How to Get Rid of Narcissism the Catholic Way
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- čas přidán 25. 08. 2024
- Homily for August 4th, 2019 - How to Get Rid of Narcissism the Catholic Way
Note: This week's homily is from Msgr. Gerard O'Connor, Director of the Office of Divine Worship for the Archdiocese of Portland, and in residence at Christ the King.
Narcissism is an inordinate love of oneself, and it's something that we all suffer from. The problem is that this inordinate love of self prevents us from orienting our lives properly toward God. But the Catholic faith and the teachings of the Church have a powerful antidote for the narcissist in each of us - the Eucharist and Confession.
**Key Takeaways**
::: Looking at several narcissistic behaviors, we begin to see how our own tendencies toward narcissism prevent our growth in the spiritual life.
::: We must honestly examine our own narcissistic traits, because narcissism is dangerous. Pride (the source of narcissism) is saying no to God and saying yes to ourselves instead.
::: The Catholic faith and the teachings of the Church have a powerful antidote for the narcissist in each of us - the Eucharist and Confession.
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Some narcissists do all sorts of good things for people outside the family, but they are terrible to their spouse and kids.
I couldn’t agree more. And when I share my experience with about my husband a narcissist w/ those who knows him I look like I’m the one with the problem and telling lies.
I just tried revealing to my own sisters what I've been going through & I get that I need to look at me on how I am to him to get such treatment. Most see my husband as such a good man, a Christian man & he can be because that's the persona to get the praise that feeds him. Those who's eyes are open can see there is another side to him.
I continually ask God to guide me in what He wants me to learn & how to grow from my 40+ yrs with this man. There are many lessons from this, 1st of all, God's love for me is more important than my husband's.Also, I should calmly call him out on his bad behavior & stop excusing it, as that has allowed it unchecked. To stand up for myself in a loving way, & never to return the bad behavior. The big one was to love the man that is hard to love. Once I let my love for him go, God's love for him came into heart instead. It's a different kind of love, a caring for him without expectation of any reciprocation. My husband's been kinder to me over the past few weeks, & slowly giving up his single women friends that have fed his ego with attention & praise. It's not too hard when I let God be in control & not my pain.
I am trusting God to heal my wounds in His way & in His timing. He is sending others to help me heal instead of waving His divine hand. Where is the growth in that? My suffering is merged with His & He will lift me as only God can with His love & grace.
They probably behave badly in both working and family life.
I can totally relate to this comment: “light of the street and darkness in the home”
Leave narcissism people. Let God do the rest.
Narcissism is a Personality Disorder. Someone can’t just stop being a Narcissist. Serious Treatment is needed but faith can be a support.
Its incurable.
Narcissism is a trait. Excess of narcissism is called NPD.
its not a "personality disorder" its a distorted personality trait. When it starts affecting the narc themselves and they acknowledge its a problem to them it becomes a disorder at that point. Its a personality forged from trauma and causing the abandoning of the authentic self for a false self.
They won't accept treatment.
The word narcissism is thrown around very lackadaisically and is readily confused with just plain human pride/arrogance. I think a problem is that NPD is something that people who have had very traumatic childhoods develop. They didn't seek it out but the physical/mental abuse that they endured broke their psyche and NPD is the result. They didn't consciously choose to be a narcissist one day, but were broken so much that they develop narcissism as a way to counter the damage and survive, but their behavior is often sinful and damaging to others and doesn't deserve any excuses. They need serious healing and therapy to repair the spiritual wounds that were inflicted on them, which ultimately led to their narcissism in the first place. Being prideful is one of the narcissistic personality disorder symptoms, but an arrogant person isn't always a narc.
interesting...I've seen abusive narcissists in my family use the sacrament of reconciliation to avoid ever having to apologize to the actual person they've offended...basically, they treat the sacrament as their "I apologized to the Lord so I don't have to apologize to the person"...and they then continue to rinse and repeat this method, bypassing any sort of actual remorse. so I would argue that instead of these sacraments "counteracting" that person's narcissism, it actually gives them a loophole or false sense of spiritual growth to continue behaving in the way they always have while faking their so-called remorse.
That is, they misuse the sacrament and are going to go to a darker spot of hell for it.
Now, a good confessor would realize this and would give a proper penance (including, for instance, removing himself from the occasion of sin), and in fact if they refuse to do so they can simply refuse the absolution.
This is what my Covert Narc sister is doing. She never apologize to me because as she said she went to Confession already. No accountability.
This is what my husband does
@@Jmjemmanual I'm sorry that you're burdened by his behavior. I hope that you find your peace.
@@badmanners619 Thank you and God bless 🙏
Beautiful homily Monsignor - I needed this very much as a wife married to a narcissist.
I too am married to a narcissist.. prayers are all I have
Same here. Prayers for us who are in this situation
From the book "To save thousands of souls " by fr Brett Brannen
True freedom comes from sacrificing our own wants and desires to reach a greater good. Sometimes this means you cannot have everything you want. And there are some places you cannot go. But God made us for happiness and for greatness. And our happiness and greatness consist in discovering the plan of God for our life and then committing ourselves to this greater good, despite giving up some things. Remember that God does not need us. He is omnipotent. He is infinite in power and can build the Kingdom of God without our help. However, because he loves us, he wants us to have the privilege of cooperating with him. God gives us the opportunity as human beings to demonstrate our dignity by graciously saying yes to his call. This is why he invites us to search out, to discover and to embrace our vocation.
That was a very clear explanation of what a Narcissistic person is; I have never really understood it. I very much appreciate your talk about this trait and how we need to be aware that we all have this tendency. ❤️
oh! beautiful. Beautiful reflection Father. The 2 sacraments of EUCHARIST AND CONFESSION ARE LIKE THE ONLY MEDICINE AVAILABLE TO TREAT NARCISSISTIC PERSONALITY DISORDER. I AM STRUGGLING TO LIVE A LIFE WITH A SPOUSE WITH NPD. THANK YOU SO MUCH FOR THE INNOVATIVE AND INSPIRATIONAL HOMILY. MAY UR TRIBE INCREASE IN THE Catholic Church.
Are u still with your spouse?
Describes my parent 😢
Thank for a clear explanation
Narcissists have very limited emotions. Mainly anger, fear, shame, envy and paranoia.
This was probably one of the most interesting and informative talks. I’ve ever heard on the subject.
Thank you, Monseigneur. Would you please provide information of how we interact with someone who chose to manipulate and abuse innocent people? I’m struggling with that.
Dr. Les Carter on youtube also Dr. Ramani on youtube and 'The Royal We' by Kevin on youtube, they are experts in this field.
all you can do for real healing and safety is go no contact, move away. You will never have a normal interaction as much as you dream and crave it xx
@@Sezfluffy you weren't listening, we are all narcissist to some degree
But my question is how do you convert a narcissist. How do you get them into the confession and the Eucharist. I heard most won't change. Is there a point to pray for them if they will never recognize their own fault.
It’s taken me years to figure out why I am with a narcissist and excuse these types. My mother is Catholic above Christian. She taught me very early on that character didn’t matter if you were Catholic. She judged Catholics different, making excuses for them. I give the narcissist a green light to behave however he likes and excuse him the same way as long as he makes me look good on a superficial level. In an indirect way I am also narcissistic in the superficial way that I chose him. He’s attractive and he makes me look more significant to others. Mine does say sorry but in a very insincere manner. He and his family have resentment towards the Catholic Church and treat me inferior as a result. His abusive father had a tendency to want to validate his Catholic experiences. I left Catholicism because of the hypocrisy of my mom. I don’t however write all Catholics off as Christians. It became offensive how he assumes all priests are pedophiles so I spoke up for them and then the attack came. I am Catholic like his abusive father and I am not worthy of trust. Truthfully he doesn’t trust anyone anyways and was looking for a category to put me in so it would be easy to discard me. I wasn’t aware that his biblical knowledge and understanding was above his supposed Christian love. He doesn’t look for good in anyone or anything, loses jobs because he refuses to submit. He’s always beneath his pay scale and work experience, doesn’t build upon nothing. If he senses he’s going to fail he manufactures a problem at home and blames his inability to work on the problem at home so he doesn’t have to admit defeat. He’s perfect no matter the deal. Is beyond feeling other’s pain and showing empathy for them. He makes sure he doesn’t let anyone in too much. Lives very superficially sewing a fantasy-type experience that is alluring but never giving heed to one’s real needs . He tells you what you need when you need it. I suspect it’s how he keeps the house of cards that he’s built from caving in. So sad 😞. I think he’s very sensitive and was shamed and labeled and told to control his feelings by his narcissistic parents and he has to keep their narrative going, so he invites experiences to validate their belief that feelings are dangerous and harmful. Ironically they can’t discern the truth because they don’t have a compass because of their loss of emotions. They are miserable and lonely because no one is worthy of their trust and the smallest offense is an excuse to detonate, abandon and never trust again. It’s how they distance themselves and make sure they don’t have to be accountable.
Pray That I Will Keep The Ten Commandments Read The Bible Forgiveness Of Enemies That I Will Overcome My Sinful Desires Bad Thoughts Unclean Dreams Flee Evildoers Places Of Wickedness Poor Souls In Purgatory Prayer In Schools That I Will Not Be Fearful But Trust Completely In Jesus And Mary That My Faith Hope Charity Love Will Increase
Roman Catholicism is such a self satisfied creed.
Thank you Sir for your amazing teachings. I will certainly review my narcissistic way to ensure I am living for Gods will only and not my own . However my husband is narcissistic (personality disorder) and I have prayed for God's intervention but he continues to make my life a misery as he has no insight or remorse in his condemnation of my very being. My heart is broken that I cannot have a catholic marriage with him but I can't let go as marriage to me is sacred. What should I do ?
Following this because I want to know too. How does one handle a narcissist spouse who commits you to sin with them
Leave he does not to love you or anyone read Psalm 1 all. we are not all the same
full-blown narc's don't like themselves so they abuse others to feel good and
elevated above others, they have no conscience, read your bible for yourself
Jesus is your savior you can go straight to him to confess he is your high priest,1 peter2
verse 9 you are a chosen people a royal priesthood a holy nation.Not creatures
please read for yourself as this person is devaluing you.
@@gloriacoleman7012 I understand that, but the church also says that the divorce are not able to receive communion. Thing is, I am Catholic (convert) and he isnt, so it wouldnt count would it?
@@FpeEddie2 Where does it say in the bible the divorced are not able to have communion if he is against your faith you do not have to stay married to him if he commits adultery you don't have to stay married to him that is in the bible, don't live by man's made up rules they are motivated by man's self-interest, always check it out in God's word for your self where matters of faith are concerned.
@@gloriacoleman7012 Deep down, that's how I feel, but based on some Catholics saying that it is in the catechism. Or based on many teachings, we are to "suffer" for others as Christ has suffered for us, to suffer but in glory to God. This is where I get so confused, I had to take a step back from the church to grasp that and stuck at a crossroad with what it actually means to be Christ-like or be a good Catholic. I don't want to turn back to Protestant, never. But the Church does need to clarify.
Is Narcissism A Demon? From what I understand it comes from deep emotional wounds as a defense mechanism or do people choose that coping mechanism?
The devil is the first narcissist is what a priest told me. He doesn't want anyone else to succeed.
Why adopt modern psychological terminology? Surely the Catholic Church has an age-old name for this: i.e. the sin of pride?
They are wolves in sheep's clothing and Gods word warns use about such people.
Even Father Ripperger acknowledges the term narcissism because that is what the Devil is.
Many narcissists don’t have pride.. they have deep insecurities and suck life from others in order to feel better about themselves.
I think the point is, or at least it should be, still to use the traditionally set terms for vices and virtues. Using the word "narcissism" is just the vernacular to better understand and define the vice's definition, specifically in the liturgical sense.
Especially since narcissism is not only a word but also the name of a mental disorder. All mental disorders are rooted by a certain vice or more than one. You can't defeat the devil if you don't know what he's called and what he's doing. Once you can identify him, then you can give him the boot.
Catholics themselves are a too proud sort of group. A back sliding sort of group in Britain, often comprising Irish and other immigrants. Look at Liverpool. People who can't admit that they're not even the official main faith in Britain. Noone even wants religion now.
Wow, am I lucky. I have 2 narcissists in my life. I'll be glad to give you one if your own life needs a narc. I don't like to be greedy. These two women are actually a matched set of bookends. They are so much alike you'd think they were sisters, and yet they have never met each other and never will. These women have themselves up on a pedestal that us down here on earth can not see, it's so far up in the clouds.
Oddly, I have never heard of a narcissist (woman) attacking an unenlightened male.
Interesting.
These narcissists are also self proclaimed Catholics. Go figure.
They need therapy and deliverence.
What is deliverence?
@williamalbert290
Delivered of demons.
Agree!!! Only way to be healed from NPD. ❤️🩹🙏❤️
But understand this, that in the last days dangerous times [of great stress and trouble] will come [difficult days that will be hard to bear]. For people will be lovers of self [narcissistic, self-focused], lovers of money [impelled by greed], boastful, arrogant, revilers, disobedient to parents, ungrateful, unholy and profane, [and they will be] unloving [devoid of natural human affection, calloused and inhumane], irreconcilable, malicious gossips, devoid of self-control [intemperate, immoral], brutal, haters of good, traitors, reckless, conceited, lovers of [sensual] pleasure rather than lovers of God, holding to a form of [outward] godliness (religion), although they have denied its power [for their conduct nullifies their claim of faith]. Avoid such people and keep far away from them. (2 Timothy 3:1-5 amp)
Beware of false prophets, who come to you in sheep’s clothing, but inwardly they are ravenous wolves. You will know them by their fruits. Do men gather grapes from thornbushes or figs from thistles? Even so, every good tree bears good fruit, but a bad tree bears bad fruit. A good tree cannot bear bad fruit, nor can a bad tree bear good fruit. Every tree that does not bear good fruit is cut down and thrown into the fire. Therefore by their fruits you will know them. ~ Matthew 7:15-20
If I speak in the tongues of men and of angels, but have not love, I am a noisy gong or a clanging cymbal. And if I have prophetic powers, and understand all mysteries and all knowledge, and if I have all faith, so as to remove mountains, but have not love, I am nothing. If I give away all I have, and if I deliver up my body to be burned, but have not love, I gain nothing. (1 Corinthians 1-3)
Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.
Love never fails. (1 Corinthians 13:4-7)
Vanity means valueless.
❤️🩹🙏❤️
Does GOD ordain narcissists as Priests'?
Man does.
Judas?
Positions of trust and authority are idesl places for narcs to function. Schools, shrinks, etc. I know a few.
Many priests abuse God. Catch 22, but true.
The narcissist is the person who disagrees with the church about what's right? I think you should be careful about that particular definition! It's obviously nonsense.
Its true though. Just like my sister who is a Covert Narc and a Catholic only by name. She's living a life contrary to the teachings of the church. She hates the teachings of the church but love the glories she gets from it like everytime she serves at Church.
I am not Catholic I am born again by the holy spirit Christian I suspect many Catholics are to
John 3 verses 16 to 21. verses 34 to 36.
Monsignor this sounds like a bunch of word salad. I think you can do better.