4 Lies About Sexuality in Fifty Shades of Grey
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- čas přidán 12. 09. 2024
- Matt Fradd from Covenant Eyes talks about why the book Fifty Shades of Grey is not just a love story, but violent, misogynistic pornography filled with subtle (and not so subtle) lies about sexuality.
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Learn more about Fifty Shades of Grey: • 50 Things to Know Abou...
As someone who typically disagrees with what the church says about sexuality and what some Christians say about it, it's hard for me to disagree with him on any of his points.
Thanks for your honesty!
Believe it or not, what he says is exactly what the Catholic Church says about sexuality. Those teachings are 100% about the dignity of the human person and the *sanctity* - not dirtiness - of sex.
Man I really love this video and was much needed..Please do more like these. People really need to expose this book and movie.
I'm an educated person and am a psychology major, I was not offended by this book. I truly do not recommend this book to teenagers because they could get the wrong idea of a romance. That's where education comes in. If I go watch the film I know I'm watching a movie & I won't be walking into an abusive relationship and expect my relationship to be like theirs.
The fact that porn is becoming a norm on our society is deeply concerning and completely disgusting. No, porn is not okay. Why? It is degrading to both men and women. I'm sick of men and women being used as sexual objects in the media, everywhere! Whatever happened to having self respect and dignity?...
Peril is suspense, and suspense gets blood flowing. However, the girl wanting the peril is a disturbing and half-baked way to achieve satisfaction. Toying with the idea of escape, playing with hope, then delivering from danger in an unexpected way, then rewarding the heroine with intimate safety, produces a far better euphoria that doesn't encourage degradation along the way. And normal intimacy doesn't have to be boring. It's about execution of the idea, and style. So I totally agree that thinking BDSM is necessary is meth-head logic.
The idea of Anna taming Chris is a crock. In reality, these kinds of men only get sicker. And the women end up dead, or just as screwed up. Brokenness itself is not sexy. But an individual's efforts to go clean can be, even if they fail. It's the wanting to cheer for them that causes healthy appeal, the appeal to sympathy. There is also a fine line between "putting up with" a stalker, and imagining someone to be a stalker just because they have a good memory. In the former, the individual tends to be far more dangerous in what happens as a result. In the latter case, all the fear of danger is imaginary; and retaliation against the imagined slight can be even worse than the alleged offense. There is nothing sexy about that latter scenario. It doesn't breed anything except bitterness and paranoia.
#4's claim is true, but not for the reasons given in the book or movie. In #4, the moral reality of forms of lust, and need to keep them contained or avoid them entirely, is absolutely more important than whether the subject would consent to its implications or not. Just because she'd be okay with it, doesn't make it right. The movie claims that service of lust matters more than consent, as if it were a good thing to give service to it indiscriminately. Such an entitlement mindset ultimately enables rape culture.
By contrast, there's "Sodality" and "Gorillas." In the former, it's strongly implied that (offscreen) the girls captured by Affadidah in season 1 endured all manner of torture and rape. But almost never are they depicted enjoying it or wanting it. In fact, if there is anything erotic at all, it's the girls' plots to escape and/or take revenge even as the fear of death taunts them. And sure enough, they do get free. But never once do they want their boyfriends/husbands to subject them to similar cruelty as their captors. Because that is just plain sick.
In "Gorillas," Flix shoots down Qilmara's proposal to *merely date,* pointing to their different vocations in life and stating explicitly to her: "Desire does not equal justification." And all she really wanted was a normal relationship.
That's right. A *monkey*, is wiser than EL James. Christian Grey is more on par with Brassandra the Cannibal, whom Flix kills in the first chapter.
I agree.
You're right. In reality these men do get sicker. That is why this is a 'fantasy' to such. Doesn't mean people will model their real life after this story. I loved Cinderella the idea of a fairy godmother giving me a fabulous dress and shoes, but that doesn't mean I expect that to happen in real life. I don't know why people are giving this movie so much weight.
Beyonce Lopez : Because nobody has a fairly godmother. But getting abducted and tortured by sadists is a lot more common than it needs to be. And the movie glorifies what it should condemn. Then again, Hollywood culture has been using twisted emotional blackmail and false arguments to get us to do that for buggery since 1992, when "After the Ball" was released. And don't kid yourself: GLSEN/NAMBLA's founders were the German SA. And they were born in a gay bar in Germany. And if you doubt the slippery slope is real, consider that these same sickos were behind the "Mr. Green" that collaborated with Kinsey on child sex abuse done for "research" purposes. And Germany is leading the charge in the world - even ahead of ISIS - on promoting bestiality. It's all connected. Always has been. It's a sickness. And it's spreading. Nobody fears the fairy godmother anymore. But seduction to perversion is as easy as rewiring the reward center of the brain towards that which was once unspeakable.
Dozerfleet Studios Rather chilling, I must say.
Dozerfleet Studios Everything is consensual. I repeat: everything is consensual. Just because people enjoy some kinky sex does not mean it's a free for all to go buck wild on abuse, rape, and kidnapping. If I like my husband smacking my ass every now and then in the bedroom that doesn't mean I want him to slap me around because I didn't have his laundry done in time. You are comparing apples to oranges.
I am just posting this direct link to your video every time the Today Show posts hype for '50 Shades"...which so far is about 5x/day as they are both owned by NBC Universal. I expect they will push it even more as we get closer to 2/13
Don't forget to watch the actors tomorrow!! They will be on The wonderful Today Show tomorrow morning!!!! YEA!!!
Just wanted to share some ACTUAL LINES from the book that demonstrates Christian's intentions
"You don't have to do anything you don't want to do"
"As you wish Miss Steele"
"You can leave at any time"
"Make sure to use the safe words if you need to"
"I will try to be more for you"
"I find the thought of instilling fear in you abhorrent"
"You're the one with all the power"
“I like that you challenge me”
“You can walk away at any time. I won’t stop you”
“I’ll repeat this: you are the one with all the power. Not I. In the boathouse you said no. I can’t touch you if you say no - that’s why we have an agreement - what you will and won’t do. If we try things and you don’t like them, we can revise the agreement. It’s up to you - not me. “
Wow, what a monster :/
Kay JayP What about that one time Ana told him "no go" on the relationship and he broke into her apartment with the intention of screwing her? And yes, I know she did it as a joke, but Grey didn't know that.
animeotaku307 He didn't "break into" her apartment. Her friend let him in. Who was in the room the whole time by the way. She would have called for help if she felt violated.
Also, please read through that scene. People are taking things out of context. He didn't TOUCH HER at first until she "launched" herself at him. I believe someone throwing themselves on you hugging you and kissing you is a clear sign of consent if any.
Later on in that scene before he penetrates her he says "what do you want Ana" and she says "you...NOW"...again, consent.
Kay JayP Still, he went to her HOME. When she told him NO. To have SEX with her.
What if she was serious, like he thought she was? Would it still be consensual?
animeotaku307 If she was serious then when Kate threatened to kick him out Ana would have let her. If she was serious she wouldn't have touched him first. If she was serious when he said "What do you want" she would have said "for you to GTF off of me".
The woman wrote the book about her FANTASIES. I feel that in 2015 we shouldn't be critiquing a woman for having FANTASIES. Maybe her fantasy was to have a man who was so into her he just couldn't stay away? This doesn't translate well into real life, but that is why this book is a FANTASY and EL James has said so a MILLION TIMES. So is Cinderella, Lord of the Rings, and Star Wars. Not to be taken seriously. Just to be enjoyed and dismissed.
I just came back from the Fast Furious 7 last night and let me tell you, if we dissected that 'fantasy' movie the way people are dissecting FSOG, we'd be in even more controversy. But just because it's in a movie doesn't mean it works in real life. That is why we go to the movies. It's a safe place to explore fantasies without consequences.
Kay JayP Watch Secretary.
I appreciate the post and video. Very enlightening. Thank you!
But yes, this waste of film is a piece of crap.
ive heard people has been trying to do fifty shades of grey in real life, and yes people got arrested for it, so i don't think it's just a ''book''
Exactly! Thanks for the video.
Two things to look at: The Honest Trailer sendup of "50 Shades" and the "NY Review of Books" review run sometime last year. Both were blistering.
+Frank McEvoy Thanks for the comment, did 50 Shades receive a poor review by the NY Review of Books?
+Covenant Eyes It was blistering.
It's just a book you people need to calm down. Don't watch it if you don't want to, no one is forcing you to. If Passion of the christ can be in the theaters, this has every right to as well.
***** Thank for the thoughts. The point of the video is not to protest the right of the film to exist but to talk about the lies is promotes.
Justin Jackson I don't own one pair. Thx tho.
Exactly!!!
I saw it. 5/5
LOLOL Deshawn Jones You're a joke :D
To address your "Lies" (as a Christian Woman)
#1.Violence is Sexy:
Violence is NOT sexy. Unwanted violence is not sexy. However, sometimes faithful boring married people want to spice things up. If I want my butt slapped or hair pulled during my married sex that is not deviant. That may be just how I like it sometimes. At least they (Christian and Ana) were monogamous.
#2. Sexual Brokenness is Sexy
It is NOT. That is why Elena is refered to as a "pedophile" by Anna. Christians' attitude is never marketed as healthy which is why the story is written that Ana "changes" him. He starts off having emotionless sex but eventually enjoys "making love" more and more. Remember, this is a 'STORY'. There has to be some elements of tension, a problem, a solution. It just can't be "such and such were two unflawed people who lived happily ever after". Where is the suspense in that? This should never be marketed as a relationship model, but it does add depth and meaning as to why Christian is the way he is.Also, he actively seeks therapy (before Anna came along) for his "issues" so it is never accepted as normal. He actively tries to address his tendencies. Quite responsible actually.
#3 He showed up at her workplace, showed his face and said hello to her and purchased products. It's not like he sneaked around watching her. He liked her so he showed up where she worked. She didn't tell him to leave. He went with a purpose -- to ask her out. Wouldn't call that stalking. I did the same thing when I liked a guy. Showed up at his workplace and asked him out. C'mon. And yes, he showed up at the bar and ended up saving her by probably being raped from her friend. He took her back to his hotel and did not have sex with her while she was drunk (even though he wanted to) because he didn't have her consent. So those are the two "stalker" incidents. Woooooow. What a bastard.
#4 As for that quote, he was warning her of his tendencies. To me that is not manipulation. At various points Christian lets her know that his "needs" and her inexperience might not be a good match, like when he says he's "fifty shades of f**ked up'. Ana continues to pursue him of this because of how he makes her feels (and all the pleasure he gives her, which is mentioned dozens of times in the book). So he is not manipulating her, but rather, giving her an "out" and letting her know what she's getting involved in. She proceeds anyways.
It needs to be made clear that this is just a story. Not a perfect model of a relationship. Or a BDSM model. Just a story about two people who are attracted to each other who are polar opposites. Christian repeatedly tells Ana she is free to leave at any time. He is not emotionally ready for a romantic relationship which is why he just wants her physically. He does 'try' to do more for her at her request (taking her gliding, introducing her to the family). He is a deeply flawed man who is trying to change for a woman he loves, and she is a naive woman trying to figure out a man with a rough past. With conversation, therapy, some tough times but more good times, they manage to make it work--hence the "love story". History is filled with complicated relationships with less than ideal partners and circumstances...I don't understand why everyone is getting upset about this one. Natural Born Killers, Pretty Woman and Memoirs of a Geisha had disturbing content and no one made this much fuss.
Because it's just fiction. It's all fiction.
It is good to have an image of what is "ideal" form of sex, but if we are not too preoccupied with what to "tell our children" it is a fact that lots of people are enjoying the extreme drama of this story. You may call it a walk on the "dark side", and that is probably true, but lots of entertainment is exactly that. It would be great to see similar critisism about movies and books that glorify violence in war and violence for "justice". Entertainment create an image of violence like it is a walk in the park, allthough evidence from people that have actually experienced extreme violence tell a whole different story. It is true that the treatment that Ana goes through most likely would scar and pervert her too after a while, just like extreme violence and rape create horrible imprints in peoples psyche.... that is the danger of all entertainment that is alienated from how life real life truly affects us...
It's so right I think guys like mr.grey does have a messed up past as he was sexually abused by family friend. But it's also not a sure reason for him being such a pychopath now. The point is that if some other guy who's not mr.grey and is not so rich does that to a women , would women consider that as sexy? Or a fetish? I mean cmon there are enough pycho paths in this world already who are torturing women for their own messed up pasts. Mr.Grey let not be an addition to that I hope :@
I admit I purposefully watched the first film
People have all the rights in the world to enjoy what they enjoy in the bedroom. If you think "plain marital sex" is fantastic then all the more power to you but don't you dare tell me I'm lying if I say I enjoy being thrown around, slapped, and told what to do. Consent is everything. If you say "yes I want this" that is what makes the act acceptable because *gasp* you accepted it... if being degraded is what someone has agreed to then yes it is very acceptable.
If you accept being degraded, I believe you have a very low esteem of yourself (for which I'm very sorry). You worth more than that.
And, being a man, I know men can easily manipulate a woman to "consent".
I have a very healthy self confidence actually. Just because it excites me when I'm treated a certain way doesn't mean I think I deserve to be treated that way outside of a scene. If some person who was a complete stranger came up and called me a whore I'd tell him to go fuck himself. Only people I've given the right to can call me such names. And I'd argue that I'm worthy of having what I want so if I want to be degraded then that's what I'm worthy of. Am I also worthy of being treated like a princess, sure... but maybe I don't want that. Yes men can be manipulative but if a woman consents and is in the right mind to do so then that is her decision unless she takes it away.
TwilightLuver216
If what you say is true about men calling you names... I truly hope that one day you experience what is a real fulfilling love, from a man that would never hurt but would rather suffer and die for you... not that "give me pleasure, I'll give you some" type of relationships which never last. - Saw some of your shares on youtube, keep up the good work as actress. Hold on your true passions.
The problem is not, that they have certain fetishes. As long as everyone gives their consent it's fine (as you said). The problem with this book is that, Ana doesn't give consent, Christian doesn't care whether she consents and that even when she finally consents to their relationship there's many reasons why one would think, that she only does it out of fear or due to his manipulation. Furthermore, she has no sexually experience what so ever, meaning, she's not even able to UNDERSTAND what she's consenting to. That's the whole issue.
Yes, I'll definitely call it abuse, when he stalks and kidnaps her, manipulates her, rapes her (there, I said it - no consent = rape), assaults her and isolates her. There's a wonderfully written analysis called 50shadesofabuse and it's full with so, so many examples of his abuse. Sure, he's had a horrible childhood. That doesn't make it alright for him to act like a mindless psychopath and it does definitely NOT make it alright for E.L. James to turn this into romance.
I can't help but notice how you're also blaming sweet, naive Ana for him treating her like shit. Ever heard of victim blaming?
There's no grey areas when it comes to abuse.
okay sure, the violent porn is most likely all guys, thats fair. My question is what percentage of what gender have been buying the 50 shades books?
Ever heard of "CONSENSUAL AGREEMENT". Both parties, in this movie, agreed about everything. Christian never abused her. Ana always agreed to do it if she pleased.
Lie #1 : "women portray themselves as enjoying it"... maybe they really DO enjoy, ever thought about that? & about Ana crying... trust me many women with "normal" partners cry over them too...
Lie #2 : we celebrate Christian's changing process. Most people's fav book out of the trilogy is the second one, when he changes for her.
Lie #3 : This is absolutely true. Stalking is never okay! Ana is surely intimidated by him at the start, because it's normal, she's shy as hell and well he's so confident & wealthy. i would be too
Lie #4 : Ana sends it back(unsuccessfully) with a quote too! which is : “I agree to the conditions, Angel; because you know best what my punishment ought to be; only - only - don't make it more than I can bear!” She knew he was f**ked up.
What I want to say is that you're depicting Ana as a victim while she consented all along! & obviously you never took in consideration Christian's past & the effect it might have had on him. I personally don't approve of Christian's behaviour in the first book BUT Ana consented. He even gave her a contract...
OMG i wrote a letter LOL :'D
What does it really changes that she consented? People even consent to being killed when they feel lot of pressure. I can't believe how many girls here try to defend the idea of consent, when you all must know how much men can easily push women, put pressure on them, manipulate them, to get what they want of them. I am a man, I once was a teenager who just thought about his own pleasure... I believe in freedom, in good... not in this vague concept of "consent".
are women so stupid that they don't know what they're doing? I mean everyone is talking about how he pushed her and bla bla bla! FACT is he had a contract! a freaking contract & in some way COMMANDED her to look through it very well. if someone else's way of life DOES NOT please you. you can't go on and say it's wrong, not everyone believes in good or freedom as you do.. (i personally do though) I in no way condone what Christian did but if the woman agrees, i don't see why other people should care since it's not their business?
Alex D So... you´re suggesting that if a woman wants to be a submissive, we need to stop her? And not letting her to be whatever she wants to be??? Do you aware that is even worst?!?!? Who the hell do you think you are????
Susan herondale
I suggest that a man should love a woman, want the best for her... A man and a woman should never use one another for their own pleasure. Sex should be a gift of self, not manipulative... and that's not what depicts 50 Shades of Grey... Who do I think I am? No one, except a young married man who once was addicted to sex, used women and now try to love the best he can.
THANK YOU!!!!! Finally someone who knows his shit. Ana always agreed to everything!!. Christian always asked for permission and she knew what was his life style, he always said that if she didn't want to then she'll have to go. She was NOT under pressure, she was a grown ass woman who made a choice.
People need to calm down!!
It's just a story the author wanted to share. If you don't like it, nobody Is forcing you to read it, or watch the movie when it comes out!!
I think it's a dangerous novel... I once was a teenager and I KNOW how things I've seen and red broke me, influenced me in a wrong way.
This Video is Great but "p****path" is a word that needs to stop being used.
I don't understand how people read/watch a story about BDSM and suddenly become experts on that matter. You all have an internet connection so go ahead and watch some vids about BDSM (e.g. bdsmvidtube*com) and enjoy the beauty of it.