If for you it s easy to forgive it means that you have no values/pride and dignity. You comfort the other person that you accept being the victim and will never be respected.
Keeps popping up in my head. The scenarios I'll never understand, never know, never make peace with until i forget and stop imagining what tf it was that happened that night with her..... got to shut myself down sometimes i guess but i can't all the way cuz I do want to move on and give our 2nd chance a last try and learn from everything.
@MarcosAntonio-di8wq update 4 months later. My impulsiveness get worse, shit still pops in my head. She's 5 months pregnant and I have doubt of whether it's mine or the fukker she had a one night stand with..... pray for it to be mine everyone, this is a new phone, new account. 🙏 All I want from all this bs is this little blessing to be mine if not idk what will happen to her... probably be a single 24yo mom without parents or family support because they neglected her since childhood and has past trauma and they never helped her out. And financially idk she will struggle and even if she gives up the baby we won't work out cuz we will always know she had someone else's baby. OR stay together and raise it as my own but that's funked up cuz I'd be raising a kid she had with someone she cheated on me with. So wtf??? I really hope it's mine and I get impatient not knowing until December....
@@Marcos-d2r7gleave her now for your own mental health and well-being. It doesn't matter if the kid is yours or not as you'll still find out after the child is born. What matters most is you healing from the hurt and also giving her space to actually choose if she wants to fight to have you back.
I accept that it happened. I forgive her for it. We are addressing the underlying issues. I’m committed to this process, but I’m still unsure whether or not I want to.
You wouldn't be doing any of it if it wasn't something you wanted. No one is holding you hostage but yourself. You say you are committed to the process then be committed.
My infidelity has caused my husband to leave me and I have been devastated. The selfish moments weren't even worth the amazing love of my husband. I was narcissistic and selfish and greedy and weak. The Lord has shown me, me and has changed me and drawn me back to Him. Now I'm in the fight of my life, fasting, crying, and praying for Gods restoring and resurrection power to bring my marriage back from the dead...
Can it be earned back though? I don't want to throw away 10 years with the only woman I ever loved, we have two young children as well, I have been in internal conflict with myself for a long time.
Nope restoration is not equal to reconciliation is not equal to forgiveness. Forgiveness and letting go of our right to payback is forgiveness. Reconciliation is the process of accepting the person as they are now. Restoration requires a long process of trust rebuilding.
@@mr.imperfect6636 Well, first I'm not inclined to deceit or cheating. But if I ever decided to do so it would be because I no longer valued my marriage or relationship. Honestly, I see myself divorcing or breaking up before cheating, if not technically, certainly mentally (the decision would have already been made). So to answer your question, if it was aimed at me, no.
@@mljrotag6343 I respect your opinion and I definitely agree. However I have been one to mess up and been messed up on (if that makes sense) and It bothers me to see people say “leave”. I have forgiven women for cheating and I would like to be forgiven. It’s not always about cheating it is so much more to it.
@@mr.imperfect6636 It sounds like in your relationships fidelity is more of a suggestion or soft boundary....which is totally fine. People are different and consenting adults can customize their relationships as it fits them. I have had relationships like that...more casual in nature, but I would not want that in marriage or serious LTR. I can see that if you've cheated and wanted reconciliation then you'd be a hypocrite to not accept the same from your spouse / partner. I never have, although tempted as we all are, but my marriage and wife are far more important. It stands to reason that people that are prone to or have cheated are less adversely impacted by infidelity.
I wish this was possible but when you close your eyes and imagine her getting plowed while you read stories to the kids will always be there waiting. Take the pain and move forward. I got over my sons death but will never get over her betrayal.
@jeffreyhamilton1801 I’ll pray for you. My wife forgave me and I regretted my affair. Does your wife have regret? Forgiveness may take time. If she has no regrets then God will take care of that for you and for her.
I have probably watched over 200 videos, desperately searching for some type of a start on how to forgive my s/o for his infidelity. I believe this video is what I have been looking for. It made sense, and it seems like there are ideas in here that I can do to start this journey of forgiveness. Thank you so much for this video1, for the 1st time in the last 2 1/2 years, I have hope.
Triggers, Triggers, Triggers forgive all you want, triggers happen when you don't want them too, especially when the unfaithful is not transparent, holding on to secrets and the betrayed is left without any help for recovery. 😶
@@KS-vv3hn im.in a much better place. We are officially divorced. He wants to remarry me but yet still tied to this woman, I forgive him and have healed and moved forward
@@christalhardy8771 I’m sorry that your marriage ended. I am however thankful that you found your POWER and STRENGTH to push through his craziness and move FORWARD!
My wife forgave me but I had to look in the mirror and dig deep. The last five years we are closer then we were the first 25 years. I am ashamed but it does not define me.
God say he forgive 7 times and more without any objections, so if ur a true Christian, u will forgive, no buts. Read the words and do not take anything away from the word or add to it.
I want to first say that I did receive great messages in this video and very much appreciate you providing insightful information to those struggling in marriage. With that said, our Father who art in heaven offers his counsel free of charge. But the question is: What price are you willing to pay to save your marriage? This is not merely a financial question.. Prayers for everyone going through this struggle 🙏
Sometimes it seems like the person is promiscuous and they are in a relationship with someone that they will lose if they don’t take their relationship to that next step.
Thanks I cried so much listening to you I communicated with my partner Best advise I’ve ever listen to I hope we have a better future Something connected me to your advise Thank you May God bless you Keep helping me 🙏
I'm still on the process of healing..after the mistress called me and my husband is there..I feel like a bomb..after trusting him and being a good mother what I get is pain it hurts me Al lot... especially I saw both of them together in one room.. until now I don't know how to move on but I kept trying for the sake of my kids .even he ask forgiveness but I didn't see realness on him .and because we are LDR..a lot of scenarios on my head...all I know now that god 🙏 is with me untill I cope up this infidelity issues..
I think the betrayed can forgive. It’s the pain they can’t let go. It’s ok for them to find peace by letting go. This is coming from someone who did the betraying. I’m not taking away my husbands choice to leave. I was unfaithful. Unforgiveness, bitterness, emotional neglect, addictions and exhaustion led me down a road of lust. I gave in. I cause pain and I own up to it. I just want him to heal and move on so he can find peace. I’m not in the business of holding him hostage because I made the wrong choice.
If my wife articulated what you just said that would be a good step in the process of me healing. What made you be able to get to this place it sounds like you owned the choices you made
@@jontelmurphy5996 I don’t have a problem owning my faults, or bad decisions. I’m not built like that. I’d rather tell him the truth and let him walk than to live a lie. We are divorced and I support his choice to move away from me. I did fight but he is an adult and I’m ok with him protecting his peace. It’s harder to do than you think. I am doing the work with a therapist, so I know the why. I’ve spent 14 years in this relationship and honestly I feel lost. I can’t ask him to rescue me. I have to do it for me. Growing up as a church kid there is a lot that I was afraid to speak about. I’m not making excuses but at least I know the why and I can go from there. Repentance is about God, not about feelings. I did a complete 180, living the life I’m supposed to live with the character that would make me proud. I can only do better.
@Iam Flay What you're saying really speaks to me, especially when you said, as a church kid there was a lot than you could not speak about," my wife is a preachers daughter and grew up in the church. When you speak it seems like you really cared about your husbands ability to heal and get Peace, even if that meant him moving on from the marriage. The issue I'm having is she was ok with living a lie, and keeping up a facade due to tradition and church culture. Due to your growing up in church, what were you afraid to speak about or express yourself about, I assume if you would have been able to speak about these things to your husband things may have turned out differently. Did you have issues speaking up for yourself or holding things in, instead of confronting them and being able to talk through them
@@jontelmurphy5996 Yes! I wish my marriage was black and white. Like we met, I messed up I’m out. It’s not so simple. Some of the things I am dealing with is being raped from a young age, molestation, and addictions. I didn’t think those things affected me, but they did. I was also in a sexless marriage (which is a battle on its own). I do care for him. I wish we could work it out, but I don’t want to force him. If he feels better and more at peace without me, I support that. I knew I had to get help for me, because I am experiencing a mental breakdown, exhaustion from the day to day activities in my household. I felt abandonment, neglect, and a lack of spirituality. They did not start with him, but things definitely magnified once married. I felt like I was in a marriage alone. Now, I make no excuses. God does give the wrong party the right to divorce. I support his word. It still hurts; however I have to allow myself to repent, and change. I hope to find love and a family again. I know the Lord restores and he is a God of many chances. I made the divorce easy for him. No alimony, No child support. I did all the paperwork. Got it approved in 30 days. It was final 2/23/2022. He told me he is dating and he thinks he found the one. It hurts but I support him. Love is kind and not envious. I wish him well. I also offered to pay his therapy. He declined.
@Iam Flay , You are very open, it sounds like you are well on your way to healing from the hurt and pain you experienced from the trauma you suffered when you were younger. If you can offer to do those things for your husband it sounds like there is no bitterness and resentment. When you said you felt alone in the marriage, what caused those feelings, was it the responsibilities with keeping the household and not having help, was it not being able to communicate to your husband and then maybe feeling like he wouldnt listen to you or hear you, what was it. Did you think if you were to expose those things in the past he wouldnt accept you. What i always wanted was for my wife to share with me her authentic self, thats the beauty, someone being able to love the worst parts of you, parts that you dont want anyone to see, but it takes openness ,honesty, and willingness to trust someone with your heart. In Romans 12, the bible says "let Love be without dissimulation, " when we conceal, operate in secrecy and not express our true feelings, it dilutes the power of Love
Man, this was an AMAZING video. I really appreciate this video in a lot of respects. First and foremost, the thing I appreciate is that in the 4 types of forgiveness, he talks about fake forgiveness or spiritual bypassing - which is what I see a LOT of people do to move on without doing any emotional work or to create clarity or resolution. I also appreciate that he talks about how in True Forgiveness, we must be willing to put down our ego, put down our defensiveness, rationalizations and narcissism, in order to take full responsibility for the impact of our actions on the people close to us, for hurting them. Thank You.
4 types of forgiveness (1) the refusal to forgive... I'm here now...its still fresh!! I really need help but it's hard to do counseling when it's long distance and they dont call email or write for months at a time! How do you counsel a couple who is in an incarcerated position?
Could it be, for some ppl, forgiveness is only possible through separation/divorce?? Seems like it could be. I can clean the slate. I can let it go for real. And at some point, wish you well and be cordial, maybe friends!
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I was watching this last night and a lot of realizations. I only caught his infidelity for 3yrs last month only and the pain is so severe that I don't know how to handle it. I hope I can truly forgive him after sleeping with numerous women, denying our kids. We've been together for 5yrs and his cheating spree is 3yrs. I don't see remorse on his end, thats why I can't stop thinking about revenge. But I'm still open that we can work it out. But now, it just hunts me night and day, plus I'm 4mos pregnant. So it's so hard
Hey girl, I just found out my husband was having an affair starting from a month after our first son was born. Until this this last month, I had anger and felt betrayal. Let me just say you have the right and are entitled to feel pain. But please do not throw away what you built due to his failure to deny the enemy and temptation. He will hurt for eternities and God is a merciful God. Lift your head high you are now calling the shots. Forgive but set your rules going forward you are an Esther from the book of Esther in the Bible. Are you familiar with the story?
Pray may Hod give you the strength to do what is right . May He comfort you and heal you . Yes He Can ! Hold on to Him with everything you have. ❤ Sending you hugs !
Why is releasing and forgiving seen as the same thing? And why "forgiveness" advocates never mention the word "respect", or better DISRESPECT that the cheater will have for the forgiving side?
What happens when you choose to forgive and they continue with the same behavior but just pretend as though change has come but in reality, they have attempted remain deceitful behind you back but "loyal" to you face?
@Dee Driver This was great, thanks, I have been researching "how to heal infidelity" for a while now, and I think this has helped. You ever tried - Qenamilla Strayer Magnet - (should be on google have a look ) ? Ive heard some decent things about it and my mate got cool success with it.
I believe that most of infidelity are a form of addiction. I also believe that the family greatly influence this behavior especially if the parents have been committing infidelity for years. If you would like to read my stories, please visit my blog: liveatoughlife.blogspot.com/2020/03/the-dark-momentsof-my-life-well-to-save.html
I would love nothing more then to be able to forgive and be genuine about it. For 1) who wants to live life carrying this weight for the rest of their life? 2) what if the marriage comes out stronger and it’s lead by God! Your video was eye opening! I am sad that for being faith based you charge is so much. 😔
Sorry, that was another platform. Please ser the main question on unforgiveness, the question was why will a person keep bringing it back if they had forgiven someone.
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Bro after u get cheated on it's never the same even if u "forgive" honestly were born alone nd we most likely will die alone it's ok to be alone I walked after I got cheated on bt I made sure to talk as much shyt as I could
Thank you so much for this. I am in the midst of trying to recovery from my significant others betrayal. How would the letters work if it was only one person who betrayed the other? Would I still write a letter although he stepped out? Please help
the letters acknowledge the affair and all things gone wrong in the relationship which has nothing to do with the affair. Therefore, both can participate in the activity.
@@surindafernando we don’t wish hell upon no one brother. Let god judge those. Think “ if I can help others full time I would be blessed with income some how some way to pay bills while still helping others in need. I would pay anything but I don’t have $7000 but I assure you gods faith in me I know he can restore. In many other ways. In life there’s so much other help out here. We just need to seek and we shall find. Let god lead us he’s never deceiving us. God bless
Are you working in world vision or ngo.how dare you can charge money in the name of gospel.perhaps you may do social gospel".dont make my fathers house a market place" Dont make it house of thieves" You better repent......
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He never asked for forgiveness, the infidelity took place within the house, in our bed, and the children's beds, with a maid, not once or twice, but for more than a year, blames are all put on me. What do I do?
I cheated on my boyfriend. He was so upset and wanted to find everything out instantly but because I have issues with acceptance and forgiveness myself, I held things back (like details that mattered to him but I wasnt accepting were decisions I have made and hurt the one i love most). He has a fear of me being unfaithful again, which I promise I won't, my lesson is well learnt, especially after the heartache of what it feels to put someone you love through this type of heartache themselves. I love him so much, I want a future with him and I know he does too, we have discussed this for a while and he really has showed those true colors to me, his deepest thoughts, fears, and hopes for the future we both can create hand in hand, together. I want to do the idea of those letters with him but he is so distraught right now and upset by the pain he feels that he won't even properly talk to me right now. Idk how to handle all of this and it does really upset me to think he might not have it in him to try because of his fear that he will be hurt again and his want to protect himself by ridding his life of the person that cause the pain. His love for me is real, you can tell when the love you feel for someone is returned, so I really want this relationship to work for us. Is there any suggestions you have that may help him move forward?
I’m in the same situation but I’m the guy who’s been cheated on in this case. I love my girlfriend of 5 years and her mistake was made based solely off of my mistakes and what I put her through yet I’m still finding it hard to ever get over the lies and the lack of trust now. I’d like to hear any response to your comment because well it seems our situations are identical
@@brandonready411 That is exactly how my boyfriend feels. I would never hurt him again, I love him so much. It was both of our faults really in our case, or at least I feel a lot of guilt for what I've done so I feel it isn't at all just his fault. We were abusive toward each other but it got worse on his end. We got into drugs and that never helps. I felt like more of a friend and it isn't any excuse for my actions because I should have spoke up and gave him respect before anything ever got to where it had. I can only speak for myself and my situation/emotions, but I know I won't ever stoop as low as I did before. I have more respect for the both of us and our future, or the future I still hope he wants to share with me.
Brandon Ready How you guys doing? I just came across your message...I’m also a betrayed male trying to forgive his wife who is very very remorseful and regrets what she did. In the same shoes as you. So so difficult...
Once trust is broken like that it is extremely difficult to repair. Perhaps one can forgive but the damage has been done. I can deal with a lot of things and actually need little from my spouse, but truth, trust and loyalty are imperative. If someone is unhappy and you've tried unsuccessfully to fix the relationship, then leave rather than step out. Perhaps a clean separation where the trust wasn't breached is repairable.
Even me i am in the same situation but my boyfriend used my past to tell me in present. He think am taking advantage of him we are in a distance relationship.accused me of sending him other guy nudes to him.he always see negativity things toward me he doesn't want me to explain that time i was 21years i was not matured but now am 24yrs i have regrets what i have did but i need chance to make things right
17:00. I do not think the phrase “Black Love” is appropriate. God doesn’t see black or white; he only sees us as his children as we are who we are through him, not our skin color.
Have a question let's say you forgive the individual but the individual continues to bring back the mistakes that you have done so even though the individual forgives you it's not really authentic so best way is to forgive yourself and to hope one day the person forgives you instead of being in a marriage where he or she will bring back your mistakes and what you did in the past. And another thing not many people have forgiveness in their hearts. I rather forgive not forget then be in a relationship where the individual continues to bring back past mistakes
What's the question? My guess, whatever the question, there are soooooo many variables to consider to a relationship let alone your relationship (which the public doesn't know) that I doubt you will get an adequate answer or the one your looking for.
If steps are taken to correct the past, no same person will keep bringing up the past. Sometimes the guilty party is just looking for forgiveness to feel good instead of helping the hurt person to heal.
I really forgive but they are really mean after he fumble me if is about the kids i nees to deal with the new woman i just want to co parent in peace with me kids, but he force me to co parent with his new woman the one he cheated with
My wife had been in a relationship with another married man for 2 years. This was more than an affair. This was a relationship. She even gave him a nickname similar to me and our son. How do I forgive and/or recover from a relationship in which your spouse fell in love with him?
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I forgave but the pain didn't leave and whenever I see the girls he on me with the fear. Pain. Heart beat take me over. Like some one who had ever beaten by the snake that fear they have when they see a snake it's the same like me
To be honest I don’t think I would be able to take my wife back if she cheated on me. Might forgive her somewhere down the line but never take her back.
Yeah, I’m right there with you. I couldn’t do it. I know I would think about it, WAY too much. Even though I forgave her. I would just end my relationship if that were the case.
So forgive every time he make me sick and he keep lay with his girlfriend,been to the doctor twice in 3 months!I've been praying in years,and he will not go with me to see anyone,because he say it me!I have the problem,witch I believe the lies he tells, is him acting out like a child,where is the man at?
Claim compensation never forgive. If you forgive you enable their toxic behavior and consent to their devious deeds. Actions have consequences. You need repayment. Everything they did to you they must pay for tenfold. There is no forgivess after infidelity. Only tenfold compensation.
I enjoy your videos, but as an atheist, I don't find the religious references helpful. Maybe you can consider making videos without religious based content.
God will forgive the cheaters. The best is to dump the cheater. If they have a second chance at a relationship it has to be with another person.If you take back a cheater you are a moron and what is coming to you is on you.
Very easy to forgive but is hard to forget the picture if you believe me hit the like
If for you it s easy to forgive it means that you have no values/pride and dignity. You comfort the other person that you accept being the victim and will never be respected.
Keeps popping up in my head. The scenarios I'll never understand, never know, never make peace with until i forget and stop imagining what tf it was that happened that night with her..... got to shut myself down sometimes i guess but i can't all the way cuz I do want to move on and give our 2nd chance a last try and learn from everything.
@MarcosAntonio-di8wq update 4 months later. My impulsiveness get worse, shit still pops in my head. She's 5 months pregnant and I have doubt of whether it's mine or the fukker she had a one night stand with..... pray for it to be mine everyone, this is a new phone, new account. 🙏
All I want from all this bs is this little blessing to be mine if not idk what will happen to her... probably be a single 24yo mom without parents or family support because they neglected her since childhood and has past trauma and they never helped her out. And financially idk she will struggle and even if she gives up the baby we won't work out cuz we will always know she had someone else's baby. OR stay together and raise it as my own but that's funked up cuz I'd be raising a kid she had with someone she cheated on me with. So wtf??? I really hope it's mine and I get impatient not knowing until December....
@@Marcos-d2r7gleave her now for your own mental health and well-being. It doesn't matter if the kid is yours or not as you'll still find out after the child is born. What matters most is you healing from the hurt and also giving her space to actually choose if she wants to fight to have you back.
I accept that it happened. I forgive her for it. We are addressing the underlying issues. I’m committed to this process, but I’m still unsure whether or not I want to.
You wouldn't be doing any of it if it wasn't something you wanted. No one is holding you hostage but yourself. You say you are committed to the process then be committed.
Your feeling is understandable, the pain of betrayal is profound, not a simple matter. Try hard but don’t lose yourself in the process.
My infidelity has caused my husband to leave me and I have been devastated. The selfish moments weren't even worth the amazing love of my husband. I was narcissistic and selfish and greedy and weak. The Lord has shown me, me and has changed me and drawn me back to Him. Now I'm in the fight of my life, fasting, crying, and praying for Gods restoring and resurrection power to bring my marriage back from the dead...
I wish my wife would feel this bad about it
@@Grapevapewithacape pray for her
@@ibereret2 I do everyday. About 6-12 times a day.
You've done your part then. Leave it in the Masters hands. There will be glory after this, BC our God will always have the glory after the storm 🙌🏽
@@ibereret2 amen! Thanks for encouraging me
Trust is everything! If there is no trust there is no relationship!
You never have to chase love!
Remember my words!
Can it be earned back though? I don't want to throw away 10 years with the only woman I ever loved, we have two young children as well, I have been in internal conflict with myself for a long time.
Forgiveness does NOT equal staying.
Nope restoration is not equal to reconciliation is not equal to forgiveness. Forgiveness and letting go of our right to payback is forgiveness. Reconciliation is the process of accepting the person as they are now. Restoration requires a long process of trust rebuilding.
Would you want to be taken back??
@@mr.imperfect6636 Well, first I'm not inclined to deceit or cheating. But if I ever decided to do so it would be because I no longer valued my marriage or relationship. Honestly, I see myself divorcing or breaking up before cheating, if not technically, certainly mentally (the decision would have already been made). So to answer your question, if it was aimed at me, no.
@@mljrotag6343 I respect your opinion and I definitely agree. However I have been one to mess up and been messed up on (if that makes sense) and It bothers me to see people say “leave”. I have forgiven women for cheating and I would like to be forgiven. It’s not always about cheating it is so much more to it.
@@mr.imperfect6636 It sounds like in your relationships fidelity is more of a suggestion or soft boundary....which is totally fine. People are different and consenting adults can customize their relationships as it fits them. I have had relationships like that...more casual in nature, but I would not want that in marriage or serious LTR.
I can see that if you've cheated and wanted reconciliation then you'd be a hypocrite to not accept the same from your spouse / partner. I never have, although tempted as we all are, but my marriage and wife are far more important. It stands to reason that people that are prone to or have cheated are less adversely impacted by infidelity.
I went to the bank asked them to forgive my debt. They said .. No.
but you can start paying back the debt with actions like building trust with actions and forgiveness is possible.
@@user-yd7pk8vk1i the bank told me they dobt do trusts. Only trust funds.
Tell them they need to find the lord
I wish this was possible but when you close your eyes and imagine her getting plowed while you read stories to the kids will always be there waiting. Take the pain and move forward. I got over my sons death but will never get over her betrayal.
Got over the death of your son but not the betrayal.... Idk man
@jeffreyhamilton1801 I’ll pray for you. My wife forgave me and I regretted my affair. Does your wife have regret? Forgiveness may take time. If she has no regrets then God will take care of that for you and for her.
When you don’t forgive it’s like you drinking poison and hoping that the other person dies!
I have probably watched over 200 videos, desperately searching for some type of a start on how to forgive my s/o for his infidelity. I believe this video is what I have been looking for. It made sense, and it seems like there are ideas in here that I can do to start this journey of forgiveness. Thank you so much for this video1, for the 1st time in the last
2 1/2 years, I have hope.
Forgiveness is a promise to never use their past sins against them
This is powerful!
Triggers, Triggers, Triggers forgive all you want, triggers happen when you don't want them too, especially when the unfaithful is not transparent, holding on to secrets and the betrayed is left without any help for recovery. 😶
This is where I am..he keeps holding onto other secrets and it's like trickling truth .now it's a 2and woman and he wont leave her either
Agreed
@@christalhardy8771
Boundaries with consequences.
I see where your post was a year ago. I pray you’re in a better place now.
@@KS-vv3hn im.in a much better place. We are officially divorced. He wants to remarry me but yet still tied to this woman, I forgive him and have healed and moved forward
@@christalhardy8771 I’m sorry that your marriage ended. I am however thankful that you found your POWER and STRENGTH to push through his craziness and move FORWARD!
My wife forgave me but I had to look in the mirror and dig deep. The last five years we are closer then we were the first 25 years. I am ashamed but it does not define me.
I kinda understood this
I forgive 100%...but allowing that person back in my life again...no, no no.
God say he forgive 7 times and more without any objections, so if ur a true Christian, u will forgive, no buts. Read the words and do not take anything away from the word or add to it.
I want to first say that I did receive great messages in this video and very much appreciate you providing insightful information to those struggling in marriage. With that said, our Father who art in heaven offers his counsel free of charge. But the question is: What price are you willing to pay to save your marriage? This is not merely a financial question.. Prayers for everyone going through this struggle 🙏
Amen. The price to obey his laws to fulfill those commands to the Lord.
God is our counselor. Go to Him first and be careful what kind of human counsel you accept.
You want to cheat, why the hell get married then! So many immature people.
Drugs
Sometimes it seems like the person is promiscuous and they are in a relationship with someone that they will lose if they don’t take their relationship to that next step.
Its okay to leave the relationship. And its okay to end the relationship and reconcile on a higher level.
Thanks
I cried so much listening to you
I communicated with my partner
Best advise I’ve ever listen to
I hope we have a better future
Something connected me to your advise
Thank you
May God bless you
Keep helping me 🙏
I'm still on the process of healing..after the mistress called me and my husband is there..I feel like a bomb..after trusting him and being a good mother what I get is pain it hurts me Al lot... especially I saw both of them together in one room.. until now I don't know how to move on but I kept trying for the sake of my kids .even he ask forgiveness but I didn't see realness on him .and because we are LDR..a lot of scenarios on my head...all I know now that god 🙏 is with me untill I cope up this infidelity issues..
I wish we ALL had seas of forgetfulness like the Lord God. 😢 Forgiveness has got to be easier when you CAN forget the offense too 😢
I think the betrayed can forgive. It’s the pain they can’t let go. It’s ok for them to find peace by letting go. This is coming from someone who did the betraying. I’m not taking away my husbands choice to leave. I was unfaithful. Unforgiveness, bitterness, emotional neglect, addictions and exhaustion led me down a road of lust. I gave in. I cause pain and I own up to it. I just want him to heal and move on so he can find peace. I’m not in the business of holding him hostage because I made the wrong choice.
If my wife articulated what you just said that would be a good step in the process of me healing. What made you be able to get to this place it sounds like you owned the choices you made
@@jontelmurphy5996 I don’t have a problem owning my faults, or bad decisions. I’m not built like that. I’d rather tell him the truth and let him walk than to live a lie. We are divorced and I support his choice to move away from me. I did fight but he is an adult and I’m ok with him protecting his peace. It’s harder to do than you think. I am doing the work with a therapist, so I know the why. I’ve spent 14 years in this relationship and honestly I feel lost. I can’t ask him to rescue me. I have to do it for me. Growing up as a church kid there is a lot that I was afraid to speak about. I’m not making excuses but at least I know the why and I can go from there. Repentance is about God, not about feelings. I did a complete 180, living the life I’m supposed to live with the character that would make me proud. I can only do better.
@Iam Flay What you're saying really speaks to me, especially when you said, as a church kid there was a lot than you could not speak about," my wife is a preachers daughter and grew up in the church. When you speak it seems like you really cared about your husbands ability to heal and get Peace, even if that meant him moving on from the marriage. The issue I'm having is she was ok with living a lie, and keeping up a facade due to tradition and church culture. Due to your growing up in church, what were you afraid to speak about or express yourself about, I assume if you would have been able to speak about these things to your husband things may have turned out differently. Did you have issues speaking up for yourself or holding things in, instead of confronting them and being able to talk through them
@@jontelmurphy5996 Yes! I wish my marriage was black and white. Like we met, I messed up I’m out. It’s not so simple. Some of the things I am dealing with is being raped from a young age, molestation, and addictions. I didn’t think those things affected me, but they did. I was also in a sexless marriage (which is a battle on its own). I do care for him. I wish we could work it out, but I don’t want to force him. If he feels better and more at peace without me, I support that. I knew I had to get help for me, because I am experiencing a mental breakdown, exhaustion from the day to day activities in my household. I felt abandonment, neglect, and a lack of spirituality. They did not start with him, but things definitely magnified once married. I felt like I was in a marriage alone. Now, I make no excuses. God does give the wrong party the right to divorce. I support his word. It still hurts; however I have to allow myself to repent, and change. I hope to find love and a family again. I know the Lord restores and he is a God of many chances. I made the divorce easy for him. No alimony, No child support. I did all the paperwork. Got it approved in 30 days. It was final 2/23/2022. He told me he is dating and he thinks he found the one. It hurts but I support him. Love is kind and not envious. I wish him well. I also offered to pay his therapy. He declined.
@Iam Flay , You are very open, it sounds like you are well on your way to healing from the hurt and pain you experienced from the trauma you suffered when you were younger. If you can offer to do those things for your husband it sounds like there is no bitterness and resentment. When you said you felt alone in the marriage, what caused those feelings, was it the responsibilities with keeping the household and not having help, was it not being able to communicate to your husband and then maybe feeling like he wouldnt listen to you or hear you, what was it. Did you think if you were to expose those things in the past he wouldnt accept you. What i always wanted was for my wife to share with me her authentic self, thats the beauty, someone being able to love the worst parts of you, parts that you dont want anyone to see, but it takes openness ,honesty, and willingness to trust someone with your heart. In Romans 12, the bible says "let Love be without dissimulation, " when we conceal, operate in secrecy and not express our true feelings, it dilutes the power of Love
I am going through it now I feel like I am loosing my marriage and my soul.
How are you feeling now? I’m going through it
You need to leave. Not even God expects people to stay through stuff like that.
@@DeaconChriss why do you say that?
I hope you got through it and have kept your marriage. It’s hard but if both of you truly want it it can happen
I feel this. I pray you're ok.
Man, this was an AMAZING video. I really appreciate this video in a lot of respects. First and foremost, the thing I appreciate is that in the 4 types of forgiveness, he talks about fake forgiveness or spiritual bypassing - which is what I see a LOT of people do to move on without doing any emotional work or to create clarity or resolution.
I also appreciate that he talks about how in True Forgiveness, we must be willing to put down our ego, put down our defensiveness, rationalizations and narcissism, in order to take full responsibility for the impact of our actions on the people close to us, for hurting them.
Thank You.
So touching. You made me cry wanting more. I want to be a better version of myself. Thank you for sharing
Please pray for our marriage my husband lives with women we not been together for 2 years I would love for us to be reconcile help me to forgive
I don’t think I can handle this I feel like I just want out I hate my husband I forgive him but I can’t forget
Leave him asap
😕
then leave, it´s not worth it if it´s hurting
Forgiveness isn't easy but it's necessary for one's peace. It's probably still too soon for you to forgive and move forward and that's ok.
4 types of forgiveness (1) the refusal to forgive... I'm here now...its still fresh!! I really need help but it's hard to do counseling when it's long distance and they dont call email or write for months at a time! How do you counsel a couple who is in an incarcerated position?
Could it be, for some ppl, forgiveness is only possible through separation/divorce??
Seems like it could be.
I can clean the slate.
I can let it go for real.
And at some point, wish you well and be cordial, maybe friends!
Wow! This gentleman is super brilliant! Impressed! Thank you!
I agree with you 💯
All these perfect people on here smh acting like they’ve never messed up.
That is what I don't understand. Sin is sin and forgiveness is key, especially when we, too want forgiveness
@@lucylucy2171 Facts
No one is perfect but there are a LOT of people who have NEVER cheated.
EVER.
@@user-ex3mx7hk4l That’s cool I just don’t know ANY who hasn’t at some point in time I’m their lives.
Thank you for posting this. It’s a very honest look at betrayal and how to handle it much appreciated
He hasnt changed his behavior and he is unreceptive. It's so hard
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I was watching this last night and a lot of realizations. I only caught his infidelity for 3yrs last month only and the pain is so severe that I don't know how to handle it. I hope I can truly forgive him after sleeping with numerous women, denying our kids. We've been together for 5yrs and his cheating spree is 3yrs. I don't see remorse on his end, thats why I can't stop thinking about revenge.
But I'm still open that we can work it out. But now, it just hunts me night and day, plus I'm 4mos pregnant. So it's so hard
Hey girl, I just found out my husband was having an affair starting from a month after our first son was born. Until this this last month, I had anger and felt betrayal. Let me just say you have the right and are entitled to feel pain. But please do not throw away what you built due to his failure to deny the enemy and temptation. He will hurt for eternities and God is a merciful God. Lift your head high you are now calling the shots. Forgive but set your rules going forward you are an Esther from the book of Esther in the Bible. Are you familiar with the story?
Leave him he's wicked and nasty.
Pray may Hod give you the strength to do what is right . May He comfort you and heal you . Yes He Can ! Hold on to Him with everything you have. ❤
Sending you hugs !
Wow I don’t want to go 15 years plus still not heal it’s allot
Why is releasing and forgiving seen as the same thing? And why "forgiveness" advocates never mention the word "respect", or better DISRESPECT that the cheater will have for the forgiving side?
What happens to the person who betrayed, just walk free out of it after cheating? not any punishment?
Oh no God will handle that punishment
What happens when you choose to forgive and they continue with the same behavior but just pretend as though change has come but in reality, they have attempted remain deceitful behind you back but "loyal" to you face?
@Dee Driver This was great, thanks, I have been researching "how to heal infidelity" for a while now, and I think this has helped. You ever tried - Qenamilla Strayer Magnet - (should be on google have a look ) ? Ive heard some decent things about it and my mate got cool success with it.
I believe that most of infidelity are a form of addiction. I also believe that the family greatly influence this behavior especially if the parents have been committing infidelity for years. If you would like to read my stories, please visit my blog: liveatoughlife.blogspot.com/2020/03/the-dark-momentsof-my-life-well-to-save.html
Omg that's my situation right now!!! We should talk! Loll
What happens is I bet you still put up with it. I hope not. I hope you have enough self respect and confidence to move on to new futures.
We women need to watch, observe, listen, and wait to speak when opportunity is needed to speak even in silence.
I would love nothing more then to be able to forgive and be genuine about it. For 1) who wants to live life carrying this weight for the rest of their life? 2) what if the marriage comes out stronger and it’s lead by God!
Your video was eye opening! I am sad that for being faith based you charge is so much. 😔
Powerful Video ! It helped me alot!!!
This is what I have been looking for. Thank you.
What if it is the person who has offended that switch things around, becomes defensive and refuses to forgive because you dared to be mad at them.
I don't quite understand your question. Can you reword it?
@@hasanipettiford . It was a response to a statement made by a gentleman that his wife left him once his testosterone went down.
Sorry, that was another platform. Please ser the main question on unforgiveness, the question was why will a person keep bringing it back if they had forgiven someone.
@@queenmeheux2019 Forgiving and forgetting is two separate things. And most people don't know HOW to forgive.
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Bro after u get cheated on it's never the same even if u "forgive" honestly were born alone nd we most likely will die alone it's ok to be alone I walked after I got cheated on bt I made sure to talk as much shyt as I could
Thank you so much for this. I am in the midst of trying to recovery from my significant others betrayal. How would the letters work if it was only one person who betrayed the other? Would I still write a letter although he stepped out? Please help
the letters acknowledge the affair and all things gone wrong in the relationship which has nothing to do with the affair. Therefore, both can participate in the activity.
@@joshuafalade4754 fuck off you bots
"We want to help you with the your pain so much - we only charge $7000."
Why so much?
exactly right there is where all the magic and god loves vanish, I mean they dont have to do it for free, but 7.000? G O D
You fool you charge for the things god gave you free.you better repent otherwise you end up in hell
@@surindafernando we don’t wish hell upon no one brother. Let god judge those. Think “ if I can help others full time I would be blessed with income some how some way to pay bills while still helping others in need. I would pay anything but I don’t have $7000 but I assure you gods faith in me I know he can restore. In many other ways. In life there’s so much other help out here. We just need to seek and we shall find. Let god lead us he’s never deceiving us. God bless
Are you working in world vision or ngo.how dare you can charge money in the name of gospel.perhaps you may do social gospel".dont make my fathers house a market place"
Dont make it house of thieves"
You better repent......
I wish I had heard you before I Fudged up.......
It would have made a difference.
Kudos
2 years ago my husband had an emotional affair. And I still see him sad about it... I think he can't seem to forget that girl what can I do?
Leticia Cobarrubias have you considered counseling? We offer that
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If counseling doesn't, u should leave, i wouldn't stay and he's focused elsewhere emotionally.
He never asked for forgiveness, the infidelity took place within the house, in our bed, and the children's beds, with a maid, not once or twice, but for more than a year, blames are all put on me. What do I do?
Leave. That's not even a question. He's probably a narcissist. Read up on the traits. If it sounds like your husband, run.
Leave and take half or more of his money. I'm a guy by the way. Men like that need to be taken to the cleaners.
@@jacijune exactly what I thought he's probably a NARCISSIST
I cheated on my boyfriend. He was so upset and wanted to find everything out instantly but because I have issues with acceptance and forgiveness myself, I held things back (like details that mattered to him but I wasnt accepting were decisions I have made and hurt the one i love most). He has a fear of me being unfaithful again, which I promise I won't, my lesson is well learnt, especially after the heartache of what it feels to put someone you love through this type of heartache themselves. I love him so much, I want a future with him and I know he does too, we have discussed this for a while and he really has showed those true colors to me, his deepest thoughts, fears, and hopes for the future we both can create hand in hand, together. I want to do the idea of those letters with him but he is so distraught right now and upset by the pain he feels that he won't even properly talk to me right now. Idk how to handle all of this and it does really upset me to think he might not have it in him to try because of his fear that he will be hurt again and his want to protect himself by ridding his life of the person that cause the pain. His love for me is real, you can tell when the love you feel for someone is returned, so I really want this relationship to work for us. Is there any suggestions you have that may help him move forward?
I’m in the same situation but I’m the guy who’s been cheated on in this case. I love my girlfriend of 5 years and her mistake was made based solely off of my mistakes and what I put her through yet I’m still finding it hard to ever get over the lies and the lack of trust now. I’d like to hear any response to your comment because well it seems our situations are identical
@@brandonready411
That is exactly how my boyfriend feels. I would never hurt him again, I love him so much. It was both of our faults really in our case, or at least I feel a lot of guilt for what I've done so I feel it isn't at all just his fault. We were abusive toward each other but it got worse on his end. We got into drugs and that never helps. I felt like more of a friend and it isn't any excuse for my actions because I should have spoke up and gave him respect before anything ever got to where it had. I can only speak for myself and my situation/emotions, but I know I won't ever stoop as low as I did before. I have more respect for the both of us and our future, or the future I still hope he wants to share with me.
Brandon Ready How you guys doing? I just came across your message...I’m also a betrayed male trying to forgive his wife who is very very remorseful and regrets what she did. In the same shoes as you. So so difficult...
Once trust is broken like that it is extremely difficult to repair. Perhaps one can forgive but the damage has been done. I can deal with a lot of things and actually need little from my spouse, but truth, trust and loyalty are imperative. If someone is unhappy and you've tried unsuccessfully to fix the relationship, then leave rather than step out. Perhaps a clean separation where the trust wasn't breached is repairable.
Even me i am in the same situation but my boyfriend used my past to tell me in present. He think am taking advantage of him we are in a distance relationship.accused me of sending him other guy nudes to him.he always see negativity things toward me he doesn't want me to explain that time i was 21years i was not matured but now am 24yrs i have regrets what i have did but i need chance to make things right
I'm literally the first one and the second...NOW WHAT'S MY NEXT MOVE
Am at the adge of loosing my best friend forever due to infidelity 😭i hope this helps
My problem is she want to move forward but wont tell me who it was
Great video!
17:00. I do not think the phrase “Black Love” is appropriate. God doesn’t see black or white; he only sees us as his children as we are who we are through him, not our skin color.
I agree
Great Word ❤
Awesome video
My wife won't forgive me after I have asked her I'm lost of what to do
#(4) True forgiveness
That was beautiful
Forgive and then divorce!!!!!
@hasani how do I get a copy of the forgiveness letter?
Have a question let's say you forgive the individual but the individual continues to bring back the mistakes that you have done so even though the individual forgives you it's not really authentic so best way is to forgive yourself and to hope one day the person forgives you instead of being in a marriage where he or she will bring back your mistakes and what you did in the past. And another thing not many people have forgiveness in their hearts. I rather forgive not forget then be in a relationship where the individual continues to bring back past mistakes
What's the question? My guess, whatever the question, there are soooooo many variables to consider to a relationship let alone your relationship (which the public doesn't know) that I doubt you will get an adequate answer or the one your looking for.
If steps are taken to correct the past, no same person will keep bringing up the past. Sometimes the guilty party is just looking for forgiveness to feel good instead of helping the hurt person to heal.
This is soooooo good!!! Great advise! I love it! I wish I could attend and have my husband attend as well but it would take a miracle. 🥺
Miracles do happen.
@@hasanipettiford . Narcissist included?
#3( acceptance forgiveness)
Brilliant!
I really forgive but they are really mean after he fumble me if is about the kids i nees to deal with the new woman i just want to co parent in peace with me kids, but he force me to co parent with his new woman the one he cheated with
My wife had been in a relationship with another married man for 2 years. This was more than an affair. This was a relationship. She even gave him a nickname similar to me and our son. How do I forgive and/or recover from a relationship in which your spouse fell in love with him?
E-Clipse III counseling!!! It is necessary
Hey dear if you want your hubby to stop cheating on you totally, I will recommend you to a powerful man who help me deliver my husband from womanizing spirit,since that day till now my husband is free,he can help you too
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You can't bro this dude was raw dogging your wife. Just leave that alone and find someone who respects you.
Don’t listen to this shit, that’s a whole betrayal of everything you two built up
Walk!!
I forgave but the pain didn't leave and whenever I see the girls he on me with the fear. Pain. Heart beat take me over. Like some one who had ever beaten by the snake that fear they have when they see a snake it's the same like me
To be honest I don’t think I would be able to take my wife back if she cheated on me.
Might forgive her somewhere down the line but never take her back.
Yeah, I’m right there with you. I couldn’t do it. I know I would think about it, WAY too much. Even though I forgave her. I would just end my relationship if that were the case.
So forgive every time he make me sick and he keep lay with his girlfriend,been to the doctor twice in 3 months!I've been praying in years,and he will not go with me to see anyone,because he say it me!I have the problem,witch I believe the lies he tells, is him acting out like a child,where is the man at?
Claim compensation never forgive. If you forgive you enable their toxic behavior and consent to their devious deeds. Actions have consequences. You need repayment. Everything they did to you they must pay for tenfold. There is no forgivess after infidelity. Only tenfold compensation.
Bless you 🙏
Where can I hear more from the couple that shared at the beginning of this video?
Naah F those cheaters
I don't need no snake in my life
#2( cheap) forgiveness
Surpress the issue = issue avoidance
Awesome
What about if there is forgiveness but no forgetting?
You aren't supposed to forget.
Another ex please ? Their experience seems so toxic and over the top.
God just need 1% of the pastors , why are there so many ?
I enjoy your videos, but as an atheist, I don't find the religious references helpful.
Maybe you can consider making videos without religious based content.
❤️🙏
God will forgive the cheaters. The best is to dump the cheater. If they have a second chance at a relationship it has to be with another person.If you take back a cheater you are a moron and what is coming to you is on you.
Not all cheaters stay that way
@@ashleyluna1735 are there any success stories you know?