How to Stop Letting People Walk All Over You
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- čas přidán 10. 08. 2022
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It does NOT feel good to have people walk all over you, take you for granted, take advantage of you or just generally ask a lot and give little to no appreciation. The truth is, you are letting it happen because you don't know why it's happening or how to make it stop.
In today's talk I tell you about why people are walking all over you, and what you can do make it stop
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We teach people how to treat us. Set boundaries.
I've been walked over almost my entire life by people, and people have been doing it non stop to me, and it's gonna make me snap to the point we're people are not gonna like what they see when they do
This message came at when I was feeling at the end of my rope. Then I realized I need to practice say no. Thank you!
Your work is such a treasure. The impact you have made in the short time I have discovered you is "life changing". It's a lifesaver.
Letting people walk over you is considered people pleasing. I get very mad when I feel taking advantage of from people.
YES! Your videos are always on point - especially for those who struggle with codependency :)
Oh, she absolutely rocks!
I just want to say, I love these vids. The recent one on boundaries has been so helpful.
Hi . Thank you for your sentence then i will i see that one to 🙂
Hi Julia, thank you for this! I was shocked when you actually said that this is on me. It's relatable. I had a trouble saying no to a family member - I do love them but their toxicity might be the end of me! I can't say no when they ask for favors; it makes me feel bad or guilty when I once did that. But I also realize after listening to this that it's okay to set boundaries. I can try to do the favor without eating me up once we're meeting half-way.
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I have the same issue❤
Thanks Julia! Your videos teach me how to respect other people's boundaries and my own boundaries as well.
Hi Julia! Senior Sifter here! What a great video and I think your story was a great example. Thank you for always sharing your stories with us!
You talk about a timely video I'm really needing right now!!! I've been unfortunately channeling my "inner doormat" a lot lately. Julia, you read my mind!!!
I need to have this talk with my cat.
Thank you, Julia Kristina! Today's presentation is especially timely for me. I very much appreciate your insights here!
Learning the skill of calm, rational confrontation can be really hard, but it is doable and it will help a lot with the issue of people walking over you.
thank you for talking the way you do, talking about healthy communication... and pointing to something. That not every one has the same values, or thinks in the same way.... i appreciate you 💛🌈
Needed this .
Thank you for this video,. Julia. I really need it today.
Some people are predators on helpful persons .
I've heard the theory of 5 love languages: people have different ways of showing love and/or being loved...I thought this could be added to the content of the video. Thanks for your honest and wise words, I've been learning a lot of emotional intelligence with your talks and kinda find relaxing to hear your clear voice! Hugs
This is a perfectly timed video. Thank you Julia🙏
So glad to see a new video from you!!
I've been watching many of your videos and I can tell you are a wonderful counsellor. They are helping me.
YES! So needed this…
Tha I you. I listen to your posts daily. This is exactly about me. Iam too resentful,angry and exploited. This is me and family. If I don't, they are upset. If I do,it is not enough
Hi! I’m new here and so grateful to have stumbled across your site! Looking forward to joining the Shift Society. So tired of years of tears, feeling responsible, and loss of joy effecting me and my family. Ready to loose the crap that’s been holding me back!!!!!! Thank you!
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Thank you for very helpful advice. Spot on.
How awesome are your videos! This particularly touches and affect me so much,Julia. I've got to go through it again, take notes and do a lit of workI reckon. I'm absolutely grateful to you,Julia. I love your approach to things. Thank you ever so much and all the best,Julia
This is exactly what I needed tonight… thank you. Feeling very unappreciated and depressed, but it is on me…. Good food for thought. … maybe I need to make some changes x
Your videos are great Julia. They are helpful.
I feel like that Julia that no matter what I do for people it’s just never enough.
Thank you for sharing you and your mom's case. I often frustrated how other people change their mind. I need to set up what I can do or I can't do.
Your a gem! You have such a likeable personality...thx so much for the videos you post!
Thank you SO very much Julia, THese videos on boundaries really help me. :-) SO thank you!
Thank you so so much for making this video! Also hello! I am new to this channel and I am also a well know artist/ creator on Instagram but I have been having this exact issue where people are thinking that it’s ok to walk all over me. It’s been to the point where I had to leave something that I LOVE doing and a big hobby of mine, and that made me happy for about 6 months. I’m actually on break again due to this case it’s been driving me nuts and I don’t know what to do anymore. I’ve been too nice to people but not like using them. Just being generous and loyal because that’s what I’ve been taught to do. Thank you for this awesome advice! I will definitely take this in and learn to see if it will help me out in the future! ❤
Thanks for your beautiful book.
Thank you for this amazing video. I subscribed and like your stuff because you are always so helpful. It really shocks me how many people have taken my kind and empathetic nature for granted. I’m trying really hard now to go out of my way for certain people only, and to be far former with boundaries for those who love to take advantage. Nope, I’m no longer that person. The saying, don’t cast pearls before swine (or don’t give something valuable to someone who can’t appreciate it).
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Bravo Julia! Great video and advice. I watched it twice in a row to supercharg myself 🙏❤️
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Hi Julia, thanks for the video. I’m in the 🇬🇧. I have been taken advantage of for a long time and it is only through therapy with my counsellor that I have discovered this and the reasons. I am on a better road now. Thanks again.
I’ve felt taken advantage of Julia.
It was by my ex-friend Becky Keena.
U are best of best in councelling my problems. Thanks to hon. Juliana christiana, I am greatfull to u infinity times. Great work. Most remarkable.
An You are highly appreciated and valued. 🧐🤓😎
Oh my!!! I need this one.
BRILLIANT!!!!
Thank you for this.
Exactly how I feel
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Your mother learned her lesson Julia.
Thank you once again
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What a smile 😊
Love this I would go all out for family visits, putting out food and serving; not appreciated. Then I stop doing it and damned for it, too. I am just going to save myself the grief and do it only IF I want to without obligation to them.
Family of narcs which I don't think I can have an adult conversation about these things.
I totally get that, give what you WANT and let that be okay. I know it's hard to not see a change in others but being "light and polite" and doing less can help you feel less resentful. This helps me see who I want in my inner circle and who I can be kind to but not expect them to reciprocate.
This was recommended to me, I don't watch this type of video usually but youtube knows me, clearly 😅
My ex-friend Becky Keena has a hard time with the word no Julia.
Thank you so much for this video!!!
This was really helpful☺
Love your videos. This journey has been so eye opening for me on how to make healthy choices for myself. Everyone: If you have not taken the Healthy Boundaries Bootcamp Course DO IT. It's worth every penny. Julia Kristina's CZcams videos are amazing. Her extra "MY COURSES" are even better. Not sure how that's even possible, BUT IT IS!
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It may be hard to hear for some, but it's so true that when we have an issue, it is on us. Working in a job we don't like, letting a mean boss make us miserable, saying yes when we want to say no to our parents, etc. it is on us to figure out.
For me, setting boundaries in school and at work will sound something like, "I won't be able to complete the entire project with this deadline so can I have someone to help me with my work or can we push back the deadline?" And if someone isn't giving me appreciation for the work I do I can say, "okay, can you tell me what I did well on?"
I want to enroll or become a shifter. I have found your videos extremely helpful. I have been in counseling for over 20 years and 22 years clean time and work a program. Can you give me the keys that I have needed on one of your recent videos to talked about just tell the person. Hey I am proud of this. have worked hard and I felt really good to fo establish that boundar
Thank you for this message
Greetings Julia, you are a mind reader lol, I was thinking about this yesterday, that I used to not have strong boundaries with people and I let them get to me.
Saying NO doesn't always apply to all situations
Thank you Julia!!!
Well said. Very clear, relateable example that showed how to follow through on a simple boundary strategy. Thank you for taking the time to make this video, even on a hot day!
Cobblers
You are so amazing. I appreciate your videos. ♥️
I haven’t watched the full video so I may have not gotten the point of it yet, but just wanted to say that if someone is doing something for someone in order to gain something in return such as a form of appreciation, they’re doing it for themselves. And it’s a form of manipulation. If you’re going to do something for others, do it out of the kindness of your heart and don’t expect things in return. Not fair on the person you’re doing things for who didn’t even ask for it in the first place.
luv your videos
My in-laws live with me because of the housing crisis. They don't appreciate me or my home. Their idea of clean isn't mine, and I feel VERY disrespected, and I don't feel like my house is even my own. I've made chore charts and offered guidance on how to clean properly and was met with offense. I'm a people pleaser and it's so hard. My body is literally failing me and I've got so many more health issues since they've entered my life. I need to figure out how to make boundaries. Thank you for these videos
You can always look up the nearest homeless shelters for them. Give them a 3 month time limit to move out and stick to it.
My mother is staying with me for a while, because she was abandoned by her husband. I get the pain she went through, so I'm letting her stay for free so that she can get her life back together. She is still young.
I didn't expect her to be so ridiculously entitled in certain ways. I was always having to enforce my boundaries, and it was exhausting. I was ready to kick her out one day, because she was trying to have something in MY house HER way and her pride wouldn't allow her to concede. So I decided not to take her to work anymore, and gave her a month to move out, and stopped allowing her to use my electricity. Well, she changed her tune really fast within a few minutes, and decided to follow my rules. I have been dealing with few smaller issues since, but she is much more willing to follow my rules in my house.
The way I see it, I would follow her rules exactly how she wanted if I was living in her home. She can do the same.
They're like children when they act entitled like that. Except they are adults, and you are not required to carry their load, especially if they unnecessarily make your load heavier. So we can kick them out. If they can't follow those chore charts, they can leave. Clearly, they don't value having a nice place to live in for free. They might value it when they lose it though. They'll try to guilt you, but just keep stating what they could have done to stay. Which is basically respect what you want in your home.
@@Leoo117 Thank you for your detailed answer. You're 100% correct.
For a long while I only had them paying for the electric and water that they were using. Eventually they stopped buying groceries for themselves, and started asking me what I was going to make them for each meal.
I told them we couldn't afford to feed them and our 3 very young kids. They agreed to pay $600/mo. But they want me to thank them and praise them every time they make a payment.
We've sacrificed one of our bedrooms, and our finished garage and a shed on our property for them. Their dog lives in the garage because of my allergies, and is not potty trained. They don't take it out or ever walk it. I'm accused of being abusive towards animals when I point out how that dog needs more attention, or a new home.
I've had to get them new jobs, write their resumes, and schedule their doctor's visits, cut their hair, and do their laundry.
I'm also an artist, so they've ruined my passion for that by constantly asking me work for free whenever they see me draw or paint.
As a child I had to do what others asked or I was beaten and food was withheld, or I was made to spend long periods of time in the bathtub with no light or blankets. Given my experiences, it's so hard to rewire my brain. The very thing that kept me alive, is now killing me.
I've seriously just sacrificed everything of myself to make these people happy and now I have to learn to take power in these things.
It is comforting to know that people like you are going through it too, and finding success. It gives me hope and I'm finding more motivation to be strong. Thank you 💕
I don’t like having no return on my deposit Julia.
I’m so happy I found your channel!
Sheep bahhh
The title was so funny for some reason.
How crazy is it though that its both our Mothers... 🙄😞
Apparently auto text still needs some work
Hello Ma’am,
I am a new subscriber. Can you please make a video or point me out to something on the topic of: how to deal with anger and sadness when people/friends/ roommates ignore you, break friendships and spread rumors behind you? When you cannot really ignore or leave the situation, and tried isolating yourself which has just given them more power and made you more alone…
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This is complex.
It we engage in conflict - we will become narcissist and toxic - because we are unable to handle criticism.
If we are in healthy normal ambient - we would not feel wrong.
I would cut contact and minimize contact.
Looking back, it was never problem with me - it was always covert narcissist on the other side. And me trying to work things out, find resolution, find balance and harmony - as any normal and healthy person wants - and this urge to be human and normal is used against us. We are made abnormal for feeling cheated and unfair mistreatment from someone who is seeking drama, selfish agenda and outright abuse since they are sadistic and mentally ill.
Very intterestimg ., I need to watch more of you're vids before I make any changes .
But , I get put down a lot, never is it good enough , always have to change my plans to fit others, always listening to complaints, but not real ones , just opinions , always attached personally ,
And my self confidence is at an all time low , I even question myself .. I never used to do that , I knee my abilities , I knew what I could do and what I couldn't..
But now I'm not trusted to paint a wall .. for christ sake ..
I'm fighting back .. small steps to my former confidence ..
( I don't mean overbearing, but .. I'm useful ..I'm good at things)
How do you stop people from walking all over you, in regards to people going through my house and moving my objects around. I've asked for them to leave my objects alone but even though they appear to be listening, but ignore my request instead.
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How do you let go of the anger and bitterness about past things? I'm doing the work and my current situation is pretty good but the anger about the past still haunts my mind
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Harvy and I don’t feel any of these feelings
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No one values anything I do and everything I say is misunderstood.. to everybody. This happens with everyone. I do everything for everyone. Nothing for me. I gave up my life for others. I have the right values and morals. I always say the true coz I think then there won't be any misunderstandings and yet there always are. ALWAYS. NO EXCEPTIONS. I have to be the problem. My own mother to whom I dedicate my life and privacy she tells me I don't do nothing for her and walks all over me like everyone else does. What's wrong with me??
Anyone can answer my question. I'd appreciate that
loved this video!!! will be implementing this for my very passive aggressive father and step mother
Yes more passive aggressive undertones will solve your problems you casserole of nonsense
How does that work for kind hearted person
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Hey Julia if you don’t mind I’d lie a video about OCD and schizophrenia
The "t" in "often" is silent.
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Thank you Julia. Today at the end of shift. I told the client supervisor that I needed to have a word with her. I was going to send an email first but decided a talk would be better.
I said: "I think we have a good working relationship. I would like that to continue. But please respect my time."
I told my boss when I got to the office and he thought I did the right thing.
My name is Chris Mc Evoy Julia.
I like to do the odd favour for people, now and then. Having to support people on a daily basis who refuse to learn to meet their own needs is not my job - that's theirs. I find that many people now are entitled and keep asking regardless of whether I said "no" or not. These people are often children who have had everything done for them. So they just expect anyone who gives them or does anything for them once to keep on doing it, resorting of course, to manipulation in order to keep this constant supply up. What's more I get people whining at me at all the time in order to try to guilt me into giving to them. I can say "no". I have no problem doing that. But how do you get across the idea to someone who's entitled that you give ON YOUR TERMS and not on theirs. Conveniently, they just don't seem to understand. Ah yes, here's the other thing: Kid has been told NOT TO BANG ON MY WINDOW to get me to come to the door. He knows that when the drapes are closed, I want to be left alone. The other day he did it at least twice, waking me up in the process. I'm older and I nap often because I'm constantly fatigued. And frankly, no wonder... but anyway... This entitled kid totally disregards any rules that have been made with him and just does what he wants whenever he wants with no regard whatsoever for my well being or my boundaries. So what do you do then?
Living in London you could take the time to someone to be mugged....
Here's the deal. Many people don't have SELF ESTEEM They try to get OTHER ESTEEM through giving and giving and people pleasing in order to feel that they have SOME VALUE, SOME WORTH. Often, people find it offensive because giving something that YOU value and not what they want or value is CONTROLLING. By JUST DOING WITHOUT ASKING takes away other's independence and free will.
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There is an audio background hiss....so sorry...wanted this vid....but I've ear nerve damage😪
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I really needed to see this. Thank you!
I'm so angry at myself. I spend £38 on a bottle of serum because I didn't want the moody hairdresser to hate me. I actually hate her now. I'm so angry. Pre-lockdown I wouldn't have done that. I feel like I became weaker during lockdown. I need to learn assertiveness all over again.
Hi I'm Kavya
🤍 🤗 ✌🏻
@17:09 I laughed 😂 so hard!
Hi, I struggle with anxiety and sometimes I let things get in the way❤
I send u email several times asking ways to say no i still did not get respond
Of course because it's you tube they don't care about only 1 subscriber! If she really is whom she claims to be they charge real $$
I ABSOLUTELY LOVE your stuff!! I highly recommend your book, “Drive Your Own Darn Bus!”
I'm going to stop assuming how others feel and when when it's for a stranger, I'll mentally tell myself not expect a thing in return.
I'm sick of doing nice things behind closed dores and get crapped on later wen I try and stand up later in the presence of others
I finally said no to my ex-friend Becky Keena when she called me and asked me to do something for her because I felt she always took advantage of me and never accepted my help when she asked for it.
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I find when I call out my parents, they really don't like it at all....not easy.
I worked at Amazon and they trampled over me not walked over me so I quit because I had to say NO!
I typically like your videos but this one seems oversimplified… I didn’t really identify with this in the context of dealing with teens that take and take and don’t appreciate. Some things aren’t as simple as just stop doing…or talking with them about boundaries or what they do and don’t value. Or that it fixes things by just setting a boundary and they automatically learn.
I felt like my ex-friend Becky Keena walked all over me
I really don't understand what it is she is saying. It's all over the place. All the cooking metaphors. Then you get in these confusing or, or, or....examples, ideas and concepts all jumbled leaving you more confused than when you started. Slow down, break it up into more comprehensible segments. I did not like this video. Sorry.
Because it's her own opinion in it not yours her man is probably a lap dog
Stop throwing pearls to swines.
Learn to give and love for the mere sake of giving and loving or stop giving and quit whining.
Julia’s right; there are no ‘victims’, only volunteers.
If someone is taking advantage of you, cut all ties which such leeches and Takers. Spend your energies on people whom are there for you and scrap the rest.
Friendship is about giving AND taking. If you’re the only one who’s giving, it’s not a friendship as there is no respect.
I hate the "it's your fault mentality", it's not a fault to be kind when people are shitty and abuse that trait you have