"35 years of prayer couldn't get rid of my homosexuality. My name is Steve and I am an Ex Mormon."
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- čas přidán 7. 07. 2011
- www.i-am-an-exmormon.com/
www.exmormonfoundation.org
www.postmormon.org/
www.exmormon.reddit.com
www.LifeAfterMormonism.net
As I watched two buildings explode and crush into pieces on September 11th, 2001, my life began to fall apart. It was the event that shook my soul and began my exit from the Mormon Church. As I sat speechless and terrified watching thousands of innocent people die, I wondered if they had lived genuinely. They were in a situation they couldn't control, meeting the ends of their lives with no choice. Up until that very moment, I also felt that I had no choice. This event shook my brain into a thinking mode as no other event had done. They were in a situation they couldn't control, meeting the ends of their lives with no choice. But I DID have a choice in the direction I would go.
A sixth generation Mormon, named after Jacob Hamblin and John Doyle Lee, I was a select member with a shining lineage. I was destined to received all the temple blessings bestowed upon me throughout my life! But I was just fooling myself. I was a gay Mormon, hiding my true desires in an "eternal marriage" that was soon to come to an end. The thought of it all was overwhelming me. Leaving the Church was certainly the end of my being, my soul. My family would abandon me without question. What would I become? I would surely lose everything. Satan already had a death grip on my ankles pulling me to his side. Leaving the Church meant death of my body and my soul.
But the day arrived when I was so terribly unhappy I actually said it aloud. I would have rather died than live one more day feeling that disastrous inside. And many men in my situation simply end it, Blood Atonement to save themselves from the endless mental prison. But somewhere inside me I knew I could make it through even this trial. Could THIS be my real test from Heavenly Father? Escaping with my life, hoping to create a better life for my wife, my kids and myself? None of it made sense any more. I woke up on my last Sunday as a believing Mormon, my wife took my kids to Church with her, and over the next three hours as they were bored out of their minds, I began researching the Church online.
Without moving from that chair, every single question I had was answered, all my doubts about the strangeness of the Mormon Church became clear, a switch literally flipped in my head so loudly that I almost heard the click. From OFF to ON.
(CONTINUED)
To read the rest of Steve's story, click on the following link: www.iamanexmormon.com/2011/07/...
What a shame he wasted thirty five years of his life living under some stupid guilt trip laid on him by misuse of the bible. There is a lesson for young people here!
I know.
There isn't a right way to use the bible.
@@jordangallagher215the right way to use the bible is to not read it at all
I did lose my family but that's their choice more than my own. I'm still happy too. My partner and I are doing just fine together. I hope they come around but I'm not holding my breath so I can live life.
*****, Sir, do you know something I don't? Bless your heart. Let's see, I stayed in the US. The family went halfway around the world.
This guy is awesome. Bravo for you for standing up and telling your side of the story. :)
Beautiful video! I hope more religious people start to understand this.
Marcos Oliveira fuck off.
Steve, I want you to know I just looked up the word 'courageous' in the dictionary, and your picture was next to it
Im crying im a lesbian and i grew up mormon you are an insperation my parents wanted me to go to conversion therapy , and im crying so muh right now thank you
I am in the process of leaving the church (I am gay). Sadly my family refuses to speak to me, and I have felt nothing but true hate from the members. Its hard being a young adult (23), and having zero family or close friends anymore, simply because I am tired of being discriminated while in the closet. I'm was way past what the bishop and stake president told me - stay celibate, single and alone my entire life, or get (unhappily) married to the opposite sex. NO WAY...How can they say such ignorant words, when they openly believe they will practice polygamy in the afterlife. Its frustrating to see the church entitle only straight members to happiness and success. I completely understand what Steve is emphasizing.
Steve your story has helped me to be my true self and not live a lie anymore thank you
I love this guy. I am so glad he made it OUT.
Steve, I support you 100% and so happy for you. thank you for your story!
It is such a beautiful thing when the truth is spoken!
I was not a Mormon, but my situation was similar in accepting the lies that society and the church imposed ... for decades! When I finally realized what BS is is, it has been nothing but relief and tremendous joy. You are right, Steve. There is no reason to have all the fear.
John Brown Your video is inspiring. I hope it earns a higher viewership.
Homosexuality is the preferred term by church instead of gay because they like to sexualize them. The irony, they refer gays to Sex Addiction clinics when a struggling gay man might have sex once a month while the clinician at LDS family and social services is getting it sometimes 2x a day from his Celestialized wife at home. Gay men feel love and not just sex. Yes. I have NEVER seen a mormon try to walk in the gay shoes. Ever. They're so sick, and blind from being martyrs for their own religion and the martyrdoms they dramatize, they can't help anyone else. If you are gay and mormon, GET OUT, do not confess, do that "repentance" stuff because you are not a horrible person or "sinner". Anyone who is LDS will feel scared of that statement because they'll think I must be some evil person to persuade someone not to repent. No, do repent of being judgemental, hating people, calling them sinners and being prideful. Actually, do follow that part of the book of mormon LDS people. Stop being arrogant privileged arses.
Thank you for sharing this. His experience mirrors every experience I've heard from evangelical Christian men who've endured gay reparative therapy in their own denominations. The blood of those who took (and will take) their lives is on the hands of these despicable people and organizations.
Your message is exactly why we made this video together. Steve is an amazing guy for courageously telling his story in the hopes he might help someone like you. If I had spent all the hours filming, editing and posting these videos and your comment was the only one, it would all be worth it. There are plenty of people rooting for you!
I am really glad that you are still on this earth. Your message is one of hope and courage. I hope that your life now is the one you envisioned for yourself. Thank you for telling your story.
You lost nothing of value from the Mormon church, instead you gained yourself, you gained your freedom, your happiness, a loving partner, and your sanity. Good job!
I adore this video. This guy totally rules, it has the humanity of somebody who finally woke up to reality and got free of it all, who finally found out which was his real problem. 12 years of his life in that "therapy". I am even surprised he is still alive and didn't comit suicide.
I’m a straight guy and an ex-mormon, but this is still is very inspiring and touching!!!
Thank you!!
What a powerful, raw eye-opening video ! Religious oppression is a hidden scourge that blasts people with guilt on a daily basis. Non-conformity is not allowed. Truth is the best religion. Thanks for sharing !
1.) Polygamy (Changed their mind about it)
2.) Blacks banned from priesthood (Changed their mind about it)
3.) Proposition 8 (Are going to change their mind about it)
For the one and only true church they sure seem to be on the wrong side a lot.
All religion change as their rules and beliefs start driving off their members in droves. Information and the internet are the death of religion.
I am black and I know many Mormons and they are great people yet confused.
As for the priesthood this church is not legitimate so I don;t care.
Roger San Gabriel No church is legitimate.
If you don't believe in god for you it isn't.
But soon you will believe me you will.
The NWO loves people like yourself.
This guy is powerful. I love his last prayer. "You love me, like I love my kids" This is amazing. Thank you for sharing! :)
I’m a heterosexual man and ex-mormon. But this video still touched me very deeply!! 😄
I love this guy.. I'm not going to hide what I am anymore :)
Love this forum. So honest, so brave. Thank you!
Steve there are churches that accept you and will not judge you, they see gay christians no different than other christians. God loves you just the way you are
The Mormon church will also accept and not judge you. Everyone has different struggles
The key question that needs to be answered for many people is: Is being gay just a life style choice? or Is being gay the way some people are created? I think most enlightened people think the answer to the first question is no and the second yes. So if God creates people gay, who the heck are we to question that? Every human being deserves to be respected and loved. It's ridiculous to shun someone for being different. I believe in the worth of all people. Not hard to do with many people I've known in my life who happen to be gay, many of whom are truly decent people. It is hard to do when a person behaves in evil ways, like being judgmental about others.
SHOULD CHRISTIANS "TOLERATE" SEXUAL PERVERTS?
God is pretty "judgemental" of your Sodom & Gomorrah Lifestyle. God didn't tolerate Sexual Degeneracy and lewd behavior in the cities of Sodom and Gomorrah. God destroyed those cities. Do you think that Christians should "tolerate" Sexual Perverts against God"s will?
Kudos to you Steve, for being authentic, and true to yourself.This is a great story!. Sorry you've been through so much.
fucking inspirational... leaving the church was the best decision I've ever made, and it pains me to see the ones that I love still stuck in a church of guilt and shame. Religion has never helped me like freedom and psychedelics, the freedom to be myself, and the freedom to know who I truly am. Thank you Steve for your heart, this world needs people like you.
I just watched this again because Steve, you are so awesome. I am not gay but I had to suppress the fact that I didn't care if others were. I am the mother of 6 children and am just finding my footing outside of mormonism. Your words and your laughter gave me hope, so thank you for your candor to the world!
I know the right will freak out if we start using a new word, but I really think we need to switch from saying we are Homosexual to Homoromantic. Because that is the real issue. We fall in love with men only. Some of us can force ourselves to be sexual with the opposite sex, but we can never fall in romantic love with them. We can love them as a friend, and maybe a partner, but not romantically. That only happens with the same sex.
You're not listening very well.
+Steve Lee-O'Neal What did I not hear?
Kyle Sfhandyman such a decease spreading lie, use some Clorox and wash your mind.
Kyle Sfhandyman we should keep the word queer for that
Love your personality thank you for sharing your story ! 👏🏽👏🏽
Steve's Story is BEAUTIFUL. He has accepted himself rather than a religous doctrine that diminshed his true self. 10 Minute video and worth watching / listening to it all. Our world would be much richer with everyday people being able to live their lives truthfully. Steve has found happiness and more will too.
Brother, you are beautiful, lively, inspiring, honest, and so enjoyable to listen to! Your natural soulfulness, the way you express your life story, makes it so clear & so obvious ~ you are being who you are! Being authentic & transparent with ourselves, first of all, is The vital key to actually Knowing who we are, in truth.
I am happy for you ! freedom feels good
+Tiffany Parker Unaccountability feels even better!
Steve, you’re awesome! I could listen to you all day! Love your energy! Xoxoxo
Wow. This is probably one of the most moving personal videos I've seen this year. I feel like giving you a hug! I can truly see & feel the pain in your eyes as you talked about your 35 years of struggle of living a lie & not being true to yourself in terms of knowing that you were gay. I'm so glad that your ex-wife & you are on good terms & that she is happy for you that you are now completely happy with your life & that you feel like you're not living a lie & hiding things anymore. :-) (cont.)
Steven, this is an awesome video. I am also a gay ex-JW and I sent my wife the link for your video to help her understand what I am going through. It made a big impact on her. Thank you for expressing what so many of us have had difficulty finding the words for!
big love so proud of you brother
shows the danger of religious homophobia. No wonder Christ hated religion.
Ephesians 5:25 "Husbands, love your wives, even as Christ also loved the church, and gave himself for it." This is two points in one verse 1) Christ loved CHURCH 2) Husbands are to love their WIVES!
Thanks, Steve, for making this video. It's a great video for young adults struggling with these issues. I'll definitely have my friend's daughter watch it.
"You move past all of that fear, you move past all of the threats, and you end up with a really, really great situation." Ding ding ding! Yes! Thank you for sharing your story Steve. I want to give you a huge hug. Lots of love.
"What is traditional marriage for starters - Cuz Mormons are polygamists. So is that traditional? I don't know." HAHA, GOOD POINT!!
I agree that empathy needs to grow. Some things can't be changed no matter how hard someone tries. I'm glad Steve stayed alive and pursued his true self, so I could watch this video and hear another example of separating oneself from the church.
Congratulations on being yourself! ❤❤
I applaud and admire this man's courage and strength to speak up and be himself, even after many years of silent suffering. This is a great video. I'm glad that he's now happy with his life!
Steve, Thanks for this realistic description of what is going on in the Mormon religion (and most of the other religions too). It is amazing how much effort you have put into going straight and yet, now, you can completely recognize the absurdity of what we go through in order to do the "right thing." And at the end of all of it, what we learn is that it was all a crazy exercise that wastes way too much time. I really like the way you just peel back the craziness and expose it for what it is. Your story is very valuable. YOU ROCK!!!
Religion is ridiculous period! Life is beautiful without it. You are perfect just the way you are!!! Good job getting out and "being gay is not a sin but acting on it is" is both NONE of anyone's business and it's also a recipe for loneliness that is unnecessary.
Try telling that to the lawmakers in Middle Eastern countries.
I LOVE THIS SO MUCH! SO MUCH!
Hi Steve! I remember you from our Arizona days. Love your testimony and your transformation.
This is awesome. I literally started crying when he started crying, but I continued while he told his story. It's great that he can live a normal life the way he should have been living all those years.
You are a beautiful and courageous person. Stay that way and all my love and wishes for you.
Even as a straight atheist young woman, I think it's SO sad seeing especially seeing men that are older struggle through this sort of thing....because when you see that they're older, to me it just means that the same pain (or maybe even worse) that so many young men and women these days literally and figuratively kill themselves over......they've been living with it for DECADES, sometimes as much as half a century....and have lost so many years that they could have been happy with themselves and their lives and relationships.
When you think in depth about these cases,......you realize they didn't have the internet support/advice, they didn't have this new gradual, yet undeniable spread of acceptance of LGBT that this country and hopefully the world is going through. They didn't have the law moving towards their side and their equality. They were young with hormones racing, peer pressure and insecurities at an all-time high, but to top it off, had even more reason than the younger LGBT (today) to believe fullheartedly that they could NEVER in their lives be happy, honest, or comfortable with who they are....or that people would ALWAYS unanimously view them as an unnatural abomination.
Not trying to downplay the pain and suffering and inequality of young LGBT men and women today, but in my eyes, they have it way better than the older people now did.
Hopefully we will keep progressing, and hopefully more people will eventually begin to realize the nature of the lie that is organized religion, so that less and less older LGBT people in the future will be able to say they had endured such long lasting and unimaginable emotional pain throughout their youth.
Don't know if you're reading these comments, but good on you Steve for seeing the truth & trying to help others in your former situation to be as brave as you were to make a change in their thinking and lives. I really do hope you live the rest of your life in peaceful happiness.
And sorry for calling you old lol.
PS: To the people who are saying things along the lines of "well Mormans are the WORST, you should've joined our Jesus cult instead!".............tsk tsk tsk......
smh......
Very well said. thank you. As an atheist myself I get tired of hearing, "just struggle on not being happy with anything (and of course giving us 10%), your next life will be so much better." No, you don't get two. There is no second, no rewind button, no "do-overs". Live your life, do no harm, respect your neighbor, and be happy. I have an aquantance that is totally wasting her life waiting on the "next" that she will not change anything about it. Breaks my heart. Thanks again for you great comment.
+Shellie Carlson I have the same story and I fully agree with every single word you said,you won't be miserable if you leave the church,you will become happier than ever and live life to the dullest,even if it sound kind of scary that there is no afterlife,somehow you feel peace because you know there is no god or devil,and you live your life at peace and try to do all the things you have ever wanted to
Steve, I love your story and the way you tell it. I'm ex-mormon for 23 years now, and don't have the unnecessary fear, guilt, and shame that mormonism gave me. I'm straight, so didn't have near the struggle you did.
I've also found all religions to cause much more harm than good.
Hey Brother. I'm sorry for what happened and how you were treated. We still love you. We're sorry for our mistakes. You are still loved. We hope to be better. We are improving. I still believe in the church and the gospel but I understand where you are coming from. I hope you will forgive those who hurt you.
Bravo Steve, very well stated. On a side note, I think you're also funny and should do stand-up or you would make a pretty good comedian.
OMG when will they learn
I am not gay but even I understand that there is a part of the brain that controls your sexuality you have no control over this just as if you had cancer or not
well done to you mate and have a great life
steve, you showed me how beautiful a gay man could be, just by being yourself. what you gave me has carried me through all these years as a proud gay man. when i left the church, unlike so many others, i never looked back because i knew that being gay held something wonderful for me. you showed me that. thank you.
I love this guy. He’s not afraid to just put it all out there. The Truth!!
I absolutely love this.
I'm not a Mormon, I was raised up in a Free Will Baptist Church. I'm not against any Church or Christian, even though others tell me I can't be a Christian because I'm gay. My Partner and I have recently joined an open and affirming Church.
My struggle was from age 11-38, I'm now age 49.
I never went through any ex-gay program, I never married or have any children, but you and I prayed the same prayers. Another thing we both thought of, was the love you have for your children, in my case it was the love I have for my sister's and brother's children. I would not let them go through something like I was going through and have them crying out to me for help and not hear them. I believe if God wanted me to change he would have made it possible for me to do so. With all the struggles I've been through, I've have still managed to keep my faith in God.
I use to think being gay was a cures, now I believe it is a blessing.
The Bible says in Leviticus clearly that you must stone homosexuals to death. Don't worry though, the Bible was written by homophobic, sexist, bronze-age men in a desert. The God of the Bible wants you to be killed and then take you to his torture basement to light you on fire to burn forever for merely being born the way he created you. We atheists don't believe there's any evidence for the existence of this evil God or any fairy tales gods and we will happily welcome you no matter what sexual preference or sex or anything you are and we will not condemn you based on the way you were born because of some words in an old book.
Thank you for welcoming me as I am. I believe that's all God really wants us to do, just love one another no matter who they are.
My theory is that although many believers might be against the gay lifestyle, the thing is we are supposed to pray from them. Just like we would to anybody else. I also think it depends on what the church teaches you. I had my own trials and tribulations and had two different so-called church families and not a one showed up to assist me when I was going through all of that. I am not a mormon either. But as long as I have the Lord as my savior, I will pray for all whether they are believers of Christ or not! Thanks for sharing your story Steve!!!!
Actively participating in sin every day and still expecting forgiveness when you know you're going to do the same sin purposely the next day is asinine.
31Wolvesplayer What is asinine and a sin is your comment.
you sir are amazing! As an ex mormon, I love you as a person, I love you as somebody who speaks out and I'm sure this will be helpful to somebody. I'm a straight guy and I had no idea the church did this, I was pretty smart and got out as soon as I could
Hang in there Steve! You are very courageous to do this. Hope that each day away from an oppressive environment is better, stronger and sunnier for you. All the best to you and your partner!
If one is gay, then one is gay. A person should be who he is if he is ever to be happy. I would never tell someone to go through the horror of being someone who he is not and never will be. That is a plan for misery. Leave it alone.
hard to believe intelligent people believe morman doctrine
+Leland Rollag hard to believe anyone cares what you think.
+John Lee because I don't believe preposterous nonsense
+Leland Rollag And it's "Mormon" you idiot.
+John Lee nobody should care about what I think but should worry about what you think and spelling should be moron
+Leland Rollag Clever...did you just make that up? Idiot.
Sweetie, you ARE fabulous! I didn't get the chance to come out to my family, but if I had, and I hadn't done it yet this video would have inspired me to do so. Your story is amazing and I'm so happy to hear your life has gotten so much better. Best of wishes to you and your partner
Much love to you Steve!!! So glad to know that you survived. Best wishes to you on your journey.
God made every colour hue gay straight bi So WHAT!! we are all beautiful human beings gods children
LOL, he's so cute!
Steve this is such a beautiful story!! You made me cry! Bless you!
Grats steve :D you're story is very well put and im sure other people looking through a way past this will see this video and know they're not the only ones.
Absolutely, I found his story deeply moving. He was earnest and heartfelt in a way that most people just don't have access to.
I nearly cried watching this. My heart goes out to you; I'm straight, and I had it nowhere near as bad, but I can relate on some level.
I was raised Orthodox Jewish and dealt with debilitating mental illness that put me at odds with my faith for years. When I was 18 I finally became agnostic-atheist. To be fair, my family ended up being surprisingly supportive, but it's to their credit; that is not par for the course among the Orthodox.
Just beautiful. This particular speech made me cry.
Awesome... thanks so much for this... Many GLBT members of the Baha'i Faith are suffering from the same sort of homophobia, what you have done is give many of us inspiration... thank you!
I am an ex Mormon. So many normal people are branded as sinful and bad for being normal. I am single. The missionaries didn't mention when I joined that in Mormon doctrine, I cannot be resurrected because I am not sealed to a priesthood holder. Steve, I wish you and your husband every joy. Joseph Smith was a complete horn dog so he created polygamy. How honorable!
It was so hard not to cry, watching this. Truly compelling person.
I can't even imagine the kind of pain these people went through thinking that there was something wrong with the way they were. I'm so glad to see that this man could make the change that he needed to live a more enriched life.
Beautiful, absolutely beautiful. Thank you for sharing. All the best to you and your partner and your family.
I am amazed at your story. Thank you and God bless you for sharing it!
Thanks Steve,
I have two comments. First I laughed my guts out when I first saw the bumper sticker, "I Survived Catholic School." You see we who had gone through that had basically the same experience that you have had. So I was an alter boy and you were a Mormon, same thing. :) I survived it and so did you.
Second comment, so much hope. Thanks for all of that hope. I am 62 years old and I never thought I would ever hear all of that hope.
Thanks
TJ Davis
brilliant. good thing you made it out. i have a friend who is struggling. no longer a mormon, but the inner hate is manifesting in unhealthy and self-destructive patterns ingrained from the brainwashing he received. it's so sad. i try to tell him to remain in control of his senses for when his miracle happens
Thanks for being so brave to talk about this. What a horrible and disgusting thing they've done to you. This video has moved me, thank you.
I'm sorry your journey was so painful but you are fantastic! And good on you and your happiness.
@Mr101Livin Good For YOU!!! =) being back in the Church has made me free again from the clutches of alcoholism and addiction. This Church is only good and will keep growing! It will prevail in the end so hold tight to the iron rode cause we are going to have to face a lot of persecution and hard times in the future.
Steve, good for you! I hope you have an amazing life being who you are and with those who love you the way you are.
"It gets SO much better! Hehehe!"
I can see the crying his laughter is meant to suppress through his eyes
This is the best one yet!
(Pt 3) Don't EVER stop digging for that Ultimate Purpose! And oh my GOSH do I applaud this video! My straight husband was in tears! We LOVE U!!!
I am also an ex-mormon, I was really touched by your courage and sincerity. Be well.
props to this man for his courage. I am pleased to hear he has found a measure of happiness in his life.
Steve, how awful! I am so sorry that you had to go through this.
Thank you for being so brave and talking about your experiences. How horrific. Thank God your life is ok. I believe that God wants us to be exactly who we are.
Thank you for sharing. I am a liberated Christian, often mistaken for a heretic and backslidden by the loudest group of evangelicals and fundamentalist. I am happy that you are living in freedom and love.
What a beautiful human being you are, Steve.
Great video =)
and Steve... YOU ARE FABULOUS!!!!!!! Thank you so much for your testimony!!!!
Steve, this is a wonderful video. Thank you for sharing your story and insights. I'm so glad you're happier now and that your ex-wife is such a clearly fair-minded person who keeps close contact, especially for your kid's sake. I hope that a lot of gay members get to watch this and that it saves them the years of pain you endured before you realised that what the Church was telling you about yourself was not true.
Your positive attitude and wit are amazing to me, and so lovely! I'm really happy that you're happy. Best of luck in the future, to you, your partner and all your loved ones from a fellow atheist :)
I love this video! Steven is my hero! When I feel that my fight against religion is getting at me, I spend 10 minutes with Steven in this video and then I am happy again, and ready to fight the cult of Jehovah´s Witnesses with full power! I hope that you keep up the good work, and want you to know one thing; even if you are focused on mormons you are helping people from other cults too! Some day we will all be joined in a peaceful world without cults! My name is Bo, and I am an ex JW!
Your words are incredible; very happy you stayed true to yourself and your values.
thank you for shareing this story of your struggle. It is inspirational, continue enjoying your life, it is what you deserve after all those years of misguided suffering. You have my best wishes no doubt.
Oh man, this guy is great. I am so happy he has finally found happiness! A great individual.
I am so happy for you. I hope this video can help others.