What Do I Do If My Parents Don't Approve Of My Partner? | The Cosmo Cam Crew Asks
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- čas přidán 26. 08. 2018
- What do you do if your family-arguably the most important people in your life-don't approve of your partner? The Cosmo Cam Crew asked for love advice with a relationship coach to answer just this.
READ FULL STORY HERE: www.cosmo.ph/relationships/pa...
VIDEO PRODUCED BY: Ysa Singson, Jacinda Lopez
SHOOT COORDINATION: Louise Ferrer
VIDEO SHOT BY: Sam Navalta and Lian Dumas
VIDEO EDITED BY: Pam Carlota and Ivy Rivera
HAIRSTYLISTS: Francis Guintu, Jonas Lucas, Genstein Yuzon
MAKEUP ARTISTS: Genstein Yuzon, Joyce Ignacio, and Christine Lavina using Nars
The Cam Crew girls asked relationship coach Aileen Santos for some love advice.
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The answer is simple. Carry on and get over it. And of they don't want to come to your wedding don't invite them and forget then. Live your life and become independent. Is tough but it's the only way
What if the partner doesn't want to and stays with there fams wishes... but they don't want to but will anyways
The problem with parents is the never just care about your partner "loving" or "caring about you". Usually its "he doesn't make enough money" or "I think he is a loser because of x". There is nothing that can be done about it because you fell in love with the person as they are and having them be a high flying mogel will never happen. The advice I want is "How can you get your parents to accept your partner will never make a lot of money" and "How can you get your parents to stop thinking your partner is a loser because they like video games/playing guitar/ect."
Now I badly need those questions of yours to be answered coz I also have that one in mind rn. I understand that most of the parents (esp. filipino) are on the practical side of life but it doesn't do me any good. Rn I'm kinda hurt that my mother said something, though in a subtle way, but I interpret it as "doubting or disapproving" the idea of me marrying my bf because he doesn't have a job... For now. To think we're still college students who's struggling mentally, emotionally, trying to survive with the things happened in our lives this pandemic. Me & him, we're supporting each other when no one can. Idk my mind is messed up rn lol coz i have no one to talk to about this matter.
I 100% agree. Has it changed for you now since it's been awhile?
@@ely4938 Going through the same.
@@ShristiMahanta you commenting is kinda coincidental rn because my bf does have work already but earlier we have this topic of parents becoming unapproving or might look down on him because of his educational attainment. I don't think my parents and relatives thought of him that way but rather respected him and treated him how he should be treated. Idk what should be the right term to describe what he felt. Like he's saying that I'm about to graduate while he's still saving up money to finish his degree. He told me that he doesn't deserve me if he's not able to have that degree. I'm not rushing things though but he kind of jumping into conclusions that my relatives will look down on him when time comes. It is not the case though. My mom is finally warming up and letting him be part of our special occasions. Idk how to reassure him anymore
@@ely4938 oh I see.. though I can't relate to your situation completely but I can feel what you're going through. Actually my bf is a banker and he income quite well.. our relationship is almost 3.5 yrs old. Both of our families got to know about us in the first year of your relationship. He used to come to my home and I used to go to his as well. But my father and my sister don't like him since then. So when he comes, my father used to ignore him. My sister never wanted me to be with him. She tried so many things to break us. Last year in November, me and my bf arguing for something late night and that night I was sleeping with my parents. And unfortunately my phone was on. Then my parents checked all our chats and got to know about everything. After that they beat me so hard and tried all things possible to break our relationship. My parents forced me to leave him. They snatched my phone and stop our contacts. Then after 10 days I got to meet him in my college. I explained everything to him and he realised that it was not me to be blamed. So now both of us are deeply in love with each like earlier days but I feel scared of our future. He's 27 now and his family wants him to be engaged this year. His family still love me and want me in their family. But I don't know what will I say to my parents? How will I tell them that I still love him and in contact with him. They know nothing about these. I don't know why God choosed me to face this situation 😔
The more you worry about what they think that's not how to go with it but the more you go with what you love that's going to make you more happy and that's going to put them in bad and then they would see and understand
I'm dealing with my strict Filipino parents as well. They can be toxic at times.
My parents have good intentions for me, love me in their own way, and are very protective.
They don't approve of me having a boyfriend. They want me to finish my education and get a proper job.
@@dhinenstar hello from Singapore. There is always a reason why. Maybe you can ask
me and my bf are in a relationship for almost a year and my mom is making me rlly uncomfy since she only saw his bad sides but i’m sure that he is a good man specially we’re both not near each other.
dont be sad my mom got me engaged to a guy and i started to love him he wasnt good beforebut now he is changed him self for me but now ma parents dont want him... umm this pain is too hard i wish no one should bear this pain
Dealing with this right now? Need help😥 my boyfriend and I have done everything to try and fix things. Not happy with my strict parents
.my dear i know of a powerful man who can help you and your parents will approve your relationship immediately
Message him on WhatsApp for help (+2348144358180) via email healowaemay@gmail.com
@@sarahlove9830 thanks I needed this
@@dailylilly2838 yes
How do your parents feel about your relationship now?
This thing happened to me too though I am a man. My south Asian parents didn't accept my girlfriend. I told them straight to their face; "If you don't accept my personal choice, I don't give a shit about your acceptance"
I respect this brother I hope you were able to get past it...btw how did they respond??
@@phoenix-element they responded very rude since I come from a religious Muslim family and I was doing live together with my German girlfriend. They said you either you have to leave her or you have to leave us. My respond was like, if you make that rule, then you will be excluded from my life according to the rule you made. Therefore, you yourself will be responsible for your own exclusion from my life. I told them straight on their face with zero diplomacy.
@@mdrafiqul2898 Finally did they agree or you left them ??
@@deepjyotidutta894some parents accepts it after a time, some will still be the same, What matters is that u are proud of urself
I come from a Latino background, and my parents have been super involved in my life since birth. I've been with my now fiance for almost a year now. Unfortunately, they don't approve mainly because of the age difference. She is 9 years older than me (she's 44, and I'm 35). My parents are big into their children having babies (remember I'm from a Latino background).
They prefer me to be with a woman who is around my age or younger to have a better chance of having babies. I love my parents, and it's disheartening that they don't approve of my relationship. Like the video says, they do it out of love for me. But I really wish they could see that we are both happy together. She's a really good woman and makes me happy.
I am 30 years old. My parents approved the idea of me having a boyfriend but with so MUCH restrictions. I can't go out with him. I can't travel with him. I can't eat foods and watch movie alone with him. Even the way I should love him is being controlled. I understand and I am putting always in my mind that these are all for their love to me. But I am praying that they could set me free. I am no longer a student or someone who doesn't know responsibilities. I know what I have to do. And I want to do things, so many, that they didn't approve me to do. I love them but it's too much love that suffocates me. I am sorry since I felt this way but I love myself and I just want to live my life at the fullest. I don't want to live then resent in the end for so many things I didn't able to do.
You're 30?? C'mon girl at 30 You're still depending on your parents for your own happiness?
If they restrict you at 30, inside you know that’s no good. Dictatorship is no good. Don’t wait for someone to set you free. The faster you break the chains the better is it otherwise life will get hard for you. The end of suffering is in the problem itself. Be free to choice, be healthy.
Advice by a psychology student ;)
Very true
I’m Jewish and I’m dating a Hispanic dude. My sister told me to break it off because I’m disgracing the family.
does ur family like mexican food? cuz, thats being racist the way ur family thinks. not cool of them. i respect you for dating others not just the choice of ur family.
Thank you! I try to explain to them that they can’t judge people based on stereotypes but they refuse to listen. I just wish they were more respectful of others and more accepting of the fact that I’m with someone that genuinely makes me happy rather than someone with money to elevate my status like they did.
im in the same situation rn . Im a muslim and an asian and my boyfriend is hispanic and is a christian .He said he’s willing to convert . He makes me happy but the thing is my whole family are asian and my parents are strict af . I dont understand why they wont let me be with someone whom i love . His family is very supportive especially his parents . His mom is super kind to me . The only problem is my family 😔
Their behavior is narcissistic, stay being a empath and always choose love!
Great tips. But sometimes parents can be wrong too.
My friend, had been through this today and I want to help her.
Her parents are very strict and her older sister even started accusing her partner of cheating. (WHICH IS TOTALLY NOT TRUE, because I'm friends with both of them)
It's really frustrating especially their part of the lgbtq :((
Me it's christian family and ... I pray that he and I will meet physically so things can start over better 😭 I cry in my corner praying
I’ve been 18 for 9 months now and am completely financially independent yet am still controlled and helicoptered by my parents to the point they take my phone and go through my texts and emails with recruiters, friends and family….any help is greatly appreciated
You should talk to your parents about how this behaviour bothers you and tell them that you deserve to have some privacy, now that you are an adult. I hope they do it out of love and care but if it bothers you, you should build some boundaries so that you don't feel like you have lost control of your own life
Me and my boyfriend have been together for a little over a year now. I love him so much. He would do absolutely anything for me. He comes from a very troubled background. He was raised by two parents who sold and delt drugs. They would take him alongside them when doing their deliveries and would have him do some drop offs as well. All his life all he has known was that if you see blue lights, you run. He has always been very cautious of his surroundings everywhere we go. A few months back he was driving but he didn’t have his license or any insurance. He’s wanted to get it but just always put it off. Well he was speeding and got blue lighted. When he saw the blue lights, he ran. They ended up arresting him and he sat in jail for evading arrest and was almost charged with a felony. He went to court and they gave him 6 months probation and dropped it down to a misdemeanor. Other than that day he has never been in trouble with the law. He is one of the sweetest guys I have ever met and would do anything for anyone. Since then he has gotten a well paying job and has plans for him and I both in the future. He talks about it all of the time. My parents do not like him. They don’t like how he was raised. They think that he is white trash. Tell me all of the time that if I have a kid with him that my child will be ugly and they can’t be seen in public with it even though they say they are joking. Think that he will ruin my life because he made a mistake. My parents are really good people and I know that they love me so much but they both have been burned in the past too. My mom married a guy when she was 15 and had a kid with him. He was horrible to her and was trash. My dad had 3 wives and think that if they grew a certain way that that is exactly how they turn out to be. His first 2 cheated several times and broke his heart. His third is my step mom whom I talked about previously and has raised me since I was little. They think that since they were young and those things happened to them that that is exactly what will happen to me. I know that if I do end up marrying him I want my parents there. I’m scared they won’t come and my dad won’t walk me down the aisle. What do I do?
are u guys still together?
Married to a Lao woman. Been married 15 years. Warning to the wise. If your wife or husbands parents don’t accept you. They will maybe grow to like you. Their will always be problems no matter what. I know my wife’s parents don’t approve of me. When we had kids that issue went away. Now that my kids are 8 plus. These issues are coming back big time. It’s so bad. I have to watch what I say. Everything I say is changed or misunderstood. I had a day off last week. My father in law picked up my kids during the day. My wife was asked by her dad. “ Did your husband get fired?” I have always go to the temple and show respect to their culture. Before it was ok if I forgot something etc. The Asian family will not accept your traditions and they will expect you to come their way only. I was not used to the family around all of the time. Sometimes I have to tell my wife no. The family cannot hang out with us this time etc. If you get married. Set your boundaries early. I waited to long to do this. My wife family hold grudges and it hurts. I accept them. I don’t approve of them wasting thousands at the casino and wasting life away there. I almost left my wife 6 years ago over these issues. Plus my wife was treating her parents better then me at the time.
I’m just secretly with someone because I know that my Filipino mother would never accept me dating or my partner but everyone else from my dad side approves and they are Aussie not Filipino
You don't have to...I know of a powerful prophet who will help you and everybody will expect your approval.
+2348144358180
Btw my mother and her family accepted her
Same, my dad's fine about me having a boyfriend but my mom's the problem
Same here
I don't think there's any point in asking them because it's what you want i think you just got to show them
If they raise you well💪🏾💕
Screw them they are more dependent on my person so I would stay with the person that I met that I actually like.
I am greek and my boyfriend is egyptian, my parents do not accept him because of his ethnicity. We recently started dating and today i told them about it and my dad got really mad and told me that he is “egyptian” and i should only date greek men
How about the qualities that my parents want is the not just, trustworthy or responsible person but more on the appearances? like 'he should be attractive, handsome" that would fit in their standards =( that's what my filipino parents say. I have this partner that i love him dearly and he has this qualities that my parents wants but not the appearances... He's not that unattractive but an ordinary guy...
Dealing with this exact scenario
Go girls 💙💙💙💙💙 LoVe LoVE LUrVEeeee
my parents absolutely HATEEEE my boyfriend. we aren’t even allowed to talk to each other. his parents hate me, and my parents hate him. i cant even hangout with him. i have no clue what to do.
😭😭😭
What made both of the parents act like this in the first place?
My mom doesn’t like my boyfriend of over 3 years because she doesn’t like his personality and doesn’t make enough money. My boyfriend in order for us to progress into marriage wants my mom to try and meet with him and his parents and get to know them but she refuses. This is really affecting our relationship to where I moved out. What do I do
I’m starting a little emotional support group where ppl talk about problems like this and we can all give each other advice and be friends. Lmk if any of u guys are interested!
I'm, plz let me know
I’m interested in joining this group
Hi is this group still available?
Is this group available?
I am
Pls I need help my mum n bigsis re against my relationship
I am currently in need of advice and assistance. I am Asian, and my partner is of Mexican descent. We initially connected online, but my parents disapprove of him due to his ethnicity, as they have negative perceptions of how Mexicans treat their partners. However, my partner differs from their stereotype; he is a religious individual who believes in God and strives to be a good person. Despite his efforts to win my parents over by buying gifts and demonstrating his commitment as a considerate boyfriend, they remain strongly opposed to our relationship. I am a 17-year-old navigating through this challenging situation. My parents are deeply concerned for my well-being, urging me to end the relationship or else they will abandon me which is manipulation. I find myself torn between following their wishes and the fear that rejecting their advice might lead to a strained relationship and feelings of betrayal. I am determined to avoid a broken family and am seeking guidance during this difficult time. How should I resolved this? :(
My mum hate mine just for his title I wann know why but she never tells me idk maybe someon with the same title hurt her in the past
I need mooooore
My fiancé used to be abusive but since then has changed we are now expecting a child and want to marry but my parents won’t ever approve due to the fact of his history of abusing me but he has changed. I don’t know what to do
What do you want is the question
Forget your parents, what do you want?
The fact that he used to be abusive is a big red flag in my opinion. I feel like your parents are just trying to protect you and the child since his history of abuse might affect the family youre gonna have
From my experience abusive people don't even change, they act nice to gain back your trust and then start again. Be careful
I'm getting married in a week and I think my partners father doesn't want me for his daughter..
How about ethnic? My parents and my big fams are rly straight u know, Asian parents. I'm trying to show them my boyfie's qualities and his personality too! Someone pls tell me what do i hv to do???????
im dealing with the same thing . My whole family are asian and my boyfriend is hispanic . My parents are strict af and because we’re muslims and boyfriend isnt but he’s willing to convert . His parents are very supportive and kind towards us except for my parents . Im really worried and scared that one day we will have to be apart because of my parents .
@@heyshawty8088 how have y’all been dealing with this? Have your parents been more understanding yet?
@@divinemokeira nope . they are just the same . seriously its hard for me when my family wont cooperate at all
Here in India. Qualities are bullshit for parents. They only want same cast. Let that person be any how
People in india wouldn't just be unhappy they will be willing to kill if u marry someone from another religion or state... And then even justify their actions
Yeah. Am mixed, not even of different caste, and seen so much prejudice. Shame as I love my Indian culture but not this aspect of it
This was a good video. What if the guy has the qualities but is old enough to be my daughter's father. Am I supposed to be okay with that?
RGC Education I mean, yeah sure it might me weird but at the end love is love and you don’t have to live with him and spend the rest of your life with, so why not support them? I’m sure you’ll get used to it ^^
i have 3 years secret relationship.
How
I have a secret relationship almost 6 years
Wow 6 years😵 please tell me your secret
Hey can we talk
How can i get my parents accept a bf who had a child with his first girlfriend 21 years ago? The child carried his name but he never married the woman. The woman is now married to a different man and has her own kids. My bf only supported his child financially but not anymore involved in their lives. After that relationship, he had a 2nd gf for 6 years but he never married her and never had kids with her. He is thus, still single. As a 3rd gf, he now wants to marry and settle down with me. We are happy together. He has a stable job as a senior supervisor in a company and I am a medical doctor myself (*but i still want to get some good advise). We are actually in a hurry to marry as he is now 39 going 40 and im 35 going 36...although we are in very ripe marrying age, we still want to be in good terms with our parents (*my parents in particular)
How did it go? I would like to know 😢