Before anyone asks, I do not address what happened in this video. This has been done since early yesterday, and the event happened well after this upload. I have thoughts, but that isn't the point of THIS video.
I'm 4mins in and already, if you draw parallels to religious communities or how MLM draws in their target audience, then you're probably right on the money. >-> If it can be generalized to some basic fact of humanity, you're probably right.
I still remember my first time going to Japan. Went of the flybuss and took up my map. I was struggling to finding my hotel, then out of nowhere an elderly lady approached me, and in a really slow and broken English ask if i was lost, i showed her my hotel booking and without missing a beat she motion me to follow her down to the subway. She guided me to the ticket machine and bought me and HERSELF a ticket, showed me the way on the station and jumped on the train with me to the destination. Once we got off she once again walked with me until i could see the hotel. I thanked her so much and wanted to give her some money for the trouble (and train ticket ofc) but she refused and in broken English said: "No worry, I'm happy" with the best smile i had seen ever and just left towards the subway again. Best and warmest moment in Japan for me.
As an autistic person, I would never survive socially in Japan. I struggle enough with things like etiquette and social obligations in Canada, there is no way I'd be able to handle how much more demanding that sort of this is in Japan.
Amen to that, brother. I'm an American with autism, and I probably don't follow half of the regular social cues and obligations as much as I should. If I were to live in Japan, they'd probably think I was insane lol!
I can partly agree there with being on the spectrum. While I wouldn't have trouble following "the system" and such. It would potentially get too overwhelming at times. As for me I find it easy to follow a set of specific rules. However it would be overwhelming for me due to worrying that I'm not doing it appropriately or correctly. Which would then most likely lead to an eventual "Meltdown" as I like to call it. So I would say I agree partly due to being able to do the following, but would struggle with coping with the stress and anxiousness of if I was doing it correctly and properly.
its not as bad as you think, even if people think you are a little off your rocker, its definitely just something in tokyo, since if you actually go deeper into small niche hobbists you find that there are tons of eccentric people there like anywhere else
@@NeostormXLMAX The question is: Can we handle each other? Autistics are own to become suicidal. It is not easy as you think since I'm autistic myself.
The notion of giving a newlywed couple an odd amount of money in crisp, clean bills I can totally see. The fact it's not evenly split means they will 'stick together' to spend it, and the new money brings the image of a fresh start. Money as a gift is sometimes seen here in the west as a sign that you don't care, but it truly is the most useful of gifts, turning into whatever the couple needs at their own discretion very readily. It's a gift that lets the couple exercise their self-agency.
When it comes to money as a gift, at least in my experience in the U.S. I usually ask the couple or someone in the wedding party if I can give them money. I think most couples nowadays would want money or for people to stick with what’s on the registry.
This video actually hit pretty hard as a Japanese person who lived abroad and returned. I lived in Australia for fifteen years since I was a kid and after being away from the system for so long I just can't fit in. Adding to that, I recently confirmed that I have ADHD and Autism which would've made it difficult for me to fit in even if I spent those fifteen years in Japan because it's still leagues behind on neurodivergent people being openly acknowledged.
Fellow add and aspie here, but I'm a foreigner living in japan for more than 5 years. The stress got so bad that I went for a check earlier this year and yup, got diagnosed, for he first time in my 40s, lol. The fact that I come from a place I can't get back to I kinda have to adapt here. But hey, at least the USJ is half the price for a 障害者, huh. Wish I could go to Australia. I kinda envy you if you has this backup option
I've lived almost 1/3 of my life in Japan with the intent to stay here long-term, and I'm currently studying to be a monk. It's weird how often people assume without asking that I'm going to go leave Japan as soon as training ends. It's as if the thought of somebody choosing to stay somewhere other than the country where they were born doesn't cross their minds. I suspect that part of the reason is the rigid social structure - for many people, living in a web of hierarchies and social obligations, starting a new life somewhere else may not even seem like a thing people can just choose to do. And by the same token, people not born into that same network will always appear one step removed.
The social contradiction of "phisical touch with people you don't know is a big no no" and "japanese women will often randomly touch fouraigners bodys" was weardly hilarious to me XD
I know for a fact, that after watching Black-in Japan, it’s weird that they blatantly touch Black People’s hair, either because they’ve never seen curly hair. But yeah, the Culture there is both interesting and integrated, or Complete Othering! And that’s really damn sad.
I was just thinking about that when I heard him say "physical touch with people you don't know is a big no no" cuz I was like "...Didn't you just say that Japanese women would randomly touch foreigners' bodies?" :P
girls? Some dudes just randomly touch you for no reason. Guy I work with puts hands on my shoulders and sometimes walks behind me for no reason. I even try to face him and he seems to try to ''fix'' his position in response....
I think it might be that they're expecting you to not care or something. They do have a lot of misconception about foreigners where they think they don't care about touching or being touched. I remember a video from the channel Asian Boss, where asian girls like foreigners because "they like being touched."
That's just how feminazis are today, they can do whatever you want and you just have to sit there and let them do it and if you dare so much as flinch the wrong way you'll instantly be accused of whatever horrendous crime she decides to accuse you of. Don't laugh at male assault victims, Amber Heard
Listening to the relationships talk makes me appreciate the CZcamsrs Jun and Rachel all the more since they don't go into the details of their relationship's start for privacy reasons (both east and west can understand that), but it does make me think how they worked through that with Kokaku. At least Jun's family realized very early that they had to be understanding and patient with Rachel since she admits to having done things out of ignorance or misunderstanding. If anything, they tended to get mad at Jun for not explaining things to her and making sure she didn't get embarrassed. They never wanted her to feel like outsider with them at least.
I am married and living in Japan in Okayama. My wife's opinion when I watched this with her is that a lot of things you mentioned were too old. My impression was that you took situations from level 7 to level 10. She mentioned many times to me that it used to be more like that. I will use the omiyage as an example. She said that the rules around it have changed a lot in the last 40ish years. "People often buy omiyage just for themselves or their immediate households." だって For me, loneliness in Japan is a mix of things but the big one is the loss of cultural understanding. It is their lack of cultural understanding about me, every day, having to explain everything. A joke, a cultural moment, my seemingly idiosyncratic behavior. There is no rest in this, day in and out. Every time I walk outside I cannot do simple pleasures without having to explain why it matters to me. For American expats, we bond over very silly things like Root Beer. Drinking a can of Root Beer is incredibly emotionally stabilizing. My general advice is for every gaijin to do something incredibly normal in their home country. Order a pizza, go and drink that root beer. What you need is not other gaijin but a sense of normalcy. In fact, other gaijin, if they are long-termers, will just end up complaining about this or the other. And for new arrivals, you shake your head. My position is the fix is not more social interactions but less. You are overstimulated by the experience and you need normalcy. You're experiencing what sociologists call anomie. That means normlessness. The lack of the ability to orient yourself in the society you are in. So take a moment to reorient yourself. Then go back outside. Japanese living is easier if you are not drained of what it means to be of your home culture. I invite every foreigner in Japan to honestly consider what makes them of their home culture.
Having lived in Okinawa and in mainland Japan for 8 years. I am married to a Japanese woman as well. We would still get gifts for the coworkers. So it maybe just where you work. But we always did.
I agree that doing something "normal" for yourself as an expat is generally good from time to time. However, if you're constantly finding yourself doing that you're just seeking escapism from the place you're in which will only cause you to be lonelier especially if you're not a full on introvert. If you find doing things in Japan (or any other country an expat is living in) that are different to your "normal" is frustrating/stressful then you're better off living elsewhere. There's no shame in that. Not everyone can live anywhere. You have a short life and don't need to waste it being unhappy.
I fully agree with finding things to do that feel "normal" or to at least get that nostalgic homesickness feeling staved off. It's really silly, but I eat at McDonald's. I almost never ate at McDonald's when I was at home, but here I eat there at least once a month just for that taste of normal. For other Americans I've met too they seem to do similar. I sometimes even make a point to wake up early some days to get the big breakfast platter because my grandparents used to take me out to eat that when I was small.
This is how you do sponsored content - organic, and on topic. Much respect, Gaijin. Thanks for the awesome upload. I hope you continue to cover the re-opening process of Japan's borders.
I was lucky and spent my first four years in Japan living in Sasebo, Nagasaki Prefecture. Foreigners are a normal part of the population thanks to the Navy base. There are lots of international marriages and retirees too, so the Americans often never leave but become part of the local community with their Japanese spouse and children. Within a month of moving in I was frequenting a café several times a week that had no foreign regulars and the owners immediately took to calling me “Davi-chan.” From there I made friends with the other regulars and through this I met a nice girl who I married about a year later. Between the friends I made there and through my job I felt more a part of this local community than anywhere else I’d ever lived.
@@davidfromkyushu6870 I was thinking of a different place then, though still fun to think there are more places that are Japanese, but very foreigner friendly. The one I was thinking of is Kunimatsu (and I highly recommend it if you are ever back in Sasebo).
I find that learning the language, even a little, when interacting with foreigners is a great way to build rapport. I'm not fully multilingual, but I know the basics of Spanish and Mandarin Chinese. When attempting Spanish at, say, a Mexican restaurant the workers would begin speaking Spanish with me and if I didn't know a word they would explain it, make sure I got the pronunciation with it, and honestly I seemed to get better service with it. And if I even tried to speak a word in Mandarin to someone who spoke it they always immediately treated me like their best friend because of the ATTEMPT/EFFORT.
Yeah from what I've heard, a good way to start breaking ice with natives in other countries is to atleast attempt to learn their language. As I hear it even if you aren't that decent, most seem to really appreciate the effort you as a foreigner put in to understand them.
es por que extrañamos nuestro hogar, ver a alguien que habla nuestro idioma en un lugar tan lejos de casa nos hace sentir bien y lo agradecemos con un mejor servicio ^^
"And if I even tried to speak a word in Mandarin to someone who spoke it they always immediately treated me like their best friend because of the ATTEMPT/EFFORT." So much this. There is this chinese couple that runs a really nice sushi place near my house and I hit them with a "Xièxiè" and you could tell they really liked that I tried. I KNOW I butchered the pronunciation too lol.
This is absolutely true. I've been to Japan, Korea, and China, and the one common thread between them is that I tried to learn a bit of the language, and it got people excited.
As an autistic person, I often think it must be a nightmare dealing with all of these social constructs, but your video makes me appreciate that these are official rules instead of unspoken ones like in America.
These rules are also technically unspoken, they’re just broken down in videos to make it easy for foreigners specifically. You could probably find a layout of social rules for the US in a YT video or on a post somewhere.
@@chey6073 as I understand, there are classes rich people send their kids to for that sort of thing too. Like what fork is for the salad. How to sit like a lady. Other arbitrary nonsense.
Japan was a pretty isolationist country for a long time, at least from what I know. A lot of native Japanese people likely don’t have experience with foreigners
What's sad about that is that the natives would only have their knowledge about foreigners is by entertainment media (like TV shows or movies); and want to imitate them, which would cause them to be labeled as "racist" during the "gyaru look". I mean, I can understand why with the deep fake tan, but what's problematic about long nails, blonde hair, and shiny eyes?
On the topic of loneliness in Japan: I know it’s a bit of a private subject, but I would be really interested in a video with Aki about her experience with Japan and your guy’s experience with long distance. I’m going through a similar long distance struggle right now and I bet others would also be really interested to hear her experience being on the other side. Love your videos, Gaijin!
If anyone wants to socialize in Japan, the best place is Osaka. I've heard that people in Osaka tend to be far more outgoing and sociable. From my experience, when I visited Japan 13 years ago, I can somewhat confirm this. The only times I struck up conversations with Japanese people was in Osaka. While in Tokyo, Kyoto, Atami and Hakone, Japanese people avoided me like the plague. They would appear anxious if I so much as said hello, even if in Japanese. Even when I was being loud or disruptive, rarely did anyone come up to me - not even security guards. Meanwhile in Osaka, I've had people approach me and without hesitation. The best conversation I had was at a music shop where the cashier and I talked about guitars. Of course it won't always be the case because not everyone speaks English. The people who approached me were able to speak decent English. But if you spoke Japanese, conversations ahoy in Osaka.
Makes sense. Even in anime, the "oddball" in a classroom is likely from Osaka. Even more so if the dub interprets them with a Southern accent. (I know that last part has more to to with dialect or whatever, but it still counts.)
Granted, I was just at tourist, but the best conversation I had in Japan was with a homeless man. He was friendly, fun, genuine and just so pleasant to talk to. After this video I feel like "being outside the system" may have been the reason for my experience with this guy.
I remember when I was still a teenager (I'm older than Gaijin now xD), one of my best friends was from a mixed family and around the time that I started coming to her house more frequently, her mom continuously tried giving me stuff. I would tell her no thanks, she'd keep asking while I was there, and at one point I felt pressured to just accept it. I told my friend about it, and I basically got "well you fucked up now" from her and learned the hard lesson of insanity that is gift giving from this 4'5" Okinawan mother.
I always enjoy listening to gaijin talk about this stuff almost like inside war stories why I enjoy gaijin perspectives cause it's nothing but this type of content. Keep it up and we'll all fit into something eventually till then we are all gaijin at one point in our life.
Busuu has recently started revamping their lessons starting from the beginning. The revamped ones are actually great. They still have some old ones though in higher levels and those are kinda bad but it'll take most people a lot of time to get that far and by then they'll hopefully be finished with the revamp.
I was fortunate enough to move to Japan in December last year. Everything you said in this video rings completely true with my experience so far. I need to find a bar I can start going to meet people. The hard part really has been COVID still. I look Asian enough with a mask on people will assume I’m Japanese but once I take it off and people see my red beard they do get a little weary around me and not knowing the system for bars has kept me away. I guess I will have to just dive in and try to figure it out. Thanks for all the advice.
I'm mainly going for the yōkai lore. Like Tamamo No Mae (favorite), Takiyashahime, Momiji, Kuzunoha, Seimei, Osakabehime, kitsune, tengu, oni, Ōtakemaru, Suzuka Gozen (wayyy too many to mention). And I spent a decade putting extremely thorough research on that. And I take it very seriously. I'll be in my best behaviour in the shrines and and all these places everywhere. Not because of the custom. Because I respect the shrines and I love the stories they tell. And I plan to use that to create stuff based on that. And just to see this stuff in person. So I can make stuff based off the lore.
Japan is such a country that is so isolationist that it almost seems impossible. Then again it's a country that has been hurt in the past as whole. It's a brutal perspective for them to have but I can't blame them but don't condone it either.
Honestly it's been how many years since the West has like humiliated them that should leave that part of their history in the past and not let it governed their lives but still teach people what happened when foreigners first came over plus we live in an era that we're all connected by the internet and we should tear down the old grudges we have and forgive those people if they've changed for the better and try to live our lives without actually hurting anyone physically or emotionally
@@Fantasygod930 Plus, they're not exactly blameless in anything. Especially when WW2 came around, and they were involved in a little something called "Unit 731" (AKA: One of the most horrific human experimentation cases in history), amongst other stuff, it's clear that there's stuff that needs sorted, for lack of a better word.
It is not that simple. Unless you fully understand Japanese history and the people therein (And I do not, but I have a reasonable idea of what I'm up against), they are remarkably socially structured to the point of "programming instinct OUT", who have committed acts of systemic and horrific violence and inhumanity against themselves and others (China and historians in general will have a lot to say about that) that they hurt people way worse than they have been hurt. Japan literally have no excuse to hide behind. They are the abnormal ones.
You talked about talking to old people. We have a small hiking group that goes out every week and we ALWAYS run into old people on the mountains. They are the most friendly and talkative folks I have had the pleasure of meeting. It's so true 😊
i remember in aggresko they referenced that whole even number in weddings thing, and i never understood why that was a thing! i learned something new today
Aggrestsuko is also the perfect example of "true trust" and "real friendship" outside the system. Retsuko, Washimi, and Gori are all very dear friends at this point. Yet they do not even talk to each other at the office. There was an entire plot beat about this in season 1.
This is part of what made me reconsider my desire to tie my life together with Japan back in university. I find even the *western* unspoken system of communicational expectations confusing and don't deal with it naturally, I'd probably go insane trying to follow one that is even more oddly structures and counter-intuitive.
I actually had this pen pal from Japan named Akira who I met IRL when he visited the US. We tended to bond over our favorite movies. Rush Hour in particular. And when we went to a bar that was having a comedy night and we were a hit when we reenacted a few scenes from Rush Hour 2. Making friends in Japan is difficult. But not when the societal rules aren't around.
I genuinely want your experience turned into an anime. Even if it's not 1 to 1, just an anime with similar wholesome moments you had would be such a unique story imo. If there is anime like that please tell me.
Pregnant women get gropped all over the World. Didn't happen to me because I was pregnant during Covid, but the rest of the time here in France random people will touch a pregnant woman's tummy without saying as much as a "hello" first. The more I learn about Japanese the more they remind of Finns. A lot of things in this video remind me of stuff I noticed while living in Finland.
Not realy all over the world. In Chile gropping pregnant women is not acceptable if you are a complete stranger, it is frown upon. You have to say hello first and ask for permition. Those who can grope pregnant women are very close friends and family
As much as I love Japan and it's culture in general, the work culture and all these social rules and all that are the reason why I don't think I could ever live in Japan. I'd love to visit one day but I don't think I'd survive socially if I had to live there
As a woman who has been pregnant - it happens in the US too. Random people (95% women) try to touch your stomach. There are a LOT of conversations about pregnant women NOT being "public property" everywhere. SOOOOO WEIRD.
I would love to see a reverse of the whole foreign exchange student trop in an anime and have a Japanese person come to the west, could be a fun way to see how japan views us.
I kinda hope that over the years as the younger generations grow into power they will go: you know what, some of this stuff is ridiculous and antiquated. I don’t mean just “The System” but the structures of companies and even the government where making decisions takes too much time, and also the processes that people have to go through to do certain things.
They are going to be too busy taking care of the old people to break the system. Heck Japan will be lucky they don't go into almost unrecoverable population decline in the next decade to two decades.
Sadly it wont, Since the older generations Groom the younger to be Carbon copies Most Japanese politicians were groomed by another so when they leave they use there connections to raise there carbon copy into power Resulting in no changes
Lived in not Tokyo for 6 years. The advice is solid but something an extroverted person would have to be more mindful of. If you're shy, reserved, and otherwise introverted, you'd be surprised how easy it is to fall into a comfortable ebb and flow of the society and culture shock should be fairly minimal.
At first, I was wondering why this wasn't on the other channel but since this was about culture shock, I got it. All of the things you discussed regarding gift-giving vaguely sounds like stuff we also have in the Philippines but to a much less strict degree. There's still a mild expectation to bring backpasalubong/gifts when you go somewhere (more so for family than for work). We also give gifts to people who helped us out and we feel that we owe them. There's definitely a structure of a system but not so much a hard, rigid, by-the-rules-or-you-screwed-up thing. From historical records, we did have some japanese folks who lived here before WW2 was a thing and I'm guessing they sort of brought traces of it over. Just a hypothesis.
I’ve met a Japanese exchange student in high school and she said that the culture she was experiencing was much more relaxed than what she use to, and I told her most people here in the United States simply want to be happy and not get in trouble but you will always anger someone as I have experience in that.
I kind of want to say that I never felt any social belonging, wanted, or normal even in Canada, (since day 1 actually), travelling very little due to self-confidence issues, lack of proper social understanding, etc (though it isn't from a lack of trying... I could try harder I suppose). I doubt much of that feeling would change if I went to Japan (or anywhere else for that matter) and it is hard holding onto positivity and not slipping into a negative thought process for me.
Being autistic in Japan whether you’re Japanese or a foreigner must SUCK. Western cultures already make it suck with their own unwritten rules. We’re just not good with indirect communications.
Do elaborate this sounds interesting. Cause i feel if i had to be under japanese social culture id explode from frustration. Cause even here in america i think the idea of social obligation is absolute nonsense
@@blunk778 You need some social obligations for a society to function however, the issue is when it becomes extreme which, I'd say is exactly what most of these social customs in Japan are. I personally am a socially awkward person in real life by western and American standards so I would just fold under the pressure of Japanese social obligations and become reclusive, a hikikomori. Though, free of social obligations as a hikikomori, I would actually get a lot more done and be far more successful.
I get the same experience in The USA. I feel lonely and isolated and I can't get a relationship no matter how hard I try. Japan was on easy mode for friendship and relationships for me.
Like always, your videos really hit home for me. I had the pleasure and honor of studying abroad in Nagoya in 2008 and it has redefined my life. I was very fortunate to have ingrained myself into one of the school's clubs that let me develop some close friendships there and interact to club members of other schools. But I experienced all of these things except for the touch on the stomach. I even received some statements of "Nihonjin mitai." At first, I took it literally and thought they meant my physical appearance, which could not be further than the truth. But over time I understood the true meaning and even had a friendship close enough that he would put his arm around me. Easy to miss the significance of that if you don't know the taboo of touch. I truly love that country, even if I can never belong. But if I could visit again and experience even a fraction of that, my heart could not become warmer.
This was really insightful as someone looking in a few years to move over to Japan for game development work. (Ambitious dream, I know, but my heart keeps screaming at me that it's where it wants me to go and it doesn't speak often about these kinds of things). The comments of this video were also very helpful and I'm hoping whenever I get a chance to go over there first for a visit once things are more open, I'll have an enriching experience. I still have a few years of working hard at building my Japanese and Game dev skills first, but, I know that both my heart and mind desire it like crazy, so I'm following it!
The system and the language pieces are spot on. To further extend on the language piece, I feel it is harder for men on this aspect than women. Most of the language instructional systems gaijin will use focus on teaching you to speak "like a woman". When you talk about trying to fit in, walking around as a man saying oishii when eating niku at a yakitori or saying watashi to everything definitely does not help you fit in. Being in a position of leadership during my time here, understanding when and when not to use ore or boku because I have to stand up for my nihonjin employees from time to time when dealing with other ninhonjin senior to them in other locations. The mixing of formal and casual nihongo is a challenge and I am entirely far from being able to say I am even marginally comfortable doing so. The gift giving is stressful. I already do not like gift giving so it makes things more awkward for certain. I remember the first time I went somewhere and I was showing pictures to some of the staff at my office. I like to pack light so I do not need to carry as much. Packing light and omiyage are not compatible. I finally cracked and started doing omiyage, but definitely was annoying for me. Other gift giving is also stressful. I don't like having to guess at value, buying something as a thank you to a gift I did not want, and then risking buying something too cheap or too expensive and offending the initial gift giver. Relationships are different for me. My status here has made it to where dating is simple. I have heard nihongin women talk down about foreign teachers so I can only imagine how your experience here was. The other pieces are, unless you are wholly prepared to assimilate entirely to the culture here, you should expect lots of friction. There are a lot of relationship-specific cultural aspects I will not adhere to and that does create conflict. Also be aware of certain very symbolic milestones and be honest with yourself about when you want to approach them. Many have tried to introduce me to their families. This is a big deal in Japan and if you are still casually dating your partner to see if they are a good match for you, politely decline. This is for serious relationships heading towards marriage. The one bit I will say to any people not familiar with Japan reading this: there are subsets of culture all over Japan depending on where you live. What was acceptable in Saga or Nagasaki, could be viewed as backwoods in Yokohama or Tokyo. What was acceptable in Yokohama or Tokyo, could be viewed as rude and condescending in Nagasaki or Saga. Quitely observe how other people of your presenting gender interact, move, etc. (Japanese people will look at what you look like, not what you identify as). This will help you better understand what is and is not acceptable for you and help you to better fit in from a cultural perspective regarding the prefecture you are staying in.
Some tidbits from me (living over 7 years in Japan so far) to strengthen your points about finding people to connect with further: - I went to the same conbini for 3 years, after roughly 2 years, the conbini staff started asking me more questions and hold small talk. They sometimes told me “hey we got this new chicken recipe, you should try it!” - I often talk with my barber. Especially if you go to either more open places or your closest ojiichan barber, you might get into talks quicker. Old people are often interested in the life of others and you can benefit from that. So I’m quite an introvert, but I still need human contact. And simply choosing a spot you simply become a regular in will definitely help a lot with that long-term. Just be consistent and patient, and especially keep it slow. I think you really nailed these tips and a lot more should watch this segment of the video.
There are times I wonder what the hub around me would think if I moved to Japan (I'm not even planning a visit until I'm proficient in Japanese. I had 6+ yrs of German under my belt before visiting there). I wonder this because a lot of the "openness" of the US just doesn't sit with me. I basically have a short list of hobby-adjacent things I'm willing to talk about, even if most people haven't a clue unless I'm at a game shop or something. The idea of going to a small bar and just existing borders on sounding comfy, but that's hard to do in the States, some rando will sit next to you and, unless you project being borderline hostile, you have to talk about stuff.
Yet personality tests told me to visit japan to travel any country and this guy explains topics and processes that get me way less motivated to go to japan. Your are awesome gaijin goomba.
One thing that bothers me about this is the phrasing of "the system". Every culture has a system, every country, state, province, town, community, whatever is going to have a "system", so setting up Japan to be this "this is so out of my comfort zone" place puts me a little ill at ease. I will say, in the U.S. we have dozens (maybe hundreds) of "systems", but you have to learn to adapt to them on the fly. I think because of that, that's probably why not many of them are so easily observed. Since Japan is notoriously homogeneous maybe that's part of the reason the "system" there feels so overbearing to some, but learning the norm is going to come with living ANYWHERE. That's why we have the phrase, "When in Rome, do as the Romans."
Just to expand on how bad Gaijin hunters can be and kinda explain the mindset of one. Gaijin hunters are the kind of people that would buy a puppy only to abandon it upon realising you actually need to care for it and it does uncute things like poop and bark at random crap and growl at you for treating it badly and it realises you're a shitty person. And so they just abandon the dog or have the dog be put down. They want a pet as a toy. Not as a companion. This is the same deal with gaijin hunters looking for partners. They are toys. Accessories. Not people. And the biggest issue I have with this is their prominence.
It might not be much, but after watching this I realized that that in the ACNH DLC, Paradise Planning sells little boxes of chocolates for you to give to your villagers back on your island and it clicked that it was Omiyage as you traveled off your island to work. I just thought that was really cool.
Been to Tokyo twice and your video makes a lot of sense. Example for what you said about old folks, one time on my first visit while still not knowing how to use the trains or google maps to get to the hotel, i asked people around what train goes to Itabachi then Tokiwadai then two kind old people helped me and also accompanied me since we were taking the same train, then the old lady mentioned that there's multiple stations with the same name but this is the train that will lead to Tokiwadai, in japanese btw but she did it slowly and pointed at the map i was holding so that i can get what shes saying. And while sitting in the train every time our eyes met while i was looking at everything around me, they laugh and bow/nod while smiling. At that moment i was convinced "Okay, everybody is a sweetheart here" xD Tho i got more examples for people in general being super nice not just old folks, all i did was use very few japanese words i picked up, nervously laugh and say either "Sorry" or "Its okay" in japanese a lot even though those probably sound like gibberish coming from google xD
I'm quite obviously visibly handicapped but it is so rare for any younger person to offer their seat to me, I'm used to standing, even if it is difficult. Unless I'm feeling particularly bad that day, I'll still get up if someone older or something gets on. One time I remember, it was like musical chairs, I got up for a lady and then the person beside her saw I was having a hard time standing and was like "oh, I'm getting off at the next stop, please sit here" so I did and me and the lady I had originally let sit down had a lovely conversation, my Japanese at the time wasn't the best and her English was a bit broken too but we both were just on the same level if you get me, and it was just such a lovely thing. It was YEARS ago and I almost wish we could meet again so I can be like "my Japanese is much better now, let's talk some more!", those are the experiences that stick with you.
Omiyage is interesting, because even in Europe we have something similar, though it's MUCH less strict in terms of social obligation. When someone goes abroad on holiday, it is customary for them to bring some snacks or treats for the office or their colleagues at work. But in my experience, it isn't seen as rude or a snub if they don't: there's no expectation that they will bring food to share, it's just something that happens frequently enough so we won't see it as odd.
I am almost sure its more a tradition and voluntary that you bring really anything eatable or drinkable or whatever small i guess. But not that its voluntary or anyone is mad if you dont. More like as token of strenghening bonds if you really want to. But dont have to.
I feel really confused that "physical touch with people YOU DON'T KNOW it's a no no", but earlier in the video He said that they touched his bum and they also grabbed women belly's and breast out of the blue, how can they be so illogical?
I'm actually about to leave Japan at the beginning of August when my contract is up. I've been working as English teacher in rural Japan since November. I know I've definitely felt isolated. People are nice and I like the area, I just don't like feeling so alone.
The whole touching you unexpectedly might explain something I was told happened regularly when I was a little kid. Just imagine 3 very young red headed kids playing at the playground or going to the store with the parents. We had our heads rubbed as a "good luck" charm by random strangers. A lot apparently. So I am told. It is no surprise when elderly people come over just to compliment the red hair as I grew up even here in the the good' old USA walking through Wal-Mart as a high schooler.
Hearing all this, I really wonder why one would want to visit/live in Japan. I know it's beautiful and fascinating but it can't be worth all this trouble. But I guess that's just my opinion, others might just accept having to do such huge amount of effort.
@@GaijinGoombah Peace? as in peaceful/tranquil? I could see that. I do find a lot of Japan's caring/respectful culture very respectful and wish it was more common across the world. Though I feel like almost any country on earth has just as much to offer in exploration and calmness. I could explore my homecountry for all my life and still probably miss out on several places and experiences. Peaceful vistas and fun places are plentiful. I think I outgrew the idea of international travel a while back, it doesn't do much for me nowadays. There's plenty of places I still want and plan to go here in my home of Sweden. Don't get me wrong though, if cultures around the world wasn't as vastly different I'd be more open to traveling abroad. But the difference in amount of positive experience I get from other countries compared to my own country isn't big enough to warrant such hard work to have those experiences abroad. I glad that other people do find interest in traveling international however, prevents the people of the world from being completely closed off from each other. Thank you for the reply, I do like learning in general and your videos always has a lot to offer in that regard!
I guess thats why there are so many buts,and if you are fine with that of warning going to live there. What chris broad calls i think the "stare of disaproval" aswhen yoi go against thr grain.
I think a big part of it is Japan is stil very romanticized (due to anime, manga etc…) so it is very easy to overlook any downsides of visiting or living in Japan .
My experience living in Japan was that navigating all of this as a foreign *woman* was even more complicated. Because I'm used to the gender-based patriarchal expectations of my own culture and how to navigate what people thought I should and shouldn't be allowed to do as a woman in my own culture... But I had zero clue about what the patriarchal expectations of me would be in Japan. Where I lived was fairly rural. It was far from Tokyo or any other big city or tourist location, and sometimes I felt like I'd traveled back in time 50 years in terms of women's role in society. Oftentimes, following the rules of the "system" felt like being forced to "know my place" as a woman, which really, really sucked. That being said, your advice really does ring true to my experience! Speaking Japanese, finding the people who were genuinely interested in forming a friendship despite me being a foreigner, and making the best effort I could to follow the social rules really did help. Overall, I loved my time there and just regret that I never found enough of a sense of belonging to make it my permanent home.
There's a manga where a guy figures out that his American girlfriend is actually Japanese because she did a kokuhaku. Her name being Yamato Nadeshiko was also a hint.
Funny. I have a Gundam related culture story, too. When I got to visit Japan (school trip, 2007), one of the items on the itinerary was taking some cultural classes at a Japanese university in Kumamoto. We got grouped up with a bunch of students at first to acclimate us to the culture. The second I mentioned I like Gundam, both girls I was with lit up with interest. I later found out one of them became a host after meeting us and, I kid you not, I saw her just a couple years ago when I went to Disney with my family. She was working as a server. She didn't recognize me, but it was pretty wild.
Well I bet the gift giving business is booming in Japan though, the gifts never end lol. Do gifts even mean anything to people in Japan since you have to do it, socially speaking?
So I have lived there for about 5 years in total. I've seen pretty much all of this social etiquette, however I have found my status as a foreigner to be something of a blessing in disguise. As you stated, you will be always looked down on regardless. So following the majority of these rules is an exercise in futility. I still gave and accepted gifts, but dispensed with all the fake refusals and everyone just kind of accepted it as a part of my alien-ness. Naturally I've been denied service in some places as well, most notably Hokkaido, but I found. That just accepting being an outcast to be a fast track to "fitting in". You never will, so stop trying.
Interesting to compare it to my own situation, as short as it is. Been working at an izakaya in downtown Osaka (until my uni exchange year is over soon) and you can definitely feel a wall until people realize you can speak Japanese okay and then they warm up quickly. And boy, do they compliment you constantly, not just for speaking Japanese at all. Lots of "your skin is so nice" or "you are so handsome/pretty". In return everyone is so happy when you tell them you like Japan. Biggest social culture shock thing for me was actually getting invited to dinner by regulars. It's completely normal and not a romantic thing at all and I don't think I could imagine this happening at home. Getting treated to drinks a lot, too. The thing about old people is definitely real. The "ossan and up" range is full of either unpleasant creeps or the sweetest people you'll ever meet (and you can quickly tell which is which). Osaka, especially the south (e.g. Namba), also has some of its own rules, mostly that people break the rules for the sake of a joke, so you kinda gotta know the whole boke and tsukkomi thing, but it's generally more chill. Though it's no wonder people from Tokyo think Osaka is rude/dangerous. Do recommend, though there's relatively fewer people speaking English compared to Tokyo
This video explained to me why they're always so drunk in Grand Blue. Practically all their antics happen with the inclusion of alcohol and a ridiculously concentrated amount of it too. I never would've guessed the high concentration of alcohol was meant to explain why the members of PAB acted so insane. If alcohol does this to regular Japanese then what would drinks approaching pure ethanol in concentration do to college students.
Interesting and I share some thoughts, but I also kind of wonder if for me I'm ok with things because of my specific situation. I'm a foreigner, but I'm Asian American. I do know Japanese and have an N2. Idk maybe my case isn't as severe because I'm also Asian so I pass as Jpn unless you look real hard, but at the same time I feel like there's a kind of comfortable honesty for me since back home the kind of racism and microaggressions I felt were such a burden. Even the daily sexism from catcalls, but for the most part here I feel more comfortable and am left alone. If anything relating to my status as a foreigner comes up, it's ok because it's the truth. When I faced racism back home, it's the other person is ignorant and it's tied up with ideals about what it means to have US citizenship and it kind of feels like a lie as people ask me where I'm really from or tell me to go "back to my country". My country is the US and it's all I knew but I felt like an outsider at home. I'm ethnically Chinese, but China is dangerous and even if I went there I wouldn't fit in either because I'm not Chinese enough because I'm ABC. Japan is just a good, honest middle where I get left alone enough and can enjoy my hobbies that revolve around Japanese culture anyway. The romance thing does sound hard, but I haven't found it to be that big of an issue because I'm asexual. But tinder in Japan has also taken off and changed some of the system rules, so that's been interesting. I've found a nice comfortable level though by being places where internationalism naturally occurs. My coworkers are the ones that have more romance situations and some of that is due to that my company is eikaiwa and has mixed staff, but some maybe just lucky and met the right person. Some friends have had a lot of luck at the foreigner bar just hanging out and doing normal language exchange. My boss has been here a really long time as well and has been a good source for like finding gatherings or making new situations even within the company. Like I made friends with some of the office ladies and sales team because they wanted to practice speaking English so we made a day where we just hung out and had fun together while speaking English. Two of my close friends dated other foreigners and that worked out well for them. I can imagine mileage may vary by location, but I've seen a lot of people have luck from being open to any social situation and just going somewhere. Also just talking with your coworkers. Gift giving culture I've had some experience with, but usually my gift is just more American style and like practical. They don't expect me to do anything usually, but a couple of teachers had a baby so I got them a gift. One gave me a formal okaeshi which was a shock, and another put together something which was fine because I expected nothing and it was just nice to get something. I recently went to a Japanese Western-style wedding for GW and the groom was Japanese but the bride was Filipino. There were clearly some misunderstandings in how the proceedings for the day would happen, but everything was fine. We did give goshugi, but the okaeshi was interesting as part of their package included a catalog that we could pick our gift from. I got a new purse. It's pretty cool, but also like it's not just odd numbers for money. It's a minimum of 30,000 yen and the amount basically pays for your seat at the wedding. If you're a boss or something you're supposed to give 50,000 too. You're supposed to wrap the goshugi in a fukusa as well to keep it nice. I literally just googled everything. I have an old lady story too where she had groceries and I let her sit down and she gave me an orange as thanks. But like mostly, I haven't really had that difficult of a time making friends. I make friends with a lot of the Japanese staff I work with and while they're work friends they seem really genuine because it's an environment expecting international exchange. I've been to the bars a couple of times but going to bars regularly isn't a thing I've ever been into, so most friends literally come from just work. I had a church group approach me once and I made friends going to their meetings, but still mostly work. These days with covid-19 I'm even afraid to go out regularly so I'm perfectly comfortable with my main social interactions being running into the new guy on the train home and talking with each other almost every day for 2 weeks. Idk, my friends that had great success making friends and even for myself just seemed to have luck going into every situation and being open. Like sometimes the loneliness and wanting of friendship or more too much actually closes you off to opportunities because it creates expectations and anticipation. I and others tend to go with the flow and just be there and surprise, we have a new friend.
I have to know; Are there the kinds of gifts that are never actually opened and are just handed off whenever they are obligated to hand off such gifts themselves?
I really enjoyed your video with everything Japan has...more so the personal stories for context...but my favorite was the last story which I won't lie had me happily in tears... Your a really lucky person to have got to experience all Japan has to offer and more
You remind me of what Chris Broad said on his channel. The Japanese friends he made are the ones who were more open minded. His friends, Ryotaro & Natsuki, are not your average Japanese citizen.
As a black guy who went to Japan 2018, I can definitely confirm that adults will grab you in uncomfortable places and will make some “advances” but overall the trip was awesome, very awkward way to end this 🤣
And talking about stuff they otherwise wouldnt. At least not easy haha. Isthaty whya lot business meetings are getting drunk , and political sometimes.
The best explanation I've ever heard of Japanese society, explained to outsiders is this: "Japanese culture is a game. One with arbitrary, nonsensical rules which have no logic, are almost always unnecessary, and often even harm the people engaging in it. However, what separates a 'true Japanese' from everyone else is that they will fully embrace playing it. To be Japanese is to embrace the game, even if you sometimes fail at it or it fails YOU."
I'm still at the beginning of learning, the sentences I already taken to heart are the most needed: "I'm from germany" "Thank you very much" "Where is the Toilet" "My name is (name)" "One water please". Do I need more important sentences, if yes please tell me which.
Hey, if Japan has that kind of gift giving "standards", how come the NPCs we give gifts to in their dating Sims almost NEVER give anything material back?
Before anyone asks, I do not address what happened in this video. This has been done since early yesterday, and the event happened well after this upload. I have thoughts, but that isn't the point of THIS video.
I'm 4mins in and already, if you draw parallels to religious communities or how MLM draws in their target audience, then you're probably right on the money. >-> If it can be generalized to some basic fact of humanity, you're probably right.
I missed it, what happened?
@@lizardguyNA Former Prime Minister Shinzo Abe was assassinated.
@@lizardguyNA former prime minister Shinzo Abe was assassinated while giving a speech.
You should upload more in gain perspective ;-; also covering shinzo abe's death and what that means going forward would make a good video :3
I still remember my first time going to Japan. Went of the flybuss and took up my map. I was struggling to finding my hotel, then out of nowhere an elderly lady approached me, and in a really slow and broken English ask if i was lost, i showed her my hotel booking and without missing a beat she motion me to follow her down to the subway. She guided me to the ticket machine and bought me and HERSELF a ticket, showed me the way on the station and jumped on the train with me to the destination. Once we got off she once again walked with me until i could see the hotel. I thanked her so much and wanted to give her some money for the trouble (and train ticket ofc) but she refused and in broken English said: "No worry, I'm happy" with the best smile i had seen ever and just left towards the subway again. Best and warmest moment in Japan for me.
As an autistic person, I would never survive socially in Japan. I struggle enough with things like etiquette and social obligations in Canada, there is no way I'd be able to handle how much more demanding that sort of this is in Japan.
Amen to that, brother. I'm an American with autism, and I probably don't follow half of the regular social cues and obligations as much as I should. If I were to live in Japan, they'd probably think I was insane lol!
I can partly agree there with being on the spectrum. While I wouldn't have trouble following "the system" and such. It would potentially get too overwhelming at times. As for me I find it easy to follow a set of specific rules. However it would be overwhelming for me due to worrying that I'm not doing it appropriately or correctly. Which would then most likely lead to an eventual "Meltdown" as I like to call it. So I would say I agree partly due to being able to do the following, but would struggle with coping with the stress and anxiousness of if I was doing it correctly and properly.
Me too. Im autistic myself. Glad we don't live there.
its not as bad as you think, even if people think you are a little off your rocker, its definitely just something in tokyo, since if you actually go deeper into small niche hobbists you find that there are tons of eccentric people there like anywhere else
@@NeostormXLMAX The question is: Can we handle each other? Autistics are own to become suicidal. It is not easy as you think since I'm autistic myself.
The notion of giving a newlywed couple an odd amount of money in crisp, clean bills I can totally see. The fact it's not evenly split means they will 'stick together' to spend it, and the new money brings the image of a fresh start. Money as a gift is sometimes seen here in the west as a sign that you don't care, but it truly is the most useful of gifts, turning into whatever the couple needs at their own discretion very readily. It's a gift that lets the couple exercise their self-agency.
Indeed well said, I couldn't have said it better 😊👍🏾💯.
When it comes to money as a gift, at least in my experience in the U.S. I usually ask the couple or someone in the wedding party if I can give them money. I think most couples nowadays would want money or for people to stick with what’s on the registry.
This video actually hit pretty hard as a Japanese person who lived abroad and returned.
I lived in Australia for fifteen years since I was a kid and after being away from the system for so long I just can't fit in.
Adding to that, I recently confirmed that I have ADHD and Autism which would've made it difficult for me to fit in even if I spent those fifteen years in Japan because it's still leagues behind on neurodivergent people being openly acknowledged.
You got friends here.
@@GaijinGoombah Thanks, that means alot.
I'm in the same boat as you except I still live in the US. I've always been so nervous about going because of my neurodivergent brain.
@@kyokoyumi theres a lot of people in USA with mental disabilities so nothing to fear there
Fellow add and aspie here, but I'm a foreigner living in japan for more than 5 years. The stress got so bad that I went for a check earlier this year and yup, got diagnosed, for he first time in my 40s, lol. The fact that I come from a place I can't get back to I kinda have to adapt here. But hey, at least the USJ is half the price for a 障害者, huh. Wish I could go to Australia. I kinda envy you if you has this backup option
I've lived almost 1/3 of my life in Japan with the intent to stay here long-term, and I'm currently studying to be a monk. It's weird how often people assume without asking that I'm going to go leave Japan as soon as training ends. It's as if the thought of somebody choosing to stay somewhere other than the country where they were born doesn't cross their minds. I suspect that part of the reason is the rigid social structure - for many people, living in a web of hierarchies and social obligations, starting a new life somewhere else may not even seem like a thing people can just choose to do. And by the same token, people not born into that same network will always appear one step removed.
Have you gotten your Japanese citizenship yet?
The social contradiction of "phisical touch with people you don't know is a big no no" and "japanese women will often randomly touch fouraigners bodys" was weardly hilarious to me XD
I know for a fact, that after watching Black-in Japan, it’s weird that they blatantly touch Black People’s hair, either because they’ve never seen curly hair.
But yeah, the Culture there is both interesting and integrated, or Complete Othering! And that’s really damn sad.
I was just thinking about that when I heard him say "physical touch with people you don't know is a big no no" cuz I was like "...Didn't you just say that Japanese women would randomly touch foreigners' bodies?" :P
girls? Some dudes just randomly touch you for no reason. Guy I work with puts hands on my shoulders and sometimes walks behind me for no reason. I even try to face him and he seems to try to ''fix'' his position in response....
I think it might be that they're expecting you to not care or something. They do have a lot of misconception about foreigners where they think they don't care about touching or being touched. I remember a video from the channel Asian Boss, where asian girls like foreigners because "they like being touched."
That's just how feminazis are today, they can do whatever you want and you just have to sit there and let them do it and if you dare so much as flinch the wrong way you'll instantly be accused of whatever horrendous crime she decides to accuse you of. Don't laugh at male assault victims, Amber Heard
Listening to the relationships talk makes me appreciate the CZcamsrs Jun and Rachel all the more since they don't go into the details of their relationship's start for privacy reasons (both east and west can understand that), but it does make me think how they worked through that with Kokaku. At least Jun's family realized very early that they had to be understanding and patient with Rachel since she admits to having done things out of ignorance or misunderstanding. If anything, they tended to get mad at Jun for not explaining things to her and making sure she didn't get embarrassed. They never wanted her to feel like outsider with them at least.
I am married and living in Japan in Okayama. My wife's opinion when I watched this with her is that a lot of things you mentioned were too old. My impression was that you took situations from level 7 to level 10. She mentioned many times to me that it used to be more like that.
I will use the omiyage as an example. She said that the rules around it have changed a lot in the last 40ish years. "People often buy omiyage just for themselves or their immediate households." だって
For me, loneliness in Japan is a mix of things but the big one is the loss of cultural understanding. It is their lack of cultural understanding about me, every day, having to explain everything. A joke, a cultural moment, my seemingly idiosyncratic behavior. There is no rest in this, day in and out. Every time I walk outside I cannot do simple pleasures without having to explain why it matters to me.
For American expats, we bond over very silly things like Root Beer. Drinking a can of Root Beer is incredibly emotionally stabilizing.
My general advice is for every gaijin to do something incredibly normal in their home country. Order a pizza, go and drink that root beer. What you need is not other gaijin but a sense of normalcy. In fact, other gaijin, if they are long-termers, will just end up complaining about this or the other. And for new arrivals, you shake your head.
My position is the fix is not more social interactions but less. You are overstimulated by the experience and you need normalcy. You're experiencing what sociologists call anomie. That means normlessness. The lack of the ability to orient yourself in the society you are in. So take a moment to reorient yourself. Then go back outside. Japanese living is easier if you are not drained of what it means to be of your home culture.
I invite every foreigner in Japan to honestly consider what makes them of their home culture.
See, I'm glad to see this.
Can you pin this?
Having lived in Okinawa and in mainland Japan for 8 years. I am married to a Japanese woman as well. We would still get gifts for the coworkers. So it maybe just where you work. But we always did.
I agree that doing something "normal" for yourself as an expat is generally good from time to time. However, if you're constantly finding yourself doing that you're just seeking escapism from the place you're in which will only cause you to be lonelier especially if you're not a full on introvert. If you find doing things in Japan (or any other country an expat is living in) that are different to your "normal" is frustrating/stressful then you're better off living elsewhere. There's no shame in that. Not everyone can live anywhere. You have a short life and don't need to waste it being unhappy.
I fully agree with finding things to do that feel "normal" or to at least get that nostalgic homesickness feeling staved off. It's really silly, but I eat at McDonald's. I almost never ate at McDonald's when I was at home, but here I eat there at least once a month just for that taste of normal. For other Americans I've met too they seem to do similar. I sometimes even make a point to wake up early some days to get the big breakfast platter because my grandparents used to take me out to eat that when I was small.
This is how you do sponsored content - organic, and on topic.
Much respect, Gaijin. Thanks for the awesome upload. I hope you continue to cover the re-opening process of Japan's borders.
I was lucky and spent my first four years in Japan living in Sasebo, Nagasaki Prefecture. Foreigners are a normal part of the population thanks to the Navy base. There are lots of international marriages and retirees too, so the Americans often never leave but become part of the local community with their Japanese spouse and children. Within a month of moving in I was frequenting a café several times a week that had no foreign regulars and the owners immediately took to calling me “Davi-chan.” From there I made friends with the other regulars and through this I met a nice girl who I married about a year later. Between the friends I made there and through my job I felt more a part of this local community than anywhere else I’d ever lived.
That's so cool!
Aww thats just wholesome
Love Sasebo, I did JET there from 2016-19. I wonder if the cafe you are referring to is the one I have in mind. The one near the bottom of Yonkacho?
@@matthewwood4481 It's not, the place is named Cafe Corasa. It used to be across the river from the police station, now they're in Haiki.
@@davidfromkyushu6870 I was thinking of a different place then, though still fun to think there are more places that are Japanese, but very foreigner friendly. The one I was thinking of is Kunimatsu (and I highly recommend it if you are ever back in Sasebo).
I find that learning the language, even a little, when interacting with foreigners is a great way to build rapport. I'm not fully multilingual, but I know the basics of Spanish and Mandarin Chinese. When attempting Spanish at, say, a Mexican restaurant the workers would begin speaking Spanish with me and if I didn't know a word they would explain it, make sure I got the pronunciation with it, and honestly I seemed to get better service with it. And if I even tried to speak a word in Mandarin to someone who spoke it they always immediately treated me like their best friend because of the ATTEMPT/EFFORT.
Yeah from what I've heard, a good way to start breaking ice with natives in other countries is to atleast attempt to learn their language. As I hear it even if you aren't that decent, most seem to really appreciate the effort you as a foreigner put in to understand them.
es por que extrañamos nuestro hogar, ver a alguien que habla nuestro idioma en un lugar tan lejos de casa nos hace sentir bien y lo agradecemos con un mejor servicio ^^
"And if I even tried to speak a word in Mandarin to someone who spoke it they always immediately treated me like their best friend because of the ATTEMPT/EFFORT."
So much this. There is this chinese couple that runs a really nice sushi place near my house and I hit them with a "Xièxiè" and you could tell they really liked that I tried. I KNOW I butchered the pronunciation too lol.
This is absolutely true. I've been to Japan, Korea, and China, and the one common thread between them is that I tried to learn a bit of the language, and it got people excited.
As an autistic person, I often think it must be a nightmare dealing with all of these social constructs, but your video makes me appreciate that these are official rules instead of unspoken ones like in America.
These rules are also technically unspoken, they’re just broken down in videos to make it easy for foreigners specifically. You could probably find a layout of social rules for the US in a YT video or on a post somewhere.
@@chey6073 as I understand, there are classes rich people send their kids to for that sort of thing too. Like what fork is for the salad. How to sit like a lady. Other arbitrary nonsense.
@@lefu87williford55 That’s for etiquette. Not quite the same as basic knowledge of what is and is not taboo to talk about in US culture.
Japan was a pretty isolationist country for a long time, at least from what I know. A lot of native Japanese people likely don’t have experience with foreigners
Mhm.
Kinda sad since foreigners are pretty cool in my eyes.
What's sad about that is that the natives would only have their knowledge about foreigners is by entertainment media (like TV shows or movies); and want to imitate them, which would cause them to be labeled as "racist" during the "gyaru look".
I mean, I can understand why with the deep fake tan, but what's problematic about long nails, blonde hair, and shiny eyes?
@@christinalittleton3771 true.
I feel bad for them
Thats not really it, they werent really since a long time. I mean in a global world.
@@marocat4749 Ehh... Japan is still hella xenophobic towards foreigners I feel
On the topic of loneliness in Japan: I know it’s a bit of a private subject, but I would be really interested in a video with Aki about her experience with Japan and your guy’s experience with long distance. I’m going through a similar long distance struggle right now and I bet others would also be really interested to hear her experience being on the other side. Love your videos, Gaijin!
If anyone wants to socialize in Japan, the best place is Osaka. I've heard that people in Osaka tend to be far more outgoing and sociable. From my experience, when I visited Japan 13 years ago, I can somewhat confirm this. The only times I struck up conversations with Japanese people was in Osaka. While in Tokyo, Kyoto, Atami and Hakone, Japanese people avoided me like the plague. They would appear anxious if I so much as said hello, even if in Japanese. Even when I was being loud or disruptive, rarely did anyone come up to me - not even security guards. Meanwhile in Osaka, I've had people approach me and without hesitation. The best conversation I had was at a music shop where the cashier and I talked about guitars. Of course it won't always be the case because not everyone speaks English. The people who approached me were able to speak decent English. But if you spoke Japanese, conversations ahoy in Osaka.
Makes sense. Even in anime, the "oddball" in a classroom is likely from Osaka. Even more so if the dub interprets them with a Southern accent.
(I know that last part has more to to with dialect or whatever, but it still counts.)
@@Joshua_Shadow_Manriguez I never noticed that trope until you pointed it out :/
Granted, I was just at tourist, but the best conversation I had in Japan was with a homeless man.
He was friendly, fun, genuine and just so pleasant to talk to.
After this video I feel like "being outside the system" may have been the reason for my experience with this guy.
I remember when I was still a teenager (I'm older than Gaijin now xD), one of my best friends was from a mixed family and around the time that I started coming to her house more frequently, her mom continuously tried giving me stuff. I would tell her no thanks, she'd keep asking while I was there, and at one point I felt pressured to just accept it. I told my friend about it, and I basically got "well you fucked up now" from her and learned the hard lesson of insanity that is gift giving from this 4'5" Okinawan mother.
I always enjoy listening to gaijin talk about this stuff almost like inside war stories why I enjoy gaijin perspectives cause it's nothing but this type of content. Keep it up and we'll all fit into something eventually till then we are all gaijin at one point in our life.
Busuu has recently started revamping their lessons starting from the beginning. The revamped ones are actually great. They still have some old ones though in higher levels and those are kinda bad but it'll take most people a lot of time to get that far and by then they'll hopefully be finished with the revamp.
I was fortunate enough to move to Japan in December last year. Everything you said in this video rings completely true with my experience so far. I need to find a bar I can start going to meet people. The hard part really has been COVID still. I look Asian enough with a mask on people will assume I’m Japanese but once I take it off and people see my red beard they do get a little weary around me and not knowing the system for bars has kept me away. I guess I will have to just dive in and try to figure it out. Thanks for all the advice.
When I was traveling, old people have been the most curious people, and I enjoyed the simple conversations we had.
I'm mainly going for the yōkai lore. Like Tamamo No Mae (favorite), Takiyashahime, Momiji, Kuzunoha, Seimei, Osakabehime, kitsune, tengu, oni, Ōtakemaru, Suzuka Gozen (wayyy too many to mention). And I spent a decade putting extremely thorough research on that. And I take it very seriously. I'll be in my best behaviour in the shrines and and all these places everywhere. Not because of the custom. Because I respect the shrines and I love the stories they tell. And I plan to use that to create stuff based on that. And just to see this stuff in person. So I can make stuff based off the lore.
Ohhhh so omiyage COULD be the main source of most snack boxes we CZcamsrs present. :O
Japan is such a country that is so isolationist that it almost seems impossible. Then again it's a country that has been hurt in the past as whole. It's a brutal perspective for them to have but I can't blame them but don't condone it either.
Mhm
Honestly it's been how many years since the West has like humiliated them that should leave that part of their history in the past and not let it governed their lives but still teach people what happened when foreigners first came over plus we live in an era that we're all connected by the internet and we should tear down the old grudges we have and forgive those people if they've changed for the better and try to live our lives without actually hurting anyone physically or emotionally
@@Fantasygod930 Plus, they're not exactly blameless in anything.
Especially when WW2 came around, and they were involved in a little something called "Unit 731" (AKA: One of the most horrific human experimentation cases in history), amongst other stuff, it's clear that there's stuff that needs sorted, for lack of a better word.
It is not that simple. Unless you fully understand Japanese history and the people therein (And I do not, but I have a reasonable idea of what I'm up against), they are remarkably socially structured to the point of "programming instinct OUT", who have committed acts of systemic and horrific violence and inhumanity against themselves and others (China and historians in general will have a lot to say about that) that they hurt people way worse than they have been hurt. Japan literally have no excuse to hide behind. They are the abnormal ones.
They have been hurt a lot less then... really every other none part of and some of the western world
You talked about talking to old people. We have a small hiking group that goes out every week and we ALWAYS run into old people on the mountains. They are the most friendly and talkative folks I have had the pleasure of meeting. It's so true 😊
i remember in aggresko they referenced that whole even number in weddings thing, and i never understood why that was a thing! i learned something new today
Aggrestsuko is also the perfect example of "true trust" and "real friendship" outside the system. Retsuko, Washimi, and Gori are all very dear friends at this point. Yet they do not even talk to each other at the office. There was an entire plot beat about this in season 1.
This is part of what made me reconsider my desire to tie my life together with Japan back in university. I find even the *western* unspoken system of communicational expectations confusing and don't deal with it naturally, I'd probably go insane trying to follow one that is even more oddly structures and counter-intuitive.
Man I love these Gaijin perspectives, hits me right in feels.❤️
I actually had this pen pal from Japan named Akira who I met IRL when he visited the US. We tended to bond over our favorite movies. Rush Hour in particular.
And when we went to a bar that was having a comedy night and we were a hit when we reenacted a few scenes from Rush Hour 2.
Making friends in Japan is difficult. But not when the societal rules aren't around.
i just love these kinds of videos Gaijin does
for one who don´t know anything about Japan Gaijin sure is a massive help in understand Japan
I genuinely want your experience turned into an anime. Even if it's not 1 to 1, just an anime with similar wholesome moments you had would be such a unique story imo. If there is anime like that please tell me.
Pregnant women get gropped all over the World. Didn't happen to me because I was pregnant during Covid, but the rest of the time here in France random people will touch a pregnant woman's tummy without saying as much as a "hello" first.
The more I learn about Japanese the more they remind of Finns. A lot of things in this video remind me of stuff I noticed while living in Finland.
Not realy all over the world. In Chile gropping pregnant women is not acceptable if you are a complete stranger, it is frown upon. You have to say hello first and ask for permition. Those who can grope pregnant women are very close friends and family
@@SuperCobra011 In France it's seen as rude, but everyone still does it. Which is why I'm pretty glad I didn't get to experience that myself.
We Finns are considered to be kindred spirits with Japanese for a good reason.
@@Mecha82 Like your love for Muumit
@@astridforel5702 As if keeping their hands to themselves is pretty much rocket science. Ugh
If a system can trip/collapse that easily then it probably shouldn't stay standing in the first place
As much as I love Japan and it's culture in general, the work culture and all these social rules and all that are the reason why I don't think I could ever live in Japan. I'd love to visit one day but I don't think I'd survive socially if I had to live there
As a woman who has been pregnant - it happens in the US too. Random people (95% women) try to touch your stomach. There are a LOT of conversations about pregnant women NOT being "public property" everywhere. SOOOOO WEIRD.
I would love to see a reverse of the whole foreign exchange student trop in an anime and have a Japanese person come to the west, could be a fun way to see how japan views us.
This seems like such a good and simple idea that it must have been done at least once…
I remember searching like hell for one but never found it
they dont go outside xD
I kinda hope that over the years as the younger generations grow into power they will go: you know what, some of this stuff is ridiculous and antiquated.
I don’t mean just “The System” but the structures of companies and even the government where making decisions takes too much time, and also the processes that people have to go through to do certain things.
hope not, japan is one of the few “real” countries left in the world. Globalism destroyed the west already, dont want that fate for japan.
They are going to be too busy taking care of the old people to break the system. Heck Japan will be lucky they don't go into almost unrecoverable population decline in the next decade to two decades.
Sadly it wont, Since the older generations Groom the younger to be Carbon copies
Most Japanese politicians were groomed by another so when they leave they use there connections to raise there carbon copy into power
Resulting in no changes
Lived in not Tokyo for 6 years. The advice is solid but something an extroverted person would have to be more mindful of.
If you're shy, reserved, and otherwise introverted, you'd be surprised how easy it is to fall into a comfortable ebb and flow of the society and culture shock should be fairly minimal.
At first, I was wondering why this wasn't on the other channel but since this was about culture shock, I got it.
All of the things you discussed regarding gift-giving vaguely sounds like stuff we also have in the Philippines but to a much less strict degree. There's still a mild expectation to bring backpasalubong/gifts when you go somewhere (more so for family than for work). We also give gifts to people who helped us out and we feel that we owe them. There's definitely a structure of a system but not so much a hard, rigid, by-the-rules-or-you-screwed-up thing.
From historical records, we did have some japanese folks who lived here before WW2 was a thing and I'm guessing they sort of brought traces of it over. Just a hypothesis.
I’ve met a Japanese exchange student in high school and she said that the culture she was experiencing was much more relaxed than what she use to, and I told her most people here in the United States simply want to be happy and not get in trouble but you will always anger someone as I have experience in that.
The bringing a snack gift to a friend sounds like going to a D&D game .
I kind of want to say that I never felt any social belonging, wanted, or normal even in Canada, (since day 1 actually), travelling very little due to self-confidence issues, lack of proper social understanding, etc (though it isn't from a lack of trying... I could try harder I suppose). I doubt much of that feeling would change if I went to Japan (or anywhere else for that matter) and it is hard holding onto positivity and not slipping into a negative thought process for me.
Watching this video really makes me realize how on-point Persona 5 was
Duh
I'm kinda sucky socially when it comes to western rules, I'd be a hikikomori if I had to abide by these absurdly strict rules.
Same
Being autistic in Japan whether you’re Japanese or a foreigner must SUCK. Western cultures already make it suck with their own unwritten rules. We’re just not good with indirect communications.
Do elaborate this sounds interesting. Cause i feel if i had to be under japanese social culture id explode from frustration. Cause even here in america i think the idea of social obligation is absolute nonsense
@@blunk778 You need some social obligations for a society to function however, the issue is when it becomes extreme which, I'd say is exactly what most of these social customs in Japan are.
I personally am a socially awkward person in real life by western and American standards so I would just fold under the pressure of Japanese social obligations and become reclusive, a hikikomori. Though, free of social obligations as a hikikomori, I would actually get a lot more done and be far more successful.
Probably be even worse if your natural grasp of social norms and mores are just nonexistent (like me).
I get the same experience in The USA. I feel lonely and isolated and I can't get a relationship no matter how hard I try. Japan was on easy mode for friendship and relationships for me.
It's official....you finally showed your face, Goombah. Right on. LOL Good to see you still make videos after all these years.
Honestly I love these videos a culture shock is nice and helps me see things and gives me a starting point for research
Like always, your videos really hit home for me. I had the pleasure and honor of studying abroad in Nagoya in 2008 and it has redefined my life. I was very fortunate to have ingrained myself into one of the school's clubs that let me develop some close friendships there and interact to club members of other schools. But I experienced all of these things except for the touch on the stomach. I even received some statements of "Nihonjin mitai." At first, I took it literally and thought they meant my physical appearance, which could not be further than the truth. But over time I understood the true meaning and even had a friendship close enough that he would put his arm around me. Easy to miss the significance of that if you don't know the taboo of touch. I truly love that country, even if I can never belong. But if I could visit again and experience even a fraction of that, my heart could not become warmer.
This was really insightful as someone looking in a few years to move over to Japan for game development work. (Ambitious dream, I know, but my heart keeps screaming at me that it's where it wants me to go and it doesn't speak often about these kinds of things). The comments of this video were also very helpful and I'm hoping whenever I get a chance to go over there first for a visit once things are more open, I'll have an enriching experience. I still have a few years of working hard at building my Japanese and Game dev skills first, but, I know that both my heart and mind desire it like crazy, so I'm following it!
The system and the language pieces are spot on. To further extend on the language piece, I feel it is harder for men on this aspect than women. Most of the language instructional systems gaijin will use focus on teaching you to speak "like a woman". When you talk about trying to fit in, walking around as a man saying oishii when eating niku at a yakitori or saying watashi to everything definitely does not help you fit in. Being in a position of leadership during my time here, understanding when and when not to use ore or boku because I have to stand up for my nihonjin employees from time to time when dealing with other ninhonjin senior to them in other locations. The mixing of formal and casual nihongo is a challenge and I am entirely far from being able to say I am even marginally comfortable doing so.
The gift giving is stressful. I already do not like gift giving so it makes things more awkward for certain. I remember the first time I went somewhere and I was showing pictures to some of the staff at my office. I like to pack light so I do not need to carry as much. Packing light and omiyage are not compatible. I finally cracked and started doing omiyage, but definitely was annoying for me. Other gift giving is also stressful. I don't like having to guess at value, buying something as a thank you to a gift I did not want, and then risking buying something too cheap or too expensive and offending the initial gift giver.
Relationships are different for me. My status here has made it to where dating is simple. I have heard nihongin women talk down about foreign teachers so I can only imagine how your experience here was. The other pieces are, unless you are wholly prepared to assimilate entirely to the culture here, you should expect lots of friction. There are a lot of relationship-specific cultural aspects I will not adhere to and that does create conflict. Also be aware of certain very symbolic milestones and be honest with yourself about when you want to approach them. Many have tried to introduce me to their families. This is a big deal in Japan and if you are still casually dating your partner to see if they are a good match for you, politely decline. This is for serious relationships heading towards marriage.
The one bit I will say to any people not familiar with Japan reading this: there are subsets of culture all over Japan depending on where you live. What was acceptable in Saga or Nagasaki, could be viewed as backwoods in Yokohama or Tokyo. What was acceptable in Yokohama or Tokyo, could be viewed as rude and condescending in Nagasaki or Saga. Quitely observe how other people of your presenting gender interact, move, etc. (Japanese people will look at what you look like, not what you identify as). This will help you better understand what is and is not acceptable for you and help you to better fit in from a cultural perspective regarding the prefecture you are staying in.
Some tidbits from me (living over 7 years in Japan so far) to strengthen your points about finding people to connect with further:
- I went to the same conbini for 3 years, after roughly 2 years, the conbini staff started asking me more questions and hold small talk. They sometimes told me “hey we got this new chicken recipe, you should try it!”
- I often talk with my barber. Especially if you go to either more open places or your closest ojiichan barber, you might get into talks quicker. Old people are often interested in the life of others and you can benefit from that.
So I’m quite an introvert, but I still need human contact. And simply choosing a spot you simply become a regular in will definitely help a lot with that long-term. Just be consistent and patient, and especially keep it slow. I think you really nailed these tips and a lot more should watch this segment of the video.
Man, the reaction videos from Japanese CZcamsrs for this are gonna be fire. Yuta will make one for sure. Probably Shogo will make one.
There are times I wonder what the hub around me would think if I moved to Japan (I'm not even planning a visit until I'm proficient in Japanese. I had 6+ yrs of German under my belt before visiting there).
I wonder this because a lot of the "openness" of the US just doesn't sit with me. I basically have a short list of hobby-adjacent things I'm willing to talk about, even if most people haven't a clue unless I'm at a game shop or something. The idea of going to a small bar and just existing borders on sounding comfy, but that's hard to do in the States, some rando will sit next to you and, unless you project being borderline hostile, you have to talk about stuff.
Yet personality tests told me to visit japan to travel any country and this guy explains topics and processes that get me way less motivated to go to japan. Your are awesome gaijin goomba.
One thing that bothers me about this is the phrasing of "the system". Every culture has a system, every country, state, province, town, community, whatever is going to have a "system", so setting up Japan to be this "this is so out of my comfort zone" place puts me a little ill at ease.
I will say, in the U.S. we have dozens (maybe hundreds) of "systems", but you have to learn to adapt to them on the fly. I think because of that, that's probably why not many of them are so easily observed. Since Japan is notoriously homogeneous maybe that's part of the reason the "system" there feels so overbearing to some, but learning the norm is going to come with living ANYWHERE. That's why we have the phrase, "When in Rome, do as the Romans."
Just to expand on how bad Gaijin hunters can be and kinda explain the mindset of one.
Gaijin hunters are the kind of people that would buy a puppy only to abandon it upon realising you actually need to care for it and it does uncute things like poop and bark at random crap and growl at you for treating it badly and it realises you're a shitty person. And so they just abandon the dog or have the dog be put down.
They want a pet as a toy. Not as a companion. This is the same deal with gaijin hunters looking for partners. They are toys. Accessories. Not people. And the biggest issue I have with this is their prominence.
Bruh, I feel like no one tells you that you've got good hair. Your hair is on point. Truth
This is a great crash course I'm definitely going to share with my friends ty for the video given the stressful few days lately
It might not be much, but after watching this I realized that that in the ACNH DLC, Paradise Planning sells little boxes of chocolates for you to give to your villagers back on your island and it clicked that it was Omiyage as you traveled off your island to work.
I just thought that was really cool.
I feel this advice could work partly in all foreign countries you move to or visit for long periods of time and thank you for putting this out.
Been to Tokyo twice and your video makes a lot of sense.
Example for what you said about old folks, one time on my first visit while still not knowing how to use the trains or google maps to get to the hotel, i asked people around what train goes to Itabachi then Tokiwadai then two kind old people helped me and also accompanied me since we were taking the same train, then the old lady mentioned that there's multiple stations with the same name but this is the train that will lead to Tokiwadai, in japanese btw but she did it slowly and pointed at the map i was holding so that i can get what shes saying. And while sitting in the train every time our eyes met while i was looking at everything around me, they laugh and bow/nod while smiling.
At that moment i was convinced "Okay, everybody is a sweetheart here" xD
Tho i got more examples for people in general being super nice not just old folks, all i did was use very few japanese words i picked up, nervously laugh and say either "Sorry" or "Its okay" in japanese a lot even though those probably sound like gibberish coming from google xD
Seeing how they treated a pregnant woman I don't wanna know how they'll react to a dark skinned guy who looks like Oda Nobunaga joined a metal band.
Man, being an American Aspie is bad enough, but I fear that "feral" sensation I get in general would be intensified there.
I'm quite obviously visibly handicapped but it is so rare for any younger person to offer their seat to me, I'm used to standing, even if it is difficult. Unless I'm feeling particularly bad that day, I'll still get up if someone older or something gets on. One time I remember, it was like musical chairs, I got up for a lady and then the person beside her saw I was having a hard time standing and was like "oh, I'm getting off at the next stop, please sit here" so I did and me and the lady I had originally let sit down had a lovely conversation, my Japanese at the time wasn't the best and her English was a bit broken too but we both were just on the same level if you get me, and it was just such a lovely thing. It was YEARS ago and I almost wish we could meet again so I can be like "my Japanese is much better now, let's talk some more!", those are the experiences that stick with you.
How come this wasn't uploaded to Gaijin Perspective? This video feels much more appropriate to go on that channel.
❤️❤️😍❤Your channel is literally my comfort place. You make me so happy. Love you❤😁❤️❤️❤️
Holy moly, I did not know about the odd number for weddings! I think I made those mistakes but nobody bothered to tell me it was wrong…
Like a monk facing adversity and finally seeing the light in the end.
Couldn't be better described.
Omiyage is interesting, because even in Europe we have something similar, though it's MUCH less strict in terms of social obligation. When someone goes abroad on holiday, it is customary for them to bring some snacks or treats for the office or their colleagues at work. But in my experience, it isn't seen as rude or a snub if they don't: there's no expectation that they will bring food to share, it's just something that happens frequently enough so we won't see it as odd.
I am almost sure its more a tradition and voluntary that you bring really anything eatable or drinkable or whatever small i guess. But not that its voluntary or anyone is mad if you dont. More like as token of strenghening bonds if you really want to. But dont have to.
I feel really confused that "physical touch with people YOU DON'T KNOW it's a no no", but earlier in the video He said that they touched his bum and they also grabbed women belly's and breast out of the blue, how can they be so illogical?
I'm actually about to leave Japan at the beginning of August when my contract is up. I've been working as English teacher in rural Japan since November. I know I've definitely felt isolated. People are nice and I like the area, I just don't like feeling so alone.
I actually like the idea of a system for stuff like gift giving and showing affection, never been good at this guess work stuff.
The whole touching you unexpectedly might explain something I was told happened regularly when I was a little kid. Just imagine 3 very young red headed kids playing at the playground or going to the store with the parents. We had our heads rubbed as a "good luck" charm by random strangers. A lot apparently. So I am told.
It is no surprise when elderly people come over just to compliment the red hair as I grew up even here in the the good' old USA walking through Wal-Mart as a high schooler.
Hearing all this, I really wonder why one would want to visit/live in Japan. I know it's beautiful and fascinating but it can't be worth all this trouble. But I guess that's just my opinion, others might just accept having to do such huge amount of effort.
There is a lot to offer in terms of peace. There's also a LOT to do and you can literally walk anywhere.
@@GaijinGoombah Peace? as in peaceful/tranquil? I could see that. I do find a lot of Japan's caring/respectful culture very respectful and wish it was more common across the world. Though I feel like almost any country on earth has just as much to offer in exploration and calmness. I could explore my homecountry for all my life and still probably miss out on several places and experiences. Peaceful vistas and fun places are plentiful. I think I outgrew the idea of international travel a while back, it doesn't do much for me nowadays. There's plenty of places I still want and plan to go here in my home of Sweden.
Don't get me wrong though, if cultures around the world wasn't as vastly different I'd be more open to traveling abroad. But the difference in amount of positive experience I get from other countries compared to my own country isn't big enough to warrant such hard work to have those experiences abroad. I glad that other people do find interest in traveling international however, prevents the people of the world from being completely closed off from each other.
Thank you for the reply, I do like learning in general and your videos always has a lot to offer in that regard!
I guess thats why there are so many buts,and if you are fine with that of warning going to live there.
What chris broad calls i think the "stare of disaproval" aswhen yoi go against thr grain.
I think a big part of it is Japan is stil very romanticized (due to anime, manga etc…) so it is very easy to overlook any downsides of visiting or living in Japan .
My experience living in Japan was that navigating all of this as a foreign *woman* was even more complicated. Because I'm used to the gender-based patriarchal expectations of my own culture and how to navigate what people thought I should and shouldn't be allowed to do as a woman in my own culture... But I had zero clue about what the patriarchal expectations of me would be in Japan. Where I lived was fairly rural. It was far from Tokyo or any other big city or tourist location, and sometimes I felt like I'd traveled back in time 50 years in terms of women's role in society. Oftentimes, following the rules of the "system" felt like being forced to "know my place" as a woman, which really, really sucked.
That being said, your advice really does ring true to my experience! Speaking Japanese, finding the people who were genuinely interested in forming a friendship despite me being a foreigner, and making the best effort I could to follow the social rules really did help. Overall, I loved my time there and just regret that I never found enough of a sense of belonging to make it my permanent home.
There's a manga where a guy figures out that his American girlfriend is actually Japanese because she did a kokuhaku.
Her name being Yamato Nadeshiko was also a hint.
Hey man this was a great video! Thanks for sharing
Funny. I have a Gundam related culture story, too. When I got to visit Japan (school trip, 2007), one of the items on the itinerary was taking some cultural classes at a Japanese university in Kumamoto. We got grouped up with a bunch of students at first to acclimate us to the culture. The second I mentioned I like Gundam, both girls I was with lit up with interest. I later found out one of them became a host after meeting us and, I kid you not, I saw her just a couple years ago when I went to Disney with my family. She was working as a server. She didn't recognize me, but it was pretty wild.
it;s like the saying
“to break the rules, you must understand them first”
Gaijin Hunter is an interesting thing. I didn't know that was even a concept.
Well I bet the gift giving business is booming in Japan though, the gifts never end lol. Do gifts even mean anything to people in Japan since you have to do it, socially speaking?
This actually explains a lot. Even the stuff I never thought to question.
So I have lived there for about 5 years in total. I've seen pretty much all of this social etiquette, however I have found my status as a foreigner to be something of a blessing in disguise. As you stated, you will be always looked down on regardless. So following the majority of these rules is an exercise in futility. I still gave and accepted gifts, but dispensed with all the fake refusals and everyone just kind of accepted it as a part of my alien-ness. Naturally I've been denied service in some places as well, most notably Hokkaido, but I found. That just accepting being an outcast to be a fast track to "fitting in". You never will, so stop trying.
Interesting to compare it to my own situation, as short as it is. Been working at an izakaya in downtown Osaka (until my uni exchange year is over soon) and you can definitely feel a wall until people realize you can speak Japanese okay and then they warm up quickly. And boy, do they compliment you constantly, not just for speaking Japanese at all. Lots of "your skin is so nice" or "you are so handsome/pretty". In return everyone is so happy when you tell them you like Japan.
Biggest social culture shock thing for me was actually getting invited to dinner by regulars. It's completely normal and not a romantic thing at all and I don't think I could imagine this happening at home. Getting treated to drinks a lot, too.
The thing about old people is definitely real. The "ossan and up" range is full of either unpleasant creeps or the sweetest people you'll ever meet (and you can quickly tell which is which).
Osaka, especially the south (e.g. Namba), also has some of its own rules, mostly that people break the rules for the sake of a joke, so you kinda gotta know the whole boke and tsukkomi thing, but it's generally more chill. Though it's no wonder people from Tokyo think Osaka is rude/dangerous. Do recommend, though there's relatively fewer people speaking English compared to Tokyo
This video explained to me why they're always so drunk in Grand Blue. Practically all their antics happen with the inclusion of alcohol and a ridiculously concentrated amount of it too. I never would've guessed the high concentration of alcohol was meant to explain why the members of PAB acted so insane. If alcohol does this to regular Japanese then what would drinks approaching pure ethanol in concentration do to college students.
Thanks for these kinds of videos. It’s enlightening, interesting, and has me changing some thoughts on Japan.
Hi Gaijin.
Can you do “Which Ninja” on the Shadowkhan from Jackie Chan Adventures?
Interesting and I share some thoughts, but I also kind of wonder if for me I'm ok with things because of my specific situation.
I'm a foreigner, but I'm Asian American. I do know Japanese and have an N2. Idk maybe my case isn't as severe because I'm also Asian so I pass as Jpn unless you look real hard, but at the same time I feel like there's a kind of comfortable honesty for me since back home the kind of racism and microaggressions I felt were such a burden. Even the daily sexism from catcalls, but for the most part here I feel more comfortable and am left alone. If anything relating to my status as a foreigner comes up, it's ok because it's the truth. When I faced racism back home, it's the other person is ignorant and it's tied up with ideals about what it means to have US citizenship and it kind of feels like a lie as people ask me where I'm really from or tell me to go "back to my country". My country is the US and it's all I knew but I felt like an outsider at home. I'm ethnically Chinese, but China is dangerous and even if I went there I wouldn't fit in either because I'm not Chinese enough because I'm ABC. Japan is just a good, honest middle where I get left alone enough and can enjoy my hobbies that revolve around Japanese culture anyway.
The romance thing does sound hard, but I haven't found it to be that big of an issue because I'm asexual. But tinder in Japan has also taken off and changed some of the system rules, so that's been interesting. I've found a nice comfortable level though by being places where internationalism naturally occurs. My coworkers are the ones that have more romance situations and some of that is due to that my company is eikaiwa and has mixed staff, but some maybe just lucky and met the right person. Some friends have had a lot of luck at the foreigner bar just hanging out and doing normal language exchange. My boss has been here a really long time as well and has been a good source for like finding gatherings or making new situations even within the company. Like I made friends with some of the office ladies and sales team because they wanted to practice speaking English so we made a day where we just hung out and had fun together while speaking English. Two of my close friends dated other foreigners and that worked out well for them. I can imagine mileage may vary by location, but I've seen a lot of people have luck from being open to any social situation and just going somewhere. Also just talking with your coworkers.
Gift giving culture I've had some experience with, but usually my gift is just more American style and like practical. They don't expect me to do anything usually, but a couple of teachers had a baby so I got them a gift. One gave me a formal okaeshi which was a shock, and another put together something which was fine because I expected nothing and it was just nice to get something. I recently went to a Japanese Western-style wedding for GW and the groom was Japanese but the bride was Filipino. There were clearly some misunderstandings in how the proceedings for the day would happen, but everything was fine. We did give goshugi, but the okaeshi was interesting as part of their package included a catalog that we could pick our gift from. I got a new purse. It's pretty cool, but also like it's not just odd numbers for money. It's a minimum of 30,000 yen and the amount basically pays for your seat at the wedding. If you're a boss or something you're supposed to give 50,000 too. You're supposed to wrap the goshugi in a fukusa as well to keep it nice. I literally just googled everything.
I have an old lady story too where she had groceries and I let her sit down and she gave me an orange as thanks.
But like mostly, I haven't really had that difficult of a time making friends. I make friends with a lot of the Japanese staff I work with and while they're work friends they seem really genuine because it's an environment expecting international exchange. I've been to the bars a couple of times but going to bars regularly isn't a thing I've ever been into, so most friends literally come from just work. I had a church group approach me once and I made friends going to their meetings, but still mostly work. These days with covid-19 I'm even afraid to go out regularly so I'm perfectly comfortable with my main social interactions being running into the new guy on the train home and talking with each other almost every day for 2 weeks.
Idk, my friends that had great success making friends and even for myself just seemed to have luck going into every situation and being open. Like sometimes the loneliness and wanting of friendship or more too much actually closes you off to opportunities because it creates expectations and anticipation. I and others tend to go with the flow and just be there and surprise, we have a new friend.
I have to know; Are there the kinds of gifts that are never actually opened and are just handed off whenever they are obligated to hand off such gifts themselves?
I really enjoyed your video with everything Japan has...more so the personal stories for context...but my favorite was the last story which I won't lie had me happily in tears... Your a really lucky person to have got to experience all Japan has to offer and more
On one hand I don’t mind being by myself sometimes, but I still like communicating with others, even if it’s just online.
You remind me of what Chris Broad said on his channel. The Japanese friends he made are the ones who were more open minded. His friends, Ryotaro & Natsuki, are not your average Japanese citizen.
As a black guy who went to Japan 2018, I can definitely confirm that adults will grab you in uncomfortable places and will make some “advances” but overall the trip was awesome, very awkward way to end this 🤣
Ayoooo pause 😂
I have to say, it seems alcohol is a universal tool to making people care less about social structures and just let their feelings go more
And talking about stuff they otherwise wouldnt. At least not easy haha.
Isthaty whya lot business meetings are getting drunk , and political sometimes.
@@marocat4749 Maybe
Honestly the gift giving system sounds kinda fun
The best explanation I've ever heard of Japanese society, explained to outsiders is this:
"Japanese culture is a game. One with arbitrary, nonsensical rules which have no logic, are almost always unnecessary, and often even harm the people engaging in it. However, what separates a 'true Japanese' from everyone else is that they will fully embrace playing it. To be Japanese is to embrace the game, even if you sometimes fail at it or it fails YOU."
I'm still at the beginning of learning, the sentences I already taken to heart are the most needed: "I'm from germany" "Thank you very much" "Where is the Toilet" "My name is (name)" "One water please".
Do I need more important sentences, if yes please tell me which.
16:27 *Glares at Koei Musou portrayal*
"Thanks a lot, Ieyasu."
Hey, if Japan has that kind of gift giving "standards", how come the NPCs we give gifts to in their dating Sims almost NEVER give anything material back?
Try playing the Rune Factory series. Giving gifts back is a prominent feature in those.