That is a great disclaimer. I think that a lot of people forget the video that are watching is in their present but it might not be youtubers present anymore.
I'm so glad to see another asexual talking about how we can still date without the sexual attraction, I think people have forgotten lately that a relationship isn't just about the intimate activities.
When I found out you were asexual, I actually cried. I've looked up to you for years and knowing that someone I LOOKED UP TO SO MUCH was asexual, made me feel safe and a lot happier with being ace.
Whenever someone finds out I’m asexual, the #1 thing said is “aren’t you married?” I…….what?? Yes?? “How does your husband feel about that?” Or “how does that work” is their next question. I’ve even gotten “your poor husband” and “he must really love you” before. Absolutely astonishes me every single time.
get the same reactions. an awful therapist ii had once told me that ii had to give up the 'asexual thing' since ii'd agreed to be in a lifelong relationship and all and...the only worse one than that was when my family member told me it would make my partner cheat on me.
As an asexual i dont understand how that makes sense, if intimate stuff can be done with anyone does that mean you are dating anyone you sleep with? Surely asexual relationships make more sense.
The way I've understood is that people ignorant of the ace community often dont realise that asexual isn't the same thing as aromantic. Also brings up the implication that they think that sex is a requirement of a romantic relationship, which is a pretty... "interesting" viewpoint
Yeah, I get this a lot if I mention this to people. In my case, I can still end up having feelings for people in a romantic sense, nor am I opposed to finding someone (nor opposed to the idea of physical intimacy within a relationship), just not really all that much physical attraction towards anyone in particular (nor much interest in physical intimacy apart from a relationship); had more just wanted to be able to be able to have a family or similar... But, alas, whether or not I will (ever) find someone who is compatible seems uncertain at this point (they would need to be compatible with my particular form of "nerdiness", ...).
I mean you literally wouldn't understand if you are ace and or have a low sex drive/interest in anything physical. Such a dumbass take to think it's weird for the majority of people to enjoy physical touch, affirmation, sex or sexual affection and outlets. It literally released endorphins and can increase bond or is some people's love language to be more physical. Sure no relationship should be based upon sex but thinking it's weird to find it to be an important aspect is crazy.
@@sommerblume9671 being ace doesn't mean you don't like physical affection whatsoever, and nor does it mean ace people are incapable of understanding sexual relationships between people. Being ace is a spectrum and not all ace people are the same. And at no point did i say it's weird to like or enjoy sex or sexual relationships so you can stop pulling that out of your ass for your own good. My actual point was that people outside the LGBTQ+ community often confuse being asexual with being aromantic, both of which are completely different things, but there is often overlap between the two communities. Furthermore, my point was that it's a pretty entitled and warped view to believe that sex and romance are completely inseparable (which isn't true by a long shot) and that if you are in a *romantic* relationship with someone, then you are entitled to a *sexual* relationship with them as well. The whole point of my comment is that it's fucked up to believe that by virtue of being in a romantic relationship with someone then you are entitled to have sex with them, not that it's weird or unnatural for people to enjoy sex in the first place. Relationships do not require sex at any point. that's a fact. because relationships are based on love, not a chemical monkey brain desire to breed and procreate. It just so happens that most people in relationships like to partake in the act of breeding with their respective spouse. But it's not my job to explain the birds and the bees to you so you can keep thinking im saying that sex is weird and gross when it wasn't my point at all, or you can open your eyes for a change. regardless, have a nice day, and for the love of god please actually think before the next time you post a comment online. it will save you a lot of trouble.
I think it's rather telling when people think sex is a core part of a relationship, it says to me that that's the core of THEIR relationship and they don't like the reminder that there could be more.
As a fairly young aroace who’s still trying to traverse the sea that is sexualities and romantics I find your videos on asexuality so comforting and validating. My sexuality and identity is very much an open secret but I’m still not fully out of the closet and having your videos is really reaffirming and teaching me more about the community I identify with.
I'm 32 and only very recently started to consider that I may be somewhere in the asexual spectrum. I've always just considered myself pan, but while I can enjoy personal pleasure when the body wants it, I've never actually wanted to hug or kiss someone else--that part 'repulses' me. And I think I might like cuddling if I was very comfortable with someone, but it would take a long time. It's been pretty confusing. For a while I thought I might just be some weird sociopath for not getting what everyone sees in that stuff, or why it's the plot of most movies and songs and stuff.
Hey, just wanted to say that you're not messed up or anything for not 'getting it' as far as the romantic and sexual stuff goes. It's no different than not getting it when a movie tells you how awesome this lady is but then she is suddenly unable to do anything to help herself. There's nothing wrong with not being what a song or movie want's you to think is normal. Nothing wrong with not liking gold or diamonds, or disliking baseball or football, or thinking a popular song sounds annoying. Also, even though it probably would be harder, there are plenty of ways to have intimate relationships without sex or romance involved. It can be confusing to think, but if you imagine it like how families treat each other that might make more sense. Of course there's also sex without romance and romance without sex, and it's up to you and someone you feel safe with to explore those things, not the rest of the world. not trying to sound preachy, but seeing people say they thought they were messed up in the head because of stuff like this is exactly what ii went through, and it's honestly better to just find at least an umbrella term for how you feel at the very least that doesn't have mental illness tied to it in some way.
Same. It's 5x easier to just say asexual rather than saying biromantic and then have to explain that. Also really weird people try to say "you're asexual so how can you date"? Kinda feels like they mixed up Aro and Ace. XD Also woohoo I got 735 awesome points!
I identify as ace/aro generally, but because identity is complex and fluid, i recognise that it can change over time, plus my gender affects my sexual and romantic orientation too. Im queer, and regardless of specific terms, ill always be queer. Edit: alot of people equate relationships with sex, but also with romance. Its not the only thing out there: Im all about queerplatonic partnerships.
I think the misconception that ace ppl can't date is also largely affected by the fact that ppl just don't know what being aromantic (or on the aro spectrum) is and how it's a completely different thing to the ace spectrum, and I feel like a lot of asexuals who are alloromantic (so not aro) forget to differentiate asexuality from aromanticism when talking about how ace ppl can date. Which like, I get, bc maybe since it's not their identity they don't think that much about it or aren't even educated on it somehow (even tho the two communities are very close and often are simply referred together as the a-spectrum) and even in media when asexual fictional characters explain that they are ace but still date no one actually uses the term aromantic. I think that everyone should look into the split-attraction model (even if they are hetallo) so that everyone can have a better understanding of the different attractions a person can have (e.g. romantic, sexual, platonic, aesthetic, sensual). On a completely different note, I am happy for the two of you and I hope you are also really happy together. I love both of you a lot as content creators
Woah. That story about picking a crush... God, that resonated with me. Did the same thing. I don't know if I eventually did get a crush on him, or if I just acted? It was so long ago, and I am good at acting and getting into character, always have been. But I also really have trouble recalling emotions I felt in memories. So I could have??? Questioning the past is hard...
I'm also a straight gray ace woman and whenever I (try to) explain that to people none of them understand. Everyone just says that it's a phase, that I haven't found the right person yet or that there's something wrong with me and that I should go see a doctor (most common reaction). All are so utterly annoying and honestly made me start replying that I'm not comfortable sharing that kind of information. Thank you for sharing your experience Echo
I'm so sorry you experience that. My family treated me the same. We aren't wrong we just don't have strong sexual feelings like other people and that's ok.
It's a little funny, because I'm asexual and homoromantic, and specifically I am sex repulsed. I want none of the things, please. But if people ask I tend to say I'm gay before I say I'm ace, because it requires less explanation. Kinda interesting how we have opposite preferences for the same reason, lol.
I'm 51, and although I've always considered myself "straight", I have been struggling with who and what I actually am. I told a friend of mine (who is Trans), that I feel more comfortable in the LGBTQ community, but I don't know why. I'm not opposed to sex, although, due to health issues at the moment, sexual activity is off the table until my GI can sort out and treat my intestinal issues. As far as "labels" go, I don't know where I belong.
Well the good thing is, you're never too old to redefine your labels. People pick up and discard labels as they grow and discover themselves. If a label you thought fit doesn't after a little while, you're free to put it back down! There are a lot of resources and people who'd be happy to help you, if you're wanting to go down the journey of labels. ^^
As a completely cis/hetero lady, I greatly appreciate hearing about your experiences with asexuality. It's also great that you're happy in your current relationship. ☺️
i find this video so insightful as an ace person because i dont experience sexual attraction at all, period, so getting the sexual attraction feeling described by an ace person is super helpful. thank you echo for talking about it!
Ok but that story about friends discussing crushes and picking a kid at random only to have that kid then bully you is exactly what happened to me as a child is this like an Ace Experience TM
I appreciate you talking/answering questions about asexuality! Some people have ridiculous af notions about what asexuality means for humans, and popular folks talking about it candidly helps dispel that ignorance. Or at least I hope it does 🤞🏻 Personally I call myself grey ace as well, but the concept of attraction is confusing for me so who knows if that’s right 🤷🏼♀️ My fiancé and I get along magnificently, so for him the label is irrelevant. And thank goodness, lol 😬
Bro I clicked on this faster than Road Runner can run during a bball game lol. I have just completely resigned myself to not date because it's always "you just haven't found the right guy." when it comes toooooo sxy times. Ugh. Trust me, I HAVE'N'T HAD IT YET BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IT ISN'T FOR ME. Like literally, I cannot imagine myself DOING it. Like YES I can find you AESTHETICALLY PLEASING but WILL NOT FEEL A THING TOWARDS YOU downstairs. Ever. And that can frustrate people. So yeah I'm just....forever alone lol. I knew I was DIFFERENT but didn't know I was ace back in high school cause everyone was talking about sx and iiiiii just DIDN'T see the point of it 😂
In my experience the safest position you can take is to resign yourself to having given up on the idea, but then again life less interesting when you play it too safe. Best of luck striking the right balance for you. There are almost eight billion people on the planet, so if there were 8,000 people on the planet that you might potentially be sexually attracted to, there's a good chance you'd never meet any of them. However, if someone is looking for a sex partner more than they're interested in being around you, it's probably better for your sake if they pick someone else who sees the world more like they do in that sense. Do what you feel is best for you, but don't rob yourself of the chance to socialize over it. I go out occasionally, and I haven't considered any of it to be dating in quite a while. With the pandemic going on, it's more of just a break from isolation and a chance to spend some time with a friend. The very few people I would even consider trusting with such time are well aware of that fact.
It makes me so happy to watch videos like this that help people learn about asexuality 😁 I'm an aromantic asexual lesbian, I know, it's a very interesting combo 🤣 and I feel invalid some times, but I'm glad that videos like this exist, so people can learn about asexuality and that different spectrums exist^^
3:31 As someone who's in a brand new relationship that awkward, vulnerable, & incredibly brave message fills my whole soul with joy. Based on Joe's Halloween short it looks like you two are still together so I wish you all the happiness two people can find in the world. P.S. Thank you for the 735 awesome points. I will hang them on my wall right next to the future location of my own my morale boosting skull!
I think I just had a moment of "holy fuck huh what" just hearing that you're dating JoCat cuz I've been watching his content for a while and learned of his channel from my ace partner and my ace partner has been shown your videos from me and I don't know if that's weird to be like "hello coincidences my old friend" but I can't help but laugh thinking abt it kjsdnfg
Oh my god I relate so much ! Thank you for your video. It's 2021, and I'm still choked about the acephobia sometimes, and I've felt for so long that I was broken, tryied to "fix myself" and forced myself to stuff I didn't want or like... Now I'm more chill about it, and I take great pleasure to broke "idealiste dreams" of people around me who want me to have someone in my life + kids + blah blah blah, even after I told them many times that I don't want that for myself. It's there dreams, not mine, and if they can't understand it after 10 explanations, I tell them fermely and not-so-nicely to shut their mouth and start asking themself why they are so miserable in their life to wish me the same. Sometimes it feel like I'm a little demon but damn it's good xD
This was the perfect way to end my day, thank you so much for being you, Echo, and sharing your stories and experiences and art online for all of us to enjoy :). You really started me on the path to realizing (in my mid-twenties, lol) that I'm asexual. (Leaning towards AroAce, but not totally ruling out Demi just yet) So thank you SO MUCH for being such a down to earth person about things, it's helped a lot of ppl
While I’m not asexual myself, having the language to break down the differences between sexual, romantic, and aesthetic attraction really helped me out with questioning my gender and sexual identity. You can be romantically and aesthetically attracted to someone without being sexually attracted. You can be aesthetically attracted without being romantic or sexual. All sorts of combinations on all sorts of gradients are appropriate
That was very interesting. 😊 It sounds like you've got a lovely relationship and I hope you continue to feel this happy. 😊. To be honest, it seems like you're so open and upfront with eachother that your first argument will probably go pretty well! 😁
I am 41. I am Panromantic, Grey-Asexual, and Polyamorous. Labels are useful, even if they're complex and change over time. Thank you for sharing bits of your life with the world. It makes some of us (read: me) feel less alone.
This is the second video of yours I’ve seen and I’ve just spent the video going “oh, me too! That’s me!” You describing the ace youth experience was also very affirming. I spent most of my teenage years panicking about being “broken”. It was only after stumbling across the term asexual on tumblr at 17 that I had a ‘oh’ moment. Also, yes to Jessica Rabbit! That’s one of my favourite headcanons.
Hi so this is gonna be a bit of a rant so y'all are completely welcome to skip over this but I just wanted to say how much I needed this vid right now. I identify as a panromantic asexual (just came out to my family a couple months ago, actually!!!) and am trying to be open with people as much as possible about it bc yayyy, this is who I am!!!! And I'm super proud of it!!!! Because accepting myself in general is something I really struggle with to begin with!!!! BUT I've been having a bit of an internal crisis over it lately, and I'm not even sure why really, but I guess its mostly just doubts about myself and the typical stuff, like if I'm somehow broken or if there's something wrong with me because I don't feel sexual attraction (which I know, logically, isn't true, but there's this tiny voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me that I'm broken). I guess in trying to answer other people's questions about asexuality, I started having some doubts about myself (which, again, is admittedly kinda absurd, because if literally anyone came up to me and asked if being asexual meant that they were broken, I would of course say no, but hey, that's a rant for another day lol). But just sitting, listening to lovely Echo describe herself and her experiences with romance and asexuality has really, really helped remind me that hey, I'm not alone, I'm not broken, and there's nothing wrong with me.
I am a 100% straight man and honestly get frustrated with these titles and labels (not the people, just the words). However, your video really did help me in understanding these so much more. Now I can't say that I hate the titles and labels, but rather understand them (redundant, no?). Thank you for really helping me with this. It definitely helped open my eyes quite a bit.
Hehe "Realizing that there wasn't something wrong with me." HIT SO HARD. I thought i was a sexually broken freak for so long, but I'm just demisexual. And the great thing about sexuality is that sometimes my feelings break the 'rules' of my sexuality and that is an okay thing. Sexuality is so beautiful and complicated, but growing up (i watched your videos as a kid) you were one of the 1st LGBTQ+ people I'd ever seen and definitely the first ace person. I appreciate you for speaking about these things and being so open, it really does make a difference
I'm really happy to see you happy! And whatever happens next, I wish you the best of luck finding that happiness. On the topic though, the questions I don't like are those who rely so heavily on (media) stereotypes or are meant as a (very poorly executed) joke. "oh you're ace? so a nun?" or "how can you have sex and be ace? I thought you lot were prudes who don't wanna get laid or smth". It's scary how asexuality is still used as an equation to "people who don't have sex".
I was supportive already, and then you mentioned one of the sweetest people I've seen on CZcams :) Hope it turns out well and I'm happy for both of you for as long as this lasts
Having multiple labels to describe your sexuality but just defaulting to "ace" or something else is SUCH a mood, I'm an aroace lesbian (I feel no sexual attraction, and I infrequently feel romantic attraction towards only women), and I almost always just default to saying I'm just a lesbian, or just ace around people I know aren't aphobic. I don't like having to give a whole gender and sexualities thesis every time I mention my attraction to somebody, rip Sidenote about being grayromantic, I still remember the first time I had a girlfriend occasionally going through short periods of time where I didn't feel romantically attracted to her, and being completely freaked out every time bc I thought I was broken/didn't love her anymore, and then eventually the romantic attraction would come back full-force. And I *still* didn't consider the fact that I was on the aromantic spectrum until YEARS later.
I do watch another person who’s on the ace spectrum like the witch of wonderlust, she’s demisexual, she’s talked about being ace in a few of her vids and sometimes in her Instagram stories and in one of her vlogs she had gotten a book about being ace and also said that ace representation is rarely in media and she also mentioned Todd from bojack horsemen and how he’s apart of the ace spectrum, I’m a bisexual cis man but in open to learn.
I finally got comfortable with me being asexual over two years ago, I was in sophomore year. The real reason I have came to terms with is that was because I remembered you’re coming out video when I was 12, and just realized how much I related. Thanks Echo!
I stopped caring about labeling myself because my case is too specific. As a weird probably poor example; I am a number between 1 and 100 with over 100 decimal points and don’t feel like rounding up
Its been a couple of years since i started to realize im asexual. I think the biggest sign that i was asexual years ago, was that all three relationships i had been in...i had to be shit faced drunk to even remotely enjoy it. Sex sober for me is uncomfortable and i find it repulsive. Ive been single for years now and im happy that way. But i am worried about dating again. I do crave companionship, just not the sex. And sex is such a normal part of a relationship that it scares me. Ive been sober for years so i cant go back to binge drinking because i feel obligated to have sex. I dont even know where the heck id find a dating site for asexual ppl 🫠 Being single is nice tho. And i can get a fictional boyfriend, no binge drinking or sex needed there
Fictional characters I find ace would be natsu and grey from fairy tail (anime) It seems pretty clear that natsu seems some form of aromantic he seems to have sexual attraction or knowledge of it. Grey seems completely ace hell the most romantic thing between him and his love interest juvia is him telling her that he may be intimate with her in the future, literally saying it’s possible
The "why are you doing it then" part. G o d I've said that exact thing to all my friends since elementary I'm so happy someone else feels that so strongly. I was always worried I was emotionally disconnected or something till finding out about asexuality
Hi Echo. Congratulations. It's nice to have someone you can feel that comfortable around. I hope it lasts. It's nice of you to talk about such things since they do need to be talked about and so much of society simply won't. I don't generally refer to myself as asexual, because I've been married twice and it would confuse people, but I've always pretty much thought of myself as asexual. On the rare occasion that I am ever sexually attracted to someone, it has never happened without me first having been attracted to their personality and learned to be comfortable around them. Even then, It generally just doesn't happen. I guess I fit into what it seems you have referred to as grey-ace. I'm pretty sure I'm incapable of ever being sexually attracted to anyone male, but since I'm so rarely sexually attracted to anyone it's hard to really make any such statements with much certitude. I do know that I am attracted to extreme femininity, but I wouldn't call it sexual attraction. More like just something I feel comfortable enough around that I worry about it leading to me being taken unfair advantage of. However, in my case when I am sexually attracted it tends to be very much so, and I won't ask but I do wonder if it's like that for some other people who are mostly asexual. Anyway, I think you're great and I just wanted to say thanks. I stopped the video after only a few seconds to write this, so now that I've written it I'll watch the rest of the video. Take care.
I love this video!!!! You were the person who defined asexual for me. Up until that point I had always been told I was broken and it sucked so much. I grew up in a conservative religious household so anything besides straight was unacceptable. So I hated myself alot. When I first saw your ace video it made the world click for me. And now I proudly confirm that I am ace, and I love the pride community. Than you for the awesome points, you awesome human
I recently met Cody (Ace Dad advice) at my college! I'm the VP for my community college's asexual and aromatic community and education club and we had Cody come and speak on their new book
So that explains why Jocat had commented on the other video! That’s absolutely awesome! Also, dangerous drinking game, takes shot each time the word sex or asexual comes up. Lol
One of the last times I decided to hang out with a friend of mine (as if I have a lot of friends rn lol) we're talking and and randomly remembered me being pan, ace (and questioning greyromantic atm) said, "Sweet, finally another ace person!" and it just felt kinda wholesome tbh. 🥺
Watching this help me to understand acesexuality much more. I always before use to think of it being single and such. Until recently understanding that there is so much more to it and a whole spectrum for it. Learning about different sexuailtys and even myself who is Bi has been such a educational and fun journey and I learnt so much from it as well, so all overall thank you for making this video. c:
Wow, I'm something like half a month late, but thank you so much for answering. This video is truly inspiring! Questioning other's sexualities doesn't come natural to me since I honestly believe every single one of us has it's own way to experience and see it, but It's quite nice to learn a bit about others every now and then. So thank you so much for opening up about it with us once more. Big hugs
I wish dating as an asexual was possible as a black woman but apparently because I'm black it's """""""iMpOsSiBlE""""""" for me to be asexual so I just avoid everyone no matter what forever! I'd rather be safe and happy and people don't understand that and are completely convinced no one can ever actually be happy if they are single.... Did I mention life is fun?...🙃
I KNOW MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR! jocat, I love you dude but if this relationship doesn’t last forever it had better end respectfully because echo is a marvelous angle baby.
I’m an ace lesbian, and while your example is a good explanation, I wanted to remind that asexual is not the same as aromantic. I don’t experience any sexual attraction at all, but I feel romantic attraction towards women. P.s whenever you mentioned the feeling of “oh I’m not broken” i felt that in my heart. I spent a while thinking I was wrong. To all fellow aces or any aros or ace aros reading this, there is nothing wrong with you, you are perfect as you are and one day you’ll feel that. It gets better 🖤🤍💜
I started following you for art videos and through you talking about your asexuality I learned words and it opened up a whole world to me to research and learn. Through that I discovered the word I've needed all my life, 'demisexual'. It blew my mind. I knew I was bi, but I just almost never experienced sexual attraction. The whole, "why are you doing it?!" part resonated so strongly with me. Anyway, you've really helped me by expressing your experiences and what you've learned. I'm sure we all know how hard it is to live in this world with little to no sexual attraction, but having a word and a community helps immensely. 💕 thank you for speaking on it.
speaking from long distance experience, the first fight comes from after the first few visits and its usually about something so small that you sort of just squint at yourself and be like. what why did i get upset over that oh im just upset that theyre leaving soon time to cuddle
I been watching you since I was in highschool collage caused me not to catch up but I’m glad your still doing CZcams you made my hard times better every time you posted I was just happy
I remember finding your videos years ago, and not knowing what asexual meant, and I was thoroughly confused. Years later, I started identifying as gray aroace, and recently rediscovered your channel! But I realized that you were the first person that ever really exposed me to asexuality, and helped me slowly start accepting myself.
I have been struggling with my gender and sexuality for years. I had come to a montly comfortable conclusion as trans masc recently but my sensuality was something I could never find a good enough definition for that I could firmly decide on or against. After this video (and all of Echos guidance on these videos), im loving the ace identity more for me. Thank you, Echo
As a new 20-year-old with a recent recognition of self and a minor identity crisis instilled by Sebastian Stan who has no idea whether what they feel is sexual attraction, romantic attraction, or just loneliness from not having many friends or ever being in a relationship (that was a lot sorry) I'm just glad to see someone else happy with their interpersonal life. I wish I knew enough about myself to not be so confused or worried about who I like and how and why and what to do with it. I really hope this relationship goes well for you however that may be and that any future updates are positive (but yes I understood your disclaimer and think it was an awesome thing to do so thank you). p.s. I love your phrase "I can't words for garbage" so much I finally bought a t-shirt and it's one of my favorites now ❤️🖤
Back in highschool i was sure i was asexual but then after graduating i met a girl i was very sexually attracted to but it never went anywhere.. i feel like this video has made me realize that i am gray asexual though because it has been years since that girl and i have very rarely found myself attracted to anyone else. Thank you for this video!
Congrats! I'm so happy for you! It's so great to have people like you around championing good ace representation. Also, I almost closed the video a few seconds early and went "wait, I NEED the awesome points" and let the rest play
So glad you have found happiness with someone, it is very exciting. I follow you primarily for your Ace content, and I agree that the best part is being in a community that understands. This is an interesting and helpful perspective on how it feels as a grey ace when you actually find someone you are attracted to. For my whole life (I'm 35) I have been the classic Aro-Ace that hits all of those stereotypes that most people assume all aces are like. I have never been attracted to anyone and didn't ever expect to be, but recently I stumbled across someone online that I was strongly and instantly romantically attracted to. This person is a CZcamsr and also already married, so there is no relationship, just a one sided, wholly unexpected, and very confusing first crush. It has taken me a few months on Aven, Ace subreddits, and discovering (or rediscovering) Ace CZcams, for me to process this new development and microlabel (Grey romantic asexual) I appreciate the reminder that situations and sexuality are fluid, as well as the perspective of what attraction looks like. (I especially like your note at the bottom of your DM, I imagine feeling this attraction all the time towards more than one human would just be exhausting)
I'm ace, mannn this is relatable. I honestly struggle with romance because I'm ace but alloromantic, and I do develop crushes on people but maybe every couple of years? Everyone else seems to have romance figured out and have experience with it, but I'm here completely confused about what exactly is and isn't normal and how I should be approaching any of it.
Hey hey! I will say I am ace and pan romantic. I find it extremely annoying if people say just because I dont want to have sex with someone I am broken or something of the sort. I tend to just want to have affection from a partner and nothing of the sort in terms of sex. I think you're being open and willing to educate others is a great thing! I remember watching you when I was younger and its great to see you talk about these subjects
Thank you for talking about being asexual and that there is a spectrum. I wasn't even aware that how I was feeling was anything. I just felt weird and abnormal. Then I found your channel, with a video of you discussing asexuality. I legit just froze and thought, holy moly, you mean I'm not crazy, this is a thing? I finally understood how I had been feeling in high school, college and right into 3 relationships I couldn't wait to get out of before it barely left the ground. So thank you, I no longer feel like I'm a crazy person or feel like something is wrong with me. There is someone in my life now that I am attracted to, he's great. He understands how I feel and he respects me. Although, lately I have been feeling more sex positive towards him, which is a nice new experience.
I am demisexual and even then it takes a lot for me to be that attracted to a person. Most of the time I’m made fun of and called a lesbian or “don’t knock it until you try it” sort of speech. I’ve had people force me to watch *blah* and I was absolutely repulsed and told said friend I wanna watch cartoons. I am also pansexual.
So like.. I've always wondered/thought I may be grey ace but my bf who I've been with for almost 5 years would always get offended if I mentioned it.. So I just don't label my self (other than pans), I know who I am and what I feel and that's just that.. He does get sad that Im not as 'into it' as I was when we first started dating, but kinda like you said the feeling dissipated.. Still love him with all my heart but idk am I broken 😂
Thanks for this great video! As a demisexual/grey ace (not sure exactly where I stand), it was very cool to hear your thoughts on your sexuality and am so happy that you're happy with your boyfriend 💜 I met this great guy on Bumble back in July of last year who lives a ferry/short plane ride away in Liverpool (I'm on the Isle of Man) and we've just had our second meet up 😊 He accepts me for who I am and doesn't make me feel uncomfortable to do anything I don't want to do. We have lots in common and I even introduced him to Star Trek (which I love and he now likes a lot too). We're taking things slow but just chatting to someone outside of my family and community on the Isle of Man, first being friends then becoming closer, was so great and I can't wait to see where things go next! Edit: Gray to grey cause British 😅
You are spot on. When you were talking about your younger years that's exactly how I thought! I would say I am grey asexual straight? I am not attracted to the same sex (female) at all, but my attractions for the opposite are still very rare. I am glad I found my husband and that he is very understanding that he is and has always been the only one I felt these things with! It almost feels magical when you find that person!
That is a great disclaimer. I think that a lot of people forget the video that are watching is in their present but it might not be youtubers present anymore.
Also I've seen people go back to older videos and comment "omg remember when they were together etc etc"
I love this too
I'm so glad to see another asexual talking about how we can still date without the sexual attraction, I think people have forgotten lately that a relationship isn't just about the intimate activities.
"leave that bad man" eternally good advice
Being ace or not is a spectrum that everyone is somewhere on, just not many people realize it lol
When I found out you were asexual, I actually cried. I've looked up to you for years and knowing that someone I LOOKED UP TO SO MUCH was asexual, made me feel safe and a lot happier with being ace.
I HAD NO CLUE U AND JOCAT WERE DATING
thats so cool, sending love to both of you, ur both wholesome, and comfort me sm
Whenever someone finds out I’m asexual, the #1 thing said is “aren’t you married?”
I…….what?? Yes?? “How does your husband feel about that?” Or “how does that work” is their next question. I’ve even gotten “your poor husband” and “he must really love you” before. Absolutely astonishes me every single time.
get the same reactions. an awful therapist ii had once told me that ii had to give up the 'asexual thing' since ii'd agreed to be in a lifelong relationship and all and...the only worse one than that was when my family member told me it would make my partner cheat on me.
As an asexual i dont understand how that makes sense, if intimate stuff can be done with anyone does that mean you are dating anyone you sleep with? Surely asexual relationships make more sense.
The way I've understood is that people ignorant of the ace community often dont realise that asexual isn't the same thing as aromantic. Also brings up the implication that they think that sex is a requirement of a romantic relationship, which is a pretty... "interesting" viewpoint
Yeah, I get this a lot if I mention this to people. In my case, I can still end up having feelings for people in a romantic sense, nor am I opposed to finding someone (nor opposed to the idea of physical intimacy within a relationship), just not really all that much physical attraction towards anyone in particular (nor much interest in physical intimacy apart from a relationship); had more just wanted to be able to be able to have a family or similar... But, alas, whether or not I will (ever) find someone who is compatible seems uncertain at this point (they would need to be compatible with my particular form of "nerdiness", ...).
I mean you literally wouldn't understand if you are ace and or have a low sex drive/interest in anything physical. Such a dumbass take to think it's weird for the majority of people to enjoy physical touch, affirmation, sex or sexual affection and outlets. It literally released endorphins and can increase bond or is some people's love language to be more physical. Sure no relationship should be based upon sex but thinking it's weird to find it to be an important aspect is crazy.
@@sommerblume9671 being ace doesn't mean you don't like physical affection whatsoever, and nor does it mean ace people are incapable of understanding sexual relationships between people. Being ace is a spectrum and not all ace people are the same.
And at no point did i say it's weird to like or enjoy sex or sexual relationships so you can stop pulling that out of your ass for your own good. My actual point was that people outside the LGBTQ+ community often confuse being asexual with being aromantic, both of which are completely different things, but there is often overlap between the two communities. Furthermore, my point was that it's a pretty entitled and warped view to believe that sex and romance are completely inseparable (which isn't true by a long shot) and that if you are in a *romantic* relationship with someone, then you are entitled to a *sexual* relationship with them as well. The whole point of my comment is that it's fucked up to believe that by virtue of being in a romantic relationship with someone then you are entitled to have sex with them, not that it's weird or unnatural for people to enjoy sex in the first place.
Relationships do not require sex at any point. that's a fact. because relationships are based on love, not a chemical monkey brain desire to breed and procreate. It just so happens that most people in relationships like to partake in the act of breeding with their respective spouse. But it's not my job to explain the birds and the bees to you so you can keep thinking im saying that sex is weird and gross when it wasn't my point at all, or you can open your eyes for a change. regardless, have a nice day, and for the love of god please actually think before the next time you post a comment online. it will save you a lot of trouble.
@@sommerblume9671 exactly😭
I think it's rather telling when people think sex is a core part of a relationship, it says to me that that's the core of THEIR relationship and they don't like the reminder that there could be more.
As a fairly young aroace who’s still trying to traverse the sea that is sexualities and romantics I find your videos on asexuality so comforting and validating. My sexuality and identity is very much an open secret but I’m still not fully out of the closet and having your videos is really reaffirming and teaching me more about the community I identify with.
I'm 32 and only very recently started to consider that I may be somewhere in the asexual spectrum. I've always just considered myself pan, but while I can enjoy personal pleasure when the body wants it, I've never actually wanted to hug or kiss someone else--that part 'repulses' me. And I think I might like cuddling if I was very comfortable with someone, but it would take a long time. It's been pretty confusing. For a while I thought I might just be some weird sociopath for not getting what everyone sees in that stuff, or why it's the plot of most movies and songs and stuff.
Might be somewhere on the aromantic spectrum as well! Just something to look into if you feel like it, since that's some of the feelings I deal with.
Hey, just wanted to say that you're not messed up or anything for not 'getting it' as far as the romantic and sexual stuff goes. It's no different than not getting it when a movie tells you how awesome this lady is but then she is suddenly unable to do anything to help herself. There's nothing wrong with not being what a song or movie want's you to think is normal. Nothing wrong with not liking gold or diamonds, or disliking baseball or football, or thinking a popular song sounds annoying.
Also, even though it probably would be harder, there are plenty of ways to have intimate relationships without sex or romance involved. It can be confusing to think, but if you imagine it like how families treat each other that might make more sense. Of course there's also sex without romance and romance without sex, and it's up to you and someone you feel safe with to explore those things, not the rest of the world.
not trying to sound preachy, but seeing people say they thought they were messed up in the head because of stuff like this is exactly what ii went through, and it's honestly better to just find at least an umbrella term for how you feel at the very least that doesn't have mental illness tied to it in some way.
Same. It's 5x easier to just say asexual rather than saying biromantic and then have to explain that.
Also really weird people try to say "you're asexual so how can you date"? Kinda feels like they mixed up Aro and Ace. XD
Also woohoo I got 735 awesome points!
I identify as ace/aro generally, but because identity is complex and fluid, i recognise that it can change over time, plus my gender affects my sexual and romantic orientation too. Im queer, and regardless of specific terms, ill always be queer.
Edit: alot of people equate relationships with sex, but also with romance. Its not the only thing out there: Im all about queerplatonic partnerships.
I think the misconception that ace ppl can't date is also largely affected by the fact that ppl just don't know what being aromantic (or on the aro spectrum) is and how it's a completely different thing to the ace spectrum, and I feel like a lot of asexuals who are alloromantic (so not aro) forget to differentiate asexuality from aromanticism when talking about how ace ppl can date. Which like, I get, bc maybe since it's not their identity they don't think that much about it or aren't even educated on it somehow (even tho the two communities are very close and often are simply referred together as the a-spectrum) and even in media when asexual fictional characters explain that they are ace but still date no one actually uses the term aromantic. I think that everyone should look into the split-attraction model (even if they are hetallo) so that everyone can have a better understanding of the different attractions a person can have (e.g. romantic, sexual, platonic, aesthetic, sensual).
On a completely different note, I am happy for the two of you and I hope you are also really happy together. I love both of you a lot as content creators
Woah. That story about picking a crush... God, that resonated with me. Did the same thing. I don't know if I eventually did get a crush on him, or if I just acted? It was so long ago, and I am good at acting and getting into character, always have been. But I also really have trouble recalling emotions I felt in memories. So I could have??? Questioning the past is hard...
ace culture is one of those things i want to understand, but my straight brain still doesnt. granted, understanding is not necessary for acceptance.
I'm also a straight gray ace woman and whenever I (try to) explain that to people none of them understand. Everyone just says that it's a phase, that I haven't found the right person yet or that there's something wrong with me and that I should go see a doctor (most common reaction). All are so utterly annoying and honestly made me start replying that I'm not comfortable sharing that kind of information.
Thank you for sharing your experience Echo
I'm so sorry you experience that. My family treated me the same. We aren't wrong we just don't have strong sexual feelings like other people and that's ok.
It's a little funny, because I'm asexual and homoromantic, and specifically I am sex repulsed. I want none of the things, please. But if people ask I tend to say I'm gay before I say I'm ace, because it requires less explanation. Kinda interesting how we have opposite preferences for the same reason, lol.
I'm 51, and although I've always considered myself "straight", I have been struggling with who and what I actually am. I told a friend of mine (who is Trans), that I feel more comfortable in the LGBTQ community, but I don't know why. I'm not opposed to sex, although, due to health issues at the moment, sexual activity is off the table until my GI can sort out and treat my intestinal issues. As far as "labels" go, I don't know where I belong.
Well the good thing is, you're never too old to redefine your labels. People pick up and discard labels as they grow and discover themselves. If a label you thought fit doesn't after a little while, you're free to put it back down! There are a lot of resources and people who'd be happy to help you, if you're wanting to go down the journey of labels. ^^
As a completely cis/hetero lady, I greatly appreciate hearing about your experiences with asexuality. It's also great that you're happy in your current relationship. ☺️
i find this video so insightful as an ace person because i dont experience sexual attraction at all, period, so getting the sexual attraction feeling described by an ace person is super helpful. thank you echo for talking about it!
0:10 how dare.
Ok but that story about friends discussing crushes and picking a kid at random only to have that kid then bully you is exactly what happened to me as a child is this like an Ace Experience TM
I appreciate you talking/answering questions about asexuality! Some people have ridiculous af notions about what asexuality means for humans, and popular folks talking about it candidly helps dispel that ignorance. Or at least I hope it does 🤞🏻
Personally I call myself grey ace as well, but the concept of attraction is confusing for me so who knows if that’s right 🤷🏼♀️ My fiancé and I get along magnificently, so for him the label is irrelevant. And thank goodness, lol 😬
Bro I clicked on this faster than Road Runner can run during a bball game lol. I have just completely resigned myself to not date because it's always "you just haven't found the right guy." when it comes toooooo sxy times. Ugh. Trust me, I HAVE'N'T HAD IT YET BECAUSE I KNOW THAT IT ISN'T FOR ME. Like literally, I cannot imagine myself DOING it. Like YES I can find you AESTHETICALLY PLEASING but WILL NOT FEEL A THING TOWARDS YOU downstairs. Ever. And that can frustrate people. So yeah I'm just....forever alone lol. I knew I was DIFFERENT but didn't know I was ace back in high school cause everyone was talking about sx and iiiiii just DIDN'T see the point of it 😂
In my experience the safest position you can take is to resign yourself to having given up on the idea, but then again life less interesting when you play it too safe. Best of luck striking the right balance for you. There are almost eight billion people on the planet, so if there were 8,000 people on the planet that you might potentially be sexually attracted to, there's a good chance you'd never meet any of them. However, if someone is looking for a sex partner more than they're interested in being around you, it's probably better for your sake if they pick someone else who sees the world more like they do in that sense. Do what you feel is best for you, but don't rob yourself of the chance to socialize over it. I go out occasionally, and I haven't considered any of it to be dating in quite a while. With the pandemic going on, it's more of just a break from isolation and a chance to spend some time with a friend. The very few people I would even consider trusting with such time are well aware of that fact.
It makes me so happy to watch videos like this that help people learn about asexuality 😁 I'm an aromantic asexual lesbian, I know, it's a very interesting combo 🤣 and I feel invalid some times, but I'm glad that videos like this exist, so people can learn about asexuality and that different spectrums exist^^
This makes me so happy to see. As a demisexual person seeing ace rep makes me happy 💜😊
3:31
As someone who's in a brand new relationship that awkward, vulnerable, & incredibly brave message fills my whole soul with joy.
Based on Joe's Halloween short it looks like you two are still together so I wish you all the happiness two people can find in the world.
P.S.
Thank you for the 735 awesome points. I will hang them on my wall right next to the future location of my own my morale boosting skull!
I think I just had a moment of "holy fuck huh what" just hearing that you're dating JoCat cuz I've been watching his content for a while and learned of his channel from my ace partner and my ace partner has been shown your videos from me and I don't know if that's weird to be like "hello coincidences my old friend" but I can't help but laugh thinking abt it kjsdnfg
Oh my god I relate so much ! Thank you for your video. It's 2021, and I'm still choked about the acephobia sometimes, and I've felt for so long that I was broken, tryied to "fix myself" and forced myself to stuff I didn't want or like... Now I'm more chill about it, and I take great pleasure to broke "idealiste dreams" of people around me who want me to have someone in my life + kids + blah blah blah, even after I told them many times that I don't want that for myself. It's there dreams, not mine, and if they can't understand it after 10 explanations, I tell them fermely and not-so-nicely to shut their mouth and start asking themself why they are so miserable in their life to wish me the same. Sometimes it feel like I'm a little demon but damn it's good xD
This was the perfect way to end my day, thank you so much for being you, Echo, and sharing your stories and experiences and art online for all of us to enjoy :). You really started me on the path to realizing (in my mid-twenties, lol) that I'm asexual. (Leaning towards AroAce, but not totally ruling out Demi just yet) So thank you SO MUCH for being such a down to earth person about things, it's helped a lot of ppl
While I’m not asexual myself, having the language to break down the differences between sexual, romantic, and aesthetic attraction really helped me out with questioning my gender and sexual identity. You can be romantically and aesthetically attracted to someone without being sexually attracted. You can be aesthetically attracted without being romantic or sexual. All sorts of combinations on all sorts of gradients are appropriate
That was very interesting. 😊
It sounds like you've got a lovely relationship and I hope you continue to feel this happy. 😊.
To be honest, it seems like you're so open and upfront with eachother that your first argument will probably go pretty well! 😁
I am 41. I am Panromantic, Grey-Asexual, and Polyamorous. Labels are useful, even if they're complex and change over time. Thank you for sharing bits of your life with the world. It makes some of us (read: me) feel less alone.
This is the second video of yours I’ve seen and I’ve just spent the video going “oh, me too! That’s me!” You describing the ace youth experience was also very affirming. I spent most of my teenage years panicking about being “broken”. It was only after stumbling across the term asexual on tumblr at 17 that I had a ‘oh’ moment. Also, yes to Jessica Rabbit! That’s one of my favourite headcanons.
Hi so this is gonna be a bit of a rant so y'all are completely welcome to skip over this but I just wanted to say how much I needed this vid right now. I identify as a panromantic asexual (just came out to my family a couple months ago, actually!!!) and am trying to be open with people as much as possible about it bc yayyy, this is who I am!!!! And I'm super proud of it!!!! Because accepting myself in general is something I really struggle with to begin with!!!! BUT I've been having a bit of an internal crisis over it lately, and I'm not even sure why really, but I guess its mostly just doubts about myself and the typical stuff, like if I'm somehow broken or if there's something wrong with me because I don't feel sexual attraction (which I know, logically, isn't true, but there's this tiny voice in the back of my head that keeps telling me that I'm broken). I guess in trying to answer other people's questions about asexuality, I started having some doubts about myself (which, again, is admittedly kinda absurd, because if literally anyone came up to me and asked if being asexual meant that they were broken, I would of course say no, but hey, that's a rant for another day lol). But just sitting, listening to lovely Echo describe herself and her experiences with romance and asexuality has really, really helped remind me that hey, I'm not alone, I'm not broken, and there's nothing wrong with me.
I am a 100% straight man and honestly get frustrated with these titles and labels (not the people, just the words). However, your video really did help me in understanding these so much more. Now I can't say that I hate the titles and labels, but rather understand them (redundant, no?). Thank you for really helping me with this. It definitely helped open my eyes quite a bit.
Hehe "Realizing that there wasn't something wrong with me." HIT SO HARD. I thought i was a sexually broken freak for so long, but I'm just demisexual. And the great thing about sexuality is that sometimes my feelings break the 'rules' of my sexuality and that is an okay thing. Sexuality is so beautiful and complicated, but growing up (i watched your videos as a kid) you were one of the 1st LGBTQ+ people I'd ever seen and definitely the first ace person. I appreciate you for speaking about these things and being so open, it really does make a difference
I'm really happy to see you happy! And whatever happens next, I wish you the best of luck finding that happiness.
On the topic though, the questions I don't like are those who rely so heavily on (media) stereotypes or are meant as a (very poorly executed) joke. "oh you're ace? so a nun?" or "how can you have sex and be ace? I thought you lot were prudes who don't wanna get laid or smth". It's scary how asexuality is still used as an equation to "people who don't have sex".
I was supportive already, and then you mentioned one of the sweetest people I've seen on CZcams :)
Hope it turns out well and I'm happy for both of you for as long as this lasts
Having multiple labels to describe your sexuality but just defaulting to "ace" or something else is SUCH a mood, I'm an aroace lesbian (I feel no sexual attraction, and I infrequently feel romantic attraction towards only women), and I almost always just default to saying I'm just a lesbian, or just ace around people I know aren't aphobic. I don't like having to give a whole gender and sexualities thesis every time I mention my attraction to somebody, rip
Sidenote about being grayromantic, I still remember the first time I had a girlfriend occasionally going through short periods of time where I didn't feel romantically attracted to her, and being completely freaked out every time bc I thought I was broken/didn't love her anymore, and then eventually the romantic attraction would come back full-force. And I *still* didn't consider the fact that I was on the aromantic spectrum until YEARS later.
I do watch another person who’s on the ace spectrum like the witch of wonderlust, she’s demisexual, she’s talked about being ace in a few of her vids and sometimes in her Instagram stories and in one of her vlogs she had gotten a book about being ace and also said that ace representation is rarely in media and she also mentioned Todd from bojack horsemen and how he’s apart of the ace spectrum, I’m a bisexual cis man but in open to learn.
I finally got comfortable with me being asexual over two years ago, I was in sophomore year. The real reason I have came to terms with is that was because I remembered you’re coming out video when I was 12, and just realized how much I related. Thanks Echo!
Me and my friend have multiple characters that are Ace and I watch your videos sometimes to help with making them more realistic!
I stopped caring about labeling myself because my case is too specific.
As a weird probably poor example; I am a number between 1 and 100 with over 100 decimal points and don’t feel like rounding up
you were the reason i found out i was ace when i was a kid and i just wanted to say thank you for introducing me, also cogrants on your boyfriend!!!!
Its been a couple of years since i started to realize im asexual. I think the biggest sign that i was asexual years ago, was that all three relationships i had been in...i had to be shit faced drunk to even remotely enjoy it. Sex sober for me is uncomfortable and i find it repulsive. Ive been single for years now and im happy that way. But i am worried about dating again. I do crave companionship, just not the sex. And sex is such a normal part of a relationship that it scares me. Ive been sober for years so i cant go back to binge drinking because i feel obligated to have sex. I dont even know where the heck id find a dating site for asexual ppl 🫠
Being single is nice tho. And i can get a fictional boyfriend, no binge drinking or sex needed there
Oh my god I loved your guys' content seperately and seeing you guys together that makes SO MUCH SENSE
Fictional characters I find ace would be natsu and grey from fairy tail (anime)
It seems pretty clear that natsu seems some form of aromantic he seems to have sexual attraction or knowledge of it.
Grey seems completely ace hell the most romantic thing between him and his love interest juvia is him telling her that he may be intimate with her in the future, literally saying it’s possible
As someone who is NOT asexual and is really into someone who is, this is so wildly beneficial to me. Also, high key living for your makeup!
The "why are you doing it then" part. G o d I've said that exact thing to all my friends since elementary I'm so happy someone else feels that so strongly. I was always worried I was emotionally disconnected or something till finding out about asexuality
Love being ace internet "pals" with you my man
Oh no
Hearing you speak about this awakened something I think I will go question my entire identity...
Hi Echo. Congratulations. It's nice to have someone you can feel that comfortable around. I hope it lasts. It's nice of you to talk about such things since they do need to be talked about and so much of society simply won't. I don't generally refer to myself as asexual, because I've been married twice and it would confuse people, but I've always pretty much thought of myself as asexual. On the rare occasion that I am ever sexually attracted to someone, it has never happened without me first having been attracted to their personality and learned to be comfortable around them. Even then, It generally just doesn't happen. I guess I fit into what it seems you have referred to as grey-ace. I'm pretty sure I'm incapable of ever being sexually attracted to anyone male, but since I'm so rarely sexually attracted to anyone it's hard to really make any such statements with much certitude. I do know that I am attracted to extreme femininity, but I wouldn't call it sexual attraction. More like just something I feel comfortable enough around that I worry about it leading to me being taken unfair advantage of. However, in my case when I am sexually attracted it tends to be very much so, and I won't ask but I do wonder if it's like that for some other people who are mostly asexual. Anyway, I think you're great and I just wanted to say thanks. I stopped the video after only a few seconds to write this, so now that I've written it I'll watch the rest of the video. Take care.
I love this video!!!! You were the person who defined asexual for me. Up until that point I had always been told I was broken and it sucked so much. I grew up in a conservative religious household so anything besides straight was unacceptable. So I hated myself alot. When I first saw your ace video it made the world click for me. And now I proudly confirm that I am ace, and I love the pride community. Than you for the awesome points, you awesome human
I don't really know or care what I am. I'm just vibing.
I recently met Cody (Ace Dad advice) at my college! I'm the VP for my community college's asexual and aromatic community and education club and we had Cody come and speak on their new book
So that explains why Jocat had commented on the other video! That’s absolutely awesome!
Also, dangerous drinking game, takes shot each time the word sex or asexual comes up. Lol
Thank you. As a vegan who enjoys meat it's so refreshing to see another likeminded individual.
One of the last times I decided to hang out with a friend of mine (as if I have a lot of friends rn lol) we're talking and and randomly remembered me being pan, ace (and questioning greyromantic atm) said, "Sweet, finally another ace person!" and it just felt kinda wholesome tbh. 🥺
Watching this help me to understand acesexuality much more. I always before use to think of it being single and such. Until recently understanding that there is so much more to it and a whole spectrum for it. Learning about different sexuailtys and even myself who is Bi has been such a educational and fun journey and I learnt so much from it as well, so all overall thank you for making this video. c:
Wow, I'm something like half a month late, but thank you so much for answering. This video is truly inspiring! Questioning other's sexualities doesn't come natural to me since I honestly believe every single one of us has it's own way to experience and see it, but It's quite nice to learn a bit about others every now and then. So thank you so much for opening up about it with us once more. Big hugs
I wish dating as an asexual was possible as a black woman but apparently because I'm black it's """""""iMpOsSiBlE""""""" for me to be asexual so I just avoid everyone no matter what forever!
I'd rather be safe and happy and people don't understand that and are completely convinced no one can ever actually be happy if they are single....
Did I mention life is fun?...🙃
WAIT ECHO AND JOCAT ARE DATING?!)!!
I KNOW MY JAW HIT THE FLOOR! jocat, I love you dude but if this relationship doesn’t last forever it had better end respectfully because echo is a marvelous angle baby.
I’m an ace lesbian, and while your example is a good explanation, I wanted to remind that asexual is not the same as aromantic. I don’t experience any sexual attraction at all, but I feel romantic attraction towards women.
P.s whenever you mentioned the feeling of “oh I’m not broken” i felt that in my heart. I spent a while thinking I was wrong. To all fellow aces or any aros or ace aros reading this, there is nothing wrong with you, you are perfect as you are and one day you’ll feel that. It gets better 🖤🤍💜
Jocat at 8:06 "NO! ¡Please make that video!" xD
I started following you for art videos and through you talking about your asexuality I learned words and it opened up a whole world to me to research and learn. Through that I discovered the word I've needed all my life, 'demisexual'. It blew my mind. I knew I was bi, but I just almost never experienced sexual attraction.
The whole, "why are you doing it?!" part resonated so strongly with me.
Anyway, you've really helped me by expressing your experiences and what you've learned. I'm sure we all know how hard it is to live in this world with little to no sexual attraction, but having a word and a community helps immensely. 💕 thank you for speaking on it.
I'm in awe of your confidence.
As a 21 year old ace who will not have sex and is attracted to men my own age….it’s rough out here 😭
Not related to the topic, but the thumbnail's really nice. It has an illustrated book feel to it.
speaking from long distance experience, the first fight comes from after the first few visits and its usually about something so small that you sort of just squint at yourself and be like. what why did i get upset over that oh im just upset that theyre leaving soon time to cuddle
I been watching you since I was in highschool collage caused me not to catch up but I’m glad your still doing CZcams you made my hard times better every time you posted I was just happy
I remember finding your videos years ago, and not knowing what asexual meant, and I was thoroughly confused. Years later, I started identifying as gray aroace, and recently rediscovered your channel! But I realized that you were the first person that ever really exposed me to asexuality, and helped me slowly start accepting myself.
7:09 - 7:42 💫 relatable 💫
That's so cool, thank you for sharing your experience with us friendo!
Ahh I just wish her all the happiness, this video is excellent, I love her
Im happy you're happy echo! I think it's great you're educating others on asexuality as well :)
Awesome video, Echo! Thank you for speaking about asexuality again, it always feels so nice to be understood
I have been struggling with my gender and sexuality for years. I had come to a montly comfortable conclusion as trans masc recently but my sensuality was something I could never find a good enough definition for that I could firmly decide on or against. After this video (and all of Echos guidance on these videos), im loving the ace identity more for me. Thank you, Echo
As a new 20-year-old with a recent recognition of self and a minor identity crisis instilled by Sebastian Stan who has no idea whether what they feel is sexual attraction, romantic attraction, or just loneliness from not having many friends or ever being in a relationship (that was a lot sorry) I'm just glad to see someone else happy with their interpersonal life. I wish I knew enough about myself to not be so confused or worried about who I like and how and why and what to do with it. I really hope this relationship goes well for you however that may be and that any future updates are positive (but yes I understood your disclaimer and think it was an awesome thing to do so thank you).
p.s. I love your phrase "I can't words for garbage" so much I finally bought a t-shirt and it's one of my favorites now ❤️🖤
Back in highschool i was sure i was asexual but then after graduating i met a girl i was very sexually attracted to but it never went anywhere.. i feel like this video has made me realize that i am gray asexual though because it has been years since that girl and i have very rarely found myself attracted to anyone else. Thank you for this video!
Congrats! I'm so happy for you! It's so great to have people like you around championing good ace representation.
Also, I almost closed the video a few seconds early and went "wait, I NEED the awesome points" and let the rest play
just now realizing I could be ace + bisexual
10:16
🙏🏻🥺😭 I needed that.
So glad you have found happiness with someone, it is very exciting. I follow you primarily for your Ace content, and I agree that the best part is being in a community that understands. This is an interesting and helpful perspective on how it feels as a grey ace when you actually find someone you are attracted to. For my whole life (I'm 35) I have been the classic Aro-Ace that hits all of those stereotypes that most people assume all aces are like. I have never been attracted to anyone and didn't ever expect to be, but recently I stumbled across someone online that I was strongly and instantly romantically attracted to. This person is a CZcamsr and also already married, so there is no relationship, just a one sided, wholly unexpected, and very confusing first crush. It has taken me a few months on Aven, Ace subreddits, and discovering (or rediscovering) Ace CZcams, for me to process this new development and microlabel (Grey romantic asexual) I appreciate the reminder that situations and sexuality are fluid, as well as the perspective of what attraction looks like. (I especially like your note at the bottom of your DM, I imagine feeling this attraction all the time towards more than one human would just be exhausting)
tysm for including my question in this!!! you are such a lovely human
I didn’t know Echo had a boyfriend but I hope they have funny conversations about pizza
I'm ace, mannn this is relatable. I honestly struggle with romance because I'm ace but alloromantic, and I do develop crushes on people but maybe every couple of years? Everyone else seems to have romance figured out and have experience with it, but I'm here completely confused about what exactly is and isn't normal and how I should be approaching any of it.
Hey hey! I will say I am ace and pan romantic. I find it extremely annoying if people say just because I dont want to have sex with someone I am broken or something of the sort. I tend to just want to have affection from a partner and nothing of the sort in terms of sex. I think you're being open and willing to educate others is a great thing! I remember watching you when I was younger and its great to see you talk about these subjects
3:40 *SLAMS FIST ON TABLE*
CRAP GUIDE TO MONSTER HUNTER!
Thank you for talking about being asexual and that there is a spectrum. I wasn't even aware that how I was feeling was anything. I just felt weird and abnormal. Then I found your channel, with a video of you discussing asexuality. I legit just froze and thought, holy moly, you mean I'm not crazy, this is a thing? I finally understood how I had been feeling in high school, college and right into 3 relationships I couldn't wait to get out of before it barely left the ground. So thank you, I no longer feel like I'm a crazy person or feel like something is wrong with me. There is someone in my life now that I am attracted to, he's great. He understands how I feel and he respects me. Although, lately I have been feeling more sex positive towards him, which is a nice new experience.
Well... people have friends. Best friends. Life friends. Nothing unusual about that.
I am demisexual and even then it takes a lot for me to be that attracted to a person. Most of the time I’m made fun of and called a lesbian or “don’t knock it until you try it” sort of speech. I’ve had people force me to watch *blah* and I was absolutely repulsed and told said friend I wanna watch cartoons. I am also pansexual.
Me: Eco comes into my head out of nowhere like a week ago while thinking of youtubers I watched in like 2015
CZcams: hmmm I have an idea....
So like.. I've always wondered/thought I may be grey ace but my bf who I've been with for almost 5 years would always get offended if I mentioned it.. So I just don't label my self (other than pans), I know who I am and what I feel and that's just that.. He does get sad that Im not as 'into it' as I was when we first started dating, but kinda like you said the feeling dissipated.. Still love him with all my heart but idk am I broken 😂
Don't mind me an ace in her late teens happy to see an older ace talk about their ace expirince :D
Thanks for this great video! As a demisexual/grey ace (not sure exactly where I stand), it was very cool to hear your thoughts on your sexuality and am so happy that you're happy with your boyfriend 💜 I met this great guy on Bumble back in July of last year who lives a ferry/short plane ride away in Liverpool (I'm on the Isle of Man) and we've just had our second meet up 😊 He accepts me for who I am and doesn't make me feel uncomfortable to do anything I don't want to do. We have lots in common and I even introduced him to Star Trek (which I love and he now likes a lot too). We're taking things slow but just chatting to someone outside of my family and community on the Isle of Man, first being friends then becoming closer, was so great and I can't wait to see where things go next!
Edit: Gray to grey cause British 😅
Am I asexual or afraid of intimacy the world may never know.
simple you can still experience romantic attraction without experiencing sexual attraction!! a lot of people seem to not know that somehow
You are spot on. When you were talking about your younger years that's exactly how I thought! I would say I am grey asexual straight? I am not attracted to the same sex (female) at all, but my attractions for the opposite are still very rare. I am glad I found my husband and that he is very understanding that he is and has always been the only one I felt these things with! It almost feels magical when you find that person!