I needed to hear this right now. I have been struggling to finish a creative project because I wanted it to be 10/10. But honestly - it is good enough. Thanks đ
Why do satisfy with mediocre if you can make it better? My work and all I do and all I make have to be best of the best , I strive for perfection cause that is standard that can satisfy me. In order to achieve perfection, to give my best, I have to love what I do and it has to be priority. If I'm not satisfied I'm not happy. If I like it, so will anyone else. That is what I know for sure.
@@Stotinkica I agree - to a certain extent. But the project I have been working on has been intricate and very, very difficult. I doubt I would ever achieve 10/10 with it but a good 9/10 would please me and I doubt itâs tiny imperfections would not even be noticed by anyone else. It also means I would release it into the world, rather than holding on to it forever and everâŠ
Such good insights! Very thought provoking! Makes me ponder⊠âif something is made by a machine I want that thing to be as perfect as it can be - as the item must provide a âfunctionâ bc it is a âthingâ. Itâs âVALUEâ is IN itâs âFUNCTIONâ. But, when something is created from the heart and mind of a human being crafted with human hands itâs value is NOT IN its function. It is not simply a âthingâ even though it likely serves a âfunctionâ. What we create are not âthingsâ to be used and tossed away ⊠what we create are the expression or outpouring of ourselves - and they are the outpouring of ourselves in this moment.. this now moment of who we are - and THAT IS PERFECT. You canât be anywhere else or anyone else and thatâs perfect. The ancient art of âgolden joineryâ comes to mind (I cannot recall the correct name for it atm) and all of the art that is so beautiful and valuable that is anything but perfect in terms of symmetry or use of color etc. The most beautiful places are not ones of perfection but ones that are beautiful bc of our experiences in them (whether those experiences be real or simply in our imaginations) and even our most cherished memories did not become so bc they went according to some perfect plan⊠usually theyâre cherished bc they went haywire and that ended up being sooo perfect đ
Thing is, I know a few perfectionists & they Do get a. lot Done! Or if too much to do, they hire people to complete their tasks & ideals đ€. Great if you can afford that!
There's a type of comfortable escapism in prioritizing other people's priorities over mine. I've gotten so much better about that but it's always an internal struggle to stand firm in my own time management needs, and not procrastinate those in lieu of someone else's. Do you know what I've been procrastinating lately, due to the chaos that has been a mix of my most pressing issues and other people's priorities?? Getting a good therapist. I love your's and Lisa Romano's work, obviously Ramani Durvasula, Tim Fletcher, Crappy Childhood Fairy- I could go on forever how these last couple years have been a season of deep enlightenment thanks to you all and your each unique styles of presenting. Indispensable. Here I am in one of the most unseasonable times of my life, health issues and drastic life changes pouring buckets down on me, and I can't find time to address my mental health? I've been waiting for the "perfect" time... it's some wonder I haven't already drowned. Thanks for this. It's not something I ever thought this deeply before and I can definitely see where being micromanaged at a young age (although not the formative years) has impacted me. I recently made a silly post on my facebook in light of my issue saying "I'll procrastinate if it's the last thing I do!". It really IS a problem. Thanks again. You've truly been helpful at helping me untie all these dang knots.
Theres another Speaker on CZcams who talks about procrastination... Don't blame yourself. I think its a matter of getting organized. Her 1st name is MEL.
Hi! I was using YT in place of a Therapist and watching ALL the same characters as you (I would add Patrick Teahan to list) and also experiencing a never ending hard season. I FINALLY started therapy 3mos ago because I realized while the videos were enlightening I wasn't integrating what I was learning. THEN there was the dread of finding the "PERFECT" therapist đ because the last two really were terrible. AND, I don't want to get all invested in someone only to discover they have terrible boundaries and use our time to talk about their lifeđł I KNEW I wanted someone who was trauma informed and I felt that EMDR would be an effective treatment tool. AND, I asked God to lead me to the right person to help me once and for all, so I may live to the fullness I was designed for. While I am no where close to the end of the journey, I did take the daunting first step and called EVERYONE that took my insurance, I live in a small town. Go to the PsychologyToday website and enter your zip code and it will give you a comprehensive list of providers! One lady answered my call and said she was booked, IF a spot opened she would call me. ONLY ONE therapist called back. She trained with the woman who invented EMDR! She's been in that chair as long as I have been alive. And, her ONLY opening is during the time my child is at school. đđœ HALLELUJAH đđœ was I led the right one! We meet weekly, but have only done two sessions with EMDR. It IS intense and touted as the most effective treatment for releasing trauma. Holy moly is it effective work. I STILL have a long road ahead of me. BUT, every week we are chipping away at it. And with only those two sessions I can see a HUGE shift in how regulated I am staying. Even my 8y/o is complimenting how calm Mommy is, which is both terrible and wonderful. Abuse is a cycle and we have to DO the work to break the cycle. It does NOT have to be perfect. And even if we feel overwhelmed doing the internet search to find the therapist, do it! Even if you seem to freeze dialing their number...dial the number anyway. Like an exercise class feel the burn and push through anyway! You CAN do it! VICTORY can be yours! AND, I will happily cheer anyone on who needs the encouragement!
There is a technique that I find helpful when I remember to use it, and that is to get the Inner Critic onside. By accepting it is actually trying to be helpful (and it often is) you ask it to help instead of scold, to come up with ideas that will help you achieve whatever the goal might be. Using this technique you can say, yes I know I need to do x but I'm busy now with y so please remind me in an hour/ tomorrow/ at x am or pm, whatever if realistically the best time. You can also say yes I know I need to do x it's big so I will only be able to do a part of it each day/week / whatever the time scale is. As long as you stick to the deal the Inner Critic does become supportive. Sadly consistency isn't one of my strong points, for a few reasons, but when I try this method it does make a big difference
One of the most amazing things I saw was the Disney movie "Tangled". The one about Rapunzel. I don't even bother to watch these things, but a friend of mine contacted me and said that I definitely had to, that Mother Gothel was exactly my mom! Well, I decided to watch it and sure as shootin'. Mother Gothel was.... It has actually helped me see/ understand some of the stories I created.
Frater Xavier, in one of his "mystery school" lessons on his YT channel "mindandmagick", suggested that people should treat thoughts as a proposition which they can choose to either accept or reject. He recommended that when negative, self-denegrating thoughts happen you should consciously say (either in your head or out loud) "I reject that thought".
The best boss I ever had used to say the grade D is for Done đ. He just wanted us to get on with the work because the work would improve over time regardless of the grade we got for our professional accreditation.
WoW.... Another video that just straight up hits home. My brothers and I were ALL told no at anything we ever did growing up. There was more of.... The parents, hovering and or watching everything we ever did. In addition, I noticed that we weren't properly trained to do things we were asked to do. Trim trees, clean the chicken house, mow the lawn etc. Then if we did it incorrectly or even just not the way my parents would have done it, then we got in trouble. Fast forward to today, I generally don't do anything having to do with a project unless everything is set up perfectly and I can get everything done at the same time. Yes I try to do everything I do with perfection. If I mess up even the slightest bit, I am extremely hard on myself. I actually get pissed off at myself for not executing whatever it is perfectly.
I watched this now worried what on earth have i done to my child while she was growing up! I feel horrible trying to get her to create perfectionism only because of the way my parents keep putting me down telling me I was dumb. So I never wanted her to be dumb. Life is fucked up!
0:23 The work is acceptable not when we find it perfect but rather when we think that "others/people in our head" won't be able to find anything to critic us about the work. In the childhood we were shamed, toxic parents always found some imperfection, which let them call us total failure etc. 5:34 The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice.
I remember the day that I decided that I was going to get over my shyness and lack of self esteem with women and the body image issues I had in my 20s which meant that women rarely showed me any interest. And I can remember the conflict viscerally in my body and emotions when I went up to talk to women who I was attracted to who I felt would be repulsed by me as the imposter I felt I was for daring to go outside what I thought was the social matrix to speak to a woman who represented somebody who would never approach myself and invite me into her world, especially if I felt her social class to be higher than mine as well as her attractiveness level. I wasnt even a bad looking guy either, at that time of my life I did feel like an ugly piece of dirt that didnt deserve any connection, love, intimacy or affection from women and I think that was massively down to the superego injunction and imposter sydrome I felt deep in my core when challenging beliefs thst no longer served me.
I rewatched and I have to say, I could never get angry at my inner critic now. Your interpretation of that anger was too hilarious. I'd end up laughing my inner critic into submission if I triedđ. Thank you for making this easy for međâ€
I realized a few years ago that, even with things that I enjoy doing (like reading), I always feel an initial push-back when I want to do any of them. Makes more sense now.
Been following your work for years, Ritchie mate, you're only getting better and better. That seminar(?) with The Vaknin recently was just fantastic. Much appreciated fella
I am in line with your teaching, Richard. I recently heard someone speak about personality and our internal distortions in a different light, that has opened up my understanding. I think it is in line with Freud saying that we revert back to a stressful time in our stages of development, and he said, I believe, that we go to the stage BEFORE that stressful time. It was bliss for a bit before we fell from grace (so to speak). The speaker said that his struggle with perfectionism was analyzed like this: When he was about 3 or 4, he had the most glowing magical experience of looking at the Christmas tree and the enchanted, starry, glistening ,snowy night, and from that moment wanted the world to be always like this. That was his fixation. He has since tried to recapture that wondrous feeling. But things are never perfect enough. He became a critical perfectionist. I realize that this is different in terms of this discussion, but I have looked back to my childhood and I established some very highly charged pivotal moments, where the highest bliss disappeared and I fell from grace. That moment clouded my whole life going forward. Just thought that I would share this.
Thank you, Richard. perfect timing for me. again. Rewiring the lie with truth. Rule #1, forgive yourself. It's ok to mess up. Funny how I don't care when someone else messes up, but I get pissed when I do.
The phrase âDone is better than perfect,â has been with me for years now. Itâs a phrase I remind myself of semi-regularly. Thanks for the video! Stellar as always.đ
7:12 đ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđđđ This video is excellent đ, information really resonates with me. "Need to be perfect not good enough..." etc. etc. The light heartedness and comedy help people continue watching/understanding because it's enjoyable. Great stuff, thanks.
I am experiencing perfection and procrastination dynamic and can see how they fit together....The need to be perfect generates the fear of being imperfect so we freeze because when we are imperfect bad things happen........We procrastinate in response to this fear as a survival mechanism.....We stop before we try to avoid the pain of failing.....Failing will be the end result of trying...Trying and failing when the stakes are high....Protecting mother and siblings ....You've been made responsible for their well being while your abuser traumatizes everyone and blames it on you...There are no wins in these experiences.......You try and fail before you ever start....Repeat....You try and fail before you start...Repeat...It is a trap...Perfection is the only answer and that is impossible...The relationship between the super ego and self is another story...I am still not clear on this yet....I understand more than I did but don't see it clearly.......A physical object demonstration of how the pieces of this super ego/trauma/ id relationship actually respond to each other might be more helpful....When I do this physical object demo I use spice jars as they are compact and nearly everyone has them in their home....I give each one a name that describes a component piece of the larger concept/dynamic I am trying to understand....I then demonstrate how those pieces interact with each other within the concept I am trying to clarify and it seems to help....I have found that giving esoteric concepts a physical value makes them real in a way that words don't.....I may try this at home tonight but question whether I understand enough of what is going on here to clearly understand it...The work is ongoing...and so it goes.
1 way 2 overcome the non-supportive voice in your head is 2 simply say the exact opposite of what u r saying! 1st, that will make you laugh, + that is good, + u don't have to believe it! Just keep doing it!
Few minutes into this I'm already learning things about Freud that weren't taught in my psychology A Level despite spending months on the guy. As always, love the content and how you make the complex simple and fascinating.
I suffer from procrastination but only because of things I DON'T want to do. Although this can be useful because sometimes the thing I didn't want to do mysteriously disappears.
I was told by a teacher once, âperfection is a limitationâ. I accepted this notion but too young to comprehend, this talk has brought more meaning to his statement. Thank you. â€ïžđšđŠ
17:45 Really loving the shorter clips of late. Clear and concise to absorb before my attention wanders... this particular one gave me clarity on something that's been at the back of my mind for a while now. As always, thank you for all the time you devote to CZcams đđ
Getting angry at the inner voice is absolutely spot on. I have discovered it myself some time ago and couldnât believe how well it worked. Iâm really happy to hear it here from you. It takes away any guilt or doubts I had. Not I know for sure that anger is good if channeled right. Thank you so much for that â€
Thank you so much for the nice, clear and straightforward way you explains these things. It makes a lot of sense. I have struggled with procastination for decades. This will helpđ
Useful?! This was golden. Iâm attempting to tame my inner voice. Having a tough time structuring a consistent plan of action. Richard, you save me on my difficult days. â„ïž
A very good lesson(8/10) on shaping the inner voice or throwing out the useless, negative ideas. I think you are really pushing us to leave behind the mourning and victimhood. It is fun to think that throwing ourself into something you suck at has such value. Thank you!
âThe Mommy Otterâ đ Thank you so much for all of this!!! A superb breakdown describing a key component causing an arrested emotional development. Itâs very difficult to find a skilled therapist who is well versed in these concepts, who also has the ability to communicate it effectively & tactfully to their clients. Thank you again for sharing this information with all of us, itâs very validating & perception changing. I hope it helps many people get unstuck in their lives. Shut up stupid inner voice!!!!! đđđ
Thank you for all your videos , you helped me a lot and I m so grateful for all narc videos. I m free again happier and trying to start again from scratch but with big hopes and better health. Thank you đ
Oh my gosh, I was raised with a family motto of âIf something is worth doing, itâs worth doing right.â I always loved that we put heart into what we did and didnât phone it in⊠but I also now see that it has developed into making sure it is this ambiguous ârightâ before I feel like I can do anything. This leaves me stuck and procrastinating unless I feel I have the perfect end plan in place. I actually felt a physical reaction when you stated âgood enough is good enough!â I will find a therapist to unpack this some more, thank you.
All in all - Compelling and comedic, thank you very much for making me laugh through the dark...I'm clearly a late starter for joining the Grannon train but better late than never; within the context of what I have already I've sought out by myself, since I was 18, receiving your ideas now means you make it easy to process and take action! THANK YOU
Brilliant demonstration and great paradoxical mental exercise with Perfectionism Vs Proscratination. Love your scottish accent and your german "ich" even if Ego is a Latin word ;-)
I always get paralyzed when I have to finish things, I start forging a knife and leave it in the final stage then I feel that I do not have the skills or the knowledge to finish it "properly" so I go into research mode then I start another project, meanwhile, I feel extremely anxious and try to avoid finishing the project with the excuse that I'm learning the best way of doing it, and now I know why thanks to this piece of knowledge you shared, thank you very much for all the great work you do and share!
Gonna have to listen to this one a few more times for it to really sink in. Never heard anyone explain procrastination like this before, thanks for the practical and fresh perspective
Very useful thanks, my early history is one parental anger and violence. I was put in care as soon as I was born then given to relatives, and finally returned to my parents. I was in hospital at 3 years old with a bad injury, as I got older I feared for my life. Even though we've done very well in our businesses I finally realised I had married a man similar to my father, it turned out he's more traumatized than me. I would leave at times but would always go back, and every few years the Police would be involved. Just when I think he can't do anything worse he does, I am really struggling at the moment thank you for educating me I need it.
Richard Grannon....you are a master! I would love to meet you one day!! The messages and content of your work is second to none " in my opinion". It totally resonates. I enjoy understanding WHY I have "idiosyncrasies" next step is having a holistic "10 step program" to help me/ us out of our funk. A program with readily accessible support mentors to project us to our BEST SELF. In my home in Australia, I have yet to find such a community. đ
My inner critic demands I be perfect socially. This requires a safe social group so I can make mistakes without losing relationships. Thankfully, recovery groups help with this. Thank you Richard for the clear teaching and diagrams.
I much appreciate this video. Thanks for using the "writing a novel" example because that is exactly what I am trying to wrap up as we speak. I do want a big number, but I now realize if I reach a 7, I have done pretty darn well.
Such a great đ topic on both đ đ Procrastination & Perfectionism I tend not to get into decisions which the two combined causes me to question should I or should I not I tend to overthink and over analyzing Such a great đ topic on both đ đ Procrastination Perfectionism Thank you Richard Grannon đ
Thatâs a caring down to Earth gentleman - his appearance and genes could have made him a self absorbed Alpha male without empathy . Iâm thinking his deep study and understanding of the human condition has intervened and molded Richard Grannon into an amazing teacher who can also be simply seen as an ordinary and likable block.
ReAlly like đ thiS Video! đźThe way you presented it is Awesome. The idea about having someone read it back to you. Wow. People do that when playing a musical instrument..Thank you đ
Thanks Richard! It makes sense now! I always feel inside what can be the source of my perfectionism .... It has been a long journey with full of S*hit and suck.... You made a frame of IT and summed up....my weapons were,are: questioning the inner voices and rebel ...
I have finally found 'someone' that "GET'S IT"!! It is so refreshing to have found you! Yes!! It was a BIG promise to a high - leverage scenario that offered an access to a very scarce but highly desirable resource. $250,000. House - I lost. Yep! It was a contract with the Devil Narcissist. Yes! It was then linked to the Shared Fantasy! đŻ THANK YOU.
My first dolphin bracelets weren't that great. Now they're pretty nice. My Dad used to say "Do it right or don't bother." I didn't realize that "programming" was keeping me trapped. No I probably won't get rich off my dolphin bracelets but I enjoy it, I'm learning a lot and being brave enough to try.
Thank you for this moment of relax and enjoy of your efforts to explain to me what all about. You are a real example that efort of learning public speaking have very good results .
Love the title, hope content itâs as good đ FYI go to Peerspace, youâll quickly find great spaces in NYC and around for any type of event. Itâs like Airbnb for venue spaces.
I needed to hear this so much! I have been struggling to paint and draw again. Trauma has had such an affect on my creative process and yes I am seeing a professional about it. This topic is such a huge part of it. Thank you
Smeagol* aka Gollum đ€ I needed this years ago! Thank you for this! I just ordered 'complex PTSD from surviving to thriving' thank you for that bone too!
Sometimes I say to myself âBecome the one that judgesâ and itâs like I become super present and in my body and like Iâm in the drivers seat of myself or that I use my conscious free will to be the authority of my super ego. Itâs very surreal yet also feels natural to be that way
LOL I replaced it with: "MY work is gonna be amazing and ..." and I brainwashed myself with it and without realizing I became the genius at work with average gradings year by year for 15 years now that no one can even get at once. Just because I did not want to be criticized. I did not find friends at work though. But my customers are like really grateful.
I needed to hear this right now. I have been struggling to finish a creative project because I wanted it to be 10/10. But honestly - it is good enough. Thanks đ
Why do satisfy with mediocre if you can make it better? My work and all I do and all I make have to be best of the best , I strive for perfection cause that is standard that can satisfy me. In order to achieve perfection, to give my best, I have to love what I do and it has to be priority. If I'm not satisfied I'm not happy. If I like it, so will anyone else. That is what I know for sure.
@@Stotinkica I agree - to a certain extent. But the project I have been working on has been intricate and very, very difficult. I doubt I would ever achieve 10/10 with it but a good 9/10 would please me and I doubt itâs tiny imperfections would not even be noticed by anyone else. It also means I would release it into the world, rather than holding on to it forever and everâŠ
Such good insights! Very thought provoking! Makes me ponder⊠âif something is made by a machine I want that thing to be as perfect as it can be - as the item must provide a âfunctionâ bc it is a âthingâ. Itâs âVALUEâ is IN itâs âFUNCTIONâ. But, when something is created from the heart and mind of a human being crafted with human hands itâs value is NOT IN its function. It is not simply a âthingâ even though it likely serves a âfunctionâ. What we create are not âthingsâ to be used and tossed away ⊠what we create are the expression or outpouring of ourselves - and they are the outpouring of ourselves in this moment.. this now moment of who we are - and THAT IS PERFECT. You canât be anywhere else or anyone else and thatâs perfect.
The ancient art of âgolden joineryâ comes to mind (I cannot recall the correct name for it atm) and all of the art that is so beautiful and valuable that is anything but perfect in terms of symmetry or use of color etc. The most beautiful places are not ones of perfection but ones that are beautiful bc of our experiences in them (whether those experiences be real or simply in our imaginations) and even our most cherished memories did not become so bc they went according to some perfect plan⊠usually theyâre cherished bc they went haywire and that ended up being sooo perfect đ
@@Yes_its_Liberty Beautiful words đ€©. Thank you for their delicacy and the inspiration that bursts forth from them đ
Thing is, I know a few perfectionists & they Do get a. lot Done! Or if too much to do, they hire people to complete their tasks & ideals đ€. Great if you can afford that!
I love how real and authentic Richard is. it makes such a difference to hear the reality in his courses.
There's a type of comfortable escapism in prioritizing other people's priorities over mine. I've gotten so much better about that but it's always an internal struggle to stand firm in my own time management needs, and not procrastinate those in lieu of someone else's. Do you know what I've been procrastinating lately, due to the chaos that has been a mix of my most pressing issues and other people's priorities?? Getting a good therapist. I love your's and Lisa Romano's work, obviously Ramani Durvasula, Tim Fletcher, Crappy Childhood Fairy- I could go on forever how these last couple years have been a season of deep enlightenment thanks to you all and your each unique styles of presenting. Indispensable. Here I am in one of the most unseasonable times of my life, health issues and drastic life changes pouring buckets down on me, and I can't find time to address my mental health? I've been waiting for the "perfect" time... it's some wonder I haven't already drowned. Thanks for this. It's not something I ever thought this deeply before and I can definitely see where being micromanaged at a young age (although not the formative years) has impacted me. I recently made a silly post on my facebook in light of my issue saying "I'll procrastinate if it's the last thing I do!". It really IS a problem. Thanks again. You've truly been helpful at helping me untie all these dang knots.
Great post Bonita. Iâm with you. đ
@@barbrarosen7224 đ thank you. And I, you! đ„°
Theres another Speaker on CZcams who talks about procrastination... Don't blame yourself. I think its a matter of getting organized.
Her 1st name is MEL.
YES to All of this ! One of the biggest pinnacles of healing for me was discovering this about myself
Hi! I was using YT in place of a Therapist and watching ALL the same characters as you (I would add Patrick Teahan to list) and also experiencing a never ending hard season.
I FINALLY started therapy 3mos ago because I realized while the videos were enlightening I wasn't integrating what I was learning.
THEN there was the dread of finding the "PERFECT" therapist đ because the last two really were terrible. AND, I don't want to get all invested in someone only to discover they have terrible boundaries and use our time to talk about their lifeđł
I KNEW I wanted someone who was trauma informed and I felt that EMDR would be an effective treatment tool.
AND, I asked God to lead me to the right person to help me once and for all, so I may live to the fullness I was designed for.
While I am no where close to the end of the journey, I did take the daunting first step and called EVERYONE that took my insurance, I live in a small town.
Go to the PsychologyToday website and enter your zip code and it will give you a comprehensive list of providers!
One lady answered my call and said she was booked, IF a spot opened she would call me.
ONLY ONE therapist called back. She trained with the woman who invented EMDR! She's been in that chair as long as I have been alive. And, her ONLY opening is during the time my child is at school.
đđœ HALLELUJAH đđœ was I led the right one!
We meet weekly, but have only done two sessions with EMDR. It IS intense and touted as the most effective treatment for releasing trauma. Holy moly is it effective work.
I STILL have a long road ahead of me. BUT, every week we are chipping away at it. And with only those two sessions I can see a HUGE shift in how regulated I am staying. Even my 8y/o is complimenting how calm Mommy is, which is both terrible and wonderful.
Abuse is a cycle and we have to DO the work to break the cycle. It does NOT have to be perfect. And even if we feel overwhelmed doing the internet search to find the therapist, do it! Even if you seem to freeze dialing their number...dial the number anyway. Like an exercise class feel the burn and push through anyway!
You CAN do it! VICTORY can be yours! AND, I will happily cheer anyone on who needs the encouragement!
There is a technique that I find helpful when I remember to use it, and that is to get the Inner Critic onside. By accepting it is actually trying to be helpful (and it often is) you ask it to help instead of scold, to come up with ideas that will help you achieve whatever the goal might be.
Using this technique you can say, yes I know I need to do x but I'm busy now with y so please remind me in an hour/ tomorrow/ at x am or pm, whatever if realistically the best time. You can also say yes I know I need to do x it's big so I will only be able to do a part of it each day/week / whatever the time scale is.
As long as you stick to the deal the Inner Critic does become supportive. Sadly consistency isn't one of my strong points, for a few reasons, but when I try this method it does make a big difference
Sort of âthanks for your input inner critic but today Iâm doing it my way.â
One of the most amazing things I saw was the Disney movie "Tangled". The one about Rapunzel. I don't even bother to watch these things, but a friend of mine contacted me and said that I definitely had to, that Mother Gothel was exactly my mom! Well, I decided to watch it and sure as shootin'. Mother Gothel was.... It has actually helped me see/ understand some of the stories I created.
Frater Xavier, in one of his "mystery school" lessons on his YT channel "mindandmagick", suggested that people should treat thoughts as a proposition which they can choose to either accept or reject. He recommended that when negative, self-denegrating thoughts happen you should consciously say (either in your head or out loud) "I reject that thought".
The best boss I ever had used to say the grade D is for Done đ. He just wanted us to get on with the work because the work would improve over time regardless of the grade we got for our professional accreditation.
WoW.... Another video that just straight up hits home. My brothers and I were ALL told no at anything we ever did growing up. There was more of.... The parents, hovering and or watching everything we ever did. In addition, I noticed that we weren't properly trained to do things we were asked to do. Trim trees, clean the chicken house, mow the lawn etc. Then if we did it incorrectly or even just not the way my parents would have done it, then we got in trouble. Fast forward to today, I generally don't do anything having to do with a project unless everything is set up perfectly and I can get everything done at the same time. Yes I try to do everything I do with perfection. If I mess up even the slightest bit, I am extremely hard on myself. I actually get pissed off at myself for not executing whatever it is perfectly.
Wow same thing happened to me growing up my anxiety gets really bad to the point of throwing up when I try something new.
I watched this now worried what on earth have i done to my child while she was growing up! I feel horrible trying to get her to create perfectionism only because of the way my parents keep putting me down telling me I was dumb. So I never wanted her to be dumb. Life is fucked up!
Parenting guilt is huge! Now Iâm onto grand parenting guilt!
0:23 The work is acceptable not when we find it perfect but rather when we think that "others/people in our head" won't be able to find anything to critic us about the work.
In the childhood we were shamed, toxic parents always found some imperfection, which let them call us total failure etc.
5:34 The way we speak to our children becomes their inner voice.
You're a good man Richard.
I remember the day that I decided that I was going to get over my shyness and lack of self esteem with women and the body image issues I had in my 20s which meant that women rarely showed me any interest. And I can remember the conflict viscerally in my body and emotions when I went up to talk to women who I was attracted to who I felt would be repulsed by me as the imposter I felt I was for daring to go outside what I thought was the social matrix to speak to a woman who represented somebody who would never approach myself and invite me into her world, especially if I felt her social class to be higher than mine as well as her attractiveness level. I wasnt even a bad looking guy either, at that time of my life I did feel like an ugly piece of dirt that didnt deserve any connection, love, intimacy or affection from women and I think that was massively down to the superego injunction and imposter sydrome I felt deep in my core when challenging beliefs thst no longer served me.
I rewatched and I have to say, I could never get angry at my inner critic now. Your interpretation of that anger was too hilarious. I'd end up laughing my inner critic into submission if I triedđ. Thank you for making this easy for međâ€
I realized a few years ago that, even with things that I enjoy doing (like reading), I always feel an initial push-back when I want to do any of them. Makes more sense now.
Been following your work for years, Ritchie mate, you're only getting better and better. That seminar(?) with The Vaknin recently was just fantastic. Much appreciated fella
I am in line with your teaching, Richard. I recently heard someone speak about personality and our internal distortions in a different light, that has opened up my understanding. I think it is in line with Freud saying that we revert back to a stressful time in our stages of development, and he said, I believe, that we go to the stage BEFORE that stressful time. It was bliss for a bit before we fell from grace (so to speak). The speaker said that his struggle with perfectionism was analyzed like this: When he was about 3 or 4, he had the most glowing magical experience of looking at the Christmas tree and the enchanted, starry, glistening ,snowy night, and from that moment wanted the world to be always like this. That was his fixation. He has since tried to recapture that wondrous feeling. But things are never perfect enough. He became a critical perfectionist.
I realize that this is different in terms of this discussion, but I have looked back to my childhood and I established some very highly charged pivotal moments, where the highest bliss disappeared and I fell from grace. That moment clouded my whole life going forward.
Just thought that I would share this.
Thank you for sharing this, sounds just like what I've done all my life. xxx
Sometimes procrastination is a sign that you are trying to pursue something that you're not suppose to be pursuing.
This was a very interesting watch. I can't afford therapy right now, platforms like this are so necessary đ„șâ€ïž
Thank you, Richard. perfect timing for me. again. Rewiring the lie with truth. Rule #1, forgive yourself. It's ok to mess up. Funny how I don't care when someone else messes up, but I get pissed when I do.
The phrase âDone is better than perfect,â has been with me for years now. Itâs a phrase I remind myself of semi-regularly.
Thanks for the video! Stellar as always.đ
That "Hello, and welcome" did something funny to me đđ now time to stop procrastinating...
Difficult but worth itâ€Nothing worth it comes easy†something to be proud of†Thanks for that â€â€â€
7:12 đ€Łđ€Łđ€Łđđđ
This video is excellent đ, information really resonates with me. "Need to be perfect not good enough..." etc. etc. The light heartedness and comedy help people continue watching/understanding because it's enjoyable. Great stuff, thanks.
I am experiencing perfection and procrastination dynamic and can see how they fit together....The need to be perfect generates the fear of being imperfect so we freeze because when we are imperfect bad things happen........We procrastinate in response to this fear as a survival mechanism.....We stop before we try to avoid the pain of failing.....Failing will be the end result of trying...Trying and failing when the stakes are high....Protecting mother and siblings ....You've been made responsible for their well being while your abuser traumatizes everyone and blames it on you...There are no wins in these experiences.......You try and fail before you ever start....Repeat....You try and fail before you start...Repeat...It is a trap...Perfection is the only answer and that is impossible...The relationship between the super ego and self is another story...I am still not clear on this yet....I understand more than I did but don't see it clearly.......A physical object demonstration of how the pieces of this super ego/trauma/ id relationship actually respond to each other might be more helpful....When I do this physical object demo I use spice jars as they are compact and nearly everyone has them in their home....I give each one a name that describes a component piece of the larger concept/dynamic I am trying to understand....I then demonstrate how those pieces interact with each other within the concept I am trying to clarify and it seems to help....I have found that giving esoteric concepts a physical value makes them real in a way that words don't.....I may try this at home tonight but question whether I understand enough of what is going on here to clearly understand it...The work is ongoing...and so it goes.
1 way 2 overcome the non-supportive voice in your head is 2 simply say the exact opposite of what u r saying! 1st, that will make you laugh, + that is good, + u don't have to believe it! Just keep doing it!
Fabulous illustration!
I call myself a recovering perfectionist đ
Few minutes into this I'm already learning things about Freud that weren't taught in my psychology A Level despite spending months on the guy. As always, love the content and how you make the complex simple and fascinating.
I suffer from procrastination but only because of things I DON'T want to do. Although this can be useful because sometimes the thing I didn't want to do mysteriously disappears.
I was told by a teacher once, âperfection is a limitationâ. I accepted this notion but too young to comprehend, this talk has brought more meaning to his statement. Thank you. â€ïžđšđŠ
17:45 Really loving the shorter clips of late. Clear and concise to absorb before my attention wanders... this particular one gave me clarity on something that's been at the back of my mind for a while now. As always, thank you for all the time you devote to CZcams đđ
check his Insta too.
Always in for a treat when you get that whiteboard out Rich đ
Your humour absolutely cracks me up đ⊠in a Liverpool accent âThey do though donât they though â âșïž
Getting angry at the inner voice is absolutely spot on. I have discovered it myself some time ago and couldnât believe how well it worked. Iâm really happy to hear it here from you. It takes away any guilt or doubts I had. Not I know for sure that anger is good if channeled right.
Thank you so much for that â€
The first two seconds of this video are pure perfectionism, "Hello... and welcome..."
Thank you so much for the nice, clear and straightforward way you explains these things. It makes a lot of sense. I have struggled with procastination for decades. This will helpđ
Thank you so much Richard!!
Great teaching as always!
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Useful?! This was golden. Iâm attempting to tame my inner voice. Having a tough time structuring a consistent plan of action. Richard, you save me on my difficult days. â„ïž
A good thing for artists to learn. The Sauron comparison is vivid and useful.
"Perfection is nonsense"đŻđđŸđđŸ
...gonna make this my new motto đȘđŸđ
A very good lesson(8/10) on shaping the inner voice or throwing out the useless, negative ideas. I think you are really pushing us to leave behind the mourning and victimhood. It is fun to think that throwing ourself into something you suck at has such value. Thank you!
âThe Mommy Otterâ
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Thank you so much for all of this!!! A superb breakdown describing a key component causing an arrested emotional development. Itâs very difficult to find a skilled therapist who is well versed in these concepts, who also has the ability to communicate it effectively & tactfully to their clients.
Thank you again for sharing this information with all of us, itâs very validating & perception changing. I hope it helps many people get unstuck in their lives. Shut up stupid inner voice!!!!!
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Thank you for all your videos , you helped me a lot and I m so grateful for all narc videos. I m free again happier and trying to start again from scratch but with big hopes and better health. Thank you đ
Oh my gosh, I was raised with a family motto of âIf something is worth doing, itâs worth doing right.â I always loved that we put heart into what we did and didnât phone it in⊠but I also now see that it has developed into making sure it is this ambiguous ârightâ before I feel like I can do anything. This leaves me stuck and procrastinating unless I feel I have the perfect end plan in place. I actually felt a physical reaction when you stated âgood enough is good enough!â I will find a therapist to unpack this some more, thank you.
"Don't act" that's exactly it, i have felt guilty about my procrastination forever, thank you
Richard lad, youâre a bloody gem đ
All in all - Compelling and comedic, thank you very much for making me laugh through the dark...I'm clearly a late starter for joining the Grannon train but better late than never; within the context of what I have already I've sought out by myself, since I was 18, receiving your ideas now means you make it easy to process and take action! THANK YOU
Wow, this was an excellent presentation. This was perfectly explained spiritual concept of over soul. Thank you â„ïž
Bravo Richard, another great vid.
"Everything takes work" , very good!
Brilliant demonstration and great paradoxical mental exercise with Perfectionism Vs Proscratination. Love your scottish accent and your german "ich" even if Ego is a Latin word ;-)
I always get paralyzed when I have to finish things, I start forging a knife and leave it in the final stage then I feel that I do not have the skills or the knowledge to finish it "properly" so I go into research mode then I start another project, meanwhile, I feel extremely anxious and try to avoid finishing the project with the excuse that I'm learning the best way of doing it, and now I know why thanks to this piece of knowledge you shared, thank you very much for all the great work you do and share!
Gonna have to listen to this one a few more times for it to really sink in. Never heard anyone explain procrastination like this before, thanks for the practical and fresh perspective
I'm an aspiring goodenufist. đ§
Thank you. This was exactly what I needed to hear! Youâre absolutely amazing and I appreciate you taking the time to make these informative videos.
don't let the perfect be the enemy of the good. i tried to be perfect in everything. now i have this motto and i am much happier. đ
I love the close up introduction. đ
Thanks, Richard. I have been back in EMDR trauma therapy and most recently have been dealing with my procrastination. I appreciate this video, a lot!
Very useful thanks, my early history is one parental anger and violence. I was put in care as soon as I was born then given to relatives, and finally returned to my parents. I was in hospital at 3 years old with a bad injury, as I got older I feared for my life. Even though we've done very well in our businesses I finally realised I had married a man similar to my father, it turned out he's more traumatized than me. I would leave at times but would always go back, and every few years the Police would be involved. Just when I think he can't do anything worse he does, I am really struggling at the moment thank you for educating me I need it.
Thank you for this â€ïž
Ahhha moment! Richard Brilliantly explaining such a important matter, thank you!!!
Thanks for clarifying. Please keep it coming.
Richard Grannon....you are a master! I would love to meet you one day!! The messages and content of your work is second to none " in my opinion". It totally resonates.
I enjoy understanding WHY I have "idiosyncrasies" next step is having a holistic "10 step program" to help me/ us out of our funk. A program with readily accessible support mentors to project us to our BEST SELF. In my home in Australia, I have yet to find such a community. đ
Very useful. Wow, I am so impressed by this demonstration. Stands out from all the boring rest. Thank you, Richard Grannon.
Grannon you're a star
i going to have a good look at this later. when i can take it all in properlyđđ
This makes so much sense thank you Richie!
My inner critic demands I be perfect socially. This requires a safe social group so I can make mistakes without losing relationships. Thankfully, recovery groups help with this. Thank you Richard for the clear teaching and diagrams.
Sounds like my father. The eye of Saron is awesome analogy. Donât take action. IgnoredâŠyes. Fascinating.
Thank you for explaining introjects and itâs relation to perfectionism and procrastination.
Good Morning! Thank you for this reminderđ
I much appreciate this video. Thanks for using the "writing a novel" example because that is exactly what I am trying to wrap up as we speak. I do want a big number, but I now realize if I reach a 7, I have done pretty darn well.
Such a great đ topic on both đ đ Procrastination & Perfectionism I tend not to get into decisions which the two combined causes me to question should I or should I not I tend to overthink and over analyzing Such a great đ topic on both đ đ Procrastination Perfectionism
Thank you Richard Grannon đ
I adore the plant âïž on the pot, Richard. Blessings đđ»đ
Thatâs a caring down to Earth gentleman - his appearance and genes could have made him a self absorbed Alpha male without empathy . Iâm thinking his deep study and understanding of the human condition has intervened and molded Richard Grannon into an amazing teacher who can also be simply seen as an ordinary and likable block.
ReAlly like đ thiS Video! đźThe way you presented it is Awesome. The idea about having someone read it back to you. Wow. People do that when playing a musical instrument..Thank you đ
Thanks Richard! It makes sense now! I always feel inside what can be the source of my perfectionism .... It has been a long journey with full of S*hit and suck.... You made a frame of IT and summed up....my weapons were,are: questioning the inner voices and rebel ...
Thank you so much for your good explainations Mr. Grannon. I have a lot to learn
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Looking forward to this, as the timing is synchronistic!
I have finally found 'someone' that "GET'S IT"!! It is so refreshing to have found you!
Yes!! It was a BIG promise to a high - leverage scenario that offered an access to a very scarce but highly desirable resource. $250,000. House - I lost. Yep!
It was a contract with the Devil Narcissist. Yes! It was then linked to the Shared Fantasy! đŻ THANK YOU.
My first dolphin bracelets weren't that great. Now they're pretty nice. My Dad used to say "Do it right or don't bother." I didn't realize that "programming" was keeping me trapped. No I probably won't get rich off my dolphin bracelets but I enjoy it, I'm learning a lot and being brave enough to try.
Love the plant!
So wise, the best video I watch for a long time! Muchas Gracias
Brilliant. Understood all of it. I am greatful. Life changing. Thank you†looking forward to the next class!
I wish you much success in your personal journey and in your career. Much appreciated gratitude to you â€ïžâ€ïžâ€ïž!!!
I can do hard things, with practice I can do them better every time I try!
Thank you for this moment of relax and enjoy of your efforts to explain to me what all about. You are a real example that efort of learning public speaking have very good results .
Love the title, hope content itâs as good đ FYI go to Peerspace, youâll quickly find great spaces in NYC and around for any type of event. Itâs like Airbnb for venue spaces.
Yes! I need to hear this. Right on â°
Richard is abousloty right, we are bad or not very good at things in the beginning to get good,we all start at the bottom and work up from there...
This really was compelling, fascinating & amusing. Loved it 9/10
I needed to hear this so much! I have been struggling to paint and draw again. Trauma has had such an affect on my creative process and yes I am seeing a professional about it. This topic is such a huge part of it. Thank you
Smeagol* aka Gollum đ€
I needed this years ago! Thank you for this! I just ordered 'complex PTSD from surviving to thriving' thank you for that bone too!
Thank you first day alone again and oh how good it feels
Loving this format and really appreciate the humor bits, thank you Richard!
Excellent video. Thank you
Beautiful presentation Richard. You make complex ideas simple. Thank you. đ
Compelling and fascinating. Brilliantly explained xxx
Sometimes I say to myself âBecome the one that judgesâ and itâs like I become super present and in my body and like Iâm in the drivers seat of myself or that I use my conscious free will to be the authority of my super ego. Itâs very surreal yet also feels natural to be that way
LOL I replaced it with: "MY work is gonna be amazing and ..." and I brainwashed myself with it and without realizing I became the genius at work with average gradings year by year for 15 years now that no one can even get at once. Just because I did not want to be criticized. I did not find friends at work though. But my customers are like really grateful.
đđ» Brilliant!! đđ» and Richie is such a good looking fella AND.. heâs a scouser too⊠đâ€ïž would love to meet him, xx
Thanks alot again Bro! healing for life. You inspire me alot ! Keep that energy moving man :) !!! Peace !