This Stops 95% Of PEOPLE PLEASERS From Being Confident
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- čas přidán 18. 02. 2024
- People pleasing isn't nice... It's FAKE! This video will teach you how to cure the disease to please.
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Julien Blanc (AKA JulienHimself) is a Swiss-born, U.S.-based self-help speaker, entrepreneur and transformational coach.
Since 2010, he has been traveling around the world and has personally coached tens of thousands of clients face to face... Empowering them to create massive success in their lives!
His record-breaking programs Transformation Mastery, Transformation Mastery Live, Transformation Mastery Live Advanced, Transformation Mastery Academy & Transformation Mastery Mentoring help people around the world achieve the HEALTH, WEALTH, RELATIONSHIPS & HAPPINESS they deserve!
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This Stops 95% Of PEOPLE PLEASERS From Being Confident
Stop people pleasing! In this video, Julien Blanc (AKA Julien Himself) exposes the disease to please... Discover how to be real and how to be authentic!
#authenticity #bereal #peoplepleaser
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- Stop chasing a specific person and instead do this: czcams.com/video/DDmqrbSdzPo/video.html
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OMG..haha..'ya everyone is looking at you." then gets him to stand up "You have a look at them too!" - I LOVE THAT!! TOO GOOD!!!
Your site seems to be owned by hackers. Your site was blocked by a pornfilter and your https is gone.
Your site seems to be owned by hackers. Your site was blocked by a pornfilter and your https is gone.
For me, it was the inner child part. Like yeah, we can be masochists and have dirty thoughts that are fun now, but our childhood self who didn't even know the concept of enjoying pain, also used to have fun, and that type of fun, goofing around, feels so right. The older I get I've always just looked back and cringed at younger me's actions, but now I'm just proud. I miss how expressive I was, especially the weirder cringey stuff.
“People like fakeness more than authenticity. But they will never love fakeness. And fakeness will destroy you inside.” This pretty much summed up my life experience. Needed to hear it.
❤❤❤
Same David
Fakeness won't make people ever respect you in life. People will respect you more if you speak your mind and have an actual opinion. Also people should earn you liking them not the other way around. Stop trying to convince peope to like you. I don't care if anyone likes me they can be my friend or not. I'll live my own life in my own way.
Imagine having a communications teacher like Julien in college to help with presentations, and class speeches in front of your whole class that would be awesome.
that would not be aewesome, he would devalidate everyone, only authentic allowed
that would not be aewesome, he would devalidate everyone, only authentic allowed
@@user-xq7to1ht2m To me it would in my opinion he would help everyone to get over the hump with time and little by little you may improve. I'll take him any day. Someone who actually takes his time for you to just let go and drop the front.
Anyone who tells you that he has a solution, a cure, a system, a therapy, a course, framework, religion, love, empathy or rules for life - is a glorified con-artist. Probably a psychopathic narcissist. And anyone who tells you this is out for your money and adulation. He seeks either narcissistic supply or power, or money. They want your subservient admiration and everything you have, because they are merciless and callous, & they are very sick people.
🟥 Prof. Sam Vaknin
If I was being real in front of this guy i would be either the goofiness one in the room or I'd be in tears. I'm either emotional angry/sad, or in a good mood with a silly level over 9000.
Thanks for your work, Julien! I'm tired of being a people pleaser and always struggling to have my family and friend's approval. I opened up about this to my closest friend and he told me the same thing as you: I don't need to chase people's approval, first love and say to myself that I'm good enough.
You're so welcome! And yes, it comes down to valuing your own wellbeing and learning how to LET GO of being so attached to external validation... 👌
You’re lucky to have such a friend.
I ❤ your realness bro! I'm taking your courage to be real today.
@@JulienHimselfIt’s so easy to say and think and imagine but when it comes to the moment itself the feelings takes over. I feel so un comfortabel, stressed. I’m also a highly sensitive person so I feel these negative emotions so much more. It’s so complex, there could be so many reasons why I feel this way. I want to be able so badly to not care and just be authentic. But at the same time I am just a caring person. I care about this world and people. On the other side it is actually destroying me to care and analyse everything so much. I am lost…
@@daphnialxs3918 You have to accept these uncomfortable feelings. To embrace them. That's what Julien says in the "letting go" part. And btw this what almost every "spiritual leader" such as Eckhart Tolle and the likes say as well. The reason they all say this is because it's true. You have inner work to do. When the discomfort starts, pay attention to it. Face it. It's like going to a gym (only in this case, the gym is within). It's painful, but over time the muscles grow and you get better. At some point the pain won't scare you anymore. You'll smile or even laugh at it because you know that ultimately it's totally harmless and it will go away anyway. It's only so powerful because you are trying to avoid it. This fear gives it power. Not the feeling itself. They way out is through. Much love ❤️! You are already waking up, so don't worry. You'll make it!
This guy has thrown all other self help and phycology out the door. For me anyway. Keep doing what you do, our world is screaming for realness.🌟
I'm a nice guy bcoz I'm very polite and respectful with everyone. But I'm not a people pleaser as I'm very comfortable in my own skin. I always mind my own business and I don't seek others approval to make myself feel better.
So my point is, you can still be a nice guy without being a people pleaser. Be nice, but also set your boundaries at the same time.
A fine comment, thanks. We can use tact, politeness and respect without being soft or indulgent towards anyone.
I totally agree with you; a lot of people confuse authenticity and self reliance with arrogance and rudeness.
Wow, exactly what I think. Thank you for posting this comment. 🙏🏽❤️
Pure gold! 🪙
I get the most intense anxiety when he calls people out 😅 💀 I’d probably pass out if that was me.
I have to pause the video so my heart doesn't blow up...
@@pastrami00 me too. I couldn’t even finish it tbh. I’ll have to try again later.
@@waveexistence3512 I couldn't either. I saved it 'for later'.
I would cry if I was called . And yes when the people get called I feel so much anxiety that there feeling and it makes me feel like I have to go up there and It’s so hard to watch
Yeah, same here. Don't get me wrong, I think this guy's great - but, words and logic don't help my anxiety. I know there's nothing to be afraid of, rationally. But, simply 'knowing' this stuff isn't effective and I've read and watched a lot on this topic. 'Doing' is the only thing effective for me. Feeling the fear and doing it anyway. Diet. Exercise. Medication.
But, in terms of motivation, light at the end of the tunnel, this dude is very good.
My new therapist made me realize that I'm a people pleaser. I already knew that I had severe anxiety for other things but she pointed out that trying to please everyone has been adding to my anxiety. Thanks for your work!
BBC Century of Self (2002)
Well we're all people pleasers at some points in our lives so your therapist is kind of full of it to be honest. They're leaving out too much information and being vague with you. Which is why I don't like therapy anymore. It's very restrictive, controlled, and vague and it's basically a program so they can get their golden ticket paycheck at the end of it or at your expense.
@@georgewashingtoniv8745 well this was just during some conversation we were having. The real therapy she does is EMDR therapy and she's very good at it.
@@georgewashingtoniv8745 Problem comes how to be self expressive. And it was at this point that American capitalism decided it was going to step in and help these new individuals to express themselves. And in the process make a lot of money.
We were asking people to think about things that they had never taught about before and they liked thinking about them. Like what motivated them, what was important to them.
🎞 The Century of the Self (2002)
@@georgewashingtoniv8745 dont be so quick to judge. This was during a brief conversation with her. She does EMDR therapy primarily and she's very good at it.
impressive how the guys body language changed after he spoke out and was honest. he looked up a lot more and fidgeted less with his arms
Self acceptance is a virtue
HUGEEEEE virtue 🔥
"We are all equal, but we are all different " WORD !
Thank you Julien. I've never seen anyone tackle anxiety, insecurity and especially AUTHENTICITY the way you do. Your voice is one that is more needed than ever in this world.
Thank you so much! I’m glad my content resonates! 🙌
That's true bro..... I feel same %100
Perfect man for the job
Amazing 😊
Being Loud Obnoxious and opinionated has got me into a lot of trouble in the past. I used to be worried about everything, everyone and have reached the point to where I don't care anymore and it feels wonderful.
Self consuming self. This is how we end up with Trump and climate catastrophe and Russian invasion.
This is the way! I think it’s crazy how NOT opinionated everyone is. No one wants to disturb calm waters but opinions are what change the world! At least in my opinion 😉
@@Peeingstickymilk "People will constantly tell you to be yourself but when you do, they will still say "not like that!" If the world truly wanted you to be real, they wouldn't make their disapproval of you so clear once you are. The truth is that people only want you to be real to the extent that they are comfortable with and in a way that they can approve of."
(YT sclera 74)
@@ranc1977 and doesn’t it make you think “who’s running the show?!” Like who is this ideal person we are all trying to pretend to be for on another in yet all of our true selfs are nothing like this fictional character. Why do we do this to ourselves 😂
@@Peeingstickymilk Due to social pressure. We end up building fake social mask to impress others. But "others" is spectrum, and no one will ever be good enough for ALL people. We can never ever please others, there will always be critics and someone mad at us for our opinion or actions - even when we are immobile and hikikomori and do nothing in life - people will still hate us for it. The solution is to acknowledge ourselves and ask ourselves what is value and moral and ethical standard. Not the masses herd mentality group think - will always keep us oppressed and ashamed of who we are.
With children nowadays, we need seminars in the schools or as events for the kids to hear this.
As a 17-year old senior at a high school, I’ve certainly dealt with/ am still dealing with these kinds of issues.
Don't care what others think. Quit social media too it's all toxic BS.
Deleting socials can actually come with negative side effects.
Having a decent social media page will actually give you huge reputation buffs for very low effort.
@@nothanks5520 it's just social media
hell most of the adults still have this issue of hiding behind some mask
they all or most majority experience some bullying in school , even if it wasn't harsh the negative reaction from others even just affected us in someway, we got defensive, we started being self-concious and as he says we lock that inner child as we grow up, we got that if we do this = bad reaction, if make a mistake = people see you bad etc..
it happens eitherway without social media
social media can just make it worse, amplies things
00:00 🚪 Create a safe space to drop the facade and be authentic.
01:35 🎭 De-validate the fake front and embrace realness.
04:47 💡 Trying to maintain a perfect facade creates anxiety and pressure.
07:47 💔 Authenticity may repel some, but it's crucial for self-fulfillment.
10:21 🤥 Seeking universal approval leads to a fake persona.
12:24 💎 Authenticity is valued because it's rare in a world of fakeness.
16:30 🧒 Honor your inner child and prioritize self-validation over pleasing others.
18:30 🔄 Redefine "cool" as authenticity, owning everything about yourself.
20:40 🙅♂ Don't shy away from uncomfortable truths about your past experiences.
22:34 🎭 Validate authenticity, even if it means revealing insecurities or vulnerabilities.
24:14 😌 Acknowledging and owning your truths can alleviate anxiety and lighten your emotional load.
25:18 🤔 Practice social intelligence by discerning when and how to share personal truths appropriately.
Thanks 👍👍
Thanks so much for doing this.
OR, just realize that nobody cares about you really. They are just wrapped up in themselves. We all are. Somehow, it's freeing to know this.☮
Yeah, that's what helped me the most. The people in my past wouldn't have done what they did if they cared about me. Especially my family. Once I accepted that I've only ever been a mark or a useful tool and let go of the idea that anyone will ever love me, I started to climb out of CPTSD cycles.
This is the first time julian has popped up on my feed in years... glad to see you doing well.
Your speaches helped me find "the real me" after 30 years of masking autism and adhd... and you were right. MFs be jello as hell.
I might not have a lot of friends right now... that just means my schedule has opened up to finding real friends that appreciate me for me.
Nice! Welcome back to the channel! 🙌
👌👌👌👏👏👏👏 Love this for you!
Fine comment and great video. My practising social freedom and conversation with strangers feels fab. Even once-shy people like me can lose their ego-based fear of people's disapproval. With practice, we can develop amazing social skills. There, Julian and Owen have inspired me. Thanks, guys!
@user-cv7kfg1z; I can especially relate to your last line or two! I am with you there, and thanks for sharing!☺️
I learned this the hard way with a job. I do awesome
at interviews. Got the job. I went in the first day and put my “best foot forward.” Every one was like….. she is AMAZING! Then when I finally showed my regular daily self …everyone thought something was wrong with me. They thought I was sick or something. It actually sabotaged my job. My next job, I purposely was rather bland in my interview. My first few days, I just acted like my average self. Then when I did something cool… everyone was pleasantly surprised but didn’t hold me to an impossible standard.
I was thinking Stefan was very kind for not letting his inner child say 'this guy is cocky, huh?' ..
Well that wouldn't be his inner child saying that, that would be more of an ego thing
I definitely see myself in you Julien. I was so shy and now I'm a public speaker too. It's what makes me feel so alive. I still struggle with wanting to be liked but I am not inauthentic to get approval. I watch these videos because it's so satisfying to see the transformation in people. You are amazing at what you do. Kind but strong enough to battle ego.
I was drinking my own tears throughout this whole video. Thanks for the amazing content ❤
Because we live in a world of entrepreneurial trust me projection, but behind closed doors a different person. Vulnerability and authenticity makes people really uncomfortable because they fear their front and reputation will be exposed. YET, they insist on something they know very little about: transparency. It's so one-sided. When people ask me how I am I tell them and they run away. It's about running away from emotions and that includes the emotions of others. Narcissists love to bring down authentic people too.
Regarding loudness you have to consider people don't always appreciate it for other reasons than being shy or reserved. Sometimes it's simply overwhelming and literally physically uncomfortable, just like too loud music isn't pleasurable and it starts to hurt. There is a difference between being overly loud and overly timid. Overly loud, even if you don't try to win someone over can still be too much.
I love this. It's the opposite of "fake it until you make it"
Instead of "fake it until you make it" 👉 "Act real until you remember" 👌
The day you are liked by everyone is the day you are the most fake person alive.
This is the best part...
Hi, Swiss guy here too... :D
I'd like to note something you might not agree with, on how you react with their un-eased attitude.
Don't you think pushing hard someone who's relatively shy is a little off-topic? I mean, I agree with you on how we need to acknowledge our own "fakeness" and work on it. But as someone who's struggled both to find my real-me and with my self-critic mentality since a very very young age, I think you're also confusing fake shy attitude for shyness.
Moreover, I could literally turn the card back at you saying you do this and that when you're on stage, that you wouldn't need to do if you were 100% real. This is judgmental at worse and clumsy at best. But be careful not to judge too fast others' behavior based on your own biases.
Thanks though for sharing this speech with us!
Shyness is not the same as social anxiety. And being shy is not bad. What can be bad is the consequences in social situations, and the behavior you do or don’t do.
I would say embrace the shy part of you, and practice showing and doing the behavior you want to do in your daily life.
Leave the poor guy alone. He was such a good sport to allow that guy to continually make fun of him like this was a comedy skit
This hit home.. I am a people pleaser and I'm just after realising that this is why I'm terrified of all kinds of situations.. Thank you
My take (from my own experiences and this video): Authenticity takes courage. You have that courage. Courage because even thought some will love you, some will not!!!!!!!
People never love or not love you yourself, they love or hate your courage, to be who you are. Because they then ask themselves: "If he managed to do it, why can't I do it too?" And then there is a small voice in us that asks: "Why do I really feel like I can't do this? What inside me keeps whispering to me that I can't?."
It is quite similar to when a parent and a child see a child playing enthusiastically in a playground and the child asks: "Why am I not allowed to play?" And the parent, instead of allowing him, simply makes the other child stop playing and then flatten the playground completely so that no children will play in it and that he will not have to answer the question again. why? Because there is really no answer to the question the child asked. Why did he act this way? Because that's how his parents acted upon him.
yeah ok, i got the point.
but at some momemts id have said " shut up, you put me in front of people and only forgot to pull my pants down or what?" especially in a different language? only to hear something that you call authenticity? shyness can also be authentic. its not always the shy persons mistake. rudeness under the flag of authenticity is in my eyes a lack of respect in some way.
you dudes did amazing, i wouldnt wanted to be in your position.
nevertheless, i got the point, but with hard methodes, those dudes had to go through. nevertheless, thanks for your video 😊
hopp schwitz, grüsse aus Österreich 🎉
Yeah, the exercise and steps they go through is really good.
Still, you don’t need to be like someone else or show certain characteristics that are valued as good. Maybe they will get there, everything and all is okay and good.
Why wouldn't you like to be in their position? That's what matters, and not the fear and anxiety you'll feel
For me helping to be me is to accept that I myself must also stop judging others just like I fear they will judge me.
Also, who are afraid of authentic people? Narcissists. Who love to controle people pleasers? Narcissists.
I think the guy in the white shirt was "cool and expressive" from the moment he stood up
He was. But you'll notice these self-improvement/authenticity performers seem to have a mild allergy to people already having the answers. They mock and almost gaslight them into being something they're not. Notice how triggered they get especially if the crowd likes the person.
@@mubeenreminders7220 I couldnt agree more
@@mubeenreminders7220isn’t this plain to everyone? Are comments being deleted by julian lol. Latching on this poor swismans hands embracing was hard to watch
@mubeenreminders7220... completely agree with you. Well said.
I had a similar experience. That the guy on white is being over talked, and forced into the frame. So gaslighting etc. but I’m not exactly sure about it, it might be a correct observation by Julian also.
I’ve seen similar situations with other coaches where it’s just bullying and power techniques.
"You experience anxiety when you have something to hide." - That fresh perspective blew my mind away. Thank you for that. Now I’m off to ponder about it and thinking of ways how I am abusing my inner child so I can take the steps towards changing it. Thank you Julien
Been watching for years but I kinda feel badly for the second guy. I think he knew what changed but was trying to find a way to say the truth without saying something he didn't want to reveal to strangers and on a recording that anybody in his life could potentially watch as well. He got slightly more comfortable at the end, but I think it was more relief from finding a way out than from an actual feeling of being validated for authenticity. I'm pretty sure he figured out a way to get around the truth but not in a way that felt authentic to him or made him feel truly seen. Maybe he's not ready to really expose some parts of himself in public and that's ok too. Your point was made before he stepped on stage. I understand that pushing people out of their fake persona and comfort zones is important, but so is reading between the lines. I believe you missed important social cues from the guy you picked to make your point. I hope he managed to walk away unscathed.
Being able to share our truth, nothing to hide as we can't hide.
Julien, you are one of the best at making people be themselves. Shyness and awkwardness stifle our personalities, and the only thing that can break our social barriers is by talking to people.
I love this this literally me in 26 minutes. I spoke of a lot of insecurities I have and now I can start working on the root of the problem. Thank you sir
Aaaaaahhhhh ...... such explicit truth! So very often in my life "giving to gain" causing myself and many a great deal of pain. And now I need to learn to let go - surrender - and let that inner Golden Child of mine out - listen, love, be guided by him ... nourish him. A long life lived and addicted to my Mr. Nice Guy syndrome - draining, constant inner battles, silent and 'polite' living frustrations WTF ... let go - thanks for the high quality and enlightening inspiration
Love you man ❤️🙏🏼the way you help humans is a beautiful piece of art , love you all
Respect. Everbody has their own pace to become himself. Best path to follow. Great.
This class is the best treatment out there for social anxiety and etc.
Thank you Julien, amazing content. Based on this, I think that I have a lack of self confidence that goes deep, it controlled my life so far such that I always tried to prove to myself, by means of external approval, that I was worthy of being appreciated. You are right, I kept looking for the next "fix" like a drug addict, without being able to get out of this loop, to get to the root of the problem. I hope that realizing this now will help me move on.
I wasn't looking for this kind of video but it was on my feed so I decided to watch. So glad I did, this was very inciteful and will help alot. Thanks
Man this was dope , had me super engaged like I was there , that’s what happens when things flow with authenticity versus a over constructed structure
I feel like what you're saying is totally opposite of the social media adviceses and I love that. Social media says that we should love ourselfs but in order to do that we should change the way we dress, the way we sit or basically the way we look. I was trying to be 'that girl' for loving myself and I still am occasionally but I feel like your message needs to be all over social media because we don't need no pressure to express ourselfs
So glad I came across your channel.
I'm literally tired of my people pleasing habit. Working on it for the last two years. I used to apologise for everything lol.
Love from India 🇮🇳
Ahh, if I spoke, said or acted toward anyone (loved one’s included) the way I actually feel or want to, spoke to the ppl I’m around what’s really on my mind I’d be arrested.
The reason almost everyone put’s on a “fake” persona when talking/interacting in public is to safe guard ourselves from being in legal trouble. Being fake keeps you a free person!
Just parts of you that are bottling up undealt with anger bro. If you got help with that, then maybe you'd realise your truths aren't only destructive. Look up internal family systems, it's a really easy way of going into it. Being fake is the worst prison - even if a man is in prison, he could still be a free man inside himself. That's what it means to be truly free. ❤
I needed this. I don't need to get along with every last person.
I'm a little bit shocked on how he was trying to beat the self esteem guy's down to prove his point.... Really useful info, really raw way to try and prove himself right
Eh, I think it’s a balance. Just started a new job and I’m a bit more careful, and become more authentic with people individually when I sense they’re down with it. There is such a thing as being too authentic (thanks alcohol).
True I’m guilty of this. I try not to trauma dump when I’m having a bad day but it’s not easy! Luckily I have great relationships with the people I work with and it’s nice that we feel safe enough to express ourselves (I’m not alone in doing it!)
Yeah I work at a coal mine. If I were to be more "authentic" then I'd probably end up getting in a full blown fight and possibly losing my job. Not to mention the headache of having to face it over and over again day after day because now these meat and potato heads got their little sparkly sprinkle fairy glitter egos "challenged." People are hypocritical is the problem and don't like to be challenged to where you just lose family members and jobs now a days. Authenticity has essentially become a regulated, robotic, and programmed "entity."
This might well be the best video I have seen on CZcams in my whole life ❤
Bottom line… IF you CARE about what other people think about you… then, you are sunk.
Social Anxiety comes from needing others approval, fear of being judged and not being accepted into a certain tribe… instead of owning our own approval. Own your own approval. It’s been a long 6 decade climb out of my introversion and awkward shyness AND being walked all over in many areas of my life….
I am a 62 year old INFJ female with Aspergers… way too over analytical over strategic and extremely artistic. I’ve been a social mediator, chameleon… and high masking fake Aspie as could be people pleaser and now due to Julian’s content over the past two years on YT… I am Finally living FREE as a retired people pleaser. At 62 years of age,
I feel like a kid again being able to be myself and kindly and quietly walk away from low vibe humans. It’s so Liberating to
NOT CARE WHAT OTHER INSECURE HUMANS THINK ABOUT ME.
It’s none of my business what’s they think about me. What a paradigm shift, what a gift.
This content just gets better and better
You are so real!! I can see that. I can also you are still going through the journey, figuring things out, authenticity!!!!!!!!!!!
When I was working in a call center company before, I had a team mate who's very opposite to the vast majority. She doesn't care if she looks outdated, and even not cared about being presentable to everyone. I thought she was just ignoring us coz or she thinks of herself as above us. However, I now realize that she just doesn't please people. She can have a different views from our topics and not care if someone gets mad at her. She's just being authentically herself. That is the best key take away that I've learned from this video. Thank you so much for showing us this!
The more i listen to him...the more i like him! and his seminars of course!!!
🙌
Mostly we are pretending to be someone else then we are because of the fear which is running in our body-mind system and very often we are not even aware of it. It's not just that I wanna be liked by others, first and foremost I wanna feel safe that's why I pretend to be someone else. And very often under the fear it's a lot of buried hurt from childhood which most adults are terrified to face. From my own inner work and from a woman perspective gentle and soft approach it is crucial if it comes to feeling these buried emotions.
Tak
This man is amazing I had to comment because one like isn't expressive enough of how helpful I have found this video 🙌🏼
My boyfriend introduced me to your videos and in the beginning I thought you were a real douche.
This morning I found myself waking up depressed and clicking on your video and now feeling SO MUCH BETTER.
Really great video.
You’re amazing at what you do.
You’re like opening up a portal into a world of authenticity and aliveness
Thank you!
Being urself is not for people who abuse, do crime or act something which can hurt others... U be urself without hurting anyone or doing something against society..🙏🏼 Being urself is very much wanted but if u r rude or not social then u pls be ok to get hate
Yo I resonated big time with my second brotha!
After primary school I became really shy when talking to girls because of being rejected once or twice when I tried to open up.
This experience or to be more precise the fear of going through rejection again still sticks to me until today like a little mugger who steals my confidence in a confronting situation from the beginning.
Watching the video and realizing that I am not the only one who is struggling with sort of the same problem defenitly encourages me but I'm still kinda pissed off that I do so little about it even though I know I have to leave my comfort zone and front my fears to change something and to be in peace with myself.
I appreciate the work and the good spirit guys, I thank you a lot!
This is gonna be a tough task to stop as i have been one for a very long time 17 years but going into adulthood im really willing to work on this i will change this ❤️
Thank you my friend ❤😘. And much respect to the 2 guys who stood up as well! Keep going!
I think the main issue for people who don't speak English fluently is culture change.
1) I moved from Europe with the belief that Americans are too polite, try to look nice, it's almost always fake, but that's their culture. Therefore, as a newcomer, it is absolutely necessary for me to imitate the same behavior in order to fit in with this kind of society.
2) If I say something loudly and confidently, and a native speaker asks me to repeat it (any reason), I will lose all confidence in my knowledge, my language, and start thinking: “Did I pronounce that incorrectly or do I just need to repeat it or whatever ???"
3) sometimes I didn’t catch smth , sometimes I lost words to describe my thoughts, this also affects the loss of confidence and as a result I will start talking like a little mouse in the corner and worrying about everyone thinks I’m stupid
If I come to my homeland, I can do anything, but here...
Maybe it would be better to shift the focus to the fact that the local society will accept us for who we are, and no one will end up on the street among the homeless just because stopped licking the asses of the colleagues, bosses and the guy from the network party?
Ps: while I was looking at this guy on stage, I saw myself 😅😢
Love you Julian, absolute legend. My question is how do I know I’m being authentic versus trying hard? I’m not sure if I’m self sabotaging or being myself when it comes to being a teacher. I have no clue if it’s in perfect alignment or I keep making excuses because it’s more work/so few are doing it/who cares? Hard to decipher clearly.
Do you not think the problem is that people can no longer be there authentic self because of the anxiety of being perceived as anything else but their authentic self, and that in itself is the struggle of fighting and overcoming being perceived as a shaking mess as that is not you in normal life or in your comfort zone.
Thank you Julien !
Julien thanks for this video. Greetings from Lucerne
You are a great coach sir, thanks for such quality contents, Love from India
You're very welcome!
Hey Julien! Amazing video. Thank you for creating and sharing it.
The biggest insight that I had was you sharing your journey of seeing the audience as the enemy.
I sometimes notice doing that myself in my conversations / presentations / posts.
How did you deal with that layer?
Literally,,, It is a amazing session Julien❤
Thank you!
Man, thanks!
God is great! I took me to your page!
Glad i found this video!
Won't it be chaotic if everyone keeps speaking what's in their heads.. I know it feels better but what about discipline.
I'm 30 and my whole life has been trained to think before speaking cause my words could hurt the sentiments of others, and they actually do.
I'm fine if they don't like me but I do believe in Karma. Hurting others could hurt you in return in some or other ways.
shut up, atleast watch full video
Can anyone come up here and flow like me?
Guy goes up
Immediately heckles him
You are amazing!!
Thank you Julien.
What's tricky for me is being around too many anxious/angry people and having to battle with turning into one. Its such a common occurrence to be authentic and get dog-piled by other people's insecurities.
Julien has gained my respect by how kind and supportive he treats others aside from being a great public speaket
I have adhd and asd so unfortunately me being real me and dropping the front equals ALOT of people correcting me, telling to do things differently, getting mad at me for doing, saying things too honestly, or simply doing things differently, or trying to make me put back on my fake front bcs my normal self means not normal for the normie. Damn people..
Yet I'm trying to understand the usefulness of ripped jeans, Nike high tops and Gucci shirt other than image of coolness. But still I agree to the value of authenticity.
Julien I watched the majority of videos where you put people on the spot and I really wonder what they enjoy more: to be authentic in front of a crowd or the intimacy you create in order to get them to do that… if I was there on stage and you’d ask me these questions that show so much care I would have butterflies
Oh my goodness girl, you smitten
Hey Julien, love ur content. Would you please do a video on how to overcome lack of confidence due to sickness. Or physical limitations. Bdw u r awesome. Thank you.
I'm waiting on your hologram watch where you say, "shhh it's okay" in times of destress
Julien. You are a stud.
julien is the master of public speaking which is no easy task to do...
I like how he calls it out when someone shakes or shying when they aren't supposed to. It's like waking them up, shaking them up. Except this was a safe place to be called out like that bec everyone's into one thing going on.
Julien, incredible content. Thank you so much.
On an entirely unrelated note, where can I get pants like yours? 🙏 I love them so much.
I'm also struggling with people pleasing tendencies. And it's painful. Especially when you know you're doing it. Because you're so used to it, you resort to those behaviors by default because it's comfortable. And then you feel mad at yourself for doing it. It's a vicious cycle that I'm starting to break.
Also, it got to a point where I was just thinking whether or not people liked me, and not whether I liked them or not. I was trying to be liked by people I didn't like or even wanted to be around. 😂
Thanks Julien!
🙏🙏🙏
A lot of this also relates to the gynocentric society we grew up in. Men are taught to act a certain way around women which stifles us. Amazing content Julien!
Such awesome depth you take us to always!!!
At 21:36 when he was trying remember the first time where he got nervous, I was following the MY trail of whys with him. Then I remembered that Julien's one of the root why was being a self-destructive artist. But I took it even further so that I can relate it to myself and asked what would be the reason he was a self-destructive artist in the first place? What does a final why look like? Julien, What was your next step during introspection once you realised that you're a self-destructive artist?
Nevertheless, you, David Hawkins, Eckhart Tolle are those coaches that helped my so much!!
damn this is GREAT!
Thanks!
Julien keep up the good work
🔥👊
SUCH GOOD BRO
Man, just one beer with Julien can change your life! Please come to Bregenz
Just thank you...
Nothing cures social anxiety and masking like extreme burnout. I’m at the point I really don’t give a fack what people think of me anymore. I don’t have the energy to care. It’s liberating.
Towards the end, there’s a little bit of a communication problem, that the lecture does not quite seem to completely comprehend. The gentleman in the white shirt not completely understanding initially that he’s looking for an incident I believe when there was a transition to not cool. I could be wrong, but I know learning German as an American, and being in school in Germany they were instances were I just didn’t understand The totality of what was being asked of me.
Still a very good exercise and I have learned so much
Yeah the language barrier made it very awkward when it didnt have to be. He was deemed anxious but I guarantee if he was asked to speak in his own language, his body language would ease up.