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Pregnancy Has Wrecked My Body Image
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- čas přidán 18. 12. 2023
- Pregnancy Has Wrecked My Body Image
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I don’t know how I came across John but these last few months of listening to his episodes has actually changed my life and I’m not even exaggerating
This really hit home. I am nine months pregnant after facing 6 years of infertility. My husband keeps saying I am so beautiful, but last night I just cried because there have been so many changes to my body. My father was always critical of my appearance. I was either too fat or my hair wasn't long enough. I remember being feed so much negativity. When I look back on photos from middle school through college, I am so upset, because I was never any of those things. I realize now I have trama from these words. Even in my pregnancy, my father has made comments that I am geting too big and to be wary to gain weight. All the while, my doctor says my weight is just perfectly healthy and those around me call me pretty preggers. Before my dad gets ridiculed in the comments, I will say that in the past year, I realize that he is a narcissist. I now I let his comments slide off my back because I realize now he has a personality disorder. I still love and forgive him. I suppose the next step is to heal and love myself. I made a promise that I will lift my daughter up and give her the confidence that I never really got growing up. Thank you for reading till the end.
Dont waorry about it. For tge 1st 6 weeks you are going to ferl like a milk factory. There is nothing glamorous about it. I bounced back and at month 6. Congratulations, you are almost there.
Hopefully you lose some weight female
Don't ever let him do it to your daughter.
Does your father contribute anything positive to your life? It's not ok for him to be an asshole just because he has a personality disorder.
Yep
My wife is 6 months pregnant. She keeps thinking shes fat. And I think she is beautiful. I love her so much. I tell her every day how amazing she is.
When I was in my early 20s, I cared so much more about body image. The fear of all the changes during pregnancy was real. By late 20s, I didn't care at all. Now I'm embracing pregnancy at 30 years old and all those old fears are gone! It's a beautiful thing to create and carry a new human :)
This is one of my fears that has made me childfree. I see how hard it is to deal with all the changes, discomfort, risks, and loss of bodily autonomy. It's not just a physical change, it's a mental one too. I imagine one would ever feel the same after.
Close your eyes take a deep breath and plunge in. There are many rewards to children.
@@semosancus5506 I'm not interested for many other reasons as well. But the loss of bodily autonomy is a huge one.
@semosancus5506
Close your mouth and take a deep breath. Many rewards to silence 😂
It is hard. My self esteem was low before, but now it's worse. Some people can “ bounce bsck”, but most people will look permanently different. My stomach has so many stretch marks.I hate it. :( . But I knew that was gonna happen, but I wanted a child more. It's worth it.
@@katrionalaurenmthey're not totally wrong though. There have been many things in my life that I wouldn't have done if I let my fears get in the way. If they do want kids, and they're just letting fear get in the way, then you do Just gotta “ plunge right into it”.
She is high risk for post partum depression. She shd keep PPD providers phone numbers handy and tell loved ones to keep an eye out
I am 6 weeks postpartum with my 4th child and this really hits home. Every child, I've gone through serious dysmorphia and low body image, after, even when my husband insists how beautiful I am and how much he loves me, even with my belly and batwings. Ha. It always takes me around 2 years to get the baby weight off and it's rough in that period for me mentally and physically.
This is not about pregnancy weight. She hasn’t even gained weight yet (she said she lost weight.) 😯 Dr. John nailed this one.
Girl, im in my first pregnancy right now and something that is definitely falsely painted as a purely beautiful image is pregnancy. It is NOT a beautiful picture most of the time. Ive had a pretty easy pregnancy compared to what i hear about other women, and even still its tough!!
Not saying that pregnancy isnt beautiful, but that it's like we only see these instagram worthy photoshoots with a smiling mother-to-be with a perfect little bump, and hear about how great the end result is: becoming a mother. I was not prepared for the body changes. Nor all the gross stuff that comes with being pregnant that I wont say on a public space with males present 🤣
The whole point of this mini rant is to tell you, at the very least, you are not alone. I have to remind myself almost daily that "im creating a human!" Thats super taxing on the body, but my body is handling exactly as it best knows how and for how it was designed. As billions of women have gone through for thousands of years. Dont be afraid to lean on support systems of family, friends, and your partner. Now is probably the main time in your life to allow yourself some grace with your body, emotions, and all the other changes. Also the main time to learn how to see how valuable you are, and to treat yourself like you have value - by taking care of your body and your mind.
Your baby deserves to feel love inside their mama ❤
Omg I’m currently pregnant for the first time and am feeling some of these thoughts, I am excited to listen
I feel you sister
This hit home. I just went through my biggest pregnancy of my life. And had a 12 hour labor that ended in a c section. I’ve always been a health nut and been able to stay on top of my body, this time around it all went downhill. It’s going to take me awhile to recover. But it also showed me face to face my anxieties and my self critical voice that I need to crack down.
i really dislike this style of diagnosis where you make up your mind before the person finishes speaking for the cause. one minute in he had already made up his mind that her parents caused her to dislike her pregnancy body. he refused to consider any other path. not considering differential paths is exactly how you end up misdiagnosing or overmedicalizing.
He is "fishing" and I do not mean that in a negative sense. Her issue was too strong to only be influenced by media, peers etc. (Or that was unlikely.) So he tested the waters and observed her reaction. He has to do that verbally, as he does not counsel her in person. Therapists and counselors do such "testing" also during in-person counseling. It is not the question (or the provisory assumption behind it). it is about the REACTION of the client. Verbally and non-verbally.
She has a very, very hard time "admitting" that her parents might have failed her in some respect (most parents do), but at the same time she cannot outright say: No, they were super supportive, I had high self esteem etc. when growing up etc. etc. (John Delony would have reacted to such a strong statement as well, it would have informed him that his provisory theory did not apply - well the likely case applied, it was something about how she grew up).
She knows at some level that the parenting had a lot of influence on her current problems - AND she defends her parents (that were good enough, likely good, but they were not perfect).
Kylie, pregnancy is so dang HARD. It's advertised as this beautiful miracle process, which it can be, but us moms lose ourselves in this process and its hard to no longer know yourself. Set aside time to take care of yourself, reach out to your fellow moms and lean on them because we got you sister, we're all experiencing it together. You are so beautiful, this is a lot of change that is happening fast, but you got this! Give yourself some grace.
John asking who taught her to compare. Cmon, we all compare, it's normal and we all judge, it's normal too. Of course you should not expect to look like a supermodel from yourself.
I notice that he does that a lot. In his mind everything comes back to a parent or something in our childhood and no one can possibly just have problems because of themselves. I would hate to have a therapist that just lets me blame everything on everyone else.
@@ashleysalazar2012 He is "fishing" and I do not mean that in a negative sense. Her issue was too strong to only be influenced by media, peers etc. (Or that was unlikely.) So he tested the waters and observed her reaction. Therapists and counselors do that. - And: she has a very, very hard time "admitting" that her parents might have failed her in some respect (most parents do), but at the same time she cannot outright say: No, they were super supportive etc. etc. (John Delony would have reacted to such a strong statement as well, it would have informed him that this aspect of his theory did not apply.
She knows at some level that the parenting had a lot of influence on her current problems - AND shel defends her parents.
@@franziskani I think she felt like she had to agree.
I’m going through this right now. I do not have post partum depression and am generally joyful and grateful 95% of the time now that my baby has arrived. I am enjoying being a mother more than I expected. I am NOT a crier. I’m known as a person who is strong and I shelter my emotions extremely well but I went to buy myself new clothes 6 weeks after giving birth this weekend and I started crying in the dressing room, then the whole way home, and then laid in bed and cried myself to sleep mid day. It’s horrible and I wish I felt beautiful but I’m just not there yet. NOT looking for sympathy or words of encouragement, I’m extremely blessed to get that at home but more just wanted to share so other woman can feel less alone.
my father started it for me, teased me when I was 12 and developing breasts, my friend who was younger was way more developed than me and all the boys used to compare me to her negatively, then she ended up sleeping with my boyfriend when we were like 16. Then I got married to a very critical man young, who literally used to list everything that was “wrong” with my body. He ended up sleeping with a stripper. I’m now 38 and my body is falling apart and it gives me anxiety so bad bc I feel all i’m worth is my body. Who will love me when I’m not beautiful anymore? Every woman around me have been left once their health, or beauty fades.
You’re worth so much more than what men think of your appearance! Look up @manifestelle. If this comment is a repeat it’s because my last one vanished.
I can't imagine being surrounded by such an awful "community". I speak from experience when I say that there are entire communities out there who will love you and support you in ways you didn't think were possible. Don't settle for anything less. You are worth being loved in every aspect.
I feel these people would feel so much better if they walked half a mile every day. I was walking up until the very day my water broke. People don’t use the power of endorphins enough. Endorphins get you higher than booze and drugs
Thank you
She sounds so sweet.
just had baby number three and I totally relate. my baby is perfect and beautiful and I have gained 30 pounds...feeling awful and fat with this cute amazing baby right now :)
Cool video
Kylie you’re fine & you will be fine. You’re pregnant. You are healthy. You have a loving partner. Look at yourself and your body with a nurturing a baby inside. Flush the self critiques and be proud of you. Stop with the pressure on yourself and your body. I wish women would stop this harshness with themselves. It’s nuts
Anxiety and depression are super common if you get diagnosed with one or the other! I'm not sure why it happens, but you can get your brain back into shape, sooner or later!
This call breaks my heart. After the baby I hope she keeps speaking out about how she feels. People that are already struggling during pregnancy may have a higher chance of severe postpartum depression and severe postpartum anxiety. That's the area I specialized in because I went through it and I kept it all quiet. I contemplated ending it all after my second baby. What kept me from doing it was the postpartum anxiety. I asked myself "if I do this? Who will care for the kids? Will the kids be safe and well taken care of?" After asking myself that a bunch of times I couldn't go through with it. My anxiety over my kids kept me from that action. After I came out of it and graduated nursing school I decided I was going to help other moms out by talking about it. Speaking up. Family members need to be aware of the signs that their loved one may be going through PPD/PPA.
Pregnancy isn't all lollipops and rainbows for a lot of people. All 3 of mine were awful (hyperemesis and cholestasis). So many changes!
Having a baby is amazing and I absolutely love being a mom but it can definitely take a toll on your mental health at times if you don't take care of yourself.
I have't listened to this yet but I had 5 kids and I am a fit person even at 59 years old. You're not fat you're PREGNANT!! There is a difference. This one you're growing a human. Just keep the weight gain to the 30-35 lbs or whatever the recommendation is now. You're NOT eating for two you're eating for a tiny tiny human being and your calories only need to be about 500 or so more than normal. That isn't a lot. If you don't gain a ton of weight once you have the baby most of the weight will come off in baby and body fluids and the rest should come off pretty easy especially if you're breast feeding. Breast feeding actually requires more calories to do than growing the baby. You can also workout while you're pregnant. I ran and lifted weights up until about 4 weeks before delivery and that helped me bounce back quicker. But talk to your doctor about how to safely do that. Then after the baby is born and the doctor gives you the red light start that workout back up. Also remember being pregnant is a big shift in hormones and it often feels like being on your period x 100 as far as emotional swings go. Good luck!!!
You’ll never be mentally prepared for the changes of pregnancy but you will learn to love them later. Like wow this body, my body, grew a beautiful perfect little human. 😁❤️
For some reason pregnancy pulls up some very strange memories and traumas for me at least
Its her body , it’s not letting her accept the trauma of a big body during pregnancy , she is going back to her body being fat in the anxiety trauma bonds of her parents and her body
Its so unfair what women go through compared to men with pregnancy.
I love Dr John, but I feel like these therapists try and create these scenarios that may not actually be true. He was soooo adamant that it’s her parents fault. Maybe this girl just has body dismorphia like 90% of the world, including myself 😂
Seriously. I can’t watch this guy anymore, thinks he knows the whole situation after 20 seconds talking to a complete stranger on the phone…
I agree. My insecurities came from societies insistence of what we should look like, with an image on a billboard at every turn. My mom tried to tell me I'm fine, but I couldn't believe her. It didn't help that she hated her body as well.
exactly my sense. he's not a woman, he has no idea how incredibly common it is for women to struggle with their changing bodies during and after pregnancy. it often just comes down to the fact that you're different, and not for the better. you have to adjust to a new body that doesn't feel like you. that's hard.
@@jones2277 He mentioned in some video that he too has issues with body image (or used to have). I took it to be an issue with exercise and not an eating disorder.
Based
what do you mean by that?
I’d just be grateful to be able to get pregnant at all.
❤❤❤❤ me too, sis.
Thank toxic body culture for this. Pregnancy is the most beautiful gifts from our creator. The world has managed to push this gym body six pack figure onto women. Sad to see
It may be beautiful but it it also disgusting. Facts
My sister does bodybuilding comps and she's had twins. Women can do both and it's great. I don't plan to stop weightlifting after I become a mother.
Having kids ruined me as a person. Ruined my body. Ruined my sense of self. I have no confidence, never feel sexy. I’ll just be fat forever I guess.
You can keep in shape while pregnant CZcams has so many pregnancy workouts and once you have the baby after about 6 or 7 months you can workout back to normal. Eat right exercise and try to keep moving and you won’t put on extra weight your stomach will eventually go back to normal if you just workout after a few months it will be ok many women who have had kids looks great and get abs back
Not for everyone, though. It depends on your hormones and your insulin resistance. Some people's bodies will have a harder time losing weight than others. And keep in mind, a lot of influencers and celebrities get belly weight removed through liposuction and ab-sculpting. My sister-in-law is thin but has a little pregnancy belly that she's been trying to work off for 10 years, and it will never go away completely.
I did workouts and it permanently injured my abs and pelvic floor. I didn't struggle with weight gain but it feels awful to have all your organs feeling loose in your body. Especially when you used to be an athlete and it's now over. I am glad some people come back, many don't. It's hard to lose yourself even if it is for something good. It's normal to grieve.
not true for most.
Eventually we will all age we cant keep our bodies tight forever but we can do what we can to be healthy and have workout regularly my point is a woman's body is still going to beautiful after pregnancy it's all about how you take care of yourself just because you had kids doesn't mean you stop taking care of yourself
Not as easy as it sounds. I had terrible morning (noon & night) sickness when I was pregnant (up until the 3rd trimester) and the only thing I could keep down were potato chips, bagels and ginger ale soda. I gained over 60 lbs. My daughter is now 4 and I'm still 20 lbs overweight. I eat a very clean low carb diet and I exercise 4x a week. It ain't that easy to bounce back.
Being pregnant seems kinda awful after.. saggy belly etc
Yeah it really changes you.
It's much harder to lose weight ect...
You need a budget for the mamy makeover lol.
In the US, women don't typically get the aftercare they need either - unless of course you are wealthy enough to pay out of pocket. French women have subsidized access to things like pelvic floor therapy, while women in the US end up having bladder issues and uterine prolapse.
I wish more women knew how to workout and train the pelvic floor.
@@youheartmel definitely!
Let me get this straight because I hear and see this a lot. A man and a woman marry each other and don’t mentally prepare for children. Then they both have unprotected sex a lot and the man forgets to pull out and they become surprised about getting pregnant? Like how is this happening? How are two people who aren’t prepared fully to have kids committing the act that leads to it and not at least somewhat prepared for it? Make this make sense.
And also don’t take this the wrong way. I feel incredibly sad for this woman and what women are constantly berated with. It is just confusing how this topic of “we didn’t plan for it” comes up.
Because we grow up with no role models and never seen what a healthy relationship looks like
As much as we all want to pretend otherwise, we women have body issues not because we are vain and "care too much". Rather its because deep down we know that a woman's value to a man to deeply tied up in how she looks. How many men do we hear from (including on this show) mourning that their wives don't look like they did when they married them. How many men trade in their wives for a younger one after two decades and a few children change her body?
Sorry, but all this talk of "embracing the changes" won't solve the real problem.
IDk, pregnancy was not hard for me physically, and not mentally. And I had twins, but I was a runner for 10+years, my cardio was ready.
I sympathize with the caller, but quit telling your women it's all so awful and hard. Not at all! Or... it's about perception. Don't flow in negativity, that you'll be fat, stretchmarks, blabla... And even if so- so what?! You get a tiny sweet human, curb your ego. I used to have nice stomach - not any more, stretchmarks, breasts not like they were. So what?! is that the end of my life? My twin girls are my love. They ARE worth these superficial things AND more. Plus, I did lose all the weight at around 9 months pp. Quit being selfish ladies, yes, you won't be the same after 1-2-3 months. But the human body is wonderful, it heals, but with time, not in 1 month.
Even my stretchmarks are getting better, In a couple years they might go away.
And about other things? I am in Ukraine, we have a war here, I had my girls during blackouts, worried of the hospital will have power the time I need. Everything was fine. Your problems about money for college are valid but non-existential. You'll be fine. Quit whining.
First commenter yay😅😅😅😅
Hi Everyonejust because she’s self - critical doesn’t mean her parents taught her that. Maybe they did who knows? Also John you interrupt too much
I like when he interrupts 😂
@@bluered5527 lol 😁
@@SarahConnor562 I totally hear you. This called also talks about being the oldest and having responsibilities well welcome to life we all have responsibilities. I was the youngest and I took on way more responsibility than my older brother.
i agree. he already made his mind that her parents were at fault before she even finished a sentence, and he wouldn't let it go.
@@jones2277 he does it alot and I wish he wouldn’t .
Pregnancy is not an excuse for obesity. Figure it out
When was obesity mentioned? She actually said she lost weight.
Why are you talking😂 your woman is literally overweight
What s the excuse for beer belly
not everyone can be active and eat a restrictive diet during pregnancy just to maintain a figure pleasing to you.
Clearly you didn't even listen to the episode 😂