A man without children is considered free and "a batchlor", but a woman without children is considered a waste of air. I hope people can move past that
Yes if a man can successfully not sire any children, he’s considered a legend who can just effortlessly doge bullet after life ending bullet but if a woman never has children, she’s more worthless than the trash in the dumpster even if she is achieving feats that can potentially change the world. So ridiculous.
@@alphabeta3105 That would make your family bad and violent people. Also what kind of idiotic logic is when people who have sex call people who don't have sex a "slut"? That's truly stupid. Maybe you're the one who shouldn't have kids if your family ends up violent and stupid
@@HotDogTimeMachine385 within one or at most two generations everything will change. Egoistic solo people will suffer be sure. Retirement plan, pensions will be abolished. Only strong family trees are functional.
My husband and I wanted children, but after examining our financial situations and our respective separate mental health journeys, we realize that we wouldn’t be effective parents. We both had horrible experiences with parents who clearly weren’t meant to be parents, so we would much rather mourn a dream we thought we wanted than traumatize a child. It was a hard decision, but the right decision. We are literally making the responsible decision, and are STILL being called selfish by family members who think we owe them grandchildren. We are each other’s family!
And more people need to do this self reflection. I think it’s selfish to have a child just for the sake of having one, especially when you know it’s not for you. I’m in a similar boat. I like spending money on me and my finances aren’t great for even raising one.
My boyfriend and I do this self reflection often. We both want established careers, wealth and marriage alongside having a super healthy dynamic before we bring kids into the mix. Marriage and success before having children should be the norm but sadly generation Z would downplay marriage but then become parents with no foundation
I can understand your mental health journey making your decision more comprehensible but I feel like our pols. no longer care about US stagnant wages and way of life. You've decided you cannot afford kids. That should concern our pols, society and culture. How bad can it get? In Canada, they're encouraging suicide among the financially stressed. Not a good alternative.
@@shirley444 I disagree with you about children before marriage. It's 2022, it shouldn't still be stigmatized. My parent were married before they had me and they managed to traumatize me all the same.
Only resentful parents hate on Childfree people. Is pure jealousy. Most of my friends are loving parents and they're the FIRST to say is not for everyone 🙂
@@E_l_l_i_e same. My sister and I both had our tubes tied decades ago and my mother who is 79 is thrilled not to be a grandmother....she still feels young 😂
I’m the child of two people who both weren’t ready to have kids. I’m 29 years old and still dealing with the fallout of growing up with neglectful/abusive parents, and yet most of my family still “reassure” me that I’ll change my mind about having kids. It’s a little frightening how little my choice, and the reasons why I made it, matters to them.
@@eileensnow6153 because of my traumatic childhood I have decided not to have children or even get married I'm sorry that you had to endure such a childhood
@@angelaholmes8888 I’m sorry for yours, too. Childhood is supposed to be full of wonder and joy, not terror and suffering. I hope you find those things in your adulthood, you deserve them just as much as everyone else :)
Fun fact : I was literally listening to the entire Adams family musical soundtrack before this video so it's fun to see another fellow Adams family musical enjoyer :)
That's really disgusting of you to say that. Am an Antinatalist! I don't force innocent sentient beings to experience death sentences! ☠️⚰️🥀 Breeders are Murderers. You definitely sound like a Murderous Breeder!
People may love their children, but many secretly regret having kids. The attitude that everyone should have kids makes their unhappiness taboo and they're afraid to tell anyone.
I've seen articles & threads with parents expressing their regret. I think these conversations are necessary, both for the parents & those who are on the fence about kids.
Bow, this reminds me of something my grandmother told me once. She said years ago, that if she could have a second chance at life, she wouldn't have children. I can see now what she meant. She had three, my mother, uncle, and aunt. My mom was the only one who turned out relatively normal, while my uncle and aunt struggled with drug and alcohol abuse, which was pretty traumatic for her and my grandfather.
We need a video on that. Makes me side eye the Smug Marrieds in Bridget Jones's Diary more, their kids seem like accessories (which is par the course for the Boomer humor evident in the book series)
If society is so worried about childless women, maybe it ought to make kids more affordable and give us benefits. It's always the individual's fault and never the system's in these shows.
I know so many moms who had their first child during the pandemic, and most are not having another because of how intensely difficult the experience was.
Also maybe improve tha care for children that already are there and in foster care? Why make more if those that already are there are not properly taken care of? It should be think of quality over quantity. With the age of retirement getting higher and higher we are already missing out on the intended by nature benefit of grandparents playing a bigger role in helping to raise the kids....
Not to mention the expectation that women should not only take on that reproductive labour, but pay to do it? They're keeping humanity going, and we expect them to pay for the privilege on top of doing all that work? It's really rather silly when you think of it that way. I mean, what happens if all women suddenly refused? Our society and our economy is built upon the idea that women should do reproductive labour just because that's our place. We should do it for free, and never complain about it. It's BS. Also, no person should be forced to engage in labour they don't wish to, reproductive or productive. Just to be clear.
Thank you for highlighting childfree women. However, someone trying to get pregnant is not childfree. Childfree is someone who voluntarily chooses to never have children. It is an active choice, not an accident.
They choose it until they learn their infertile and then that freaks them out Because apparently there’s a difference between won’t have kids and can’t have kids Which seems like the samething to me
the thing i find seriously problematic that people say to those who dont want kids is "whose gona look after you when ur old?", as if its a valid justification to bring someone into existence for the sole purpose of being your carer later down the line
That's one of my biggest pet peeves in the world. As I've grown up, and gotten a more realistic view of the world, that statement has proven to be more and more ridiculous.. So many parents end up caring for chronically ill kids (this is the case for multiple people in my family); kids move away, start their own lives; relationships change; etc. Having children as a care insurance policy is never a good idea.
You absolutely can't rely on that outcome anyway. Your kid might have disabilities or any number of other issues that will make this outcome impossible. Not to mention they can just straight up refuse. If being looked after is your worry a much safer bet would be to save the money raising a kid would cost and put it towards a good nursing home.
What I don't understand is how angry men get when they hear women don't want children. A man could beg to have a child with a woman. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed one day and leave his family. Leaving all of the parenting responsibilities on the mother. Then turn around and tell us to "pick better".
For me making children would be the tragedy, both to myself and the kids. When you simply dont want them, they notice it and grow up feeling like they are not worthy of love
Exactly I always said if I became a mother I would fuck those kids up. I'm only an aunt and I see the damage I do my nieces and nephew but it's hard not get annoy and it hard to be the bigger person when life itself is stressful.
@@suneelj93 that assumes op doesn't have any siblings i didn't have kids for many reasons including health but my 3 bros and my sis had 8 between them so it more than made up for me and i don't feel guilty for not putting my life and the child's life in danger i have the same issue my mom did my brother born 1 year before me (closer to 13 months before) only lived a few hours and i have lifelong issues from birth and I'm 45 now you forget not all choices are the same and not all reasons are the same but also it's not you and your life so wdygaf so much? Also it's much better to know you don't want kids and not have them than to mess up a child a lot of people do that because they feel obligated and then they abuse their kids
True that and those kids then often grow up to be the typ of people often get children then to fill that lack of love retrospectively putting an impossible load on tiny helpless shoulders.
Why do writers feel the need to force children on women who don't want them? Penny from "The Big Bang Theory" was treated with scorn for not want to have kids, and rather than having her stick to her morals, she was naturally revealed to be pregnant in the series finale, which just felt like a cop out.
Most women on the planet want kids and a family the problem is society is making it seem as if a extremely large population is happy to not have them and it's a lie. Even in the example you gave she changed her mind
My cousin was pregnant at 19 years old, I was the same age, and her mother looked at me asking when I was having children. Then, she asked did I want to be a "nun" or something. At 19! This baby pressure is ridiculous. Society wants to tell you what to pop out of your cooch, but no one wants to put in the money for universal healthcare, job work programs with decent wage that allow moms to work 9 to 5, and childcare services.
Yup. It's all about control over women. Why not birth kids and have the men stay home then? No guy wants to do that. They want the child but don't want the responsibility of the 24/7 care. Instead, they want to leave it with a free babysitter. So many times has my husband noticed the little things of how women are swept under the rug. I was paying for our meal once, my husband is standing behind me, and the guy behind the register has eye contact with my husband and is greeting him but solely avoiding contact with me even after my husband ushered me forward, I took out my card and that's when eyes averted to me. Another time a couple next to us leaned passed my husband and asked 'me' when 'I' was going to have kids. It's like I produce babies by magic or asexually when it takes my husband to make a baby. Didn't even bother asking "us" and "we". Another time I was at work unloading a pallet and the vendor or delivered the pallet looked at the back of my head and my haircut and flat out told me. "I bet your husband will be mad you had a haircut." When I had long hair, it's just my hair was in a bun and my sides were tightened up. didn't miss a beat when I looked at the vendor and told him. "My husband cut it." To which my husband did. I cut his hair, then after I'm through cutting his hair he takes the razor and I turned around for him to trim my hairs on the back of my neck so I have a professional look for work. The women who don't think twice are the ones who have been brainwashed to be servants. Now I got nothing against SAHM but as long as it was a joint decision but if the Mom wants to work, then the Dad needs to volunteer to stay home and not force her to stay home simply because he's the man. I'm the breadwinner myself and it's a decision my husband came to. My friend is a lead welder where she works and her husband stays home caring for their son.
@@christins.1481 I remember reading about a woman who had kids just for the sake of her husband, only for the husband to leave and not ever inquire about the kids, ever.
My niece told me that the 9 to 5 job goes with the flow of male hormones and not female hormones which I thought was interesting. Would be nice if jobs had a 3 day menstruation leave per month too.
And what is so bad about being a nun? Seriously what? To live a life of less/very low sin? to have a very high purpose in life through spirituality and community, to give back and help others? Hmmm...
And lets not forget how physically and mentally having children takes a toll on your body. The sleepless nights, the energy used to produce breast milk. Mothers do not get a break. It is a 24 hour job with no time off. If a mother does not get help she quickly burns out and the experience of motherhood quickly turns into torture. Bringing a child into this world takes a lot of courage and strength. It’s a decision that should not be taken lightly.
And your wallet. They're expensive and not worth it to me. I said what I said. I never wanted them but I don't hate them. Just don't like the mon lifestyle for me. Not interested.
@@mip33 i cannot even imagine! hardest, most thankless job there is! unless you're super wealthy AND mentally/emotionally stable, people really need to think twice!
There's nothing wrong with not liking children. I hate how us childfree women are still pushed to like kids or at least lie that we do. I don't like kids at all. I respect them and hope that they have a happy and stable life, but I do not want to be near them. What is so wrong with that? Even parents get annoyed by their own children.
I think people take it personally. Its like, an offense to their ideals if you dont share them, its like calling their kids unpleasant (even if you dont mean that). The current Rousseau-ish view of children as virtous, sinless creatures doesn't help.
@@adrinedesouza tbf, most people dont like the elderly and all of us have a distaste for different sorts of people. I think keeping your thoughts to yourself is good in order to not offend people; that being said, you are entitled to dislike people as long as you dont hurt them
@@adrinedesouza it's not the same actually and that comparison is an insult as a person of color. I cannot change my blackness. A child does not remain a child forever. A dislike of children is not remotely the same as bias against fatness, ableism, etc. which are systemic and structural biases. There's a difference between not wanting to be around a screaming being and making assumptions that someone doesn't take care of their health based on their size or that because the color of their skin they they live a certain life. This comparison is weird.
@@adrinedesouza are you an idiot? Kids are not a class nor a minority , everyone was a kid at some point , I was not black at some point and then changed races , I was born disabled it didn't just go away. And just like that everyone is going to be old at some point too , this is the dumbest comparison I've ever heard
At the age of 12 I knew I'd never have children. I just didn't want any. I heard all the lines: "You'll change your mind" "You'll change your mind when you meet the right man" "You'll change your mind when the biological clock starts ticking" "You'll regret not having children when you're old" "Who will take care of you when you're old" I'm 59 years old now and never changed my mind, never met a man who changed my mind, never heard a tick from my biological clock, don't regret not having children and am taking care of myself very well thank you very much. My choices work for me.
@@felmargego2534 yes!!! i have never met a childfree woman or man (who intentionally chose that lifestyle) say they had "regrets"....don't believe the nonsense out there!
@@Syndicate_01 you are probably the same kind of person who thinks its perfectly fine if an 18+ yr old (older than normal average) people use a bounce house that's empty because they like to....
As a man, I have no idea why people are so negative towards women who don't want to have children. It's like they don't understand that women are more than autonomous baby making factories.
I just turned 40 and knew as a teenager I didn't want kids. Never changed. If I'd been told I couldn't have them, it would've been a relief. I wanted my tubes tied in my 20s but it's prohibitively expensive, IF you even have a doctor that will do it, because doctors stigmatize too.
Yep I too am 40 and am still waiting for the deafening sounds of my supposed impossible to ignore biological clock (wasn’t it suppose to start blaring around age 25 or 32 or something?) that can only be quieted by the sound of a screaming baby. In the mean time, I will continue to enjoy my life of peace, quiet and drama free.
@@VaraHeyman I was fortunate that my insurance plan at the time covered it the way they did. I had it done in 2006, and my copay was $200. It was the best $200 I spent, for sure!
As someone with a working uterus, I must say that unwanted motherhood would be the death of me. Any children that I may have can and will grow up traumatized. And I will not let my family's generational trauma get to anyone else.
@@oooh19 "maybe" i could break the cycle, but no fucking way im risking harming a child that never had anything to do with me just to continue a bloodline. i wont let my untreated mental health harm anyone.
My mother told me she didn't want to have kids when I was entering adolescence, and that actually helped me understand her behavior... And I forgave her for being a bad mother because she was forced to be a mom to keep up with society's demands...
@@twilight6779 I imagine you must be from a first world country and/or middle class. For example abortion is illegal in my country but the impregnation of a minor is something you can get away with.
@@cosmicreef5858Kids are a burden. Especially if you have a kid that is physically dependent on you. People dont talk about the possible risk of your kids being born with a mental or physical defect. Why have a child who is incapable of taking care of itself? Once you pass, you assume a family member will take care of them....WRONG! They end up being a ward of the state. The real problem is selfish woman who chooses to have children to be their best friend or a mini them. Talk about someone being selfish and incapable of raising children. Look in the mirror.
I’m 26 and my family are already asking me when I’m going to have kids because I’m in a relationship and “ at that age “. I’m not having any kids anytime soon. I’m still working through my trauma I experienced with my abusive mother and I don’t want to pass that on to a child. I believe it’s important to be physically, mentally, and financially ready before having kids.
You are so right that to be a parent you have to be mentally and financially and physically ready because it's a big responsibility to take on especially if you come from a traumatic childhood
I feel ya. But one is never “ready” to have kids. I wasn’t. Your mind sort of just flips a switch once you have someone that depends on you so heavily.
Same, at 29 and was in wedding preparations with my 39 yo fiance of 4 yrs and people kept asking how we'd deal with our lifestyle (moving to different countries a lot due to work) when we have kids. Neither of us ever wanted them. We both liked kids but didn't feel we wanted to be parents. The amount of weird looks/comments we got was incredible
I have been dumped many times because I didn't want kids. It is very hurtful to be told by a man that you are basically useless to him because of my lack of want to carry their seed. None of my other qualities matter - just that one. It is dehumanizing. I quit dating 7 years ago as it became tiresome. So much happier now that I don't engage men and just live my life, enjoy friends and my pets.
Exactly! The nerve of those men, your the one that would have to carry the baby and let's be honest care the kid will always have to come first for you but not for him. Not to mention ruin your body and sex drive. Those type of men are so tone death
Snap. It's disgusting how many men view women as nothing more than incubators 🤢 ironically the men sometimes come back once they get their progeny. They whine they are not getting s*x anymore....want me to call a wambulance....newsflash most get either or the other not both.....choose
@@adrinedesouza guess you've never encountered fence sitters and (gasp) liars....humans lie to feed the part of the brain that gives gratification in the now hence they lie to get their needs met here and now.....Adrine meet emotional intelligence....I hope you have a long and happy life together
The amount of stories that “normalize” men leaving infertile women is horrible and it also proves my point that most people have children due to social pressure instead of actually wanting and being able to have them. If a man leaves a woman due to infertility, they shouldn’t be parents, period. If a man truly loves his woman, he would consider adoption or staying childless instead of looking for another woman just to use her uterus to reproduce himself.
Is it normalising if you show something messed up that regularly happens in a wax that points out how horrible it is? I would call it calling out or critiquing, shining a light on how fucked up it is...
The wish to have a child is just as valid as the wish not to and if your wants and expectations do not mesh seperating is in the long run the best course of action. One has just as little control over the desire to have kid as over The fact one is infertil though you absolutly have a point in regards of adoption!
Actually it's a quite understandable behavior. Why should a person give up on his dream when his partner doesn't support it? It's the same, when a woman really wants to be a mother, and her husband refuses to have any kids. Should this woman live on forever regretting not having children she dreamed of? Of course, such questions should be discussed before commiting. Like if a man says to you he wants to be a father, but you keep dating and marry him, cause you think he'll change his mind, that's probably wrong. Although people do change their opinions and goals often, but I wouldn't just rely on that possibility.
@@xeniakryv8157 but what about adoption? If he truly loved her and it’s not possible to have kids naturally, there’s still adoption. You completely misunderstood my point. I said it’s outrageous for a man to leave her wife if she’s infertile as if adoption doesn’t exist. My point was never about the choice itself. Leaving the woman cause she’s damaged goods? It’s horrendous
@@TheLudmilita ah than I agree. Of course, adoption isn't an option when a partner doesn't want to have any kids at all, but it works in case of infertility. Sorry for misunderstanding:)
Every child-free woman I've ever met past the age of 30 glows brighter than ANY woman WITH children in the same age group. I'm 43 years old and as someone who teaches children for a living and absolutely LOVES them, I'm 100% SURE I do not want any children of my own.
Even if you were stupid, hypothetically, wanting a child is a biological desire that most people get and some don't. It has nothing to do with intelligence. It's either appealing to you, or it isn't.
When my parents asked me what I wanted for a high school graduation gift I said, "A hysterectomy." This was in 1999. I have never wanted children and am now in my 40s. It was just never something I wanted - and not only did I not "change my mind," but I am so happy to be child free and am looking forward to what the rest of my life looks like as a child free woman.
I graduated high school in 1988. An ex and I broke up because I truly am happily child-free by choice. I am still very happily child-free by choice at 53.
Same here. I knew when I was 5 that no, I did not want to be a mommy when I grew up. And of course, everyone insisted... INSISTED... that I would change my mind. I'm 57 now. No children and no regrets.
@@einahsirro1488 Ugggh!!! I still get flabbergasted when people tell you that you will change your mind about wanting a child, or just give you that condescending look and basically tell you that you don't know any better, but one day it will click. So, infuriating!
What's scary? I know some women who were coerced into having children by either their family or their partner. The most typical situation is when both partners don't want children at the beginning of the relationship but when the guy's friends start families of their own, some weird rivalry kicks in and suddenly he's all about the children. Even though it's a woman who needs to carry the child, put her work on hold during maternity leave and then be available for the rest of the time their child is underage because of sicknesses/ school meetings/ whatever. But the guy gets to occasionally flaunt how good of a father he is during social gatherings. Ultimately, woman is left on her own and vilified either way: if she wants to remain childfree - she's selfish and unwilling to commit (there was a survey in my country when they asked men what's scaring them away in childfree women and most of them replied that a woman like that always wants a way out and will probably end up cheating (sic) even if it's men who are more likely to cheat). On the other hand a woman who has children is judged anyway: a kid crying? She's probably a bad mother. A kid happy, playing? She's probably a bad mother who's endagering her child. Strangers on the street will come up giving their 'golden advices' (less/more sweets, pacifier or lack thereof and so on and so forth). And sadly is usually women who will shame other women for the way they chose to raise their kids.
What scares men away from child free women? If he wants children, then why should he give that up to be with a woman who doesn't want children. NOT because there's anything wrong with her but because they aren't compatible. Neither should have to compromise on something that big.
@@Tasha9315 You've misunderstood me. I specifically said about the situation when both parties agreed to not having children prior to marriage and then, few years into the marriage, a guy puts an ultimatum which usually ends up the woman getting pregnant. I know that a woman can have a change of heart as well but from my experience and as I witness typical relationships in my country/culture, it's usually the guy who suddenly want kids despite the fact that men are rarely involved in the process of raising the child. And the survey about childfree women wasn't asking specifically why the men wouldn't date such a woman. They were asked about their opinion on those women which basically ended up with them repeating all the stereotypes we see from media: promiscuity, irresponsibility, etc
@@kings4300 I understand. I was referring specifically to the survey. I apologize that I misunderstood the survey. I thought it meant scare them away from dating them.
This is the part so many overlook. The population has doubled in the past 50 or 60 years. That is a huge deal and 8 billion is an unsustainable number, especially with the way we live. Yeah people can go ahead and have kids but realize that their grandchildren may not have clean water to drink, or clean air to breathe
In this regard, I feel the climate and socio-economic context of our world invite women and men to be childfree to preserve the natural resources - sort of, nature 'evolves' our minds not to want to procreate :D It's just our cultural output is a bit slow to catch up :P
Is the way capitalist see the world, future is an abstraction, the stocks can't go down today! They only think about short term gains. Plus, racist people don't like the idea that black and asians are the one's that the population keeps growing.
@@dreamseemstudio7545 I've had this thought too. Maybe there are mechanisms at work that we do not understand. For sure a lot of people are just born with a strong aversion to procreating. They have no biological clock as they say. I'm one of those people. Nature made me that way :)
I’m so grateful to all the women who share their child-free lives as well as the mothers who share their honest experiences. Becoming a parent should always be seen as a decision, not an obligation, and it’s so helpful to see both sides of the coin before making that choice. I have so much respect for the mothers in my life who don’t paint the “rosy” view of motherhood and share the messy, even depressing parts of motherhood. They help reinforce that the duties and responsibilities of motherhood are not something I’d enjoy and thus motherhood likely isn’t for me. I still love kids, but I wouldn’t love to have my own.
I'd write it is akin to things like finishing High School or working over-time to pay your bills rather than asking government to forgive your loans (causing other people to have to pay your bills). You can make your own decisions, but people will think what they think. Someone that has had and raises kids are making a particular important contribution to an ongoing society that those who do not do so are not. It isn't a good thing that Chuck Schummer says he need to import immigrants to replace us because Americans aren't having kids. That is not a description of a functioning healthy society with a future.
I don’t have kids and it’s my decision, nonetheless it’s a selfish decision that doesn’t help continue our species and allows me to waste no time on child raising.
It's like when my friends are complaining about motherhood and how angry and depressed they get I sometimes speak up and say that I'm not having children. Then they forget that they're supposed to be putting on a performance and quickly say, "What?! No, don't say that! Kids aren't so bad! You would make a great mom!" Like, babe, the jig is up, lol.
There are enough children out there that benifits from childless adults spending their pent up care on helping with them on occasion. I do more good as the aunt of my best friends child then I would ever as a mom. That little terror knows she is loved, even if we are not that often togeather for when, I got the energy ond headspace for it. Trying to raise a child myself that child would suffer from just how little I can stand noise, or constantly being around others. I am chronicle ill...
It's also ok to not like (being around) children. I'm saying that, because women seem to be so afraid of judgement, employing minute long disclaimers about how much they love children before admitting they don't want any.
being around children is fun until they start crying/cribbing about something 😂 and that's why motherhood doesn't appeal me- there is no going back once you have a child
I've been trying to be comfortable saying "I don't like kids" (it doesn't come up very often) because it shouldn't be stigmatized. I think of it like how some people are animal lovers & will look at any pictures or meet anyone's pet but some people just aren't like that. I love my friend's kids because I love my friends but I don't care about Mary down the street's kids & I don't want to see pictures
It's also okay for women to not like children, full stop. Personally disliking children doesn't mean a woman wishes children harm or unhappiness, or that she will show them cruelty, and isn't an indication of some moral failing. It only seems shocking to most because, even if she doesn't want children, a woman is expected to have a natural maternal love for children as a group, and a sort of reverence for parenthood/motherhood even if she personally opts out.
@@adrinedesouza but you can though? Unless you are actively trying to cause harm to, prevent or take away rights from, or making your dislike loudly (rudely) known to said group in an effort to make them uncomfortable and/or inferior etc then it's not really a problem is it? At least to me I don't see the like or dislike of something/someone (or group in this case) to be the problem. Actions taken based on those preferences is when issues start cropping up.
@@adrinedesouza Its not a class though its a temporary status. Children grow up, disabled people cannot simply grow out of a disability, and elderly people will not suddenly stop being elderly one day. For me its not about disliking children because they are simply children. For me I dislike the antics of many (not all) children. Antics such as, whining, a self-centered world view, and the amount of care and time children need and deserve. I know myself well enough that I dislike those things and therefore I shall try not to put myself in situations where there will be these things and I am I focused on myself, so I will not be able to provide the care and guidance a child needs.
We need happy endings that don't include children. Men could do with not tying their masculinity to what comes out their loins either. Childfree women make loyal amazing wives and partners....we are not a "lay" over on the way to lifescriptville
My husband knew I didn't want children almost the minute we started dating, and he never once made the smallest effort to change my mind. He wanted, and still wants, me for who I was. We've been married for fourteen years now. He and I and our two cats are a family, and no one can persuade me otherwise. I wish more men looked at the women in their lives as complete and complicated people to be loved and cherished, not as the sum of their reproductive parts.
I grew up in a big family and I want that for myself one day (and honestly if I could birth them myself I would). I'm willing to be the stay at home parent while she works. for me I don't think it has much to do with masculinity. I do like the idea of having a posterity carry on after me once I finally kick the bucket.
@@heirtotheshwa just out of interest without cheating and googling. What is the name of Abraham Lincolns great x 3 grandchildren. Same with Winston Churchill and Kaiser Wilhelm?????
@@debbiemoore2747 why would I care? thats their family tree - not mine. I think the ancestry and posterity one should care most about is one's own posterity, since its the one which we have the most influence over. I can improve my kid's lives and potentially the lives of my children's children by living a good life and setting them up with strong morals and by helping them build generational wealth - I can't do the same for Lincoln's kids. That responsibility belonged to them.
I'm one of 2 grandchildren that got a college degree, I'm the ceo of my own business, and the only person in my entire family to be successful in the arts. Yet, in the eyes of grandmother my life is less than because I don't have a husband or children. I don't want kids, I've never wanted them and as I approach my mid 30s I feel more secure in my decision. Yet to a lot of my family my life seems less than, frivolous, like I'm playing dress up the way a kid would. I feel great about my decisions to follow my dreams, built a career on fashion, and focus on my mental health and well being than having children. Don't let society tell you how to live your life, be brave and do what is right for you!! ❤️🔥
not surprised ur grandmother would think that. she lived thru the time when a woman's only purpose was to be a loving wife and mother and her only place was in the kitchen 🤦♀️🤦♀️ well, she can stay in that past if she wants, so don't let her drag u backwards. move forward!
As the oldest daughter of a single parent, I basically raised my sisters and was forced to grow up much faster than they had to. Now that I'm grown and on my own, my desire to not have kids stems more from already having to be a "junior mom" and the sacrifices I had to make so they could be happy. My mom is disappointed, but she understands - I've already put in my time, so to speak - I absolutely love being an auntie though. 😂 But having gone through it already, I don't want to do it again. Kids are a huge sacrifice physically, emotionally and financially. I don't think a lot of people realize how much of a toll child raising truly is until it's too late to back out.
I feel the same. Being the oldest (and oops!) daughter of a poor mother and neglectful father I had to raise my two sisters; help aunts with their kids and also help my sisters with their children I get very disappointed with my family for not understanding why I don't want kids😏
People underestimate how much good a childless/childfree adult can do in the life's of kids that are already there. My best friend and I are both happy childfree and any mothering instinct goes into care four our other best friends kid. That little girl knows she is loved, better then any child of mine would for i am chronicle ill and rarely ever have that care to spare when I barely can get myself to eat at least once a day...
I've experienced the same thing. I spent my childhood raising my siblings and when I became an adult I legally became my brother's guardian. It was extremely tough. I dropped out of school and put my dreams on hold to work 2 jobs. But I'm very proud I raised my brother become a successful adult. After he moved out, I finally was able to take care of myself. And now I have my dream job and extremely happy being chidfree. Been there done that! Also he decided to be childfree as.
Same, I was parentified as a child and was an emotional carer for my mother. I feel like I was her mother during that time, the thought of having a child of my own fills me with exhaustion, I feel like I've done it all before.
Parentification isn't something that's talked about nearly enough. I too was the oldest kid in a large family, and a daughter on top of that. Both of my parents worked and my dad was absent even when he wasn't working so I spent all of my teenage years and most of my childhood taking care of babies and young kids. At 35, I STILL have to fend off judgement from people over my choice to not have children. I had to sacrifice so much of my own youth raising other people's kids against my will that I feel like I've earned the right to be "selfish!"
There’s also the issue of childbirth itself. It can be very dangerous and there can be complications. And even a birth that goes well still is a painful and violent ordeal and there’s a long recovery time. And it feels very, hollow, that women are just expected to go through this, sometimes more than once.
Exactly this. I know of four women in my life who had terrible childbirth experiences and one of them, unfortunately, died during it. I've known since I was a teenager that it wasn't for me. It's taken about 15 years from that point for my family to accept I wasn't going to change my mind.
Holy sh*t.... as a child-free by choice, happily married, straight, CHRISTIAN woman (I emphasized 'Christian' because I grew up with the idea that THAT was kinda the only thing a woman really needed to do with her life), but I still love kids and see them as blessings to those who want them..... I feel like I friggin' manifested this video. THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!
@@undrwatropium3724 There is a long tradition in Christianity of supporting a woman who choose not to have children. Not a Christian myself, just saying.
@@oskarkuelz2706 oh yeah, was just thinking of all the big name female saints, only a handful were mothers, most did not get married and have kids. And many of them dealt with an overbearing mother who wanted them married. Very few had an understanding mother who backed her up wholeheartedly.
I thought we were past this, silly me. Was speaking with a male colleague that I have slowly befriended. I'm not married, but he is, so he and his wife are discussing having children. He asked me about my plans to have children. I expressed my desire to remain child-free and, to my surprise, the first words from his lips were that it is selfish to not want children. Literal jaw drop. We are both Millennials, so perhaps naively, I would never have expected this "old-fashioned" thinking from him. I'm going to tell myself that he is stuck in a marriage he'd rather not be in, so his sacrifice is seen as favorable, whereas my free reign is selfish. The classic "if I suffer, you should be suffering too."
Even as a believer in "if I suffer, you should be suffering too." I think it is selfish to bring another human being into this world, why do you want to make someone suffer who does not exist? The suffering must be done to the person who made you bad stuff, not to a child who is not even born.
good questions ... iam 58 and have a close friend circle, political and crafts, and we go out most weekends doing interesting things, but we are low income so travelling for 2 weeks away is too much but idiud a lot of travelling in younger days @@ommia9085
My main issue with this "childless" trope, as well as the "selfless and loving it mother trope" is that it's too simplistic and doesn't expose the contradictions and complexity of being human! No matter what choice is made, there are going to be moments of joy and satisfaction along with moments of "what if" and regret (which most women tend to avoid sharing because of backlash)! Choosing one path means letting go of another and choice is never easy! No matter the choice, we have to accept our experience as is, without feeling the need to justify ourselves, to ourself or others.
Amazing response! It's not about being judgmental or prejudice towards others' choices, it's all about self accountability for your own actions and decisions. It seems we are all about the tags and build our particular identity around it, instead of focusing on, as you said, our own experiences and choices.
It's a choice and it's to be respected I wanted children...I had them My sister didn't want children so never had any We lived the lives we wanted and both of us are very happy fulfilled women in different ways
same here! and thought since I dont want kids... its better to support my sibling with kids instead of having my own ..that I never wanted. Can put more resources already existing kids
yes, some people want kids to experience suffering and death, and also to look after them in old age and not be lonely, and to have a legacy that their genes are there.
Yep. Man here. I'm childfree, and about to hit 40. And my immigrant parents on down almost never bother me about my unwillingness to procreate. My brothers are on the same boat--one just a year behind, the other about 10 years behind. They've never been in long-term relationships that have lasted long enough for kids to pop up, as far as I know. And the parents also have laid off of them, again as far as I know. We really don't talk about this topic. My sister, on the other hand, was pressured and pressured and pressured. Now she's a mother. She seems content with this choice; it's definitely brought her closer to my parents. The first grandchild does that. At the same time, I couldn't quite tell if her having a kid was a choice she actively made, or if it was somewhat thrust upon her from the incessant questioning and needling. I guess I should broach that topic one day with her...
This is how it is in my family too. My mother hounded me for grandkids for years because I’m her only daughter, but never said a word about it to my brothers. When she later discovered I was infertile she stopped bothering me and turned her attention to my sisters-in-law instead (and once again my brothers were never dragged into the discussion).
In my twenties, I was pretty adamant that I didn’t want to have children, which was a huge divided between me and my then husband. At some point, I ‘gave in’ because my husband and his family pressured me, and we tried for two years, but the emotional toll of seeing the negative test every month was too much. When I finally went to a fertility doc and learned I had a genetic malformation in my uterus and pregnancy would be highly unlikely and possibly dangerous, I had mixed emotions. Part relief that I didn’t have to endure all the fertility rituals and quite honestly some anger at God that I would never have the experience. Not to mention that my ex told me I should be grateful he was staying with me, because some men wouldn’t - which is why we are not married anymore. Almost twenty years later and two years into menopause, I feel free with no regrets. Because I had more time and freedom, I’ve been able to try a lot of different things, switch careers four times, run a business for seven years and move internationally - life choices and risks I may not have done if I was a mother. I am at peace with being childless.
2 shows that to me really handle women not wanting to be mothers really badly are How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory. In HIMYM Robin is a career driven, strong willed independent woman. She finds fulfilment and purpose from many other things in life. Her career, her friends, her interests. She is steadfast in her not wanting children. She is essentially punished by the show when they make her infertile and physically unable to have children. The in TBBT both Penny and Bernadette state quite clearly that they don't want children and give very understandable reasons why. But then Bernadette ends up with two kids and is really preachy and condescending and rude towards Penny when Penny says she doesn't want kids and does almost like a full 180 by making out like she is the perfect and most wonderful mother. Then at the end of the series Penny is pregnant after the entire arc in the whole of the final season was her and Leonard finding a new happiness and being happy with what they got. It's like a lot of TV shows just cannot accept that some women simply don't want children. They are either punished or just end up pregnant anyways.
I loved Robin from HIMYM. Ted would piss me off when he would tell her she was just "scared" to have children. It is not fear! It's lack of desire! I hated Ted anyway lol what a douche
@@melb6746 I love Robin too. She knew who she was and wasn't gonna change that for anyone. She was fully comfortable in her own sense of self and knew exactly what she wanted from life. And yeah Ted is the worst.
I didn't mind the Robin storyline. I've never really wanted kids but I've had the choice taken away from me by illness, and I do feel sad that it's not on my own terms sometimes
@@melb6746 omg yes Ted is the worst. I will never stop slandering Ted. I loved HIMYM but I hated that Ted and Robin ultimately ended up together. She deserved better.
“ It takes a village to raise a child.” Yet in my area, the community chooses to underfund schools and teachers. Programs for children have been shuddered as were those for single parents and low income families. Why would I be there for the village if they are not there for me, and have to take on the financial and emotional burden of raising a child alone?
Yes I needed this video! Hated getting asked at Thanksgiving about my age and hearing “when I was your age, I had my first child..” stories. Some people seem genuinely concerned that I don’t want kids and think it’s a low self esteem thing and say “I think you’d be a great mother”. While I’m still open to having kids or even adopting in the future, I am definitely not in a rush just because I’m married and everyone else in my community is starting to get pregnant. I have a lot of things I want to do before that next phase of life - if it even happens.
@@georgeprchal3924 ooooof if i said that my dad would actually start searching instead of taking it as the joke it is. he thinks I'm gonna ask him to search a husband for me when I'm ready and I'm like I would rather stay single
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having kids, and I admire people that do it, but it’s always looked like such a difficult and limiting option for me. All the futures and dreams I painted for myself didn’t include pregnancy and raising kids, and I think it’s a good thing that I realised that early on. Wouldn’t it be worse if I felt pressured into having kids, and then ended up resenting them and treating them poorly? We need to normalise not having children so people don’t blindly walk into that role and ruin their lives. Not everyone was meant to be a parent, and when kids are raised by resentful, bitter, messed up parents then they themselves often become utterly messed up. No one wins…well, except the therapists 😅
You can thank a lot of Victorian writers for making out Elizabeth to be this cold and jealous woman 24/7 bc she simply didn’t want children or to get married.
I refuse to feel traumatized, victimized, obligated, guilty or estranged from the feminine or masculine culturally or religious programmed mentality regarding this topic or any other actually, for not having children. It's no one else's business frankly. It's my life choice period. I did not want the financial burdens, the emotional stress, the nightmare in some cases, that I saw so many going through. I'm sure it can be a beautiful experience but it comes with all the other negatives as well. The world can be such a harsh and difficult place as it is, it was enough to have to take care of myself and be free to go and do whatever I wanted or needed to without having to be responsible for 1-4 children. There are enough people in the world without me adding to it just because that's what is or was expected by others who aren't responsible for my life decisions nor do they pay my bills. I have a great deal less stress, am never lonely and happier for it. I don't play the Christmas or multiple birthday game and am wealthier for it in many ways, not having to 'worry' about money or lack of it. Not having to deal with having to get them involved in sports and keeping up with those games and commitments, dancing classes, dental and medical expenses and appointments, early pregnancy or runaways, or losing a child that 'goes missing' or dies from some disease etc. I'm happy for those who have chosen to have children and for those who have chosen not to. ❤
Vivica Fox constantly has to tell the press that she's fine without children. She loves her nieces and nephews, and loves sending them hope after she's done playing the Fun Auntie.
I'm only 17, but I think I may end up child free. I love kids so much. I think they are so precious and deserve the best. That's why I'm getting my master's in early childhood education. I want to be a nanny and give kids the childhood I wish I had. But I'm having trouble navigating the morality of bringing my own child into this cruel and unpredictable world. There's no amount of preparation that I could do to prevent them from getting hurt. I don't know if I could live with that.
Maybe a masters in early childhood education should be a requirement before anyone spawns their own offspring? You actually are thoughtful. Most people spitting out kids don't think twice. Look at the economic and environmental issues in this world. Do any of these people think long term? No. They're fantasizing or just getting knocked up.
I have similar feelings. Bringing a child into this world is a moral choice I am not willing to make. Plus I have ADHD. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if my kids got it from me too 😢
My husband and I don’t have or want children, we are happy with our two dogs. We want the freedom to travel and live our lives. People constantly question us and criticize, we’ve been called “selfish” for not having kids and have been fetishized and told it’s a “shame” since we are an interracial couple and they believe there is no point to our love unless we make mixed babies apparently.
A surprisingly insightful - and fairly early - commentary on this actually comes from Selma Bouvier (Marge Simpson's sister): "A loveless marriage is one thing; we're not hurting anyone. But bringing a child into a loveless family is something I just can't do."
@@valerietaylor9615 The point of the line is that Selma doesn’t want to bring a child into a situation without two loving parents. Also, she had recently learned that Troy McClure only married her on the advice of his skeevy agent to boost his flagging career. Selma was willing to try and make that work, but the child was also the agent’s suggestion, and that was the final straw for her.
As a Queer Person, I just want adoption to be more easy than having a baby the conventional way. A lot of my ilk would be great parents but they are denied or discouraged at every step.
Agree, with all the pressure of "but children" so many forget or ignore just how many there are in the foster system and waiting for adoption. Before worrying about getting more children out into the world, we should focus on giving those who are there good life's and allowing those who genuinely up to desperately want children to adopt instead of pressuring people who are unfit but "predestined to conceive" into making some
Unfortunately i think that in your case the difficulty to adopt you have/are experiencing may be more due to systemic homophobia than needless difficulty all round. May I ask, are you American?
@@manatarmsbrown736 I'm s straight, white, married, middle class woman who is finding it very difficult to adopt. So I can imagine that if one if I were not one of those things, even more racism, homophobia, ignorance, what have you, would interrupt an already difficult process.
I am a mother of 6 and 4 year old girls. I love my girls. They are my reason for going on. With all that said. I don't get why people get so mad at women who don't want children. I once heard a woman say that she didn't want children because she had a traumatic childhood and didn't want to pass on that to her child and that the world was too dark and she didn't want to bring another human into it to possibly struggle. Lastly, she said she was selfish and wouldn't want the child to be affected by her being that way. I told her that I found that strangely maternal in itself. I wasn't offended at all. That's her life and therefore her path and I have my own life and path. Why can't people let people live their own lives?
I agree but I think a lot more people need to be informed on the reality of having a child, beyond the raising it part. Sure you want to do a good job and its hard work etc, but many have no idea how traumatic birth can be. Or how dangerous it can get or give you permanent damage. Or how hard being a single mom might be if your partner leaves. Most seem to have a lot of delusional fantasies about parenthood and then find out its not like that at all. My mom loved the idea of having children and was very happy... until we turned into teens. She loves babies and kids but dislikes teenagers. Therefore I became neglected suddenly. Everyday it was either the silent treatment or she snapped at me. Parents need to love their children no matter what age they are, not just cute babies.
Has no one heard of "Tokophobia"?? The fear of pregnancy or getting pregnant. Definitely something I have. And possibly many women who chose to not have kids have this disorder....just a thought...
I also experienced that, I had nightmares at one point when my ex and I were trying that it would succeed and I would die in childbirth. I have mad respect for every woman who successfully delivers a new life, it’s the hardest thing a human can possibly do!
I wish I had known about it when I was trying for a tubal ligation when I was in my twenties. Being refused out of consideration of the wishes of my hypothetical future husband made me realize the only way I could truly and completely rule my own body was to also opt out of marriage. Hadn't met 'the one' but I was already resenting him for overriding my wishes. After that only dated men who had had a vasectomy, but will still never marry. Perimenopausal and not getting a tubal ligation is still one of my biggest regrets.
I want to have kids one day but I’m 30 now and I’m in grad school and it feels like everyone in my extended family sees absolutely no value in anything I do because it hasn’t involved marriage or kids. It’s like now that I’m single too they don’t even want to talk to me. Feels like all of my accomplishments are meaningless to them.
CF guy here. That's frustrating and incredibly unfair. I'm about to finish my second postgraduate degree so I absolutely understand the amount of effort that goes into that kind of accomplishment, and it's a shame that they overlook something so major.
I think the reason why so many women are hated on for being childfree is simply jealousy. The ones criticizing them went through a lot of hardship and don't want to be the only ones suffering while their friend is enjoying their life childfree. Same for mothers wanting grandkids from their daughters, they went through hardship and now want to taste the sweet grandma life where you only get the upsides of children. I get it, I like being an auntie, too, but I'm not ruining my life to please my parents. I value my freedom and peace above all else, and it is not my fault you feel jealous or regretful about having kids
you are probably the same kind of person who thinks its perfectly fine if an 18+ yr old (older than normal average) people use a bounce house that's empty because they like to.... . : .
It’s always funny when people say child-free women are secretly unhappy. I do not know any happy women with children and husbands. All the happy women are know are unmarried and child-free. Makes me wonder.
Society has been forcing women to do/be certain things since forever. Women choosing what they want their lives to be like has always been met with disbelief, confusion, and hate. That's why this trope is sometimes tied with The Witch (which I think this channel has covered before).
I want more shows that depict people past their 30's having a life that isn't 100% work and family. Life is not over when you reach 30, I am very tired of this narrative
BRAVO!!! i am 68 and I NEVER wanted children! I can't tell you all how MANY TIMES I was asked WHY? I finally just said, "That's a very personal question and tbh..It's NONE of your business!
Putting woman and motherhood together is the core of the problem. You don't automatically put man and father together. Most mothers will tell you "I didn't know it would be so difficult". I babysat to earn money, and the worst were young 3 boys all under 7yrs. I sat 5 kids and a sheep dog, a baby with a prosthetic arm, and others (I was age 11-18). No babysitting after that. No desire to ever have kids. At age 17 I asked the doctor to tie my tubes. The great thing about babysitting is you raid the fridge, read some sex manuals, get paid and you usually don't see those kids for a month. Nothing like real motherhood but the diapers and tantrums and wildness of the kids leaves a mark. Stop putting woman and mom in the same sentence.
I wanted kids since I wss a little girl. I played with baby dolls and would put them in a seatbelt when we would get on the car and when I was 21 I had my 1st son but not all women want kids and that's ok. Children are a huge responsibility and its hard. We need to stop making women feel like they're obligated to bring children into the world.
Many women think that by becoming mothers, they are already "safe/saved", that they have accomplished something. But being a mother is much more than conceiving children and giving birth, it's raising them. Many of those women who become mothers by consequence and not by real desire, just because "that's what every woman should do", they feel children are an obstacle in their lives and eventually prove unfit to be mothers. So who is more selfish and/or pitiable, the conscious childfree woman or the mother secretly regretting having them?
Why is the argument for having children always "Do it or you'll regret not doing it?" Last time I checked, regret was something people could live with and work through in their own way. It's not a death sentence.
As a happily childfree woman, the tropes annoy me, yes, but what REALLY grinds my gears are how America society puts so much pressure on couples to have children, and then when they do, there is no social support programs. None. I whole-heartedly wish we could change this because it's beyond unfair that society abandons them once they have them.
Actually Julia Child was unable to have children. It's not that her and her husband didn't want them or was content with their life without them. She just wasn't able to, meanwhile her sister was popping out babies left and right. (They even do a scene where she receives a letter about her sister's pending pregnancy and she got upset and her husband comforted her. She was happy for her sister, but there was still that sense of loss in the scene) So her cookbook became her child
I knew since I was a teenager that I never wanted kids and always got told "you will change your mind", "you will deeply regret it", "you will die alone", "you will never know what true love is unless you have a child of your own". Just stfu and mind your own business. My wife and I have been married for over 20 years and we both have zero regrets about not having children. We don't need children in order to fulfill our lives. There is so much more to life than just having kids, also I don't want to bring a child into a chaotic world nor do I want to pass on bad genes. Not everyone has the desire to be a parent and people should not be guilted or shamed for not wanting kids. It's funny how people act as if it's against the law to not want children or not like children. I personally don't feel that sense of joy or happiness when I'm around kids. I prefer animals over children.
Thank you! When I was younger I would give reasons along with a lot of hand wringing as to why I didn't want them and people would say that's not a good enough reason. But really, any reason is good enough. If you don't want them you should not have them
I am financially stable, in a loving marriage and I’m blessed to stay at home with my two children. Both kids were planned and I love kids in general. However, it is a huge life change and can be so hard some days. I commend these women for making a choice not to bring children in the world just because of societal pressure. It is not for everyone.
One of the first conversations I had with my husband before we got married was about children. He told me he'd always known that he didn't want kids. It was a sigh of relief as I'd always known that I didn't want to be a mother. I work in preschool and we have 6 wonderful niblings. We're both content with our choice x
I’m surprised Robin from How I Met Your Mother wasn’t included in this. I don’t particularly love her character but her not wanting to have kids was something that show did address (though not without it’s issues).
If childfree women are so difficult and bad then why can't people just leave us alone instead of prying on every aspect of our lives. Especially the aspects we get to do because we don't have kids.
Julie and Julia is a bad example. Julia breaks down in tears when she gets the letter announcing her sister's (?) pregnancy. They just don't make it into a big issue that she couldn't have kids but that moment made it very much seem not happily by choice.
What bothers me is that most women say that they are focused on their career and that is why they don't have children. In my mind, you don't have to prove that you are focused on anything. The only reason not to have kids is that you do not want them. No need to prove it with a banging career or a wonderful relationship or something.
As a surgeon, I literally can't have a child because I do frequent night shifts. There will be no one to be with the potential child at night. So for me, my career is the only reason I'm childfree.
THANK YOU for this video and to raise awareness to this topic. It was hard enough for me to accept I am being different from my family and friends in that I have zero desire to have a baby. There are many other passions in life that make me so much happier than just the thought of being a mum. But at the same time dealing with stupid assumptions makes it even harder. I'm a teacher which means I help parents raise their kids and I wouldn't be so good at my job if I had my own kids. At the same time I have enough time for selfcare and my passions like art, reading, dance, travel and learning new things which all together makes me feel complete and happy and I'm not scared at all of feeling "empty" when I get older.
People treat single and child free women less than like our lives aren't fulfilled because we don't have a partner or children. You tell them you're happy but they don't believe you.
Good times can handle childfree folks, but in bad times resources will be distributed to those with children. Then you'll find out who has the power, hard way.
@@mirianakovachevic748 that's not true if a famine or war happens the people with children and the children themselves suffer immensely with constant worry, fear and lack of resources, while the childless/ child free worry about themselves or have enough money by not having to spend on children all those years before the tragedy happened and therefore have enough to survive on their own resources. The stress alone kills more in those situations and people with families suffer extremely at a higher rate. Child trafficking increases in these hard times as well as cannibalism of children in a famine like the holomodor. Nothing kills your soul faster than not being able to provide food to your children because of famine. I suggest you to read history books.
A man without children is considered free and "a batchlor", but a woman without children is considered a waste of air. I hope people can move past that
Yes if a man can successfully not sire any children, he’s considered a legend who can just effortlessly doge bullet after life ending bullet but if a woman never has children, she’s more worthless than the trash in the dumpster even if she is achieving feats that can potentially change the world. So ridiculous.
Bachelor
My children or grandchildren will toss stones at you shouting "sluuut" ahaha
@@alphabeta3105 That would make your family bad and violent people.
Also what kind of idiotic logic is when people who have sex call people who don't have sex a "slut"? That's truly stupid. Maybe you're the one who shouldn't have kids if your family ends up violent and stupid
@@HotDogTimeMachine385 within one or at most two generations everything will change. Egoistic solo people will suffer be sure. Retirement plan, pensions will be abolished.
Only strong family trees are functional.
My husband and I wanted children, but after examining our financial situations and our respective separate mental health journeys, we realize that we wouldn’t be effective parents. We both had horrible experiences with parents who clearly weren’t meant to be parents, so we would much rather mourn a dream we thought we wanted than traumatize a child.
It was a hard decision, but the right decision. We are literally making the responsible decision, and are STILL being called selfish by family members who think we owe them grandchildren.
We are each other’s family!
And more people need to do this self reflection. I think it’s selfish to have a child just for the sake of having one, especially when you know it’s not for you. I’m in a similar boat. I like spending money on me and my finances aren’t great for even raising one.
All the best. Hope u and your partner find peace
My boyfriend and I do this self reflection often. We both want established careers, wealth and marriage alongside having a super healthy dynamic before we bring kids into the mix. Marriage and success before having children should be the norm but sadly generation Z would downplay marriage but then become parents with no foundation
I can understand your mental health journey making your decision more comprehensible but I feel like our pols. no longer care about US stagnant wages and way of life. You've decided you cannot afford kids. That should concern our pols, society and culture. How bad can it get? In Canada, they're encouraging suicide among the financially stressed. Not a good alternative.
@@shirley444 I disagree with you about children before marriage. It's 2022, it shouldn't still be stigmatized. My parent were married before they had me and they managed to traumatize me all the same.
Only resentful parents hate on Childfree people. Is pure jealousy. Most of my friends are loving parents and they're the FIRST to say is not for everyone 🙂
Exactly! Unhappy parents literally can’t wait for others to suffer the same. If they are happy they will accept others not wanting the same
@@wiebkke can't be more true
Exactly. My mom is a wonderful loving mother and she's 100% on board with my decision to be child free.
@@E_l_l_i_e My mother is also fine with me and my brother not seeking to have kids with or without a woman
@@E_l_l_i_e same. My sister and I both had our tubes tied decades ago and my mother who is 79 is thrilled not to be a grandmother....she still feels young 😂
Not all women considered themselves to be maternal, or want kids. I wish that they wouldn't be villainised for this decision in the narrative.
I’m the child of two people who both weren’t ready to have kids. I’m 29 years old and still dealing with the fallout of growing up with neglectful/abusive parents, and yet most of my family still “reassure” me that I’ll change my mind about having kids. It’s a little frightening how little my choice, and the reasons why I made it, matters to them.
I agree. There are a lot of women out there that shouldn’t have had children.
@@eileensnow6153 because of my traumatic childhood I have decided not to have children or even get married I'm sorry that you had to endure such a childhood
@@angelaholmes8888 I’m sorry for yours, too. Childhood is supposed to be full of wonder and joy, not terror and suffering. I hope you find those things in your adulthood, you deserve them just as much as everyone else :)
Fun fact : I was literally listening to the entire Adams family musical soundtrack before this video so it's fun to see another fellow Adams family musical enjoyer :)
Why would anyone want people who are uninterested in being parents to parent children? That's a recipe for traumatised chilren.
exactly
Why do people want traumatised children? I am one and I just don't get it. Don't they know the amount of harm they can cause with such thinking?
That's because they don't care about kids despite pretending so
That's really disgusting of you to say that.
Am an Antinatalist!
I don't force innocent sentient beings to experience death sentences!
☠️⚰️🥀
Breeders are Murderers.
You definitely sound like a Murderous Breeder!
They are too stupid to understand it.
People may love their children, but many secretly regret having kids. The attitude that everyone should have kids makes their unhappiness taboo and they're afraid to tell anyone.
I've seen articles & threads with parents expressing their regret. I think these conversations are necessary, both for the parents & those who are on the fence about kids.
It so stigmatized that even thinking about regretting having children feels like a sin
Can't leave out the kids who realize their parents regret having them
Bow, this reminds me of something my grandmother told me once. She said years ago, that if she could have a second chance at life, she wouldn't have children. I can see now what she meant. She had three, my mother, uncle, and aunt. My mom was the only one who turned out relatively normal, while my uncle and aunt struggled with drug and alcohol abuse, which was pretty traumatic for her and my grandfather.
We need a video on that.
Makes me side eye the Smug Marrieds in Bridget Jones's Diary more, their kids seem like accessories (which is par the course for the Boomer humor evident in the book series)
If society is so worried about childless women, maybe it ought to make kids more affordable and give us benefits. It's always the individual's fault and never the system's in these shows.
Yeah lol that ain’t happening. They want us to reproduce and suffer.
I know so many moms who had their first child during the pandemic, and most are not having another because of how intensely difficult the experience was.
Truth!❤
Also maybe improve tha care for children that already are there and in foster care? Why make more if those that already are there are not properly taken care of? It should be think of quality over quantity. With the age of retirement getting higher and higher we are already missing out on the intended by nature benefit of grandparents playing a bigger role in helping to raise the kids....
Not to mention the expectation that women should not only take on that reproductive labour, but pay to do it? They're keeping humanity going, and we expect them to pay for the privilege on top of doing all that work? It's really rather silly when you think of it that way. I mean, what happens if all women suddenly refused? Our society and our economy is built upon the idea that women should do reproductive labour just because that's our place. We should do it for free, and never complain about it. It's BS.
Also, no person should be forced to engage in labour they don't wish to, reproductive or productive. Just to be clear.
Thank you for highlighting childfree women. However, someone trying to get pregnant is not childfree. Childfree is someone who voluntarily chooses to never have children. It is an active choice, not an accident.
Yep. Those women are ChildLESS. Childless women are stigmatized too, but its a different thing.
It IS a tragedy. 👉👉👉The GREATEST blessing is a child. 👶🏻🙏✝️
@@Sunshine-is_here_to_stay to whom, do you think a child is a blessing to a rape survivor, or anyone else who doesn't want one?
And we should be applauded for those decisions. Lauded for them.
They choose it until they learn their infertile and then that freaks them out
Because apparently there’s a difference between won’t have kids and can’t have kids
Which seems like the samething to me
the thing i find seriously problematic that people say to those who dont want kids is "whose gona look after you when ur old?", as if its a valid justification to bring someone into existence for the sole purpose of being your carer later down the line
That's one of my biggest pet peeves in the world. As I've grown up, and gotten a more realistic view of the world, that statement has proven to be more and more ridiculous.. So many parents end up caring for chronically ill kids (this is the case for multiple people in my family); kids move away, start their own lives; relationships change; etc.
Having children as a care insurance policy is never a good idea.
You absolutely can't rely on that outcome anyway. Your kid might have disabilities or any number of other issues that will make this outcome impossible. Not to mention they can just straight up refuse. If being looked after is your worry a much safer bet would be to save the money raising a kid would cost and put it towards a good nursing home.
Every reason to have children is SELFISH.
So many reasons to be childfree are NOT selfish.
Women would blame themselves for husbands cheating when it’s the husbands
@My Name Is Choice That's bleak
What I don't understand is how angry men get when they hear women don't want children. A man could beg to have a child with a woman. Wake up on the wrong side of the bed one day and leave his family. Leaving all of the parenting responsibilities on the mother. Then turn around and tell us to "pick better".
When a man wants no children whatsoever...... well prepare to say goodbye to your cock
exactly
it is disgusting
If they want to even open their mouth they better be excited for the RAISING of the child as well
American men, do you want women to have your children? Then you should be ACTIVELY WORKING for universally free maternal healthcare, childcare, etc.
@@cosmicreef5858 You mean raising a boy. There are men out there who don't want a girl.
For me making children would be the tragedy, both to myself and the kids. When you simply dont want them, they notice it and grow up feeling like they are not worthy of love
I think if your last 10,000 ancestors had kids to continue the bloodline and you don’t, then YOU have a problem inside yourself.
Exactly I always said if I became a mother I would fuck those kids up. I'm only an aunt and I see the damage I do my nieces and nephew but it's hard not get annoy and it hard to be the bigger person when life itself is stressful.
@@suneelj93 that assumes op doesn't have any siblings i didn't have kids for many reasons including health but my 3 bros and my sis had 8 between them so it more than made up for me and i don't feel guilty for not putting my life and the child's life in danger i have the same issue my mom did my brother born 1 year before me (closer to 13 months before) only lived a few hours and i have lifelong issues from birth and I'm 45 now you forget not all choices are the same and not all reasons are the same but also it's not you and your life so wdygaf so much? Also it's much better to know you don't want kids and not have them than to mess up a child a lot of people do that because they feel obligated and then they abuse their kids
Yessss forcing/shaming someone into having kids never made sense to me. Both the mom and the child will suffer
True that and those kids then often grow up to be the typ of people often get children then to fill that lack of love retrospectively putting an impossible load on tiny helpless shoulders.
Why do writers feel the need to force children on women who don't want them? Penny from "The Big Bang Theory" was treated with scorn for not want to have kids, and rather than having her stick to her morals, she was naturally revealed to be pregnant in the series finale, which just felt like a cop out.
Most women on the planet want kids and a family the problem is society is making it seem as if a extremely large population is happy to not have them and it's a lie. Even in the example you gave she changed her mind
Bernadette too! Then she ended up having 2 back to back
Oh my gosh yes like it seems like the Big Bang theory did this so did greys anatomy and station 19 like why
It's giving anti choice
The most unhappy demographic in the USA are childless women between 45-65. Look at the statistics and surveys.
My cousin was pregnant at 19 years old, I was the same age, and her mother looked at me asking when I was having children. Then, she asked did I want to be a "nun" or something. At 19! This baby pressure is ridiculous. Society wants to tell you what to pop out of your cooch, but no one wants to put in the money for universal healthcare, job work programs with decent wage that allow moms to work 9 to 5, and childcare services.
Yup. It's all about control over women.
Why not birth kids and have the men stay home then? No guy wants to do that. They want the child but don't want the responsibility of the 24/7 care. Instead, they want to leave it with a free babysitter.
So many times has my husband noticed the little things of how women are swept under the rug. I was paying for our meal once, my husband is standing behind me, and the guy behind the register has eye contact with my husband and is greeting him but solely avoiding contact with me even after my husband ushered me forward, I took out my card and that's when eyes averted to me.
Another time a couple next to us leaned passed my husband and asked 'me' when 'I' was going to have kids. It's like I produce babies by magic or asexually when it takes my husband to make a baby. Didn't even bother asking "us" and "we".
Another time I was at work unloading a pallet and the vendor or delivered the pallet looked at the back of my head and my haircut and flat out told me. "I bet your husband will be mad you had a haircut." When I had long hair, it's just my hair was in a bun and my sides were tightened up.
didn't miss a beat when I looked at the vendor and told him. "My husband cut it."
To which my husband did. I cut his hair, then after I'm through cutting his hair he takes the razor and I turned around for him to trim my hairs on the back of my neck so I have a professional look for work.
The women who don't think twice are the ones who have been brainwashed to be servants. Now I got nothing against SAHM but as long as it was a joint decision but if the Mom wants to work, then the Dad needs to volunteer to stay home and not force her to stay home simply because he's the man. I'm the breadwinner myself and it's a decision my husband came to. My friend is a lead welder where she works and her husband stays home caring for their son.
@@christins.1481 I remember reading about a woman who had kids just for the sake of her husband, only for the husband to leave and not ever inquire about the kids, ever.
@@christins.1481 mention it all! a lot of guys say they wanna be fathers but can't even do the bare minimum!
My niece told me that the 9 to 5 job goes with the flow of male hormones and not female hormones which I thought was interesting. Would be nice if jobs had a 3 day menstruation leave per month too.
And what is so bad about being a nun? Seriously what? To live a life of less/very low sin? to have a very high purpose in life through spirituality and community, to give back and help others? Hmmm...
And lets not forget how physically and mentally having children takes a toll on your body. The sleepless nights, the energy used to produce breast milk. Mothers do not get a break. It is a 24 hour job with no time off. If a mother does not get help she quickly burns out and the experience of motherhood quickly turns into torture. Bringing a child into this world takes a lot of courage and strength. It’s a decision that should not be taken lightly.
And your wallet. They're expensive and not worth it to me. I said what I said. I never wanted them but I don't hate them. Just don't like the mon lifestyle for me. Not interested.
And I'm already falling apart, I would crumble into dust
@@mip33 i cannot even imagine! hardest, most thankless job there is! unless you're super wealthy AND mentally/emotionally stable, people really need to think twice!
Imagine going thru all that and the father leaves. You just played yourself. Men get away scot free
There's nothing wrong with not liking children. I hate how us childfree women are still pushed to like kids or at least lie that we do. I don't like kids at all. I respect them and hope that they have a happy and stable life, but I do not want to be near them. What is so wrong with that? Even parents get annoyed by their own children.
I think people take it personally. Its like, an offense to their ideals if you dont share them, its like calling their kids unpleasant (even if you dont mean that). The current Rousseau-ish view of children as virtous, sinless creatures doesn't help.
@@adrinedesouza tbf, most people dont like the elderly and all of us have a distaste for different sorts of people. I think keeping your thoughts to yourself is good in order to not offend people; that being said, you are entitled to dislike people as long as you dont hurt them
there is nothing wrong with being honest. society would be a lot better if more people just were.
@@adrinedesouza it's not the same actually and that comparison is an insult as a person of color. I cannot change my blackness. A child does not remain a child forever. A dislike of children is not remotely the same as bias against fatness, ableism, etc. which are systemic and structural biases. There's a difference between not wanting to be around a screaming being and making assumptions that someone doesn't take care of their health based on their size or that because the color of their skin they they live a certain life. This comparison is weird.
@@adrinedesouza are you an idiot? Kids are not a class nor a minority , everyone was a kid at some point , I was not black at some point and then changed races , I was born disabled it didn't just go away.
And just like that everyone is going to be old at some point too , this is the dumbest comparison I've ever heard
At the age of 12 I knew I'd never have children. I just didn't want any. I heard all the lines:
"You'll change your mind"
"You'll change your mind when you meet the right man"
"You'll change your mind when the biological clock starts ticking"
"You'll regret not having children when you're old"
"Who will take care of you when you're old"
I'm 59 years old now and never changed my mind, never met a man who changed my mind, never heard a tick from my biological clock, don't regret not having children and am taking care of myself very well thank you very much. My choices work for me.
but did you also find a man to be your partner - who also doesnt want kids? When I tell them how it is they usually run away or insult me....
@@Ivanchy91 chuck
you are a role model. honestly, i feel happy hearing older women also think the same as i do.
yeah when we know at that young of an age...we don't "change our mind" LOL...i never did either!
@@felmargego2534 yes!!! i have never met a childfree woman or man (who intentionally chose that lifestyle) say they had "regrets"....don't believe the nonsense out there!
Im 33 and I cant think of anything worse than having a baby
And there's nothing wrong with that whatsoever.
@@Syndicate_01 you are probably the same kind of person who thinks its perfectly fine if an 18+ yr old (older than normal average) people use a bounce house that's empty because they like to....
At a certain point when you're collecting cats, it must become just as laborious. And please don't even try to claim you don't have multiple cats
I'd rather own an entire cat rescue than have even one kid
Same
I've met many more miserable and bitter mothers than childless women
As a man, I have no idea why people are so negative towards women who don't want to have children. It's like they don't understand that women are more than autonomous baby making factories.
Well said
EXACTLY
Preach it!
Women aren't baby making factories!
True
Truth 😁
I just turned 40 and knew as a teenager I didn't want kids. Never changed. If I'd been told I couldn't have them, it would've been a relief. I wanted my tubes tied in my 20s but it's prohibitively expensive, IF you even have a doctor that will do it, because doctors stigmatize too.
Same for me. There is no complexity. It’s always been 100% nope
I got lucky that I found someone to do the procedure when I was 35, even though I was a single woman. I’m so grateful for her and physicians like her!
@@Trix897 my physician was willing, but my bank balance wasn't 😞
I'm so glad you had a good doctor 💛💛💛
Yep I too am 40 and am still waiting for the deafening sounds of my supposed impossible to ignore biological clock (wasn’t it suppose to start blaring around age 25 or 32 or something?) that can only be quieted by the sound of a screaming baby. In the mean time, I will continue to enjoy my life of peace, quiet and drama free.
@@VaraHeyman I was fortunate that my insurance plan at the time covered it the way they did. I had it done in 2006, and my copay was $200.
It was the best $200 I spent, for sure!
As someone with a working uterus, I must say that unwanted motherhood would be the death of me. Any children that I may have can and will grow up traumatized. And I will not let my family's generational trauma get to anyone else.
That's really wise of you to know that, I commend you!!
I totally feel the same way
I agree
Yea but you don’t have to let your past dictate your future. Maybe you would break the cycle
@@oooh19 "maybe" i could break the cycle, but no fucking way im risking harming a child that never had anything to do with me just to continue a bloodline. i wont let my untreated mental health harm anyone.
My mother told me she didn't want to have kids when I was entering adolescence, and that actually helped me understand her behavior... And I forgave her for being a bad mother because she was forced to be a mom to keep up with society's demands...
That must have been very hard for you to hear, and for her to admit it.
She's still plenty selfish though. You didn't ask to be born
Your so called mom could've just said no and walked away it's not hard at all
@@twilight6779 Actually it's unbelievably hard
@@twilight6779 I imagine you must be from a first world country and/or middle class. For example abortion is illegal in my country but the impregnation of a minor is something you can get away with.
Child free isn’t a tragedy it’s a luxury :)
it is an option
kids are not burdens just because you are incapable of raising them
@@cosmicreef5858all the more reason not the have them, tho, right?
@@cosmicreef5858Sure they aren’t lmao
@@cosmicreef5858 they are, not always in a bad way but they are, many lifes would be easier without childrens
@@cosmicreef5858Kids are a burden. Especially if you have a kid that is physically dependent on you. People dont talk about the possible risk of your kids being born with a mental or physical defect. Why have a child who is incapable of taking care of itself? Once you pass, you assume a family member will take care of them....WRONG! They end up being a ward of the state.
The real problem is selfish woman who chooses to have children to be their best friend or a mini them.
Talk about someone being selfish and incapable of raising children. Look in the mirror.
I’m 26 and my family are already asking me when I’m going to have kids because I’m in a relationship and “ at that age “. I’m not having any kids anytime soon. I’m still working through my trauma I experienced with my abusive mother and I don’t want to pass that on to a child. I believe it’s important to be physically, mentally, and financially ready before having kids.
Absolutely!
amen, the word needs more people like you
You are so right that to be a parent you have to be mentally and financially and physically ready because it's a big responsibility to take on especially if you come from a traumatic childhood
I feel ya. But one is never “ready” to have kids. I wasn’t. Your mind sort of just flips a switch once you have someone that depends on you so heavily.
Same, at 29 and was in wedding preparations with my 39 yo fiance of 4 yrs and people kept asking how we'd deal with our lifestyle (moving to different countries a lot due to work) when we have kids. Neither of us ever wanted them. We both liked kids but didn't feel we wanted to be parents. The amount of weird looks/comments we got was incredible
I have been dumped many times because I didn't want kids. It is very hurtful to be told by a man that you are basically useless to him because of my lack of want to carry their seed. None of my other qualities matter - just that one. It is dehumanizing. I quit dating 7 years ago as it became tiresome.
So much happier now that I don't engage men and just live my life, enjoy friends and my pets.
Exactly! The nerve of those men, your the one that would have to carry the baby and let's be honest care the kid will always have to come first for you but not for him. Not to mention ruin your body and sex drive. Those type of men are so tone death
Snap. It's disgusting how many men view women as nothing more than incubators 🤢 ironically the men sometimes come back once they get their progeny. They whine they are not getting s*x anymore....want me to call a wambulance....newsflash most get either or the other not both.....choose
@@adrinedesouza guess you've never encountered fence sitters and (gasp) liars....humans lie to feed the part of the brain that gives gratification in the now hence they lie to get their needs met here and now.....Adrine meet emotional intelligence....I hope you have a long and happy life together
Live your most authentic life. Do what makes you happy.
@@lstarsabbtone *deaf
The amount of stories that “normalize” men leaving infertile women is horrible and it also proves my point that most people have children due to social pressure instead of actually wanting and being able to have them. If a man leaves a woman due to infertility, they shouldn’t be parents, period. If a man truly loves his woman, he would consider adoption or staying childless instead of looking for another woman just to use her uterus to reproduce himself.
Is it normalising if you show something messed up that regularly happens in a wax that points out how horrible it is? I would call it calling out or critiquing, shining a light on how fucked up it is...
The wish to have a child is just as valid as the wish not to and if your wants and expectations do not mesh seperating is in the long run the best course of action.
One has just as little control over the desire to have kid as over The fact one is infertil though you absolutly have a point in regards of adoption!
Actually it's a quite understandable behavior. Why should a person give up on his dream when his partner doesn't support it? It's the same, when a woman really wants to be a mother, and her husband refuses to have any kids. Should this woman live on forever regretting not having children she dreamed of?
Of course, such questions should be discussed before commiting. Like if a man says to you he wants to be a father, but you keep dating and marry him, cause you think he'll change his mind, that's probably wrong. Although people do change their opinions and goals often, but I wouldn't just rely on that possibility.
@@xeniakryv8157 but what about adoption? If he truly loved her and it’s not possible to have kids naturally, there’s still adoption. You completely misunderstood my point. I said it’s outrageous for a man to leave her wife if she’s infertile as if adoption doesn’t exist. My point was never about the choice itself. Leaving the woman cause she’s damaged goods? It’s horrendous
@@TheLudmilita ah than I agree. Of course, adoption isn't an option when a partner doesn't want to have any kids at all, but it works in case of infertility. Sorry for misunderstanding:)
Every child-free woman I've ever met past the age of 30 glows brighter than ANY woman WITH children in the same age group. I'm 43 years old and as someone who teaches children for a living and absolutely LOVES them, I'm 100% SURE I do not want any children of my own.
Thank you for your service!
The only reason Im considering not having children is because I don't want to bring a kid into this messed up, drowning world.
I understand your reason
That's one of the reasons why I don't want kids.
If I did not already never wanted a child, that would be my logical reason
Same, I hate the thought of bringing kids into the world and being like, oh by the way there's this thing called Climate Change... Good luck.
Here here
Aaargh I hate when they say "you'll change your mind". It's like they think I'm too stupid to make my own decisions.
People like that I would curse out 💀
Mate, you ain’t paying for them so shut up - me
And when no one changes their minds: I HEREBY DECLARE YOUR HUMAN RIGHTS INVALID!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Even if you were stupid, hypothetically, wanting a child is a biological desire that most people get and some don't. It has nothing to do with intelligence. It's either appealing to you, or it isn't.
try asking them, "since you want me to have children so much, will you be paying and doing all the childcare for them? if no, then shut up."
If a woman does not want a child it should be her own choice no shame involved
Society calls men dead beat fathers when in reality they are just like you and didn't want kids.
@@Chris-rg6nm I have kids I just dont believe in forcing my ideas on to others
Yeah she is an adult, seems very immature and stupid trying to obligate an adult to do things than don't wanna do without any reason.
When my parents asked me what I wanted for a high school graduation gift I said, "A hysterectomy." This was in 1999. I have never wanted children and am now in my 40s. It was just never something I wanted - and not only did I not "change my mind," but I am so happy to be child free and am looking forward to what the rest of my life looks like as a child free woman.
I graduated high school in 1988. An ex and I broke up because I truly am happily child-free by choice. I am still very happily child-free by choice at 53.
Same here. I knew when I was 5 that no, I did not want to be a mommy when I grew up. And of course, everyone insisted... INSISTED... that I would change my mind. I'm 57 now. No children and no regrets.
@@einahsirro1488 Ugggh!!! I still get flabbergasted when people tell you that you will change your mind about wanting a child, or just give you that condescending look and basically tell you that you don't know any better, but one day it will click. So, infuriating!
Those with childern will kick you out.
I graduated HS in 2000, so right behind you. :) I've never wanted kids either. Never had maternal instincts.
What's scary? I know some women who were coerced into having children by either their family or their partner. The most typical situation is when both partners don't want children at the beginning of the relationship but when the guy's friends start families of their own, some weird rivalry kicks in and suddenly he's all about the children. Even though it's a woman who needs to carry the child, put her work on hold during maternity leave and then be available for the rest of the time their child is underage because of sicknesses/ school meetings/ whatever. But the guy gets to occasionally flaunt how good of a father he is during social gatherings.
Ultimately, woman is left on her own and vilified either way: if she wants to remain childfree - she's selfish and unwilling to commit (there was a survey in my country when they asked men what's scaring them away in childfree women and most of them replied that a woman like that always wants a way out and will probably end up cheating (sic) even if it's men who are more likely to cheat).
On the other hand a woman who has children is judged anyway: a kid crying? She's probably a bad mother. A kid happy, playing? She's probably a bad mother who's endagering her child. Strangers on the street will come up giving their 'golden advices' (less/more sweets, pacifier or lack thereof and so on and so forth). And sadly is usually women who will shame other women for the way they chose to raise their kids.
Society calls men dead beat fathers when in reality they are just like you and didn't want kids.
What scares men away from child free women? If he wants children, then why should he give that up to be with a woman who doesn't want children. NOT because there's anything wrong with her but because they aren't compatible. Neither should have to compromise on something that big.
@@Tasha9315 You've misunderstood me. I specifically said about the situation when both parties agreed to not having children prior to marriage and then, few years into the marriage, a guy puts an ultimatum which usually ends up the woman getting pregnant. I know that a woman can have a change of heart as well but from my experience and as I witness typical relationships in my country/culture, it's usually the guy who suddenly want kids despite the fact that men are rarely involved in the process of raising the child.
And the survey about childfree women wasn't asking specifically why the men wouldn't date such a woman. They were asked about their opinion on those women which basically ended up with them repeating all the stereotypes we see from media: promiscuity, irresponsibility, etc
@@kings4300 I understand. I was referring specifically to the survey. I apologize that I misunderstood the survey. I thought it meant scare them away from dating them.
As the UN estimates there are 8 BILLION people right now on this rock, this trope needs a massive update
This is the part so many overlook. The population has doubled in the past 50 or 60 years. That is a huge deal and 8 billion is an unsustainable number, especially with the way we live. Yeah people can go ahead and have kids but realize that their grandchildren may not have clean water to drink, or clean air to breathe
In this regard, I feel the climate and socio-economic context of our world invite women and men to be childfree to preserve the natural resources - sort of, nature 'evolves' our minds not to want to procreate :D It's just our cultural output is a bit slow to catch up :P
I cannot like this comment enough!
Is the way capitalist see the world, future is an abstraction, the stocks can't go down today! They only think about short term gains. Plus, racist people don't like the idea that black and asians are the one's that the population keeps growing.
@@dreamseemstudio7545 I've had this thought too. Maybe there are mechanisms at work that we do not understand. For sure a lot of people are just born with a strong aversion to procreating. They have no biological clock as they say. I'm one of those people. Nature made me that way :)
I’m so grateful to all the women who share their child-free lives as well as the mothers who share their honest experiences. Becoming a parent should always be seen as a decision, not an obligation, and it’s so helpful to see both sides of the coin before making that choice. I have so much respect for the mothers in my life who don’t paint the “rosy” view of motherhood and share the messy, even depressing parts of motherhood. They help reinforce that the duties and responsibilities of motherhood are not something I’d enjoy and thus motherhood likely isn’t for me. I still love kids, but I wouldn’t love to have my own.
I'd write it is akin to things like finishing High School or working over-time to pay your bills rather than asking government to forgive your loans (causing other people to have to pay your bills). You can make your own decisions, but people will think what they think. Someone that has had and raises kids are making a particular important contribution to an ongoing society that those who do not do so are not. It isn't a good thing that Chuck Schummer says he need to import immigrants to replace us because Americans aren't having kids. That is not a description of a functioning healthy society with a future.
I don’t have kids and it’s my decision, nonetheless it’s a selfish decision that doesn’t help continue our species and allows me to waste no time on child raising.
You are right becoming a parent should be a choice not everyone wants children I totally don't
It's like when my friends are complaining about motherhood and how angry and depressed they get I sometimes speak up and say that I'm not having children. Then they forget that they're supposed to be putting on a performance and quickly say, "What?! No, don't say that! Kids aren't so bad! You would make a great mom!" Like, babe, the jig is up, lol.
There are enough children out there that benifits from childless adults spending their pent up care on helping with them on occasion. I do more good as the aunt of my best friends child then I would ever as a mom. That little terror knows she is loved, even if we are not that often togeather for when, I got the energy ond headspace for it. Trying to raise a child myself that child would suffer from just how little I can stand noise, or constantly being around others. I am chronicle ill...
It's also ok to not like (being around) children.
I'm saying that, because women seem to be so afraid of judgement, employing minute long disclaimers about how much they love children before admitting they don't want any.
being around children is fun until they start crying/cribbing about something 😂 and that's why motherhood doesn't appeal me- there is no going back once you have a child
I've been trying to be comfortable saying "I don't like kids" (it doesn't come up very often) because it shouldn't be stigmatized. I think of it like how some people are animal lovers & will look at any pictures or meet anyone's pet but some people just aren't like that. I love my friend's kids because I love my friends but I don't care about Mary down the street's kids & I don't want to see pictures
It's also okay for women to not like children, full stop. Personally disliking children doesn't mean a woman wishes children harm or unhappiness, or that she will show them cruelty, and isn't an indication of some moral failing. It only seems shocking to most because, even if she doesn't want children, a woman is expected to have a natural maternal love for children as a group, and a sort of reverence for parenthood/motherhood even if she personally opts out.
@@adrinedesouza but you can though? Unless you are actively trying to cause harm to, prevent or take away rights from, or making your dislike loudly (rudely) known to said group in an effort to make them uncomfortable and/or inferior etc then it's not really a problem is it?
At least to me I don't see the like or dislike of something/someone (or group in this case) to be the problem. Actions taken based on those preferences is when issues start cropping up.
@@adrinedesouza Its not a class though its a temporary status. Children grow up, disabled people cannot simply grow out of a disability, and elderly people will not suddenly stop being elderly one day. For me its not about disliking children because they are simply children. For me I dislike the antics of many (not all) children. Antics such as, whining, a self-centered world view, and the amount of care and time children need and deserve. I know myself well enough that I dislike those things and therefore I shall try not to put myself in situations where there will be these things and I am I focused on myself, so I will not be able to provide the care and guidance a child needs.
I adore Cristina yang (it is quite rare to find a female character that didn't marry or had kids at the end of the movie /series /book)
Yep! I loved Cuddy from House, it's a shame she had to go all baby rabid
We need happy endings that don't include children. Men could do with not tying their masculinity to what comes out their loins either. Childfree women make loyal amazing wives and partners....we are not a "lay" over on the way to lifescriptville
My husband knew I didn't want children almost the minute we started dating, and he never once made the smallest effort to change my mind. He wanted, and still wants, me for who I was. We've been married for fourteen years now. He and I and our two cats are a family, and no one can persuade me otherwise.
I wish more men looked at the women in their lives as complete and complicated people to be loved and cherished, not as the sum of their reproductive parts.
I grew up in a big family and I want that for myself one day (and honestly if I could birth them myself I would). I'm willing to be the stay at home parent while she works. for me I don't think it has much to do with masculinity. I do like the idea of having a posterity carry on after me once I finally kick the bucket.
@@heirtotheshwa just out of interest without cheating and googling. What is the name of Abraham Lincolns great x 3 grandchildren. Same with Winston Churchill and Kaiser Wilhelm?????
@@debbiemoore2747 why would I care? thats their family tree - not mine. I think the ancestry and posterity one should care most about is one's own posterity, since its the one which we have the most influence over. I can improve my kid's lives and potentially the lives of my children's children by living a good life and setting them up with strong morals and by helping them build generational wealth - I can't do the same for Lincoln's kids. That responsibility belonged to them.
@@heirtotheshwa love the cognitive dissonance of humans. Revealing.
I'm one of 2 grandchildren that got a college degree, I'm the ceo of my own business, and the only person in my entire family to be successful in the arts. Yet, in the eyes of grandmother my life is less than because I don't have a husband or children. I don't want kids, I've never wanted them and as I approach my mid 30s I feel more secure in my decision. Yet to a lot of my family my life seems less than, frivolous, like I'm playing dress up the way a kid would.
I feel great about my decisions to follow my dreams, built a career on fashion, and focus on my mental health and well being than having children.
Don't let society tell you how to live your life, be brave and do what is right for you!! ❤️🔥
I’m 51 here, spouse-free and childfree with zero fucks given and no regrets.
You sound like a bad a**, stay strong! I know Im a stranger but Im proud of everything you have accomplished !!!
@@magicalmoonb me too. I agree. Her life sounds inspiring
If you don't want human society to tell you how to live yor life, well you can go to jungle and live among animals.
not surprised ur grandmother would think that. she lived thru the time when a woman's only purpose was to be a loving wife and mother and her only place was in the kitchen 🤦♀️🤦♀️ well, she can stay in that past if she wants, so don't let her drag u backwards. move forward!
As the oldest daughter of a single parent, I basically raised my sisters and was forced to grow up much faster than they had to. Now that I'm grown and on my own, my desire to not have kids stems more from already having to be a "junior mom" and the sacrifices I had to make so they could be happy. My mom is disappointed, but she understands - I've already put in my time, so to speak - I absolutely love being an auntie though. 😂 But having gone through it already, I don't want to do it again. Kids are a huge sacrifice physically, emotionally and financially. I don't think a lot of people realize how much of a toll child raising truly is until it's too late to back out.
I feel the same. Being the oldest (and oops!) daughter of a poor mother and neglectful father I had to raise my two sisters; help aunts with their kids and also help my sisters with their children I get very disappointed with my family for not understanding why I don't want kids😏
People underestimate how much good a childless/childfree adult can do in the life's of kids that are already there. My best friend and I are both happy childfree and any mothering instinct goes into care four our other best friends kid. That little girl knows she is loved, better then any child of mine would for i am chronicle ill and rarely ever have that care to spare when I barely can get myself to eat at least once a day...
I've experienced the same thing. I spent my childhood raising my siblings and when I became an adult I legally became my brother's guardian. It was extremely tough. I dropped out of school and put my dreams on hold to work 2 jobs. But I'm very proud I raised my brother become a successful adult. After he moved out, I finally was able to take care of myself. And now I have my dream job and extremely happy being chidfree. Been there done that! Also he decided to be childfree as.
Same, I was parentified as a child and was an emotional carer for my mother. I feel like I was her mother during that time, the thought of having a child of my own fills me with exhaustion, I feel like I've done it all before.
Parentification isn't something that's talked about nearly enough. I too was the oldest kid in a large family, and a daughter on top of that. Both of my parents worked and my dad was absent even when he wasn't working so I spent all of my teenage years and most of my childhood taking care of babies and young kids. At 35, I STILL have to fend off judgement from people over my choice to not have children. I had to sacrifice so much of my own youth raising other people's kids against my will that I feel like I've earned the right to be "selfish!"
If we have kids we're undesirable, if we don't want to have kids we're fast and unworthy of respect. We can't win so might as well do as we do 🤷🏾♀️
❤❤❤
Im 32 with 2 kids and am so proud of the women deciding that they are more than just a womb for society and man. 🎉🎉
More resources for your children🤣
but you chose to use your womb to pop out kids
There’s also the issue of childbirth itself. It can be very dangerous and there can be complications. And even a birth that goes well still is a painful and violent ordeal and there’s a long recovery time. And it feels very, hollow, that women are just expected to go through this, sometimes more than once.
Exactly!!
Exactly this. I know of four women in my life who had terrible childbirth experiences and one of them, unfortunately, died during it. I've known since I was a teenager that it wasn't for me. It's taken about 15 years from that point for my family to accept I wasn't going to change my mind.
That's how we were all born. Maybe deep inside you wish you've never been born ?
@@mirianakovachevic748 when u think abt it... none of us asked to be born in the first place.
let's not forget postpartum depression. a mom literally killed herself while recovering 😭😭
The fewer babies born, the fewer that end up in dumpsters. We can all agree that’s a good thing.
Yes
Holy sh*t.... as a child-free by choice, happily married, straight, CHRISTIAN woman (I emphasized 'Christian' because I grew up with the idea that THAT was kinda the only thing a woman really needed to do with her life), but I still love kids and see them as blessings to those who want them..... I feel like I friggin' manifested this video.
THANK YOU, THANK YOU, THANK YOU!!!!!
Is manifestation a big part of Christianity? What happened to God's will?
@@undrwatropium3724 There is a long tradition in Christianity of supporting a woman who choose not to have children. Not a Christian myself, just saying.
@@oskarkuelz2706 oh yeah, was just thinking of all the big name female saints, only a handful were mothers, most did not get married and have kids. And many of them dealt with an overbearing mother who wanted them married. Very few had an understanding mother who backed her up wholeheartedly.
I am happy for every person that comes to senses and becomes an atheist.
These kind of comments wants me not wanna commit suicide.
I thought we were past this, silly me. Was speaking with a male colleague that I have slowly befriended. I'm not married, but he is, so he and his wife are discussing having children. He asked me about my plans to have children. I expressed my desire to remain child-free and, to my surprise, the first words from his lips were that it is selfish to not want children. Literal jaw drop. We are both Millennials, so perhaps naively, I would never have expected this "old-fashioned" thinking from him. I'm going to tell myself that he is stuck in a marriage he'd rather not be in, so his sacrifice is seen as favorable, whereas my free reign is selfish. The classic "if I suffer, you should be suffering too."
Putting a cold on the planet that isn't wanted is selfish.
What an asshole? Does he think women need to "justify" their existence on Earth by being walking breeding factories?
im sure his decision is totally selfless, thats totally how that works, brainlet argument
Even as a believer in "if I suffer, you should be suffering too." I think it is selfish to bring another human being into this world, why do you want to make someone suffer who does not exist? The suffering must be done to the person who made you bad stuff, not to a child who is not even born.
I'm over 50 and my choice to not have children has been one of the best decisions I've ever made. Happy with no regrets whatsoever. 🙂🙌
Do you travel a lot or have a strong friend circle ? ❤🎉
@@ommia9085 Yes to both! ☺️ And I have lots of hobbies, sports, classes & animals to keep me perpetually busy lol. 😂
yup
good questions ... iam 58 and have a close friend circle, political and crafts, and we go out most weekends doing interesting things, but we are low income so travelling for 2 weeks away is too much but idiud a lot of travelling in younger days @@ommia9085
My main issue with this "childless" trope, as well as the "selfless and loving it mother trope" is that it's too simplistic and doesn't expose the contradictions and complexity of being human! No matter what choice is made, there are going to be moments of joy and satisfaction along with moments of "what if" and regret (which most women tend to avoid sharing because of backlash)! Choosing one path means letting go of another and choice is never easy! No matter the choice, we have to accept our experience as is, without feeling the need to justify ourselves, to ourself or others.
Amazing response!
It's not about being judgmental or prejudice towards others' choices, it's all about self accountability for your own actions and decisions. It seems we are all about the tags and build
our particular identity around it, instead of focusing on, as you said, our own experiences and choices.
I’m 38 without human children. My dog is my daughter! Plan on staying that way for a long time! 💕🥰
I feel the same way
I think nature makes it so some people don't want children, so that their genes don't pass on.
@@Chris-rg6nm That’s the dumbest take I’ve ever read!
Sounds like my dream life. I have a much greater love for animals than human children and that's OK.
@@zahraakadhem9913 Well kindly get off these human inventions and live with your animal kind. Species traitor
It's a choice and it's to be respected
I wanted children...I had them
My sister didn't want children so never had any
We lived the lives we wanted and both of us are very happy fulfilled women in different ways
same here! and thought since I dont want kids... its better to support my sibling with kids instead of having my own ..that I never wanted.
Can put more resources already existing kids
@@pastelmoon9118 lol and I bet you spoiled your siblings children rotten
My sister is the favourite Auntie my kids wanted to live with growing up
yes, some people want kids to experience suffering and death, and also to look after them in old age and not be lonely, and to have a legacy that their genes are there.
@@beaulieuc8910 you must be fun at parties
Yep. Man here. I'm childfree, and about to hit 40. And my immigrant parents on down almost never bother me about my unwillingness to procreate. My brothers are on the same boat--one just a year behind, the other about 10 years behind. They've never been in long-term relationships that have lasted long enough for kids to pop up, as far as I know. And the parents also have laid off of them, again as far as I know. We really don't talk about this topic. My sister, on the other hand, was pressured and pressured and pressured. Now she's a mother. She seems content with this choice; it's definitely brought her closer to my parents. The first grandchild does that. At the same time, I couldn't quite tell if her having a kid was a choice she actively made, or if it was somewhat thrust upon her from the incessant questioning and needling. I guess I should broach that topic one day with her...
This is how it is in my family too. My mother hounded me for grandkids for years because I’m her only daughter, but never said a word about it to my brothers. When she later discovered I was infertile she stopped bothering me and turned her attention to my sisters-in-law instead (and once again my brothers were never dragged into the discussion).
In my twenties, I was pretty adamant that I didn’t want to have children, which was a huge divided between me and my then husband. At some point, I ‘gave in’ because my husband and his family pressured me, and we tried for two years, but the emotional toll of seeing the negative test every month was too much. When I finally went to a fertility doc and learned I had a genetic malformation in my uterus and pregnancy would be highly unlikely and possibly dangerous, I had mixed emotions. Part relief that I didn’t have to endure all the fertility rituals and quite honestly some anger at God that I would never have the experience. Not to mention that my ex told me I should be grateful he was staying with me, because some men wouldn’t - which is why we are not married anymore. Almost twenty years later and two years into menopause, I feel free with no regrets. Because I had more time and freedom, I’ve been able to try a lot of different things, switch careers four times, run a business for seven years and move internationally - life choices and risks I may not have done if I was a mother. I am at peace with being childless.
Good riddance from a husband who was doing favour for staying around!
Respectfully, I'd like to give your ex a hard kick to the nuts 🙏
He sounds like an absolute tool. Glad you got free!
man, good thing your trash excuse of an ex took himself out.
Childfree and reigning free!
2 shows that to me really handle women not wanting to be mothers really badly are How I Met Your Mother and The Big Bang Theory. In HIMYM Robin is a career driven, strong willed independent woman. She finds fulfilment and purpose from many other things in life. Her career, her friends, her interests. She is steadfast in her not wanting children. She is essentially punished by the show when they make her infertile and physically unable to have children. The in TBBT both Penny and Bernadette state quite clearly that they don't want children and give very understandable reasons why. But then Bernadette ends up with two kids and is really preachy and condescending and rude towards Penny when Penny says she doesn't want kids and does almost like a full 180 by making out like she is the perfect and most wonderful mother. Then at the end of the series Penny is pregnant after the entire arc in the whole of the final season was her and Leonard finding a new happiness and being happy with what they got. It's like a lot of TV shows just cannot accept that some women simply don't want children. They are either punished or just end up pregnant anyways.
I loved Robin from HIMYM. Ted would piss me off when he would tell her she was just "scared" to have children. It is not fear! It's lack of desire! I hated Ted anyway lol what a douche
@@melb6746 I love Robin too. She knew who she was and wasn't gonna change that for anyone. She was fully comfortable in her own sense of self and knew exactly what she wanted from life. And yeah Ted is the worst.
I didn't mind the Robin storyline. I've never really wanted kids but I've had the choice taken away from me by illness, and I do feel sad that it's not on my own terms sometimes
@@melb6746 omg yes Ted is the worst. I will never stop slandering Ted. I loved HIMYM but I hated that Ted and Robin ultimately ended up together. She deserved better.
“ It takes a village to raise a child.”
Yet in my area, the community chooses to underfund schools and teachers. Programs for children have been shuddered as were those for single parents and low income families.
Why would I be there for the village if they are not there for me, and have to take on the financial and emotional burden of raising a child alone?
Yes I needed this video! Hated getting asked at Thanksgiving about my age and hearing “when I was your age, I had my first child..” stories. Some people seem genuinely concerned that I don’t want kids and think it’s a low self esteem thing and say “I think you’d be a great mother”.
While I’m still open to having kids or even adopting in the future, I am definitely not in a rush just because I’m married and everyone else in my community is starting to get pregnant. I have a lot of things I want to do before that next phase of life - if it even happens.
I just go old fashioned and tell people I'm waiting for my father to arrange an advantageous match.
@@georgeprchal3924 😆
unrelated but the first time i heard "when I was ur age..." from a relative it was abt marriage and I was FIFTEEN
@@georgeprchal3924 ooooof if i said that my dad would actually start searching instead of taking it as the joke it is. he thinks I'm gonna ask him to search a husband for me when I'm ready and I'm like I would rather stay single
There’s absolutely nothing wrong with having kids, and I admire people that do it, but it’s always looked like such a difficult and limiting option for me. All the futures and dreams I painted for myself didn’t include pregnancy and raising kids, and I think it’s a good thing that I realised that early on. Wouldn’t it be worse if I felt pressured into having kids, and then ended up resenting them and treating them poorly? We need to normalise not having children so people don’t blindly walk into that role and ruin their lives. Not everyone was meant to be a parent, and when kids are raised by resentful, bitter, messed up parents then they themselves often become utterly messed up. No one wins…well, except the therapists 😅
You can thank a lot of Victorian writers for making out Elizabeth to be this cold and jealous woman 24/7 bc she simply didn’t want children or to get married.
why would Victorian writers stigmatise Elizabeth?
@@obsessivefangirl5055 because she didn’t get married and have children. Victorian values and morals believed that’s all a woman should be.
I’m a childfree women and I’m proud of it
Child free life is de best 🎉🎉
I refuse to feel traumatized, victimized, obligated, guilty or estranged from the feminine or masculine culturally or religious programmed mentality regarding this topic or any other actually, for not having children. It's no one else's business frankly. It's my life choice period. I did not want the financial burdens, the emotional stress, the nightmare in some cases, that I saw so many going through. I'm sure it can be a beautiful experience but it comes with all the other negatives as well. The world can be such a harsh and difficult place as it is, it was enough to have to take care of myself and be free to go and do whatever I wanted or needed to without having to be responsible for 1-4 children. There are enough people in the world without me adding to it just because that's what is or was expected by others who aren't responsible for my life decisions nor do they pay my bills. I have a great deal less stress, am never lonely and happier for it. I don't play the Christmas or multiple birthday game and am wealthier for it in many ways, not having to 'worry' about money or lack of it. Not having to deal with having to get them involved in sports and keeping up with those games and commitments, dancing classes, dental and medical expenses and appointments, early pregnancy or runaways, or losing a child that 'goes missing' or dies from some disease etc. I'm happy for those who have chosen to have children and for those who have chosen not to. ❤
My mother was extremely selfish. My sister is extremely selfish. They both have children. Having children is not selfless.
Vivica Fox constantly has to tell the press that she's fine without children. She loves her nieces and nephews, and loves sending them hope after she's done playing the Fun Auntie.
She fakes her happiness. Deep inside she is miserable.
@@mirianakovachevic748 you sound miserable. Projecting your beliefs into a stranger
@@mirianakovachevic748 wow are you a psychic?
@@Syndicate_01 No, I just know how people pretend.
@@mirianakovachevic748you are so sad
I'm only 17, but I think I may end up child free. I love kids so much. I think they are so precious and deserve the best. That's why I'm getting my master's in early childhood education. I want to be a nanny and give kids the childhood I wish I had.
But I'm having trouble navigating the morality of bringing my own child into this cruel and unpredictable world. There's no amount of preparation that I could do to prevent them from getting hurt. I don't know if I could live with that.
I feel the same way. At the end of the day, it's one more person to struggle in this world. I hope to help the kids who are already here.
Maybe a masters in early childhood education should be a requirement before anyone spawns their own offspring? You actually are thoughtful. Most people spitting out kids don't think twice. Look at the economic and environmental issues in this world. Do any of these people think long term? No. They're fantasizing or just getting knocked up.
I have similar feelings. Bringing a child into this world is a moral choice I am not willing to make. Plus I have ADHD. I wouldn't be able to forgive myself if my kids got it from me too 😢
It's just a choice. It shouldn't be stigmatized. It says nothing about the person's character.
i am a man and being child free is absolutely amazing. Stay child free for as long as you can.
My husband and I don’t have or want children, we are happy with our two dogs. We want the freedom to travel and live our lives. People constantly question us and criticize, we’ve been called “selfish” for not having kids and have been fetishized and told it’s a “shame” since we are an interracial couple and they believe there is no point to our love unless we make mixed babies apparently.
You should leave your husband..you are hindering his chance to be father if you forced your opinion on him
A surprisingly insightful - and fairly early - commentary on this actually comes from Selma Bouvier (Marge Simpson's sister): "A loveless marriage is one thing; we're not hurting anyone. But bringing a child into a loveless family is something I just can't do."
If people are in a loveless marriage, aren’t they hurting each other?
@@valerietaylor9615 Not hurting anyone but themselves, who entered into the situation willingly. Others didn’t.
That’s true, but if two people are married and don’t love each other, aren’t they hurting each other?
@@valerietaylor9615 The point of the line is that Selma doesn’t want to bring a child into a situation without two loving parents. Also, she had recently learned that Troy McClure only married her on the advice of his skeevy agent to boost his flagging career. Selma was willing to try and make that work, but the child was also the agent’s suggestion, and that was the final straw for her.
As a Queer Person, I just want adoption to be more easy than having a baby the conventional way. A lot of my ilk would be great parents but they are denied or discouraged at every step.
Agreed 100% and this coming from a queer woman who doesn't want kids.
Agree, with all the pressure of "but children" so many forget or ignore just how many there are in the foster system and waiting for adoption. Before worrying about getting more children out into the world, we should focus on giving those who are there good life's and allowing those who genuinely up to desperately want children to adopt instead of pressuring people who are unfit but "predestined to conceive" into making some
Unfortunately i think that in your case the difficulty to adopt you have/are experiencing may be more due to systemic homophobia than needless difficulty all round. May I ask, are you American?
Amen dude
@@manatarmsbrown736 I'm s straight, white, married, middle class woman who is finding it very difficult to adopt. So I can imagine that if one if I were not one of those things, even more racism, homophobia, ignorance, what have you, would interrupt an already difficult process.
I am a mother of 6 and 4 year old girls. I love my girls. They are my reason for going on. With all that said. I don't get why people get so mad at women who don't want children. I once heard a woman say that she didn't want children because she had a traumatic childhood and didn't want to pass on that to her child and that the world was too dark and she didn't want to bring another human into it to possibly struggle. Lastly, she said she was selfish and wouldn't want the child to be affected by her being that way. I told her that I found that strangely maternal in itself. I wasn't offended at all. That's her life and therefore her path and I have my own life and path. Why can't people let people live their own lives?
I agree but I think a lot more people need to be informed on the reality of having a child, beyond the raising it part. Sure you want to do a good job and its hard work etc, but many have no idea how traumatic birth can be. Or how dangerous it can get or give you permanent damage. Or how hard being a single mom might be if your partner leaves. Most seem to have a lot of delusional fantasies about parenthood and then find out its not like that at all. My mom loved the idea of having children and was very happy... until we turned into teens. She loves babies and kids but dislikes teenagers. Therefore I became neglected suddenly. Everyday it was either the silent treatment or she snapped at me. Parents need to love their children no matter what age they are, not just cute babies.
@@HikaruYamamoto same thing happened to me. Created a lot of aging fears and paranoia.
If I had ₹100 for every time I was told “you’ll change your mind about having kids” I would be a very wealthy person today 😂
I’d be able to retire right now, so I hear ya!
I put money away and invested some of it for every time someone said that. Things are looking pretty good
If I got a nickel for evey time some said that to me I'd be a billionaire
@@elv1980 yikes! That’s a lot of nickels!
@@Emiliapocalypse That’s a great idea! I’m gonna use it from now! Thanks!
Has no one heard of "Tokophobia"?? The fear of pregnancy or getting pregnant. Definitely something I have. And possibly many women who chose to not have kids have this disorder....just a thought...
I also experienced that, I had nightmares at one point when my ex and I were trying that it would succeed and I would die in childbirth. I have mad respect for every woman who successfully delivers a new life, it’s the hardest thing a human can possibly do!
I never had a fear of giving birth…just no desire.
I think the majority of childfree people are in the latter category, not the former.
That’s what I’ve got plus I’m not willing to give up alcohol or sushi for nine months lol
I wish I had known about it when I was trying for a tubal ligation when I was in my twenties. Being refused out of consideration of the wishes of my hypothetical future husband made me realize the only way I could truly and completely rule my own body was to also opt out of marriage. Hadn't met 'the one' but I was already resenting him for overriding my wishes. After that only dated men who had had a vasectomy, but will still never marry.
Perimenopausal and not getting a tubal ligation is still one of my biggest regrets.
this is me
I want to have kids one day but I’m 30 now and I’m in grad school and it feels like everyone in my extended family sees absolutely no value in anything I do because it hasn’t involved marriage or kids. It’s like now that I’m single too they don’t even want to talk to me. Feels like all of my accomplishments are meaningless to them.
CF guy here. That's frustrating and incredibly unfair. I'm about to finish my second postgraduate degree so I absolutely understand the amount of effort that goes into that kind of accomplishment, and it's a shame that they overlook something so major.
Please don't count your accomplishments by their measure! You're not living to appease them, you are living for your own sake, for your own goals
then THEY ARE the meaningless ones, not you
I understand you suffering.
Social media and television depicts child-free women as sad and lonely, when in reality, child free single women typically have better mental health
Preach
I think the reason why so many women are hated on for being childfree is simply jealousy. The ones criticizing them went through a lot of hardship and don't want to be the only ones suffering while their friend is enjoying their life childfree. Same for mothers wanting grandkids from their daughters, they went through hardship and now want to taste the sweet grandma life where you only get the upsides of children. I get it, I like being an auntie, too, but I'm not ruining my life to please my parents. I value my freedom and peace above all else, and it is not my fault you feel jealous or regretful about having kids
having abusive parents can turn people off to being parents themselves
you are probably the same kind of person who thinks its perfectly fine if an 18+ yr old (older than normal average) people use a bounce house that's empty because they like to.... . : .
it protects them and the kid from further harm
@@pinkpinkpink7717Why does that matter lol people can do what they want. Cry about it.
I hate the trope of women having kids even when they didn't want them. The writers play it too safe by pretending that there's no other choice.
Why are women pressured to say they love children? Not everyone does. There's no shame in it
It’s always funny when people say child-free women are secretly unhappy. I do not know any happy women with children and husbands. All the happy women are know are unmarried and child-free. Makes me wonder.
Child free ladies, I salute you. As a child free man in his mid forties, I do not get the same shit that you do. Keep walking strong.
Society has been forcing women to do/be certain things since forever. Women choosing what they want their lives to be like has always been met with disbelief, confusion, and hate. That's why this trope is sometimes tied with The Witch (which I think this channel has covered before).
they can prepare for their world to be crumbled then
@@cosmicreef5858 It's sad how little you think of women who choose to live their lives how they want.
I want more shows that depict people past their 30's having a life that isn't 100% work and family. Life is not over when you reach 30, I am very tired of this narrative
person is truly grown adult when they reach 30y old its so funny how they talk so much shit XD
BRAVO!!! i am 68 and I NEVER wanted children! I can't tell you all how MANY TIMES I was asked WHY? I finally just said, "That's a very personal question and tbh..It's NONE of your business!
THIS
Putting woman and motherhood together is the core of the problem. You don't automatically put man and father together.
Most mothers will tell you "I didn't know it would be so difficult".
I babysat to earn money, and the worst were young 3 boys all under 7yrs. I sat 5 kids and a sheep dog, a baby with a prosthetic arm, and others (I was age 11-18). No babysitting after that. No desire to ever have kids. At age 17 I asked the doctor to tie my tubes.
The great thing about babysitting is you raid the fridge, read some sex manuals, get paid and you usually don't see those kids for a month. Nothing like real motherhood but the diapers and tantrums and wildness of the kids leaves a mark.
Stop putting woman and mom in the same sentence.
I wanted kids since I wss a little girl. I played with baby dolls and would put them in a seatbelt when we would get on the car and when I was 21 I had my 1st son but not all women want kids and that's ok. Children are a huge responsibility and its hard. We need to stop making women feel like they're obligated to bring children into the world.
The problem is what happens when the majority of feel the same?
@@Chris-rg6nm we'll be fine.
Many women think that by becoming mothers, they are already "safe/saved", that they have accomplished something. But being a mother is much more than conceiving children and giving birth, it's raising them. Many of those women who become mothers by consequence and not by real desire, just because "that's what every woman should do", they feel children are an obstacle in their lives and eventually prove unfit to be mothers. So who is more selfish and/or pitiable, the conscious childfree woman or the mother secretly regretting having them?
Why is the argument for having children always "Do it or you'll regret not doing it?" Last time I checked, regret was something people could live with and work through in their own way. It's not a death sentence.
When a woman wants kids even if they cannot breed one your opinion can be naive in every fucking way
As a happily childfree woman, the tropes annoy me, yes, but what REALLY grinds my gears are how America society puts so much pressure on couples to have children, and then when they do, there is no social support programs. None. I whole-heartedly wish we could change this because it's beyond unfair that society abandons them once they have them.
Actually Julia Child was unable to have children. It's not that her and her husband didn't want them or was content with their life without them. She just wasn't able to, meanwhile her sister was popping out babies left and right. (They even do a scene where she receives a letter about her sister's pending pregnancy and she got upset and her husband comforted her. She was happy for her sister, but there was still that sense of loss in the scene) So her cookbook became her child
Glad someone else caught this. Seemed like a real misstep to include her in the child free list when she clearly suffered unexplained infertility.
I knew since I was a teenager that I never wanted kids and always got told "you will change your mind", "you will deeply regret it", "you will die alone", "you will never know what true love is unless you have a child of your own". Just stfu and mind your own business. My wife and I have been married for over 20 years and we both have zero regrets about not having children. We don't need children in order to fulfill our lives. There is so much more to life than just having kids, also I don't want to bring a child into a chaotic world nor do I want to pass on bad genes. Not everyone has the desire to be a parent and people should not be guilted or shamed for not wanting kids. It's funny how people act as if it's against the law to not want children or not like children. I personally don't feel that sense of joy or happiness when I'm around kids. I prefer animals over children.
2012
It’s ok to not like children as well. Any reason to not have a baby is a good reason
Thank you! When I was younger I would give reasons along with a lot of hand wringing as to why I didn't want them and people would say that's not a good enough reason. But really, any reason is good enough. If you don't want them you should not have them
Fact. Ppl have told me it would be different if they were mine but is that really a good chance to take? I don’t think I’m rolling those dice. 😂
I am financially stable, in a loving marriage and I’m blessed to stay at home with my two children. Both kids were planned and I love kids in general. However, it is a huge life change and can be so hard some days. I commend these women for making a choice not to bring children in the world just because of societal pressure. It is not for everyone.
It's not that hard. If you want kids, great. If you don't, also great. Just don't waste your life living how other people think you should.
You hit the nail right on the head.
exactly
One of the first conversations I had with my husband before we got married was about children. He told me he'd always known that he didn't want kids. It was a sigh of relief as I'd always known that I didn't want to be a mother. I work in preschool and we have 6 wonderful niblings. We're both content with our choice x
I’m surprised Robin from How I Met Your Mother wasn’t included in this. I don’t particularly love her character but her not wanting to have kids was something that show did address (though not without it’s issues).
Yes it was a sad plot line :(
If childfree women are so difficult and bad then why can't people just leave us alone instead of prying on every aspect of our lives. Especially the aspects we get to do because we don't have kids.
Yeah why are they so obsessed with us?
@@missinterpretation4984 because misery loves company, that's why.
Julie and Julia is a bad example. Julia breaks down in tears when she gets the letter announcing her sister's (?) pregnancy. They just don't make it into a big issue that she couldn't have kids but that moment made it very much seem not happily by choice.
What bothers me is that most women say that they are focused on their career and that is why they don't have children. In my mind, you don't have to prove that you are focused on anything. The only reason not to have kids is that you do not want them. No need to prove it with a banging career or a wonderful relationship or something.
As a surgeon, I literally can't have a child because I do frequent night shifts. There will be no one to be with the potential child at night. So for me, my career is the only reason I'm childfree.
As a child free woman, why is it peoples business? I have never understood why people care so much. I don’t care when people have them.
Nobody cares , the comment sections is the only place where people do.
THANK YOU for this video and to raise awareness to this topic. It was hard enough for me to accept I am being different from my family and friends in that I have zero desire to have a baby. There are many other passions in life that make me so much happier than just the thought of being a mum. But at the same time dealing with stupid assumptions makes it even harder. I'm a teacher which means I help parents raise their kids and I wouldn't be so good at my job if I had my own kids. At the same time I have enough time for selfcare and my passions like art, reading, dance, travel and learning new things which all together makes me feel complete and happy and I'm not scared at all of feeling "empty" when I get older.
I tried for several years to have kids. Unfortunately they t didn’t happen so I decided to embrace my child free life and couldn’t be happier.
I have adhd. Not only am in mentally suffering everyday, theres a high chance of passing that down. NOT ON MY WATCH!!!
People treat single and child free women less than like our lives aren't fulfilled because we don't have a partner or children. You tell them you're happy but they don't believe you.
Good times can handle childfree folks, but in bad times resources will be distributed to those with children. Then you'll find out who has the power, hard way.
@@mirianakovachevic748 That's true
@@mirianakovachevic748 everyone will get appropriate resources. Pple with kids will get more because more pple to feed
@@mirianakovachevic748 Oh cool a threat. Thoughts of scarce resources really makes me want to run out and have children 👍🏻 Get help.
@@mirianakovachevic748 that's not true if a famine or war happens the people with children and the children themselves suffer immensely with constant worry, fear and lack of resources, while the childless/ child free worry about themselves or have enough money by not having to spend on children all those years before the tragedy happened and therefore have enough to survive on their own resources. The stress alone kills more in those situations and people with families suffer extremely at a higher rate. Child trafficking increases in these hard times as well as cannibalism of children in a famine like the holomodor. Nothing kills your soul faster than not being able to provide food to your children because of famine. I suggest you to read history books.