Caring for someone with cancer: Love Hurts | Olinda Santin | TEDxQueensUniversityBelfast
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- čas přidán 22. 06. 2022
- Considering the rising numbers of people affected by cancer, this talk highlights the experiences of those who provide informal care for their mums, dads, partners, brother, sisters, aunts and uncles and friends. We discuss the international experiences of informal cancer carers across the world including, Northern Ireland, Australia and Vietnam and the common theme that love ‘really hurts’. Olinda discusses evidence that providing care and support for a loved one can impact on your own health , yet the most natural act in the world is to care. The act of informal care is often the best medicine! This talk highlights that despite their pertinent importance in the management of cancer, the needs of carers remain largely unmet. As cancer rises and the burden on carers grows, we need to think differently about how we support families affected by cancer. Olinda’s academic background is in the area of psychology and public health. Her research aims to understand the impact that cancer can have both on patients and their families. She is interested in listening to the experiences of patients, carers and health care professionals and working together to develop solutions and improve cancer services both at home and internationally. She studied BSc Psychology at QUB and graduated in 2006. Olinda then undertook a PhD in Epidemiology and Public Health at QUB. Her PhD was about understanding the long- term impact that cancer can have on individuals who have had colorectal cancer. She later went on to complete a MSc in Health Psychology in Ulster University. Since 2010, I’ve worked in various research and academic positions in QUB. Olinda’s focus has always been to improve supportive services for those affected by cancer. She now leads a programme of international research focused on supporting informal carers and is the research lead for the Chronic Illness and Palliative Care research group in the School of Nursing and Midwifery. This talk was given at a TEDx event using the TED conference format but independently organized by a local community. Learn more at www.ted.com/tedx
My lovely wife Julie, has stage four and her oncologist just said that 2023 Christmas may very well be her last, she is a fighter and we have three boys. I just had my second stroke in the past three yrs. I am 49. We need help. 😢
I’m sooo sorry to hear about this sending love and hugs and hope you are ok 🥰🥰
Bang on…. My best friend, my person, my other half of my being…. My beloved husband passed away 6 months this week. And he was loved and cared for … by our health team…. And ME. It was the hardest thing I have ever done…. Watch my sweet gentle man suffer and die … bit by bit…. Til the last weekend. Watching and caring for him.
Not to take the care and attention away from my husband but boy did I feel neglected…. No one from the health team ever said to me…. how are you doing? Never was there an option for me to process the pre death diagnosis. Ray was… still is… my life. Watching your beloved die is so hard. I am trying to navigate through all the paperwork, the grief…. Every day I wish it was me that left.
On Christmas three days ago, I took my mother to the hospital. To avoid overcrowding the lobby, I waited in my car. Hours pass. I finally pick her up. She breaks down into tears and tells me they found masses all over her body on the catscan. Cancer, caught far later than we should have. It's spread, we still don't know the full extent yet. Stage 4 seems likely.
The last few days have been exhausting already. Its only her and I. Practically overnight I'm now the one who is forced to be responsible for her. I have to drive her everywhere, I have to do all the housework, I have to schedule her medical appointments. I'm not upset about that, it's just all so sudden and I'm very tried.
I can't really describe my emotions. Right now I'm just hollow. We live hours away from any other family. My friends are the tether that keeps me from dropping off the deep end.
I just wanted to say, I don't need to imagine. This is my reality now and I'm resentful for it. This video made me feel validated and gave me more courage to stay strong for her. Thank you.
I'm very sorry you have to deal with all this right now. I'm literally the same way but its my father. I came searching for a video to make myself feel a little better. I've been dealing with this for a year now, and sometimes i feel like i can't go on, but then the sad realization hits me that i have to. I live alone with my father and if not for my friends i would've flopped by now.
It brings me some comfort to know that there is someone else out there with the same problem. Whatever stage you are in, i really wish you and your mother the best and hang in there.
@@roulettxxl9941 I lived alone with my mother too, though now I'm afraid to say I simply live alone. She passed on the first of February.
The only advice I can give you is keep doing your best. I put everything I had into taking care of Mom at the expense of my well-being and health but even with everything I did I couldn't stop her from dying. I was there for her until the bitter end.
Stay strong and know that our job isn't over even in death. A girl I'm talking to right now was in our position with her father and he survived, where my mother didn't. I can't sell you false hope, we can't stop life and death, all we can do is fight.
Keep fighting for your father friend, but never stop fighting for yourself. No matter what happens you won't lose who he is, they will live on in your heart. Try your best to seek closure before it's too late, I asked my mother on her deathbed the question that burned the most: did I do enough. Your question might be different.
If he does pass, you'll likely have a whole new world that you will be thrown into. Our job as caretaker doesn't end when their life does, I've been in charge of my mother's legacy. Hopefully for you, you will have many more years with your father.
Keeping you in mind, if you ever want to talk just find me here and I'll be here for you.
@@johnmccarrick3123 First of all, my condolences. And thank you for your kind words and advice. Im only 23 so there's lots of new things i need to take in when it comes to caretaking and i found your perspective on it eye opening. I am doing my best and will continue to so. And thank you for replying and being there for a stranger. Good luck to you in your future endeavors my friend.
Such a powerful talk. Olinda is a brilliant storyteller and this expertly highlighted why the wellbeing of carers is crucial.
Brilliant message, let's hope the world is listening.
I’m a caregiver for my person. We live with 2 endgames. 1 is life and 1 is death. Limbo. Every day.
I hope you are ok? Xx
he died. I didn't. I don't know how ok that makes me. thanks for asking.@@helenalovelock1030
I honestly don’t think i would be able to cope with a partner with cancer I really don’t think Im strong enough to do it. I would rather have the cancer and take the pain away from them. I’m scared of my partner getting cancer he has had some blood tests and has to go for a scan. I won’t be able to cope I know it. I have mental health issues anyway I won’t be able to be a good carer.