Did the narcissist turn me into an INTROVERT?
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- čas přidán 2. 02. 2024
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Narcissists hate it when you express yourself. They will turn you inwards to where you’re constantly questioning yourself, until it begins to affect your self-esteem and you lose confidence. So yes, I believe that narcissists can cause us to become more introverted. But if we’re around the right people, we may be more talkative.
Nah I always been introverted Empaths don’t like a crowd they need peace to recharge
Really. I m tolkative with people. With narcissist I become ripetitive speaking less words possibly
I completely agree….narcs cause you to be extremely repressed…..nope! Done with that bs🎉
"Narcissists hate it when you express yourself." 👌
You have to breathe and react and think and smile like them - then you're ok.
This is what happens in extremely toxic environments (companies).
Sick people! They are trying take away your right to be... yourselves.
This violates the basic human right to dignity (a common phenomenon in Polish companies.
And if you set boundaries and exercise your rights, they will say that "you have a difficult character.")
Madness...🙃
Exactly, and in my case, religion was used to hammer all of that in even more.
I miss my old self. I used to be so vibrant and confident. I hope I can be myself again.
I hope you can, too.
Same. I hate being like this now. I feel like a complete weirdo
I just said that to a friend last night. I’m trying but I don’t know who I am except that I let myself fall for the relationship and I don’t want to be that person again.
This is so relateable. If I could feel the same way I used to be I would be so content. People have stolen so much from me.
Me too, I’m right there with you. But something tells me I will never be the same, but maybe different good this time around
I used to be an extrovert. Awareness of narcissism has made introversion more comfortable.
I thought I was the only one
I agree. I'm tired of being in relationships who turnout to be toxic.....wasting years. Been betrayed by many.
@@gcebiledlamini118there are a lot of toxic people around: siblings, friends, lovers, neighbours. Animals are safer.
@@sararichardson737
Sadly, I agree with you.
Same here
Mental screening should be mandatory before making babies.
Some of the best people come from the oddest places. Narcs can come from good homes. Lovely people can come from terrible parents and adversity. It's not in the breeding but an individuals choice to form their own character.
@@HJustme855It's a combination of genetics
and nurturing and if you're lucky enough to have both, you will grow up to be well adjusted human being. The apple doesn't fall far from the tree.
It should, yes.
The WEF and UN and literally trying to mandate that now. I'm sure such a power would never be abused by narcissists who climb their way to the top rungs of power, especially since those same narcs keep saying, "Free will? That's over!" and "People have this illusion that they have free will. They don't. We will use AI to determine everything in their life since the AI will know them better than they know themselves." And people go "Yay! Look at the sCiEnCe!" while at the same time going, "That's not happening. That's not possible! I refuse to look at any evidence I can easily Google in less than 5 minutes. I'm just going to call you crazy and stupid while defending the thing I said isn't even possible because you know, the eXpErTs said it's for my health and safety." 🤦♂
@@youngblood8540 There's a lot good people out there who are more than their biology and upbringing.
This hits home... I remember when I used to be the 'light of the party' with smiles and daddy jokes all around.. but after being burned by parents, friends and relationships SO MUCH, today I bunk at home and just go for solo projects and hang outs... I see a friendly face once every 3 or 4 months....
Thing is that I miss having people in my life, but I can't open up or attempt to trust people anymore...
Thank you for sharing Mario! You told my story, I really relate. It's so hard :'( I just joined an app 'Circles'.. many like minded people there. They have a lot of online audio groups everyday. ❤
So right! Caio❣️
I can relate.
ugh
I relate so much. And it all happened in like a month. I cannot even open up to people I used to open up to with ease on some days
My mom called me "painfully shy" as a child, and I was. But I couldn't be myself around my mom. She was dominating and controlling but had no interest in me personally in terms of my emotions or preferences. I only ever felt relaxed and comfortable when I was alone in my room. As an adult, interacting with people exhausts me and I avoid it. I often wonder if I'd had a loving, empathetic mother if I'd turned out differently.
I feel strongly the same
Same. I hate my life.
Same
That is exactly my experience and I completely understand how you feel. You put that into words so succinctly.
Did I write this? Well I could have
Too much exposure to narc behaviour and betrayal trauma caused my aversion of social interactions. I’ve become highly suspicious of everyone I meet, “scanning” for signs of narcissistic behaviour (to the point where I move on the minute I see a red flag). It gets lonely at times but I’ll take that over abuse & trauma any day…
I feel the same way😢
Yes - I full agree with you.
The most subtle hint of misbehaviour... and I am gone!
Same here. There are no more second chances from me for people.
Sometimes, for a while or forever, the price of peace is mostly solitude. Everything has a cost, even if what you're trying to achieve is better than what you've been previously conditioned to be.
Same. Thanks for sharing. I feel a little relieved knowing I'm not alone.
We lose our confidence and self esteem in these relationships. We should put them on mute...their lips are moving but we don't hear ..and move on with healing process
Yah weak ones yeah but Empaths always have been introverted
I need to get ear-buds, lol!
I just heard the line in PF’s Comfortably Numb- “your lips move but I can’t hear what your saying”
Exactly
@@krystalMtn nah Empaths are introverts everything else your right about
I like people but actually being with them feels physically inflammatory.
You must surround yourself with the right people.
I feel that right now, too.
That's how I feel, too.😢
I hope that's a temporary feeling for you - I found a nice group of like minded people but it took me time. Before that, I was very content staying at home, getting projects done and staying busy like that. I do feel that I'm less extroverted now and the realization that one of my 'friends' from an old group - that I still have to be in contact with - is toxic - when she gaslighted me, I felt it deeper because I knew what it was and further - who and what she was - that my intuition had been spot on right along. I hope you get to the point where you can blow them off and carry on.
Well put
Sexlessness. Sharing a bed with someone who doesn’t acknowledge you are a sexual being hurts so much. I was in a sexless marriage for years. Being a woman with a high libido, I felt inadequate. Worst I feel invisible. The man who was “supposed” to want me, just didn’t. We talked about it many times, more than I can recall now. It was always me. I wanted too much - once a week was too much for him. I didn’t initiate - he was always complaining of headaches, stomaches, always stressed, always tired. I was too sexual - when being subtle doesn’t work, what is next? Explicitly saying I wanted sex. Oh but then it was not appropriate. Conversations would end up with him saying he didn’t feel desired or I made him feel emasculated because he didn’t want sex as much as I did. Yeah, it was always me. I could never win. While we were dating we would have a decent amount of sex, it was good. The first huge red flag was not having sex in our honeymoon - which I ignored. It rapidly decrease to once a week, then every other week. Years gone by it was months in between, by the time we divorced it was over a year with no sex. I cried myself to sleep more times that I can count. I didn’t understand what was wrong with me. Was I that undesirable? Was I repulsive? After those conversations, I just stopped trying, initiating, mentioning sex. We were still loving - holding hands, hugging, kissing - but sex was off the table. He then cheated on me. Swore he had sex only 4 times in a year (or more) long affair. It didn’t matter. For years my self worth was damaged by him, years of low self esteem, years of feeling less of a woman, the marriage that was more than over, waiting in hospice, really ended. Funny how things are, I asked him for a divorce, he manipulated me into staying, next day his infidelity came to light. I was out as soon as I could. Best thing of my life. Additionally, That feeling when your partner cheated and you don't have the courage to leave him / her so you just death with the pain and live everyday asking questions about your worth. This pain is different from the cheating one_living and seeing him everywhere anticipating when he or she do it again. The best thing is to hire a private investigator Digitalinvestigate@gmail. com to help you spy on their cellphone remotely just like he did for me...
I don't see how your comment has anything whatsoever to do with this topic? I've read this twice and I don't get a point anywhere. Your situation sounds like a major lack of communication on both your parts, not you becoming introverted because your husband was a narcissist. Here's what I got from this rant: He told you he didn't want to have sex with you because he didn't feel desired. Perhaps he didn't. Perhaps he felt you were focused on your needs and not his. He told you he felt emasculated, and that's the opposite of feeling sexy to a man. I've been in that same situation with my ex who was a narc, and he was the one who always wanted sex, made me feel like garbage for not wanting it as much, which led to me never wanting it?! If I declined, He'd punish me for days or weeks by either screaming at me, ignoring me all together. Then he repeatedly went back to his ex for more sex and of course blamed me for all of it. I'm just telling you this because I don't know that you're seeing it from his side. Maybe you never asked him his reasons, or he felt they were never heard by you. And you hired a Private investigator to spy on his cell phone? You said he manipulated you into staying, so maybe he honestly wanted to get back together, but instead of hiring a marriage counselor, you hired a detective and then a divorce attorney. Yikes.
This comment is an advertisement for services. You’ll find it and others under a lot of narc info videos. Just some one capitalizing on our pain
By the time I turned 40, I had completely shut down the possibility of any close personal relationships. Grew up in a narcissistic family. Endured them at work, had them as "friends", and dated a handful of them. Even found two when seeking help to deal with the abuse. Therapists are not even safe. At this point, I am done. I am too emotionally exhausted to deal with other people. I just want peace in my life now.
I have largely decided to do what you are doing and for the same reason. I didn’t discover what narcissists were until a childhood and adulthood with too many to count. Only now am I free of them and I just want to rest. I don’t even want plants to need me.
Literally my story also thus far
Same ❤️🩹
Me too. Got them as family, friends, colle, partners. Enough of those, I prefer being with myself at home reading.
Felt! I stopped therapy for years because of this very thing…a lot of them are narcs too
Between the narcissistic abuse I grew up in next to the narcissistic abuse I underwent at jobs and other institutions I will say that yes they steal your desire to be personable and outgoing.
I had an ex coworker smear me to anyone who would listen. Ended up not making friends with people because of them and their false accusations. It's a long story but it's gotten to a point where I am afraid to be myself. I stay home far more often because I'm fearful of running into one of these types of idiots again. It's just safer, quieter, and less drama to be home and at peace. But it makes me sad because being myself feels really good and I love sharing my ideas and making people laugh.
I really despise these people and they seem to make up the majority of the population.
Totally relate 100%
They have stole my desire to be myself & I'm literally scared to death of meeting another narcissistic freak!! 😅
@@jackieblue4128 right? It's like they can smell a likeable person from a mile away. The most messed up part is that they're attracted to you but want others to hate you once that green envy monster kicks in(which doesn't take long).
They're so exhausting and I don't want to live in fear because of them.
I can relate to the smear campaign. I had a coworker who was harassing me do that when I stood up to him, as well as a narcissistic sister in law who didn’t like me standing up to her either. They both spread lies about me to my coworkers and family. It’s awful to experience. Focusing on speaking my truth and taking myself back. ❤
Exactly. It's like you want to go out and be friendly - but with who? Nice people in your local area who don't exist, because everyone's busy being an asshole???
There are good people in the world. I've met some. Find the people who you think are good, and surround yourself with them.
I was such an extrovert when in my 20s, now later in my 50s, Im practicality a recluse.
Me in late 30's
Yup. Splendid isolation.. May be a little sad but also safe. Be well and smile, don't forget to enjoy the little things and love yourself. Congregate joyfully with those who understand. ❤
Same. It's weird but I just can't go back to who I used to be. Sometimes I really miss her.
I'm the same, lived in the loft room for 10 years
It starts to make you not want to talk about yourself to anyone anymore, even benign things like where you work or how many children you have, when such small talk has been turned against you and used to control or belittle you, you just learn to not share anything of yourself. Eventually you stop mixing with people. And let’s be honest about it there’s more narcissists than ever out there, I’d rather be on the safe side.
💖
I am so cautious. It now takes time for me to trust social small talk. I don’t trust and being alone means no inner conflict and no constant wariness.
@@lauragrolla5916 I feel the same ❣️
The narcissist traumatized you by abusing you. They didn't turn you into anything they traumatized you.
True, it causes a lack of trust in others, less social despite being so extroverted in the past. Trauma does make one retreat for self protection, especially if treated terribly all of a sudden for no reason by people who lack empathy.
When I was with my ex I had to pretend that I was constipated in the bathroom if I wanted any alone time as he was very clingy and possessive. I came to associate safety with the bathroom. Unfortunately I wasn't safe when I came out as he'd yell and scream at me for leaving him alone too long and feeling abandoned while I used the bathroom. Eventually when I went to the bathroom to escape I knew he'd yell at me when I came out but it was sooo worth it! When you are with a narcissist you feel like you are squeezed into a small tight box with someone crushing your chest until you can't breathe. It feels like they are litterally stealing the air from you because the stress and exhaustion is so high.
Hugs to all survivors of narcissistic abuse.
I was literally constipated the whole time I dated my ex-narc partner 😅
We'd spend weekends together and my bowels wouldn't move until Tuesday when I'd 24 hours to myself. True story.
After we broke up... healthy 💩
Boy, does that sound familiar. Sometimes the bathroom was the only way you could get away from the constant assault.
I totally get the hiding in the bathroom. For me, it's hiding in my bedroom folding laundry. I avoid him as much as possible, but he's always tracking my movements and questioning me about what I'm doing.
Oh my gosh I didn’t realize hiding in the bathroom was a common coping mechanism. God for bid I had my phone with me, he was always going through my messages and search history.
@@victoriamckinney6606 The last day, after hours of rage and then physical attack, I was able to text for help from the bathroom. Never looked back.
Before my narcissistic roommate, I loved serving in church, attending church and community group, inviting people over, shopping, working in the garden, and cooking. Now after a year and five months of abuse, I stay home, stay in my pjs and watch videos on my phone!
Me too
But I go to church.
I hope you can get away from this toxic person and become yourself again.
I had a similar experience. Narc roommates are the worst. So sorry you’re going through that! I hope you get out of it as soon as possible. I regret staying with mine as long as I did but am thankful I got out eventually. It gets better!
That's me, right now. I used to love going in my yard and feeding the birds and my Narc roommate even turned that into a competition. So sad .
This is me after 15 yrs staying with Narc.I used to be very active at church and participate in every thing.Now I go to church but Narc never comes.I still go with kids but no activities,just goes home after service.Either sleep or watch videos on my phone
One style of conflict resolution is to yield to the other person. Abuse survivors have learned to yield as a protective strategy, so it makes sense that we lose parts of ourselves through the process of yielding. Conflicts with a N never get resolved, so hope dies. The combination of loss of true identity and hopelessness is something that might look like introversion, but I think it's more like profound exhaustion and loss of the ability to trust people. I have asked myself if my 35-year stint with the N turned me into an introvert, but here's the funny thing: when I am with the few people who love me for who I am and who are safe, my old self comes popping out with lots of energy and humor. The challenge for me is to have enough people I feel truly safe with so my real self can flourish. I wish healing to all of us. We deserve better.
I felt that. Wishing you all the best. 💙
I don't know if it turned me into an introvert, but I do know I became hypervigilant and mistrustful. Sometimes isolating myself is the only way I can think of to feel safe. I know a lot of people but I don't have a lot of friends, I have zero patience with lies, keeping up appearances, games, power struggles, etc. I strongly value the wonderful friends I do have.
I think it makes you a better friend because you can properly invest in the few healthy people you choose to be around.
Yes I completely agree!
I can relate! I prefer to do almost everything alone but am a social butterfly as well. I also have debilitating trust issues.
Narcs chip away at our self esteem and confidence to knock us down whenever we try getting back up again. I’ve read how some victims of narc abuse become a shell of themselves in these kind of relationships and that sounds to me like another way of saying they’ve become introverts 😔
Not so much introverted, but definitely social anxiety with me. No problems with childhood kids playing/recreating with, but the older I got the worse the social anxiety got. Just never at ease with phony, forced, structured gatherings. Especially knowing I couldn’t be my self but forced to tolerate everyone else’s self.
As a young child of a Narc mother, I definitely turned into an introvert (when I was around her).....that was for my own safety. I was very lively and gregarious otherwise.
I clicked so fast on this video. I’ll never forget when while healing from being discarded for the first time, I texted one of my friends from college, “It’s so funny, I always thought I was an extrovert, but it turns out I’m actually an introvert!” I’m not an introvert. I’m traumatized. Ever since I was discarded by my ex narc, I’ve kept more to myself and have avoided text messages and calls and most offers of friendship and connection. I look at other people with big groups of friends and wish I could be them but I’m terrified. I feel so unworthy but also so alone. I know I am worthy, technically, but the thought of walking into a room full of people makes me imagine jumping off a bridge. I used to be a leader and a fierce advocate for what I thought was right, and now I try to avoid conflict. I have no idea how to get my fire back. What’s nice is that I have friends who tell me it never left, but I can’t see it anymore. I’m running low on hope now, too. That’s what kept me going through my first three decades. Was raised by a narc dad and a BPD mom. Was 7 by the time I screamed at them from the top of the stairs that they never should’ve reproduced. I think about that now and cry. For too many reasons than I can include in a CZcams comment. Thank you for what you do, Dr. Ramani. I’m one of the thousands and thousands of people you’ve helped. May you be blessed with health and love. ♥️
I will say that the whole first year after the discard, I needed to be alone. I couldn’t get enough of it. I had so much to process and express through writing and art. I never felt alone. But I think it’s time for me to get back out there now. And that’s what is so scary. Like jumping from a 1,000 foot cliff. And there may be sharks waiting at the bottom. But there may also be friendship and love. I guess that’s what it’s like to be a part of the world.
Your comment brought tears to my eyes, because it's exactly how I have felt since my narc (soon to be ex) husband discarded me after 30+ yrs together. 😢 It's the most devastating thing that has ever happened to me, but I am slowly healing. I hope you are, too. I'm so very sorry you had to go through this- I wouldn't wish this pain on anyone. The only good things that came out of this bizarre experience, were my 2 amazing children ❤❤, and the discovery that I absolutely love animals more than most people. 😅 I have always enjoyed dogs, cats, etc. and was blessed to be able to adopt several beautiful fur babies over my lifetime.❤ But being thrown out like trash by someone who was supposed to be my ride or die, has unexpectedly pushed me into an entirely new career (at 53 yrs old, lol). After 22 years of being a stay at home Mom, I got a job as a Veterinary Assistant and am studying/working my way up to hopefully (one day) becoming a Licensed Vet Tech. 🤞I LOVE going to work every day and spending time with/helping animals in need. I feel like it was a calling I never saw or would have known about had I not been in this situation. It's difficult to see the positives in something when you are so hurt, sad, depressed, etc. But once you come out of that funk and start to love yourself again, it all becomes clear. You will get back out there and be with people again when the time is right and you are ready. The great part is that YOU get to decide from now on what happens in your life, no one else. Embrace that and live your life the way YOU want. All the best to you. You're gonna do great. 👍
Thank you so much. What you say is encouraging.@@ac-hk4fs
@@ac-hk4fs thank you for this. I am in a similar situation, 33 year marriage, 58 yrs old, brutally discarded last year, two children as well. I am working hard to get just back to level. I appreciate your example. It gives me hope.
❤
The story about the covert narcissist caring about the china reminds me of the day I tripped and hit my head on the wooden arm of a sofa. My covert narcissist mother promptly checked the sofa for damage but did not care about me.
Hugs ❤
This sounds like when i was helping my mom with EVERYTHING after her mastectomy and i told my dad (who sits and watches tv or naps and does know how to cook) that i would not be making his dinners as i had to cook and shop for my mom in addition to work and cleaning.... Later on he griped about how noone cooked for him for 2 weeks. I just reminded him that was because Mom had major surgery and the doctor told her no lifting anything and i was busy caring for her. My sister and i were so stressed out having to deal with his nonsense. We're both had chronic migraines for over a month because of him. He would not lift a finger to help in any way.
@@se5594Thanks for sharing. I remember feeling like garbage when I was about 11 years old after my grandmother told me that I was not helping my mother enough after she had surgery. In my case, I did not know about surgery and recovery as I had never had any except a tonsillectomy when I was very young. If my mother had explained to me what recovery entailed, I would have done way more. My mother’s attitude was always that “she shouldn’t need to ask”
due to my narc in my life, my ADHD, dyslexia, mild autism, and everything else magnified like never before I met him.
I'm also neurodivergent, and yes, narcs are hell for us. I hope you find healing.😊
Thank you so much for this!! You described my thoughts and feelings towards wanting to be alone perfectly! Alone is safe after life long narcissistic abuse.
Ditto😢
I'm just jaded. Its easier to be alone then try to get into a group where its likely some narcissist may dwell. I've had enough of the drama in my 42 years of life. My priorities now are getting a good nights rest, having some good food and enjoying my day. That's light years ahead of where I was when around my narcissistic parents, managers and supervisors who all were having fun pouncing on me at the same time. Thankfully I found out about narcissism and was able to escape them all many years ago.
Narcissists have definitely made me shy, self-conscious, and suuuuuuuuuuuuuper distrustful. I feel like hiding, all the time. I feel like my emotions constantly hi-jack my brain, and because of that, I feel like I am awful company to be around.
I know that feeling too well😢❤
That sounds all too familiar!
Yes me too
Whether we like it or not, any abuse can change you, for better or worse.
It depends on group. I don't like going out for drinks. I avoid situations where people are loud and speaking without filters.
Most social gatherings involve a level of faking that exhausts me.
I tend to me on the quiet side. The narcs I've been around always made me feel self-conscious and more socially anxious than I already am. They were supercritical over everything I did and said, framing it as people are always judging me. Even when I took their "advice". Narcissists often use cancel culture to silence opinions they hate with threats of getting people fired from their jobs, ruining their business, or even lawsuits
Let's not forget-the dreadful smear campaigns. 😢❤
Wait a minute, that's what you were getting at. 😅 They truly are the biggest tattle-tales on this planet. I used to hear that one who blows the cover off of anything secret-good or bad, was a narc. "Don't let so-and-so hear about this or that, or don't tell so-and-so, they'll narc(tell on us) for sure. People who tipped police with information-especially if they were once on the other side of the law-were called 'narcs'. I wonder if anyone here in the survivor community has heard that term being used that way before. I heard that a lot as a kid back in the 80's😅❤
I've also just never been able to find healthy people to be with. I've given lots of people a chance. This is what has me discouraged and I cherish my solitude.
This exactly what happened to me. Toxic family, toxic friends who used me then I married into toxic narc in laws. People seem to want to befriend me just to use me. Now I'm in my 40's and I'm completely safe and happy in my solitude. I don't even want friends anymore. I'm still friendly with people but I don't bond or attach.
The older I get, the less I find most people worth investing too much of my time and energy. Adults get set in their ways, and they very often become boring or arrogant. I'm a teacher, and I'd rather spend the time helping kids, before they get to be the same, when they still have a capability for joyful energy. ❤
Being a loner is underrated.
Exactly.
@@lt827 Perhaps as underrated as a 🐺"Lone Wolf" -- & where "alone" time is nirvana to someone chronically subjected to narcissistic abuse.
My Covert Narcissist mother used to have big barbecues and dinners. She seemed to thrive on the normal sorts of compliments that visitors give and would be talking for weeks about how people said she had a lovely home, or she’s so well organised, etc. I was expected to play with the visitors children. They weren’t my friends and I had nothing in common with them, so I used to sneak off to read. She caught me every time and shooed me out of my room to entertain the other kids. It seems menial to others but it was exhausting for me. Now I struggle in big groups and strive to get away.
I didn't mind playing with other kids as long as they were nice.
If mean people came over, I would refuse to leave my room. So the visitors stopped bringing their kids.
I was told I was shaped by my family when I was 16 yrs old by my psychotherapist. I’m now nearly 35 and feel like a hollow shell
😢xx 🫂 I'm 45. Same here. I don't know who my true self is.
I'm 45 and I was just thinking who am I. All I know is that I rather not mingle, I love being on my own, feeling safe. My brains can rest
Just the title alone is worth the book honestly. Because that phrase "it's not you" needs to be told to victims of narcissistic abuse repeatedly, like every 30 mins or more
I don't express myself, I'm always on guard for narc traps.
Narcissists should be in prison... end of.
Unfortunately mental abuse is legal
@@ashishrandive9417 it's actually not, proving it is the difficulty ... all abuse is a crime.
Knowing your personality type is a good key to healing. Some types need to vent, other types need time to reflect and and refuel. You can see this with stoics and mystics throughout history. Many of these types "went into the wilderness" and befriended themselves and detoxed.
Not at all; now that I'm free, I'm far more social and extroverted!
Period ❤
I hear you. I enjoy talking to people too much to stop. But I'll live with anyone ever again unless I need a caregiver.
Is it remotely possible for me to get myself back after literally a lifetime of being in narcissistic abuse?
Of course it is. But it is a slow process... the more you put yourself into hard situations, the more you will grow.
You should put more effort into being happy rather than changing yourself.
If money and friends and status make you happy, go out and network, see therapy, take public speaking classes, go to gym, work on career etc.
The best revenge you can give a narcissist is to distance yourself and then show them how much you are thriving without them in your life. That will make them think "oh, maybe i wasn't a perfect partner/parent etc" and that will make them go insane and find another victim.
Yes, you have survived thus far. 👌🤗
Yes you can. If you've survived you can move on and make your choices. It just doesn't happen over night.But it does happen.
yes it really is. I did it and you can too x
yes. but its not easy to do it alone. you may need some professional help of some kind. counselors, healers, anything you choose. its not easy to heal on our own though.
Seriously interesting topic. I am now introverted according to a personality test I recently took but when I was younger; pre-narc, I was definitely very outgoing.
Exactly! To me this is mind blowing because people who knew younger me never agreed with me being introvert & I just thought they never got to meet/see the real me.
This video describes me. At 66, I’m on my own since my mother passed away and I’ve gone no contact with my 2 brothers. Trying to get out and do things just makes me feel more lonely. Being at home can be boring but safe. I exercise, cook, bathe, and get dressed daily but have little motivation to do much else. I have a few friends but none I can talk with about my pain.
I experienced that some of the things I would go out and do would make me feel lonely, but others were ok, just depended on the situation. I could easily go to the beach alone, with a book and my music and be super happy doing so, or going for a nature walk in a park, but I wouldn't want to eat dinner by myself in a restaurant as an example. I experimented with what I wouldn't mind doing alone.
GRATITUDE🙌🏽🙏🏽 Blessings Immensely!
My life is similar at 40, I’m on my own as My Ma oldest daughter she passed 4/2019, her middle daughter my little sister passed 11/2022. I am NO contact with her youngest daughter she literally physically attacked me after their deaths, in the midst of our immediate family of (20+) to say the least passing 6 consecutive years .. SMH! My soon to be narcissistic X-husband “NO CONTACT”has elevated these feelings at an all time high amongst MY PAIN of ME adjusting to MY Family dynamics diminishing.
After 6 years (12-05-23) I PREPARED TO COMPLETELY RUN AWAY the 7th year 12-06-23 GOD revealed it all 7 biblically signifies perfection and completion!
I ONLY DONT get “DOLLED UP” dressed Up too GO out. BECAUSE I KNOW FOR A FACT “IM BEAUTIFUL inside out, I AM center of Attention” I Illuminate GRACEFULLY the “ matriarch” my Family Dynamics PROVE me to be! EVERY PERSON Surrounding me RESPECTS and LOOKS up too me as “The prize” Matriarch carrying MY family dynamics Humbly! Except the 2 narcissist closest to me existing in HATE and insecurity of “MY PERSONAL growth in Time”with self accountability and still appear YOUTHFUL and Unbothered.. In which “IM MOST ATTRACTIVE” to majority crowds OUTSIDE! SMH it’s sickening even pondering lifestyle’s of narcissist!
Finding a good therapist is a good substitute. Their whole job is listening to problems empathetically.
This story describes my life perfectly. I spend my days questioning if I am the problem. Especially the part about the energy around an unwashed dish verses loss of my job. I don’t want to be around people because I am sure I am the problem.
My starter husband screamed at me for twisting the bread tie the "wrong" way.
**Hugs *
Yeah the energy around the unwashed dish thing I went through that too with my parents .
The family dog was also more important and when the family dog had social and psychological problems, more was spent on a psychologist for the dog than for one for me.
Probably because I could speak and the dog could not, so I could tell people about the abuse 😂
I feel the exact same way. I feel like I'm offensive just by being.
@@pamwhitehouse5961 yes!!! Like I am a disliked neighbor child, in my own home
It wasn't until I moved 500 miles and a border away that I was able to be more myself.
Congratulations!
Lifelong narcissistic abuse has me convinced I am an introvert. Thanks for opening up my mind to an alternative understanding.
This really hit home with me. If I have to deal with anyone new--be it a handyman, a receptionist, real estate agent, or social contact--my anxiety is difficult to tame. I've actually become blunt and monotone at times in order to protect myself: "Just the facts, ma'am." I CHERISH my alone time. I always have, cuz as a kid, I needed to lay low as much as possible around my mother, preferring to stay in the basement with my stuffed animals after the school day rather than be upstairs in her presence. I've often marveled at the realization that I can't imagine a person with whom I'd feel completely comfortable. Um...no one! Can't imagine they exist. Oh wait!! My bestie girlfriend from 7th grade, come to think of it! But it would indeed be a miracle if that person materialized now.
I can 💯 relate to this. I am not as shy, anxious or introverted as people think, I was simply surviving trauma and abuse. Taking my social self back with more discernment for sure. Thank you Dr Ramani ❤
It's difficult to be an extrovert when you're constantly fending off verbal blows. It also makes you less trusting of and less reliant on other people.
The fact my mother turned me against wider family by bad mouthing them and tried to make me distrust others., definitely made me uncomfortable and suspicious around people throughout life . Also when your own mother is so evil you just assume others are the same, or worse. I have been working on trying to be more open to others and trusting, but I feel that after 40 years being reserved and always having a barrier it isn’t something I can let go of completely.
I'm an "introvert" when I'm with the narc. I mean, I'm not really, I just have to be quiet and ~act~ like an introvert when I'm with her, lest I say or do the wrong thing. I have been told too many times that I've "ruined conversations" in social situations, so I just shut up now. . .
Gosh can I relate. I dim down around narcs. I was a gray rock before I knew what that was!
This is absolutely MY story… NM taught me that people are not trustworthy and childhood was a minefield. A N boyfriend convinced me I’m Asperger’s (or high functioning autistic) and I was actually diagnosed with that at age 50. When I started to learn about narcissism and identifying all the patterns in childhood and life that taught me the greater world was not safe - suddenly I realized the autistic-like traits were taught to me and reinforced. I was laughed at for being “weird” and “different” and not fitting in - and also supposedly not liking to be hugged, etc.. Fact is I’m none of that. I’m comfortable alone but I’m not remotely - in my real actual self - introverted. I re-took the Aspie Quiz answering with my real self answers, not what I was taught, and I’m 90% neurotypical! OMG….. unreal… SO GLAD you did this video!!
I was diagnosed as autistic at 17, felt relieved when I was finally told (10 frigging years later - I'm still salty about that) - I did always question it a bit, and while I'm definitely neurodivergent the jury is still out on the autism, until I can get a second assessment - but I can say I feel much better in myself, after moving out of my adoptive parents house, having counselling, learning about my birth family and starting to make acquaintances/friends in the community I moved into.
My mother wanted me to be an extension of her, and by trying to do that i became someone I wasn't. I've learned as an adult that I am Autistic, Transgender and an Introvert. All these things have made my growth harder, however none of my difficulties were as hard as accepting that I'd never be the person my Narcissistic family thought or said that I was.
I’m so relieved I’m not alone in this
By thier projection you turn into them
exactly what they want: clons of themself
Well, in my case I fought a vulnerable one which activated and was a malignant type. I knew that fighting with her was corrupting me inside so I cut the loses and went on with my life.
Still feeling the abuse and how she turned everybody or hurt the one I loved to make sure I suffer.
After a lifetime of narcissistic abuse from family, friends and co workers and being relentlessly gang stalked when you tried to escape and having to start your life over again after being abused and have everything stolen, who wouldn't be an introvert. (if you were luck enough to survive.)
❤i feel you and yes they never leave
I’ve become a recluse after the abuse and 12 years of stalking
I feel like I am right now. Maybe as I heal more I'll be back to being more social. Or maybe not. I'm learning to be OK either way as long as I am caring for myself in a positive way.
Just got my nails done after years.my narcissistic mother hated the sight of it.she didn't see it yet, but I hope she cries.🤪
That must feel so fantastic.. I’m so happy for you. 🥰🩷 My narcissistic dad hated painted nails. I always tore or bit my nails off because of the severe anxiety. Now when I grow them out after clipping them, I’ll paint and gloss them.
@MinimalistBosnian aww I happy for you too.now we finally can feel pretty with done nails 💅
These narcs nitpick the stupidest things. My narc mother in law hates when I wear yellow gold jewelry.
I bet your nails look amazing btw. I make press ons at home and when I wear a set, I just feel so feminine and pretty lol.
I've been tempted to get my ears pierced, not out of wanting pierced ears, but just to make my mother mad, lol!
@justrosy5 ahahahha, get her mad girl!!🤣
I have changed since my relationship with a narcissist ended . I have not yet watched this video, but I can already answer this question: yes, I have changed . I am definitely an introvert, And I am overly cautius of opening myself up to any one.
I was introverted before even more now. I’m very cautious as well. I view everyone as danger until they prove they’re safe to be around
You articulated that need for self-protection beautifully. A Narcissist's vitriol & criticism strips the hide off you.
Well said.
It's possible... fear of senseless and unpredictable aggression may be created (it's better not to say anything to such people).
It's like sitting on a "ticking bomb" (permanent stress).
You just described me, at this point in my life, to a “T”. 😮
Thank God for the Internet. So I don’t have to feel so alone. Guess social media is good for something after all.
Thank you for making this video.
This really resonated with me because I had to do some self-assessing when I left my narcissistic ex. I came to the conclusion that I'm introverted but not as much as I thought I was after 20 years with him, I was depressed. Now, I still enjoy my recharge time but I'm much more likely to want to go out and do things and meet people. I left him four years ago and I'm still learning, healing, and, relearning who I really am.
Amazing, it's hard putting yourself 1st after living with a Narcissist, but everyday now will only make you more Empowered.
With Dr Ramani,s help❤
This poor woman. My heart goes out to her 🙏🏻 ♥️
I felt I might be the poster child for some of the descriptors in this video. Recently, I've wondered whether living as if the world is still in the 2020 lockdown pattern is just part of retirement and growing older. The explanation of why other people might leave a former people-friendly person drained & reclusive was incredibly helpful. Never having traveled my life before, I thought that this is what retirement and age look like. I just don't know how to extricate myself.
Looking forward to the Dr. R's book release. To honor the day, I think I'll put out an extra special birdseed blend with a ribbon around the feeder. She's helping a lot of people make their way on life's journey.
I’ve ended up alone because I had to be due to narcissistic abuse with family and friends and colleagues. It changed me from a fairly feisty, cheeky, open child to a withdrawn selective mute. Hard habit to break. 😰
Wish I had this knowledge as a teen. I would have known why I was so weird and attracted abuse. I’m 32 and just now figuring out my roll on my family unit. Just now unraveling all of these complex details. My God. It’s scary 😧
You have no idea how much this clarified for me. Thank you so much..sadly it also almost made me cry.( stopped crying years ago). Fingers crossed one day I can get out and remember who I was and find out who I am at that point.
Its personality vs mental health due to trauma. I was told as a young adolescent I talked rubbish and just to stop talking completely and that my voice was so high it was unbearable for them. As an adult I feel mute when outside alone, talk so quietly I don't even realise I'm doing it that I'm inaudible a lot of the time and for a long time questioned wether I should express my opinion. There was a multitude of other toxic behaviour, it's death by a thousand cuts. Because it was so pervasive I was left questioning who am I before I've even been allowed to develop at all. Knowing within myself this severely depressed, isolated, anxiety ridden person is not me. A toxic workplace left me barely able to have a conversation with anyone, isolated, complete untrusting and nervous around people, this after I had began to heal. It was like a harpoon to the heart.
Im going through literally same expierence at this point in my life
Dr. Ramani, thank you for your channel. They call you the leading expert on narcissm. Maybe this is a too limiting title for you, maybe you are a leading expert on human behavioral studies and education. While you identify issues with social media platforms, (an outlet for narcissistic behaviors) do not forget it is also a platform that has brought educational opportunities for massive populations at low cost, "low cost", but with high efficiency. Keep up the good work. Every great Captain, needs a Commander and Councilor Diana Troy sitting at the Round Table of Nobles.
Its convenient and energy saving to be an introvert after the narcissistic abuse.
I call it budget cuts. If my bodily budgets - physical and mental energy are constantly being completely used up for regular interactions and trivial relationships, I can't afford it, bodily budget doesnt allow me to spend so much. I have to cut these people out, even if it is all of them.
A normal good person wouldnt take so much from me and then take the credit away as well that they are the giving one, while they are the takers in reality. I wouldnt loose ALL my energy by being around a good person. An obvious sign would be you will become an achiever in all aspects of life because good people dont drain and suck out your mental and physical energy by CONSTANT mind games and smear, slander.
Prolonged social and group abuse, makes me feel safer to be alone than to be among people just to suffer even more. The false identity and false history they have rewritten in society about me, and then trained people to treat me in a certain way because of the the false narratives smeared in the society, they have cornered me just fine by snatching all opportunities and joy . Cant afford to trigger the social abusers again. Let them have the world, I'll keep the peace that I create single handedly in my solitude.
That happened to me too.
I also made an online-test. The answers I gave told me I'm introverted. But many weeks later I made the test again and tried answers I'd given in my youth (I was away from my family for some years in my youth and that's when I felt more like myself/save/happy.). It than told me I'm extroverted.
Greetings from Austria!💜💜💜💜💜
I think I was an extrovert by nature in my childhood so I think you're right. I like to socialize. I plan to continue to get out more.
I thought I had a good understanding of my past narcissist relationships. I have been wondering about my behavior the past few year of not wanting to socialize. You have given me great insight again! I appreciate your vocation and sharing your knowledge. Thank you, Dr. Ramani.
I love being alone, but I know I wasn't always like this. In fact, my sociopathic ex and my narcissistic parents and brother were all extroverts and I was certainly much more outgoing before the brutal discard, smear campaign, and mobbing when I was in the midst of a health crisis and ended up penniless, disabled and utterly alone except for my two traumatized sons. After my eldest died from an accidental overdose my invisible child youngest son and I spend a lot of time alone together.
I'd love to meet that woman. Our experiences are scarily similar
This topic is a home run! yes, yes, yes.
My empathy toward the woman whose boyfriend died in an accident.
God protect the woman in this story, doctor Ramani, us & the survivors of abuse in general. I love you.
This woman’s story is so close to mine it scared me. Interestingly, I always felt strongly I was an introvert. Now that I don’t deal with narcissistic relationships in my daily life and I am able to build a healthy community, I’m starting to wonder if I’m actually an ambivert?!
Omg you’ve changed my perception of narcissists. You are phenomenal ❤
Amen 🙏🏻 Thank-you Dr. Ramani.
The abuse we suffer from society turns us sczhiod.
Already pre-ordered the book 🤗 Cannot wait applying it for my snail-like, but continuous path of healing.
I was made aware of Dr Ramani long after my narcissist husband died. I was happy to put a name on the "why" he did it but now am dealing with a narcissistic sister who is as bad or worse. I feel Dr Ramani's videos are preventive maintenance. I no longer feel like throwing my husband's ashes in the trash. Now that's progress.
Very eager to read it. Mine is coming this month.
Narcissist abuse made me an introvert. I was an extrovert but my mum subdued and abused me from childhood
When I saw the title- I wondered about my introversion- after growing up in a narcissistic/ toxic environment….i was more outgoing and bold …I wasn’t exhausted by social interaction I did plays had lots of friends and was a natural leader. Lots to think about…
I love you, Dr Ramani. Thanks a lot. It's about me nowadays. 🌷
OMG 😮 what a realization
Like there used to be leper colonies, there should be a colony where all narcissists are exiled to. There, in splendid isolation from the rest of us, they would torment each other and serve as each other's narcissistic supply!
Ooh I wish I could send the lady who gave birth to me (narc "mom") there FOREVA!
I have similar story and I totally understand the need for being alone and it's OK and after many decades of having mostly narcissists in your life you have to heal in loneliness for much much longer than only a year.
I can't believe how insidious this type of abuse can be. It's like emotional cancer that spreads through the body of the victims. I'm working way through a 3 1/2 year long divorce battle and I revisit these videos when I'm having trouble finding the strength to continue fighting. Thank you for making these.
They think introverts are easy targets.
Im sure the ex thought that about me. Boy, was he wrong. I think I gave him a run for his money more than anyone else he has targeted, all without any yelling or fighting.
I agree the introverts seem to be easy targets. However don't poke the bear narcissists or you'll find yourself in big trouble!
I seem to have been molded into attracting narcissistic people. I am in my 60's and feel it is better to be alone. My job is retail and I feel exhausted after work. I need silence and respite from multitasking.
Don't get me wrong I like people. But everyone gets a piece of my focus. I prefer small groups.
I've been theorizing this for years. I used to be so friendly and outgoing.
I have always been an extrovert, but as I grow older, I love being home by myself. I have a great husband now, and a few close friends, but it’s so nice not to have to deal with people! Not really sure what happened to me. I was married to a narcissist for 10 years, it was horrible!
When "other people" mean you can't relax...
for sure. I am struggling with social meetings, which I was not like this before her...
Not in the long term. I think its natural to feel a bit introverted for a while after the relationship ends.
Amazing information! I can identify with a lot of the examples! Generally I am in extinction mode with most of my family members. Their emotional development for whatever reason is delayed, and cringeworthy at best! After recognizing whatever choices I make, even if we agree will be criticized. At times I have no choice but to respond with sharp and stern boundaries. I feel like I am talking to a toddler, however boundaries matter. Despite the years of smoldering disapproval, I refuse to be a doormat! Other people's interpretation of what they hear is a problem I DGAF about!
Your video coming in at the perfect time! Exactly the thought I’ve been working through lately
I had so much confidence and was enthusiastic until I had to live with two narcissist family members, I became very introverted and have become chronically anxious. I feel so sculpted by these narcissists. I can't even get the jobs I want or live the life I want. No more. I'm going to start reclaiming my true self. Thank you for these videos.💖