How to MAKE FRIENDS in Germany - [TIPS & Cultural Background]
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- čas přidán 12. 06. 2024
- #expats #germany #expatsingermany #lifeingermany #expattips
How to make friends in Germany? - that is a question all expats wonder at some point or another. Making German friends takes patience and persistence and any international can achieve it.
In this video we provide tips and some cultural background that will help all new-comers meet the German locals.
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3 UNCONVENTIONAL ways to LEARN GERMAN
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✨ RELATED GUIDES:
How To Make Friends In Germany Like A Local
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⏰ Timestamps:
00:00 - Introduction
02:59 - Why is it hard to make friends with Germans?
08:51 - Tip #1: meet Germans at work
10:38 - Tip #2: meet Germans online
12:05 - Tip #3: meet Germans in a Verein
13:36 - Tip #4: meet Germans at a Stammtisch
14:28 - Tip #5: meet Germans at a Volkshochschule
15:02 - Tip #6: meet Germans by volunteering
15:47 - How friendships in Germany work
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We know how frustrating and painful it might be to move to a new country, especially if you don't fully speak the language. That's why we created Simple Germany.
Simple Germany provides tips & information in English about living in Germany as an expat. We talk about services that are friendly and easy to use to beat German bureaucracy. We also cover the cultural aspects of living in Germany. All of this brought to you from the eyes of an expat and a German duo. We want to help you settle in Germany more smoothly.🍻
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![6 CUTE THINGS Germans do 😍🇩🇪- [PART 1]](http://i.ytimg.com/vi/qSXFdA0HVeQ/mqdefault.jpg)
"Even Germans find it hard to make friend with Germans." - "Jo" - "Very detailed answer."
Also, very german answer. And true.
Very efficient
A very good friend in Germany is someone who can call you at 2 am, and you are prepared to do whatever is necessary to help him/her.
Yes,absolutely. Anything, anytime!
yes i agree
That’s exactly what i’m used to. Then i came here and realize you have to make an appointment in order to talk to a friend.
If you reached a friendship level so high that you are nearly close as family they do.
If that's the case I'd love to have German friends :)
This staring thing...yeah it is true, I think of my grandma at this point:
We were at the bus and she started to constantly stare at this black woman (probably a student from another country). I noticed it and told her (whispering) to stop staring, because the woman would feel uncomfortable...maybe she would think it is a rejection because of her skin colour. My grandma didn´t stop. After we went out of the bus my grandma leaned over and said: "Have you seen this woman? She was very beautiful."
Totally with you, I'm black and born in Germany and I can see the difference, my dad never could. The minority of people think harmful.
And I stae all the time, often for the same reason as your granny😂
this is a very charming story
Awww that ending totally warmed my heart 🥺🥰
Where we live, staring is extremely rude. In fact you wouldn't get away with staring at people here.
I feel staring is part of a very selfish attitude of gaining pleasure or satisfying curiosity and giving nothing back whatsoever apart from a really uncomfortable feeling.
A staring person would get a very strong reaction here in NZ from many. Others will just silently feel extremely uncomfortable.
I would be appalled if anyone stared like that around me.
In Australia there is a bar which has banned staring due to the predatory and intrusive nature of staring.
I agree some people are exceptionally beautiful. But there is no need to be greedy and disregard the person's feelings and general freedom from unwanted intrusion like the Grandma did.
I think it's more an interested/fascinated watching. Remember the times our grandma's were young ladies. That times it was totally normal to watch excited to foreigners and speak and laugh with the hands in front of their mouth, like chicken's .
This behavior today by our grandma's is the same, except the chicken's thing☺️
In our recent visit to Germany, I found it very easy to talk to Germans. I'm from the USA, I spent at least a year attempting to learn German. And when I would try to speak in German, it seemed to open up the barrier, like they appreciated my attempt and effort. Plus beer breaks down all barriers. Lol
Hello, I am from SouthKorea and living in Germany in a small village. so obviously I get a lot of attention by German on the streets or even in my car. haha somehow I started waving my hand and say Hallo! to the people who are observing me and they immediately pretend not staring at me. haha.
Hey, i am from Pakistan and living in Dubai. I looking a friend
I think language indeed massively helps, even if the Germans you are working with are speaking English fluently. I can remember that I was always struggling if I can invite someone to a get-together when the person isn't speaking a bit of German as not everybody else was 100% confident speaking English. Every so often the group switches to German and the foreign person is left out. As a host this is uncomfortable towards the foreign guest as well as to their German guests as there is always the risk to leave someone out of the conversation. Then I guess we are often too cautious to invite someone as we don't want to make it uncomfortable for anybody. We feel responsible that everyone invited has a good time.
" I was always struggling if I can invite someone to a get-together when the person isn't speaking a bit of German as not everybody else was 100% confident speaking English."
In my humble opinion the #1 rule if you want to make friends in Germany is to learn the language as good as possible.
Even though my English is quite good and I indeed enjoy speaking English for a limited amount of time, it's exhausting for me. That's why I wouldn't befriend somebody who doesn't speak German at all. And to make matters worse, if somebody only speaks very broken German that get's very quickly annoying as well.
We Germans like to separate private and work life, which for me is the main reason why it is so hard to make friends in a work environment. And another difference is the level of committment or "deepness" of the relationship which we call friend. Maybe you would call someone a friend in another country after having 3 nice conversations. That would not be the level of knowing people we Germans would consider "friendship". Friendship is always a relationship of trust, which needs time to build up. The rest of the relationships are acquaintances to us. So my advice would be: don't aim to make friends, but to have acquaintances. The friendships will result out of some of them.
Thanks for sharing your insight :)
This is great advice. I accidentally made a German friend (complicated story). Now I'm so happy I have her. :)
Sounds interesting 😅
Bei mir war allet auch laaaange her echt zufällig
Ich mag die superklare Englische Aussprache, das macht es leicht zuzuhören.
Sehr interessante Themen.
Totally did the “smoothly”. I started after the third video.
I guess that in Guatemala, as in Mexico, the person behind you in the line would join the conversation with you and the cashier. I love the work you do. It is super informative and fun!
On my very short 3 week holiday in Germany I was able to meet new people through playing my guitar, not necessarily make friends straight away, but it certainly is a good “Avenue” to meet anyone really.. also as a visitor I guess the dynamics are different too when meeting people, the fact I was visiting my ancestral homelands certainly helped too I think, greetings from New Zealand ❤
I found it pretty easy to make friends in Germany - you just have to understand that people don't socialise or chit chat while working. On evenings and Saturdays I found Germans very open and friendly - especially if you go to a bar, community event, sport like rock climbing, etc.
Happy to hear! 🤗
An open-minded and honest personality is one of the best assets to have for making true friends. And I think both of you don't have the slightest issue with that. You deserve much more subscribers.
OMG I am a hispanic/American woman that has been trying to chip away at this German guy. I'm so thankful you posted this video and that this experience is not a single incident, but possibly a cultural thing. As an American and Latina I'm used to things being more open/warm and expressive/animated, and definitely faster... and he is so cautious and cold, and private, and... I could go on, but I appreciate that you posted this video!
I wouldn't call it "cold" per say. more like 'reserved' as in not wanting to bother everyone around us with our emotions. Once you get into someone's circle of trust you'd be surprised how emotional Germans can be. Either way, good luck to you and keep chipping ;-)
YES. I am Latina American too and have the same problem but with a girl. It’s so frustrating sometimes. Like today I screamed in my pillow lol. But I think I made a kind of some progress a few weeks ago so I keep going. This video definitely helped a lot tho
@@ranekeisenkralle8265 but how I can I get her to open to up to me more because I want her to know that I care and I don’t mind if she shares the emotions with me but it’s so frustrating she still doesn’t open up a whole lot
@@HeyItsSarah30 Careful there. You really don't want to be viewed as maybe manipulating her - and that can easily happen if you try to take active steps towards her opening up. In the long run that likely would do more harm than good.
Depending on how long you know one another and how much trust she feels towards you, you might get away with straight-up telling her that you don't mind is she shares more of her emotions with you. But ultimately there is but one thing you need: Patience. And lots of it. Since I don't know her background I am loath on giving more detailed advice than that.
@@ranekeisenkralle8265 Yes I don’t actually straight up ask her personal things because I don’t want to make her uncomfortable or feel like I’m pushing her. I’m just trying to be patient. We’ve known each other for 3 years but apparently she told me she didn’t consider me a friend until last year. It’s hard sometimes ooof.
Me watching this 1 week into Germany trying to make friends. Thanks for the amazing content as always!
It is hard to find or make friends in Germany or with germans, but if a german becomes your friend...You may call him at 00:45 at night for help, he will immediately start to put on his clothes and rush to your site.
Absolutely!
And that is just scratching the surface. Yes.
In Germany we have the difference between real friends and people we just know from work or somewhere else, it's more an acquaintance.
After work i can drink a beer with them or maybe go to a club with them, but these guys are not my friends.
I can't talk about the region that you are living in, but it's not so hard in Berlin to get in contact to someone, if you become friends is different thing and depends on both you.
The typical, origin Berliner/Berlinerin get's in contact to you, mostly if you like it and sometimes also if you not.
But he/she will definitely talk to you.
Yeah right
its actually strange how we draw a line between private life friends and people we work with!
i am work for over 10 Years in the same with mostly the same people and we have done so much tighter (especially get drunk in the office at day (birthday coffee and cake celebrations change regularly in to little wodka „taste tests“) and we also used to go 2 times the year clubbing the night and almost the whole office sufferers together at same in the office BUT DESPITE of all this memories we. Still Divide out work frinds from our real good frinds“ at lest IAM se them them stll as work Colleges instead ofmor l already has ike the school class from tTHIS at all, nobody slippt over from the Colleges
Oh thank god for this! I am moving to Berlin in 2 months, from a tropical country to the dead of winters and having some friends would make everything so much livelier! ❤️
I live in Germany now for about a year, and on the contrary I find them (90%, not always, not all people) very kind, friendly, respectful and warm.
This "more smoothly" is so cute :D 😍
Thanks for this! I met several German exchange students at a college bar and tried to add them to Instagram, and ONLY 1 accepted. I thought that was weird, or that I had done something wrong. That’s after buying them shots and speaking semi conversational Deutsch. I also worked in MEX as a kid y hablo EL Español casi perfecto, so I’m used to Latin American culture too where you meet everyone and dar saludos a todos ...🤷♂️🤷♂️🤷♂️
It seems to me that i found the best channel/youtuber for what I am looking to know in Germany. :) You are the best.
I'm addicted to your videos, they are So helpful!
Thank you so much for this :D . Great content.
I just stopped by to say I really enjoy your channel and the topics you bring up. 😊
Thank you guys so much for your support always. This was super helpful
I stare too. :D I love it to sit in a nice cafe and watch the people who walk by.
😅
after a loooooong time searched for videos about how to socialize in Germany, finally I found yours. Thanks for sharing. It helps me to understand better
my favorite couple! thank you for all this information
You guys radiate charisma, that approach at the end is really akward no one does that
Not appearing to an invitation without an appropriate reason may work one or two times. A third time you will probably not be invited because it doesn't make sense to invite someone who is obviously not interested in a connection.
I love your vedios. You make it interesting and informative.
Great video, gut gemacht !
I love your energy girls!
Thank you so much for the recommendations and the useful info. I recently moved to Berlin and your channel will surely make my German intro more "smoothly".
Subscribed ✌🏼
Same experience ❤
Wow, very well summarized!
Here are some random thoughts to this subject, maybe I am to some degree typical German with my perception? and hopefully it clarifies where some of us are coming from:
I don't know if it is wishful thinking but at least for me authenticity and being a truly social good-hearted person plays a major role in a potential friend. People who try to be cool and "en vogue" are most often lost souls who don't know who they are and what they truly enjoy and try to mimic other publicly respected people or simply try to conform with whatever is currently trendy and I really don't see any value in that. If you live like that, your live turns more and more into a movie that you are the main actor but sadly it simply isn't real, its just you looking for acceptance and approval by others. Our entire media and industrial product development is full of features that support this mentality. Everything has to look like its more, because showing off has gotten ore important that what actually is. Social media also full of it and for someone who hasn't yet made a career choice, become a phycologist, they will be needed in excess in the future because this has become a global problem, I believe especially of the Western world in "younger" generations.
We are all individuals with very different thoughts and tastes and life is too short and stressful to spend it with people who live in other worlds, though if they are happy and fulfilled within their worlds and don't harm anyone then I like that an am very happy for them, because that is what life is all about! But if they like to pretend something that will never ever make them happy or in any way peaceful and in love with life then it is rather sad to watch.
I am a Ger/man in my 50's and I guess the older you get the more experience you have with others (though people still keep surprising me) and there are quite some people who are just not on my personal wavelength and I might not be on theirs and I still respect them and am friendly but I will not initiate getting any closer to them. In general I am not a black and white viewer, there is a huge "grey" tolerance range in my life that I handle very differentiated. For example if I notice that someone doesn't like me, I question myself and try to understand why this might be, but this person is not my enemy (unless that person treats others badly) and I will not be focused on changing that persons impression unless it falls into what I would do anyway.
Being used to a very harmonic environment I will also not verbally fight with anyone unless that person is harming others in a systematic process or if it is a very dear person if he/she is harming him/herself, only then I will try to give that friend some serious feedback in the most digestible way at the best possible time. Sometimes instantly is not the right time to ask for reflectivity, depending on the situation and personality. As a real friend and specifically a partner it is my duty to create some reflection and I am also very thankful if I am on the receiving end, because everybody has blind spots and you need a dear friend to see these and hopefully be able to avoid them. So some criticism is a sign for a real deep friendship to me, not the other way around like in some other cultures. If it is not a dear friend or someone who I don't have to interact with on a regular basis, I let that person learn from their own mistakes and I mind my own business.
As Yvonne mentioned, I also just a have a hand full of very dear friends since many decades who I would do almost everything for if they would need my help and vice versa. I know all their quirks, their history, their friends and family, their emotions and they know mine and we respect and love each other for that and have a real bond.
Small talk is definitely not a German thing and maybe that also underlines the seriousness that deep relationships play in our lives. I love to be very silly, often pull peoples legs when they might not expect it, apply a lot of self-deprecating humor, don't have a problem making others laugh about me (mostly intentional:-) and I own their respect for that, because they also know they can count on my honest care and help. I personally take love and relationships very seriously, work & hobby also to some degree, but the rest of life should be "fun and games", but always respectful of not disturbing others in what they value and love and the global environment.
As you may imagine, the authenticity and diversity of this channel is what I find very appealing and rare and I want to thank Jen and Yvonne for that - great contribution!
Thank you so much for your insights and kind words 😊
Nice comment :) so agree - authenticity & genuine interest in others is an alchemy of making friends 😊
This is a very well written piece of information and absolutely true...
I'm not a German but I feel like I'm now (living in Russia). It's pretty hard for me to make friends, especially close. I'm also looking for someone to make my german better but didn't find any. Still trying 😅 Thanks for the tips
Finding friends at a workplace in germany isn't so easy as you describe it. Remember, at work it's all about work and beeing efficient. That's where our outstanding wok-life-balance is originated. We normaly don't talk so much about private topics at work and we normaly don't mix up with our collegues after work. We usually seperate our worklife and our private life from each other.
Yes and no. It highly depends on the culture of the company and how much you also integrate. We have had companies where we were able to make friends and others where we weren't.
@@simplegermany You're maybe correct. If you are working in a creative environment. Well, I worked for roughly forty years now in industrial and craftsmanship areas. I never met someone I would consider as a friend. And most of the time when you left the respective company's, you'll lose the connection to these people immediately. It's crazy. You worked together, you had a beer or two together, shared time and stories of life and liviing. Then you leave the company, for whatever reason, that's it.
My problem in Germany is that I prefer to be silent, and just give a smile, nod or wave the hand. It has nothing to do with the fact that I speak only B2 level. I do the same even in my own language. I expected to enjoy the German life style of everyone minding his own business, but I found out that when you meet someone for the first time, specially coworkers and your employer, they are super nice in a way that makes me weird. They keep laughing and trying to be funny, they think it is helpful for me as someone new in the place. I think it something western, that they would give you a huge smile that you know it is fake, and sulk the second they turn their back. I can't do it, I am only this happy when I am really happy, and I can't immediately stop smiling few seconds later.
So this leads to me being the oddball who barely smiles and can't interact and engage in this super-happy conversation. I worry they perceive me as arrogant and odd, more than shy.
I would appreciate your advice
I sincerely hope that at this time you would have been past this situation. I have not left Nigeria all my life. So i can't presume to know what you feel. I just want you to know that you're awesome and whether they are faking it or not you have made it. And they would not have hired you if you're not great at what you do. So rock on and settle more smoothly. See you in Germany, hopefully ❤😅
thanks guys :)
Really enjoy this video, can the next one be on How to MAKE ENEMIES in Germany?
As an auslander in Hamburg, i agree with staring part, oh yeah! Even tho almost everybody is super friendly, many keep staring at me for a very long time! From tip to head!
I sometimes caught myself seemingly staring at a person, and giving them a smile after realizing. All smile back. Well, I was not staring at all, I was deep in thoughts, having a 10.000 metre stare somehow ledged on a person. Coming out of my head, realizing my eyes are glued on a person, smiling is the best I can do.☺
An Auslander? From where?
It can be super interesting to just watch people live their lifes. At least sitting in a crowded Cafe, otherwise it can get kind of weird.
Yep. People watch here a lot. I don't watch them back... So I sometimes hope they will lose interest NOPE 🤣🤣 I'm a lawyer they are fascinated.
The culture that’s prompting my eager exit from the US. ❤ nice video ladies, enjoy the Ko-fi 🙂
The staring part is something I observed too being a foreigner in Berlin... Its unlike USA and Australia where I have lived too
Here in northern germany, it is hard to find a friend. But, when, its for a Lifetime.
I've seen all this before, when I lived in Finland: it takes a ton of time to get to know the locals so I'm beginning to suspect this isn't a coconut issue, more like in-group and out-group.
Oh and, again, speaking the language or at least showing a keen interest goes really a long way!
"Its not a german thing, its just adult thing" 😄
This is not true. In Brasil 🇧🇷 you always can make new friends, the age doesn’t matter. I miss so much this way of living… 😢
I've lived in Germany (Kalrsruhe) for 10+ years and I don't have any German friends yet! Except for German Turks or German Koreans! I've made friend from all over the world but no 100% Germans yet :P
The working colleagues tend to stay working colleagues.
Jep, that can happen, but keep at it, only if you want to of course 😉
Kia ora,
I have made friends from very many places all over the world in my life. They have been very very close friends until old age or death.
I have never made friends with a German. I think they are so closed off that I would not have any opportunity.
I went on a lot of long bus trips and I believe I could pick who the Germans were if they were in pairs. They spoke to eachother very briefly and very seriously. The volume was so low that you would barely hear a sound. They never smiled, never made eye contact and never looked happy or joyful at all. I found them to be the most sour looking people I can think of when it comes to young people. They gave me the creeps to be honest because it feels like they are not interested in anything other than what they are doing, which relates to being organized and self-focused.Their heads often seemed down. I assume they are somehow intimate with eachother because they travel together. I feel no love, joy, curiosity, openness, spontaneity or friendliness from their vibes.
I was swimming in a river one day and spoke to a man staring at me, and I was told later that an expensive camera was hanging from his neck. He said he was from Poland which was really exciting to me-to meet someone from such a remarkable country and People. He was much the same. No expression, no smile, no attempt to seize a moment of human interaction, discovery, aroha, manaakitanga, or kotahitanga. I was disappointed at the anticlimax where no friendliness, curiosity, warmth or rejoicing was returned at all.
My people have smiles and a greeting or perhaps a handshake.
I have written many comments around Germans in German focused spaces like this one. I haven't had any feedback, but have received a few "likes" as a tiny indication that someone somewhere resonates with one of the thought out comments I have shared.
I have given up sharing any of my time consuming comments now, but have replied to people who I know are from a place like the U.S.,the UK, Australia or other places where I know friendliness is common. I have built up friendships with people, and although it may only last days up to about 2 years, I often think about those people and wonder how they are.
I already feel a bond with you because I know we have both been unable to receive any real outstretching of heart, openness, aroha, care or sharing from a place that avoids new friendships.
My people are known for being friendly, accommodating, nice, laid back and easygoing. You can share a friendly gesture
or korero with almost any stranger in so many situations.
Every interaction is a sharing of many things,
it could be friendliness, empathy, a question or request for information, a compliment, or anything. But they are always good vibes. Because we are strangers, it truly elevates the entire experience. It is a gift and a joy that even with a total stranger we can uplift, be uplifted, share something interesting, share ourselves, enjoy the diversity of others and see a tiny snippet of someone else's life. Not putting yourself in others' shoes is a sure recipe for self absorption and of course complaining too, as a national pastime.
How do people find time to complain but not korero with a stranger?
The snippets are always fascinating because they show a small speck from a brother or sister's experiences of the moment or time.
To take an interest in others and receive such openness and to capture so many shots of humanity is typical in our culture. The interest and friendliness towards others has a snowball effect. They truly lighten your day and you can briefly reflect on the vast mosaic of human experience.
Rather than being wrapped up in oneself, not looking at, listening to, smiling at, giving to or finding an opportunity to be supportive or helpful, here we are a nation of brotherhood, kindness,
sameness, unity, manaakitanga and kotahitanga.
I feel very lucky that I happened to be surrounded by an entire population of aroha and much gratitude, humility and brotherhood.
That is how I feel about
my people, the people of New Zealand. I have no desire to leave this place. But if I did, I would visit a poor place where people are bound to be happy and joyful, like Fiji or Tonga.
I would visit the UK Ireland or Scotland where I can feel friendliness and be myself. I would go to Guatemala, but never to Germany. Knowing that the aroha among my people is seen as 'smalltalk" and that it is viewed as fake, I find is the opposite of human, it is a true distortion of kindness. There is nothing fake about any of our korero. It all comes from the heart and there is always a few moments in which kind regard can be shared.
I share my brutal honesty because people think they value it. I don't believe they do value honesty except at the level of their own very uncaring and unfriendly level.
I am amazed that when trying to share with others, there was no repricosity. Rather than
learn and look up to people, I feel I have been repelled by many Germans and one Pole.
I have to find connection to the people there with absolutely no input from them to me. It is the way they are capable of getting to know a person very very well and THEN show them and only them some friendship that I have to still see kindness in.
By the way, my very good friends were from France, the Netherlands, India, the Phillipines, Tonga, Peru, Scotland, etc.
The comment friendships were with people from the countries of the UK, the U.S, Poland, Georgia, Australia, and all the other places were unknown. Not fake smallcomments. I haven't forgotten any of the ones I connected with in depth.
Those are just some thoughts from someone "Kiwi as."
Harry S. Truman once said: "If you want a friend in Washington, get a dog." 😊 And Franz von Assisi declared: "The dog remained loyal to me in the storm, the human not even in the wind." ❤😉
Joking aside, one should look for friends where the interests are the same, sports club, fan clubs. Of course, you can't force it, neither in Germany nor in the USA.
I full understanding the two points of view. I mean the cultural part. But more time and more you give, more you received. Is the same in every where. Common base and respect other people's space.
I really like your videos, and this is another great one. Just one thing to add, we germans are very different in different regions. It's much easier to get contact to a german in Cologne, Düsseldorf or Dortmund as in Stuttgart or Frankfurt. Best regards!
Club in Germany ist only a place to party with loud music :)
Man muss nicht immer etwas mitbringen. Dies ist je nach Alter und sozialer Schicht unterschiedlich. Man sollte aber vorab Fragen, damit macht man nichts verkehrt. Ich bringe normal nichts mit. Etwas zu essen oder trinken für die Party kommt aber schon öfters vor.
For indians who become friends easily in 2 meetups .its way too much work to just make friends and sometimes not being considered friends even after so much chit chat ,projects togather. So that makes me think what's the definition for friends in germany? When do you actually become friends?
Never I guess 😂
Very good question… but if it’s me I just let the things happen… I don’t like this idea about waiting months for the “approval” of someone. Seems to me a bit of submission
Also zuallererst, ihr seid so ein süßes Paar, und zweitens, Yvonne du sprichst mir aus dem Herzen. So sind wir deutschen eben. Ich hoffe ich kann euch noch in zehn Jahren sehen.
Lesbisch? Die beiden?
“Very detailed answer “😂😂😂😂 and the answer was a classic 😂
Having dogs really is helpfull. 😉
How so?
It is easier to start a conversation with a stranger, who also has a dog 😉
You two are proof of great friendships ! Not “ “ weird 😋
I don't care, I chit chat with every person I get chance to talk to :)))
Oh my good! I appreciate your courage!!!! I’m too shy for that 🙈🙈🙈
A nice confirmation of what I have noticed. I appreciate the authenticity. As a North American, it can seem a bit feudal - my apologies, it just has that impression. There is some novelty in that. At some level, you have to court a friend. Of course it's not romantic, but you have to put some effort in because, as you say, it's a big commitment for Germans. But, for me, there are also high expectations to be an honest, loyal, and trustworthy comrade, which may even be better word in English for what this all is. Cheers.
Thanks soooo much for this content seriously, it's my study programme before I move in 2 months. Coming from India, generally people talk about any and everything. I was wondering if there are ok and taboo topics for each level of friendship? Maybe this could be a video topic?
To be honest that depends on the friendship. We can’t think of general taboo topics. All the best for your move 😊
@@simplegermany Good to know, thank you ❤️
I feel like the SpongeBob episode with the FUN song fits with this video. Just the SpongeBob part 😊
I had similar experience. In UK shop workers chat with you about your day, the weather, holiday plans, school etc which scanning your shopping. In Lithuania where I've been for a couple years they dont. Even me saying thank you to them feels like a lot. But in UK they have a minute or more of small talk most of the time. Same happened when I went to ukraine. They're doing their job not there to socialise I think is the idea. Whereas UK shop workers also put in friendly service as a part of what they do.
At first it was culture shock but now I think I prefer reserved shop workers. Makes things easier and quicker. :)
At first it was culture shock but now I think I prefer reserved shop workers. Makes things easier and quicker. :)
😅
Do you guys have a video of how you met? and/or about tips for foreigners dating Germans?
Yes, we released a video on how we met just a few weeks ago 😉
I read recently the Scots and the Irish are seen as the friendliest in Europe with Germans the second least friendly.
Who's the least friendly according to that list? (Also I have brazilian friends who moved to Ireland and they would disagree I think :S) 😅
@@Anni_Mau Czech Republic
They are so easy to talk and laugh with. They are similar to us in NZ. The German culture is really hard for me to get my head around. People here in NZ, in our land, in public have been yelled at in my city. Once for being a "dirty Jew".
And once for riding their bike on the "wrong" side of the bicycle track!
Rrotfl.
you forgot to mention "ein bekannter,ein guter bekannter,mein lieber bekannter"
😅
@@simplegermany That was not a joke. "Bekannter" is basically the stage prior to friendship - and for those wanting to become your friend (or who you wish to befriend), this also serves as vetting period.
I don't know if it's a German (or male) thing but my friendships are all kinda related to topics/hobbies. There are friends I go out with, friends I do or watch sports with, friends I have more intellectual chats in cafés with and friends I know from work so this is the bond. In my opinion this is also one reason why it's getting harder making friends when you get older. Many people give up hobbies and mainly focus on family and work. At least that is my experience.
Also nearly all my friendships date back to childhood days - the longest literally to the day I was born (one day after my later friend was born in the same hospitals where our mothers met and held contact), others to kindergarden days. So I grew up with my friends, even spending Christmas with some ot them or going to holidays with their families. So they really are more like brothers. In adult years I haven't made a single new friendship that is comparable to those.
One other thing: It really depends on the region how hard it is to make new contacts. Being from Cologne originally I found it way harder connecting with people in Berlin where I used to live the last five years. In Cologne you will know 5 new people after one night out (if you want) - in Berlin it takes forever connecting with people because everybody has so many important plans, exclusive hobbies (or fetishes), the city is so big and so on. It was actually easier connecting with expats than with Germans.
Mit einem echten Berliner kommst Du in der Regel auch recht schnell in Kontakt, besonders in den Kneipen und Bars, natürlich nur wenn Du das auch willst, in der Innenstadt oder den inneren Bezirken findet man die aber kaum noch, die vielen typischen Eckkneipen sind schon verloren gegangen und die Ur-Berliner leben eher am Stadtrand wie meine Eltern, da sie sich die Innenstadt gar nicht mehr leisten können. Echte Berliner findest Du in Pankow, in Teilen des Weddings, Lichtenbergs, in Marzahn, Köpenick, Schöneweide, am Westend, Ruhleben, Tegel, Frohnau, Buckow, Mariendorf oder Lübars.
Es verteilt sich halt so ziemlich.
In der Innenstadt und den Cafés, Clubs und Bars treffen sie dagegen Einwohner/ Hipster und Neureiche aus allen möglichen Teilen Deutschlands, Europas und der Welt und ob sie mit denen Bekanntschaft oder mehr machen ist halt ihr Ding.
True words. 👍🏼😀
Thank you for sharing. We fully agree 😊
I'm a German living in France. It is always hard to find real friends. A real friendship is so much more than having fun with somebody. I found a lot of wonderful people here. We have a lot of fun and share the same interests etc. But they are just wonderful people...not my friends. In German we call them: Bekannte.
@@robertzander9723So findet man schnell Bekannte. Aber eine echte Freundschaft ist eher selten so zu finden. Man muss echtes Vertrauen entwickeln. Freundschaft bedeutet auch Verantwortung. All das dauert Wochen, Monate oder sogar Jahre...
When you do the gesture, you look like ZZ Top without beards ;)
Lol, the Coconut part I get called a Coconut for being brown (Asian) on the outside, but when I open my mouth its pure German (Swabian), so brown on the outside, white on the inside haha never thought about hard and sweet I like that far more
Now I see why most Africans will really really struggle socially in Germany 😂.. we are more friendly and love to talk to anyone or everyone we meet even strangers.. a friend of mine (Nigerian) told me a story where she tried to help an old German lady lift an heavy load, which is like a cultural thing over here, you're obliged to help elderlies with heavy things regardless if you know them or not. 😊. But this old lady declined and yelled at her, she was so sad about it.
Let's be friends. 🤗 🐈
okay :D
Don't forget churches, especially if you're in rural areas, but also in cities. You don't have to be super-religious at all (German "evangelisch" e.g. has nothing to do at all with American narrowminded, racist "evangelical", quite the contrary), and there are lots of activities to take part, musical (choirs) or others, and you will be very welcome, even more if you are willing to to the smalles bit of volunteer work. If you're American, any gospel choir will be thrilled to finally have something to tell them how to pronounce the stuff they're singing...
If interesting for Germans to stare but no salutations are exchanged. It causes for an awkward interaction. It’s also interesting the idea of « Germans minding their business » but love to stare 😂.
Thank you for your tips, but I have completely out of topic observation; the lady on the left -and I’m sorry for not catching you name- looks a lot like the actress Lauren German who stars in Lucifer series.
Smoothy 🤭🤭🥰🥰🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳🥳
the foreigner like to have friends
to ease the hardship
staying in other place they dont know
but the thing is
German is very straight forward
they know what they like
and what they dont like
they are not people pleaser
just to have friends or companies
but most people in other counties
are opposite
they like to please everyone
just to say
they are nice
have good reputation
and being so called "GOOD PERSON"
and sometimes
its fake
shallow
or temporary
show off
its just a show..
so like Germans
I also believe
the importance of QUALITY FRIENDSHIPS AND RELATIONSHIPS
because whats the point of having so many people around you
when you cannot talk to them freely
of whats in your head
or your not genuinely happy
with them
or your not being YOURSELF around them
its pointless
and its a waste of time
Life is too short
to waste it
in people and things you dont really like
QUALITY OVER QUANTITY
Also, if it is an old video, it is hard to find a real friend in any country. Live in Paris region, and it is not simple to, here. And yes, go to you intrest groups, you have already something to chat about. Look Football in the nice little bar on the corner, after you can go to the AA and find people there.
But also easy; with you child. Children made friends fast, they play together, then one came in your house to play with your child etc. Ask the father or mother to came in on a coffee while child is finishing etc.
And to know when you have find a friend, you feel it. Have 3 friends, and they are still my friends, even I have left Germany since 20 Years. When falling ill last year, all ask to come, to help me etc. Then you know, you have friends for live.
Think your channel is so important for "NewGermans", but think it is not called Neudeutsch :)
And also, sometimes there are intrest groups for the homecountry. For example, for me it can be "Deutsche Litterateur" in France. Or Polynesian cooking...
The question that interests me the most is, can I stare back? At what moment it becomes awkward?
hahaha that is a very interesting question. I guess you can always try to stare back and smile :)
would like to make friends in Munich😄
Thanks for information
I am searching for job in Germany
Best of luck 😊
@@simplegermany can u help me for finding job
Tbh from what has been described it's actually extremely similar to making friends in Asia. The only difference is the initial approach. In Asia people will talk to you and ice breaking is so much easier cuz I think in general asia has a less intimidating look to them XD. But yeah there are also layers of friendships. I have friends that are just friends and friends that are close friends and friends that are basically family. I just find it so hard to break the ice with the Germans, they just look so intimidating XD
Ay!! Why you're staring for🧐
So cute, find a common thing to complain about- its a kind of becoming allies against a common enemy, and even if its the bad weather. Being distant is showing respect, its considered not very polite to ask strangers too many questions or becoming too personal too quickly. t hav ebeen going to teh same supermarket for 11 years and thE cashiers know me very well, they are very nice and i liek them all ver ymuch but we would never start a private conversation. Super important is being "verbindlich", I do not know the right English word, it is being reliable
There´s a saying never mix business with pleasure. One thing germans (as half one) can´t differ from is personal and work. The reason behind this same as romantic ones is that if things go sideways, that person will bring that with to work, which can cause issues. The issue with taking too much time making friends in germany is that time is precious, so lets say you spend 6 months or whatever and then it falls apart, 6 months wasted to build up to that "level". It´s not a video game where you level up. Sure you shouldn´t rush into things and takes SOME time to get to know someone...
In your enumeration of "Friends" I'm missing "Mein Freundchen!" 😂
And to your suggestion to speak German: Please be aware that there many people living that are not familar to speak English. This makes them uncomfortable and makes it harder to communicate with them.
Hi guys. I think if you are younger in age and living in Germany naturaly you will German. It's those that are older in age which moved to Germany with their children most end up not learning German.
And if you are one sub group that there is much of them in the county in any country then it will be even more harder to learn the natives tongue for sure. Unfortunately.
A real friend is another copy of yourself. I had a friend when I was in the intermediate school and we both lost connection because of the war. Still I have no friend after.... This was over 20 years ago..
How can I ask someone from German if I wanna go study in german and I wanna know more about education in German
Hey I am planing to move Germany in winter I am a student and I am thinking for leave in home stay with one German family. So I can understand culture . What's your opinion on this ? Dose it work ? Or how I can manage this thing any ideas ?
Homestays usually only work, either if you know a family already or through an organization, which offers exchanges. For example Education First offers German language courses and living in a host family.
And probably it wouldn't be the best idea, staying with people your age is probably best. More fun. The cap generation thinking is high and you have more access and knowledge about things that are fun for your age
I have never lived in Germany but I have two good friends who are German. The secret is to meet them abroad hahah
😅
did you make your friends while speaking german or english?
Me gusta tu canal. Ambas hacen una pareja muy bonita. Me suscribo a tu canal, me gusta tu contenido. Espero sigas creciendo con tu canal en suscriptores, Espero entiendas lo que escribo. Saludos
Gracias por tu apoyo! 🙂
But don't bring anything if your going to visit a child with your child! Most German mothers regulate what there kids can have strikt. So if you bring something the child can't have, the child will cry and the mother will hate you and try to avoid to meet😅or tell you to stop. And bringing something if you visit is best if you know what the other one likes or ask what to bring. There is nothing worse if you have to pretend to like the gift that ends up in the garbage or have to tell the person you don't like it. And not to expensive because you give the feeling you expect the same and that's just annoying,. Just my personal experience with foreign cultures.
Exemptions are older people, you can always bring Chocolat or so.
Freundschaft muss man sich verdienen. Ansonsten ist es eine Bekanntschaft. Grad als Erwachsene ist es schwierig.
You did not mention the differences between Freunden und Bekannter/in 😂😂😂
Im indian and i love people watching too and people think its creepy 😭
Has it occurred to you that you seem intrusive? - Heinz
As foreigner it is not only hard but impossible in first few years to make German friends… still I don’t have one 😬
Impossible? No. But certainly difficult as you need to find someone with at least somewhat matching personality - wich due to the rather reserved demeanor of germans takes a lot of trial and error. But giving up is not an option either, because if you give up you already lost your chances.
Mate. You should've come to NZ. We would make you feel welcome, thought of, cared about, one of us, valued, interesting and
valuable.
He tangata, he tangata, he tangata.
We have a responsibility to care about eachother.
In our English version we sing...
"Men of every creed and race, gather here... in the bonds of love we meet".
(Our national anthem).
Our other official languages are Maori and Deaf.
It is astounding for a Kiwi to see that newcomers are not welcomed into the fold.
How can people live in Germany for 3 or 10 years and still not have a German friend?????????????????????????????????????
??
??
@Ranek Eisenkralle
Mate, he might have a better chance if he looks around till he finds a Kiwi.
Or people from countries that treat people as human beings and not phariahs. He'll have a much better chance to make friends that way. Germans are too interested in themselves than homesick humans suddenly finding little human kindness in a very inhumane, cold and judgemental environment.
@@barbsmart7373 I’m living in Germany since 3 years and don’t have any friend. Unfortunately I was coming exactly 1 month before the first Corona lockdown, and I needed waiting more than 1 year and a half for a place in language school. Together with this have the fact that I’m a shy person and I really felling a lot of shame when I do something wrong or I can’t understand what someone talk with me… I just want disappear when this happens. Put one person like that together with this German characteristics: very selective about friendship. Never doing small talks. Looking for you longer (oh my good this always give to the impression that I’m doing something wrong, or dressed inappropriate, or I’m strange…) I was trying one verein but the ladies from my course was always talking with ether but never with me… for me is especially very hard making friends in here. I’m sorry if I was doing mistakes in my text. I learned English alone in home. I really want to know your country! Your description sounds like a wonderful place. Have a nice day ☀️
@@heim3212 Kia ora my Friend!
I am so sorry that I am now replying. I have started a few times but I have been interrupted or never finished and my writing disappears each time!
I felt very sad reading that you have no friends.
Firstly I am really appalled that a culture can involve treating human beings with such disregard.
However, I also want to really support you and the beautiful person that you are.
I cannot express how much I appreciate your comment written to me.
You are so honest, open and kind.
I am that kind of person most of the time as well.
I know I am very empathetic and you may have that personality as well.
Actually, I really, truly understand the experiences you have.
When I was a kid, I was very, very shy. One teacher wrote that I was withdrawn. When I see some of the photos of myself, it is very obvious how afflicted I was with a complete lack of confidence.
Actually, I have seen that my toes curled in and that my posture was always hunched.
This lack of spirit, freedom and joy was caused by my very strict father and apathetic mother who did not protect us from harsh discipline and fear.
I recall very, very easily how shy I was at school.
I was never popular. The popular girls were happy, skipped along, hung around the teachers and had a lot of friends.
I was withdrawn, yes I was. I loved animals and I loved writing. I was good at writing and that is how I could express all my creativity and inner talents.
I never said anything in class.
I did have friends but they were always the girls who also were not popular. I only had one friend most of the time.
When I was at Grammar School ( age 13-16), I was a part of a group. But only just. I just hung around them. I never said anything.
I didn't think I had anything interesting to say. The other girls spoke freely, with confidence. But I had a very very quiet voice. So if I ever did begin to speak, I would have not been heard or noticed. Others would continue conversing and speak over my timid small voice.
I was very easily embarrassed and remember going blushing with embarrassment a lot.
I hope my openness shows you that you aren't alone in this excruciating experience.
There was a particular moment in my life where I became aware of a new way of being.
I had finished a 3 year nursing diploma. ( I still
suffered from no confidence although I obviously spoke to patients etc).
Then I got a job in a fairly big resthome/hospital.
I was responsible for a team of staff and about 70 elderly people.
It was so good to have a job and to suddenly be bring in money for me and my young children.
I know it was a boost to my self esteem. I really felt like a somebody for once.
Back then, we had very smart uniforms, epilettes, a badge and I had my long hair tied up in a French plait.
For the first time in my life, at the age of about 32, I had people hanging around ME!
The caregivers really liked me. I treated them kindly, helped them if I could, and didn't boss them around.
There was another Registered nurse working there.
I remember her telling a caregiver to go and put water on her flannel. The Maori caregiver replied strongly, "Get fucked!"
It was those kind of experiences that I realised all these hardworking women really liked me.
I will continue this later because I have a visitor here.
What about making girlfriends 😏 is it easy ?
It's not easy to make friends if you are shy, introverted, don't like alcohol and partying.
Sounds like me😂
I don't know where all these staring Germans are supposed to be, I haven't met them yet. I'm not cold either and like to talk to strangers. So not always these stereotypes.. 😉