r/AmITheA**hole for Triggering My Wife's Abuse?
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- čas přidán 29. 06. 2021
- r/AmITheA**hole In today's episode, OP is out shopping at a grocery store with his wife. They see a young woman dressed up in gothic attire, and OP's wife starts trashing on her appearance in front of their kids. OP calls his wife a bully, knowing full well that she was relentlessly bullied when she was younger. OP's wife flips out on OP, leaving OP to wonder if he was the butthole in this situation.
🍑 r/AmITheA**hole For Firing My Spoiled Son After He Stole From My Company? • r/AmITheA**hole For Fi...
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#reddit #AmITheButthole #funnyredditposts
"Sneaky Snitch" Kevin MacLeod (incompetech.com), License: CC By Attribution 3.0 - Komedie
This video got demonetized right after I published it. I guess because it has "abuse" in the title?
Guess I'm not getting paid today 🙄
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Skill issue
CZcams's systems are really dumb
CZcams's intelligence is going downhill faster than me on my way to the dinner table when mom says the pizza is ready.
Now make your own secret language using cute words- abuse= unicorn
Imagine the potential
@@TitanusGojiraEditz nice
I was bullied severely in high school and middle school. The wife’s trauma does not give her a pass for her behavior.
burn em down
Thank you🤌🏽✨
this hits closely to home for me since i was beaten up in grade school and yet i still try to be the kindest person i can
I'm entering highschool and I don't know turkish. oh fuck I'm gonna get bullied LMAO
I don't think anyone is saying it excuses her behaviour. But to then use it against someone in such a harsh and direct way also isn't necessary.
Also, events mean different things to different people. Although it's way more likely the wife is just butt hurt, it's very possible that she hasn't gotten over that past trauma so the response she is having now might be necessary for her.
Belittleing, judging, attacking someone's character without knowing them. Is. Being. A. Bully.
People who look down on Goths for simply being Goths are scum...
I'm a Goth, and I HATE people who do this.
Correct, rslash's argument is nonsense and based on his personal head canon of what happened to the wife. She was being a bully plain and simple and needed to be shut down hard
I'd have to agree she was definitely being a bully. If she knows how she reacted to such things she shouldn't do it to others. Also I understand different brains have different reactions and whatnot. But like does she not realize that people die and get raped from just being theirselves? I'm pretty sure she hasn't dealt with anything that traumatic, she would generally act in different ways. Ofc different brains different reactions so idk for sure. It seems to me her level of trauma is lower than most peoples trauma if that makes sense. Like worse traumatic events and mental health conditions from those. It just seems "light" to me, but I know I tend to not feel empathy at times due to my history, she was a bully 100% tho.
The truth can be bitter. Sometimes you can sugarcoat it, but then the stark meaning of it is lost. Sometimes, not always, blunt is necessary. He tried to get her to stop multiple times before hand to no avail. So ultimately, i think it was a little necessary. Just because your hurt doesnt mean you hurt others. Its easy to let urself become that and sometimes you need it to take a real look at your behavior. But thats just my opinion
No it’s not, doing it repeatedly over a long period is bullying. This was just op’s wife being a bitch
Hey, I looked up the second story and it turns out the bullying the wife went through was shunning and mean comments….
EXACTLY what she was doing to Lily
Ya, OP is definitely not the a-hole and the wife was being exactly like her bullies
Thanks for the back story- the wife was definitely wrong
OP's wife: *is insulting and quite frankly bullying a STRANGER over their appearance*
OP: "Hunny please dont"
Wife: *CONTINUES TO DO SO. With venom in her voice*
OP: "Your acting no better than your bullies right now"
Wife: "HOW DARE YOU CALL ME OUT ON MY CRAPPY BEHAVIOR"
RSLASH: "Yeah dude not cool, you're a buthole"
I think the point Rslash was trying to make was that OP could’ve gone about it in a different way. Like, we all have loved ones who’ve displayed problematic behavior, right? But if you want to get a point across, you should go about it in a way that’s gentle. If he mentioned that he knew Lily and what she did for a living, or waited until they got home, he could’ve spared his wife’s feelings.
At the end of the day, what the wife did was wrong. And OP wanted her to change her mind about Lily. However, bring up bad memories from his wife’s past wasn’t *helpful* either.
@@samanthajeffers9339 did you also miss the part where the husband DID try to be gentle about it? He tried to get her to stop being a bully. And both of your examples stick ass.
What about lilly? Is she just supposed to just sit there and take the abuse? Wth is going on in your noggin that you are actually chastising the husband
@@knightfellnightna8231 Since OP didn’t mention Lily having a reaction, I’m assuming that she was at a distance and couldn’t hear the couples argument. That being said though, I wouldn’t say I’m chastising the husband. He’s clearly a really kind person. I am assuming that most of the time, the wife doesn’t act like this. All I’m saying is I possibly could’ve handled the situation better. Like, I don’t feel like bringing up past trauma is going to help the situation. But you have your opinion, and I have mine. And I respect your opinion
@@knightfellnightna8231 oh my how dare someone call another person out rightfully for using trauma and triggers to win an argument
I don't care what your reasons are it is never okay to do that it is never okay to trigger someone on purpose when you know what you're doing
If he'd forgotten or if it was a genuine accident because he didn't know that would have been one thing but this was completely deliberate
I agree with the other reply that there's no proof Lily even heard any of this and there are other ways yes he did ask her not to do that and that was one approach that failed but you don't go straight from asking nicely to how about I emotionally manipulate you with traumatic memories and deliberately use triggers to get my way
Yes is that kind of s*** absolutely does entitle someone to be chastised how is that not as bad as what his wife did yeah she was being a b**** but he was being much much worse than that
Insulting a random stranger in the store is far far different than doing something like this to your partner who you have to live with his wife may have never seen Lily again after this conversation Lily may have missed all of this and not known a thing maybe the husband would have had to deal with some guilt knowing what is life fit about Lily but what exactly would he suffer in this situation a possible ruined friendship?
Meanwhile his wife just had her trust in her partner violated in a horrific and awful way and that's just completely okay to you?
@@lahlybird895
oh so it's ok to be a bully and show your kids that being nasty is perfectly fine and suitable behavior just because the person you're bullying SUPPOSEDLY didn't hear you?
No he wasn't being worse he TRIED doing it the polite way. Several times in fact. But she didn't listen and instead buckled down on being a hateful bitch for no reason.
I fully support the husband because that's exactly what i would want my friends or bf to do if i EVER acted like she did and refused to stop.
Sometimes the only way to get someone to stop is to give them a wake up call. I was bullied RELENTLESSLY in school for my appearance, my hobbies, and my interests.
And i would NEVER EVER fucking even THINK to do unto a random stranger that did nothing to deserve it the things that were said and done to me.
Stop being a fucking enabler and wake up. She refused to stop when he tried nicely. She got WORSE when he did and she seemed to be ENJOYING being hateful.
She enjoyed being HATEFUL to a poor STRANGER who didn't deserve it. And you think the hubby is in the wrong. Absolutely shameful is what you are.
He didn't try to use her trauma, she was being a bully. He already tried to shut her down but she wouldn't listen
Also your trauma is not a valid reason to treat people like shit
this!, also i don't agree with his view that he used it to "win a fight" this wasn't a fight, this was him telling her to stop being a bad person, with an example that she could relate to, she reacted harder to it than intended but unless it was the intent i can't see him being the butthole
totally agree. If her trauma should be relevant here, is that at least she should have learned to not treat people like garbage. rSlash says that "since it's a one-time thing it's not bullying", True, but that is the attitude of a bully nonenthless: she judges and tear down a stranger based on his looks. Guess what? It's what 90% of the bullies do. There is no excuse to act like she did, she's been an adult half her life and it's way past time to grow up
@@sirrmobreadings6978 Exactly, I was bullied in school and when I became popular (yay, tits) I suddenly had the chance to bully others.
But the first time I did it, I realized that I did what people did to me and I was so disgusted by myself. Your trauma does not excuse you being an aggressive and shitty person.
If she didn't like her bullying actions pointed out easy thing is to not do it in the first place. She seems to lack empathy for others while wanting others to empathize with herself.
I definitely agree that she was a bully and that she cant use her trauma to treat others shittily, but I feel like option b should not be "trigger your s/o's trauma to stop it". That should be a last resort option. Knowingly triggering people is assholish no matter how you cut it.
Edit: spelling
Rslash, as a victim of bullying, the way the father acted with his belittling wife was more than justified. She got offended because she was shown she wasn't any better than her own bullies. OP was in the right and, seeing that she wasn't stopping her insulting, it was the only option.
i agree. she’s being a major hypocrite
Anyone that has been bullied growing up knows that it almost always starts with the nasty comments to try and get a rise out of you and/or put you down before they get to the physical side of things. Shutting it down early is always the best move.
The chick who replied to my comments thinks that OP isn't justified because he fought back.
I despise people like this.
I’m sorry that you went through bullying, and you are correct she was being a bully, and from what I read on comments here, someone found an update and the wife’s bullies shunned and made mean comments about her
So OP was correct when he said you are becoming like your bully
*Edit to mean that the wife’s bullies also made mean comments about her*
Pipe down rSlash, that wife can’t get a pass on bullying people because she’s been bullied in the past. She clearly think bullying is ok as long as she isn’t on the receiving end.
Yeah I agree with you
i really don't want to make everything about gender, but rslash shows way too much favoritism to women
@@Bcdabcd190 Yea, alot of the time he goes easy on women but is harsh towards men for some reason
@@Godzilladino he gave the women 2 out of 5 and the man 1 out of 5...... and he is constantly berating Karen's.....
I think you might be the sexist one. Not sure as it's only this instance I have. But while op is opologetic to anyone who has gone through trauma or mental illness he still gives them a buthole score.
And since the wife got a 2 out 5 is what your complaining about the fact the husband got a buthole score? Because it is deserved. 1 out of 5 is minor. He was doing what's right just not in the right way. Using someone's trauma to win an argument is rarely okay. I only say rarely because I assume there are some convos where it is okay i just can't think of any.
You think using your wife's trauma to win an arguement okay? If he wasn't in the right he would get a 4 out of 5 of that. So r/slash giving him 1 out of 5 shows how much he is against what the wife was doing.
I run into disagreements with r/slash every now and then. And I make my point. So I am not defending him because I like him. I am defending his rating and logic because they make sense
@@Godzilladino now I will admit for the last story he even brought up the kids not being able to have a family meal. But that was the mother who did not invite him. Now we do not know what he was going to give a buthole score for the parents since he never gave it. So I can't speak to much. But if anything the dad gets a 1 out of 5 for me and the mom gets a .5 out of 5. It's all minor stuff anyways. But he went to heavy on the father in that one.
Rslash, we know you love your wife but you have to stop defending every wife in these stories. That wife was being a bully. How dare she try to say mean things about someone when she herself was being bullied? It seems like her trigger is not affecting her when she herself bullies others.
For real, Rslash almost *always* sides with the wife unless she's blatantly an asshole, and even then
Thank you! He does that in all wife stories, it's why I dropped this channel months ago
@resdraon you are so freakin right- he said he's gonna try to be reasonable and stop making bad takes in a recent video, so hopefully the rest of us will see a change soon
@@tastybacon255-baconboy5 Woah, woah, calm down with the spam buddy
@melodieangelique3385 I'm sorry lmao! Idek wtf happened. Phone's buggin
'you didn't die, It could have been worse' Yeah it could, and the next patient those doctors neglect through their own arrogance might not be so lucky.
Report those doctors.
Do you know what’s funny. It will mean literally nothing because the VA sucks and this is far from the first or worst story I have heard like this. My personal favorite, a well known child predator working pediatrics.
They are all right. I'll wait till I die next time before I report my doctors malpractice. It's only fair I die first.
That "could have been worse" argument is always terrible and always used to silence. Yes, she could have had WORSE avoidable permanent loss of sight, so is she supposed to be grateful for the avoidable permanent loss of sight she got?
Doctors notoriously ignore women's pain and dismiss women's concerns. Sue the bastards for everything.
@@prestonlee9965 The whole medical, education, and political game is screwed. I'm not sure we are going to make it much further.
They goofed up and made a patient suffer, Yes death is bad.. but guess what... I think OP's situation IS worst then dieing.
They caused mental suffering, physical suffering and health risks.
Could it been even worst? FUCK YES! But that's not an excuse. When a doctor FAILS they need to be held responsible.
Even one of my better doctors in the past made some mistakes like not updating my medical records to include medical problems. It didn't do THAT bad in the end, it just made the doctors solve a problem less faster... it still ain't fixed, but hey... the throat problem just keeps coming and going.
But yea... this? This is medical malpratice and the defense of "it could been worst' guess what? A true doctor listens to patients... a bad doctor dismisses them!
The second story is a massive case of “trauma” and “abuse” being an excuse someone can use for hypocritically being the same kind of person as the initial abuser. Bullying is never ok and if you were a victim of bullying and then went on to bully others, regardless of how, you deserve 100% to be called out on your bullshit. His wife deserves to have it brought up if she thinks she can play the victim card for bullying then treat others like dirt.
exactly what i was thinking
Yeah, and while yes, maybe her bullying was more severe, what she was saying about the girl was straight up abusive. Imagine being called a junkie, jobless whining teen, right next to someone you might consider a friend (op here). That shit sticks with you
I do agree but OP shouldn’t have brought up that trauma to shut his wife up so I agree with rslash
Agree rslash wrong again
My mom called those types of bullies, 2nd generation bullies.
The wife WAS acting like a bully though. She assumed things about someone she didn't know, and when told to stop, didn't. Just because she's also a victim doesn't mean she can't also become the abuser. She needs to get some more compassion before going back out into public if she's going to continue being a jackass.
You didn’t even mention the fact that this man is literally stealing his kids’ food on a regular basis. His wife started giving him bigger portions to try to stop him from letting his own kids go hungry. Any good parent would literally go hungry before letting their kids go hungry but this guy would rather his kids go hungry even if he’s already eaten. Dude needs serious help and is a terrible parent
I'd go hungry to make sure my guinea pigs don't go hungry but this man can't even do it for his kids
Yeah, or he knew that they could just order some food.
What's really odd about this is that he does this all the time, and for some reason they don't take this into account.
The big issue here isn't that he eats a lot but that there obviously isn't a lot for him to eat. He ate all the food in the fridge, and they couldn't cook anything because he ate everything else as well. Either this guy got a black hole in his stomach or someone is buying groceries and cooking food like he wasn't a person with a huge appetite.
Try to imagine that problem. You eat a lot, and you keep in shape, so there isn't really a problem with how much you eat. Except that your spouse don't take that into account when buying food and cooking. Is he being mean by denying the kids his snacks? Or is this between him and his wife where he's trying to teach her a lesson of what he feels? Note that he isn't denying them food or letting them go hungry, but that he isn't sharing his snacks.
Snacks which he apparently needs, since there is no food in the house and he often goes hungry because of it.....
@@nehcrum this is probably the shittiest take I've seen in the comments. you must be trolling lmao
@@misxfitx We got a guy who is in shape, trains a lot, and eats a lot. And for some reason, there is no food in the place because he eats it all.
Is the problem that he eats too much? Or that there isn't enough food to eat?
If you *know* that he eats a lot, why not take that into account and simply make more food?
@@nehcrum but i still don’t think it’s justifiable that he can take food from his kids. If he’s hungry, he’s a grown ass adult who can order food or cook for himself. His wife isn’t some slave who has to cook for him for multiple times a day just because he has a big appetite. Plus it sounds as if the wife already increases the amount and times she cooks to cater to him. If he needs more food after that, he can go ahead and buy food for himself, and don’t see why he can just take food from his kids and act like it’s no big deal.
Nah, wife needed to be told she was being exactly like the people she hated.
I knew a goth guy
At first I didn't want to talk to him because his looks kind of scared me but once I did talk to him I found out he was a really nice guy who loved listening to Taylor Swift songs
He would sometimes make jokes about if he went into a church he would burst into flames like a vampire
Right??? if she really believes bullying is bad then she should never said those things to the goth girl
Exactly.
Call her out on it? Yes.
But one comment is not *the same* as probably years of bullying, verbal abuse, trauma etc. Just wanted to point that out.
should of called her a bully like she is but didn't have to compare to the ones from her past, the way they describe it it sounds like they were extreme bullies, like the violent type.
Since when did getting bullied gives you a pass to judge someone else’s character by their looks? Isn’t that bullying? He did the right thing to shut her down then and there.
Hmmmmmmm…………
No one said that💀 he’s a hypocrite and is using the shittiest examples plus dosnet he wanna do better for his kids?
@@Ricky-ox7ip but shouldnt she want to do better for their kids? A reality check in most cases is the only solution. Especially in a heat of the moment type situation
@@sethe.4210 that ain’t the argument💀 he is saying he dosnet want her to be rude and saying mean things around their kids but then acts like a hypocrite and does what he didn’t want her to do it goes both ways
So she started being nasty to a stranger in front of children.
He told her to stop being rude… I can’t imagine what’s wrong with that, as many people would tell someone they were with to stop being rude if that’s what they were doing.
It’s not ‘bullying’ to tell a bully to stop being rude, even in front of children.
And he eventually snapped and said ‘just shut up’ because she kept going… again, I think most people would eventually just snap ‘shut up.’
She kept going and going and going… I don’t blame him for losing it. He asked her to stop, and she ignored him.
Shutting someone down is not wrong, not even with children present.
And there’s nothing wrong with saying ‘you’re behaving like a bully’, even if she had been bullied in the past.
Because it doesn’t seem to have taught her anything about how to treat others! So why should she get a pass?
And I don’t think that excuse that ‘maybe her bully dressed like that’ is a good one, either. Maybe she did. But you don’t get to use that as an excuse to bully someone else.
I've had my trauma used against me
That was not what the husband did and the wife was NOT triggered by how Lilly dressed. Putting it in perspective would have been the only way to stop it
actually i kinda agree with you but on another degree i can see how it could've triggered her. when i hear the same voice or he has the same look as this one guy who sexually assaulted me (not rape stuff) it just makes me have an automatic dislike for that person and makes me protective of my territory aka my house and my family. I would probably just cringe if I saw someone like him so i can't excuse her bullying but i can see how it could be an unknown trigger moment that she didn't know in the moment. Also i feel you on the trauma used against you.
I reached the point of instant dislike when he got to the part where he said, "well maybe one of her bullies dressed like a goth and seeing someone else dressed like a goth triggered her." That's legit straight-up, objectively, victim-blaming, and I cannot even bring myself to watch the rest of the video at this point.
@@Recoil1808 Replace being goth with being black or gay and she'd just be racist/homophobic. Doesn't matter what her bully looked like to trigger this response towards Lilly. Insulting someone by appearance alone so proudly, loudly, and in front of your kids can never be justified with trauma.
2nd story: OP isn't the butthole. My sister and even I were severely bullied in middle and high school (I was also bullied by my sister as I was her punching bag for her own trauma from bullying). My sister actually wound up dropping out of school but I was able to push through school. I learned from my experience and while being yelled at and made fun of is triggering and I don't like it, my sister herself bullies and judges others and calling her out for being a bully herself is the only way to stop her! While trauma can be severe and debilitating it's not an excuse to be an asshole to other people.
Wife behaves like a bully; gets compared to bully. Her own past trauma is no excuse here; in fact, it makes her behavior even worse. The husband did nothing wrong here.
The worst part is: What if she lied about being bullied? When confronted on the fact that she's a bully, she goes and gaslights him, runs to other people to turn on him, and no doubt misrepresents the situation leaving her guilt free. This isn't spur-of-the-moment stuff, this is *practiced.*
She's already lied to the SIL, she's already lying about her in front of the kids, there's a good chance she lied to the husband about her trauma to earn sympathy. She's clearly a bully, it's just a question of if she always was. Her "trauma" may actually just be her getting called out for being a bully once before.
EDIT: Okay, so, I looked at the original post and OP went into some details about her alleged bullying. The extent of it was that she faced "mass-shunning and painful jabs at her appearance/interests/anything she said or did" which backs up my point. Gee, I wonder what an allegedly regular person (with bullying tendencies) was doing to be shunned en-masse and have people throw her words back in her face? She was apparently a lifelong bully, only nobody let her get away with it throughout her life.
Not only is the Husband not the AH, but now may be the time to reflect on red flags.
And he did not use their trauma against her. He did not use names or treat her like her bullies did. He only stated hat she was acting the same way that the people who traumatized her acted. Also the whole "wait til you get home" is also nonsense. You want to be wrong in public then you get corrected in public.
I completly agree! Rslash is in the wrong here in my opinion, but I guess his point.
Marriage isn't about shutting each other down no matter the cost, it's about improving each other and sticking together. Instead, now shes gonna think twice what traumas to confide in him about. RSlash is right, for all we know her past bullies might have literally beaten (or assaulted!) her
@@ConejitoPequenito Behave like a bully, be treated like a bully.
I think the wife was being a bully, and putting it into perspective for her that she was acting like the people who bullied her might have been the only way to really make her think, it's not taking the abuse and using it against her, it's more of a reality check, I dunno, at least that's how I feel about it anyways
That’s true, but it really wasn’t the time to bring up the wife’s past trauma. Especially since they were in public and in front of their children. A lot of people react very emotionally when somthing traumatic is mentioned outside of a safe/therapeutic environment.
@@missm2925 yeah it should have been done in private, granted I can understand it was probably a heat of the moment sort of deal
@@missm2925 I think she deserved to be called out right then an there, she was assuming terrible shit about a nice girl.
Yet she was doing far worse, in front of her kids! She got a reality check she didn't like. If you don't want shitty prizes, don't play shitty games!
I was bullied a lot as kid and still have bad anxiety and depression because of it (ca 20 years later).
Personally I don't talk badly about people - I was bullied because I was a bit different (= a bit of a tomboy) and I know how much that shit hurt and how much damage it does.
But, hypothetically, if i were to talk shit about someone I'd like someone to call me out on it. I don't want to be toxic and spread more hate in this world - and she was also doing it in front of her kids which makes it even worse.
OP tried to get her to stop and sometimes to need to get slapped in the face with reality. She was being a bully and her kids might pick the opinions and behaviour up, become bullies themselves and cause trauma for someone else. I don't wish this experience on anyone...
Maybe it wasn't ideal to do it like this, but her behaviour needed to be stopped. I really can't understand badmouthing someone just like this... What is the point of doing it?
Any man that takes food out of his own kids mouth deserves a 5 out of 5.
The "bully" story: There's this saying of "You live by the sword, you'll die by the sword." If the wife didn't want to get called out for being an ass, she should not have behaved like one. My mother is absolutely like this woman. It would embarrass the heck outta me when she'd get in a grocery store and say demeaning things about the way others weighed or dressed. Now, could I have called her out the same way because she, too, used to be obese and we both were barely above the poverty line ourselves? Yeah, I could have. I'd have gotten the hell slapped out of me, too, and then, she'd have spent weeks moaning about how she was the victim (and then brought it up months or even YEARS later and turn it around in a way where I was the disrespectful one and she was just an angel).
That being said, I wonder...was the OP's wife goth once? Was she going off because she was reiterating her own bullies' jibes and it stuck with her until she changed how she dressed?
Or is the wife just a jerk who plays the victim card often? She behaved like a jerk and got called out on it...where others could see. She didn't get away with it like she thought she would. If she's a narcissist and was made to feel the fool (As she rightfully was), of course she's going to run and get sympathy from someone to make OP look like the bully instead! It's like a cheater going off on a loyal partner and claiming they are the one that is cheating instead. It's this way of getting the heat off herself.
I honestly would like to know more about this person's character before I could make a call, but man, the similarities are giving off red flags to me.
The husband is nta, he had every right to tell her that she’s a bully. The wife sounded like a complete Karen. She needed to be told that she is one
Want to like your comment but it is at 69….
I agree, but I think that rSlash's argument still stands in general. That argument being that bringing up her trauma probably wasnt the best way to deal with it.
To be clear, I think nta, but the point is still there. Now, from what I understood, she wasn't listening. Therefore, he needed to escalate to stop her, but this seems like he went a little too quick. Regardless, what she said should not be tolerated.
@@commander8625 Just because the person being a bully doesn't like the truth doesn't mean it shouldn't be brought up. It's not like she was randomly doing something he didn't like and he brought it up. It was completly relevant and true. Sometimes a hard dose of reality is needed.
@@glxxmy I just think it was just escalated too quick. But you do have a point.
Wait what does NTA mean?
Considering the wife was bullied, the fact that she's going to be so judgmental about another person is so ridiculous.
Honestly yea, she’s no better than those bullies and is setting an example
For her children
Calling out someone on bullying isn't bullying...
As someone who was bullied for almost a decade, if I acted like one of my bullies and someone made that comparison it would probably hurt, but I would appreciate it because there is no way I would be able to brush it off. And as a teacher, what she did definitely WAS bullying, what he did definitely wasn't.
yeah I was kinda shocked when he said that OP was "exerting his power over her" and "using her traumatic past against her". He clearly tried to stop her and when it didn't work had to put things into perspective. Plus, this person was his friend, so obviously he wouldn't like it if his own wife was belittling her.
As an expert in being bullied (17 out of my 20 years of being alive, to the point of harming myself) I can say that the wife was 100% in the wrong, and OP like 0-5% in the wrong. As a former victim she should know how horrible those comments make people feel, and OP had all the right to call her out on her BS and tell her she's doing the same stuff bullies do. Yes, it was hurtful, but if she couldn't see what she was doing she needed that reality check, because she WAS bullying Lily. ANY past bullying victim should know not to treat others the same way they were treated in the past. OP is getting a NTA from me.
Right? And also, rSlash is looking at it through really distant lenses. He probably knows more about his wife’s specific experience with bullying, so for rSlash to suggest that she could have been beaten horribly everyday and therefore the comparison is wrong seems a little far reaching.
i think that rslash is right in what he said. calling her a bully, what she was being, is fine. telling her she's acting like the people that traumatised her isn't right.
@@the_rachel_sam ya and to pass off bullying as being snarky is just dumb thing to say bullying comes in many ways and how does he know the goth girl dont go thu this everyday being name call for looking different and it olny wrost b/c its her friends wife i think op had a right to stand up for his friend and to show his kids tat even mom and dads need to learn
@@evilteen18 being a goth in the UK, i can try say my experience with dealing with this shit isn't everyday, but happens enough times to feel consistent.
That bring said, when im out im usually listening to music so i wont hear anyone saying snide comments, but i do hear when people shout at me or openly mock me while im simply walking
@@Mildon44 tbh if you are the person in the pfp it looks cool and it reminds me of some game characters
Rslash, no. The girl was bullied a long time ago but now she’s acting like a bully, and when OP calls attention to that, suddenly he’s taking it too far? The wife is a damn hypocrite and OP did nothing wrong.
i agree. i was bullied in the past by kids at school and my brother and i know not to treat others like that.
I think he's completely right. There is no reason not do tell her in a different way, and it's very clear that this did trigger her. You don't treat your wife like that, even if not intended, he used sensitive information she gave him against her and it hurt her
@@ConejitoPequenito and she was hurting a random person she didn’t know. OP told her multiple times to stop but she continued. I doubt what he did was intentional either. Not to mention she was saying all of that stuff in front of her very young children.
Agree. Maybe the reason she had such a visceral reaction to her husband is because she realized he was right and didn't like looking in the mirror. 🤷🏻♀️
He's always biased towards the women in stories
"I'm not trying to belittle what the wife did" Yes, yes you really are being bullied doesn't give you a catch all pass to be an ass, telling her what she was doing was the same as her bullies isn't an asshole move, because he's right, jeeze it's hard to take Rslash seriously sometimes
And guess what? From what I saw in the comments on here, someone found the update of what the wife went through, and it was *Shunning and mean comments* sooo exactly what the wife did
I think it's worth pointing out the OP of the second story tried to shut this down without mentioning how she was bullied the first time, and she refused to stop. Giving her a hard reality check doesn't make the OP an asshole.
You are wrong on the wife that was bullied. Telling her that she is acting like a bully will actually show her that she can cause the same damage that was done to her, to others. She didn't like to be bullied but she feels she can bully others? No, the husband did the right thing. She is just using her past trauma to play victim, because a person that is actually hurt for being bullied, will not behave this way because that person know the pain of being bullied.
I been bullied as a kid and as an adult, and I never judge others based on how they look or dress. For me every person gets the benefit of the doubt until they do something that show their true colors. Even after seeing their true color, I just walk away from that person.
Honestly I think the wife’s true colours are shown already when she has to get her sister to talk to *her* husband. It’s childish.
Although the sister could just be nosy.
Who knows how OPs wife talks about/with other people when OP isn't there. Maybe it's just the first time OP witnessed something like that.
And that rslash is getting really bad with judgements on wifes is not new. Wifey can never be wrong...
I understand. Some people get it first hand experience and learn bc of empathy and some people don't learn bc they see themselves as good or it makes them feel better to be good enough to judge others. Still wrong to be judgemental but It's better to get on their level without actually attacking, if you want to reach a loved one, anyway.
Saying, "how would you feel if it was you being judged?" Is very different than saying "you're exactly like the people who bullied you."
(This is long) Yeah, RSlash is wrong on this one. The wife was being a bullying [expletive] and needed to be shut down.
I had a few of bullies before puberty turned me into a very big boy. The one thing the bullies had in common, were that they had relatives (parents or siblings) who showed them it was "fine" to judge people based on appearance and belittle them.
One of the pricks had a hard on for my hair, I have very long hair for a dude, it goes down halfway down my back (I look like a dollar store Thor from the first MCU movie).
Anyway, he constantly made comments about me, but one day decided his displeasure needed to be physical. He punched me from behind, that pissed me off, and never saw my fist coming when I hit him back.
He was so confused looking up from the floor. He kept muttering about how gay people don't know how to fight (err, that wasn't a fight buddy, you sucker punched me and I got angry, then dropped you in one blow). When the teachers broke up the "fight".
The visit to the head teachers office (Principal) was at first weird, but then enlightening. I knew why this kid was such a prick. His father had been in the room for 2 seconds, looked at me, before saying "WHAT DID THAT FAGGOT DO TO MY BOY?"
The kid's father was one of the most hateful people I have ever met. I later talk to the kid, his father had very strong opinions on how people appear.
More than a half inch of hair on a guy, gay.
Anything less than shoulder length hair on a woman, lesbian.
Any tattoos, ethier you're a drug user, dealer or prostitute.
If you weren't white, you were thief.
Women apparently only exist to be mothers and maids.
That prick had filled his son's head with so much garbage. I was able to become friends with the kid, because he was having a crisis of sorts.
As I had long hair, I was gay (I'm not, I just don't like going to the barbers), so I couldn't possibly know how to fight (I have 4 brothers, punching each other was basically sign language for us) because "gays are too weak to fight". I had beaten him a "fight", so he knew what his dad had told him was wrong.
I was able to convince him his dad was wrong about a lot of things. He ended up in the military when he left school, his dad wouldn't support him through university because "That faggot (me, LOL) has corrupted you". By "corrupt" his father meant I taught the kid not to be a homophobic, sexist and racist jerk.
Edit: Missed a word.
No, rslash is right, just because wife did something bad does not mean he can compare her to her tormentors. Wife didn't even do anything close to however her bullies traumatized her.
I disagree Rslash. He wasn't using her past trauma as a way to shut her down. He was connecting her current behavior to the behavior she experienced that traumatized her in order to evoke a sense of empathy. There is an important and subtle difference.
His opinions are quite often awful.
As someone who has experience a decent amount of trauma growing up, bringing up past trauma is not the way to scold someone. I agree with rslash on this one
@@cermit2379 if you have past trauma you wouldn't repeat it to others
Agreed. Rslash says he has a responsibility as a father and as a man, sometimes that responsibility is telling hard truths that aren’t so easy to swallow. He was in the right to stop his wife’s vitriol, because their kids would think that’s acceptable. He tried stopping it calmly at first, but when she wouldn’t, he made an example of what she was doing and how she was doing the things that caused herself so much hurt.
That’s not triggering her abuse, that’s giving her the come to jesus moment and making her take a good hard look at what she’s doing. That being said, it clearly didn’t work since the wife is playing the victim here. OP is definitely not the asshole though.
Yeah like it was to show her that was shes doing is hurting someone just like how she was hurt so she should stop
I think the wife got a little too addicted to the victim sympathy. "Hurt beyond words" yeah imagine if that girl heard you ripping into her for how she dressed. Husband gets no bh score as he spoke plainly and straightforward about bully behavior rslash yet again being a simp.
For the cake story just reading the title was enough for a verdict, if you're old enough to be in a relationship, you're old enough to respect common rules and basic boundaries.
but it's just his age,in his heart he is still a baby,not a child but a baby.a child can be reasoned but a baby will never ever care whatever crap...
I disagree r/slash, telling someone there a bully when they're being a bully is 100% fair. If it hurt her that much she would never ever bully another person
No nah wrong. The problem is that OP said "you're exactly like the bullies that bullied you in school." She was talking shit about a person, not to their face, one time in a store. OP didn't go into detail on how his wife was bullied but for it to be so scarring it is probably not just someone talking shit behind your back.
For the way OP tells it, L didnt seem to witness the harsh statements.
All OP had to say was "stop talking so harshly about people, I dont want the children to learn that, if she heard you she would be hurt and its not right to judge others bc you dont know their life, in this case I know you're wrong, bc she is a regular on my bus route."
Its not bullying to shit talk someone behind their back bc its assumed that person wont be seen again. Still wrong but not proportionate.
Besides a spouse shouldn't take vulnerable privliedged info and dump it at partner to make them stop being a jerk. That's gross as hell and actually a form of bullying btw.
Also if he wanted her to change her mind that was a tactless way to do it. Its not some stranger or friend, thats a spouse, that you live with. Its good the kids didnt see her react to her spouse's statements bc he wasnt a good model for his kids either.
Its pretty near sighted to be "yay bully take down who cares about nuance."
Also your conclusion is wrong, what do you mean "if she was hurt by it then she wouldn't bully people," that is just flat out wrong.
@@SLYKM. Either way the wife was being a piece of trash and was called out for it. It doesn’t matter what she was doing. Treating another person badly is in a form, being a bully. She got called out for it and didn’t like it. Plain and simple as that.
@@SLYKM she kinda flipped it around on him and played the victim card trauma doesn’t give you an excuse to be rude
“WHAT, HOW DARE YOU USE MY TRAUMA AS COMPARISON TO ME ABUSING YOU SO SEXIST”
the goth story, you're wrong rSlash. Never throw punches when you can't take them back.
Insulting someone and being kind of a bitch is very *very* different than having your lasting trauma thrown in your face when you aren’t expecting it
@@katestarnes1709 No, it really isn't. If you consider what she was saying being "kind of a bitch" then you must really skewed reality and I can't even begin to imagine how you actually treat people. The guy made a follow up on his story and she is doing EXACTLY what her bullies did to her so if she doesn't like being called out on it maybe she shouldn't be the evil she hates.
@@knoxia No one is saying she shouldn’t be called out, least of all me. I’m saying she shouldn’t be confronted with something like that (ie: she’s becoming the people that made her life hell for years) in the middle of a fucking grocery store. She was being a bitch. But you have to understand that making her stop and making her confront her trauma are two VERY different things and there is a time and place for both of them.
Rslash was definitely NOT wrong. He never said the wife wasn't wrong. He just said the husband was wrong too, which is true. The wife being wrong doesn't automatically justify ALL forms of response.
@@davidharshman7645 of course it's justified. That doesn't mean you won't be opressed from the state but it's totally justified
Being bullied isn't an excuse to be mean to others. I'm so tired of people excusing their bad behavior because of what they went through.
"Your being a bully"
Rslash: That's not nice, you can't say something that is true to a victim
In the second story, OPs wife was being a bully. Not just a butthole. OP tried to tell her to stop, but she kept going. That’s bullying. OP is NTA.
Sweet and short.
He could have and should have gone at it in a calmer manner. 0.25/5 buttholes for the husband, on that one.
@@CaitiffFTW are you actually trying to fault OP for that?
@@CaitiffFTW idk, I think the best way was calling her out in front of the kids, so they can understand thst this behavior has consequences
@@loser.lunatic4089 yeah, he didnt need to throw in the comparison to her abusers
"He was hungrrryyyy"
He passed all the other food in the fridge and specifically chose to eat the birthday cake for the little sister of his girlfriend. Thats so stupid. If my sister or her girlfriend ate my 14th birthday cake, I'd be pissed as well, so would my parents.
It also sounds like the boyfriend isnt the only person to be kicked out
@@microwavedcaprisun6521 My thoughts exactly
Also, his comment about "Maybe the wife's bully was also a goth" felt like victim blaming right there because he was effectively saying that it was alright because the girl was dressed that way.
@@kiracaroso this had nothing to do with the comment, but okay. I do kinda agree,
@@SleepyMoth2007 Sorry, I meant to type it in reply to a different comment.
The fact that Monica would talk to her mum like that just proves to me that she obviously doesn't see her mum as someone who should be respected. I can't even imagine talking to my mum like that 💀💀
I find it annoying that she told her mom to treat him as if HER house was his house. Both of them are 20 and 21 and for a fact if someone are their bday cake they'd be pissed so to brush the Lil sis off like "who cares" is fucked up considering that they are sisters. Mom is 100% a boss for calling him out.
@@bluedragonfox the question is where is the dad?maybe not in the picture,because if i was the father of that little sister,that bf of the elder is sister is gonna get beaten up badly.that behavior is worse than childish,he is acting like a baby that does just as he pleases and could not care for whatever else...
As a veterinary student, I will never understand why on earth any doctor would just flat out refuse to see someone or run diagnostics that they are standing there BEGGING for. I understand that there are exceedingly rare scenarios that you mustn't routinely put too much stock in, lest you waste medical resources and your patient's/client's time and money. But I ALSO understand that there will ALWAYS, at one point or another, be "that one" exception case. Therefore, we can never completely rule out rare conditions, only put them at the bottom of our differential list. Rare does NOT mean impossible.
I also understand that even if something is thought to be impossible, we are constantly learning new things and recognizing new diseases, and new demographics/signalments for existing diseases that contradict what we once thought. In a medical profession there are very few absolutes. Case in point, rabies is considered 100% fatal once symptoms develop, but Jeanna Giese survived it. She was "that one" case.
Lastly, even if there *is* virtually 0% chance of something, and you end up being right (becuse you're 99.999999% likely to be), WHAT IS THE HARM OF PROVIDING THE PATIENT/CLIENT PEACE OF MIND? I am also someone with OCD/anxiety who knows what it's like to need constant reassurance that I'm not dying whenever there's some small weird thing with my body. I deeply understand how valuable simple peace of mind can be, and doctors (or any other 3rd party) do NOT get to decide that value for other people. Every person puts their own price on their own health and peace of mind, and if they're willing to pay for it, then it's NOT a waste. You aren't taking advantage of them if they're literally BEGGING for diagnostics and TRYING TO SHOVE THEIR MONEY AT YOU.
Honestly, other than understaffing/overbooking (which is valid, to an extent), the only other explanation I can think of is pure laziness. They simply just don't *feel like* spending the time to look at this patient and, at a minimum, help them sleep at night - and at most, in those occasional situations like this one, ACTUALLY catch a rare case and save that one person's/animal's life.
I don't know. Maybe my view will change once I graduate and start to learn the more nuanced realities of general practice. But this is how I feel right now. I currently don't think I would ever just flat out refuse to run a test on a dog if the owner was pleading with me to just look at it, if I have a choice in the matter. I'm getting paid for it, so I lose absolutely nothing. Meanwhile the owner will either get to rest easier or, occasionally, we'll actually catch something. In a scenario like this it's always a win, IMO.
The second story. The wife went quiet straight away once OP called her out, which indicates she realised she was doing a similar thing. But then later on chatting with her sister (OP sis in law) the wife sounds like she had her sister try justify her part amd spinning it to OP being wrong to compare her to her past....
Or… the fact that her husband used her lasting trauma to shut her up caused her to go quiet.
@@katestarnes1709 It should shut her up. For her to act like that knowing full well how terrible it would make someone feel is disgusting and shows she learned nothing.
@@katestarnes1709 her lasting trauma isn't an excuse for her actions and he was right to shut her up that way
@@whatteamwildcats4033 Right to quiet her is not the same as being right to quiet her in that way. There were definitely better ways, and no one but Lily came out of that story smelling like flowers...
@@davidharshman7645 the way he quieted her was perfect. She was given several warnings about her behavior, she didn't stop, and he finally told her what she was doing. Somebody needs to be told when they're starting to resemble their abuser when it comes to their actions.
Demeaning a woman due to how she chooses to dress IS bullying. Period.
^
True tho
For real! Pointing out bullying isn't "using trauma against someone". Bullying can be traumatic but isn't s justification for be pissed about getting called out
There is a huge difference between bullying and being an asshole.
Both are bad, but they are on different scales. I constantly work with this as a teacher.
It is like comparing exploitation of prisoners and the cotton slavery. Both are horrible but one is just waaaaay worse than the other.
No it isn't. It's mean. But, it's not bullying. Especially if L didn't hear any of it. Google defines 'Bullying" as "seek to harm, intimidate, or coerce (someone perceived as vulnerable)." L wasn't harmed, She wasn't intimidated, and she wasn't being coerced. She was being criticized and she didn't even know it.
You are completely wrong about the bullying. He tried to stop her before mentioning the way she was treated before, but she continued. She was more interested in insulting someone that she didn't know, in front of her kids, than simply keeping her opinion to herself.
Edit: And he wasn't being "mean" or "rude" to her. He was attempting to frame it in a way that she understood. Because simply telling her to stop meant nothing.
Second edit: That husband sounds like he has an addiction. He really should try to see a therapist again.
I was bullied all of my childhood, right up until I was out of my teens. That wife was acting like a bully and the husband definitely did the right thing by letting her know she was acting like one too.
The OP for the wife story shared a bit more info stating that the bullying his wife went through was mass shunning and being mocked for her appearance/hobbies/interests so I'm sorry but I have to disagree here. He could've worded it a little differently but she definitely needed a reality check for what she was saying about a total stranger. Just because you *have* been bullied doesn't mean you can't ever *be* a bully
So she WAS being just like her bullies. His statement was factually accurate.
she bullied this womam the same way she was bullied im
WAIT, SO WHAT WAS HER POINT-
Well his wife is no better than her bullies because she was openly being rude and assumptive of another woman in public, possibly trying to shame her (if the other woman could hear) for CHOOSING to look different. Or worse, showing her kids to be mean to people who look like her.
Using the bully-argument infront of the wife was the best way, to put a mirror infront of her. Being on the receiving end of bullying sucks ... a lot ... BUT this doesn't give you any right to act like an a-hole yourself and be a horrible rolemodel for your kids. If you show your young kid, that it's perfectly fine to smack-talk other people infront of family and friends, what else will they learn than to repeat this behavior?
It might have been a different situation, if the wife was "just" trash-talking with her friend, but doing it infront of her young children is a different story.
Very much agree with this. Could've been handled more carefully but its the realistic way to say "don't sink to their level"
I feel like Rslash, though definitely not as bad this time, unfortunately subscribes to the "happy wife happy life/the wife is right even when wrong" mentality ever since he got married and later had a kid. He seems to keep letting slip this delusional and backwards logic that, if anything, is actually DISRESPECTFUL to wives. Think about it, is it really respecting your wife if you imply she should be treated as a child who should be allowed to let her tantrum run free? Is it really respecting your wife if you imply that wives are inherently irrational babies who should be cowtowed to and placated by feeding an ego? That's not respecting your wife, that's feeding into a delusion and actively treating the wife like a child. Word to the wise people, its not disrespectful to challenge the egotistical and entitled behaviors of husbands, wives, mothers and fathers, and so on. Its actually better so long as the consequences arent dire for you.
@@ramenbomberdeluxe4958 yeah he never considered the fact that the goth girl could have also heard ops wife since from his post she wasn't quiet about it and gets self conscious about herself. I know bullied people are more likely to bully others due to anger but that doesn't mean that bullying is good in any case.
@@ramenbomberdeluxe4958 I'm glad I'm not the only one who noticed that.
I totally agree with you I would do the thing as op. I bet the reason why she was bullied was because she was a bully and those bullies were giving her a taste of her own medicine the way she was acting.
The food loving husband story is just fing crazy and it remined me of a situation when I was little. While my parents were at work, my grandma would take care of me and feed me, but one day she wasn't feeling well and stayed in bed, me not wanting to disturb her just didn't eat for most of the day. My dad was the first one to arrive home, and him thinking that I ate made himself dinner and sat down to eat. I sat with him and stared at his meal for a while, when he asked me what was the matter I told him that I didn't eat that day. His face changed, he stopped eating and immediately gave me his dinner and proceeded to make me desert. Years later when we were reminded of that moment, my dad told me that he almost cried thinking that he was, in his words, stuffing himself "like a pig" while his child went hungry. That is the normal response, you put your children's health and well being above your own when you are a parent. And the husband taking his children's food from their plates making them grow hungry is just disgusting and truly terrible. My parents would literally starve before depriving me of anything.
rSlash, you were *waaaay* off the mark about the bullying story.
OP probably didn't mean to use her trauma against her, but to tell her that she's acting just like a bully. Which is true. I agree don't use people's trauma against them, but she was acting like a bully.
Plus, people like her don't listen to criticism unless you push them. OP tried to tell her to stop but she didn't listen. Calling her a bully was probably the best way to make her realise "hey, you're being fucking awful. Cut that's shit out"
Yeah, and there's also the fact he tried to tell her to cut it out before and she doubled down. Trauma sucks and bullying too, I know... but when you've suffered from it and if you've worked on yourself, you should be able to recognize when you're out of line on that matter. Especially in front of your own, impressionable children
@@edwennlhybride3616 exactly! It's good rslash recognises that he's not always right on these ratings, but even when he admits so and says so, it still seems he misses the point here. His argument was "can we agree to not use people's trauma against them?" and yes sure we can agree to that. But that's not what happened here. She was being a bully to someone else, OP called her out on it, he even tried to stop her BEFORE he said so. And she did not listen. And when she gets called out, she is projecting and uses her trauma as an excuse. For all we know, Lily could have heard her and Lily's feelings would be hurt, she would've heard the bully and now OP's wife is complicit in that. It's better to stop someone before their behaviour gets worse. Just because you have trauma from bullying doesn't give you a tree pass to become a bully yourself.
Honestly, I feel like Rslash, though definitely not as bad this time, unfortunately subscribes to the "happy wife happy life/the wife is right even when wrong" mentality ever since he got married and later had a kid. He seems to keep letting slip this delusional and backwards logic that, if anything, is actually DISRESPECTFUL to wives. Think about it, is it really respecting your wife if you imply she should be treated as a child who should be allowed to let her tantrum run free? Is it really respecting your wife if you imply that wives are inherently irrational babies who should be cowtowed to and placated by feeding an ego? That's not respecting your wife, that's feeding into a delusion and actively treating the wife like a child. Word to the wise people, its not disrespectful to challenge the egotistical and entitled behaviors of husbands, wives, mothers and fathers, and so on. Its actually better so long as the consequences arent dire for you.
You'd think people who have been bullied would be a bit more careful with how they treat others. Agreed, calling her the bully was the best way to let her know how low she has stepped down by acting this way.
@@j.j.juggernaut9709 exactly. I've been bullied too and even acted as one in high school for a bit. I'm 20 now and I've definitely grown from a of that. I'm definitely more of a "Call douchie behaviour out" type of person
"You're going after a doctor's career"
You mean that someone in a position of authority might have to face the consequences of his own actions? That poor man I hope he recovers from this tragedy 🙄
I hate these people where they don't want the victims to shut down people's career just because of what they've been doing to them and how you question how they even got them in the first place. It's stupid and they're pretty much shutting down the victim to defend the person and let them keep their job and potentially hurting other people in the future.
UHHH, that's a woman
I had this exact disease. Went though the same thing! But....I was almost 49 at the time but no you can't have it you are too young! Went to different specialists and got the same run around. Luckily my personal doctor decided the specialists were wrong and just treated me for it. I have a new rheumatologist now that when I told him about it and he looked at my results couldn't believe they didn't treat it right away. I am on something now because mine kept trying to come back.
As soon as the symptoms were being describe I just knew exactly what it was. I couldn't even eat anything but soup because of the pain.
OP should definitely go after those doctors!
The doctors refused to do their job. Go after their career and others won't have to suffer the consequences of their malpractice.
@@Enya_artist It even states that on her post
I disagree with you.
I’ve been bullied before and while it has affected me negatively and impacted my entire childhood by the constant harassment of all times, I understand about the wife seeing it as a touchy subject.
HOWEVER, speaking from personal experience what OP did wasn’t wrong and what the wife went through isn’t an excuse, all what OP said was say she was being a bully by belittling a stranger.
Op knows his wife and all but the wife doesn’t know L and for all we know she could’ve gone through the same thing as the wife and the wife wasn’t helping.
I don’t think OP was the wrong and the trauma isn’t an excuse, I think the trauma made her become a bully, that happens.
From what I saw in the comments on here, someone found the update of what the wife went through, and it was *Shunning and mean comments* sooo exactly what the wife did
Being abused doesn't give you the right to abuse everyone else you don't like. From firsthand experience, all it does is hurt others and by a certain age you have to become responsible for your own actions. A grown ass woman saying those things about someone else trying to live their life is disgusting.
The husband who keeps eating his daughters' food and telling them that he's not sharing anymore isn't just being a bad father. He's abusive. He's literally denying his daughters food.
Bean Dad 2.0
OP said he's been _teasing_ their daughters about it. She didn't say he wasn't sharing or he refused to share his snacks. The way it's worded, includes that nuance. Imo it seems like she put that in there to pile on, but really, she's more pissed that he's not taking seriously the problems his lack of self-control are causing.
But if it's a legit undiagnosed medical issue & it's been going on awhile now, I don't understand why she doesn't just hasn't thought of making more food when she cooks. It seems kinda short-sighted to go thru all that trouble of cooking, knowing she's cooking for 4 ppl & one has a voracious appetite. It's an easy fix to just cook like your preparing for 5, 6, 7, etc... ppl instead of 4
@@reallue I'm pretty sure that was included, that she started making bigger portions along with separating their food from his so its clearly designated. This is literally that he doesn't care as long as he's satisfied. But even so, ok, fine. HE can order take out.
Edit: also how much extra food is OP supposed to make? He ate his larger portion (unspecified so I'm just going to mark it as 1 adult portion), OP's adult portion and two kids portions (so anywhere from 1-1.5 adult portions, depending on the kids). That's at least 3 full meals so how much more is OP supposed to make. And he STILL wanted more???
He was literally taking food out of his child's mouth and doesn't give a damn. Even worse is when he teases and gaslights the child for it.
Put two things in his office: an empty box for laxatives and the business card for a divorce lawyer.
The wife is a bully. Why do people have to be so judgemental?? As a black man, i know what its like to be judged based on the outside rather than the inside. Who cares if she has past trauma if she grows up to do the same to others? Husband is not wrong. He was most likely using her bullying as an example of why she shouldn't mistreat the goth girl. I don't particularly like the goth look but would i pick on a goth, no. You are just giving the wife an excuse to be an asshole. Like, she's play a stupid game so...
Like would she rather be called a fat warthog
The wife was a bully in that situation and the husband ACTUALLY DID the BEST thing he could have done as a previous bully and a victim of bullying the only thing keeping me from not becoming a bully a second time was a friend telling me that I was becoming one of them.
Also most victims of bullying go on to become bullys themselves to either cope with the abuse or fit in with the rest
The last story about the guy who loves food infuriated me way more than it probably should have. As a parent my kid comes first. Granted he's 16m old and doesn't eat a lot and while I may be a big girl and certainly can, my kid takes priority. I have lived off of cereal, and disgusting protein shakes left by a roommate, and if I had the money to spare PB sandwiches for WEEKS eating once a day and going to bed hungry to make sure that what little real healthy food I have went to my toddler. Even if he was eating the same left overs for a couple days. Now I'm not trying to be "woe is me blah blah blah" I just don't understand how someone could eat their child's dinner, have(presumably) eaten any other ready made/easily made meals or snacks that may be in the house, and then pitch a fit over being called out on it.
I am fat and I love food I went to culinary school for god sakes but that is just a pitiful excuse for a human at that point to be totally ok letting your children go hungry and not even ATTEMPTING to fix the issue by making something for them to eat when they got home. Loving food isn't the issue, making sure the lives you brought into this world, who didn't exactly ask to be here, are taken care of is the issue I see in that and then of all things TEASING THEM about NOT SHARING YOUR SNACKS WITH THEM!? Like that is a whole new brand of narcissism.
2nd story: NTA. OP was calling his wife out for her hypocrisy. I get that his wife was bullied when younger and had horrible things said about her, but since she has been through that experience why would she say horrible things about someone she doesn’t even know. Bullying can be verbal and physical and what she was doing is bullying. Rslash what she did wasn’t her being “snarky” she was verbally attacking someone’s image and that is bullying.
I was badly bullied in school and if someone pointed out I was acting like how they treated me I would realise that I’d need to shut up and re-evaluate what I’m doing. Especially if she kept going then you need a point of comparison.
@@ShockingPikachu I was bullied as well in high school but I can see OP’s wife using that as an excuse to cover for her terrible behavior. Also I’m sorry that you had to go through that experience and are in a better place physically and mentally.
It doesn't have to be over a period of time, either. It's wrong either way and it isn't, as you said, snark.
As someone who was bullied in my childhood and teenage years, I wouldn't dream of bullying someone else. No one has to hurt the way I've been hurt.
The girl that bullied me and I actually had a heart to heart a few years after we left school. We booked over our experiences of something that happened to both of us. We talk irregularly now. We both grew up, she realised that it was cruel to bully and sincerely apologised. I have no ill will towards her and admire her for owning up to her actions.
Someone has to hold the wife accountable for her degrading Lily.
@@EnchantingWings1 Sorry to hear that you were bullied as well but I’m glad to hear that you moved on and forgave what happened to you and are at better place in your life
I hate the fact that rSlash used the "It only happened one time" defense for the wife like was the husband supposed to wait till it became a problem? Also what does it matter if it only happened one time bullying is bullying plain and simple. That whole section of the video makes me feel bad because it sounds like he's supporting bullying because the bully was once a victim of bullying which somehow justifies her actions?
Having a traumatic event in your past does not give you license to enact that same traumatic treatment on others. The husband was fine, the wife was 5/5 buttholes. No questions.
Also all he literally said was “you are acting like those bullies in high school cut it out”. It wasn’t as if he was being malicious, he tried to get her to understand and stop, she didn’t, he then put it into context she would understand. She’s likely upset coz she realised how much of a horrible person she was being
I have to agree
Was expecting rSlash to say something along the lines of "wife is being a hypocrite by bullying when she herself was bullied" but he didn't
@HaSenty then you don't know him good enough. Every time a husband and wife situations comes up he takes the side of the wife.
@@hasenty2917 watch his previous videos
In his previous videos it was even worse,he completely takes the wife's side in stories
the last story really hit home for me, I have a friend whose brother exactly like that! He always eats off the food, snacks, drinks, etc. so when I heard this story I'm like omg is this how he's going to be when he grows older, a person who thinks it's ok to eat everyone's food and leaving his own children to go hungry.
The OP of that story needs to have a serious talk with her husband. There has to be something more going on if he thinks it's ok to let his family go hungry simply because he has no self-control.
The wife was being a bully. No matter what the time period is. She deserved to get shut down, even if it did trigger her. What if the girl was in the same situation as the wife, and her wife contributed to the same thing in the young girl that happened to her?
In that last story, the only thought going through my head was "why doesn't the husband cook himself food if he's still hungry? It's not the woman's job to cook anymore."
I think it's because he's a selfish bastard and probably refuses to cook for himself.
Sounds like the dude spends more time at the gym or stuffing his face than with his family.
Dude literally is taking food out of his own child's mouth and doesn't feel bad about it.
Apparently there’s no more food to cook anyway because he eats ALL of it. Even when the wife was looking for other options, his response was “we’re out. I ate it” This story really bothers me because even though he works out, that is a lot of food for one person and he is apparently never full. Definitely seems like something you should see a doctor/therapist about. I feel for the wife and those kids, this is super shitty behavior
the story where OP's husband ate OP's and their daughter's dinner. When he said that he felt "bad" afterwards, thats rubbish. he didn't feel bad, he felt hungry.
He sure as hell didn't feel bad enough to buy them dinner, or to not act like an entitled toddler
I don’t get why he couldn’t just cook or order or anything else that take their food. Who in their right mind thinks it’s okey to do that?!?!
And if he could not resist food I would say he has a problem with food and should consult a doctor to get help
sounds like he has a tapeworm
The father who ate his daughters dinner. If he actually felt quilty, then he would had ordered food not went to office and left his wife to de with everything
Yup, after watching many AITA from Rslash. I can definitely determine that Rslash is bias to women.
Like come on, srsly?
I can really see why gender equality is never an option for most people, he is one of em.
Yeah i kinda agree
On the Wife being A bully story, the moment Rslash says "However," you know he's going to have a horrendously awful take.
Okay, I saw the take. And it was horrendously awful.
OP wasn't trying to "win" anything. He was calling out his wife on being a massive hypocrite, which she absolutely deserved.
And seriously? "Wait until you get home and talk about it?" Dude, this is the kind of shit that needs to be called out and shut down immediately. You don't wait to stop bullying. You stop it right then and there, otherwise you are telling the bully that they can basically walk away from bullying someone only to get a slap on the wrist later.
Seriously, man. What the actual fuck?
And not showing the comment you agree with and read at the end? Idk man. That doesn't seem right. I've seen a lot of CZcamsrs do fishy stuff so maybe I'm just jaded.
100% agreed. Rslash also could’ve forgot to show the reply, but I doubt that considering he always makes sure to show additional replies and such.
Why is it bad that he showed the comment at the end?
@@notthatguy4703 he didnt. He only read it aloud. Opens the door for shennanigans
Rslash's wife is holding him hostage isn't she
@@halliegeary8701 I didnt know about that. That's really scummy
Saying the word “Bully” when your wife is bullying is completely justified. Her whining about how it hurt her beyond words is just gaslighting. It was literally a word… it can’t hurt beyond words
That really puts a nail in that argument.
Wife: Proceeds to bully someone they don't personally know.
Husband: Calls wife a bully.
Wife: Bullies husband.
This! His wife is horrible and she IS gaslighting the husband!
But her verbal abuse is okay because it's a words?
Well, what she did was actually worse than what OP did.
And to for him to say that he was “using her past trauma to exert power over her” was not the case. After she used that as power to isolate and turn people against him when she was doing the bullying. I’ve been bullied and shit can go crazy and I’ve later made mistakes of being a bit of a bully too and realizing that goes a long way. He had to as she kept doing it
For that second story, from the perspective of someone who has been abused in the past, op is not the asshole. Just because you've been abused in the past doesn't mean you're in the right when you mock someone else, and telling that person that they're being a bully is not going to far. OP's wife is sensitive if even the THOUGHT that she might be in the wrong causes her to give her husband the silent treatment and go cry to her family.
He could've handled it better, but he should not wait until they're out of the grocery store. If I was him and felt comfortable doing so I would've said hello to her, made small talk and introduced him to his wife and kids letting her know what a good person she was. Let her know how you feel about it and tell your children to never judge a book by its cover. Everyone should feel comfortable expressing themselves and if others don't like it then look away.
Monica was angry the father was “disrespecting the boyfriend”(which he wasn’t) but was fine with the boyfriend disrespecting her own family.
"I'll respect him when he gives me something to respect."
Respect is earned, especially in your own home.
The father shoul kick this boyfriend out. He is manipulative, toxic, dusrespects them, brainwashed Monica and has something against Lily
You mean the mother right? The father wasn't mentioned in the story. OP is the mother of Monica and Lily.
Yeah no I have had a near breakup happen because of accidental disrespect on my part. And it was well deserved.
This is a rare situation in this subreddit where family indeed does take precedence
The whole "It could have been worse" thing never made sense to me
They didn't know what was gonna happen
Just because the bad thing didn't happen doesn't mean they knew that
the worst thing is that it didnt get worse because the person intervenes. If op didn’t intervene she would have died. This shows that the doctors are uncompetant and need to be taught a lesson so that this doesn’t happen to other people who might not intervene like op did.
And I mean it could have been better, if they didn't fuck up in the first place.
I get that fretting over mistakes isn't always the best course of action but doctors get paid well for a reason, they have a lot of responsibility and MUST take that seriously.
Heres how I think about that whole thing:
Person: Hey!!! Me and my mom just went on an awesome vacation!!! We had so much fun!!!
Other person: Dang chill, it could've been better.
@@Neysiriss yeah like it could have been worse well guess what it could have also turned out allot better and that left eye fucked up is already enough to sue since that can really fuck up your life since it will mess up your depth perception
@@Neysiriss being a doctor is not like a normal job in which one mistake has small consequences. A mistake can cost a life. Being this incompetent shows that you have no right to be a doctor.
Are we sure she was even bullied? Maybe she was the bully? Karens often are, and they often blame everyone else. And for the guy that ate the Bday cake, yeah, I'd have kicked him out too, probably without the drama though, I'd have confronted him and once he made it clear he was not sorry, he'd be gone.
That bullying story... I was severely bullied as a teen, to the point where I was beat up every day in school. I was a prime target, being queer, neurodivergent and a goth. It left me with bad PTSD, and while I've been to therapy and I can control my triggers better, bullying still is a very sore spot. It's even difficult for me to make friends as an adult, because I always fear judgement from strangers. But you know, I'm not there taking my trauma out on other people. It's appaling that the wife in the story would do that. As someone who has been bullied, she should understand how much damage it can do.
He didn't "use her past trauma"
she was being a bully, and he called her out on it. the most I can fairly give him is 0.5/5.
I fully agree with you on all other posts though!
Well, he directly compared her to her past bullies, which is absolutely using herast trauma. Even so, he did so to make her reflect on her behavior, and only did so after she wouldn't listen to him. Therefore, he is nta. My only complaint is that he should have called her a bully instead of comparing her to her old bullies.
no if you are in a situation where you are being back handed every time you go to school then that is different and its still using her trauma against her there was different ways to handle it and he went with the worst way you cant say that judging someones clothes is on the same level as getting hit at school a place where you are supposed to go to
@@JustAlissamy sister got almost molested and when i was on her bed she said she did not like that because of that said i did not care about what happened to her (i apologized by now) but you are teaching me that is the best way to do to people with trauma no
@@halliegeary8701 we did not share a bed
@@commander8625 That's because she WAS acting just like them
For the last story: My parents would have rather starved themselves than leave me hungry. How can a father eat his children's food when he knows that there's nothing else in the house? Like, go buy something and cook for yourself or get something delivered, but don't eat your kids food. And don't get mad at your wife because she cares that the kids eat enough. He should probably either eat seperately from his family permanently or learn some self control or prepare the food himself, so he knows that there will be enough
I assume the husband has the condition "Prader-Willi syndrome", which causes the brain to never receive signals that hes full, he needs a neurologist
I think the husband might be a binge eater : /
my father does the same thing
@@apaintbrush5850 Even if he actually has that condition, it doesn't excuse the attitude he gave the wife after having eaten all their meals. If he has a genuine condition, and ate their meals because of it, then he should still be apologetic about doing so, and try to remedy the situation. Either order take-out for them, or, if he was worried he'd just eat that too, at least warn the wife beforehand that he went on one of his binges, and she needed to grab something on the way home.
@@apaintbrush5850 If he does, he never bothers to go ask for help because he claims that no one can ever help him. To me, that sounds like he never wants to fix it, he wants to continue stealing food until, what, his death?
From reading/listening to a lot of these reddit stories, it sounds like getting a girlfriend/boyfriend/getting married is a bad idea. Im probably gonna save myself the trouble and just live alone.
This grown man came into OP's house and ate her daughter's cake before the party, when there was other stuff he could have eaten, like idk he could have made a sandwich or got some chips
rSlash, ever since you’ve gotten married, you’ve REALLY been hinging a lot of your decisions biased towards the wife. You always find a way to say ‘yeah she did a bad thing BUT-‘ and that’s kinda not cool. I think you’re letting the limelight of your own love cloud your judgement for a lot of these stories. OP didn’t do ANYTHING wrong - as an autistic AFAB person who was bullied pretty relentlessly for a lot of my formative years, calling the wife a bully was completely accurate. Bullying does NOT need to be repetitive - she was being intentionally, willfully, and grossly malicious towards that poor girl. And who’s to say that ISN’T a habit of hers, insulting those she looks down on? She was a bully, and telling her as such and forcing her to look in a mirror was the best option.
we may say that he has become a big SIMP to wives after marriage.
Also, he has no idea what kind of bullying the wife suffered as a kid. EVERYTHING he said was speculative at best and that’s not fair. You can’t base your assessment off of your own baseless assumptions. This was a rotten take and pissed me off so much. The wife shouldn’t speak like that about strangers and deserves to be called out, full stop. The truth can hurt, but that doesn’t make it any less true.
Something that this story makes me think about is how many people hurt or kill themselves after going to a park or store or somewhere they think is safe and away from their bullies so they can calm down the hear someone doing exactly what the wife did? That one time bullying could cause the end of a person. Op did the right thing and is not the Ahole, in my opinion.
Also considering how little care she gave when loudly being mean suggests she probably does it a lot…
I noticed he kind of had these opinions before he got married, they were just more mild. But I definitely agree
That last story is the most literal definition of gluttony.
I was abused as a child by my stepdad and after my mom left him and we moved I struggled with anger. Partly from hormones and partly because anger was what I grew up knowing from an adult. Anywho, my mom and sister used to say I’d be just like my stepdad and it killed me inside. I was terrified of who I’d become and lived in fear.
As a a goth I find this wife's behavior appalling and hypocritical of her.
As a fellow goth kid i can confirm that a lot of people say those kinds of things about us, even when we are standing right there 🙄
Also, i dont think telling a bully that they are acting like a bully is wrong or bad. OP did it right. Telling her to stop didnt work, reminding her that she is acting like a bully and she was bullied so she should know better is fine.
No, shut her down. But don't use the thing she's probably getting therapy for that's plain wrong and very disgusting. OP says he's trying to set a good example but when things get heated he uses her fears to make her stop? Dude that's just terrible. If he can't find another way to make someone calm down by bringing up past stuff. Then what is he as a husband? The wife was wrong a million percent but using that wasn't the way to go and I think he should apologize BUT not until She apologizes for acting like a 13 year old. I agree tho she knows the trauma and she should know better. But that's just not right and who knows maybe her bullies were abusive physically. Talk it out with her, maybe there's a deeper problem we're not seeing. Wife 5/5 buttholes OP 0/0.1
@@35joannecoleman there could be a deeper problem. We don't know for certain either way though. All we know is that she was ridiculing another person's appearance and wouldn't stop when her husband tried to get her to. He brought up that she was being a bully just like the ones who bullied her when she was in school. Sometimes going to the extreme is all that works but we can't be certain that bringing up those memories was even fair as we don't know how bad her bullying was.
@@35joannecoleman Then he is still an okay husband. His wife being out of control and rude despite OPs attempts doesn’t make him any worse of a husband. He probably shouldn’t have gone so extreme but if that was the one thing that could stop her from insulting OPs friends and in front of his children then so be it. It just shows how trashy the wife is for disregarding OPs thoughts.
@@Lemon-jh7gu I agree! I'm not saying OP is a bad husband I'm just saying using that wasn't really the right call. You're right though it's really disrespectful, I guess he had no other choice.
How are you doing these days? I mean, with Covid around, it's not like you have to face dimwits around in public as often nowadays, but how do you deal with that nonsense? Do you snap back at them or just shrug it off?
The gluttonous father has no self control, but considering that he has a “healthy” build, I wonder if he has hyperthyroidism or some other metabolism disorder. Not saying that should excuse his behavior, but it sounds like he has always been enabled to his food habits. Definitely check back with the doctor or have the mum lock up certain foods...I dunno....
I was absolutely thinking the same thing. His issue sounds medical for sure, possibly even mental. He could workout, because he has an issue with food - or it could be what you suggested as well... Hard to say.
That said.. no excuse for his actions. He didn't even do the bare minimum of replacing the meals he ate. *shakes head*
Man definitely needs therapy or something. He is just ok with stealing food from his kids and letting them be hungry because his lack of self control. Shits wild
He’s also very petty, if he’s that hungry then he should buy his own food.
I get it, you're definitely not excusing his behavior but trying to find the root of what the issue is so maybe things could be resolved for either him or anyone that's in a similar situation.
I have thyroid issues and never even thought of this. Granted though mines the other way haha.
Sounds like he refuses to get checked out for it though, which is even worse
8:16 what about it? That other lady had no contact or connection to the bully, that just shows how weak minded the wife is.
I respect your sensitive and delicate take on how the bullying wife should be handled. I think the wife deserved the wake up call. The husband wasn't "Mean and rude" to his wife. He just said "Stop acting like the bullies who traumatized you".
In the last story, OP says daughters, which implies that she has more than 1 daughter, so the husband literally had 4 people’s dinner for dinner and his was a bigger portion. SMH
There are some people with a condition where the "I'm full" signals never reach the brain, making someone think they're always hungry. That man doesn't need a therapist, he needs a neurologist.
@@shaunalennon3144 and some are just always eating some for reasons like they had limited food when younger, some for depression, others for psychological reasons, some are just pigs. Greedy and awful
@@joelrobinson5457 I like food. Often I will stuff myself like a Christmas turkey, well not often but you know what I mean, but I am still mindful of the other people that also have to eat after me. Like if my husband is going to be home after dinner has been served. You can't dismiss a possible neurological condition based on a could be. Those people can quite easily eat themselves to death if not monitored properly.
@@shaunalennon3144 dismissing, no, rather claiming its not an excuse for selfishness
@@joelrobinson5457 so we're just going to gloss over the fact that he could literally eat so much that it would stop his lungs from being able to expand? Did I say it wasn't selfish? He's just hungry all the time and doesn't know why. No professional he's gone to can give him a reason why. You are basically saying that a person who could have dementia but never confirmed is a jerk cause they keep forgetting plans you made a week ago.
As someone who's experienced incredibly traumatising bullying, to the point that I feel unsafe in my own home, years later. If I was acting like that I think it would be completely fair for someone to point out how I'm acting. I would take it less as a "let's trigger them" and more of a "let's help them realise how they're acting"
As someone who has gone through trauma, it really helped open my eyes when someone called me out for acting like the person who gave me trauma. It happens and it’s worse when it comes from people who’ve been traumatized because we’ve been there and we know how that feels
As someone who was nearly murdered several times by my bullies, I agree with this!
Do you know what really helped me deal with bulling? Historical fencing. Or pretty much any martial art (or fight system) works, it helps you stand your ground. You don't have to use it, just the knowing that if something goes physical, you can defend yourself, is amazing for self-esteem.
That husband either is a jerk, or needs to be taken to a doctor to get his metabolism checked out. It's not normal to ALWAYS be hungry.
Woo the last story was just golden.I literally choked when i was laughing the 100 ways to make fun of him, if i meat him and his wife. And in the end when he protest and his wife is just in tears laughing, to apologise to him, "Yes it wos bad to say that to you. All that, talking, about food, in frond of a hungrey person. Go cook some thing woman! Don't you see your Man is hungry here?"🤣🤣🤣
I side with OP. He tried diplomacy. He tried to stop his wife from being mean. But she didn't stop, and it would have made him an enabler to save it for when he gets home. Hard to say if he meant to stir up old trauma or not, but he did the right thing. He should apologize for causing trauma, NOT for calling her a bully. History shows that telling a bad person or bully that's its not cool never works.
Ops husband really has no self control if he can't leave a meal alone meant for someone else, especially his own kids. :/ I feel bad for her and the kids.
I fucking hate when people eat other people’s food. It shows so much lack of self control. My family would take spoonfuls of my food growing up all the time, and I always felt so disrespected since I was never really allowed to say no. OP’s husband sounds like childish bitch who takes the gym life too seriously and thinks they “need” all the calories for themselves, even if it means eating everyone else’s food.
@@mmolinacastro97 he doesn't seem like a gym life person, he just seems like he can't control himself at all. He's definitely going to give his kids issues if he doesn't fix it.
@@Idyll_Candy Actually we don't know if theres bigger issues at work here, mental or physical, maybe he was badly bullied when younger for things like his apperance and both the gym and food are his forms of control as well as what he turns to when he has a problem. Sadly eating disorders are given a bad name as people are given a stigma.
I think he actually has an appetite issue? Normal people can't eat their own, larger portion of dinner then their 3 family member's dinner. And he was STILL hungry. I genuinely don't think this man's brain is realizing that he's full.
@@kankrivantas5536 Okay I know I'm using a fictional character as a reference here, but I remember reading someone theorizing that shaggy from scooby doo could have a certain disorder - don't remember the exact name of it but it's a real thing to my knowledge and basically means his metabolism may in "overdrive" which causes him to eat a lot but still stay pretty thin. This kinda reminds me of that, but regardless OP's husband *really* needs to take responsibility and act mature. Figuring out what exactly is causing him to eat like that, because you're absolutely right, normal people just can't eat that amount of food without getting sick, would be the first step to take.
I was bullied daily for most of my childhood (not “boyish” enough, a couple physical hits here or there, excluded for not fitting in, anything they could think of to make me feel lesser or different). Yet, today as an adult, I would never act like that.
Just because I was bullied doesn’t mean I get to judge everyone now like I know their life’s story.
Good on goth girl for presenting as she wants, and breaking that “she must complain about not finding a job” stereotype.
If the wife doesn't like being called a bully, she shouldn't act like one. Plain and simple
BULLY STory: The wife was being a Bully. She was belittling a person, and the Husband honestly did good to get her to stop right away. It doesn't matter if she did it once, and only the first time she met a person/stranger. That girl probably gets comments like that from a lot of people all the time from a lot of people. Wifey had a Traumatic experience with bullying? Well she could end up being part of THAT girl's traumatic experiences with bullying. There's no room for hypocrisy on this. She KNOWS how painful it is, but that is no excuse for harassments on other people and she needed to get her eyes open to the environment of toxicity she was now participating in. Physical and Verbal Bullying is STill bullying. Both are absolutely nasty.
Can’t play the bullied card if u gonna be the bully.
i didnt think of it like that
I totally agree with you!
@@MrGrape hello twin
@@spiderslayer7494 hello
Last story: I feel it important to point out that the wife said she regularly cooks extra food for her husband because he sometimes steals food from the daughter's plates and leaves them hungry if she doesn't. Even if that is an OCCASIONAL occurrence, and they've already ruled out any potential medical problems with his appetite, I feel it's REALLY important to note that there's a PATTERN of loving food to the point that his family, his CHILDREN go hungry so he can eat more. And teasing them about how the wife got mad and reacted to the fact that their CHILDREN were left with no food, clearly not even caring about them being left with no food to satisfy his OWN appetite is MESSED UP
Yep. I’m not sure I would defend the mom like you are, but the kids for sure are the victims and will likely get eating disorders because they don’t feel they deserve food.
I worry for those girls because eating disorders can go both ways so they in turn might become aggressive over food or think they have to eat it all now or dad will get it... Nobody is thinking about the kids in this matter just that dads an ass with no self control and mom is an ass for not feeding him again! WTF!!! The kids are the ones suffering here but nobody cares that the dads actions could/will have an impact on their relationship with food in the future! Even if it was some type of disorder/illness it is no excuse for lack of self control...
@@elizabethlovesyt882 Eating disorders can go both ways and I feel like they will become more aggressive over food like the dad, feeling like that have to eat it ALL now or lose it... My SO is a food hoarder because his family was the eat it or lose it type so on top of obesity he has a compulsion to hide food because that was what he had to do to eat in his own house... He has gotten better but I feel like they will have more troubles with over eating then under...
@@SailorMya Yeah, speaking from personal experience, this is where eating disorders originate, this needs some sort of intervention beyond the husband and wife fighting for the sake of these poor girls before they develop an unhealthy attitude with food, be it eating too much and hoarding food out of fear of not having enough, not thinking they deserve food and struggling to eat, or (in my case), both swinging wildly like a metronome. No matter what way you slice it, both the husband and the wife need to set their own argument aside long enough to realize what it's doing to their kids caught in the middle before it's too late
@@Gentilchat I hate how they get pushed to to side in this argument... My SO lived in a situation where food wasn't easily available to him and when it was he felt like he had to hide/hoard it... He also had to steal to eat and now struggles with obesity... We have been working on his "need" to hide food now because it is a hard habit to lose after years of feeling like you have too... I hope they can see how this affects the kids before it is to late...
"He's always hungry."
*Tarrare has entered the chat*
The husband is in the right for saying that, the wife needed a reality check
Hold up.
You're calling everything the wife was saying "snarky"?
No. She was acting exactly like a highschool mean girl, aka a bully.
The husband already tried to call her out using normal methods and she wouldn't stop.
That takes it to a whole new level.
Especially since she has a personal history of being bullied.
He was well in the right to point out she was acting just like the people who bullied her.
Because she was, and frankly that would have been a huge red flag for me that as an adult she could be that way, period. That was a full on Karen episode she had.
Smells like the start of a divorce to me if she can't stop being that way.
Then, for the person in the comment whose supposedly is a "teacher" and said that it's "not real bullying because it didn't happen repeatedly or over a long period of time". Um, what the entire fuck?! That is one of the stupidest things I've ever heard and invalidating.
@@ImJustShayeB rslash has harassment confused with bullying is what it sounds like. Seriously that whole last section was painful to listen to. Just almost detached from reality.
For bullying to be really fucking traumatizing it has be like abuse every day, or being snapped down to a broken chip.
But it seems that the amount bullying that was endured by OP’s wife was exaggerated by a tiny bit. Wouldn’t she try to avoid becoming one of those people who bullied her?
Yeah, "you can't dredge up her trauma against her" but it's ok for her to use it to defend being a disgusting person? I was beaten daily by bullies, I still know not to be a cunt to others
@@TheWeaponshold Jesus I had stopped the video to make my comment and only just now got to finishing the rest, and my god, rslash thinks the husband brought up the wife's own past to win the argument? He was trying to get through to her to make her understand what she was doing and how wrong it was. Yes, that would have "won" the argument but winning wasn't the point, defending L was the point, as was getting his wife to stop being an asshole.
trigger story: you're wrong... what the wife did was actually disgusting and she WAS being exactly like her bullies, that is disgusting and the husband had to shut it down, yes it was mean to pull up her trauma BUT she deserves it
I personally have a hard time believing she was actually bullied - if she was, why is she being a bully as an ADULT??
I know there are children out there who are bullies because they're acting out abuse from parents, or they are ignored for favour of little siblings so they bully other little kids because they can't bully their siblings.
But that's CHILDREN. ADULTS who claim they were bullied for years in school who then act like a vicious bully to total strangers in public... I don't buy it. Just because she says she was doesn't make it true.
She started attacking the woman out of nowhere. The woman did nothing but exist. It's not like she started it, or did something innocent like bump into the OP (which wouldn't actually excuse bullying, but I mean that would have brought the woman to her attention or she may have been hurt).
IF she really were acting out childhood bullying (which I don't believe, but since I don't know her there's a chance I'm wrong), she needs to grow up and get therapy so she can stop attacking total strangers! She's an adult; she has to take responsibility for her own choices.
We all have to take responsibility for ourselves as adults, and realize that bullying people is a choice. Even if you are or were bullied yourself, it's a choice. You have to take responsibility and get help if you need it. Little kids who bully because THEY are bullied at home don't have all the emotional tools that adults have, so they have more of an excuse to react inappropriately.
But adults have none.
@@dmf1301 People who were abused as children very frequently exhibit the same harmful behaviors as adults if they aren't properly treated/don't fully recover.
They learn those behaviors from their abusers, and either never learn a better way, or never snap out of the habit
If a person can't reference that you , an adult with children, were bullied as a youth without you breaking down.... you need therapy.