How to Get What You Want All the Time with Former FBI Negotiator Chris Voss | Real Talk
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- čas přidán 13. 05. 2024
- @realtalkwithmarissa
Former FBI hostage negotiator Chris Voss spent his career navigating life-or-death situations. In this episode of Real Talk, Chris shows PragerU CEO Marissa Streit how many of the skills he used while communicating with bank robbers and terrorists can be applied to our own personal relationships with our kids, spouses, and even in our careers. If you want better tools for effective communication, we invite you to listen in.
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#negotiation #fbi #podcast
Lol The joy in Chris's face when he mirrorered her knowing she wasn't aware of it was Priceless
Chri's book is a fascinating read. My employer bought a copy for our whole sales staff. The change of perspective has help with my own business and personal relationships. Very impressed that Prager U is sharing such a relevant and practical interview.
OK. I've seen like 10 or something interviews like this with Chris and that one is one of the best. I love like the whole discussion is guided. They're listening to reach other not just doing Q&A where the "A" is sometimes less important for the host than the "Q". Congrats😀
After 25 minutes of him explaining that both sides to feel fair and happy in a negotiation, she says "Happy Wife, Happy Life". And he has to explain AGAIN that BOTH spouses need to be happy for happy life. She is listening but dont seem to be paying attention to what he is saying.
She’s a tipical Karen, and I hate her voice. Nonetheless another book that noone needs.
I think she is quite good, unlike many self important interviewers, at the end of the day she lets him speak and facilitates the conversation. She doesn't have to be the person who listens or understand, we are the audience, she is a facilitator.
The saying is HWHL, she just seems to quote it as being topical, and he plays off it well.
I wouldn't worry too much.
Is it possible she was feeling a bit intimidated by him? He’s larger than life. I think she did really great over all
I was thinking about that too. Must have just slipped off, maybe even to lighten the mood of the room. Unfortunately, at the expense of her position. Most have been a tough interview to do. Great information all around.
"Fear is the mind killer. Let it wash over you and past." Dune the book!
Love the answer to mirroring, he's so quick. I think it's more than practice, he's exceptionally talented.
29:30 she didn't even know that she was being mirrored lol.
Ha! “Can you explain mirroring?”, “Can I explain mirroring?”
honestly the best thing is when two people put each other's needs first in complete trust that the other will as well. this hard to achieve and harder to maintain.
I've watched (I think) all of the Chris Voss interviews on youtube and this was by far the best. First one i've seen from PragerU. Well done
So I am not the only one to do that
Huge fan of pragerU. Huge fan of Chris Voss. Thanks for this interview
Just arrived a minute ago, I'm very interested to hear the whole interview. Thank you!
This podcast needs to be listened to multiple times. Especially the part towards the end.
Chris, this was a GREAT talk because you addressed everything with insight that could be helpful to ALL of us no matter our prior belief or understanding! Way-To-Go Chris!
I knew about the book but was put off by the title - now I'm going to buy it.
Thank you.
Her: “Can you explain mirroring?”
Chris: *mirrors* “Can I explain mirroring?”
Her: *Clarifies what she really wishes to learn about mirroring*
Chris: 😏 “thank you for participating in a demonstration of mirroring”
GENIUS 🤯
It was masterfully done and she didn't even notice!
If there was any doubt as to whether the technique works, the proof is in the pudding right there 😉
@@CP-vq3cz I can't remember if it's in his book or an interview I saw, but he told a story of an employee of his keeping him talking for almost an hour by just mirroring and Chris had no idea haha. That really shows you the power and simplicity of mirroring.
I was about to comment this😂😂😂
I bet Chris goes for the King Salmon (Wild-caught) 😎👊🎣🧡
Oooh his comments regarding 'fairness ' are profound
Her best quality was that she didn’t interrupt.
First, great interview. Thank you.
Marissa, there were times during the interview where your facial response reminded me of Peter Robinson (one of my favorite interviewers).
Great guest and great interview!
Masterfully takes a long time.
Great quote
“Happy wife, happy life” is the complete opposite to the point of Chris Voss’s approach to negotiation because it center’s the woman as the priority which makes the “Happy wife, happy life” mindset difficult to be reciprocal. Chris Voss will not speak up about that because he is attuned to the interviewer’s point of view which is an empathetic thing to do, otherwise it will damage her ego or she will flat it reject the ideas he says. The interviewer seems to mainly focus on intimate relationships more than anything.
He handled that situation very well and it seemed like he planted the seed in her mind as to whether she(and other women) should think about whether her husband is happy also.
So negotiating a price on something and they give me a number that doesnt work and i say how do i do that and they say i dont know thats on you to figure out but this is what i have to get.
ohhhh Nooooo : ( ... after all that Great 'info' from Chris, she says HAPPY WIFE - HAPPY LIFE eeeeek ... so ''off''
Scarrrrrry response, she's so Blessed that HE didn't Roll his eyes & walk-out ! Thank-you Chris for ''correcting her'' sooo Kindly ! YOU Sir - Are a ''True'' Pro ! : )
26:08 - Men being nurtured to be more combative while women are more aware of the cost? This flies against pretty much everything I've seen. Men are more competitive but generally men know what it means to get involved in a fight and risk taking damage. It's why most outside of gangs try not to get too involved. Women on the other hand actively hit their boyfriends in public since they know there's no cost. Talk to a cop about breaking up a fight and they'll say women are much worse with the scratching and biting and attempting to inflict physical injury with no awareness of what they'll take themselves.
FBI statistics and how most women are socialized to be hyper vigilant of the dangers men pose physically and sexually disagree with you.
Women are far more likely to face severe domestic violence and end up dead.
Also, if you look at statistics, there are far more women who are afraid of men and would walk on the opposite side of the street to avoid them than there are those who would raise their hand to one.
Men are the primary instigators of public violence and commit nearly all of the crimes, they are also more likely to engage in fights as adolescents and more likely to resort to physical violence when angered were as women typically weaponize passive aggressive attitudes or verbal aggression when angry.
Try living outside of the manosphere for a few hours.
FBI statistics and how most women are socialized to be hyper vigilant of the dangers men pose physically and sexually disagree with you.
Women are far more likely to face severe domestic violence and end up dead.
Also, if you look at statistics, there are far more women who are afraid of men and would walk on the opposite side of the street to avoid them than there are those who would raise their hand to one.
Men are the primary instigators of public violence and commit nearly all of the crimes, they are also more likely to engage in fights as adolescents and more likely to resort to physical violence when angered were as women typically weaponize passive aggressive attitudes or verbal aggression when angry.
Try living outside of the manosphere for a few hours.
FBI statistics and how most women are socialized to be hyper vigilant of the dangers men pose physically and sexually disagree with you.
Women are far more likely to face severe domestic violence and end up dead.
Also, if you look at statistics, there are far more women who are afraid of men and would walk on the opposite side of the street to avoid them than there are those who would raise their hand to one.
Men are the primary instigators of public violence and commit nearly all of the crimes, they are also more likely to engage in fights as adolescents and more likely to resort to physical violence when angered were as women typically weaponize passive aggressive attitudes or verbal aggression when angry.
Try living outside of the manosphere for a few hours.
FBI statistics and how most women are socialized to be hyper vigilant of the dangers men pose physically and sexually disagree with you.
Women are far more likely to face severe domestic violence and end up dead.
Also, if you look at statistics, there are far more women who are afraid of men and would walk on the opposite side of the street to avoid them than there are those who would raise their hand to one.
Men are the primary instigators of public violence and commit nearly all of the crimes, they are also more likely to engage in fights as adolescents and more likely to resort to physical violence when angered were as women typically weaponize passive aggressive attitudes or verbal aggression when angry.
Try living outside of the manosphere for a few hours.
I have trouble understanding the difference between "compromise" and "negotiate". For a conversation that starts on the topic of compassion and empathy, I can't fathom how "both sides win" is a bad concept.
I think it's just a controversial talking point, to get more words in.
But then... I could be wrong, and I'm eager to be educated otherwise.
Consider a compromise between wearing black and brown shoes and ending up wearing one of each. Or compromising with a hostage taker to only kill half of their victims. Or if politicians negotiate a smaller tax increase instead of a tax reduction.
A compromise can exist when the outcome is really not that important to one or both parties. But compromising on a less bad outcome isn't really a win for either side.
Communicating, listening, and arriving at the 'correct' outcome with a negotiation partner is far preferable. And that doesn't even necessarily mean one side has the 100% correct solution at the start either. His Christmas tree story was a great example.
He explains that "Both sides win." or "One side willingly capitulates." is the goal.
Compromise is not defined here as "Both sides win." but as "Each side gives in a little, and both end up feeling like they lost."
Both sides win isn't made from a compromise where each side gives something up; it's an "Option C" where both parties design something new together from the ground up; entirely abandoning the old self-styled options they clung to in favor of beginning a collaboration from square 1.
Compromise--One says :"I want chicken for supper tonite!" Other says: "I want beef for supper tonite!" They compromise, and have pork just to try to end the argument.
Compromise does not mean "both sides win". Neither gets what they want. They both lose. They both resent the other, and they dont cool down and let the emotions pass.
Negotiation--produces: "Lets have chicken tonite, and beef tomorrow". Or maybe "you have chicken, let me have beef". They both get what they want (as long as the other doesnt go back on their word, which is where trust comes in). This is where "both sides win".
Unyielding obstinant refusal to budge is where negotiations break down. As Chris Voss says 14:32 to 17:05, If the other person takes that unyielding position, it means "he doesnt care about you at all"
After 40 min in she sounds like Dennis
It is difficult to focus on this video as the camera angles keep changing every few seconds. The angles are good and I think they need to be in there, but they keep transitioning way too often - as a viewer I really want to focus on the character I am watching, like in a real conversation, however here it is just impossible.
Everyone’s pointing out where Chris mirrors her
No one noticed at 59:00 when she mirrors him “No?” Well played
I want to be perfectly healthy until that moment many years from now when I die suddenly and quickly.
She seems like the person who thinks she knows it all and is always critically thinking and wonders why no one else is as smart as her.
45:00 word association
So how do you get what you want?
Are FBI agents in Baltimore city? 🤔
14:00
I'm like this was an excellent interview why are there a hundred thumbs down, I thought the interviewer did a great job and she showed a lot of intelligence, then I looked at her Channel and I'm like, oh, I see...
How were you able to see the thumbs down? CZcams doesn't publicly show them anymore.
@@erikweisz6647They show up on TV, not the app. They're 133 now.
30:00
Out of this entire video the only thing I can’t get behind is his assessment of compromise. And it all hinges on the idea that people need to get back at each other. I’ve found that in a healthy relationship when each person can give and get, reaching an actual middle ground that doesn’t compromise either persons morals, then compromise is the best thing because neither person feels like they have solely been the one to give up or give in.
Since both people have gotten a little of what they want and both people have had to give in a little it mitigates that need to get back at the other person that he speaks of.
You say "get back at" twice but I didn't get that from the discussion. What I did get was if one person feels like the other didn't give up anything they will want to "get back at."
Compromise = roll over = feel resentment = revenge.
Work it out equals
Go deep
Be vulnerable
Explain why what you want is important to you
Ask why it is important to other person
Satisfy deepest need
Christmas tree - is having something easy to put away easily every year more important than building bonds and memories for your children based on the experience of nature - texture, smells, responsibility for keeping tree alive?
Agree on the greater value or higher good.
Get past what putting a death grip on your “position”.
Of course the premise is you care about the other person and also you want what is best for your relationship.
J Peterson does a cute video on how men tend to out talk their wives and the dues they pay for not listening and somehow their advice is better when you dig deep and if you steamroll her she will exact strips of skin.
Chris’s method works really well in single iteration scenarios but business doesn’t work like that.
14th, 4 October 2023
Pipe dream
52:00 being a victim is not an avenue to success
Him or her Lmao 😂
If someone doesn’t need to do a deal and had sense, they would likely get up and leave a hard nose negotiator.
AI
Not based on thinking
Based on algorithms
He's using a narrow definition of empathy to achieve particular results.
But it's dishonest to ignore the fact that wokism is empathy run amok.
Wokism really doesn't have anything to do with empathy.
It's really just a form of bullying
how beautiful is marissa ???? wow !!!!!
This woman is a CEO? Are you kidding me!
I’m willing to bet he is not happily married but just trying to play the field. Not interested
I'm really interested in learning more but the only difference between men and women is nurture?!... Sounds like someone who hasn't had kids, especially of both sexes.
Guy reminds me of a used car salesman.
One hour of meningless chat, what should Israel get out of this these days? Ha?
I am disappointed in PragerU at hosting a former member of a criminal organization.
Do you mean the university, the FBI, or the hotline?
@@Aksel27
The only one who matches the DOJ definition of "criminal organization" with regards to the RICO organized crime statutes - the FBI.
“Never compromise”, says guy who got divorced. Look I’m sorry but it hurts his credibility as a negotiator a lot ¯\_(ツ)_/¯
Maybe that's what he wanted 😅
Divorce is just another day in America. Everyone does that
@@audizulA very sad fact.
No one wins every time. Coping with loss and learning how to use it to benefit your future is a necessary life skill.
80% divorces initiated b women. That tells you something about women.