Paris Paloma - labour [Official Video]
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- čas přidán 22. 03. 2023
- Pre-order "Cacophony" out 30th August:
parispaloma.ffm.to/cacophony
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Instagram: / parispaloma
TikTok: / parispalomaofficial
Lyrics (click/tap CC to see subtitles):
Why are you hanging on
So tight
To the rope that I’m hanging from
Off this island
This was an escape plan
Carefully timed it
So let me go
And dive into the waves below
Who tends the orchards?
Who fixes up the gables
Emotional torture
From the head of your high table
Who fetches the water
From the rocky mountain spring
And walk back down again
To feel your words and their sharp sting
And I’m getting fucking tired
The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
If our love died, would that be the worst thing?
For somebody I thought was my saviour
You sure make me do a whole lot of labour
The calloused skin on my hands is cracking
If our love ends, would that be a bad thing?
And the silence haunts our bed chamber
You make me do too much labour
Apologies from my tongue
Never yours
Busy lapping from flowing cup
And stabbing with your fork
I know you’re a smart man
And weaponise
The false incompetence
It’s dominance under guise
If we had a daughter
I’d watch and could not save her
The emotional torture
From the head of your high table
She’d do what you taught her
She’d meet the same cruel fate
So now I’ve gotta run
So I can undo this mistake
At least I’ve gotta try
The capillaries in my eyes are bursting
If our love died, would that be the worst thing?
For somebody I thought was my saviour
You sure make me do a whole lot of labour
The calloused skin on my hands is cracking
If our love ends, would that be a bad thing?
And the silence haunts our bed chamber
You make me do too much labour
All day, every day, therapist, mother, maid
Nymph then virgin, nurse then a servant
Just an appendage, live to attend him
So that he never lifts a finger
24/7 baby machine
So he can live out his picket fence dreams
It’s not an act of love if you make her
You make me do too much labour
Credits:
Director: Adam Othman
Producer: Giulia Lopes
Director of Photography: Theo Brinch
1st AC: Rafal Rakoczy
Gaffer: Will Jessel
BTS: Jamal Thomas
Art Director: Paris Paloma
Art Assistant: Morgan Bull
Actors
Paris Paloma
Henry Hayward
#parispaloma
The part about having a daughter and being afraid that she’ll meet the same fate is a true terror that keeps me up at night
yup....one of the reasons I don't want children
I don't wanna bring a child into this ugly world that will treat them unjustly and then turn around and blame them for not being able to keep up
I understand you. I have three daughters and I raise them so that they know how to claim their place in the world, but I will always want to raise a boy in feminism. They need to know that they're born with a privilege we don't have.
Couldn’t imagine because I was the oldest of 3 girls. Then had 2 boys. Stopped before we did have a girl
I totally understand
The sad part is I have a wonderfully fantastic and amazing man who takes care of me now but…. It took so long. Just to find someone who truly respects me. Been through so much abuse at the hands of men to get me to this point that I really don’t see any woman being able to completely escape the violence her whole life.
My grandma gave birth to 17 children, 10 survived WWII, she did all the work, was a wonderful chef, seperated from her husband, an abusive alcoholic who was busy with a prostitute literally whilst she was in labour giving birth. She was shunned by her society, called a whore because she left her husband. This, grandma, is for you ❤
Props to your grandma. Praise her strength.
It's crazy that you bear 17 children of a man and gets called a whore for leaving..
Times really changed huh?
We may have our problems but I think we should give ourselves a little bit of credit for how far we've gone.
u didnt write this song
and yet the society acts like it's women chasing marriage and men running away from it as if it's not men who benefit from it the most
@@davidmusic5883Duh
In india, there is this tradition of the wife/mother in the family eating last, they are not allowed to sit with the family and eat together. Instead they are often left with the leftovers of their own cooking while the men and children are served first and take away most of the food without consideration for the mother.
I am lucky to be born in a progressive family where this tradition has long since been abandoned. But it still persists in many many families, regardless of economic class.
I am from the north of Mexico Chihuahua, The traditional woman need to be serving the family food into the men and the children finish there food. making hot tortillas in the process. when you are like 8 years old you start helping the mother too. it is so interest see how cultures can be similar in view and traditions, I love India food !!!
There are so many similarities in mexican and indian culture in general life as well! Its truly astounding. We dont have any common history, our countries located on two sides of the world, opposite to each other meridian wise, and yet!! Lots of love to mexico from india!! ❤@@gisellmuniz7321
If I'm the one cooking the food, no one should be allowed to eat until I sit at the other head of the table. Periodt.
@@RachelDeRosier010894 exactly how it should be.
😢❤
“For someone who I thought was my savior, you sure make me do a whole lot of labour.” Hits hard when your with somebody who promised to take you out of your misery but ends up traumatizing you just as the same or even worse.
much love and healing!!!
its just trading one jail for another.
I know exactly what you mean. Wishing you freedom, I'll have mine soon❤
@@DarthFurie thanks and Dw you will just hold on ❤️❤️
It hits home very hard for me too. All my life I've just traded one horrific situation for another, it seems. Wishing freedom and peace to everyone in the comments - I hope I will get mine soon.
“It’s not an act of love if you make her” sends chills down my spine 😭
Literally, so many misogynistic men justify giving women all the domestic chores bc it's a "love language". And men's only love language is somehow always physical touch, never service
@@van_ol1056 the love languages thing was invented by an Evangelical pastor
And yet they never touch you to control you
Touch is about platonic and no sexual affectionate touch. And usually you naturally DO the love language you prefer. So my husband appreciates acts of service (when I cook for us) and he cleans a lot, does his own laundry, does the dishes etc. He also is quick to give praise and is receptive to words of affirmation. I enjoy quality time and touch, so he knows I want conversation and like hugs and massages. We do all the love languages tho. It’s just we know what to ask for clearly of each other.
@@SummerSun-sg3wf?
“I know you’re a smart man, and weaponize false incompetence. It’s dominance under a guise” THAT FUCKING LINE AND THE SUBSEQUENT LINES HIT HARD. This whole song is so beautiful and heartbreaking yet at the end so strong
This is the first time I've heard of weaponized incompetence in a song and I'm here for it.
@@RiverCrystal same, the first time I heard it I felt my brain physically click. There’s finally a phrase for what I’ve been trying to articulate, AND it’s part of a beautiful song???
I think of myself as a well read, self aware feminist. And this song just made me realized how much I give to men and how I never even saw it! I never saw it because I was conditioned to give men so much of myself. I was groomed to it before I knew how to speak, and know I'm not the only one. It's so sad.
It was a brilliant line. I've started calling out weaponized incompetence from people in my life. I ask them if they are genuinely dumb and can't do it, or if they are playing dumb to make you do it. They go silent real quick and that silence speaks volumes.
What does it mean by it ? English is not my first language
The fact that the pomegranate is the symbol of Persephone is symbolic. The way she rips it apart. She was trapped in this marriage and now she's destroying it.
Edit: 3.9k likes? Are you kidding me? Thanks!
Pomegranates were also the "forbidden fruit" in the garden of eden, not apples.
@@SnazzyArcade Oh dang really?! Cool!
@@not-so-obvious_autism777 Yeah pomegranates are indigenous to the middle east, while apples are from central/east asia.
Hades also loves Pomegranate thats is go to fruit with him.
@@SnazzyArcade No one really knows that cause that story isn't straight forward with that.
Me: unmarried, child free and financially stable. Relating so hard to this song for some reason and glad to my fore-mothers for giving me a chance to escape the drudgery.
we broke the wheel, our mothers and us.
Happiness in slavery then?
Yeah. If the sufragettes hadnt been so loud and extreme for their time we probably wouldnt have halve the freedom we have now.
@@aubreyaubrey5193No. Thats why womens-liberation was such an Important thing.
@@aubreyaubrey5193 what feels like slavery for you may not feel that way for someone else. I'm a housewife and I love it but I totally understand why people wouldn't choose it. Everyone should have a right to choose how they spend their life.
I absolutely love the symbolism in her choosing to eat a pomegranate. Pomegranates are used in so many ways in different religions and myths, but in every single one it is a symbol of womanhood, rebirth, or something of the sort. It’s such a powerful choice to use that as she eats in rebellion.
The immediate thing that came to my mind was Persephone who was a captive of Hades, she is usually represented by pomegranates
yaaa also fertility i think ive heard
I like to think of it as her casting herself into hell to escape him! The pomegranate in Greek mythology is what kept Persephone from her mother in the underworld!
Persephone and Hades vibes
@@Ashni1 interesting. In many other languages, it is literally called a "grenade apple", plus "pomme" in french means just apple...
this truly is a love letter to all the hundreds of millions of women who have lived and died, nameless and faceless and unappreciated, terrified and violated and unfulfilled, lonely and clever and murdered. we see you. we're sorry.
Well said 👏👏
Louder for the back row!
😢
This made me tear up
LOUDER for those in the back 🎉
Maybe It's strange, but as a man I can relate with this song. Actualy its my favorite. Always reminds me to my mother, who raised me alone, and my father who left us for a new family. My mother is a fucking hero.
Mom! This song for you. 🥰
😊❤I also dedicated it to my mother
I'm glad you are thankful for your mother's sacrifices and that she was a supportive parents to you. I met many men unfortunately who resented their single mothers because of the lack of male role model. not all parents are perfect but I think single mothers have it way harder than single fathers.
❤ yes to loving and strong mothers
You are a wonderful person 💞💞
❤
The "For somebody I thought was my saviour" rings very true to me - a lot of troubled young women think they have found someone to save them but in fact its just another abuser.
This is what I'm paranoid about. Who's to say the next partner isn't the same? Are we running from one prison into the cage of another? What if we don't really know who they are until it's too late?
@@wompusslompus5424I just left a physically abusive relationship and this exact thought crossed my mind. I guess the best choice is to never let anyone put us there in the first place. Never give someone an inch. It hurts, for ourselves and for the people we meet moving forward but walls are required for a stable building. Always have a go bag, never have a combined bank account, pick up a hobby around self defense or a weapon, (archery, HEMA, etc.) and live like minimalist. Makes packing much easier to leave.
@@wompusslompus5424I was abused as age 15 by my adult neighbor who was 35, I escaped at 18 only to get wrapped up another abusive relationship when I was 19. I left him at age 21 and a year later I met my current boyfriend. I can just tell he wouldn’t lay a finger on me. You can tell by their actions, if they are rude or mean to other people, then they will be to you eventually. If they are aggressive towards others often, they will be aggressive to you. My current boyfriend insulted me once during a fight, he saw how much that hurt me and never did it again. A good person will know right from wrong and choose right, while someone with deep issues will choose the wrong choice often. I guess what I’m saying is, you get this gut feeling, especially if you’ve been in a bad relationship before. If you haven’t, still listen to your gut, if they make you feel bad, worthless or even not good enough, they will continue to do that because they are a broken person, you are not the issue, they are. If your boyfriend hurts your feelings or makes your uncomfortable, be VOCAL about how he made you feel, if he is a good healthy minded person he won’t do it again, if he fights or continues to do it, he will never change and it’ll only get worse
‼️‼️
The symbolism of her lighting her candle and watching it burn down while his is unlit and barely touched is perfect
I was just about to comment on that, its really such a cool detail!!
Add in that al the ones in his view are perfectly fine, while hers are starting to burn out? The one symbolizing her burns out entirely, the one representing him is never lit. But the surrounding candles, symbolizing work and effort?
His are half tall, still easily burning. Hers are almost at their ends - she is completely burnt out in herself and from the excess work that she does for him, while he doesn't need to exert himself in nearly the same fashion.
It's a smaller detail, but a really nice one.
oh my god, wow. this made me think so much.
Her candle seems to symbolize patience. Her fuse must get lit every mealtime. Even if he isn't there and away at work. She toils over everything and so it has been eroded to the point of an escape plan.
Like she loved and unloved, but he never learnt to love. Idk.
I don't usually comment but no one is talking about the plates.
The song is literally about her being trapped in a loveless marriage and forced to be nothing but a tool for him, all the while he's eating off of a Blue Willow. The pattern on that dish is supposed to tell the story of a true love that was denied by the bride's father and ended in the couple becoming birds so they could be together. Her plate is a Blue Onion, based on a Chinese design that featured an Aster and a pomegranate. Asters represent many things in different cultures, but most notably love, faith and purity. Pomegranates in China represent fertility and a blessed future among other things. They are literally eating off dishes that show what their marriage should have been. Love, devotion and happiness but that's not what it ended up being.
It's such a subtle detail and I love it.
(also, although the design didn't originally feature an onion, I think it should also be noted that the word onion comes from the Latin word unio which, if I remember correctly, means unity or to unite.
Such a cool detail, thanks for explaining
There's such a long long history of women's secret languages used to communicate when they were cut off, isolated, and abused by the patriarchal societies they had to survive under. Flowers and Fans in England were well known, but even using the plate settings in this music video is amazing. I would never have put it together without you pointing it out and I am so grateful that you did! Nushu is another women's language that comes to mind and has such a rich history. I feel like there is a huge movement growing within the universal sisterhood of women on this planet, where we are starting to give voice to the long legacy of warnings our mothers and grandmothers were forced to whisper or desperately symbolize without hope of escape. We live in a world where we can finally speak these things out loud, and join together in the fight to fix them.
Learned something new. Though, this isn't the case just for loveless marriages, even men who genuinely love their wives too often sit back and expect to be served. I'm so tired of everything.
This is amazing I couldn’t even see the design, good catch. And thanks for explaining!
@@NTLN-NThat's not really love if he's sitting back and expecting her to serve him.
After having our first child, always having to cook, clean, take care of the baby, expected to get up through every night and the morning, and not having time to properly take care of myself, I was hanging on by a thread thinking that I was supposed to do all of this.. all the while my husband sleeps in, goes golfing every Saturday (all day), barely helped after he got home from work and complained every time I asked for more help. THIS SONG got me angry in the best way. I put my foot down. This song is so powerful. Every time I listen to it I get chills
My sister’s boyfriend leaves to go out of state for car racing and I ask her… do you ever have a few HOURS (not even days) to yourself without your toddler? No.
I’m open to having kids, but I’m making it clear with my husband he must be 100% co-parenting. The golfing all day Saturday thing NO. I believe my husband will do well tho bc he took the lead on my cat’s hospice care at 20 years old. He took very good care of her even when it was challenging.
Oh heck no, good on you for putting your foot down!!
Read the new book out & made the nyt bestseller list: "This American Ex-Wife." She had to divorce her husband to get him to take responsibility at last. Good luck to you. You DO deserve to live your best life on YOUR own terms for what you'll do with your life, time, energy 💓
@@dubaiedge yes I wanted to recommend that book too! lots of women in the comments might find it useful/relatable
It’s been horrible for me after having my first child. what the society in general and my husband in particular had prepared for me I had no idea. For some reason I was responsible for EVERYTHING related to my child, the house, the family economy, and a long etc. I feel betrayed because I went into it thinking that it was going to be 50/50. What a lie! What a trap!
I like it when he laughs at first when she crams the pomegranate in her mouth, before losing his smile immediately when he realizes she's serious. 'Humor my silly wife, let her have fun, while she tries to make something of herself, but the second she actually starts to slips from my control...'
Yessss that's one of my favorite scenes. He captures so much verbal aggression there without saying a word, including an earlier scene where he's eating while staring her down as if to challenge her to say something, to "forget her place" so he can remind her of it... and then she tears into that pomegranate indicating "challenge accepted".
It's both astonishing and alarming how well Henry Hayward captured this type of toxic behavior from his subtle expressions to his overt disdain towards her resentment and ultimate rejection of the roles she's been fulfilling for him. Enough is enough.
I love that we don't see her face at the start, like how many women have lived and continue to live as faceless, nameless entities, whose work is never acknowledged as theirs - I love this song for so beautifully expressing both power and grief
i was thinking this too!!
We don't see the guy's face either, are you psycho?
Idk why this reminded me of Rosalind Franklin...
Loxist subversion
Kalergi plan
Minimum replacement birth rate: 2.1
Israel birth rate: 3.00
EU birth rate: 1.53
Canada birth rate: 1.47
USA birth rate: 1.70
Australia birth rate: 1.66
Russia birth rate: 1.50
Ukraine birth rate: 1.23
Moldova: 1.28
Belarus: 1.38
Serbia: 1.48
Bulgaria: 1.56
Romania: 1.60
Albania: 1.58
It reminds me of a line from “Whatever you want” by Vienna Teng - “she’s just a dress wearing a face in the doorway.”
this is absolutely a love letter to women throughout history. as historian rosalind miles points out: part of the reason men were at the forefront of so much innovation throughout history isn’t just because of lack of education for women, but because they were free to do more with their time as women were carrying most domestic and emotional labour in the home.
So true. Do not forget that men stole work from women constantly throughout time and wives to "great" men stood in their shadow, just look up Mileva Einstein-Maric who was married to Albert Einstein. Any woman who managed to make a name for themselves had to work 10 times as hard as any man.
Women worked the fields too. And held other kinds of low paying jobs. In addition to all the domestic labor. And yes, no education and weren't allowed to be members of scientific clubs or political organizations. Were humiliated for even speaking up in the presence of men. And then men say "but we created everything". Bruh. If yall's egos weren't so fragile and you didn't hold women back, humanity would already be happily living all over the solar system.
EXACTLY! THANK YOU!
Who cooked Adam smiths dinner 📖
@@michelletierney3319 His mom. he wrote his book while living in his mom's house
This song is the epitome of female rage. I had a marriage that was identical to this song. It feels amazing to be validated. I feel so related to so many women from all over the world just because of this song. Sending my love to all the girls and women in the comments. You are amazing and you deserve better! Don't let the men convince you otherwise!
❤❤❤👏🏻👏🏻👏🏻
Thank you. As a young girl, I always welcome advice from older women
💓
I watched my mother lose decades of her life to this dynamic, after she got divorced she's like a completely different person for the better. I'll never fall into the same trap.
@@CherishedFox-mc9hs I hope she makes the right choice for herself as well my dad has a new wife and while I don't have contact with her anymore (she's a whole different issue) I watched her seriously decline in physical and mental health after just 2 years of being married to him. These toxic marriages are serious life shorteners
For me, It is the opposite, The moment my Dad lifted his finger, She left and she never looked back. She defied societal standards and has been single my whole lifetime, I learnt from her true commitment lies not in conformity. I am so proud of her❤
The feeling I get from this song is so ancient and so deep, I feel like all the rage from thousands of years of oppression to the women of all history is united into this song and it's incredibly powerful
This comment!! I don’t personally relate but I’m sitting here soaked in tears from just thousands of years of female rage. 💔❤️
@@jade3855 Truly same.
exactly what I felt too, well put
Me too, I'm actually in opposite situation as my husband is doing most of the the labor (except emotional) as I'm chronically ill and unemployed.
(and we had ~equal share before I started having health issues)
But historical and contemporary examples are so heartbreaking, PLUS, all the future daughters (and sons) that are internalizing that as normal, I'm envisioning
and this song is bringing all the emotions up...
😢
@@spoonky7243 girls, this dum dumb dude is trying to make a scene in the comments, dont give him attention.
What struck me about this song is that EVERY woman knows of another woman being treated like this or has gone through it herself. No sister is untouched. And there's a deep, deep fury about that. Even if not personally, throughout history, women know.
Tbh, I don't know a woman who hasn't been through some kind of deep trauma with men.
Hating men is pretty easy
Treated like what exactly? Doing housechores while the men provide and pay for you? Lol.
@@salaahkhayr2398 the more of your comments I read, the more I believe that your IQ is double digits. I feel sorry for your poor mother.
@@salaahkhayr2398doing a majority of the housechores while also working a full time job and doing a majority of the childcare and emotional labor that comes with having children. Being exhausted from waking up in the middle of the night to feed a child two people created and being told they're being bitchy that following evening. Being expected to cook after coming home from a full shift of work and maid. And being told to be grateful because the man in the relationship brings home money.
@@salaahkhayr2398 this me bad vibes 🙄
*edit*
Your comment gave me bad vibes 🙄
Here in Brazil, there is a general test, like an entrance exam, to enter any university. The writing is what weighs the most, and this year it was: 'the invisibility of the care work carried out by women', and I mentioned this song.
Wow 👏👏 I was glad when I heard this was theme, it’s a topic that needs to be discussed in our country.
For ENEM I mentioned the film "Que horas ela volta?" which tells the story of a mother who needs to work as a maid to give her daughter a dignified life. I recommend watching.
I bet you nailed it, I hope you go on to great things and lead your life by your own terms.
A reminder to people like me, this song is not only for lovers. It is a father, a brother or a son. It is my father and I am a tired child.
the rage that builds up through the song is devastating but so beautiful. this song invokes so many emotions. the line about the daughter breaks my heart and Im not even a mom
The message behind this song is exactly why I refuse to have kids. It doesn’t matter how well I teach my son not to be incompetent, or teach my daughter not to be meek and domestic, society expects them to be that way, and kids don’t deserve to suffer through that. I’m ending my generational trauma right here.
I Only wish it was angrier
@@shellygirl999 🤪💀😂
@@fakename658 It needs a rock / metal remix/cover of it. @SkyDxddy needs to do a cover. It would be perfect.
same and motivates me to break the cycle if i ever decide to have kids
Watch how he looks amused as she starts eating before looking angry. He feels like she's a joke before she keeps going, she proves to him she's serious. gods i love this song
Righttt
Yup I wonder if they will find us amusing when we all fight back 😡
I personally think he looks more uncomfortable? Like he doesn't understand what she is doing and why and actually physically doesn't look at her (looking down, hiding behind his hands). He looks up after a while and is also shocked she is gone.
@@kittypanda10 try and "fight back"
I’m not a woman. But dear god, I have the utmost and unending respect for all the women that had to suffer through situations such as this. It’s insane what women have had to go through, and I’d be an idiot if I didn’t recognize that. Women deserve respect and you’re either willfully ignorant or immature if you disagree.
I am so grateful for all of the women in my family, alive or not, for all of the work and effort they put into the family.
thank u
You are a rarity. Please pass on your mindset to other men! And maybe mentor some boys too. Many of the men who are like the ones this song is talking about only listen to other men, so we women need men like you to help take a stand with us.
You can help them by not looking away from male friends and family who hurt and abuse us xxx
Thank you ❤
Bro you should be a philosopher! I agree though.
Im an avid history enthusiast. This song perfectly encapsulates the horrors and cycles experienced by woman throught human history. The part where you can hear the children chant with her showcases rhe repeation of it all. Women STILL face just about the same issues like this even now! This song is literally representing every woman who has faced this kind of abuse. From year one, to now. Every woman in history, this is their anthem.
Just because that was your experience doesn’t mean it’s someone else’s not all men treat women like that
@matthewbates9629 NO where in my comment did I mention "all men" neither did I mention men at all. I was just merely talking about how this song not only applies to women of today, but women thought history.This song isn't about men. It's about empowering women. It's a song about the abuse suffered by women in abusive or toxic relationships. Again, not about men, but women.
@matthewbates9629 legit had a stroke reading this. Do you know what punctuation is? Anyway, all your points don't make sense- yes women and men have differences but what in the he'll does that have to do with this song or my comment?
@@matthewbates9629found the “not all men” guy. 🙄😒
@@matthewbates9629 Why do you all have to be so defensive, lmao. You can't see anything without making it about you? Grow up.
"24/7 baby machine" hits hard. I'm a 19 year old Congolese girl who has a large extended family where people tend to marry young and start their family young too. Since I hit 18, most talks about my future have been about motherhood and child-bearing. I took a gap year and got into a good university that I worked hard last year to get into, yet I got hardly any congratulations or tips for how to survive uni. At least, it's very minimal compared to the motherhood tips. I'm tired of being viewed as a baby machine lmfao
Everyone expects me to get married and have children someday even tho I definitely do not want to. It sounds pretty horrible to me. I’m going to prove them wrong and stay unmarried with no children. It’s so tiring that I’m expected to be a mother before I even hit 18.
Congratulations on getting into school!! 🎉🎉🎉❤
@@paintmyheartout90 Thank you! 💚
I'm so sorry that you have to go through that. I'm German, and here it's frowned upon to have children before you're 20. It's crazy how different views can be in different cultures. However, we still have pressure on women to have children, but depending on the region and other stuff it just starts in a woman's 20s or 30s.
In any way, congrats for getting into the university, and good luck and a lot of strength for your future studies🙏 Words from random strangers aren't as impactful as words from people close to you, but until they start giving you the compliments you deserve, I hope this can act as a small substitute😊
@@solar0wind thank you! i appreciate it
The fact the marriage candle beside him has NEVER been lit and her's has burnt down. Every little detail is feminine perfection.
What's a marriage candle? I missed the symbolism on that one
@@bubbleslotp2561 i think it represents love, he never really loved her, and with time and abuse her love dies/fades.
@@gessicakaylanedasilva6932 ah, that makes sense
God I didn’t even notice that
Are marriage candles a part of a certain culture? I don't think we have/had them in German culture, but maybe I'm just too uneducated😅
"It's not an act of love if you make her."
Fucking hits home.
This song hits me so hard. My ex was exactly like this. Expected me to wait on him hand and foot and said that we WERE going to have children and adoption and surrogacy were not options, despite knowing I never want children. I was just an incubator to him. Just one month after I left him, I had my tubes taken out so no man can EVER try to take that decision from me again. Best choice I've ever made.
“So he never lifts a finger” can have two meanings. One, he never does work. Two, so he doesn’t hit.
No, here it seems to have only one meaning, in context of the song-it’s called ‘labour’ and he ‘never lifts a finger’ to help. Period.
@@AutumnRose.. nope. Words have meaning. And context.
The first one for sure
or three, so he never points a finger and accuses, aka emotional labour
I didn't make that connection before I read your comment, thank you for the insight
The pomegranate symbolism is powerful. This fruit represent fertility, marriage and desire but it can also represent death and feminine independence.
Yes! I see it as her eating her own six seeds. She’s committing to herself which is how she can disappear. She’s committed to her world. English teachers are gonna have a time with this! Haha
@@ashleyspeirs1100oh for sure. " what is the symbolism behind the fruit? How was used it and what can you tell the artist is trying to convey. Write your response in 700-1000 words paper. Must use citations, MLA or APA 7th only." 😂
I think it’s also a representation of Persephone and Hades, the Greek story. Persephone was forced to go down to the underworld. She was kidnapped by Hades. She performed a hunger strike to protest the kidnapping, but she found some pomegranate seeds and she was so hungry she ate them - In the video, Paris is very hungry and eats them quickly. That’s how Persephone ate the pomegranate seeds - and she ate about 4 to 6 so I think it’s a representation of being unknowingly forced to be there. It’s like your stuck in “Hades” (The Greek name for Hell).
I also love the line:
“It’s not an act of love, if you make her.”
I think people often overlook the fact that you can be raped by your partner (gender neutral on purpose). In the song “Leave Luanne”, Luanne - a married woman - gets raped by her husband. Being married doesn’t mean that all s3x with your partner is 100 percent consensual.
Also thought to actually be the forbidden fruit from 'the garden of eden' instead of the apple.
@@amvpersonThere's another version of the Persephone and Hades story where Hades literally forces the seeds down her throat which would fit the theme of this song better imo. Also you left out the part that in greek mythology if you eat anything in the underworld it means you have to stay there, so that was why she had to be there for the half of every year even after being saved.
"Someone who I thought was my saviour." So many young girls would marry to get away from their parents, only to realise it was out of the frying pan and into the fire...
This song always makes me think about my grandmother who gave up her dream of being an architect because that "wasn't a job women did".
I love the line ‘it’s not an act of love if you make her’ referring to marital/relationship sexual assault blending perfectly into her complaint of being forced to do and be too many things. It’s subtle but important
It’s truly horrifying that so many people believe rape can’t happen in a marriage. That is a disgusting view to have and is entirely untrue. Consent is always needed, regardless of relationship
I hope and pray that all of us women never experience this kind of pain. ❤️🩹
@@kadenceblack8927 its disgusting how brain washed we all are. i remember onw time I was sexually assaulted by my boss and girls were telling me not to tell his wife or blaming me. Saying the wife wont believe me anyway or ill just cause the child to grow up with a single parent. wtf? he gave me a raise suddenly the next day but i left. gross
I mean it sucks that happened but what do you expect and if you told the higher ups they would make you sign an affidavit legally binding you to not say anything leaving was the best choice you made in my opinion
And now that you wrote this it makes sense even more 😢
"It's not an act of love if you make her."
Sex, pregnancy, being a stay-at-home parent, housework, being submissive, and so much more that can apply for that lyric - things and acts that come naturally to many people and/or are done willingly by many and can result from love, that turn into a freaking nightmare when it's imposed on people.
"People". There's only one type of person this is imposed on. It's women.
It can also apply to forcing a woman to have a career when she wants to be a stay at home mom. Forcing a woman to do anything, but don’t down play societies new hatred of stay at home mothers 🙄
@@LilFrg
Don't turn my comment into a debate by making a skewed and straight-up intentionally wrong reading of the lyric. "It's not an act of love if you make her" - where is the act of love (and towards whom?) in a woman choosing her career as opposed to becoming a homemaker? That's the whole premise of my comment - that doing all those things can be acts of love IF they are not imposed to begin with. I think I was quite clear in my comment.
@@LilFrg domestic labour by women is supremely undervalued for sure. The desire to stay at home with little education and pop out kids doesn't exist in a vacuum tho. You gotta look at how many of these women are raised with strict, traditional misogynistic values that tie their worth to reproduction, how much their education has been limited, and also just the world around them that actually does value women staying in the home at large. Some feminists critiquing the pitfalls of being a stay at home mother - aka the lack of finacial independence should their husband leave/die/get sick/abuse them and also the detriment to little girls being raised with the same misogynistic expectations to follow their mother, as well as the damage to the environment of popping out a bunch of kids, doesn't mean stay at home mothers are societally hated. Look at home many countries in the world do not allow women comprehensive control of when/if they get pregnant. How many deny access to employment or full independence without marriage to a man. How many allow child bride marriage (this includes the USA btw). Society doesn't hate stay at home mums. It hates WOMEN. Whatever role we occupy is unequal and unfair because of this.
@@LilFrg did they say it couldn't? Oh wait.. They didn't you're just creating an argument because you're bored
Knowing this generation of girls will be raised up on this song, taught to save themselves instead of looking for a savior, helps to heal my heart with every replay.
I think it is also significant how the term labour can also refer to how women have been looked at from a "child bearing machine" perspective. Specially the fact that the song not only talks about how there is a "silence in the bed chamber" but also how "its not an act of love of you make her" referring to sex without consent or warmth of emotional intimacy. Marital rape has always been trivialised and sadly it's no different even now.
That’s a great interpretation, I didn’t think of that!
In my culture, traditionally men are the ones who eat first even though the women in the family are the ones who slaved away at the kitchen to prepare the food for everyone. The way that she has to wait for the guy to eat first reminds me of that. It is also symbolic of how even though women are the ones working so hard, the fruits of labor like say, opportunities are grabbed by men first while women always have barriers stopping them. Women always get the left over. Such a powerful depiction.
@@jooniesbonsai4064 i'm not from India but I understand what you mean
Men haven’t been out hunting for a very long time and don’t need to be served first for any reason unless their arms are broken!
Which country are you from?
What culture is that
In my country there is a saying that the cooker would eat the smoke( the one it's produced during the cooking process). Generally in the past that was the rule first person that was eating was a husband, then children and last things that were left were left for mother
This song just epitomises how women's roles are consistently delegitimised. Even the stereotypical housewife is not seen as real 'labour'. Cooking, cleaning, managing the home, taking care of the children is a job. Just because it's not paid, it's seen as somehow 'worth less'. Stunning.
But who does stigmatise it? It's not men, it's feminists. They shit on women who are haply to be housewives because how dare they to live happily under a man?! During that conservative men don't expect their wives to work a job and at home because everyone has their assigned roles. Want to quit that? That's cool but many are happy with that as long as they got the choice
@@hassanalkhalaf1115 "Under a man" is a telling choice of words and sounds miserable by any metric. The women I know were/are housewives and mothers see it as more of a partnership if he's earning.
@@lw9515 these aren't my words. It's used by (extreme) feminists to shit on housewives and mothers
@@hassanalkhalaf1115 I think most people argue that because its a risk. If I had a daughter, I would want her to ensure she still had work history, experience and references to fall back on if her marriage didn't work out. And that she wasn't financially dependent etc.
@@lw9515 that's a valid point.
This song makes me think of my grandmother in India who was a very strong woman with a high level career - the first woman in her area to ride a motorcycle as well. Through the curse that is arranged marriage she was married off to a man who was jealous of her career position and would do everything he could to put her down and save his fragile ego. She only experienced the full brunt of it after she retired and is now suffering from dementia and haunted by memories of the past, all because she would be shun by society and her own family if she divorced him. Her condition is pathetic and it hurts to see such a fall from a high level career woman to a poor old lady suffering from dementia and depression, still stuck with him until the day she dies. My sisters from all over the world, marriage is NOT the most important thing for a woman in her life. Focus on yourself, your passions, your career, and do NOT let society and family tell you what to do with YOUR life. If you do that, you will be the one suffering in the end.
Edit: I freaking love how this comment section is like a big, free therapy session/support group for girls and women all over the world. It’s so wholesome and the definition of sisterhood!
👩 ❤️👩🏼🦳 ❤️🧕🏽 ❤️👩🏾 ❤️👵🏾
❤❤❤
Another Indian here! My own grandmother was an award winning sanskrit lecturer. One the most educated women in the family and was about to achieve great heights in germany before they forced her into a marriage. I still remember she told me about her parents slapping her to tell her that she was getting too old and needed to marry for the honour of the family, and the smile on her face when she told that story.
Me and my cousins and sisters will do anything to save each other from that fate now, and do our best to fly on our own wings.
You have one life and it belongs to no one but you. Do not let anyone steal that from you.
@@clearly_a_human I am so sorry, your grandmother went through this 🫂
I don't know the options back than but as far as I know there are now adresses you can contact if you or any of your family members might be forced into a marriage in Germany. I hope your grandmother got lucky and had a good man, but it is so sad that being the most successful isn't bringing as much if any honor to a family as marrying someone 🤯🤬😭
Love greetings from a German ♥️
@@clearly_a_human My mother has a friend who is a Chemist and was nominated for the Nobel Prize. It’s funny, she was also in Germany recently! People back home are still harassing her family on why she hasn’t married yet. Direct quote: “Ah what’s the point of her getting Nobel Prize nomination and all? She’s still not married yet.” 😒 Luckily she said that she’s married to the Chemistry lab and now that she’s in her thirties people have started to leave her alone. When will people learn that women are also humans with aspirations???
@@NR-ou3hr Nominated for The Noble prize! Such an amazing achievement, so much larger than the marriage that they put importance on! I wonder how many such amazing and talented people we have lost to the curse of family expectations for something as ruining as matrimony. Glad to hear that your mothers friend stayed loyal to her passion and i hope that one day they'll leave me and my sisters alone too lol
i love the symbolism of the pomegranate, for those who don’t know, pomegranates are a symbol of the ancient greek deity persephone, she was tricked by hades using a pomegranate seed, forever tying her to him and the underworld. they were also adopted as a symbol of the virgin mary representing fertility and femininity. the ancient persians saw pomegranates as a symbol of love and sanctity. beautiful
It was also the symbol that Katherine of Aragon used on her coat of arms
@@erinlayke5452oh interesting! i wonder if it was a reference to the virgin mary? i love botanic symbolism, it’s fascinating, the things people think about when they see the world around them.
The pomegranate is a symbol of renewal and rebirth in some cultures. The fact that that's the food she reaches for as she rebels against her 'master', and devours it hungrily, tells such a powerful story of aggressive protest against oppressors.
The pomegranate is also an established symbol of womanhood- to the Greeks, Gauls, Roma, and in Judaism. It’s been called “the fruit of the womb”. It’s not just renewal/rebirth- she’s claiming her womanhood fully, wholly for herself.
Also, idk if this has any relevance to what she is saying, but in the greek myth, Persephone gets trapped in the underworld because she eats hades pomegranate. She has to stay with him during the winter which is why the trees lose their leaves. SO it could be her reclaiming her womanhood and eating the pomegranate in spite of the man.
Its also a very difficult fruit to eat and stay relatively clean even when trying. If you just say screw it and go to town it could be seen as a symbol of everything "unladylike" messy, ungraceful, even savage if you go about it right, but true womanhood can easily include all of these things. Even though we often hide them
Stephen King actually uses the pomegranate symbolism in his book Rose Madder.
Just adding that it's also theorized the fruit Eve eats in Eden is a pomegranate, not an apple. There's a lot of layers to that choice in the video.
I just noticed a very incredible little detail in the candle she lights for herself in the beginning. Throughout the song you can see it burning lower and lower, and by the end when she's disappeared, its at the bottom and the wick is the only one blown out. Both her and the candle were burnt out, and so she left. I love the attention to little things like this in music videos, makes the story all that much stronger and shows how much love was put into making it.
EDIT: I just noticed the man's candle is not only longer but is never lit. He's never having to burn himself out on any domestic labor whatsoever.
Also the pitch of her voice seems to follow this pattern as well, the high, timid childlike beginning slowly sliding into low, strong, mature end.
and can we also point out the fact that she ripped apart a pomegranate, and started eating exactly that fruit? the remind to Greek mythology and the myth of Persephone, trapped and tricked by Hades with 4 pomegranate seeds to stay with him in "Hell" for 4 months a year? what always represented oppression in symbolism now is the key to freedom
and also the fact that all she eats reminds of a blood-ish color might also represent the fact that she got so tired of hanging on that she quite literally eat her heart out, such a beautiful song and meaning also through images
@@irenequarena2064 curious enough, Hades was probably the best olympian husband by far
@@Gabi24492 very low standards in greek mythologies but their relationship was the definition of grooming and should not be glorified.
"On any labour whatsoever" Yes because men don't do any work do they. Smh
"24/7 Baby Machine" Hits hard for me. I have never really been fond of the idea of having children, due to mental disorders and health issues the thought of having kids is put to the bottom of my list. I understand that I am only 15 but since the age of 11 my mother has talked about my motherhood, and how I had "perfect baby carrying hips." She would always compare to it as well, "Just wait till you have kids and you have to cook every night" or "At least you aren't raisining six kids." I was 11 mom, I shouldn't know what that is like. I have been raising my siblings since i was 7. I have more mother instincts than she does. I'm so happy that my grandparents haven't put the same pressure everyone else has on me. Thank you, God, for my amazing grandparents!
I still can't believe in the 21st century, people still believe in this shit. Dw. U will get out of that toxic household and ur toxic mom.❤❤
I'm 23 and don't want children. I also have 2 handicaps
@@The_Great_Lionheart_2000 I’m so sorry that’s happened to you.
I also have mental and physical health problems combined with trauma as a child I don’t want to subject a child to that hence why I’m fine being fun aunt
❤️ even having a few people supporting you can make a difference. Them believing in you more than you believe in yourself, that's a blessing. Let's focus on the positive 🤍
On a lighter note, anybody who can get 'capillaries' into a song ought to get a special award! !
I love how he refuses to listen to her chanting in the end. But when he does, and that’s also when the chanting stops, she is gone. What a powerful double meaning. Not only does he finally start to pay her attention ones it’s over and not during her words, but also: it’s too late now.
rather reminds me of the "walkaway wife" syndrome - when women have asked and asked and begged and ultimately get ignored, then they're surprised when she leaves, like she did it with no warning.
@@kutter721 this almost happened to my husband and I, but he got the wake up call and has improved substantially. There's still work to do on his part, but he's making great strides and I had begged and begged and begged. But it did take me almost leaving for it to happen
@@kutter721 I warned him. And yes, he was surprised anyway.
There's a fairly well-known essay online by a divorced writer called "She left me because I left the dishes by the sink" or something very like that wherein the gist (kindly broken down for men by a man) is that it was NEVER about the dishes but his lack of consideration and sense of entitlement that destroyed the relationship. Should be eecommended reading before cohabitating with someone.
@@kutter721 I work in a court, including divorce cases, and indeed it's always the men who don't understand why she filed for a divorce. The weirdest case was when two elderly people had married. She wanted a divorce not long after because he treated her like a full on nurse and caregiver. He seemed unable to grasp the issue, said he still loved her, etc. Seemed like a romantic type, completely oblivious to the practical burden he was putting on his wife.
"Apologies from my tongue, and never yours." "If our love died would that be the worst thing? For somebody that I thought was my saviour, you sure make me do a whole lot of labour." I cried, these lyrics hurt so much. Thank you.
That line made me realize so much. I've had relationships with men of influence. I was drawn in under some idea that they would make my life easier and love me. But they almost always drain more from me then they give, and I do mean DRAIN. Looking back, if I had just given them the finger and invested that energy in myself then I would have been better off. Damn, the patriarchial PR system is so huge and insiidious.
😊😊
@@harvardpsychic8396 Patriarchy isn’t the problem, selfish and inconsiderate men are the problem. I’m currently learning to love myself and God because I put too much energy into selfish men in the past💯
It's all propaganda and ponting out the worst of possibilities to destroy the west and its traditionally rich culture. Now we see no culture and broken families due to propaganda like this filth. Could have make a better song for the human soul. Life requires work to survive 💪
@@aPeachWhoLovesYeshuaPatriarchy & men both are problem.
“So he never lifts a finger” as an African woman I need that line a bit louder sis
A man may work from sun to sun, but a woman's work is never done.
How is it never done?
@@Bell_plejdo568p basically they mean to say that motherhood and taking care of the house is work that is never truly complete
Can we just talk about how clever the line, “Nymph then a virgin” is like it just ties in the impossible standards that men have for women so perfectly. They are expected to have the bedroom experience of a nymph and be sexually arousing or seductive without ever actually having had sex before so they can still fulfil their sick fantasies of an untried virgin.
Like, its all just so frustrating and impossible
Really on point. Nothing really has changed since medieval times, but now we got also entitled polygamists and pornculture and many pick me's enabling this depravity, saying it'd be empowering..
Males want virgins but then pressure women to ha e sex with them and when the woman does, she's called easy and a slut. We women can't ever win. We are damned if we do and damned if we don't
Yup
@@antidote351 nothing wrong with porn n im a woman. U gotta find the ones geared for us women on our pleasure
@Radfem Tahlia i certainly hope when you mean all misogyny you mean *all* misogyny, which includes the misogyny that targets our trans sisters
The background vocals being children at the end enrages me and breaks my heart. This is a masterpiece. Every little detail is perfect
I didn’t even realize that my god
That's my favorite part😭😭
she has apparently said they aren't children, but it's still beautiful
I think it's young women, not kids
What even made you think that's children singing, its extremely clear it's not but the fact you "heard" children's voices worries me. Whatever it is, I hope you're taking care of it.
This song makes me cry, mainly at the "if we had a daughter" part as I feel I failed my daughter (a tween). Her father projected himself to be the type of man I would want, after I gave birth that changed. I worked till the day I gave birth, saved every penny to try to start my own (home) business after my daughter was born. He never helped at all. I asked him to watch her for 1 hour after work a day, so I could work on my business and it was too much for him, even after I went back to work. I can't even tell you how many charts I made of my time vs his time.
Then he put his hands around my neck for the first and only time and I left that night. I left the house I bought before I ever met him, and moved back with my dad. I let him live there rent free for months. I'm still battiling him to this day. He treats my daughter like shit calling her a "stupid girl" (from a self proclamied feminist) and shoves her against walls threating to hit her. I can't do anything legally till he does something to her. The courts even recently gave him 50/50 custody, something he didn't try for until he got married, to pass off to his new wife as he works from the time she gets off of school till after her bed time. Almost everytime I pick her up from his house she is crying.
My partner now is amazing, he's a great step dad, what I wish had been her father. He has been my partner for 10+ years and she loves him to death. I just wish I hadn't failed her, but they often trick you. He is emotionally torturing her as he does me now, and she is learning thats normal from him.
Don't know who you are but I'm Hella proud. My mother has a similar story and it was hell to go through. I'm glad you were brave and I admire your strength. Best of luck for the rest of your future ❤
Maybe your daughter could record him calling her names?
Please try to get some kind of evidence. Maybe text messages or a small camera on herself or her bag so it records abusive events. I also suggest to please send her to therapy or counselling. There could be free ones in learning centres. Women tend to choose people like their fathers later on after child abuse because it feels familiar and they don't even realize it at first. I hope your daughter doesn't go through that 😢
I feel like I should update. I have documented all of things mentioned in this post and more via email or written correspondence. Unfortunately, in my state, unless he is leaving marks, he's in the ok.... but things changed in that matter a couple of months ago. I have talked to my cousin who worked for CPS and have taken the best routes for our situation. Things are looking much better, and in a year will hopefully bet better. Sorry for being so vague, but I don't want to mess with anything right now. I appreciate all the replies made to me.
@yashny Thank you for your reply. I have had her in therapy for years and will continue to do so. I hope my husband helps with her influence on how men should treat women, though so far she has mainly had girlfriends. While I haven't told her the exact reasons why me and her father split I have always told her "I believe what you tell me cause he did similar to me" and try to give her advice.
We had a grown up family meeting recently, between my partner, ex and his wife, feel it's important his wife is from an evangelical religion (as is my mother), virgin until they married (which was something he told me back when we dated he wanted, which I'm far from) with little dating experience. I brought up his multiple times threatening her physically before he did, and she tried to act snotty towards me (they like to use my nuerodivergence against me, which also will help me in court as our kid is ND) and I was able to throw his own words to it.
Left a toxic relationship with a 43 year old man who groomed me since i was 17 after i had just gotten out of a break up and he took advantage of my vulnerable state. I never knew i was being groomed. Still hurts. But im free
Good for you, Merry Christmas! ✨🎅🏻🎄☃️✨
Good for you! I’m sure it’s got to be incredibly hard to go through! ❤️
I love how the song is introduced with this eloquent and poetic tongue and then right before the chorus she breaks out of it and goes "and I'm getting fucking tired."
The shift is so perfect, so spicy and beautiful.
It's just another aspect placed on women she is breaking away from - that swearing and speaking aggressively or speaking out in general is not seen as "lady-like."
This woman is an absolute genius.
🙌
Wow, such a nice observation ❤
English teachers having a feast on this song oml
@@FishieFishFosh my thoughts exactly lol
also at the end she breaks out of it too!! honestly it was kinda funny to hear at first because of all this amazing poetry and metaphors and stuff and then suddenly "24/7 baby machine" but it really makes sense if you analyze it. she seems so done at the end.
I love how this isn't about a physically abusive relationship but about how the labour demanded of women by patriarchs kills us.
And men don't do labour at all? They're all day up to work and get you the money for your house. Both do equal work yet men don't complain about it. Unless there isn't a physical abusive relationship no need to cry
@@tiana3416 okay how about you calm down a little bit? I'm pro feminism, which is why I enjoyed this song and the message. It's just so lazy and privileged to cry about having to do housework regardless of gender. I call men out who expect their wife to do everything as well. It's just normal once you set up who's going to be the stay at home parent that it's expected from this person to do labour at home while their partner does labour outside.
Also cut me that reversed "men don't cry" bullshit
@@hassanalkhalaf1115 it’s not equal work. There are many, many studies on how it’s not equal work. If it was equal work, it wouldn’t be so common to have men sitting enjoying themselves at every family gathering while the women are slaving in the kitchen. If it was equal work, my mother wouldn’t have to spend her whole Ramadan cooking while fasting to serve the iftar that the men expect, while they waltz in at the last minute after a whole day of doing nothing just to devour the fruits of a whole day’s labour in mere minutes without so much as a thank you. When you say things like that, you are disrespecting your mother.
@@hassanalkhalaf1115 Notice how no one agrees with you? Embarrassing.
@@hassanalkhalaf1115 awww sounds like you’ve never experienced what a woman goes thru 😂
I'm a single guy, so not your typical listener, but this song is a masterpiece on many levels.
Same.
And I am glad that even guys feel that this song is a masterpiece! ❤❤
Real, got recommended this on Spotify. The world play is nuts
same
Thanks gents ❤
I had a son 4 months ago. I was doing everything his other parent wasnt helping at all. I finally snapped and left. I couldnt do it. I took MY son and left. He will be raised in a house hold where he will know what needs to be done and how to do it. And so much more.
🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌🙌
I feel this in my bones, same (except he also finally put his hands around my neck), I'm 10 years post and a bit of unsolicited advice, get a good lawyer and document everything. Even if you feel you don't need to do it.
@@zebraskin Everything was documented. I have the first court date today.
@@summerschultz good! Wishing you luck!
When she grabbed the pomegranate to signify her enjoying the fruits of her own labour was just YASSSSSSS and pomegranates have long been a symbol of womanhood bc they represent periods. I LOVE THIS SO MUCH
And blood... it signifies blood
Plus in Greek Mythology pomegranates are seen as a fruit of fertility, hence their signifying of blood but more specifically menstration. Additionally, in other faiths pomegrantes are seen as a fruit of gods, so her eating it is a symbol of defiance, not unlike Eve in Abrahamic faiths.
@@chembabe8264 can't tell if you're adding to the original comment by saying the pomegranate also signifies blood or if you're making fun of it in an"it ain't that deep" way.
Please clarify so I may respond accordingly.
AND it's also present as the fruit that sentenced Persephone for life with Hades in the underworld, despite her protests I MEAN ITS SO BADASS
@@chembabe8264 boy have I got news for you about the connection between menstruation and blood
1:55 "if we had a daughter i'd watch and could not save her" this part brings tears to my eyes every time i listen
Same cried when first heared that line hit me hard😢
I am that daughter. I saved myself. But my mom still cried when I pointed it out in adulthood and she realized what growing up under my father's thumb was actually like.
@@wordwoman9900Sammmmmme. That part made me sob instantly soon as I heard it. So sad and cruel that it’s such a universal experience so many wives and daughters can relate to.
Actually they can save bit they choose not to! That's how times are changing. The more you support your daughter the more you are saving her from all of this.
This hit me hard too. I left. I wasn’t going to watch my daughter grow up thinking how I was being treated was anywhere near okay. That the example for her would to be bullied, beaten down, insulted, gaslit, manipulated, tricked and deceived while I worked my ass off to look after a man child. It wasn’t happening. I cut my losses for her sake and I thank god every day that I did.
Growing up I hated my mother, because she was always one small mistake away from a full-on rage she'd let out on me. Nowadays I start to understand why things were this way. She worked full-time, she took care of me, she cleaned the house every weekend and she cooked a warm meal for us every day. She was working 24/7 , of course she'd feel frustrated. And when my dad would come home from work, his work would be done for the day. I know my dad, and I know that if she'd asked for help he'd have refused.
I understand her a bit better now, even though none of that excuses letting your frustration out on the child. My fiancé and I know better now not to let things get this way.
Thank you for sharing your experience for making the invisible toll on children visible and for looking back with empathy and compassion. Your mom was constantly in survive mode and when in survive mode you are always one wave short of a shipwreck.
The way that, in the chorus, you can hear children singing as well shows that these roles are esstablished at a young age.
Women choir, no children...✌
@@realvikingqueen7967 My bad. My statement still stands that it's taught from a young age.
I don't know if it was an intentional artistic choice or just how it sounded best to her, but the fact she doesn't necessarily get loud throughout the song is interesting to me. You can hear the anger in her voice, yeah, but she doesn't YELL like I've seen some people want her to. The background voices get louder/cry out at one point, but the singer herself keeps her voice relatively level. Makes me think about how women's anger is meant to be quiet. Palatable. If a woman acts out or yells in anger, she's seen as hysterical, crazy, and over-reactive. She's supposed to keep it to herself, or at least keep it quiet enough that people can ignore it or brush it off. Even when she's digging into the food with her hands, she's still covering her mouth at times before seemingly not caring anymore. Her anger is controlled. She gets FIRM, but not loud, and I find I actually like that better than the idea of her going on a yelling rampage.
wow, I didn't realize that. you are absolutely right, perfect explanation. thanks for this comment.
Its like a post i read once going something like this:
Its between a human and a werewolf
Human: "How can you not be angry?"
Werewolf: "I am angry," the werewolf said. "But unlike you, I dont have the luxury of showing it without being called a monster. Without someone taking it as a sign of proof that i needed to be put down like a rabid dog"
H: "But everyone gets angry... Thats human."
W: "Up until the point when you're not human"
Its an amazing metaphor for anyone that is othered by society. When a woman is angry, shes called intolerant. When a dog bites, its called rabid.
No one asks why the woman was angry, or why the dog bit. Even though they had all the right to be angry, no one cares.
I was thinking of that too how women are expected to stay quieter even when angry or were called sensitive or hysterical. It also made me think of how when people suffer from things like what she talks about in her song and many other things that can cause exhaustion and depression a person can feel something like anger but be too exhausted to really express it or not be able to show it, and to me it sort of sounded like that too with the one tone of voice she uses through the song never changing volume
She goes against what is a common portrayal of female rage: a quiet, seething rage that is even more frightening than the loud one. Because when a woman is quiet, you know that she doesn’t have any ounce of care in her body anymore. Quiet women are the scariest, imo.
Beautiful take on it
This song unleashed something very scary and emotional inside me. It’s like suddenly I’m feeling all the grief, suffering and anger of every women since the dawn of time.
Exactly and it connects you to your female ancestors
i love this comment paired with your icon
@@jessicam.3438 LMAOOO thank u :))
This is how I felt, but I couldn't put it into words.
Literally, just wow.
This was my most listened to song on Spotify of 2023.
I am literally scared to go to your next song. 5 days, I heard you 5 days ago, I have engaged in 4 arguments with males in my family, warned my 3 unmarried young adult sons living with me that I am no longer silent. They are going to learn that patriarchal characteristics that are no longer allowed in this house and how their future spouses, male or female, will not be living with the weaponized incompetence I have been subjected to. My husband is now has been forced to listen to the song and hear the parallels of how it has trickled down to now. In my household, (at least) things are going to change or get nasty. I'm 61. Never to late to teach a lesson. Ms. Paloma, you have changed people. I just needed someone to shove it in my face. May I suggest updated lyrics more modern, hitting home to a new generation with the same hypnotic melody?. All I know is every time I see someone in the massage chair watching football while I clean, they should feel very, very uneasy.
In your next song, I am wary. What ghosts are you going to resurrect that need to be addressed? I am almost giddy with the possible power.
Exactly ❤
👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾👏🏾
bless u❤
beautifully written. i am so sorry ur going through this.
If you have three unmarried adult sons living with you who don't know how to do the basics to take care of themselves well... It was probably you who failed them right along with your husband - who you picked.
"So he never lifts a finger" has 3 meanings.
1.That he never does any work.
2.That he won't abuse her.
3.That he won't acuse her. (Pointing)
This is my favourite line from the song actually.
Astute. Yes.
That is an amazing insight! Love it❤
Abuse sounds more logical
@@whatever4350 all 3 ways can be interpreted
This song is like 1000 times better than I could’ve ever imagined. It really captures the feeling of being a woman during all History. It has such feminine rage that we can all feel it through the screen
Have you heard her song 'fruits' ? It is also a lot of femine rage combined with witch vibes
@@ilsedevries2529 I actually did. Thanks to TikTok I did a tour of all her music, and I’m utterly in love with “fruits”. But thank you anyway for the suggestion ☺️
I totally agree and I also want to point out to support your statement that when she's eating the pomegranate, it splatters and it stains her fingers and chin. It resembles blood and the eaten pomegranate bears a scary resemblance to organs. I think that part really exemplifies the female rage that the video is projecting where she's so angry from the mistreatment that her husband shows her and that's a murder stare if I've ever seen one.
@@aceonmaces_dolphins Yes, I totally see what you’re saying. I also loved that she seemed to enjoy eating the pomegranate, and with that regain the power she lost while with him, and “freaking him out”
@@lucreziabenelli4521 I have heard that the fruit that Eve actually ate that got her and Adam kicked out of the garden of Eden was mistranslated as an apple. They say it was more likely a pomegranate.
Ultimately, women need to learn to save themselves. This song is epic. Every lyric hits
I love how even after all that labor she cant even enjoy the fruits of her labor. And I like how she didn't just show a normal meal. She showed an excessive amount of food showing that it's not the normal amount of work that kills us, but the overwhelming burden of giving our husband's (whether or not we want them) our all and even more.
These lyrics dig to every woman's core. Therapist, mother, maid, nymph, virgin, nurse, servant, baby machine, an appendage or accessory to someone else's life and dreams. Women are expected to be selfless and do so much "labor" without it even being regarded as such. Why do you suppose self-indulgence and independence are so sought after? Why is it a high bar to want a partner, but not want to become their mother?
And the worse thing is that they even get praised for being selfless when they should have never given up those things in the first place, which even encourages this kind of behaviour, idk if i should say this but it's better to be selfish in this case
@@jooniesbonsai4064 to an extent because we don’t want people stealing from their lover just to buy stuff for themselves. So maybe a little selfish but not full on narcissistic
untitled gaming
What in the hell are you on about?
Stay on topic because you’re babbling about someone stealing from their lover?
Correct
@@untitledgaming9081 I think you missed the point. It's not as much about materiel things, though that's a part of it. No one is saying you should use someone. What we're saying is culturally we were taught that we should not even want to have time or space or things for ourselves. We should be happy to support someone else our entire life.
This song is the most perfect representation of female rage I've ever seen. I have chills.
agreed! especially when the little girls are screaming along to the song in the background. gives literal chills
Ditto. Had this on repeat for two days now and I’m ready to start a riot. Feminine rage is such a powerful thing
Imagine men make one because of military, blue collar jobs, war!!! But hey, men have it so easy damn lol.
@salaah khayr those are seperate issues. this song is specifically about abusive relationships that women get trapped in. How about instead of complaining here, you make your own music?
@@l.r.4006 I’m pretty sure it’s more about things women are socially associated with more than abuse. Tc
This song can apply to both romantic relationships and parent child relationships. For me I connected it to my father. Not the lines about giving him babies, but the line about being a therapist, mother, maid. And of course the chorus, “you make me do too much labour”.
Entire women's history in a song. Thank you.
I love the line “Apologies for my tongue, but never yours” because women are expected to be quiet and submissive, not loud and outspoken like men. But the line also sounds like it could be “Apologies from my tongue” as women feel like they have to apologize for every little thing while men get a free pass. Simply amazing lyrics.
This song has so many lines that hit you like a sack of bricks that it's easy to miss some of them like this one here. Thank you for pointing it out.
!!!
Too bad it's completely disconnected from reality
@shizotericar4524 dude, it's absolutely a thing. By all means my dad isn't abusive, at least not to me and it's not like he yells at or beats my mom but my dad's always asking for the littlest things and when he doesn't get that he sorta makes a fuss, my mom apologises for the smallest shit and can't talk back to him without being silenced, demeaned or ignored. It's not like he's the worker and she just takes care if the house, neither. She works more hours than him and makes more money, and he does pretty much nothing either than work a couple hours, does manual labor and does the taxes sometimes. Like I appreciate him and love him, he's a good guy, does what he can and is a caring father but women are absolutely silenced and have to apologize for speaking.
@@Schizofre Probably from yours but your reality is not everyone's reality.
A message to future generations: Don't let this song die
@@donavenbruce9939 why is this important rn?
@@donavenbruce9939 how about no
@@donavenbruce9939 okay Bruce of course of course, now let’s get u to bed
@@This_is_weird of course of course, you cannot talk to a horse 🐴
@@donavenbruce9939 What exactly is your value? Big man go make money? Little ladies can do it too, and they can fold their own laundry. If that's all, then you aren't needed.
As a woman married to a supportive and respectful partner, I still feel this in my bones for my ancestors, my mother, my sisters. So powerful!
The fear of having a daughter is so real for so many women. It’s one thing to teach a son to be a good person, it’s another thing to have to teach your daughter to defend herself incase the sons we raised fail to listen.
I think I’d fear a son more. You can do an amazing job raising him but society raises your children too, and misogyny is baked in deep. This is why I’m opting out or one of many reasons, I would fear FOR a daughter and fear a son.
@@Angel-od1bt yeah, honestly, imagine growing a whole other human inside of you, giving it your own body's resources, the nutrients you eat, your antibodies, the calcium from your bones, experiencing all the (often permanent) side-effects of pregnancy, then going through the difficult process of giving birth, and it's a boy, you raise him and care for him, but then many years later he's groping women, he rapes someone or becomes a domestic abuser or some violent mass-shooter incel writing manifestos about how women should be put in forced breeding camps? i already don't plan to have kids, but if i did that'd be a terrifying possibility.
@@Angel-od1bt I'm highly confused. From 1 to 3 years old is the most influential on a child whether boy or girl. From the nomination of age 12 where the peak of parental influences occurs. Based on a few papers, early pregnancy, substance ab/use, violence occurs due to the lack of influence from a parental figure. Educational attainment, reproductive health, and social derailment/maintenance are also heavily influenced by parental engagement.
Placing the failure of parenting removes accountability from the parents and places the majority of external aspects.
I burst a capillary in my eye giving birth to my first daughter 12 years ago, and then pumped milk for her in a supply closet while she was under the lights for jaundice. It was so painful I bled, while her father told me my eye disgusted him and mooed at me for feeding her.
When I made him food he didn't like, he'd spit it out into my hand.
I'll probably never pay off the loans I took out to help support us both.
It's been a decade, but the rage this song stirred in me is overwhelming.
I am so sorry you had go trough that
@@justasadgirl I'm okay! I made it through, and all that life gave me and took from him almost makes me believe in a benevolent god lol. Everything he was ever proud of is gone and he's alone. I married the love of my life and couldn't physically be happier.
Women can survive and grow in the worst conditions. ♥️
you are so incredibly strong, your daughter will grow with an amazing roll model
@@sthecoolbro4357 thanks friend ♥️
this is a heartbreaking story, I’m so glad you made it out. Some women have never escaped this type of situation and it breaks my heart. I’m so glad you’re doing better ❤
My mom just left my abusive dad after 37 years of emotional torture, and I am beyond proud of her. I just sent this to her, if you see this mom, I love you!
Congratulations! I’m sure your mother is deserving of better. 🎉
You GO girl :D happy your out of thay
Hey, Kacies Mom!
You are not alone! You can be proud of yourself.
I wish you a lot of strength and love ❤
I'm currently trying to find the strength your mother had
@@pcplumx4367 i have faith in you!!!
I love the venomous intensity of her resentment in this, I haven't felt something quite like it in a long time
One detail that lives rent free in my head is at 2:35. He taps his knife against his cup and she stands up grabbing her plate before pausing. He doesn't say anything, just gives a signal that she's now allowed to get some food. Like when you call your pet to come get their food. It's infuriating because my great-grandfather used to do the exact same thing to my great-grandmother. The first time I saw him do that I was maybe 5 or 6 and I didn't understand at the time. The only time I had ever seen something like that was in movies when someone taps their glass to get a rooms attention for a speech or something. I sat waiting for him to say something, because why else would he do that? I only vaguely noticed my great-grandma now putting food on her plate which had been empty for the last twenty or so minutes since we all sat down. My mom saw me watching and distracted me and after we got home explained what it was and I remember asking her "Like we do when it's time to feed Scar?" (our dog at the time) and when she told me yes I felt sick to my stomach hearing it.
I thought it was to signal he is ready for dessert since she picks up a dessert plate then devours it herself. Also horrified to hear about your grandmother 😢 I'm sorry she wasn't better treated
@@qwertyasf It did take a couple watches to really notice it, but if you look at 3:25 when she looks up after getting food all over her face, he has this amused kind of smirk-smile that immediately turns into an annoyed frown. He's not happy because this is not how she's "allowed" to act. And my great-grandparents didn't really know anything different. They were born in the mid 1920's and got married when he was I think 19 or 20 and she was 18, they just copied the same relationship their parents had. Both were children of immigrants (his from Russia, hers from Romania) and thought it was something normal. She is doing much better now, she lives with one of my aunts since great-grandpa passed away 20 years ago and will be celebrated her 95th birthday this year.
I can't get over the line "You weaponize incompetence...it's dominance under guise." I never thought of it that way before, but men feigning incompetence truly is just another way to control women. It's so insidious and blows my mind.
it's very calculated but at the same time it's so obvious, it makes you think of something a toddler would come up with. speaks to the amount of emotional maturity men are accepted to have vs. what women are beholden too.
It can also be interpreted as him weaponizing her perceived incompetence to do things so only he can do it and so she has to rely on him.
I've seen it in my father a million times
I think it's important to note it's "you weaponize false incompetence" too because everyone involved knows it's an act and is just supposed to go along with it
Military, blue collar jobs are saying hello. Oh damn women have it so sooo bad lol.
I’m so glad it’s 4 minutes long. Most people create tiktok hype for just 2 minute songs but this was just beautiful.
Came here to say this!!
It's 4 minutes and somehow I still think it's too short so I listen on repeat
listen to her other songs. I had no doubt it'd be good cause she's actually a talented musician
It's so refreshing seeing a song that's even better whole than just its viral tiktok hook
the people who make the song arent the same that "create" tiktok hype, a single person doesnt have control on how popular something they post will be. i'm glad y'all arent dissapointed, but i hope you dont give other indenpendant artists a hard time when their song preview doesnt live up to the hype they have no control over
I have a history teacher who loves teaching us about womans rolls during historical process like the mexican independence and so, and it's surprising how much womans efforts to help were just... cut off history books...
He also asks us abour our experiences with misoginy and i've heard so many storys of my classmates that are just... shocking... but what I love of those classes is that some of our male clasmates sometimes just look at us like: "wow, we had no idea", and I appreciate the fact that they are actually growing conscious about how the world is still towards woman.
I love the detail where it’s after the fear of the daughter’s fate is mentioned, that’s where we hear the background singers. And something I noticed was the voices sound like a mix of older and younger women, that fear o go through the same things.
The ending of this gives me chills. I remember my mother and her bf locking up the pantry and being the only sibling who had a key. My mother was never home or when she was she'd lock herself in her room. Her bf was no help. So I had to cook for a household of five. Always serving myself last. My brothers yelling at me and throwing tantrums because they wanted snack food as opposed to the meal I had just slaved over. I remember having it drilled into me that it was my job to watch my younger brothers. That girls mature slower. That men have needs, so I shouldn't be so harsh. I remember staying home from events to make sure my brothers ate. Being told it was my fault if the family was ripped apart. My mother to this day will claim that I was never a problem child, but when I tell her I was suffering silently she plays the victim. I remember my church wanting me at their private school, but not my brothers. Because I was a meek obedient young "woman" and they were "rowdy boys"
When this character served herself, not caring for manners, just for her hunger, I felt that. She saw the fruits of her labour as her own and decided to reap the benefits, to take care of herself first. Before fleeing this one sided, one way, relationship that did nothing but take and take.
This song captures the pain of being viewed as nothing more than someone's mother, wife, daughter etc... As well as the release you feel when you realize you are so much more than that.
I am so sorry you had to go through that. You're so unbelieveable strong and brave I really hope you're doing okay and got the help you needed! Please take care of yourself and stay safe!
Girls mature faster than boys (biologically and mentally- science backs this up)...... oof I'm so sorry that you grew up dealing with that load of rot
I am sorry u had to go through that... Wow... Love to you. ❤❤❤ ❤️❤️❤️ and I think the artist has succeeded ...
hugs for you
Hugs!
I love the double meaning of "so he never lifts a finger", but I love even more that it's only implied. This song doesn't have to just be about someone who's deliberately, physically abusive. It can also be about the average husband, the generally "nice" guy to whom it doesn't even _occur_ how unbalanced the relationship has become. He takes care of the kids sometimes (maybe once or twice a week), he does other chores (as long as she neatly keeps track of which chores are His, asks him nicely, and patiently waits for him to do them on his timetable), he even cooks dinner from time to time (when the wife buys all the ingredients he needs for him). He's not violent, and he doesn't have to be. Society's programming has worked the violence for him so efficiently he doesn't even have to be aware it's there.
When I say "average husband", by the way, I mean statistically--the numbers show that women in straight relationships are disproportionately responsible for the housework and childcare, even when they _also_ have a job. If you're a man, and this song doesn't apply to you, that's awesome that you and your partner have a healthier dynamic! And if this song does, well, this is a great opportunity to take the initiative in fixing things. "Taking the initiative" is one of the heaviest burdens to bear in housework; don't put that on her, too.
EDIT: I didn't like how I referred to physical abusers as "cartoon abusers", nor how I tried to declare what the song was "about", so I edited those lines to be a bit clearer about what I meant.
(When I say "straight relationships", I don't mean just straight partners involved. As a bi girl, I could wind up in the exact same boat if I started dating guys.)
Thank you for pointing out that this song is talking about a sadly pretty common situation !
I think a lot of men who will listen to this song will not even realise they have some of these behaviours because it's so ingraved in us (men and women) the patriarchal roles that we don't even realise the relationship is unbalanced and toxic, we just think it's the norm
I lowkey just had an epiphany. My boyfriends love language came back as acts of service, so I try to do some extra things to help around his place. We don’t live together, but sometimes I’ll do little things for him like the dishes or taking out the trash and other stuff. For that being his main love language I’ve always thought that he wasn’t as expressive with his gratitude as he would be for it to be his #1 way others can show him love. Sometimes I have to even point it out (which I can understand like the trash or dishes cause he has a room mate so he may think it’s just him doing it, but other things that I do are obvious that I would be the only that did it, and it’s weird you have to point it out sometimes.) now I’m thinking that subconsciously that that is just what he expects/thinks I’m supposed to do since I’m the women in the relationship so even it’s not a big deal that I go out of my way to make his life a little easier cause that’s what I should be doing. That’s not a lot language than, that’s just what society tells men were supposed to do and they expect it so they’re not gonna to say thank you if you do it. Wtf I’m spiraling now
@@sarahk5033 Oh, gosh, from what I've heard, the whole love language thing is sort of hack relationship science. I hope you can work that out with him, because it sounds like it really sucks feeling unappreciated like that!
Violent husbands, unfortunately are not atypical.
I’m crying, this represents what my mom, me and my sister are living through. I love this song but it breaks me
No one is talking about how the whole song it’s like he is deaf to her singing because he’s too wrapped up in himself. And when she acts like he does is the only time he pays attention, and doesn’t take her serious, but laughs.
Мне показалось, что он смеется, потому что ему неловко, но затем он начинает показывать свое неодобрение(
Let's raise our children differently so our daughters don't have to go through this
Sons too, so that they don't feel entitled to such servitude and get used to being treated like little babies by their wives who are not their maids
@@yl508 yes definitely.. I think if we raise children of both genders with domestic skills then neither will feel entitled to be taken care of especially boys
@@yashny as a mom of a baby boy, I couldn't agree more. I'll definitely show my son how to cook and do chores
@@yl508 I'm so glad to hear that from a mother! Your son will grow up to be a wonderful man. I wish you well :)
@@yashny thank you, I wish you well too ✨️
I can't get over "the false incompetence is dominance under a guise", it's the most perfect line of these overall brilliant lyrics. It perfectly encapsulates this subtle yet infuriating way that the patriarchal society teaches women to voluntarily assume the responsibility of care giving and housework tasks while men grow up used to having things done for them so they abuse this privilege by expecting their partners to take on the job of their mothers or female caretakers and assume these tasks by default because "they are not as good at them", because they never actually put the effort to learn.
Perfectly said 👍🏻
My ex weaponised incompetence, I didn’t know what he was doing at the time
@@Evija3000it's so funny and kinda ironic, when I have similar experience as you and I'm the one with ADHD. It definitely makes things more difficult but it's no excuse for doing nothing or not trying.
Once I was told I did the doctors appointments for the children because I like it.😂😂😂 who likes making appointments and take care of schedules????
@@veratrindade5883 Ah yes nobody talks about the mental workload of organization but that's an entire thing as well. When we have to tell the men what needs to be done when and how and basically carry a schedule on our heads but then they'll go and say they're the ones with the logical thinking and we're too unstable to be in charge.
I'm in a healthy relationship but this song is a banger.
I'm in a healthy relationship now, but oh my I certainly came close to being forever tied to men just like this. And so many of my friends are currently in relationships like this.
Im lucky enough to not be in a situation like this but this song is like an ancestral call to rage. Its emerges from within me, even though I've not experienced this exactly first hand. Its like all my great grandmothers are screaming throigh my soul for me to be free from what they suffered. I feel it so deeply. I had my tubes removed so i could never be manipulated or made to be something I never want for myself, a mother or servant to a husband.
“It’s not an act of love if you make her.”
Can we just talk about inclusive this lyric is? It includes women that have survived hundreds of different backgrounds and undergo mass amounts of trauma, bringing it into light in a song that has almost 10 million (as of now) views. Fucking genius.
@@thiey439 that particular line though, refers to marital/conjugal rape.
@@thiey439 she wasn't lmao
@@HexagonSun990She deffo was
I'm not even a wife yet, not even a girlfriend, but this song took a chainsaw to my soul. Sitting here silently while my rage is simmering for every women going through this.
No one dares mention what the men go through
@@Michael-st9ky women aren’t in positions of power to change things for men. But everyone women I know agree things are bad for men too hence this song about Labour I for one would be more than happy to split chores and work full time the main problem being have the choice to do this I’ve met many men who have these picket fence dreams who don’t want their women to have equality- feminism helps men and women
@@Michael-st9ky Bro, why should women sing a song for us lmfao 💀. It’s our own fault anyways, since we were the one who created the goofy ahh standards anyway. Stop crying and go make a song if you’re so mad.
@@Michael-st9ky bet u never actually mention mens issues unless its to undermine womens😂
@@Michael-st9ky So, when's your song coming out, or did you want Paris Paloma to do that for you? You make her do too much labour!
Isn’t it sad and yet so empowering that so many women identify with this song. 😢😊
I have been reading through this comment section crying for the last 1 hour. I have read stories of women overcoming these hardships that should never exist. I read stories of their family member's trials and tribulations. These break my heart on their heart. However, what hurts more than all these is all the overprivileged men in the comments. I'm not saying all men are bad. But just because one women hurt doesn't mean the entire gender is bad. Its the same thing for men. Hats of to all the kind and respectful men out there, who change our lives daily for the better. Girls, don't ever let any man make you feel like your lesser than men. And never, ever bring another person down for the wrong reasons. Standing up for yourself is NOT the same as bringing someone down. Stick together girls, and together we make sure our future generations don't have to go through this shit. Share the message!