OPENING UP ABOUT MY PAST... | VLOG [tw: ed]
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- čas přidán 14. 04. 2023
- My name is Tammy. I struggle with too many mental issues, lol, but don't we all? On this channel I document most of my struggles. CZcams helps me to be able to vent and talk about what's going on and how I feel. I consider my channel to be a mental health recovery channel. I'm also trying to lose weight in the process. Come along and let's strive to be the best versions of ourselves!
I'm not promoting any kind of (eating) disorder, I'm just documenting my life and my struggles.
I'm very hapy to have you Little Lemons accompany me. Thank you SO much for watching my video!
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PO BOX ADDRESS
Tammy Lemon
Postbus 340
3360 AH SLIEDRECHT
THE NETHERLANDS
AMAZON WISHLIST
www.amazon.nl/hz/wishlist/ls/...
PO BOX INSTRUCTIONS
- Please don't send me food or snacks. I will not open/show them on video. If there's an item you would like to see me try, message me on Instagram so I can review the item and decide about wheter I want to add it to my amazon wishlist (some food or snack items can trigger me into having a binge).
- When you send me something from amazon.nl or amazon.de (the Dutch or German amazon website), you don't have to pay for expensive shipping and/or import costs since I live in the Netherlands.
Thank you so much for considering to send me something ♥
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Intro and outro music
Leonell Cassio - Night Sky (Lyrics) ft. Julia Mihevc
• Leonell Cassio - Night...
![ON THE VERGE OF A SERIOUS RELAPSE | VLOG [tw: ed]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/d5Lj6oH3Px4/mqdefault.jpg)
![ON THE VERGE OF A SERIOUS RELAPSE | VLOG [tw: ed]](/img/tr.png)
![DESTROYING MY EYEBROWS | VLOG [tw: ed]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/RasONw7UYq8/mqdefault.jpg)
Wow. This video hit me. I am almost twice your age, and I am still dealing with similar feelings about my parents, who are both still alive and in their seventies and eighties. I also have an eating disorder resulting in my being 350 lbs at 5’2”. I hope these recent memories don’t trigger a binge. You are doing great, and I want you to stay on that track. Hope are doing well. Take care.
You're worthy ❤️
Please value yourself, and do not hesitate to reach out for help in any ways you may need. You are clearly an honest and considerate person who deserves happiness and health.
Dear Tammy, I'm genuinely sorry you're going through this because I unfortunately know exactly how it feels. I had to go no contact with my parents almost a year ago. I feel like it's really good that you can still visit your parents every now and then. But, when you said that you still don't feel emotionally safe that really hit me. Thank you for sharing with us. Sending you lots of love from Canada ❤ Your videos always brighten my day, no matter the topic. You're a ray of sunshine in a lot of peoples lives 🥰
Tammy, thank you for being vulnerable enough to share such personal experiences. I’m sure there are lots of people who will benefit from your insights. You are an incredibly articulate, mature and intelligent young woman. Believe in yourself, you’ve got this! 🍋🧡🍋
Tammy, I wish I could give you some of the love from my parents. 🥺 I wish I could give it to everyone who needs it. I'm 43, my parents are 72 and 73, they're my world and I'm theirs. 🥺❤️ They still ask me if I ate, how I slept, if I am healthy... I wish I could hug you and somehow share all of my positive energy with you! You're beautiful, valued and loved, Tammy! ❤️
Your Mom and Dad sound wonderful! 😊
I’m seeing that a lot of your subscribers identify with you and your past. As do I. One day it will all make sense. I’m 68 and still waiting. Both of my parents are deceased now. We are all here for you. I love the lemon vase. How fitting. Weed is not legal where I live but I do take CBD to get a good nights rest. Love you sweetie. ❤😊
I totally relate, Tammy. I feel so much the same and I’m 57 years old. It never goes away. Thanks for sharing ♥️
i am ur biggest american fan literally and figuratively
Lol
I'm your competition, lol😂 ❤
😂
lmao
You are such a beautiful soul, Tammy. You look so healthy, your nails are coming in so well, and you're ability to see your past family traumas and how your parents were and still are is unbelievably mature.
You ARE going to make it❤
Grief is good for us. When we put those bad events into a box in our mind and hid them away, we don't deal with them. Remembering and dealing with them is best, and the grief you feel is the end of that "box". Closing one small chapter. Do it slowly, at your own pace, and move through the "chapters". ❤
We with complex ptsd type conditions have to reparent ourselves. It takes a long time to learn how to do it, but it's the only way to re-regulate ourselves and feel safe in the world. You got this, I know it.
I think its great that seeing old classmates sparked some memories. Even tho its painful, it helps u heal. Feel the pain. Cry. Grieve. Dont ignore it or try to avoid it or even numb it. Just let it hit u and you will see that it hurts, but it will become less and less painful. I recently lost my pet rabbit who was my WORLD. She was everything to me. And her death was very sudden and traumatic. But i found that just feeling that pain, crying and grieving, while painful af, is what helps me move forward. Love u girl ❤
Oh, Tammy, I'm so sorry for you. Growing up with parents that don't give you the security that you are loved unconditionally must have a massive impact on your further life. You are a wonderful person. I wish you all the best . Keep cheerful girl ❤
I'm turning 70 next year and I'll adopt you.
🙋♀️
You are so open and genuine, I appreciate it and am so glad I found your channel.
Opening packages and cards from your viewers! What a sweet way to connect. The lemon vase looks great in your background. ❤
You expressed yourself regarding your childhood and thoughts of your parents very well. All the best to you.
Aww honey….
I grew up with 4 brothers and my mom wasn’t very kind to me but she doted on my brothers…
I won’t get into everything I went through, but please keep In mind, They had problems and it’s not really about you! It’s about Them!
You are Wonderful and have a great sense of who you are and what you need!
I’m 63 and things still get to me sometimes but I am in control of my life.
I am so very proud of you and you are such a beautiful young woman🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋🍋
I appreciate you sharing your struggles with your parents. It's hard not having good parents, *hugs*
It takes a lot of courage to be open about childhood, our parents, and the struggles of growing up. Please take care of yourself ❤ much love to you Tammy!
Thanks for being open with your past struggles. It breaks my heart of the pain that you've endured.
Give yourself permission to walk away from a relationship with your parents if it is toxic to you. If you do not feel safe, then take yourself out of the relationship. Do not feel you must maintain contact due to a sense of social norms. I had an abusive parent and did not turn away from them due to a trained in sense of duty and loyalty. It almost cost me everything. I did end contact. I did struggle with doing that. I did move on and find peace with my decision.
thanks for opening up ❤❤❤ I can relate to your story and wish you nothing but the BEST ❤❤❤ I watched every single video on your channel. You're such an awesome person!
Wow, you're doing hard work. I'm so proud that you're giving yourself space to experience the feelings, that can feel scary for sure but just remember that you're not alone
You seem like such a genuinly wonderful person to still let your parents know that they're not alone despite the childhood you had. I really hope you get through this tough week. You're strong! Wishing the best for you ❤️
Girl... I hope you can feel the love and healthy energy that everyone of your viewers is sending you! We are here. Hugs and love to you.
Seeing you light up with the first card. And then then rest. Was wonderful. So easily pleased ❤
The part when you talked about your parents/childhood really hit me. The way you described some of your feelings towards the situation and them are ones I can totally relate to. I have CPTSD as a result of my childhood trauma and currently in therapy to try and deal with it. I'm just 40 now so this happened a long time ago and I've suppressed a lot. I totally get it. I just want you to know you're not alone ❤ I'm so sorry that you had to go through all that, it's heartbreaking 💔😞 You are doing amazing and such a wonderful person. You got this!! Sending so much love xxxx
You're looking so pretty lately! Im so glad you share your life with us *hugs*
Thank you for sharing, so sorry you’ve had this experience. Focus on the fact that you are strong and are dealing with this so well and regardless of what’s happened you’re here, fighting, moving forward and have support from your Lemfam and we know you will get through this ❤️🌹❤️
I understand how memories can be buried and then resurface just buy a particular trigger point. Life isn’t easy, and we as people are all learning as we go. You’re doing remarkable Tammy.❤️✌🏻🍋
I love the fact your pushing yourself and very detailed about you day. Great content love you❤
I watch Tammy to remind me of the good in people. Thank you Tammy, from Idaho USA
Hi Tammy thank you for making this video, I too was neglected as a child. Neither of my parents wanted me, my grandmother raised me, just for a CHECK. I understand your pain, I am 55 years old the pain do not go away, BUT you are taking the right steps. Thank you so much for sharing your story. ❤❤❤❤❤❤
Hugs ❤
@@Medhead24 thank you so much ❤️
I can relate to so much of what you say. In this one...I relate to the parental relationship and the grieving that love and affection never got. 😢thanks for sharing!!! Always feel less alone ❤
I never had a connection with my parents either. They were very neglectful and emotionally abusive. I cut my dad off at 18 and my mom off when I was in my 30s. They refused to acknowledge their mistakes. All that to say I know how you feel! ❤
Thank you for opening up sweetheart… i wish we could gather our love for u and create a whole person to see how much loved and cared for u are… sadly no one can take the place of the parent figure in someones life and i have always respected u so much for being this figure for yourself. I hope one day u have a partner with whom u take care of each other with the same unconditional love that parents do, u deserve it 💛
I am with you, and it does get easier. I'm 41 now and things get better every year. But sometimes, you know... There's just a hole, a small child still there longing for a loving parent to tuck me in at night. It is, of course, a totally normal response to neglect. Xoxo.
The priest that gave my mom her last rites pulled me aside after she past and said she felt very bad about what she did. I stuffed that stuff so deep and after that, i imploded. What you are doing is so much healthier. Tough but healthier. Hugs to you friend.
Thank you for sharing your life Tammy. I love you and your videos. And your kitties. Don't give up girl. You deserve happiness! Lots of love from America!
your smile is making me smile !!
Thank you for sharing Tammy, we do care about you. As difficult as it is to open up about your private self you did really good. Have a wonderful evening dear. 🍋🍋🍋
Tammy it takes great strength to open up about our past. Yes it will get difficult, but it makes us a better person. Just know you have numerous fans that care about you. We are here to cheer you on. You got this our Sweet Lemon. Have a blessed day. And remember you are loved.🍋🍋🍋
Thank you for sharing your experience. I really relate and have experienced it myself but have not talked it about with anyone except for my partner as I feel shame and I am still not feeling safe because of my parents. I’m in my 30s and have moved to another country when I was 19 to get away and only keep in touch by phone. My childhood has left a big mark on me and I know how it feels so I think it’s so brave you’re sharing you story 💜
Love you Tammy! These are normal feelings coming from an abusive background. You're on the right path, let yourself grief for the childhood you missed out on, for parents not giving you priority with love and safety and for bullying with others that didn't know what you were already going through. I'm older than you and I can say that peace is obtainable after an abusive upbringing.
I went thru physical, emotional, mental and sexual abuse, (starting around 3 until 12 years old), finally leaving home at 18 years old. The time will hopefully come when you look at what you've been through (reveal), come to terms that it happened and you are free from it (deal) and let yourself be at peace (heal). It sounds easy, but it's really not, but it is a place you can come to for a peaceful mind, spirit and body. Sending lots of love and hugs! ❤😂🎉❤
You are wise and brave. Thanks for bringing us on your journey and sharing your struggles and your work to help yourself. 💚💚
Sounds like you are dealing with complex PTSD Tammy. You’re doing really well. Keep loving yourself. We all love you ❤
Hiya Tammy. Love the new intro. You and the kitties are so sweet. I wish I could give you a hug. You’re a strong woman. We “toughies” have to stick together. We’ll make it. 🍋💐
I give you major credit for your weight loss. ..I lived in Belgium and in the Netherlands. The food is phenomenal . The bread is phenomenal, cheese, fresh foods, Leonidas!! Id never lose a pound there. Sorry, our food in the US doesn't even come close... 🙄
Thank you for sharing, Tammy. You’re such a beautiful person 💛🍋
Hey Tammy! Happy to see you doing better 🙂
Just one suggestion now you're looking into taking care of yourself is tinting your eyebrows to match your hair. I think it would look lovely ❤️🙂
So glad you took the advice on cat food, dry food is definitely a treat as it has grains to hold it together. If quality is expensive supplement with cooked chicken, which people see as a treat but it isn't, it should be the bulk of their diet (plus the additives that come from cat food, make sure it says 'complete' no 'complimentary' on it. So happy you've been open to advice. Vets don't always know about nutrition or are paid to recommend sometimes unhealthy expensive brands. I'm a cat sitter, first aider and crazy cat mum who reads all the research etc
You can get through this!! I know you can :))) sending love from PA
Tammy I cant even begin to express the connection i felt to you when you talked about ur parents. My dad and i are very close but my mom and i are complicated. My mom had always resented my relationship with my father and used to try and turn my sister against me in her favor. She is a bipolar alcoholic who has gotten so much better over the years and even apologized for what happened. But the abuse did occur. My dad traveled alot for work so my mom was my main caretaker. And it was really difficult. I try to have a good bond with her now but i see bits and pieces of the old her and they make me feel unsafe and uncomfortable. No matter what i do i feel like i can never make her feel content. She gets very jealous whenever my dad and sister and i are hanging out and she will starts drama to try and ruin it. Its really hard and its so painful. To never feel safe being happy because you worry itll be ruined. Wow im sorry to dump all this but it really just sparked something in me. Especially not feeling safe with ur parents. I know exactly what u mean. Thank you for opening up. It certainly helped me and thats so appreciated tammy ❤
my queen tammy lemon!!! slay
This was such a good video. A couple things… the dark hair is still gorgeous on you; I could listen to the windshield wipers in your car for hours…it would be a great calming and going to sleep sound. Reminds me of road trips. Parental connection always amazes me. My parents were not “present” and I am much older than you. It doesn’t get easier I’m afraid. Keep up the good work!
Sending you a big hug! You made me emotional ❤
You are so sweet to visit your parents considering how they treated you. My nieces 'father' never showed them any love, yet they always visit and bring him gifts on his birthday and holidays. When I ask why they bother with him, the niece who happens to be a psychologist says it's more for her than for him. The other one got his genes so she is as cold as he is, and isn't hurt like her sweet sister is. I hope your visits bring you peace 💞💕
The other is just dealing with her trauma the best she can.
Meeting up with old friends is great!
I love it when I can get together with former Classmates/friends😍
Beautiful card🍀
Love you Tammy🙏🏻🕊🌸♥️🍋🍋🍋
I think it s very interesting that you have these vivid dreams at the moment. I would appreciate it, since it reminds me of a specific type of trauma therapy I did called EMDR. After you had a session you have intense dreams for some days as your body is trying to process memories you have been repressing through your survival methods (for example binge eating) in childhood, but also adulthood. Eventhough I understand it s hard if it s for weeks on end and you should do whatever you feel like you need to, to be ok. Just wanted to let you know that I think that, eventhough it s hard, it could be a gift, since in my case the trauma is weighing less heavy on me since the EMDR treatment. 🤞
My God. Listening to ur story i felt like i was speaking from my own experience.... Big hugs my friend.... Im sorry you had these experiences. Thank you for being so transparent. Some of us are in our own heads and hell and dont have anyone to talk to...
I believe in keeping the past in the past. I don't think it's a good idea to rekindle old relationships.
Sending you lots of love!
💜💙💜 hi tammy I can totally relate to you my parents did not care for me when I was younger I grew up being sexually abused by a family friend and had nobody to turn to I resented my parents for that , I was the fattest person in my year at school and I got bullied so much my mum used to pick on me for being fat yet she was the one who fed me bad foods , I turned to drugs to heal the pain and became an addict I asked my mum for help she turned her back , eventually I tried to overdose and it was only then my parents listened to my problems . The way parents treat their children in the early years shapes you for life so I do understand 💜💙💜
I’m sorry to hear about your struggles, I hope you are doing well now honey
Sending love and light
Thank you for sharing; this is very vulnerable. Lots of love from Cape Town
We had cats when I was little. And my mom always fed them dry kibble mixed with oatmeal/porridge. They loved it and it was a great money saver.
Sorry your experienced so much Tammy. I personally find that Dissociation Does impact’s Choices. Thanks for sharing.
I'm 59 years old, and I still wonder what it would have been like to have had a dad (mine left when I was two). I kind of grieve for not having had one, but I know my image of 'normal' families is probably idealized and not realistic, so maybe having a two parent family isn't necessarily better. Also, I remind myself that if things had been different I wouldn't have grown up to be the person I am now, and I'm OK with that person.
I know this sounds crazy but I feel like i know you and the kitties 😻😻😻❤️
17:55
I understand so much. My dad died when I was 9 and I crave for a father figure or just a older man thing and it’s sad and happy at the same time bc I do have that role model now but deep down I wish it was my dad
I can totally see how visiting old friends would trigger some level of PTSD because your child was so traumatic. I’m glad you’re acknowledging the feelings and I hope you get back with a psychologist soon!
Did you know that lemons are one of the most cleansing foods ? It’s interesting that you are so drawn to them. Drink lots of lemon water while detoxing your childhood issues - it helps ! ❤️❤️
Hello from beautiful West Virginia (Almost Heaven). I love your videos and content. I’m rooting for you. WE can do this!
Is that actually a name of a town? I'm from NYC and heard someone say that ☺️
@@EsmeraldaWolfsbane7777 It’s actually from a John Denver song about our state. We use it sort of as a state motto. So no, I don’t believe it’s an actual place. Just a state of mind. ☺️
The lemons vase 😍😍😍😍
im dealing with a lot of grief too. It is overwhelming sometimes.
Your hair is beautiful 😊
I understand this completely, my mother never hugged or told me she loved me til she got really sick and right before she died she still didnt hug me but just shook my hand, she lied constantly to me when i was a kid by my Nan was my best friend when she died part of me died so i completely understand this
Thank you for sharing this :)
the frozen lahmacun is a true icon of this channel
Canada here, I use weed for sleep as well. I find now that the bulk of my sleep is nightmare-free except right before waking up! Agh lol!
Weed is not as safe as the governor is making it to be it Can affect the brain and cause permanent changes in the 1960s these drugs were tested on the lower people of society without telling them the dangers and taking advantage of the people who were oblivious to the governments sinister agenda..weed is still a drug just like anything else.
Helps with sleep. Helps with pain. And.. helps if you have no appetite and don't want to lose weight. Munchies.. followed by sleep. For a sweet change.
Just be careful of sources. Regulated legal is best.
Sending hugs💜💕💜🐱🐈❤
Thanks for sharing. 💙
🐹 Loved the end of your dream
❤️
if its one thing i have learned so far in my mid 20s it is this: cut old ties and form new links that nourish your soul.
Tammy You are looking beautiful. Love that hair color on you !
If it helps the dreams please don't be afraid to use it. That plant helps my anxiety much.
Bout binge cycles youre not alone ive end binge cycles by eating maximum 2500 to 2700 calories when i work on construction building and after that bodybuilding moderation as a women and i have lost
💞🍋🌷
Is it possible to put some double sided tape on your new vase as I think the cat's might take it down while playing with the flowers.
It took me a minute to figure out you meant "vase".😂
Yes. The cats seem too interested.
Securing it is a good idea.
@@AzaleaBee ohh thank you lol I didn't see it says case instead of vase 😕 thank you for being a sweetheart and I'll fix it lol.
@@omadjourney That’s a great suggestion. My cats have broken so many beautiful things that I started using double-sided tape many years ago to secure my favourite decorative accessories. It works really well, but I did get glass tops cut for my furniture so that the tape sticks to the glass, not the wood. 😊
@@designchik unfortunately my experience comes from having a child not a pet...but same thing right lol.
I am obsessed with you and your channel ❤I can’t get enough ❤😊 if I lived near u I would be at your house every day 😊❤ I was also bullied all throughout my childhood and a rocky childhood with my families I had to not give my stepmom my phone numbers cause she will hates me and treats me 🤢
The lighter you get, the more you notice how easier it gets to go up stairs.
You said you haven't been sleeping well, have you ever been tested for sleep apnea? by the way I love your videos!
I think she mentioned in her last video, or the one before, that she is thinking of being tested for it.
It's really brave opening up about your issues. You're not alone ❤ It's always important to seek advice from a professional - but wanted to say, there's something called 'inner child therapy' which can be really helpful... you can't change the past as you said, but you can start to be that voice of unconditional love for your own inner child. Might sound silly but it can be really effective. Sending love! ❤
I sent you a letter some time ago too, now im starting to wonder if i mailed it to the wrong address
My cats now refuse to eat their expensive kibble and only want wet food sachets.
Love you Girl ❤
It is absolutely OMG green basket from the card.
And I love your Friends 🐈 😻 🐈⬛ 😺 🐱 😸 🐈 😻 🐈⬛
Tammy, can you let us know what your Cats are named after / what their names mean in English? (…besides Pistache, I think we can figure that one out ☺️🧐)
I know that yuki means snow in Japanese but would be interested in the others :)
I think Makker is Irish for friend. I watch an Irish guy and he calls the viewers muckers
@@amandastarshine89 that makes sense since most of her cats are white . Maybe yuki is the whitest
Hi tammy just a Word from me you looking very good right now
Hello Tammy can I ask what is kwark?
Quark in English, it’s a bit like yogurt.
Quark is thick fermented strained milk. Basically if you make kefir (fermented milk) and strain out the whey (liquid gold) what you'd have is quark. Good eaten as is or in place of sour cream especially in dips like sour onion dip. Yum and full of probiotics if made at home.
It's like a very soft and smooth cottage cheese spread type of thing rich in protein
will u be making more baking videos? 🥰
🫶🏻🫶🏻🫶🏻
I have lost around 3 kg slow without any lies😅
Well done Carla ❤
Why are you taking a diet break.
You don't really diet.👍