Is Marriage A Necessity? | Couch Conversations | S1E3
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- čas přidán 8. 11. 2020
- Is marriage the end all be all for proving your love to your partner? These couples are discussing the moment they realized that marriage was the RIGHT thing for them.
Follow Khadeen & Devale's YT Channel's! @TheEllises & @KhadeenEllisIAm
And listen to their Podcast, "Deadass" on www.deadasspodcast.com/
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Recorded in 2018 - Zábava
It's contradictory to say you don't know how to be monogamous while expecting monogamy from your significant other. It's not being honest to "live your life" while keeping someone else on ice until your ready to be with the one thats the one for you.
Thank you
Pretty much!
This episode was a mess, you heard how Devel said he would ask his then girlfriend if she didn’t want to sleep with other people, that was him indirectly letting her know that she should sleep with other people so he can do the same. He really had no business getting married
@Jerseygirl8999 m lol
Also i hate they put it in age. People where getting married in and out of high school and stayed committed, they may had their challenges but don’t we all? Everybody want time to be hoes and say monogamy isn’t for people when they don’t even realize why monogamy exist. As a child we are taught treat people like how you wanted be, don't expect anything from anyone especially if you not capable of doing yourself.
But at the same time if the relationship is amazing and there's no cheating and little to no drama, then why even pressure it? wouldn't you want a genuine proposal anyway?
Simply move along and find someone who is looking for exactly what you are looking for with similar timing.They do exist.
i like when people say just " move along" like it is so easy to do . When it comes to the matters of the heart, IT IS NOT that EASY..smh.
best thing I have heard in a long time!
Ugh...I'm a woman and my two cents in this conversation will make so many womem hate me😬 Why women are choosing to settle for living together when what they really want is marriage puzzles me. The self-work needs to be done first, so every woman (and man) is at the point of attraction to attract who & what they want, and completely (and peacefully) move on from anyone who is not honoring them and their standards. Yes, moving on may be hard, but if you're about honoring yourself, you'll make those tough decisions and move on from anyone who isn't in the same space as you are.
There's also alot of lack of examples from relatives, immaturity, and idealism I hear here in this discussion around marriage.
@@jessikajane4967 but why would should people get married? Also would you get married without the government?
@@wi77iama773n People should do whatever they want to do. I'm not here to dictate that. Marriage is an institution that I believe in (from a religious perspective). I understand that others do not and that's their prerogative. My issue with this particular video is women compromising what they want (marriage) by living with men to get to that end goal. It doesn't work and it isn't a wise route to take for women who do want to get married. That's why I stress the self-work being done first. So a woman can be confident enough to walk away (sooner rather than later) from any man who is not on the same wavelength or in the same space of future goals. Marriage should never be about pressure or guilt trips and I get too strong a sense of that from this video.
Getting Married to my partner, for me was spiritually important.
It was equally important to solidify a strong foundation in our household where we already had 3 children, ages 14 girl, 12 boy, & 5 yar old girl. 14 year old from my previous relationship, 12 year old from his previous relationship, 5 year old we created together, and all 3 have been raised with us together ours. In march 2021 it'll be 10 years together and sept 2020 made 1 year of Marriage. After that 1 year of Marriage we became even closer, which I didn't know was possible. Thank you 🙏 feeling So Blessed
@@veronicaguidos9460, I love this. Thank you for sharing your story.
Exactly. Get a partner that's equally yoked and has that similar mindset of your path yall want to travel
Love this.Please say more about this🙏🙏🙏🙏
A man getting married in 2020 and beyond is committing the ultimate SIMP move.
I respect Devale's transparency and admission of selfish desire (to keep Khadeen in a box). Many men share his viewpoint on playing the field but aren't honest about it.
It's good he is honest but that's the Slave master mentality like you do and be when and where I want while I do me or you do not get me or get this. As if there is no sacrifice on your partner's behalf too to be committed to you its BS!
I can tell none of these men wanted to marry their wives but just settled. The women stayed waiting for them. My parents been married 30 years and my dad told me don’t give a man more than 2-3 years to marry you. Men know who they wife is. Your either his wife or he is looking for a upgrade.
So u believe men are proned to be looking for the next best thing more so than women ? I also disagree with your father's Advice.
@@spazz-ok9nr exactly... grandpa just gave you the best approach to not being played with.
What if you the upgrade? Lord forbid a man see potential in you b4 you do and choose not to toss you away for the sake of convenience 🤔🤷🏾♂️
Thank you for saying this I thought I was the only one seeing this.
@@SolarLove7 nope I was thinking the same thing.. these people already married ! And still having the debate as if they not married..
Maybe I misunderstood, having a requirement is now called pressure? So if I tell you what I want out of a relationship, commitment, no kids unless we get married, that's now pressure? What it looks like is that you didn't want to lose her so you pressured yourself into marrying. My opinion!
You are 100% correct! No misunderstanding at all
At the end of the day, a man finds his wife when he ready. Women requirements or pressure don't matter.
It definitely isn't pressure. The person can just as easily say that isn't what they want and they'll go find someone who doesn't want to be married. They chose to get married. Its called being pressured because the man didn't want to lose her but he also didn't want to make the commitment. Like one said, he could easily walk away when he wanted to. The other said he just wanted to put her in a box until he was ready. Do you have a timeline on when you will be ready? If so tell her that you'll be ready in 5 years. Let her also live her life in those 5 years and communicate then. If she finds someone that wanted what she wanted in that time then hey.... you gambled and lost. It's only pressure because you want her but you don't want nobody else to have her..... but you also don't want to commit and do whatever. The pressure is then put on her to stay.
The shit is like telling a real estate agent what you want in a house and now they say they feel pressured because none of that is the house they were gonna try to push you to buy which was a dump next to a crack house.
The video is still loading but allow me to comment just from the title:
Marriage is necessary if you want to have sex and not be in sin.
Learn more here ⤵️
Mrs Loved
www.amazon.com/gp/aw/d/B013VTKZHE?pd_rd_i=B013VTKZHE&ref_=dbs_s_def_awm_dirs_l_2&storeType=ebooks&qid=1586123078&sr=1-3-dbssearch-acs
Jesus Christ loves you all. Call on His Name and be saved today.
The blessed Lord died for you and rose again and He's coming back again.
Amen.
Learn more here⤵️
www.amazon.com/JESUS-CHRIST-SAVIOR-Only-FATHER-ebook/dp/B07DF9QBZR/ref=mp_s_a_1_6?dchild=1&qid=1607215273&refinements=p_27%3AThaddeus+Beaulieu&s=digital-text&sr=1-6&text=Thaddeus+Beaulieu
My issue is not marriage but the fact that %50 end in divorce and %75 are initiated be the female. So requesting marriage then being the one to request a divorce?
If I was a single person, this forum would not inspire me to get married. You can’t pressure a man to do something that he truly doesn’t want to do.
MISTAKE NUMBER ONE... living together; pretending to be married or playing house!!!
...you should live apart and just date!
I agree. Why live together? Explore other people . Why put yourself through the marriage crap and not married
I disagree. We practice to be good at most things in life; why not marriage as well ? I will say no to permanent residency though, especially if the mindset is dating (having multiple aquaintences).
@@marcusd6096 I like that.
At least live apart until an engagement has been initiated. Then move in together, to get the experience of living together before marriage.
@@hunnyb1308 Yes, that's exactly what my brothers did, still happily married after 26 and 36 years.
I am floored by women who choose to stay with a man 5+ years without the man wanting to marry them! Especially, if infidelity is a factor. Sadly, the women then have to "persuade / pressure" him to marry her. WHY??? Ladies: Stop being a wife if you do not have a husband! We teach them how to treat us. The love you are seeking is the love you need to give to yourself! Spiritually, marriage is necessary. Your blessings will be in abundance when you do things God's way.
Men, don't listen to her.
These were kids. Hopefully any woman that WANTS marriage for her life is not doing this.
Men. If you don't want her enough to marry, break up and try something new. Perhaps she'll be available by the time you decide she's the one. Accept that she will not be waiting on you holed up in a tower.
How is this difficult?
I agree...do it God's way and there should be no problems or worries...but im just curious, you mentioned being with a man for 5yrs without the ring, so is there a 'specific' time frame or specific years you should be with someone before marriage?..
@@colinc5531 I appreciate your question. My opinion is: if you are equally yoked and you both have done the work to be "whole" in a relationship, I think two or three years is adequate time to know if you want to commit to marriage.
@@Grampz_ Her post was mainly addressed to women.
It’s funny how some men meet a woman and know in the first few months that she’s the one while other men settle for an average woman and date her for 5+ years than get married and complain about how they were being “ forced to marry” when they knew all along she wasn’t for him... men be wasting their own time 🥱
Bravo!! That one couple is a mess. Dude still got 1 foot in,1 foot out 🤷🏾♀️
My husband told me he was done looking by our second date. I said "what? Well I'm still seeing other people". He told me that's fine. He'll wait until I'm ready or until I tell him no.
They're wasting women's time if they want children.
We dont knw everything no one does...were human too
@JessBusiness Yep! Men who know what they want are so attractive. Four years in marriage and he's still super attractive.
Same way it's pressure for men to settle down, it's pressure for women to have to sit around and "wait for the man to be ready." Women don't have time to sit and wait to start their families, wait to buy a home, wait to make committed life decisions. I know people can be faithfully committed without marriage, but for some reason I just don't feel secure in his commitment to me if he doesn't want to marry me. Question to the men: What exactly are you guys not ready for when you've already made a woman your longterm gf? Of course not saying this is true for every situation, but when a guy says he's not ready, I hear: he doesn't want to commit, he's not 100% sure about me, he's waiting to see if he can find someone he considers better, he wants to still be able to have casual sex with different kinds of women.
When i read your question, it made me think of this quote that the late, great Patrice O'neal once said. WOMEN WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH ONE MAN A LOT.
MEN WANT TO HAVE SEX WITH A LOT OF WOMEN ONCE. Oh, forgot to say that im a 46 y.o, married (22 yrs), black man.
@Chanel Wafuana i am African and growing up i realised that even though women initiate divorce, they may not neccessarily be the cause of the marriage getting to that point. like u said men are not groomed to be good husbands. so as a woman when you get into marriage, you are the only one carrying the weight and at some point it/ you crash. once that happens, on paper it translates to women filling for divorce as opposed to looking at the circumstances which let to her filling for divorce.
They seem to always talk about pressure from women but they never acknowledge that they consistently pressure women for sex upfront! Stop pressuring us!
@@relytrecneps2438 I understand the nonreligious take on it, that DOES take a lot of the pressure/necessity of marriage off of a person. I don't think anyone should be pressured into it, I think it's something that should be discussed early on so that a bond isn't created between two people who don't value the same things. There's no right or wrong answer, it's whatever the individuals believe.
I think doing life with someone is a huge investment, starting a family is a huge investment, so it makes sense to make a huge commitment. Do you feel as though NOT making a marriage vow/commitment sets an easy tone that allows people to run away easier/quicker when things get tough, instead of working through the issues? I feel as though marriage is a sign of a persons commitment do the relationship. Giving our womb to a man is not a cheap thing, I would feel insecure giving children to a man who does not want to make a marriage commitment to me.
I agree, people do change over time, but that's something that everyone's going to go through (to different degrees), so it's not something we can avoid in one another. But, I don't necessarily think most people make DRASTIC changes after a certain age. And like Chanel said, I think a lot of people marry the wrong person, or give up on the right person too easy, stop caring/become complacent. I also agree with her point of men not being groomed for marriage, that disconnect leaves a lot of pressure on the women to make something work with a guy who probably isn't putting in the same effort to keep it going. Men are groomed to value quantity of women, not a quality woman and creating a family with her. Settling down is pitched as a death sentence. I'm not against men choosing to live a single life, I can see how that can be appealing to men, but I do feel like life is short and it makes sense to me for it to progress toward partnership and a family for both men and women. The culture is changing because the times are changing, so the answer is whatever works for you.
@@cherylvaughn2215 haha yes! It's true for the most part. :P do you believe life long partnership can work as well as legal marriage? How do you feel after 22 years of marriage?
Why’d y’all get married if everything was fine to begin with?
If they divorced right after the marriage, everything wasn’t fine to begin with.
EXACTLY!
Because marriage is what you are supposed to be doing. It's called morality.
@@Novem3ber11 explains how getting married is moral thing?
@@Pimping9167 because you're not black american i have no conversation for you. Stay out of our business.
@@Novem3ber11 - Sez who....
And why?
For whose benefit?
And if this marriage "institution" is such a wonderful thing how come the divorce rate is on the rise?
Why is it so many men are being hounded by the courts to pay child support for someone elses kids?
Huh??
I aspire to none of these marriages smh 🤦🏾♀️ thankfully I have good examples in my own family.
At 19 I WAS NOT THINKING ABOUT MARRIAGE!!! I was thinking about the next party!
This episode was so beautiful. My husband and I are in Michigan too! And we had a similar story with college and the whole "shacking up" however when we first got married it was the worst 6 months of our relationship because of the pressure from so many outside people. But marriage has it's ups and downs and I'm so grateful for each and every lesson, not only to reflect on my part as an individual, but what we can do and create together. We have been married for 9 years and been together for 13:) and at year 10 of being together we had our first baby:) A whole new adventure:)
I notice for black Americans marriage is such a tense subject. I am a black woman from a country here in Europe, i have never, ever met a black woman over 30 with a child and not being married. In 25 years I've met one who is divorce. Why not started off by loving your partner. It down and plan that the first 3 years you guys will do things together, tie the knot then work towards your common goal. I was married at 19. I was a college drop out, no job, but my hubby sent me back to school. We work together build our future. I work for 4 years then stop so I can be home to be a great wife then 5 years later we'd our first child. I'm still a stay at home mom while my hubby do his roles
If you and him were already having sex, you technically weren't shacking.....
Each of them have demonstrated growth when they talked about their experiences. When you commit to making something work no matter what, you grow as a human. This is the value of marriage. Growth.
I feel that people overthink marriage and it's rooted in fear. Why be with someone for 20-30 years having kids/grandkids building (a life commitment) just to not make the ultimate life commitment. You get passed all those different life changes and issues just to die without any benefit for the person you spent a paperless marriage with anyways.
Agree
People quick to say oh it’s just a piece of paper! Yeah paper with monetary value attached to it.
You live together 10 years one dies no SS benefits -married 10 years SS benefits same goes for pensions unless you are the benefactor. Protect yourself don’t play house. If you’re not ready to marry then don’t . Have your own place.
@@rozziec.3197 very true
@@rozziec.3197 you can get monetary value even without the paper. Common law.
@@rayologyxm Most states don't recognize common law relationships plus you don't access to pension and benefits. Plus living together without getting married has resulted in higher breakup rates compared to couples who are married and couples married with children.
Translation: He wanted to live HIS life, but for her not to live HERS & just sit dry and lonely waiting for him 🤦🏽♀️
You mean he didnt want to get taken to the cleaners in a divorce....
@@superdrew8564 Are they getting a divorce?
My husband had 1.5 years to propose, and 1 year after that to marry me. I wasn't about to play with my life/ my youth.
This!!!
Facts
Forcing a time line smh...
@@dennisrobinson8008 but how long should she wait? Women have a biological clock, should we wait 5, 10, 15 years and then have this man leave? Smh
Damn straight! Usually men who are honest and can follow the 2 yr rule are happy in the long run.
Devale is so good at keeping the energy positive during these conversations
I've never been married but I feel like a few things should already be established before getting married, such as a stable job, reliable transportation and place of my own. I don't think any woman would want to marry me if I didn't have those 3 things . Just my opinion
That is correct. It’s healthy when two independent come together and become interdependent
Agreed!
Facts I agree.
Most of our views on marriage are constructed during our upbringing. I believe a lot of women don’t really understand why we want to be married we just believe we should. I believe in marriage, but my views on what makes it grow have definitely evolved beyond what I was presented growing up.
I totally agree
Its marriage vs wedding...the work needed after the marriage many dont want to do
In a nutshell, sex is marriage. But at the same time it makes you think about many people a person had previous sex with. Previous marriages with via sex. Basically previous soul ties.
@@rayologyxm Sex is not always marriage... it can be fornication, adultery, and rape. Marriage requires COMMITMENT, and a recognition from recognized authorities and community.
@@hymnodyhands I don't think you understand. Sex IS MARRIAGE. Anything other than that wasn't a marriage....
Too many married people are horrible spokespersons for the experience of marriage. Frequently, married people describe it as hard work and labor. Marriage, for some is not hard work. The hard work approach seems to present itself as at times under developed people that do not work to heal their stuff to be present in the marriage. The human experience is hard work and your marriage is as difficult as it is allowed to be.
Its not hard work if you both want to be there. You enjoy it and you're there because you want to be.
That's a good point. Most people who are married aren't unified. So therefore they can't really describe their Union.
@@dennisrobinson8008 easier said than done for some. But I get where you're coming from.
@@rayologyxm when they really want to be there its effortless and fulfilling.
@@dennisrobinson8008 that's true.
"Exploring Life" is having more than one partner or sleeping around when you want too??? Lord help us today!!!
I feel like if a man tells his woman that he wants to be with her but he also wants to be with other women as well, then she should let him be free. I'm not going to sit and let myself get cheated on. He made it seem like it's women's fault that men cheat. No, that's still your fault. You know yourself better than anyone else does. That was a conscience decision.
heres a honest question - what makes you think a man can't love you and other people? I think monogamy is over sold is part of the problem
@@NyakzOTSD what makes you think a woman can’t love you and another man? Your beliefs would utterly unravel society.
@@werringertonney7489 i agree with the question.. Of course a woman can!
@@NyakzOTSD Has to be both sides then. I wouldn't be the faithful partner while he dogged around. Could bring back a whole host of STD's. You talk about "love", but you're only talking about sex and promiscuous sex at that.
@@dumfriesspearhead7398 yes because love and sex are not mutually exclusive. You can love someone but they may not provide you with that sexual satisfaction you desire.
Teenagers is one thing but once you’re over 25 you should know if you want a commitment or not. If one is not ready and the other is then let them go so they can be open for the right one to find them.
As mush as I loved the realness of this conversation it made me sad like the men were not ready and the woman basically had to wait for them to be ready. I am even more thankful that my husband did not put me through any of this. I know that in the first few years of marriage it was HARD for us but we decided to give our all and be intentional. I'm not going to be naive and say that the fact we were becoming parents didn't push us down the isle faster because it did but we made the decision together and I am glad we did, 12 years and counting.
I agree this made me sad also...Congrats on being 12 years strong💪🏾💪🏾💪🏾 Thank you for being honest🎯
We can accept honesty however you can’t expect a woman who also knows what she wants to put up with foolishness. I would appreciate a man who can admit he is not ready for a relationship however he has to accept me saying that I don’t want to stay around if I’m not going to be in a committed relationship. Lastly I don’t agree with couples getting married young. I think people need to experience life a little own their own first. There are a few people that handle being married young but it is rare.
Only a weak man would want you to stay around. smh but yall dont get that part
Absolutely refreshing to see a realistic productive conversation between black couples(male& female) advocating for the ordained INSTITUTION OF FAMILY..
If marriage is “just a piece of paper” then why not just get the piece of paper then? That logic can be used both ways, so clearly marriage is much more than just a piece of paper.
It’s a contract. Like a whole contract. Why do we need to be locked into a legal agreement to prove we love each other? Marriage always been a court system come up, that’s it.
Marraige is indeed a piece of paper that legally binds you to someone. Just that most people tend to think their relationship has more value if that piece of paper is signed.
because that piece of paper comes with consequences and government involvement
@@TerranceStanton it's not about proving- it's about having wisdom and doing the right thing anything besides marriage is noncomittal. Marriage is long term while dating is ??? It's has no sort of prediction. Which is why I prefer courtship over dating, AnYwAyZ we all have our different opinions
@@ameliagray1618 With the current divorce rate being what it is and the amount of people getting married dwindling would suggest that the type of prediction you are talking about is a negative. Marriage outside of religious vows is a contract gambling that you can make sure the other person loves you at the expense of the more financially successful partner losing half of their stuff as deemed by the court.
Outside of a tax break, religious/social proof of value or government consequences what added value does a contract add rather than the word of two people who say they love each other and are going to stay together. It's more of a financially and socially beneficial insurance policy more than anything else.
Marriage is key for generational wealth PERIODT!!!!!!!
lol no. its key for women to attain men's wealth. but men attain their own generational wealth. men do not need marriage. as a matter of fact marriage for men is a huge risk as he can lose 50% of his assets.
@@thebotfather9508 FACTS. Marriage is an unnecessary risk to everything you have. 70% of divorces are filed by women. Most women don't want husbands. They want a wedding, kids, and economic support.
@@bigk2198 ikr im broke & you couldn't pay me to get married smh. i have no assets to lose & i still wouldn't do it. i wouldn't want to be tied down to one person & if i get married, i might not always be low income. if i suddenly become super successful during the marriage, all of a sudden she's legally entitled to 50% of that, even if she didn't work for it. i'm not signing up for that. women really think men are stupid lol smh
benefits the woman and punishes the man... so NOPE!!!
On the contrary....
I hope women understand and digest that getting married doesn't necessarily mean he it's going to stay forever. Forever is the intention but it's not definite. What's even more interesting is what if the person doing all the pressing to get married it's the one who wants top leave.
Marriage is about doing life...TOGETHER! The struggle is figuring out what that looks like for each couple and then going after that like your LIFE (marriage) depends on it!
It is so good to see three young black cuoples speaking intelligently from a maturing point of view on the chaotic subject of marriage and hearing you being real about the challenges, setups, and pitfalls that black cuoples uniquely encounter. Love this video. It's helping alot of black cuoples. COMGRATULATIONS TO ALL OF YOU. 👍🏾
I just started the video... but am I insane to find this ridiculous? Together for 8 years before marriage??? And then he has the nerve to tell the world he was pressured into it? I wouldn’t have stuck around that long. I was with my husband less than 2 years before he proposed
Black men take forever..to marry...they will be your girlfriend boyfriend without any real commitment
You’ve also got to consider the age they met. They met at 18, where both of are still discovering themselves. A man at 28 looking for marriage shouldn’t take longer than 2 years but a young man discovering himself isn’t going to be yearning for that kind of commitment considering nothing in his life has been established
@@wilmercastillo5968 By then, I would hope that their relationship would be established… I do get what you’re saying. It’s one thing if they were together young and then went to college and made a pact to get engaged after college or something like that… But from my understanding of their relationship, they were together for years and he was unfaithful to her and just messing around and she just sat and waited for him. I personally could never…
@@bowleggz1003not true my husband was 23 and proposed within 3 months of meeting me!! When a man knows HE KNOWS!!
@@Onececile I wish I could hv that experience...
Lol I do not like people saying Kay was applying pressure in a condescending way. When your significant other has a path that you don’t want to take, once you vocalize it, it’s called “You pressured me.” Lol it’s ridiculous and inevitable to not experience some form of pressure when you’re dating/married at some point in the relationship. Her “pressure” was a healthy pressure. I let you know what I want and if you can’t meet the standards, I’m leaving. 🤷🏾♀️
Sabrina Succes Basically, she was telling him the truth and he interpreted it as pressure. What a load of nonsense, I mean it worked out in his case and it’s because she told him the truth.
(But ultimately, it’s all a choice that you the woman has to make with careful prayer)
Imagine going out to live your best life and you catch a disease ?
Women please don’t settle for less, you deserve so much better, trust in the Lord with all your heart and he will truly give you the desires of your heart.
@@CarlSackey yes, thank you for understanding.
@@CarlSackey I totally agree. The pressure came from not wanting to lose her. Not from her speaking her truth.
Right. That doesn’t sound like pressure. The conversation is very one sided. These guys grievances are that they were not ready for marriage, yet they want the women to stick around and be ok with it.
Exactly
I love these honest conversations and as a young woman who had a child from an unhealthy relationship and didn't grow up seeing great examples of relationships I see how marriage not being a necessity can cause negative generational cycles. I'm now in a healthy relationship and marriage is what we are working towards
Forget that, IF you my man AND we establish we are willing to commit to eo till death do us part. We are getting MARRIED.....its Tough WORK and it takes JESUS to keep it together but with commitment and dedication it can be prosperous.
Married 11 years after 11 months of dating. I will say i have learned so much since I got married at 21 yrs old. A few things that contributed was foundation in God, open communication and transparency. These things have been pivotal and w/o understanding of relationships and the depth of commitment I would have given into Divorce when I felt " things arent working." Im reminded Love is an ACTION word and DAILY WE have to commit ourselves to one another.
Everyday Im deciding to LOVE and stay engaged in my marriage.
Like my grandma says, if God couldn't save those alter boys from them catholic priests what makes you think he'll save your marriage.
When he caught Kelita blushing 🥰🥰🥰 this is so great. But it kinda seems like the past few episodes have highlighted Devale’s lack of interest in marriage...
Absolutely!
🎯🎯🎯
Seems like he kinda wants out or is not satisfied. He’s always complaining but he won’t find anyone better than his wife. He better not fuck it up
I agree. It comes off like he's resentful for being "forced" into it.
@@dkbeard3810 I think you’re right. He’s definitely been dropping not too subtle hints
Marriage is a ministry and a gift from God! People can try to downplay marriage all they want, the reality is God honors marriage! When God put it together, when the trials come, He will give you grace to work it out! I wish you guys well!
This is why I believe it takes a select few strong individuals to discuss, with a vast audience, very intimate aspects of their lives. I commend you all. Thank you! I love the comment section just as much as the content.
A 30 min glimpse into someone's life doesn't compare to the "in the moment" personal decisions they have had to make and live with...in my humble opinion
But part of honesty is also understanding that she has the option to go and find someone who is ready. She should not have to wait for you to decide when you’re ready if she really is ready to move forward in her life.
Thanks guys for opening up. People usually just want to hear fairytale like experience when it comes to marriage, but the fact is marriage is not a disney movie.
I wanna be with u, but I wanna live my life too. I see nothing wrong with that long as you're ok with her living her life as well.🤷🏾♀️ ....but most don't want that👀...they want to put them on the shelf like Devale.
THANK YOU GUYS FOR THIS... I'm at each of these crossroads in my relationship, and needed a conversational perspective as opposed to the traditional "this is how it's supposed to be" jargon that's peddled generationally... I needed this soft intro into what actually is... THANK YOU... THANK YOU... thank you....
I don't care what anyone says, this conversation is absolutely necessary, and needs to be had more!
Exactly lol people in the comments are just hurt 🤷🏽♀️
The Bible stipulates no sex before marriage (1 Corinthians 6:18-19) and if we were to follow this simple biblical teaching there would be much fewer problems in our relationships and our wider community. This is the 'elephant in the room' that this episode did not discuss!! It is so obvious that sex before marriage was defiately an issue here.
Something to consider is that, as a woman especially, once you invest your whole body you obviously want a return for your investment and sometime this will cause a woman to go to unhealthy lengths just to keep a (no good) man and this causes a lot of insecurity and fear in the relationship. If we 'look beneath the smiles', we can see this scenario demonstrated here in this episode.
Girl stop, don’t get me started on the nervous 😬 smiles these ladies had on. It’s true once most women have sexual intimacy with a man they want commitment. God honestly put the no sex before marriage for our protection
This is the BEST comment on the internet 👍👍
It was discussed..slightly 😉
Marriage is a contract. You sign on a house.. on a car... for a job.. with a bank.. Marriage is declaring that you are committed!
Yes I have been living for these episodes. Thank you so much Kadeen and Devale. I am currently in a relationship with my boyfriend of 3 years and we are moving towards marriage, these videos really help us see different perspectives. Much love from 🇹🇹
Devale, if at 19 you felt you weren't ready for a commitment, fine! Most people aren't at that age. Where you went wrong is thinking that you could put her in a glass cage until you were ready! That's the problem. It's not like she couldn't handle the truth, the problem was her exploring HER own options too! Seems like you couldn't handle that.🤷
One size DON'T fit all. Do whatever yall wanna do. Ppl will ALWAYS have something to say. Do yall.
Excellent transparent conversation amongst the younger married generation. Thank you all!
This was REAL and good. More younger couple NEED to watch this.
In response to "Why do Women want to be Married. " it all goes back to the Great Design!!! GOD said that "It is not good for Man to be alone." So, HE designed us from you and for you. It's called a Helpmate. We were designed for each other. I have been with my Husband for almost 34 years but married to Him for almost 31 years. That is because we both Love and Keep HIM in our relationship. 🥰🥰🥰🥰🙏🙏🙏🙏
Finally, someone with some sense in this comment section lol dang.
Long story short, thank you all. These conversation are real and so honest. Great to see open dialogue!!! It hit home. 🌞
Absolutely love this couple and what they’ve done with their platform..
However, even though you’ll have to deal with BS from anybody, I don’t think that’s a great mindset to have... that personally doesn’t sit right for me.
I think it’s about weighing out the pros with the cons...
if that person’s BS is intolerable, then you really need to consider other options.
I love everything else that was mentioned, especially Devale being open about his 19 year old self. He’s right. We do need more of these conversations
So true!
When being honest, you also have to accept the reality that she may not be there waiting for you ... it’s a choice on both sides, I think there is definitely pressure because it seems like women are ready or want to get married before the man. Men should definitely be honest and let the chips fall where they fall. But women should also be honest and if she is ready now and he isn’t, maybe it doesn’t work , either she waits for him to be ready... or he sees that he may lose her and does what’s necessary. I think there is pressure... then there’s motivation... also if it’s mature for the man to be honest about not being ready or wanting to still explore... isn’t it also mature for the woman’s response to be ... cool, thank you for the honesty but I won’t wait around for you to explore, if we meet up in the future then fine, if not have a good life? I love these types of honest convos.. and being with another person we must grow... exactly what they were saying... people change constantly, so being able to communicate and work with a person as they grow and vice versa is necessary.
There are women who don't want to be married or scared to be married as well. Some women are career driven and so they not built to be a wife and mother but because their parents and grandparents forces them to get married they do it but are miserable and resentful because its not what they really want. Also career driven women with no husband and child are frowned upon by alot of people and so you just following society standards and rules of life.
@@faithwatkins7811 absolutely... and I meant my comment both ways... if one party isn’t ready or doesn’t want to be married.. be honest but also be ready and open for honesty from your partner.
@1980tiffani I completely agree with your opinion, for that reason it was a little uncomfortable listening. These women waited for these men and sure they're all married now and some of the guys recognise they were selfish, but some also came across as begrudgingly coerced. Marriage is a commitment, but here it seems to be depicted as an overbearing loss of freedom. My take away from this is: don't be afraid to walk away have faith in God.
You said my words perfect..the decision is made on both sides..and a woman or man has a right to say I'm not waiting because we're in different seasons and be ok with that..if u loose that person then oh wrll..be willing too live with that
@@faithwatkins7811 Sis, I'm divorced and childfree and it's the best decision I have made in my entire life. I'm 35, so I'm still young enough to travel the world, yet still experienced enough to know that a relationship isn't everything. My marriage was a disaster and I did not enjoy being a wife. I had to take on all of the adult responsibilities and felt trapped. I have no intentions of marrying again, or having kids, all I want to do is travel the world and live my life.
At the end of the day you are either going to see marriage from a "Biblical perspective or secular perspective." The secular perspective sees marriage as a social contract where both individual's 'truth" is what wins the day.
I appreciate y’all mature & honest convos. It’s logical on both ends & not irrational.
No clout chasing. I really appreciate y’all much love.
Great Conversation!!! All young couples need to hear this. It is also helpful for older couples to listen. I totally enjoyed this debate/conversation. Keep them coming. I married when I was 20 years old and I promise looking back my husband will agree with everything that is being said. I totally enjoyed this.
This was so eye-opening! Thank you so much for this discussion.
Awesome episode and well
needed conversation in the black
community. I’m in a committed
relationship 13months Boyfriend
and I are talking marriage. Thanks
so much for sharing this its Real
Conversation 😍♥️
Having this in my recommendation at the age of 19 feels like a God sent 💜
Marriage is "like" a career and I think most people would rather have a Full Time job than be a Temporary employee. And marriage should be the "safest relationship" for people, as well as, provide a solid example of a healthy relationship for kids... I'd also equate marriage to the first form of government we learn about and participate in as kids with a National Security Program. However, dishonesty with ourselves and others leads to broken or "unequally yoked" homes that usually degrade the program's success and result in domestic terrorism, if you know what I mean... I would venture to say that schools should prioritize teaching about relationships over sex, but that might help stabilize our society. Also, we should start defining marriage because it's not just about money and security but they are a big part of it. It's about two people giving to one cause that causes advancements on multiple levels of society. That said, great video and thanks for sharing a part of your lives with us.
as Mom I teach my son's your 20's is for you and you alone. Learn you.
I'm Ghanaian-Togolese and Nigerian American and my boyfriend is African American. He spoke about marriage from the very beginning. I didn't need to say anything. But he's especially serious because early on my parents still considered me single while I was with him. They were still introducing me to guys despite me having a bf I wanted to marry lol. My boyfriend noticed and quickly introduced himself to them early to make them know he's there. He's going to be going through the dowry process for marriage now. As soon as he started, my parents stopped introducing me to others 😂 They love him and call him their son now.
😂😂
God bless your parents.. seems the African way works well for some people, nonetheless, a percentage of Westernized singles also share the same “thoughts” … unfortunately I don’t have the figures.
Great conversation! Thank you for having relevant exchanges. Please be encouraged to keep going!! Blessings
Getting married to my husband was very much needed and to share our love with just each other
Marriage is the ultimate expression of love. The bible says he who findith a wife findith a good thing....
@R B Tell that to the legal system, social security system. To the greater security and stability of children.
Marriage historically was never about love lol. In most cultures it still isn’t.
@@marishajames3581 facts
@Chat that's true too. For non-western cultures it's a covenant.
THe Bible also it’s better to be single
This is an awesome episode, so many gems.
I’m over the moon to see this conversation. Societal expectations place unnecessary foolish pressure and unrealistic expectations on young men and women.
Responding the the girl in a glass thing. This is typical men entitlement. At 19, Devale wanted to be honest about how he felt and said women don't want honesty. Although the thing with the glass is that you want your woman to stay on hold while you figure out your life, but can you accept that she might want the same thing (that's why people came at him)? You are entitled to live your own life and your own choices, but so does she. She is allowed to leave if she's not happy. With your truth she has the right to make her own decision based on whatever you can offer her at the moment (you supply something that is not demanded). When a women says "I don't want kids out of wedlock?" you are allowed to leave if this is not what you want. That's her honesty at the same level as yours to not want to be committed previously. When men tell their truth it's honesty, when women tell their truth it's pressure. Nah, that's her standard/honesty.
The problem is trying to control each other choices. Otherwise, this reads like **because I am honest I will have whatever I want**, that manipulative. Being honest is about integrity, being able to live with yourself, respect other people and their choices, not to manipulate. People get mad at the honesty because they feel they are controlled by the love they have for their partner. How manipulative it is to say: "Now that you are completely in love with me, I want to date a bunch of other women for 4 years. Wait for me in your glass case." ?
Woman do accept honesty, the problem is that men can't accept that it might not go their way. That's the issue men have with honesty. They expect to have things go their way because they tell the truth, or lie to get what they want. Every choice is about their own needs, insecurities, and desires. Men don't want to assume the consequences of their actions and blame it on women not wanting the truth. Nah it is you being selfish and wanting the world to stay still while you figure out your stuff.
If you are really honest, you have to be open to someone else honesty too, otherwise you are pretending. You are trying to have it both way and stealing her choices while you keep yours. Why dating if you aren't looking to commit? Leave and come back when you are ready. Yes! it is a risk to take, but this is the consequences of that choice. That's just life. You don't seek your dream job if you aren't qualified. If you tell your boss you don't have the requirement, do you expect to be hired? If you lie about the requirement, do you expect to be able to keep up? Nah, go get your degree and qualifications then apply when you are ready to do a good job.
I love Devale, but he is wrong for dragging this conversation. I know Khadeem only wanted a wedding at the time, but at this point, don't they understand why it's better to be married? Finally, I agree with Devale, people don't marry for love, they marry for the commitment, to build a secure future without someone with one step outside the door.
@audrey Yes! My thoughts exactly
You said this so perfectly! This is everything I was thinking while listening to this. The men and women who have done the work within will see these qualities as red flags. It’s a bunch of manipulation, immaturity , lack of self worth in this conversation . Live genuinely and authentically and you’ll see how things divinely line up for you
@@nikesalewis11 and if you realized they all said the women were there for them to grow and even the women said they wanted their man to achieve their potential. But no one talk about the growth and potential of the women. Who cares for them? I feel this is all one way.
I wonder if this is the only way a marriage can be successful, that women have to let go of themselves.
@@deydzz I def believe a woman can be there for a man and help them achieve their potential but I also we have to not loose ourselves as well! We as women can tend to put all of ourselves into our relationship and our partner but a mature partner will know that you all are growing together it’s not just about one person . The beauty in being interdependent is being a rock for yourself and each other . And you said it so perfectly not once did they talk about what they are providing their women in taking care of them , helping them achieve all they can, nurturing them. Just as that one woman said she felt like her husband deserved to be loved but I didn’t hear him nor any of them say that about their wives. Who is taking care of us?! I believe it comes down to choosing a mature, loving , nurturing and respectful partner that has the capacity to do those things as well. I don’t believe marriage has to be this way, these women choose their partners and you can tell a lot about them by how they speak and more importantly how their husbands speak and their ideologies. Lack of self worth will have you connecting with people that don’t deserve your beautiful heart and spirit .
Peace & Blessings Queen 💞
@@nikesalewis11 Thanks! I’ll try to keep faith. I willing to give all the love in the world but I know I need someone to be on my side and understand me.
My husband was ready to marry me at 20 i told him no 2 times because I didn’t wanted to hurt him because I was on some fuck shit but when i turned 24 and we went our separate ways we were married 34days after I turned 25 I got all my play out the way and I was finally ready . I couldn’t imagine living my life without him even when we were apart we always stayed in contact and in each others circle but our time apart actually made me realize he is actually the one man I couldn’t live without
I didn’t rush or pressure mine. When he was ready, he waited until I was ready.
Excellent
I've been asking myself this question for years and this is the second time I'm getting a great perspective and why it is.
Thanks for the episode.
We need to have more of these conversations 👏🏾
This was sooooo good!!! Please keep these videos coming ❤💣
This was so beneficial and to the true point. I'm singled was married. I Love the honesty on both parts, the men and Women. Thank you..
I respect the honesty in this conversation about marriage. We as people have our own expectations about marriage… thank you all for being truthful about how each one of you felt about marriage.
In all honesty, a lot of married dudes are suffering in silence to keep their wife happy. I hope the best for the couples but some dudes regret the day they got married
Yeah my step dad only married my mother because she was pregnant with my brutha. We all suffered from physical and mental abuse because he regretted committing to her but didn't want to pay child support.
Men should really stop having sex until they are ready to settle down. Lust is driving our people straight to Hell.
This Happy Wife Happy Life nonsense, I don't believe in. I believe jn Happy Spouse, Happy House. The Real 1.
That actually doesn't line up with statistics though. Statistics show that married men are happier than single men. On the flip side of that...married women are less happy than single women. That actually makes sense if you dig deep into it which I won't do here in the comments. I won't write a dissertation. It may also be the reason why women overwhelmingly are the ones who file for divorce. Again, that's just based on statistics - not my opinion. I keep my opinions separate from it.
@@lisacox3750 where did you find their stats of you don't mind. But that I disagree
@@lisacox3750 fake statistics lol!
I think women are conditioned to have limited sex and partners from a very young age.. while men are taught the exact opposite. That’s the disconnect we face as we come together we try and commit to one another.
I find it funny women still think men want commit from you all. Why do you think there are more baby showers, than wedding showers?
I find it funny women still think men want commit from you all. Why do you think there are more baby showers, than wedding showers?
Do you think a Majority of men want to marry a woman who has been ran through. It can also be deduced that a majority of women would prefer an experience partner. Therefore its not just how you are brought up but also human nature. An example is when someone has more than 1 wife. It's something that has been going on for hundreds of years. Also look at it from a male stand point. Many men can be found online saying that they were pressured or felt like they lost their v-card to fit in.
From my experience women was taught to have a hoe stage for as long as you want until you get around 30 than you settle down with that one guy.
While being around men in my family they were taught to be to treat every woman you meet as a queen don’t hit her be yourself and they’ll fall in love you with you.
Than when the advice was followed by both genders they found out later on that it was a fail.
Than later both genders do the opposite from what that they was taught (sometimes)
When both male and female get together they truly have to learn each other and sometimes it’s hard to do but when or if you can get through the hard times you honestly start seeing more good than bad.
Thats because a women choses her partner and a man pursues women for acceptance
This is beautiful. Keep the conversation going. Give Thanks. One thing I would add is guard your environment. Being in an environment that supports your marriage is essential in the longevity of your partnership. Evenly yoked is also environment oriented.
Exactly
I don't think it's only women who can't handle honesty well, men too have that issue because very few men can tell a lady they are not ready and wanna live their lives and accept the reverse, most often than not it will always be interpreted as she is not the one because if she were she would have waited for me
Hi Black Love I thank you for doing these videos on this topic. You gave your viewers alot of clarity on how an relationship supposed to be. Be blessed and take care of yourself KING'S and QUEEN'S
Its 2020 and I'm just watching this! I recognize the young man from New sitcom Sistas! I thank you and wifey for this video I love the topic! May God bless you both!🙏🏽❤
The maturity and commitment is critical . The point that Kay made about being example for children living in a household that’s really a necessity. Because the stability had to be seen so the children can see the importance of this sacred union given by God for anyone who intend to follow him or even have a relationship or become one .
I am glad we got married later in life and we had the chance to be immature make mistakes and live life before marriage. No regrets. Everyone’s life and purpose is different. No pressure either way for us tho.
First of all...marriage is of God ..not man idea..
That pretty much settles things. If He is not the authority, IT IS A WASTE OF TIME and many people experience that and become bitter about. The originator was never involved.
I don't believe marriage is just a choice but a spiritual decision with the assistance of God.
You simp 😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂😂
Amen. Marriage is spiritual and if the Lord is not in it, don’t do it
It is a choice in that God doesn't make you do anything. The lord could be telling you to do things and you don't do it.
im glad you said spiritual. i am not the biggest fan of religion. even before the church people coupled up. they grouped up in whatever society they had founded. maybe monogomy wasnt the base but they had favorites aka pretty much loyal to one.
This is most annoying! Why is it that some black men cant just be faithful....it is possible but they just refuse to control themselves and they play like its not possible to just commit and be faithful, they act like its not 'humanly possible' to just 'keep the snake in the cage'! If you have a sexual control issue then just say so but don't make faithfulness seem like an unreasonable request, please, it really isn't!!! This is why unfaithfulness is running rampant in our community because shortsighted and selfish individuals keep making excuses for it!!!
So what's bw excuse ? Becuase the statistics are out what's the reason they claim they stepping out ?
lack of self control and unbridled sexual energy...all men have these urges and black men aren't the only ones to cheat but other men from other cultures seem to put more energy in building and having pride from being a successful breadwinner instead of a successful womanizer
ijs
Before I start given my opinion about this topic. Both men and women cheat. With that said. The common denominator of this truth tale communication, is each couples had their own honest and open dialogue conversations to make it work. Because of that they were able to overcome the storms. The way a man see commitment and the way a woman see commitment is two different thing. With this open dialogue, you can clearly see the difference. But the once that make it. Are the once that can be honest with each other. You talking about spending your rest of your life with this person. And that's something you've to be clearly be ready for, and don't be peer pressure by friends or family members. And that goes for both man and a woman. It takes a mature person to understand what these couples are saying. If you cannot have mature conversations with an opposite sex about your emotional feelings then you should not be engaging in any relationships. Work on yourself first. You have to realize you're an individual first, entering into a relationship to become one. If your individualism is still compromised by other things, be upfront with the other person so you don't waste their time. Give the other person the choice to decide if they still want to stick around or not. And make sure God is your foundation of your relationship. Don't marry someone who is not God fearing.
It’s hard when you have so many sexual partners and then trying to settle with one. You get accustomed to a certain way of life that does not involve discipline. Men understand monagamy when they want women to be faithful, but suddenly you don’t understand when it comes to you?
The damage being promiscuous does to someone’s ability to pair bond to one person is different for each of the sexes. Men’s ability to pair bond is hindered less by this. I don’t think anyone should be recklessly promiscuous but things aren’t symmetrical between guys and girls.
@@1st_b Ah yes... the pair bond MGTOW fears... but the post was about men's LACK OF DISCIPLINE. Men who are UNDISCIPLINED sexually have to gain discipline in order to be monogamous, and the later they start on that, the harder it is going to be for them to develop the habit UNLESS, of course, they are at an age and state of body in which they need someone to put up with their INCREASING TIREDNESS AND WEAKNESS IN EVERY CONCEIVABLE WAY. Forget pair bonding... many of us women DO NOT WANT TO PAIR BOND WITH DISABLED DISSOLUTES, or even take that chance along with the STD roulette! When the MGTOW crowd excuses men's promiscuity and lack of discipline because men can supposedly pair bond easier, just know: intelligent women are asking what such men bring to the table for real, and respect slides right out the door from the gate...
Imagine you spend 18 years with someone and at the 13 year mark they still felt pressured. Wasting that time with someone probably due to comfort and instead of taking the leap for a man who knew what he wanted from the beginning and set standards. Jesus
I would rather be married instead of constantly jumping from relationship to relationship. Not saying that I'm doing that but I'm just saying.
You missed the point.
@@aliveandconnected After getting married, you will understand. DON'T marry someone you know isn't ready mentally, emotionally, spiritually and financially. Look deep before you leap. When you marry the right person, it is a beautiful thing.
Why would you be jumping from relationship to relationship tho? Why can't you have a few stable relationships
You have to understand what type of relationship you have that's the problem.
@@EdenSophia118 aliveandconnected has a point. What you're speaking on is almost like trying to win the lottery.
Basically you're one of the few that actually did "win". But that's not a reality for most people. Because that's not the way reality actually is.
It sounds like Devale no longer wants to be married or he felt he was forced to be married. I will not be surprised if they announce they are splitting up soon. I think they didn’t date other people while in college. They’ve spent literally all of their 20’s together and now into their 30’s. They are in totally different places. He has been telling her for years he was not ready. They should have broken up and dated other people. That’s one of the things about locking yourself down in relationships too early. If you cannot be faithful and your woman wants exclusivity, BE SINGLE!! It’s not about being honest. It’s about being realistic. If your aren’t ready, stop dating women that want marriage. It’s really simple. You can’t have it both ways. That’s not fair to you and it’s not fair to the woman. A lot of men make decisions for women because they assume women cannot handle the truth. This is why I tell younger people to date in your teens and 20’s, don’t rush for marriage. I knew I didn’t want to be married in my 20’s. My 20’s were for me. I do agree that women and men are subject to a lot of pressure. Women are pressured to get married and have babies. It’s not often that I hear people saying, live your life and explore. Especially once we get past 25 and 26. I think some women want a wedding, not a marriage. I also believe getting married has been drilled into our minds since we were young. The narrative is typically be a good woman, get married and have children. If you are a woman who is childless a lot of people can make it seem like you are missing out or your life is somehow incomplete. Marriage is work, daily.
Sounds like he wants to have sex with different women. 🤔 sounds like he is struggling.
I agree with you 💯!! This is a horrible example of what marriage is and should be. Hell, at least the other husbands lifted up their wives and I didn't hear how much Khadeem really meant to him as his wife and how he didn't want to loose her or see his life without her. Devale just wants to make his point clear, a man who wants to win the battle but loose the war in the end. He is not a wise man and definitely needs to seek better counsel because these couples are toxic. The women stayed because of the return on their investment (which is the reason a lot of women stay in a toxic relationship, because they molded this man and don't want to see him be better with another woman). Also for the couples to say they stay because they will have to deal with others BS anyways is so toxic. Such a sad example of marriage. Khadeem should be so embarrassed, I don't know what she expected out of this conversation but Devale does not get it, he just lacks emotional intelligence. Khadeem you have just outgrown his 19yr old way of thinking.
I agree with you both. Devale still has a lot of maturing and growing to do. He is telling her he is not happy. The main thing he complains about is sex and how Kadeen spends money. They should have split for a period of time.
@@Live2loveangel23 This is almost 3 years old. When they were on Black Love he mentioned not sacrificing his legacy for sex. He said he understands other women may be attractive, but he doesn’t feel a night with any of them would be worth the vision he has for his life with his family. He also spoke about his addiction and the role his wife played in bringing him out of that season. Like anyone else, only time will tell.
I find me slightly immature too but I think he is honest and is trying also I think they will last. I love them as a couple it's clear they love each other and they are committed
Definitely a conversation starter they hit some key points and I’m sure some nerves but everybody have to know marriage is definitely a process
What does the bible say about marriage... this a great place to start...!
🎯May I also add, what does the Bible say about fornication?
God allowed the men of the Bible multiple women. 🙏🏾
@@sammuelsammuel123 no he did not lol
That's the biggest turn off for me about this video. They didnt acknowledge Gods view on it.
I have a question: I truly don’t get how women saying if you are going to live your life then us saying ok then I’m going to live my life is pressure/indirect pressure....not even judging I just do not understand. So to not put pressure would be to just sit and wait for you to come back and not acknowledge that you’ve been doing you and we are sitting and waiting for you? Does that also mean holding you accountable is also pressure? And is saying I want something and if you don’t have the capacity to deliver that I’m going to separate myself from you pressure? From my point of view it just sounds like if I guy gets any type of reaction he doesn’t like it’s pressure...again I’m not judging I’m just genuinely at a loss of how to understand this. And maybe this is one way women can sometimes interpret things differently? It would be nice to have a guy explain this without being defensive about it. Assuming both parties are sane, emotionally intelligent, know how to express themselves respectfully....is this a normal way for a guy to interpret this???
I think i understand what you're asking, so i'll try...im male, black, 46, and married for 22yrs. We (men) have a hard time explaining "MALE" to women because most of you already have your mind made up about men. Ask yourself this question. Why don't people get upset about the actions of ANY other animal on earth? We just chalk it up to it being NATURE. So why is it when men are asked why did you do (insert offense)
Women can't except that answer to hold true about NATURE when it comes to HUMAN MALES. Also, here's a question to any female reading this. Other than LOVE AND RELIGION, why else get married? Give an answer that has zero to do with your heart. Thx!
@Cheryl Vaughn the men vs. nature analogy never works. Wild animals operate off of instinct and survival. Men are human and have freedom of thought, and choice. They don't operate off of life and death survival. So we can't just chalk up your hurtful, and disrespectful choices to nature because those things aren't natural to humans.
@@cherylvaughn2215 Thanks for your answer, sorry for the late reply I just saw this. I am still left confused though because even using animals and nature- if you study biology/zoology/etc there are answers and reasons to be found. Because of science we can have answers beyond “because of nature.” Social science does the same for human behavior. And personally as a Christian, I personally do not see the point of marriage if you are also not at least of a religion that values it. Technically as a Christian the point of marriage is to take two whole people who know their purpose (a purpose that ultimately is designed to serve God ) and they join themselves in marriage to help and amplify that purpose even more by being equally yoked and supporting each other. The concept of love is never actually included as the purpose or reason of marriage, it’s more like a side effect and goal to attain while married. Same with sex. Like love is supposed to be a verb and action word so while you are married you work to falling and being in love/ sex. Culture and politics has completely warped that to where people solely get married for love now (which I also find romantic ) but I can admit that is really faulty because love doesn’t hold anything together when issues like cheating or something serious come up. Also people fall out of love. If you want to go with the conservative Christian view love technically has nothing to do with marriage like purpose and serving God does you’re actually supposed to stay married even if you “fall out of love” or don’t like each other or don’t get enough sex. I think the Bible only lists infidelity as a valid reason for divorce. I not saying I’m this perfect person who lives by this only and just have all the answers because I admit I am very much of this culture too but I have done enough research into my Christian “religion” to know the difference between what marriage is “supposed” to be for and what we make it into. So really if you aren’t going to follow a religion that has a purpose for marriage I don’t k is that I think you should get married, kids can and are raised outside of marriage and then does the business side of marriage work for you? If so cool if not, cool. I don’t think commitment or companionship is a good reason either because you can find that outside of marriage and you can lose that within marriage. Marriage is just a covenant/marriage to God that you will love for God together. That’s pretty much it. As for why men feel pressured, I just don’t get how men say women should say what we want and then sometimes when we do it’s pressure. And again let’s assume the couple is mature and knows how to talk to each other decently
@@cherylvaughn2215 Challenge accepted... Marriage provides for stable transmission of legacy, and has been proven to be the key to wealth building and maintenance throughout most of human history. The blending of families of like ideals and values, the production (or choosing) of definite heirs to whom generational wealth can be passed, and the passing of the values necessary to maintain it, is best done, historically, within the commitment that is a marriage, with all the societal and legal weight that commitment bears ... because, after all, the only things at stake are the material and cultural wealth of a family line, a community, and a civilization. Try to improvise any other way of coupling, and the results are predictable: dissipated wealth, legal hassles, and people across two or more generations not as prepared to uphold themselves and their culture. The Black community suffers GREATLY -- the poverty and confusion is rampant in many areas -- for not accepting this reality. But, go around where there are well-off Black people. There you will find much more respect and choice of marriage.
Marriage is right because God said it is ! It is commitment and when you truly love someone, you will commit with marriage and not live together.
God also wants the man as head of house. Will you submit to that?
@@kirylspence1190 l absolutely agree to that also because that's scripture.
Great conversation....every young couple need to see this...real talk
Absolutely loved this video! Was so insightful!