What Parental Burnout Looks Like (and How to Avoid It)
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- čas přidán 29. 06. 2024
- Raising children is not easy, and parents can get burnt out just like anyone else. But research shows that parental burnout seems to be unique compare to other kinds of burnouts.
*This episode was written and recorded before most parents around the world started homeschooling because of coronavirus safety measures. Some of the suggestions in the video don't apply in times of social distancing, but the big ones do so we still felt this was an important video to share right now. You're doing great, parents!
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Sources:
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I’m a SAHM and any time I express my burnout I just get told how lucky I am and that they wish they could stay home, so screaming into the void is my only option.
Uhhhh Cayla!!! I understand.
I understand
I agree with you 😫😫 it’s soooo annoying when they say that!
I feel you. Same here
You are so not alone.
I don’t think you can avoid burnout as a parent. Its just how it goes once you have kids . Never ending exhaustion.
Never ending.
You need time for yourself too
@@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314 Unfortunately, no one is obligated to give you that time. At the end of the day you're solely responsible for your kid. No one else feels any sort of impetus to step in. There's no social contract for children anymore, and things have become more difficult, legally speaking.
I now have the language to explain what I'm feeling. 16 years of single parenthood has definitely taken its toll.
I can imagine
Omg
Yessss. 16 years of single parenting for me, brought me to this video. I am exhausted and miss being kid free. I love my children but I am tired.
I definitely can agree with you I been parenting since I was 17, I’m 37 years old, my daughter is 20 and my son is 12 years old I’m really burned out as well
You need time for yourself too
I think the problem with our generation or current times is that we don’t raise children in communities anymore. Each Family just does their own thing in their bubbles instead of leaning on the family or community to help balance out all the activities that take to raise children. That’s how it is in many cultures and unfortunately that is not a normal thing in American culture that you lean on your extended family and the community around you to ensure that your kids are well taken care of. So of course you’re burnt out!
Exactly.
hurtfully true, we need a support system
you are absolutely right!
There is research that backs this up. Grandparents are extremely helpful in raising kids.
Christian fellowship is really helpful. ❤️
i'd love to see more research on parental burnout with disabled kids (i was one). they constantly have unmet needs, not enough resources and are put on pedestals as being inspirational. my mom raised me alone, with another kid, while on welfare and going through nursing school. NO ONE should have to do that without help. parental burnout can disrupt attachment and affect the mental health of the kids, as well
Yeah, fortunately I live in a country where there are a lot of social safety nets for parents of disabled children, and you get medically necessary tools free of cost (even something like heavy duty weighted blankets or aides for the blind and much more). Society making sure to take care of even those weakest makes the strongest and healthiest societies, so it's pretty shocking that in some countries people can even die from not affording insulin.
@@Call-me-Al Where in the world do you live ? ¿? ¿?
I agree. I have a child with special needs who essentially requires active attention 24/7. I do get social support from my government (and free health care), but it's not really adequate, and it seems the local government does everything in its power to deny us adequate help because it would hurt their budgets. But without it, I literally couldn't do this at all. No one can work 24 hours a day every day. I've been working 80+ hour weeks just taking care of my child for almost two years now, and it was only a few weeks ago was I finally granted enough help to allow me to sleep at night every night, though only until the end of May. One good thing to come out of the corona virus crisis...
@@itisdevonly God Bless you. I am the one with the special needs and my children are the ones getting the short end. They are not toddlers but, I see the difference between the 2 younger ones as how I raised my older ones. I had enough energy for my house work, to work outside, do things with them, and still have a wild time with my husband. Not now, I have to choose. That is of course never have time for me but they are my JOY.
I have a 4 year old with down syndrome and am a single mom. My family refuses to even acknowledge my burn out. No one ever even calls to see how either of us are doing. I constantly tell them I need a break but have to accept the response of others having their own lives to deal with. I'm so exhausted and its affecting my health. If I breakdown he has no one 😢
Being a single parent during the covid19 outbreak is tough.
You ain't lying
You need time for yourself too
I've never clicked a video so fast in my life.
Signed,
- Exhausted parent
We're cheering for you!
It makes me sad how much I relate
I came to the comments to say exactly this.
I don't have (human) kids myself, but my family had cats and kittens when I was growing up. I remember one kitten we raised... Jingle should have been in those Energizer commercials, not the bunny !! We were all exhausted just watching him. But boy, was he fun 😁 !! And mega adorable. That's the reason we didn't burn out - and he didn't get strangled for being an obnoxious brat 😁. That, and at least he had two older cats to bounce off of...
Good thing they helped us raise the Energizer Kitten.
You need time for yourself too.
I love our 14 month old daughter more than anything in the world but at the same moment I’m not ashamed to admit that the day when my mother in law takes her for 6-7 hours is my favorite day of the week. When I drop her off and walk to my car I almost fly from knowing that I’m about to have few hours to myself, few hours of freedom😍😍😍😍😍😍
Wish I had that, get that every couple of months
Good for you
@@Shakira8xo my thoughts exactly. Not hating… just saying must be nice
I have and 8, 2 & 1yr old and Wish I had this 😌 I get this once or twice a year 😮💨😮💨
Lucky
Aka, how to survive corvid quarantine if you're a parent?
What about bother and sister
@@USSAnimeNCC- I'm pretty sure it's the same w siblings. Especially the older ones. I'm 5 years older than my sister.
CORVID quarantine? We’re socially isolating those poor crows now?!
Courtney Schwartz We should. Whenever they get together, a murder takes place.
@@CourtneySchwartz I'm so glad I wasn't the only one who laughed at this.
@Kit Whitfield THIS 🤣
I love being a Mom, what burns me out is never enough money. They make it so expensive it's beyond understanding. I often have to choose between something for me or for my child, obviously I give it to my child which only lessens my health and makes me more tired than I should be. I don't get burn out from my child, I get burnt out trying afford all that we need and having to say hot water heater or washer gets fixed this year and the older they get the more their clothes cost, the more they eat etc. I love that growing, but my goodness, try buying a whole winter wardrobe, then a spring wardrobe, then a summer wardrobe and they grow every few months so....it's not the children's fault at all this society is just beyond sick when it comes to costs of basic needs. Pay for trash, water, electricity and taxes, etc. etc. What's left for the family?
Try sharing what you have give some of it to yourself you are important too
@@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382 When there simply isn't enough money, while that is a nice phrase, it means literally nothing. Each year, I and many of my friends, go without new clothes, I personally have tons of holes in my clothes, go without food, go without basically everything because your child MUST come first. There's just not enough for both Mom and child, period, end of story. So Mom has to kill herself slowly, giving all of herself, for her child to be successful. We literally just turned in cans to buy some food yesterday. Gas is over $5 and milk is $8. LOL!! Well to do families get free perks the rest of us don't get. It's more expensive to be poor. If Moms were important to the world, we wouldn't be in this situation. You are very wrong to say that I am important. The moment you have a baby, you become less than by society standards. I've never felt more hate being a Mom than anytime in my life. It's like this secret world of abuse, they don't tell you about until after you give birth. When we ask about it, they say, "if we told the truth about how horrible it all is, women would stop having babies; we must lie to them to keep them breeding." Full stop, the staff told to me in the doctors office because they ran out to the waiting room where we all were and hushed us up, and were very mad we were talking truth. When I started saying you get blisters when you breast feed and it's mad painful, why don't they tell us this before we have babies and all sorts of unfair that goes on in the treatment of Mothers, medical staff said SHUT UP, they will abort all these babies today - don't tell women the truth. Women are still second class citizens and you don't learn that until you're a Mom, especially a good one. Men are given such a pass it staggers the mind. They have it soooo much easier, Moms are choking on it.
A Father takes his child to the park and sits on the bench checking his phone while his child plays, peeps be like ohhh what a great Father. A Mom take her child to the park and sits on the bench checking her phone, what a neglectful Mother, doesn't even play with her child. The hatred toward Mothers that basically do it all is beyond comprehension. Men load the dishwasher, they're Father of the year. When you become a Mom you do 200k work of work for free. You become the cook, the maid, the bookkeeper, emotional labor, while working a full time job, then come home to a full time job and I don't know a single Mom who says her husband/boyfriend even does a tenth of what she does. Men are just the third child and it's easier to do it without them, picking up their messes or cleaning their skid marks that they still can't stop and they're grown men. What is going on with that?? LOL!!!!!! People who say platitudes like you, with respect, just really haven't been out in the working world. Coddled people say that. People with back up families to raise their children. Leave child with Gram all day and all that. Most of us are alone and don't have family, no Aunts, no Uncles, No Mom, No Dad, No Gram or Gramps. Just us and our child. You get sick or hurt, you're child is going to suffer because there is no back up. Most just don't realize how hard it is on the majority because they pass off the majority of the child raising to a daycare or family member, those of us in the thick of it see how unfair and rigged it is against women and Moms. Be well and take care. :)
@@juliebella1221 thank you for the explanation
@@parentingbeyondbehaviours6382 :)
Agreed. Prevention is the cure. Don't sleep with broke men.
Yes ! Finally someone said something! Parents ( mothers usually) around me are always tired. They refused to leave their kids with a relative, refuse to hire a cleaning service and prepare all meals for the kids ( even if the kid can make a sandwich by himself). The fact is that they have been taught that the mother who enjoys her time is a bad mom. They're basically don't want be judged harshly by others.
I feel like that's the motivation for a lot of things women do. They're afraid of being judged by other women because women are socially brutal.
WHo the heck can afford a cleaning service?
probably some people
@@alexlawson4173 Probably..but I think that a lot of people who really need one for mental health reasons are the ones that can't really afford things like that. That's is part of the reason that they suffer from burn out.
faeriesmak it doesn't have to be professional, any person who need some cash can come and clean.
I'm the father of a 16 year old, a 13 year old and a 6 year old. I could have told these researchers about parental burnout without all the trouble of doing a study. It is real. It sucks. Therapy helps.
Are u single
@@lafayette222 No.
@@lafayette222 im curious if that has to do with anything ?
Said like a true man lol 🤦♀️🤣
You need time for yourself too
I have been parenting for 20 years, 13 of those as a single parent. I had so much hope as a new parent. Even up through the middle school years, I was still going strong. But these past 5 years, since I hit my 40’s, have been so hard. I just feel exhausted and am ready for them to be grown and on their own. I love my kids, but I am physically and emotionally drained.
You need time for yourself too
Parenting burnout is absolutely real. Self-care is key to fighting burnout, but finding time and energy for that, especially if you're a single parent or have a spouse with a heavy work schedule, is damn near impossible.
I imagine there's a lot of burnout happening right now with parents stuck at home with their kids for weeks or months straight with nowhere to go and ideas for activities dwindling. Especially with many families experiencing financial distress.
My husband works a lot of hours. We basically see each other 2 days out of the week. We have a senior in HS, a 6, 4 yr old & 18 month old. A tube tie failure gave us our little caboose. We love our children so much but by the time he gets home to us for two days he’s working on getting home jobs done or trying to decompress with tv. There’s no date nights, etc. we can’t seem to get away from our kids for a break. And their 2 remaining grandparents are 3 hrs away & hardly come to visit. We are rural and it can feel really isolated sometimes. We love the country life but not having anyone reliable, close to help catch a break gets totally exhausting.
You need time for yourself too
You need time for yourself too
1) If your kid has more than one extracurricular activity, that's too many. Find their passion and nurture it. It will feel more fulfilling to both of you and will make both of your day less stressful.
2) While they are doing their thing, do your thing. Stop trying to fit more crap into your schedule. Just breathe. Things will get done eventually. It's ok to be selfish for an hour or two.
3) Our kids just want a good parent. They don't care if we aren't perfect.
4) You want happy kids and your kids want a happy parent. That should be your goal. Forget about what society will say; as long as everyone at home is healthy and happy, it will be ok.
🤗❤️🤗
I STRONGLY disagree with your first point. While it might be less stressful on the parent, everyone can really enjoy a wide variety of things, and forcing someone into just one under the guise of it "being more fulfilling" is just cruel. If you need to reduce the number of activities a kid is doing, at least be honest about why you're doing it, whether it's for time or financial reasons.
@@RonnocFroop Who talked about forcing? Help your child find one passion and he/she will stick to it and excel at it.
If your kids can find just the one passion, great, but kids can greatly enjoy a huge variety of things, and trying to exclude all but one under the false idea of "nurturing" it can be harmful. If I hadn't been allowed to be very into both fencing AND music because my parents thought I couldn't handle more than one passion I would have lost out on a number of job opportunities as an adult, even though neither has started a career.
@@RonnocFroop Now you are exaggerating. First world problems always win I guess. Most kids don't have the privilege of one let alone several extracurricular activities. And they aren't harmed by it.
You are that exact parent that their kids wishes he/she would chill. It isn't that big deal to breathe and spend time as a family after just the piano lessons.
You don't have to rush them to their karate class and then ballet before going to a drive thru to pick up dinner - that they eat in the car - get home to do their homework and then sent to bed with a kiss goodnight if they are lucky.
Nurture one talent/passion. They don't need to be busy all the time and neither should you.
Learn to breathe.
I wouldn't be so hard headed about it if I didn't have 3 adult children who are happy and fulfilled.
It took no effort on my part or theirs because they did what they loved and I was able to be there for all of them. They all work in a related field to their passions and they are grateful of the time we have spent together.
Chill. Seriously.
@@PRDreams the world needs more people like you in it. Bless.
I love your video. I think this pandemic has taught people the importance of multiple streams of income, unfortunately having a job doesn't mean financial security. I really appreciate the transparency and giving people a fighting chance during this troubling times.
I totally agree with you. I see a lot of young and old making mistakes that I don't think they should. I believe everyone should have an investment plan that improves their financial stability. The investment can be your retirement plan or your future plan, whatever you want, but the most important thing is that you have an investment plan that pays off.
@@julianvanscoyk2991 You are right! I lost my Job during the pandemic, I lost almost everything I had including my savings. I started an investment which today is the reason I have my own business.
I agree with you 100%. Did you know that the unemployment rate increased significantly between 2020-2021. people found themselves unemployed. we should not depend solely on wages and salaries.
I love my daughter but I really cannot stand kids I am an absolute introvert while she is an absolute extrovert and she tires me out so freaking quickly it’s not even funny.
Kristalia Astari I really relate to what you said. I am an extreme introvert and even though my 2 boys are not really extroverted they sap all of my energy pretty quickly. I hope that you are doing ok and can get some time to yourself during this stressful, stressful time.
Why did you have a child then?
@@sunfeatherX3 That was uncalled for.
@@faeriesmak why was it uncalled for? If a person says they can't stand donuts, then you see them chewing on one, typically one will ask why. You of course don't have to answer, but why is it uncalled for?
@@sunfeatherX3 Because parenting is a choice. Just how you choose which donut you want to eat.
I love my babies so much and wouldn’t trade them for the world, but it is extremely stressful.. mentally, physically & financially. I’m a single mom of 3 kids & the only “break” or adult time I get is going to work 2-3 days a week (that’s all I can afford babysitter wise) it’s mentally exhausting & I hate the stigma that mothers shouldn’t be tired/stressed out & we should just feel no other feeling but blessed & happy (which we do also) but we make mistakes, we get irritated, we get overwhelmed & believe it or not, WE ARENT SUPERHEROS. We are human beings with feelings.
You need time for yourself too
I'm not a parent but I'm a nanny. I've NEVER seen my bosses parent their kid. At this time of crisis--they still get to go to work and I am left with their child for 2 months straight now. No school, no activies, limited outside time, none whatsoever. The 2 of us trapped in a small apartment every single day and I am at the end of my rope! This is why I never want to have a child. *help*
I am sorry. I know people who are like this. They actually have one parent who works in a school so she is home right now and they are STILL sending their 3 children to daycare. Good luck. I am at home trying to home school a 13 year old boy who ADHD and anxiety issues...and take care of my elderly mother who lives with us.
I was a nanny, too. Once 5pm hit, I was out that beautiful door.
This was a year a go. I hope you found a better position friend.
You need time for yourself too
I'm really loving Anthony. He is doing a great job.
You need time for yourself too
Be interesting to hear how parents experience the stress & workload of kids with disability or chronic medical conditions.
CelesteofOz As a parent of 2 kids that both have conditions I would say that it’s harder. Part of the difficulty for me was always that Grandparents wouldn’t even take my boys when they were little because they didn’t want to deal with them. They watch and take my husbands brothers 3 kids almost weekly...they never, not even once took our kids for more than an hour alone.
@@faeriesmak I'm sorry to hear that.
As "a kid with a condition" (and an only child) i do think that my parents ended up focusing on me a lot more than was healthy for either of us. They ended up burnt out and piled on high expectations/ideals on me to make their investment in me seem "worth it". And I... well... I have not been okay with all this for as long as I can remember being a person of my own.
Honestly, no one wins when a kid has a disability. The parents have more burnout and stress to deal with, and develop unhealthy coping mechanisms... society doesn't always treat the kid fairly (especially in the non-western world)... and the kid, evidently, suffers more than its "normal" counterparts.
I always wished i was normal so that my parents weren't burdened by me (and other equally important but irrelevant to this comment things).
But like... here we are. I hope you found healthy ways to cope.
My parents never did (I think)... and honestly, neither did I.
I wish your family well.
Basically, it’s worse. But you get seen as more of a monster if you talk about it.
We're not allowed to discuss how we truely feel or we'll be shamed for it.
What I can say is that I can't get a babysitter due to my sons level of disabilities, my family died unexpectedly 3 years ago and I can't afford respite so I'm raising my son alone (his father bailed early on).
@@DiscoTimelordASD really sorry to hear that! This is not how society should function. We are supposed to help each other. Here in Australia, we get a fair bit of support from the government, but if you're in USA I imagine not. 😶 I can imagine people truely breaking under those conditions. I imagine the things that go thru your mind.. you are just human, not bad. People who haven't gone thru this have no place to judge. Hugs 😢
And where would one find this "non-judgemental space".
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
I'm beyond burnt out. No physical or emotional support. Now what...
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
My older children blame the youngest, for my BURNOUT. Definitely my health is declining and is a huge part of my BURNOUT. I am young in age and should not be out of energy to take care of my children but the chronic pain keeps me exhausted. My family is paying the price for my Bad Chronic Pain and Extremely Exhausted.
growing up with a burnt out parent is especially hard. it sucks being a kid and feeling like your parent doesn't love you or want you.
There are significant differences between a burned-out parent and a destructively narcissistic parent. Make sure you're not mistaking the latter type of innately abusive parent for one who is just overwhelmed or burned out.
Why is everyone all the sudden diagnosing everyone else narcissistic? Not to trivialize your experience but it just seems like now everyoneeee is a narcissist...
You need time for yourself too
I'm experiencing this now. I have 2 babies under 2 years old and a 5 year old with severe ADHD. I wish there was an escape. I'm exhausted and I love my children but I honestly hate my role as a mother. I can never relax, it's never ending.
When I was in my late 20s to early 30s, a lot of friends or coworkers were getting married. The peer pressure to get married with children was unbelievably high. But I avoided it. I said "I don't think I'm ready to be a parent." One person who supported me on that was my friend's older sister. She made it clear parenthood can be extremely difficult to a very unfair level - not to be underestimated. When I was in college, I saw a lot of guys "date to the extreme" but couldn't envision them genuinely getting up at three in the morning to change diapers or take care of a baby with cholic. They'd rather be out playing video games, partying at a campus tailgater or campus party, running off to a beach for spring break or working out at the gym - not being a parent of an infant. A lot of those early marriages of "college sweethearts" ended in divorce or infidelity. As for me, I have held out into my 50s thus far - lol. But someday when I grow up maybe I'll get married. For now, I work full time as a biomedical engineer while working on a PhD in Data Science at Arizona State.
You need time for yourself too
My parents didn’t even show up to my Highschool graduation.... they still Tell me how stressful it was to ignore me. Not everybody should have kids.
That’s actually heartbreaking.
Sorry you had to go through that 🙏🏽
You need time for yourself too
I'm burned out. But I'll continue to do everything for my kids because I don't want them molested, family or not. Not risking it.
Here because im Currently burned the hell out
I thought this was going to be about how difficult it is to take care of parents as their adult child.
It is. The video suggests parents get exhausted because they lack social skills and have self-defeating mental patterns.
@@654pedro123 I need that as well. I am doing both.
what's that quote I've seen going around, "now most former material 'adulthood' milestones are growing unachievable, we're moving to emotional maturity ones, and seeing just how many older adults never actually grew up in comparison"
hell, what about playing therapist and emotional support rock for your mom from the time you hit ten and had to emotionally suppress yourself to feeling nothing. gotta love being an only/eldest daughter...
(100% not going against your point i wanna be clear. honestly i wanna see *both* these things explored more in popular places like this channel instead of commiserating in small groups over crap childhoods)
@@3possumsinatrenchcoat Good observations. That would make an interesting video or several!
@@3possumsinatrenchcoat I agree with you..and also I agree with your user name.
I’d be curious to see how many parents experience burnout over the course of parenthood (especially those first seven or eight years)
Anecdotally I’ve worked in childcare for 12+ years and nearly all the parents I’ve worked with have expressed or shown signs of burnout at some point.
One burnout mom here
You need time for yourself too
I'm in year four and I feel it.
I have 3 kids , my youngest is 3. The parental burnout is real!! ( i love them more than anything, but yeah, we need breaks sometimes!)
I have 4 and my youngest is 1. I love them all unconditionally. A sister be tired though. Im not looking for anyone to raise my children. Just have to remain sane and balanced.
@@mizjohnson123 I felt this ❤️
You need time for yourself too
I was a single Mom since pregnancy. My main stress was financial, once i got financially stable i never felt burnouts at all with my daughter. She was the perfect baby and perfect child now.....BUT got married and decided to have another baby .. i hate to admit this, but i been miserable, burnout. My son since newborn has been difficult. Hes almost 2 now and i cant go anywhere with him. I recently had an anxiety attack and i been beyond exhausted to a point i been getting many blood tests to see whats happened to my body. I can barely go to the gym anymore i always been fit and full of energy. I always loved cooking making new recipes, now im too tired for it, i dony paint 🎨 anymore i don't meditate anymore i feel like lost. I feel so guilty feeling this too. I love my son but children's personality plays a big role too bcux my daughter is and always been so easy to care for. I thought my second child would be the same. So if you have a perfect easy child and feel good in your life and considering having a second child.... Think about it!! Is a total different human being and who knows what personality that child will have. Again i LOVE my son but i also feel trapped in the house like i cant take him anywhere or eat a nice lunch or enjoy a park. Is not fun being a Mom with him but it was so much fun with my daughter.
Honestly I think a lot of parents experience burn out due to their social structures collapsing after having children. Most people tend to keep less connections after marriage and even less after childbirth. I feel like if they were able to keep their connections or form strong new ones with other parents, they may have an easier time with raising kids. I know my dad (single parent) sent my siblings and I off to friends houses frequently on the weekends and during the summer time just so he had time to recuperate and get things done. My friends parents would do the same and send their kids to come visit us for weeks at a time as well.
it's wrong to have kids thinking that you will be able to force somebody else to take care of them for you. but that's just my opinion.
@@szinga it was never forced though. They would take turns week to week on where their kids would go. Most parents don't mind having a friend of their kids over for a few days if it means they can get time away from their own kids in exchange
@@rachellee5797 yes, but you can't have kids assuming that will be the case. some people are very entitled and think everyone around them should be happy to babysit their kids when they go do something less annoying.
@@szinga I'm aware of that. I'm just saying that if parents would keep their social structures, they'd be able to deal with parenting better. Parents who experience burn out seem to not have anyone to turn to. Honestly I don't think people should have kids at all, but those who do should prepare and keep connections that keep themselves healthy and mentally well without hindering others.
That sounds like a great arrangement! I wish that I had something like that.
Great video. I like how you get to the point and maintain a great flow of speaking. That’s easier to process for stressed out parents. 🤷♀️
You need time for yourself too
My 7 year old boy drain my emotional and physical energy every single day. He is a very nice boy to teachers and others but not to parents. Im extremely frustrated about my life.
You need time for yourself too.
You need time for yourself too.
My 6 year old is the same. It seems that he argues with me about anything, hits me, yells at me. On top of that, I left with him because of war 5 months ago. It's only us two 24/7, he cannot attend kindergarten yet. I feel like I want to go to sleep and just never wake up.
I had parents burn out..and I dont have it no more cause I gave them to their dad to deal with them. That's how you get rid of burn out.
👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽👏🏽 I will be doing the same when she turns 10 unfortunately 😩. Maybe older. He is unstable and she is high functioning autism and vulnerable. I hoping sooner than later but he hasn't change. I don't trust ppl with young children unless they are being watch on camera but your right, if you don't have the issue I have with my child father give them TO THEIR FATHERS. I wish there were a website to put deadbeat parents on. So no one smart would sleep with them.
You need time for yourself too.
I have this problem and it is multiple by the situation of chronic debilitating pain. I was not a perfect parent but I was 85% better to my other children. My last child is only getting leftovers. She is also my hardest child to raise because, she is smart, headstrong. She had so much energy, we all have a hard time keeping up.
You need time for yourself too
@@exclusivegemsforbusymother2314 This month I am finally getting some time. I am using it to catch up on chores that I haven't done in years. Next month, I am going to re-study a book to get a State License so I can work.
Yes, time for myself means a better life for my family not just me.
I have 2 year old TWINS and burnout/ DEPRESSION is killing me havent had a break or caught up since giving birth 😣😭💔
@Katelynn thanks for the advice finally got daycare after 2 years so hopefully things even out it's been a long week
After 5 years of knowing him and the twins Turned 3 in March now their dad haven't helped or spoke with me in months But I Kno God will make a way I'm never giving up!
It’s not easy. I currently homeschool my 5 year old and almost 4 yo and one of them has developmental challenges. And no fam in the area to help. But reflecting on what helps I would say...get sleep. Cut back on caffeine if you aren’t sleeping well. Read a kids Bible with your kids and do art with them. Go on walks together. Physical rest is so key-if you can work less and live on less so you have more time to rest that’s ideal. my husband and I could be making honestly four times or more what we make now but time and rest man-you can’t buy time. and if your kids need to watch an hr of sthg everyday so you can lie in bed that’s fine. Better than having a headache amd blowing up at them.
Also keep the house REALLY simple. Give them one stuffed animal, a box of crayons and a puzzle and a few books. And just pack everything ese up and bring it out if they ask for it. I used to spend hrs cleaning up and getting so mad at my kids for not being tidy and now it’s so simple and they don’t even ask for half the stuff i packed away. Use ur imagination with them.
Learn sthg together that you want to learn eg capitals of the world.
Teach them the concept of quiet time-even that for five minutes NOBODY is going to say anything and whoever does this gets a priZe! teach them that you’re not always available to talk. They will be okay for five minutes and u can hold up a sign that says “quiet time” or “independent time” and gradually lengthen the time and then give them a big hug and quality time after.
Hire a babysitter even once a month and go eat some Chinese and walk around target alone.
Get out of the house with ur kids. It is a rough day when we stay home all day. Yea there is Covid but go to Walgreens or walk around somewhere.
Get used to eating out with ur kids alone. I take my kids out alone to my favorite pho place and yes they are really loud sometimes but whatever. we have fun. Don’t stay home.
Sometimes I feel like I’m in an insane asylum and I can’t take anymore. Sometimes in the same day one or both of them give me a BIG hug and we do something fun together or they finally understand a concept I’m teaching and I feel like we’re going to “make it.” just know that you’re not alone if you feel like this is the hardest thing you’ve ever done, hug your kids a lot, and take breaks.
Thank you 😭 it's hard for both my husband and I with no support !
You need time for yourself too.
Same boat as you guys, just two parents and zero help.
It takes a village. Being there to love and care for the kids in your life, especially when you are not the parent, probably helps out the parents a lot.
Katrina Eames omg..I wish that I would have had that.
Yes, ma’am. This is true. An older women held a door open for my kids and I without me even asking. It’s the little things. ☺️
Single mom of 2 boys and I am completely exhausted. I feel physically and emotionally drained every single second of every day right now. Really hoping for a change!
You need time for yourself too
Yes me too mine is almost 14 months old, & rn it’s horrible ox
I have a family's member who continues to complain about parenthood, how "haaarrrdd" it is to be a mother, how stressed she is, she doesnt have time to accomplish simple tasks, cant groom herseld properly, cant clean the house, her life is just harder than anyone else......
The next sentence she talks about "wanting another baby"
You need time for yourself too.
This needs more views, great video. Subscribed.
You need time for yourself too.
Lovely video! Helped for my research and a video!
You need time for yourself too.
Here's the thing. If your kid is an "easy" kid, and is well behaved, and you have a good support system and get a lot of breaks, you are in the shade with lemonade and have it made! BUTTT, if your kid/s is NOT an easy kid, or is special needs or whatever, constant horrific meltdowns that make you wanna jump off a bridge, and you have zero support, zero help... you're basically on survival mode, feeling exhausted and resentful. No, it's not the kids fault, the kids didn't ask to be born, but come on, let's be real here. I can't wait until my kids are older, so they can mature and I can actually enjoy their company!
Exactly I do not have a well behaved kid. I only have one and he drains my energy and is disrespectful.
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
I'm a stay at home dad going through school while helping my disabled wife, I feel like I'm becoming distant and angry and that is not who I want to be, I consistently feel like a bad father because I am emotionally distant and disconnected from my daughter who already has issues with communication.
I learned that I am autistisc after I became a parent. Because I am a woman I have always been able to 'hide' it. Not consciously but because I was able to adapt in some ways resulting in depressions and anxiety from the age of 12.
When I became a parent the lack of sleep, the breastfeeding and the no time for myself anymore really did a number on me. The irony is that I am a nurse in a psychiatric hospital. So I saw myself from a distant becoming someone prone to have post natal depression. After a few days /weeks without barely any sleep I couldn't stand hearing my baby cry, having the urge to throw him a cross the room (which I didn't do of course) and reacting angry when he cried. My husband luckily stepped in and I called my doctor as soon I noticed this behaviour in myself.
It was a shock though to learn I am autistic. I'm still struggling. But luckily my son has grandparents that love to have him over for a day or two so that we can rest. PS. My husband is also autistic, but that we knew from the get go. Now that I know I am I realise why we get along so well haha
I have wondered if I am autistic myself, i am also female with a 3 year old daughter and 26 years old. How did they officially diagnose your autism?
@@mirellefritz9862 They gave me a questionnaire and also my mom about my childhood. And they asked for specific things like being sensitive for noises or fabrics and not knowing how to cope with change.
You need time for yourself too
Having a disability, but not eligible for disability benefits, and being a single parent, is completely exhausting.
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
Thank you that was very helpful information
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
Some of us have NO help. I won't be having anymore children.
Parents: *"No, having children is the best decision you'll ever make."*
- Corona hits, everyone in lockdown at home with their kids-
Me: *"So, how's your best decision now?"*
Still good. My kids are good distractions. Plus, acting calm and unstressed for their sake gives me a real "fake it till you make it" sense of actual calm.
Nothing has changed for me. I homeschool my kids. Even though sometimes I get exhausted with all the responsibilities, if I get a good night's sleep, all is well.
Having my own kids was a great idea. Watching my MIL's foster kids while they're out of school was not. I'm starting to hate kids...
As exhausted that I am, I don't regret any of my Beautiful Blessings. It's my health that gets in the way of doing more for them and myself.
My dad just has me, and I'm 14 and generally well behaved so we get along fine
This is what I'm feeling right now. 😭
You need time for yourself too.
I'm 15 and I obey my mom to the max, and I do everything for my sister!
Everyday, I come home from school and the 1 st thing I do, is give her my phone...don't want any distractions, then I do my homework, then all the chores for that day, which must be done to my moms satisfaction. Then I do whatever she tells me to do with no back talk or arguing.
With my sister, I do ALL of her chores and let her take all the credit so she gets paid for them. I clean up ALL of her messes. When she does something wrong, I take blame for it so she dont get in trouble. I do all of her homework so she can do what she wants to do! I never argue with her! When we are both home....I wait on her hand and foot....she never has to lift a finger!
So that thing my doctor called post-partum depression ... was probably (a fast/early) parental burnout.
I don't know what to do with this info. Good thing the treatment I got seems to have worked ...
Post partum depression is common and very real. It is much more severe than burnout!
No..it was probably post partum depression. It takes awhile to develop parental burnout.
That’s What I’m thinking
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
Took care of an expensive fake baby like 2 years ago for a high school and i burned out but he 1st time it cried, i shall never have kids. Pressed the kill switch
I've been in burnout mode for over a year now. My Grandmother essentially raised me while my Mom worked. Fast forward to me with kids and I barely get one day a month to myself. I wish I was merely a happy little robot most of the time. I love my babies, 2 and 3, but without time to yourself to invest in your own mental/physical well being you just become a husk. 😭
You need time for yourself too
Kids challenge your marriage, your mental health, and physical health. But getting through it brings you closer together, and much happier.
Be kind to yourself. Take 30 mins to 1 hour "me time" every day and switch with your spouse. Take that time to do a hobby, shower alone, go for a walk or jog, listen to music, whatever you want. You'll both feel so much better. You are important too, and you are a person outside of a parent and spouse.
Once a week, regardless of Covid, get a babysitter and have a date. Your mental health and couple life matters, even in a pandemic. Don't let anyone shame you for doing that! 1 babysitter is always allowed.
Wise words
You need time for yourself too.
Thank you.
I love my 16 month old daughter with every fiber of my being - but if I could afford to pay a babysitter or had a family member who could take her for just one day a week, I would jump at it in a heartbeat. We parent better when we make time to take care of ourselves. Some of us don’t have the help to make that time.
You need time for yourself too.
Smh this is really sad . …but very true
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
Please pray for me. I’m struggling.
I believe I am burnedout from my University, I am near the end of it but I don't see me finishing it. I just have 2 more courses to go, the two of which I failed last year . My parents think I am lazy, but it is not like I don't like studying, I am still studing a lot on my free time I am constantly doing courses and workshops. People tell me to insist on it, because I am so close to ending it but I cant' stand being in that place anymore, it is so unpleasurable and I often feel shamed and embarrassed of being there, most teachers act as if I am stupid or try to demoralize me and I really hate the idea of graduating there.
Many universities have resources for people in your situation. can you look up your university and "mental health"? In my country there were confidential programs that helped students out - from talking to their professors to helping with one year off and go through therapy - sometimes by just finding the right ressources. You do not have to be alone in this.
I had to interrupt my studies for 2 years of therapy. then i was able to finish. i did not have a lot left, too. I am very glad i made this!
I agree with the suggestion to check out your schools mental health services. I was in the same situation that you were in. I managed to finish but I wish that I had gotten help.
You need time for yourself too.
Great suggestions. I don't know how people afford babysitters. It would be different and helpful.
Is joyful but very tiring. I didn’t think it was this hard!! 😅
You need time for yourself too.
Im a proud parent of an 8 month old and I understand how easy burnout can happen. You get stuck in the same routine, work-home-work and it sucks. Ive already told my wife that we should have a small break (day or so) but I think she would feel guilty leaving our kid with someone else.
But we need the break! Lol
You are right I hope she learns how to take a well deserved break
You need time for yourself too
You need time for yourself too
2800 days left before i’m free. I can’t wait to not have to be home everyday to make food i don’t eat just to clean dishes i don’t use.
I'm a step parent and I certain have been feeling burned out. I have no kids of my own and trying to help raise 3 girls is very tough. I'm 26 and they are 12, 10, and 7. Somedays are harder than others
Are you still married ? Seems like your super young to be tied down !
@@sunnyctv7526 yeah I'm still married, I'm 28 I think I may just appear young.
You need time for yourself too.
thank you, what is the name of the research about the diffrent change in the brain between parental butnout and other burnout?
You need time for yourself too.
I don't understand, my girlfriend
is so mean to her daughter. She says 7 - 8 grades of an 8 year old instead of straight 10s is not acceptable.
So the ballet clothes that I have paid for, won't get bought.
My poor darling child has lost her confidence after 24 months of no schooling due the draconian Brazilian covid societal hijacking.
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
I'm avoiding parental burnout by avoiding parenthood. ;) Removal of faulty organs ftw!
Currently experiencing 😔
You dont have to be perfect to be a perfect parent.
I hear you brother. We too were burnt out & didnt know how much longer we could hold out. Then, one day,
when he was 17 he came to us with a paper & told us he wanted to join the US Marines. me & his Mamma
jumped out of our chairs & high 5 each other. We couldnt hardly believe it. We might just get our lives back.
We might become a couple again. Oh, hell yeah, we signed his paper & he joined the US Navy, became a
hospital corpsmans served with a USMC artillery unit in Afghanistan & Iraq both. he done us proud. After
many many many sleepless nights He come home safe & sound. At home after a mis start to become a
doctor, he found he LOVES banking. Today He works for a HUGH agricultural financing company,has
become one of their top men. Yeah, he done us proud. I dont know how it is he has done so well. he didnt
learn that from me.
!
Mom with autism, it’s daily for me. But one starts school soon so I plan on napping with the smaller one. I also stay up late by myself.
Well, i hope i'll be ready for kids one day. I wanna have that
Knowing is half the battle. You need a parent-self and parent-couple balance the same way you need a healthy work-life balance. Of course the parent component is much bigger than the work one, but you and your partner/s will still need time as well.
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
Just watch the stewie loves louis on family guy. My son calls for mommy like stewie
Been this burnt for years.. unfortunately I have little emotional support in my life😞💔
Does anyone remember that commercial with the talking stain? That's what children are like for your thoughts.
As a father of two daughters of 13 and 10 I can say I’m there. The early teen years with another tween right behind her. They both are high maintenance that deal with anxiety issues. Yes I love them with all my heart but I feel like a hamster on a wheel half the time. It’s like shoveling crap uphill expecting the same results no matter what I approach I take.
Parent of a 11 yr old girl...and I wanna admit I hate it here!
nice host!
Thanks, this was helpful.
Also, social distancing Little league practice. Gotcha. ;)
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
My level after 30 years non stop. 1000000000🐦✔🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥🔥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👂👎👎👎👎👎👎👎👎💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀💀🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤕🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤒🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤧🤜🤦🤛
My mom is always stressed out and she plans it on everyone around her normally me.... and just yells at me... even when I try to do everything for her she tells me I didn't do those things.
You need time for yourself too.
I think I've been in this state for at least 5 or 6 years. My daughter is 7. I don't want to get out of bed but I do for my child. I have manic depressive episode already. All o ever feel like is shutting myself away from the world, I believe that part of my problem is my perfectionism and I feel like a awful mum because I was amazing over the top active loving mum . I need help with a good morning routine and I'm going to quit social media. Thanks
Love our second child but I work 12 hour shifts and on the days off I have him whilst my girlfriend goes to work. It’s shameful to say and think but I cannot wait for the day he goes to play school. No time to see friends or have a minute to myself due to the workload of house work too. Yes I could get things done when he sleeps for an hour but honestly I just want to sit on the sofa in silence during that time. Is it normal to feel this way? I certainly did t feel this way with my first.
So my babies going to kill me , agh. Well it was a good run 😂
You need time for yourself too, get lots of self care
That's why it takes a village!
Just make sure you don't "talk it out" to one who has decided NOT to have children. We understand that parenting is hard, that's the main reason why we don't want to deal with such problems. Hence we don't want to deal with your problem either...
So I guess you never talk about your problems with someone who does not share those same problems?
Some people do nothing but complain every time you talk to them, and it can be a drain on your mental health to stay friends with such a person. However, if your friend happens to have kids and happens to complain about the struggle of having kids every now and then....well, suck it up and remember they listen to you when you complain about something that might not be relevant to them.
Point taken, good highlight.
I think it's different if you choose not to take part in an endeavor that includes such problems than if you just happen to not have such problems. I mean if you actively live your life to avoid these issues, it's kinda rude to rub it in the face.
But true story, it's not written on my forehead that I don't want any children. So yeah... thanks for the headsup
Someone said enjoy them when they're in the womb 😂 but that's when responsibilities start kicking in
This episode of SciShow Psych clearly produced before COVID-19 closed all the things. (Please sand help!)
...How much sand do you want?
WWZenaDo 😞
@@geekbruin - Sorry, I couldn't resist.
@@geekbruin I needed the laugh, thank you for helping to brighten my day!
Dealing with whiny brats who have no concept of hygiene is stressful? Who would have guessed?
"parental burnout" Huh never thought in my lifetime I would hear something like that being thrown around. So thanks I guess. doesn't really answer too many questions for me
Perfection doesn’t exist in nature, the most beautiful flower will have at least one marred petal. We are subject to our nature, don’t hold yourself to ideals of perfection.
I have an 8 year old, 2 n a half year old and 14month old. My babies mean more than the world to me❤️ but some days I feel like "I can't do this anymore 😪 Stress be real😌😮💨
You need time for yourself too.
When I get my 4 year old daughter I'm happy , after a few hours I feel like I run out of things to do with my daughter. Almost like if I get bored and I get stressed overwhelmed. I feel like I'm not doing my job as a dad and need big improvements . The rest of my day goes by with shame . Once I drop her off I miss her and feel guilty for not being a good dad ; I've been feeling like this for the past 2 months now and I don't know how to fix this . I don't know of anyone can relate?
Take her to the fair, the play ground, watch a movie( like The Incredibles..)once a week. With popcorn, read a story during bed time. Take her for a bike ride. Double bike where both can enjoy. Lastly don't have anymore. The truth hurts but you may not be a kid person. I don't question your love for your daughter, not one bit. However if you love her you will try and keep trying.
You need time for yourself too.
@@phenitagomes1292 I just saw this ; thanks for the advice and time to reply!
@@phenitagomes1292 you are right ! This actually what I've been doing . Thanks for your help very kind
My solution was a vasectomy.
I'm on year four and I'm already tired, lol.