I don’t look blind, or do I? (A blind girl rant)
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- čas přidán 27. 08. 2024
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I'm Molly, a typical sushi, makeup, and fashion loving millennial girl who just so happens to be blind! I was diagnosed with Retinitis Pigmentosa at just 4 years old and began public speaking at age 5. I started just doing motivational speaking, but now I make videos and even model! Even though I can’t see, I know that there are bright spots in everything we face. Let’s find them together. 💕
"You don't look blind" is a phrase most blind people hear on a regular basis, so that begs the question, is there really a way to "look blind?" The answer? NO! Blindness is a spectrum and our community is as diverse as any other group of individuals! There is no one way to look or be blind. In fact, most blind people don't even use a mobility aid like a cane or guide dog, so you very well may be interacting with a blind person on a daily basis and have no idea. I'm blind, so this is what blindness "looks like" for me but one day that may change. A common complication of RP is developing cataracts, which often make the eyes appear more foggy. Will this make my blindness more real? No, I'm blind either way - no matter how my eyes look. If we in the blind community can understand that, I'd like to hope others can too. There is no one way to look or be blind! We and our eyes all look different and EVERYONE is perfect as they are.
I'm really glad you inform us and teach us about everything. For me personally I admit, I was one of those people. I would not say that loud because I simply don't comment on people's look, but I thought that in my head when I saw your first video. I live in a small town in Europe and I've met three blind people (as far as I know) and they were all very stereotypical looking actually so I had this idea in my head since kinda always. It was thanks to you that I realised how ignorant I was
This so so important Molly thanks so much for sharing I love you ❤️
Half blind ( one eye, and visually impaired in left low vision and no colour vision) half deaf.( profound right ear)
Often complimented on how great my eyes look it’s like yeah they’re great to look at but not to look
I have optic nerve hypoplasia and nystagmus. Since I live in Sweden I always carry my white cane, even when working my service dog... And people STILL for some inexplicable reason can't fathm the fact that I'm blind! Not so long ago when someone told me I "don't look blind" I actually snapped back with something along the lines of how the heck am I supposed to look to have my dissability taken seriously?! I thought I had done just about everything except tattoo the word "blind" on my forehead!
Like 3 years ago I found 5 pictures of random people then put one of you next to it and randomized them and sent them to a friend, he had absolutely no clue! He wasn’t being rude or anything but it just ended up being a fun experiment and it totally worked!
“You don’t look autistic” “you don’t look disabled” “you don’t look depressed” etc. etc. it’s such a huge struggle outside of the disabilities themselves.
THIS. How am I supposed to look like as an autistic? Is my purple hair and my goth clothes not enough XD I heard doctors use that phrase. Like WTF.
Agreed. Some people don't see the hidden disabilities. They don't see the depression anxiety etc.
I have heard “you don’t look disabled” a lot lol even from doctors. Idk why people expect every disabled person to be in a wheelchair or look gravely ill. invisible illnesses exist!!
One thing is, you're right! Seriously! Why do people even think that just because someone is blind, that you don't believe them? Seriously! What kind of people are they to not even see that you are actually blind? It doesn't matter if we look blind! Get it straight!
Yeah I have a not all disabilities are visible t-shirt because I get this when I need accommodations outside of the work place. Also, has resulted in falling or nearly falling when the bus starts since I don't look like I'd have balance issues.
Considering getting a cane to help catch myself and a visual aid for the drivers.
I work at Starbucks. Because of you I was more aware of the most caring and helpful ways I can interact with blind customers and the accommodations we have as a business. A customer who is blind came in with a friend. I noticed she was blind because she was using a cane. I walked over to her and let her know we have a braille menu. She was super excited. I used my voice to guide her to where it was. Her eyes were not facing me while we interacted and to be honest it was relieving as a neurodivergent person who has to force a lot of eye contact in a service job myself. I am very grateful for your content. I'm glad you are embracing your freedom to allow your eyes to do whatever they want to do. You are amazing, smart and beautiful. Love you Molly!
As someone with a chronic illness who is regularly told how well I look, I think I might be able to understand. Since I’ve wished to look more sick so people don’t expect more from me than I’m capable of, the part about “looking more blind” making things easier for you was very relevant.
Yes - there is no one way to "look sick" - many people are sick who "look normal!" We need to understand that everything in life is on a spectrum!
Totally understand. Sometimes I've had the thought that I wished I was in a wheelchair so I can justify using the disabled seating on buses/trains. Or using the elevator to just go one floor up.
Tbh society feels so judgemental. You either don’t look sick (probably because you do your best to function is well as possible) or you dwell in your sickness/ abuse it (or that kind of thinking).
This is me as well. I constantly feel embarrassed that I look "normal" but am unable to function "normally." I feel terrible about being embarrassed but I can't help it. I worry so much that people will think I am lazy when I seem healthy but cannot act like a healthy, able-bodied person. I feel like I constantly need to justify my disability. Most of the time I probably do not need justify it, but there have been a few people who have accused me of not being disabled, or not being "disabled enough." I have always felt good about my ability to do what I can with the way my chronic illness affects me, but it is exhausting worrying about how people will treat me because of it.
@@jenrenby try using a wheelchair but still walking when you are able to, there's some nasty stares. I would rather not need the chair at all
I am legally blind. I have a lot of sight for a blind person, but I have strabismus. It switches between eyes and isn’t all the time, but I am very self-conscious and people make horrible comments. I often feel like I don't belong with the blind community but also am not 100% sighted. There have been times I don't want to meet people or do certain things because of it. I was literally crying watching your video. I can't thank you enough. I really can't. Thank you soo much!!!!
I work in two different rehab centers for very different clients and I want to say that like in disability in addiction there is no "face" or "type" that an addict looks like. I also grew up with a mother with a disability and although she was not blind she would get the similar sentiment of "you don't look disabled"
Don’t you hate that! Am doing so well in my recovery I have Bipolar disorder BPD and PTSD and I get that too you don’t look or act disabled.
I'm not blind but I am disabled and have lupus and I agree with you so much, especially with the "you don't look (insert condition or disability here)". It makes me feel really bad. I used to push myself to act "normal", mostly to put others at ease, but it's exhausting. I used to force myself to go to dinner or go for a walk so I didn't look sick or disabled. Disability and the range that a chronic illness affects someone is a huge spectrum and it changes day to day. I love and appreciate your content so much. It makes me feel not so alone
I also have lupus, and maybe also RA and it's so hard that you don't look sick I am constantly afraid of having confrontation about it. I know it shouldn't but it definitely stops me from doing things.
@@devgh742 I posted this reply to someone else who mentioned being embarrassed by the response/ confrontation from others. Maybe it will help? "I've run into this frequently when people find out I have a chronic illness. Some version of "But you look so healthy" or "But you don't look sick" is the typical first response. I never say it out loud, but on the inside, I always think, "And you don't look stupid. Looks can be so deceiving can't they!" It helps me cope! It helps me not take on their issue, because that's what this is--their issue. Anyone who thinks they can judge the condition of a person's health or wellness physically, mentally, or any other category, just by looking at them, is not a thinking person, or is a very judgmental immature person. Either way, it's their issue, and I won't take it on."
Everything you said here is so true! I’m legally blind, and I constantly get the comment, “You don’t look blind/disabled.” People frequently accuse me of lying or exaggerating. I have often found myself trying to look blinder in contexts where I need accommodations, or trying to look less blind in contexts where I’m worried people will discriminate against me. Blind people shouldn’t have to cater to sighted people’s expectations just to be treated with basic decency and respect.
OMG yes, totally! There are times when I feel I need to lean into the stereotypes, like wear my sunglasses inside even though I don't need them, just so people will understand I can't see and give me the help I need and I HATE taht I feel like I need to do that sometimes. :(
Yes!! This! Although I’m not blind, but I am disabled because of soo many complications with my back. As a younger kid especially I would make my limp and irregular back shape a LOT more obvious just for my school to let me use the elevator.
Same! I’m legally blind but have enough vision that I can do many things without assistance, so I can fake being fully sighted when I don’t want to deal with discrimination or the same questions I’m constantly ask, but then when I genuinely do need accommodation, I sometimes feel like I have to act more blind than I really am so that people will believe me.
I’m so glad your touching on this. I got yelled at by an old lady using a automatic cart thing in target today with my service dog. She asked to pet him and I kindly told her he was working and she then told me I’m a healthy young girl with no issues and that I’m just lying t have a dog with me. Then told me that if I have a dog in public I’m signing up for him to be pet. I have many chronic illnesses that don’t visual show and it was such a scary angering experience.
As disabled people, a lot of us mask how we truly feel/look/anything in order to please able bodied people. I didn’t realize I was doing this at all until I was 20, but I’ve been doing it since I was at least 5. It’s something that’s so hard to unlearn when we might not know or remember anything else. This video is great representation for some of us, thank you for everything that you do Molly 💙
Yes! Thank you Molly! I'm autistic and often have people say you don't look autistic, what does an autistic person look like? It's a neurological condition, and just like blindness it is a spectrum and everyone is individual
Yeah the whole "you don't look autistic" is pretty ridiculous. Although I feel like autistic people can sort of spot other autistic people. At least I feel I can (sometimes).
ok blind was bad enough but HOW?
I think people for some reason assume that autism looks like down syndrome or something, from what I've heard- which is absolutely absurd!
In a Bill Wurtz comment section I saw people mistaking ADHD for epilepsy- like what do you think ADHD stands for? This one just completely baffles me, where does the confusion come from?
That's so weird, there's even less of a way to look autistic than to look blind.
i’m not blind, but i am disabled and i relate so much. i hate the pity and/or praise. nobody understands how the praise could negatively affect me, but it bothers me so much, and you explained it so well. people expect of me so much more than i can actually do all the time. also, the internalized ableism is so real. i hate it so much. thank you so much for this video ❤️ its so important.
THANK YOU for saying this!! I started work and a supervisor chatted with me about me getting sworn in as a lawyer. I told her I’m excited that a blind judge will swear me in and she told me “why would you want that, you aren’t blind?” Like she didn’t ask just said I couldn’t be blind when in fact I am and a good worker and soon to be lawyer. Plus I ALWAYS get the excuse of people forgetting I’m blind cuz I look so normal. It’s so sad and frustrating 😅😢😢😢
this was so honest and good! (as always) I'm so thankful for your perspective and truth, Molly. Stigma is so ugly and it comes in all forms. I'm a sighted person and this will be good for all of us to learn from.
I’ve had this said to me many times before. I don’t really understand why people think it’s a compliment.
My vision loss comes from optic nerve damage from a brain tumour. A lot of people still don’t understand that vision loss can come in hundreds of different forms.
Yes ! I still get the , “ why don’t you get glasses ?” Well … my problem is my retinas so that won’t help . It really gets old 😐
@@E-K2019 it's so frustrating... there's a point in which glasses just can't help you anymore, and people don't seem to understand that. Glasses are an invention of wonders if I must say so myself, but they aren't made of fairy dust. They can't fix all our problems. Our vision remains the same as we take them off. It sucks people say that.
Sorry if this sounds weird I'm super tired rn
@@Icantchangemyhandlehelp I like that fairy dust line. I might have to use it in the future.
@@blindcharo8455 thank you :)
GREAT RANT! My twin brother became disabled after a stroke, since I’ve been watching your channel for years already, your guidance on what able bodied people can do really helped me navigate it. I’ve been showing my family ways we can help that will help empower him. I’m sorry people can be so insensitive but I guarantee you’ve helped far more people and made the world better for it. ❤
Red lips looked bomb! ❤ and pink lips are cuuute! Love you Molly! 😘
As a sighted person, listening to mollies perspective truly help me educate myself on disabled people and how to be courteous and respectful. Thank you mollie for being so informative!❤❤
There used to be a Candian stand-up comic duo where one was blind. (I don't remember their names.) The blind one didn't look like a stereotypical blind person (no dark sunglasses or guide dog). As part of his routine, he would tell a story about someone going up to him and saying, "You don't look blind. How come you're not wearing glasses?" His response, "Have you ever seen a deaf guy wear earmuffs?"
I love that so much! 😄
I always hated that saying. Now that I’m confident in telling people I am visually impaired/blind, people still tell me I don’t look blind so I’m faking but even my close friends have told me that if they actually look at my right eye you can clearly tell there’s no more vision cause I lost all my vision in my right eye over the past two years and it keeps getting grey fog more and more, it’s such a frustrating thing to always have to battle as someone with low vision living in this sighted world. I’m so glad you explained this and hopefully people can have a different view after this video.
I feel so fortunate that I worked at a camp for the blind and visually impaired because I was around so many amazing people that presented different ways including several that worked as my colleagues. All were vastly different from each other and the differences in the way they were treated astounded me. I couldn't comprehend when people would day one of them didn't look blind bc she tracked very well. Sometimes got very lucky with finding condiments on the table.
Not blind but I am disabled, and I feel so much solidarity with you in this video. (I also love getting to see this talked about from the perspective of a member from a disability community that's different than my own!) I used to need a mobility aid, but now I don't anymore, and without it I look ablebodied. I'm glad that I'm able to get around without my mobility aid now, but I also miss "looking disabled." I know I have a lot of internalized ableism, and watching this helped me feel more like "Yes, I am disabled, so I am what my disabilities look like." Thank you for sharing this.
Hey Molly! As a blind person who also has CP, I haven't hurd the "you don't look blind" BS, but people do say things like "oh you por por kid" because I have CP and because of my blindness and it pisses me off to no end. Thank you for making this video, kind regards, a blind teen from BC. PS. I was born blind.
In a word, this is how you look dear Ms. Molly Burke…BEAUTIFUL! :)
I have eyes that have a drop down and people think they look like cats eyes and say that they look amazing but they don’t actually know the struggle I have to go though and have a disability from it. It’s called Coloboma and I was born with it and there no cure for it. Love watching you and you help me out a lot. Thank you xx
My husband has strabismus but he is sighted (should wear glasses but he does just fine without them and is more comfortable that way) but other then that he is able bodied. BUT people were and still are looking at him funny or keep staring or even make fun of. One of my close relatives was concerned about me getting married to him, because of this condition, because he could pass it down (even if we don't want children which is unfortunately not accepted and we will surely change our minds 😡🤦) and because he's ugly and not "normal" and I could do better. It still hurts me, but he is so used to it, it's actually a little bit sad, that he had to get used to it. By no means I want to compare your struggles with his but our society is so weird. We can treat a "normal' person differently because they don't look "normal" but we also treat disabled who look "normal" in such a weird way and call them liars... I just can't comprehend it
Because I was able to successfully make it from my chair at the doctors office to the reception desk approximately six steps away , without my cane , I was accused of not really being blind. I mean I have only been to this office like 20 times . I asked my MD to have a discussion with the reception lady about the retina and it’s function ( or in my case dysfunction ) . She actually said , “ well you tried to fool me with the white cane .” Oh yes . I just love carrying that thing around for fun these days . 🤷♀️
I'm chronically ill and disabled (by my chronic illness as well as another disorder) and I am often told that I "don't look ill" or that "I look really good so no one can tell!" And although both of those statements are meant to be compliments, they really sting because they usually also mean that the person I'm speaking to doesn't understand the gravity of my illness and disability. Being invisibly ill makes it hard to receive necessary supports and accommodations. I'm still processing my feelings around this but I do know that it is very challenging for me at this time, and I'm sorry that people aren't more understanding about diversity within the blind community!
This really resonated with me. I'm in my late 20s but have arthritis and hypermobility syndrome. I often push myself more than I should because people think I'm able bodied and I don't want to seem disabled and I get embarrassed.
It's going to be a learning and acceptance curve for me to accept that I am disabled and that doesn't necessarily look like other people's disabilities and that's okay. People don't have to see me as someone with a disability for me to have a disability
I also have hypermobility disorder and i can't count the amount of times i pushed through pain to please able-bodied people or because I didn't want to seem incapable. being able to accept that i couldn't do some things took time, but I'm much happier and healthier now that I've started prioritise my own needs over the slight discomfort of able-bodied people. Good luck with your journey
I’m glad so many people relate. I have a chronic illness and it drives me nuts when I get the comments “you look healthy” or “you don’t look sick” and they think it’s a compliment.
Hi Molly, I’m sorry to hear that your vision is continuing to decline. I could tell that it affects you, and thank you for letting us know.
I grew up without reference to blind/deaf people. The only time I saw a blind person, it would be on tv, the first person coming to mind would be Stevie Wonder, always with thick black sunglasses on. Maybe a saw a person with a cane, but again, very rare.
Until I found your channel, I never really understood that there were different kinds of blindness, my lack of education thought it would be: either you see, or you don’t.
To be fair, I initially stayed for the animal content, as I just love animals, and yes, I did wonder how a blind person could be so fantastic with makeup and fashion, as I, a sighted person haven’t even a fraction of your skill and knowledge and colour coordination.
I am now a volunteer with the Be My Eyes app, and love your channel as a learning opportunity for myself, to give myself awareness and knowledge on how to be more inclusive.
Please don’t adjust how you are to “fit in” for sighted people, I’m too busy looking at your pets, your amazing interior, your makeup/ clothes, or whatever, to notice how your eyes are moving.
Please stay you
That's so awesome you're volunteering with Be My Eyes and want to become educated, as part of the blind and low vision community I wish there were more people like you in the world ❤️
Thank you Molly. ❤ I was born with severe strabismus and as a young child had two surgeries, one eye at a time, to help straighten the muscles. They were not completely successful but the muscles were significantly improved. Decades later now, I also have nystagmus and when I don’t wear my corrective lenses or if I use one eye over another, (monofocal vision), the strabismus is more apparent than usual. I am not as self conscious of it anymore as I was when I was younger. Mostly because through developing Optic Neuritis and having complete blindness in one eye, then partial in the other, then having my vision restored, I am indescribably thankful for who God created me to be AS I AM!! I am thankful for all of it. Turns out too that the strabismus surgeries which led to the monofocal vision actually helped me tremendously also during my vision loss. My eyes were already accustomed to working independently so I thank them for adapting so well. Normally, one would be for near and one for far sight but then during the vision loss, one eye needed to do both when the other was out of commission. 💞 I have never seen in three dimension, so those glasses in the movies…I always did wonder what the hoopla was all about! 😂 Last, when people make their eyes purposely crossed to be “funny” or to make what they think are funny faces, I feel physically sick. Imitating someone’s physical disability is NEVER funny. I am thankful for the good God always always always makes out of the challenges we each face, and the blessings of facing them together. Thank you Molly and community! 💞
🌞 Just watched your Tiktok live. I love your videos despite knowing no one with vision impairment and being old enough to be you mom. You've taught me so much!
I have MS and what I hate is being pitied. I am normal, just as you are, but being pitied is the worst for me. This was a really good, enjoyable video Molly. Thank you.
Molly I don’t know how many times I have heard that I don’t look disabled. I have even had a county disability organization tell me that I didn’t look disabled enough for their services. THANK YOU for making this video because I deal with it also seeing as I have autism. When people think about autism they think of people that basically society has always used the R word in regards to disabilities. Please keep doing what you’re doing because you give people like me a “friend” who deals with the same shit I do.
I really relate to this, but on an autism side of things.
“You don’t look autistic”
Feeling like I have to mask things.
Day to day tasks take more energy and I then have to use more energy to appear “typical”, to maintain eye contact whilst also being able to focus on the conversation.
Functioning labels stem from how we outwardly appear to OTHERS. This puts down those labelled as “low functioning” and gives unrealistic expectations for those labelled as “high functioning”.
I could ramble some more, but yeah, I really relate to this video. I’m also trying to just be myself, not force myself to appear typical in order to make other people comfortable…when it’s making me uncomfortable doing so.
Hi, Molly. I am completely blind in my right eye and visually impaired in my sighted eye. I have nystagmus and I tend to tilt my head without realizing it to compensate for my vision loss. I can still remember the day someone pointed out my head tilt and how ashamed and embarrassed it made me feel. I have also been told, "I would never have known you are visually impaired."
I think people really struggle with difference and they want to qualify it in some way. It can be very frustrating when you are just trying to go about your life.
Thank you thank you thank you for finally putting this into words. There is the phrase “disability porn” which I hate but has come the closest to explaining this phenomenon for me. But it’s so hard to explain to people that they are being ableist when they are like “Aw how cute, this wheelchair user is doing something ‘normal’ “ or whatever countless example I have encountered. Ugh. Anyway, thank you for making this video.
Also I love your nail color. It looks like minty-light green to me and is very close to my favorite color.
I’m an ophthalmic technician and work with blind people every day, almost NO ONE who is blind “looks blind”, because the most common eye diseases are in the back of the eye that only people at the eye doctor and their ophthalmologist can see. Also, out of the 5 years I’ve worked in ophthalmology and all of the blind people I’ve met, only a couple of them had a cane or service dog. Blind people mostly walk holding a loved ones hand or they’ll walk really close behind the tech so they can follow your shape and then if they don’t wanna hold your elbow, just describe to them where to go. So many ppl without vision feel they are not “blind enough” to use aids and I wish more of them would do those things to make their lives easier. Thank you Molly for bringing awareness to the blind community every day, I have told a lot of our younger patients that lost vision about your channel and hope it helps them! :)
Yeees, it happens to me so many times! I’m legally blind due to glaucoma but I have a very narrow field of vision left. So I’m able to read something on my phone up close, but I need a white cane to move around so I don’t bump into things constantly. I use public transport to go to work and there was a guy on the bus once. I got on the bus and sat behind the driver and that guy was a couple of seats behind me and he started talking about me behind my back, that I wasn’t actually blind because blind people wouldn’t be able to go on a bus like that let alone use a phone and that I would simulate all of this to get an advantage from welfare support and what not. I was SO pissed, first about that unparalleled rudeness of that person and second it made me so angry that there is that image that other people have about us and that they just don’t understand what blindness actually looks like and what different forms it can have. I really wish that people would educate themselves more and would start asking questions if they don’t understand something instead of guessing and imagining how things should be like because they saw it in a freaking movie! So thanks a lot for your channel and that it helps others to finally understand blindness and the people behind it better.
"blind people wouldn’t be able to go on a bus"
Christ: Are you superposed to be bed bond because as a sighted person he can't do orientation and mobility after 6pm?
Some people
@@hens0w yea, exactly. I have no idea what blind people are supposed to do according to him. Maybe he thought, that we would take extra long or move like an old person or something 🙈
I'm not blind but I understand how frustrating "you don't look ___" can be. I have ptsd and autism and hear this all the time. 🤦♀️
It’s heartbreaking that we all feel we need to change ourselves. I love that you share this, education is needed.
In the end it comes down to we are just human, it doesn't matter if a person looks different or has a disability. They are people and deserve to be respected just like any other
I think the red lip with pink outfit looks great on you!
I am not blind, but I am mentally disabled (by law) for having mental illnesses (yes, more than 1), so I completely understand how it feels. I was diagnosed late in life because everyone just kept saying I'm just spoiled, shy, dramatic etc. Whenever I said anything about it, I immediately got shut down - which made things worse. Only when the self harm started, around 21ish, my parents finally realized that maybe, just maybe, this is not just me being spoiled. Sadly, you can't see mental illnesses, so even with all the diagnosis, the meds etc - if i'm not actively self harming in an obvious way that you can not ignore (because not eating or even leaving my bed for 4 days is just me being stubborn apparently) - it's going right back to me "choosing to act that way".
The reason I love your videos is not to learn more about blindness or fashion or whatever - It is because as a young woman myself, going through my 20s, seeing you just a few years older than I am living your life so boldly, helps me keep focused on what is important in life. I try to not live life and make decisions based on what other people say, think, expect, but like many young woman I do find it challenging at times. So really I just wanted to say thanks for just being you and sharing your unique and yet insightful world view.
This honestly hit home for me so hard. As a person with strabismus, and has had life long issues with my eyes, I’ve always been insecure of how they look, but listening to you talk about this really helped me remember that im okay just the way I am, and it doesn’t matter. Thank you for sharing this. I didn’t know I needed to hear it❤️
Oh yes, “using” my eyes gets exhausting sometimes. You help me and others understand and accept our own selves Thank you
Everybody should be watching your channel. It's extremely helpful to know what other people go through in all aspects of life. Having a better understanding of our fellow humans is important. While each and every person has different feelings towards the life they're living, it truly helps having a basic understanding of what people go through. Thank you for sharing this with us Molly.
Thank you for making this video Molly and bringing awareness to people with disabilities who "look normal". I have a few disabilities and some days I do seem "normal" and can walk a few miles but other days I can't walk at all because my legs don't move and it's very hard to walk and I'm in constant pain. I've even had strangers say "you are too young to have those problems" or "I take a tylenol everyday for my pain it works just fine." I'm tired of people thinking that just because I'm young or I'm okay in the moment means that I am faking a dissability to get a better seat or I'm just lazy because I have lay down during the day every few hours or else I will be in so much I won't be able to walk. More people need to realize that disabled people are all around them every day and they don't even realize it because they seem "normal"
As a young disabled woman, I consistently, get told that I don't look disabled, or that I'm faking it. And when I have my service dog with me, people just assume that my dog is NOT for me because you cannot SEE my disability. When I applied to bring my service dog to work with me my boss took one look at me and said I would be fine, which if I NEED a service dog clearly I would not just be "Fine".
JUST BECAUSE SOMEONE DOES NOT HAVE A PHYSICAL DISABILITY, IT DOES NOT MAKE THEM ANY MORE OR LESS DISABLED, AND IT DOES NOT MEAN THAT YOU ARE MORE, OR LESS DESERVING OF ACCOMMODATIONS.
“You don’t look disabled”
I have-
Ankylosing spondylitis, Rheumatoid arthritis, Fibromyalgia, IBS, Celiacs, Tremors, Migraines, Barrett’s esophagus, Lax sphincter in the throat, Raynaud's syndrome, Anxiety, Depression, Tmj, Carpal tunnel, Sciatica, Ovarian cysts, restless legs, Costochondritis, Plantar fasciitis, gerd, PCOS, and a few things that I’m still getting tested for. You never know what someone is going through, and I love how you advocate for the disabled community 💜
Love this video. For me, I wear dark glasses in bright rooms and outside because of my light sensitivity. I hate when I take them off and people are like "woah, you don't look blind".
I am deaf. And I understand tge frustration of “ not looking” disabled. I can speak well too so people can’t understand how I can be deaf and speak so clearly!
Well… I am and I do.
Totally understand the frustration especially being denied access as I use a service dog to guide me in my surroundings and everywhere I go.
Thank you for this awesome awareness video.
I get this a lot when I struggle in public... I have congestive heart failure, hypertrophic cardiomyopathy with an enlarged septum and a ICD defibrillator. I'm 26 and have two little girls a 2yr old and a 7month old and I struggle a lot. sometimes some days I have good days, some days I have bad days. what always gets me is when I go to the cardiologist and people ask why I'm there "I don't look like I have anything wrong with me" or "you're too young to have a bad heart" or I'm using a mobility scooter at Walmart because I'm out of breath...and I get judged because people think "you don't need that" I'm sorry I didn't know you had x-ray vision and you could see my heart🙃😉 I love your videos and you are beautiful no matter what inside and out❤
I honestly think a lot of people say "you don't look blind" because they can't imagine themselves being able to adapt to live without sight. So by the fact that you look presentable everyday in a cute outfit and make up and live in a home which is decorated, people can't understand that you can do and enjoy those things without sight hence the "oh, you don't look blind"...
I am legally blind but I don’t have a guide dog or use a white cane very often. I use my hearing and my ability to remember and recognize environments. The only indication of any issues is my nystagmus. Due to not using any devices regularly, I get the “you don’t look blind” or “you can’t take the handicap spot you’re not disabled.” Like just because I don’t drive doesn’t mean I don’t have the right to accessible parking. Invisible disabilities are hard.
Oh man this applies to sooooo many things!
“You don’t look disabled”, “you don’t look autistic”, “you don’t look nonbinary”, “you don’t look trans”, “you don’t look gay”, “you don’t look depressed”, even “you don’t look [race]” for mixed people!
People are just so judgemental and have no idea how diverse humanity is and they just can’t get over their narrow minded views that they get taught. It’s so exhausting having to justify to people these things about yourself that you can’t change.
This is real talk right here Molly. I am legally blind and I have absolutely no central vision at all and what I struggle with a lot is moving my eyes around so when I talk to people I can see the outline of their face but in return I’m not making any iContact and it comes off as extremely rude and I constantly go back-and-forth on do I fake looking at the person so it’s polite or do I look away so I can actually try and make out their face better. The struggle is real.
I feel this so much! I've suffered with a mystery but constant migraine condition for almost a decade now and the number of people that tell me I don't look like I'm sick or in pain is huge. It takes so much effort just to get out of bed because I am constantly in so much pain that has also disrupted my cognitive function and it's so hard to not get any recognition just because I don't the way people expect someone with my condition to look like. So frustrating!
Thank you for making this, not looking blind enough or having people tell me I’m not blind enough is really hard. People always think I’m rude or mean for looking at light when I’m tired it might be a me thing but it’s one of those blind things people really judge me on
My best friend is blind. I met her during a short stay (not so short....it was almost 2 years) in a nursing home. She regularly had people claim she wasn't blind or was even lying about being blind. She gradually lost her sight since childhood and is now completely blind. I took to her right away, one because I tend to gravitate to certain people who don't fit in with the crowd, and two...because I grew up around blind people. My mom and her best friend (since they attended the same school for the blind for their entire schooling, so she was like a sister) were blind. My mom had some sight, but my "aunt" was completely blind and even had prosthetic eyes. I learned how to properly act around them and guide them around. I have even sorta "paid it forward" and was able to get my friend out of the nursing home and into a house for the 2 of us.
I love Molly. Before I found her channel I didn’t think about the blind community. Not to be an asshole, it just was something I never HAD to consider. She has taught me so much over the years and I find her incredibly inspiring.
I, personally, am sighted but I feel so sick that there are able bodied people who put people down in general, much less people who have no control over it. Every person, sighted or visually impaired is important, and valuable and HUMAN.
True, we often forget Molly is blind. But it’s out of respect. And I love when she includes blind girl moments in videos because it’s real and honest and reminds us what she has to face every single day. Mad respect to Molly ❤
this was such a wake up call. I'm an abled person, but I have a crap ton of anxiety, and my left hand (sometimes my left arm and leg too) tend to shake.
thing is, it didn't use to be a problem until people start commenting on it (I post a lot of content online, so it was video comments not IRL). and honestly, just trying NOT to shake and look "normal" (hate that word btw) guess what - it makes me shake even more! to the point where my muscles start hurting and I need to scrap whatever I'm doing.
so the tought of being: I'm shaking? ok, so what? and not trying to cater how I look in order not to be judged by randos online...sounds super freeing! thanks Molly ❤
i gotta say, i'm kind of living for angry molly! i hate that she feels upset emotionally of course, but after so many years being polite towards ignorant, misunderstanding, or uninformed people i think it's cool to see her get a little more straight up and direct! 💕
I'm chronically ill and I get a surprised "you look good" as if I shouldn't look good because I'm ill. Some people expect you to go out with greasy hair and looking frumpy when you're chronically ill because that is their idea of a sick person. I look like that enough on my bad days at home. When I go outside, even for grocery shopping I'm fully made up because I want to look my best the few times I leave my house.
Unrelated to disability but also a platitude I've heard in my life "you have a pretty face for a big girl".
I SO relate to that.
As a sighted person I have a lot of empathy for you and I think that people like you deserve the world for all the discrimination that you've been through! 🤗💕
I once went to a school for special needs, I was the only student who had a cochlear implant processor. Basically the odd one out, I have an invisible disability which I am born profoundly deaf. However this school did exactly what you had to experience Molly! I relate to you so much, I was forced to work in work experience places that required so much noise and I was told to get over the fear of noisy places. I get it that I can’t tell the work place to be quiet I don’t want that to happen. I just don’t like it when I can not function in that society, they tried getting me to use the telephone that had poor quality, I was told to work in a noisy kids place where I could not hear. I tried explaining again that I could not “get over it.” One don’t suddenly get rid of something that they’re born as. I really hated it because I was compared to other students who are more disabled, like I am more normal looking when I’m not. It’s so frustrating, I’m just glad I’m not alone in this and I understand you so much.
I hate having to be what others think we are.
I’m getting a hearing dog next week in hopes it’ll show that I am deaf. You’re doing so well Molly! 💛
I can relate to this video so much. I have RP.and lazy eye and I have to focus more its hard. Alot of people say I don't look blind either
I’ll never forget watching Joy’s video at the airport where the staff member says ‘I can see your eyes’. She was confused, we were confused watching, questioning does that mean he didn’t believe she’s blind? I’m not sure how else to interpret that statement. I found it particularly ironic given her particular situation. I’m sure you have countless similarly weird interactions. It must be so challenging living with that level of ignorance.
It’s lovely to hear that you’re learning to put aside other peoples opinions of you. You definitely don’t owe anyone anything, especially at the cost of your own energy. I think it’s definitely around this age we start being able to do that more. I struggle to make eye contact, visually watch things in conversation, etc. due to anxiety, trauma & neurodiversity reasons. I’ve had to explain to people, usually while they’re quite angry with me, that doesn’t mean I’m not paying attention or engaged in the conversation. I know our experiences are so vastly different, but it is so hard to try to live up to other’s expectations & always advocating for ourselves.
Just want to send some love & acknowledgment of the decrease in your vision too. I know that’s been really difficult & whilst it’s great you can see some positives to it here, I know that doesn’t erase the all the other emotions 💕 (double pink heart emoji).
thank you so much for sharing this! to my knowledge, i've only ever known one blind person (a classmate in middle school). his eyes were very pale blueish-gray and they moved a lot and often would roll so that you'd only see the whites of his eyes, so it was really helpful to understand that any eyes can be blind.
I get this all of the time with my disability, and it is so frustrating. They tell me I need to get my legs fixed because I am too pretty to be disabled or the r word. I wrote this out as an episode for my podcast. I was debating because I was not sure if I was alone but bravo and thank you for speaking on the topic. I have had men tell me they would be embarrassed if they walked around with me or dated me and one just last month called me back after 6 months saying if I got fixed, he was really interested because there are not a lot of women like me. I hung up. I get this at job interviews too but again long story but excited to get to that episode but first talking about disability representation in books as main characters and a couple others. Bravo to you!
Molly, you don't "look blind", you look like Molly and always will. I love you so much!!! 💖❤
One of your better ramble videos yet! Personally i have a very very very small balance disability and it annoys me to no end when people say "i have bad balance too" as if to make me feel less alone but it just makes me feel almost mocked or invalidated, that being said, still waiting for a new fashion haul video! My faves!
I think this hits on an issue that's bigger than just blindness, it impacts all kinds of disability. We have a phrase for it here in Sweden which is hidden disease, and patient organizations talk about the difficulty of living with a disability or disease that isn't visible, because people judge you if they can't tell visually what's wrong with you. Things like kids with autoimmune diseases that need to sit on the bus getting the stinkeye from people for not giving up their seat, or people in wheelchairs being questioned as to whether they really need the chair. I've been needing mobility aids on and off over the last two years due to health issues, and it sucks. My mum dropped me off at the entrance to the office building where my doctor is, and I got out with my crutches, and this old lady thought it appropriate to stop and stare at me angrily until I'd walked inside. She had a cane, so my best guess is that she for some reason thought it offensive that a young person without visible cast would use crutches to walk. Made me super nervous to take my new wheel chair out in public. First trip out in public I got disability cat called, this random woman went "AWWW LITTLE PRINCESS". Sure, I'm 33 year old grown ass woman but no sure, call me princess, it's not patronizing at all. We really need more disability awareness and education in schools, teach kids how to just be normal around people with different situations.
People can say the oddest rudest things. People need to think before they say things. You are an amazing and beautiful woman that has a big heart full of strength. You inspire so many people Molly and you deserve only positivity and everything good in this world. You seem like such a nice person. And you’re so talented. Your content is incredible. I love your videos so so much. Keep up the amazing work 😊
Hell Yeah Molly!! No disabled person should put any more effort than they absolutely have to into making able bodied people comfortable. Because able bodies get to be comfortable most of their lives.
And honestly as someone with Autism and a separate disability that causes chronic fatigue, I gave up on eye contact in evey situation except interviews.
I love watching your videos with my kids, 5yr and 3yr. It helps me explain so much to them about disability, service animals, and so much more. My 5yr has asked so many good questions, and when we saw a guide dog in person both boys looked to me, and the oldest said, oh we can't pet that dog, he's working. I'm always looking forward to your vidoes!
I know this video was partly a rant, but I love this video so much! It’s very relatable to me in a huge way. I’ve only had one person on my channel thinking I don’t “look blind” either. And I had to tell them you can’t base it off of what you just saw in this video. Yes, I do really well with filming, I can see quite a bit the world with my glasses, and without them to an extent in my left eye. But my right eye I used to have very little light perception when I was very little, but that deteriorated very quickly when I was young, my right eye is also smaller than my left, due to my premature birth, and the medical condition that caused my blindness. That’s why I had to make a video about, “why I wear glasses” for example. I hate the pedestal that we are put on in society as well. It’s really frustrating even seeing comments myself on other people’s videos. No one has ever told me that phrase in real life, but one person told me with my guide dog that, “I didn’t realize you were visually impaired.“ But the question came up because they asked why do I have my dog with me when I was at the Library with Zeke. It didn’t come off in a rude way, the person was just curious, which I don’t mind answering that question because I want people to know that I am visually impaired/blind. My coworkers at the Hospital, Zeke and I work at, they know that I am visually impaired because I’ve pointed out my smaller eye. I showed my mom your videos in the past, she’s noticed your nystagmus is a bit worse than mine, and your eyes wander around when like you said, you focus them on talking to the camera.
This is really thoughtful and insightful, Molly. 💜💜 Thanks so much for sharing your perspective.
I think there's some irony in telling a blind person they don't look blind, because they can never see themselves to know if they look blind.
I loved this. It reminded me of when my parents say to look at who I'm talking and for some reason, I just can't. I tried to, a lot, but I can't. So this video really helped put it into perspective that I don't need to try and make them or any other able-bodied person comfortable. I seriously thought I was the only one who thought this way, but I guess not. Thank you, Molly ♥
I recently was talking with a lovely shopkeeper at the dog store who wanted to help out service dog users better and had asked if she could ask a few questions which I was ok with. She was a bit clueless but clearly ment very well and I had the energy and was in the mood to educate a bit. So she at one point asked how we worked together as a team and what her task were (again politely and willing to help, not demanding or derogatory) since she couldn't see any disability. And I casual mention I have 4 disabilities and want to start my next sentence explaining them a bit but before I can I see her like staring in almost horror to me like I would die any moment or something. I completely forgot that that is not a "normal" thing outside the disability community XD So I quickly assured her I was fine. But it does show how weirdly shaped some people's perception of disability is.
As a sighted person with nystagmus and strabismus, I thank you. It’s very hard to navigate how other people perceive you and to not want to appease able bodied people for the sake of their comfort.
I would never want to tell a blind person that they did or didn't look blind in a way that put any value or meaning to that, because it doesn't matter. I might say because I tend to speak my mind, or because I think they might find it interesting how they look, but it would never be a compliment or an insult, just a fact.
I know you already know this, Molly, but you’re doing such incredible work. Keep at it!💜
I’m sighted, but I have ADHD and I constantly struggle with my eyes flicking to anything my brain decides is visually interesting (or neutral depending on the type of stimulation my brain wants) and wandering all over the place while I converse with people. I’ve had people say I must be uncomfortable talking with them because I can’t maintain normal eye contact and I’m shifting my stance so much I must be uncomfortable (one when I was a teen even went so far as to compare me to scared animals), in school I had teachers try to call me out for not paying attention because of it, and I constantly worry about people thinking I’m rude. I have a persistent internal monologue running through my head about if I’m making too much or too little eye contact. I know it’s not the same kind of eye wandering, but it is definitely the same social pressure to spend extra energy and effort trying to mask something we really shouldn’t need to mask for the comfort of people who are closer to what our society considers the baseline for normal. I hope some day no one who is disabled, neurodivergent, or struggling with chronic illness/pain has the same pressure to put the amount of energy into masking as current generations do.
Molly, you're a real treasure. I'm having similar issues with not 'looking visually impaired'. Whenever I meet random folks they assume I'm training my guide dog, and we're not a working team. The reaction I get from some folks is upsetting. I also struggle to explain my condition to those who ask, but I'm also learning I don't need to justify or explain myself to everybody either. I think I'm still getting used to living with my sight loss journey, but my boy Guinness my guide dog has changed my life for the better. Sight loss is a wide spectrum and unfortunately, not enough people seem to know this. Keep going Molly, you're incredible.
My strabismus was fixed by getting glasses at five years old and because of that fix, I can't cross my eyes anymore.
Hi Molly. Thanks for posting this video. In the description, I’d seen a link to your audiobook which fit perfectly into my plans to read more non-fiction this month! It’s a great listen.
Thank you for sharing Molly. ❤
Thank you for sharing your life with us today and in every single video! Every time I see you turn towards people or try to stay focused in their direction I'm tired on your behalf for putting in that work. Also, it helps us and the people you interact with for you not to mask. The whole world needs to be comfortable with you as you are. it's our job to get comfortable with it. It's silly and unfair for anyone to expect you to pretend to have more vision than you do. As a sighted person, the last priority on earth should be how I feel about your blindness.
Thank you for putting in the hard work to educate us. You're helping the world eventually get to the point where anyone will be comfortable around any disabled person without that person doing anything other than living their life as they are.
I respond to the "You look good for a blank" backhanded compliment by asking where the person is from and then saying, "Wow, you look good for someone from Placetown! I would have no idea you were from Placetown if you hadn't told me. Seriously, I would almost guess you're from here, but coming from Placetown, yeah you actually look pretty good! "
You're putting in the hard work to educate us.
I made the announcement to my family and friends and coworker on Facebook recently that my most recent visit with ENT and Audiology came back that I am candidate for Cochlear implant and have less than 10% hearing left only in one ear. Being deaf, I have heard the you do not look deaf and the most recent one that pissed me off the most is - I not sure how you can live deaf I would not be able to live that way. The people that say these things I try and educate them without loosing my cool but man they make me so mad. They think because I cannot hear them that I do not know they say it. I use Live Transcribe on my phone so I always can figure out what people are saying most times using that app. Also I read lips really well. I Love your videos and helping to educate the world on not just the blind but other disabilities as well. Thank you Molly for all you do and keep positive and keep up the great work. Give all the animals snuggles for me as well.
“Normal” people, I gotta say, can just be real assholes more often than not! The way they get visibly (even audibly) annoyed whenever anything inconveniences or even just distracts them as they go about their day is mean! As a deaf and chronically ill person, I am sick and tired of the rest of the world‘s frustration with those who can’t keep up! I feel you!
I've been told things like "you're pretty for someone in a wheelchair" and "you dress nicely for someone in a wheelchair" (I was wearing skinny jeans, converse, and a t-shirt, my college "uniform.") UGH! I really didn't like hearing that. I'd rather just be told that I'm pretty and dress nicely.
On the flip side, as a plus size woman with a disability and legs that don't "look normal" (they bow a little, turn red or purplish from temperature changes, and my feet are very small and turn in) I have constantly dealt with wanting to hide my legs and feet with my clothes and being told what kinds of clothes were "appropriate" for me to wear. I would wear jeans in the middle of Louisiana summers, which can easily get into the 90s and 100s. I shaved or used hot wax despite the lack of sensation in my legs, constantly getting nicks, bruises, folliculitis, and even cellulitis which I had to be HOSPITALIZED FOR. I would wear swimsuits I didn't feel pretty in just because I was more covered up in them or would wear a big t shirt over them. I've stopped caring. If my hairy, bigger, unusually-shaped legs offend people, that's too bad.
People say to me "You don't look Deaf" and "You don't sound Deaf".... drives me absolutely crazy.
I agree I absolutely hate this phrase! I wrote a blog on this as I’m deaf and people always say ‘oh you don’t look deaf’ or ‘I wouldn’t of known ‘…. Even if I have my hearing dog with me I get asked ‘aw are you training them’
Oh my gosh! Thank you so much for this video! As a person with Cerebral Palsy I cannot tell you the amount of people who say "Wow! If you hadn't told me, I would never know... Or.. My fav.... it does not look like you have it." Either they are impressed or act like I am faking it. As if owe them something. Thank you Molly! So many great points❤️
You make a really good point. We need to get better at accepting people no matter what their disability might make them look like or not look like. I grew up being taught that that I needed to straighten my arm and hide it, so I didn’t stick out.
Amazing video molly, thankyou so much for educating us.