My 14-Year-Old Said She’s Bisexual (How Do We Respond?)
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- čas přidán 1. 07. 2024
- My 14-Year-Old Said She’s Bisexual (How Do We Respond?)
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Tell her you love her and support her. She is Bi not a serial killer.
If you would have listened there’s more to the conversation, being influenced to act a way or think a way that is not their own may be the issues. If she bi, great, if not and it was an influential thought from someone else, not great. We want children to be themselves, not what their friends are! This goes farther than sexuality, it’s about decision making! When we teach children to be comfortable and confident, achievement from supporting family, we teach them to be critical thinkers!!!!
@@CaitlynGraham-po4ef being bi is not a decision. Even if the girl is only saying she is bi because she was influenced by her friends, the solution to that would be to tell her "ok cool" and let it be. If she starts dating a girl, as she would a boy, and finds that she doesnt like it then she will stop identifying as bi. Its that simple. There is no such thing as "critical thinking" when it comes to topics that dont have empirical facts. The way someone discovers if they like something is not by "thinking critically", its about by experiencing it and seeing how they feel. The parent is terribIe, daughter should be left alone to discover her feelings so long as she is not engaging in dangerous behavior (such as underage sxuaI activity)
@@botanicalitus4194 critical thinking is thinking for yourself, in my opinion along with examining choices and the reasons. I’m not here to bash anyone’s choices or decisions, I just think a lot of the things younger children do and say is out of “being cool” and fitting in. Just as it is a reason to not come out, being different within friend groups at that age imposes some conversational pressure,!as I’m sure the information being spread with 14 year olds is not entirely accurate nor does anyone know who the truly are at 14. I’m 25 now, and nothing similar to how I behaved at 14, with good reason as I had a horrible friend group that caused pressure to behave in ways I would have never before and now after.
@@CaitlynGraham-po4ef right... so what's the big deal? Like yeah, maybe she's being influenced and saying she's bi.... so? What is the harm there? She's not going to spend the rest of her life lying about being bi because she thought it would make her cool in high-school. Kids largely make decisions based off what they observe. Can you explain how experimenting with sexuality is harming this person?
That's your opinion 😢
When you think you can raise your kid by expecting them to follow a set of values without question, you’re raising them to be easily influenced by others
Excellent 👉
Exactly my thoughts through that opening monologue. He instantly assumes she's "influenced" because it goes against his beliefs.
Or the most likely explanation is that they raised her in a specific kind of culture....but never actually talked to her about those values and allowed her to challenge them on it. If you have a set of values, whether religious or secular..and you yourself cannot defend them as to why they're correct...and you never talk to your children about those values and WHY they're correct and don't allow for push back, you're not actually teaching them those values...you are just imposing them on them and expecting them to follow without question.
Now I can't speak for every religion out there, but I know for a fact that the Bible religions actually encourage its believers to be prepared to defend their faith and the values that come with it and to explicitly train their children in those beliefs and encourage them to ask questions. @@shibity
@@soulanstreets222 there's a big difference between "asking questions" with the expectation of accepting the faith-based answers and actually deeply questioning a faith and, potentially, finding an answer outside of it (which is definitely not encouraged by any religion).
@@soulanstreets222all that aside, that still has ZERO impact on WHO you’re attracted to, or what attracts you.
"I don't get to decide who my kids are attracted to, I get to decide if I love them."
I felt that one in my soul.
I don't get to decide 😕 I love them no matter what.. may not love
their sin or choices. I don't get the right to judge but while Im the parent..i do get to restrict behavior to my rules...carefully
its all about how you raise them. It is a choice not something you are born with. Something along the way went wrong with her. It is a mental disorder
That attitude is the exact reason we are in this mess. People without God, live their life without a compass. Forever lost.
i never knew i was bi until i discovered this program, Dr Delony made me a bi
Man so many parents sound so scary and unloving in the name of religion. Are you aware of how much you push people away from God with that stuff? I pray God opens your heart a bit more. I told my mom I was bi she did feel scared and upset initially but ultimately said "what would Jesus do if they had a gay son or daughter? He would love them." Many people are led by God and believe there is some weird stuff in the Bible that is out of date and not just the homophobic stuff! If you believe it's sin, that's fine, but you have to let go and let that be between that person and God. You are not your kids. You're not protecting anyone just pushing them away with authoritarian attitude.
If you are one of the parents who actively say that if your kid identified as LGBTQIA you would disown them or kick them out, you never deserved to be a parent in the first place. Kids don’t choose to be born to hateful parents. Love your kids. Hold them close.
I did not disown my child. Said child TOOK MY CAR and left. I begged my child to come home, rent free. So if that makes me a parent who never deserved to be one, then count me guilty. Thankfully you *are not* judge and jury.
@@Courage10.18 I'm sorry that happened but I wonder what you did to your child that made him/her leave like that?!
@@Courage10.18 If the comment didn’t apply to you then don’t take offense and insert yourself into the equation. It wasn’t said to you so move on.
@@Courage10.18clearly you feel guilty about something or you wouldn’t have responded like this. Based on what you wrote the OP wasn’t even talking about situations like yours, and yet you’re super defensive. I hope you and your kid are able to work things out. God Bless.
Bullshit. Don't be mad at the brainwashing of the government and think we are suppose to sit and coddle.
Great point - “Your kids aren’t going to listen to you, they’ll experience you.”
Parents really have no influence with their children in 2024. By age 9 or 10, children are mortified to be seen in public with a parent. By age 11 most boys have seen pornography. By age 12 it is their classmates who have the most impact on your kid. They have all grown up on-line. You can't compete with that. The kids educate each other. They "raise" one another. Your opinion doesn't matter. They've already left you.
He needs to stop worrying about what other ppl think about them and start worrying about what his daughter thinks of him...
Bingo!
Yeah I found it a bit ironic that he was worrying that his daughter was under social pressure, but still admitted that he was worried about other people’s thoughts on them as parents. Maybe the person trying to fit in is not the daughter. Still mature of him to realize this and voicing it.
He's worried what the homophobes will think 😊
When up to now he hasn't had to think about that.
If I'm a "homophobe" my kid doesn't have to accept it. If my kid is queer I especially don't have to accept it while I'm still raising HIM or HER. See how that works?
Too many parents are like that tbh
It's hard when you as a child have to hide to protect your parents feelings.
get therapy. its a mental illness and a choice. Dont hate on the parents for actually caring and wanting to get their kids help
I know, that's kind of been my experience with many different things
Absolutely, when he said that he was worried about having shame it made me frustrated. Instead of you as the adult feeling and accepting shame, you are instead pushing it onto your daughter
I mean, how old are these kids. Most of them have no business demanding anything of their parents much less living their lives revolving around sexuality. Sexuality is for adults. Period.
@@shecaptain3444 She is 14. Welcome to hormones! And don't be silly, I know many folks who were sexually active by that age. Most of us are clear as to our sexuality long before 14. But we can be diverted one way or another for a time (many gays try to be straight to conform, oh heck, that would be being influenced now wouldn't it?), but eventually we figure it out, at 14 or 44.
Crushed kids turn into broken adults.
❤
"Your being influenced by your friends too think your bi"
" But what will my friends and family think if my daughter is bi"
🤣🤣🤣🤣
just conservatives logic (or rather lack of it)
Even if it was influenced, what's the worst that could happen? She's going to date another girl and find out she isn't into women after all. 🤷 I don't get these parents man, just let your kids experiment and figure out their own sexuality. As long as they're doing it safe ofc.
@@alicjaalvena1120Nice job of making a broad generalization of half of the US. 🤦♀️
@@emma_luce_0623 its not my fault conservatives are like that. that's why they're conservatives.
As a teen, I kept so many secrets from my parents. I felt like I had to. Should I have been honest, it would’ve been a (lecture/scolding/disciplinary action/punishment/extreme blow up argument). I gradually just shut my mouth, distanced myself, and would sneak around doing whatever.
Kudos to this man, taking the time to talk with his daughter, listen, and love her.
I can relate so much to this
I think it's ridiculous to expect from anyone to be an opened book. People are not Alexa to spit everything out. People decide to keep some privacy.
@@lilacspring2556 same tbh
Shocker. Your parents would try to parent you. It’s normal that as a teen you don’t get that. But to still talk BS about your parents as an adult is quite stupid. You had parents that cared and wanted you to do the right thing. That’s called love idiot
I did to as a Female. Growing up in the 70's . I am amazed today kids are more opened the their parents. No way in hell would I had said one word to my father about this topic. He was very controlling. I taught myself how to develop pictures in 8th grade and sold them to my freinds. I wanted to be a newspaper photographer and go to college for that. He worked as a pressman for our local paper. I bought my first Nikon EM 35 MM at 16 . When I said that what I wanted to go school for he said No. He told me how the Photographer at the paper he worked at complained he did not make alot of money. He didn't like the hours . I accepted his answer as he was the one to pay for tuition. Instead he insisted I work for the State at DOT . He kept talking to his political friend in our local Town . He got me this job. I was 18 yrs old working with 58 men. I hated it being in a crew cab with 5 older guys as they looked at their porn magazine. The foreman would hide so we burn time off the clock. 2 of these guys were nasty and threw bolts over my head and hit the wall when I passed by them. Then they hid. They were gross men. Both had been in jail. I hated it!! I was afraid to quit . The thought of telling my father made me physically sick. As he would yell and be embarrassed I wanted to quit when his friend helped get me in. I NEVER wanted to flag and shovel blacktop and dirt. I could not buy my first car without him telling what Model to buy. He was a hot head over the mail not put on the counter a certain place when he got home. Asked me to make soup for him and refused to eat it b/c I did not put more water in it. I ruined his appetite. Told me a need to go to a therapist b/c I put a FM converters in my car in HS. I was grounded for 2 weeks and had to take a bus. I was lost and picked bad jobs and men just like him. Just existed into a blob of flesh and cells .
PARENTS: DO NOT OUT YOUR KIDS. Even if someone tells you this about your kid, let them come to you. This is the easiest way to shut down the conversation.
When I was a teenager, my friends were all bisexual except me. They all “dated” each other, which just means they hung out together. I don’t think they were intimate, but they were all together.
Fast forward a decade, they are all in heterosexual relationships. I’m the only one who is gay.
Teenagers are still kids. They know what they know right now, and they are figuring things out as they go.
Hella of a plot twist😅
@@NopeVS yep! It was a shock to me, too.
@@pandabear7177That's surprising lol. So did you know you were gay or did you only discover it later
@@Muhluri
Yes to both. I *knew* I was different but I thought it was because I was more *pious* then everyone I knew because I was *in* *control* because I wasn’t hooking up like everyone else. I didn’t experiment or anything like they all did. I maintained I was straight, they were all bisexual. Then I dated a guy and realized I didn’t want to kiss him. So I dumped him and dated another guy. Same thing. Then I found out most straight women don’t think about having kids with their best girlfriends. Who knew? I kissed a woman and the rest was history.
@@pandabear7177 thank you for sharing
The 14-year-old *didn't disclose. Her parents "found out." How? That sounds like a trust issue.
That what happens when people follow hateful morals. The only thing you should care about is if your child is kind, hardworking, and happy.
!!!!!
I don’t get parents who get mad about this when you had the courage to tell them something vulnerable. You only are going to shut down even more.
Yep, it’s experienced as honesty having consequences of judgement, not being taken at face value (“you’re going through a phase”), shame. Children learn to hold back from sharing lest they experience the consequences or lest they upset their parents. Parents then think they have “grown” out of it when in reality they know only some hologram of their child, not who their child really is because the child knows that the real them will never be accepted by their parents.
Even if you're 100% sure that your child is just going through a phase, DO NOT SAY THIS, do not even suggest that this is a phase. Say "you can tell me anything, I love you, and I accept who you are"
💖💖💖💖💖💖💖
Great advise
Love this
Yesss! ❤️
but if you just mention loving them that might make them think that lifestyle is okay.
Why do people care so much what other people think?! Are they paying your bills? Calling you? Showing up to your events? Are they there for you? Are they supportive of your boundaries? If the answer is no to all of the above, fu** what they think 💁♀️
"keeping up with the joneses" is a thing..
People always want to look like they have the perfect life
Met at a friend when I was 14 and it was clear he was gay and everyone at school knew he was gay. Years later when we were graduating his father insisted that he get counseling to change if he wanted him to pay for college. So he asked me to pretend I was his girlfriend. He was always gay and knew it from when he was young
That is awfuil and sad parenting. I hope is ok
That is a depressing situation omg, Hope he's okay
Yeah statistically because he was m0lested when he was younger
@@ReginaApple007I’d love to see those studies. I’m gay I know none of my gay friends and relationships that have ever been m0lested, most have good relationships with their parents as well. The issue in fact is that Christianity is a delusion that promotes error as truth. And delusions accepted by societies tend to lead to disaster. Soviet Union, Fascist Germany, Medieval Europe were controlled by delusions and Utopianism. How did that work out?
Is it legal in usa to send your child for counseling for being gay? In lot of countries it is forbidden to have counseling for changing homosexuality
I found out I was bi at 13 while at a youth group retreat. I kept it to myself for six years. That girl has guts for being honest with her parents
I went through w this w my daughter when she was 10. I just told her that i loved her and accepted it. I did believe that she mightve been influenced but I let her discover that on her own, 4 years later and she's into boys. Told her that she's just learning who she is and that's fine. It's long life journey.
I had the same response as you when my 14 year old told me recently.
@@rebeccaallen9158 I'm on the same train. She is 15 .Have announced being lesbian about 2 years ago. So hard to accept that but I did tell her that I'm ok with whoever she is. But just like many others I do belive she has been influenced. Fast forward - she now has a boyfriend (boy from her school ). When asked she says she thinks she is bisexual.. So I already see changes.....
@@martamagdalena4460 i think you misunderstood... bi means she is attracted to both genders just because she has a boyfriend doesn't mean shes not bi, it just means the person she has feelings for at the moment happens to be a boy... she could still be attracted to women
@@tdogrockshard thanks Thomas. I should have proofread my comment. Chaotic thinking ☺
I wish my mom didn't hit me, she only found out because she was snooping in my room. She hit me and banned me from the internet and CNN ;(
What would i do if my kid told me they're gay, bi etc?
Make myself a good hot strong mug of coffee. And mind my own business.
I like this. I think kids are gonna figure it out as they go and I like how Delony said you gotta be there for them regardless of your beliefs. I think at the end of the day it doesn’t matter who your kid decides to love it’s if you decide to truly love your kid.
Sad complacency
@@applejuice9468 That's not complacency. It's called "love".
Have a nice day.
@@VSisR Opposite end of the spectrum, still equally sad
You sound uninvolved and disinterested. Your kid is your business. Even if you don't think there's anything wrong with those choices you should still be listening to them and asking them questions. One of the worst things you can do is "mind your business".
I’m 38 and still never told my parents I’m bi. I know the response I would have gotten
I’m so confused why parents think this needs to be a discussion. It’s as big a deal as your child telling you they have a crush. Be excited for them and move on. If they change their mind later, that’s okay too.
But the wife is the bad one, she's the one who reacted poorly, the dad acted out of love. I wouldn't validate my spouse hurting my child.
Parents think it needs to be a discussion because of society. A straight kid will always be accepted by society. LGBTQ aren't. No parent wants to see their kid hurt. Parents who accept their lgbtq kid are only trying to protect them from the hurt they're going to get just by existing.
they're christians, it's a big F'ing deal.
Exactly. And why their whole family apparently knows like they called and made an announcement or something? It’s asinine.
@chilltheheckoutwithava1454 good to know you'd be ashamed if it were your child
Both of those parents handled that situation way wrong. How they reacted in that second when their daughter came out to them will set the groundwork for the rest of their lives. There’s no going back on that one. I know that because it happened to me and my husband. My son came to us at 17 years and told us he was gay. I knew there were two ways I could react one I can go crazy and say it was not in my values. And completely destroy the relationship I had with my son. Or I could take him in my arms and hug him and tell him everything was OK and that we still loved him no matter what. I did the latter. And today my son is a healthy 30-year-old man in a committed relationship and married to the love of his life. I have such a strong bond with my son and I know it was because of that day and the decision that I made that day to support him. Regardless of how I felt. You can’t control who your children love but you sure in the hell can control how you react. And those parents are going to find out the hard way that they reacted wrong. My son has came to me as an adult and told me that he almost committed suicide at that time he was so scared and confused and scared that we weren’t going to except him. He told me that the way I reacted that day saved his life.
Yeah in the grand scheme of things who cares what sex your son loves so long as you have your son alive and he is happy?
This is intense. I’m so happy he is where he is and that you made the right decision. Bless your family!
I totally agree with action of supporting your children, regardless of what sex they are, at the end of the day, all we humans need is love, support & caring hugs. ❤
@@1_benjy_1 thank you ❤️
I wish I had a parent like you, I love my mom to death, but she is still convinced God is going to make me straight and I'm gonna get married to a girl and have grandbabies. It's unfair pressure on me, because I feel like if I just live my life according to who I know I am, I crush my mom, she would be absolutely heartbroken, it's worse than her disowning me, because she loves me to death, but instead of her being nasty she's very sweet and has supported me through so much, so I live in limbo feeling like I can't really be myself without crushing my mom.
I’m openly gay and trans with my parents the best thing they ever told me was “I will always still love you no matter what” even if you say u don’t support it like my dad did originally he made me feel loved and appreciated anyway. This dad is doing amazing and props to him ❤
I didn't dare say anything. I fortunately am heterosexual. When I was 16 I was dating someone my parents referred to as a "slanty-eyed Jap." He was half Japanese. What a poor example for me to follow! My parents never told me they loved me. In fact my mother told me I would be "sent to a home for incorrigible children" if I didn't behave. I was also told on the day of my first period at 13 that I would "have to leave" if I got pregnant. I was made to feel I was a burden on them. I was told they "didn't want another one like me" when I asked why I did not have a brother or a sister. I think they felt they could not afford another child. However, money was never discussed with me. We were lower middle class in the 1950s and 1960s. When they died I was left nothing and my father's good friend who was pissed off said he had $125,000 dollars ( in 1976). I didn't shed a tear at the funerals. I was glad they were gone. I hated them. There was no joy living with them. I got out when I was 20. I am now 75. I have forgiven them with the Lord. But I still don't like them and am glad they're gone.
i am so sorry that you had to go through that! I couldn't imagine. My parents weren't perfect, but almost always supported me, and told me that they loved me often. Even though I lost my dad in 2020, and my mom in 2021, I still miss them and cry. They were my best friends in the World besides my brothers and we had a loving, close knit family that loved to be together. They gave me everything that they had. I am one of the lucky ones.
So clearly these parents are not really calling for their daughter. They are saying the "right" things but secretly hoping she's not bisexual cuz she's easily influenced... calling to see how they can " fix " her. He said " I guess I'm going to have to live with the shame." Think about that.The conversation just gets me angrier "we can't make her do anything ". There is nothing wrong with your kid!@
He just said his daughter brings him shame. Now the daughter thinks she herself is shameful. They care more about what others think then how they just destroyed the daughters self esteem.
Not being normal is not normal. 🤷♀️
What's normal?@@emma_luce_0623
@@emma_luce_0623 define normal
@@Voodoovixenn Being bi is not the norm, you know that. The question is whether or not its the right decision to be normal or not. Normal and not normal are neither bad or good, but you gotta look and see whether or not they benefit you. Their are times where not being normal is the best option and other times when you gotta realize things are the norm for a reason.
19 now. I was 10-11 when I started realizing I liked girls too even tho I could tell that I wasn’t the same as girls around me when I was 6 or 7. I told my mom when I was 12 she got mad and told my dad. Dad got mad pretended he wasn’t. Every day since then I’ve been living in survival mode. I wish everyone had as much compassion as you dude.
What I heard from the dad is “I love you despite who you think you are, but I hope your newfound (to us) self-knowledge is merely peer pressure, because even though I love you, nobody else will unless you redact these comments. The fact that he is looking for someone to blame indicates he does not accept her sexuality. I hope he catches up with his understanding of these matters. This isn’t comparable to a career choice. It isn’t a choice, for one. And a young teen can’t understand the ramifications of career choices anyway. Dumb analogy.
People still haven't caught on that " I don't care but others will" is just caring. Like if you actually didn't care you would be the change you want to see in the world, not a messenger for the worst of it.
It is a CHOICE. Just like, generally speaking, sex is a choice.
@@dennakilpatrick4742 okay so if you believe that sexuality is a choice. Like say you as a woman choose to only be attracted to men, you're just bisexual and don't want to admit it. I am straight, I only like men, I have absolutely no choice in the matter, if you feel you have a choice your aren't straight.
@rcmpoffdayintah4738 I think you are the only one who understands what in the world you are talking about.
I am a follower of Jesus Christ and He says that men should be with women.
When I was twelve, I thought I was lesbian.
Let me tell you that my rebellion was rooted in my pain from being attacked sexually, but it was still rebellion.
I had to get my head on straight, and it sounds like you need to get yours in straight, too.
@@dennakilpatrick4742 ok, so basically what you're saying is that you experimented with your sexuality and realized you weren't a lesbian? Ok. I don't care, but people who believe it's a choice to be attracted to one gender generally just dont know what it's like to only be attracted to one. Ever since I was a young child I knew I liked boys, even in school when I said I was bi to be cool I knew inside I wasn't.
I'm personally someone who doesn't think we should shove our own beliefs down other people's throats, but you do you. As I said, if you have to fight to not be attracted to women you're gay.
Wow. The mother here is a terrible homophobe. The daughter may be bi or she may be trying to fit in. It doesn't really matter. Support her in any case.
Minor attracted people is not a choice too. Doesn't make it right!
As parents who love their daughter they need to tell her ask herself that very question.
@@cooliipiebro. Pedophilia is hurting children. Being gay hurts no one 💀
@@cooliipie You have to be trolling my guy. Even if you're not, I appreciate the good laugh - cheers!
@@hugegamer8004 No trolling, just facts.
She had every reason to hide this. The judgment was immediate. She is who she is it has nothing to do with morals.
Unless it's really not who she is. Morals would be a lighthouse to _guide_ her. But if she's using a new group of friends as her lighthouse... That would be disappointing.
plus her mother needs to be careful if she's not it could lead to suicidal thoughts and she could reach out to the wrong people that take advantage of her if she's not careful. Her father had the right response her mother is way to rude and controlling because she's brainwashed by religion.
@@JenniferMoleskibut that’s for her to figure out. Not her mother.
@@JenniferMoleskibut this is who she is at the moment. She might be someone else down the road, and that’s okay. She’ll figure it out on her own whether you accept it or not
@@JenniferMoleskiWould you say the same if she was lesbian actually and was being influenced into being straight or are you going to be a hypocrite.
Well it seems like you're a hypocrite so the cognitive dissonance wouldn't be a problem for you.
Also it seems that you think what you 'like' is good and what you don't like is bad.
As someone who came out late in life (i knew much earlier, but came out in my 30s), i think a lot of people don't realize how much influence and pressure there is to be STRAIGHT - look up "compulsory heteronormativity" - even moreso in religious households. I had no representation growing up. I didnt even really know what "lesbian" meant. Kids these days have a lot more representation, and with laws in place to protect queer people - fingers crossed it stays that way - which makes it easier (for many) to discover this about themselves earlier in life. AND s*xuality can be fluid for a lot of people. It can change. This doesnt mean it was never true to to begin with. And also, if she's bi but ends up dating/marrying a guy, does not erase the fact that she's bi (assuming this is called bi-erasure).
I'm glad the dad recognized how damaging the first conversation with his daughter was - especially as a religious man. Im no longer a Christian, but i respect Christians who are able to open their world-view, and truly "love thy neighbor" and change things in themselves to do so, instead of the fake "love" that so many have (the "i love them, but I dont believe this core thing about them is right, and therefore dont believe they should have the same rights as my straight family" BS that so many spew, because thats not love at all).
I wish the church members actually followed all their teachings. Some of the worst hate has come directly from the church
I love how you spout straight heresy and rap it all in a bow of "real Christianity". You know nothing of Jesus' teaching, go preach your sodomy away from us, and stop corrupting Christianity for your own means.
Really mostly hits home
I had 2 churches that were ok dudnt slowr papers vut ya however I moved and then they closed after pandemic or because of
RIP dan
And then the other 1 wasgood got used to not going because like my mom accepted butstill kinda toxic people
We still live next to a catholic church lol
I am a straight, 33 year old woman, who no longer speaks with my tyrannical, controlling, overbearing Catholic mother. It was because of HER that I left the Catholic religion and I didn't want to be ANYTHING like her. If my mother was like Dr. John, it would be a different story. If this man’s wife wants any relationship with her child, she will change her cantankerous behaviour NOW.
Exactly! But she's going by the Bible and what the Bible or her church says. I fell into that for four months and feared everything. It makes me wonder if your mom is fearful of everything and everyone how sad.
On behalf of many Catholics, Im sorry one bad Catholic made you leave. That hurts to read. I hope you're in an environment where you're loved and respected now.
Catholicism isn't a religion it's a denomination: were you really ever even a part then if you don't know this?
So sorry you experienced that from your mom. I commend you for setting up boundaries for your adult self and child self. Ive meet religious people from many different eastern and western religions and the more fundamental the more self entitled, judgmental and controlling they are. It sucks the joy and peace out of it. I think these people are insecure or lost ability to see anything else in life.
@@gladymartinez9694 in a family of many Catholic relatives ...I mean many.... going to church was
all about being judged, sneered at, mocked. Ever heard of the term "recovering Catholic" maybe since we came from the country the Pope lives in, we see the Church aa a hallowed hall when it is empty. That's the only time I feel God. Not when its filled with a zoo of wagging bony fingers.
This was amazing advice for the man with a bisexual daughter. I am bisexual and never told my father for the reason of fear. If I knew he would tell me “I love you” instead of shame me, I can bet we would have a stronger relationship.
I understand and agree completely. Neither of my parents know about my sexuality to this day. I’ve only ever introduced them to the men I’ve dated. It’s horrible to live a lie.
You should have trusted your dad. Now you will never know how your dad would have reacted. If you had trusted your dad and he had shamed you would have at least known.
@@wpatrickw2012there's so much more than shame involved when it comes to kids coming out to their parents. It's SAFETY. Conversion camps are still a thing - albeit illegal in many places now. Homelessness is a real issue for 2SLGBTQIA+ minors. When a child is dependent on a parent or guardian, being honest, especially about something like s*xuality, can have REAL, life threatening consequences. In many cases, kids keep it a secret because they are in survival mode. I only ever recommend coming out to family if it is SAFE to do so. Safety above all else.
@@wpatrickw2012 its not her fault it's her dad's fault for not being a good dad. He's the one who made her feel like she wasnt loved for who she was or made her feel like she didnt have an open door policy for her to him about these things. Obviously if she had these things, she would've had a much higher chance of coming forward with this stuff.
@@wpatrickw2012 she doesn't owe him that. in any case. and if he made it clear that he wouldn't support her (which I cannot safely deduce from the original comment), then even more so.
Instead of living with the shame why not just be proud of your kid
Yeah, I mean it's not like the child has right wing political opinions or something truly shameful, right?
I would as a person on the side be ashamed of parents that doesnt accept and support kids to be with whoever (safe person) they want. I am and would look down on the parents with wired old opinions, not the kid.
@@abcdefg216 We understand that your entire moral framework was given to you wholesale by the television. Whatever the television says is good is good - there are no limits to how far you will fall as long as the television tells you that it is good.
You’re advice is actively changing my life everyday. I watch your videos on topics that don’t even pertain to me and I am still able to take something out of it. I feel like I am a better mom, better sister, daughter, coworker by your words and everyday guidance. Great work. Know that you are doing Gods work on a completely different level. Thank you for giving me some tools to put in my tool belt to take life head on.
I do the same thing. They all are amazing
Sharing wisdom and knowledge is a very rare thing nowadays, Ashley. I appreciate you for being involved in all of this. It will help you find yourself better and be a better person in our world. Unity, compassion, love and care are very important for us. I believe you are aware of yourself and only wish you greatness ahead! I can see a light in your life. That light is also you. Keep growing and loving, while aware :)!
Blessings
Y
Ok
Same here
" kids aren't going to listen to you , they're going to experience you " TRUE!! 🎉🎉😮😮😲😲
Go dr. Delony !!! 👏👏👏☝️☝️☝️
Unconditional love and acceptance is the only acceptable response.
This 14 year old is lucky to have such a caring Dad! Dr. John did a great job with this too!
I’m absolutely amazed that Ramsey got someone as incredible as Dr. John Delony to join his group. He’s such a class act, such an open-minded, empathetic, and just flat out intelligent individual and he’s the diamond in the rough of the entire Ramsey Group
1000% yes.
Agree!
Your sexuality is not something that can be influenced. It is what it is. If someone tells you they are something, don’t try to disprove that, just accept it and know that it can very well ebb and flow for many many many many years. From 16-24 I went from bi to gay to pan and back and forth again until I found myself.
I told my non-abusive parent almost everything. Almost. Said parent made it clear they didn't think it was healthy to be anything other than straight, and that there was something wrong with people who weren't. They were compassionate about it, but I knew what they thought - so I never told them I was questioning my own sexuality, and to this day they have no idea I'm bi. They missed out on a chunk of my life because of that open disapproval. That disapproval didn't stop me from being who I am; it just made me hide that part of myself.
Given a choice, the parents do not want to be watching you have relationships with both men and women. They are not missing out on anything if it hurts them. Most people, don't want to know everything about everybody because a lot of things people do are disgusting. Just because they're your parents doesn't mean that they have to know everything that you do, especially if they don't approve or can't understand your fetishes. You need to love your parents as you always have, and have a relationship with them without discussing your sex life.
Bruh. And if this commenter decides to marry a person of the same gender? You don’t just get to hide away from reality. How weak of a parent must you be to not see all of your kids long term relationships.
No a parent doesn’t need to know how you French kiss a person in the bedroom, but parents should know who will make breakfast in bed for you. Who will love and care for you. Who will keep encouraging and pushing and being a positive force in your life romantically.
Get real and grow up. People are gay and it’s not going to stop.
love that Dr. John meets every caller with compassion before anything else. You rock Dr. John!
Even when they don't deserve it.
@@dansmith9686they come to him because they want to be better. Of course they deserve it.
I got a terrible reaction from my parents when I told them I was bisexual at 17. Now they know nothing about me or what really goes on in my life. They know a fake me very well. So if you don't want that, then accept your kids
Starting to enter that same direction. Sad 😞 but that is way certain things are. Good luck 🤞
very true... I haven't spoke to or seen my father in about 10 years because of this.
Fake you ! We all have versions of ourselves we present to different people. Stop trying to be a victim.
Chris V so you abandoned you Father for your wants ! Selfish
@@LL-lj1kq hardly abandoned.. he was always welcome at my home, but when you come to visit then rant about anti-lgbt topics in my own home then I have a problem. He even suggested I marry a woman from the Philippines so I can be married and she can get her green card.
parents need to learn their kids are their own person you can't force them to be who they want to be .
yeah, good luck with that
That’s some parents’ main problem.
When I was 14 I was 100% convinced I was gay. 20 yr old me knows I’m 100% straight😆, but what I would have wanted to tell my younger self is this:
“You might be gay, you might not be, but in the end it’s not something u even need to worry about right now. Rather than stressing over the “sexuality label” you feel you need to find-just focus on school, friendships, & living your life. Then when you’re older and ready to start dating, the right person will come and you’ll have a lot more clarity”
In my opinion the media puts a lot of pressure and importance on a sexuality label-offering lots of options & making kids feel like they need to pick one. But I wish I didn’t stress over it b/c when you’re that young it doesn’t even rly matter-time passes & things just work themselves out
I am with you on this 100%. So much stress and pressure about labels. They don't need to be forced to pick a team when they barely know their own bodies. Both liberal and conservative parents seem to go too far. Throw a rainbow parade or sign them up for conversion camp.
@@LB-gz3keironically the whole LGBTQ+ is obsessed with labels. And they're the ones who make the stigmas oh if you like boy things especially if kids like boy things or if a boy likes sparkly things then they must be trans. It's hypocrisy
thats true but i dont believe 100% straight people go through a phase of liking cock
What a great insight and statement. Thank you
there are like 3 options and they arent even options, the rest of what you "know" about sexuality came from 4chan misinformation campaigns
As a bi woman who didn't tell her parents for a literal decade after I figured out out, everything John said is right. And my intuition about not telling my parents was right. And because of how my parents have constantly talked down to me and belittled everything I've ever said and done, I only see them at weddings and funerals and only talk to them when I'm obligated to. It took so much for me to come back from how they made me feel and to feel like a whole person again.
When your kids tell you something, just listen. Everything is fluid. Your kids are fluid, your own views are fluid. Everything can change. But when you do or say something cruel, your kids will remember forever.
I’m sorry you’re experiencing that ❤️
I’m sorry. I’m glad you are taking care of yourself and your feelings.
You mold your kids, letting them slosh around is the recipe for failure. How about you stop yapping up nonsense.
I don’t like when people conflate sexuality with lifestyle or values. They are NOT related. You cannot choose your sexuality. You are biologically driven to be attracted to certain characteristics.
A child going through puberty, discovering they might be attracted to the same sex is not deciding to marry and raise kids with the same sex. They are not deciding whether it should be accepted by society, they are saying how they feel.
When you say “this is an unhealthy lifestyle” what they hear is that they have to live their life in an unhappy relationship with someone they are not attracted to. You cannot change their sexuality and make them normal as much as you (and probably they) want.
If you tell them “these are not the values which I taught you” or “these are bad values,” what they hear is “you will never be accepted by me or by society,” or “you should be upset with yourself because of this thing that you can’t control.” You are telling them that they are broken and they will live their life trying to fix something they can’t.
This is what drives so many lgbt people to be depressed and suicidal. They are not gay because someone else told them it is okay to be gay. They are gay because that is how they feel they are.
Sexuality is not always clear. Despite what people tell you, it is not black and white, you can be attracted to any combination of feminine and masculine characteristics, or none at all. Growing up we don’t know, and over time we might realize that maybe we don’t like things we thought we did, but our sexuality hasn’t “changed,” we are simply more aware of our preferences.
When you ignore how they feel and instead focus on the lifestyle consequences or societal perceptions of how they feel, you are feeding their insecurity and driving them to be depressed. This is exactly why they are afraid to tell you because they already know it’s not acceptable and they fear that judgment from who they care about most.
Pride exists not to make people proud of their sexuality, but to help people not feel shameful of their sexuality.
Yes you can. You can choose to act on your sin
@@barb7124 You cant even articulate your own argument. The act is the sin genius. Temptation is not sin. You've effectively said, "You can choose to sin."
Even if one chooses to sin, that doesn't change any of what I said.
Not everyone is religious. I wouldn't force my values onto you, so I expect you not to force yours onto everyone else. You can choose how to live your life from the perspective of your beliefs, let others do the same.
Would you think she was being influenced if she was straight? Such a weird statement.
Right?
Religious parents think every choice their child makes is “influenced” by other people because they don’t believe their child has any agency or ability to think and reason for themselves. They “influence” their child to think the way they do and if their child thinks a different way it “MUST” be because someone else “influenced” them. They never consider the fact that maybe their child thinks and acts of their own accord. It’s a symptom of religion and isn’t limited to just sexuality. According to my former group of religious friends I was “influenced” out of their little group-think by my husband. It couldn’t possibly be that I sought out differing opinions from theirs because I came to my own conclusions that they were wrong. People like that perceive that they have control over you so when you think a different way from them they attribute it to someone else gaining control. It’s a super disrespectful way to look at someone you claim to love.
And why is it only sexuality where it’s an issue to be influenced? I only started skateboarding as a teen because my friends did and I wanted to fit in with them. I also came out as bi at the same time.
My mother did not care about me being bisexual but she did care about me skateboarding. And she was right for that, because only one of those things concussed me and gave me a broken wrist, and it wasn’t the bisexuality.
@@chilltheheckoutwithava1454 Thanks for that interesting thought x
To the first caller, I love that Dr. John said “tell me more about that” “how do you know?” Open ended questions are the best way to find out more and see where their heads at, instead of shutting the child/teen down.
I think "how do you know" is a question that can be left out. No one ever expects proof of why people are straight. No one ever asks "how do you know you're straight?". But asking "tell me more" types of questions are great, because that invites the same type of questions about self-discovery, without sounding like you don't think this person knows themself.
My parents had a similar reaction to finding out that I’m bisexual. Unfortunately for me, I wasn’t able to tell them myself. My sister went through my phone, found messages of me talking to a girl, and she showed them to my parents. Got home from school one day and they sat me down to talk. Worst day of my life to this day.
Im sorry you had to go thru that, it should have been your choice to speak to your family about your feelings.
I'm so sorry that happened to you. You deserved to tell your parents at your own time.
Your sister is horrible. She has no right to be snooping through your phone like that. Put a passcode on it.
@@iPLAYtheSTATION I was 17 at the time, now 21 and going to therapy sessions to help deal with some of my trauma relating to my family. Thankfully I’ve learnt how to better enforce boundaries in my relationships with family members. And yes, lol I now have a passcode on my phone 😂
That must have been so difficult; I am sorry you had to do it that way. This has shown mw to be better with my five children. Thank you for sharing!
I still haven't "come out" to my religious parents, just don't see the point. You don't need anyone's approval for how you feel.
Facts
You may be surprised. I was by my religious parents. I had already moved out, separated finances, and made sure I had nothing I cared about left in their home. I expected to never speak to my parents again. They did come around, other relatives didn't admittedly, but I didn't much care for them before anyways.
@@OhavYisrail yeah that’s my plan, move everything and be able to run my own home and then tell them, what country are you from?
Exactly. Do straight people come out? No. No one has to, IF they don’t want to!
@@darkvioletskull straight people are the majority by far. Its assumed.
Our sons and daughters are not problems for us to solve, or any other label we can put on them. Amen, brother.
So, I'm older than Jon and I don't dislike his advice but it's a lot of words. If my daughter came to me and told me she's bisexual, I'd thank her for trusting me enough to tell me and give her a hug. At 14, he may be right, she may just be under the influence of friends and not really bisexual but don't say that. She'll find out soon enough. There is nothing he can do to influence his daughter's sexuality. His bigger problem is his wife who is probably well-intended but unnecessarily hurting her relationship with her daughter.
AGREE!
Love people right where they are at. We told our kid, As with All relationships go slow, get to know people, sex is complex no matter who its with. Kids this age are discovering all kinds of things. Having an open relationship where your kids can trust you is the Main thing!
The saddest story I heard was on NPR, a guy telling a story he called "hope" He told his mom his was gay, went to college and she disowned him, cut off aid, burned his things, destroyed everything he ever gave her. Years later he tried to reconcile, go to her work, she saw him, turned around and walked back to office. How a mom could do that makes me ill. He is successful now and in a good relationship but it was so sad.
I'm going to challenge you an "nothing he can due to influence his daughter's sexuality". I think there's plenty of evidence that there are forms of abuse and grooming, whether inside or outside of the family, that can result in people acting out in sexual ways that may not reflect who they are had they been raised in a healthy fashion but can result in them having harmful sexual relationships. There is a lot of grooming and sexual abuse going on in our schools today to direct children onto harmful paths, a good home life can help protect children, but may not be enough.
@@deb9806 That is SICKENING!!
@@deirdremorris9234 i was so disturbed I looked him up to see he was doing ok but so awful. Religion can be used badly many times
I was a gay kid, so I had a lot if secrets from my mom. And I was never wrong about hiding anything from her. There were times, when I thought to myself, if she discovers a secret, she'd tell this, that and that. And when, she eventually did discover a secret, she'd tell exactly, word by word, what I thought she'd tell. And I'd be laughing hysterically in the middle of a "hard talk".
That's funny. I knew when I bought home a guy to my Mom's that she would say I was possessed by a demon. But the time came when I was ready to push the issue and let the chips fall where they may. Sure enough, she flipped out and declared I was possessed. But then she begin to rank the possible demons. There were the demons of adultery, stealing, lying and so forth and as it turns out, the gay demon was the worst one. And I IMMEDIATELY busted up laughing. I couldn't stop. I was rolling all over the couch. That of course pissed her off more. But it was what it was.
You’re a gay kid? You say it like you aren’t any more
@@Jesus_equals_LOVEnForgviness LOL the "gay demon". That's just... oh man. It's funny, but it's also sad. I wish I knew what drove some peoples' beliefs. I hope you've managed to find some measure of inner peace with it all in your adult life.
The mom messed up. ‘These aren’t our values’ is exactly the wrong thing to say to your kid who is trying to figure themselves out
Sometimes people forget they are raising kids who will start making their own choices and living their lives how they want to...use a but after I love you..and they won't believe you!
Exactly and it has nothing to do with "values" either. You either are bi or you're not. No amount of thinking about some kind of values or preferring some kind of values would have never made me straight, i was bi since i was a child (when i was a kid i had a boy crush and a girl crush lol) and that never changed no matter how hard i would have wanted to. It's not "values" it's just how you are born (or at least in my case i guess i was born with it cause it started so early).. nothing you can do about it. I don't understand bc that whole "these arent our values" thing sounds like the kid can just change themself to straight???? Well newsflash, you don't choose your orientation..
@@Ankku98 EXACTLY!! Very well said. I have been Bi since grade school, because I had crushes on both boys and girls. It never changed! It is STILL me, and I am approaching my 6th decade! I didn't identify until I was a late teenager and in a relationship with both a man, and separately a young woman. While I didn't go through hell because of it with my parents, my Aunts have really done a number on me, and as a result I don't like or trust them, and have as little to do with them as possible. I couldn't help something that I was born with, and fully appreciate. To me, it's a great thing. Plus I always have a date on Saturday night (LOL, as the joke goes.)
Why can't a parent react in the way that they feel things. I think we should allow grace for parents because at this point we are expecting parents to be superheros that they're not
@tembelihlechifamba1790 Because when a child tells you they are gay, or bi, or trans or w/e, it's not about the parents at that moment. It's about supporting the person who's had this secret for years and finally found the courage to speak it out loud.
I was 30 when I told my parents I'm trans and going into transition. Their reaction wasn't very good. They're supportive now, but I'll never ever forget their first reaction "think of your family, if you go through with this decision your kids might never speak to you again." (For reference: My kids were 2 and 4 at the time).
They were scared ofc and that's why they tried to find ways to stop me from doing this, but.. you are saying this kind of stuff to very vulnerable people. You only tell someone you're trans or gay when you will sufficate when keeping it hidden any longer. Now is not the time for the parents to express their opinion. After my parents said this about my kids I wanted to jump off a cliff. They were the reason why I kept it hidden for 2 years, trying to find a way to undo being trans, cuz my love for them was deeper than the love for myself. So when someone comes out, you keep your own opinions inside and later on you call a therapist or counsellor, because that's the place where you express your own feelings without pressing your child to that cliff.
I am a therapist and I can't tell you how many times parents come to me wanting me to "fix" something with their kid that can be solved with good boundaries. I can't make your kids not addicted to technology if you don't put limits on the technology....
John- my husband and I are low tech parents. Our kids to watch some age appropriate TV and the occasional family move but no personal devices.
And they’ll be better for it. As a young adult who struggles with ahdh and internet addiction, great job! Prevention is the best medicine.
john was an idiot to judge that therapist. no such thing as professional courtesy anymore, yeesh. it's obvious that therapist didn't want to freak out mom and tried to downplay it. that doesn't me he wasn't going to address the issue...
This brought me to tears. My dad passed away but I could tell him everything without feeling like I was a disappointment. He always gave me great advice. My mother acted the way his wife did and let me tell you I never told my mom anything…
The mom ruined that relationship for life. When my youngest daughter came to me as a teenager saying she thought she was bi.. I said awesome.. me too!! Now let's talk because I didn't have someone I could talk to when I was your age
I empathize and applaud you for your own experience but saying that mom ruined the relationship for life is pretty severe and doesn’t happen to everyone. It’s quite possible the mom cools off and apologizes or the dad after talking to John talks to the mom and they go back and talk to her. Life is long, plenty of time to forgive and live
@@el676 life’s not that long
@@el676but for the daughters whole life she’s going to remember how her mum reacted during likely her most vulnerable moment (as someone who has come out myself at a very late age.)
I never understood parents who aren't respectful of this. I came out to my parents and their response was "We don't care, we love you." and that is the perfect response.
I’m glad John’s take was very nuanced with the father. Need more dads that really love their kids no matter what.
I was born in the 80s to very religious southern parents. I was sent to a private school and sheltered all my life with no outside influence. I knew I was bisexual by age 12 but hid it all my life in fear of losing my family. I finally couldn't anymore and admitted it to them in my early 30s. They haven't seen me in over a decade now. They blame my now wife for corrupting me but I've had girl crushes since high school. I wish I could have been honest.
"I'm so glad that you feel comfortable enough with me to share that with me. You can be whoever you want to be as long as you're not hurting anybody! I'm proud of you for being so courageous and introspective!" End of conversation 🤷
Put this on a T-shirt!
She’s fine. At least she’s alive and healthy
Am I the only one who thinks they shoulda just been like okay, we love you no matter what, and then just let her grow out of it if I believe it’s a phase
Well, that's what the Hollywood produced television and film stories say is the only way to be a good person, so why not leave the moral formation of your children to Hollywood?
Dad's in denial. Kid's bi, dude.
Kid is 14
Kids go through phases 90% of the time
What would you say if she came to you and said that she was straight? There you go. I hate the phrase "I love you even though..."
its that big fat "BUUUUUUUUUT" amirite
No one needs to pretend that straight and homosexual are moral or social equivalents just because the electronic teevee box says so. It's normal for parents to want their kids to be normal, to get married, to adhere to their faith, and to carry on the family's legacy.
Sorry, but if my mother acted that way I would leave and never come back. She learned that her mom isn't safe. Most people struggle with who they are and their sexuality in their teen years and the last thing she needed was her mom basically telling her she hates her. Get family therapy before you lose your kid.
Yea i would seek family therapy before telling a 14 year old to run away.
@NothingHereForYou I literally cried from hearing that. I knew people who got thrown out because they are gay or got pregnant in their teens from my group home. Their parents literally wouldn't even come to see them or participate in family therapy. My mom had a lot of issues, but she still showed up and still cared. If you can't handle a few issues and disagreements with your children, don't have one.
@@rn2787 Should I call the Wah-mbulance?
This is a heavy episode - and I am ever and ever more impressed with Dr. John's wisdom.
I love the idea of learning to require "proof" from our feelings. I know many, not just young ones, who'd need to learn to do that!
Thank you, as always, Dr Delony and team. Rockstars!
All the love and respect to that father, who despite his fears and beliefs, was willing to reach out and ask for help, the better to support his daughter.
All the love and respect to that mother, who remains vigilant of her son's well-being.
All the love and respect to that woman, who will stand for her safety, and that of her family.
When I came out to my dad (I asked my mum to tell him) he didn’t say with words that he loved and accepted me he took me to a drag show. I love him so much
…dads shouldn’t take their children to strip shows…
@@nicoleterry5105 I did say drag show right? There was not removing of clothes only comedy and was made for all ages to enjoy i understand the misconception tho! 😄
I came out as bi at 13. My mom told me no I am not. She shut it down every single time I tried to bring it up. I'm 31 now and still bi and have a rough relationship with my mom. You don't need to understand it but don't get to tell your child they don't understand their own feelings. Just love and accept them.
Yes exactly even society tells us that we're not bi. And I respond to them well how can you tell me that you're straight.
No you're not.
@@DavidCardone there is a reason you're probably single and living in somewhere like Elmira new york
I think your mom missed an opportunity to find out why her "13 year old" came out as anything "sexual" to her. There is way more to this story that was never addressed and remains so.
What about your relationship with your father?
The worst thing that can happen to a kid coming out is not their peers bullying or judging them. It’s their parents, their closest and most trusted figures in life, question them or look at them in disappointment for something that is not even a choice.
I can’t see the problem with a daughter being bi. When you’re 14 you shouldn’t have sex anyway. So if she is being influenced to think she is, it will wear of. No matter what people believe you can’t become anything other than you are. It’s not a lifestyle, it’s who you are. So it she is straight she can’t become bi.
She’ll figure it out. And if she is BI it’s not the end of the world.
I think it’s way better to let them explore a phase (unless it’s like, meth) than to shut it down. Let her talk about her crushes, talk about how she feels etc, and she’ll work out if shes bi or not faster and healthier than if she’s hiding it. Worst case, she goes on a few dates with a girl and the realises she‘s actually not that way inclined.
If you did your job right as a parent, she’ll be comfortable saying “yeah I thought I was bi but I think I’m actually straight” to you. Rather than lying to you because she doesn’t want to hear an I-told-you-so
I knew I was bisexual at 10 (I’m 31 now). I didn’t feel the need to declare it until I was 28 and I was seeing a lot of LGBTQ+ hate in my area. I did so out of solidarity more than my own personal reasons. In my mind, it’s silly that LGBTQ+ people have to “come out” and straight people don’t… That’s just my personal view on it.
Anyway, if a person comes out to you about something at any age, take them seriously. It can be scary for that person and they’re taking a risk by trusting you. Be kind. Be compassionate.
Yeah same here. Im bi and I never came out to anyone, I just discuss who is attractive with friends and dated who I wanted, men or women. I'm married to a man now and we have kids but our kids will never come out to us. We don't reference either way, we just say one day you may fall in love and want kids or not. Some people do and some don't. They're have two gay uncles, they have kids with 2 mums at school and they know my ex as she's the mum of one of the kids in their class haha.
Hopefully one day this will be just the norm and there won't be any expectations for your kids. They can just be themselves.
Kudos to you for being out there and showing solidarity though ❤
Declaring something out of spite and attention-seeking behavior is an indication that your actual identity is "woman with BPD or HPD," not "bi."
I'm sorry but what is the worst case scenario, she is bi, what's the issue?
Speak support, love and praise to them for being their true authentic selves! For feeling they could tell you. We as parents need to realize we will not always agree with or understand our kids and that's OK too. 🤎
We are forgetting she’s 14 ! When I was that age I had unformed ideas also. She’s a kid. She needs to be guided by her wiser parents. This is absolutely not the final word on her sexuality. Love her, guide her.
I have a four month old and my husband is just like this sweet father that called and I am feeling so good knowing I will raise a child with an emotionally intelligent partner.
Im a dude, married a long time. Wanna keep that nice man? Stay feminine (within reason), recognize that being a man brings its own issues and worries, and don't let your bedtime fun go downhill. If you can follow these 3 things you are wayyy beyond most women today.
Dr. John,
I really appreciate hearing these videos because you help so many people with such sound, clear and caring information and insight.
I am a lesbian and I was watching this with baited breath. Great response. The parents need to give their daughter the space to be herself.
Love listening to your show. You give sound, competent and very empathetic and sympathetic advice. Love love love it 👏🏽👏🏽. You are sensitive and not judgmental
The first caller almost had me in tears. What I would have given to have had that when I came out to my parents. That is the best way you could ever handle your kid coming to you with something so impactful.
This is a great comment. I think I'm a bit too sensitive, because my take on the first story was that the husband should divorce the wife for saying things like "these aren't the values you were raised with". I'd go scorched earth on my partner if they said that to our kid. From reading your comment, it seems that you would afford the parents more room than I would, and I'm guessing that's because the reaction you got was actually really bad, and the reaction these two parents are giving is really just not the right one, but they probably do care and do want to do the right thing, even if they are struggling with the deceleration from the daughter.
Don’t have kids if you can’t accept them and love them unconditionally.
Loving your child doesn’t mean you always agree with their choices.
@@crazeekids9744 both of our statements are correct.
@@ellenricks2029 love is not unconditional
Her sexual preference is hers alone. Love her and support her.
LOL, knows which side to pick to avoid ostracism and shame, still uses the term "sexual preference."
Thanks for addressing such an important array of topics regarding parenting. I’ve shared this with a few close family members and friends did. I have two very young children and I’m constantly thinking about how to approach adolescence while being mindful that it all starts right now as well.
Install GOD and the Bible ASAP Everyday. If you must take Bible classes to you can Help your kids. Talk and read the Bible everyday with kids. Otherwise, they will NOT Know the Word of God and turn to Satan that is everywhere.
@@janephillips3627 So, you believe in brainwashing kids? If someone is going to believe in God they should find God on their own, forcing God down their throat is artificial and not how it should be done.
@@user-tg3jl1mt4e I can see, you don't have a clue. ( Clue:Raise your Kids with GOD and you will NOT have this problem).
@@user-tg3jl1mt4e
The Bible clearly states
“Start children off on the way they should go, and even when they are old they will not turn from it.”
Proverbs 22:6
@@RealGalaxyGamers aka brainwashing
Father is overly focused on what other people think.
So now she's trying to mold herself into someone else to get her mother's and father's love. She is who she is. This is what our daughter told us at 25. She has always been a old soul who knows who she is and I believe her.
It just so happens that the number of kids being "who she is" in this particular way has increased exponentially in the wake of a full court 24/7 media blitzkrieg. Funny how that happened, isn't it?
😂 “the 17 people listening” 😂
Your response to the dad reaffirming his love for his daughter was amazing
Thank you so much for your advice Dr Delony. I needed to hear much of what you said today.
Bro this sounds exactly like me and how I grew up except I’m the daughter in this first situation. This advice is amazing and I want to also commend this dad for taking his daughter aside and having that conversation.
This is a smart dad. All parents should be like him
Dr. John is the kind of man I want to be. So much knowledge and understanding
My dad has a daughter from another woman. She is a lesbian. My mom has never even met her and always called her terrible slurs behind my dad’s back. I think I was 13 or 14 when this was happening.
She then proceeded to tell me that she doesn’t think she could love me the same if I was a lesbian…
I learned that day that my mothers love was conditional. And though I am not a lesbian, that statement always made me feel that I could never fully be myself to my mother… she was not a safe person.
My opinion is the first caller and his wife already failed their daughter. They better get on the same page fast. It could takes years if at all for her to trust her parents.
ikr
John you are an amazing father. It takes a real man to admit they may have not handled something properly and to ask for advice. I am straight but still thank you tons for caring about your relationship with your teenaged daughter! Keep it up
Woot!!! Moving to 17 listeners Dr D!! 👏 it used to be 16 😂😂😂😂
Lol
I just listened to a girl’s testimony on Delafe Testimonies of how she was addicted to horror movies and porn…and other things she had been dealing with. It was a great testimony.
I'm glad the girl has this Dad - sorry Mom is playing the old, scratchy record affirming why kid can't go to Mom.
Her mom cares about her daughter's soul.
@@ziberteck If her mother believes in God, she knows he doesn't make mistakes. Our species has been blessed with a wide variety of people, who were not rolled out a cut out to be all the same with a cookie cutter.
@@SherryEllesson God does not but us people we do make mistakes. we are NOT God.
Just saw my follow-up comment got deleted.. nice censorship.
I think parents accept things their kids tell them in different ways, based on how they themselves were raised, which may be quite different. The mother may end up coming around and end up being more than totally accepting, but needed time to process what she heard. Everyone reacts different, and it would have been ideal if the parents had discussed this between themselves, prior to talking to the child, but they didn't, and you work through it. It went similar to this in our family, and now our son and his mother couldn't possibly be closer.
I posted on social media during last pride month (my friends/important people in my life already knew). The difference between my mom & dad’s reaction was beyond hurtful. My dad was completely accepting & understanding, while my mom made it about herself. She was worried about other family members knowing & in my eyes, cared more about appearance than loving me unconditionally. I overheard her say many incredibly hurtful things. All this to say, parents- just accept & love your kids no matter what. Judgement & caring what everyone else thinks will only hurt your relationship long term.
OMG this wife! Let this girl be who she is, not who you want her to be. If she wants to try 100 hobbies or sports let her. She's discovering who she is. If she's gay or bisexuality, so what. Love her for who she is. It's her life to live, not yours mom. Sexuality isn't about your religion or values.
So you are so wealthy you can buy lessons that get quit, or join leagues that fall off a few games in, dance class ends after 2 sessions but no refunds. Glad you can afford it.
Thank you to Dr John for all this practice advice but also a BIG thank you needs to go to all the people calling in actively trying to do better as individuals. Their effort and pro activity helps give all us listeners wisdom which benefits our lives and the people around us too.
It’s quite a nice thought to think of this waterfall of positivity going out into the world. Or am I sounding like a hippie now 😂