How to Encourage Your Husband to Lead Spiritually
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- čas přidán 17. 04. 2017
- “My husband isn’t a spiritual leader,” is one of the most common complaints I hear; therefore, how to encourage your husband to lead spiritually is one of the most common topics I teach. Watch this video for suggestions and for godly words of encouragement for your husband.
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Here are the recommendations I’d give a wife whose husband won’t lead…
1. If your husband won’t lead, keep reminding him.
I’ll be the first to say that as husbands we can be oblivious and forgetful at times. God has called you to be your husband’s helper, and this is one of the best ways for you to fulfill that role. The obvious danger is that your reminders turn in to nagging. The woman who sent me the above question said she makes an effort to prevent that from happening. That’s wonderful!
2. If your husband won’t lead, keep inviting him.
Ask him to lead and let him know how much you would appreciate it if he would pray with you, read the Word with you, work on the questions with you, etc. If he accepts your invitation, make sure you let him know how much you appreciate him doing so.
3. If your husband won’t lead, accountability and/or a mentor could help.
I haven’t met any husbands who say they want to be bad spiritual leaders. Although, I have met many men who say they want to be godly spiritual leaders…but they don’t know how. I believe them! Your husband might be in this category. Maybe he could benefit from another man’s example or accountability. Is there a man in your church (perhaps an elder?) or in your lives who is strong in this area and could come alongside your husband to help him grow in this area?
Brief note to any husbands reading this: when husbands tell me, “I don’t know if I can read the Word with my family!” My response is, “If you can read, you can read the Word with your family.”
4. If your husband won’t lead, keep praying for him.
I say “keep,” because I’m sure you’re already praying for him. Luke 18:1 says:
[Jesus] told them a parable to the effect that they ought always to pray and not lose heart.
It’s easy to become discouraged while praying. Don’t lose heart! Keep praying! One of the benefits of praying is even if God doesn’t answer your specific prayer and make your husband the spiritual giant you want him to be, He will give you the grace you need to endure the situation you’re in. When we pray, sometimes God answers our prayers. Other times He simply gives us the strength to handle the situation without Him answering the way we want.
5. If your husband won’t lead, keep 1 Peter 3:1-2 in mind.
Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct.
God says your behavior will win over your husband. Make sure you’re reading the Word, praying, and doing Bible studies with your children. Rare is the man who will not be convicted if he is not doing these things, but he sees his wife doing them! Jesus said, “[The Holy Spirit] will convict the world concerning sin and righteousness and judgment” (John 16:8b). Let the Holy Spirit rebuke your husband that his wife has to carry much of the load that belongs to him.
Wow this is good stuff. Holy Spirit help us men to lead our families to bring this world to your kingdom 🙏
@jeremybettinger2532 Nice to hear from you. Thank you for letting me know. That is a wonderful prayer!
I hope you will check out the sermon I preached on poor spiritual leadership: czcams.com/video/2JI_Xx6BYqs/video.html
This helped with exactly what I've been searching for! So very painful when this dynamic of leadership is off...thank you for being so honest.
Claudia, thank you for watching and commenting. I am blessed that my video ministered to you.
So happy to see pastor Scott and lovely wife
Yes, she is a blessing to my ministry.
Thank you for this, I needed this. Struggling and need prayers. God restores. 🙏
You're welcome Freedbird Tina. I'm glad it encouraged you! I will pray for you.
God bless you both. This video blessed me and showed me the error of my ways
Thank you for watching and providing feedback. It blesses us that the video blessed you! If we can pray for you in any way, please let us know.
Pray! Get your bible out and start reading out loud. My husband is clued to his TV and video games....
Lala Smith Mine is glued to playing games on his phone..& beer.
+Lala Smith - Mine is right beside yours. NO ONE and NOTHING more important than his GAME. I'm disabled. The GAME comes before him even helping me with a shower.. Beat that one! My prayers are with you... I KNOW your pain!!
Hopefully he'll hear you and be convicted. Good response. Considerably better than screaming at him!
Maria, I'm sorry to hear that. I will pray for him! Perhaps, as the above comment says, you can be a spiritual example around him that convicts him of his sin.
Mary, I'm also sorry to hear this. Again, I'd recommend what I said above: set a good example that convicts him about being such a poor spiritual leader.
Thank you.
You're welcome Felicia. Thanks for watching!
My spouse and I are former evangelical Christians, more Anglo catholic universalist on my end. We are confirmed episcopalians. We have always had a pretty egalitarian marriage, even during our evangelical years. It has worked best for us. Plus, my husband is not the leading type. For one he has a learning disability and two, his own dad, supposedly a Christian was physically abusive to him and his brothers. His dad also intimidated his mom, which later lead to them getting divorced. So he did not have the best example with male authority despite being raised in church and his dad leading worship. Plus, sometimes it's not part of a man's personality to take charge. Some are naturally better at leading than others.
Hello Bridget,
Nice to hear from you. Thanks for commenting.
Quick question. Do you want your marriage to follow God's Word?
@Scott LaPierre Ministries not necessarily. Maybe in the respect and love sense. However since our deconstruction from evangelicals to a more progressive way, we see certain scriptures as irrelevant and written from a cultural and patriarchal perspective.
Bridget,
Okay, thanks for letting me know. I was going to say that the approach you're currently taking doesn't follow God's Word, but as you explained that's not important to you. I still wish you the best.
Husbands can also lead passively by example.
I think wives should ask God what of their husband’s behavior is God trying to get them (wives) to emulate.
Well said, I agree. Thanks for sharing your thoughts.
@14:00 onward - thank you 🙏
You are welcome. Glad it ministered to you.
What if you had all the right conversations and he knew how to answer them to your liking and be his best self while dating, only to flip a coin and totally reneg on what we had talk about.
I was willing to wait and been waiting 16 years. I have sat down and talked, argued, begged, ignored and just let there be a leader vacuum, argued, been blamed as it is my fault and now given up he will ever take the lead.
The only time he does is when he is mad and then points the finger at me and tells me how good I have it since he works and provides and that should be enough.
When the kids misbehave or play too many video games (his daily after work hours upon hours of time), forget chores….of I yell at the kids there is not wondering why… i am doing something wrong.
I cant mention anything he might play into it… its my supposed lack of submission (in his mind, reminding him and calmly talking about what he has done wrong to hurt me is not submission or something he has forgotten to do form hours, days or weeks ) that is the cause for our kids’s issues. Even his snapping is my fault!
If I wait until we calm down and show him in the Bible where there are issues with us or show him how he is hurting me… either I am “too spiritual”, a hypocrite because I am “not perfect either” or I get told he is trying the best he can and to drop it. Worst is when he says we never talked about it and then says he never agreed upon anything I said, thus implying I am lying or he isnt responsible because he forgot!
He may do well for 2 weeks but goes right back to whatever he was doing: video games, snapping and yelling at me and kids, ignoring me, not helping or doing what needs to be done to fix/ maintain house or cars… and the cycle continues (this has been for our entire 16 year marriage).
I refuse to step in and fix anything. We have had balls dropped everywhere and now it is showing in my kids’ character and attitudes.
I get up and make his lunch every morning, basically let him do whatever he wants while trying to maintain a house and homeschool.
I have to initiate time with him (he still expects intimacy) and sometimes he wants to watch a tv show but never anything I like to do that doesnt involve a screen.
I am worn out, tired and only feel rejuvenated when I hang out and serve at church because I get a break from all the tension, strife, blaming and ignoring at home. I am thanked and thank back, am appreciated for all I do there and am told so. People pay attention to each other’s likes/ dislikes and care for one another.
He disengages and usually leaves quickly while I stay after socializing with most of the church (my two oldest have music lessons with a church member afterwards). He goes to men’s events but quickly directs any talk away from accountability or anything convicting to “fun” subjects.
He takes care of the kids most of the time if he is free if I ask but never offers. He does do some things if he notices because he is taking a bathroom break or breather from video games and watching videos.
He wont give those up. i have asked, cried and begged him. He just keeps buying more games to play and looking at things he shouldnt from time to time.
I love him and I have since quit nagging and bothering him. I started praying and trying to seek elder help on what to do but he plays me off as crazy and misinterpreting stuff due to my abusive family as a child (telling them its not that bad) and then no one helps him with his issues.
I am trying not to blow up this time after having enough of the “spiral downwards” and am seeking outside help and not hiding it to protect my hubby’s reputation but i am not sure what help to ask for.
Jaxmusicgal23
This is difficult to respond to, because the Bible tells us there are two sides to every story and we are not to believe one side until we hear the other side. It is not to say that I don’t believe you, but even when people honestly give their side it typically still leaves many details lacking.
You are saying that he does not lead at all in your marriage, but you are saying you saw him lead prior to getting married?
If what you are saying is true and he does not leave it all and even does all of the other terrible things you are saying, I am sorry to have to tell you this, but you did enter into a covenant with them and most importantly with God. You committed to stay with him, and it sounds like this is the bad. But it was still part of the agreement.
If he does work and provide, which you acknowledged, and that is something you can appreciate.
What can you do? Obviously you can pray for him and according to 1 Peter 3:1-2 you can continue to be an example to him that challenges and encourages him. God will use your example (versus your words) in your husband’s life. Read the verses to see for yourself. Are you plugged into a local church? Have you went to the elders to get counsel? I have found that it is not very beneficial for me to try to counsel people online.
Does the same advice go for saved vs. unsaved husbands? And I'm unclear on the driver's seat analogy. How can you let a drunk behind the wheel and just see what happens and put your whole family at risk? In my case I could say this literally. I'm not willing to do that as an 8 month pregnant woman, on the road or in any area of our lives. I do agree we must live more Godly lives ourselves and always be in the Word and in prayer to be an example and that will convict him if he's saved. But not to relinquish full control and watch the train wreck happen. If he's a believer then it's our duty as a fellow believer to judge and correct him openly but respectfully.
Hello Michelle,
Thank you for listening and asking your sincere questions. I can look beyond what you're saying to see they are married to a man that either isn't a believer, or is into the spiritual as you would like. I'm not exaggerating when I say that at almost every marriage conference, I receive a similar question like this, basically asking about a believing wife being married to an unbelieving husband. God's Word does give specific instruction for your situation: "Likewise, wives, be subject to your own husbands, so that even if some do not obey the word, they may be won without a word by the conduct of their wives, when they see your respectful and pure conduct" (1 Peter 3:1-2).
No, you would not submit to your husband if it meant pitting you or your child in danger, such as getting in the car with him if he was drunk; however, I have found that most often when believing wives don't want to submit to unbelieving husbands, it isn't situations as extreme as this. Instead, it is reasonable situations where the wife simply doesn't like what her husband has decided.
@@ScottLaPierre Hello Pastor, thank you for your response. I've listened to and read much of your material and it's some of the best I've heard on marriage, maybe even better than my old favorites like Washer and Piper and Tim Keller. I agree with you on every point, including the interpretation of 1 Peter 3.
I know he is a born-again believer, I have no doubts about that. But we've come upon some extremely stressful situations this past year and also he hasn't been walking with the Lord as long as I have and is overall weaker in his faith (perhaps, as you put it, not as spiritual) and has too many negative influences and not enough good ones besides me. He definitely loves the Lord and strives to please Him, but he's been falling back into old devices and habits and people/places/things that are dividing us and I feel pressured to protect our marriage and home and lifestyle and even more protective now that I'm a soon-to-be mom and can't fathom raising a child we both dedicated to the Lord in this manner, opposite of the things to which we agreed and where he is acting recklessly, spiritually, physically and emotionally.
This past week I've resigned to going to prayer for him even more and sending him Scriptures constantly that seem to be sinking in with him. I also shared with him your five-part teaching on marriage and he said it was truly excellent and he took a lot from it. Perhaps things are on the mend now and praise Yahweh if so. But if not, there still remains the practical question of what I should allow (like he says "allow him to fail") and where I need to draw a line in the sand and say this is unacceptable and if you can't do things God's way as we always agreed then I can't be around this and I'll go elsewhere for a time.
@@MichelleCasandraMindofChrist that sure blesses me, thank you. I appreciate how you look for the best in your husband and see his strengths while praying for his weaknesses.
First Corinthians 7 does discuss people separating, but it says they should not divorce and they should reconcile. So if you do go elsewhere as you said, you would need to be praying for reconciliation in the future.
Have you read my recently published book and workbook, Your Marriage God's Way? I hope you and your husband could go through the book and workbook together. You can find them on Amazon, and if money is tight, please let me know and I will give you free copies: www.scottlapierre.org/contact/.
@@ScottLaPierre Hi there,
No divorce would never be an option for us unless there was adultery. There has been some questionable activity, which I would potentially consider adultery, but I would have to be very sure before I divorced on that basis.
I saw you had put out that workbook, but no indeed we do not have the funds for anything right now. We sure would appreciate it if you could provide that for us.
Thank you again and God bless you.
@@MichelleCasandraMindofChrist I’m glad to hear that, although I would still discourage divorce even in cases of adultery. In a sense, because almost everyone (or maybe everyone) has lusted, almost everyone has committed adultery, at least in the heart. Please write me through my contact page and I will get you a copy of the workbook: www.scottlapierre.org/contact/.
Realize how blessed you are to be free to lead. That you are not with someone dominating you or using you for false supports, making demands on you for a sense of satisfaction. Because the man leading is definitely not God's way. There's plenty of evidence in nature in plain view to show that men are not really in charge.
The Bible is for people in their present state of mind. Who they are, what they been through and how they feel, and what information they have now. Which happens to be the man being the head of the family with the majority of the world population, but is certainly not how the universe designed blissful relationships and families to work. It's only the path designed for us to struggle through to our evolution to higher states of consciousness. As the man leading is the very lowest or basest level of the mental field, which is the lizard brain that only knows survival and the hand we're dealt to start with when we arrive here.
Hi Bonnie,
I'm sorry, but I'm a little confused by your comment. What delusion are you referring to?
Marriage God's Way The delusion of the man leading. Most women innately want the man to be in charge but it's a delusion because everywhere in nature the female has to lead.
Hi Bonnie,
You said, "The man leading is definitely not God's way." How do you determine God's way? I would say you read God's Word. If I'm understanding you, are you saying you look at nature?
Marriage God's Way Many women ruin a perfectly good relationship with a man over him not leading. He is very kind, conscientious, and helpful to her in every way, and a producer, but she gets mad when she has to make leading decisions. Especially decisions leading her children. So what the gentleman with you in the video said is correct, not to criticize a man for not leading and be appreciative for all that he does for you. Because everywhere in nature the female has to lead and human females are not exempt from nature's way. In fact, don't try in any way to coax him. Simply accept the fact that he's there's to help you and be grateful to have him. Which is maturity.
How to determine God's way is by what works and what doesn't. With women who want to rely on the man to lead, these relationships are a struggle because men only lead them to a bedroom and kitchen which causes friction because he is emotionally unavailable to her, selfish, and riding her down for gratification, and all the while she still has to make leading decisions.
In these relationships the man usually need other props to hold him up like drugs or alcohol, porn, and copulation with other people. Whereas on the other hand relationships that work are those where the man is there to help. He is emotionally open to her and 100% in her corner. And there's nothing that they can't accomplish in harmony together. Make observatory comparisons between patriarchal and matriarchal relationships and you will see the difference. In matriarchal relationships the couple and family is happy and thriving, strong as a team, and able to leap any obstacle. Infidelity hasn't an ice cube's chance in hell of penetrating.
And in the patriarchal relationships all of that is the opposite. The wife is tired all time from doing all the work in the house, family, and relationship, and knocking herself out to stay beautiful, the husband is uptight all the time and unable to relax so he exhibits a pattern of showing his pleasant side to the public and his angry side to his wife, the wife cannot be herself and must take on a passive role which is false to her true nature, the family structure is weak and laden with worries and fears, and the kids go haywire when they become adults and suffer depression and experimentation with drugs long before happiness. Now which do you think is God's way? Suffering or bliss?
Now what a woman has to decide is which direction she wants her life with a man to go, either in baneful and exhaustive struggle through gratification for him to be in charge or true happiness and partnership.
Hi again Bonnie,
Thanks for watching and commenting.
I think we clearly look at things differently. You said, "How to determine God's way is by what works and what doesn't." I would say you determine what to do by looking at God's Word.
You did say, "Now which do you think is God's way? Suffering or bliss?" I'd say two things in response:
1. As already stated, God's Way is clearly explained in His Word.
2. Trials are part of this life. Following the Lord often involves suffering versus bliss. Suffering doesn't mean someone is outside God's will. Many people suffer BECAUSE they followed God.
So happy to see pastor Scott and lovely wife
Thank you.