Veteran Reacts to Su!cide By Ren
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- čas přidán 8. 07. 2024
- Here I am doing a reaction to Su!cide by Ren. Thank you for taking the time to watch this and for helping me on my journey to 10k subscribers. If you have any requests, please feel free to let me know in the comments.
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• Ren - Su!cIde (Officia...
Song Su!side
Artist Ren
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Somewhere on the comments page of the Suicide video Ren wrote this but it wasn’t pinned so it can get lost in the comments. This is beautiful and relevant to the song and everyone should read it.
Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write.
Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday.
I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again.
This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary.
Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe.
Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then.
On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left.
Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late.
Joe’s body was never found.
Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe.
As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since.
My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew.
Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came.
This is so sad…
I read this from Ren after I had pulled myself together again after the last part of his latest release... I guess everyone understands why I don't name the song... Which is a travesty...
I don't think I've ever binged on CZcams before... But I seen his cover of bitter sweet symphony and it ... To me.. highlighted the difference between the haves and the have nots. Just how people like me take pleasure in a morning where we have nothing to worry about and just love living regardless.
Then I looked at his work. ... Then he dropped... Sui c ide.
And then hit on all the emotions we shade just to be able to grab those moments.
I think of myself as a strong person who has gone through a lot of tough things.
Nothing compared to Ren.
Fk. He's just laying it down that it's ok to be upset... He cries. His voice breaks. He even does the ugly snotty sniff.
We have all been there but not many admit it.
I do it around 2am when no one is around and I'm sorted again by the morning. I manage to hide the chokes during the day watching videos by a cough and going to the loo to get myself together
@@TormentedVet_Reactions He's such a inspiration; man is inventing his own kind of music.
The first time I saw Hi Ren - I didn’t realize I had been holding my breath until the end of the song. I have not felt something this deeply that struck my core
I read this on the vid but I guess it didnt all sink in! Dig by incubus is a song I listen to sometimes when I feel like I'll never meet anyone to have a life with! I'll never meet anyone to raise a family with! There isn't a woman out there left with the empathy and compassion to see me at my weakest. Yet still know how strong I am! Gods I remember these thoughts mingling in my brain with all the other reasons as I stood on the edge of a motorway bridge! And I remember the soul breaking remorse as I fell! The second I began to fall I knew I'd made a mistake! I don't think anything will ever hit me as hard as the landing of that fall ever again! If it does I most certainly will never know it. I don't know how I survived......but I did.....and I'll never forget the gift I've been given......it just hurts so much knowing all the others didn't get this gift, this second shot at this beautiful terrible life! I just have to believe deep down that every person who doesn't get their second shot, passes theirs on to someone in the same situation! I have to believe in something, anything, doesn't really matter what. To make this world make sense even a little bit! I just know this gift comes with a terrible responsibility! To keep living and going forward no matter what happens!
This is my interpretation of the (fibonacci/double dutch) section of Ren's spoken word poem. The fibonacci sequence being (0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21, 34, 55, 89, ...). It's a mathematical sequence that when drawn out, is an ascending spiral that appears in many patterns throughout nature, also known as the Golden Ratio or Godly form. It's something beautiful & yet has no rational explanation of how it appears in many different parts in nature. Double Dutch in British English, literally means nonsense /gibberish. So what he's poetically saying is that he sees the world as both polar opposites of, unexplainable natural beauty & never ending nonsense.
Agree... AND it occurs to me that Fibonacci is also a play on "spiraling out (of control)"
ah that sounds logical, thanks for the explanation!
great perspective, thank you
THANK YOU
@@bethosbornefischer3315Yep, also found in Tool - Lateralus lyrics which also uses the Fibonacci sequence
I believe the line "useless my mother, can't keep my supper" came right after the line "my body purges". He's not knocking his mum, he's just saying to her it's useless mum I can't eat, I keep throwing everything up. His mum & dad divorced when he was around 11 or 12 so essentially he was raised by a single mum half of his life. The line "truth is my father" is a poetic way of how he's always searching for answers & truth in his life, for his illness mostly (he lived with his mum through the worst of his illness). The last line "draw forth the sword & drive through the armor" he's once again poetically saying just brace yourself & push through these tough times.
In a podcast, he commented he has a really good relationship with his family!
From what he’s said, I don’t think when they divorced his father didn’t have contact with him. I think it just went to co-parenting, not to his mum being the only parent.
Don't forget it was losing his best friend to un-aliving that caused his illness 😒
@@neilmenzies7193 that's not true. He was bitten by a tick, contracted Lyme disease but was misdiagnosed for years, leading to autoimmune conditions & psychosis.
the whole song he relates different feelings/pain to family, it's an expansion of that metaphor and not really something literal.
Ren actually has a good relationship with his family and he thinks of his younger sister as an inspiration.
I think Joe was one big reason Ren never went through with it. He didn't want others to go through the pain of losing someone they love like he did.
Ren has done 4 YT interviews with Reactors if you haven't seen them yet . The interesting one is with Rosalie Reacts. He mentioned that He's already written Suicide. and it was with his masters for final production, During the interview with Knox Hill, Ren went into great detail what happened when Joe jumped off the Menai Suspension Bridge, (How got a phone call, 3am from one of his girl friends that Joe was going to Jump. Ren lived nearest to the bridge, and he rang Joe while racing to the bridge, no answer but the phone was ringing. 2minutes before he got to the bridge the phone stopped ringing) Ren said after the Knox interview, it brought back fact he hadn't mentioned Joe for awhile in any of his songs. He decided to write the dedication to Joe, just one week before the song finished it final master.
I’m an Army Iraq war veteran and I went early, 2004. This song means a lot to me personally. I attempted suicide 5 times after I came home from Iraq.
😢❤❤❤
Sorry you got to that point,glad you weren't successful brother.
@@brentlong2295 I had battle buddies who cared. My roommate was my battle buddy and he got home early. I was 5 minutes away from dying. I woke up the next day at Lutheran hospital in Brooklyn freaking out. I got mental health treatment from then on. Some people think mental health is a joke, it’s real! Thank you for caring. We can all help each other ❤️
@@angelabordack Im so sorry that you had to go trough the early stages of the war. Im not a veteran but i know one that went to battle in Desert storm as a UN personal from Sweden(Where i live). Ive never seen someone so hurt before.
Theres a great talk on TEDx about Combat PTSD and the mental health surrounding it. The talk is made by Sebastian Junger, who was a journalist following troops. He did Documovies Restrepo and Korengal. Just thought id share that with you.
@@johncenashi5117 I’ve watched Restrepo many times and I cry every single time. I know what they went through and for him to die later is heartbreaking 💔
I don't know if I'm right or not and it doesn't matter but I interprets that useless, truth and bruises are really familiar to him not his actual family. He says earlier in the song Bruises my brother, one time or the other...
Bruises my sister, skin pop the blister... And then it comes "useless my mother,
skin so pale 'cause my cheeks leak colour
Truth is my father, you choose your karma
draw for the sword then drive through the armour" It's all close to him.
fibonacci sequences are the two former numbers add up to the next. For example the beginning is 0, 1, 1, 2, 3, 5, 8, 13, 21 and so on. Double Dutch can mean nonsense words.
Remember those who wants to kill themselves are not longing to die they just don't know how to live in this world with the things hanging over them. We can help with that.
🤓🇸🇪
Thank you for your most sincere and heartfelt reaction. It is a very deep song and a lot of people can connect to the words, including myself. Just know that it is not just your wife and children that need you, it is everyone in you life and your circles that do too. And that goes for everyone. You don't know how much you are needed and wanted by the people in your lives and we should all tell people more how much they are needed and loved. Sending hugs from the UK. 🫂
Thank you so much for your kind words!
@@TormentedVet_Reactionsyour struggles and trauma can help endless of people bro you won’t see it straight away but you have the means to spread messages through your platform. You are important! That’s coming from a stranger, I believe we have a purpose in life wether we see it or not, sending love from 🏴
This just brings it all back… the feelings of losing my boyfriend to this…. I’ll always wonder why and the what ifs could ruin me if I let them…
It's a punctuation misunderstanding. He was basically saying how he felt about his situation and the inability to eat the meals his mother would make due to his body rejecting food. Well that's how I understood it.
For context: RenMakesMusic
2 weeks ago
Today I want to write something beautiful and eloquent but I’ve been staring at my computer screen for the past 10 minutes blankly. So I’ll just write.
Today, the 1st of June is my friend Joe’s birthday.
I first met Joe when I was 8 years old, my friend Josh said I had to meet this guy, so we both walked over to his, it took about 10 minutes from my house. I was greeted by this kid covered head to toe in freckles, he grinned at us, climbed onto the back of his sofa and screamed “Swanton Bomb!” then front flipped off the top and landed right onto his back on a stone floor. He lay still for a moment, twitched a few times, then got up, grinned at us, brushed himself off, and did it again.
This was Joe. He’d do anything to make people laugh. He ended up becoming one of my best friends. He was there when we stole our first cigarettes out of his mums pack, way too young. He was there when I had my first kiss, with a girl twice my size on the back of the 42 bus. He was there when I first got so drunk I threw up in the woods after drinking as much white lightning Cider as we could. I was there when he did his first backflip on skates, and saw him do a 720 off of the pier cave, that moment became legendary.
Joe was the funny one in our friend group, he’d make us laugh till it hurt. No one had a bad word to say about him. It was impossible not to like him. Usually we put celebrities, athletes and actors on pedestals, turn them into role models and admire them from a far. The person I admired was Joe.
Him and Sagar knew every word to the songs id write, we’d get drunk at parties and they’d be singing along as loud as they could. It gave me a lot of confidence back then.
On Christmas Eve 2010 I was sitting in a pub with Joe, he’d been feeling low after a couple of consecutive break ups. He tried to check himself into a mental health outpatient facility a few weeks earlier but they turned him away because he didn’t have an appointment. He turned to me and said that sometimes he wished he could just walk into the sea and keep walking. He said it in a kind of half joking throw away comment type of way, then took a sip of his drink, walked over to the juke box and put Dig by Incubus on. If I knew that was the last time I’d see Joe id have hugged him, told him how much I loved him, how much I looked up to him, how much we all loved him, and I wouldn’t have left that pub. I didn’t know that, so I finished my drink, said happy Christmas and left.
Two nights after Christmas I got woken up by a phone call at 3am, it was my friend Ella. She told me Joe was on the Menai Bridge, a large suspension bridge connecting the main land to the isle of Anglesey where we lived. He’d been on the phone to her in tears saying goodbye. He told her to tell everyone he loved them. I pulled on my clothes as fast as I could and started running toward the bridge. It was up a hill. I lived about a ten minute walk away, I could run it in five. As I ran I started dialling then redialing his number. The line was busy, which was a good sign, it meant he was still on the phone to someone. As I got about halfway, the busy tone changed. It told me the line was out of service. I got a sinking feeling and picked up my speed. I arrived to the bridge minutes after I left my house. It was deafeningly quiet. I was the first person to arrive. I got there probably about 2 minutes too late.
Joe’s body was never found.
Initially we refused to believe he was gone. The coastguard came out that night, with boats, and helicopters. Me and my friends spent the next 10 days putting up missing posters everywhere we could, walking up and down beaches with flashlights, getting about 3 hours sleep a night. When you’re walking up and down a beach with a torch when its dark everything looks like a body. We still haven’t found Joe.
As his birthday came around, I wrote a song, freckled angels, a song I dedicated to Joe which I sang in front of his friends and family. A charity football match was put on for him, raising money for the RNLI where I won two bottles of wine in a raffle, I drank them both as quickly as I could, naturally, turned to my friend and probably slurred something along the lines of “This is the last time I ever drink” That was 12 years ago, I haven’t touched a drop of alcohol since.
My first ever album I named Freckled Angels in tribute of one of the best people I ever knew.
Skip forward some years. I’d been sitting on this song I wrote a few years ago. It always felt a little incomplete. It was going to be my next release, but I was dreading it because of this feeling of incompletion. I decided, very last minute, to do something about it. I sat by my piano, and the rest of the song fell out of me. I hadn’t thought about Joe in a little while, and the song initially wasn’t going to be about him, but the words all fell out of me. I wrote and recorded a whole 2 minutes extra, recording each part as I wrote it. Tears spewing out of my eyes pretty much the whole time, and decided not to do my usual thing of perfecting each line, I just recorded every line as it came.
During this campaign I will be raising money for the RNLI, the group of brave men and women who spent hours tirelessly looking for Joe after the night he went missing. I'll also be donating 50% of the profit on all copies of the 'Freckled Angels' album directly to Joes family as a nice surprise gift. I will include links to the RNLI donation page below where 100% of the money will go to support them, I will be travelling to the UK later this month to make a music video, and have carved out a couple of days where I will travel to my home town on the isle of Anglesey to present the royal national lifeboat institution with a cheque of all the money raised.
Turn on notifications for the video here: czcams.com/video/n3JNtfi4Vb0/video.html
Raising money for RNLI :
www.justgiving.com/page/ren-gill-1685546882254?Link&/ren-gill-1685546882254&
Freckled Angels album: renmakesmerch.com/products/freckled-angels-cd
Presave Suic*de: found.ee/ren-suic-de
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Ideation is a normal part of life even among children so we need to deal with it by facing the facts and caring for each other. He was saying it was useless for his mom to fix supper because he can only eat 3 meats and 6 vegetables, the rest will make him sick. Fibonacci is order, and Double Dutch is Chaos. Brother, I hope you know that you are not here for you, you are here for those you love and who love you.
Like you I've unfortunately dealt with losing people to suicide one too many times brother.
17... 17 friends both civilian and brothers I've served with. There's been days I myself have struggled and continue too. But my stubborn Irish ass hasn't given in yet. But I'm sick of the meds that just numb me to everything. It's no way to live. But still I push through. Love you brother, thank you for doing this and giving us a voice.
Ren's heavy breathing at the transition represents him being out of breath from running as fast as he could to the bridge where Joe was. He got a call saying Joe was was there and he was thinking about jumping. Ren lived was closest to the bridge so he got dressed ran there as fast as he could and calling Joe the whole time and it's phone would ring alot and go to voicemail so he thought he still okay. When Ren got there he didn't see Joe anywhere so he called his phone and immediately it said, " this phone is no longer in service" and you only get that message when a phone has been broken or submerged in water and no longer working. So Ren was two minutes too late 😢 RIP JOE HUGHES and everyone else in the world lost to suicide.
Bro, all your doing is awesome. One tormented to another. Suicide is permanent. No more life input. And what would do to your kids??? I'd hate myself even more than I already do. I'd break my daughters hearts.... suicide is not the answer
Because every time we told someone we loved them is basically a boldface lie...
Ren had written the first part & was ready to release it in a few weeks but felt it was unfinished. After talking to Knox Hill in his interview the topic of his friend Joe Hughes came up. A few days later Ren knowing that Joe's b-day was around the corner, it came to him & he wanted to finish this song with a tribute to Joe's memory. He sat down at his piano and recorded what we now hear in the second part. In memory of his childhood friend Joe, the words poured out of him in minutes, raw & unfiltered. He sent it to his sound engineer & had him add it to the ending & then contacted the ppl who did the A.I work to come up with something simple for the new ending. It was all very last minute but made all the difference.
I really does make all the difference, I couldn’t keep in the tears during that particular part, cause you can sense the emotion
He’s userless because he can’t keep down his supper and he’s sickly. Truth is my father, you create your Karma, draw forth your sword and drive through the armour. ren had creative people sending him paintings and drawings so he fed them into A.I. and this is the result! Brilliant. Nice reaction man! much love to all who have been touched by this.
First, Thank you for your service and I'm so sorry for your loss, it was evident how much you loved your friends.
Secondly, thank you for your reaction to this song. I'm going through difficult times as I adjust to living with a Traumatic Brain Injury. I don't want to continue to struggle every day. I want to quit leave this pain I'm going through. Ren's music saved me a few weeks back. I had a night the insomnia was really bad and about 3am I felt I couldn't take it anymore. I was sitting there getting ready to end it and Ren's song "How to be Me (live version)" came on. It drew me out of my head and into the song. During the last verse I broke down and wept. I realized if I ended my pain, I would be creating a new greater pain for my loved ones. I cannot bear to do that to them. I again wept at the end of Suicide. I'm still hurting, I'm still fighting, and at times the temptation of suicide still pulls at me and calls my name. I've found during those times watching reactions help. To see your pain, to hear the hurt in your voice, I picture my family and friends sitting in your seat and talking about me. I cry, but the tears feel good because I've lost the ability to feel anything but pain about my life. I can't live for me, but I have to live for others.
As someone who doesn't even know you, I just want to say that I am so glad you continue to fight - that you continue to choose life. I pray that your own pain becomes more tolerable and you are able to find joys in your own life worth living for each day. You matter.
@@tommieev5589 thank you for the kind words. I may have lost my ability to hope for a better future, but it is nice to know others haven't.
i hope you win your battle x
@@Vikkigamesbadly thank you. Hearing the supportive words from people I've never met has been surprisingly encouraging. I've made a comment on a few reaction videos as well as the official video and the support I've received has been far greater than I expected.
@Nick you are deserving of the love and words you have received. I wish you all the success xx
Much love Mate. Appreciate you.
Someone smarter than me said: " suicide takes your pain away and gives it to somebody who loves you!"
Thank you for not shying away from this song/topic and for doing such a great job with this video. I feel like yours is exactly the type of dialogue Ren was hoping to generate. Also, I believe he made the first section surprisingly catchy and upbeat so that it will live in our heads rent-free, and folks will be humming the hook all day long: "Suicide, suicide, suicide." Suddenly, it's not so scary and taboo anymore. And if we're singing it, we may as well talk about it too. Anyway, I'm sorry for your losses. You're right, it's never the right time. Your wife and children have a good human on the team.
I think the 'useless my mother, cant keep in my supper' is about how (my perspective as a mother) as a mother one of your true acts of nurturing is feeding your child. I have a child thats a thats hard to nourish and it makes you feel useless in a very deep way. A sick child who cannot keep down the food you prepare with love and worry would feel so terrifying on both sides.
Sending you love from the UK. Keep talking, and letting others know it's okay to talk. ❤
This video and the fundraiser Ren launched ahead of it has currently raised 15k for the organisation that tried to find his friend's body. And Ren is gifting 50% of cd sales from the album he named after Joe to Joe's parents, too. Their friendship is still changing lives, and will save them.
Apparently the video style was achieved by filming the video and then running out through an A.I program with the lyrics and stylistic prompts. So all the bits of Ren walking and the heads with lyrics, etc, that look more 'real' were filmed, and then the scenes like the skull/head/fist sequence were additional all-A.I sections.
When I was a teenager I had a friend who committed suicide because his dad shoved him in a apartment by himself, he came from a broken home and he couldn't take the rejection anymore. I still miss my friend to this day. It's sits like a hollow pit in my heart. Suicide only hurts those around you. I wish my friend would have let me help him. Much love ❤. Thank you for sharing your chanel and your insights on the human condition. We all hurt for one reason or another and your chanel feels like a safe space to be when I can help someone or if I need help.
I just found your channel but love the first reaction I've seen. About "Useless my mother" - I think means it's useless for his mother to try to feed him because his body just purges it.
Some reactors misinterpret Ren's lyrics due to not seeing or getting the punctuation. When he says "useless, my Mother" he is not saying that she is useless. He is talking to her and describing himself as useless. When he says "truth is, my Father", again he is talking to his father, not saying that he is truth/the truth. The invisible comma is all important
Agreed, and it's all in the breath. The comment to his mom shows a clear break between the word "useless" and the comment he can't stop throwing up: but the comment to his dad is all in a single breath. In real life it's not clear - but his dad divorced his mom and moved away: he was raised by his mom and he went home and she took care of him for several years when he got sick as a young adult. His dad is pretty much absent from his comments. To me, that doesn't sound like a supportive environment. It appears that his dad is a psychotherapist: there may be a double meaning when Ren comments on "piercing the armor."
@@Aurora-cv5to Yeah, he has had a loving relationship with his mother. The one with his father may be more complicated, through distance etc. I really don't know the meaning of the words around "piercing the armour etc"
Your are so true.. I saw every reaction to this song and it is driving me crazy. 😅🤦🏻♂️
@Arhimith it's about a friend who was like a brother. His name was Joe
@@Arhimith That wasn't the point that I was making. (In any case, Ren often uses the term "my brother" to mean my friend.)
Suicide can leave so many scars and guilt for some close relations. My nephew was my hardest, as we spoke that evening. He said he was okay. My brother has not truly recovered after 14 years .As for the lyrics, Ren is extremely well spoken and obviously very intelligent. As you said in your reaction, reach out and talk to someone who can actively listen.
Thank you for sharing your story. I lost my brother to suicide in 2021. He suffered from chronic pain that he described as having 2 knives jammed in his head, and depression for four years and had a lot of really bad days followed by a few good ones. Shortly before he took his own life he was very upbeat and had some really good days. Afterwards it felt like he was saying goodbye and wanted the end to be peaceful and happier than he had been. It sounds like these final calls you spoke about. Thanks for sharing your reaction. The first time I saw this video I openly wept. Ren is such an amazing storyteller and his raw emotion in this video broke me the first few times I heard it. Stay strong, keep spreading your message. I appreciate you.
I've watched countless reaction to all of rens music, this has to be in the top 3 heart felt, emotional and real reaction. Coming from a naval family myself and with 2 family members taking there own lives. Unfortunately those that we are most close to we never know until it's to late. You have gained another subscriber here keep up with the good work man.
Thank you for the kind words!!!
I hear "Truth is my father" as "Truth is, my father, you choose your karma"... as in a statement that when we face this, we have to make a choice which creates its own karma. We can choose the karma of breaking the armor of silence and isolation to seek help, or we can choose the karma that impacts those left behind.
Love to everyone. You matter.
I hear the lyrics the same way.
Sending love and a virtual hug. Thankyou for being wonderful.❤
Thank you for sharing yourself on such a personal and profoundly emotional topic. Thank you for all you have done and scarified for our country.
Great reaction I hope the messages from most reactors to reach out and talk to someone who can help will get though to the people who need it. Ren produces masterpieces and often they contain important messages.
thank you for a beautiful reaction!
Thank you soldier, and thank you for this great reaction.
Keep on going
I am a US Army MP Veteran. I just received my 100% VA Disability P & T. You would think that I would be happy, yet it still doesn't chase away all the demons in my head. Whenever I try suicide, it's very compulsive. Then I usually break down & cry for hours & think that I'm such a coward. Yet, I have 3 successful young sons, & 2 daughters, who need me. I have always shielded them from all the guilt, horror, & shame that I have seen & still carry with me. I feel the VA just pump me full of meds, so that my creativity & personality is ripped away from me. Sometimes, I feel as though I'm so lucky to be an American, especially when I see & have seen so many other people in other countries suffer through even more issues than me. Then my heart breaks for all these people. The world is so ugly & so many people are so hateful to others. I hate it. I know there is a better world to come, where love is the only issue that matters. There is no way to have paradise on this earth. I have lost so many people very close to me, & sometimes I feel jealous, because I wish it was me, instead. Then I know that God will take you on his terms, not ours. Somedays I'm on top of the world, but some days, I can't shake the nightmares & and I fight in my sleep. It is a slow process, but it will get better 1 day at a time. I love everyone out there, & wish you all only good & endless love.
Man, this is why this is this is so important. Talk about it, discuss it, cry, allow emotions out. We have to get rid of this stereotype of a strong alpha male. The strongest men show their emotions and like in the military you need people to have your back when your back is to the wall. When it's your mental health that is under fire you need people in your corner as much.
TALK! No one is alone in these feelings. You fought for your country, why isn't it okay to fight for yourself, if nothing else like you said your family need you, fight for your family. Just fight and get help with the fight. People are there and will help you but they have to first know that you are in a fight. So talk
I cannot remember where I saw it to give proper credit but a video I watched about this subject had a profound quote. “Those who commit suicide leave their psychological skeletons in the closets of those they left behind.” Never a truer word spoken. I appreciate the effort you put into this reaction and hope you have been doing well.
Absolutely fantastic and real reaction.
The survivors guilt is real… My friend took his own life 20 years ago, and when a mutual friend told me I laughed… because I didn’t believe it. I still feel guilt for not knowing, for not saying something to him, and for laughing…
Appreciate your openness. Much love from the UK.
Suicide does not end the pain, it just passes it on to the ones you love. :(
I’m a volunteer and dog trainer for Custom Canines. We work with AWI to provide service dogs to veterans. There are too many that choose a permanent solution to a temporary problem. 😭😭
Perfectly said. Military, first responders, too many others. ❤️
I like the comments here.When you’re there it’s not good. I struggle every day to deal with ptsd and this exact situation. Thank everyone. The worst part is reaching for help and having someone ignore you.
Love your insights! I was moved by your words.
I have never toyed with the idea of doing it. I am blessed for that. I know those that do. I knew those that did it. Ren is a gift to the world.
So powerfully raw and important!❤
I've heard a few military vets talk about this subject on this video. I found myself crying watching your reaction as much as ren's genius.
Toying with the idea is called passive suicidal ideation I also deal with that.
Based on things Ren said in various interviews about his family, I suspect the references to family in this song are more poetic. In addition, he references a brother here, when he doesn't have one.
Thank You for your service... sorry for all those you have lost brother... great reaction
Sorry for your loss & experience within this topic... Ren paints a very vivid picture expressing the years of hurt this can cause to loved ones & friends 😢
Liked & subscribed in anticipation of you reacting to more Ren
Cheers 👍🍻
I want to thank you for acknowledging other forms of ptsd. I had to fight to get help because im not a vet.I have it from a surgery that went horribly wrong. In my youth I was lazy and over ate, got up to be over 500pounds at one point, that among other things ruined my back, it also ruined my guts Id diverticula so bad it got to where I couldnt eat I threw up every time , went in to get scoped to see why and was woken up 20 mins into an hr long thing told they had a hospital bed ready and surgeon waiting, spent over 10hrs on that hard plastic slab the work on you on, this set my back off as they gutted me and took out over half my intestines, after the surgery my back kept spasming from being on the slab that long causing my guts to spasm more, burning through the petty pain meds they gave, they wouldnt listen I kept begging and pleading for stronger pain meds, spent all night screaming till I couldnt scream anymore, my voice gave out I crawled into my brain to survive it wasnt till the morning at shift change that I mustered the last of my strength to grab a nurses hand and beg her to kill me that they took my pain seriously. Spent a month in ICU after that. As to not getting 2nd chances from this, I did. The gun jammed and im so damned glad it did.
Thank you for sharing. Thank you for caring. Thank you for being you and doing this for yourself and for the rest of us
I'm so sorry for your loss. And thank you for your service. Hug your kids and know you're loved. New subscriber here.
Fantastic reaction, truly. Im so very sorry for your losses and your struggles with PTSD.
(my 2 cents) I interpret part of the lyrics that his pain and struggles are as close as family members i.e. he says BRUISE is my sister, USELESS' my mother TRUTH is my father. His physical struggles for nearly a decade have been horrendous for him. Ive never heard him express anything close to having issues with his family with the exception of his parents divorcing when he was much younger. New sub and hope you make it to 10,000 and beyond!!
Thank you for your service ❤Don’t care if you’re from a different country
Thank you for doing what you're doing with this channel, and for being you... it means a lot, honestly. Hand on heart - Thank You! Love ya, man.
Thank you and so good for you to offer support,bless you mate
Sometimes the idea of others needing you more than the need for release is the only thing that gets you through a day. That this shows how you can be on both sides of it too. Thinking about it, ideation, and also dealing with the carnage that comes from dealing with someone else succeeding where you may have failed.
For the longest time, having a suicide plan worked out in my head, helped me to cope through every day living, when living was so damn hard. Knowing that I could exit stage left at any time gave me a kind of comfort.
Life is never static. It morphs. It changes. If you can't deal with the speed of the changes, being static is sometimes, all you can do....
He's close to his parents , thy divorced when he was younger, he has a sister, the beginning of the song is his feelings through his illness at the end he talks about missing his childhood friend who actually did it, it hurt him, so its about him & the end his Bf Joe!!! Deep song ♥ ♥ It's the worst way of loosing someone ,don't wish it on anyone....this is not the way for a temporary problem to do a permanent solution..Never the way, the people left behind it NEVER leaves us!!!
Thank you for what you do. Thank you for who you are.
You can't stop re-thinking what could have been done differently.. And it`s not a choice.. Its just there all the time.. What if.. Great reaction.. Shit i love Rens music..
I feel your pain. Much love
That was a good one. I am not military but I am militant. I have asked for death but am still here. I will fight to the death for humanity.
I appreciate your reaction and my condolences for who you have lost and what you have gone through. We all love you man !! ❤❤
Im so sorry for the loss of your friend and the beautiful reaction to such a sad song! 😢
Keep up your work, it's going to help alot of people.thank you.
its not your fault. >hugs.
Great reaction I'm so sorry for your loss.
I've lost brothers too. Just on fathers day. Stay strong bro.
This was a beautiful reaction. Stay strong sir. Someone who knows how to tag Ren, please do. This is why he does what he does.
Well said, good sir. We don't know if we have another life. Life sucks at times, but it's beautiful too. Deal with the shit,and enjoy the great times that are coming.
A big thanks for your reaction. We lost a dear friend last night. It's rough. Real rough.
I'm sorry I missed this when you posted my condolences to you and the family.
Oh Man I felt your pain and appreciate you sharing.
Thank you for sharing, I am happy that doors of conversations are opening up more and more. Appreciate you ❤
I love your take on things. It is why I subscribed. I am so impressed.
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The wording referring to his mother is that he's telling his mom he can't eat, it's useless to eat. I saw in an interview that his mom took care of him while he was bedridden with Lyme disease for years (almost a decade). He said in the interview that he is very grateful to his mom for helping him. And he keeps in touch with his family.
I appreciate that your willing to talk to me if I'm struggling and we are strangers to each other and also across pond from each other and just you saying that means the world to me and and I'm glad that you've found Ren as he says in his music what alot of people can't say to anyone only how they feel inside love from England 🇬🇧
Thank you for the genuine reaction. Liked and subscribed. Chin up brother!
Happy to move you one step closer to 10,000! Ren's music has been a huge "balm" for my own psychological issues since I discovered Hi Ren a few months ago. And reactions like yours also help quite a bit. I hope you more than exceed your goals!
Thankyou for sharing. Sorry you had to go through this. Its good people are sharing. Suicide is never the answer for anyone involved. Take care xxx
So much love for this one bratah! ThnQ for sharing with us ❤❤❤
I am so sorry for your losses and grief. There are no adequate words just listening and offering a shoulder ❤❤
Thank you for sharing yourself on such a personal and emotional topic. Take care of yourself and thank you for creating an outlet for the vets. Especially those that faced trauma.
Thank you for sharing your reaction. Hoping someone who needs help with listen to this reaction. God bless you!
You are as open as the lyrics Ren presents to us. Thank you for sharing your pain, people need a level set, I truly got one today. May you be blessed with many subs and likes 👍
Awesome reaction bro and thank you for being you!
I just found your channel through you reacting to Ren. I just subscribed because you're amazing. I have loved the 2 videos I've seen you react to. Thank you ❤️
Thank you so much!!!
My brother called me on a Friday while I was working on the other side of the country. He asked me when I was gonna come home. I told him that I’d be home in a week. He told me that he loved me and hung up. The next Monday I got a call from my mother that made me drop to my knees crying in a gas station parking lot 1500 miles from home.
one sudden movement in a world of possibility
i think this is pretty clear cut but basically out of everything that can be done the decision is to try and end it
this decision exposes how fragile we are as people that all it takes is one event to break us and bring us down
Sorry for your loss ❤
Thanks for sharing your reaction, it was insightful, raw, honest and moving. I hope Ren realises how he is helping people by opening up about his struggles. I kept seeing Hi Ren appear on my feed and kept ignoring it for songs I know, then last week this drew me in and made this 63 year old man cry. I thought he'll never do anything to top this, then I watched Hi Ren, what a masterpiece!
Thank you for this reaction and your thoughts about it. Ive lost several family members this way and struggle with these thoughts myself on a reguler basis. As they say, su*cide doesn't get rid of the pain, it just spreads it 💔
Sorry to hear that….
Sorry for your loss man... I'm new here - been down the Ren rabbit hole for a few months now. I'm from the UK and our vets aren't looked after well enough... from my non-military perspective. I've subbed and liked and will be back xx
Respect bro vet here aswell from Iraq and Afghan song sits heavy and resonated with me through my own suicidal thoughts what saved me was losing other brothers to suicide from ptsd 5 of my bff brothers and knowing the pain you leave others I’m so glad I made it through as I miss them every day
"Never really felt like the right time" is one line that a lot of reactors skip over, but it hit home with me much as it did for you. It's one of those things you don't quite catch unless you have experienced it. Much love to you! ❤🩹
I've lived this and wish I was with my brother. Life is miserable without him and I never really know what to do
Love and respect.
Most people apologize profusely for having emotions. There's something really wrong with that. That you didn't feel a need to do that speaks volumes about your growth and wisdom.. the kind that only comes on the far side of some shit.