'I'm sorry Nikolas': Parkland witness apologizes directly to Nikolas Cruz during testimony
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- čas přidán 21. 08. 2022
- Carolyn Deakins, a former friend of Parkland shooter Nikolas Cruz's biological mother, testified during the 23-year-old's sentencing for killing 17 people at Marjory Stoneman Douglas High School in South Florida. Deakins testified about doing drugs with Cruz's mother, Brenda Woodard, and the time when Woodard told her she was pregnant with Cruz. Deakins said Woodard had always planned to give the baby up for adoption. After describing how Woodard didn't want the baby, Deakins apologized to Cruz, saying "I'm sorry Nikolas but that's just the way it was."
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I don't think people realize she was apologizing for being so forthcoming and honest about his mother not wanting him. She wasn't condoning his actions. She was apologizing for the lifestyle his biological mother and her lived.
19:30
@@BenjiFriedman now he's focused
That’s what I thought as well
People are idiots.
@@BenjiFriedman thanks❤🧡💛💚💙💜🤎🖤
Honestly this woman seems to have a good heart. She's been through a lot and just wants to help people. It takes a lot to sit in the witness box and talk so openly about a shady past.
I had the exact same thoughts.
Then to apologize to Nicholas was beyond words,
I can’t imagine what Nicholas was thinking ,
he had lost both moms at this point.
This women has a good heart.
I agree 100%! I am glad she got clean and she is back with her family.
She's a good person.
I think the stress of this (and how some people are representing her) has the potential of triggering a relapse.
Here's hoping she comes through all right.
@@heathertzogas7557 she seems like a tough cookie 😊🍪
This lady seems more trustworthy and in touch with reality than most people I know who have never been addicts and think they know everything about life.
Agreed
What’s that supposed to mean exactly
Addiction doesn't turn its victims into unintelligent, inherently bad people.
Addicts come from all walks of life.
It shouldn't be surprising that she's not an evil monster or something, although I do understand the spirit of your comment.
Most non addicts or people that have never dealt with mental health issues in general aren't as understanding as people that have struggled.
@@BlessedTruly2014 I totally agree.
Unfortunately, the addicts I know very well are very childlike, immature and self centered in their thinking. I read through Alanon that they sometimes stay mentally the age that they began their addiction. But then again, my personal examples are not recovered.
Her blunt honesty makes her likeable. 25 years is impressive. I wish her a peaceful life now.
She would be a fun aunt.
She knows the way the world works and seems to be a very caring person.
This woman has been to Hell and back and is now voluntarily helping other women get out of a terrible situation. What an amazing thing that she came out on top.
If a former drug user can stay off of drugs for a long time, and they are willing to help others, rehab center hire them as a role mother for those who would like to quit.
Those are the best people to help those struggling with addiction etc…..if they’ve been there and done it then they’re truly the best to help!
She is still ticking bad so is she really sober?
@@shidehhafezi6826 amen!
@@crazydiamond4565 its not easy. She is clearly trying, it seems
What a honest witness, so glad she straighted out her life and talk so openly about it. Good for you lady.
❤️❤️❤️
Agreed...
I really respected her more than that prosecuting attorney. Reminded me of Thomas Binger, of the Kyle Rittenhouse trial. That prosecutor was also a jerk.
@@JohnSmith-ct5jd
It's his job to try to discredit or minimize the testimony of the defense's witnesses. The defense does the same thing with State's witnesses.
But yes, she had quite a compelling story to tell. I'm glad she straightened out her life and got away from drugs and alcohol.
I cannot imagine what Brenda’s children went through. The mother was so lost in drugs and hurted her kids minds and souls so badly. Her oldest daughter testimony was heart breaking.
It does not justify the horrible crime Nikolas commited but it shows what a horrific upbringing can do to a child’s mind.
Not even the upbringing so much as the drug and alchohol abuse while he was still in the womb. That'll seriously mess someone up.
What about Brenda?! Do you know what she has been through as a child?!
Absolutely. I mean obviously it doesn’t excuse what he had done but one way or the other this kid was doomed from the start. His mother is almost just as much to blame at that point. Who knows how much the drugs and alcohol effected him and his brain to where this all would have been avoided had his development in the womb had not been effected by those things.
@@konczita82 would love to know answer to that
There is also such a thing as foetal alcohol syndrome.
We see this “well put together” older woman on the stand and would never assume the past she has. She has one powerful story!
There isn’t a person alive who wouldn’t be hurt to hear that their mother never wanted them.
Yeah it was a nice act for her apologising on his mothers behalf that she did not want him as even though cruz did what he did and no apology from him would ever be enough it is still hard to hear that and not have a little sympathy and it would be nice for cruz to remain in contact with this woman as she is the cosest he will get to his birth mother
@@johnshepard8556 i don’t think he deserves that. he should not be allowed any luxury he stole from the kids and teachers at Parkland. in my opinion that should include breathing.
@@josephmiles7418 well i think its important for us as it shows our humanity fkr still treating him like a human being that he does not have
@@johnshepard8556 yeah i get that, but that treatment should only be for those capable of empathy and remorse. if there is no ability to re-enter society and be a functioning member; you should not get a roof over your head, meals, TV time, etc. on american tax dollars. prison/jail/etc should be rehabilitation for convicts capable of empathy and remorse. otherwise you do not deserve the same emotion, you deserve the same callousness you act with.
Why didn't she abort?
Brave, strong woman. She's admitting to past mistakes, and owning it in court on television for everyone to see. She's an example that people can change. She's doing this because she wants to help with her honesty.
She also has empathy. She even apologized to Cruz for having to say that his biological mother did not want him. She is really a good person.
Being a drug addict or prostitute doesn’t mean your a bad person.
@Martin Bryant not so much lol nobody gives a f about him lol
@Martin Bryant bro I’m positive… anybody who “cares” or is watching this is just hoping he get the chair… once he dies or sentenced to the rest of his life in prison… u will not see one inch of sorrow for the man bro
@@arab1705 it doesn't look like that. they giving him attention, he wanted.
“Nikolas, I’m sorry but that’s how it was.” It’s stunning to see any witness turn and address a defendant. Everyone suffered from the day this child was conceived. What a sad situation for the victims and him. Everyone.
Where's the timestamp where she stated that?
@@kevinocean523 18:58 is the question from the attorney, and her response soon after where she turned to the defendant.
Not only did this witness apologize, but she winked at him twice as she approached the witness box.
@@bridgettroberts2386 I saw the wink too! Some - perhaps most people - would find that very offensive but I thought it was very sweet. I remember being called up for jury duty in a murder trial. Everyone was glowering at the defendant but I thought, 'Innocent until proven guilty and all that - he's probably not getting many smiles at this point' so I smiled at him. Needless to say, I was disqualified. Ironically, when the facts of the case came out and I found out he'd been found not guilty I was disappointed. If I'd stayed on the jury, I'd have voted 'guilty'. Excuse the segue way.
@@AnnabelleCharrier glad you were excused from the jury then.
Nikolas hardly raises his head but here you see him actually forget himself and raises his head throughout to listen to her talk about his mother.
It just shows the importance of parenthood,that even a monster can still feel something for his birth mum.
Parents please love your kids and if you know you won't be a good one,be responsible and not have any.
Edit:Im glad my comment thread has turned into a serious conversation about morality and gun laws.
People (THOSE)Who show empathy towards Nick are not welcomed here though.
Not a monster sombody who was tired of living just chose the worst way to end hes I hope he find GOD
@@KINGRIZZO I call anybody who shoots up a school monster. But I guess I just value human life or something crazy like that. This animal needs to be put down the same way you'd put down any wild animal that killed kids.
@@KINGRIZZO Him finding GOD won’t bring back the innocent lives he so selfishly and heinously stole
@@lorriedeedamas9260 couldn’t agree no more than u agree on but he’s alive god forgave a murderer b4 he have a chance to repent
100% and you can have parents but that doesn’t mean they’re good parents. The importance of people and their words…. And how powerful words and the way you treat and raise people is.
Imagine seeing this woman in the grocery store…would you ever think she lived the life she did? This is just another example of why we need to treat people with kindness and empathy. It’s about a damn miracle she’s still here. This is just wild. It’s extremely sad that this kid had the start to life that he did, but it absolutely does not excuse his actions. So much devastation, it’s really unbearable.
Props to this woman for speaking so openly and mostly for defeating her demons and now working to help others.
Very well said!
Facts
@@jbladen11 So true... When you look at my profile picture, do I look like someone who did meth for 30 years and heroin for 10? I've been clean for 4 years now.
So true..
I see it as an explanation not an excuse
I’m surprised no one time stamped the apology.
Edit: The apology starts at 19:30. Just in case you don’t want to sit through all of this.
thank you i was searching through the comments for this lol
Thank you! I was looking for this comment!
👍🏾
Respect earned 🙏
W
She is walking proof that it's never too late to redeem yourself and become a better person.
She needs to write an autobiography! I believe so many people would read it , some may relate and it could help others see that recovery can be possible . Her part of recovery is admitting her faults, apologizing and being so raw is a huge step in this process of recovery! I feel being so open and vulnerable in the public eye is so brave yet difficult as their will always be judgement , especially opening up on the stand , this takes tremendous strength & courage. I’m humbled by her and beyond proud of this women!
I love this lady
Read the book a mother wrote about the mother of Adam Lanza. If you don’t all remember, he did the Sandy Hook shootings that took an entire room of children along with the teacher and some of the faculty.
I probably would. I am a ex addict and any person older and a longer addict than I ever was, they were people I remember even in the struggles we were all dealing with.
Her story is not unusual. Thousands lik her. Thousands dead in jail murdered or dead by suicide r overdose.
Roman didn't consent to existence.
She’s so lovely. I hope she knows how many people are proud of her. I’m glad she beat addiction.
🙌🏾🙌🏾EXACTLYYYYY.. yes 👏🏾 yesss !!! May she be blessed 😇 beyond her years !!! She should be proud of herself & sobriety 🙌🏾💕
I would love for her to do a full podcast just about her life she’s such a good story teller and her memory is so good she even takes you back to the moment the way she speaks
I hope she reads these comments one day and sees how positive people are speaking about her and her honesty.
I wish she could read all of these comments. So much love for her, and she deserves it all. ❤️
@@joemcmurtrey1whatever she’s a drug addict prostitute if she was dark skinned she’d be in jail
This lady needs to write a book about her experience and recovery ... So honest and forthright.. Bless you
I was just thinking the same thing, especially since she’s got such a jovial personality and the ability to tell a good story.
Literally a billion others with the same exact story. Drugs, abuse, gut wrenching heart ache. It's a life many of us live. No books need written. Just a little respect givin so people don't go BACK to the crazy.
I wanna see it play out on a big screen ! She would totally be able to help a lot of people and use the money she makes to the cause she’s already working on with the women she helps 🙏🏾💪🏾
@@MrDumbass420 a life lived doesn’t have to be spectacularly unique for it to be a story worth being told. Perhaps in her case BECAUSE so many people have and will continue to walk her same path.
Every person is a little universe unto themselves, and when they’re gone, it’s like a whole sky blinking out. Her life is worth knowing about- and she IS in the unique position of having gone through something that eventually takes the life of most people it touches, with the clarity of being on the other side of it never to be reached. She’s reached it. It’s a valuable perspective.
Agree..it could help a lot people 👌🏾
Before this woman started telling her story, I would never assumed she spent the 80s and 90s living that kinda of life. She looks more innocent than my grandmother who never drank, never took drugs. She didn't even smoke cigarettes. Carolyn is a good example of why it's not to late, that you can change what the world thinks about you. You don't have to stay and die as the addict you may think you are in the world eyes. It's never to late to turn your life around, to become a respectful member of society. Be the change you want to see in the world.
Agreed. I thought she was just some nice old lady neighbor of Cruz’s family at first.
She has confronted her past and doesn’t let it define her anymore. It’s the key to getting clean, forgiving herself. That’s part of why so many addicts are addicts, they hate who they’ve become, on top of whatever led them to that lifestyle in the first place. They’re hiding from it. It’s why she’s so honest, if you start to hide from it, you’re going to end up right back where you were.
i didnt read the description of the video and thought she was a teacher
@@lamelinna I thought she was Nikolas Cruz mother at first.
Wtf is this????
Finally, an honest witness. Makes me really sad just hearing her story and Cruz having to endure all that brain damage. Not justifying the murdering, but it is sad to see how sin brought about more sin.
😓😓
1 John 3:9 🎉
As it always does!
Her sobriety has everything to do with her admitting her truth for everyone to see. She has done the steps. That is a really beautiful thing good for her!!
100% agreed. I'm glad to see so many supportive comments here, can't be easy for her to be reliving her past for the world to see. Have to say I thought she did really well. She didn't ask to be there, but fulfilled her duty.
Agreed
Odaat ♥️ 18 years here.
I’m a RN who has worked iN addiction nursing for 25+ yrsPeople who battle addiction to anything have such a struggle and they need all our support. I see all their pain while they are in the Detox unit. It breaks my heart. So many times people say to me why do I work with addicts. I get so upset by this. They need me just as much as any patient. I’m so happy this lady is doing this l and helping others.
Maybe.
As a recovering addict, almost 20 years clean, I understand her being confused about some of the things that happened so long ago. In my case I was so ashamed of myself for the ppl I hurt that I couldn’t live with myself. I blocked a lot of those years because if I hadn’t I was afraid the depression would drive me back to the drugs. She is courageous and being as honest as she can. This must be so hard for her. Thank God she got and stayed sober. It’s extremely hard to do. God bless her.
@2eggs Over easy thank you ❤️
Same here Lynn. Even after 22 years sober there are still many things I don’t remember. My son is 30 now and it’s hard living with all the things I missed when he was younger. He was what kept me going and kept me from going off the deep end. Life isn’t always easy even after all this time, but it’s sure better than any day when I was using. I keep praying for those that are still out there struggling with addiction because it truly is hell on earth.
@@heatherhughes2955 🙏 that’s great. Congratulations 🎈
I agree. I was really getting annoyed with that prosecutor for picking at her the way he did. Jerk.
❤️❤️❤️
You know you have forgiven yourself for your past when you can talk about it so open and honestly to the world and not be concerned about judgement. She has such a story to tell and it needs to be heard. I hope someone offers her a book deal. Such an amazing soul
Absolutely, well said
Lol yall are crazy. This women is just as bad as Brenda but got a year sentence and got scared straight. Imagine if they got back to that house and smoked them 5 rocks up and who knows what happens from there. Why are yall d riding her lolllll
As someone who has a history of alcohol abuse, I admire this woman so much. She came to the stand and was raw and honest. It's not always easy being transparent with others about your old ways as an alcoholic and/or addict.
@ash.marie.87 True, especially if you trying to forget
@TheKimberlydw I hated the taste of alcohol until I got used to it. its still nasty but not as repulsive as it once was to me
@TheKimberlydw I'm sorry to hear that she never did seek out the help that she so desperately needs. My heart breaks for you. Family members go through so much suffering seeing a loved one self destruct. It isn't fair for the family at all.
@@debbieangel9376 You want to try and forget it, but sobriety means coming clean with everything & sharing your testimony. 😊
She is very likeable. Her honesty is greatly appreciated. She should be proud of how far she has come. She is a testament to the reality that people can change, if they want to.
Amen 🙏 I
Definitely. She is still alive!!
YES YES YES. 🤍
absolutely
Putting everything aside--- it must be wild for Nikolas to hear all about his biological mother's life and biological sister's life for the first time
I agree, what he done is absolutely horrible but this is horrible to hear how unwanted you were even before you were born. What a tragic life
No doubt
I doubt it's the first time, his lawyers probably prepared him for this but yeah it's probably a lot to hear.
@@kathy411 Heartbreaking.
Yes, and she abused drugs & alcohol while pregnant & paternity was not certain. I am glad she chose adoption. Babies born from addiction have it tough getting on. Effects can be lasting until who knows when. This whole thing is horrible.
If anyone was falling asleep in court she sure woke them up with her stories. God Bless that she survived all of this.
I’m 13 years clean from the same drugs as her. I came so close to going down the same path she did but thankfully cleaned up before it was too late. I can’t even bear to think about that time in my life so I know how incredibly difficult this must be for her to talk about publicly.
Hey! I just want you to know I’m proud of you! You’re amazingly strong and what you have done takes so much bravery ❤
@@along58 Thank you ❤️
🎉my story as well,and I’m so very glad that I had a change of heart and mind do not continue down that road. I’ll be 62 years next month and I am enjoying my grandkids so much and, as well as I enjoy being with my beautiful dog that I love so dearly, that’s alcohol people can change. One of these great quotes” you have to clear the past, before you see the present, to get to the future”!🎉I’m so proud of US 😉 BLESS YOU MY DEAR ALWAYS GIVING THANKS TO GOD THAT MADE US AND GAVE US OUR BEAUTIFUL SIGHT TO SEE, OUR MOUTH AND TASTE BUDS TO TASTE ALLLLL THESE MARVELOUS FOODS ECT…. OUR EARS TO HEAR THE BEAUTIFUL WORDS IN A SMALL SERMON,OR SIMPLY HEAR GODS WORDS ON YOUR EARPHONES 😅TO HEAR BEAUTIFUL MUSIC..I CAN JUST GO ON..AND ON….Thank you for sharing CONTINUE TO KEEP YOUR HEART AND EYES ON THE RIGHT AND LIGHT PATH…SENDING YOU AND ALL THAT ARE STILL SUFFERING OUT THERE STRONG AND LOVING PRAYERS…🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🙏🏼🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺🌺👼👼👼👼👼👼🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️👍👍👍👍👍👍👍😉😉👏👏👏👏
I don't know who you are, but I am very proud of you. That takes an incredible amount of strength. I wish you nothing but the best.
This lady is so pure in her answers. She tells the absolute truth. And she even had the decency to apologize to Nicholas about his mother. I am so impressed with her cleaning up her life and do good to others. May God bless her.
This demon doesn’t deserve decency. He’s a fungus that needs the anti-fungal treatment
The title is click bait… she didn’t say sorry to him as if she feels bad for him or to spit in the victims face. She was being honest and felt bad how blunt she was about the fact that his mom didn’t want him. I hate when media outlets lie or clickbait titles!
At 19:31 she does exactly say "I'm sorry Nikolas it's the way it was"
@@victoriabagwell8426 media should post it exactly the way it is.
This channel has done nothing but clickbait clips from this trial. Feels kind of gross.
@@victoriabagwell8426 She says "Nikolas I'm sorry". Not the other way around. If you're going to quote someone, use their words correctly and don't mash them. That's the whole point of the quotation system.
Exactly I was looking to see what she is apologizing about!
Mad respect for this lady! I've known so many who go through their entire lives without being able to stay clean and sober. My adoptive Mama has just made 25 years clean and sober after leaving my Dad. My Dad unfortunately is almost 70 and is still a hard-core user. I've watched my Mom overcome things most do not and she is my true life hero. This woman is giving back to society. Mad props!
It is so difficult to escape an addiction and lifecycle like that. I hope that she lives out the rest of her life in peace, feeling fulfilled by her work supporting others like her. It’s truly moving to hear her story.
💯
She's well spoken. We can't change our past but we sure can change our future with positive thinking, attitude and a will to change.
Yep. All we can do is learn and move on, life goes on make it count! 😀
@@McBryce0 Yup..Learn and move on..Without a doubt!
It's a lot more than a positive attitude or will. Kind of a naive view. It's a lot of really hard work and usually it takes something so awful happening that you don't have a choice anymore. And sometimes it's nothing because the life you lived is so horrible and without love and full of trauma your brain is disabled from it. Jesus gets people sober sometimes. A lot of times it's getting so sick you're in the hospital or going to prison. It's not a bad mindset that gets people so low. Life is fkn hard for some people.
@@mobius4897 Hard work and dedication comes from positive thinking, attitude and a will to change. Thanks.
Why wouldn’t she be well spoken. She’s still human she’s not garbage
Kudos to Carolyn Deakins, she got out of that vicious cycle and got herself a better life! So candid and super honest.
She doesn’t look it at all! Her hair is Devine!
I relate so much to her in terms of her life as an addict. She’s a miracle, every recovering addict is a miracle. Never thought I’d get out of that life alive. Good for her ❤️
I know I'm a stranger on the internet...but I want you to know that I am so proud of you!!! Keep a-pushing, one day at a time💙💙
@@lifeofatruckerswife believe it or not, it actually means alot more coming from a stranger. Thank you so much for this ❤️
Queen Dee congrats on your sobriety! I often think back and wonder how I made it out too! I was in active addiction 15 yrs and sober for 2 yrs and 5 months now
@@KT06 Congratulations
@@KT06 sister, that’s amazing. I’m really proud of you! ❤️ I got 4 years myself, and I know now hard that 2 year mark is for a lot of addicts, including myself. It’s huge you have made it as far as you have. So much love & respect ❤️
I hope she reads all these comments and feels the love for her and her journey. Real people. Hollywood couldn’t write this. So beautiful to feel this woman’s strength and heart.🙏✨🙏
This is both fascinating and sad.
My thoughts exactly
I don’t think anything is fascinating about it and no never live my life that way but still don’t give that boy any reason to do what he has done it is shameful did they even put her on the stand and I don’t understand where this Brenda woman keeps coming in to play but I haven’t watch this whole thing either but neither girls lies should be put in a telescope like this. You can’t help the boy any
@Evelyn Finney to some people it will be fascinating, we all find different things interesting/fascinating.
Brenda is his birth mother. I presume they’re trying to prove that he had a bad start in life - ie put up for adoption by his drink and drug addicted, prostitute and thief of a birth mother who never wanted him. Also, I imagine they’ll be going along the lines of him having FAS (Foetal Alcohol Syndrome) and damage due to the drugs taken by his birth mother during gestation. putting this woman on the stand will, I assume, be an attempt to prove she was drinking and taking drugs throughout the pregnancy. FAS can have a significant impact of the development of the brain and all of the associated functions, I assume they’re trying to show that he doesn’t think/function as a ‘normal’ person would, and thus this is a mitigating factor and a reason to consider a life sentence over the death sentence.
Fascinating???
@@Roccom856 I have a couple Crackheads in my family. It's not that fascinating to me. Maybe to someone who doesn't know anyone like that this is fascinating?! I dunno 🤷♀️.
I don't know what the prosecutor wants from her. She's being as honest as she could be, even at her own expense.
I think it’s because the defense is clearly ill prepared with there questioning of witnesses! Melissa McNeil just asked her “what did Brenda drink” twice! You would think that McNeil would have not asked the same question after she said “colt 45”
She's a character witness.
She DOES not need to apologize to anyone , she’s awesome and I hope people tell her that.
Doesn't need to at all ! She has nothing to be sorry for... But, you can tell she IS sorry, but, because of someone else's actions.
Agreed! I hope she reads these comments and sees how nicely people talk about her.
It helps her feel better to say it. Probably wishes she could have helped make things different:
She's an enabler.
You can really tell she regrets her past and has changed for the better. Captivated by her story.
If you saw her on the street, not in a million years would you think she had this history. She literally seems like anyone’s rural American meemaw.
Well except for the constant tweeker twitch of her mouth.
@@Lonesome__Dove that’s called nerves
@@jaymerosebrethour3371 yeah okay.
She would be an awesome meemaw.
Seriously. I want to have some sweet tea and conversation with this amazing woman. And then help her write her book. God bless you mam
She’s very honest, it’s great she has her life together, must have been a terrible life, this is what happens to unwanted children
Not all. I was unwanted. And even had to STAY with a mother that didn't want me. She wouldn't feed me. I weighed 45 pounds at 10 years old. 89 pounds at 18. She started leaving me home alone at age 4. She took my child support money and went on vacations without me. College time came and there was nothing for me for college. Im still in therapy over my childhood. I left out the worst parts. Never in my life did I even want to kill her, much less anybody else.
This is not what happens to unwanted children. I totally disagree. Not to mention he wasn't raised by his biological mom. He was adopted by a successful family who wanted him. So..
@@roxannemoser you know one of the most disappointing parts of life is that most people who are well-to-do will not take help or assistance because they don't want the liability of being obligated to reciprocate to anybody else and that is sad but what is even more sad is that the people like you who deserve all the help to make what was done to you right are neglected because nobody from the affluent side of the tracks wants to venture into the impoverished side because they have to risk life & limb. Also the wealthy tend to not associate with the not wealthy because they will be obligated to give all they have to the poor. So that leaves giving to charity but it's so impersonal, like throwing money into the ether and not knowing who it benefited or how. But that is SO wrong, a burning injustice, that someone like you endures/endured alone. You should be integrated with society who support you and lift you up and go after the ones who wronged you so egregiously.
I’m unwanted, alone, isolated and multiple mental disorders yet ive never thought of even harming a single person
Catherine you are just telling that lie because you are pro preborn baby murder (aka pro-abortion/pro-choice). This is not what happens any more to "unwanted" versus wanted children. Stop trying to justify the fact that you have monstrously hired hitmen to "off" your precious preborn babies.
I love this woman... She put it all out there. So honest. She seen and did it all !! Has nothing to lose. No drama. She is putting it all out there. She must be so torn.
I do too. She was brave to be a witness in a trial that went viral.
She probably had nothing to lose back then but certainly does now, but I get what you're saying.
Brutal honesty, that must be apart of how she's been staying clean.
God Bless her. Her struggle did not defeat her. I love this woman.
Me too ;)
This must have been a very difficult day for her. I hope she gets back home to her family and knows she's a survivor. It may have been who she was, but not who she is today or tomorrow.
“Because, a long time ago, someone did that for me.” Nice woman.
What a wonderful woman. I admire her honesty and strength.
Happy for her that she is sober! Had to be hard to relive the lowest moments of her life…
I know that there will be many haters….but I do respect her for speaking the truth.
So many will judge her, even after 25 years of sobriety.
She doesn’t condone the actions of the school shooter at all….she is just here to tell the truth of what was happening at that time.
I admire the heck out of her for speaking the truth about what she recounts, and I absolutely believe her. She never once tries to sugar coat her past.
I admire her honesty completely!
You are so correct. I was addicted to crack cocaine. I’m 16 years sober, thank God. There’s ppl who still consider me to be a “dopehead”. Those are the ppl who will make you relapse if you let them. I am lucky enough to have a close relationship with God and still fight the shame and depression. I pray a lot 🙏
I judge her as having tremendous courage and remarkable candor.
@@lynnc8188 "That is what some of you WERE" 1 Cor 6:11 Don't let anyone shame you back into addiction. Eph 4:22-24🙏
@@susanbajjada2960 People might think I am crazy but to me the crack was like being possessed by a demon. The good Lord has gotten rid of him for me. I prayed and prayed and I don’t think I have even had a slight craving for probably 10 years. God is good. Thanks for your lovely comment.
@@lynnc8188 Hey Lynn -- YOU MATTER!!! YOU are WORTHY and DESERVE a peaceful and contented life!! I wish for you ALL that you want to BE in your life.
Ms Carolyn if you read this you look GOOD! Good job on your recovery
She really does
This woman had been thru so much and she is so strong to be able to talk about it ❤️
This woman is so fascinating to watch, you can see she has had a hard exterior but a big heart inside.
This testimony is eye-opening and heartbreaking, how drugs can destroy a person's life, the effects on their families and the community. It's painful because some don't even seek help like she says. How could we as a society prevent this from happening again? But this doesn't change the fact of what he did and the pain he's caused.
no, nothing will ever change what he did but it certainly makes it clearer
@@WRMRanch Yes! 100% agree! Very true
@@WRMRanch Once we're all dead and that, no-one will remember or even care.
Change the laws on drugs, stop the war on drugs. Create laws that decriminalize drugs. I understand people are afraid of that but please don’t be confused with making it legal. Decriminalization means that a once-banned drug is still prohibited by law, but the legal system will no longer prosecute or criminalize a person for carrying under a certain amount. The USA has to also have socialized medical treatments for rehab centers, Ibogaine clinics be an option, and other treatments available. The reality is addicts are medicating themselves to treat a mental illness, or was injured and got hooked on pain meds either way the drug war is a war on sick people nothing more.
Sadly they have to want the help :( otherwise they’ll just take everyone down with them
She had a tough life, but comes over direct, no lies. And helping now others......congratulations
And finally bought her own home! Truly a success story ❤️
This person has been through so much pain. My heart reaches out to hers. Much respect to her.
This woman was brutally honest … seems like a nice woman who got her life together
Imagine if ALL childrens' childhood trauma was considered when they committed crimes. Half of the people in prison wouldn't BE there. CPS is a joke.
Plenty of people are declared unfit to stand trial by insanity. Are you new?
Tottally
@@jotunblod New to what, exactly? I don't believe you understand the point. As a matter of fact, I am sure that you don't. Reading is fundamental. Comprehension is key.
@@m.0605 New to the criminal justice system, which you surely are with the "just imagine" fantasy angle. You didn't sit in those trials. I'm sure the overwhelming majority had an excuse and failed to admit guilt. Also you act like Cruz is going to be found innocent with this revelation. You're emotional and it's good you aren't in the courtroom.
@@jotunblod And THAT is what you took from that statement? 🤔 Again.....COMPREHENSION IS KEY. 🙄
Hearing how his mother felt and how she wanted nothing to do w him...may be a crueler punishment than the death penalty
Not if your mother was like his mother. Having nothing to do with him was a favor....
@@pogo9876 I agree with you, but I think no matter what it hurts people deeply and sticks with people regardless. Especially since you kept the sister.
@@ashleymcmeakin8590 yikes yeah especially since the sister was kept and his adoptive brother didn't treat him good
@@ashleymcmeakin8590 Not always. It depends on the person, people involved and the situation. There's so many variables. Every situation and person is different. And also, feelings change. Some people who do feel pain over such situations are able to cope. Others not so much. What would be troublesome or worrisome to you may be nothing to someone else and vice versa.....
@@MargauxNeedler my thoughts exactly
She is such a strong woman. I wish her continued luck on her journey to healing and living out the rest of her life in peace.
Here's a guy that was disowned before he was even born, who then took lives that were wanted even before they were born. Such is life. Good begets good, bad begets bad.
This was an amazing statement
I like her. She calls it as she sees it. But still doesn't support any reason or excuse to be lenient on Nicholas. He needs to pay for what he's done, being a damaged person or not.
Literally nobody is trying to make excuses for him. There simply adding additional info to his background. Even the defense stated themselves that there is no defense for a crime this wild, there simply trying avoiding death penalty.
Think about it. Aren't we ALL damaged in some way? Everybody goes through something.
@@roxannemoser no they really don’t.. what a privileged thing to think lol
He will pay guess it just depends if you believe in the death penalty or not, I don’t personally but respect that some people do
@@austinjack2706 fair point. I personally do believe in the death penalty for criminals whose actions cannot be disputed. If a death penalty isnt warranted For a guy killing 17 kids, I don't know what crime will.
Wow. This lady. Just wow. Very honest.
What a strong woman. To go through what she went through and made changes to become a better person. Amazing. I know that there are many others like her.
Very brave of this woman to talk about the lowest parts of her life in an open court. I feel for her, and I’m so glad to see that she turned her life around.
Right! Because the whole world is watching
I am so grateful that I have never had to deal with this sort of thing in my life. I have great empathy for this lady and the life she has battled to overcome. I wish her peace and happiness in the days ahead.
This is such a kind and thoughtful comment. Many who haven’t been touched by addiction in their own lives can often be judgmental about the people who have, especially to the level that she was involved in drugs and prostitution. It’s easy for *me* to empathize with her because I’ve been there (for the addiction part)- I really appreciate seeing the empathy from someone who hasn’t 💜
@@PrincessPoohs plenty of us out here think the same way as Jim. I've never touched drugs and barely drink, but I always feel terrible for people with addiction issues. Life is hard and it's tough that a few bad choices can destroy large parts of a life.
OMG, these attorneys are seriously ridiculous. I'm confused, what the heck does it matter if she thought or knew that Nick was conceived by rape or a trick? What the heck does it matter if Carolyn did or didn't have drugs in her pockets on the arrest day in '98? I mean come on...this is such wasted time here. Bottom line....17 people were brutally murdered and it's more than obvious that Brenda was an addict before, during, and after Nick's birth. He was a victim of her drug usage and I am sure it caused him to develop severe mental issues and disabilities leading him to become a murderer. He will rightfully spend the rest of his life locked up contemplating his actions. I commend Carolyn for speaking her truth with dignity and for being sober for over 25 years. That is not easy to do and I am sure all of this brought up memories she long thought were put away. She isn't on trial but she was certainly treated like it and still kept her composer.
This lady, she is putting herself through this, re-living the parts of her life she has clearly battled to come to terms with ever since they happened and she does it just to see if it could get a fuller picture. it won’t change anything about the terrible events but god bless her for putting herself out there. What a special soul.
I cannot imagine what Brenda’s children went through. The mother was so lost in drugs and hurted her kids minds and souls so badly. Her oldest daughter testimony was heart breaking. The consequences of these types of upbringing are not surprising.
Worst part is, the daughter of branda the half sister of nikolas got life in prison:(
They carry her genes, that's why they end up the way they've done. I have known many children of addicted parents who came out fine and kind/understanding. And there are also angry rats like them who act in the scheme of "my way or the highway". They pretend to be pitiful infront of you for favors, but when turn around, they bully other weaker/poorer people. Stop excusing these scumbags' decisions and actions. Many people have had a harder life than them, they've got people who helped and gave them shelters, food, assistance.. thru out their life, but they just couldn't stick to being good. They chose to be bad, they chose to be angry at others if things don't go their way. There's nothing which can fix psychopathy. They just need to GO!
Praise Jesus for this testimony and her courage!! I am a domestic violence survivor, 23 years off drugs and 6 years sober. Many people stigmatized me and refused to help me, but ONE elderly woman did help me, and I now I can help others--despite now being a wheelchair user. It's easy to judge others, it's hard to help
Need to talk
Yes.
This woman is a recovering addict. They can't remember a lot of ish...but it doesn't take away from the fact that this boy's mom was a drug addict while she was pregnant with HIM.
After listening to this woman I will never complain about my life again. I am humbled.
This really makes me wonder what kind of childhood and homelife Brenda herself had growing up? Was she a victim of abuse? What led her to this kind of lifestyle? This is just so sad
I forgot about the apology time mark. And just was so interested in her life with his mom and herself. The stuff they went through, rough life, drugs and getting into the bad. I enjoyed listening to her story. Very well spoken and eye opening. People can change. God bless her.
Me too
Ms. Deacons, you don’t have to apologize for showing your emotions. You are brave and strong and you are an inspiration. God bless you!!!
how triggering this must be for this lady breaking my heart
Some people should NEVER have children! What a shame! So many heartbreaking stories because of Brenda! 🥺
makes me wonder what was Brenda's life like when she was just a baby . what type environment she was exposed to . maybe her parents where just like her . its like a chain and you just keep adding links .
@@TheMohawk102 It's definitely multi-generational.
I get that it’s the lawyers job but I felt bad for her when the other attorney questioned her. You could tell it upset her that he was pretty much saying she lies. I think she was being open and honest and sharing a lot of private and embarrassing things. And being as accurate as she could be after so many years of alcohol and drug abuse. I wanted to hear and understand everything she had to say but to me it doesn’t change anything. He did what he did and he has to pay for these horrific murders. It does give some insight but it changes nothing.
There was no reason for the prosecuting attorney to examine her the way he did. She was providing credible testimony about things that happened 20 years ago and it was clear she was doing her best to be honest. He didn’t need to harp on details to try and make her sound like a liar-she had a tough life as is and deserves respect for coming forward to share here-but cross examiner was acting like she was the one on trial not the monster shooter.
@@misstwizzletoes9421 exactly that shits disgusting, “just like ur unsure about the drugs being in ur front pocket right”
Like bruh it takes a lot to go up there on television infront of thousands maybe millions and admit to that, she didn’t have to make herself be looked down upon like that, because most people hear drug prostitute and e immediately categorize her as garbage. She didn’t have to do that, nor is she justifying him she’s just giving her testimony to the best of her ability
@@misstwizzletoes9421 Agreed! I’ve disliked how the prosecution has handled some of the witnesses in cross. Especially this lady and Cruz’s sister. These people aren’t getting up there because they want to, nor are they getting up there to defend anyone. They didn’t ask for any of this. To get up on the stand and testify in front of potentially millions of strangers about the most painful aspects of your past is extremely difficult and taxing. Nobody wants to share those kinds of things with the world on a public stage that is being recorded and will forever be on the internet associated with your name. I told very few people in my life that I grew up with an abusive father. Your conscious of the fact that people might look down on you for it, even if it was beyond your control (or in this lady’s case, even if she has changed for the better and has been sober for several decades). I can’t imagine having to go on the stand in a highly publicized trial with people all over the world watching and be expected to detail the painful parts of my own experience.
I commend these people for being strong and courageous to share their story, shortcomings, poor choices and traumatic past. It’s disgusting how the prosecution has treated them with such a poor attitude and disrespect, as if they had anything to do with what Nikolas did. Normally for witnesses like this, who aren’t involved in any way with the crime and are just honestly sharing difficult details of their lives to provide background information, whichever side is doing the cross examination (whether prosecution or defense) typically treats them with a lighter/gentler approach and isn’t so harsh, which is how it should be. His demeanor and some of his questions are 100% unnecessary with this witness, and he’s just making the prosecution look bad, which does no favors with the jury.
I agree with what everybody here is saying. I was glued to her’s and Cruz’s sister’s story. I felt bad for both of them. I can’t imagine the stress this put on both of them.
@@firstnamekaty8830 ok feel bad for a murderer
I can’t believe how many unnecessary questions are being asked and it’s happened throughout this trial.
Because the lawyer isn't good at her job or shes just trying to pound it in the brains of the jury that Nikolas is somehow the victim here.
i know…. why do we need to know what this womans favorite beer is.
I think they’re trying to justify his mental health could’ve been impacted by all the drug alcohol abuse he endured while he was in the womb. I might be wrong. There was one point she said his mum had a slightly stronger beer than normal.
Just get it over with . No question, he's quilty
@@karencooper6634 Correct. I really can’t see why they’re wasting so much time and money on so many unnecessary questions
I feel sorry for this lady. She had a shady past, she overcame it and it’s like she’s on trial during this
Exactly! I wanted to ask what the hell the prosecutions point was as he attacked her memory. Take a psych 101 class for gods sake and actually learn about memory. Especially in the traumatized brain. She’s opening wounds for the world to see that haunt her every day and doesn’t have any reason to lie about the details she wasn’t sure about. More importantly, none of it was significant to the case. So was the point to berate her again for her past mistakes? Something she’s undoubtedly done herself throughout a lifetime? Perhaps his own life experiences have formulated a negative view of addicts to such a degree that he had to pointlessly try to embarrass her. By all means sir, feed into the lack of education the justice system has and exercises about mental health and addiction. He acted completely inappropriately to her candid and difficult story. What an embarrassment he was in those moments. She should be proud that SHE pulled herself out of the addiction and lifestyle. So proud, because as she stated in the beginning, a person has to want to and really commit to that kind of change. I applaud her.
I hope that her story is helpful to others.
can’t imagine what he’s feeling having to hear (quite bluntly) that his mother didn’t want him and being referred to as a “trick baby.” that’s got to hurt.
This woman could save so many lives because she is a major success story! WOW what a STRONG HONEST FORTHCOMING person. How did she get herself clean for 25 years!! Just AMAZING WOMAN! What sheer guts. God Bless this woman.
I’ve met a couple of former prostitutes, that are also recovered addicts. They are all like this lady. Kind, honest, with a history of abuse that led them to that lifestyle. It’s amazing how they can overcome such a difficult life and become the wonderful women they were meant to be.
I love this lady. She’s real.
She’s lucky to be alive . People need to hear stories like hers to learn the realities of life . My heart goes out to her .
I L-O-V-E this woman's honesty about her past. She is a woman to look up to because she has truly been there❣️
She's not honest. She may be trying to be. However she would have told that many lies in the past she doesn't know what's real and what's not. They convince themself a lie is the truth.
This lady has a testimony to share. So touching to see where she came from to today. God bless this lady
I would give my right arm to be able to speak to the woman personally. I am in awe.
This took alot of courage for this woman to talk about what was probably the most embarrassing time of her life. God bless her in her endeavor to continue on the clean path
I strive to be so open and honest as this woman.
What a beautiful soul.
This woman’s resolve is something that you do not see in very many people.
Very inspiring story. Glad she found a better life, she deserves it.
Drugs done by a Mother who has no regard for her own life let alone the innocent baby inside her has such a horrible effect. No excuse for what he’s done but my gosh what a horrible start he had! I feel like his biological mother felt like since she was giving him up for adoption that all those drugs and alcohol was just fine for her to. Such a very selfish human, but again most drug addicts are
Quite narrow minded in your judgements there. These subjects are not so simplistic and linear in causation as you want them to be. Far, far more complex than simply "selfish."
Quite narrow minded in your judgements there. These subjects are not so simplistic and linear in causation as you want them to be. Far, far more complex than simply "selfish."
You are 💯 % correct. Druggies are selfish, scum and use everyone around them.
then nikolas ends up on anti depressants for most of his life.. and his new parents both dying
Execute is just all torn up because someone actually has sympathy for a devil
Oh Lady interrogator, she's told you that they were addicted to drugs and alcohol, please stop asking her what they were planning to do with the beer and cocaine.
How in the world does this relate to the case?
I don't personally agree with the death penalty, but if you are going to have it, this is what it's for. Pretty much every criminal has a sad story in the background.
Exactly! I have my Masters in Social Work and have worked as a Trauma Therapist. My college dissertation was about childhood trauma and prostitution in adulthood. 100% of prostitutes were exposed to trauma in childhood. It’s a vicious cycle of abuse.
Death would be a kindness over life in prison tbh. It should be about protecting people, not punishing criminals especially when they can't be rehabilitated, and life in prison would just be cruel.
@@taylorellison2719 now that it's revealed that he has actual brain damage the possibility for capital punishment goes down
@@taylorellison2719 and that’s exactly what trauma survivors and addicts hate is sitting across from some person who has book knowledge of it and hasn’t lived a second of it.
she clearly worked the streets for a long time, and she gotta relive it now. i mean, circumstances are what they are. sucks for everyone involved. this whole thing is horrible.
She looks amazing tho…the hair color is amazing
Do you think the attorney calling her by the wrong last name was accidental?
Of course lol
The guy had it bad since before he was born. He’s all messed up! It’s no excuse for what he did but he truly went through so much!
RIP to all the victims
It proves that mental illness is a very big contributing factor when crimes happen IMO.
It shows exactly how easy it is to go down a bad road and then allow that trauma to trickle down. Then add in fetal alcohol syndrome and mental illness. My mom was similar to Brenda in a sense. My father raised my from age 4 but allowed visits. I forgave her in time and have done my best to go in the opposite direction. I’m proud of where I am but have I had similarities ABSOLUTELY
@@camillerodriguez5161 I always try to tell people that but people will always try to say I’m wrong !
@@beautifiedpro8712 I think most people won’t understand until they’ve lived with mental illness or have seen it in their daily life. The mind is a powerful thing and it can go either way, if left untreated things can get very dark for some people.
@@camillerodriguez5161 Mental illness is different than being born drug addicted and with obvious fetal alcohol syndrome. FAS is mental retardation, not mental illness.
She did the best she could. Being on drugs destroys you. It tears up your brain. The lawyer was trying to do his lawyer stuff but she’s doing the best she can. She’s trying to remember what she can.
I personally don’t understand why the cross exam tried so hard to impeach the witness when the witness was to the character of the mother. Kinda weird.
I have so much respect for this woman regarding what she did in the past, she very honest about her past life.
Imagine your mom's a drugging monster you feel not wanted and you sit there hearing you be called a trick baby that your mom didn't care about or want and you have no clue who your father is. I don't condone what he did by no means but it makes my heart hurt this kid fealt he had no choice in life and no love. He did a terrible thing but I feel so bad he had no love or hope.
He has been all alone his whole life
Yeah and he’s one of hundreds of thousands. No excuse, cut the crap
@@MsKolo90 Wasn't an excuse I said It was terrible thing! I still can have hurt in my heart for any human being even if they did something terrible.
@@MsKolo90 people dont commit atrocities in a vacuum… thats just the truth. There are factors to how he ended up the way he is.. just the truth. Thats not condoning anything, he deserves death
@@themontgomeryc I was abused by a parent , causing harm to others never crossed my mind.
People have no idea how parents like Brenda can really screw a child up. It's hard for those who have not been there and who pass all this judgment, but you cannot believe what those kids have been through.
What about Brenda?! Do you know what she has been through as a child?! Maybe her parents screw her up? And her parents were screwed by their parents 😵💫So no one is actually quilty😵💫
@@konczita82 you can't say noone is actually guilty, yes they were victims, but many victim get out of the victim mentality, and don't commit crime, I've known abused children who grew up to be good citizens.
@@TheCureTarot Me too!!!
@@konczita82 It's a cycle