Believing Me: Healing From Narcissistic Abuse, with Dr. Ingrid Clayton
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- čas přidán 7. 07. 2024
- Recently Dr. C interviewed Dr. Ingrid Clayton regarding her memoir, Believing Me. As an experienced trauma therapist, she draws upon her own story to discuss healing and hope. She is a true delight. You can find her book here: www.ingridclayton.com
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Dr. Les Carter is a best selling author and therapist who has semi-retired to Waco, TX. For 40+ years he maintained a counseling practice in Dallas, conducting more than 65,000 therapy sessions and many workshops and seminars. He specializes in anger management and narcissistic personality disorder.
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OMG the "Can't you leave the past in the past?" from other people when you try to communicate your experience! My own sibling gaslighted me when I told her about an experience I had with, "But what if you're wrong?" About my own memory of my life experience?? Being invalidated for the trauma someone who was supposed to care for me caused me only increased my pain. But if you try to communicate this to the person invalidating you, then you will only get more invalidation. This is the reason why No Contact is so vitally important. Save yourself the pain.
I so relate to this. My siblings protected my narcissistic father and vilified me.
I've decided to use a model of "forces." Once these ancestral shadows are recognized, as adults we can begin to
practice "friendly avoidance" toward the transmitting family members along with self-care & self-compassion.
My older half-sister was my original narcissist and I often thought of her as "doubting Thomas." Narcissists are dangerous people to have in your life they have serious mental issues. No contact seems to be the only solution even low contact is damaging to your own mental health.
@@steadypace1262 Absolutely!!!
@@marmaladesunrise 🕊👍🙂
I am currently standing up for myself after 2 years of being gaslit and 60+ years of gaslighting myself. I’m done fawning.
Thank you for spreading this message ❤
"Gaslighting myself". I finally get it. Thank you.
It’s terrible living with one’s abuser. That’s been my experience. There is great relief in their passing.
PEPPER J--I am not going to say "I'm sorry for your loss". You lost NOTHING.
What I am going to say is "I'm happy you are now free from the abusive narcissist"
You WILL heal and live a happy life WITHOUT the narc.
@@mariasartzis-Sartzis-PELLICIER with all due respect, I love my family and wish all the best for them regardless of their sentiments. I believe that God’s plan in making man will stand to produce the good he desires. Though imperfect I recognize there’s nothing to be gained in bitterness. I’m resolute in my decision to grieve the loss of those I love.
Two things stand out to me..
First, the relief felt when the narc dies
Second, narc victims missed by therapists and psychologists.
I was totally missed. I'm 65 years old and only through Dr. C have learned the language of what I went through
That’s exactly how I felt when he passed. It was like getting out of prison. And therapists do not get the narcissism that they put you thru.
I dream about the day they go....jus sayin.
I read Ingrids book last year just after it came out- it really helped me with putting so much of my own journey and story into perspective. It inspired me to write a lot of my experiences down. I don’t think I’ll ever publish it, but the cathartic experience of getting it out of my body was profound. Thank you ingrid 🧡
It's so strange how the narcissists come into our lives and wreck havoc. They're everywhere, work, school, communities, friendships, etc. I think more people have PTSD than we realize. It's just that so many haven't been diagnosed, which is unfortunate. Glad I found this video even though I missed it live. Thanks for having this special lady on Dr. C.
I agree! They are everywhere and the more you know what to look for the easier it is to see them. I wonder if it’s always been that way.
The real kicker is that when we meet those people, they so often feel like home, like we've known them our whole lives, coz the initial dance doesn't feel toxic and we know how to do it so well, they are just easy to be with...until they're NOT! And by then the muck is deep dark and murky!!! So it's on us to learn what has been OUR part in the dance, and to learn new steps, choose new dance partners, a completely different rhythm.
@@sxtn102 that's a Contradiction
@@chayo4537 Can you say more about what part feels that way to you?
At age 50, when a childhood narcissistic abuser died, I said to myself “I’m safe now, they can no longer hurt me.” A sad way to say goodbye to a loved one.
I had a similar reaction when my father died. My first thought when I heard was, "Now I don't have to be afraid anymore." Simply telling myself he's dead has made a huge difference in dealing with flashbacks.
Red flags don't look like red flags when it feels like home. Wow! I can relate!
I was with a female narcissist for 3 years, I never knew or heard of a narc. After 6 months I began to see odd things in our relationship. I sure didn't trust her, and finally I told her about my trust, and about her behavior. I left 2 months ago, and blocked her, her flying monkeys, all her friends, family, all social media. I was traumatized at first, I'm doing very well now. I trusted her, thought she was a good person. I told her what I thought, much happier. There certainly won't be any reruns for sure. Good luck all
After 10 years with a narcissist I finally realized what was going on a month ago. Talk about shocked I'm feeling like I was such an idiot for letting him back in my life. Now I have to get him out of my house again. Nightmare. But it will happen! I also realized that many of my other long-term relationships have been with narcissist as well. I'm glad I have the realization but it's quite overwhelming and exhausting!
@JAC. I understand. I was my mother's slave for 65 years until I began to learn about narcs. I married a couple of them (exes now) and my only sibling is a vulnerable narc. So do not feel like an idiot...narcs take advantage because we are easy, willing targets in the dark of reality. I am low contact with both my mother and brother. Cannot go no contact, so my strategy is the "I don't care." Attitude. It has really worked for me. When I was still overwhelmed and exhausted I would give myself some sympathy, get a little angry, and say outloud to no one..."I don't care!" Make a list of abuse they have doneto you, and read it when you begin to feel sorry for them.
Been married to 3 narcs and in current LT relationship with recent one for 15 years. I never learn I guess. I have to leave for good this time. I've never had my own life-just been dealing with these sick-minded people all my adult dating life. So absolutely tired.
@@Ioncandi you can do it! You can live your own life and take care of yourself. I have been single a lot and I actually love it! It's so peaceful and worth it.
I truly appreciate the bravery of this wonderful woman. I've learned to forgive all my abusers, but I still don't want them around me. I have many fly monkeys who smeared my name in the dirt. I stopped trying to defend myself & just laugh at their foolishness. I stopped caring what they say about me. Thank u for your bravery!!!
There are many who lie on me every time they open their mouths. I feel sorry for these ppl because The GOD I serve is watching them & will Bless them accordingly to their good & or their evil deeds!!!
I also have many flying monkeys. Extraordinarily horrific and strange
@@diannebrett4074 I feel u! It's sad they can't find anything better to do than to lie on us!!!
It may seem weird write here that I think there are no words to fully share our journey. Because each of us lives a unique battle. But I am grateful for your words. Such accurate words. Such necessary words
Thank you Giulia.
I own and have read Dr. Clayton's book. It is good to have someone say outloud that emotional abuse is abuse.
Yep! I really respected how she discussed it all.
I have read it too, when it gets to the part where she reaches out to her mother is heart wrenching. I had an evil father, but mum was on our side. I don’t know if we’d have survived dealing with what Ingrid had to endure
Had a flashback to October 2022 when I last sat down to discuss our finances my spouse controls. When I mentioned that this hasn't ever been spoken about, since the 80s when he rearranged signing ownership solely to himself, he curtly shouted"That's the past! The past is the past!" Then he began talking about how he hasn't met our son's girlfriend's family yet. He was hurt so they must be uneducated. He immediately followed that belittling with a criticism of the meal not being worth the price, parking fees, and anything else to avoid returning to the past and his reckless handling of our finances. I'm now unconcerned when "the past" brings him trouble. I don't even listen. Stay calm and plan my day to be blessed and be a blessing. Thank you so much Dr.Carter for sharing this ❤incredible interview with us!
YES!!! My mother (narcissist) would also DIVERT when I would respond to her railings towards me concerning something she didn't like about me so I would point out LOTS of things I didn't like about HER. It was cut for cut and knowing that I wasn't her "child" anymore and she had NO more control over me, I calmly enjoyed seeing her spit and sputter as I held her over her own fire. I wasn't allowed, as her child, to SEE her mistakes but as an adult if she still tried to play HER game on me I wouldn't hold back anymore. "Well THAT was the past" she'd say... So don't bring it up to me bc YOU haven't changed one ioda, I was there and I ain't taking YOUR crap anymore. She was a person that no one wanted to be around for long and played on other's sympathy, mine included, and bc I was her daughter, in her mind I had some "duty" to her. Well, one day after one of these tit for tat sessions she told me to get my stuff (my tools I brought w me to do work for HER around HER home) and get out. It was music to my ears and I said "gladly and me and my stuff WON'T ever be coming back". It's been 5 years of WONDERFUL peace!!! Total no contact, not my problem anymore. It was the best thing she ever said to me.
@@SendItForward
Thank you so much for your invigorating reply. It really made my 🌄morning! Yes, those tits for tats(in the past)took years off of our significant lives. With Dr.Carter 's help we are restoring the years the locust(s) had eaten!
Never thought of myself as evil but instead was protective of those who treated me badly against those who saw the evil in them. As I grow and learn, I now see the evil as well as the good in others even if they are no longer active in my life.
What an authentic story, that resonates with my own! I was all ears, because Dr Clayton was so present and honest. I am believing you. Thank you both so much for this interview. And the quote about the trauma is so true: It is not about the past but about an ongoing feeling of unsafety in the presence.
Thank you Dr. Carter for having Dr. Clayton on again. I’m very thankful for your channel and for her book. Both have been very helpful!
You are very welcome
The hardest part for me is that I've done so much learning and working and it's not close to enough
I feel stuck. Imprisoned in myself. And terrorized in my present life describes it perfectly.
Thank you for this. I had witnessed my father stab my mother at the age of 10. I ran and tried to rescue her with my younger sister in town. I search for love and ignored the red flags. I married an older man. And gave so much who was a narcissist, he dimmed my light and chipped away over the years holding onto the good. I was embarrassed when he drank himself into the hospital. During that time I woke up. It was like a giant lightbulb turned on. He alienated my daughter to where our relationship is almost estranged. She now has no empathy and believes his lies. I'm lost on how to get it back. I was her primary caregiver when he sat on a barstool. Now he's the victim. Years of therapy. So sad.
You are in a tough position. I can relate. What I've learned that has helped me most is that I have value and worth.
And though you were there for your daughter when she was dependent, the deceitful narcissist is there to confuse & steal them. Begging and running after our children to convince them of our love & devotion falls on deaf ears. As much as we love them, we MUST learn to navigate our life with or without them. Love and pray for them. Leaning on God and ourselves make us self sufficient. And that's a very good thing considering the alternatives.
Thank you for this! As a clinician who also went through hell and came out the other side, I was so deeply moved to see this🙏🏽
Thanks, Anjula.
“Believing Me” is such an important and insightful book-I found it moving and valuable. The quote about feeling evil really hit home to me-I never have really felt evil, just “wrong” or “bad”. I am 75 now, and as Dr. Carter said about the gentleman who spoke with him when he was young, I am still learning-trying to understand and make my way toward peace.
Wonderful to listen to this story, I had a narcissistic mother, and my father did not know how she threated me when I was a child, so I have never had anyone to talk to about it, you feel very alone and I remember that I thought all children had a life like mine. I would love to read your book, Ingrid, I also love all Dr C videos, I learn a lot every day, thank you so much both of you, Kirstine from Denmark
I'm in the same boat. My dad never knew all the horrible things my NM did to me. You're not alone.❤
I had a relative that passed years ago, and because of the trauma, manipulation, gaslighting, pressure, lies, that I still do not miss that person. I was done with them and their shenanigans long time ago.
"...how many people are walking around with a similar experience without..."...all over the world...so true indeed, many thanks to Dr. Clayton and Dr. Carter🙏🌷🕊💝🤗
You totally had me when you mentioned the huge sense of RELIEF you felt when your abuser died. I had exactly that when my abusive and predatory male parent finally left this earth...and it was confusing. I eventually came to the conclusion (right or wrong) that I had quietly mulled over, repeatedly, how I might (should?) respond if he one day came to me and apologized, And now... it would never happen...it is what it is....there's a period to that sentence! And now, I almost never think about him anymore. No more night terrors, no more criticism in my head, no more fear response to deep male voices, no more... I don't claim to be healed...only that the immense POWER of its immediacy has been cut off at the knees.
My life has been spent trying desperately to be the best person that I can possibly be...which is, in its own self, a reflective and not surprisingly pathological response to resisting its power over me. But having had so many experiences through the years of people, mostly family members, telling me I should find "forgiveness", lest I allow this to totally consume me... Even just writing that sentence fills me with disgust and rage! If ANYTHING has allowed me to find my voice, it's that I don't feel compelled IN ANY WAY to even TRY to experience "forgiveness" for those trespasses! This is those people trying to deal with their OWN discomfort about incest and abuse by trying to guilt and victim blame me into silence so that THEY don't have to think about it anymore...so they don't have to SEE him for who he is/was.
But it does still pose the question...what exactly IS "forgiveness"? I don't have any power to magically change the quality of his character, or the reality of his actions...only HE had that, and he never chose to do anything about it. If saving ME from being consumed by something ugly is the purpose, it's not based in reality...not mine, anyway...that ship has sailed! I spent my whole adulthood learning to separate myself from HIS actions, and I've EARNED all the badges nobody ever gave any of us for fighting this eternal domestic war! And it doesn't really have anything to do with the perpetrator. They don't get a "pass" for stealing and killing who I was going to be! That's THEIRS to carry, for the rest of THEIR life...just like ANY other murderer. Just as you said, Ingrid, "it's now IN you, a part of your cells", something you can never pretend isn't a part of who you've become, and all of what you've lived to get here...all the love and kindness that I had to learn to believe in, even when it was withheld from my world. And there's no reality in thinking I can find myself in a place where that theft of the naturally loving and trusting part of me doesn't matter. Somebody throws gas in your face and strikes the lighter, it changes how you see yourself forever (AND them)...no matter HOW many surgeries you can manage...and they NEVER get a pass for that. So what exactly is this thing we call "forgiveness"? I'm one who believes that, in this context at least, we need to absolutely strike that term from our vocabulary! Accidental behaviors can be forgiven. There's no accident in what was shown to me...and to so many...
How I prevent being consumed is by being able to tell the story...the TRUE story...and by learning to let go of those that keep having the need for ME to "let it go" so THEY feel better, so they can pretend he actually WAS the "hero" of the hour that he always painted himself to be, that THEY wanted to believe he was...to not keep accepting their selfish ideas of how this can be fixed, and who is responsible for their dis-ease . I will find your book, Ingrid....it sounds like you have much to say that is worth being read, and shared. Thank YOU!
Powerful. (you gave words to my heart ) Thank You. Someone Understands. 🗣
Yes I agree with you, it sounds like you had a very horrible childhood and it is absolutely not possible to forgive that abuse. Same as you I have often wondered about what forgiveness is and how it works when the perpetrators don't admit to their evil. It is far too hard for them, so you are left with wounds that are exacerbated if you tell your truth to them, they immediately blame and shame you, if you are within reach there will be physical punishment. Good reason to live 3000 kms away and visits have ceased. And they bring in the rest of the family as flying monkeys which triples the pain.
You said "all the love and kindness that I had to learn to believe in, even when it was withheld from my world"
You are a hero...I'm on that journey too, but it's hard to relax into it. Dr C wishes us all peace and for me that is accepting that he is a malicious old man. I remind myself to Be at Peace everyday and apply that to any conflicts with others. I try to be assertive without fighting or giving up. Dr C's course "Free to be Me" has really helped.
Rereading it I need to add that , of course, I meant my father is a malicious old man, not DrC! Thank you Dr C for pioneering 'recovering from narcissistic abuse' It has changed my world. And thankyou for this talk with Dr. Ingrid ... I was nearly crying at the end of Ingrid's story. So brave and authentic.
Yeah...the fact that not everyone in your family travels a healing path at the same time usually means that when you're finally able to cut ties with the narcissist, they still have the rest of your family totally swamped in the flying monkey value system, so you're leaving more behind than you bargained for. But when a few weeks went by and my most gullible sister called (she NEVER calls!), I sat looking at the phone, weighing my options, and just KNEW to the bottom of my gut that it was NEVER gonna be a good idea. And I was right... She could've DM'ed me or emailed if it was a conversation that really had good intentions, or was critically important. But the game is much harder to play when you don't have a captive audience! So...best to just let the flying monkeys drift along out of my chosen realm as well. 3yrs later, I don't regret it!
I heard so many times that I chose to allow the trauma. I get it the feelings are from others thoughts in my mind. When I realized why I was so confused. Then came your last video. I was conned by so many
Excellent conversation. Thank you both. I do relate to Dr. Clayton with a NPD Stepfather. I never cried after he died. I was relieved.
I had the same reaction of relief when my father died. Being able to reassure myself I don't have to be afraid anymore has done wonders for my nervous system and flashbacks. 💜
Hello everybody. I just wanted to say that I loved this interview. I think Dr. Les Carter does great interviews to very interesting people. Thanks.
I am living a healthy life once again due to the teachings of Dr.Cater. He helped me find my way out of the abyss of toxic and trauma abuse from narcissistic behavior within our family. I can hear my voice for the first time. I have worth and value for the first time at 62. Grateful.
I am DEFINITELY getting your book bc when you mentioned "I am EVIL, I am BROKEN" I felt soooo emotionally hit and grieved to my core that tears began pouring as if my mind was trying to flush those feelings OUT!!!
Thank you. It's comforting to know that even a therapist who had experienced narcissistic abuse wouldn't understand what it was about! I feel less stupid 🙂. That we continue to gaslight ourselves when we've grown up that way is so sad.
When I was 7, our class made Easter cards. I wrote, "Dear Mummy, Happy Easter and I promise I won't be a pest." My teacher thought it funny and cute, but I remember the childish anxiety of never being good enough and unsure of what I'd done wrong.
There's something very touching to me about your Easter card. Thank you for bravely sharing. I think I was on a similar wavelength as a child, and sometimes I still am, especially my inner child, in relation to my 95 year old mother and to the world. It was drilled into me that I'm a pest. Takes time to learn to see myself more clearly.
@@lovesings2us thanks. Every child deserves love without having to earn it in any way. I found the book Mothers who Can't Love by Susan Forward helpful. Peace and wisdom to you.
Hello Dr. Carter, Gus, Team Healthy and Dr. Clayton. Dr. Clayton is so very right and she is such a help to hear her speak. Memories can feel so current and it stays with you. I can relate exactly to what you are speaking about Dr. Clayton. I will surely get Dr. Clayton's book. Thankk you so much Dr. Carter for having Dr. Clayton as your gurest today. So much I thought I had dealt with and after hearing her speak, I feel so raw and realize that there is so much I just buried and decided to just live and not solve what has happened in my life. Thank you so much.
Your'e welcome, Alice. She was a delight.
Passing this on to my "Fellow Travelers".
*Helping children find the words to describe their emotions and understand its okay to have then, try not to react, and go through different options w/your child to take action steps to feel better*
👏 👏 👏 ❤
THANKS FOR THAT we could change the world with that advice Dr. Les ! THANK YOU ❤️ 👏
There are so many elements of this that resonate. I have begun to understand how and why I was exposed to this as an adult.
Maybe we are here on earth to find wisdom and to share what we learn with like-minded people who are also searching for the truth. In contrast the narcissist is afraid of the truth and that makes them unable to set themselves emotionally free. Good video, thank you.
Ingrid you rock!! Yes and amen !!!!
The trauma never ends. I will stay no contact with a sibling, knowing I will be the bad guy again . Forever the scapegoat. The one who will be left out....again.
🥰SOOOOOOO Glad you had Ingrid on again!!! She is a HUGE inspiration towards me FINALLY getting back into writing and telling my OWN trauma story
'Red Flags Don't Look Like Red Flags When They Feel Like Home.' Indeed!
Looking forward to this interview.❤😊❤
Yes. Thanks to Ingrid's book, I realized I had something to do with CPTSD.
Excellent video collaboration.
Thank you Dr. Clayton and
Dr. Carter. Healing is very much a progressive journey to becoming liberated in mind, body and soul.
❤️🩹 ❤️🔥 🤍
🌻🍀💛☘️💚🦋💚☘️💛🍀🌻
I like this woman (Dr. Ingrid Clayton). 👍
Great session! I started writing a book about my narc abuse and it's been extremely healing! Mostly, I've been able to see it on paper and that helps with CD as well.
Thank You 🧡
Dr. Les, I love this woman! Brilliant interview! Thank you so much for introducing her to us, and having her on your channel!!!!
Thanks, I really enjoyed it too!
Thank you.💜
You are so welcome
Dr Clayton, thank you for your statement in your book about thinking you’re evil. That’s exactly the perception I have of myself. Growing up my dad & sister (narcissists) told me I was nothing but trouble & I would never amount to anything good.
My ex husband (narcissist) told me I was the devil woman & if I wasn’t in perfect agreement with him I was against God.
Also, at 57 yrs old, I can’t seem to leave the past behind & I keep hearing how I need to just get over it. I’m obviously not alone in this.
Thank you again so much for this lesson & content!
Blessings to you all!😊
Musician narcissists deserve their own subcategory.
I clearly remember when I started to have internal dialog about feeling like I was suffering from PTSD. But because there was not PHYSICAL abuse, I also felt like I did not have a “right” to that label. My abuse was primarily emotional, psychological and financial, but I now realize that I definitely was suffering from PTSD. Especially when certain events happened and my anxiety levels would go through the roof.
Thank you. CPTSD here too....I have been through the same....the red flags feel like home; home was psychological hell. These videos are helping so much. I used to think my dad was demon possessed, and my mom was emotionally unavailable. Always in survival mode here. I have a series of failed relationships with narcissists, and so upset because I worked so hard to go to college and get away from where I grew up, but it still damaged my life through being vulnerable to attracting and being taken advantage of by narcissists.
Thank you!!! This was phenominal. Now I know why I never grieved my mothers death years ago. I have an ex MIL who stalks me. Three past narc relationships. My daughter married a narc & I went thru cancer treatments alone bcuz I'm not allowed to see my only child or my 3 grandchildren. I don't trust anymore. I ask God many times, "whats wrong with me". I know God is healing me.....through these podcasts. It seems Narcs are just coming out of the woodwork.....possibly the result of social media. I have 5 siblings, 2 are Narcs. I have gone "No Contact" with all of them. I know that my prodigal daughter will be back one day, but she, and possibly my 3 grandchildren will be so damaged by my narc son in law. 😊 🙏 At 60, I live alone & trust that my healing has begun. My prayer is that God will not open a door that I do not have the Grace to walk through it. Stay strong everyone. 😊
.
~🍃💜🍃 ~
Thank you, Dr. Clayton, for Sharing Your Life TRUTHFULLY.
By the writing of your own story you offer personal Encouragement,
Hope and Healing to so many people -- including myself.
Watching and hearing this podcast has brought even further clarity to what I have been experiencing for over twenty years.
Additiinally, your message provides affirmation to my own hope of transforming my experience (journey)
into something for
The Greater Good.
***
Again, so grateful to both you and Dr. Carter for providing this opportunity
to learn and grow.
~ 🦋~ Namaste
People cant ever talk about it cuz their life is endangered. Not just feeling it
So glad I caught this interview. WHAT an eye opener wow! Thank you so much 💓
Thanks Amanda. She was a delight!
@@SurvivingNarcissism There were so many aha and light bulb moments!
Definitely one to see. I’ll catch later after I complete a project.
Project complete. Watched. Glad I did. Sorry I missed everyone in chat.
Thank you for addressing that question. I have the same doubts. You have reaffirmed my experience and assured me I am taking the right steps toward a better way of living. Thank you!
Looking forward to the interview. I ordered her book “Believing me” recently
Thank you sooooo much, Dr. Clayton, for mentioning "the trauma that has literally CHANGED the brain". It has been MY WHOLE LIFE!!! That doesn't just go away, it takes YEARS to be able to cope w what I have HAD to do to survive and to realize that I have been broken and will always have that part of me to contend with. I am getting your book, I NEED it.
I am so glad I found you Dr. Les. I've worked through your webinars and highly recommend them to anyone dealing with a Narcissistic abuse and childhood trauma.
Pleased, Glenice!
I like what she says about not letting the narc have the final story. In my trauma with the narc, I came very very close to self destruction on more than one occasion. It was an epic battle to stave off those dark thoughts born from the long term trauma.
What got me “righted” was the idea that if I destroyed myself, not only would it devastate my beautiful girls (who I had poured myself out to protect and raise and are the most spectacular things that have ever happened to me) but also destroying myself would deliver MY NARRATIVE into the hands of the narc. He was already dragging my name through the streets (I.e. smear campaigns) and me destroying myself would have been the nail in the coffin to allowing HIM to construct MY narrative. If I am DEAD, HE gets control of what will be said and constructed concerning me. That triggered an INTENSE “the hell he will” fight response in me and I used that as my fuel to get off the ground and fight back. It has not been easy but that was a massive turning point in my healing process: realizing that I have the POWER to control my own narrative as well as giving myself the time to digest and receive that those truly KNOW me, will be able to discern the TRUTH concerning who I really am. I now Fully Walk in the power of that knowledge and truth and it is POWERFUL.
One thing that I deeply value is the power to control my own personal narrative. I WILL NOT give that power over to anyone, especially A NARC!
Thank you Ingrid for opening up with Dr. Carter. You really help me feel supported in my journey. It’s not easy, and you saying it, saying that writing it down, it helps to stand in my power and stay clear about the truth, but without bothering to argue. Especially with those who can’t hold space for me.
I’m just beginning to talk about my past in therapy. You gave me a reason to keep going and I appreciate that. Thank you for sharing.
I wouldn't be the person I am today if I didn't go through the crap (past) that I did!
WOW!!!!!! So much here hits home! Thank you!
THANK YOU Ingrid and Dr C people who have suffered at the hands of an narcissist just DON'T UNDERSTAND and that brings MORE TRAUMA AND ISOLATION, video like this makes me some bit normal, had an narcissist mother and then went onto marry one and had 28yrs of ABUSE, thank you so much for this.
Thank you for having Dr. Clayton on! She described me to a T! When I try to talk about my abusive narcissistic late husbands actions, I am shut down with "it's in the past, move on". Well, it just isn't that easy. I am learning to keep it to myself. I feel like a misfit in every situation and I think it's because I have no idea what appropriate interactions are (correct me if I'm wrong). I have tried 3 therapists, one of them a psychologist. ALL of them said to just move on!!! I feel I need to process this somehow but as the years go by, I am losing hope of ever "getting there" - healed.
Well just call me Misfit2.0 bc I am still working on ME and my boundaries bc there is always THAT person to contend w, always THE EXCEPTION!! I have found nothing to be black and white and my ability to adjust w my trauma conditioning is always a challenge. But I am learning.
Richard Grannon stop emotional flashbacks 👍🏻
So timely, helpful, and edifying. Thank you!!! Bless you both!!
Thank you both for this podcast. What an eye opener. ❤
Thank you for having her Les! That was absolutely awesome! Great woman!!!!!❤
I always thought bad things only happen to bad people.
Thanks, you guys!
I could definitely relate to this podcast. But what really hit home for me, was when she says… I matter / you matter. Such a simple statement, but I couldn’t hold back the tears.
Thank you both for this interview. It helped me breather easier and be a bit kinder and more understanding to myself about the fact that my journey of healing from narcissistic abuse is a long one. Also, the video took away shame that's been on my back since from 1994 when a narcissistic priest who used to target me, died. I felt deep peace stream into my soul when she died, and then I felt ashamed for not being more kind and forgiving.
Red flags do not feel like Red flags If they feel like home!- This is so true. Thank you for This powerful conversation. It has helped me a lot on my healing journey. God bless you❤
We like you Ingrid Claton!!
I'm so grateful for you both to have an open discussion about what happens to many of us!!! It lends to the truth that we're not as alone in what negative things we've experienced in our childhood which bleeds into adulthood. Trying to minimize and normalize what was because we're trying to somehow move on, yet at the same time not really rock any boats, because often society does dismiss. It's wonderful to just be able to speak freely, openly and support one another as we tell our stories and do our own growth work!!! Again thank you, thank you thank you.
(Got the book on hold, look forward to reading it.)
When Dr. Clayton spoke about HYPERVIGILANCE and it being "in the nervous system and body" I knew she was right bc I STILL have that from my childhood and made worse w my NH after we had three children bc I was their shield. I was even the shield for his child from a previous marriage. So, I do feel very dented and misshapened from all the years of fighting for them, absorbing the hurt directed towards them on one side while trying to provide love, encouragement and support for them on the other. It was like being a single parent w 4 children on a pirogue wielding only a knife to kill all the gators trying to get onboard too from every direction.
Thank you both ; I love this !! So much of what is discussed here occurred in my life up until a few years ago, just before Christmas on the encouragement of friends, family and counsellors I ended a very abusive relationship with a narcissist. He continues the smear campaign and I am now healed enough to understand to not react and let him spread the hate as more people come to me who also realize he is what he is .
I am better able to understand why I went through that type of abuse ; thank you for the video and this interview .
Thank you so much for the videos, they help to heal many and make many aware !
This is perfectly timed and very profound. Thank you.
This goes soo deep. As Dr Clayton expresses her experiences and how she absorbed it into her being is incredible. Thank you for sharing your story and thank you Dr Carter for bringing her to us. I would not be surprised if this insight actually really helps people who have been stuck for decades not wanting to relive incidences constantly whenever you talk to them which continue to echo for a while until the next time and the records play again. It is like a haunting that is a constant companion. I agree the red flag statement was profound.
Outstanding and soo honest and heart felt.
I love the idea that I don’t have to be done! I always felt so much pressure to move on. Wow, this was a big help. I feel relieved that working on it and going thru it is okay, more than ok. Thanks for the support. 😊
This is a great find! ⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️⭐️
I was so glad when mom died, so relieved. Someone tracked me down, by my maiden name, in a far away state, to tell me. I don't know, will never know by my own actions if/when dad died. They missed overt sexual abuse, not much else. Few can hear, few know. No one wants to. Hard stuff. I'm older now, and sick of being being told oh its over 60, 70 years ago, get over it, forgive and quit thinking about it. I don't know how.
Thanks for your work, Dr. C
Jean, I just want to send a hello to you and share (should you be interested) that Dr. Carter's book Putting the Past Behind You, and also the books by Lindsay C Gibson on the theme of healing from emotionally immature parents, are really wonderful. I gained so much from them and learned so much. I hope to encourage you on this journey to healing. Please know I am rooting for you 🌿
My childhood was a Nightmare.I am 68 and I feel like I have survived a Gulag!!I am so broken,but I am more Empathetic than anyone in the Pack...And Ill take that anyday.Would love to talk to someone like Dr Clayton.
Thank you for your courage to share everything 💕
I believe you......thank you for bringing this into the light.....so much more of this that is going on....thanks to both doctors....TRAUMA IS REAL it stays with a person.....
Wow…my experience is very similar with my narc covert step father….and I know it’s awful but when he dies I know I will feel tremendous relief!!!! There won’t be any tears for him. He is disgusting and I wish my narc mother hadn’t brought him in to our family…it’s been 40 years of hell. Thank you Dr. C and Dr. Ingrid Clayton
As Ingrid shared, I thought...she just described me for so so long. Good grief! I had soooo self gaslit myself for years. Speaking truth is terrifying and yet freeing. Thanks for this video Dr. C
You're welcome. She's learned a lot through her own experiences and now she is a seasoned professional helping others. I really respect that. Dr. C
It's so nice seeing and hearing Dr. Les laugh lol
"Red flags don't look like red flags when they feel like home." This is haunting.
This interview was so intriguing. I so resonated with Dr Ingrids' story. It was if I could feel her pain as she told the account about her stepfather. It was very emotional. I also agree that when you finally have a name to attach to the trauma that you are going through or have been through it makes it so much more freeing and allows healing to take place more easily. Thank you both!!
Amazing Lady.. God Bless her Always.. 🙏🏻👼🏻🐣💕🌸
I want to learn more from this woman. She hit so many good things that I need to learn.
This video called out to me after being away from this for a while and no popups until this for a reason! WoW 😮 fantastic discussion and insight! Very familiar to a lot of us! I felt broken too! Gosh! 😫
Thanks Dr C for this one!
so glad to have caught this live. I never thought of myself as evil - just attracted a lot of it to me because of the brightness of my Light. evil people called me evil to take the attention off themselves - but if you stick around for very long you see whats what and who's who. reading the books about autism also opened my eyes as to why i am a target. Barb Cook. Liane Holliday Willey. Barb's and Dr. Michelle Garnette's book with several other contributors would help so many of you. not just the women.
edit: writing is a good tool - just dont let others see it. write down, get it out of your heart and then burn it.
What a beautiful lovely woman and her life story speak volumes to so many people .❤
That's a miracle, more grace,we be hurt,baby.
This book was an eye opener. Thank you Dr. Clayton
I have chicken skin. I didn't know about your story but what you're saying about your stepfather made me think of my own story. My father (a malignant Narc at a young age ) and my mother, a covert Narc got divorced when I was nine. My mother got remarried quickly and was pregnant in hospital. Of course our stepfather didn't do the same things but their tactics were the same, he abused me when my mother was in hospital when I was 12 and he promised to make my mother like me more ( of course she hated me), he'd make me a woman, etc. Only two years ago I learned about covert Narcissism because an ex made me feel horrible without actually doing anything to me. I thought my mother was "just" narcissistic and I struggling with BPD. I only realised after learning about covert Narcissism that this was only some "diagnose" my abusers and siblings wanted me to look sick and crazy. Btw: I'm almost healed simply by learning about covert Narcissism, cptsd and taking the right decisions. I was on the edge and suicidal for 48 years and my adult kids I raised alone have ended contact with me due to my narcissistic sisters influencing them. It,'s still mind-blowing, thinking about it all. Being made to believe we are evil (my mother made everyone believe I was bad and evil and abused HER. Me, an introverted, hypersensitive little girl who was so unable to defend herself! )