Do you feel guilty or unworthy of having a good life?
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- čas přidán 6. 09. 2024
- Do you feel guilty or unworthy of having a good life?
Do you think you deserve the life that you have?
A quick chat this afternoon about what I have been up to this last couple of days, including a trip to the dog shelter.
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Hi Mark,
you deserve every blade of grass,
every bird that sings to you,
every rock, every tree, every flower, every nail and hammer,
every meal, every thought of joy and peace,
every step you take.
all the laughter and the tears
you deserve every breath you take…..
in that place🌻💐👏🏼❤
Thank you :-)
@@lzoescott7692 I agree also
I live in the US and adopted a dog 4 months ago after I retired. I filled out 14 pages of questions, had a home visit and all my references were called. I paid a $350.00 adoption fee and have spent money on training, vet visits and endless supplies. I wouldn't change a thing! This dog is a heathen but I love him dearly, he is the best company!
I see things from both sides I have 3 Turkish rescue dogs I went through hoops and anguish & lots of money to get them to UK they are a daily joy for me but I know people in UK who get their rehomes from Facebook one traumatised Daschound puppy bought by the elderly owners that I have known for a long time were completely out of their depth the poor traumatised puppy was put down by the vets also neighbours Son & Daughter in law bought a puppy a year ago they are now moving to Dubai to work and say its to hot to take the dog I think they thought I would take it as I am dog orientated a dog is not for a year but 12/14 years commitment that's why so many end up in compounds & never get out the dogs welfare is priority so potential owners have to be scrutinised don't take it so personally
Dogs are not a car. I like your channel, Marc, but I must emphasize that they are a lifelong commitment. Much like children. They are not something to fill your property with but a living, breathing, loving being that first and foremost you’ll need to love and serve and not the other way around.
No sweat. Just a reminder. 💗🐾🐾🙏
Need is not greed. 😊
A dog is a companion for the rest of it's life. That is not greed. But a need for companionship, and that is understandable. We all need someone to love and take care of. You will get there when the time is right.
😀
You saw the opportunity and took it. Feel good and fill your boots.
Don’t ever put yourself down, you deserve everything you have, enjoy every moment and live in the now Mark
After years of putting my children, partner, pets, home, mother and work before me, I don't feel guilty looking after my needs now.
It's not difficult either.
On the day I retired I made a promise to love myself now.
Sounds like its your time too.
I would have been miffed also if she'd told me her dog was in the car. There is an advert saying it takes 6 minutes for a dog to die in a hot car. Even with the windows open.
You've said all yourself, you did all the work so you do deserve it.
Of course you should nice things, you have put your heart into your home.
I know the feeling very well. Every time I buy something that is not on my list, I have to fight the feeling of guilt. On the other hand, it is great that we humans have such a wide range of feelings. Unfortunately, more and more people are taking pills to combat their feelings, which is absolutely contraindicated.
Hi Marc. I believe we have earnt what we have. You’ve no doubt worked hard in your life. You’ve certainly worked very hard on your property. Your garden is beautiful. I don’t like greed either but I honestly feel you’re not greedy. It’s not like you’re living an extravagant life Marc. Be kind to yourself. You deserve it. ❤❤❤❤❤ a dog would love your property. I do hope you adopt one.
You make your own luck Marc. You have put a lot of effort and hard work into your property. Wishing you health and happiness.
A friend of mine fosters elderly labs. A suitable home is usually found for them within a few weeks as the non profit is excellent. They would enjoy your yard. She finds it very rewarding without the multi year commitment of owning a dog again.
It's a case of "you can't believe your luck" but in all honesty it's more good management than good luck....
Don’t beat yourself up, I think you overthink most things which is not always necessary. Do you feel you would like some company, if so do give the lovely staffy a second chance. They are the most loving and affectionate dogs and will be 100% loyal if loved and given affection. I am 75 and have owned a rescue staffy for the past five years as my first ever dog and haven’t regretted it for a moment. With your lovely garden and you to look after it, the dog will be in heaven. Good luck.
Years ago, my employer sponsored an SPCA adoption event. An interviewer told me about a couple who wanted a dog. He asked how much time they had for the dog. They said they'd take care of it when they came home from work. O.k. Where would the dog be during the day. "We''d put it in the garage." They were turned away.
You absolutely deserve to be happy with your accomplishments. If you had much more money, frugality (ingrained) would rein in any chance you would overdo on consumerism. So, a slightly more expensive tool? Yes. Pays for itself.
Marc when you’re ready for a pet, whether it be a dog, cat, or something other(!), you will know it. As you said, when your heart strings are tugged …then that’s the time. Not any sooner, no matter what we say….it’s on your time and heart. ❤️
Hi Marc, I get the "You're NOT worthy" voice in my head every now and then too. Happens every time I do something nice for myself which isn't too often. I've even self-sabotaged myself because of it. Good thing is, you've recognised, shared with us and had a word with yourself. Tell that voice to sod off ... you've worked hard for your home and I guess it's also given you a certain amount of peace in your life. You're not greedy so it's ok for you to enjoy it.
Marc of course you deserve the things you buy. You work and have worked very hard to get your home the way it is now. Not only that you do your volunteering and gardening for other people. Pieces of equipment to make your life a little easier is your reward for all your hard work. Please don’t overthink everything. You know as well that deep down a dog would be wonderful company for you. Take care Marc. 🤩
2 things Marc, Especially with tools buy the best your budget allows, but with everything else as well. Secondly some one below mentioned us single fellas can end up living in our heads so it is really important to socialize, get out there, meet and talk with others. And enjoy your place, I love the land you have.
I can't believe that volunteer kept her own dog in the car on a hot day. Where is the logic in that, she needs to look after her own dogs before caring 😂others 🤔
Just be proud and think, you know what, I have done a lot and shown people that you can fulfil your dreams with a bit of hard work lol,🤗
Why feel guilty , If you worked hard saved your money, Then you deserve what you have. I worked 4 job's to save for my property. Best thing i every done. Yes it was hard work, But i can say i did this, never ask for any help. No out standing Bills, All paid on time. Grow my own veg I just Love it. I have a border collie and she is the best thing ever. She makes me laugh. I should of called her `joker` Smile be happy enjoy what ever you do. take care
“Whit's fur ye'll no go by ye!”
Que sera, sera :-)
Congrats on a job well done. That’s a lot
of fencing you’ve done and it looks great. Wish you would get a small dog. It would be great company and a lot of fun.
I don’t think you need to feel guilty/greedy at all. You aren't living large and you are working hard to maintain your place. You deserve what you've accomplished.
I have also had issues with rescue facilities. I understand the sentiment, to make sure the animals will be cared for, but sometimes these facilities seem to go overboard.
I also think you shouldn't get animals if you don’t want them. Certainly never feel "obligated" to do so...no matter what I, or anyone else, would like! 😊
You absolutely do deserve what you have Marc. Don't let the negative thoughts get to you. Most people I know who have anxiety have a lot of thoughts like that. It's just the anxiety talking.
Everything in life just happens, we have no control over it. Even the best laid out plans will unfold as they do. Guilt also just happens, learn to accept things as they are, as they happened and guilt fades away. Trauma is your ego complaining about how something happened let it go it just happened and we have no control over what happens. 😊
You do deserve it you went for it got it and now work for it be proud of your achievements you deserve the rewards that come from being brave and going for your dreams
I can COMPLETELY relate Mark to the animal adoption thing. When I was little we always had cats. As an adult I've had several animals - mainly cats, raising them from kittens. A few years back I lost 2 kitties in one month and it was a really difficult time. I finally decided I was ready to get another kitten and everywhere I went they had they same type of forms you describe and the "kittens" were all at least 4-5 months old and I was told you aren't allowed to adopt them until they reach 4-5 months old which was mind boggling to me. We visited one shelter in particular that was cats only, had nearly 60 cats and the majority had lived their ENTIRE lives in the cages at this shelter. I actually was mad and cried leaving there. I finally found one little kitten that was a rescue that I felt was supposed to be mine. It was a 6 hour drive - one direction from my house to get it. But it was approximately 8 weeks old. I was told though, I could not take the kitten until it had been neutered. It wasn't an optional thing, it was a law. I find that also infuriating. I care for my animals and always do that anyway but for there to be a law that existed mandating it was too far for me. I did end up adopting the kitten after a whole ordeal but she's been entirely worth it. But what's more important? Finding these animals homes or rules and paperwork. This doesn't Stop animal cruelty. Insane! [[sorry for such a long comment]]
I think Marc you are a deserving hardworking and consciousness man who has to be doing something. I think that God the Father has blessed you with a beautiful home for you to enjoy. You are blessed The bible says you are fearfully and wonderfully made. Ponder on those words. ❤❤😂😊😊❤
I have struggled with feeling worthy. Not necessarily for material things but in romantic relationships. I have great friendships but failed in matters of the heart. I stopped dating because I was struggling with setting standards and put up with behavior that was really unacceptable. Hugs my friend, if you didn't deserve it, you wouldn't have it. Easy to say, hard to embrace.
What is fortunate? but being in the right place at the right time, recognising something that will benefit you and your life, often that comes with having the ability to recognise it, and accept that there will be changes as a result. Yes, you were fortunate to find your home with the land, but chose that path, and you made it beautiful! How fortunate for the land! And your neighbours, animal or human!
Therefore, you deserve to enjoy it, for you are worthy of it. Yes, easy to say. Think our generation, although I am a few years older, often feel, that we don't deserve to have a life better than others, probably due to having family who lived during war etc. Struggled, learnt to be frugal, keep within your means and all that. Plus, abuse does cause that too. It's hard to shake, but it can be done, you just have to remember, that everyone has a choice, you chose wisely for you. And there is nothing wrong with buying cheaper! Quality of course often comes with a higher price tag, but they still can go wrong. PS. Vits B12 & folate, methylated for your pins and needles, specially if you are on carnivore/keto diet still.
As for dog kennels, the same in England, has been for decades, sometimes it includes home visits, to see if you're telling the truth. And whilst, a dog is not a car, I did get what you meant. Some might not, but for that very reason, because people go out, and just buy the latest trending dog, then realise that they can't get on with it, or not to their taste after, is why there are so many in the rescue centres. My pet peeve (along with charity shops charging a fortune for donated pre-worn clothes, that you could get cheaper in Primark🤨) is actually the cost of the dog from the rescue centres, of which I could have spent on the animal! But it's the cost of looking after those animals, and any future animals. A good thing, so, look it as a moment to show to those with their paperwork, exactly how much you have to offer. Reassuring them, that the eventual pooch that grabs your heart, will never go back to them. :)
I think I have my last dog! He’s 10 years old and now has a heart condition so is coughing a lot! I just want to hang in there long enough to outlive him! Dogs in fact are more of a commitment I think than children! Because they can’t tell you what’s wrong with them and they can’t complain and whine about how bad you’re treating them!
Have you ever been on a farm! My parents were raised on a farm and I spent quite a bit of time when I was young! You can never sleep late because those animals need to be fed! You have to get up you have to feed the animals you have to get up and take the dog out. You have to take the dog for a walk or make sure that he gets proper exercise!
You have to outlive the dog! You have to keep the dog in a safe place when you go shopping or when you go out for an extended period of time! You have to hire a dog sitter if you go away for the weekend or for the week or for the month!
or you can buy and take the dog with you wherever you go !
Anyway, you look at it once you decide to get a dog that’s a commitment for life! If you don’t outlive your dog, you have to leave information about what happens to the dog when you die
Mark. When you are ready get yourself a dog they give you love they don’t argue and they are loyal as you know I haven’t long lost my two dogs and the only problem when they die it leaves you heartbroken I still break my heart over my two who died after twenty two years of loyalty to me
Marc, I love your sentiments, your ideals and your passion! I've followed you for a while but rarely comment! I have done very similar things to you, moved and now live in Spain, son in France so bought a small place near him as well ( very near to you!) I have 4 rescue dogs, all picked up roadside in Spain - Maybe accept that the lady with her dog in the car is trying her best to help so many dogs, I bet her dog was fine and living the best life! Kudos to these people, they are the best!! Go through the stupid forms, pick the dog and give him/her the best life, let it go!! As for anxiety and 'do I deserve this?' I feel the same? I live an amazing life because I followed my heart and do what I want to do, don't dwell on the 'guilty' stuff! you work hard, your garden and home are an absolute credit to you, you are not greedy so good things should come your way! Please be kinder to yourself, pick a dog when its right, I'm sure you will never look back (still think you need a couple of donkeys there to chat to, your relationship with Dave was so apparent!). You are amazing, love your chats, they are very grounding, life is good - live it and don't look back!!!
Very well said. I wholeheartedly agree!
I think buyer's regret is common to us all, especially as we get older. I believe if you require something like your strimmer, it is worth getting something of quality and you should be able to expect it to last. I know finances are tight, but it is not good for your finances or the planet to buy something you are going to bin in a few weeks. As to the pet, I have always had a cat or two. Some gifted, inherited or acquired as strays. My last cat lived 17 years. I am now 75, so no more cats. I would not want my treasured pet to become homeless if it outlived me. Do ot be pressured, Marc.
All that paperwork is basically called "vetting". They don't want the animals to go to someone who's going to harm them. Over here in the States, I've heard of people getting cats from animal shelters to use as bait, in dog fighting, along with dogs too. Sick I know, but it happens. That's why all the paper work, and home visits before they'll give you an animal.
Your thoughts create your feelings! I’ve made it a life long game to pay attention to my thoughts and to change the ones to create bad feelings! It’s easy as that make it again!
I spend a lot of time alone these days because I got tired of hanging around people who allowed themselves crappy thoughts, and then complained about the feelings they had!
I don’t have time for that anymore. Life is too joyful and is too short.
I have always lived cheap mainly because i had no money😂. Hey great show and i have experienced most of what you said at some point in my life. I love the show.
👋
Mmmm I don’t think Chateau owners are greedy Mark it’s just different aspirations. As for your own feelings sometimes spending too much time on your own can make people ruminate negatively. You’re doing fine !
Because you have peace quiet and freedom and are pleasing yourself 😊 now I’ll go watch the video.
Morning from NZ, I think your chugging along well with understanding yourself given your age.😊 I have kids your age so thru living life I make this comment, ok??The answers will come to you in time ie the feeling guilty, I also believe it will stem from your upbringing, bet your now since reading that looking for something catastrophic that happened, but in fact it could be something very small. That being "lucky" is an ok feeling , I believe it's a positive feeling to have ,so a good feeling to embrace.There again I think we over react to people saying that to us.I see you immediately went to justifying why you were lucky, when in fact it's just like finding a gold coin on the road when out walking, it's just luck ie I say I am lucky having met my husband all those years ago, right place right time somehow we have kept the balance to enable us the 54 yrs together and with more luck many more , Do you get my meaning ie layers of luck, ie find it ... that's lucky ...do I deserve it ? Now that question steals after you have found the coin your moment of luck ,you immediately move on from feeling lucky to feeling undeserving.Hope these ramblings help take care.
I think its not that you dont deserve it Marc I think its because you have had to be careful with your money Marc so that is why you are probably having this dark thoughts
and is not strange that you are thinking like this. Mmh agree with you on the volunteer if you are caring for dogs surely it is inhumane to keep your own dog locked up! You will find some sort of animal when you feel it is right for you Marc ,there is no rush as such. Marc to get a pet
Lots of people have multiple animals in their life. I hope you will start sharing your life with a fur baby. Be ready to train and good luck.
When you hire someone to do your lawn care you feel more confident when they are using quality tools. These are your Trade Tools and you deserve the best you can afford. Cheap is ok as long as quality and use is good. Pins and Needles caused from your tools means they aren't adequate for you and you shouldn't settle with something that affects your ability, health or quality of work. How each of us fulfil our dreams is dependent upon what our dreams are. Some people want a tiny home and others want a big home. I have lived in both and I prefer a larger space, if my space is too small I feel restrained, closed in, unable to think clearly or breath easily in my space. Always fighting to keep things in their place so it doesn't get cluttered. I will never again live in a tiny home - much more work than a larger one for my mental health. Probably why you spend so much time outside - inside is too confined. You may want a tiny house, but is it the best for you? I don't think it's always a matter of being greedy but of recognising the need of the individual.
The reason they have those questionnaires for the dogs is that there a lot of irresponsible people out there. Some people want a dog, but they don't really want to put in the work that dogs require. As an animal lover you just don't understand that.
I hope you go back and get the Staffie. He looks like a real cutie pie.
Don't be daft, your not greedy at all. I would like to do what you've done and I could afford it but I have no DIY skills. I have 3 years to work before I retire though.
Lived a whole life with this mindset,comes from something in childhood….just do you I reckon ,life throws enough ‘stuff’ anyway…😅
Also Marc my kids keep on at me to get a dog as companion.trouble is I’m not a dog person,apart from potential ongoing costs,poo picking ..no ta..,!,,,I prefer the independence of cats..
Just a few years ago, anyone could go to an animal shelter and get a cat or a dog. You signed a paper and made a donation. Today there are shelters where the animals have all the unnecessary vaccinations and chip. The stuff costs more than the animal. It's a topsy-turvy world.
You live so frugally, by choice and by necessity. that you do not proccess massive assets you should feel guilty about owning. Just feeling down in the drumps, it happens to most of us and I am sure you will get over it. The Staffie lookely lovely, why not get her? I had one,they are the most loyal and loving dogs, you will not regret it for a second. So go back and give her a home.
❤❤❤
Please take the time to leave a comment, I feel that this is a very interesting and important subject :-)
I think you are a decent human being and people, strangers giving you money to help you get your place sorted affects you. You want to be accountable for every Penny and not let folks think you are wasting or being extravagant. I totally agree with you about some “Chateau” Chanels they are shocking. You , work dashed hard and folks can see it, you have transformed your place, it’s lovely. In no way am I trying to be offensive but that’s what I think…..and truly, you shouldn’t.💕😊
I always ask myself do I want it do I really need it.
My daughter has had 2 pitbulls and they have been the sweetest dogs. More Daushaunds bite people than pitbulls, it is just that they do less damage when they bite. It is the owner that has the problem, not the dog. You have spoken before about the cost of adopting and it seems that you could rehome a dog privately. Like from an ill older person, or someone who is moving. I am a hospice nurse and we are always looking for people to take pets from patients who could no longer care for them.
If in doubt leave it out ,only commit to a pet if you can honestly give it all you have ,heart and mind ,animals need food and shelter and companionship, if you want a companion then go for it ,you say you have no money so who will end up financing your animals needs ?
Time to stop and think about this as you could be broken hearted if you make a mistake.l think you already know that at this time a dog is not what you need ,perhaps a human being would fill that empty space in your life and if lucky that person might complete you .
All the very best Marc rest your mind and do what you know is right after all you've done okay up to now.
I'm Sick of these charities, last week they were appealing for a specialist home for a TT, most be breed experience - tick!, Just be home - tick!, Must-have another young playfully dog - tick!, Must understandable cost and be able to cope with it - tick!, Then described the 14 month old dog had had four! Homes, birds as was unruly and hyperactive and loud - Tibetan terriers can be noisy, it was not good on the lead so country home only - tick! it was not house trained, I'm the perfect match but when I asked they wanted £500, I'm unable to cover that amount but they Insisted on that amount even though they had re-homed him three times!, I'm either to "old" or can't affordable ever increasing "donation" so I understand your frustration
I also know what you mean about feeling you don't deserve what you have, I'm like that about my home but you like me worked hard for what you have so yes you do deserve it all
How long did it take for you to learn the language. I am going to start learning a language soon.
Hello Marc, we have a Staffy, he is 13 years old now but give a ball and he is a puppy again. Did you get the cars windscreen fixed?
No, the windscreen is not fixed. It's on my jobs list :-)
@@GoingsoloinFrance your jobs list must be getting long 😊😘
You're really telling us about low self-worth and the related need for self-compassion. It's the same underlying distress that drives you to judge others as morons without knowing their stories.
There is never a good story behind leaving a dog in a car in the summer while you go volunteering.
@@GoingsoloinFrance Who said anything about 'good' stories? Not me. I'd guess most 'morons' have 'bad' stories that they don't tell.
I think it's the negativity that we all feel. You're too rich,or poor. You're not being green or what have you. Your too liberal or conservative. It's all bad. If you listen to everything, you'll go crazy... it's frustrating...
It's not always trauma that causes the guilty feelings, sometimes it's simply spending your life having to put others, partners, children, employers, customers etc first. You get so used to telling yourself that your needs are not that important, that the thought of spending money or time on your own needs are "selfish".
Did you feel guilty spending time and money on decorating the bedroom recently? I would guess that you didn't, because it was for your lovely son .
Maybe you need to be needed so get the dog🐕!
Good point Alan :-)
Maybe just conditioning, Marc, maybe you grew up with not much and accepted your lot. My father never felt comfortable travelling first class, even though we treated him to it on occasions. He just thought of himself as a second or third class citizen.
I think your just careful ... I think the woman was so wrong doing that ... disgusting same as you on that as always ....The black & white one was wagging his tail at you :)))) ❤
Sounds like a kind of imposter syndrome
I have thought that too :-)
Marc, you overthink things. You need more interaction with people and/or more socializing with humans. Having a pet at home will fill some of the needs, you are way too alone, thus living in your head.