Why You Shouldn’t Foster to Adopt
Vložit
- čas přidán 8. 06. 2024
- Today I'm talking about fostering and adopting. As a foster parent myself, I want to share with you why it's important to understand difference between the two. Going into fostering with the expectation of adopting can be a bad idea for several reasons.
KIDS ESSENTIALS
► ANTHONY’S TABLET
amzn.to/3mKPTUm
► KIDS FAVORITE TABLET
amzn.to/3mK0JtN
► BLUE AND RED HEADPHONES
amzn.to/3GYZVbl
► LIGHTWEIGHT STROLLER
amzn.to/3AcVpSE
► DAD’S FAVORITE DIAPER BAG
amzn.to/3H13zkK
► MUST HAVE BABY WIPES
amzn.to/41FrCOc
► THE BEST LOTION
amzn.to/3ouxrQj
Learn how you can help at NowIAmKnownFoundation.org
www.nowiamknownfoundation.org...
► Get your copy of "Now I am Known"
amzn.to/3FlwT4z
► Get a Plushie
nowiamknownfoundation.org/col...
📨 𝗙𝗮𝗻 𝗠𝗮𝗶𝗹:
Now I Am Known
338 S. Sharon Amity Road # 270
Charlotte, NC 28211
📧 𝗜𝗻𝗾𝘂𝗶𝗿𝗶𝗲𝘀:
peter@nowiamknownfoundation.org
𝗜𝗻𝘀𝘁𝗮𝗴𝗿𝗮𝗺: / fosterdadflipper
𝗙𝗮𝗰𝗲𝗯𝗼𝗼𝗸: / fosterdadflipper
𝗟𝗶𝗻𝗸𝗲𝗱𝗜𝗻: / petermutabaz
P.S. As an Amazon Associate I earn from qualifying purchases.
I'm foster parent to my 3 grandkids. In Minnesota we had to become licensed foster parents in the event for permanency they can be with us. I'm 55..my youngest is 17. There will be a transfer of physical and legal custody to us which basically is "adoption" but my daughter gets to visit at our discretion and under our supervision but all authority will be with us... it's hard yet I'm grateful they have a chance with us anyhow. But yes. Foster parents you are special. It's hard... love your channel ❤️ 💕 ♥️ 💖 🎉🎉🎉
The foster parents of one of the children that we adopted were in their late 60s. They had been fostering since they were in their 20s. Our child was their 67th foster child and they weren't stopping. For the last decade or so they no longer had the emotional strength to foster anyone except a young child or baby that was free for adoption. Over the years they had taken in many children that had been harmed and did their best to bring them back to health both physically and emotionally. However, many of the children returned to their biological families who unfortunately fell off the wagon again. Whether it was addiction, violence, or whatever. The children would be fostered with them again to try to minimize the harm when possible. The foster parents said the damage to the child was always worse the second time the child was placed with them. Fostering is hard, for both the children and the foster parents. The only good thing that can be said is that the alternatives are worse. Bless you and your family Peter.
It truly takes someone selfless and special to foster and invest in a child who is not promised to you...and that's why you and other foster parents who do this, knowing all the ups n downs and love without anything in return, are such special people.🙌
My three grandchildren were getting dragged through the system in Florida for over 6 years with my daughter and her boyfriend constantly showing up last minute claiming to have changed their lives and then getting the children back. Then two weeks later they were back with me. The cycle kept repeating with the children being more and more traumatized every time until finally, after moving to Arizona, the State of Arizona stepped in after ONE incident and called me to come get them and they weren't going back to their parents. I've had them ever since but they are all suffering terribly from their experience. The parents should get one year to get it together than no more chances after that!
Amen to that.
why is your daughter so trash
Bio parents shouldn't even get one try. Once they give them up, it's done. No more access, not even visitation. Something's wrong with the bio parents, and it needs to be taken seriously, no yo-yo games with the children.
@@roundtwo3321What about the people incarcerated who later prove their innocence? Or the ones who have a mental breakdown and temporarily give up rights to seek care? I think if it’s due to child abuse, yes, no more tries. But for many other reasons it’s better for the kids if they can go back to family.
@@HyperWolf No. Once you give up your kids or are forced to give up your kids, it's over because your life has officially become The Dangerous Place for your kids. If you hold onto them during and/or after the trauma as you recover, you are still making them witness trauma/abbse, which is in itself abbssve to your kids. There is nothing better in sending them back to dysfunction on any path. That wish is purely toxic and narcissistic on the part of the bio-parent. Another reason to not send a kid back to them.
New Jersey has a requirement that parents have one year to get their lives stabilized, or the children become eligible for adoption. The goal is to prevent children from languishing in foster care.
I was going to say they shouldnt be allowed to drag things on and on like that. Geez. Good for NJ
Well done, NJ! It is shocking that some children spend their whole childhood going from home to home.
My sister here in nj spent her first 2 and a half yrs in foster care and my mom still got her back
@@mattiadizard7431💜 did it work out ok?
@@StephieGsrEvolution no cause that was 1994 to 1996 and me my sister and 2 brothers went into foster care in 2004 but for me and my sister it was the second time being in foster care
I've always known I haven't got the personality to raise kids. I prefer communicating with adults. I love kids but only for an hour or two. I made sure I couldn't have kids. I admire ppl who can raise babies and children well. It breaks my heart that some kids experience neglect, abandonment or abuse of any kind. Im so happy you made this video. It's eye-opening and a wonderful public service.
Thank you for your honesty. Please know that there are many ways you can help. When we fostered we had a lady that brought us a box of food every week. She would go to garage sales and get things we needed. Another friend got all the children suitcases. Someone donated furniture. Our church did a diaper shower. Several were on our babysitter, respite list. One lady cleaned our house once a week. Another took our fire extinguisher to get recharged. Another helped with paperwork- making copies and mailing, etc. Some church friends did a coffee night for the parents. We had different speakers. People brought deserts. Some do CASA - where you are an advocate for the child in court. Many ways for people to help!!
@@andrealmoseley6575 beautiful comment Andrea. Thank you. I am caring for my 97 year-old mum. She's with me until it's her time. She's my best friend and I am hers. My mum hand knits gorgeous blankets for the needy, including babies, children and their dolls or dinosaurs. Unfortunately, I don't knit well but I am doing the finishing touches on the blankets. I'm in charge of creating a community vegetable and fruit garden this year. The blankets will be handed out by our local Church next November. We do help and I really like some of your ideas. I'll talk to my mum about the two of us adding another service to our community after the gardens are planted. 🙂
Thank you for your honesty. Being self aware is a blessing.
For every child that has to leave your foster care there will always be another one who needs your help. X
We are adopting older kids from the system. Everything you said tracks with our experience. It’s why we chose our path instead of fostering.
Awesome video. We adopted our daughter outright when she was 10. It has been a tough road but a blessed one. I admire what you do so much. The system is so broken but it’s lucky that they have people like you to be a bright spot.
This is a very important topic and well covered Peter ❤.
as i told my parents a long time ago, when we started to take in foster kid's then adopting. kids deserve to be loved also.
Do they take into account the wishes of the child? Children get attached to whoever is good to them.
At abput age 10. Sometimes 12 or so.
I agree everyone’s foster care journey is different. I adopted my first foster child and I’m set to adopt my 2nd as well
Wish you millions of subscribers, God bless you abundantly, I so love the way you take care of Anthony and the other kids🙏
Actually I think we can change. Talk to your legislators. Write letters. Spread knowledge. The 12 month rule and the 18 month drop dead date happened because people fought for the children not to be strung along forever. I met someone the other day who was 65. She went to foster care at 3. She was back and forth for years. Mom couldn't get well. Dad was in and out of jail. His family wasn't able. Hers took the youngest because they only had room for one. The other siblings went to a neighbor friend. She never got to adopt them. She still shows signs of trauma. I wish she could have been adopted. We tried to adopt after fostering for years. We started as temporary foster parents. Mom couldn't get clean tests long enough. After 11 months they sent the children home. Then a year later they were back. I had just cleaned their room because of the grief and the fact I wasn't sure she could do it. Then she got them back. Then we got them again. Then there were siblings. She finally humbled herself for their sake and said she would sign the papers. The fathers wouldn't. So they lingered and were stuck. The social workers, teachers, doctors, counselors involved all wrote letters. 5 years later the judge said no to adoption because the parents weren't bad enough to terminate but said we could be guardians. We said these children need closure and our name to feel part of the family. To move forward. So he sent them home. She has struggled but has seen them graduate. I'm sure the oldest and somewhat the next one were built in babysitters. We had just enough stabalized them to do ok. But it was heart wrenching. And one of the children ended up with the father short term because he had a better lawyer. She ended up in the hospital. Another time she ended up left with people at a hotel and they took her home in another city. Mother had to hire a P.I. They (sibling set of 4) were in a loving caring home where we kept in touch with family. They had siblings. Played soccer. Did well in school. In band. Went to church. And therapy. They were coming out of the trauma...and because we didn't have the money for a super attorney we depended on the CPS one. He fought for us. As did SW. But the judge didn't want any appeals in his court so he wouldnt terminate. So I disagree there's nothing. I keep presenting info to legislators and we've seen a lot change. We voted that judge out. And we inform future parents. Love this guy though and bless him!! I've read lots of research. I know that in some cases children do better going back even when it's crazy. But the stats are skewed. I know many adopted children that are stable and doing well. I'm one. But I was never in foster care. That's part of the issue. They don't compare apples to apples. They don't look at different age groups. Anyway, that's my beef. Thanks if you read it. ❤
And here. Here you have articulated the chaos that has been allowed to happen to children. This will sound harsh, but okay, the parent gets one chance to straighten out. (That's actually 2 bc the parent had them in the 1st place and already made some poor choices). Kids get taken out again for their safety? Done. The parent has proven it is too much and the kids have a right to a balanced life-as much as they can get!
❤❤❤😊 Very well explained! And it makes sense-it totally is the responsibility of family who are able to step in and take care of familial children.
How often does a relative step up to adopt? Not only do you fall in love with them, they fall in love with you. Great video Peter!
In Texas it was 25%
@@andrealmoseley6575 Thank you!
Please make videos like this more often. Educational videos like this are my favorite.
Whoa! Thank you for explaining the entire process of adoption from foster care. I had no idea that it worked like that.
I am not thinking about adoption. However, knowing that I could be raising a child for 3 year, start the adoption process, only for them to be removed. That would be devastating, and a form of grief that I do not think I could handle.
Now, that I have a realistic idea of how it works, Foster care might be too emotionally damaging for me.
Thank you sooo much for enlightening me.
❤
You single-handedly restore my faith in humanity every time I watch your content ❤
I was a NREFM foster parent for my daughter. She came to live with us at 2 1/2. We adopted her at age 4. We were also NREFM for my son who came to us at 5 months and we adopted him before he was a year old. We were encouraged to be foster/adopt parents because they if the child came up for adoption they would want us over a foster family that was strictly an adoptive home only because the child has already established a relationship with the foster/adopt home. We were already in the case plan to agree to adopt. I'm in California.
Yeah, it's definitely tough. I have an aunt who fostered to adopt for 2 years, and at the last second, the mom decided to get her baby back. It turned her off from fostering completely after that. For my personal situation, I think it might be best to only foster for the next couple years, until I have something bigger than a 1 bedroom apartment. But I still want to leave my options open, whatever happens, was meant to be, in a way.
How heartbreaking for your aunt AND that child!
I went through 5 years on and off and the judge changed on us.
Yea cause i never understood why for example a the situation of a 12 yr old still in the system since 2. Then my caseworker told me sometimes the fam comes in at the end and say theyll do better which drags things along. Thats sad when they keep doing that. Now a 12 year old is now out here at an age thats thought to really have a hard time getting a fam and she couldve had one a long time ago.
Great video and such an important topic to talk about. You're amazing.
There are many children cleared for adoption who are in foster care system. If people want to adopt they can do so. Although rare, I do know of someone who adopted a Native American child. They requested and got tribal approval.
Thanks for the info..we hear you Peter..it's what is in the best interest of the children..
yet if Skylar, Ryder n Bella left, am sure I would cry a puddle. Love & Blessings from Kenya
I personally know 6 families who fostered and adopted the kids they fostered.Two couples fostered to adopt because they couldn't have children and they adopted their first two placements. From what I have seen and heard each state must be different on how they do things. I personally am a adopted child although mine was a private adoption.I have always had a special place in my heart for those special little ones who need love as I know had my life turned out different it could have been my story as well.
I was adopted at 3 months old I'm 48 now and I wish I had ended up with a different set of parents I got used when old enough as a free adult babysitter and my adopted father started taking things out on me hard enough I was learning disabled and was in special education I kept people from visiting for fear they would find out about the issues 😢
Oh I'm so sorry. I was adopted and had the best parents. Several friends did as well. But I have read stories like yours. I pray some good can come out of it.
Wow! Excellent and candid advise for people who want to adopt using this route. Thank you so much for what you do for these young ones in need of LOVE and GUIDANCE! God bless you, Anthony!🙏🙏😊😊❤❤ Btw, your testimony is so AMAZING.
Wonderful information. I love the truthfulness. You are an amazing person. I appreciate your videos and spirit of family love. May God continue to bless you and your family in body, mind and spirit.
❤😊 I always loved your introduction clip. It's soothes my heart.
You are such a blessing for all these kids. It is a hard job.
Thanks for your helpful insight.
I aged out of the foster care system and had 8 placements in 6 years. Reunification was not possible (my mom became disabled) but I had no interest in adoption. At least 3 times I was moved because no one ever communicated that I didn't have interest in adoption and my foster families were only interested in foster to adopt and I was free to be adopted. It took me an extra year to graduate high school because of all the moves so it really screwed up my life. I really think this needs to be separated and people who want to adopt should be allowed to try to cherry pick the kids. I was a really good student without a lot of issues so I guess people thought I was adoptable. I wasn't interested. I had a family I wasn't able to live with. All of the foster families I had who were in it to adopt wanted orphans and had no interest in helping me see my mom who was in a care facility for people with severe brain injuries. For the kids who reunification isn't possible - there are those who really don't want to be adopted and I'm not sure everyone understands that. There are so many foster youth aging out because they don't want to be adopted, not lack of those wanting to adopt.
Thank You Sir! 😇🌻🐝
u r a great dad ,love u guys , out of Barbados
This guy is very handsome 😳😳😳🥰🥰🥰
Sorry but the captions word for “fostering” was hilarious 😂😂
Hi Peter, this was very informative. I did have a follow up question though… do states differ in their approach to this? We have two acquaintances that have adopted through a county program called “Foster To Adopt”. They did this because the cost of private American and international adoption was too high. The way it was explained to us is that the families are placed with children who have a very low likelihood of reunification, knowing that there’s of course the possibility that it may happen but they are also certified and prepared to adopt. Both families desired to adopt from the outset.
It seems like this is a good approach to keep kids from lingering on in the foster care system but I was curious to hear your thoughts! 😊
Good information Sir
Very important Topic👌
You are an angel.
That is reassuring
Do they help with medical and expenses if you just go for adoption route?
Your favorite human
💙 🏡
How do you stop yourself from getting to involved?
Activ the subtitular thanks ,please
There are a lot of kids and teenagers with the parents right terminated ready to be adopted, nobody ask for them, most people I know only wants babies.
That's because they think that if the child has been in can for many years or numerous foster homes they will be traumatized more, which can be true. Also, some of those teens don't want to be adopted because of their trauma, but they are still listed as being available to adopt. The stats you hear on the news isn't the full story.
People get the wrong idea about Foster to adoption. It just means you're a foster home open to adoption. My son was placed with me after reunification failed, no biological family stepped up, and the prior foster family wasn't open to adoption.
Is it true that most waiting children ready to be adopted are teens or have serious health or behavioral issues?
Wooow, can I be adopted too?☹️. I have reasons if u reply
Wow. I didn't know that about native American adoptions. Geez
❤🤲🙏
Thanks for mentioning Native Americans. Unfortunately, a lot of them are trafficked by CPS because there's such a high demand of non-natives wanting to adopt native kids for whatever reason. It's good to know some states are better at honouring tribes' rights.
you mean babies taken from the mother? or kids old enough to say they don’t want to be taken from the parentsp?
@@marguerilla Both.
@@BionAvastar3000I was going to share this info as well. Good to know other people know this as well and share it.
It’s unfair to the children to remain in foster care for more than a year. The instability scars them.
I can’t imagine knowing you’re getting adopted by someone who loves you and who you love only for the rug to be pulled from under your feet at the last moment.
You’d feel rejected by the family you love and thought was going to be yours. You would wonder why they didn’t want you anymore and, if these strangers really wanted you, where had they been. I’m sorry, but if these people really loved them they would let them stay in their stable, loving home.
I’m sorry, but the children are more important than any adult, even a relative.
Most of the time, it's not the choice of the foster parent.
@@StephieGsrEvolution Absolutely true. It's the fault of the system. US laws pay more attention to what parents want, not what's best for the child.
Fast forward to at least 11 minutes into this before he gets to the point. Absolutely clickbait, dude should be ashamed.
the reasons for entering care are relevant to the latter part…. hardly clickbait! hope you’ve simmered down a bit, take a few deep breaths 😅
@@marguerilla your fanboi is showing