc twin brother. I love him deeply but now i guard my boundries and im not falling for his emotional manipulation. It feels so liberating, im now in control of myself.
@@kathleenmilano4850 Same here. Forty years.
-walking on eggshells
-emotional suppression
-feeling conflicted while engaging with others (re reputation of the N) & feel like you’re being phony
-constantly feeling like your boundaries constantly being violated
-ongoing buildup of angry emotions & they come out elsewhere
I didn’t think about that last one, I didn’t ‘try’ to be phoney but it just didn’t seem safe to allow anyone else to know the truth about him - I just told myself it was all my own fault....
A lot of narcissists could win an Academy Award for the act they put on in church every week .
The narc I know goes to a Gospel church on a Sunday and the rest of the week is spent watching Internet porn, lying like a child, being obnoxious and selfish etc etc. Total hypocrite. Will end his days dancing with the devil.
omg when he was describing "walking on eggshells" i kept saying "Yes! Yes! exactly! right there!".
Me too - but when those words first came out of my mouth I didn’t realise when they pointed to - took me 15 years (more!). I hope the world (especially those in it who are called on to ‘help’) is wising up.
Narc’s impact on me, I became
1. mean to the natc
2. enpty in my heart
3. fearful to even go out and meet other people.
My toxic narcissistic family caused these signs in me.
You hold back so much you have to even watch your tone of voice. You can be pounced on because of that. “”Don’t you dare talk that way to me!”!)
I’d forgotten that old ‘tone of voice’ thing!! Phew - don’t have to work in that anymore!
“Beaten down” is the expression that resonated with me. I think a lot of us who are, and have been, victimized by narcissistic family members really have been beaten down psychologically, usually for years. I know that’s my situation. I wish I had gotten away years ago and done a couple of things that I wanted to do but didn’t because I had a narcissistic mother constantly going at me. She’s very elderly now but when she dies, I’ll be free of having to look after her and can finish my healing process. ❤️💪🏻🇨🇦
I just got out of a job I rly liked but the boss was making me physically and psychologically sick, i finally got another job lined up and I feel like I lost 100 lbs in one day :)
Narcissists are sad, wicked people.
I worked with 2 of them and 1 of them was my daughter. The abuse in awlful!
Oh yeah, he put me through hell when I left! Smear campaign, financially drained me, left me starting over at my age! Lord have mercy!! I do feel somewhat damaged from this however I cannot afford counseling at this time. But I feel this can help me in a great way!
I am so grateful for your time in making these videos! 😥🙏❤
I have tried office type counseling, did nothing for me. These videos are golden!!
I just went through the same thing, then my stupid self. Met another one!😩😩
@@kikataye6293 You're not stupid one bit. Don't let em do that to you, they're pros at what they do and many are just learning of their sick games. Just study a little more perhaps and give it more time before you date again so you know you're safer next round. So many big hugs to you.
@@francinesmith8109 thank you, will do
You're better off with Dr. C as your therapist. My ex is a severe narc who happens to be a mental-health therapist with a full-time practice. He loves the attention and control over his patients. I feel so sorry for them.
Walking on eggshells feeling! Very guarded! You cant be yourself!
Emotional suppression equals depression, anxiety, bitterness! No openness!
Feel conflicted with other relationships besides the narcissist! It depletes your authenticity!
Feeling like your boundaries are always compromised!
A buildup of ongoing anger!
I realized the impact of the narc on me when they went out of town. They suck the life out of the room, and require way too much emotional attention. I can't wait to get away from them forever.
Being me was never accepted.
Needing support was never accepted.
Me being ill, sad, tired, lonely, confused, in need of help, a break, needing anything
...was absolutely not accepted 😑
Wow, 40 years of this and being separated from him for 8 months and I am finally coming out of the haze and realizing everything you are saying is so true. I have gone total no contact which is helping tremendously.
For almost twenty years, my workplace was such a toxic environment. Not at first, of course. Thankfully I had a wellness chiropractor throughout the years who could see how broken I was physically and spiritually. Endless muscle tension, blocked liver, leaky gut, pinched nerves, you name it. Narc abuse is real and erodes one from the inside out.
The guy I was married to had no respect for anybody!!
Before learning about Narcissism, I would feel drained and miserable around these types. They’re energy vampires! They will suck the life out of you!!!
It all started with my dad, then onto my brother, 1st husband, current husband and most of the bosses in my life. I keep choosing men who want to climb over my dead body and mind to boost their own egos. This talk is exactly what I have become in my currant marriage. I have become someone even I don't like anymore. Thank you for the insight. Time for drastic change.
So true ! Married 22 to a narcissist, then he discarded me . It is a relief, but I’m finally finding myself again and I am also finding out that I’m a nice person . So worn out…
Yes! You are a nice person! Thats what our problem was
My brother noticed a huge change in my attitude when I left my Narcissist husband after 40 years; He made me so suppressed lacking self confidence and having very little communication skills with other people around me. Now I feel more like my old self before I was married. It's been a difficult seven years by myself, but I'm much happier away from him.
Congratulations!
I tried to talk to a counselor about this covert narcissist thing in my husband. The counselor pointed to a phrase on a white board that said, “you made me_____, No, I made me_____. It seemed out of touch with the dynamic of narcissist abuse. It also put blame of the impact back on me
So true. When I recognized my new supervisor was narcissistic, I immediately and strategically planned my exit strategy. It’s my fault, ma’am. I’m not a good fit. I will change departments 🤦🏾♀️ My mental health and peace, are non-negotiable.
Everything he is saying is the truth! After separation and divorce from the narcissist, I realized how much damage he had done. My health was damaged with stomach problems, anger, anxiety, and extreme unhappiness. I turned into a totally different person. After leaving, I found myself again, a totally different person. Don't walk away, run!
Thanks for the encouragement.
Walking on eggshells... My dad use to warn me with 'Look out, your mom is on the warpath' and that was code for 'keep quiet and play along so nobody gets hurt.'
Thank you, thank you, the freedom I found was when I desired to be what God wanted me to be, this removed any desire to change the toxic person and left me with a blessing of freedom to be what He will make of me. Attempting to "fix" the toxic person so you can continue with them is an exercise in futility, only stifling our spiritual and emotional growth.
Well said!
If only I knew that 30 years ago!
@@emilywilson7308 Well, I am 21 years old. And I am going crazy about this. My girlfriend has very nice qualities, she sticks around, thats the thing I love the most on her. We have fun, a great time. We have passionate sex.(And I know we should not, because it blures my vision for what she really is)
But I am realising that she has ego problems, some atitude problems. She sometimes blames me (or others) for things that I dont have the guilt, or even control. The spends more time "bruuuhh, This happend to me, what a shit, What did I did to deserve this" and not just fixing the issue. She is studying ( more than I am) at lawschool, trying to be a lawyer.. But she doesnt really know things that trully matter in these days... She is a bit superficial.. instagram.. And if I talked to her about what she learned these weeks she wont remember anything. I may be wrong... I do believe its Ego that drives her to lawschool.. Sometimes things arent going as she wanted them to be, or as good as she thinks they are... But she talks about how independent and "like a boss " she is. She even acted like i was not there in a dinner familly and acted a bit rude with me, she turned into another diferent person.
She has the syndrome of "always right", a bit bit shallow, and our priorities are a bit twisted. For me familly comes first, she needs success shine, not only familly. She needs to do her nails every month, too wear vercate, gucci, brand clothes, and she even got mad/sad at me because of the way I dress when we went to dinner at a mall mc donalds (even I was higienised, and normal dressing lmao)
She lies to her familly if its convenient for her, I mean, when we are kids, or teenagers we lie about somethings to our parents or grandparents, but as we grow up, we start to assume our things. But we all lie from times to times..
She comes from a rich familly, they were materially spoiled... her sister with 27 years old is ABSOLUTE narcisist. I know she really is. And I dont know till what point my gf isnt narcisist too.. she may not me that degree, but still is..
And for real, I am feeling bad because I feel like "Am I a narcisist too" because I really am tired of some issues that never change..
I am realising I will not change her vision of the world, or change her foe the best. I believe people can change, but not all do. And its our own job to fix ourselfs. I cant do nothing. Sometimes when I tell her things she acts smilling, she is just never wrong.
But I am loosing it.
These days I talked to her about complex things, marxism, "Progressism" (lol), conservative values, abortion, pandemic issues, life purpose, death, things a bit more tuff or complex.. I want her to stimulate more her brain. I dont want a shallow person to raise my kids. I dont want to feel like shes dumb at a familly dinner.
I also told her I wanted her to change those atittudes/behaviours, those ego, narcisist atittudes. Because they are harm to herself, and our relationship. I cant stand more of that.
I told her I wanted us to be more (because we are catholic) to be even more catholic, more deeply, understand things like castidy/castity (I dont know how to spell, basically not having sex during dating) for us to realise if we love each other, or use each other. To be honest I am afraid She will break up because of that lmao, it hurts my ego, but fuck that I want love not lust. It goes, something better cames I hope. But I am concerned if I am beeing a bit narcisist myself because I am tired... And i am realising I cant fix her. And If I stay with her, blinding myself with sex/lust, to some atitude and intelectua issues, and diferrences on our priorities.. It can be far more damaging than a breakup.
I feel like I am putting a bit anger/frustration. I am beeing selfish now, a bit narc. But I cant act like its all okay. For real sometimes I think I want more, since I will not be able to fix her. But I dont want to turn myself into a narcisist. First step I need to do, keep telling things as they are and No sex with her. Please tell me, am I beeing selfish? A Narcisist too? I feel like I am putting pressure on her. Telling her what She must change for this to Work out.
Despite my best intentons, isnt that a bit narcisist of myself?
I cherish her, I love her. I want us to help each other grow. But yeah I also feel like, leaving my ego of her with someone else, and my sexual cravings, yeah I should probably be more eye open to what ahe really is, not what I think she is.
@@jocampos7002 she doesn’t sound like the right person for you. Don’t waste your life trying to change someone. It makes life difficult for you and her. It’s hard when you love someone to admit that it’s not a good match. Give yourself some time alone to think about what you need and want in a relationship.
@@emilywilson7308 First of all thanks for your reply! I really apreciate. Its not beeing easy..
I am sad you know, she has got a lot of potential.. I do believe she has.. I love her, and care about her. We have fun a lot, I believe we get along quite well, or am I blinded for lust and sex, I dont know, bit thats my problem. When things get more serious it will be a problem I guess..
She was raised in a rich familly, and spoiled a bit too much.. To be honest, her sister is a complete narcisist. But total. My girlfriend is way better than her older sister.. I know it has a lot to do in the way they were raised and spoiled.. still, I must not be afraid of telling things as they are, I feel like now I am beeing the toxic one, talking all of this, but if I dont start to realise and tell myself her behaviours and red flags, I will always be blind for what she really is.. And things will get worst and time do not comes back.. And I must face the fact that I can't change her, its her job to fix herself. I can try a lot, but its only her job.
She has got ego problems, she has some toxic behaviours, like blaming me (or others) for some of her issues. She also victimizes herself.. "Why me", "I dont deserve this".. Like a kid you feel me? Just sometimes..
She used to have problems in saying "Im sorry", and sometimes when she says it, I feel like she doesnt really mean it, or mean it but its not that big of a deal, and sometimes she says sorry but acts like she is the one mad with me, acta Like she is tired..
I feel like she is a shallow person, appearences, clothes (gucci, vercates..), bags/purses from luis vittom etc, rings, she cares a lot of appearences and sometimes about how others dress around her. She has got many things for her parents money. I believe it has weakened her, because all the time you invest in superficiality, its time you dont inves in deep things, caracter, intelectual things, emocional issues. Indo believe she lacks of skills, to mantains that lifestyle, with the "comodism" she has.. She had a top Mercedes and not even had a drivers lincense. Thats not the problem itself but she is like feeling entitled to success.. For real I am a bit concerned how she will face things when shit hits the fam. How she will face life (and others) if she cant have the same lifestyle by her own, as the one she was raised..
Maybee I am beeing selfish, but sometimes I think I want more than this. I want a woman that I know If I die, she will raise my kids properly and well. More intelectual, more modest in someways.. A woman that understands she IS the super woman. She doesnt need to have the suit to feel like the super woman, she doesnt even have to proof to others. She puts her familly and good values over materialism and stuff. Maybee I should get heartbroken, sad, have a bad time, its fucked lol.. Maybee seeing with other guy.. But invest in myself, and be me, built me. And than one day, When I can, I will be the best me for a better woman for me. I am realising I cant change her. And I dont know if its wise to wait to we are 36 to see how things went.. Many red flags..
Thanks for your time, Love from Portugal 💪🏼
My narcissistic is my boss. She is really awful. It has changed me to deal with it. I am working on my exit strategy because it has taken my smile.
They're so nice to other people but cruel to their family. Persona
It has taken me years to wake up to the reality of what has happened to me. I am now discovering so much assertiveness and confidence. The lady who said she realised she was a nice person deep down, is exactly the same as I am experiencing. The anxiety and depression has been like wearing a dead weight Thank you so much for this channel
Knowing that it is a personality disorder that I cannot fix no matter how pleasant and giving that I might be is so empowering. I’ve fretted so long over cutting the person off. Felt like the meanest person on earth. I had to for my own emotional health. Thanks to the videos I won’t have the guilt anymore. I can be free knowing I did the only thing possible.
I was asked one time too many to change my behavior to please the narc... I learned what a blind rage is!!! I told him, 'Not doing this anymore!"
I have experienced all off this and the worst thing is you end up with IBS, Anxiety and isolating yourself but the Narc carries on as if nothing he did was wrong.
My mother was the worst person in my life. I was relieved when she passed away 9 years ago and thought I would just get over the abuse I endured all my life. But the dark thoughts linger. Dr. Carter your videos are helping.
Stay strong and keep learning, H D. Dr. C
I’m that damaged person. 15 years and i say it wasn’t worth of staying that long but I’m learning who i am that’s the positive about it
I went no contact with my toxic family in may, and two months ago, I also realized that I am a good person.
I know a man who can bring back] your ex within 2days without delay he helped me few weeks ago he does a perfect work,
I'm assuring you are gonna testify💯💯.
Send him a ❤️❣️❣️ message on WhatsApp.
I think another thing to keep in mind is that this toxic-ness will periodically look like niceness and you’ll think this person has gone back to or has started being a nice human being. HE HAS NOT. He’s just shifted his tactics for a bit. And you calm back down. But that’s what makes it so stressful for when the real narcissist shows his face again. It’s the contrast of your feeling safe, then getting the s scared out of you again. Horrible stress on the body and psyche.
Exactly. If they were asshats all the time, they couldn’t get narcissistic supply bc nobody would tolerate their company. So they alternate between love bombing and devaluation, ie the sweet/mean cycle. I’m moving out, away from my Narc and suddenly the criticism have suddenly stopped (my laugh, my voice, my jokes, everything was criticized) to saccharine sweet phony love bombing bc she is losing her supply. They are so manipulative.
Because I was born with a disability, my family thought I should shut up and put up with my narc. mom because I "owed" her. Since going no contact with my mom, I am the happiest I have ever been in my life.
You should have the same freedom to be yourself as anyone else. Best wishes to you. Dr. C
@@SurvivingNarcissism Thank you for your kind words. Needed the reminder since my whole family is coming to town in November. I am quite nervous........feel like running away for that week in November.
Best description I have ever read on narcissism: the self-centered, desperate, ongoing search for emotional fuel in the form of self esteem.
Self-Esteem Is Fuel
The easiest way to understand Narcissism is to imagine that you are a car with a leaky gas tank. The fuel you run on is self-esteem. Even if you start the day with a full tank, you can feel your self-esteem start to diminish as you go through the day.
You have learned to stay focused on potential sources of new fuel-praise, chances to outdo someone else, proximity to high status people and things-and things that deplete your self-esteem-criticism, being ignored, devalued, or disgarded.
Self-Hating Depression
If you run out of fuel, you not only stop moving forward, you start to sink into a pit of deep emotional mud. The deeper you sink, the worse you feel about yourself. At the very bottom you become immobilized by your shame and self-hatred. This makes you very motivated to keep finding new sources of fuel.
The Other Cars
The way you see it, every other car on the road is competing with you for fuel. You are so preoccupied with your own needs that you could not care less about their situation.
The only other cars that interest you are potential sources of more fuel for you, like the gorgeous expensive vehicles who seem to have their own inner gas stations that give them the continuous supply of self-esteem that you lack. You hope that, if you play your cards right, they will let you use their source to refuel.
Hypersensitivity and No Emotional Empathy
You are also on the lookout for fuel thieves. You are hyper vigilant and ready to defend your self-esteem against anything you know lessens your supply-competitors, anyone who ignores you, criticizes you, or disagrees with you. You not only do not care about their problems, everytime you devalue them you can feel a surge of new fuel enter you.
Punchline: The term “Narcissism” is short for the pattern of thinking and behavior that is called “Narcissistic Personality Disorder” or NPD. In its simplest form it can be described as an ongoing problem with self-esteem regulation coupled with a lack of emotional empathy. Or in my terms: The self-centered, desperate and ongoing search for emotional fuel in the form of self esteem.
The cool ,calm , poor me innocent victim attitude of “what did I do? And look what she or they did to me “was a common occurrence the malignant narcissist I divorced would have while running away from the scene of his crimes after poisoning his victims in his self serving destructive wake
That sounds like my egg donor.
The poisoning continues but I’m only an indirect victim now. That’s so much easier to live with!
I am free now. I ran for my life. There is light at the end of the tunnel. It was terrifying at first but now life is good.
Pleased for you! Dr. C
I NEVER HAD ANY BOUNDARIES!
WOW! They wanna snuff your good out!
The ongoing build up of ANGER!
WOW! I'm way worn out with insults!
They are SO TOXIC!
Yeah breathe!
I retired 7 months ago d/t toxic govt bosses. They decided to "clean house" and "downsize". They terrorized everyone. The employees were like rats running to the opposite side of the ship to survive or escape targeting. It was like shooting fish in a fishbowl for them. They loved doing it. They got very bold and outwardly unapologetic about every rotten thing they did. Luckily, I had 40 yrs service, so I could go just walk away. They have always done it, but it is much worse now because there are just more of them, and they band together and feel invincible. Brutal. I cannot believe I made it. 40 yrs of walking on eggshells at work. Only now am I waking up to how wonderful life is away from all of that crap. I have much less anxiety and depression. Often, I was just paralyzed by instilled fear. No more. There is not one of them I would pick up the phone and call after all that time, because I know it would just be narcissistic supply for them to gossip about and comb over every word said. When I finally walked away, it was for good. I am getting my health back that they tried to rob me of. They can swim in their own toxic stew and eat each other alive. I am out!
I'm in the middle of escaping the narcissist wife and man has it been a very hard ride and we have 2 sons together its overwhelming but yet relieving. She is in the middle of trying to love bomb me to keep me from finishing this madness once and for all
I'm pretty much narcissist free for the first time ever. It's taken 59 years. Life is great!
13 years with one and I divorced her and was so beat down I let her have everything because I couldn’t fight , 7 years later I ended up with another one and 5 years later I divorced her because of the lying cheating and Financial infidelity and that ended in bankruptcy . So what I’m just now learning is I have a trauma bond with the first one and it makes the second one almost irrelevant and for days now I’m having flashbacks from a marriage that ended 20 years ago and I can’t sleep at night because of all the things I blocked out feel like it happened just yesterday.
No one knows what it's like until you live with one for 44 years. Most of this time I did not know what narcissism was but after researching and learning about it for the past 3 years it is straight down the list. It drains you it takes your life away and even though you may love the person it's like you're in a trap and you can't go anywhere it has damaged my heart my soul my mind my creativity and so much more and this person claims to be highly spiritual thank you so much for your videos they are extremely helpful God bless you
Stay strong Janet. You can claim all those things back for yourself.I just escaped after 20 years. I can't imagine doing it for another 20. You are a strong person who is worthy of love , peace and happiness.God bless you ❤❤
Wow, this one really hit the nail on the head with this last relationship. I'm so relieved and happy to be free from that negativity and suppression. Im more and more myself and I won't ever let go of that this time. I'm worthy of being loved the way I want to be loved and I'm giving that gift to myself right now. I'm taking excellent care of myself and happy to go it alone if someone can't rise to the occasion
I just got out of a "friendship" with a narcissist, and it was like you said - I feel like I can breathe again. He was having such a negative impact on my mental health, and now that I'm away from him, I can see just how big an impact it was.
Another toxic thing is that they never consider your feelings, but they always complain about you not considering theirs. Especially if you're calling them out on their toxic behaviour. My narcissistic "friend" used to love saying that I cause drama, even though it was really him. Then he'd go and tell everyone we know that I was causing drama again.
Yes I hate that pattern of talking smack about me to everyone in the community especially a given whenever I would attempt to put some distance or establish boundary between a narcissistic personality and myself. Even just expressing a need or feelings would result in a negative reaction and then a label slapped on me. Not to my face. But I’d hear it from mutual acquaintances. Worse within my family. Ugh.
Congratulations - I’m always cheered when I see that anyone gets away before decades of ‘accommodating’ have gone on!
I've been realizing recently too that I'm a nice person and people actually like me. I've always thought I was a difficult person who no one liked. At 61 it finally hit me that that's not true. It's a weird sensation.
How do you get yourself together enough to leave when you feel like just getting out of bed takes all the energy you have. This is an exhaustion like I’ve never felt in my life.
At some point down the line, as we continue working on ourselves, we just might realize these relationships are exactly what we needed to awaken to our true nature….which I’ve discovered to be love. I’m pretty certain I’d have never found that out without going though all the pain and being forced to see through my own ego and unconsciousness. Stay strong and be you!
I just watched this video and after I cried my eyes out - my life was unveiled. This was the awakening that I've been asking for . I've asked why do I have such self destuctive behaviors? I grew up with the narcissist and currently live with two of them - lucky me! I
also know that love is the answer - not just for them but for myself.
I also believe that we come into this life with certain contracts with other people and they will show ( often in a perceived negative way) us how to awaken to our true nature. we don't shoot the messenger - we rise above and hopefully forgive My life is now about forgiveness and releasing anger Thanks for your comments
Thank you, Brett!
What’s crazy for me about this list is the way my partner turns the tables and gaslights me about all this stuff so that if I try to set boundaries and stick up for myself, I’m being a narcissist and guilty of inflicting this list on her. It truly makes my life impossibly confusing and bewildering
I am right there with you.
I grew up in a very narcissistic family. I spent most of my life feeling responsible for everyone’s moods, even for “normal” people outside the family. I’ve learned to let that go now and Im so much happier.
Thank you Dorothy. The way you worded that helped me. That is exactly my life. I "feel" their moods deeply and I want to help Where did I get that responsibility? My Mom started it and everyone followed suit. The weird thing is whether I "helped" in their eyes or not... I'm always still wrong and a reject to them. As an adult when I tried to distance and not " help", this is when I'm in big trouble because I didn't care enough to help. Never win with them. Your wordage will remind me I'm not responsible for their moods and has helped in my healing. Thank you.
The stresses of living with someone that likes to torture you . That is trying to aggravate you belligerence things like repeating the same thing over and over or asking you the same question or telling you something you already know yes I already know that thank you pointing .out well you should do it this way yes I know how to do it I’m 58 years old thank you he asks questions but he has his headphones on and can hear you I just walk away now. Just to get attention when he blames me Well I was just trying to talk to you . There is no peace with them. It’s going to take a long time to get better from this.
I’m right there with you.
Yes, a long time to get better - but you never could get better while still there (and you would have got worse!) so it’s all good really!
Dr. C - Regarding toxic marital relationships: Can you please talk about how a narcissist objectifies and demoralizes his spouse, sometimes even to the point of marital rape? Why/when a narc does it AND why a victim wouldn't report it. What is your estimate of the prevalence of marital rape impacting those relationships?
I'd love to see a whole video on this topic. Your clinical experience is very valuable!
Thanks for all you do!
You are not alone. Remember Dignity, respect and civility (per Dr. C). Consult your family physician and Protection from Abuse Professionals, for yourself and any children involved. Do not second guess yourself on this one. No one should live in fear of harm. Sincerely, No Eggshells Nana Prayers sent. 🙏
What is going on in our society? There's so many of these nuts running around affecting so many lives, to so many kind hearted people. Has it been around for a long time or are people finally coming out and talking about it? My heart goes out to anyone subjected to these mentally ill, sick people. Space and time gives you a whole new perspective. Thank you for this video.
And the longer you stay with them, the longer it takes to detox. Also, I have absolutely NO desire to take up another relationship with any other man. Once burned, twice shy.
It’s not about what they did,it’s about “what is it in ME that needs healing that allows it”
Once healed,no foot in the door allowed.
Very true. Having to put on the false smile and listen to people telling me how wonderful my husband is and thinking on how if only they knew the truth.
Yes, it is healthy for me to honour myself and stand up for myself. The challenge is how to resolve anger in a healthy way. Sometimes one feels angry but can't make out if it is justified, and how to resolve it.
I have bee married to and knows this narcissist for 31 years. He literally destroyed my life physically beating me and mentally abusing me all these years. I through finding God in my life am finally able to realize that he will never change and what toxic poisons he inflicted in me. I tried to leave him before but he threatened to shoot our kids in front of me (worst of all he is a police man and an addictive gambler). I am through the grace of God working on finding a way to flee from him. Please pray for me
This condition has infested Hollywood so much to the point now that it is lashing out at all of America because of its own past and still ongoing sins of abuse of others. Its why every new movie is a poorly written propaganda lecture about things they feel guilty about. What they don't understand is that it is a them problem, not our problem. They really need to seek help and get back to entertainment. We are DONE with their guilty conscious!!!
Suppressed anger will never be purged.
Suppressed anger will morph. Dr. C
The thing that really hurt was having countless emails wanting to talk about the problems just completely ignored.
Back to sanity.
"Countless emails wanting to talk about the problems, ignored."
I see clear now :
1. It's not my problems ( said the narc). So it's my problems, so I will handle myself. Or it's not my problems, I leave it like a hot plate.
2. Is it useful , helpful taking with the narc ??? No.
No expectation, no hurt.
☮️
I'm a 6'7" 80% blind Aspie with an incredible almost-four year old daughter, going through a pretty rough divorce with a narcissist. Though I also live 25 miles from the nearest town, but had to stop driving at 34 due to becoming too blind to drive safely.
Before that I was making 6 figures in the wind industry, which didn't seem to bother her at all. She married me knowing I was diagnosed with glaucoma at age 10. She would tell ppl she knew i was going to go blind but that "everyone has to deal with something", till the money dried up of course.
Now she's jumping ship and trying to convince all the neighbors that im abusive (im not) and that she's a victim (she isnt).
Everything becameher way or the highway, so... blind, I chose the highway. Which was pretty scary.
Best decision I ever made. Not easy by any means, but was the right decision.
Recently realized im not actually depressed anymore. Got tapered off the zoloft and when I told my mom, she said "are you sure thats a good idea? You've been argumentative lately".
So I have far fewer people in my circle now, but thats ok. Have been feeling better every week after removing my 0arents from the scenario. (Dad was a cop for 30 years, is a perfectionist and raging narcissist. That didn't mix well with my Aspie'ness and I moved out at 15. Held 2 part time jobs while putting myself through community College, living in storm drains and my car.
Has been a crazy wild ride, this life. I've been learning to slow down, at 38; finally.
Have been taking great joy in planting a massive garden this year. Learning to appreciate life at a different pace.
She still pushes my buttons, just to do so, because I think she's bored. These videos have helped to arm me with good responses, and healthy reactions to what seems like an unceasing barrage of attempts to gain control.
A few weeks ago she just wouldn't leave my house. Kept prompting me to hit her, suggesting I'd feel so much better. I should record video of the stuff she says.
Oh and the kicker?? She hasn't talked to her mom in years because her mom is "a raging narcissist". You just can't make this stuff up.
Ive had to develop some very thick skin, which is tough cuz im pretty emotional for a guy. I feel things incredibly deeply, I just can't always communicate it well.
I can't get away from him. He has impacted every area of my life.
@@maureen.k9527 she doesn't want him back
@@maureen.k9527 Scavenger!
I can't get hom out of my head