How To Heal From Enmeshment Trauma
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- čas přidán 28. 08. 2024
- Healing from enmeshment trauma might be one of the most difficult because it is so filled with shame and embarrassment and confusion.
Nothing makes sense. That is my goal today. To help you make sense of it.
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👋 WHO AM I:
Hi, I'm Kenny and I created this channel for you!
It has been my experience that the media, society, and our parents often teach us to avoid admitting, facing, or talking about any of our negative feelings and experiences.
This belief system cripples us. As a result, we are without the basic skills to navigate the simplest of life's ups and downs.
Even worse, it creates a separation from our authentic self because we learn the world will shame us for our slightest imperfection.
My life turned around when I realized that the answer is in the opposite.
I discovered that the solution to an authentic life lies in our ability to admit, accept, and love our perfect imperfections.
That can only happen when we heal the pain from the past that created the shame by becoming trauma informed.
Because when we make peace with even the darkest parts of ourselves, we are capable of loving ALL of ourselves. Therefore we are authentic.
Without it, we are stuck in purgatory. Instead, we are reliving the original pain and shame in our relationships, career, health, and hobbies.
Therefore, the secret to avoiding a life stuck in limbo is developing emotional mastery.
When we gain that knowledge, develop it into a skill that becomes a tool, we stop picking toxic relationships.
We don't settle for unsatisfying careers. We don't struggle with depression or health issues. We stop the self-sabotage!
In short, we develop a deep emotional calm, peace, personal love, trust, and respect for ourselves that we can now share with others.
If that is what you want, you are in the right place.
I am excited to be a part of YOUR journey in helping you to heal the pain from your past, love your perfect imperfections, and reclaim your authentic self by developing Emotional Mastery!
#Kenny Weiss #Kenny Weiss life coach #Kenny Weiss CZcams
I am the only child, and every where I go, anyone I meet would say "You are so lucky you get all the attention". This is so true that it hurts and this is not in the slightest lucky. I am enmeshed with my mother. She is a narcissist who is controlling and manipulative, and she would tell me every day how much she loves me and that she would call randomly to check in on me once to twice a day (she knows almost everything about me even to my daily routine and my schedule). I used to think this is normal until I ask my friends and their parents talk to them like once a week. Now I want to set boundaries and when I dropped slight hints that I don't want them to visit me, I get guilt tripped by her.
“We need to rage”
Yes, screaming in my car has helped ALOT
Not all parents do the best they can :(
Sadly I think you’re right
Exactly.
WEALTH of information here, thank you. i'm severely enmeshed with both my parents who are still pervasive forces in my life. they won't fuck off and leave me alone, they damaged me so much and they won't let me go. i hate them but i feel guilty for that.
@gardenswell Go no contact, then forgive yourself as it's not your guilt or shame to bear. I am praying for you, you can too for the strength you need. You are never alone and your Guardian Angel is with you. Try the I AM Affirmations of St. Germain, they are so powerful. Get the help you need, you are so worth it !!! Bless you! 💜💜💜🌟🙏😇🕊💫
Kenny, The main reason your teachings resonate with me, is because you reveal so many truths by your own life experience. You are being open and vulnerable, and showing us how to heal instead of creating bandage after bandage.
And that is a value that you have. By the way, my ex-wife, after three months of dating, pointed out an exact month/date/time when I should marry her. That time I loved this; now I see how wounded I was.
Thank you for saying that Johnny. That’s very kind of you that means a lot to me. I’m happy that it resonates with you and most importantly, is helping you.
And yes, it is funny. As we gain more insight into our perfect imperfections how we can see clearly what we could not see before!
What struck me the most is, when you said you DON'T KNOW THEM! I just realized at 35 years old that i have no real clue who my mother is, was or wants to be.
I know them. They don’t know me. At all. They think they do because they are delusional.
I legit had to grieve when I went no contact. It was like they had passed away. That realisation that the person you thought they were, wasn’t them at all is one tough pill to swallow!
@bitfreedom I agree , and this goes for every narcissist, and or user/abuser I've known throughout my life. We may not have known them initially, however, over time, their actions speak louder than words !
Bless you and Bless us all free!
🔥💜🔥🙏😇🌠🕊💫
Yes! Righteous Anger is part of grieving. So well said Kenny!
Parents who continue to create enmeshment trauma for their children even when the children have spoken out & have set boundaries are not doing the best they can.
I dig the suit, Kenny. You look good in purple!
I'm finally beginning to understand emeshment Kenny. I'm smiling because I feel empowered in this moment. Have to admit I usually need to watch your videos a few times and that's ok. The negative messages I got growing up were very confusing also. Your a good teacher 😊.
Thank you and I’m glad they’re helping you and I commend you for sticking with it. 👏👌
I think you are very brave Kenny. I am full of shame because I'm not what I would like to be. I have no concept of who I really am. I'm 72! I feel ashamed I wasn't a good parent. And my children have resentment because I didnt know how to empower them. I divorced when they were young. I have friends but in reality I'm a loner. I can't ask for anything. I dont want to be responsible for something adverse happening to them if I do. I feel different from everyone because no one else talks about these things but you. Thank you for being courageous enough to come clean to the world. And how you deal sympathetically with everyone involved.
You are very welcome and thank you for the kind words. Hang in there it’s never too late.😁
thank you for sharing your experiences. i can relate, and i have so much respect for you. despite all you have endured, you have used your trauma to help other people. that is pretty heroic. sending support and love to all. xx
Recognizing myself in everything you describe.Trying to talk to my mom like an adult.Didn't want to blame her.Just talk about what actually happened.She started crying and said everyone hates her.Which is not true.I love her. Although it was actually terrible.I Become a abandoholic.Did not know that I also have the right to choose. But men chose me. Before I chose them. Now we are together they said. Ok I said.😢 True became someone who adapts me completely. Like a remote control. Even my mother. Without any needs at all. I am now finding myself. Who am I. I have never existed as myself.I have been 7 years old.Soon i am 50.
Too many eye openers I'm reading right now. I think im enmeshed with dad; ive never heard this term before until today. Most emotionally traumitising words ive ever heard from him "I loved you more than your brother." Emphasis on "loved" because I had to sustain their emotional needs and communicate constantly with them to get me through birth to high school graduation; it felt like survival. Mom guilt tripped me that my dad would feel bad if i didnt show up for christmases or holidays in my adult days. She would also tell me women werent important for me during school; so for 22 years having this emotionally trained in my head I feel no need to find women like a whisper in my ear. I got lucky one night drinking though (pherhaps the drinking was a result to try and stave myself from their emotional burden.) With this in mind now realizing this is real; im seeing a counselor and can begin the healing process. Thank you for this video.
My sister slept w my husband, when I found out she said that I should get over it for my own good
Jesus.
Perhaps let go of her as a sister is more like it and him too. Sorry that happened to you. You can still forgive when you let go, but you don't have to put up with it. Much love & light to you ❤🙏😇🌟🙏
How horrible. I am so sorry for this awful betrayal and for how she says “get over it”.
We abandoned ourselves wow that hit me perfect I feel I lived a Life of Lie for my Moms Narcissism..And once I am out of enmeshment I realized the person who I was I am not that one...I am lost ...Exactly My marriage where Someone choose me and I did not know I can choose or could tell that person I really liked that I want to marry him...I was lost confused and Needed validation..Made Me emotional that I am worth it...yes yes we are all worth it...Never before realized I was worth it...Luv every bit of this Video..Resonates me every bit of it..
I'm the UBER 🤣
Finally, getting to know the authentic Carol and who SHE actually is.
I was my parents; circus performer, as I like to define it. One trick after the next. Never even got a treat. 🤣
Ty for video an stories. I definitely teared up as a parent. Bc ik I don't even know how to parent. But ik I don't want to my son through stuff. An never make him feel either unwanted or anything kind of hurt or confusion. Which ik could still happen. But I'm not just bettering myself for me but him to... I want him to happy an have a good life an see a happy mom who can show him I understand an can show him the healthy ways to deal with situations an life
Wow. I have to take a deep breath after that one.
I love to see you striving hard to be a better parent! Your kids are lucky! ❤
I realized i broke the enmeshment mold when i was in High-school. I know it was one adult thag kept pushing me for what do i want. Over and over. Also what do i need. Looking back that was so empowering. I started to do what i wanted and not what my parents wanted.
5:01 That feeling of being used was the basis for my pain. My instinct's telling me my precious core value, trust, has been betrayed. My trauma happened when there was no one else to turn to to sort out the confusion that followed.
So the subconscious mind goes into high vigilance: will there be more surprising betrayals from now on?
6:02 Reversing the parent-child roles is such a horrendous form of abuse. I experienced this type of enmeshment verbally when my mother asked me to SHOW HER how to be a person when I pushed back while being disciplined. What is more shocking than being told implicitly that she was not the source of guidance and safety I could rely on when I need to?
11:27 Bingo! This is mile marker ONE for me. Many more to go before my aged body/mind gives way.8
Your videos make my heart race like im finally on to answers that have stirred in me for a lifetime. I just left my 15-year marriage due to his toxic behaviors, but you're helping me realize my part in the dynamics of the narcissistic relationship. Kenny, thank you.
ABSOLUTELY FANTASTIC. i wrote and wrote and wrote!
Great videos Kenny. I'm watching them slowly. I only starting figuring things out in my late 30s. I could feel my mother's feelings!! We were enmeshed and codependent with each other and mirror images of each other. She needed me to be dependent and she was all powerful. I realised the career i chose was what she decided, I didn't make my own decisions, when I did i was mocked and lost self trust. I'm emotionally detached from her now. I tried to bring her along but she's too far gone. it's a lonely journey, painful and scary but necessary. It's not linear either but it's my journey. Up to now my life was mostly my mothers.
Wow, this is so enlightening! I feel this so deeply, not only as an child to perfectly imperfect parents, but as a perfectly imperfect parent of adult children. I’m seeing so much from all sides! I have a lot of work to do
Ur worth it! Thanku. I’ve been feeling so guilty for investing in myself. The guilt haunts me everyday.
You are so welcome
Yes, they only do what they know. But also show no interst at all in learning not to treat their only and last close relative (me, their daughter) like crap. As this daughter does not suppose to acknowledge her needs and even that she is alive. Boah! Now and again this anger does flare up in me. And for decades I didn't know where this big sense of shame comes from. Apart from being an ex-sinner now saved by Gace, haha....but still. The time it takes to unravel it all and heal from it is just unreal. And all because some people insist on continue doing the wrong things and continue to being used? Nope....sigh.
I like your interpretation of the cancel culture. I do ask myself though that whilst we need to be able to be authentic human beings, there are definitely limits. Are there not? Not everyhing we desire and want is healthy or even "life" giving but rather destructive towards others and ourselves 🤔 It still feels like my parents live inside of me. Yuck. Do you know what that is? Wow, now I know where that sensation of terror comes from. The presence of my earthly dad releases that. Thank you. God bless you Kenny!
Your dad said you just need to get over that?!?! OUCH!!! Sounds like something my dad would say 😢
Ohhh I had to google that word not in my vocabulary! Good one! 👍
I love your honesty and being in right side of this toxic relationship stuff! We already know what a narc is and what they did to us! Reminder sucks! We are ready for a healing path to change our own issues that contributed! Keep coming with this!
You really know what you are talking about. Thank you
Much needed help. Thank you so much sir.
Happy to help
Omgggg the investment part is so true 🥴I was an extreme overgiver now I know more about my worth and my abundace is huge tho. I’m worth it!!!!! Is that the gift we end up finding?
Great video! Thank you
Thanks!
Thank you for the donation. I appreciate your help and support!
This is very interesting...thank you for sharing
Glad you enjoyed it
best video i ever seen 💗 thank you !
You're so welcome!
Thank you Kenny!
You bet!
Can you imagine that I have listen to so much of your videos, bought both of your books and busy reading your journey to succes. And listening to this I am thinking like my mother is not to blame that she cant see what she did to me. Am I in denial?? Cuz 1 thing I know that this ish is really hurting me and I feel stuck and depressed!
So since alot of these vids seem to be about non-black sheep can you do a series for the black sheep POV to help them deduce how to heal in various ways? Since it's interesting you called out how uniquely different the black sheep is processing enmeshment as apposed to the more conformist people.
My life blossomrd since i broke up with them
Big assumption here is that all parents did their best. I strongly believe this is NOT true. When a parent tells you to walk four or five steps behind her bcs she does not want to be associated with you….When she meets a new man and up and leaves you alone in an apartment bcs she was/is now moving in with her new boyfriend and you as an immigrant in a foreign country have no where to go-but she has given up the apartment…. And your father plays victim that he suffered for so long with her but right now he is involved with another woman. Six years later mama dearest insists on moving back in with you bcs she is now divorcing her new husband. In the meantime you are supporting her, your father snd one sibling. But remember she carried you for 9 months. The list is much longer….
Thanks for the instructive words about enmeshment. Now I sit and wonder about a question: How is the fawn response related - or not - to enmeshment?
wow, boom, bam! thanxx!
I love you Kenny. Thank you so much for helping me.
Happy to help!
Question, how can a perfectly imperfect parent who is aware of the damage they have caused make amends for the damage they have caused their own children?
Make amends to their children by investing in becoming an expert in healing their own childhood pain and then have a discussion, inviting their children to share their hurts and pain with them.
@@kennyweissIs there any real hope of that happening with a parent who CANNOT/WIILL NOT accept that they weren't perfect, who when asked says she wouldn't change a thing in how she lived her life and continues the same Histrionic/Dependent/Narcissistic crybully behaviors, seeing any attempt to have a truthful discussion as "blaming" her rather than as an attempt to heal the pain of a broken connection? I'm open to ideas, not only for myself but for her and my 3 siblings, all suffering the effects of her unresolved trauma. I love my mom, at least I once did, but I don't like her, and would like to repair our relationship(s) before we have to bury her if I can. I'm the oldest and probably best understand the connections to all our entangled problems, but feel powerless facing her denial and hopeless to get answers that she will likely take to her grave. Any thoughts? Great video, I was right there with you "waiting to be picked", trying to connect with and impress my (now totally estranged) father, having nothing to list as a source of joy or even things I like or my own feelings, all of it. I'll be watching this one several more times, thanks so much for sharing your story, it helps so much to hear someone else give such exacting examples of my own experiences, I'm just sorry you or I or any of us have had them. Thanks for trying to help break the cycle, I hope to add my voice to that cause someday soon.
Want to learn more
Ok so when you say you take yourself out to eat and leave a large tip to invest in yourself, what comes to my mind is that isn’t that just being the opposite to being a cost? And that is also a sign of enmeshment?
I never analyzed it but yes, I also do feel like I am a cost but I don’t know how to overcome it.
Just putting video on
It right spot on thank you and God bless you Kenny
4:21 the disempowered me didn’t know that I could choose. Correct. I’m now recovering from this horrible enmeshment
29:18 for myself
I love your content alot, what i dont like is the exucess of the parents. I you again and again mention that perfect imperfection? 5ry to avoid being attacked by those which not see their prants as enery robbers.
11:28 That's me 😅
Trauma from one person to onther 😢
Knowing Toxic Cousin W.D& sibling "K"...2 narcissists who never looked within. Two Toxic !!
leggit wonder what'll happen when AI's and Humans become enmeshed.
❤❤❤
What an amazing video. So much healing. Fucking thank you.
My so. Is being crucified by an ex narc partner, smear campaign sharing intimate photos on social media sites all ove4 the world how are we supposed to cope with this I am scared for my son doing something stupid to himself
Ok so when you say you take yourself out to eat and leave a large tip to invest in yourself, what comes to my mind is that isn’t that just being the opposite to being a cost? And that is also a sign of enmeshment?
I never analyzed it but yes, I also do feel like I am a cost but I don’t know how to overcome it.