Raising A Child With Selective Mutism | MY CHILD WON'T TALK | Full Documentary | Origin
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- čas přidán 10. 01. 2019
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Introducing three families whose children suffer from the strange and isolating condition called selective mutism. They are children who can talk and inside the family home, do talk, often quite noisily. But, in public, they are seized with an anxiety about speaking which is so acute it renders them mute.
They are unable to speak in class at school, to friends, to grandparents. Untreated, the condition destroys any prospect of a normal social life. But treatment is long term and painstaking. The prospect of speaking in public makes these children’s heart race, makes them sweaty, breathless and paralyzed by anxiety.
We meet seven year old Red, whose granddad has never heard a single word from his only granddaughter. We meet Megan, cut off from the rest of her school class by her fear of speaking. And we meet Danielle, who, at 15, seems to be a recovered mute. Danielle’s story shows us the persistence and insidiousness of the condition as it starts to creep back and steal away her speech again.
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People thought I had selective mutism until I told them i don’t talk to them because I don’t like them
A genuine rowdy girl your profile pic is my reaction
Rijul D 😂😂😂
LOL😂!
ME THOUGH LMAO
LMFAO
"How can you have a relationship with a child that won't speak to you?"
*mute people* ... •-•
Oh you definitely can. My just turned 4 year old twins girls, with selective mutism, have a best friend who doesn't speak English, and neither does their mother. Some how we get on really well...it's amazing how much human communication is non verbal.
You're confusing "can't speak" with "won't speak". Yes, in a case like this it might be the same thing (a psychological condition is just as real as a physical one), but from the other person's point of view, it seems as though it's personal. You can speak and you speak to others, you just won't speak to me. It's not the same as being mute and it's not the same as someone who doesn't speak your language.
Ask that question to parents of severely autistic kids who have no speech and unbelievable violent behaviour , both towards others and self harming too, because we do have a beautiful relationship.
My daughter will b 3 in 2wks & has jst been diagnosed with having selective mutism,,She'll talk 4 England @ home with me,,she'll talk 2 my parents & my best friend,,but she won't talk 2 her dad (were not 2gether) her family on her dad's side,,my brother & his family & she won't talk @ playgroup either,,,but she has the biggest heart,,Is so funny & extremely beautiful inside & out,,but we're ready 2 put in lots of hard work 2 make her life alot easier..x
@@DougShanahanMusic exactly! It's frustrating for them because of this
I had selective mutusm when I was a kid. I didn't speak a whole school year. After I moved to a new school I started speaking with the students and not the teacher. The next year we moved again and I spoke fine with everyone. For me, the more someone was expecting something from me, the harder it was to speak. My mom never pressured me to speak around new people and didn't make it a big deal which i think was really helpful for me getting over it.
My son was the same way. We just supported him, and now he speaks most of the time unless he is pressured. He is doing great academically and in most social situations. I am very proud of his work!
@@shorne395 happy to hear that
Me too! I would only speak to my parents and my grandma. I didn’t say a single word in school, but I had friends. I was lucky my classmates liked playing with me even though I didn’t talk to them, they were so nice to me.
And you are so right, the more pressured I felt to talk the harder it was. After a year or so I started talking to some teachers and close friends and family members (I remember my friends being shocked when I first talk to them hahah). Now I’m 18 and I talk to everyone without a problem :)
I wish my parents hadn't pressured me. 🤕
i have selective mutism in certain situations e.g shops, school, park etc and i have to agree with this so much the more people expect it the harder it is to speak to them but my parents arent as good at dealing with it (specifically my mum) e.g my teacher was on the phone to her once and i realised and she was trying to speak to me while on the phone to him and i couldnt say a word so after she hung up i got shouted at and it really hurt because i cant control it
We need more people like Megan’s classmates. There so understanding and patient with her and they aren’t rude to her. I wish them all and the other 2 girls and there fam the best.
Megan's classmates are clearly happy that she is making progress, and they are considerate enough of her feelings not to make a big fuss.
They made me have faith in humanity ❤
Opposite for mw
“Selective mutism isn’t very common”
The comment section: “I know someone with selective mutism”
I have this problem
It was worse when I was a kid.
The diagnosis is rare. Something tells me that the people who are saying "I know someone with selective mutism" are mistaking shyness with an actual clinical disorder in the same way people mistake natural nervousness for an actual anxiety disorder or temporary sadness for depression lol
Bruh half of the comment section was like "OH YEAH I HAVE SELECT MUTISM BLAH BLAH, PEOPLE HEARD ME SPEAK, THEY DIED BLAH BLAH yeah" and if I were honest they are probably mistaking being shy to select mutism...
i have selective mutism lul
True. But I would say I feel like I have it in some sort of way, but it could just be me because I'm really shy. The other day I was at Subway and the lady who was serving us asked me what I wanted on my sandwich and I didn't talk to her at all. So my mum had to do it 🤣
Edit: also Another reason I don't talk to alot of people is because I have Anxiety :/
I have a friend with selective mutism and he’s replaced words with varying tones of “hmm” he legit sounds like a Minecraft villager
@@jamieingels1190 All of the cases in this documentary were genuine, that I can absolutely assure you of. Danielle (from the documentary)
Sunset Fern my sister used to burp... she could burp the alphabet. 😂
LMAAOOO, i'm sorry but the comparison with the Minecraft villager.... lol
I can just imagine a real life minecraft villager. LMAO
😂😂 Gotta meet this dood
I understand that it's not our of malice but rather a lack of understanding, but it still always frustrates me in these situations when the adult makes it about them. I know it's tough for them too, but guilt tripping the kid just makes things worse.
Oh f*** off.
For all you know, explaining his feelings played a contributory role in her eventually sending those messages.
There is no 'lack of understanding' concerned with expressing pain, caused by her, to your grand daughter.
Right!? That granddad was so frustrating
Oh stop it. They want the kid to talk because it's pretty highly correlated to success in life. It's not parents fault that society requires everyone to be able to talk and socialize, and otherwise develop normally. Outsiders will judge constantly. Why don't they teach their kids? Why don't they discipline this kid and make them talk? Society judges a parent and their parenting I their child doesn't behave normally. They see a kid in a bad moment, deem the parent a failure, pretend to know the whole picture. Like you're doing with your comment .
@@kenw2225 society is like that because we perpetuate it. non verbal people deserve to be part of society too
I’m glad we all agree
To hear your grandchild speak for the first time even in a recording has to be one of the greatest moments ngl made me tear up a little ❤️
Nah. Not even top 10
@@pervisgavin1730you must be fun at parties
@@ramen8925 Bold of you to assume they get invited to parties
@@GlazerX💀💀
@@GlazerXyo 🤣🤣💀
when Megan's little friend said "thumbs up thumbs down, in the middle" to help her communicate, she's a real one
I know it! Warmed my heart. Everyone deserves a friend like that. That loves you with no judgement. What a wonderful little girl. Both of them!
She's a keeper
my teachers did this for me at school and still do sometimes. (i have selective mutism)
Faith i’m really curious about somethings.. do you just not want to talk? cus ur nervous?? or like even if you tried, no sound would come out?? sorry if i come across rude, i’m very curious. x
@@meganw9380 Not the person you asked, but I think I can shed a little light on it. When I was younger, I had similar difficulties, but I don't believe they were anywhere near as bad what's shown in the documentary. I was a really shy kid and would only speak to friends and certain family - anyone unfamiliar I couldn't speak to.
Now that I'm older, I can do all those things, but one area that I struggle with is any kind of serious or emotional conversation. If I need to talk about anything that's upsetting me or anything like that, I'm completely unable to speak. There's only been a few times where anything can come out. It literally feels as though you can't talk, even though you're perfectly capable physically. There's been moments where I've tried to push at least one word out, and nothing will come out of my mouth - sometimes I can't even nod or shake my head. If I have anything serious to talk about, I mostly communicate completely through writing since it's the only way I'll get anything out. It's extremely anxiety inducing to talk, and I can imagine it feels much the same way for these kids, only on a bigger and more general scale.
no one:
not a soul:
literally no one:
these girls:
Damn it hahahahaha
The only good meme i've seen in that format, well done
@@catgoeskek thank you sir
Underrated comment
This should’ve got more likes but noobs won’t understand
When Megan spoke infront of the new teacher it honestly made me feel so happy because she just looks so happy to speak afterwards
That must be such a good feeling. This shadow of many years lifting bit by bit.
Yeah I have selective mutism and it made me so happy to see Megan speak out loud in front of her class
I have a friend who had selective mutism as a young child. She didn’t talk at all when she was young. Now she’s completely different. She talks to everyone, she makes TikTok’s, is super confident, has a boyfriend, etc. she’s also not afraid to stand up for herself. She’s 16.
I’m pretty sure constantly asking them “are you ready to talk”? Isn’t helping 🤷♀️
Very true. I used to have selective mutism and I always wanted to talk but it was like something wouldn't let me... I always felt bad when people just wanted to help me but I couldn't speak to them.
Definitely not. My mom has selective mutism. It's not as bad as it was as a child, but if she's told to speak, she can't.
Giving me "are you chocking" vine vibes
I've read somewhere that it is often for people with selective mutism to have a feeling of expectancy and this doesn't help
I agree!
When I clicked on this I thought it said “selective Muslim”... for some reason I stayed and watched the entire video anyways lol
Brendan Morin omg same
Brendan Morin same
samee
Jörgen rip omg you spelt your own name wrong ;-; pewds spells it Joergen
@Brendan Morin ya i know, but i own it
My best friend of a long time has selective mutism and one of my most happy memories is when she first became comfortable enough to speak to me. It probably took around 5-6 years for me to hear her speak, but man was I happy when I did. Not because of the fact that she spoke, we probably would’ve still been best friends even if she didn’t, but because it made me feel so special and really happy to know that she trusts me and is comfortable with me. What’s funny is that we became friends from a pretty young age, so most people are proud that I stayed friends with her as a kid, which no one else would. I was a very talkative kid, so I often carried conversations with her contributing at times with a white board. I was also very patient and I got along with almost everyone as a kid so it was pretty easy to be her friend to be fair.
Prop to you
Our friend had selective mutism. We had to beat him hard for a few months but finally we could cure him. The best memories was his first words to us "please stop beating me" before he passed out. Great chap.
@@mrrandom1265 im sorry what
im pretty sure i had this conditon to a pretty extreme extent but given the fact this is a reply to a pretty serious heartfelt story i do feel like you just have a dark sense of humor and it was pretty damn funny. The way you took what was said and flipped it and then said nice chap that was a pretty nice touch of humor. Kinda insensitive to the above person’s comment but hopefully they have a good sense of humor that was pretty damn hilariously composed
@@jloud716rapper5 lmao nice essay
My daughter who is 27 now, had SM as a young child. We went through tons of different kinds of counseling but to no avail. As a last resort we went to a child psychiatrist who started her on a low dose of Prozac. After a couple of months on this treatment, she began to speak, quietly at first but that was the breakthrough! It is the anxiety component that keeps these children from talking and once it is dealt with the child can feel safe to talk. I’m so grateful to say that my daughter successfully completed college with a teaching degree and is a kindergarten teacher! To see her now, I’m so grateful for her journey! There is hope! (I’d like to add that the Prozac treatment was temporary. She was only on it for a year.)
good story :)
When was she diagnosis ? When was the prozac used to treat her (at what age)?
@@SuomiMama she was 7 when she was diagnosed and started the Prozac then. As I stated she was only on it temporarily.
You also mentioned there was alot of therapy, was that between the ages of 5 and 7? What kind was it?
Here in Finland I am fighting to get my almost 6 year old diagnosed. The speech therapist had been involved for 2 years now. And they have given some practical tips to the daycare center. But in the Fall she will start Kindergarten (6.5 years old at that time)
A girl in my class has selective mutism. She invited me over for a playdate and she talked to me the whole time, shes really nice :)
lucieboi ._. Thank you for being such an open friend- I bet they felt amazing opening up to you! Keep up the good work 🥳
Aww
Wow, you are really lucky!
a playdate? i think you are too young to be on youtube..
@@cutiepiebb lol
"Especially not a documentary film crew"
*This* *just* *got* *real*
First doc I saw where they acknowledged the film crew has an effect on the subject
FrenchBread Lolita Charlotte
I never heard a film where they talk how they- yeah you know what I mean-
FrenchBread Lolita Charlotte
Just... oof
First time I've heard a narrator acknowledge their existence lmao
Damn...really put the crew under the bus for not being seamless enough XD
I've struggled with selective mutism for my whole life and it's really nice to see people being ok with it and not judging people for it :)
I didnt know this was what I had.
I knew someone who had it also...a few light slaps from the father cured it.
Then they didn't have it. The treatment here is to get over the anxiety not to increase it or punish them
So you have had it your whole life?
i get this. i’m autistic and when i get a bit too overstimulated i tend to go non-verbal, so not being able to speak even if you really, really want to makes sense to me. i get this.
Me too. But, I start to speak 🗣 when, I was almost 8 years old from my childhood.
@@nathancruz9172 so you didn't speak until you were 8? My nephew is 5 and hasn't spoken yet except a few rare moments. We don't if he ever will but will love him either way.
Same for me. I'm 23 and undiagnosed
@@rachelthompson7487 yes.
I was wondering if this is some sort of autism.
"Like every good parent we've tried bribery" 😂 can't get more real than that
Marion G Lmao 😆
what parent doesn’t resort to bribery?
all parents get exhausted, & fed up.
@@ZaneDalton if you ain't bribin you aint tryin
😂😂😂😂😂😂
Marion G and corruption
Imagine all the roasts these kids have thought of by now
Ava Taylor ahahahahhaaah 169 likes
This is the best comment so far
yes i have
Haha, that explains why I'm so sarcastic now! 😉😂
Everyone would be burnt
When I was a child in the 80s there was not even a name to this crippling disorder. Im so happy to see the advancement on recognizing and treating SM. The therapists are so spot on, so kind and with such patients.
There was. I was diagnosed in the late 70's with selective mutism.
i have selective mutism and the word “crippling” is the perfect word to describe it (sorry to bother i just felt the need to say it)
Consider yourself lucky but I wasn't in the 80s 90s even. It wasn't well known back then. I was sent to time out by teachers who called me "stubborn". After special ed classes, psych units in hospitals I lived in for month, a camp for behavioral children for the summer, I finally ended up in a residential treatment school for four grueling years. It was awful.@@rachelmartin2424
The name prior to selective mutism was elective mutism. So the name has changed.
@@HE4RTS4EM1LYIt's no bother at all :)
I had this until about 11 years old. I remember how rude all my teachers used to be, it was a traumatic experience that make me shy and anti social as a teen, resulting in an adult that has problem making friends
Bruh tell me about it. Moving away from home after high school was pretty freeing because I realized I could be whoever I wanted to be. I have a nephew going on 6 and a niece 3 that have never really spoken. They’ve like struggled to get any of the right sounds out so i guess it’s something else, but it seems like he’s stopped trying and is doing what I did. And it’s frustrating to see the adults do what they always do and talk about his problem in front of him like no one’s home. And badger him with questions and words instead of just being patient and treating him like a normal human. Kids do it too obviously.
I had this exact same problem when I started secondary I wasn’t able to speak freely anymore due to the trauma from past teachers. That first year they made me take ‘nurture’ classes to help me learn how to communicate. I still struggle with being able to talk to adults now that I am now an adult.
My mother's friend had a son who stopped talking at around 11 years old. When he was in his late 30s he was driving in the car with his parents and his mother said out loud, "When will you ever talk again?" He replied in perfect clarity, "When I'm damn good and ready." He's never spoke, that I'm aware of, since.
Haha i would do the same most probably
Ok now that is epic.
Dude...
Haha ur joking right?
Omg hahaha he's amazing
“10 year old Megan goes cheerleading ever Thursday...but she doesn’t ever cheer...”
Oh the irony! 🤫😭😂
Natalie Grother the fact that she don’t even mouth the words or nothin
"Doesn't ever cheer". So Megan is leading......
You don’t have to cheer for cheerleading
Maggie Dogos looks incredibly dumb when she just stood there saying nothing just doing the actions
@@gregshearer423 You look incredibly dumb calling a child with a disorder "dumb"
Megan was BRAVE to allow the two remote cameras! Sheesh girl! I hope these kids have been able to find their voices in this world, seeing as each of them have great facial expressions and personalities.
My great cousin is muted-autistic, and I found this documentary interesting
Thanks
I have ASD, and was almost selective mute as a kid (only now realizing all these things many years later). I had no idea SM was a thing outside of autism till watching this just now!
watching this for a second time … megan is the sweetest little girl i’m so proud of her for her speech therapy and speaking in front of her new teacher !!
I was super moved by that part too!
To have selective mutism, talking to someone you're mute with is like being asked to scream in a silent auditorium full of people
Yes! The anxiety thinking of it makes me cry and my heart pound.
So accurate
Beautifully said.
Or like climbing a cliff when your afraid of heights. Terribly uncomfortable and frightful!
fr like we don’t want the attention of finally speaking to them like i don’t talk to my grandparents
In primary school one of my best friends was a select mute. I remember my teacher yelling at her every day, trying to force her to talk... it doesn’t help...
That was exactly my experience as a child. I remember laughing at a fellow student's joke and having a substitute teacher yell at me because I refused to speak later in class. It was horrible.
That teacher was *really* messed up.
@Chito Dʀɛaʍs Yes it is, but not uncommon unfortunately. I experienced the same thing throughout my school life with Selective Mutism. That's why raising awareness of the condition is so important! Danielle (from the documentary)
@Chito Dʀɛaʍs Exactly! Awareness and education of these conditions is an absolute must!
Some teachers are absolute pieces of shit. I wonder why they bother with it, they'd be better off being floor sweepers instead of fucking up young kids' minds.
Unfortunately some ultra-authoritarian types become schoolteachers. I guess they weren't bright enough to be accepted into their local police force, so school it is. Mighty shame for their students.
The COURAGE it must have taken for Danielle to switch schools and speak !!!! I’m in awe
Shes right she’s not ordinary, she’s extraordinary
Thank you for your kind words! Danielle (from the documentary) :)
I was selectively mute as a child, from when I started to talk until maybe 10 years of age (where I forced myself to talk). I was just deadpan. I could talk to my mum/sister brother but not my dad or extended family and 100% not teachers, strangers or other children. Turns out I am autistic, diagnosed at 38. I went mute again in labour with my first daughter and was absolutely dying inside, I needed help, but because I was mute with a deadpan face they thought I was fine and left me alone. The trauma still haunts me to this day.
“how can you have a relationship with a child who won’t speak to you?”
non verbal autistic people, people with severe _severe_ anxiety, deaf people: 👁👄👁
Deaf communicate to hearing via sign language, some speak as well. The word communication is the key here
I have non verbal autism but I can’t speak they can
Heather Martin I use asl which is autism sign language
nyx eblis same
Some deaf people can speak verbally...
My parents are deaf and were forced to speak in the 70s
These kids would be the best spys if they got caught they would never give any information away.
This comment is underrated 🤣🤣🤣
@Kanashi I'm up for that. No school!
@@haleyren2804 ....
Creepy Potato you’re probably like 6
@@charlotte5963 ??
I have autism & selective mutism so I was bullied so badly for it at school. My bullies have stripped me naked, stolen my belongings, beat me up, pushed me down the stairs, thrown my food & even the teachers have laughed & joked. Such a lonely place & I wish this upon no one... So nice to see the girl doing good🥺❤️
Oh my God, I'm so sorry you had to go through that, I'm also on the spectrum and I was mostly nonverbal until age 6. I hope ur doing well now♥
@@YeahitsMeSylvia I am ok I have some kind of trauma but I am doing well in college & I have friends who are also autistic❤️
im so sorry you had to go through that
So sorry to hear that you experienced so much unkindness. There are decent sorts out there too, and I'm hoping that you meet more and more good people in your future. You don't deserve to be bullied, no matter what. My own child has been affected by SM for much of her life and is on the spectrum as well. It infuriates me when I hear of kids being so unkind to others. (And especially knowing some teachers behave the same way, that is really horrible.) Best wishes to you!
I probably didn't have that condition as such but after my sister died when i was 6 and having been constantly ignored or shouted at when she was ill I stopped speaking to my parents.
Grandpa John’s constant talking and questions hurt my soul. I can’t imagine how painful it is for Red to feel blamed for his upset. I’m mute at times, and it feels horrible to be told you’re hurting someone’s feelings by not talking and you can’t do anything about it.
He really needs to turn down on the questions. He is not helping with the constant questions.
He adjusted after meeting with Red’s support team and followed their suggestions in the end.
It's painful for him too. Even more. Why she wasn't on therapy is a question.
@@naturazpolski9213 Sometimes it's not easy to get on these programs, and it can take years for certain things to get seen by specialist. IDK about SM specifically, but for ASD here it's like 3-4 year wait minimum in certain areas due to there being a tiny support team!
It made me sad too, I'm someone who feels guilty really easily if I feel like I've upset someone and being in that situation would make me feel so trapped.
Luckily I haven't had people guilt me like that yet, but I have had my younger brother try to force me to talk and even that is so uncomfortable and makes me so anxious.
“I have 152 hair bobbles” odd flex but ok
Stella W nawww haha what else is a 8 year old supposed to “say” about herself? She probably collects them
Stella W tbf it’s quite impressive I lose all mine
Hahaha I did too
Pretty. Odd.
😂😂😂
Imagine if one of these kids was an amazing singer and no one would ever know
A girl in my dance class has selective mutism singing for her is no problem
I've had selective mutism until I was 15. I'm nearly 20 now and I post singing videos on my CZcams channel :)
@Jasmine ジャズミン that's so good to hear. Just remember that it will get easier the more you talk :) xx
justme _ angie lol 😂 I read a deep conversation and then, “I don’t want to brag...”
Phoebe Hartford I deleted it because it felt kinda...rude ;-;
I had selective mutism as a child. No one knew what it was and everyone accepted it. Unfortunately I've now grown up with crippling anxiety. Wish there was more awareness in the 90s
I had selective mutism in elementary school in the 60s. I didnt know there was a name for it. I'm so glad no one pushed me to speak. I think that would have made me angry. I outgrew it on my own in high school.
Its an anxiety disorder, pressuring them will make it worse
More trauma
But doing nothing isn’t helpful, it’s good to recognise the problem
I've had selective mutism since I was 4 and I used to get told of for shrugging my shoulders and moving my tongue in my mouth and in year 1 my mum was new to it and she made me talk to my teacher and make the teacher walk in while I was talking I cried :)
My mum helped me do interventions up to year 6 then now I speak in high school I hated it when people asked me questions
yeah, I have it.. I don't really talk to anyone except my dad or at school. I want to though but it's hard
Megan’s face when she speaks and realises everything is fine, it’s the loveliest thing!
Right
So proud of her
She’s adorable
He voice is also beautiful
I just wanna give her the biggest hug. You can tell how proud of herself she becomes after she speaks and she has a beautiful voice
SPOILERS
Megan's smile when she's able to respond with the other kids!! 😭🥰
Every time Megan speaks, I tear up. I can tell how hard she wanna over come her condition! hope she is doing well today!
She has a twitter account and going by the party girl nature of some of the posts it is safe to say she is very over it.
@@bird6691 Whats the account?
26:50 OMG when her friend helps break the awkwardness by reminding Megan she can respond with thumbs up or down, and she thumbs up with a giant smile... My heart 🥺
Agreed
My favourite part! I came to the comments to see if anyone noticed, it was just SO wholesome😩💗
I noticed that too. The best friend began to get fidgety as if she actually felt the stress her friend was feeling and then reminded her thumbs up, thumbs down or in the middle and you could see the other little girl respond like oh ya ok I forgot for a second how to respond and then smiled and gave a thumbs up. It was cute and she has a great friend there to give her support.
@@kirstenornelas881 44:35 - you can see her friend got shy for a second there :D
I wonder what they are like now, they would be the exact same age as me, around 22, as the video was recorded 12years ago.
On the other hand, you can turn this into superpowers, since you're in these situations a lot, you can actually be even more confident than normal. That's how it is for me at least, although I still got a lot to work on, and still haven't talked to a girl, but yeah... long story.
They seem nice, wonder if they are, or have the same character now.
I had selective mutism when I was little. I had forgotten just how frustrating it was until I was home on maternity leave as an adult. Being home with my daughter I talked less and then I just talked to my husband. When my husband noticed I wasn't answering the phone or talking to our daughter, he started asking questions. I found getting back into singing helped. Not nearly as difficult to pull myself out of as an adult but it was surprising to find it back.
As a kid, when people talked to me, I would elbow my sister and she would answer for me. When I started school, I would elbow my best friend and she would talk for me. I liked people who talked a lot. I might not answer them, but I liked them.
My cousin has selective mutism. I’d never heard her speak until we were about 12. We were in the garage getting food out of the deep freezer when she pointed at my dads bike and said “Motorcycle.” I’ve never heard her say another word since. That was 10 years ago.
do u think you can make yourself scared to speak?
Moondog
Does your uncle seem disinterested in learning about your cousin on an individual level? Seems to have very little curiosity about her likes and dislikes? Is your uncle emotionally unavailable? Does he emotionally neglect your cousin? People with selective mutism have social anxiety disorder/avoidant personality disorder. Those are disorders where the sufferer are very shy. This shyness/low self-esteem is known by psychologists to be caused by childhood emotional neglect, which is a type of childhood trauma, according to Dr. Melanie Joy in her book "Strategic Action for Animals". Dr. Jonice Webb has written a book for adults who suffered from parents who neglected their emotional needs as kids titled "Running On Empty", because childhood trauma can leave adults feeling empty inside (a contant sense of longing). She says that you can still end up with childhood trauma if your dad only interacted with you as if you were a generic child. You know how supermarket cashiers say the exact same thing to every customer?: "How is your day today?" , "Did you find everything you were looking for?" "Have a nice day". The parent doesn't know the kid's favorite foods, disliked foods, favorite number, favorite color, favorite book, what grades the kid is getting in school, etc. A non-neglectful parent would ask you questions that could not be asked to any child: if you are a fan of ballet, he might ask you, "Which ballet slipper color is your favorite to wear?", "What do you think of The Nutcracker music for performances?". According to Dr. Kirk Honda's video on Mary Trump's book on Donald Trump, if you are an adult that was emotionally neglected as a child, you should get your parent who neglected you to start giving to what he should have given you as a child now as an adult. If the parent refuses, then the next best thing would be to have the therapist act as if they are the sufferer's father and act in a nurturing way towards the sufferer. Thais Gibson has videos about this too, which she calls "re-parenting". The book "The Flight From Intimacy" by therapists Barry Weinhold and Janae Weinhold have suggestions like having an adult feed an adult a baby bottle while holding them. I have no idea if that would be effective or not. The book "The Emotionally Unavailable Man" is also about men who weren't nurtured as kids, weren't given affection as kids, and so now they have a fear of intimacy. They avoid intimacy by not talking. I also heard that most speech impediments are not caused by a physical problem, but by some sort of emotional trauma, so a person with a speech impediment would be better off seeing a psychodynamic or trauma-informed therapist rather than a speech-language pathologist. Maybe EMDR or Ericksonian hypnotherapy or re-parenting would tap into the unconscious mind where trauma is held; I don't know. I have talked to some very shy people, and they all had fathers who were uninvolved in learning about their children. This is true for the CZcamsr BulletProofMonkeon; he said that when he was a kid, his dad took him to a pub and made him sit at a different table with a bag of potato chips while he chatted the entire time with his friends, not including his son in the conversation. So I think his social anxiety comes from feeling rejected by his dad. The psychodynamic school of Sigmund Freud would say that the kid thinks to himself, "if even my dad doesn't care to know me, how can I expect strangers to be interested in my opinion? They won't." So just as the kid has learned not to approach their father for nurturance, they learn not to approach strangers for nurturance.
@@moondog7694 please don’t analyse an entire family dynamic from a 2 sentence comment, no matter if you’re correct or not it’s intrusive and not your place to comment
groundbreaking
no one asked
In my 31 year teaching career, I had 3 kindergarten students who were selectively mute. All 3 had very different personalities, were extremely bright, constant participants and active members of class.
I taught for 15. K-1 Never saw this. How unique you got too help them.
Selective mutism never 100% goes away, at least not for me. It may look like it on the outside but not on the inside. Does anyone else experience this?
When I meet a new person without a family member or friend with me, I sometimes find it incredibly difficult to get the words out physically. If they ask me a question, I may stay silent but I don't usually go through a whole conversation silently.
I had selective mutism until about age 6 when I got therapy in school. I only started talking semi-normally (it will never be normal, I'm autistic too) when I started high school at age 11.
Yes! I knew as a child I was different, everyone just thought I was “shy”, but I never uttered a word. About age 10 I really wanted friends (never had them before) and I changed schools so I forced myself to speak and although I still struggle to this day I can force myself to talk, using scripts I’ve memorised over the years. But in extreme circumstances (e.g. extreme pain) I will go back to completely mute. You wouldn’t even know I’m in pain.
I love how the kids in Megan’s class are so understanding and they don’t bully her. That’s amazing.
Anastasia Kol you don’t know, they it might just be for the camera. So many thing happen behind the scene
Anastasia Kol not yet anyway, usually happens a few years later
I got bullied for not being able to do sports very well but that's due to my dyspraxia and the doctors saidI wasn't going to walk and I was going to be mute so she's very lucky
Lulu Bell honestly when I had it all the kids would either answer for me after a while like if it was my name or something or be so lovely and caring about it they’d sometimes say ‘ she’s really shy Miss’ lol
Of course they wouldn't bully her when there is a camera
My uncle had this when he was a kid. When he finally talked, the first thing he said was "I just didn't have anything to say"
Yes my dad had it until he was 5 and suddenly he started talking like a pro
What a legend
whenever people ask why i was selectively mute in elementary school that's literally my response haha
Lol
crystal THATS NOT SELECTIVE MUTISM THEN!!
Such kindness in this story - Red’s grandfather, Mr. Lockerbie the teacher, the mothers
Huge amount of respect for the parents of these girls and, of course, the girls themselves. Must take huge amounts of resilience to work with this and overcome it
why is everyone in this documentary acting like these children are just choosing not to speak? selective mutism is often treated as a behavioural issue or a speech issue when in fact it's closer to anxiety and fear. the children are not at fault and shouldn't be called not normal.
It's like the fact there trying to bribe them to talk...I mean don't they think if they could they would ?
They are and as someone who suffers with it: thanks for making a documentary but this actually makes people think we're jerks and not trying.
I did something kind of similar to these kids, and I know exactly how they feel. They will 100% get out of it but it will take some time.
exactly! i had selective mutism as a child, and i didn't choose it. I was heavily bullied and it was really traumatic for me, if it was a choice i would have talked lmao.
It’s an anxiety disorder which is unwittingly reinforced by family members & teachers every day. Step one: Stop using the white board or giving the child alternate ways to communicate. Step two: stop communicating for them & accommodating their wishes when they point, nod or otherwise try to get what they want without talking. This is not unkind. Imagine how hard it is being the only kid not talking at school. It requires a total, combined effort by the adults & some siblings. Eliminate “speaking aides”, a person assigned to help the child get by not talking at school with a “jotter” & constant interpretation of what the child feels, thinks or wants. Not accommodating the selective mutism works & the child feels esteemed when they do speak, this is what reduces the anxiety. Do not accommodate their rules. The phrase “face your fears” is true in every sense here. Notice how much the adults talk when the child does not. Removing these accommodations helps in months. Eleven years of feeling “special” but, not in a good way as Danielle reports the mutism did to her is too many years lost. Often or even always, the behavior of the adults around the child is neglected when it’s exactly that which keeps it going. Blame is not at issue here; it’s an unintentional dynamic.
You can see Megan’s little inner voice shouting “YOU DID IT!!” ♥️😭
Which part?
Fahanie 45:54 is a good example her huge grin is adorable
Awwwwe
@Julie Sprik God help you with all my heart.❤
1000th like
When Megan said "here," I totally did not cry.
I only learned today that it actually has a name and it's not only in my head. Crying my eyes out.
i love u
When I was in elementary school I befriended a girl who never spoke, and in school she would barely talk to me or just talk very quietly. We spent most of the our recesses swinging for the entire time in silence. The one time I went to her house she was like an entirely different person. Loud, energetic, showing me her room and her drawings and such. I wish I stayed friends with her to see how she grew up.
kimmquake I had selective mutism, and I had one friend in 6th grade- it’s funny because we didn’t have much in common but she was so welcoming. I think it may have spurred in the intrigue of me not speaking at first but we then hanged out enough times that we would have many sleepovers. It’s sorta sad how our friendship ended, since it only ended due to my sister having a fight with her and my parents being involved with her parents...But I can tell you, a friend means so much to that person with selective mutism, we may not want to speak but we do get lonely
Sounds exactly like me in primary school. Shy and quiet when outside, and wacky at home
that's awesome. i had selective mutism in elementary school, yet some girl decided to befriend me anyway even though all i would do was smile to her. i had been struggling to find friends, so when i finally met someone who was actually willing to be patient with me instead of bombarding me with questions about why i was so silent, i actually opened up and began talking to her after some years. she didn't act surprised and she treated me like a normal person afterwards which was the best feeling i'd ever had. so, thank you for being patient with your friend. i'm sure it meant the world to her that someone thought she was worth it.
I knew a girl two years younger than me who had something similar. She didn't talk for a long time since she first started school, (I went to a sort of private school with only 15 kids), she wouldn't talk even to teachers. But guess what, no one forced her to speak. She eventually started speaking, but really quietly. I was one of the only people who she would confidently speak to since I was the oldest girl in the school (literally), and for some reason every single child/young girl likes me. She did overcome it and started speaking loudly though. That was 5 years ago. She is now in 6th grade.
Could it be social anxiety? I have it and I rarely if ever talk out in public...I'm 61 years old.
Red's Grandad: "It's hard to put into words"
Red: "Tell me about it"
Lol-
@Dope Cat You need to stop these comments, they're abusive and insulting. Danielle (from the documentary)
@Dope Cat I'm fine thank you, but please stop these comments.
@Dope Cat You're an absolute creep. What a try hard with that Joker pfp haha.
@Dope Cat You realize the reason people have selective mutism is because of abuse, right?
I think I will gripe less about how much my kids talk. It’s a blessing. I am so happy for these three girls who are making such progress!
This.. so true.. w my youngest son i would always tell him he talked to much.. he's 15 now(still talks all the time) but now I have a 2 year old.. who is yet to talk. Embrace every single word they say... my perspective has definitely changed. I'd give anything to hear my baby girl say anything to me. ❤💫
I have ADHD and growing up I didn't even know selective mutism was a thing, thanks therapists! I was so embarrassed and hated myself for not being able to talk. kids at school would say hello or ask me a question, or the teacher would ask me to speak and nothing would come out, my mind would go blank or if I had something in my head to say, I could NOT physically get the words out, it was as if my throat just closed up and I'd go into this trance. It still happens on occasion when I'm alone with someone and I feel like I don't know what to say, I just freeze like a scared mouse. It really sucks, these poor little angels, but at least they know what is up with them and have support and help. I have severe social anxiety today. It caused me to drop out of school and college and I suffer through interviews, sometimes going completely mute which obviously means no job. They need the help now before it becomes a part of who they are forever and they can't overcome it.
Can relate, I knew SM was a thing, but I thought it was exclusive to ASD, I only now learn it's not! I genuinely teared up watching this, It made all the feelings come rushing back and I felt so bad for the girls, but when they would smile after talking it was all calm, must of felt so good. I have ASD and ADHD and my SM got brushed off as just being shy, as it was only really strangers and people I didn't see often. So like at home, or at school (for the most part) I didn't have TOO much trouble talking, at least not once I'd settled in. If someone was genuinely friendly and outgoing I had very little trouble talking usually, but I did if I met someone I was a bit scared of (especially older people when I was really young), or even someone like me, or even just someone shy, even though we probably got along better, it was just harder as the awkward silences were more noticeable and became compounded, and then you get past that no point of return when it's just too awkward to talk now nothing's been said for so long and you can't words any more. >.<
I didn't even know I had ASD till like 2-3 years ago btw! O.o
I used to have selective mutism, I had it since I was heartbroken when my best friend died when I was 5 and since my body didn’t feel as though it was worth it to talk. It was almost as if my body was neglecting itself because it didn’t want to waste energy. Some days I wasn’t able to talk to myself, which is soul crushing. It felt so weird and I can’t describe it. Last year I got a therapist and finally got over with it. I’m still shy and I had to bring a lot of confidence to write this but I just wanted to share my story. Thank you if anyone sees this and I’m sorry if I didn’t make since, it’s just hard to talk about and I hope that people can understand that.
Edit thanks so much for all the nice replies they have made me feel much more confident telling my story
Well done for sharing :)
Thank you for sharing.
Don’t worry it made sense! It’s nice to hear someone whose had the condition speak up.
That’s is so sad but you should be proud of overcoming it
Its really brave of you=) keep going on I have a clue where youre coming from amd its nice to see someone be so brave.
When Megan answered with “yellow” that made me tear up immediately
Ikr it was so cuttte
when she said my name is meghan to the new teacher 🥺
It was heart-warming
I worked in a daycare where there was a child with selective mutism and when you hear their voice it is very emotional!
My heart goes out to these kids. As a person with diagnosed social anxiety disorder, I have dealt with selective mutism before, to the point even saying a couple sentences in an entire day at school felt like I had to climb mount everest. Thankfully I never had it as bad as these kids in the documentary, but it still made my time in middle school hellish due to the incessant bullying I endured. I encountered problems with it a few times after that, usually when I was pushed into new situations like starting in a new school or being expected to relax and socialize with people I don't know well. Thankfully therapy and SSRIs have helped turn my life around.
What are SSRIs?
@@catinthehat4989 medication for anxiety.
Watched this 2 years ago and glad to say I came across a tweet from Megan and she said she’s overcome her selective mutism!
whats her tweet? 😄
really?
Oh yay thx for the update on her. And Danielle is here in the comment section. She’s a lovely soul.
Reds grandad is going to keep that message for ever.
Crogg88 your profile picture I Stan
Crogg88 best profile picture 😂
He's trying sooooo hard!! :(
I imagined him listening to the talking book at 2 am crying with happiness. ❤️
When he skipped down the garden afterwards 😭😭😭
There was a girl in our friend group that never spoke but we liked her anyway. She was a very sweet girl and she'd come to sleepovers and such but she just wouldn't talk. It seemed strange when you first met her but once you got to know her, it was just her and even though she wouldn't reply she liked to listen you and she'd smile and nod. I think I've maybe heard her speak 3 times in 5 years. Looking back she definately had selective mutism.
wow that's really sweet and accepting of you guys. you all deserve a cookie
I wish my friends were like that but a lot of them cut me off because “I was weird”
@@winonadaphne6445 lol cookie😂
Isabella Adams this is soooo sweet
so good
I was painfulyl shy as a kid, hiding under the table at restaurants, crying if my parents friends talked to me... Id talk to family but very few words! And always TERRIFIED
I have social anxiety... I cant sleep over with friends because i get panic atacks and hide in the toilet and going to trowing up 😭😭😭💀💀
Enyone else in my situation? 😭❤️
I cried when Megan said "my name is Megan" 😭 such a huge step to speak in front of a brand new teacher!
Oh, I just cried again when she said her name to the film crew!! 😭
And did you see how proud she was of herself!?!😭
Yeah when she talked to the film crew in the end was adorable!☺️
And the smile! It's contagious. :D
She's so precious little doll, I hope the best future for her
can u drop the time stamp
I had this condition until I was 14. For me, it was a phobia of being judged for anything I said. When I was really young, I said something, and a bunch of kids laughed at me and that triggered it.
msdarkstar1012 I had that too. I could actually be very chatty around kids I knew accepted me and wouldn’t judge me. Including family. But with strangers, I’d find it intimidating and scary to even let out a peep for the fear of being judged or mocked. I eventually grew out of it though and people now people just want me to shut up mostly. 😂
Understood. Some people I would only write letters to. Never had a name for it. I mean, I would say hi and stuff but was afraid of being judged for important things so I would only say them in writing. Still some things I will only voice by text because I'm too afraid to say them, especially to certain friends& mentors. Its not selective mutism, but there's still an aspect of anxiety there when I will write certain things instead of say them to certain people or have to take the time to brave up first.
were you bullied because of an accent. Im just curious
Abby the Dancer they didn’t laugh at the way I talked, they laughed about what I said. I don’t remember what I said, but I definitely remember the reaction.
I got my diagnose when I was 3 or 4... I am 22 now and still suffer from mutism.. :/
I had this too. It’s not like they choose people to not talk to. It’s an extreme sense of anxiety and fear to speak to or in front of certain people
I almost cried when Megan spoke. Oh sweet girl, you are beautiful and have a lovely voice. Beautiful ❤
The childreen in Megan's class are so mature and understanding about her phobia, is so amazing to see kids so educated. And it's kinda rare this days.
Fr
Yeah
yeah, I'd be so worried. my class (like the people in my grade) is pretty nice, but I know other grades are a lot worse.
I agree, they are so nice. Also amazing profile picture 💜
For sure!! And it seemed like it helped her confidence so much. I was so proud to hear her talk at the end
Also hello ami I hope you're having a wonderful day!!
I worked with a young woman who had selective mutism as a child due to severe sexual abuse. She told me she stopped speaking because no-one could hear her scream anyway... It was heart-breaking.
Terrible....
that’s heartbreaking i’m so sorry, if you still know her please give her so so much love
If you ever see her, tell her I am rooting for her
💔
Even I think it is the reason...
I had a friend who I’ve been best mates with for 5 years and she had selective mutism, we literally clicked and I made her confidence grow and knowing that I helped her, I felt so proud. She is more confident than years back and she even told me ❤😭
I had selective mutism from 8-16. I think there was a few things that triggered it. When I was 7, my mother convinced me that my dentist put speakers in my teeth and informed me that she didn't like what she was hearing from me while I was in school. I'd be punished periodically for it with no idea what I was saying wrong. When I started 3rd grade, a close adult friend passed away and my parents seemed almost jealous and it triggered something in them. She had given me a music box to remember her by, although my mother convinced me that she was just giving back a gift my mom bought her from Hallmark. (I tried to find the music box online for years and eventually found it, learning that it was a vintage item from the 1940s.). They stopped allowing me to have my best friend over, I became depressed, and lost the few friends that I had. I just didn't feel like speaking - but as the weeks passed and I got to be known as the "girl who didn't talk" I got to the point where I couldn't, even though I wanted to. In some ways it somewhat persisted - I feel paralyzed when I need to do "dances" in public (like as a school volunteer) or when I need to advocate for myself.
Your story is mine as well. Thank you.
This is awful. I don't mean to be rude, but your mom sounds like she has her own mental issues. Parents have no idea what they do to a person by telling them such lies in childhood.
I hope you find healing. {{{hugs}}}
Red’s granddad is so patient and wonderful with her. You can really feel his pain when he’s talking about how it feels that she can’t talk to him. The smile when he hears the book and he hears her voicemail is beautiful! You can feel his emotion when he says, “4 words!”
I dont understand how the parents let it go on for years. They should have been taking steps when it first appeared.
@@tubester4567 All of our parents got us help from a very young age. Selective Mutism is such a rare condition, there are very few experts in it, and as such very few widely known treatment techniques that can be used to help the sufferer. Danielle (from the documentary)
@@daniellef3023 Fair enough. Hope you're doing well.
@@tubester4567 Thank you :)
I knew a girl in primary school who never talked, just nodded and shook her head. I only figured out she could speak after she laughed.
We never pushed her to speak, she would accompany us and play, we all liked her. I moved schools eventually but ended up seeing her again in high school.
She was still quiet but spoke to me for the first time. I was pretty excited to say the least.
That’s amazing 🥲
It's so good to see someone who didn't push a child to speak when they are not ready.
If she remembered you, she probably spoke to you because she liked you too and thought it was very nice of you to play with her even when she was quiet :)))
I think you and your friends we're probably one of the best things that happened to that girl. Sometimes all children need are friends who can help to overcome or cope with their fears and differences
I’m my school we had to write a small like life story of someone on the first day the girl I wrote about didn’t say a word so eventually after telling them my life story i just made up one for them it was about them being a world class spy and they had multiple names used throughout but i just called them Benjamin I think they liked it cuz they smiled a lot when I read it to them XD
Wow, that girl could be me, and I didn't realize how strange I was for all people around me haha. Only my family knew my voice, and neighbours I had to interact with. The first time I decided to speak at school everyone was amazed. I just didn't speak cause I didn't want to, and maybe some fear but definitely It was due to being confortable with nonody talking to me, cause I didn't want to talk to them. I hated people trying to make me speak, rarely I felt anxiety but anger when they used to force me. My classmates never tried, they were always respectful, but a pair of teachers were a headache for me.
I still feel so bad for the times in HS when I made a big deal out of a shy girl not speaking then when she finally did I made a big deal of it again thinking that I was helping boost her up when I was probably just making her anxiety so much worse omg. I just cringe when I think of it.
This is a thing that comes from extreme anxiety and sometimes other disorders such as autism. A lot of times no matter how much they want to speak, they can't. They are physically unable to get a word out
I totally understand what these girls are going through. I don't have selective mutism, but I have other social anxieties that effect my everyday life. I won't go into detail, but just know that I physically cannot do certain things. Not doing these things is not a deliberate choice; It's a reaction.
When my son was a child he was diagnosed with this condition (he has since grown out of it), but a teacher taught him enough sign language to go to the bathroom and get water. She also approached me one day and handed me a blank cassette and recording device so that I could talk to him at home and bring it back to him so she could get an idea of how he might be able to communicate - she was amazing.
Wow. Really amazing. To take the time to do all that.... wow.
I honestly wondered why more parents/educators didn't learn at least basic signs.
My kid was diagnosed at 3 yrs old. But started talking at 5 yrs old. Her kindergarten teacher was amazing and made her feel safe enough to talk.
Oh my goodness what an angel
My brother Had the same problem. But it hasn't resolved completely, he's 15 now and I'm very worried because we live in a small town in pakistan and we don't have helpful teachers or any child psychiatrists.
Can anybody tell me what to do to help him??
A kid in my class has selective mutism, it's sad that I even know. My teacher instantly told everyone in the class when the parents had apparently explained it in a meeting, it's really upsetting that a teacher can't accept boundaries. (The kid) He get's bullied sometimes when he can't answer a question when the teacher calls on him. Something that made me genuinely angry was when a few days ago, my teacher called on him to answer a question. He shook his head and I'm assuming it was to show he wouldn't answer. My teacher got mad at this and didn't call on a different student like he usually did, he told the whole class that if he didn't answer we would all get extra work and we would have to sit in our seats until he had given the right answer. Like, what the actual hell? We sat there for the whole class and we were dismissed with two more pages of homework. Actually disgusting how people can hire teachers who act that way. I've always hated his class and honestly have been thinking of switching. I feel bad for my classmate though.
Please please report this to your school, you may be a child in education but you have a voice and this treatment is not okay! Poor kid I can imagine that’ll set him back so much and would have made it so much worse :(
Disgusting. That's the exact opposite of what you should do.
I’m speechless. Why do schools hire people like this, that poor student probably feels like the whole class hates him.
Um I hope you reported that wth?? That’s terrible.
WHAT THE ACTUAL HELL?! That's disgusting! Please report her!
Had a student in my class last year with selective mutism. Lockdowns were one of the best things for this as I had one on one video conferences with her and in the safety of her home, with her mum next to her, she actually started talking to me, reading books etc. She also would communicate with one of her friends at school and a way to work around assessing these students is to let them use iPads to record themselves, kind of like the book the girl created for her grandad. I actually found out my student was nearly 8 levels higher in reading, but nobody had been able to properly assess her reading ability previously. I would then sit with her and watch the video, commenting on all the positive things she did, this encouraged her to say a few words here and there. I avoided anything negative or that would cause anxiety and patience was hugely important. She actually made Science and Inquiry presentations in video format that I could then show the whole class, they were all so shocked because some of them have known her for 4 years and never heard her talk. It's frustrating that the mum of my student does not acknowledge she needs any external support though, as this will continue into secondary school and every year is like starting all over again. Probably helped that I can speak her native language, Mandarin also.
My son’s teacher had his friend record him on iPad too, last year. It was amazing. Great idea. You seem like a lovely teacher.
Need more teachers like you!
I had selective mutism going up and never spoke to anyone other than my parents until the age of 11 or so, and i just wanted to let anyone out there know that there is a life outside of therapy and communicating through notes written on pieces of paper. There’s a light at the end of this dark and seemingly impossible tunnel. When you get to the end of this tunnel it’s absolutely beautiful and you will be SO proud of yourself.
I loved how Megan’s friend helped her by prompting “thumbs up, thumbs down, in the middle.”
I love that she didn’t push her to hard that it made her uncomfortable, although I feel someone should personally ask her the same question so she is prepared for it
So cute
Just because people can't speak, doesn't mean they can't communicate.
True
I've just started watching. This says that they CAN speak. They just choose not to.
chihuahua bently ~ BEST comment I’ve read on this feed! Bravo! 👍👏🏼👏🏼👏🏼👍
+Yesica1993 I mean... not really. My friend doesn't CHOOSE not to speak. It's more like he isn't able to with most people. It's not as simple as just choosing not to talk.
+Kymberly P Awwww! Thank you!
All these young ladies made my heart leap for joy at their progress! Very inspiring group!
I was this way as a child and grew out of it somehow. Now, people may sometimes wish i would STOP talking
Reds grandad is the sweetest most patient man, the way he loves his grand daughter unconditionally and gets so excited to be with her 🥰🥰🥰
So cute littel girl
I disagree. Although it’s clear he loves her greatly, he was very immature at times, taking it personally and pressuring her so much.
99
Can we talk about the literal pep she put in his step. When they got the phones and were first walking to the back of the yard, he was walking like an old grandpa. After he got the message, he was literally skipping. I loved that
But he's starting to get tired.
My niece had this. My sister and I look exactly alike, although we are not twins, we are mistaken for it. My niece thought I was her mom and just walked into the room blurting out something and then stopped when she realized who I was. I didn’t react and just said your mom’s in the other room. She looked shocked and ran out, and then came back in with her mom. She was silent again and I just looked at her mom and said deadpan, “yes she spoke, and she did not explode.” My niece thought that was hilarious and began laughing quietly, and I added, “oh please be quiet, unless your going to fart fireworks.” She doubled over with very audible laughter and said, “stop it! You’re going to make me pee!” So from there she felt more and more comfortable being around me, and gradually began to talk more. Now she’s a regular chatter box in her twenties but still “shy” in public.
Do you have a caregiver/guardian/parent, usually your father, who seems disinterested in you? Seems to have very little curiosity about your likes and dislikes? Is he emotionally unavailable? Does he emotionally neglect you? People with selective mutism have social anxiety disorder/avoidant personality disorder. Those are disorders where the sufferer are very shy. This shyness/low self-esteem is known by psychologists to be caused by childhood emotional neglect, which is a type of childhood trauma, according to Dr. Melanie Joy in her book "Strategic Action for Animals". Dr. Jonice Webb has written a book for adults who suffered from parents who neglected their emotional needs as kids titled "Running On Empty", because childhood trauma can leave adults feeling empty inside (a contant sense of longing). She says that you can still end up with childhood trauma if your dad only interacted with you as if you were a generic child. You know how supermarket cashiers say the exact same thing to every customer?: "How is your day today?" , "Did you find everything you were looking for?" "Have a nice day". The parent doesn't know the kid's favorite foods, disliked foods, favorite number, favorite color, favorite book, what grades the kid is getting in school, etc. A non-neglectful parent would ask you questions that could not be asked to any child: if you are a fan of ballet, he might ask you, "Which ballet slipper color is your favorite to wear?", "What do you think of The Nutcracker music for performances?". According to Dr. Kirk Honda's video on Mary Trump's book on Donald Trump, if you are an adult that was emotionally neglected as a child, you should get your parent who neglected you to start giving to what he should have given you as a child now as an adult. If the parent refuses, then the next best thing would be to have the therapist act as if they are the sufferer's father and act in a nurturing way towards the sufferer. Thais Gibson has videos about this too, which she calls "re-parenting". The book "The Flight From Intimacy" by therapists Barry Weinhold and Janae Weinhold have suggestions like having an adult feed an adult a baby bottle while holding them. I have no idea if that would be effective or not. The book "The Emotionally Unavailable Man" is also about men who weren't nurtured as kids, weren't given affection as kids, and so now they have a fear of intimacy. They avoid intimacy by not talking. I also heard that most speech impediments are not caused by a physical problem, but by some sort of emotional trauma, so a person with a speech impediment would be better off seeing a psychodynamic or trauma-informed therapist rather than a speech-language pathologist. Maybe EMDR or Ericksonian hypnotherapy or re-parenting would tap into the unconscious mind where trauma is held; I don't know. I have talked to some very shy people, and they all had fathers who were uninvolved in learning about their children. This is true for the CZcamsr BulletProofMonkeon; he said that when he was a kid, his dad took him to a pub and made him sit at a different table with a bag of potato chips while he chatted the entire time with his friends, not including his son in the conversation. So I think his social anxiety comes from feeling rejected by his dad. The psychodynamic school of Sigmund Freud would say that the kid thinks to himself, "if even my dad doesn't care to know me, how can I expect strangers to be interested in my opinion? They won't." So just as the kid has learned not to approach their father for nurturance, they learn not to approach strangers for nurturance. There's a good description of this in the chapter titled "The Quiet Man" in the book "Red Flags!" by Gary Aumiller and Daniel Goldfarb, who specialize in criminal profiling. They're not saying Quiet Men are criminals; it's just that they are experts in pegging people based on their childhoods of a father who was absent or uninvolved, or lots of verbal abuse in the family, or both parents died when young. That's in the quiz section where it lists the childhood commanlities of "The Quiet Man".
@@moondog7694 oh my god stop it these comments are both intrusive and unnecessary, it’s not your business
Additionally, I have social anxiety and I’m very ‘shy’ and my father was extremely loving and caring. It just happens sometimes. Not everything stems from how people were raised in childhood
Aw amazing!!!
That’s beautiful
@@moondog7694 interesting, speaking for myself i never really noticed anyone interested in knowing about me when i was a kid. I don't remember having that emotional bond with anyone and i have 7 other siblings and I'm the youngest at that. I've had SM since probably before i could even speak. I do know there were physical and emotional/verbal abuse between my parents and they broke up when i was 2. But idk I think SM is a complex and unique disorder in itself, sometimes i do go back to my childhood and try to figure out if i went through some trauma that would explain my anxiety/depression...when it comes down to it I cannot deny that I didn't.
I have selective mutism and I’m so happy to see that they got over it ❤
I can’t stop crying when Red’s grandfather heard her for the first time ❤
I feel so bad for Red’s grandad. I actually wanna cry for him!
I saw red speaking in one of the comment section and she said she hasn't spoken to her grandad till now she's all grown up 19 years old she speaks to who she wants is quite sad she hasn't spoken to him poor him
Kaykay Luv Where?
@Ruby Smith www.bbc.com/news/stories-48557674
As an adult, you should be mature enough to have empathy for a fearful kid, I think.
@@kaykayluv7531 This is correct. At the time of filming this documentary (10 years ago) Red spoke to 8 people. She can now speak to lots, but not to some close family members. The more she wants to be able to speak to someone, the harder it is. It is really hard to get your head around the fact that she can speak to a 'stranger' but not someone she really loves.
u can hear the happiness on the directors voice when Megan talked to him! so cute I love Megan
What time stamp?
@@analeemiranda very last part of the video
Allyson Terhune okay thank you 48:11
Everyone in this show is so supportive and wonderful! It's bringing tears to my eyes
My god when Megan said her name in class!! my heart ❤️ and she had the biggest smile on her face it was just the cutest! You could see how proud she was and I’m so proud of her even tho I don’t know her 😂❤️
She almost looked shocked like she did it, you could see the stress build up as the people calling their names got closer to her, she struggled a bit with her name, but when it got to her age she was loving the fact she'd managed to say her name and got well excited after the easier telling of her age, it melted my heart I swear!
Communication is so much more than just talking.
So true. My communication seems to be in body language as I have autism. I never actually realised I never communicated any emotions I just spoke about birds or my interests. It wasn't until I started therapy two years ago that I realised I never actually told anyone my feelings and since I was diagnosed with ASD, everyone has pointed out that when I get anxious (and I mean ANXIOUS, like to the point of crying) I will shake my leg. I never realised that until then because I couldn't even recognise my own feelings so it is like my own body is communicating with me as well.
Sometimes I have entire conversations about actually really deep things through specifically gay memes on instagram
I suffer from the same type of communication issues. There are only a few people I can actually tall to. I just can't talk properly when I am not able to predict what the person is going to say or expect what to say. If I know the person well already, then I am comfortable sharing what I have to say with them. I have tried putting myself out and talking to strangers. Sometimes I am convinced everyone else can read my mind. I think they are just reading my body language, but I always notice a change in posture and positioning when I have a specific thought. I think it comes from a fear of having others actually hearing what you are thinking, rather than what you want to say.
lakon childs I have asd as well, it’s not to that extent; but there are certain things that I can’t understand about myself when it comes to emotions, or sharing feelings.
Like when it comes to someone I like I can’t make myself tell them or even my friends (I’m 17, not at the age when girls first liking people romantically)
I also just can’t translate what I feel in to words, if I’m stressed, I kind of know why or what it feels like, but explaining is so difficult.
@@squidneythesquid2487 When I was that age school and work put extra social pressure on me. It's normal to freeze in the face of fear. I throw myself into situations that make my heart race so I am more accustomed to the anxiety that comes with talking to people. Try walking up to someone you like or someone who scares you and say hello. Talk about their day and things you like. After a while, it gets a little easier. It takes practice, but I can approach at store counters and at work without feeling like someone is wrapping their hands around my throat anymore.
I always wanted mine to magically go away but one of the reasons why I can't just POOF it is because I'm scared of the reactions.
I hate it when people are like "OH MY GOD SHE SPOKE" or like "WOW CONGRATULATIONS". Like no. Please don't congratulate me. It's embarrassing and it's what's keeping me from fighting out my condition.
This is why when my family moved to a different city it finally went away.
*Well it's still there but not as bad as before*
Oh, the reactions when people finally *do* hear me speak. It was part of why my selective got so bad and still is
Cringe Corner I can definitely relate, people would think it’s funny to say “woW ShE hAs A vOiCe” if I said something once in a full moon and if anything it just embarrassed me
OMG YESS i dont have selective mutism but i have this with other things. In 1st and 2nd grade i never tried to hide the fact my teeth were falling from my parents, and once when i got this award at school for behaving good or something (it was a pretty big deal at the time lol) i cried when i got it because i didnt like that people were congratulating me like that. I wasnt even aware why i felt like that back then. I just did and onky years later i understand why lol
YES SAME HERE!!
Omg same!! Wow this is the most relatable comment ever❤️
I had selective mutism as a child for years. The fear and anxiety of speaking always overwhelmed me. I was put through speech therapy, but that fear always crept in.
Fast track to now, I graduated with a Biomedical Engineering degree and I'm a manager of 15+ Engineers. I've given 30+ minute presentations, lead projects and mentor and train new graduate Engineers.
Remembering where I was and knowing how I am now seems astronomical. I do believe everyone has it in them to develop out of it. The biggest factor during school years is having supportive friends who understand your quirks. In later years (high school - Uni) it's about building confidence in yourself by doing tasks you hate (ie, answering phones and speaking out in groups).
I believe everyone can make it with the right support and understanding.
This was beautiful! Loved how involved the GrandDad was with his grand daughter ❤.