How To Seduce Your Crush
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- čas přidán 6. 11. 2022
- Support my Patreon: / thejazzemu
London, live shows are incoming: sohotheatre.com/shows/jazz-em...
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Jazz Emu's Pleasure Garden - A work-in-progress live band show: www.eventbrite.co.uk/e/jazz-e... - Hudba
Dearest Eggies, there are only 3 days left to buy a black Digital Spool vinyl, and still over 100 left on the crowdfund! qrates.com/projects/27888-digital-spool
Please don't make me have to buy them all up myself, I have spent all my money on developing incredibly sophisticated cloning technology....
Hey Jazz! I was just wondering - are there any plans to put this album on CD as well? I'm not technologically advanced enough to have one of these so-called 'Record players'. Mine can only record or play :(
still have no idea if I'm afraid of you or turned on by you
BUT THAT WAS 4 DAYS AGO!! D:
This was not the way I could have ever imagined I'd learn what reduplicative phrases meant, but I know now that it will be a lesson burned into my mind for the rest of my life
Learning it was easy peasy
@@NickolasCruiser creams in my pantie wanties
@@NickolasCruiser barely-warely an inconvenience
relatable
Only a tinsy-winsy adjustment to the understanding of English
The leather sounds had me completely creased over laughing.
it just never stops XD
Creased over laughing is a great phrase. I’m gonna start using that now
Ikr 😂😂
😭😭😂😂
Thanks to this video I am now married to my crush after 30 seconds of this immaculate performance of seduction
Wonderful news. Can I use please your testimonial on my website?
That's awesome-blossom!
The constant creaking of the leather made this 2,000% funnier
This was, without question, the 2nd most uncomfortable 4 minutes of my entire life
So of course I do have a question for you
what the hell was the first one?
we're all waiting for the 1st most uncomfortable situation now
let us know
Yeah, I now need to know the 1st most uncomfortable situation, too. 😅
I love jazz emu, I wish he could be real one day.
I am as real as you need me to be.
@@JazzEmu I can still hear his voice to this day.
@@JazzEmu one of my favorite creators of recent times for sure. You are appreciated
I wish jazz emu was real as well. Maybe, if he was real, he could give me some tips on what all the steps before seducing you crush. Examples: How to get out of bed. How to talk to another human being. How to breathe. You know, the basics most people know but can't get right
@@JazzEmu Hot
I refuse to believe anything about this man is real. His height. The way he moves. His granulated voice. His humour. The leather.
He fascinates me. I hope I can afford give him money one day. Maybe that will make him real
I'm sure I've seen tall people and leather jackets before.
@@SoulSukkur lucky :(
@@SoulSukkur but have you seen tall people _in_ leather jackets before? I think that's part of what makes him unique. And mystical.
@@mackenziedesire7515 I don't think I have, but I'm relying on a very specific interpretation of the phrase "anything about this man"
I agree, the combination of everything just fits so well that it seems unreal.
"This isn't dirty talk, that's just chit-chat !"
"OOOH you start getting it baby !" *hypnotic Jazz Emu dance*
You should sell a shirt that says "I'm a horrid little piece of meat".... i'd wear that every day of the week lmfao
I'd also wear a shirt that just says "the back of my kitchen sofa."
I personally would've walked out the room when they said they weren't into solo ocarina
Brilliant priorities
Jazz Emu is one of those thing that once you get into it you can't comprehend how you used to live before without it
I discovered Jazz Emu 15 minutes ago and I can't believe how I have lived without him
i agree
I'm late, but I agree 💯
100%. my life is forever changed
Jazz Emu and Tom Cardy cure depression 9 out of 10 therapists agree
I see... in order to seduce your crush you must be accepting and listen to their preferences, show interest and make them feel safe. But also guide them to seek help when needed, very wise.
This video show us that you have a firm grasp of grammatical structure.
for a while I thought this was gonna turn out to be a whole journey of someone figuring out they cant connect sexually because they're actually asexual but just didn't know it.
but this mumbo-jumbo will suffice me easy-peasy
While that would've been nice, it's not really a Jazz Emu type of twist. Though he probably could spin it in a totally unexpected and slightly absurd way
Right!!! The beginning half was totally giving me asexual vibes. 🤩 (I'm an ace myself!) 🖤🤍💜
Sexually asexual.. am I doing it right?
Duh, how do you think he cloned himself?
@@40fied4t5 that was the best reproducing asexually joke I've ever heard, major props
Careful Emu you're making my knees all wibbly-wobbly.
the squeaks of their leather suits really make this video
Finally, Jazz Emu interacting with the only person funky enough to get his chemistry
Can't wait for the algorithm to pick up on this legend. He deserves so much more recognition.
- 🤖
@@alaskaone 🥾
already did, a few months ago he had 20k subs :D
@@sogeking3532 lets goooo
@@sogeking3532 Not sure what you mean by a 'few.' according to socialblade, he hit 30k last February. He's been growing about 5.5k a week ever since.
"So are you into dirty talk?"
"Back of my kitchen sofa"
Me: You have a sofa in your kitchen??? :0
Of course it’s dirty if it’s in his kitchen!
Thank you Jazz Emu, after watching only a quarter of this video i have already became a master of seduction.
It's the leather noises that really get me.
This notification was brutal 12 hours after finding out my crush is dating someone else. Way to rub it in Eggmaster General Jazz Emu
get back at them by cloning yourself and seducing it!
this notification IS how I found out my crush was dating someone else!
@@SoulSukkur😂👏
@@SoulSukkur tragic
The aggressive leather jacket sounds is a nice touch
Very few internet skits have made me so much as exhale softly, but this is masterful. The leather noises, the very slight crouch of both characters, duttitök, the kitchen sofa. Its perfect.
Jazz Emu never fails to delight and surprise! Also next level comedy-foley skills on the leather Jacket!
I know right!!! That jacket was a comedian in itself 🤣
The consent crinkling definitely made it feel more awkward.
I love how noisy the jacket is. Makes it even more awkward
This bed's about to be choca-bloc with rumpy-pumpy.
I'm going to try that one on my wife.
so did it work? asking for a friend of course
@@dliap98 tell your friend, no it's a terrible chat up line. She was more confused than turned on.
After watching this, I immediately got sent an English bachelors degree, and now all the girls want me! The hoard grows stronger, and I don't know how long the wooden boards will hold out on my windows!
Try a blood sacrifice. It will temporarily appease them.
if you are a man, you could say you’re gay, but be prepared for the onslaught of *m e n* that will soon follow
if you’re not, *good luck with that*
This conversation is on the same abstract level as Bill Wurtz' latest videos
This is the first Jazz/Bill comparison I've even partially agreed with.
And Jack Stauber animations
i lost it when he mentioned cloning, i’d just accepted they were different people 💀
He's not the only one that gets all lovey-dovey after that
That leather jacket is a character on its own. Its trying to communicate with us
In this universe, everything is made out of leather.
How does he have better chemistry with himself than I do with anyone?
My mom overhearing this video while im eating dinner:
"Whos that-?"
"Jazz Emu"
"He sounds like a shoe-seller"
The only time you'd want to hear "teensy-weensy" in the bedroom
HAHAHA
How did jazz emu manage to nearly freak out his own clone, at least he saved it in the end
the constant squeaky leather sounds are just super duper
the uncomfortably loud jacket adds so much
Last night in a dream, you, JE, gave me a tour of your monocular musicological stratodome, the gateway to Funk. It turns out Funk is a place.
The device looks like an ancient, metallic dome in a cylindrical chamber, composed of many doors, gears and chambers, opened and closed with the musically timed pressing of hands, containing giant monocles that spiral around various musical instruments housed within its core. It opens like pod - a giant mechanical flower in bloom.
Thanks for the tour in The Dreaming, JE. Solid work.
this video gives me the heebie-jeebies, but somehow i can't stop watching
As a hobby radio play creator, the overabundance of leather sounds are what keeps me going through the blackest misery.
Every video of his has the aesthetic of a fever dream and I can’t put my finger on what exactly it is, it might just be a combination of a lot factors
0:50 I am currently in pain from a medical procedure and you have forced me to laugh, thereby increasing the pain rhythmically. Thank you. Also, the way the background and characters are setup has a wonderful surreal quality to it. Your comedic acting is also fantastic as always. I give it every single thumb up.
How does someone with this much talent go unnoticed
the sound of the leather jacket throughout is the best !
This is taking self love to a whole new level
With a voice like that, I think Jazz Emu could seduce anyone with just about any tactic. I need to find myself a particularly scratchy crisp so I can get on his level of sexiness.
The creaky leather sounds are genius
Damn you Jazz! Now i want a full-length ocarina solo
My eyes are literally watering with second hand embarrassment and lust
My partner and I always listen to “The True Meaning of The Season” by Jazz Emu in sound cancelling headphones to get things rollin’
Just the one pair tho.
Loving the constant leather crunching.
The creaking leather through the whole video... Comedically brilliant, truly.
this is luxury comedy levels of good lmao
it amazes me how you can make normal talking sound like music
I know this isn't about his album, and doesn't even have any songs from his album in it. But I've got some stuff to say about his album and all the comments are turned off! I absolutely freaking love the last three songs of that album. Together they seem like he is opening up emotionally, then asking if anyone can relate, with the last song being the anxiety towards his audience's reaction. To me it seems like hummingbird is a mental search for emotional inspiration instead of the normal goofiness. Like the hummingbird is his heart. Digital Spool seems a little more self-explanatory. Like he's asking if what he just said in hummingbird is relatable or a waste. With these two together it seems like hummingbird is left unfinished, like he's not ready to show complete emotion, so he gave spool a climax instead. Of course with epilogue being his building fear of public judgment. But hey, I'm just a random dude on the internet who's probably looking too deeply into an albeit goofy but wonderful album 🤷♂️
TLDR: I think he wants to make more serious music but is afraid of judgment like the rest of us and is looking for acceptance and inspiration beforehand.
Pt. 2 because why not? I feel like this is even better expressed with the songs surrounding " the duality of man." Only the second half is serious, and the song after ends with butt jokes.
The songs are now open to comments
I used this tatic on my crush, Jazz Emu. Now me, him, and his clone are in a happy relationship together. I think I might propose
“Kitchen sofa” makes me feel so icky
I only wanted to practice being seductive in front of the mirror and now I've seduced myself. Help.
Narcissus moment
Lol
0:50 this caught me off guard man, laughed for a solid minute
Literally all your videos land straight in my priv playlist where I put all the favourite stuff. Literally every bit you are making is to my liking to an extreme level
Damn those ocarina skills seduced me man.
perfect. I’m sure your crush wouldn’t get their eyes lock on your rock that look like an egg and sit on top of another second larger rock
“a lump of coal, in a smelllyyyyyyy boot”
This was, so far, the one that has made me the most uncomfortable. Good job!
Tips for the bedroom part 1
Love that you actually had the squeaking of the vinyl jacket in there 😆😆 Makes it so much more awkward! (and real, lol)
I've discovered something new about myself because of this video
“Let’s listen to some music” PULLS OUT OCARINA AGGRESSIVELY
the crunching of the leather in the background is making me sob this is funny
some of us have seen this, some haven’t, but no one’s ever going to forget it
I cannot fathom how anyone could have enough confidence to post 4:05
I absolutely could not have predicted any of that and I'm very glad.
achievement - new kink unlocked
The intense noisiness of the leather jacket really accentuates the discomfort.
I love how JazzEmu is canonically in love with JazzEmu
I'm laughing so hard help I'm in the bus😂😂
What a supportive partner.
...I think
I'm not sure I was ready for what i was about to experience, I'm not sure i could be. Only that I have experienced it.
I am very appreciative to have learned a new term to spice up my artsy fartsy vocabulary and really razzle dazzle any future suitors or romantic interests. I'll be able to weed out the unworthy with my reduplicative jibber-jabber!
Also the squeaky leather sounds brings it all together. Well done.
If my crush told me they weren’t into solo ocarina, they would no longer be my crush
I really love the leather squeaking dub
with the power of your videos and music i have become a master at everything (a very intimate, funky, physically strong, and slightly more sexual master). do be expecting to see me play several musical instruments with one hand, avant-garde paintings with the other, while simultaneously lifting weights with my feet. love you, jazz.
jazz emu truly is one of the musicians of all time
Very good skit! I always love the stuff you make!
What do you mean skit? He was just recording this for post-coital breakdown analysis and review, a normal human procedure, and decided to upload it as a educational video to be shared by all.
Whenever I hear the phrase "loud jacket" I will think of this video.
The constant creaking 😂 the ocarina...
Chock-a-block with rumpy-pumpy 🤣 I'm saying it until I die now, I'll credit you always
"The back of my kitchen ✨s o f a✨" will never not be funny to me.
This is one of the best videos in the world I'm gonna be watching this willy-nilly for the next year
I can't, it's too funny, I can't watch it! I need to take a break. I'll finish watching it later. And show it to my friend who looks exactly like you.
Can’t believe I only just now found you on CZcams! Been listening on Spotify for a while :]
I'm glad to have come to know you before the Internet Gods make you blow up with popularity.
Because believe me, that day WILL come.
Lol my dude pulling out an ocarina about to reset time to avoid an awkward situation
The man is just so clean minded
The best part is that his jacket squeaks obnoxiously the entire time.
Only on Jazz emu: Let's have some music. *pulls out ocarina*
I know some people who really need this right now also the noises of the leather adds that final touch