Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/
Mam, one of my known love to dressed up. But one day we were visiting an orphanage and one of my relative said to her don't put luxury items they may feel bad. But she ignored and dressed up in best way possible. Is it ok to behave like this way? What will you consider it being authentic or unempathetic? Please reply.
Michele is a hero. If I hadn't stumbled across these videos I would have easily fallen back into the trap after the yearly Christmas discard. She's saved my life and my kids life and made me feel enough again that I have the self-worth to seek counseling and move forward in life.
1. Living life Mindfully present - experience how powerful it is to be focused on yourself. 2. Learn to say no - love yourself enough to realize your limits. 3.practice good self care - take care of your hair, teeth, clothes eating habits. 4. do inventory of who you spend time with - it’s okay to change the people you spend time with if those people are bringing you down. 5. Forgive yourself - it’s easy to stay mad at yourself but it will not change your past, forgive yourself and move forward. 6.make time for the things you enjoy - you have a passion or a hobby that you lost. Take the time to redevelop and recondition that love. 7.letting go of the past - you will only be in a lower state of mind if you do not let go of the past . Learn to view the past from a neutral standpoint and see how it will elevate you. 8. Begin listening to your inner gut; your gut is always right. 9. Stop judging yourself harshly - develop a compassionate inner dialogue. 10. Learning to live as the authentic genuine self that you are !
Zay- ellé Love your comment about learning to say ‘no’. As women we are taught to be kind, nurturing, and ‘nice’ regardless. I think this is harmful teaching when it is at the cost of self. We are taught we are selfish if we think of ourselves. Saying no has been a critical step in my journey to healing from narcissistic abuse.
@@iheartsublime8 A suggestion. Instead of instant copying, listen to the vid again and take notes. Stop the vid at points and really contemplate and absorb the advice. It will go deeper with you . Thats what i do .
It doesn't sound stupid to someone who has been through it, but I had a breakthroughs when I allowed myself to buy a drink when I was out for longer than I had planned and stopped my cycle of getting dehydration headaches; when I decided that I was worth the effort of carrying a jumper around with me on those days where the weather could change; and when I had the confidence to press the button on a pedestrian crossing because I was valuable enough to ask for traffic to stop for me as if I had the same value as anyone else.
Totally understand and agree, Oriole. Hope you're doing well, now. I've recovered from narcissistic family members, but it took years. Michele is so amazing!!
@@elizabethmorgan2621, Yes Michele is amazing, I am loving this channel -- even if I can't always watch an episode in one session without taking breaks
This comment touched my heart - you are so valuable and beautiful - I'm so glad you are doing things that show yourself that you are - you deserve it - sending you a huge hug!!!
I used to have really long hair that I couldn't trim 2 inches off of without him hovering and questioning me....when I left, my mom took me to the salon and I got my hair chopped off so it was 2 inches below my ears. It was SO freeing and empowering. It was styled and cute as hell. I told my hairdresser that about how excited I was and why, and she took extra time to show me how to style it myself. She showed me the products and even told me which budget brands at Wal-Mart would be best because the salon's brands were expensive. She had been in an abusive relationship too and understood .
A very therapeutic part of self healing is the acceptance of spending time with or keeping the company of people who make you feel better every time you're with them... In a state of being where no one is comparing/contrasting in a obstructive saboteury way that instigates misery...
When you're programmed since childhood to "serve", it's damn hard to break that habit. I'm kind of a maestro when it on the need and feelings of other but when it comes to myself I'm totally lost. Very good videos Michele...
My dad made me his wife , I married my dad in a new body . I made dad's lunch , mom he ignored, put down . Like I was raised to be better to me , I still hate elec went out as a teen , his air on 3 rd shift , mom in bed but I as a teen had to see dad's junk to get power . Lol I was dad's gal. I left at 18 he called me back, I wasn't his wife, lol I was used
Hi Michele and all other survivors out there! I was widowed at 33 and my late husband was my high school sweetheart. Four years after he died I met what I thought at the time to be a loving, carefree and fun man and I thought at the time that he would be a very good father to my son who was 15 at the time. I guess its pretty obvious by me writing this, how wrong I was. As I write, I realize now how much damage I have done to myself and my kids for allowing this man into our lives. For me to acknowledge how he has managed to literally change me from a caring and sensitive person into someone who I now barely recognize is agonizing. Its been almost 3 months since we parted and I am slowly but surely claiming my life back one day at a time. Thanks Michele for being brave enough to share your experiences and help others out there who are in these toxic and sick relationships!
Remember- you didn’t do the damage to your son, the narcissist did that (I had to have that pointed out to me recently and have to keep reminding myself). I hope you are beginning to grow stronger each day x
Can’t believe I could love myself after decades of just being an emotional dumping ground for narcs. It didn’t actually take that long to turn my whole life around. I now have my own good feelings, thoughts, appreciation and love for me. I do all these but struggle with appearance/exercise and am not wanting to make friends. To all out there, be kind to you and take care of you, you are worth it! Great video!
If you eat healthy and only when you're hungry, you don't need to exercise at all to look great (I recommend you to search informations about ketogenic diet from videos with Dr. Berg, Thomas DeLauer to mention a few...). I don't feel like making friends either. This happens because we are still healing and we need all the energy for it! Making friends requires energy too, this is why, for the moment, it's ok to not want to have any. It's ok to have some time just for you! This means you love yourself! After pleasing narcs for a while, we need some time off. Now you can find more about yourself and to do only what you like to be able to heal faster. After this, you will choose better friends too that will energize you, not deplete you like narcs do... Enjoy your time/life! You're worth it! 💜
I've watched over 30 channels and your in my top 4, especially because you share quality content without asking for joining a group with immediate donations..its hard not to get fooled again, so thank you for sharing without making me pass unsure boundaries..absolutely doesn't mean I won't be glad to share in the future....yea a people pleaser trying to create boundaries.. wellbeing
Hey thankyou for the heart because I've had issues with having value on my talents and earlier in my life got taken advantage of by offering donational prices on my massage with psychic healing talents ..quite offen I got less than the price of just offering a massage by not recognizing some people are out to take advantage if offered the chance and being a lot codependent I got taken advantage a lot until I realized I'm too over trusting of others trying to be a people pleaser. and although I like helping others I have had resentment after the fact of finding out I helped someone be healed of arthritis in a joint for being offered 30 dollars and no refurals because they were embassies to say they got well from Cherokee psychic healing..it was a double shit on me both not honoring my heritage and or being fair minded about the gift they got and offering a fair price for such.. it took adapting a hybrid wolf to learn that I couldn't comprise my value (because I had be able to take care or her and myself, much like some people wake up an abusive partner you can't undervalue your talents while being responsible for another ..unless your into propousfull unhappiness).
You know, i was totally ignorant about narcissistic disorder, so i spend 5 years in a toxic relationship with my exbf, when I first saw at your channel, I learned that I was not crazy, that not everything was my fault...im in my recovery path, thanks to your videos im closer everyday, it is not easy but is worthy to run away from these people...narcissist are empty inside, they dont care about anyone
1. Live mindfully present 2. Learn to say No 3. Practice self care ⭐️ (Healthy food, dress well…) 4. No frienemies 5. Forgive yourself 6. Happy place, happy hobbies ⭐️ 7. Let go of your past 8. Trust your gut instincts ⭐️ 9. Stop judging yourself harshly 10. Live an authentic life
My wife is giving me the silent treatment since I told her I want a divorce. Part of her strategy is to just leave the house at 9am and come back at 9pm. We have four children and she just assumes I‘ll take care of everything (which I have to bc who the hell WOULD take care of them when she disappears?). I live in Germany, so here I have to endure 1 year of separation, in the same house (because we’re poor) until our official divorce court date (don‘t worry, I‘m using a lawyer and I‘ll most likely get full custody of the four kids as she is either never here or always in her bed suffering from „depression“ - I put that in quotes bc she says that but when there‘s a special event, or shopping, or going to a friends‘ house she miraculously gets healed). The reason for my post is this: The other day I left a note for her telling her something about the kids and to say „it‘s strange you‘re gone all the time“. Immediately after writing that I knew it was a mistake. My daughter told me after a while that Mommy was sitting in her room with a huge smile on her face. It was a victory smile, I just know it. She saw that I‘m reacting badly to her being gone. Well, thank God for your videos. I think I‘m just being reasonable, but with her and the way she thinks, my „being reasonable“ only inflates her NPD sense of self-worth and empowerment. How did she become so evil? I‘m happy to know where I am now, but sad too that these last 19 years I‘ve been with a narcissist (in every way).
This totally sounds like my mom. Doing basic chores like cooking is a task for her and we cannot have a single meal without listening to how greatful we should be because she cooked food for us. She is moody and does things only when she feels like doing them.
hang in there buddy. especially for the kiddos.. mine did kinda the same to me accept she would be buried in her phone for days ...I made a stand against her and her 3 older daughters after 10 yrs of hell. and my 2 I had with her are caught in the middle now. but I am educating them to deal with my medical issues as well as how to avoid her constant manipulation... sad thing is that they came to me wanting to know why i was the only one taking care of them when mom was right there in the same house. and its tough as hell to try and explain why she is like that to 2 under 10yrs old. but somehow they see it.... sounds to me like your doing exactly what you have to for yours so just stay the course and hold fast... i hope you got full primary custody and i hope they are as daddy devoted as my boys are with me when they see me slipping and they bring me right back with a hey dad were gonna take you fishin .."only sport I like" ... they are my best therapy.. they make me remember to take time for me ... hope all is well for you. best of luck and full support
Feeling devastated is a real feeling...we are working through a living death of someone we cared about...but please do not stay devastated....keep searching for help in getting clarity...you are on your way to being the real Happy and at Peace person you have always wanted to be. As I say this to you I say this to me. 💗
You were truly born to do this and living in your higher purpose and I - as well as many others I can tell - resonate with your words in the highest level. Thank you, beautiful.
I get a D in mindfulness, self care, letting go of the past, having a mean inner dialogue, feeling happy only when I'm "needed." I get a B in saying NO to others, being compassionate to myself, enjoying my passion, slowly becoming my authentic self. I get an A in listening to my gut. I think my GPA is about 2.5. It's okay. A year ago I flunked everything!! Great video Michele!!!
I have learned in my life journey the truth about we teach people how to treat us. How, through our boundaries yes and by how we treat ourselves. It has taken me sometime to figure that one out, I am slow, it seemed that it was easy to be giving and compassionate to other but they didn’t seem to reciprocate. Why was that? Why was I willing to give to those who didn’t give back? why was I not finding people and relationships that would give as much as I did? Because all myself talk kept saying this treatment was what you deserved ect..blah blah.... I was spending energy on the wrong people. I should be taking to and treating myself with the kindness and compassion I like to treat others with. Self talk is real, your brain believes what you tell it. I ave been and will continue to treat myself the way I want others to treat me and you know what...? I have had toxic people and exhausting relationships drop me like a hot potato but others are more attracted to me in new more compatible relationships...you know you too deserve to treat yourself with the best you have to offer.
Hi Debra, I love your honesty. I am 63 years young. I have reached the place were I now do all ten and more with out having to think about it. JUST LAST SATURDAY! It only took 40 years LOL! It was incredible, the insight I had was; my feelings are not a part of me they are ME! So stop fighting what happened and LOVE me. It is so counter intuitive that I laughed 😂 So hard I could not breath. So keep doing the 10 steps that Michele listed. IT DOES GET BETTER and then out the blue you have an insight that ties it all together WAHOO! Give your self a BIG hug and dont let go.
I work at home too. And you are absolutely right! Getting dressed and making my bed before work does more good than I ever realized! I have to better in following through with what my gut tells me about not eating certain foods and exercising. I KNOW that getting my weight under control would help me to feel really good about myself. I start just about everyday with that in mind, but most days I fail at accomplishing it. I'm struggling with self motivation.
Don't Give Up!. . . I slide back too. On my schedules and such. But I'm learning not to be too hard on myself. Because the things I'm learning are new. I don't want to discipline myself with my old trains of thought. That I learned elsewhere anyway. . . Also I learned that it's ok to put down the pen sometimes. When rewriting your life. . . It can get exhausting. But if there are payoffs. . . It makes it worth while!!!. Just be careful of the bad payoffs. . . Those can come about too. . . . . . . Good Luck. Hang in there...
Make it easier for yourself... I keep a set of dumbbells near by so that I can grab them and get moving whenever I get some time or feel like. It just makes it a lot easier. And have more protein rich food and less carbs so that you feel less hungry and get your vitamin levels tested and get them to optimum levels.
Thank you. I never realized that my ex was a narcissist before going through your video... I don’t deserve staying in such a toxic relationship I don’t even want him in my life as a friend.
Thank you so much for your support. Right now I'm in the belly of the beast n I'm praying to find a way out. I have children wITH this person .please pray for me and all of us who are stuck trying to be free...GOD BLESS YOU AND ALL WHO READ THIS💜
I spent my whole life until now, ignoring my own needs. NO has always been a trouble area for me: BOUNDARIES have been a mess. I eat better, exercise, and sleep better, and YES I put my face on, even when I'm not going anywhere. I've had a few too many "goodtime" friends as of late, and when the **it hits the fan, they are nowhere to be seen. Among other things, I have had to show some pathologically late friends the door, since it really is NOT ok when they are late and disregard a precious and irreplacable commodity: my time. Forgiveness...another "F" word to me (friend and family are the other 2). I say not forgiving myself and looking at my regrets is like looking i n the rear-view mirror while in traffic: it ends badly. I now listen to music, I run, but I'm still experiencing a block from my passions. I still live with my dysfunctional half, and they just don't work with me, so my physical environment is laden with overlapping boundaries and OCD hoarder crap. When there was a beautiful happy place, my partner always blocked me from it with no more reason than no. The past us in the rearview. You make a staggering point on stopping the story. Nice dose of perspective: I love your view of things, you've got do much magic. My gut...I have LONG ignored that at such a huge personal cost...most people didn't listen to me ( my grandfather died because he disregarded my advice in favor of the Golden Child nevertheless!). But, it's invalidating when current friends ignore the advice they asked me for, so, why would I do that to ME? Is a GREAT question! I have been SO hard on myself and I'm just now being nice to myself, and THAT has been foreign to me. Authenticity of self....oh MY. After 49 years of people pleasing, I embraced who I am inside. I tossed aside the shame and made my deepest and darkest secret my greatest power...this was so hard, because I had to confess (to myself) that I am transgender, however others may think that may be, it was what I needed to confront so that I could finally "show up as myself". my whole life ignoring my own needs. NO has always been a trouble area for me: BOUNDARIES have been a mess. I eat better, exercise, and sleep better, and YES I put my face on, even when I'm not going anywhere. I've had a few too many "goodtime" friends as of late, and when the **it hits the fan, they are nowhere to be seen. Among other things, I have had to show some pathologically late friends the door, since it really is NOT ok when they are late and disregard a precious and irreplacable commodity: my time. Forgiveness...another "F" word to me (friend and family are the other 2). I say not forgiving myself and looking at my regrets is like looking i n the rear-view mirror while in traffic: it ends badly. I now listen to music, I run, but I'm still experiencing a block from my passions. I still live with my dysfunctional half, and they just don't work with me, so my physical environment is laden with overlapping boundaries and OCD hoarder crap. When there was a beautiful happy place, my partner always blocked me from it with no more reason than no. The past us in the rearview. You make a staggering point on stopping the story. Nice dose of perspective: I love your view of things, you've got do much magic. My gut...I have LONG ignored that at such a huge personal cost...most people didn't listen to me ( my grandfather died because he disregarded my advice in favor of the Golden Child nevertheless!). But, it's invalidating when current friends ignore the advice they asked me for, so, why would I do that to ME? Is a GREAT question! I have been SO hard on myself and I'm just now being nice to myself, and THAT has been foreign to me. Authenticity of self....oh MY. After 49 years of people pleasing, I embraced who I am inside. I tossed aside the shame and made my deepest and darkest secret my greatest power...this was so hard, because I had to confess (to myself) that I am transgender, however icky others think that may be, it was what I needed to confront so that I could finally "show up as myself".
Loving yourself, also requires standing up for yourself. Something the narcissist despises. They can't stand when you stand in your own truth, and know and validate everything you say and see. Shows how much they need control over your perspective of reality, to remain in control of you. Saying "no" is something I had to learn within the last 2 years. Its empowering to say no. If someone doesn't respect your "no", it shows they don't respect your boundaries.
I totally agree,this is outwardly one of the most important things to do & be if one wants to heal & get out of the trap of attracting & associating with a narcassist.
THANK YOU MICHELLE FOR BRINGING AWARENESS ABOUT NARCISSISTIC PSYCHOPATIC ABUSE WHICH IS A PLAGUE THESE DAYS ... . .THESE SYCHOS ARE EVERYWHERE IN SOCIETY!!! THANK YOU !!! 😀😃😄
I'm new to this journey of self-love and I find myself unable to say "no" to ME...to self-destructive habits and not saying yes to the healthy things I should be doing.
I want to practice more learning to say NO and setting limits. 2. Taking care of myself 3. To stop judging and criticizing myself. 4. To trust my gut more.
I love the example how would you feel if you were giving really good advice to a friend and they were not listening or cared. Some people don't want help they just want to dump their problems. Their lives never change even though they ask for advice. If we are pouring our hearts into those who are takers, we will come out depleted and exhausted. If we think about how precious our hearts are...we would care for them with dignity, love and preservation. Those who dishonor and disrespect us are not real friends. If a person values themselves, they understand the value in others,. (Love your neighbor as you love yourself.) Their capacity to love is much greater because they have learned to attribute significance and worth in others. This wipes away envy, jealousy, competition and the need to elevate oneself above others by devaluing them as with the narcissist. Some may have a hard time loving self because of the verbal abuse they absorb but are able to love others.The narc is a taker and will only give love to gain full control. The narcissist is a well that is empty and dry, we don't have to be. They come at you like a mirage but once your eyes are truly opened, there is no water. Your future are the choices you make in the present, we need to make our present count.
Thanks for this video, you are awesome! As the daughter of an evil, abusive, narcissistic mother, I never had love, support, or affection. Therefore, I never learned proper boundaries. I was a people pleasure who immediately went out of my way for others, especially the most selfish people. Now I am suffering financially, because I spent money on others that I should have spent on myself. Harsh lesson learned! Although I am struggling, I am so happy and free now. Put yourself first! You cannot pour from an empty cup!!!
I had to give up some 10 friends because they couldn’t stop talking about the narcissist. They were all traumatised by him and a couple of them would really drag me down emotionally. They were not good for me. I missed the good times for a few weeks but then I stopped missing them. I still need more new friends. 😕
Thank you❤️🙏🏻 This is helpful! I need to engage in all ten more often. I think more than anything I have to define what makes me happy, what I enjoy and feel passionately about because I’ve spent all my life making sure everyone else had their needs met. The only “need” I met for myself was avoiding pain. Clearly, that isn’t self love.
When I started focusing on what I need from other people in order to feel comfortable, that limited my circle immensely. I wondered, is this really what happens when I create boundaries?
The last topic you talked about, showing up as myself not how they want me to look or be, I had to listen to four or five times. It was like my brain was resistant to that concept. I kept mentally "checking out" and getting distracted and I just thought I should share that.
I’m so thankful to you too Michele. I have literally been in love ( addicted to ) with a covert narcissist for eleven years. He’s an alcoholic and the booze suppressed his narcissism enough for me not to notice when with him. I always blamed his behaviour on the comedown of booze withdrawals when he was about to embark on a wagon stint. I was wrong! I was about to move in with him again when it suddenly dawned on me. Nobody can be as cruel as that and show no remorse, ever! So I read the book Whole Again and then discovered you. I am truly blessed. 🙏 This guys has had me wrapped around his manipulative fingers for such a long time. I feel completely lost, hurt, betrayed and totally pissed off. He is 100% a narcissist. I haven’t spoken to him for five days after his disgraceful behaviour, so now he’s bombarding me with messages. No apology of course. 💖 I can’t wait for some sessions with you.
I'm doing pretty well on a lot of these. I struggle with forgiving myself, letting new people into my life who bring me up and learning to live authentically--which takes a lot of courage after tailoring myself to meet others' needs. I am proud of myself for making progress every day.
I need to engage in number 1 more often, living in the present . And also allow myself to do the things i love, my hobbies. Thanks Michelle for the great help you give. You are an angel. Hugs from Brazil
Interesting enough.. I am an empath with a narcissist mother and even though I have corrected pretty much most of my problems through therapy and self love and educating myself... I still pretty much always think about the other person before I think of myself. Working on it 😲🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️
I'm just starting my journey of healing and hardly do any of these. I'm so thankful for the outline because I wouldn't know where to begin or what to include. My most difficult is #2, saying no and creating healthy boundaries. Thanks Michelle, for a "must watch and watch again video!" 😁👍❤
Sometimes I think I'm too hard on myself. . . Like tonight. After a few days of a downward slide. . . I get down on myself. After I come up with a great solution, or train of thought that will work moving forward. I get down on myself, maybe because I already should have known, I think. More, the way I was raised. As I raise myself here. I discipline myself thru that filter. Instead of my own. Which is still being implemented. . . Very truly starting from a beginning. Not the beginning. But a beginning. . . And I go far back when thinking of this work. Even though I really didn't start to hit my stride until about August. When I discovered this channel and a few others like. So that's like six months. But truth be told I was rock bottom about 7 years ago. And it has been a climb to get here ever since... I more hit a wall in August regarding relationships. Family. Which turned into my life as whole. . . It really has been eye opening. . . Just the work is the most challenging I've ever gone thru. Everything is changing. How I think etc. Everything. . . I still have hope. That never goes. And I have stuck to a pretty keen diet. Exercising is ebb n flow. So is work. But I feel more bad about missing out. Then staying hidden these days, if that makes sense. . . I'm doing all this work for a purpose. . . I know what it is. And continuing to retrain. Open my eyes. And take in new info on how to live helps me very much. . . As raising myself a good way. Even at my age. . . It's never too late. To see the world in a whole new view... Thank You.
Thank you so much for sharing this information, I really love your channel so much and I can tell you that self love is the most wonderful feeling a woman can feel, I was in a domestic violence relationship but learning to love my self first gave me courage to leave , I continue with my journey in self love but some times it’s not easy, we have to work every day to feel better . 😘🥰🤗💞🌹
Marlene Ferrer Your words really r saving my life. I was planning to commit suicide today had a plan. I need to try so hard to do what u shared n love myself first. I've been in this abusive relationship for 32 years n yes the only way I see out is suicide. He even told me that he was ok living w out me if I did kill myself as long as I didn't do it violently. That was in 2013. I have bipolar disorder 2 which is a daily mental challenge every single day n yes he uses it against me. Thank you for your words and I hope I have a speck of self worth so I don't kill myself today
@@louisahallman8304 how are you nowadays sweetie? I hope you are in a better place. You are loved and you matter. Never feel like you are alone in this. There are many others who can relate to what you are going through,including myself. Let that toxicity go if you have not already. Choose life and loving yourself. Life is too short to be entertaining people who don't bring light to your life. I had to make a major decision in my life almost two years ago by letting go of a toxic relationship that lasted eighteen years and you can do the same. I haven't looked back since. I'm wishing you peace and love sis,you got this. God will see you through🙏☀️❤
My sister was like that. She used to sabotage my happiness and even admitted my happiness made her upset. I only deal with her now because my niece really needs me, but I gray rock myself and allow her to just talk about herself.
I don't comment often, but I want to say that you are really good in what you do, and I see that you are a healthy person in mind. I like you. Have a good one!
When a friend says something that is seen and feels like you are headed for emotional, physical damage it takes time for the person that is receiving time to put the opposite pieces together to make a decision. Usually it's harder when you have children because the joy of caring for your children are more of a first priority and with these disgusting sly con-artist abusers it is under the radar. I am not a person who can compete with division that is unfolding but I will stand my ground and remember the happiness and joy that I will strive to have in the aftermath
My self-talk is I know human connection is what is needed because we were created by God that way and I have to except people have their ways of doing things. So I have to rest in the lost of acceptance and keep fighting the good fight with and without them knowing that Jesus is by my side
I have worked through much. My biggest self forgiveness I have hated self for is being the example of co- dependence and the pain they suffered before 2of the 3 died. I needed to know better before I was a Mom. A Mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child. I suffered many decades watching their pain and now I feel like I deserved that and now deserve the blame and mourning as well.
Love your spirit and energy @Michele more videos like this please! Haven’t seen my counselor in over a year, but I use your videos to do the work. No excuses🙂
Michelle I have shared your videos with family and friends~ as I've been out of the marriage (hell) I've been meeting more and more people who have someone in their lives that are narcs~ it has felt GREAT to share your content with others in a way to help them heal! I could cry thinking of how happy I am now!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ God Bless you!!
Wisdom! its a matter of letting go of what you are not in control of. Once you do that - you find out what you can do. Never sit and feel sorry for yourself - do something about it. Do at least something good and pamper yourself every day and don't feel any shame about doing it. I have a gratitude list and a list of things I need to do, I can skip some because I am over ambitious but I can't skip the one thing where I am pampering myself.
I survived an abusive narcissist mother and an alcoholic father only to pick an mentally and emotionally abuse husband. Trifecta!!! I lived through this abuse for 47 years only because God carried me as a child, then He has walked with me daily ever since. I am alone now, but I survived! Now I am learning to love myself for the first time ever. My narcissist egg donor constantly blamed me for everything that ever made her unhappy (and that was A LOT). She constantly told me I was stupid, lazy and unlovable on a daily basis (just so I wouldn't forget, I guess?) Then, just for fun, she sabotaged anything she thought would make me happy.
Great advice, thank you Michele 🙂🤗😊 Doing the following steps: 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 8 (I listen to my gut instinct now!), 9. Not doing or could improve on the following steps: 3 (could do better on this one taking care of my body i.e, eating better and exercising), 7 (still working on letting go of the past, but it's getting easier to do so as time goes by), 10 (I have come a long way on this step, but still got a little ways to go to learn to live as my real self).
I have a friend who wanted me to drive her to visit a friend out of town. Well in the past I would agree to drive her but then I noticed she wasn't being very honest about the whole driving her. She would invite others. For years I never told her that it pissed me off. So, I stopped driving her but I never told her why. Recently she has asked me twice to drive her out of town. I said no. I told her I was not leaving after the agreed planned time. She wanted to have her make up done and then get dressed and leave. I told her I was not going to drive in 5 Oclock traffic. Period. It felt good. I told her no and did not feel bad about it. She was being selfish and inconsiderate of me and my time. I can say no to people now. I do what I want and when I want to do things for others. Not because I need or want their approval.
this year i have eliminated toxic friends &family. I'm in the process of confronting &possibly ... probably leaving my narcissist husband. with no guilt. I'm practicing self- care to the best of my ability. I'm setting boundaries left & right for myself with whoever needs to be set straight. this all feels good! after narcissistic abuse from my narc mother my whole life & then my husband I finally made the decision to free myself from their evil.
I’m gonna tell you something I have been married to the same man over 24 years and I’ve been with him for close to 30. I had seven children with him and we have two grand children now. In the beginning of our marriage I didn’t see it I didn’t think he was a narcissist. I didn’t think anything bad about him because I loved him so much and I thought he loved me. When we had our children and we went through life He blamed me for everything that went wrong. He blamed me for every mistake and problem yet I still didn’t leave because of the kids!! we still have our two young children here at home 14 and almost 12 and I can’t I can’t bring myself to leave. It’s because of the kids I couldn’t they deserve to have their parents at home and I just couldn’t do it!!so what did I do? Well I took it!!! All of it! I took everything…all the blame for everything!I’m the scapegoat, even my kids do it now my older children may blame me. They tell me this and that & they think it’s all in my head and that I’m choosing not to be happy!! they tell me everything‘s in my head because that’s what their dad did. I am not good enough to my husband no matter what I do I will never make him happy. I could be perfect and he would still find faulting me and the hard part is & I know that maybe other people have told you this before but when I see my husband and I see his family, I see his background and I tell you this, my husband is not smart enough to know that he is a narcissist. He truly does believe the things he tells me to do and advice he so-called gives me will help me because he wants to help me. He’s even said that to me so Iam I not supposed to believe anything he says is good, do you know how hard this is I can’t look at him and think he’s just a horrible person. It tears me apart inside..how are we supposed to deal with that?? I feel like life is mundane & I wish I was a robot so I could just do do do and feel nothing sometimes…, it isn’t worth it it to fight… I’m almost 50, I’m too old to start over..it is a sucky deal!!
WALKING........ Helped me to be alive after 47 years of abuse from parents to friends to in-laws. Still going through severe Adrenal fatigue. When I walk with my husband, he walks very fast. He comments like I cannot even walk and keep up the speed or even walking is so hard for me and that I am very weak and not strong. All these made me very sick. I always felt I am unhealthy and sick. I enjoy walking slowly and see neighbors, homes, flowers, trees, and birds. I started to walk alone, my pace, my time and one with nature. I began to feel different.......... Happy, not sick......felt ......may be I can live and breathe and survive........ Walking .....helped me a lot.
Thank you for saving me from myself. I have almost see all your videos. And they help me a lot!!! I'm the scapegoat in my family. I was ashamed of myself, trying to please everyone it's never enough!!! They put me down, confuse me many times. It was always my fault. Thank you for making me realize my life. You're precious.
I'm trying to force myself to take time to do the stuff I love: photography, illustrating, calligraphy. I still have residual negative feelings toward these things I love doing---it's so odd. But I am teaching myself ukulele and I love to sing so that's been wonderful to do...music has always been a love too! But, I'm also in a bible study, in a relationship that is normal and loving and wonderful (he too is a victim or narcissism and has many more years of healing from it under his belt)...I'm walking every day with family, family I hardly EVER saw while in my narc marriage and we live in the SAME TOWN! They are all so glad that they see me getting back to my old bubbly self ❤️ I'm so grateful!!
I would have to say I have my ups and downs with number 3... I resonate with that for sure. Knowing full well if I could be more consistent the way I used to be I would basically be pretty much on my way to literally and fully looking forward wholeheartedly. I do work 2 jobs and in my free time at home doing what I love I am in sweats lol... but going out I am better dressed but I know I could do much better... thank you! The message is clear. No avoiding it... Tomorrow is a new day ;)))
This is so important to me but after listening twice my exhausted brain will still not take it in! I will have to take notes because I am not sure if I actually do any of these yet!! But I must if I am to finally kick ME/CFS. ..thank you for keeping your videos short and to the point. I have a few channels that I like but only listen to each one of yours...others are far too long in my current state, to take in...so thank you Michelle.
Great timing! I needed to hear all of this. I'm currently working on 9 and 10. 10 is being a real struggle lately. I think part of it is because of number 4. I just seem to keep finding myself surrounded by people that end up using me or that I'm an option, not a priority. I'm not blaming others, but I think it's time to let a bunch of friends go and not try and fit in with them, but to be myself always.
Thank you so much for your video's.I suffer from all the things you mention, and its really hard for me to say and believe positive things about myself, people have said to me, you wear your past on your face. Which was eye opening, but I just dont know how to change it. I have tried saying positive affirmations, which is my false self trying to believe. I watch people who are free in themselves, and Im always thinking am I going to sound dumb or look silly. People always say you are so pretty, and I cannot internalize it, I will point out my flaws. I hate my side profile so I can never be comfortable in a social setting. I want to be free of this self sabotage, I hope its possible so far not working. Im not a depressed person, just dealing with my mental jail. How can I move forward with being my real self. Writing this comment is very therapeutic by the way.
To think I almost would not listen to your videos because he left me for a Michelle. I used to just fast forward your introduction So I wouldn’t hear the name, I hope that doesn’t offend you. It’s not personal it was just my hurt was so big. Thank you for helping , Michelle.
Spending time with a narcissist is like trying to hold your hand in the flame of a blow torch, then when you pull your hand back screaming in pain they accuse you of "Giving up"....
Michelle I have used the time that I ruminated on other people ....to learn a new Language ...which is going good ...p.s You do a Stella of a job thank you 😘
My friend told me she was stressed out & might not be able to make our plans for yoga in the park the following day. I suggested she write down everything she planned to do the next day, and then visualize each task as if they are in the act of doing them. She told me sometimes that's even more stressful. So I suggested she used the lavender essential oil I gave her for her birthday last year (she never used it/thus far) and to help her calm down and sleep. She told me she has no troubles sleeping. So planning your day out in advance is stressful and stress (fight or flight mode) doesnt affect sleep patterns. News to me! I knew she was going to cancel the following day and she did. It's as if she wanted me to feel hopeless and powerless. She likes it when Im feeling down. Looking back she always sides with my Mother when I talk about her narcissistic abuse. This is someone I've considered to be my best friend for the last 3 years. I'm going to have to cut ties with her for good. There's a lot of people I'm going to stop responding to. They don't need a letter of resignation, they wouldnt accept it anyway. We become like the people we surround ourselves with and I'm so thankful the internet has lead me to your content, Michelle.
Wow I wish I could have seen this video when I was 23 years old! I have had to deal with 2 very over-controlling parents who never respected me as an adult. I'm now 39 years old and have lost my confidence, self love, and self worth!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 I wake up wondering why I even wake up? What's my reason for living? If I can't be the man I wanted to be in this life of mine why am I here on Earth!!!
Thank you so much. A couple days ago due to living in the presence of a narcissist I was feeling empty inside like I needed a boost. What did I do? I asked a homeless vet if there was something I could buy for him. I felt good as I handed him the ham sandwich he asked for and a cookie. 🍪 But that is addictive high that doesn't change anything in my life. I will just need another fix. I really do need to do for myself and I appreciate your clarity in sharing how we need to take care of ourselves. ❤
Your daughter is very blessed to have your love...I am working with 10 out of 10..from below Zero...I call it badass love for myself! ..I will never abandon her again!..and anyone who even rolls their eyes in my direction is gone from my life.. much love to you beautiful one..💖
Self love was a new awakening for me as I thought you only are worth when you make others feel happy even if you are not. Being compassionate to myself is the one I have never done. You are extremely good. Thanks🙏🙇
Michele ,I really just started doing more for myself.I will be using this video everyday till I get it right.Your advise is off the charts for people like me. You are a Wonderful person, I will be checking out all of your work.Thank you so much Love ❤
I'm here taking notes. That says something. Just started starting my day w controlled deep relaxing empowering breathing. As Im deep breathing b4 I get out of bed. I think observe don't absorb observe do not absorb do not absorb just observe. This helps me stay in the moment in the present moment. Still living w fem. Covert/Malignant. So being in the moment is SO important. I've been labling and writing down the moments that stand out. The (negative memories) videos that I obsorbed. And allowed to control my response to external stuff. Ex: Mom n I driving through town, I'm 6 or 7, I say - look thats Mike McClintock's house, He's the boy w red hair in my class. Mom says, so what? So u know somebody, Shut up sit back in yer seat. Are u feeling the love? I was pulled out of class 2nd or 3rd grade. Teachers accused me of stealing from teachers purse. Birchrun elementary. 3 adults. Poking my chest w finger tip. Telling me I did this. I was clueless. Pissed because they were adamant it was me but it wasn't. So I said, yeah I did it. Took it n threw it in the river n youll never find it. Hah. They called State police. Took me to state police post put me in a cell next to adult men. Waited for my dad to get there. He had to leave work took good hour + to get there. Officers took me from cell to an office where the cop behind the desk had the bars he was the man I did not know that my dad walked in behind me they sat me in a chair and the cop asked me why I confess to something I didn't do I shrug my shoulders and said I don't know my dad stepped forward and slap me with his hand so hard it knocked me out of the chair knock the chair down I rolled and hit the wall the two cops in the room slam my father up against the wall with their elbow against his throat telling him they will bury him so deep in this jail for child abuse. So on the way home my father punched me in the face my head hit the window. Telling me what a retard I was for confessing to something I didn't do. Right after the cops took me away the kid who did it confessed. I was slapped and punched a few times before we made it home then was sent to bed without dinner. I am trying to wrap my head around all this. Trying to understand why I would say I did something I didn't do for 1. Yeah it is painful recalling and labeling these moments if I allow it to be painful that is. But it's all healing I'm learning One Foot In Front of the other best I can do. You know there's a ton more I could share. Just thought I would share this bit out of respect and for self-love
I love your channel. Your videos have helped me so much to move on and open my eyes after the narcissistic abuse from my mother in law. It’s allowing me to help my husband as well with what he has endured from his mother. He is currently at the stage of a trying to ignore it in hopes it all just stops/we stop speaking with her, but he has made that first step of opening his eyes to her deception and manipulation. And he is angry with her! I hope my journey to heal will encourage him to start his healing from a lifetime with her abuse.
U never ceases 2 amaze me, u just remind me dat women n Wisdom go 2gether👼😇, I don't know where 2 start, I'm stuck 4 words,,,,I'm an introverted humble person, sensitive n misunderstood most of my life, n struggled with saying no, but if I feel disrespected then I bcum Superman n I no longer care how the person feels, even a boss, I'm a piano player n one day the choir director knows I have an injury, but insisted on keeping me playing a 4 hour rehearsal,,,so I just got up n left without good bye or c u😜,,,also I wish I could master the Negative rewind tapes I play in my head, if I made a mistake in a concert I'd wake up thinking of how I felt when I messed up😥 I'm getting better a little, I learned 2 change my attitude n say " everyone is entitled 2 a mistake" 🤔,,I am learning so much from you I almost feel guilty I'm not paying you $,,,there's so much more, but I don't wanna ware it out🙄,,,how did u get so smart? Oh dats right female insight👀👀,,,Bless u❤️ Paz😎
Some people plan to become life coaches - others 'fall into it'. I think when a person has gone through something so life altering, something that pushed them outside the realms of their authentic self, something that so profoundly changed not only their self perception, but altered their nervous system, dis-regulated their brain and warped their reality..... and yet when they manage to reconnect with self, and heal the deep emotional wounds that are hidden to the naked eye and misunderstood by those that have never been through an experience like that - well, it's only natural to feel a deep desire to want to help others that have been through that. That's how I 'fell into coaching' and it's been an amazing experience to help individuals all over the world to break through the side effects of cptsd and/or side effects of narcissistic abuse. If YOU are interested in becoming a life coach - be sure to check out my website: micheleleenieves.com/narcissistic-abuse-recovery-coaching-certification/
Mam, one of my known love to dressed up. But one day we were visiting an orphanage and one of my relative said to her don't put luxury items they may feel bad. But she ignored and dressed up in best way possible. Is it ok to behave like this way? What will you consider it being authentic or unempathetic? Please reply.
The link doesn’t work for some reason. 😑
Amen and amen!!!
Who agrees with me that Michele has the number one CZcams channel for helping all of us narcissist abuse survivors 🙂🤗😀
Warren C I agree with you warren 👍😎
Michele is a hero. If I hadn't stumbled across these videos I would have easily fallen back into the trap after the yearly Christmas discard. She's saved my life and my kids life and made me feel enough again that I have the self-worth to seek counseling and move forward in life.
Warren C YES! I was just talking to another friend about this!
I hadn't realized how much of that behavior I have been doing,
exactly that in my head and family life work it's all comin around though
Oh yes! do agree She do ,
But I'm not going to be workin on that side of the street just for happiness sake hahahaha you so funny
1. Living life Mindfully present - experience how powerful it is to be focused on yourself.
2. Learn to say no - love yourself enough to realize your limits.
3.practice good self care - take care of your hair, teeth, clothes eating habits.
4. do inventory of who you spend time with - it’s okay to change the people you spend time with if those people are bringing you down.
5. Forgive yourself - it’s easy to stay mad at yourself but it will not change your past, forgive yourself and move forward.
6.make time for the things you enjoy - you have a passion or a hobby that you lost. Take the time to redevelop and recondition that love.
7.letting go of the past - you will only be in a lower state of mind if you do not let go of the past . Learn to view the past from a neutral standpoint and see how it will elevate you.
8. Begin listening to your inner gut; your gut is always right.
9. Stop judging yourself harshly - develop a compassionate inner dialogue.
10. Learning to live as the authentic genuine self that you are !
Is there a way to copy/paste comments? Wish I could copy this list easily..
Zay- ellé Love your comment about learning to say ‘no’. As women we are taught to be kind, nurturing, and ‘nice’ regardless. I think this is harmful teaching when it is at the cost of self. We are taught we are selfish if we think of ourselves. Saying no has been a critical step in my journey to healing from narcissistic abuse.
@@iheartsublime8 you have to us a browser.
MVP 🏆
@@iheartsublime8 A suggestion. Instead of instant copying, listen to the vid again and take notes. Stop the vid at points and really contemplate and absorb the advice. It will go deeper with you . Thats what i do .
At 56 I’m learning how to love myself it never to late to start
You’re heavenly sent and you are literally saving my life. Thank you.
I agree this is life changing real talk
I’m so happy I can help!!
I feel the same way thank you.
I am beginning to understand my 46 years of marriage now.
Ditto 👏🏽
It doesn't sound stupid to someone who has been through it, but I had a breakthroughs when I allowed myself to buy a drink when I was out for longer than I had planned and stopped my cycle of getting dehydration headaches; when I decided that I was worth the effort of carrying a jumper around with me on those days where the weather could change; and when I had the confidence to press the button on a pedestrian crossing because I was valuable enough to ask for traffic to stop for me as if I had the same value as anyone else.
Totally understand and agree, Oriole. Hope you're doing well, now. I've recovered from narcissistic family members, but it took years. Michele is so amazing!!
@@elizabethmorgan2621, Yes Michele is amazing, I am loving this channel -- even if I can't always watch an episode in one session without taking breaks
@Doomsday Survivalist , Thank you. All the best to you
This comment touched my heart - you are so valuable and beautiful - I'm so glad you are doing things that show yourself that you are - you deserve it - sending you a huge hug!!!
Go for it! My favourite saying that impowers me is, “Don’t mind if I do!” I say it often and smile. What would you do knowing you couldn’t fail?
I used to have really long hair that I couldn't trim 2 inches off of without him hovering and questioning me....when I left, my mom took me to the salon and I got my hair chopped off so it was 2 inches below my ears. It was SO freeing and empowering. It was styled and cute as hell. I told my hairdresser that about how excited I was and why, and she took extra time to show me how to style it myself. She showed me the products and even told me which budget brands at Wal-Mart would be best because the salon's brands were expensive. She had been in an abusive relationship too and understood .
Oh yeah the hair control omg i forgot lol
Lol, same here, he wanted me to keep my hair long, right after I left him I got it cut short, and I love it. I get so many compliments.
A very therapeutic part of self healing is the acceptance of spending time with or keeping the company of people who make you feel better every time you're with them...
In a state of being where no one is comparing/contrasting in a obstructive saboteury way that instigates misery...
When you're programmed since childhood to "serve", it's damn hard to break that habit.
I'm kind of a maestro when it on the need and feelings of other but when it comes to myself I'm totally lost.
Very good videos Michele...
My dad made me his wife , I married my dad in a new body . I made dad's lunch , mom he ignored, put down . Like I was raised to be better to me , I still hate elec went out as a teen , his air on 3 rd shift , mom in bed but I as a teen had to see dad's junk to get power . Lol I was dad's gal. I left at 18 he called me back, I wasn't his wife, lol I was used
Hi Michele and all other survivors out there! I was widowed at 33 and my late husband was my high school sweetheart. Four years after he died I met what I thought at the time to be a loving, carefree and fun man and I thought at the time that he would be a very good father to my son who was 15 at the time. I guess its pretty obvious by me writing this, how wrong I was. As I write, I realize now how much damage I have done to myself and my kids for allowing this man into our lives. For me to acknowledge how he has managed to literally change me from a caring and sensitive person into someone who I now barely recognize is agonizing. Its been almost 3 months since we parted and I am slowly but surely claiming my life back one day at a time. Thanks Michele for being brave enough to share your experiences and help others out there who are in these toxic and sick relationships!
Remember- you didn’t do the damage to your son, the narcissist did that (I had to have that pointed out to me recently and have to keep reminding myself). I hope you are beginning to grow stronger each day x
Can’t believe I could love myself after decades of just being an emotional dumping ground for narcs. It didn’t actually take that long to turn my whole life around. I now have my own good feelings, thoughts, appreciation and love for me. I do all these but struggle with appearance/exercise and am not wanting to make friends. To all out there, be kind to you and take care of you, you are worth it! Great video!
If you eat healthy and only when you're hungry, you don't need to exercise at all to look great (I recommend you to search informations about ketogenic diet from videos with Dr. Berg, Thomas DeLauer to mention a few...). I don't feel like making friends either. This happens because we are still healing and we need all the energy for it! Making friends requires energy too, this is why, for the moment, it's ok to not want to have any. It's ok to have some time just for you! This means you love yourself! After pleasing narcs for a while, we need some time off. Now you can find more about yourself and to do only what you like to be able to heal faster. After this, you will choose better friends too that will energize you, not deplete you like narcs do... Enjoy your time/life! You're worth it! 💜
I've watched over 30 channels and your in my top 4, especially because you share quality content without asking for joining a group with immediate donations..its hard not to get fooled again, so thank you for sharing without making me pass unsure boundaries..absolutely doesn't mean I won't be glad to share in the future....yea a people pleaser trying to create boundaries.. wellbeing
Hey thankyou for the heart because I've had issues with having value on my talents and earlier in my life got taken advantage of by offering donational prices on my massage with psychic healing talents ..quite offen I got less than the price of just offering a massage by not recognizing some people are out to take advantage if offered the chance and being a lot codependent I got taken advantage a lot until I realized I'm too over trusting of others trying to be a people pleaser. and although I like helping others I have had resentment after the fact of finding out I helped someone be healed of arthritis in a joint for being offered 30 dollars and no refurals because they were embassies to say they got well from Cherokee psychic healing..it was a double shit on me both not honoring my heritage and or being fair minded about the gift they got and offering a fair price for such.. it took adapting a hybrid wolf to learn that I couldn't comprise my value (because I had be able to take care or her and myself, much like some people wake up an abusive partner you can't undervalue your talents while being responsible for another ..unless your into propousfull unhappiness).
To me Michele has the number one CZcams channel for helping all us narcissist abuse survivors.
You are so right!!!! Her help comes from her heart.
You know, i was totally ignorant about narcissistic disorder, so i spend 5 years in a toxic relationship with my exbf, when I first saw at your channel, I learned that I was not crazy, that not everything was my fault...im in my recovery path, thanks to your videos im closer everyday, it is not easy but is worthy to run away from these people...narcissist are empty inside, they dont care about anyone
1. Live mindfully present
2. Learn to say No
3. Practice self care ⭐️ (Healthy food, dress well…)
4. No frienemies
5. Forgive yourself
6. Happy place, happy hobbies ⭐️
7. Let go of your past
8. Trust your gut instincts ⭐️
9. Stop judging yourself harshly
10. Live an authentic life
My wife is giving me the silent treatment since I told her I want a divorce. Part of her strategy is to just leave the house at 9am and come back at 9pm. We have four children and she just assumes I‘ll take care of everything (which I have to bc who the hell WOULD take care of them when she disappears?). I live in Germany, so here I have to endure 1 year of separation, in the same house (because we’re poor) until our official divorce court date (don‘t worry, I‘m using a lawyer and I‘ll most likely get full custody of the four kids as she is either never here or always in her bed suffering from „depression“ - I put that in quotes bc she says that but when there‘s a special event, or shopping, or going to a friends‘ house she miraculously gets healed).
The reason for my post is this: The other day I left a note for her telling her something about the kids and to say „it‘s strange you‘re gone all the time“. Immediately after writing that I knew it was a mistake. My daughter told me after a while that Mommy was sitting in her room with a huge smile on her face.
It was a victory smile, I just know it. She saw that I‘m reacting badly to her being gone. Well, thank God for your videos. I think I‘m just being reasonable, but with her and the way she thinks, my „being reasonable“ only inflates her NPD sense of self-worth and empowerment.
How did she become so evil? I‘m happy to know where I am now, but sad too that these last 19 years I‘ve been with a narcissist (in every way).
That sucks.Has anything changed since you posted this a year ago.?
This totally sounds like my mom. Doing basic chores like cooking is a task for her and we cannot have a single meal without listening to how greatful we should be because she cooked food for us. She is moody and does things only when she feels like doing them.
hang in there buddy. especially for the kiddos.. mine did kinda the same to me accept she would be buried in her phone for days ...I made a stand against her and her 3 older daughters after 10 yrs of hell. and my 2 I had with her are caught in the middle now. but I am educating them to deal with my medical issues as well as how to avoid her constant manipulation... sad thing is that they came to me wanting to know why i was the only one taking care of them when mom was right there in the same house. and its tough as hell to try and explain why she is like that to 2 under 10yrs old. but somehow they see it.... sounds to me like your doing exactly what you have to for yours so just stay the course and hold fast... i hope you got full primary custody and i hope they are as daddy devoted as my boys are with me when they see me slipping and they bring me right back with a hey dad were gonna take you fishin .."only sport I like" ... they are my best therapy.. they make me remember to take time for me ... hope all is well for you. best of luck and full support
I am felling better after your words.
I am devastated.
Thank you for take the time you have to help others!♥️
Fabrícia Magalhães I’m so sorry Fabricia you aren’t alone.. 🌹
Fabricia, please keep listening here and Michele will help you out of the dark rabbit hole into the sunshine again. Be kind to yourself also honey...🤗
Feeling devastated is a real feeling...we are working through a living death of someone we cared about...but please do not stay devastated....keep searching for help in getting clarity...you are on your way to being the real Happy and at Peace person you have always wanted to be. As I say this to you I say this to me. 💗
Rose Carter thank you .♥️
Karen T ♥️♥️thank you
You were truly born to do this and living in your higher purpose and I - as well as many others I can tell - resonate with your words in the highest level. Thank you, beautiful.
I get a D in mindfulness, self care, letting go of the past, having a mean inner dialogue, feeling happy only when I'm "needed."
I get a B in saying NO to others, being compassionate to myself, enjoying my passion, slowly becoming my authentic self.
I get an A in listening to my gut. I think my GPA is about 2.5. It's okay. A year ago I flunked everything!! Great video Michele!!!
Congratulations on 110,000 Subscribers Michele!!! I am so proud of you. I want to be like you when I grow up. : )
I am soooo proud of you!!!! Each day is another opportunity to practice self love ❤️ 💕 💗 Keep up the good work 😊🤗
Thanks Michele! Baby steps but at least they are moving forward. You are truly a Life Saver!!!
I have learned in my life journey the truth about we teach people how to treat us. How, through our boundaries yes and by how we treat ourselves. It has taken me sometime to figure that one out, I am slow, it seemed that it was easy to be giving and compassionate to other but they didn’t seem to reciprocate. Why was that? Why was I willing to give to those who didn’t give back? why was I not finding people and relationships that would give as much as I did? Because all myself talk kept saying this treatment was what you deserved ect..blah blah....
I was spending energy on the wrong people. I should be taking to and treating myself with the kindness and compassion I like to treat others with. Self talk is real, your brain believes what you tell it. I ave been and will continue to treat myself the way I want others to treat me and you know what...? I have had toxic people and exhausting relationships drop me like a hot potato but others are more attracted to me in new more compatible relationships...you know you too deserve to treat yourself with the best you have to offer.
That sentence we teach others how to treat us has been recurring lately
I learned it a long time ago, but had forgotten
Nicely said. I'm just beginning.
This really hit home with me. Thank you for posting ❤
I'm SO pleased i found your channel! You just connect to my internal conflict. Thank you 😊
It sure is hard to let go of the past..but I will get there
I’m finally getting to the place of self love 💕 I no longer have a must help others attitude
Yeah or need external validation. We know our own truth.
A must help attitude... That's awful right? We want to do it when want, how we want, to whom we want.
I am working on all 10, it's getting easier to do thank goodness. I'm almost 60 and you have helped a great deal thank you.
Hi Debra, I love your honesty. I am 63 years young. I have reached the place were I now do all ten and more with out having to think about it. JUST LAST SATURDAY!
It only took 40 years LOL! It was incredible, the insight I had was;
my feelings are not a part of me they are ME! So stop fighting what happened and LOVE me. It is so counter intuitive that I laughed 😂
So hard I could not breath. So keep doing the 10 steps that Michele listed. IT DOES GET BETTER and then out the blue you have an insight that ties it all together WAHOO!
Give your self a BIG hug and dont let go.
I'm approaching 64 and struggle with "it's too late".
It's reassuring to know that I'm not alone and it's never too late.
Jane...the soul never ages. So it's never ever too late. 😀❤️✨
@@meera2531 That is ABSOLUTELY BEAUTIFUL. Thank you, what a great start to my day!
Thanks Tom... I truly believe it and all spiritual streams of thought say it too...
I work at home too. And you are absolutely right! Getting dressed and making my bed before work does more good than I ever realized! I have to better in following through with what my gut tells me about not eating certain foods and exercising. I KNOW that getting my weight under control would help me to feel really good about myself. I start just about everyday with that in mind, but most days I fail at accomplishing it. I'm struggling with self motivation.
Don't Give Up!. . . I slide back too. On my schedules and such. But I'm learning not to be too hard on myself. Because the things I'm learning are new. I don't want to discipline myself with my old trains of thought. That I learned elsewhere anyway. . . Also I learned that it's ok to put down the pen sometimes. When rewriting your life. . . It can get exhausting. But if there are payoffs. . . It makes it worth while!!!. Just be careful of the bad payoffs. . . Those can come about too. . . . . . . Good Luck. Hang in there...
Make it easier for yourself... I keep a set of dumbbells near by so that I can grab them and get moving whenever I get some time or feel like. It just makes it a lot easier. And have more protein rich food and less carbs so that you feel less hungry and get your vitamin levels tested and get them to optimum levels.
Thank you. I never realized that my ex was a narcissist before going through your video... I don’t deserve staying in such a toxic relationship I don’t even want him in my life as a friend.
Thank you so much for your support. Right now I'm in the belly of the beast n I'm praying to find a way out. I have children wITH this person .please pray for me and all of us who are stuck trying to be free...GOD BLESS YOU AND ALL WHO READ THIS💜
I spent my whole life until now, ignoring my own needs.
NO has always been a trouble area for me: BOUNDARIES have been a mess.
I eat better, exercise, and sleep better, and YES I put my face on, even when I'm not going anywhere.
I've had a few too many "goodtime" friends as of late, and when the **it hits the fan, they are nowhere to be seen. Among other things, I have had to show some pathologically late friends the door, since it really is NOT ok when they are late and disregard a precious and irreplacable commodity: my time.
Forgiveness...another "F" word to me (friend and family are the other 2). I say not forgiving myself and looking at my regrets is like looking i n the rear-view mirror while in traffic: it ends badly.
I now listen to music, I run, but I'm still experiencing a block from my passions. I still live with my dysfunctional half, and they just don't work with me, so my physical environment is laden with overlapping boundaries and OCD hoarder crap. When there was a beautiful happy place, my partner always blocked me from it with no more reason than no.
The past us in the rearview. You make a staggering point on stopping the story. Nice dose of perspective: I love your view of things, you've got do much magic.
My gut...I have LONG ignored that at such a huge personal cost...most people didn't listen to me ( my grandfather died because he disregarded my advice in favor of the Golden Child nevertheless!). But, it's invalidating when current friends ignore the advice they asked me for, so, why would I do that to ME? Is a GREAT question!
I have been SO hard on myself and I'm just now being nice to myself, and THAT has been foreign to me.
Authenticity of self....oh MY. After 49 years of people pleasing, I embraced who I am inside. I tossed aside the shame and made my deepest and darkest secret my greatest power...this was so hard, because I had to confess (to myself) that I am transgender, however others may think that may be, it was what I needed to confront so that I could finally "show up as myself".
my whole life ignoring my own needs.
NO has always been a trouble area for me: BOUNDARIES have been a mess.
I eat better, exercise, and sleep better, and YES I put my face on, even when I'm not going anywhere.
I've had a few too many "goodtime" friends as of late, and when the **it hits the fan, they are nowhere to be seen. Among other things, I have had to show some pathologically late friends the door, since it really is NOT ok when they are late and disregard a precious and irreplacable commodity: my time.
Forgiveness...another "F" word to me (friend and family are the other 2). I say not forgiving myself and looking at my regrets is like looking i n the rear-view mirror while in traffic: it ends badly.
I now listen to music, I run, but I'm still experiencing a block from my passions. I still live with my dysfunctional half, and they just don't work with me, so my physical environment is laden with overlapping boundaries and OCD hoarder crap. When there was a beautiful happy place, my partner always blocked me from it with no more reason than no.
The past us in the rearview. You make a staggering point on stopping the story. Nice dose of perspective: I love your view of things, you've got do much magic.
My gut...I have LONG ignored that at such a huge personal cost...most people didn't listen to me ( my grandfather died because he disregarded my advice in favor of the Golden Child nevertheless!). But, it's invalidating when current friends ignore the advice they asked me for, so, why would I do that to ME? Is a GREAT question!
I have been SO hard on myself and I'm just now being nice to myself, and THAT has been foreign to me.
Authenticity of self....oh MY. After 49 years of people pleasing, I embraced who I am inside. I tossed aside the shame and made my deepest and darkest secret my greatest power...this was so hard, because I had to confess (to myself) that I am transgender, however icky others think that may be, it was what I needed to confront so that I could finally "show up as myself".
I need a lot of work on loving myself...
Loving yourself, also requires standing up for yourself. Something the narcissist despises. They can't stand when you stand in your own truth, and know and validate everything you say and see. Shows how much they need control over your perspective of reality, to remain in control of you. Saying "no" is something I had to learn within the last 2 years. Its empowering to say no. If someone doesn't respect your "no", it shows they don't respect your boundaries.
I totally agree,this is outwardly one of the most important things to do & be if one wants to heal & get out of the trap of attracting & associating with a narcassist.
THANK YOU MICHELLE FOR BRINGING AWARENESS ABOUT NARCISSISTIC PSYCHOPATIC
ABUSE WHICH IS A PLAGUE THESE DAYS ... . .THESE SYCHOS ARE EVERYWHERE IN SOCIETY!!!
THANK YOU !!! 😀😃😄
I'm new to this journey of self-love and I find myself unable to say "no" to ME...to self-destructive habits and not saying yes to the healthy things I should be doing.
I want to practice more learning to say NO and setting limits. 2. Taking care of myself 3. To stop judging and criticizing myself. 4. To trust my gut more.
I love the example how would you feel if you were giving really good advice to a friend and they were not listening or cared. Some people don't want help they just want to dump their problems. Their lives never change even though they ask for advice. If we are pouring our hearts into those who are takers, we will come out depleted and exhausted. If we think about how precious our hearts are...we would care for them with dignity, love and preservation. Those who dishonor and disrespect us are not real friends. If a person values themselves, they understand the value in others,. (Love your neighbor as you love yourself.) Their capacity to love is much greater because they have learned to attribute significance and worth in others. This wipes away envy, jealousy, competition and the need to elevate oneself above others by devaluing them as with the narcissist. Some may have a hard time loving self because of the verbal abuse they absorb but are able to love others.The narc is a taker and will only give love to gain full control. The narcissist is a well that is empty and dry, we don't have to be. They come at you like a mirage but once your eyes are truly opened, there is no water. Your future are the choices you make in the present, we need to make our present count.
Love the 'mirage' comparison, spot on!
Thanks for this video, you are awesome! As the daughter of an evil, abusive, narcissistic mother, I never had love, support, or affection. Therefore, I never learned proper boundaries. I was a people pleasure who immediately went out of my way for others, especially the most selfish people. Now I am suffering financially, because I spent money on others that I should have spent on myself. Harsh lesson learned! Although I am struggling, I am so happy and free now. Put yourself first! You cannot pour from an empty cup!!!
Yes. Worry if I am doing the right thing, constantly, in almost every situation! 😐Not spending nearly enough time on my hobbies & interests.
I had to give up some 10 friends because they couldn’t stop talking about the narcissist. They were all traumatised by him and a couple of them would really drag me down emotionally. They were not good for me. I missed the good times for a few weeks but then I stopped missing them. I still need more new friends. 😕
Thank you❤️🙏🏻 This is helpful! I need to engage in all ten more often. I think more than anything I have to define what makes me happy, what I enjoy and feel passionately about because I’ve spent all my life making sure everyone else had their needs met. The only “need” I met for myself was avoiding pain. Clearly, that isn’t self love.
When I started focusing on what I need from other people in order to feel comfortable, that limited my circle immensely. I wondered, is this really what happens when I create boundaries?
The last topic you talked about, showing up as myself not how they want me to look or be, I had to listen to four or five times. It was like my brain was resistant to that concept. I kept mentally "checking out" and getting distracted and I just thought I should share that.
Raised to please other people...well, think about yourself as someone else and dedicate yourself to please only that person without guilt
These last two videos have just been awesome! And, congrats on your daughter showing up as her authentic self.
On my self love journey right now today I felt a boost of confidence in my appearance haven’t felt better
How blessed your daughter is to have you for a mom...I lost 60 years of my life to toxic programming.
I’m so thankful to you too Michele. I have literally been in love ( addicted to ) with a covert narcissist for eleven years. He’s an alcoholic and the booze suppressed his narcissism enough for me not to notice when with him. I always blamed his behaviour on the comedown of booze withdrawals when he was about to embark on a wagon stint. I was wrong!
I was about to move in with him again when it suddenly dawned on me. Nobody can be as cruel as that and show no remorse, ever! So I read the book Whole Again and then discovered you. I am truly blessed. 🙏 This guys has had me wrapped around his manipulative fingers for such a long time. I feel completely lost, hurt, betrayed and totally pissed off. He is 100% a narcissist. I haven’t spoken to him for five days after his disgraceful behaviour, so now he’s bombarding me with messages. No apology of course.
💖 I can’t wait for some sessions with you.
Thank you, your such a awesome person thank you, your a great mom. I’m gonna use that with my daughter
I'm doing pretty well on a lot of these. I struggle with forgiving myself, letting new people into my life who bring me up and learning to live authentically--which takes a lot of courage after tailoring myself to meet others' needs. I am proud of myself for making progress every day.
Awesome about acknowledging the past and then saying look how far I've come!!!! Thank you!😁
I need to engage in number 1 more often, living in the present . And also allow myself to do the things i love, my hobbies. Thanks Michelle for the great help you give. You are an angel. Hugs from Brazil
🤗 😘👋
Interesting enough.. I am an empath with a narcissist mother and even though I have corrected pretty much most of my problems through therapy and self love and educating myself... I still pretty much always think about the other person before I think of myself. Working on it 😲🕊️🕊️🕊️🕊️
I'm just starting my journey of healing and hardly do any of these. I'm so thankful for the outline because I wouldn't know where to begin or what to include. My most difficult is #2, saying no and creating healthy boundaries. Thanks Michelle, for a "must watch and watch again video!" 😁👍❤
Your voice is so calming, I love it
Sometimes I think I'm too hard on myself. . . Like tonight. After a few days of a downward slide. . . I get down on myself. After I come up with a great solution, or train of thought that will work moving forward. I get down on myself, maybe because I already should have known, I think. More, the way I was raised. As I raise myself here. I discipline myself thru that filter. Instead of my own. Which is still being implemented. . .
Very truly starting from a beginning. Not the beginning. But a beginning. . . And I go far back when thinking of this work. Even though I really didn't start to hit my stride until about August. When I discovered this channel and a few others like.
So that's like six months. But truth be told I was rock bottom about 7 years ago. And it has been a climb to get here ever since... I more hit a wall in August regarding relationships. Family. Which turned into my life as whole. . . It really has been eye opening. . . Just the work is the most challenging I've ever gone thru. Everything is changing. How I think etc. Everything. . .
I still have hope. That never goes. And I have stuck to a pretty keen diet. Exercising is ebb n flow. So is work. But I feel more bad about missing out. Then staying hidden these days, if that makes sense. . .
I'm doing all this work for a purpose. . . I know what it is. And continuing to retrain. Open my eyes. And take in new info on how to live helps me very much. . . As raising myself a good way. Even at my age. . . It's never too late. To see the world in a whole new view...
Thank You.
J R I feel inspired reading this. ❤️
Thank you so much for sharing this information, I really love your channel so much and I can tell you that self love is the most wonderful feeling a woman can feel, I was in a domestic violence relationship but learning to love my self first gave me courage to leave , I continue with my journey in self love but some times it’s not easy, we have to work every day to feel better . 😘🥰🤗💞🌹
Marlene Ferrer Your words really r saving my life. I was planning to commit suicide today had a plan. I need to try so hard to do what u shared n love myself first. I've been in this abusive relationship for 32 years n yes the only way I see out is suicide. He even told me that he was ok living w out me if I did kill myself as long as I didn't do it violently. That was in 2013. I have bipolar disorder 2 which is a daily mental challenge every single day n yes he uses it against me. Thank you for your words and I hope I have a speck of self worth so I don't kill myself today
@@louisahallman8304 how are you nowadays sweetie? I hope you are in a better place. You are loved and you matter. Never feel like you are alone in this. There are many others who can relate to what you are going through,including myself. Let that toxicity go if you have not already. Choose life and loving yourself. Life is too short to be entertaining people who don't bring light to your life. I had to make a major decision in my life almost two years ago by letting go of a toxic relationship that lasted eighteen years and you can do the same. I haven't looked back since. I'm wishing you peace and love sis,you got this. God will see you through🙏☀️❤
My sister was like that. She used to sabotage my happiness and even admitted my happiness made her upset. I only deal with her now because my niece really needs me, but I gray rock myself and allow her to just talk about herself.
cant say self love , beat down too bad
im trying to say self care , gotta start somewhere
I don't comment often, but I want to say that you are really good in what you do, and I see that you are a healthy person in mind. I like you. Have a good one!
When a friend says something that is seen and feels like you are headed for emotional, physical damage it takes time for the person that is receiving time to put the opposite pieces together to make a decision.
Usually it's harder when you have children because the joy of caring for your children are more of a first priority and with these disgusting sly con-artist abusers it is under the radar.
I am not a person who can compete with division that is unfolding but I will stand my ground and remember the happiness and joy that I will strive to have in the aftermath
And in time I did/will let my friend know that her awareness was not in vain and I did the best I could do a the time to listen
My self-talk is I know human connection is what is needed because we were created by God that way and I have to except people have their ways of doing things.
So I have to rest in the lost of acceptance and keep fighting the good fight with and without them knowing that Jesus is by my side
I have worked through much. My biggest self forgiveness I have hated self for is being the example of co- dependence and the pain they suffered before 2of the 3 died. I needed to know better before I was a Mom. A Mother is only as happy as her unhappiest child. I suffered many decades watching their pain and now I feel like I deserved that and now deserve the blame and mourning as well.
Thank you Michele! Your videos have helped me tremendously in the realm of recovering from narcissistic abuse.
Love your spirit and energy @Michele more videos like this please! Haven’t seen my counselor in over a year, but I use your videos to do the work. No excuses🙂
I finally started to do that and it led to my discard. Trying to spend this time learning to love myself. Thank you!
Mankind needs this healing.. 💗
Michelle I have shared your videos with family and friends~ as I've been out of the marriage (hell) I've been meeting more and more people who have someone in their lives that are narcs~ it has felt GREAT to share your content with others in a way to help them heal! I could cry thinking of how happy I am now!! ❤️❤️❤️❤️❤️ God Bless you!!
Wisdom! its a matter of letting go of what you are not in control of. Once you do that - you find out what you can do. Never sit and feel sorry for yourself - do something about it. Do at least something good and pamper yourself every day and don't feel any shame about doing it. I have a gratitude list and a list of things I need to do, I can skip some because I am over ambitious but I can't skip the one thing where I am pampering myself.
I survived an abusive narcissist mother and an alcoholic father only to pick an mentally and emotionally abuse husband. Trifecta!!! I lived through this abuse for 47 years only because God carried me as a child, then He has walked with me daily ever since. I am alone now, but I survived! Now I am learning to love myself for the first time ever. My narcissist egg donor constantly blamed me for everything that ever made her unhappy (and that was A LOT). She constantly told me I was stupid, lazy and unlovable on a daily basis (just so I wouldn't forget, I guess?) Then, just for fun, she sabotaged anything she thought would make me happy.
Thinking of the past helps me to remember not to go there again.
Great advice, thank you Michele 🙂🤗😊
Doing the following steps: 1, 2, 4, 5, 6, 8 (I listen to my gut instinct now!), 9.
Not doing or could improve on the following steps: 3 (could do better on this one taking care of my body i.e, eating better and exercising), 7 (still working on letting go of the past, but it's getting easier to do so as time goes by), 10 (I have come a long way on this step, but still got a little ways to go to learn to live as my real self).
Awesome Warren!! Keep up the good work =)
@@FromSurvivingToThriving Thanks Michele I appreciate the encouragement 🙂😏🤗
Wouldn't it be nice to say nice things to ourselves? I need to do this.
I have a friend who wanted me to drive her to visit a friend out of town. Well in the past I would agree to drive her but then I noticed she wasn't being very honest about the whole driving her. She would invite others. For years I never told her that it pissed me off. So, I stopped driving her but I never told her why.
Recently she has asked me twice to drive her out of town. I said no. I told her I was not leaving after the agreed planned time. She wanted to have her make up done and then get dressed and leave. I told her I was not going to drive in 5 Oclock traffic. Period. It felt good. I told her no and did not feel bad about it.
She was being selfish and inconsiderate of me and my time.
I can say no to people now. I do what I want and when I want to do things for others. Not because I need or want their approval.
this year i have eliminated toxic friends &family. I'm in the process of confronting &possibly ... probably leaving my narcissist husband. with no guilt. I'm practicing self- care to the best of my ability. I'm setting boundaries left & right for myself with whoever needs to be set straight. this all feels good! after narcissistic abuse from my narc mother my whole life & then my husband I finally made the decision to free myself from their evil.
Love ur videos~~ I am doing well and your videos help me stay on track!
Thank you for showing me that Im not insane. Manipulation and aggression if they are questioned about anything. Holes in my walls
I struggle with letting go of the past. It’s been a year and i’m still thinking about it.
I need to work on all of these. I plan on writing them out every day as a way to remind myself. Thanks Michele for this amazing list.
I’m gonna tell you something I have been married to the same man over 24 years and I’ve been with him for close to 30. I had seven children with him and we have two grand children now. In the beginning of our marriage I didn’t see it I didn’t think he was a narcissist. I didn’t think anything bad about him because I loved him so much and I thought he loved me. When we had our children and we went through life He blamed me for everything that went wrong. He blamed me for every mistake and problem yet I still didn’t leave because of the kids!! we still have our two young children here at home 14 and almost 12 and I can’t I can’t bring myself to leave. It’s because of the kids I couldn’t they deserve to have their parents at home and I just couldn’t do it!!so what did I do? Well I took it!!! All of it! I took everything…all the blame for everything!I’m the scapegoat, even my kids do it now my older children may blame me. They tell me this and that & they think it’s all in my head and that I’m choosing not to be happy!! they tell me everything‘s in my head because that’s what their dad did. I am not good enough to my husband no matter what I do I will never make him happy. I could be perfect and he would still find faulting me and the hard part is & I know that maybe other people have told you this before but when I see my husband and I see his family, I see his background and I tell you this, my husband is not smart enough to know that he is a narcissist. He truly does believe the things he tells me to do and advice he so-called gives me will help me because he wants to help me. He’s even said that to me so Iam I not supposed to believe anything he says is good, do you know how hard this is I can’t look at him and think he’s just a horrible person. It tears me apart inside..how are we supposed to deal with that?? I feel like life is mundane & I wish I was a robot so I could just do do do and feel nothing sometimes…, it isn’t worth it it to fight… I’m almost 50, I’m too old to start over..it is a sucky deal!!
WALKING........
Helped me to be alive after 47 years of abuse from parents to friends to in-laws.
Still going through severe Adrenal fatigue.
When I walk with my husband, he walks very fast. He comments like I cannot even walk and keep up the speed or even walking is so hard for me and that I am very weak and not strong. All these made me very sick. I always felt I am unhealthy and sick. I enjoy walking slowly and see neighbors, homes, flowers, trees, and birds.
I started to walk alone, my pace, my time and one with nature.
I began to feel different..........
Happy, not sick......felt ......may be I can live and breathe and survive........
Walking .....helped me a lot.
Thank you for saving me from myself. I have almost see all your videos. And they help me a lot!!! I'm the scapegoat in my family. I was ashamed of myself, trying to please everyone it's never enough!!! They put me down, confuse me many times. It was always my fault. Thank you for making me realize my life. You're precious.
I'm trying to force myself to take time to do the stuff I love: photography, illustrating, calligraphy. I still have residual negative feelings toward these things I love doing---it's so odd. But I am teaching myself ukulele and I love to sing so that's been wonderful to do...music has always been a love too! But, I'm also in a bible study, in a relationship that is normal and loving and wonderful (he too is a victim or narcissism and has many more years of healing from it under his belt)...I'm walking every day with family, family I hardly EVER saw while in my narc marriage and we live in the SAME TOWN! They are all so glad that they see me getting back to my old bubbly self ❤️ I'm so grateful!!
I would have to say I have my ups and downs with number 3... I resonate with that for sure. Knowing full well if I could be more consistent the way I used to be I would basically be pretty much on my way to literally and fully looking forward wholeheartedly. I do work 2 jobs and in my free time at home doing what I love I am in sweats lol... but going out I am better dressed but I know I could do much better... thank you! The message is clear. No avoiding it... Tomorrow is a new day ;)))
This is so important to me but after listening twice my exhausted brain will still not take it in! I will have to take notes because I am not sure if I actually do any of these yet!! But I must if I am to finally kick ME/CFS. ..thank you for keeping your videos short and to the point. I have a few channels that I like but only listen to each one of yours...others are far too long in my current state, to take in...so thank you Michelle.
Thanks so much, I don’t know how you came on my feed but you did. You made me realize what kind of situation I’m in.
Great timing! I needed to hear all of this.
I'm currently working on 9 and 10. 10 is being a real struggle lately. I think part of it is because of number 4. I just seem to keep finding myself surrounded by people that end up using me or that I'm an option, not a priority. I'm not blaming others, but I think it's time to let a bunch of friends go and not try and fit in with them, but to be myself always.
Thank you so much for your video's.I suffer from all the things you mention, and its really hard for me to say and believe positive things about myself, people have said to me, you wear your past on your face. Which was eye opening, but I just dont know how to change it. I have tried saying positive affirmations, which is my false self trying to believe. I watch people who are free in themselves, and Im always thinking am I going to sound dumb or look silly. People always say you are so pretty, and I cannot internalize it, I will point out my flaws. I hate my side profile so I can never be comfortable in a social setting. I want to be free of this self sabotage, I hope its possible so far not working. Im not a depressed person, just dealing with my mental jail. How can I move forward with being my real self. Writing this comment is very therapeutic by the way.
To think I almost would not listen to your videos because he left me for a Michelle. I used to just fast forward your introduction So I wouldn’t hear the name, I hope that doesn’t offend you. It’s not personal it was just my hurt was so big. Thank you for helping , Michelle.
Spending time with a narcissist is like trying to hold your hand in the flame of a blow torch, then when you pull your hand back screaming in pain they accuse you of "Giving up"....
Michelle I have used the time that I ruminated on other people ....to learn a new Language ...which is going good ...p.s You do a Stella of a job thank you 😘
Thank you Michele! I love how I can see your change to authenticity. 🥰And my own change too.
My friend told me she was stressed out & might not be able to make our plans for yoga in the park the following day. I suggested she write down everything she planned to do the next day, and then visualize each task as if they are in the act of doing them. She told me sometimes that's even more stressful. So I suggested she used the lavender essential oil I gave her for her birthday last year (she never used it/thus far) and to help her calm down and sleep. She told me she has no troubles sleeping.
So planning your day out in advance is stressful and stress (fight or flight mode) doesnt affect sleep patterns.
News to me! I knew she was going to cancel the following day and she did. It's as if she wanted me to feel hopeless and powerless. She likes it when Im feeling down.
Looking back she always sides with my Mother when I talk about her narcissistic abuse. This is someone I've considered to be my best friend for the last 3 years.
I'm going to have to cut ties with her for good. There's a lot of people I'm going to stop responding to. They don't need a letter of resignation, they wouldnt accept it anyway.
We become like the people we surround ourselves with and I'm so thankful the internet has lead me to your content, Michelle.
Wow I wish I could have seen this video when I was 23 years old! I have had to deal with 2 very over-controlling parents who never respected me as an adult. I'm now 39 years old and have lost my confidence, self love, and self worth!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭 I wake up wondering why I even wake up? What's my reason for living? If I can't be the man I wanted to be in this life of mine why am I here on Earth!!!
I can see you're healing...
=)
Thank you so much.
A couple days ago due to living in the presence of a narcissist I was feeling empty inside like I needed a boost. What did I do? I asked a homeless vet if there was something I could buy for him.
I felt good as I handed him the ham sandwich he asked for and a cookie. 🍪
But that is addictive high that doesn't change anything in my life. I will just need another fix.
I really do need to do for myself and I appreciate your clarity in sharing how we need to take care of ourselves. ❤
Your daughter is very blessed to have your love...I am working with 10 out of 10..from below Zero...I call it badass love for myself! ..I will never abandon her again!..and anyone who even rolls their eyes in my direction is gone from my life.. much love to you beautiful one..💖
Thank you Michele. I'll be listening to this again and again. :)
This is a very necessary video for all ages and genders. Great work and please keep them coming!
Im trying to self-teach myself piano because I love it but I NEVER make time for this. I get so disappointed with myself
Self love was a new awakening for me as I thought you only are worth when you make others feel happy even if you are not. Being compassionate to myself is the one I have never done. You are extremely good. Thanks🙏🙇
Michele ,I really just started doing more for myself.I will be using this video everyday till I get it right.Your advise is off the charts for people like me. You are a Wonderful person, I will be checking out all of your work.Thank you so much Love ❤
I'm here taking notes. That says something. Just started starting my day w controlled deep relaxing empowering breathing. As Im deep breathing b4 I get out of bed. I think observe don't absorb observe do not absorb do not absorb just observe. This helps me stay in the moment in the present moment. Still living w fem. Covert/Malignant. So being in the moment is SO important.
I've been labling and writing down the moments that stand out. The (negative memories) videos that I obsorbed. And allowed to control my response to external stuff. Ex: Mom n I driving through town, I'm 6 or 7, I say - look thats Mike McClintock's house, He's the boy w red hair in my class. Mom says, so what? So u know somebody, Shut up sit back in yer seat. Are u feeling the love?
I was pulled out of class 2nd or 3rd grade. Teachers accused me of stealing from teachers purse. Birchrun elementary. 3 adults. Poking my chest w finger tip. Telling me I did this. I was clueless. Pissed because they were adamant it was me but it wasn't. So I said, yeah I did it. Took it n threw it in the river n youll never find it. Hah. They called State police. Took me to state police post put me in a cell next to adult men. Waited for my dad to get there. He had to leave work took good hour + to get there. Officers took me from cell to an office where the cop behind the desk had the bars he was the man I did not know that my dad walked in behind me they sat me in a chair and the cop asked me why I confess to something I didn't do I shrug my shoulders and said I don't know my dad stepped forward and slap me with his hand so hard it knocked me out of the chair knock the chair down I rolled and hit the wall the two cops in the room slam my father up against the wall with their elbow against his throat telling him they will bury him so deep in this jail for child abuse. So on the way home my father punched me in the face my head hit the window. Telling me what a retard I was for confessing to something I didn't do. Right after the cops took me away the kid who did it confessed. I was slapped and punched a few times before we made it home then was sent to bed without dinner. I am trying to wrap my head around all this. Trying to understand why I would say I did something I didn't do for 1. Yeah it is painful recalling and labeling these moments if I allow it to be painful that is. But it's all healing I'm learning One Foot In Front of the other best I can do. You know there's a ton more I could share. Just thought I would share this bit out of respect and for self-love
I love your channel. Your videos have helped me so much to move on and open my eyes after the narcissistic abuse from my mother in law. It’s allowing me to help my husband as well with what he has endured from his mother. He is currently at the stage of a trying to ignore it in hopes it all just stops/we stop speaking with her, but he has made that first step of opening his eyes to her deception and manipulation. And he is angry with her! I hope my journey to heal will encourage him to start his healing from a lifetime with her abuse.
U never ceases 2 amaze me, u just remind me dat women n Wisdom go 2gether👼😇, I don't know where 2 start, I'm stuck 4 words,,,,I'm an introverted humble person, sensitive n misunderstood most of my life, n struggled with saying no, but if I feel disrespected then I bcum Superman n I no longer care how the person feels, even a boss, I'm a piano player n one day the choir director knows I have an injury, but insisted on keeping me playing a 4 hour rehearsal,,,so I just got up n left without good bye or c u😜,,,also I wish I could master the Negative rewind tapes I play in my head, if I made a mistake in a concert I'd wake up thinking of how I felt when I messed up😥 I'm getting better a little, I learned 2 change my attitude n say " everyone is entitled 2 a mistake" 🤔,,I am learning so much from you I almost feel guilty I'm not paying you $,,,there's so much more, but I don't wanna ware it out🙄,,,how did u get so smart? Oh dats right female insight👀👀,,,Bless u❤️ Paz😎