8 rules for loving an ESTJ | Season 27 | CS Joseph
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- čas přidán 11. 09. 2024
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CS Joseph discusses 8 rules for loving an ESTJ.
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Lecture starts @ 10:09
Rule 1: be thoughtful
Rule 2: make them feel comfortable and safe
Rule 3: make them feel wanted
Rule 4: make them feel important
Rule 5: be honest with them and actively listen to their input
Rule 6: put in the effort
Rule 7: don't give them choices of what they can do, tell them what they should do
Rule 8: don't tell them how you feel
Thank you omg
Thanks Brother ♥️
Thank you so much. Such a dragged out lecture like seriously!? 8 rules!? 1 whole hour!?
As a infp with a Estj father, I can not tell you how much I wish that someone had shown me this list when I was 12. I am 27 now.
To stop more suffering, I getting this list to all 5 of my younger siblings and my mother.
Thanks C.s. Joesph, you are changing my life.
I had an ESTJ mentor that taught me how to weld.. Accomplished and wealthy man that was a marine and a Vietnam vet.. grandmaster welder that was very tenured, experiencer and proud.. Was his apprentice it was EXTREMELY important that I was always immaculately dressed and that I was disciplined and capable of operating every tool, measure, capable of layout and politics, Using an oxygen acetline torch and through his development I excelled.. every aspect of the development to be a better team was very important because our TEAM was the achievement. He was harsh and very serious.. extremely competent. Changed my life.. As an ENFJ I always figured because my ESTJ superego and his ENFJ ego shared that nuance of relating we synergized very well. Both being DIC could be conflictions but when we were in sync we could work for hours with gestures and in sync to where hours might pass and we were so focused on our rhythm of work that we wouldn't need to say a word because of our shared accomplishment of being in unison.. He was brutally honest and didn't allow for any excuses..
ESTJs, y’all are amazing people. Seriously, as an INFJ, and being raised by a responsible ESTJ mother; my God y’all are amazing. You put in so much effort into taking care of us, because you take care of yourselves with ur Si Parent. My Demon would consume me whole if it weren’t for you kind hearted people. You have my love. If you ever feel like a bad person, don’t. Just don’t. Because some of us can see the warm centre. X
glad someone knew a healthy estj because i can't say the same
The lecture only starts at 10:23
I like this video, it's very direct and to the point.
-ISTP
And because of my shadow, I can be pretty critical of peoples appearance
23:16 Si: is all about being comfy, safe, protected. It's a source of discipline.
23:34 show love to ESTJ you make them comfortable
Rule 2 is make them comfortable
Make them safe
I'm an ENTP man in a relationship with an ESTJ lady and I've been doing almost all of these without knowing exactly how my actions have affected her but it all works. Literally all these will help her trust, value, and want you; this works, plus it's kinda just maturity to see what affects a person in a certain way. Thanks Chase! It's good to have all of these guidelines defined and written out now. Glad you did this!
How both of you survive in the bedroom?
Are you sure that she is an ESTJ? She seems like an ENTJ :)
this is a fun+interesting series so far, cant wait to see the rest of them released!
Bees
@@rogueturtle ah yes, bees.
@@rogueturtle This truly says alot about the impact Ray William Johnson had on internet culture
well they're MY TYPE . To show love , NOT BY WORDS ,BUT ACTION! yep yep . Well, we have in common. That explains that we're golden pair
Oh yeah man, this is how to date Mr. Type 3 America, I swear.
Take the lead, outcome focused, Follows beaten path
“I think highly of you.”
Share quality experiences w them - “Receive it rough?!”
Make them comfortable, Offer their fave meals
They need to be in the spotlight.
They fall in love with a shiny trophy that boosts their status
Be brutally honest. Listen to their input
When describing Si parent I felt more like you were describing Si inferior.
I have a feeling this lecture will make me cry.
Never mind. I know an estj who attempted to date an infp. Estj's Se critic was too triggered by infp's se trickster to continue the relationship.
He couldn't be obligated by her. He bolted asap.
It's easy to understand because both Si users can rarely feel happy being in relationship with each other. As an Si user, we place a great importance on our comfort and experience. We can provide comfort for others only when they provide us that first. I tried to date another Si user and it didn't work out. He was too selfish for me to have a second date with him.
Thanks for working so hard on new content man. Really been enjoying your stuff recently.
Great start of a season - thank you!
I like it a lot because it has a lot of information related to previous seasons, but condensed and much more up to date - perfection! It helps a lot to check if you actually understand the theory at all and fill in the gaps.
this was really great, i can't wait for the rest of the season to be released
For the entirety of this playlist, can you watch the video for your own personality type and use it to love yourself more? Or does this only apply to others?
You can use it to love yourself more
Why not both? 🤔
@@honor9lite1337 it can’t be both sentences since one of the sentences is excluding the other
learning more about what you want is always helpgul
I just realized that this all sounds a lot like the stereotypical advice that men tend to give to other men about dating and I just realized why... it wouldn't be a stereotype if it wasn't based on a social norm (some truth to it) and ESTJ's are guardian types! There are so many things in society that are tailored for SJ types that people tend not to even question if certain behaviors are even valid for all types!
tradition is the corpse of wisdom, yes.
Sometimes it is scary for me that I don't care what I feel. I only care what needs to be done to provide for myself and my family. Emotions are irrelevant.
This video makes me like estjs even more
Get this from my superego, yet get angry at it since that is my adversary until I realize the purpose. Teaching and community organizing roles that need this kind of setup to function well puts this all into perspective, instead of it being muh status, which I cannot participate in, as I'm killing that in myself on the reg. But the wise dutiful loyal consistent teacher...yeah I do think highly of you, so here is a tap-dance in your honor. In-law patriarch, also of the church and school before retirement, is this guy in my neck of the woods :) Good reminders as this is hard for me to balance if I don't keep the purpose in view.
as an ESTJ my love language is words of affirmation 🤣🤣🤣
This is a fantastic idea and concept to bring it this way . Love it !
I have Te hero and Fi inferior.
If someone says directly I think highly of you my Ne critic is wondering why are you buttering me up? What do you want? Put a little mystery into it. LOL 😂
@@dasein9980 Do you think Chase’s Asian wife has hairy man hands?
I like how people think this is a new lecture.
I've noticed you don't keep your audience. It's like a revolving door, people come and go all the time. What's your opinion on that?
They come back after half a year on avg
@@CSJoseph no they don't, I would have noticed 😄
So it's not new? When circa was it recorded then?
@@lagerthalothbrok6082 it was a patreon series, first release in september 2019. They aborted the season after the ESFJ episode. They don't have patreon anymore. I guess it was a part of some dumb marketing and optimizing strategy. CSJ team and their decisionmaking has been total unproductive garbage pretty much since the inception of the channel in 2018, as soon as Chase started monetizing the content.
I love these breakdowns. I want more insights on how an estj can get along with estp. My friend is obsessive compulsive estj, and I'm a meloncholy estp.
We get along for the most part but he's well known in society. And so, he gets superficial admirations all the time for his looks, his intelligence, and his athleticism. I (as an estp) hate reinforcing his vain value systems , and my (Ti parent ) is occasionally advising him to beware the inherent fickle nature of fame. Additionally, i hate having to be fake positive about life's incidentals all the time, Whereas he feels like I'm just not exercising good beliefs whenever I vocalize any frustrations.
As a side bar: I worry he may be a malignant narcissist because he has a REALLY dark side he thinks I don't know about . Again, I intuitively do all the things you are sharing in this video. And things were going very well between us for awhile. But I admit as time goes on, I get weary with babysitting his need for attention and misguided ambitions.
I'm thoughtful always of him, but he DOES very much appreciate confrontation, argument and aggression., Conversely, I find it weak, superficial and without depth. I try to be patient, but he is EXTREMELY anxious surrounding his achieved status and how he's perceived. Ironically, I have no intention of damaging his good standing. He perpetuates that anxiety to those around him. He gets really angry And it's exacerbated by usage. He gossips about anybody who has lower social status and again I find it boring and weak minded.
All that to say, it's strange that the mbti community views Estp's as the step children of intelligence, meanwhile they hold Estj's to some level of respect. Weird!!!
Brilliant.
However, as an infj, I think I'm going to keep this as a reference to "how to *avoid* getting an ESTJ addicted to you"...
JK 🤣
You should really give them a chance. Joseph is wrong about socionics - there, ENFJ and INFJ (not INFP!!!) are dual types and when you will let them in into your life, you'll find them most pleasant people on the Earth. Also, according to socionics, we have another option - ISTPs, which are good for romantic relationships, despite that MBTI calls them too boring for us. But they aren't, they are charmingly polite, safe, calm and comfortable.
@@user-hz1yc6cw6k thanks 😊
However...
1. I was kidding ;)
2. My sister is an ENTJ.
I hate my sister.
3. Most ppl are boring for me and always hv been. Sorry guys. It's a sad fact in my life.
@@user-hz1yc6cw6k hi so i am an INFP (EII) and he is ESTJ. Are we duals or are INFJ?
@@user-hz1yc6cw6k because on socionics the INFj is actually an MBTI INFP
@@amytiffanyhemingway If we translate relations from socionics into MBTI directly, then INFJ are duals of ESTJ, and INFP are duals of ESTP. Judging / Perceiving dichotomy in socionics is the same as in MBTI and for dual types it must match. But the correlation between types in socionics and MBTI is about 60-70%, so it is easier for you to check how comfortable you are with this person. If you're open to what he tells you, if you're happy that he's explaining how to be more productive, how to build a career, how to plan your family life, if you admire how well he planned your vacation and fixed your car, then most likely you are EII and you are duals. If you think that he is too predictable, down-to-earth, bustling, and you feel a little embarrassed when he says that you could find a better job, then most likely you are IEI and you are conflicting types. That is, try to choose what do you want from this person, traditional and reliable family life, or a life in which your man is a hero and a knight whom you inspire to new exploits.
This is too much work for a woman, it’s like dealing with a woman. I have to put it in all of this work but he gets to lean back? And I feel unwanted? Why do they not communicate this
Interesting! I think you should kinda fill up the Ni blindspot with telling them what they want because they don't know it, but I also think that you should try to help them figure what they want, even if it might be one of the most difficult things for them to do, over time they need to know. Because I would assume that they don't want to be said the whole time, you want to this and this, after some time it is just enough. They will then even more see that they want nothing and no one has worked with them on that problem, no one told them the truth, that this is a big problem, which will make them become unloyal again. Or?
I'm taking notes to seduce Henry Cavill. Thanks.
So spot on for my ESTJ boyfriend. Luckily as an INFP I just love loving him so much. I go beyond out of my way to make him feel comfortable, have amazing experiences, I endlessly book tickets, meals, unique events. I know exactly what he likes and make sure it is available. I won't go into the private stuff but yeah I do that too. I even watch videos like this when he goes quiet to try and make sure I can improve things. I always try to look good by his side and big him up and support him in his work and to his friends and family and say how invaluable he is. I keep everything tidy and make sure I work hard and never burden him with any stress. Thing is, he doesn't seem to want to live with me. Is this an ESTJ thing because he's very controlling and OCD about his own environment. I'm wondering if he will ever want to take the step to live together? We've been together nearly 3 years but to be fair he is in the army. Just wondered. I don't mind being alone and having my own space, but I'm wondering if he doesn't see me as 'the one' and is just enjoying my benefits in the meanwhile.
As an INFJ with an ESTJ fiance, I have the same question and experience. I haven't found the answers... Have you though?
I usually feel he is just enjoying my benefits in the while. It's quite hard to know if he loves me or not, and that's why I'm here to understand him more. This is honestly the first personality type I can't understand naturally.
@@feiwaan you are saying fiance ... so he will live with you lol
You are not an infp for God's sake
@@malakashraf2801 we don't live together until walima is complete. I'm Muslim
Hyped for infj
Very good video, fits my experience
Yes! Bring on the content! I'll be watching! I miss these types of videos. How far you've come compared to where you were is just insane to me! You always tend to remind me that the tortoise beats the hare every time! Very interesting on the hoarding topic. I know 2 ESFJs that are MAJOR hoarders.
this is pure gold
Hey, you wanna make one of these for INFJ ??? Lol ..... Low key, I am waiting for that one lol .... I love your vidz, man!!
😊 What can you say about estj female and isfj male compatibility?
Hi, I can give a little insight as an ESTJ. ESTJs & other SJs will draw to each other because of their SJ qualities. This relationship has some emotional compatibility (Te hero + Ti child, Fe parent + Fi inferior). But honestly, it depends on what kind of relationship you are asking about. Romantic, I would not do this only because as an ESTJ, I have found the SPs are amazing for us. SJs getting with other SJs romantically seems to be because both value a "security". I have a few ISFJs in my life and I get along with them just fine. I have an ESTJ female friend married to an ISFJ male. Yes, still married, but the draw was stability. SPs kind of leave ESTJs with a sense of unease, that is what I have discovered. However, SPs are fun, spontaneous, and overall good for us. I am marrying an ISTP. It is the best relationship I have ever had.
we already love you chase ;)
👌👌👌 love to see this
Damn these XXTJ's for obsessing too much about loyalty(not really, but seriously, come on now). I am an INTP, loyalty to a fault here(too much, perhaps) and you're actually able to make me fear potential abandonment. I have heard though, from ENTJ femme that entjs have been ghosted consistently by intps to the point of being somewhat able to track it down so there's "blood on both sides", but talk from this episode and from others concerning entj's and intj's are weighing on my sense of loyalty or triggering my need for comfort. C.S. Joseph, please clear this up, make me look stupid, I don't care, this situation is crazy.
My best friend is an ESTJ even though I am a Wayfarer.
What makes us such good buddies is that we’ve had arguments early on but were still able to agree on the concepts of Long-suffering and Faith.
If you’re able to be completely honest with someone in an ugly way, and they STILL gracefully try to inform you from a growth perspective… where you are wrong, and where you are right…
That’s your First Mate. That is your Mr Miyagi.
I’m able to be completely honest with him and-even though 90% of what I am is abstract and flighty-he KNOWS that I will inform him of all the relevant variables regardless of how they may sound.
Every Se users does "loyalty check " specifically estp but XNTJ make XNTP abandoned them by jumping to conclusions and pre-judging the XNTPs and because you never push a loyal person too the point where they no longer give a fuck the XNTPs start being detached and apathetic because they need trust.
@@dovio832 I’ve met a lot of nasty ESTJs and I myself was a nasty INTJ when I was younger. Out of fear
Most judging types are mean growing up, really; whether they mean to be or not. Especially true if they don’t learn how to make friends early on.
As long as they’re not stolidly racist or ableist, there’s a chance they might be openminded enough to listen for at least a little while.
I’m constantly surprised at how quickly people expose their own bigotry and wonky expectations of other people as if they’re good things, lmao
The greatest evils in the world are born of simple ignorance, propelled by fear
@@shoeberrypie don't worry man I was an really nasty and toxic Entp growing up . Now my only saving grace is that I'm not ignorant and I go out of my want not to be .
How to torture an ESTJ- upload this as is on Spotify. I was listening out of curiosity and no offense, you have a good speaking voice, but there was 10 minutes of intro or waiting and then maybe because I could tell there was a whiteboard involved, and so I felt like I was missing information, I had trouble understanding anything that was said when the content did start and I got impatient with the silent gaps and turned it off at maybe the 12 minute mark. I've heard some good things about your channel, just this episode was not podcast material.
Me too , had to watch it like 3 or 4 times to reach the end
What would loving an ESTJ with ADHD look like?
I cannot wait for INFJ 😍
Writting Rules for a Delta Type, nice try Chase.
Why are Delta's dating an ESTJ? Do not recommend.
Chase, can you please type Rooney Mara
would you talk abt ESFP and ESTJ romantic compatibility?
Si parent and Se hero can definitely make it work.
Why are the remarks in the shadow functions (Point 5-8) somehow more pronounced/valued to an ESTJ than Point 1-4?
distance?
(ENFJ with a decent ISTP Subconscious - trying to use that ISTP logic to orchestrate an abstract conceptual tool to understand this better) I find trying to understand the implications of cognitive orbit confusing. In this example Te/NE is optimistic and Si/Fi is pessimistic.. How many planes of cognitive orbit exist? At 27:37 you mention that there is also the cognitive orbit of Te/FI (hero inferior) as well as parent/child. In previous lectures, you have talked about cognitive orbit between conscious/unconscious as well.. Ie in this scenario Te hero/ and Ti nemesis..
So without the further considerations of cognitive transition between inferior, nemesis, and demon function how do these things function? Why is there NO VERBIAGE to create CONSCIOUS distinctions between relationships of cognitive orbit? Shouldn't that be a thing? There are so many moving parts here I find this frustrating because it's EXTREMELY valuable for understanding social engineering and something I utilize as far as I can but I think this would be very relevant..
In social engineering videos, you reference winning over her parent to convince the child.. how about the conscious/unconscious cognitive orbit or hero inferior? HOW does this work? Just saying oh if you impact one and it does the same to the other.. "essentially" ESSENTIALLY WHAT? You please the inferior and that calms the anxious relationship and allows the nature of the optimistic hero to feel satisfied? How? Does it worm different with every type? If so aren't there specific reversals or potential Pitfalls? If I calm an ENFP's SI inferior in all the different ways that they may be uncomfortable does that please NE hero and because I gave them a blanket, fed them food, changed the thermostat, told them what a wonderful reputation they have and told them how comfortable and inspiring they are that now I have REALLY pleased the cognitive orbit? Ne hero explores possibilities.. Does TE child matter? If I affect SI inferior, comfort it and explore the possibilities to do then backboard off the TE child do they then feel especially primed to be engaged on their inner child? Is there a potential backlash because now I have created an expectation that affects the depravity vice of an ENFP? Can't we go into that? Can't you explain deeper? Please explain
If there are functioning and distinctive differences in the nature of cognitive orbit processes what are they? It's like a tease of a deeper insight that is a total mystery.. I have spent a great deal of time even developing relationships experimenting in trying to understand the differences in a type's cognitive orbit but I don't have the means to explore this further and it hasn't been from a lack of trying.. Has this not been explored in a definitive manner?.. John Bebe? Where can I learn applicable knowledge?
Why does no one else utilize 4 sides method? From a social engineering perspective, everything else in the MBTI world feels like watered-down bullshit? Why are you the only legitimate source of this discipline.. Im very grateful for you sharing it but it's strange to me that people are so blind to the power of this discipline.. If you don't answer I still am very grateful either way dude. Thank you Chase
Yes.
You're conflating axis and orbit. Ti-Fe is on an axis, they're always present together. Cognitive attitudes also have axis (Hero/inferior and Parent/Child) This if you have Ti hero, you have Fe inferior, and if you have Ti Parent, you have Fe child.
@@CSJoseph wonderful thank you
Pog
Poggers
Gg easy
I have been on a huge rabbit hole. tldr down below
Hey C.S Joseph, I recently came across your content (like 2 days ago) and feel like a lot of it is applies to me (honestly it is pretty cool and I am going to introduce my friends to it even if they might be dismissive at first). I was having trouble deciding if I was ISTP or INFP because I use to test ISTP back in Highschool. It made sense because I had a lot of hobbies and friends so I was like this is probably my type.
I am having trouble deciding if ISTP or INFP is my ego. Can you get so in tune with the superego that you get its positive traits with minimal downsides? I am 19 so I doubt that could happen that quickly.
I feel in my relationships recently, ever since starting college I have been way more INFP to the point where I have gotten pretty comfortable with comfort and now I want to be super dedicated and productive which would be the subconscious. But I see that the new people love me more and I love that. Also, I have sex quite a bit now which I did not back in Highschool (could have did not want serious relationships). I still get pretty good grades and am on track from the point of view of many of my friends and family since they say I basically have my life set because of my major and my school (I don't really agree with them).
I had some issues (mostly misunderstanding I had when I was younger) with my relationship with family and even coming back they seem to like me way more. The misunderstandings might've put me in demon mode to prefer not liking to be with family back then. How do I somewhat revert to a more productive ISTP-like mindset (like I was in high school)? I also feel some pressure that I might have to specialize in some skills (tech-related) and that honestly worries me because I feel like there might be a turning point where I can't go back and possibly do cool stuff like academic research or just something that's not boring that might benefit someone.
tldr;
I feel as if I conquered my enfj subconscious if I am an ISTP and am struggling to conquer the ESTJ if I am an INFP right now.
Life is objectively going to be pretty good but I am worried especially with this metaverse nonsense and that might be contributing to the typing.
Download the free type grid companion at csjoseph.life and work through that, you'll get your answer. Or if you're impatient you can always get a 15 min typing session.