HFY Reddit Stories | Except the Humans
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- čas přidán 1. 11. 2023
- Except the Humans...
An original story written, and granted permission to narrate by u/SomeOne111Z
Original Story: / except_the_humans
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#hfy #exceptthehumans #scifistories1977 #space #spaceorcs #scifi - Zábava
I love this.
Humans: "Why are you here?"
Danik: "They're bullying us..."
Humans: "Say no more."
Also humans : im about to end this man’s whole career
Humans: Point them out...
I got you little bro. * clones Admiral Chester Nimitz*
@@america8706*rebuilds a new space carrier and calls it enterprise*
@@america8706 Why stop there? Clone admiral Yi, the guy who managed to win a naval battle 333 vs 13 ships without taking a single casualty.
Mind you he only took out 30 something ships before having to retreat, but his actions allowed the koreans to seize victory from the japanese time and time again.
Zanzi: "We have a Dreadnought!"
Humanity: *"Hippity Hoppity your ship is now our property"*
Would be nice if they had said that
😅
"We have a dreadnought"
_"I like those odds."_
LOLOLOLOLOLOL!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! What an awesome line!
“I’ve got a jar of dirt!”
Aliens: We can give you this advanced tech, but even one ship takes really long to build.
Humans: Allow us to introduce you to this thing we called speedrunning...
I prefer this
Human Leader: hmmm… by chance, have any of you heard of the “Assembly Line”?
Aliens: 🤨
Human Leader: 😁 Allow me to explain… help me out boys!
Human workers: ooooh, Captain’s gonna sing a shanty!
i get that reference,@@commandercritic9036
OSHA would like a word. 😂
@@commandercritic9036 reading this made my day better thank you
Wartime economy
human: "who are they?"
alien: "just the things that have been bullying us."
human: *already working on taking a 3rd dreadnought* "say less."
“One question. Did they take your kids?”
_Some, yes_
“We’re gonna implode their sun”
@@THEFRISKIESTDINGO
"One question, did they kill your infants?"
'Yes'
"Extinction it is"
Humans don't lack the means or the capacity, we merely lack the motivation. Love it.
All of Humanity are E4s, we can do the work...we just rather nap.....the Zanzi learned what happens when they become "the work" & what happens when "the work" prevents an E4 from napping
@@Hellfire918 "The humans are like gigantic, galactic scale bears. They *can* rip you limb from limb with little effort and take an inordinate amount of punishment while doing it. But they prefer to eat and sleep. Standard Operation Orders are; let them"
@@eddthehead123 Quark : "Let me tell you something about Hew-mons, Nephew. They're a wonderful, friendly people, as long as their bellies are full and their holosuites are working. But take away their creature comforts, deprive them of food, sleep, sonic showers, put their lives in jeopardy over an extended period of time and those same friendly, intelligent, wonderful people... will become as nasty and as violent as the most bloodthirsty Klingon. You don't believe me? Look at those faces. Look in their eyes...".
@@rohenthar8449 this needs to be the top rated comment on this video
Alien refugees “we’ll give you technology to master the stars if you help us out”
Humans: “Bet”
Aliens - “FTL drives are too complicated to mass produce”
Humans - “Hold my beer!”
lol...😅😅😅😅...Hold My Beer...lol...
Sweat shops: can we get a break where exhausted
Elon musk: no faster now
Hold my beer & watch this shit! 😂
😂
damm this ones buy one get one free
This story basically boils down to: "You attacked our new alien friends so we teamed up and ran your shit."
Even more than that, it wouldn't be hard for us to interpret their story as "You're probably next on the chopping block."
Nah, it boils down to: "The Danik warned us you were coming, so we got ready. Welcome to hell, bitch."
When you tell humans aliens exist that can destroy a planet, they get ready to defend theirs tooth and nails
"The eventual invasion of Earth"
Xeno scum: Why do I hear banjos?
When the asteroids start speaking Terran Standard...
@@worldcomicsreview354 soon to be renamed "Galactic Standard".
Kinda weird to put banjos in the Boss Music...
When the space dust starts speaking Human:
😂😂😂
Humans: "For our next amazing trick, we'll make two whole fleetloads of jerks disappear! Sorry, folks, we're not nearly as good at making them REappear, though. "
Honestly I can see something like that being used as a simultaneous joke and threat.
XD
It’s the creed of humanity, “fuck around and find out”.
@WilliamBraswell-es6pp I always felt it tended to be "Don't START nothin', won't BE nothin'."
@@GuukanKitsune same thing right? It means that if you are going to fight, be ready to get a black eye
*friendly aliens introduce themselves and warn of mean aliens*
Humans: “Kaboom?”
Other Humans: “Yes, neighbor, kaboom.”
I understood that great and obscure reference!
I love that the Danik being taken in, from an outside perspective, seems like charity. From a humans perspective it makes total sense. You have a race with advanced technology that is willing to share it for the low low price of a place to live. It makes complete sense to make that deal and it’s 100% something we’d do if aliens showed up one day begging for help. Cause the temptation is too powerful to worry about potential risks.
Honestly the worst decision was to send a beaten and batter face to us because nothing get us going like a sense of fucking impending doom lol.
Humanity got gifted a giant ass gun, and used it *very effectively*
Aliens jumped us to 40k in 2 weeks
We are not "Those who run" but we are "Those who chase" lol
Origin story of the BFG confirmed
Human used gun.
It’s super effective!
"FTL drives were too complicated to make more than one at a time."
human minecraft players: I know how to make a farm to produce 64 per hour!
Pick up phone: "china, we have a job for you."
"Hey folks, today im streaming my FTL engine assembling speedrun".. :D
Old SSundee be like
😅😅
I’m just waiting for the day someone builds a computer in Minecraft that can run Minecraft.
Aliens: FTL ships are too complex to build quickly
Humans: Have you ever heard of 3D printing?
Have you ever heard of china?
@@Proxima_X lol
Humans: I guess you aren't familiar with mass production, automation and exploitation of labour.
“Would immediately punch a hole in time space and fly off to who knows where.”
I guarantee that at least half of those captains said the Star Trek opening monologue before engaging the drive.
“And to boldly go, where no man has gone before…”
*engages FTL drive*
we gonna search por space ussy
It would be hard to resist saying it.
Imagining the Flag Ship being found werks later on the space equivalent of cinder blocks and stripped to it's shell is the funniest mental image.
blood raven sht
Zanzi: You're approaching me?
Humans: I can't kick the shit out of you from way over here
🤣
"We brought a Dreadnaught to destroy you"
"No, you brought us a Dreadnaught to destroy you"
Xenos: we will take your planet
Human: okay boys time to kick their asses and take their toys
they gonna learn why we stop doing war between us
@@ignaciocambero9314war crimes which is written down in the treaty of versilles only allow to humans ,so imagion we use them as suggestions.
That’s one thing about humans that echoes through our literature. We are curious, adaptive and love our weapons and engines. Three words that always describe us, better, deadlier, faster.
Harder better faster stronger lol
And also, MORE
dont forget highly unfocused until we got a common goal/enemy
@@bitze865 ...and that's not wrong. I mean check out the space race:
before:
US: place something in space? why?
RU: We have placed a man in space and thinking of landed on the moon next.
After:
US: F.Y. we landed on the moon first!
RU: WTF?!
@@Valkyrie77 Soviets also didn't wished to put anything in sapce, they were interested in weapons only, but Korolev put sputnik as a decoy warhead to test rocket carrying capacity, yes he lied to the commissar, otherwise we would never go to space, as we see today, where there is no more competition or... dreams.
“All 4 planet killing weapons charged and ready”
It was at that moment the Zanzi knew, they fucked up.
One of the things from all these stories that does resonate as true is just how quickly we would make the jump from “hmmm these ships have weapons on them” to “we need to be able to implode a star-just in case.”
Wow... "demoted" AFTER "execution"? Yea... screw that one guy right there in particular for thinking they could push a few pesky humans over.
I no longer have the book handy, but David Brin in his opus Startide Rising has a Tandu Admiral (insectoid race that considers using probability drives that when they fail dissopve the ship in a probability vortex an acceptable risk) tells a subordinate that had failed, to go to the admiral's quarters and with his last sentient thought remove his head and put it on the trophy rack.
The subordinate leaves to follow his orders, replying it hopes the new head it grows serves the admiral better. The Tandu are truly alien...😱
That way, the family doesn't get as good of a stipend; yeah, its something that can happen (but usually for on the spot executions as opposed to deliberated ones)
Insult to injury, in an honour society, you can even be hurt after death. Like pissing on a grave
In every story the humans are like the quiet kid of the galaxy 😂
Aliens: help we are being bullied.
Humans: holy shit, a war from moral high ground, yippee
“Any alien race would tremble before the might of the empire’s Death Star”
“Except the humans”
Zanzi "Runaway!"
Humans "Did I say you could leave?"
"Don't run you'll only die tired"
Like a teacher The Bell don't dismiss you I do!!!
we went from first flight to first space flight in less than 100 years
If the Danik are hot af we'd do it in 10 weeks
The progress our civilization made throughout last 100 years is absolutely insane and on a scale never seen before.
It took 3 centuries to transform manufacturing into industralization, but only one to move from steam machines to nuclear reactors, and even less to switch from fission to fusion, because let's be honest here, with the way the current progress with nuclear fusion is going, sustainable nuclear fusion is just around the corner
@@jakubw.2779 funnily enough, companies like Helion say its entirely possible they will have achieved sustainable and profitable fusion within the next decade
@@jakubw.2779 yea its funny how we were stuck in middle age for nearly 700 hundred years then we just suddenly decided to wake up and boom suddenly humans are now in space it's like craaming a homework
Aliens: “Thank you for freeing us from the Zanzi military.”
Humanity: “I wouldn’t say ‘freed’, more like ‘under new management’.”
A better management atleast
In this stories humanity doesn't share Hal's "nice guy" syndrome...
@@Senok13at least most of humanity
Nah, the humans welcomed their new allies against a threat they didn't know existed.
The racism would start after the war. Probably forcing most Danik to leave Earth to form some kind of colony somewhere.
@@ireallyreallyhategooglenah, the Danik would be good. Zanzism would be the norm
Higher dimension beings watching and laughing at mankind do the "impossible" for the nth time while their neighbors look at awe.
"All your dreadnoughts are belong to us."
Human: "Who are those guys?"
Danik: "The one that bullying us!"
Human: "Say less, i got you covered!"
Finally a channel that uses a clear voice THANK YOU
Thanks!
Try agro Squirrel and net narrator
I was laughing so hard... this was great! For any Larry Niven fans out there... Humanity has stopped studyng war because they have become so very good at it.
💯 Kzin: "Scream and leap!"
Humans: SMACK!! "Bad rat-kitties"
yes im a fan loved larry niven
Yeh, because war is great fun unless you've been in a real one! Which you either haven't been, or you are from the US, and fighting against people who are nowhere near your technology equals.
@Demun1649 Dude, it's fiction. Put a sock in it or get over yourself
@@swiftmatic plus war has driven everything about human society, every innovation we have can be traced back to warfare being the innovator, some of our most sophisticated creations were used in warfare before being used for commercial use.
the very internet we use now is a military creation, modern cities are just massive populated & compacted forts.
& the commercial sector? that's just a nations logistics.
guy probably does not realize he wouldn't have his computer/ phone/ laptop without war in the first place.
war is a necessary part of our history & our future.
otherwise we will slowly slip into complacency & authoritarianism.
The Donik knew exactly what they were doing.
...and we responded obligingly.
...it was quite a win-win situation.
They actually found allies that didn't treat them like crap but equals instead.
you give us technology and a target and we go to work
Reminds me a lot of the story of Tri-Planetary and the eventual Lensmen series that came from that. Humans capture, reverse engineer, and modify all the tech they come up against, so that no two battles are fought the same way as the conflict expands, going from ship to ship, to massive fleets, to literally throwing planets at each other, to a beam that uses an entire star as its focusing lens, and the final one was a pair of planets, one made entirely of antimatter, accelerated in another dimension to beyond light speed, and then dropped out into normal space with a fold of the other dimension following, so the two world collided around the enemy capital planet.
That series was awesome.
Forget blowing up planet
They're removing them from existence
It’s a shame that it’s so overlooked. On the other hand, that does mean that it wouldn’t be ruined by a modern retelling.
@@Skyblade12 I mean, there is the anime.
@@SageofStars I haven't been able to find it. I've heard mixed things about it. Read the books to death, though.
this story gives me "According to all known laws of aviation, there is no way that a bee should be able to fly. Its wings are too small to get its fat little body off the ground," ""The bee, of course, flies anyway. Because bees don't care what humans think is impossible." vibes
If humans can go from WW2 level tech to modern tech in just 80 years, imagine what humans can achieve if we were gifted some sci fi tech. We would be making flagships several kilometres long and railgun ships that have a large railgun that can decapitate ships with ease
Actually human tech greatly decelerated in the last 40 years, all new power sources demand to abandon fossils and thus the capital powers got us stagnated since the 90s.
The story of unity between Humanity and the Dan'ik only makes sense if you assume their females look like Draenei.
Oh, I don’t know. “We got kicked off our planet by violent aliens. We have tech. Can we room with you guys?” Would be pretty convincing for the developed world, and the rest wouldn’t matter.
Yes, my very first thought was these aliens must be smokin' to be so quickly accepted.
If you want humanity on your side, as long as you're vaguely humanoid and "hot" then you'll already have one foot in the door.
We tend to treat people much better if you bribe us and give us motivation. The Danik were probably like "hey these jerks are going to try and come and enslave you like they did to us...here is all our technology, think you can do something with it?" Hence bribed and given an outside threat to unite against.
@@andrewowens4421 Either hot or cute
... Except, well, the humans...
I had a good laugh with the story. Keep up the good work. 🙂
It’s all fun and games until the Humans show up with five dreadnoughts.
Love this story....
The A.I. reading is one of the better ones.
I come back every few days,
listen again,
and again.
Earth command: Hey Marines, those alien ships have them new flavored crayons...
Marines: * reloading guns with religious intent *
Aliens: why do I hear boss musi--- *explodes *
This series makes me feel proud to be a human......how umusual these days....
love it! its delightful visualizing humans (and a friendly alien w tech) kicking ass against other alien bullies. thank you. i look forward each eve to here these short syfy stories densly packed with creative plot. congrats! and awesome AI voice narration
I hope you enjoyed this evenings stories! A completely new series starts tomorrow.
There’s a reason why aliens lock the doors when they fly past this place 😂
for that and also for the blood ravens
Is the solar system space Detroit?
@@BlackdragonPL can't have shit in Detroit
Can’t have shit in the Copernican system 🙄
@@BlackdragonPLcan't have shit in sol-78.
Humans: "Badges? We need no stinkin' badges!"
Thank you for the best entertainment I've had in a while. Great twist.
Glad you enjoyed it
Danik: FTL engines are hard to make.
Humans: Do you want to see how fast we make cars. Then we'll show you fast we make ships
Now, make sure these stories are played to the members of our Space Force! Great story!
Great story, nothing better, except the Humans
Aliens:You destroyed the entire fleet!
Humans:Your honor free bird was playing.
Aliens knocking at your door? Better call Sol.
The "History voice" does very well. And the stories are entertaining.
Great show my friend, just printed in our minds and I love that. The voice behind the narration is pivotal. Don't get rid of that guy.
Its an AI voice
I found this the most amusing story... but its true, if anything... humans can be very inventive and are extremely adaptable
I always find it funny when aliens invade yet do not account for local wild life.
I love this story! Exciting!!
Humans: This planet is under new management...BY ORDER OF THE PEAKY BLINDERS
Every... every invasion starts at Mars then onto Earth. What's up with that? Most of the time Mars is no where near the orbit of Earth, but the aliens always run into Mars first. Dumb ass aliens just don't know how to do a good invasion.
It all depends on where from outside our solar system they are coming from. What time of year it is and so forth. Doesn't really seem odd to me at all.
@@grogvaughan5649 Not odd at all, considering to do an invasion you have to stage somewhere close enough to the target, but far enough away from the defenses. Like you said since coming from outside the solar system, Mars would be the closest gravity well to assemble in before launching an attack.
@nadjasunflower1387 Exactly, it all comes down to tactics and logistics.
Paying homage to the god of war.
Take out the obvious colony world first, don't go for the homeworld first. You want surrender not obliteration.
I enjoyed this story immensely - each time the phrase 'except for the humans' came, I laughed out loud & waited for its next appearance 😁😄
Thank you 💙💚❤️ for all your effort & the time you put in when uploading this. It is really truly appreciated 🙏
You really made my day, you know 🙏🤗
Another great story! Thanks
Great story! In the vein of
Alan Dean Foster's "With Friends Like These..."
Earth: The planet where empires come to die.
What a fantastic story... Depicting the inner drive for survival of humans
I like the idea that the greatest advantages that our species could have is something we already have currently take for granted, not some random sifi tech. From the way the narrator describes it, the Humans may have just been the only species in the galaxy to abandon the artisan/guild production system in favor of assembly lines, or something equally ridiculous.
Wow I love these stories, you guys are awesome.
They really went toe-to-toe with the one branch of service that basically made a reputation for themselves by fighting every clime and place...those dreadnoughts never stood chance. 😅😅
God every one of these stories make me wanna play stellaris for another 200 hours
Danik made sure humans are ready 😆
this is better sifi then i've watched in a long time
The Zanzi:"weird,our flagship is intact..but it's cannons are still charged, why would they be unle- IT'S A TRAP, RUUUUUUUN!!"
human named ahmed:"if this worked in Afganistan then it HAS to work in space aswell, right?"
The commander for the human fleet:"no Ahmed, it WILL work,"
2 words for how they built the ships so fast
Canned.
Spinach.
This reminds me a lot of the story "The Road not Taken."
Glad I wasn’t the only one reminded of that Harry Turtledove story.
Love it, reminds me of a similar "Humans don't give a f..." where at the end the alien narrator remarks that humans are the honey badgers of the galaxy. Also reminds me of me. At 11yo a gang in NYC cornered me and forced me to fight their leader. Their leader woke up in the ICU minus his spleen and half his liver. The gang then realized I ran because I am intelligent, not because I am weak.
Our 4 kids call my wife the honey badger. They call me the grizzly bear. I smile at her yapping at my heels and she feels good that I barely notice. Peace through strength.
Humans do give a fuck when you attack there home world though.
Not only is this one of the best stories of its kind, the comments are hilarious fun to read! thanks!
Frickin awesome!
You got a new subscriber!
Thanks very much!
I like to think the times are wonky due to differing planetary orbits. Like 400 days is actually like 10 earth years
I think with the right tech and motivation we could do it.
there's probably a difference yeah, but nowhere near that large,
Humans: why are you running?
Great story classic sci-fi from the 50s and 60s. Will be looking for further additions.
I love it!
Good audio very interesting Syfy story. Thank you for sharing.
Aliens: Why are helping us?
Humans: We hate bullies.
A: you can't compete with them.
H: seen the large mammals that can kill us?
A: yes, there are many
H: those are the ones with young we find cute. The others are extinct, we didn't want the competition. We'll be fine, we will go to a war economy.
A: what's that?
H: it's what we do when we fight bullies.
A: but we are your first contact!
Evil grin
H: oh sorry, we kinda didn't mention we are bullies.
Loved it.
Loving these stories.
Someone should make a movie or series about this. Viewpoints from all sides. Including those that only observe.
I like to think, in an alternate Mass Effect universe, if the Quarians discovered the humans in the 21st century, this would be how it would go down: the Quarians would arrive in Sol and be granted refugee status in exchange for scientific and technological know-how. Then, alarmed by the rapid expanse of the human-quarian alliance, the Batarrians would strike, thus awakening the sleeping giant.
Danik: Oh yeah this other species is extremely violent and war like, they kicked us out of our home and now they’re coming here.
Humanity: *Cracks beer* Stand back let me show you how it is done.
Danik: You don’t underst…
Humanity: Its been like 5 days they’ve surrendered.
Danik: 👀 WHAT???!
Humanity: Now back to the usual business, also which human war’s side are you picking btw??
Great story! Amuaing ending.
This feel like space Midway for some reason and Im all for it
I love how in so many of these stories humans are basically a bunch of tech goblins that can dismantle and re-create basically any piece of technology they can get their hands on and have (or can produce) enough manpower to mass produce said technology, as well as having such crackhead determination and maniacal creativity that they can do pretty much anything they propose themselves and seemingly punch far above their weight, as soon as they discover there's more intelligent life than themselves to compete with at least
The human desire to conquer is great. We've already conquered our little blue planet.
World War II America would like to be remembered. Manufacturing broke records. We produced almost as quickly as war machinery was destroyed...sometimes more quickly. Look up liberty ships.
It's just based on our true nature ! We're not behind anyone because of our capability. We just behind them because we have no reason to surpass them yet!!
3:36 I’m surprised but also quite proud
I love... love this story! Gives me some major Yamato/Macross vibes.
I can't. The comments are the best😂
Great story
probe passes funny looking rock.
the rest of the galaxy: why do i hear boss music?
rule one.... dont mess with hoomans
I find that generally AI voices feel horribly out of place and mispronounce words in obvious ways that just make listening to it really bad. But this one, while I have noticed one or two things like that, is quite good and you have to really listen to notice the Ai-ness". At least I do. The quality is quite good compared to other content read by AI I've listened to anyways.
The hfy humanity makes the combine look like a planetary empire
war, war never change, and we are best in galaxy in it